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1
00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:17,144
[applause]
2
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:23,313
[man] Gay wedding.
Gay wedding!
3
00:02:23,393 --> 00:02:24,853
Gay wedding today!
4
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,646
First in our town.
5
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:32,531
I now pronounce you
husband and husband.
6
00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:33,900
[man] Woohoo!
7
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:37,157
Gay wedding party!
Gay wedding party!
8
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:41,160
Get on into this
gay wedding party, y'all.
9
00:02:41,244 --> 00:02:43,874
Well, folks,
we've made it here.
10
00:02:43,955 --> 00:02:46,205
Somehow, we made it,
and I get to see
11
00:02:46,291 --> 00:02:48,211
two of my best friends
get married.
12
00:02:48,293 --> 00:02:49,133
[crowd exclaims]
13
00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:51,750
Two of my best male friends.
14
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:55,628
Wow, even hearing me say it
gives me the butterflies.
15
00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,887
I just-- Uh!
I wish it was cool to be gay
16
00:02:57,969 --> 00:03:00,219
when I had
my thing going for me.
17
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,515
I was a total fox,
just trust me.
18
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:05,639
Now I'm old, so I'll be
payin' for any action I get.
19
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,767
-[laughter]
-I'm kiddin', I'm kiddin'.
20
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,364
Sort of.
Not really, actually.
21
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,070
I often pay for sex.
22
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:14,780
But hey, that's the gig,
right, boys?
23
00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:16,321
Anyway, I just want to say--
24
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:18,284
I'd like to say something, too.
25
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:21,034
Okay. I mean, you don't really
know the grooms that well.
26
00:03:21,117 --> 00:03:23,407
We kinda had a--
a line up of close friends.
27
00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:26,464
Doesn't everyone just think
it's a little odd?
28
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:27,959
Everything that's happening?
29
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:33,171
I mean, two men, married,
seems a little yucky. No?
30
00:03:33,254 --> 00:03:35,804
Hey, let-- let's
take it easy now, Trevor.
31
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:39,762
Easy? Easy is when a man
and a woman get married.
32
00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:41,554
Uh, I want to tell
a little story
33
00:03:41,638 --> 00:03:43,638
about how the two grooms met.
34
00:03:43,723 --> 00:03:45,483
[mocking] I want to
tell a little story
35
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:47,478
about how the two grooms met.
36
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:49,560
[crowd exclaims]
37
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,266
What?! That's what
he sounds like.
38
00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:52,856
It's an homage.
39
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,281
Thanks, everyone, for coming.
40
00:03:54,359 --> 00:03:56,899
I think that's enough
for the speeches.
41
00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:58,316
Let's dance!
42
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:02,162
A little less twirling,
darling, I'm very drunk.
43
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:05,952
[chuckles] Oh, Holly.
I love how wasted you get.
44
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,037
-It's so charming.
-[giggles]
45
00:04:08,122 --> 00:04:10,752
Maybe you'll have
a wedding like this one day.
46
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:13,923
-Holly. I'm straight.
-[laughs]
47
00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:16,303
-I am.
-Okay.
48
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,011
[applause]
49
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:20,971
You'll keep helping me pick out
my outfits, though, right?
50
00:04:21,052 --> 00:04:23,182
Darling, I would never
let you go out
51
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,013
looking like utter trash.
52
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:28,228
Wasn't that wonderful?
I just love love.
53
00:04:28,309 --> 00:04:31,559
What can I say?
I love love.
54
00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:35,226
I'm just that girl,
that girl who loves love.
55
00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:37,606
I have to say,
it did get me excited
56
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,034
for our big day.
57
00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:41,662
The thought of you and I
together in the chapel?
58
00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:44,239
-Got a real smile to my--
-Faggots.
59
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,945
-Excuse me?
-I said faggots!
60
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:48,706
They're all faggots.
61
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:51,168
Now they can do anything
regular people can do?
62
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,999
It makes my blood boil.
63
00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,004
Trevor, you take that back
right now!
64
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,376
You know most of my friends
are gay.
65
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:58,723
And I accepted that
when I knew
66
00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:00,378
they didn't have
basic human rights.
67
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:03,136
I could watch you flounce
around with those pillow biters
68
00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:05,049
just as long as I knew
I was above them
69
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,098
in the eyes of the law,
but now,
70
00:05:07,181 --> 00:05:09,231
their rights are
making me question everything.
71
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,019
But questioning things
is too hard,
72
00:05:11,102 --> 00:05:12,812
so instead,
I'm just angry!
73
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:15,315
Why, I had no idea
you felt this way.
74
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,108
My gays are everything to me.
