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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:05,537 - WHEN I WAS AT NORTHWESTERN, IT WAS SUCH A BIG DEAL 2 00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,583 TO HAVE GUEST SPEAKERS COME IN, YOU KNOW? 3 00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,378 I SAW IRA GLASS AND COLIN POWELL, 4 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,440 AND NOW IT'S ME. 5 00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:12,578 I FEEL--I DON'T KNOW, SUCCESSFUL. 6 00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,483 - I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. 7 00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,715 AND IF YOU GET NERVOUS, JUST IMAGINE EVERYBODY 8 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,649 IN THE AUDIENCE NAKED. 9 00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:21,215 EXCEPT THE GIRLS. IMAGINE THEM COMPLAINING. 10 00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:23,685 - WELL, I'M NOT NERVOUS. I'M JUST EXCITED, YOU KNOW? 11 00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,294 I MEAN, IT'S A BIG RESPONSIBILITY. 12 00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:28,496 I REALLY HAVE THE CHANCE TO IMPACT SOME KIDS' LIVES. 13 00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,829 - JUST REMEMBER THEY HAVE VERY SHORT ATTENTION SPANS. 14 00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:34,104 IT WAS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO TALK TO ME IN COLLEGE. 15 00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:38,165 THAT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE I ALWAYS HAD A BONG IN MY MOUTH. 16 00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:42,136 WAIT, I THINK IT WAS A BONG. 17 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,577 - OKAY. WELL WE'RE DEFINITELY NOT GOING 18 00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:47,682 TO THAT FRATERNITY PARTY WE WERE INVITED TO AFTERWARDS. 19 00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,715 - YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO IN YOUR SPEECH? 20 00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,179 ONE OF YOUR ACCENTS. 21 00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:51,648 - I DON'T REALLY DO THOSE IN PUBLIC, YOU KNOW? 22 00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:54,755 JUST WHEN WE'RE SNOWED IN OR I CAN'T GET YOU TO STOP CRYING. 23 00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:55,818 - WELL, LIKE, IF YOU'RE QUOTING 24 00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:56,986 ONE OF YOUR PROFESSORS OR SOMETHING 25 00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:58,134 IF YOU DID IT IN AN ACCENT, IT COULD BE REALLY FUNNY. 26 00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:02,629 - [Russian accent] OKAY. I WILL THINK ABOUT THIS WHITNEY. 27 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:05,133 - THAT'S TOO COMMUNIST. - ALL RIGHT. 28 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,436 [German accent] AH. PERHAPS THIS IS THE RIGHT ACCENT 29 00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:08,538 FOR THE OCCASION. 30 00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:12,139 JA? DON'T YOU THINK SO? 31 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,413 - IT'S TOO SOON. 32 00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:15,842 - [Australian accent] ALL RIGHT, THEN. 33 00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:20,406 HOW ABOUT I PUT ANOTHER ACCENT ON THE BARBIE, HUH? 34 00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:23,378 AND THEN GO DOWN UNDER. 35 00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,247 - DO THE BRITISH ONE. 36 00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,645 THAT ALWAYS MAKES YOU SEEM SMARTER, 37 00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:28,216 AND IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A SPICE GIRL. 38 00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:32,126 - YEAH. NAGGIE SPICE. 39 00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,330 YOU KNOW, I AM MENTIONING PROFESSOR CHANDLER 40 00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:35,902 AND HE'S BRITISH, SO THAT MIGHT WORK. 41 00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,499 - SEE? [cell phone beeps] 42 00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:41,301 - [British accent] BBC WORLD SERVICE, IT'S THE PHONE. 43 00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:45,165 PERHAPS SOMEONE WANTS TO TAKE YOU ON A LIFT TO THE LOO? 44 00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,606 - THAT'S THE ONE! - COOL. 45 00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:50,311 - IT'S ANOTHER TEXT FROM MY MOM. - IS SHE COMING? 46 00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:52,554 - NO. I AM NOT LETTING HER COME. 47 00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,180 ANY TIME SOMEONE ELSE HAS A BIG MOMENT, 48 00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:55,415 SHE RUINS IT, OKAY? 49 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:58,489 AT MY GRADUATION, WHEN I WAS WALKING UP TO GET MY DIPLOMA, 50 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:01,759 SHE MADE ME TAKE A PICTURE OF HER. 51 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:05,389 - WHAT? YOU GRADUATED? - HMM. 52 00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:06,586 AND SHE TOTALLY RUINED MY SWEET 16, 53 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,457 WHICH I DIDN'T EVEN WANT, BY THE WAY. 54 00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,196 SHE PLANNED IT WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME. 55 00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:11,501 IT WAS HUMILIATING. 56 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:14,302 I MEAN, I WAS ALREADY 18. 