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Subtitles by explosiveskull @ subs4series.com

One of the benefits of showing up at a hospital with a kidney infection

is the first thing they do...

Take this with water.

...is give you something to bring down your fever

and subdue the agonizing pain you're in.

- Is this a Vicodin? - Yes.

- Five milligrams? - Yes.

I know what you're all thinking.

I had my wisdom teeth out a few years ago

and they gave me Vicodin and it's not good for me.

It really upsets my stomach.

Okay.

I'd rather take Tylenol instead.

Are you sure? Kidney infections are extremely painful.

I'm sure.

Unless... I forget what they put me on instead...

It sounded like a candy name... Like Rox... something?

- Roxicet? - Yes. That's it.

- Roxicet. 7,5 milligrams. - Let me check with the doctor.

Thanks.

It's not a relapse if it's warranted. It's a hall pass.

God please don't get in the way!

According to the paperwork your mother filled out,

it appears you have some pretty extreme substance abuse issues,

so I think you're right, we should just stick with Tylenol.

OK. If I come back someday with cancer, I really hope you're not my doctor.

Yeah, I'm serious!

Can I still get the Vicodin?

They put me on Cipro. They give it to people that are exposed to anthrax,

started me on Lexipro,

which is one of the few antidepressants that doesn't make me crazier,

and kept me there for three days.

It was actually really nice. I love hospitals.

If I could spend the rest of my life in a hospital I would.

Because when you're in a hospital, you have zero responsibilities.

They make sure you eat. Sleep. Stay hydrated.

And if anything bad happens, there's always a doctor nearby.

Thank you!

It's also the best place to be in the event of a mass shooting,

unless a gunman kills all the surgeons.

Point is, I had zero anxiety.

At nighttime, when everyone's asleep, if I close my eyes

and imagine all the little beeps to be the sounds of birds,

and the lukewarm air blowing through the vent to be a warm breeze,

your hospital bed can sort of feel like a poolside chair

on a hot summer night in the Caribbean.

Plus Jules came to visit.

- Did all this happen because I left? - No.

You promise?

Yeah.

I've kinda been this way my whole life.

Not all the time, but sometimes.

But you do make it better.

I'm sorry.

For what?

For not telling you the truth.

For everyone who was calling me manic, I was like 92 percent correct.

But something was different about Jules.

Rue, you look fucking amazing.

Jules, I'm deeply uncomfortable right now.

You look hot and the fact that you usually dress like Seth Rogen

although you make it cute sometimes it crushes my soul.

I don't dress like Seth Rogen.

When was the last time you didn't wear a hoodie or sweatpants?

- I don't know. Now? - Exactly.

Which is why are we gonna finish.

It was the most amazing weekend ever.

I can't stop thinking about it.

It was like the first time I've ever felt like I had a family.

That wasn't my Dad, or like you kind of.

My God!

- Rue, you would die for Anna. - Who's Anna?

She's just like next level. I don't know...

And you hooked up or something?

Yeah. It was kinda crazy. We went to the club...

And the energy was like crazy. And I was feeling it.

And she just like grabbed me and sort of like pushed me down.

And like kissed me.

- And she fucking bit me. - What do you mean she bit you?

When we were hooking up, she fully bit me.

Look!

- Did it like feel good? - Yeah, it felt amazing.

Does anyone ever done that to you?

- No. - You wanna see what it feels like?

I don't know.

What?

- You don't like it? - I don't think so.

- Did you like it? - I liked it.

You gotta meet this kids.

'Cause I swear you would fucking flourish in that energy.

I've never felt anything like it.

There!

I missed you so much!

You look beautiful.

Thanks. You, too.

- By the way, fuck Nate Jacobs! - Fuck Nate Jacobs!

I know you're not supposed to say things like this out loud,

but if I ever got the chance I'd fuck him.

What a fucking pussy!

- Hi, I'm Leslie, Rue's Mom. - Hi Leslie!

They asked me to write a letter

about what your addiction has cost us as a family.

And as I sat down last night to write it...

...I couldn't stop thinking about the day you were born.

Holding you in my arms for the first time.

Looking down at you. Your sweet beautiful face.

I had never felt so much love and joy in my entire life.

And I thought that what if in that moment,

I heard a voice, some omniscient narrator who said:

"Here's what's going to happen..."

Your daughter is going to be funny, and smart and outgoing.

You'll see it from a young age.

- Are you guys drinking wine? - I mean, barely.

We're waiting for you to leave so we can get to the hard stuff.

Relax. I'm not triggered or anything.

- I'm joking. - Let's take some pictures. Come on!

She'll be charismatic and make friends easily.

She'll be kind and sensitive...

Maybe too sensitive.

She won't be an easy child.

She'll struggle.

Just walk in and hold your head up high, baby.

And in turn, you'll struggle to understand her.