75
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,861
They give me so much
a straight man couldn't;
76
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:22,704
genuine assurance,
cultural critique,
77
00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,580
new slang,
fun sex stories,
78
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:27,788
access to the best parties,
79
00:05:27,869 --> 00:05:29,869
honesty about my appearance,
80
00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:32,674
sensitivity to my current set
of circumstances--
81
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,459
And that's the problem,
Holly!
82
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,172
They need to live in
the counter-culture
83
00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:38,212
because if they start to
seep into real culture,
84
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,256
they will just make everyone
think differently,
85
00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,630
and then everyone will just be
confused and slutty.
86
00:05:43,718 --> 00:05:45,758
No one will want to do
hard labor anymore,
87
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:49,635
no one will want to have kids,
and humanity will crumble.
88
00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,234
It's really that simple,
Holly.
89
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,809
Well, I don't know about
any of that.
90
00:05:53,895 --> 00:05:57,515
I just know that I love gays,
and I love you,
91
00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,687
so please,
no more funny business.
92
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:02,446
And if you're a good boy,
you can do something to me
93
00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:04,158
that one of my gay friends
taught me.
94
00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:06,698
It's called a rim job.
95
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:09,083
Okay. I'll rim job you.
96
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,330
-This isn't over.
-[moans]
97
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,584
[moaning]
98
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,510
-Ahh...
-[Trevor] You like that?
99
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:24,180
Mm-hm.
100
00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:26,428
[Trevor] That's the way
a homophobe eats ass.
101
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:30,261
-You like it?
-Mm-hm.
102
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:31,848
Three--
103
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:33,103
[Sebastian] Hey,
we still hangin' later?
104
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:34,564
Yeah, just two more dishes
105
00:06:34,644 --> 00:06:37,944
and I've made my quota
for the day. Five dishes.
106
00:06:38,022 --> 00:06:40,272
Thanks for hooking me up
with this ladder repair job.
107
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,068
Well, I knew you were
looking for something
108
00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,991
sort of mindless
with flexible hours
109
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,070
that wouldn't define
your identity, so...
110
00:06:46,155 --> 00:06:47,985
Yeah. This is perfect.
111
00:06:48,074 --> 00:06:50,034
Hey, so remember
that new drug
112
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:51,988
that half the gays were on
at the wedding?
113
00:06:52,078 --> 00:06:54,658
-GHB?
-No, the other half.
114
00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:57,327
Well, I found a guy
who can get it for us.
115
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:59,457
Oh, my God! Yay!
116
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:02,304
Yeah. The woman who
invented its name is Molly
117
00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:03,760
so they're calling it that
for now.
118
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,220
What? I'm out here
washing dishes
119
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,890
while women are out there
inventing drugs?
120
00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,720
Just say you'll
do it with me, bitch.
121
00:07:10,805 --> 00:07:12,675
Of course.
But after that,
122
00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,555
I really do need to
start to create
123
00:07:14,642 --> 00:07:16,892
actionable goals for myself.
124
00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:20,149
[Holly] Oh, Sebastian,
125
00:07:20,231 --> 00:07:21,731
how fun was last night?
126
00:07:21,816 --> 00:07:23,436
Really made me
believe in love.
127
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:25,856
It actually made me
kind of sad, Holly.
128
00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:27,405
Sad? Why?
129
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:30,618
When you alluded to the fact
that maybe I like men,
130
00:07:30,700 --> 00:07:32,410
well, it got me thinking.
131
00:07:32,493 --> 00:07:34,043
-Oh?
-And I wonder,
132
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,960
would you be willing to
walk across the room for me?
133
00:07:37,039 --> 00:07:38,579
Sure, but why?
134
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:41,956
I want to pay really close
attention to that fat ass
135
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:43,594
and see if it
gives me a tingle.
136
00:07:43,671 --> 00:07:47,011
Oh, boy.
Well, for you,
137
00:07:47,091 --> 00:07:48,971
of course.
138
00:07:51,095 --> 00:07:53,465
Hm... no tingle.
139
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,056
Mind taking off your clothes?
140
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,391
-Sebastian!
-Holly, come on.
141
00:07:57,477 --> 00:08:00,227
It's important for
my development as a human.
142
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:01,813
Okay, okay.
143
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,528
The things I do for men.
144
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:13,622
Well?
145
00:08:13,701 --> 00:08:15,541
Well, I'm gay.
146
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,750
Oh, Seb, that's
wonderful to hear!
147
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:20,000
When do you think you'll
start having sex with men?
148
00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:22,752
As soon as you get
the hell out of here.
149
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,165
Bye, Holly.
150
00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:26,803
Would you mind also taking
this pot of coffee with you?
151
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:30,091
-Thanks, doll.
-Anything for my best gay.
152
00:08:32,261 --> 00:08:35,851
Trevor, you'll never believe it
but Sebastian came out to me.
153
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:39,232
-He's gay, too.
