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Well, son..

...you're leaving for college.

Like any reasonably normal American boy

you've been a little spoiled by your doting family.

Nicely and affectionately spoiled, but spoiled.

That's all over now.

At college, things are going to be different.

You'll have to be different, too.

Because you're not gonna get away with murder

the way a young fella does with his own folks.

No, now you'll be only one of a group.

In a group pattern of living.

And instead of doing anything and everything

the way you want to, you'll have to conform

with the way the group thinks is fitting and proper.

And like every other half-baked freshman

in the history of education, you'll have no idea

what I'm talking about until it hits you between the eyes.

So, goodbye, son.

And may Wainright have mercy on your soul.

James?

Dinner's ready, James.

Guess I'm not hungry today.

Kinda quiet around the house, isn't it?

James, are they cruel to new boys at Wainright College?

Well, they were to me.

James..

Mother, your son exacted from me an ironclad promise

that I'd allow him to start on his own at Wainright.

And rightfully so.

He doesn't want to be ridiculed

for being tied to his father's shirt-tail.

But he's only a baby.

I know something's going to happen to him.

Well, he's six weeks older than I was

when I entered Wainright..

...and plenty happened to me.

Oh, my boy.

Now, now, now, now.

Mother, your son is going to have

a lot of new experiences in college.

But that's what college is for.

And it's for his own good.

James, what's the matter?

Got a stomach-ache?

Jumping Jehoshaphat!

I forgot to give Andrew his railroad ticket.

Oh, James.

Oh, dear..

Okay, dad.

I'll remember everything you say.

Because nothing is going to interfere

with my getting started right at college.

Did you say something to me, sir?

Oh... no.

I, uh, guess I must've been thinking out loud.

Yes, sir.

Telegram for Miss Lyn Walker.

You is the young lady that moved here from Lower 10, isn't you?

Uh, yes, I am.

Thank you, porter.

Lee, a telegram.

Oh, Lyn, is it from dad? What does it say?

'"Aunt Martha phoned.'

'"Lee arrived safely. Already loves Vermont.'

'"You'll soon be reconciled to separation.'

Love, Dad."

Geronimo! We're gonna get away with it.

Thanks to good ol' Aunt Martha.

Surrider. Oh, what a magnificent

liar she is, the angel.

Lyn..

...suppose there is something to Dr. Selwer's idea

that twins should be separated.

Oh, but, Lee

these twins couldn't stand to be separated.

But dad said it was only for a few months.

Oh, I'd rather give up college.

And I'd give up anything to be with you.

Let's try it now and be sure.

I'll disappear for five minutes

then you pretend I'm away for five weeks.

Mm-mm.

You better let me go.

We may look alike, but I can get back without

three or four boys following me.

Well, I could too if I were the big conservative type like you.

Now, Lyn, you just start pretending that

you won't see me until Thanksgiving.

Hiya.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, excuse me, I..

...I saw the sticker on your bag there and..

I'm on my way to Wainright College

'and I thought you were a fellow like me'

and, we could sit and discuss our college careers.

Excuse me, my boner.

Oh, but it wasn't your boner.

Oh, but you don't understand.

I thought you were somebody going to Wainright.

I am.

Oh, you're kidding. They don't have co-eds at Wainright.

This year, they do.

They do?

Mm-hmm, and I'm one of them.

Sit down.

You know, you're the most beautiful girl

I ever saw in my life.

Woo-woo!

Gosh, if this is a sample of what college is gonna be like

I hope I don't graduate until I'm 90.

How old are you now?

Oh, I'm in the neighborhood of 20.

Must be a big neighborhood.

Hmm?

- You're not 20. - I'm not? Hmph.

That's right, I'm not.

How did you know?

Well, that, uh, "Woo-woo" was a little adolescent

don't you think?

It was?

I-I guess it was, I guess it was.

Dr. M.J. Standish, lower 8?

You wouldn't be Dr. Standish, would you?

No, I-I guess I wouldn't--

I'll keep the message for Dr. Standish.

Thank you, miss.

Am I lucky?

My father used to think it was swell at Wainright without co-eds.

Oh, your father went to Wainright?

Oh, uh, well.

I, I don't want it to be known

but he used to be a pretty big operator

when he was there in his day.

And, well, there's no percentage in letting all the fellas know

that you have anypullat all.

Very smart.

What do you intend to major in?

I want to be a lawyer. My father's a judge.

- A judge? - Hmm.

How nice.

What does your father do?

M-my father's dead.

Oh, I'm-I'm sorry.

I bet you have a swell mother, though.

No, I-I haven't any mother either.

I'm-I'm just a dope. I hope you'll excuse me.

Don't be upset. I'm not.

They both died before I was old enough to know.

- Tickets, please. - Oh.

Yes, sir.

- There you are. - Thank you.

Sorry, I can't-can't find my ticket, sir.

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my, m-my father had my tickets

and he blew out a tire and was late

and forgot to give 'em to me.

You-you believe me, don't you, sir?

Of course. You can pay cash.

Oh, that's swell.

Uh, how much cash?

Well, maybe we'd better talk this over privately?

Oh, swell. I-I had lower 3.

- Uh-huh. - Anyway, I did have..

- Upper 8, miss. - Thank you.

Here, you'll find that this check is perfectly alright

unless after all these years

my father's made his first mistake.

Here, you can send these slips to your father and he can get a refund.

Oh, thank you very much.

My father's mostly quite reliable.

Thank you, sir.

Hiya, dilly.

You're the most beautiful girl I ever saw in my life.

- Excuse me, please. - Just a moment.

Did you see this young man accost me?

Yes, young lady, I did.

Please remember the incident.

In case I need a witness

for a proper complaint to the conductor.

Oh, but, uh, she smiled at me first.

Oh, ho, ho, come now, my friend. I saw the whole thing and she didn't.

No, I-I don't mean just now. I meant a little while ago.

We always think the lady smiles at us.

The trouble is, it's mostly our masculine conceit

that makes us think so.

Now, I'm afraid this is one of the times when you were not irresistible.

All fixed up about the ticket?

Uh, yeah, I was lucky, I had my checkbook along.

I'd have loaned you the money.

No, a man doesn't borrow money from a strange young lady.

Oh, I'm, I'm not a strange young lady.

We're a couple of kids going to the same college.

Look here, young man, you've got a lot to learn.

Beg your pardon.

The porter told me about this wire.

I've been in the club car.

My name's Standish.

- And I do hope I'm not intruding. - Of course not.

- How do you do? I'm Kay Wilson. - Oh.

Here, I'll get this out of your way.

- Oh, thank you. - Yeah.

And my name is Andrew Hardy.

Uh, why do you know somebody by that name, sir?

No, I've never before met anyone with the name Andrew Hardy.

May I join the conversation?

Or am I too ancient for the discussions of today's youth?

Oh, you're not too old.

And I don't think there's anything wrong with today's youth.

Why, sure, I heard that when you were a boy

'the younger generation, they used to brag that'

they weren't afraid to talk about anything.

And from my personal observation

they seldom talked about anything else.

That's marvelous.

Uh..

...you're quite a character, doctor.

You cover quite a lot of territory yourself, Mr. Hardy.

Oh, I forgot my telegram.

- Pardon me. - I'm getting hungry.

Would you-would you care to have dinner with me?

Providing it's Dutch.

We each pay our own.

I'm sorry, but I'm not used to not paying for the young lady.

Look here, the age of chivalry has passed.

It died a violent death

when we stopped being high-school heroes

and started being Wainright freshmen.

Well, you yourself said we were going to be classmates

for the next four years.

Oh, sure.

Uh, providing I don't flunk out, which I won't.

And, uh, you don't get your, uh your social activities so involved

with your studies that you fail in both.