57 00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:16,635 I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO VOTE THAT DAY. 58 00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:17,840 - OH, YEAH, SHE'S ALWAYS DOING STUFF LIKE THAT. 59 00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:18,771 - I KNOW. 60 00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:19,836 - SO WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE WEDDING THING? 61 00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:20,913 - SHE ASKED IF I WOULD SHOOT MY COUSIN'S WEDDING, 62 00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,841 I SAID NO, AND THEN SHE TOLD HER I WOULD ANYWAY. 63 00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,247 I DON'T WANT TO GO TO A FAMILY WEDDING. 64 00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:26,379 I'M NOT GONNA KNOW ANYONE THERE, 65 00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:30,184 AND I'M GONNA HAVE DATED EVERYBODY. 66 00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:32,718 - WELL, IT'S TOO BAD SHE WON'T GET TO SEE MY SPEECH. 67 00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,463 IF SHE DID, THIS WAY SHE'D FINALLY UNDERSTAND 68 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,718 WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING. 69 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,686 - HONEY, NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY 70 00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:38,855 OR HOW MANY TIMES YOU EXPLAIN IT, 71 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:42,202 NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING. 72 00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,860 - ALL RIGHT. WELL, WE'RE GONNA GO TO THE BAR FIRST. 73 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,467 I WANT TO GET A DRINK AND LOOSEN UP BEFORE MY SPEECH. 74 00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,300 AND I DEFINITELY WANT TO SHOW OFF THIS SUIT 75 00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,736 SINCE I'LL BE RETURNING IT TOMORROW. 76 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:50,840 - [laughs] 77 00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:53,771 - OKAY. SO HOW DO I LOOK? - GOOD. 78 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:57,407 OH. ONE LAST THING HERE. - ALL RIGHT. 79 00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,375 - GOT TO-- - HEY! HEY! 80 00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,613 - [British accent] WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NO! 81 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:03,348 GET THOSE SCISSORS AWAY FROM ME! 82 00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:04,694 [rock music] 83 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,588 WHITNEY IS TAPED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 84 00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:10,260 * 85 00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:11,491 - DUDE, I AM TOTALLY IMPRESSED. 86 00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,295 I MEAN, GUEST SPEAKER AT NORTHWESTERN? 87 00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:15,828 LOOK, IF YOU GET NERVOUS, JUST TAKE ONE OF THOSE PILLS 88 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,673 THAT'S ALWAYS FALLING OUT OF WHITNEY'S PURSE. 89 00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,469 - OH, NO, I'M NOT NERVOUS. I'M PSYCHED. 90 00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,471 - OH, I HAVE A PILL FOR THAT TOO. 91 00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:25,474 - BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL, ALEX WAS SUCH A GOOD PUBLIC SPEAKER 92 00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,536 THAT THE PRINCIPAL HAD HIM DO THE ANNOUNCEMENTS EVERY MORNING. 93 00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:28,975 DO IT. 94 00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,479 - GOOD MORNING, LINCOLN HIGH BEAVERS. 95 00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,881 FOR TODAY'S HOT LUNCH WE'LL BE HAVING 96 00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:34,682 SPAGHETTI AND HOT ROLLS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 97 00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:35,845 - [laughs] 98 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,593 - MAN, YOU RUSTY. 99 00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,519 - [laughs] 100 00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,424 - HEY! - HI. 101 00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,386 - WHAT'S UP, LITTLE RED? - HELLO, HELLO. 102 00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:45,885 - HEY. 103 00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:48,756 - ALEX. ARE YOU JUST GONNA LET THE LADY STAND THERE? 104 00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,326 - OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. 105 00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,565 WHIT, BEAT IT. 106 00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,401 - EXCUSE ME? 107 00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,766 - ALL RIGHT. HERE YOU GO, TINY RED. 108 00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,905 - WHY AM I GETTING SMALLER? 109 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,740 THANK YOU, GUYS, FOR BEING SUCH GENTLEMEN. 110 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:06,706 GOD, IT'S SO SWEET. I LOVE IT. 111 00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,817 BUT I ALSO HATE THAT I LOVE IT. AM I FROM THE 50s? 112 00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,950 - NOPE. YOU'RE JUST ONE OF THE FEW WOMEN LEFT 113 00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,045 WHO ACTUALLY APPRECIATES CHIVALRY. 114 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:18,887 - I APPRECIATE CHIVALRY. I LIKE BEING CHOKED. 115 00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:24,669 - OOPS! OKAY, SO WE GOT TO GO. 116 00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,028 I THINK WE'RE GONNA BE LATE. - OH, OKAY. 117 00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:27,766 BYE, GUYS! - BYE. 118 00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,401 - HEY, GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SPEECH. 