- You look beautiful! - I don't know...

To understand what's going on inside her head.

The night terrors that can't be interrupted.

The times after dinner when she'll sit at the kitchen table

and count the tiles over and over until she hyperventilates.

- Do you have a date? - No.

The fight to hold her in your arms. To tell her it's okay.

It makes me look stupid?

No. Not in the least.

To calm down the kicking, the screaming.

The anxiety of being harmed.

The transitions from day to night. From home to school.

From meal to meal.

Of losing her mother or father or little sister.

- You have a beautiful house. - Thank you!

- Hi! - Hi!

- You look beautiful. - Thanks.

That's an understatement.

...of being alone.

I already like her.

The panic attacks. Mood swings. Confusion. Disorganization.

- Have fun! - I will!

My God!

And all that rage, not just at you but at herself.

And the tough part is...

...you'll feel as helpless to help her as she does herself.

- What is it? - Gatorade and Everclear.

You'll make mistakes. Small ones. And big ones.

You'll look for help from people who aren't helpful.

Or who don't understand what's happening.

And the guilt will never leave you.

Love you, Grandma!

But if you remain calm and patient, if you listen closely,

you'll understand her more.

- You okay? - Yeah, I'm having an asthma thing.

The counting, the repetition, the need for symmetry.

That if you kiss her left cheek before bed,

you have to kiss her right cheek. and her forehead, then her chin.

That it's about balance. Stability.

The need to organize her feelings and thoughts so she can breathe easier.

- I feel really good tonight. - Really? Why?

I was thinking this is the first time since the beginning of high school

that I haven't been in love with someone.

I love that for you.

I've always really been into pick-up trucks.

Can you take your shoes off the dash?

And there will be moments of relief. In her and in you.

Moments that feel so normal and calm and rewarding

that you'll find yourself praying they last forever.

Even though she's only a child.

And all the hardest parts have yet to even come.

What if these are the big moments in life?

My mom talks about high school like it was this monumental part of her life.

But I cannot imagine being 40 and looking back on this moment like: wow.

That's because most people peak in high school.

- I definitely haven't peaked. - I'm not even a person yet.

I'm definitely like 25% peakness.

I'm at a hundred percent. But I can definitely get to one fifty.

- I never thought I'd make it this far. - What do you mean?

I've always had this anxiety that something bad would happen.

Last summer, there were 3 weeks where I actually thought you were dead.

She's been sober for 3 months.

Weren't you in rehab like six months ago?

Maybe people get nostalgic about high school

because it's like the last time in your life you get to dream.

After is like, bad jobs, and bills, and bad husbands...

Maybe I'm generalizing. But you know what I mean?

I kinda feel the opposite.

I feel like high school's super suffocating.

- Really? - Yeah!

I'll be right back.

First of all, ew! Second of all, ew!

- Just a second. - Are you not hard?

No, I am. Fuck!

It doesn't really feel like you're hard.

- I am. I'm... I am hard. - This isn't something you lie about.

Maddy, I just got a lot of shit on my mind.

- Like during sex? - Stop!

- Stop what? - Talking. Stop talking. Fuck!

I'm officialy turned off! Get off me.

- Why are we even having sex? - We weren't.

You know what your problem is? You can't keep your mouth shut.

- And you can't keep your dick hard. - Maybe I can't keep my dick hard

because everyone at school is spreading rumors about me.

They're not rumors. They're facts.

You had forty different guys' dicks in your phone.

- I told you not to tell anyone. - I told people before you told me.

- You told them out of context. - What is the context?

I'd tell you but I don't even trust you anymore.

Kinda like how you'd fuck me but you're not hard anymore?

Keep talking! Keep fucking talking!

- I don't mind if you're into guys. - I'm not into fucking guys, Maddy.

- Sexuality is a spectrum. - What are you talking about?

It's not like anyone's 100% straight or 100% gay.

That is 100% bullshit.

I don't know you. You might be a good girl. You might not.

- But I do know my son. - Do you?

I'm not defending him. But I do wanna protect him.

And what I know is this relationship you two have is not sustainable.

And it's only a matter of time before it takes the both of you down.

Sometimes the two people who aren't meant for each other find each other.

You're a beautiful girl. And a smart one. It's time to let go.

Your whole family is so fucking weird.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is the game you've all been waiting for.

This is the first game back for the Hawks starting QB Nate Jacobs.

It could be the final game of his high-school career

unless he can bring home the W and get this struggling team to regionals.

Speaking of struggles, he's had a lot off the field.

It's been a topic of conversation around the team and in this community.

Can he overcome those struggles?

I think Nate Jacobs is gonna unify this ball club.

Thankfully, his teammates have his back.

How much of the game is he going to put on his back?

Here we go. It's game time!

Red twelve. Hut!

Maddy, don't!

- Maddy, don't do it! - Fuck this!

Can you dance?