Which I assure you I won't and you probably will.

Oh, you wait and see, nothing is going to interfere

with my getting started right at college.

Good. Uh, shall we go into the diner?

Would you care to join us, Dr. Standish?

I'd be flattered.

Keep the change, waiter.

But, lady, ain't you gonna finish your dinner?

Ain't you gonna have no dessert?

Dessert's included.

I'm not feeling very well.

I'll come back later for the dessert.

Uh, you come back later, I'll see that you get it.

Thank you very much.

Three? Right this way, please.

A-after you, young lady.

Thank you.

I'm making up my mind.

I want, uh, two soft boiled eggs a pot of tea, melba toast.

I'm-I'm on a diet.

Um, I'll have the soup..

...uh, the roast beef

a baked potato, uh, salad

a glass of milk and some apple pie.

A-and some ice-cream.

Ah, the vigor of youth!

Uh, here you are, miss.

- Thank you. - That's fine, lady.

You look much better than you did before.

Now, what are you going to have to for dessert?

I'll have, um, roast beef and baked potato.

But you had a roast beef and baked potato.

I'll have some more for dessert.

Yes, ma'am.

Roast beef and baked potato for dessert. Mm-hm.

Shall we go to the observation car?

Not me. I've still got some work to do.

You two youngsters run along enjoy yourselves.

Oh, fine, fine.

It's, uh, too bad that you have to work, doctor.

I've enjoyed our talk immensely, Dr. Standish.

Thank you. I'll see you somewhere later.

There's something I'd like to suggest.

'Alright.'

And that's about all my life's story.

Except my guardian's probably the most terrific person

in the world and... I'm quite insane about him.

Sounds like a middle-aged man, all of 35.

Oh, no. Tottering with age.

Nearly 40.

That's why you think I'm young.

You've got a distorted viewpoint on manhood.

Perhaps I have.

That isn't healthy in a young girl.

I've never felt better in my life.

Ooh, it's getting kinda chilly.

Yeah. Brrr.

We're stopping.

Yeah, maybe, maybe there's an accident.

- Anything wrong? - No.

Just a little delay up ahead.

Uh..

....would you like to take a little walk?

Maybe a little walk'll warm you up.

Oh, I don't mind.

Excuse me, I'll go down first and help you get down here.

- No. - No?

No. Positively no.

I suppose you think I'm old-fashioned.

Old-fashioned? Huh?

I think you're extinct.

- Kay? - Yes?

Y-y-you're not really mad at me, though, are you?

- Why should I be mad? - 'Oh, oh, that's swell.'

It was as natural for you to try and kiss me

as-as it was for you to order everything on the menu for dinner.

Oh, you-you don't go in very much for kissing, huh?

I've been kissed before.

And I expect to be kissed again.

Well, there's no time like the present.

But not casual necking.

No, I..

...I've outgrown that stage.

Well, i-it'll all come back to you with a little effort.

You-you don't want to get out of the knack of things.

I've been through that stage too.

I've been through all the stages, Andrew.

Stages? You either smooch or you don't smooch.

I don't get that "Stages."

Well, the first stage, I was about 16.

I was afraid to let any boy kiss me.

Yeah, well, at 16, a girl hasn't got very much sense.

Then I did let a nice boy kiss me.

Because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

No, it's good that way, too.

Then there was another nice boy and another nice boy.

And all of a sudden, you start thinking about your own feelings.

Oh, you make a lotta good clean fun sound like it'd kill you.

No, but-but I don't think there's any percentage in it.

Oh, you mean the next time a fellow kisses you

you're gonna be engaged to marry him.

No.

Well, then you're wasting the best years of your life.

Oh, don't worry.

There'll be a time and a place.

- And a fella? - And a fella.

A fella I like as a person.

A fella I wanna kiss because..

...at that particular place..

...at that particular moment..

...I want that particular fella to kiss me.

Oh, yeah, and I bet he'll be over 40 years old too.

Well, only recently I kissed a man 40

and, um, it wasn't bad.

Why, that's an insult to young American manhood.

Say, have you kissed Dr. Standish already?

No. No, but it's an idea.

- Gonna start now? - Anytime now.

Just a second.

'I say, you two kids.'

Train is going to start.

Thank you, Dr. Standish.

We... just made it.

Thanks, Dr. Standish, for the tipoff. We might have been left behind.

Yes. How'd you know we were there?

I kept an eye open when I saw you two get off the train.

Oh. Well, then you saw Andrew try to kiss me.

- Hey. Hey. - I not only saw him.

But I was not surprised when he failed.

Goodnight, Andrew. See you at breakfast.

Have you a moment now?

Why, yes, of course.

Well, goodnight, Andrew.

Sorry, I was such a disappointment.

Well, I'll be a wolf on a scooter.

- Goodnight, sir. - Goodnight.

Kay? Kay?

I wanna tell you I only tried to kiss you because..

Excuse me, I guess I must have been

walking in my sleep.

Hiya, cupcake.

- What did you say? - I said, "Hiya, cupcake."

That's what I thought you said.

Milly, Milly, get up quick!

James has been kidnapped!

There's a light in the kitchen.

- I hear water dripping. - Maybe it's blood dripping.

I'm going up to get the judge's shotgun.

'For heaven's sake, what's going on out there?'

- It's James. - Shh, don't answer.

It's a trap.

Why, James.

A fine household where a man can't take a mustard bath

without a lot of females invading his privacy.

James Hardy.

When a man starts to doctor himself

without being forced into it, he must be practically dying.

Milly, go and get a thermometer and some aspirin.

- I'm going to call Dr. Jones. - I don't need a doctor.

I've just got a little sore throat.

James, dear, don't you see?

If you aren't well, you never told me something unimportant.

I get frightened.

Do you, dear?

Well, of course, I do.

Why, you're the head and the heart of the whole house.

Alright, alright, mother. You call Dr. Jones.

And I'll be a good boy.

Thank you, dear.

Oh, nothing to worry about, Milly.

But you know how James is. He insists on having the doctor.

Oh.

Oh, thank you, Mrs. Jones. Goodbye.

Dr. Jones is sick in bed..

...w-w-with a sore throat.

The doctor?

That's the funniest thing I ever heard in my life.

A sore throat? Ha-ha-ha.

They're gonna send a doctor over

from the county hospital tomorrow morning.

If he wants to see me have him come to the courthouse.

I've got to be in court in the morning.

Judge? Judge Hardy!

Oh, you're Katy.

Beezy Anderson's sister, aren't you?

Yes, sir. Judge Hardy, you remember Andy's old jalopy?

Jalopy?

Oh, you mean his automobile?

Automobile?

Judge, I've seen vegetable soup in better pieces of tin than that.

Oh-ho-ho, yes.

Only, I didn't know it wasn't any good.

So Beezy stuck me with it for $8.

Well, Gigi, I wouldn't want you to be the loser--

Oh, please, Judge, I wouldn't take your money.

Beezy is due to take his best girl to the dance tonight.

So for eight bucks, I'm gonna be nice

and tell him where I hid his tuxedo pants.

Look, Judge, I can't sell the car and I can't give it away.

I parked it outside and it'll cost five bucks to tow it to a junkyard.

So, please, Judge, won't you take it off my hands?

- Of course, of course. - Well, thank you, judge.

- Goodbye, sir. - Goodbye.

I wanna hurry home and get my eight bucks from Beezy.

I do hope for your sake Beezy never discovers

where you hid his pants.

Don't worry, he won't. I got them on.

Goodbye, sir.

Good morning, Judge Hardy.

I'm from the county hospital.

Oh, I see you are wondering about my nationality.

I'm Chinese, and I have a charming disposition

until someone pulls that old crack about Confucius say.

At which I go completely berserk and bite little children.

