All language subtitles for family.guy_.s19e16.1080p.web_.h264-cakes
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese
Punjabi
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Telugu
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
Odia (Oriya)
Kinyarwanda
Turkmen
Tatar
Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,728 --> 00:00:05,373
♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
2
00:00:05,397 --> 00:00:08,323
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:11,918
♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,995 --> 00:00:14,921
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,998 --> 00:00:18,386
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:21,762
♪ Lucky there's a manwho positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,838 --> 00:00:23,188
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,265 --> 00:00:24,559
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,583 --> 00:00:30,362
♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy. ♪
10
00:00:34,017 --> 00:00:36,738
I'm glad you're finally getting
your hair cut, Peter.
11
00:00:36,762 --> 00:00:40,021
You were starting to look like
that Bongo from The Beatles.
12
00:00:40,099 --> 00:00:42,244
I am so excited
for you to meet Jerry.
13
00:00:42,268 --> 00:00:43,928
He's been cutting my hair
for decades.
14
00:00:43,952 --> 00:00:46,915
- I'm like family here.
- How do you do?
15
00:00:46,939 --> 00:00:48,508
Well, that's a fine
"how do you do."
16
00:00:48,532 --> 00:00:50,624
- I have a 12:00 with Jerry.
- Oh.
17
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:53,201
Well, I'm sorry to tell you
this, Mr. Griffin,
18
00:00:53,279 --> 00:00:56,037
but your barber Jerry
has passed away.
19
00:00:56,115 --> 00:00:58,799
What? When?
20
00:00:58,875 --> 00:01:00,893
- Recently.
- Jerry.
21
00:01:00,969 --> 00:01:02,764
Oh, that's someone else.
22
00:01:02,788 --> 00:01:05,672
But I can assure you,
we have a wonderful team
23
00:01:05,749 --> 00:01:08,567
of lesbians wearing all black
for you to choose from.
24
00:01:08,644 --> 00:01:10,569
No! I want Jerry.
25
00:01:10,646 --> 00:01:13,441
Come on, Peter,
it's just a haircut.
26
00:01:13,465 --> 00:01:15,982
Come on, get up.
You're embarrassing me.
27
00:01:16,059 --> 00:01:18,318
I'm not gonna. I hate you.
28
00:01:18,395 --> 00:01:19,727
Come on, Peter.
29
00:01:19,805 --> 00:01:21,800
You're acting worse
than the time Chris auditioned
30
00:01:21,824 --> 00:01:23,665
for Stanley Kubrick.
31
00:01:27,904 --> 00:01:29,958
Good day, Mr. Kubrick.
32
00:01:29,982 --> 00:01:32,903
My name is Chris Griffin.
33
00:01:32,927 --> 00:01:35,964
And the following
is a loose cutting
34
00:01:35,988 --> 00:01:41,100
from Air Bud: Golden Receiver.
35
00:01:44,754 --> 00:01:48,643
Show me in the rule book
where it says a dog
36
00:01:48,667 --> 00:01:50,845
can't play football.
37
00:01:50,869 --> 00:01:53,687
He ain't gonna walk again.
38
00:01:53,763 --> 00:01:57,783
Doc says he broke his back.
39
00:01:57,860 --> 00:02:00,268
You're gold
when you're a retriever.
40
00:02:00,346 --> 00:02:05,415
You're gold when
you're a retriever.
41
00:02:09,279 --> 00:02:11,779
Peter, this is Jan.
Now you just sit there
42
00:02:11,857 --> 00:02:13,852
while she and I
conspiratorially discuss
43
00:02:13,876 --> 00:02:15,634
your haircut in front of you.
44
00:02:15,711 --> 00:02:17,377
(whispering indistinctly)
45
00:02:17,454 --> 00:02:18,712
(laughs)
46
00:02:18,788 --> 00:02:21,456
Okay, Peter, think.
You're a cartoon character.
47
00:02:21,533 --> 00:02:23,345
You can conjure up
anything in the world
48
00:02:23,369 --> 00:02:25,102
to get yourself out of this.
49
00:02:28,798 --> 00:02:32,967
So long, Lois and lady
I accidentally called "sir."
50
00:02:33,045 --> 00:02:35,529
The lines are speed.
51
00:02:38,901 --> 00:02:42,472
I didn't draw any food
or supplies.
52
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,496
I drew that.
53
00:02:47,576 --> 00:02:49,409
Good morning, family.
54
00:02:49,486 --> 00:02:51,039
Peter, why are you
wearing that hat?
55
00:02:51,063 --> 00:02:52,707
You look like you're getting
ready to ride
56
00:02:52,731 --> 00:02:53,988
a moped in Thailand.
57
00:02:54,066 --> 00:02:56,341
♪
58
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:17,437
Oh, God, how does it look wet
and dry at the same time?
59
00:03:17,514 --> 00:03:20,402
You look like if Shelley Duvall
ate Shelley Duvall.
60
00:03:20,426 --> 00:03:22,517
Peter, you have
to get a haircut.