- Can you dance? - Fuck yeah.

I guarantee you Maddy and Nate are gonna get married.

Probably divorce three times and in some strange way live a pretty happy life.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah.

Jules?

Jules?

- What're you doing? - Nothing.

- What are you doing? - Nothing.

I like the way I dressed you,

but I'm worried I fucked with your gender expression.

Thank you.

I feel a little stupid. So...

- Can I ask you a question? - Yeah.

Why don't you kiss me?

I kiss you.

No, why don't you like, kiss-kiss me?

I mean did you want me to like, kiss-kiss you?

I want you to wanna kiss me so bad that you don't even ask.

Okay. Fuck it. Let's dance.

What?

I feel like love is super dark and like no one ever talks about it.

Yeah, but that might be specific to their kind of love.

Or my kind of love.

I'm gonna do everything in my power

for at least the next three years to not fall in love.

- What if you do? - Intervene and fucking destroy it.

- Hey! - Hey.

- Can I talk to you for a second? - Yeah.

What's up?

I don't really know what else to say other than I'm so sorry.

But that night at the carnival when you were flirting with that girl,

I had this reaction, and I just like hated you.

Whether that's fair or not I don't know.

I guess I wanted to hurt you as much as I'd imagined you'd hurt me.

I know that sounds juvenile. But it's true.

And I wouldn't even be saying this to you.

Because you're actually not like this. You're actually really kind.

And you're actually really nice and I just...

I'm so shitty and I wish I could go back.

Kat, I liked you since I sat down next to you.

You think there's like zero chance that we're gonna be together forever.

I don't know, I guess were both juniors so you're probably right about that.

I mean like is one of us gonna get hurt?

Yeah, probably.

But I'll do my best to make sure that it's me.

- I'm crying. Sorry. - It's okay.

- Sorry, was that awkward? - No.

- Wanna get the fuck out of here? - Yeah.

What did you say?

I started to say one thing and then I said something else.

But she knows what I meant.

- I'll be right back. - Alright.

- Can I ask you something? - Yeah.

How do you decide who you wanna hook up with?

- They usually just come to you. - Yeah, but what if they don't?

Then go and do whoever the fuck you want.

Yeah. Okay.

I'm gonna do that.

- I love you, Lex. - I love you, too.

Cassie?

- I'm okay. - You sure?

- Yeah. - Okay.

- Any history of depression? - I guess, the normal amount.

- But not diagnosed? - No.

Family history with depression?

Yeah. My mom.

- Any history with drugs or alcohol? - No. Not really.

Any family history with addiction, alcohol, other substances?

Yeah. My mom with wine.

And then my dad with painkillers and then heroin and stuff.

How do you feel about being here today?

Nervous, I guess.

Do you have any reservations about the procedure? Any second thoughts?

No.

Come with me.

Welcome back! Fourth quarter. Time running down.

Hawks trailing 23 to 27...

Here we go it's first and ten on the twenty.

A minute and a half left to go in what is a very close game.

Green 13. Hut!

Here we go. Jacob steps back. He's looking. He sees...

He's got a guy! He throws it up.

A perfect ball by Jacobs goes right through the hands of the receiver.

Jacobs threw up a perfect ball.

My gosh. Again right through the receiver's hands.

Let's fucking go!

The wide receivers have got to give their QB some help tonight.

Why do I feel like you're the reason Fez's house got raided?

Sometimes when you do illegal shit, bad things happen to you.

You ever done anything illegal?

- You talking about your friend Jules? - Actually I'm talking about your Dad.

I just wanna make sure you've given it some forethought.

I know over the years you've lost some brain cells.

I wouldn't want you to say something you might regret.

You gonna ruin my life? I can do that a lot better than you can.

- What do you want, Rue? - I want you to leave Fez alone.

And Jules. If you ever fuck with them again, I'll destroy your life.

I'll destroy your dad's life. I'll burn your whole shit to the ground.

Because I personally have no problem walking into any police station

and telling them that Nate Jacob's daddy likes to fuck little kids.

You look very pretty tonight.

Are you sure that Jules told you everything?

You know what I like about her? She has these very real dreams.

And I seriously think that she's gonna achieve them.

If you look at everyone inside, most of them are gonna go on

and live these lives that aren't even fucking worth mentioning.

Not Jules.

What about you?

- Honestly, I don't really give a fuck. - I gathered that.

It's why you're spending all your time with someone who's gonna leave you

and won't even remember who the fuck you are in ten years.

I really meant what I said. You look really beautiful.

Alright, here we go. Ten seconds left on the clock.

Can Nate Jacobs do it?

It could be the final play of the game, could be the final play of his career.

Set!

Blue 36. Hut!

And there's the snap. Nate Jacobs. He steps back. He's looking.

He's off! He's running. He's taking the game into his hands.