Now, let's have a look at that throat.

Sit down. Sit down there.

Well, uh, doctor, aren't you

uh... a little early?

I'm sorry, sir.

I had to take the 8:30 bus.

I'm just starting out in medicine

and I haven't been able to afford a car of my own.

Hm, haven't got a car, eh?

- You don't own a car, huh? - No, sir.

Uh, sit down, sit down.

Uh, open your mouth, please.

- Say "Aah." - Aah.

Uh, speaking of cars..

...there's many an automobile

that only needs the right care to, uh--

Judge, I know more about automobiles

than I do about medicine.

Now, the throat again, please.

- Say "Aah." - Aah.

Uh, uh, doctor.

I, uh, have in mind this certain motorcar.

- You have, sir? - Of course.

I won't say it's one of the latest models

or one even before the latest, but..

Sir, when a man like you offers to help an unimportant

little doctor like me to get a wonderful automobile..

Oh, now, now, now, look here, doctor.

Uh, by the way

I don't know your name.

My name is Lee Wong Howe and I was born

in the most glorious city in the world.

A city of culture enlightenment and tradition.

You mean the, uh, city of Peking.

No, sir. The city of Brooklyn.

Brooklyn.

But, uh, getting back to this automobile..

Excuse me, your honor.

In this country, the laws are made

for the rich and poor alike, ain't they?

You bet they are!

That's all I wanna know.

I'm making this ticket out for your son, Andrew Hardy

for leaving his automobile parked illegally in a B-zone.

Local ordinance 2-4-7.

- But that's my car. - Your car?

Yes, I just purchased it. For the sum of..

- Eight dollars. - Eight dollars.

Then give me your name and I'll hang this ticket on you.

And the fine will be just two bucks more

than you paid for the car.

Brother, as we say in Brooklyn

you're standing on your own foot.

I happen to be a doctor and it's no violation of the law

for me to park in a B-zone as a licensed physician

in active medical practice

'pursuing his proper occupational duties.'

State ordinance 624.

Section 12, paragraph D.

Yes, doctor.

Excuse me, doctor.

'Excuse me, judge.'

Doctor, you're..

Hello.

Hello, hello, dad.

Hello, dad, look, uh, I haven't got time to tell you how I am.

But I had to give the conductor a check for $27.95.

Uh, will you wire me the money right away, please?

Look, I, I haven't got time for you to tell me that you forgot.

Goodbye.

'Thank you.'

'Good morning, Hardy.'

Oh, oh, uh, good morning, doctor.

I didn't see you standing there on account of

I was so interested in this horror magazine.

Personally, it get's me much more horrified

if I read it, uh, right-side up.

Uh, Dr. Standish, uh, may I ask to be allowed

to pay my share of the dinner last night?

Why?

Oh.. I'd like to stand on my own feet.

Stand on your own feet?

But, I-I can afford it, sir.

Look. Here's, here's fifteen dollars.

It's not always necessary to stand on your own feet.

Well, you paid for Kay's.

I, I, I mean, Miss Wilson's too.

Why shouldn't I?

Do you mean that it's, it's alright because you're an older man?

Perhaps.

Let's consider the whole matter settled, eh?

- Look, a frosh. - With too much money.

A tip, pal, at Wainright's, you wanna forget you're rich.

Wainright's a democracy.

Loaded millionaires are unpopular.

'Hide those thousand dollar bills, son.'

They once lynched a man at Wainright for showing more than five dollars.

I'm glad you're the one that's going to college, Lyn.

Because a freshmen's life seems to be very, very complicated.

Lee, suppose our folks find out

you're not in Vermont with Aunt Martha.

Well, they won't. Aunt Martha's on our side.

No, sis, I'm in Vermont and you're at Wainright college.

As long as no one finds out there's two of you

and not even one of me.

But, Lee, we're running out of money.

But you got your first month's allowance.

I had my first month's allowance.

But we had to have this drawing room and it costs like blazes.

Well, we cashed-in my ticket to Vermont.

Where's the money we got for that?

We ate it, yesterday.

Only we can't, not the two of us.

We can't both live in the girl's dormitory at Wainright.

Now, don't you worry, Lyn.

We'll rent a room in a boarding house away from the college.

I've got a million ideas for fooling people.

Oh, but, Lee, we've got exactly $1.89 left.

Think nothing of it.

What's money?

Sugar, I will now go out and raise some Cain.

Hiya, delirious.

Oh. Oh, it's you.

Oh, I wish you'd make up your mind about me.

Oh, I have.

The minute I saw that Wainright label.

I'm going to Wainright myself.

You are?

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

Yes, and, and I'm scared.

Scared?

I hear they do awful things to freshmen.

- Aren't you worried? - Uh..

Tell me, uh, what did you hear that they don't like you

to do when you go to Wainright?

Of course, there's a question

of having too much money and you're not supposed to--

What business is it of anybody's if you have a couple of extra bucks?

You could always hide it.

Where? They're pretty smart, those upper classmen.

Well..

...well, if a fella had some extra dough

why, he could hide it in the lining of his hat.

No good, pal.

The first thing they do is throw all the freshmen's hats in the river.

They do?

Well, then..

...you could hide it in your sock.

Listen, they always strip the new boys

and paint 'em blue all over.

Blue?

All over?

Oh.

Well... what could fella do then with say an extra ten bucks?

Why ask me?

Say, they don't haze the girl freshmen too, do they?

Of course not.

Well, if you were a friend of mine..

...you'd keep ten bucks for me.

Oh, take your ten dollars?

- Sure. - No.

Oh, come on, do me a favor, will you, please and keep it for me?

Well, if anybody should ask me..

...I'd have to say I don't know anything about any ten dollars.

Oh, that's swell, thanks.

Ah, maybe we better pretend that we don't know each other, huh?

That will make it a lot easier for me.

Yeah.

Hello!

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Had your breakfast yet? - Yes, I have. Thank you.

Oh, I'm, I'm sorry about that little clambake last night.

Where I come from, when a girl is suppose to sleep in one place

and goes to sleep in another place

she usually mentions it beforehand.

Oh, I forgot.

I must have been so overcome by.

Dr. Standish's kindness in swapping berths.

You weren't so overcome that you couldn't stick your head out

and laugh at me.

Oh, you were funny. I'm sorry.

Well, you could have been sorry sooner

and not stick your head out the second time.

Oh, you mean the cute little blonde number?

Well, take care of my interest while I'm at my breakfast.

- Any trunks to be checked here? - Oh, yes the young lady.

Uh, she's just gone to breakfast there.

Uh, I think she at least has a trunk.

Well, I think I got her already.

Yes, everything is taken care off.

- Trunk gets off at Kressville. - Hm.

No, I, I, I think, uh, that's wrong, sir.

I think she gets off at Wainright.

Excuse me, sir.

Young lady gets off at Kressville.

She done changed her mind and told me to get her bags ready.

Oh, but that can't be right.

- There must be some mistake. - Ain't no mistake.

She and the gentleman both get off at Kressville.

They both told me.

Kressville? But she's..

Oh. Oh, yeah, that's right.

That's, that's right. I remember.

- Oh, excuse me. - That's alright.

- Hello there. - Hello.

Dr. Standish.

Uh, this is probably none of my business.

Uh, and you got to believe that I found out purely by accident.

But, uh..

...I just have to talk to you, that's all.

Oh, you, uh, found out something, did you?

Uh, you're getting off at Kressville?

What's wrong about that?

Somebody, somebody else is getting off at Kressville, too.

Oh, is that all?

Somebody that should be getting off at Wainright.

I see.

Dr. Standish, she, uh..

I, I, I mean this somebody that we're talking about..

She, uh, she isn't quite normal.