61
00:03:22,594 --> 00:03:24,239
Lois, Jerry's dead.
62
00:03:24,263 --> 00:03:26,688
So I think I'm just gonna
be a long-haired old guy
63
00:03:26,765 --> 00:03:27,855
from here on out.
64
00:03:27,933 --> 00:03:29,835
I'm, like, not mad at his hair.
65
00:03:29,859 --> 00:03:31,785
Sorry, but, like, I would.
66
00:03:31,861 --> 00:03:33,361
You would what?
67
00:03:33,439 --> 00:03:35,863
- And with who?
- Anything. With anybody.
68
00:03:35,941 --> 00:03:37,532
I don't give a horse's tomato.
69
00:03:37,609 --> 00:03:39,421
Okay, come on, guys,
it's just hair.
70
00:03:39,445 --> 00:03:40,922
I'm still the same old Peter.
71
00:03:40,946 --> 00:03:43,347
Nothing's gonna change.
Oh, I'm late.
72
00:03:48,303 --> 00:03:50,281
The hair doesn't know yet
that he doesn't need
73
00:03:50,305 --> 00:03:52,397
a briefcase for work.
74
00:03:55,719 --> 00:03:57,385
What are we doing here, Dad?
75
00:03:57,463 --> 00:03:59,457
Well, now that I have long,
stringy hair,
76
00:03:59,481 --> 00:04:01,982
we're bidding on
an abandoned storage unit.
77
00:04:02,058 --> 00:04:04,225
Gentlemen, the auction
is about to begin.
78
00:04:04,303 --> 00:04:06,411
Are we all wearing
our cargo shorts?
79
00:04:06,488 --> 00:04:08,822
If so, please rattle
your trinkets and van keys.
80
00:04:08,898 --> 00:04:10,560
(metal clinking)
81
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:13,212
Very good.
The first unit up for bids today
82
00:04:13,236 --> 00:04:16,474
contains the band members
from Sugar Ray.
83
00:04:16,498 --> 00:04:19,961
Every morning there are old guys
bidding for the value
84
00:04:19,985 --> 00:04:22,243
of my bandmates'
four gross beds.
85
00:04:22,321 --> 00:04:24,912
Shut the door, baby,
don't say a word.
86
00:04:24,990 --> 00:04:27,582
They still got it. This, Chris.
87
00:04:27,659 --> 00:04:29,471
This is why we got up
at 5:00 a.m.
88
00:04:29,495 --> 00:04:32,062
and drove 90 miles to be here.
89
00:04:39,021 --> 00:04:40,239
Hey, Brian, you're just in time.
90
00:04:40,263 --> 00:04:41,983
The fat man's segment is on.
91
00:04:42,007 --> 00:04:44,157
♪
92
00:04:47,103 --> 00:04:48,673
PETER:
How would I describe it here?
93
00:04:48,697 --> 00:04:50,508
Well, we're just normal
long-haired people
94
00:04:50,532 --> 00:04:52,494
who happen to share
a love of soup
95
00:04:52,518 --> 00:04:56,870
and, uh, also vigorous
den-floor tongue dunking.
96
00:04:56,946 --> 00:04:59,464
- (slurping)
- Yeah, honestly the soups
97
00:04:59,541 --> 00:05:01,927
are a much bigger part of it
than I was led to believe.
98
00:05:01,951 --> 00:05:03,671
Like, I-I can't
stress that enough.
99
00:05:03,695 --> 00:05:06,096
I always have to pee wicked
during the other thing.
100
00:05:08,124 --> 00:05:10,011
There's a framed
grandparent photo
101
00:05:10,035 --> 00:05:12,552
watching all that activity
in the den.
102
00:05:12,629 --> 00:05:14,032
I don't know if this is
appropriate for Stewie.
103
00:05:14,056 --> 00:05:16,890
Sorry, I'm just so preoccupied
with Peter's hair.
104
00:05:16,966 --> 00:05:18,391
Every time he comes in a room,
105
00:05:18,468 --> 00:05:20,802
he's accompanied
by the "Aqualung" guitar lick.
106
00:05:20,879 --> 00:05:22,804
("Aqualung" plays)
107
00:05:22,881 --> 00:05:24,731
I'll be out back.
108
00:05:24,808 --> 00:05:26,825
("Aqualung" plays)
109
00:05:26,902 --> 00:05:28,696
Forgot my keys.
110
00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,478
("Aqualung" plays)
111
00:05:30,556 --> 00:05:31,663
Wrong ones.
112
00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:34,482
- I'll go talk to him.
- Oh, thank you, Brian.
113
00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:36,835
He's probably out by the still.
114
00:05:36,912 --> 00:05:39,129
(insects chirping)
115
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:43,895
(Southern accent):
You from the QVA?
116
00:05:43,919 --> 00:05:45,971
What the hell?
Peter, it's me, Brian.
117
00:05:45,995 --> 00:05:47,549
Quahog Valley Authority
118
00:05:47,573 --> 00:05:50,256
- trying to flood me out of here.