There he goes. He breaks a tackle. He's at the thirty.

He's at the 20. He's gonna do it! He's at the ten. He's at the five!

He's in!

Let's go! Let's fucking go! Let's go! Get the fuck up!

And the East Highland crowd going bananas.

He has warmed this place up. This kid can get it done!

You may have won the game. But you lost control of the team.

And in the long run if you don't lead, you're gonna lose.

You need to take a step back, Nate. I said take a step back.

Get the fuck off me!

Get your fucking hands off me you fucking faggot! Get the fuck off!

- Stop fighting! - Get the fuck off!

- Stop fighting! - Fuck you! Fuck you!

- You had enough? - Get the fuck off me!

- Keep it up! - Get off!

Do you wanna keep fighting? You think you're tough now?

Come on Nate!

- What? - I fucking hate this town.

If I could I'd burn it to fucking the ground.

And salt the earth behind you.

Jules, are you in love with Anna?

Yeah.

Are you...

Are you in love with me?

Yeah.

Do you wish I was different?

This will help with the discomfort.

Some patients like to listen to music.

And just a little pinch.

CERTIFICATE OF RECOGNITION DR. PHILLIP REDMOND, MD

What if we just fucking left? We just fucking left this dance.

We went home, grab a bunch of our shit and just went to the city?

That's fucking crazy.

I ain't here to hurt you. If you fuck around, I swear to God I'll kill you.

- Where's the money at? - It's in the table.

We're almost done.

Move slow!

Jesus fucking Christ! You're a fucking doctor?

Hurry the fuck up, man!

What the fuck you doing? Drop the fucking gun.

Bitch ass motherfucker! Motherfucker! You're fucking dead!

Stop! Let go of my fucking gun! Bitch ass motherfucker!

I told you to fucking be calm! Bitch! Why would you do that?

Let's get the fuck out of here. Come on!

But we didn't bike here.

- Let's go! - My god!

Hold on!

What the fuck did you do that for?

Fuck!

Fuck! Shit! God damn!

Jules...

Is this a bad idea?

No.

What the fuck?

How do you feel?

Better.

- Maddy get up. - No. Why?

Could you stop being such a cunt and just come dance with me please.

- You don't even know how to dance. - It's a slow song. Let's go. Get up.

Firstly, your despicable, but fine.

- I really fucking hate you. - I know.

You're abusive. You're psychopathic.

And most of the time I really hate the way you make me feel.

- I know. - It's not good for us.

I know.

No, but like, we shouldn't be together.

I know.

Hi!

Hi.

I thought this was gonna be a night I'd remember forever.

I think you will remember it forever. Like, not in a bad way.

Just in a way that stays with you.

Yeah.

You're late.

I got caught up dealing with some bullshit.

I heard you got raided.

But they didn't find nothing though. They ain't got shit on me.

Let's hope not.

So, we all good?

Here you go. Deck seven, departing in two minutes.

Thank you.

Jules, I just realized that I didn't bring my medication.

We can get medication like everywhere.

Yeah, but I don't think it's... I can like miss a day.

Rue, we'll figure it out. I promise.

Jules, I don't think this is a good idea.

- Rue, it was your idea. - I know it was my idea.

But I don't think it's a good idea anymore.

It was a fucking great idea.

Can you just slow 'cause I'm thinking, you know my mom,

I don't want her to fucking freak out.

Rue, it's not that far and we're good. We can call.

What am I gonna tell Gia though? She's gonna think I'm missing.

We're good. Come on! It's gonna be amazing.

Rue!

Come on!

Please! I love you!

And there will be moments of relief. In her and in you.

Moments that feel so normal and calm and rewarding

that you'll find yourself praying they last forever.

Even though she's only a child.

And all the hard parts have yet to even come.

And at the age of sixteen, she'll overdose,

spend four days in a coma and you won't know if she'll live or die.

But when she wakes up, she'll be given the opportunity to get clean...

...to become a different person. A better person.

Here's the toughest part.

No matter what you say or do or wish the decision will be all hers

and all you can do is hope she gives herself the chance that she deserves.

Did you take my money out of the wallet?

No, ma'am.

- Rue? - What?

- I asked you a simple question. - You make everything worse.

It's fucking forty dollars.

- What the fuck do you want? - Get out of my face!

- Mom, you're such a fucking bitch? - I'm a bitch?

Yeah, you're a fucking bitch because you just fucking sat...

Please stop. Stop!

There's something wrong with her. She's trying to get better.

She's fucking mental. And I'm tired of you using it as an excuse.

- Do you think this helps? - It doesn't matter. I'm done.

Leave! I don't care! Go!

Fucking psychotic bitch. You fucking make me wanna go.

Fucking crazy!

- Are you proud? - Go after your sister.

- You wanna be like her. Okay? - I don't wanna be like you.

Subtitles by explosiveskull @ subs4series.com