-Another one. Of course.
154
00:08:39,310 --> 00:08:41,400
Trevor, enough is enough
with this attitude!
155
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:42,859
It's 1952.
156
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:45,529
Gene Kelly is a fag,
Judy Garland is a dyke.
157
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:48,108
This is the world we live in,
get used to it.
158
00:08:48,194 --> 00:08:49,244
I love you.
159
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:50,820
I love you so much
it hurts.
160
00:08:50,905 --> 00:08:53,065
Let's just focus on that,
okay?
161
00:08:53,157 --> 00:08:55,237
Okay.
162
00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:56,406
I love you, too.
163
00:08:56,494 --> 00:08:59,254
But this is still
really pissing me off.
164
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:01,290
I'm going out for a smoke.
165
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,384
Smoke and a think.
166
00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:04,498
-Smoke?
-And a think!
167
00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:07,705
Just promise me you won't do
anything to hurt the gays.
168
00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:11,547
You have my word,
I won't hurt the gays.
169
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:19,177
The thinking.
170
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:21,597
[traffic noise]
171
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:24,190
[Trevor] Sweetheart,
I've got it.
172
00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:27,322
I'm going to build
the world's tallest ladder,
173
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,070
and whoever wants to
teach these gays a lesson
174
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,782
will plummet from the ladder
to their death in a protest
175
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:35,663
of their gayness and the rights
they have because of it.
176
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:37,201
Mm, that's good.
177
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:38,735
Now I've told you my plan
and you've heard it
178
00:09:38,828 --> 00:09:40,998
and expressed
your support for it.
179
00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:43,960
-Goodnight.
-Mm-hmm...
180
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:50,049
[Trevor] Well,
my big boy plan is working.
181
00:09:50,131 --> 00:09:51,921
I'm building the tallest
ladder in the world.
182
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,628
I made sure
they measured it.
183
00:09:53,718 --> 00:09:56,928
Not just this ladder but
every ladder in the world
184
00:09:57,013 --> 00:09:58,473
just to be sure.
185
00:09:58,556 --> 00:10:01,266
I'm a little bit OCD
with that stuff.
186
00:10:02,310 --> 00:10:04,850
[indistinct chatter]
187
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,267
We haven't been out in ages.
188
00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:08,185
That's because
it costs money to go out.
189
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:09,824
I want to tell you about
a new phenomenon.
190
00:10:09,900 --> 00:10:13,200
Surely you've heard about it,
everyone's talking about it.
191
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,659
It's in the air you breathe,
192
00:10:14,739 --> 00:10:17,199
it may be happening
in your own backyard.
193
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,453
-It's called gay marriage.
-[crowd exclaims]
194
00:10:20,536 --> 00:10:22,996
Here we all were
living our lives,
195
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,670
our straight, happy lives.
196
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,879
-You were happy, right?
-Were we happy, darling?
197
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,050
Yes, darling, but this guy
is selling something.
198
00:10:30,129 --> 00:10:31,669
I can't tell what it is yet.
199
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:34,216
Maybe hair gel, which
I'm actually fresh out of.
200
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,800
Of course you were happy.
You could walk down the street
201
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,256
without a care in the world.
202
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,886
-You were sexy and popular.
-Here we go.
203
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:43,063
Well, you couldn't keep
your hands off each other,
204
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,642
you were like famous people.
205
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,187
How very glamorous.
206
00:10:46,270 --> 00:10:47,900
And then gay marriage
came along,
207
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:50,270
and now it's only the gay people
touching each other,
208
00:10:50,358 --> 00:10:51,398
not the straights.
209
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:52,864
It has been a while, darling.
210
00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:55,033
Well, which is it?
You want to go out
211
00:10:55,112 --> 00:10:56,702
or you want to stay home
and touch?
212
00:10:56,781 --> 00:10:59,741
Soon enough, gay weddings
will replace real weddings.
213
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:02,235
It's too confusing
to have both kinds.
214
00:11:02,328 --> 00:11:04,368
One will have to go.
215
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,075
Gay weddings will win.
216
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:07,915
The only way you'll
be able to get married
217
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,290
will be to get gay married,
218
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:11,457
which means everyone
will have to become gay!
219
00:11:11,545 --> 00:11:14,255
Does this apply to us, too,
do you think,
220
00:11:14,340 --> 00:11:17,260
or only to future marriages?
221
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:19,553
-I think we're safe, darling.
-No one is safe.
222
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:22,057
[gasps] Do gay people
even like us?
223
00:11:22,139 --> 00:11:24,519
How could they like us while
they're also taking away
224
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,640
our right to be the only people
who ought to get married?
225
00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:29,147
Why is it us who
has to become like them?
226
00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:31,610
Because gay people are
so fabulous?