- What is all this?
119
00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:51,886
(regular accent):
It's where I make my liquor
120
00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:53,888
free from
government interference.
121
00:05:53,912 --> 00:05:54,889
Here, try a swig.
122
00:05:54,913 --> 00:05:57,500
(coughing) What's in this?
123
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,840
I have no idea.
124
00:05:58,917 --> 00:06:01,434
I could really use
some government interference.
125
00:06:01,511 --> 00:06:03,937
- Uh, it's actually not bad.
- (siren wailing)
126
00:06:04,013 --> 00:06:05,847
It's the police. Run!
127
00:06:05,924 --> 00:06:07,493
(guns cock)
128
00:06:07,517 --> 00:06:10,660
Well, don't worry.
I won't get far on foot.
129
00:06:12,264 --> 00:06:14,592
(slurring): Hello? Anyone?
130
00:06:14,616 --> 00:06:17,837
Man, I'm-I'm starting
to think Peter didn't throw
131
00:06:17,861 --> 00:06:19,711
a tennis ball in this direction.
132
00:06:19,788 --> 00:06:21,082
Crap.
133
00:06:21,106 --> 00:06:24,457
I'm lost in the woods,
drunk on moonshine.
134
00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:27,755
I guess the only thing to do
is watch Alex Jones videos
135
00:06:27,779 --> 00:06:29,796
at full volume on my phone.
136
00:06:29,873 --> 00:06:31,609
ALEX JONES:My supplements don'thave lead in them.
137
00:06:31,633 --> 00:06:33,928
If your magnet bracelet
won't come off,
138
00:06:33,952 --> 00:06:35,597
it's probably something you did.
139
00:06:35,621 --> 00:06:38,099
But now let's get back
to the real news, my friends.
140
00:06:38,123 --> 00:06:40,715
There is a pedophile ring
at TCBY.
141
00:06:40,792 --> 00:06:44,385
It does not stand for
"The Country's Best Yogurt,"
142
00:06:44,463 --> 00:06:48,031
it stands for
"Take Children. Boys? Yes."
143
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:58,895
(groaning)
144
00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,955
- Good morning, buddy.
- It's morning?
145
00:07:00,979 --> 00:07:02,587
(bleep), you can talk?
146
00:07:02,664 --> 00:07:04,626
Uh, yeah.
147
00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:05,924
Oh, my God. I knew it.
148
00:07:06,042 --> 00:07:08,796
They told me I was crazy,
but I knew it. (exhales)
149
00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:11,504
I've said good morning to,
like, thousands of dogs.
150
00:07:11,581 --> 00:07:14,268
Is this the pound?
How did I get to the pound?
151
00:07:14,292 --> 00:07:16,009
Oh, my God, that's so awesome.
152
00:07:16,085 --> 00:07:18,656
Okay, you were brought to us
as a lost dog,
153
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,418
but, good news: we scanned you
and found your microchip.
154
00:07:21,442 --> 00:07:23,327
- I didn't know I was chipped.
- Yep.
155
00:07:23,351 --> 00:07:25,237
So you can go back
to your owners,
156
00:07:25,261 --> 00:07:27,654
the Hendersons
of Bristol County.
157
00:07:29,524 --> 00:07:31,766
What? Well, who are
these people?
158
00:07:31,843 --> 00:07:33,430
My family is the Griffins.
159
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:35,534
Well, that's not
what your chip says.
160
00:07:35,605 --> 00:07:37,772
Man, no one's gonna
believe this.
161
00:07:37,849 --> 00:07:40,995
Wait, will you record my
outgoing message? Oh, hang on.
162
00:07:41,019 --> 00:07:42,664
No one will know you're a dog.
163
00:07:42,688 --> 00:07:44,274
Oh. Can I record you on mute?
164
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:46,276
Wait, then no one
will hear you can talk.
165
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,835
Okay, we're gonna do
something together.
166
00:07:47,859 --> 00:07:50,259
I don't know what it is,
but we're gonna do something.
167
00:07:57,536 --> 00:07:59,939
You still researching
your other family?
168
00:07:59,963 --> 00:08:02,314
Yeah. Apparently,
they reported me missing
169
00:08:02,390 --> 00:08:03,685
right before Peter found me.
170
00:08:03,709 --> 00:08:05,829
I just think it's important
I understand
171
00:08:05,877 --> 00:08:09,707
who these people were, you know,
as an anthropologist might.
172
00:08:09,731 --> 00:08:12,657
This is a search for "Hendersons
net worth question mark."
173
00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:14,637
Ah, sorry, let me go back.
174
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,864
That says "Hendersons feet."
175
00:08:16,888 --> 00:08:18,533
"Hendersons daughter."
176
00:08:18,557 --> 00:08:21,703
"Hendersons daughter age."
Yikes, Bri.
177
00:08:21,727 --> 00:08:23,335
"Hendersons naked." Whoa.
178
00:08:23,411 --> 00:08:25,540
"Florence Henderson naked."