Uh, she's been brought up to believe that older men are much nicer

than men her own age, like, like me.

Uh, oh, oh, it's not that I'm jealous or anything like that.

But this somebody that we're talking about..

Uh, uh, she's just..

...dazzled be-because you're old enough

to be her grandfather.

Ah..

Well, sit down, Andrew.

Everything's quite respectable.

See, I, uh, I have a car

meeting me at the Kressville station that's about ten miles

from Wainright College and I thought it would be nice

to show the... somebody we're talking about

how her college looks approaching from the east

over the hills and along the river road.

Oh, I guess I just had a fit and stepped in it.

Forget it.

At your age, one is a little prone to jump at conclusions.

At, at my age?

Dr. Standish, I think there are advantages in being my age.

As I'm going to prove to that somebody that we're talking about.

Telegram money order for you in my care, Mr. Hardy.

$27.95 exactly.

'Oh, that's swell.'

Eh, $27.95 cash?

That's right. Sign right there, if you will please.

Thank you.

What do you want?

Do me another favor, will you? Quick.

Lee, look. More money.

- Geronimo! - That boy forced me to take it.

Oh, now we're gonna have to keep it all or it will spoil the gag.

Well, we will give it all back as soon as I get a job.

Lee, you're not exactly happy about taking the boy's money, are you?

No, but you couldn't exactly wire dad

that you need money to feed me, could you?

No. And I couldn't stand for us to be separated.

Oh, I don't care what Dr. Selwer's old book

says about twins.

Old Dr. Selwer's book!

- Oh, Lee. - Oh, fish.

What are we going to do?

We're gonna keep this money and put up a fight.

And as soon as I get a job at Wainright

we'll pay the Hardy boy back.

The cute little prune.

Lee, as soon as you see a nice boy, you start to like him.

And as soon as I like him, I get him.

- 'Kressville.' - Kressville, that's me.

Comin' into Kressville.

- 'Excuse me.' - Hm.

Goodbye, Andy. Dr. Standish is gonna drop me to Wainright.

Thanks for telling me too late. Well, you better hurry up.

Dr. Standish is waiting for you and he hasn't

much time to waste.

Because any minute, he's liable to drop dead from old age.

Andrew, you're terrific.

Wainright, huh? Well, it doesn't look very dangerous, does it?

Or, uh, or does it?

No, Wainright college boys ain't dangerous

no more than a train wreck.

Thank you, sir.

Hey-ey. Taxi! Uh..

Taxi.

Say, I, uh..

...I thought you got off at Kressville.

I had to get on again, I forgot my snowshoes.

But, uh, you haven't got any snowshoes with you now.

I forgot 'em again.

Taxi.

Uh, driver?

Do you know a nice quiet place in a nice quiet part of town

where a nice quiet blonde can live quietly?

Lady, I know a place so quiet, you can hear

a pat of butter fall on a thick rug.

Surrider.

- Uh, would you take me to-- - Get in, frosh.

It's 40 cents to the administration building

50 cents to Wilson Hall

and a quarter extra if you're homesick and I have to listen to your cry.

Uh, yeah.

Hi, frosh.

Oh. Hi, yourself.

And if you'll excuse my saying it you're a frosh too.

Yeah, I know.

And am I scared.

Yeah, me too, a little.

Oh, my. How you've changed.

In the train I thought, if there was anything you didn't like

about this college, you'd, uh rub it out and draw it over again.

Well, it's, it's different after you get here.

Tell me, what are you scared of most?

Well, I break out in hives every time I think

of that freshman breakfast in the morning.

- Yeah. - Everybody goggle-eyed.

Watching to see somebody else do something

that'll put a curse on 'em.

You know, sometimes you talk like a regular girl.

You don't know me at all, do you?

And I want you to, I really do.

You do? Why?

Well, we're so exactly opposite

that you'd be good for me and I'd be good for you.

Maybe you've got something there.

Look, Kay, I don't want anything to interfere

with my getting started right here at college.

So maybe I ought to go to the freshman breakfast

with someone, someone that's smart, like you.

Ah, and then I wouldn't make any mistakes.

Oh, well.

Never having met a young man so grimly determined to make good

I'll meet you outside the student union

about quarter to 7:00 in the morning.

Alright. Oh, that's swell.

With you scared and me scared, maybe together

we'll only be half as scared.

Well, BSY.

Ah. Pardon me, but what did you, what did you say?

BSY. Be seeing you.

You don't say goodbye in the campus.

Oh-oh. Ah-ah "Surrider."

That means, everything's alright.

Surrider. BSY.

You're next. Come in, please.

I have a stock speech.

I now say, we're happy to have you at Wainright.

You'll find that we mean it.

Your name, please.

Andrew, An-Andrew Hardy, from Carvel.

Oh. Sit down, please.

- Here you are. - Thank you.

Tuition paid. Deposits and extras, okay.

Application for dormitory room granted.

Well, what's bothering you, Andrew?

It's about the freshman and..

...what they do to them.

Their, their hats and... things.

Oh, that.

Well, there's a good old custom about frosh hats.

Here. We call this "The Freshman Bible."

'It is suggested that you know well' 'the content of this Bible.'

Thus, it will avoid trouble

that often arises over certain rules

enforced by the upper classmen.

Oh, thank you, ma'am, but, uh..

...wha-wha-what do I do now?

I would suggest that you see your faculty advisor.

Oh. You're very lucky.

You have the dean himself as a counselor

for your personal as well as your academic problems.

- Well, uh, where would I find him? - The right wing of this building.

Oh, well, thank you. Thank you.

Oh.

You can go in now.

You had to wait longer because the dean wanted

to clear his desk to give you plenty of time.

Oh, thanks, ma'am.

I didn't mind waiting, sir, because I, I..

Are... are you the dean?

Yes, I am here. Yeah.

I, uh.. The memo here.

First about, uh..

...telegraphed money order for $27.95.

Now when they take off my clothes and paint me blue

they'll find that I have less than five bucks.

Paint you blue? Five bucks?

I'm sorry, Andrew.

I'm afraid..

...somebody's been giving you the old heave-ho.

- Heave-ho? - Yes.

The old green goods game in a new form.

Tell me, whoever quoted you this

novel restriction on freshman finance

did he suggest, uh..

...taking care of any spare money you had?

Oh, and I thought that I talked her into it.

I-I-I mean him.

You... you said her, I believe.

Uh. Did I?

Fun is fun, but, uh tell me who the, uh..

...lady was and I'll, uh--

No. No. No.

Suppose I insist?

But, please, you, you, you can't insist.

It's a private matter and unless I file an official complaint..

Why, haven't I got the right to handle the matter in my own way?

Yes, I see.

What is a zombie?

It's one of those walking dead guys.

A fellow that, when he gets himself in a spot

anybody else would be a wolf.

He isn't a wolf, he's a zombie.

And in your eyes, I'm a zombie.

If you'll excuse me, I didn't say that, sir.

Oh, no, but at, uh, last night at dinner

when you unconsciously used the word "zombie"

you, uh..

...turned too carefully away from me.

Well, Andrew.

I realize that I, as a member of the faculty, am looked upon

by freshman as a cross between

a personal devil and an intellectual policeman.

But, uh..

...that doesn't mean that I'm a zombie, believe me.

You dislike me Andrew because I was the source

of... embarrassment to you.

Oh. I understand. I've handled thousands of youngsters.

Dr. Standish.

You've never handled anyone

who is more determined not to let anything interfere

with his getting started right at college.

But, as for anything else..

Look if, I was made a sap out of

it was because I..

...I was in a strange place

surrounded by strange people.

I made a mistake. Maybe, maybe my father was right.

College people are different

than people around a small town like Carvel.

But I just hope that I don't have to..

...have too much handling.