227
00:11:31,691 --> 00:11:34,281
Well, straight people
are fabulous, too.
228
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,200
That's what they don't
want you to know.
229
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:40,029
You are fabulous.
Say it with me.
230
00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:41,326
I am fabulous!
231
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:43,699
Now say it to the person
sitting next to you.
232
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,496
-You are fabulous, darling.
-Thank you, darling.
233
00:11:46,580 --> 00:11:49,830
Straight people need a symbol,
something that represents us
234
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:52,587
the way that gay marriage
represents the gays.
235
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,300
Something grand.
A showstopper!
236
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,051
Oh, I love that.
237
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:58,383
Here's what I'm thinking.
238
00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:00,547
A straight person
needs to climb this ladder
239
00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,926
and plummet to their death
in protest of gayness
240
00:12:03,013 --> 00:12:05,733
and the rights they have
because of it.
241
00:12:05,808 --> 00:12:08,308
Do I have a volunteer?
242
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:09,654
-[woman] No!
-Come on!
243
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,519
Just one enchanting volunteer.
244
00:12:11,605 --> 00:12:15,145
One stunning protest death
and gay marriage is over.
245
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,784
It'll be breathtaking.
246
00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:18,361
Everyone will be
talking about it.
247
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,526
Every magazine
will write about it.
248
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:22,164
With pictures.
249
00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:36,013
I understand.
It's the grand thing to do.
250
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:42,682
Okay, let's hurry this up.
The ladder's right here.
251
00:13:06,535 --> 00:13:08,245
[woman]
It worked, my love.
252
00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:12,079
I finally feel... grand.
253
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,326
Ahh!
254
00:13:13,417 --> 00:13:16,837
-[body thudding]
-[crowd exclaiming]
255
00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:09,557
Boom! We did it!
We stopped gay marriage!
256
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:13,020
-We won!
-[crowd exclaiming]
257
00:14:15,312 --> 00:14:17,362
What's wrong, my love?
You seem sad.
258
00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:20,109
Yeah, I guess I am
a little upset.
259
00:14:20,192 --> 00:14:21,612
A woman is dead, Trevor.
260
00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,454
A homophobic woman,
but still, a woman.
261
00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:27,450
And it just makes me feel
a little icky,
262
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,033
like it didn't need to happen.
263
00:14:29,118 --> 00:14:30,948
But it did need to happen,
Holly.
264
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,446
And the lesson is now learned,
265
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,368
so no need for any more
straight deaths.
266
00:14:34,456 --> 00:14:38,496
Do you even care what I'm
thinking about you right now?
267
00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,166
The names I'm calling you
in my head?
268
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:43,224
No, I don't. Listen,
it's just politics, love.
269
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:46,049
You have to be able to separate
the politics from the man.
270
00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:48,045
These are just my views.
271
00:14:48,137 --> 00:14:49,927
Oh?
272
00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:51,394
And my opinions.
273
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:53,483
Mm-hm.
274
00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:55,139
And my actions.
275
00:14:55,227 --> 00:14:57,807
But how can I separate
all those things?
276
00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:00,147
That is so much to separate.
277
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:05,067
What's left after your
thoughts, actions and opinions?
278
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:08,318
Well...
279
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,827
I think you know what's left.
280
00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:14,746
Oh, Trevor.
281
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,246
Mm-hm.
282
00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:20,875
[Trevor] You really know
how to separate the man
283
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:22,301
from the politics.
284
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:29,089
Mm-hmmmmm!
285
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:32,348
My plan worked.
I'm in the paper.
286
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:34,311
With pictures.
287
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:43,275
Hmm... Now what to do with
the rest of my life?
288
00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:44,739
So many hours to fill.
289
00:15:44,818 --> 00:15:46,818
Uh! Watch it, fag!
290
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,414
[Sebastian] Should we do
something fun with my hair?
291
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:53,832
Is pink too obvious?
What about sea foam?
292
00:15:53,911 --> 00:15:56,751
[Sebastian] I don't know.
I'm feeling gay and reckless.
293
00:15:56,830 --> 00:16:00,250
By the way, it's terrific that
you're still gay married.
294
00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:01,464
Hm!
295
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,797
[sighs]
296
00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,009
[women giggling]
297
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,473
Ooh! They should
kill themselves.
298
00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:13,512
[Trevor] This ladder is
more than just a symbol.
299
00:16:13,597 --> 00:16:15,677
This ladder is a movement,
300
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:18,186
a movement greater than
one man,
301
00:16:18,268 --> 00:16:21,268
than one town,
than one ladder.
302
00:16:21,355 --> 00:16:22,645
And this is just
the beginning.
303
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:25,531
Soon there will be ladders
in every town,
304
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:26,899
all across the world.
305
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,776
You can be anti gay marriage
in any language.