179
00:08:25,564 --> 00:08:27,580
Her boobs look like her eyes.
180
00:08:27,657 --> 00:08:29,560
Anyway, I just thought
it might be helpful
181
00:08:29,584 --> 00:08:31,045
to reconnect with them.
182
00:08:31,069 --> 00:08:33,661
It's funny, but I-I have
no memory of living with them.
183
00:08:33,739 --> 00:08:35,474
Yeah, sort of like Chris
doesn't remember we stole him
184
00:08:35,498 --> 00:08:37,974
- from a Dutch family.
- What's this now?
185
00:08:43,765 --> 00:08:45,932
Oh, Peter, you cut your hair.
186
00:08:46,009 --> 00:08:48,434
It actually got caught
in the garage door opener chain.
187
00:08:48,511 --> 00:08:50,732
Good news is,
we'll know exactly how far
188
00:08:50,756 --> 00:08:51,876
to pull in when we park.
189
00:08:51,940 --> 00:08:53,848
What about the tennis ball?
190
00:08:53,925 --> 00:08:55,992
What tennis ball?
191
00:08:58,539 --> 00:09:01,522
Hey, cool out.
I-I can be your assistant.
192
00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:03,720
We can both do it.
Checks and balances.
193
00:09:03,769 --> 00:09:05,335
(screaming)
194
00:09:19,968 --> 00:09:22,263
Okay, Brian, you can do this.
195
00:09:22,287 --> 00:09:23,765
The Griffins
are still your family.
196
00:09:23,789 --> 00:09:26,709
You're just curious
to learn about yourself.
197
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,716
Yes. To learn about yourself.
198
00:09:28,794 --> 00:09:29,794
(doorbell rings)
199
00:09:31,797 --> 00:09:33,387
Oh, my God, it's you.
200
00:09:33,465 --> 00:09:35,574
- Is this really happening?
- Sure is.
201
00:09:37,469 --> 00:09:39,578
We thought we'd never
see you again.
202
00:09:39,654 --> 00:09:41,282
We made a grave for you
and everything.
203
00:09:41,306 --> 00:09:42,950
Want to see it?
Want to see your own grave?
204
00:09:42,974 --> 00:09:44,490
Um, uh, no, thanks.
205
00:09:44,567 --> 00:09:47,586
Good, 'cause we had to move it
to put in the trampoline anyway.
206
00:09:47,662 --> 00:09:49,004
Come in, come in.
207
00:09:51,407 --> 00:09:54,295
Wow, this place is incredible.
208
00:09:54,319 --> 00:09:56,573
These say "Henderson."
Did you write all these?
209
00:09:56,597 --> 00:10:00,340
Yep. I've written one more book
than James Patterson.
210
00:10:00,416 --> 00:10:02,987
He writes one, I write one more.
That's sort of my thing.
211
00:10:03,011 --> 00:10:06,253
Oh, and it looks like you got
some of my favorites over here.
212
00:10:06,331 --> 00:10:08,514
1984. Chilling.
213
00:10:08,591 --> 00:10:10,494
- Could happen, right?
- Which part?
214
00:10:10,518 --> 00:10:13,686
Oh, just all of it.
You know, the... just, the year.
215
00:10:13,763 --> 00:10:17,242
Are you saying the year 1984
could happen?
216
00:10:17,266 --> 00:10:19,433
Ah, and Sense and Sensibility.
217
00:10:19,511 --> 00:10:22,695
Very similar words.
But there is a difference there.
218
00:10:22,772 --> 00:10:26,625
Well, I think Ms. Austen meant
"sense" as in the rational mind,
219
00:10:26,701 --> 00:10:29,997
and "sensibility" as in one's
preferences, or irrational mind,
220
00:10:30,021 --> 00:10:32,516
so it's kind of a winking
tug-of-war at work.
221
00:10:32,540 --> 00:10:34,502
(chuckles)
222
00:10:34,526 --> 00:10:37,839
Do you have Jaws here?
I-I'd like to talk about Jaws.
223
00:10:37,863 --> 00:10:39,787
- By Peter Benchley?
- (chuckles)
224
00:10:39,865 --> 00:10:43,099
No. No, by Steven Spielberg.
225
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,889
Well, that was
all pretty unexpected.
226
00:10:49,966 --> 00:10:52,317
The Hendersons were
actually amazing.
227
00:10:52,394 --> 00:10:54,856
I can totally see where I get
my literary chops from.
228
00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,557
Ah, uh, can't hear you...
229
00:10:56,581 --> 00:10:58,450
I mean, their kids are
at Harvard now.
230
00:10:58,474 --> 00:11:00,659
Yeah, I can't...
I got my music going, so...
231
00:11:00,735 --> 00:11:02,363
Makes me think
I could have gone to Harvard
232
00:11:02,387 --> 00:11:04,478
- if I'd just stuck around.
- (sighs)
233
00:11:04,556 --> 00:11:07,869
Okay, fine. Not gonna make
Sinéad compete with you.
234
00:11:07,893 --> 00:11:09,537
Not gonna do that to her.