I'm, I'm beginning to grow up now.

Even though, I was a little spoiled around home.

If I can't handle situations myself

I'm not gonna come whining

to you for help or my father.

I'll just try to blame it on myself

and just call the whole thing off.

There's nothing I can do then?

No, sir.

Oh, uh.. May I be excused now, sir?

Alright, Andrew.

Hi, frosh. Am I late?

I was afraid you'd gone in and I'd have to face the vultures alone.

Ladies and gentlemen.

This is not a formal occasion.

I'm unable to, to say

a few words because I do not eat very much.

Hence, I shall have plenty of time to speak.

Where as you, with prodigious appetites

'will have plenty of time to listen.'

The average freshman, upon first arrival at his college campus

finds life there..

...new and confusing.

This is true here at Wainright

'even though we are not a large college.'

You see, we are not concerned

with how many students pass through our college

but how much college passes through our students.

Much bigger laugh than last year.

And because we're a smaller college..

...we are possibly better able to break down the attitude

proverbially current among students.

That professors are tyrants to be outwitted.

That studies are diseases to be cured of

with as little pain as possible.

And that rules are made for the sole purpose of being broken.

Speaking of rules, we very seldom change the college

to suit the students.

We prefer to change the students to suit the college.

Life here is going to be different for you

than it has been before.

At home, each of you was an important person.

'The idol of your families eye.'

'Able to individualize your behavior'

'under affectionate..'

'...family tolerance.'

'Here we must try to make each off you... one.'

A responsive conforming one

of a college family of 500.

If you can't regulate yourself to a family of 500..

...how can you possibly be happy out 'in a world family of millions?'

I shall now briefly pause since I find it difficult to be..

...convincingly serious while, uh

eating soft boiled eggs.

Oh, he's marvelous.

Yeah, remind me to forget he's alive.

I'm taking his English course.

Now, I'm goin' to sign up for his Standish supplementary

in Elizabethan poets.

Yeah. Well, I'd prefer that you didn't.

You'd prefer?

Where's the fire?

Fire? What fire?

The fire you're going to in such a hurry.

Well, Doctor Standish receives students in his office at 9:30.

If you hurry real fast you might be the first to fall around his neck.

Oh, I hadn't thought of it. But it's an idea.

Am I late?

Well, I still have time to catch the bus.

Oh, Lee! The Hardy boy's outside. He followed me.

Oh, don't worry. I'll handle him.

Hey, you.

Wait a minute.

I wanna talk to you.

I beg your pardon!

Say, what's the big idea?

You know me.

I never saw you before in my life.

Oh. Look, look. That, that's all over with.

Do you want me to call a policeman?

Well, go ahead and call a policeman.

It's not legal even for a blonde to steal a fellow's money.

- Me? - Yeah.

- I presume you have witnesses. - Oh, look.

I know you've got the dough. You know it and I know it.

So why not give up?

Come on. Make with the words.

But.. Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh. Come, come on.

Here, now.

Turn off the hydrant and give me back my money

and we'll forget about the whole thing.

Oh, but I can't give it back.

We, I mean, I, I paid it

to the boarding house for the meals.

Oh. You.. Well, you're awful free with my money.

Oh, but I had to be.

I suppose you never knew how it feels to have only 27 cents.

Oh. I haven't, huh? Well, I'll have you know

there've been times in my life when if you could've gone

around the world for a nickel, I couldn't get out of sight.

How much money of mine have you got left?

Oh, about 15 cents.

Well, how are you gonna eat now?

Well, I'm gonna get a job.

Well, they've a department at the college that'll find a job for anybody.

Oh, but I have a job all picked out.

- It's, it's at Joe's Place. - Huh?

Oh, Joe's Place, near every college

there's a Joe's Place and, and mostly

it's called Joe's Place.

Yeah, well, what's this one called?

Joe's Place.

It's a hamburger heaven with rug-cutting on the side.

They want to hire a singer and, and I'm gonna get the job.

And, and then I'll pay you back all your money.

If you'll only not knife me in the back with the dean.

- Huh! - And besides, I pay interest.

Whoo!

That's the interest.

Oh, take all of my money under the same terms.

Let's be engaged.

Then you can kiss me all the time.

Uh, oh, well, don't you think we're..

...a little young to be engaged?

Oh. I feel old enough.

It's love.

No. No. It isn't love. It's 37 dollars and 95 cents.

Look, I don't, I don't know where Joe's Place is

but I guess this will get you there.

Now you go on and get your job

and I'll just struggle along in poverty.

I neck too. You, darling.

Yeah, well, look, uh, just get on the bus there.

- Date me Monday night? - Yeah, yeah sure.

Monday night, anything. Fine.

Goodbye. Goodbye.

Phew!

- 'I'll go, Emily.' - No, I'll go, Milly.

Must be the new doctor, and I want to meet him.

Good morning. I presume you're Mrs. Hardy.

I'm the doctor.

You're the..

...the doctor?

I see the Judge didn't tell you.

- My name is Lee Wong Howe. - Oh.

- How do you do, Dr. Howe? - No. Doctor Lee.

My name is, Lee Wong Howe. But you call me Dr. Lee.

Yes. Doctor Lee.

Do you speak English?

As well as can be expected for a man born in Brooklyn.

I hope the, uh, Judge had a quiet night?

- Where is he? - He's in the living room.

Well, Judge Hardy.

Threw up pretty bad. Huh?

Now, Judge, if you please, open the mouth.

Judge, if you were my father, I'd yank those tonsils out.

- You mean operate? - I would.

'Up to you, Judge. What do you say?'

He will get his voice back won't he, doctor?

Because he's a Judge, you know, and if he can't talk

how can he let people know how smart he is?

Judge.

Hours.

Days?

- How many days? - How many days for what?

B.

Four.

Eye.

How many days before I.. What?

Dear, you expect too much of Doctor Lee.

Why, you couldn't sing even before the operation.

How many days before I, what?

Talk?

How many days after we operate before you'll be able to talk?

Well, Judge, nowadays it's no more serious

than cutting off a leg.

Mrs. Hardy, you bundle the Judge up good and warm

and I'll run him over to the county hospital.

My car is outside.

Hey!

Hey! That's unconstitutional.

Come back with my car!

Oh.

Miss Walker.

Miss Walker, d-did you receive some bad news?

Well, uh, is there any way I could help you

without it costing me any more money?

No.

Well, okay.

I-I can s.. I can stop you crying

but it's gonna be a big personal sacrifice to me.

Oh. Please. You've been wonderful.

But can't you see, this is real trouble

and let me alone?

Oh, gee, for $37 and 95 cents

haven't I even got a right to be sympathetic?

Well, if you really wanna help, you can tell the registrar

I have to cut all my classes today.

Oh, well, I-I was just trying to bolster up her morale.

It's good that way too.

Our first class, Andrew.

I suppose you're bored. But I'm thrilled.

That's what I came to college for.

Kay.

Somehow or other, you and I are always getting off on the wrong foot.

Your foot, isn't it most of the time?

W-wait a minute, will you? Wait a minute.

Look, I, I haven't seen you

around the campus in two whole days.

I've been arranging my study hours.

Me too, I've picked out a hard year's work

ahead of me till I get..

Kay, I, I want you to know, I wanted to see you

but I wasn't even gonna let that interfere

with my getting started right here at college.

I approve of that.

And I honestly have missed you.

Oh. Thanks.

Say, I still have room for Elizabethan poets.

That's if you don't mind my being around.

Mind? I'd love it.

And maybe we could study together.

Uh, maybe we could study together this evening.

How about 8 o'clock, outside the Student Union?

Oh, that's swell. I'll be there.

Oh, my gosh!

This is Monday and I've already made a date.

I, I, I mean..

Well, that was a hard one to lose.