306
00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:31,283
We do not discriminate.
307
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,525
And now, our volunteers
who made this decision
308
00:16:33,617 --> 00:16:36,117
without any pressure from me.
309
00:17:17,286 --> 00:17:19,786
Every time I come,
I see fewer familiar faces,
310
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,042
which makes sense being that
311
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:22,883
most of the audience
kills themselves.
312
00:17:22,958 --> 00:17:26,628
Do you bring all your dates to
the site of your wife's suicide?
313
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:28,962
Yes. You'll love it.
It's fabulous.
314
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,798
Any day now,
we'll be getting the call
315
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,684
that gay marriage is over.
316
00:17:33,761 --> 00:17:37,351
And what a gay day indeed
that will be.
317
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:40,521
-Can you see all right?
-Yes, we're in the front row.
318
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:43,941
See, it takes a while to climb
since the ladder is so tall.
319
00:17:44,021 --> 00:17:45,731
Tallest ladder in the world,
they say.
320
00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:47,194
Tall enough
for them to doubt
321
00:17:47,274 --> 00:17:48,784
whether they should
go through with it.
322
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:51,989
They usually stop and pause
right about... now!
323
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,911
Yes, I got it right that time!
324
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:56,449
And this is all about being
anti gay marriage?
325
00:17:56,533 --> 00:17:58,123
Oh, come on!
What are you waiting for?
326
00:17:58,202 --> 00:17:59,622
Just end it!
327
00:17:59,703 --> 00:18:01,963
Hot damn!
Now we're getting somewhere.
328
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:03,459
[woman]
Okay. Apparently,
329
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,170
no one in your life
has told you this,
330
00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:07,130
so I suppose it falls on me.
331
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,211
No, no, the falling
happens over there.
332
00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:11,756
You have experienced a trauma,
333
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:13,720
and now it's
manifesting through--
334
00:18:13,801 --> 00:18:16,641
there's no other word
for it but-- addiction.
335
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,850
You're addicted to watching
people fall off ladders
336
00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:21,812
in opposition to gay rights.
337
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:24,902
Are you kidding me?
Step on the gas!
338
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:27,267
[Holly]
I can't take it anymore.
339
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,606
All this madness.
I'm going crazy.
340
00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:32,531
Too many deaths around.
What is the point of it all?
341
00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:34,071
Why are they
taking their own lives
342
00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:35,914
just to take something
away from you?
343
00:18:35,989 --> 00:18:38,989
Holly, if I've learned
anything in my one day
344
00:18:39,076 --> 00:18:40,906
living as an out
and proud gay man,
345
00:18:40,994 --> 00:18:43,714
it's that straight people
can be psychotic.
346
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:45,709
There is no rhyme or reason
to their actions
347
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:47,041
most of the time.
348
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,376
You really just
have to ignore them.
349
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,131
Hard to ignore when
one of those straights
350
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,593
sleeps in the twin bed
across from my twin bed,
351
00:18:53,674 --> 00:18:57,804
and then climbs into my bed
when we have sex.
352
00:18:57,886 --> 00:18:59,046
I'm sad.
353
00:18:59,138 --> 00:19:02,218
I have a little something
that will take the edge off.
354
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:04,307
-[gasps] You got it.
-I sure did.
355
00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:05,983
The Molly has been secured.
356
00:19:06,061 --> 00:19:08,401
Girl,
we are going out tonight.
357
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,730
Let me change. And I got
something for you to wear, too.
358
00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:15,147
Oh, my God.
You didn't. You didn't!
359
00:19:15,237 --> 00:19:17,607
Oh, Sebastian.
360
00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,198
You always nail my style.
361
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:22,543
Here, take the pill.
362
00:19:22,619 --> 00:19:24,369
Hmm. Drugs are yummy.
363
00:19:24,454 --> 00:19:26,964
- [dance]
-[Holly] Oh, this is intense.
364
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,750
-But sexy.
-[Sebastian] Hell, yeah, it is.
365
00:19:28,834 --> 00:19:31,174
[Holly] Oh, this is
the best night of my life.
366
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,093
Oh, I love you so much!
367
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,512
[Sebastian] Fuck,
I love you, too, Holly!
368
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:36,300
[Holly]
Why is my jaw going nuts?
369
00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:38,303
[Sebastian]
Don't worry, you're gorgeous!
370
00:19:38,385 --> 00:19:40,795
[Holly] Everyone here
is fucking hot!
371
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,598
Oh, I love gay!
372
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:45,641
[Sebastian] You're a queen,
Holly. A damn queen!
373
00:19:45,726 --> 00:19:48,396
[Holly]
Yes! Yes!
374
00:19:48,478 --> 00:19:50,268
Man, that was amazing.
375
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,395
I love drugs.