235
00:11:09,561 --> 00:11:11,389
I was just thinking,
you know, how different
236
00:11:11,413 --> 00:11:13,541
my life could be
if I'd actually grown up
237
00:11:13,565 --> 00:11:15,632
with the right kind of family.
238
00:11:16,993 --> 00:11:19,714
Yeah, Bri, I have
that thought sometimes, too.
239
00:11:19,738 --> 00:11:21,421
(slurping)
240
00:11:21,497 --> 00:11:23,848
- Oh, hey.
- Hey yourself.
241
00:11:23,925 --> 00:11:26,518
You, uh, working hard
or hardly working?
242
00:11:26,594 --> 00:11:27,852
Get up here and find out.
243
00:11:27,929 --> 00:11:29,332
Uh, Brian, I got to go.
244
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,482
- But, Stewie...
- I got to go!
245
00:11:30,506 --> 00:11:32,840
Hey, you want to get
in the pool?
246
00:11:32,918 --> 00:11:36,397
Oh, I'd love to, but I had
active diarrhea three days ago.
247
00:11:36,421 --> 00:11:39,531
Oh, it's okay,
the lifeguard's totally cool.
248
00:11:40,759 --> 00:11:42,442
(whistle blows)
249
00:11:42,518 --> 00:11:43,571
Hey, guys?
250
00:11:43,595 --> 00:11:44,595
Uh-uh.
251
00:11:47,541 --> 00:11:49,835
Ah, the weekend scholars.
252
00:11:49,859 --> 00:11:52,026
You two tackling your studies?
253
00:11:52,103 --> 00:11:54,620
We're buying tickets
to Fyre Fest Two. You in?
254
00:11:54,697 --> 00:11:57,457
You do realize the first one was
a historic failure.
255
00:11:57,533 --> 00:11:59,937
Yeah, but this one's
on the moon.
256
00:11:59,961 --> 00:12:01,461
And Brittany Murphy's going!
257
00:12:01,537 --> 00:12:03,682
You guys are
clearly being conned.
258
00:12:03,706 --> 00:12:04,942
There isn't even water up there.
259
00:12:04,966 --> 00:12:07,595
Trust me,
there's a very dedicated man
260
00:12:07,619 --> 00:12:10,437
who will make sure
we get water, Brian.
261
00:12:15,384 --> 00:12:17,788
Hey, Chris, did you tell
everyone the big news?
262
00:12:17,812 --> 00:12:19,571
No, it's stupid.
263
00:12:19,647 --> 00:12:20,883
Go on, tell 'em!
264
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:24,278
Well, I got into
Orange Julius school today.
265
00:12:24,302 --> 00:12:25,704
- That's wonderful, Chris!
- Congratulations!
266
00:12:25,728 --> 00:12:26,894
Unique.
267
00:12:26,972 --> 00:12:28,466
Tell 'em
what the guy said, Chris.
268
00:12:28,490 --> 00:12:31,802
He said I was lucky I was
the only one who applied.
269
00:12:31,826 --> 00:12:33,251
You're being too modest.
270
00:12:33,328 --> 00:12:35,214
He also said they only accept
271
00:12:35,238 --> 00:12:37,238
99% of applicants.
272
00:12:37,315 --> 00:12:39,627
Anyway, I've already been fired
for touching myself
273
00:12:39,651 --> 00:12:42,668
while the Hot Dog on a Stick
ladies made lemonade.
274
00:12:42,745 --> 00:12:43,906
That's terrible, Chris.
275
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,317
Well, to be fair,
the hot dogs look
276
00:12:46,341 --> 00:12:48,469
like wieners
and lemonade looks like pee,
277
00:12:48,493 --> 00:12:50,747
so I was kind of doomed
from the get-go.
278
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:52,253
Okay, that's it!
279
00:12:52,330 --> 00:12:54,347
How are you all
actually this dumb?
280
00:12:54,423 --> 00:12:57,350
I can't even believe I've wasted
my intellect living here.
281
00:12:57,426 --> 00:12:58,777
What are you saying, Brian?
282
00:12:58,853 --> 00:13:00,353
I'm saying I'm moving back in
283
00:13:00,429 --> 00:13:02,407
with the Hendersons
where I belong.
284
00:13:02,431 --> 00:13:05,266
Okay, Brian, I guess
that's your choice.
285
00:13:05,343 --> 00:13:06,343
Yeah, fine. Go!
286
00:13:06,511 --> 00:13:08,489
And if you think
we're just going to sadly
287
00:13:08,513 --> 00:13:10,415
watch you walk away,
you're wrong, mister!
288
00:13:10,439 --> 00:13:12,457
Now get the hell out of here!
289
00:13:17,872 --> 00:13:19,964
♪ Every time you go ♪
290
00:13:20,041 --> 00:13:21,669
♪ Away... ♪
291
00:13:21,693 --> 00:13:23,279
(music stops)
292
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:26,507
♪ You takea piece of me with... ♪
293
00:13:26,531 --> 00:13:29,510
CHRIS:
Hey, Stewie, was there
a men's department
294
00:13:29,534 --> 00:13:31,494
- in that record store?
