Original subtitles

Woman: Okay, I have a really good one

I just saw this on BuzzFeed.

Would you rather

watch your parents have sex everyday

for the rest of your life or

join in just once just to make it stop.

[Groans]

Woman 2: That's horrific, what is wrong with you?

That is disgusting.

- Oh man, that is impossible! - I know.

Okay, you mean

I get to watch my parents have sex

everyday for the rest of time

or I get the chance to join in

just once?

Oh, impossible!

God, that'd be fun.

That'd be fun, I don't know.

Hmm. What did you guys choose?

Guys?

Guys?

? Me and my friends will spike the punch, ?

? Lovin' ourselves and causing fun ?

? Yeah, Hey Hey ?

? There's no clouds, there's just the sun ?

? Living in times that are meant for fun,yeah ?

? Hold your breath a little longer?

? Let's go dancing underwater ?

Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com

[Epic Symphonic Music]

?

[Grumbling]

We did it!

- Houston we have landed. - Roger that.

Mars!

Mars, Mars, Mars, Mars! Yeah!

Switching to comms.

[Beeping]

Mars is empty.

We're alone.

We are ready to bravely populate the new planet

so that we can

start the next phase of human life

in the universe.

[Headphone static crinkling]

Houston, are you there?

Houston?

Oh no, we've lost communication!

Woman: What do you mean we've lost communication?

What do you think I mean?

We must have damaged it in the landing!

Thank God we have a technical engineer on board.

Meredith, can you take a look at the switchboard?

Uhh...yeah sure,

I can do that.

A little time sensitive.

Meredith: Yeah, I need to focus here,

I just need a second.

[Beep]

[Beep]

What are you doing?

I am...

[Beeping]

No.

Nope, okay, confession time.

I am not really a technical engineer.

You lied on your space application?

I am a social media manager.

Yeah. Don't judge me!

Okay, I lied,

how else was I going to get to mars?

Oh my God,

I think I'm having heart palpitations.

I'm gonna pass out.

Just take a deep breath.

Oh you take a deep breath!

God, we're becoming monsters!

Meredith: Frances, you're a doctor, do something.

Uh, yeah,

about that.

Guys, I uh, ahem,

I'm a naturopath.

Are you kidding me?

Just because the West doesn't believe in

alternative medicine doesn't mean

I don't belong here.

Come on we all wanted to get to mars!

Okay, this is a lifetime goal of mine.

Can't a gal have a dream?

If someone can just get me some rosemary

and a little basil.

I can make a hot compress.

Oh yeah, for sure gonna pass out

definitely gonna happen yeah.

Okay.

Meredith: Pass out, you're gonna pass out?

But you're a three time ironman triathlete.

I lied.

I'm just a speed walker.

Oh.

[Crying]

And then there were three.

[Inspirational Music]

?

Lance.

Lance.

Meredith.

Meredith: It looks like we're gonna have to populate mars

sooner than we thought.

Thank god we didn't lose you.

The only man.

About that.

[Grunting]

Really psyched to be here though.

Sorry.

Frances: Just uh...

Hi.

Me and you?

Ovaries to ovaries?

Soccer Mom: Good hustle!

Soccer Mom 2: Way to go. Yay.

[Clapping]

Yeah.

Morning.

Morning.

Do you uh, do you mind if I grab a coffee?

Oh sure, Linda brought those for all of us.

Soccer Mom 2: Okay, here we go.

My week's next week.

I'll uh, I'll be bringing bagels.

Lots of them.

Lots of bagels.

Soccer Mom: That's right get in there sweetie!

The best defence is a good offence.

Oh, she hates it when I yell,

but I just can't help it when I see her doing stuff

I think she could be doing differently.

- Kids, right? -Kids.

Am I right?

Get in there babe!

Kick the ball, tackle!

Tackle it!

Oh, this is-this is junior soccer there's no tackling.

Oh yeah no of course, of course

I just meant tackle your own self doubt, you know?

It's the hardest part of the game.

Tackle your own self doubt Kidd-o!

Sorry, do you mind if I um,

just grab an orange slice?