376
00:19:56,236 --> 00:19:59,986
Oh, Seb, I have to admit
I'm a little conflicted.
377
00:20:00,073 --> 00:20:03,703
I really hate most if not all
of Trevor's personality,
378
00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:05,695
but I just love him.
379
00:20:05,787 --> 00:20:08,457
And sometimes
I ask myself why.
380
00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:10,460
And it's gonna sound
a little bit shallow,
381
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:14,212
but you see, Trevor--
Trevor has a 10-inch cock,
382
00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:17,836
perfect thickness, uncut,
which I adore.
383
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:20,385
And I just can't quit it!
384
00:20:20,469 --> 00:20:23,889
You must think
I'm a real loser.
385
00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:27,562
Oh, Holly.
Of course I understand.
386
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:30,273
Sometimes, when that dick
hits you where you live
387
00:20:30,354 --> 00:20:32,114
all you can do is love it,
388
00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:34,069
and the man
that comes with it.
389
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:38,149
I don't blame you for dating
a sociopath with a 10-inch cock.
390
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,027
I don't think many would.
391
00:20:40,113 --> 00:20:41,703
Rejoice, Holly.
392
00:20:41,782 --> 00:20:45,292
Rejoice and thank God
for that sublime pole.
393
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:48,579
-Goodnight.
-Mm, kiss?
394
00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:50,964
[moaning]
395
00:20:56,964 --> 00:21:00,054
[Trevor] Holly, you've been
in bed for two days!
396
00:21:00,133 --> 00:21:03,683
Holly, get up and get dressed,
you drug addict!
397
00:21:03,762 --> 00:21:04,762
Holly?
398
00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:06,556
[groans]
399
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,770
You changed into the outfit
you did drugs in?
400
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:12,101
Disgusting!
401
00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:14,397
Ick, and you stink!
402
00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:17,861
Well, Holly, I hope
those drugs felt good.
403
00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:19,743
Yes. Great.
404
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:22,490
I was being sarcastic,
you dumb bitch.
405
00:21:22,572 --> 00:21:24,412
Holly, Holly, Holly.
406
00:21:24,491 --> 00:21:27,621
Well, it looks like you really
ruined your life this time.
407
00:21:27,703 --> 00:21:30,123
You haven't washed dishes
in two days.
408
00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:32,285
Just when your career
was taking off.
409
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:33,714
What's your excuse?
410
00:21:33,792 --> 00:21:35,672
It's called Suicide Tuesday.
411
00:21:35,752 --> 00:21:38,672
You get extremely depressed
two days after you take Molly.
412
00:21:38,755 --> 00:21:40,835
I don't know why,
buy it skips a day.
413
00:21:40,924 --> 00:21:42,344
Well, it serves you right.
414
00:21:42,426 --> 00:21:44,846
Taking drugs with
those depraved monsters.
415
00:21:44,928 --> 00:21:47,138
All they want to do is
take drugs and have sex
416
00:21:47,222 --> 00:21:48,722
and talk about
female celebrities
417
00:21:48,807 --> 00:21:50,057
then do it again!
418
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,942
Their whole lives,
that's it,
419
00:21:52,019 --> 00:21:53,599
and now you're one of them.
420
00:21:53,687 --> 00:21:55,147
You disgust me.
421
00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:59,230
Trevor, I'm not.
I'm not like that.
422
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:01,818
Oh, I feel
so ashamed of myself.
423
00:22:01,903 --> 00:22:04,743
You should. You should
feel like dying right now
424
00:22:04,823 --> 00:22:08,163
of shame for your actions
associated with homosexuality.
425
00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:11,753
I wouldn't come near you
with a 10 foot pole,
426
00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:12,830
and I've got one.
427
00:22:12,914 --> 00:22:14,964
What are you saying, Trevor?
428
00:22:15,042 --> 00:22:17,672
I'm saying I've lost you
to the dark side.
429
00:22:17,753 --> 00:22:20,713
You are one of them now.
You might as well be gay.
430
00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:23,467
And so I will never
rim you again,
431
00:22:23,550 --> 00:22:25,970
never fuck you again.
None of it.
432
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:29,853
You will never see
my fat 10-inch cock
433
00:22:29,931 --> 00:22:31,431
-ever again.
-Trevor, no!
434
00:22:31,516 --> 00:22:33,056
The only way you can
prove your love to me
435
00:22:33,143 --> 00:22:34,603
is by climbing that ladder
and showing the world
436
00:22:34,686 --> 00:22:37,686
you're against gays
by plummeting to your death.
437
00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:40,233
Trevor I-- I couldn't.
438
00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:41,607
Not to the gays.
439
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:43,033
You think they care about you?
440
00:22:43,111 --> 00:22:45,781
They only care about
having sex with other men.