- Shut up!
295
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,893
Lois, there's a spider
in my golf bag.
296
00:13:40,970 --> 00:13:42,356
I need you to kill it.
297
00:13:42,380 --> 00:13:44,358
Peter, why is there
a huge pile of food
298
00:13:44,382 --> 00:13:45,806
under the table by your chair?
299
00:13:45,884 --> 00:13:48,029
What? Oh, that's all
the gross food you made.
300
00:13:48,053 --> 00:13:50,477
- Don't worry, Brian will eat it.
- Brian's gone.
301
00:13:50,555 --> 00:13:52,791
He moved in with that
smarty-pants Henderson family.
302
00:13:52,815 --> 00:13:55,482
Oh, that's right. Well,
then this is a perfect chance
303
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:57,872
to do something I've been
wanting to do forever.
304
00:13:57,896 --> 00:13:59,337
Kids, family meeting!
305
00:14:00,565 --> 00:14:03,490
Now that there's no dog in
the house, we can finally throw
306
00:14:03,568 --> 00:14:05,751
gross things in the open
bathroom trash.
307
00:14:05,870 --> 00:14:09,330
I've got a bloody Kleenex from
when I blew my nose too hard!
308
00:14:09,407 --> 00:14:11,643
- Put it in there!
- How about bloody toilet paper
309
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:13,162
from wiping too hard?
310
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:15,353
Everything bloody
from everything too hard
311
00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:18,606
- goes in there.
- I'm not proud of this family.
312
00:14:21,510 --> 00:14:23,914
All right, well,
since Brian's not coming back,
313
00:14:23,938 --> 00:14:25,916
I, I guess you and I should try
314
00:14:25,940 --> 00:14:27,735
to develop
our own comedic patter.
315
00:14:27,759 --> 00:14:29,516
Guess so.
316
00:14:29,594 --> 00:14:32,406
Oh, hey, can I get some
of that pie and Cool "Hwip"?
317
00:14:32,430 --> 00:14:35,500
-What did you say?
-We can't have pie
without Cool "Hwip."
318
00:14:35,524 --> 00:14:37,411
That's not how you're supposed
to say it!
319
00:14:37,435 --> 00:14:38,451
You said it weird!
320
00:14:38,527 --> 00:14:41,506
Whoa, buddy.
It was... it was just a joke.
321
00:14:41,530 --> 00:14:43,250
Somehow this is at my expense,
I know it!
322
00:14:43,274 --> 00:14:45,603
No, it's a goof...
323
00:14:45,627 --> 00:14:48,439
- It's my bit, bud.
- Oh, you like bits, huh?
324
00:14:48,463 --> 00:14:52,539
Well, this is my bit... want
to ride the Stewie-Go-Round?
325
00:14:52,617 --> 00:14:53,799
Aah! Make it stop!
326
00:14:53,876 --> 00:14:55,538
I can't!
327
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,228
It's like an SNL bit!
328
00:14:57,305 --> 00:14:59,230
Too long with no ending!
329
00:14:59,307 --> 00:15:01,441
- ♪ - (cheering and applause)
330
00:15:06,889 --> 00:15:09,240
Welcome back
to the family, Brian.
331
00:15:09,317 --> 00:15:11,337
We're so happy to have you
for dinner.
332
00:15:11,361 --> 00:15:13,372
I think it was Oscar Wilde
who once said,
333
00:15:13,396 --> 00:15:15,950
"After good dinner,
one can forgive anybody,
334
00:15:15,974 --> 00:15:17,376
even one's own relations."
335
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,919
And Oscar Wilde? Famous gaybo.
336
00:15:20,995 --> 00:15:23,290
Whoa, where do you think
you're going?
337
00:15:23,314 --> 00:15:25,568
Oh. I just assumed
that was my seat.
338
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:28,834
Brian, we've never had
an unwiped dog anus
339
00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:30,464
on a chair cushion before.
340
00:15:30,488 --> 00:15:32,742
And we're not about
to change that now,
341
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,818
as happy as we are
you've returned to us.
342
00:15:34,842 --> 00:15:37,584
You eat down here.
343
00:15:37,662 --> 00:15:39,586
Ah. Dog bowl. (chuckles)
344
00:15:39,664 --> 00:15:41,564
Classic.
345
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,769
Ugh, this food looks gross.
346
00:15:55,847 --> 00:15:58,676
- It's very good for you.
- I don't believe you.
347
00:15:58,700 --> 00:15:59,994
Well, who would you believe?
348
00:16:00,018 --> 00:16:01,996
I don't know, Robert Loggia?
349
00:16:02,020 --> 00:16:04,832
♪
350
00:16:04,856 --> 00:16:06,205
Whoa, Robert Loggia!
351
00:16:06,282 --> 00:16:08,335
Mrs. Henderson is right.
352
00:16:08,359 --> 00:16:11,452
Alpo dog food is nutritious
and delicious.