Yeah yeah yeah, go ahead.

Did you say your daughter was in Kylie's class?

What's that? Hmm?

Did you say your daughter's in Kylie's class?

Mmm hmm. Yeah, yeah.

What's her name?

[Incoherently] Sorry.

Susan.

Sarah.

Susan,

Susan Sarandon.

Is her name.

Susan Sarandon?

Hey is there pizza later on for the winning team?

Your daughter's name is Susan Sarandon?

Yeah.

Yeah it is.

She is a-a personal hero, so.

Um, hey what do the moms do after the game,

do you guys have like a book club or something,

something with some more sandwiches,

maybe something a little more protein based?

So which one is your daughter?

What's that?

Which one is your daughter?

Oh, uh, that one.

Which one?

Hm? That one.

Which one specifically?

Uh, uh, that one. Sorry, yeah.

That one?

Mhm. Yeah right there.

With the purple headband?

Yeah the one with the headband, that's her.

She's your daughter?

Yeah that's my daughter.

Really, 'cause that's my daughter.

That's your daughter?

Oh hilarious.

You don't have a daughter do you?

Not at the, okay I do, um,

Susan Sarandon let's go.

[Whistles]

We've got an eater!

We've got an eater!

Soccer Mom 2: I'm just gonna grab one more thing.

Soccer Mom: Get out. - Alright, okay, bye.

Every damn game.

[Relaxing New Age Music]

Oooh.

Oh man.

Oh crap, ow.

Tight hamstrings?

No.

I'm just noticing all the places I missed

when I was shaving.

Oh for the love of god.

Ugh.

Scientist: Thanks for coming in.

Okay we've got a lovely test subject, Mirabelle,

hooked up to a series of electrodes.

Mirabelle: Hi.

- Hi. -Wendy.

Mirabelle.

Great.

- So, Wendy. -Yeah.

The choice before you today

is to sit alone with your thoughts,

no cellphones,

no Internet,

no magazines,

etcetera.

Or, to press this button,

sending a jolt of electricity

through Mirabelle's body.

Wendy: Um, just so I'm clear,

I sit alone with my thoughts

or I press that button.

Yes. [Electric Zapping]

Scientist: Oh no, no no no, not just yet.

Okay.

I'm just going to go into the other room

and um you just see how long you can...

[Zapping]

Scientist: Okay, okay, Wendy. -Yes.

Every time you press the button

the level of electricity going through Mirabelle's body

goes up,

so you want to really think about whether or not...

[Zapping]

- Okay, okay, why? -Why?

- Why did you press the button? -Why did you press the button?

I did it because

you said

to listen to the thoughts in my head.

Hello, press the button, okay.

[Zapping]

- And then. -Okay.

- Okay. -Just, thank you.

How's it going out there?

Yeah, it's great.

Great, thanks.

Um, Wendy.

Yes.

In some of these studies,

the people don't even press the button at all.

They-they only think about pressing the button?

And you don't even have to think about the button,

you can think about whatever you want.

No. [Zapping]

- Okay. - Oh, thought about pressing the button!

It was just ugh.

Okay.

[Zapping]

Sorry, you know what I was doing there,

I wanted to see,

are you working button?

Before you left the room.

- Wendy. -Yeah?

If you don't stop pressing the button

I'm going to have to remove you from the study.

It's okay, I'm okay.

Because if Mirabelle gets shocked

one more time,

she's going to pass the approved legal limit

for electrical torture.

[Sizzling]

Whatsup?

All clear?

Yes.

Okay.

I'm not gonna do it.

Unless you really want to press the button.

- But... - Yes?

you've got to really want to press the button

before you press the button.

I really wanna press that button.

Great, sit with that feeling.

Wow, wow. [Loud Zapping]

Stop stop stop stop it!

? Oh, oh, oh ?

? Oh, oh, oh ?

Hello!

Hello?

Hello?

Mom: Hello?

Hello?

- Hello. - Hello!

- Hello! -Hello?

- Hello. -Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hospital Mom: Hello? Oh.

Hello?

[Knocking]

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

- Hello, hello. -Oh hello.

Hello?