119 00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:32,507 - STAY TOPICAL, BRO. - HOT ROLLS, BABY! 120 00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:38,352 LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT. 121 00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:41,949 - RJ, THANK YOU. [giggles] 122 00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:43,682 - SO THAT'S CHIVALRY STUFF WORKS ON GIRLS? 123 00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:44,817 I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T WANT THAT ANYMORE. 124 00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:48,492 DON'T WOMEN JUST WANT TO FREEZE OUR SPERM AND GET A JOB? 125 00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:50,462 - NO. WE STILL WANT GUYS TO BE CHIVALROUS, 126 00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,661 THEY JUST STOPPED. 127 00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:55,502 RIGHT AROUND THE TIME THEY STARTED WEARING SKINNY JEANS. 128 00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:58,029 - I DON'T WEAR SKINNY JEANS. I WANT KIDS SOMEDAY. 129 00:04:58,065 --> 00:04:59,865 - WHY, KIDS DON'T LIKE SKINNY-- 130 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:04,770 OH. BALLS. 131 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:05,965 - MARK, LET ME STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT FOR YOU. 132 00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:08,876 THE PROBLEM IS THAT WOMEN WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A LADY, 133 00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,409 BUT THEY'RE CONFLICTED BECAUSE THEY ALSO 134 00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:11,354 DON'T WANT TO SEEM WEAK. 135 00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:12,749 AND ARE WE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THE FACT 136 00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:16,480 THAT WHIT LIKES TO BE CHOKED? 137 00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,817 - OLD NEWS. 138 00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,063 MAYBE I'M HANDLING THIS WHOLE ROXANNE SITUATION ALL WRONG. 139 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,460 I NEED TO SPEED THINGS UP. 140 00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:26,862 BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT, WE'RE ALL DYING. 141 00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:30,064 IT'S JUST A SMALL GAS LEAK. 142 00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:39,469 - I NOW WOULD LIKE TO INTRODUCE 2001 GRADUATE 143 00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:44,607 AND FOUNDER OF MENDEAVORS.COM, MR. ALEX MILLER. 144 00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,084 - WHOO! 145 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,815 - HEY, EVERYONE, I'M ALEX MILLER. 146 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,750 - OKAY. YEAH, YEAH. I'LL MEET YOU IN ABOUT AN HOUR, OKAY? 147 00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:52,785 DO YOU WANT TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT? 148 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,150 'CAUSE I'M SO-- - SHH. 149 00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,617 - HUH? 150 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,526 CHILL OUT, LADY. 151 00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:02,859 - LADY? OKAY, I WAS BORN IN THE EARLY-TO-MID 80s. 152 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:05,426 - I CAN TELL. 153 00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:08,736 OKAY. YEAH, I'LL CALL YOU AFTER THIS. BYE. 154 00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,809 - [clears throat] I WOULD LIKE TO SEND A SPECIAL THANKS 155 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,039 TO PROFESSOR MCKINLEY WHO GRACIOUSLY INVITED ME-- 156 00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,684 - OBVIOUSLY STOP TEXTING PLEASE. 157 00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:26,851 WHAT? STOP! 158 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,587 - I WAS A STUDENT HERE IN THIS VERY HALL. 159 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:30,923 - LET ME SEE THAT. 160 00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,158 - IT USED TO BE CALLED JONES AUDITORIUM BACK THEN. 161 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,192 - OH. - IT'S SO GOOD TO BE 162 00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,097 BACK HERE AT NORTHWESTERN WHERE IT ALL BEGAN. 163 00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,599 MY DRINKING, I MEAN. 164 00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:39,632 I'M KIDDING. 165 00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,997 WHEN I WAS HERE, I WAS MOSTLY HIGH. 166 00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,065 YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST CAME UP WITH THE IDEA FOR MY WEBSITE, 167 00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,814 EVERYBODY THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY. 168 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,809 BUT MY GUT WAS TELLING ME I SHOULD DO IT. 169 00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,441 SO IF YOU LEARN ONE THING FROM TONIGHT, 170 00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,647 IT'S ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. 