353
00:16:11,529 --> 00:16:13,972
- Thanks, Robert Loggia!
- No problem.
354
00:16:14,048 --> 00:16:16,285
Mind if I take a whiz
in your bathroom?
355
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,028
But you took one
when you got here.
356
00:16:18,052 --> 00:16:19,885
Well, I have to take another.
357
00:16:19,962 --> 00:16:21,887
Stop counting my whizzes.
358
00:16:21,964 --> 00:16:24,390
♪
359
00:16:24,467 --> 00:16:26,020
You know, Brian,
we were wondering,
360
00:16:26,044 --> 00:16:27,688
what do you think
of the name Brian?
361
00:16:27,712 --> 00:16:29,948
-What do you mean?
-Well, we never had
the chance to name you,
362
00:16:29,972 --> 00:16:32,639
so we were thinking something
a bit more sophisticated.
363
00:16:32,717 --> 00:16:33,974
What if we call you Ishmael?
364
00:16:34,052 --> 00:16:35,304
Call me Ishmael?
365
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:38,312
Ha. See, honey, I told
you he wasn't secretly
366
00:16:38,389 --> 00:16:39,980
a stupid alcoholic fraud.
367
00:16:40,058 --> 00:16:41,535
We love the name.
368
00:16:41,559 --> 00:16:43,984
We heard a really wonderful
lecture on Moby Dick
369
00:16:44,062 --> 00:16:45,648
when we went to TED last summer.
370
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,374
Oh, Ted? Ted 's a classic!
371
00:16:47,398 --> 00:16:49,323
I didn't know you like TED, too?
372
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:50,842
Well, Ted 2 was just okay.
373
00:16:50,918 --> 00:16:51,970
I mean, I-I wanted to like it.
374
00:16:51,994 --> 00:16:53,547
You know, I came to buy.
375
00:16:53,571 --> 00:16:55,640
Really long courtroom scene,
really long.
376
00:16:55,664 --> 00:16:57,757
I don't think
we saw that TED Talk.
377
00:16:57,833 --> 00:17:01,668
Really? He says the opposite
of things you think he'd say!
378
00:17:01,746 --> 00:17:03,724
I mean, that's kinda...
379
00:17:03,748 --> 00:17:05,481
that's kinda the whole thing.
380
00:17:12,774 --> 00:17:14,848
Stop kicking me, Peter!
381
00:17:14,926 --> 00:17:16,275
Your toenails are so long.
382
00:17:16,352 --> 00:17:18,405
I feel like I'm sleeping
with Mo'Nique.
383
00:17:18,429 --> 00:17:20,613
I'm over here.
I found your vibrator,
384
00:17:20,689 --> 00:17:23,190
and I was holding
my thing up next to it.
385
00:17:23,268 --> 00:17:25,337
I thought they should meet
each other.
386
00:17:25,361 --> 00:17:27,787
Chris, what the hell
are you doing?!
387
00:17:27,863 --> 00:17:29,583
Dad told me to sleep in here.
388
00:17:29,607 --> 00:17:32,253
Sorry, Lois. I just missed
having Brian at the foot
389
00:17:32,277 --> 00:17:34,088
of the bed, so I,
I asked Chris to do it.
390
00:17:34,112 --> 00:17:37,037
Peter, we had sex
20 minutes ago!
391
00:17:37,115 --> 00:17:40,277
Actually, it was 17 minutes ago.
392
00:17:40,301 --> 00:17:43,636
Though neither of you finished,
so technically it's still going.
393
00:17:43,712 --> 00:17:45,971
Just... I-I was very full.
394
00:17:46,048 --> 00:17:47,640
Just, just know that.
395
00:17:47,716 --> 00:17:49,879
Okay, that's it.
This is no way to live.
396
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,305
We need Brian back.
397
00:17:51,329 --> 00:17:53,404
Ah, you're right. I miss him.
398
00:17:53,481 --> 00:17:56,390
I wonder what Brian would say
if he were here right now.
399
00:17:56,467 --> 00:17:58,612
Hey, Peter. I bet
you're secretly,
400
00:17:58,636 --> 00:18:00,890
like, the best
in the world at karate.
401
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:03,748
Yeah. I am, buddy. Thanks.
402
00:18:03,825 --> 00:18:07,212
And did I hear you just became
Jet Ski President of the World?
403
00:18:07,236 --> 00:18:08,920
Yeah, that's right.
404
00:18:08,996 --> 00:18:11,997
Man, I miss Brian. I got to
figure out how to get him back.
405
00:18:12,074 --> 00:18:13,794
And I hear you're really cool
at sleepovers.
406
00:18:13,818 --> 00:18:17,386
Well, I don't go to bed
if that's what you mean.
407
00:18:22,493 --> 00:18:24,393
(sighs)
408
00:18:27,665 --> 00:18:29,565
♪
409
00:18:37,842 --> 00:18:39,933
Hey, how come,
when I went missing,
410
00:18:40,011 --> 00:18:41,839
you guys didn't keep
looking for me?