441
00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:46,954
It's not true, Trevor,
442
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:49,582
I love my gays
and they love me.
443
00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:52,792
Ow!
444
00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:54,461
I hope you enjoy your life
445
00:22:54,539 --> 00:22:57,289
when every day is
Suicide Tuesday.
446
00:22:57,376 --> 00:22:59,956
Oh... [panting]
Oh...
447
00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:03,665
[Holly] Sebastian, the most
horrible thing just happened.
448
00:23:03,757 --> 00:23:06,337
Holly, I'm a little busy.
I got a guy coming over.
449
00:23:06,426 --> 00:23:08,886
He's a real smoke show.
I gotta clean out for him.
450
00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:10,850
But you don't understand.
It's Trevor.
451
00:23:10,931 --> 00:23:13,601
The things he said to me
were horrible.
452
00:23:13,683 --> 00:23:15,813
-He wants me to--
-Not now, Holly.
453
00:23:15,894 --> 00:23:17,814
I can't deal with your drama.
454
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:19,896
It's always Trevor this,
Trevor that.
455
00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:22,901
Figure it out, girl,
let me get some dick.
456
00:23:22,984 --> 00:23:24,694
[gasps] Trevor was right.
457
00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:27,028
Gays are selfish
and I'm gonna kill myself.
458
00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:29,244
Move, I'm gonna kill myself!
459
00:23:29,324 --> 00:23:31,374
It's time to
climb that ladder.
460
00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:44,764
[Trevor] That's my girl!
461
00:23:56,351 --> 00:23:58,271
[Trevor] I'll talk to ya
in heaven!
462
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:11,490
[Sebastian]
Holly, what are you doing?
463
00:24:11,575 --> 00:24:13,695
Don't jump!
I love you!
464
00:24:13,785 --> 00:24:14,825
We love you!
465
00:24:14,911 --> 00:24:16,041
[Trevor]
Don't listen to that fag!
466
00:24:16,121 --> 00:24:17,961
You promised you'd jump,
Holly.
467
00:24:18,039 --> 00:24:20,169
The only thing worse than
a fag is a liar.
468
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:23,000
You shut up.
I'm sick of your shit!
469
00:24:23,086 --> 00:24:24,546
[grunting]
470
00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:26,009
[Holly] Oh, no,
they're fighting.
471
00:24:26,089 --> 00:24:28,549
Boys. Boys!
I'm coming down there,
472
00:24:28,633 --> 00:24:29,893
stop fighting.
473
00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:33,308
Look at you. [grunts]
You-- You're pathetic!
474
00:24:33,388 --> 00:24:35,638
Look around.
Your plan is ridiculous.
475
00:24:35,724 --> 00:24:37,984
All the straights
are dead now.
476
00:24:38,059 --> 00:24:40,189
You are the only straight left.
477
00:24:40,270 --> 00:24:41,690
It's just you
478
00:24:41,771 --> 00:24:43,521
-and a bunch of gays.
-Ahh!
479
00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:47,738
This just proves how dumb
straight people are.
480
00:24:47,819 --> 00:24:50,319
He's... right.
481
00:24:52,032 --> 00:24:53,242
I'm alone.
482
00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:56,905
No gal, no straight guys
to pal around with.
483
00:24:56,995 --> 00:24:58,865
I've done this to myself.
484
00:24:58,955 --> 00:25:01,115
There's only one straight left
to climb the ladder
485
00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:04,588
and it's... me.
486
00:25:12,052 --> 00:25:14,222
Trevor, you don't have to!
487
00:25:14,304 --> 00:25:15,974
I know.
488
00:25:16,056 --> 00:25:17,426
But I want to.
489
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:19,176
-[Holly] Oh!
-[body thuds]
490
00:25:19,267 --> 00:25:21,187
-[applause]
-Oh, boy.
491
00:25:38,078 --> 00:25:39,198
You okay, doll?
492
00:25:39,287 --> 00:25:42,207
I know how important
that hog was to you.
493
00:25:42,290 --> 00:25:44,250
I'm okay, Harry, thanks.
494
00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:45,634
Now that all the straights
are dead,
495
00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:47,590
I guess I'll never find love.
496
00:25:47,671 --> 00:25:49,761
But that's okay, right?
497
00:25:49,839 --> 00:25:52,719
A lot of women grow old
surrounded by gay men.
498
00:25:52,801 --> 00:25:54,641
Honey, we can be
single together
499
00:25:54,719 --> 00:25:56,969
and make Key lime pies
'til we croak.
500
00:25:57,055 --> 00:25:59,425
One more thing,
thought you should know.
501
00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:01,976
Turns out,
he was also taking money
502
00:26:02,060 --> 00:26:03,480
from the straight jumpers.