171 00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,509 BECAUSE IF I LISTENED TO PEOPLE'S ADVICE, 172 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,877 THEN I WOULD HAVE ALWAYS WONDERED 173 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,215 WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF I HAD TRUSTED MY GUT? 174 00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,591 I STARTED MENDEAVORS BECAUSE I WANTED TO GO ONLINE 175 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,091 AND QUICKLY LEARN HOW TO DO THINGS 176 00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,762 LIKE FIX A LEAK OR CHANGE A TIRE. 177 00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,702 SO I WENT HOME THAT NIGHT AND I STARTED A WEBSITE CALLED, 178 00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:08,798 "MENTHINGS." 179 00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,799 I QUICKLY REALIZED THAT WHEN YOU GOOGLE "MENTHINGS," 180 00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:14,202 YOU SEE, WELL, MENS' THINGS. 181 00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:17,544 [laughter] 182 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,741 PROFESSOR CHANDLER WAS ONE OF MY FAVORITE TEACHERS. 183 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,913 AND I REMEMBER HE SAID TO ME ONCE, 184 00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,782 [British accent] "THE THING ABOUT COMPUTERS IS, 185 00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:26,781 "THEY'LL ALWAYS GET SMALLER AND SMALLER. 186 00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:30,524 SO WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS THINK BIGGER AND BIGGER." 187 00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:31,491 [laughter] 188 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:34,519 SO I TOOK THAT IDEA AND I APPLIED IT TO-- 189 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:35,785 PLEASE, GOD, NOT LIKE THIS. 190 00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,093 [thud] 191 00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,955 I'M--I'M FINE. I'M FINE. 192 00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:47,797 - [hysterical laughter] 193 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:52,940 [laughter continues] 194 00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,713 DID YOU SEE THAT? 195 00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,612 - I'M SORRY. COME ON, SAY SOMETHING. 196 00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,848 YOU DIDN'T TALK TO ME THE ENTIRE RIDE HOME. 197 00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:05,023 - WELL, THERE WAS A DEAD BIRD ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, 198 00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:06,192 SO I FIGURED THAT WOULD KEEP YOU ENTERTAINED 199 00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,959 FOR THE TIME BEING. 200 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,558 - I'M SORRY. 201 00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,760 LOOK, THE SPEECH WAS SO GOOD. THEY LOVED IT. 202 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:14,762 EVEN AFTER THE INCIDENT. - DON'T CALL IT THAT. 203 00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:18,865 I WASN'T MOLESTED, I JUST FELL. 204 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:21,599 - I DON'T KNOW WHY I LAUGHED, OKAY? 205 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:22,895 I THINK IT WAS NERVOUS LAUGHTER 206 00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,006 BECAUSE I WAS JUST SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU, 207 00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,678 AND I WAS JUST SO SCARED THAT YOU WERE HURT. 208 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:31,578 - REALLY? - YES. I WAS TERRIFIED. 209 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,612 - OKAY. 'CAUSE IT WAS REALLY SCARY. 210 00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:36,747 - IT WAS SO SCARY. 211 00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:39,594 - I MEAN, I TOOK A NASTY SPILL. 212 00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:42,160 - IT WAS NASTY. 213 00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,219 - YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST SO INTO IT. 214 00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:46,087 I MEAN, THE SPOTLIGHT WAS IN MY FACE, AND REALLY, 215 00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,896 I THOUGHT I HAD ANOTHER FIVE FEET TO WORK WITH. 216 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,669 - WELL, YOU DID NOT, SIR. 217 00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:53,769 ICE. YOU WANT SOME ICE? LET ME GET YOU SOME ICE. 218 00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,001 - OH, MAN, GOOD THING I KNOW HOW TO FALL. 219 00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,706 'CAUSE AS SOON AS I KNEW I WAS GOING DOWN, 220 00:08:57,738 --> 00:09:01,238 I JUST, LIKE, ROLLED INTO IT. 221 00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:04,284 - [snickering] 222 00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,851 WHY HAVE YOU NOT FIXED THAT YET? 223 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,580 - ARE YOU LAUGHING? - [laughs] NO! 224 00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:09,816 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! - NO. 225 00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,720 - [laughs] OKAY. OKAY. 226 00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,252 I AM NOT LAUGHING AT YOU FALLING, 227 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,256 'CAUSE THAT IS NOT FUNNY. 228 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,828 I THINK THE THING THAT'S GETTING ME 229 00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:20,688 IS WHAT YOU SAID WHILE YOU FELL. 230 00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,970 - I SAID SOMETHING AS I FELL? 231 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,968 - WHAT'S THAT? 232 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,000 - WELL, WHAT DID I SAY? 233 00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,367 - UH, YOU SAID-- 234 00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,844 [chuckling] 235 00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:36,614 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST GONNA WRITE IT DOWN... 236 00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:38,614 UM...