[Creaking]

Hello?

[Screams]

[Doorknob Twisting]

Hello!

[Knocking]

Hello?

[Disco Music]

Trish: It is so good to see you again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got you've said a couple of friends are meeting you?

From work, yeah, okay,

- ah don't judge them. -Okay.

They don't really know any ah gay people so.

Wow.

Okay well, I'm sure it will be fine,

I'm sure we'll have a lot in common and ah.

Yeah okay.

Nothing to worry-I'm not your only gay friend am I?

Oh, no.

[Loud Squealing]

Look who it is, look!

Look at you!

Look-look-look at you.

Wow! Look at me!

Okay, Donna, Liz, this is Trish.

Trish is an old friend from high school.

Oh we know all about you!

Hi, hi Trish, I just wanna tell you

that we boycotted the 2014 Russian Olympics,

no thank you.

Out of principal.

Wow, thank you, thank you.

Liz: And if I could go back in time

I would totally be gay.

- Liz! -What?

You know what, actually, you don't have to go back in time,

you could uh be gay now.

[Laughing]

She's hilarious, she's hilarious!

You know you're just like Ellen

from the show, Ellen.

Yes.

- I am so sorry. -Wow.

Liz: Oh seriously though,

like I would love to be gay

it would be so much easier.

Yeah I wouldn't have to like shave my legs

and I could just like wear what I wanted.

You can do that now.

Liz: Ah I can't!

Wow, okay.

Ah so ah Donna,

you got a promotion or something at work, right?

Yeah um, I have to tell you that I would be gay

in a heartbeat.

Me too.

I mean like from the waist up though.

I don't understand like down there,

I don't know if I could do that stuff.

Is that mandatory?

Trish: Oh sorry Liz, it's-it's mandatory.

Liz: Oh!

A hundred percent enforceable, so-

I may need another one.

Trish: Hi. -You wanna kiss me?

No.

'Cause I want you to know something.

I'm fluid like that,

I'm really fluid like that

and I'm really like open.

I don't wanna kiss you.

Yeah but if you wanted to,

you could.

Okay okay, uh Donna, Donna,

very nice of you to offer

but I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to.

Donna don't be an idiot.

Just because she's a lesbian

doesn't mean she wants to kiss

every woman in the bar, right?

Thanks Liz. Thank you.

Liz: But you wanna kiss me, right?

No.

? I just kissed Trish ?

? and I had a good time. ?

? I just kissed Trish ?

? and I had a good time. ?

? We just kissed Trish ?

? we had a good time. ?

I'm in a monogamous relationship.

You know I have to be honest with you

I-I really don't know how you do it with two.

It is bankrupting us.

Daycare is so expensive

and of course they're both fussy eaters

turn their noses up at anything that's not organic.

- And then yesterday - What?

Max got into the cupboard

where we keep the winter clothes.

- Pooped all over everything. -That's disgusting.

Now we need to replace hats, coats,

booties, the whole deal.

Sometimes I wanna kill them.

But then I look at their little faces

and I fall in love with them all over again.

- I know, I know, me too. -They're so adorable.

Lola, Max.

Excuse me I just have to, get a, sorry.

[Intense Operatic Music]

I'll get you another muffin after.

If you could, I just have to get by.

That way there we go.

Oh, sorry.

Oh sorry about my knee in your sandwich.

?

Sorry about that.

[Grunting]

[Panting]

Oh okay.

No WiFi in here?

Friend: This house is amazing!

Thank you.

Oh...oh.

I just...

I just can't believe it!

Like...you!

You own your own place.

I know!

Oh, I mean prices in this town are outrageous.

Ugh I know, oh tell me about it.

I mean, no really, you have no idea

how hard it was to ask my parents

for the money for the down payment

it's like, ugh,

you know, like they're busy people

and I had to call them up

and they were in Majorca at the time.

Anyway, but,

I mean we all agreed

like I don't need to be renting anymore

like I'm 40, so it's time...I have a place.

Why, why do that.

Come visit sometime.

My parents are throwing me a housewarming.

This office needs to hit our target by end of year.