411
00:18:41,863 --> 00:18:44,992
Well, we really like to leave
things up to God's will.
412
00:18:45,016 --> 00:18:46,124
Oh, boy.
413
00:18:46,775 --> 00:18:48,829
Ha-ha!
414
00:18:48,853 --> 00:18:50,128
Road House callback!
415
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:52,296
Road House callback!
416
00:18:52,373 --> 00:18:54,874
I never saw Road House.
417
00:18:54,950 --> 00:18:55,990
It's about kicking!
418
00:18:56,027 --> 00:18:57,947
Hey, Brian. Nice place.
419
00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:00,621
They got one of them soda
fridges in the garage or what?
420
00:19:00,698 --> 00:19:02,767
- I-I don't think so.
- Ah, that's wack.
421
00:19:02,791 --> 00:19:06,218
Hey, thanks for committing
a brutal crime for me, Peter.
422
00:19:06,295 --> 00:19:07,961
You didn't have to do that.
423
00:19:08,039 --> 00:19:10,389
The Hendersons treated me
like a pet.
424
00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:13,467
But you guys treat me
like family.
425
00:19:13,544 --> 00:19:14,652
And I miss that.
426
00:19:14,729 --> 00:19:17,541
Look, Brian, I know
we ain't as "fisticated"
427
00:19:17,565 --> 00:19:20,027
or "smort"
or "intolergant" as them,
428
00:19:20,051 --> 00:19:21,953
but you're still our cat,
you know?
429
00:19:21,977 --> 00:19:23,828
We want you to corn home.
430
00:19:23,905 --> 00:19:26,033
(toilet flushes)
431
00:19:26,057 --> 00:19:28,815
That was just one whiz.
432
00:19:28,893 --> 00:19:31,127
For those of you counting.
433
00:19:34,007 --> 00:19:36,323
Well, it sure is great
to be back home.
434
00:19:36,401 --> 00:19:38,879
I think I finally learned
that I would much rather
435
00:19:38,903 --> 00:19:40,943
be the smartest guy
in a dumb family
436
00:19:40,996 --> 00:19:43,050
than the dumbest guy
in a smart family.
437
00:19:43,074 --> 00:19:45,683
Uh, would we say you're
the smartest guy in our family?
438
00:19:45,801 --> 00:19:48,889
You, uh, you ever invent
a time machine, Brian?
439
00:19:48,913 --> 00:19:51,355
- Grow a brain, dick.
- (knocking)
440
00:19:52,767 --> 00:19:53,858
Hey, Joe. What's up?
441
00:19:53,976 --> 00:19:55,412
Peter, I'm afraid
you're under arrest
442
00:19:55,436 --> 00:19:56,716
for entering another man's home
443
00:19:56,754 --> 00:19:59,066
and kicking both he
and his wife in the head.
444
00:19:59,090 --> 00:20:00,918
But it was from a movie.
445
00:20:00,942 --> 00:20:01,902
Well, that doesn't make
a difference
446
00:20:01,926 --> 00:20:03,495
in the eyes of the law.
447
00:20:03,519 --> 00:20:05,255
But I said the name
of the movie!
448
00:20:05,279 --> 00:20:07,925
Peter, I'd move away
from that as a legal strategy.
449
00:20:07,949 --> 00:20:09,707
Eh, I'll take my chances.
450
00:20:12,027 --> 00:20:14,453
Has the jury reached a verdict?
451
00:20:14,530 --> 00:20:15,933
We have.
452
00:20:15,957 --> 00:20:17,215
Not guilty.
453
00:20:17,291 --> 00:20:19,866
Nobody puts Peter in a corner.
454
00:20:19,944 --> 00:20:21,219
Yay!
455
00:20:21,295 --> 00:20:23,295
I lucked out
with jury selection.
456
00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:32,805
I'm glad everything is back
to average.
457
00:20:32,881 --> 00:20:34,601
Yes, it's happy to be back home.
458
00:20:34,625 --> 00:20:35,878
I, too, am gleeful.
459
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,902
You are improper.
460
00:20:37,979 --> 00:20:39,606
Your hair is like hay.
461
00:20:39,630 --> 00:20:40,774
A horse would eat it.
462
00:20:40,798 --> 00:20:42,740
Go into the wood-burning oven.
463
00:20:44,410 --> 00:20:45,526
(sighs)
464
00:20:45,561 --> 00:20:48,320
I miss our stolen son
in America.
465
00:20:48,397 --> 00:20:50,656
Do you think he remembers us?
466
00:20:50,733 --> 00:20:52,286
Wooden shoe?
467
00:20:52,310 --> 00:20:53,787
(audience laughing)
468
00:20:53,811 --> 00:20:56,254
ANNOUNCER: Familiemaan:
Dutch TV is probably
469
00:20:56,330 --> 00:20:58,464
not that great, we assume?
470
00:20:58,488 --> 00:21:00,488
>>>>oakislandtk<<<<<
www.opensubtitles.org
35381
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.