Your blonde trouble, I suppose.

Well, look, I had to get rid of her. I had to date her.

But honest. I'll cancel the date.

I mustn't be late for my first class.

Oh, wait a minute. Kay, I, I'll cancel the date.

Really I will. Well, that's right.

She told me that she wasn't gonna be at classes today.

But I'll dig her up at lunch time. Doesn't it prove I'm on the level

when a fellow goes without his lunch

when he hasn't even had breakfast yet?

- Snap out of it, pal. - Sure.

Party's over and the trouble begins.

Huh. Say, do you fellas know where there's a joint

called Joe's Place?

- Well, sure, out on Mortimer Street. - Joe's Place is out of bounds.

Even seniors get busted out for going to Joe's Place.

Why, a freshman would get burled in a row.

- He would. Huh? - Sure he would.

Come on.

Excuse me, sir, but is, is there a young lady inside

that's may be gonna be a singer here?

Yeah, getting ready to rehearse.

Oh, well, I-I'd like to see her, please.

Nope, the young lady made me promise to stay out.

Makes her nervous while she's rehearsing.

Ow!

♪ You would be ♪

♪ So easy to love ♪

♪ So easy to idolize ♪

♪ All others above ♪

♪ So worth the yearning for ♪

♪ So swell to keep every home fire burning for ♪

♪ We'd be ♪

♪ So grand at the game ♪

♪ So carefree together ♪

♪ That it does seem a shame ♪

♪ That you can't see ♪

♪ Your future with me ♪

♪ 'Cause you'd be ♪

♪ Oh so easy to love ♪♪

Oh, my gosh!

Hey! I saw two of you.

But I do not know what you're talking about.

And won't you please go away

and l-let me rehearse for the opening tonight?

Oh, no, you don't. Maybe you made me the old time hide

for dumb buddies, but there is something sour around here.

And it ain't milk.

Come on out, Lyn.

We're stuck.

- Holy smoke! - Yes, there's two of us.

Well..

Well, which one is which? How do I tell ya apart?

- She's Lyn. - She's Lee.

She's the serious one, she's been in love

with one boy for the past two years.

But she's a flirt, she goes whoosh for every new boy she meets.

Why, why do you pretend there is just one of you

when there're two of you?

Well, that's quite a story. Let's sit down.

Right over here.

Last month, our dad read a book on psychology

by Dr. Alexander P. Selwer that said we should be separated.

Dr. Selwer wrote that twins should always

develop separate lives.

Or something would happen to our psychological whatcha-call-em.

Dr. Selwer said we might even turn into freaks.

But we're not gonna be separated.

You see, she wanted to come to Wainwright to college.

So dad sent her to Vermont with Aunt Martha.

Oh, I get it, she didn't go to Vermont

and she made you go to college with her.

But she got a wire from dad this morning.

Dad's getting suspicious she's not in Vermont with Aunt Martha.

So she's going to take my place here as the singer.

So she can go to Vermont tonight on the midnight train.

Then she can truthfully tell dad that I'm not here with her.

And when dad's sure she is in Vermont, she'll come back here.

Oh, well, certainly sounds like a wild idea.

Maybe you can get away with it. I don't know.

Uh, what are you two gonna use for money?

Well, you're so cute that I thought maybe you.

Yeah, I... I kinda thought that's what you thought.

Alright, I guess my father wants me to grow up be a gentlemen.

But he didn't explain to me it was gonna be so expensive.

Then you won't tell anybody at college there's two of us?

No, I, I won't tell anybody.

- Oh. - Oh.

Oh, boy, I know this is only good clean fun.

But boy-oh-boy, what fun.

Driver, take this young lady wherever she'd like to go

on a hurry, on account of she only got in this neighborhood

by mistake.

Take a look at that mirror, bud and if that ain't lipstick

huh, you're bleeding to death.

I spoke to the watchman outside.

He hasn't moved from his chair and he couldn't have seen a thing suspicious.

So far, so good.

Uh, I have to get back to my classes.

Oh, but first, I wanna thank you because you're going

to lend us some more money.

I'm not worried about you thanking me.

I'm worried about what my father is gonna say when I write him

that I need next month's allowance before last month is over.

Oh, but I can't think about money with you so close.

- Come closer. - Nothing doing. Another thing.

That promise I made to date you tonight is off.

All the more reason I should kiss you now.

- Wait a minute. - What's the matter?

There're lot of things that you have to learn.

Oh, learn me, brother, learn me.

Uh, t-this kissing business, it's, it's only a stage

that you're going through, but you'll outgrow it.

- Oh, it will take years. - Oh, behave, will you?

Now I'm not saying that you're never suppose to kiss a fella.

But only one at that particular place at that particular minute

you wanna kiss that particular fella.

Right, this is the minute and you're the fella.

Oh, no-now stop it, will you?

Oh, I-I've gotta get back to school.

And to think that my father had to coax me to come here.

Come in.

- Good evening, Andrew. - Oh, good evening, sir.

- Going out? - Yes, sir.

But I've already studied three hours on tomorrow's classes.

You were surprisingly well versed in your first day's work this morning.

Thank you, sir, you know I told my father

that nothing was gonna interfere with my..

Excuse me, I..

- I said that before, didn't I? - Did you?

Andrew, uh, would you do me a favor? It's, um..

It's rather a confidential matter.

Uh, about me?

No, no, it's about a certain girl.

A freshmen. Her name is Lyn Walker.

Lyn Walker?

Her father telephoned the college this morning.

The call was put through to me.

Have you noticed anything unusual about Miss Walker?

W-w-why, no, sir.

Why should I notice anything unusual about Miss Walker?

Oh, come now, I saw you follow her out of the freshmen breakfast.

Then purely by chance, I saw you dropping her off

at Mrs. Gordon's boarding house this afternoon.

I'm quite sure you must've become aware of the situation

her father mentioned to me.

Why, why don't you come clean with me, sir?

You're not telling me all that you know.

Ever since you laid eyes on me you've been my personal poison ivy.

Why, you're everywhere.

You could make a sap out of me on the train.

Then you arranged to get yourself my faculty advisor

so you could rub it in.

And now you fix it so that

anything I answer to, I'm a murderer.

- No, you're mistaken, Andrew. - And you know, sir.

That no matter what you do to me I can't do anything

but just stand here and take it.

I'm sorry I bothered you.

What's cookin', good looking?

Dr. Standish is wise to you two girls.

Your father phoned him today.

Oh, dear, I'll bet dad's ready to murder us.

Oh, worse than that, he'll never even let us

see each other again.

There's no sense of me going to Joe's Place now.

And no use of me sneaking back to Vermont.

I knew we couldn't get away with it.

Oh, now we're sunk.

Oh! Oh, Andrew.

- Can't you help us? - Well, I..

Oh, don't cry, Lee.

She's Lee.

Lee, if..

Oh, my gosh!

Look, there's only one person at Wainwright that knows you're both here.

And that's Dr. Standish.

Oh, Lee, what's he gonna do?

Now, what's your father's telephone number and name?

- Sterling Marco Walker II. - Circle 50598, New York.

Give me circle 50598, New York City, please.

I'd like to talk to a Mr. Sterling Marco Walker II.

Who's calling him?

Oh, well, I'm calling for Dr. M.J. Standish

of Wainright College.

Oh, uh, well, please do. Uh, Wainright 920.

That's right, thank you.

The operator will call us back as soon as she locates your father.

Well, what you gonna say?

Be careful or you'll make everything worse.

What could make it worse?

Hello, there.

Why, good evening, Dr. Standish.

Alone. And annoyed?

At what?

Perhaps you can talk me out of it.

We're very proud of our Greek theatre

here at Wainright, both faculty and undergraduates alike.