503
00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:06,152
I do believe his initial goal
was definitively
504
00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:08,401
for the straight people
to kill themselves
505
00:26:08,483 --> 00:26:10,113
in protest of gay marriage,
506
00:26:10,193 --> 00:26:13,823
but I also think there was
a money component there, too.
507
00:26:13,905 --> 00:26:15,865
I can't say with certainty
which comes first,
508
00:26:15,949 --> 00:26:19,829
the cause or the money,
but the money never hurts.
509
00:26:19,911 --> 00:26:21,081
Oh, wow.
510
00:26:21,162 --> 00:26:23,002
So, what are you gonna
do with it?
511
00:26:23,081 --> 00:26:26,671
[sighs] I know exactly
what I'll do with it.
512
00:26:32,465 --> 00:26:34,675
[Holly] I will start
a foundation,
513
00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:39,559
a pro-gay foundation based on
my ex's shortcomings.
514
00:26:39,639 --> 00:26:41,809
We will call it...
515
00:26:41,891 --> 00:26:45,731
L-G-B-T,
516
00:26:45,812 --> 00:26:49,272
Ladders Get Better Today.
517
00:26:49,357 --> 00:26:51,277
From this day forward,
518
00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:52,859
ladders will no longer
symbolize
519
00:26:52,944 --> 00:26:55,114
straight people
plummeting to their deaths
520
00:26:55,196 --> 00:26:57,196
in protest of gay rights.
521
00:26:57,282 --> 00:27:00,702
Now the ladder is a symbol
for gay rights.
522
00:27:00,785 --> 00:27:04,995
Every time you see a ladder,
you will think to yourself,
523
00:27:05,081 --> 00:27:08,671
"Gee, gay people are great!"
524
00:27:08,752 --> 00:27:12,132
We will take every last cent
of the money Trevor made
525
00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:15,433
and use it to build ladders
across the globe,
526
00:27:15,508 --> 00:27:18,548
and we will help gay men
buy their own ladders.
527
00:27:18,637 --> 00:27:21,847
By June of 1955,
I project that
528
00:27:21,931 --> 00:27:26,441
over 80 percent of gay men
will own their very own ladder;
529
00:27:26,519 --> 00:27:30,479
ladders that will reach
so high into the sky,
530
00:27:30,565 --> 00:27:36,445
gays will finally
feel like birds.
531
00:27:36,529 --> 00:27:37,569
Goodbye.
532
00:27:37,656 --> 00:27:40,696
Sending prayers of love
533
00:27:40,784 --> 00:27:43,334
Proud of who we are
534
00:27:43,411 --> 00:27:46,251
We stand united
535
00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:49,171
We stand united
536
00:27:49,250 --> 00:27:51,800
Sending prayers of hope
537
00:27:51,878 --> 00:27:55,008
We're stronger than
what they know
538
00:27:55,090 --> 00:27:57,680
We stand united
539
00:27:57,759 --> 00:28:00,719
We stand united
540
00:28:00,804 --> 00:28:03,474
Sending prayers of hope
541
00:28:03,556 --> 00:28:06,556
We're stronger than
what they know
542
00:28:06,643 --> 00:28:09,273
We stand united
543
00:28:09,354 --> 00:28:12,574
We stand united
544
00:28:12,649 --> 00:28:15,359
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
545
00:28:25,161 --> 00:28:28,421
Oh, oh
546
00:28:32,460 --> 00:28:35,340
Don't cry
547
00:28:35,422 --> 00:28:42,552
Let the angels wipe
the tears from your eyes
548
00:28:44,139 --> 00:28:47,099
Don't fear
549
00:28:47,183 --> 00:28:53,823
Even though it's like
the sun just disappeared
550
00:28:53,898 --> 00:28:57,188
Well, they can't
take away my pride
551
00:28:57,277 --> 00:29:03,157
'Cause I'm stronger than
I've ever been before
552
00:29:03,241 --> 00:29:05,741
Oh, oh
553
00:29:05,827 --> 00:29:08,827
Sending prayers of love
554
00:29:08,913 --> 00:29:11,673
Proud of who we are
555
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:14,500
We stand united
556
00:29:14,586 --> 00:29:17,586
We stand united
557
00:29:17,672 --> 00:29:20,262
Sending prayers of hope
558
00:29:20,341 --> 00:29:23,301
We're stronger than
what they know
559
00:29:23,386 --> 00:29:26,216
We stand united
560
00:29:26,306 --> 00:29:28,846
We stand united
561
00:29:28,933 --> 00:29:30,483
Oh, oh, oh, oh
562
00:29:30,560 --> 00:29:33,310
[Rapping] We stand together,
we stand tall,
563
00:29:33,396 --> 00:29:37,936
Like when they made that
stance out at Stone Wall...
39045
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