So where do we think there's gonna be room for growth

in the next five years?

Lisa?

What do you think?

[Voiceover] Okay, well I'm gonna think of something.

I'll just think, um okay.

I gotta say something,

I'll say something smart.

Just close my eyes and think to myself

and say something smart.

Oh, what's this?

I think I feel a whisker coming in on my chin.

It feels so good to rub it with my thumbs.

Rub, rub, rub, rub, rub.

Okay, focus.

Don't blow this, don't blow it!

Mary!

Stop doing that while I'm trying to think.

Oooh, Mary just got in trouble.

But Mary's so funny.

Listen to her making them jokes.

Mary's making them laugh,

she's on a roll.

It's Mary.

I have tweezers if you want.

- I don't have a fucking whisker. -Okay.

? Oh, oh, oh ?

? Oh, oh, oh ?

[Zippy Music]

?

?

?

[Chiming]

[Zippy Music]

?

The place looks great.

Yeah it's fantastic.

- Really looking good. -Yeah thanks.

Um, I just wanted to let everybody know

that Greg and I have decided to

open up our relationship.

Oh, good for you.

Okay.

Thanks for um letting us know.

Great.

Yeah, so, you know, Rachel if you for example

were to lean in and kiss me,

I would be totally okay with that.

Okay, great.

Okay super.

So anyway, gang, um Tim and I

I don't wanna make it a big deal,

you know, in anyway at all,

it's just, you know,

like we're just broaching a new

and sensuous horizons together.

[Chuckling]

With others

and strangers, acquaintances, friends.

Friends.

Friends.

Ah Tracy, how-how is that new job going?

Oh it's going really well, thanks.

Really, really well.

Greg I just want to be really open

about the fact that I'm feeling some

really seductive energy coming from Tim right now.

Yeah I feel that.

Wow, okay, you know what,

I've got an idea,

how about we just um talk about anything

other than your open relationship,

sound good?

Fantastic.

What a great idea.

Totally, totally.

Guys, totally.

Like, again, like I don't wanna make a huge thing of it,

obviously,

I just think that we should, you know, chat about it for like

20 to 30 minutes

so we're all on the same page.

Okay, I'm just gonna step out for a bit, okay?

Oh, fuddy duddy.

Babe?

Swinger: Wow, you know, with Tim gone it feels like

like anything could happen.

Greg: Anything will happen, saddle up over here.

Anything could happen.

What are you talking about?

Swinger: I don't know what I'm talking about.

Greg: Hey cowgirl wanna go for a ride?

- Not at all. -Anything could happen.

No I really, I mean not at all.

Oh God, okay, wow.

Okay, Tim?

You know what guys? I'm just going to go.

I need to go over there now.

[Moaning]

You're still here, she's still here,

you wanna watch this?

Wanna see what you wanna like?

Greg: You like that?

[Exaggerated Moaning]

Tyler,

Mommy come with you in a second, okay?

Did I tell you that Tyler

just got his first swimming badge?

It was before any of the other children.

Did I tell you that Lola is completely toilet trained?

Yes, she is, she is.

It's like she knew what to do.

Maddox got early acceptance

into French Montessori.

Lola's Mom: How about you Maryanne,

how's little Sam doing?

Oh, well, um he's ah still not toilet trained

and he's using water rings.

That's fine.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Well not every child can be gifted, you know?

They all develop at their own rate.

Exactly.

Lola's Mom: Okay, alright, Lola, time to come inside sweetheart,

come on hun.

Maddox you too.

Let's go.

Oh I forgot the kindling.

Oh, okay sweetie, you just stay right here

I'll be right back, okay?

[Foreboding Music]

I'm Ron MacLean. I'm Andi Petrillo.

I'm David Amber. I'm Scott Russell.

This August, cheer the world here at home.

On CBC, Canada's Olympic Network.

On the next episode...

..Hope Valley.

It fits.

Announcer: ..it's time to

start over.

Are you a friend of his?

Friends?

We're two old friends

who don't care at all,

about anyone else has to say.

Announcer:

When Calls the Heart,

tonight at 8:00 on CBC.

Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0