But sometimes for different reasons, I suspect.

Oh, precisely.

For instance, these two paths

can be quite helpful to the boys and girls.

Any young couple coming out of the theatre who take that path

well, it, uh, has a certain significance.

- That they're going steady? - Oh, more than that.

See, halfway down that path there's a marble bench

and any girl who sits on it who doesn't let the boy kiss her..

...the earth opens and swallows her up.

Oh! What a horrible fate.

Well, we, uh, we haven't lost a girl yet.

Beautiful, isn't it?

Dr. Standish, what makes us think something is beautiful?

Our own natural desire to be pleased.

An instinctive hunger for beauty

and an active anxiety to appreciate it.

There are, however, many youngsters who are not at all concerned

with why a thing is beautiful..

...as long as they can enjoy it.

- They shouldn't be that way. - On the contrary, they should.

The span of youth is so brief that it should be allowed

to capitalize every enjoyable moment..

...without too much regard for the cause.

That comes rather close to something I want to talk about.

I want to explain something that involves Andrew Hardy.

I'd rather not.

Let's walk.

Aren't you the young lady who told me I should never evade

issues but face them squarely?

Alright.

Square off.

The situation between Andrew and myself on the train..

...has developed unfortunate ramifications.

Andrew's impossible.

Under the circumstances, I think it was darn nice

of you to be his faculty advisor.

Oh, that was not my idea. No, his father

who's an old alumnus here arranged that through

the faculty board last year.

- Does Andrew know that? - I can't tell him.

'Andrew wanted to make his way on his own initiative.'

Oh.

Did Andrew tell you what happened today?

No, I haven't seen him since morning.

In an attempt to improve my relationship with him..

...I wanted to take the boy into my confidence.

Give him definite responsibility for another student, a..

...a Miss Walker.

A cute little blonde number.

What about her?

Well, the instant I mentioned her name to him..

Well, I had to make a rather awkward exit.

Was there some particular problem about the girl?

- I haven't the slightest idea. - What?

I only know that her father telephoned me rather mysteriously.

Seemed rather guarded in his speech. All I could conclude was that

his daughter was unhappy or homesick.

I think you're being magnificently fair.

I'm being magnificently embarrassed.

And I'm gonna get Andrew's father to come to the rescue.

Um. Shall we, shall we go back?

Remember the night the train stopped?

Oh, I apologize, I wasn't spying.

I was only afraid that the train would start suddenly

and leave you two youngsters behind.

That was wrong.

Please remember it was I who did it.

Hello? Oh, yes, I'll, I'll put Dr. Standish right on the phone.

Hello, Mr. Walker, this is Dr. Standish

at Wainright College speaking.

Yes, yes.

He recognizes my voice.

I made an investigation into the case of your daughter Lyn.

And I can give you my personal assurance that your daughter

Lee isn't here at Wainright.

She's with her Aunt Martha in Vermont.

However, we have induced our Professor

of Applied Psychiatry, Dr. Cedric Allen Cartell

to psycho-analyze your daughter Lyn.

Dr. Cartell agrees with Dr. Selwer, who spoke

about the separation of twins.

'But it is Dr. Cartell's opinion that in the case of'

your daughter Lyn, the sudden separation from her sister Lee

might produce serious neural psychiatric reactions.

And Dr. Cartell urges and, and I as dean of the college

recommend that the girls be given a chance to adjust

themselves to the idea of separation.

And that you send your daughter Lee here from Vermont to spend

an indefinite period of time pending the further

study of the case by Dr. Cartell.

'Oh! Oh! No, no, uh, no, no-no, you should never mention me.'

No, uh, let the girls feel as though this reunion results

only from the affection in their father's heart.

Yes, yes, Mr. Walker, a-as far as you and I are concerned

uh, we never spoke together tonight.

Uh, did we?

Yes, Mr. Walker.

Yes. Uh, goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr. Walker, goodbye.

- Geronimo! Oh, Andrew! - Surrider.

Listen, call your Aunt Martha on the phone and wise her up.

And then you kids monkey around long enough so that

Lee would have time to get here from Vermont.

Then all of your troubles are over.

Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

And when your father sends your Aunt Martha

the money so that Lee can get here to Wainwright, why

don't forget my $37 and 95cents.

Ahem!

Oh! Our troubles are over.

You realize I must report you to the dean.

Oh, uh-uh, but I'm-I'm just now coming in.

At this hour?

'I put the chain on the door at midnight.'

Oh, look, you don't really have to report me to Dr. Standish.

- Do you? - Look, son.

Dr. Standish approves my place for college girls

because I'm on the level.

Wanna tell me your name?

Okay, I can always go to the college and point you out.

My name's Andrew Hardy.

Who are you visiting here?

Or would you rather tangle with the dean about that?

I, uh.. I guess I'd rather tangle with the dean.

Okay, goodnight.

I imagine I won't be seeing you again.

Goodnight.

Andrew.

'Andrew Hardy.'

- Yes, sir? - There's, uh..

- There's a little matter-- - Dr. Standish.

Mrs. Gordon is calling you on the phone.

Mrs. Gordon. You know, the lady who runs the boarding house.

But I've already talked to Mrs. Gordon.

She called me up when I was having breakfast.

But Mrs. Gordon says this is about something else.

The telephone company just asked her whether a long distance

phone call to New York they say you made last night

'should be charged to the college' 'or your personal account?'

A, uh, long distance call to New York?

Oh, yes, yes. I'll, uh, I'll talk to Mrs. Gordon.

Good morning.

We mentioned yesterday the first verse

of "Drink To Me Only With Thine Eyes."

We concluded that its leading thoughts could be traced

to scattered passages in the love letters

of Philostratus, the sophist.

Let us, uh..

Let's consider the second verse.

"I sent thee late a rosy wreath, not so much honoring thee

"as giving it a hope that there, it could not withered be.

'"But thou thereon didst only breathe'

'and sent'st it back to me."'

I seem to have talked for 55 minutes.

Tomorrow, some of you will do a little work.

Andrew.

There are quite a few accumulated matters I think we ought to discuss.

Will you come to my study at 3:30?

I'm, I'm sorry, sir. I'll have nothing to say.

3:30, please.

When these came this morning

with a card that said, "I'm sorry"

I never once thought that you'd sent them.

Because you've done nothing to be sorry for.

And then I made another stupid mistake.

I'm sorry if I had caused you any new recriminations.

I'm not even embarrassed.

Perhaps I'm a little younger than I thought.

Time will take care of that.

I'll know my lessons from now on.

We're going to be friends, aren't we?

Would you see that Dr. Standish gets this letter please?

It's very important that he receives it before 3:30.

- Very well, young man. - Thank you.

But, uh..

Well, dad.

You were a big shot here once.

And I wanted to be a big shot without you helping me.

That's what makes it tough.

But at 3:30, I'm due to get thrown out on my ear.

So if I, I quit of my own accord, it..

...it won't disgrace you.

It's funny, this..

...this is a man to man talk and..

...you aren't even here.

Well..

- Hello, son. - H-hi, dad.

I, uh, I thought you had an operation.

Oh, that was nothing, just went to the hospital, Saturday.

Doctor took a quick snip of my tonsils..

I was back home, Tuesday.

Oh, w-was there, uh, any special reason for your coming?

No, no, just thought it was a good idea to show you

that I was still alive and all in one piece.

Oh, no, no classes today, huh?

That, uh, your bag?

Um, I was just taking some laundry, uh, into town.

Oh. Well! How are ya?

- Fine. - Well..

Place hasn't changed much.

Say, that looks like Dr. Standish.

Hiya, Jim.

- Okay, Skinny. - Skinny?

Well, don't let that skinny business get around the campus.

Well, how does it go?

Fine, how's it by you?

Shotgun to my place or go to Andrew's room?

No, I'd rather stay here and chew the fat awhile.

I wanna get acclimatized.

Sit down.

Sit down, son.

Uh, no, thanks, dad. I'll, I'll stand.

You remember..

...when we sat here?

Wasn't any bench then. We just squatted on the ground.

And I talked you out of quitting school?

'You bet I remember.'

Andrew, you won't believe it.

But the brilliant Dr. Standish

was the most ornery, uncompromising

non-conformist, whelp of a frosh

that ever got chucked in the lake.

He found me a frosh and kept me from making a jackass of myself.

He took me by the back of the neck and promised to beat my brains out.

You know, Andrew, you're responsible for Dr. Standish

living a ghastly lie.

A lie?

Say.. What is this?

You made me promise

that you would not be tied to my shirt tail.

That my past connection with Wainwright would

in no way handicap your start here.

That was our agreement, wasn't it?

Yes. Yeah, sure.

Oh, 'course you could have made it

very embarrassing for Dr. Standish.

His having to pretend that he didn't know me.

But..

...I-I didn't know that.

Well, that was a good joke on you, Andrew.

That faculty board promised me a year ago

that Dr. Standish would be your personal councilor.

- Promised you, dad? - Mm-hmm.

'Course, it was a good joke on Skinny.

I must confess, I did, uh..

...give him an advanced tip on how to handle you.

Uh, what did you suggest he do to handle me?

He thought it'd be a good idea to give you a responsibility.

Yes, preferably, a young woman.

And preferably, a lollapalooza.

A lollapalooza? You mean--

Geronimo, everything is copacetic.

- Surrider! - Dad just telephoned her.

Dad talked to Dr. Alexander P. Selwer this morning.

'And Dr. Selwer said yes, we should have time'

'to adjust ourselves before we're separated.'

And dad phoned Aunt Martha

and told her send Lee out here right away.

And I can stay with her until Thanksgiving vacation

while we adjust ourselves.

Dad, um.. These two girls.

They're, they're twins.

No.

I think I understand something now.

Geronimo, we've gotta get to the telegraph office.

Surrider, Aunt Martha is telegraphing us 37 dollars and 95 cents.

So everything's copacetic.

So, what are we waiting for?

Well, the only problem there was two lollapaloozas.

Dr. Standish, I think that maybe standing on my own feet

isn't such a good idea.

Now, in front of my dad, I'd like you to mention

all of the rules that I've broken and..

...and the trouble I've been.

Why? We don't bother much about rules the first day or so.

If it weren't for little difficulties with the students

life would be pretty dull for the faculty.

And, Andrew, as long as we're wiping the slate clean

I think you ought to know that, um..

...a certain party we've talked about before..

Well, um..

...everything's copacetic.

Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

No, uh.. No, Dr. Standish, everything isn't copacetic.

You haven't mentioned the letter that I wrote to you.

'I left it at the house before lunch.'

Sometimes, I don't go home for lunch.

Then, then you didn't get it.

Oh, Dr. Standish, when you get that letter

just take it in your hand and tear it up into little pieces.

Why is that, Andrew?

Well, now, I don't want you to read it.

- Of course, I'll tear it up. - Hurray!

Oh, Andrew. Must you yell like that?

Well, dad, sometimes a freshmen has to yell

even when he's happy.

Gosh, Dr. Standish, before I came here

I thought the students had all the grief.

But, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if the faculty

didn't have as much trouble with the students

as the students have with the faculty.

Oh, get along with you.

How about meeting us at the Greek theatre in half an hour?

Your father's never seen his name up there.

Surrider.

Then you, uh, didn't get Andy's letter?

I did. And I read it.

Not too complementary, I imagine.

It's the most fiendishly brutal analysis of a college professor

I ever read in my life.

Except the one I wrote you years ago.

My son inherits my talents.

Jim, I suppose you've forgotten

our old institution of the man to man talk?

Hardly.

Well, here goes.

Recently, I came close to proving myself

a congenital idiot about a young lady.

For one long moment, I believed myself to be as young as I feel.

Well, that's the first year you've had co-eds here.

Each year, dozens of fine young girls

are going to come into your perspective.

Many of them, going through a stage that makes

your culture and poise seem romantic.

I, I have noticed a half dozen or so of them..

...in class gazing soulfully at me.

Normal reaction.

Protest against the boys of their own age.

The hearty young guffs, all arms and legs are liable

in there gawky awkwardness to place too emphatic

emphasis on spooning.

- Jim. - Yeah.

My successful rival for the young lady..

...is your own son.

You know, Milly, it's the funniest thing.

All night, I was thinking it wouldn't be Thanksgiving

without Andy and Marian here.

But, Emily, dear, Andy has been here since last night.

I know. That's what's funny about it.

Mom! Aunt Milly!

Will one of you two charming ladies come up and help me find a clean shirt?

I'll go. You've got your hands in the stuffing.

Well!

My bailiff insisted that I take this from his farm.

Milly? Would you answer the door, please?

'I'll go, Emily.'

- Geronimo, it's the Judge. - Hiya, Judge.

W.. Well, well, well.

How did you ever get here?

Come in, come in, girls. Come in.

'Oh, now don't get excited, mother.'

'You aren't seeing things. These are twins.'

'Schoolmates of Andrew's.'

- How do you do? - How do you do?

- How do you do? - Andrew will be right down.

Excuse me, I must tend to my turkey.

Oh, my goodness!

Oh! Oh, they gave me a start.

I thought I was seeing double.

Hiya, frosh! How's everything? What are you doing here.

She's driving me to our grandmother's for Thanksgiving.

- Dad bought her a new car. - Everything's right, Andrew.

- We're adjusted. - And how we're adjusted.

She's so wrapped up in college, she don't need me anymore.

And she's adjusted, she's so crazy about singing

she's gonna stay home with the folks and take lessons.

And just to make sure she's adjusted she's learning to neck.

You said it. Oh, boy, am I adjusted.

- Well, goodbye, toots. - Goodbye, Judge.

- Bye. - Say, you wanna laugh?

Dad's helping Dr. Selwer write a new book.

All about twins.

Well, goodbye, Lyn.

- She's Lyn. - She's Lee.

Oh, well.. Goodbye, both of you.

- Bye, bye. - Bye.

Bye.

Buh-buh-bye!

Bye, girls.

Hello.

Long distance?

Oh, long distance call for you, Andy.

From, uh, Wainwright.

Well, with this long cord and my study there

you can achieve a certain amount of privacy.

Thanks very much, dad, but there's no necessity

for privacy.

Hello?

Hello, Kay, dear.

How are you, dear?

Ah, that's fine.

The only thing that just about kills me

is when I think of you being stuck at college

for Thanksgiving.

Well, I told you it would be cold.

Now, don't forget to wear that big thick coat whenever you go out.

'You got what?'

I'll tell you what you do, you gargle your throat

drink some hot lemonade and pop right into bed.

Oh, be sure and take care of yourself. Won't you, darling?

You will kindly notice that Andrew has not said

one word about himself.

His only concern is for her.

I'm getting worried.

But that's the way you used to talk to me.

Yes, that's why I'm worried.

Yes, dear, I can hardly wait to get back to college.

I'll see ya next Tuesday.

Goodbye, darling.

I, uh, I hope you don't draw any wrong conclusions

from that conversation.

This, this girl, I, I'm not in love with her.

And she isn't in love with me.

But I think she's a very nice person.

And that's what she thinks of me.

I'm good for her and she's good for me.

This girl is past the silly stage

of casual kissing and smooching.

This girl, if she'd ever let a fella kiss her

it'd be because at particular moment

in that particular place, she'd want that particular

fella to kiss her.

And, oh, boy! I'm the fella!