[laughs] FOR YOU. 237 00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:41,106 [clears throat] 238 00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:52,126 - "PLEASE, GOD, NOT LIKE THIS"? 239 00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,228 COME ON! 240 00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:02,136 YOU KNOW, THAT IS NOT FUNNY! 241 00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:05,709 - YOU HAD TO BE THERE. - I WAS THERE! 242 00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,269 YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE. 243 00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:08,907 - I'M SORRY. YOU KNOW WHAT? 244 00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,042 YOU KNOW WHAT? 245 00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:12,647 I THINK THAT THIS IS SOME KIND OF REPRESSED EMOTION 246 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,120 COMING OUT IN A STRANGE WAY, LIKE HOW YOU GET WEIRDLY VIOLENT 247 00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:18,288 AT BABY SHOWERS. 248 00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,418 - WHY DO I HAVE TEN NEW TEXT MESSAGES? 249 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:24,693 YOU POSTED THE VIDEO ONLINE? 250 00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:27,285 - NO! NO! NO! 251 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,397 KIND OF. 252 00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,829 I UPLOADED IT TO FACEBOOK, BUT THEN I TOOK IT DOWN 253 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:32,995 AS SOON AS I KNEW YOU WERE MAD. 254 00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,103 - OH, GOOD. 255 00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,874 BECAUSE ONCE YOU REMOVE SOMETHING FROM THE INTERNET, 256 00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:39,113 IT'S TOTALLY GONE FOREVER. 257 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:42,179 - MY MOM REPOSTED IT. 258 00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,007 - LOOK WHAT SHE PUT AS A CAPTION. 259 00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:48,115 "HA-HA-HA-HA-HA. LOL." 260 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,448 - I'M GONNA TELL HER TO TAKE IT DOWN. 261 00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,122 - YOU KNOW WHAT? I JUST--I DON'T-- 262 00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,851 I WANT TO PRETEND LIKE THIS NEVER HAPPENED, OKAY? 263 00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:56,416 SO I'M JUST GONNA GO LAY DOWN. FOREVER. 264 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:59,856 - I HAVE A PILL FOR THAT. 265 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:03,033 [upbeat dance music] 266 00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:04,733 - OH, THERE'S ROXANNE. 267 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,225 I'M GONNA TRY THIS GENTLEMAN THING. 268 00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,696 - ALL RIGHT. 269 00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:10,396 - UH, GO. 270 00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,207 GO. 271 00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:14,879 GO! 272 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:15,938 - GOOD LUCK. 273 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:21,451 - [sighs] HEY! - HEY. 274 00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:22,721 - AH. 275 00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:23,820 WHOA. WHOA. WHAT'S GOING ON? 276 00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:27,121 WHOOPEE CUSHION? WATER BALLOON? 277 00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:29,864 BLOOD ON MY HEAD LIKE CARRIE? 278 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:30,990 - RELAX. ROXANNE... 279 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,994 I WAS JUST PULLING OUT THE STOOL FOR YOU, NO PRANKS. 280 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,896 JUST TRYING TO BE A GENTLEMAN. 281 00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:39,429 - OH. I DIDN'T REALIZE WE WERE IN COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG. 282 00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:43,401 THANKS. I CAN PULL OUT MY OWN CHAIR. 283 00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,006 - UH, LET ME GET THAT. 284 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,738 - MARK, NO. I SAID I WOULD DO IT. 285 00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:49,444 MARK, KNOCK IT OFF. 286 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:54,176 - I AM TRYING TO BE A GENTLEMAN, STUPID! 287 00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,118 - WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? 288 00:11:57,150 --> 00:12:01,890 - I'M TRYING TO BE CHIVALROUS, YOU PSYCHO! 289 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,892 - I DON'T WANT CHIVALRY. I WANT MY STOOL. 290 00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:14,128 - NEVER LISTENING TO YOU AGAIN. 291 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,367 - LOOK, I STILL STAND BY BEING A GENTLEMAN. 292 00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,243 MY DAD NEVER LET MY MOM WALK ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE SIDEWALK. 293 00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:23,812 I MEAN, HE CHEATED ON HER, BUT SHE NEVER GOT HIT BY A CAR. 294 00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:29,453 - MARK, CAN I GET A RED WINE? - GET IT YOURSELF, DUDE. 295 00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:38,225 - HEY! NEW DAY. ARE YOU FEELING BETTER? 296 00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,488 GOOD NEWS. I MADE UP WITH THE BARISTA. 297 00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,397 I WILL NO LONGER CHANGE MY ORDER AS HE IS MAKING IT, 298 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:46,029 AND HE WILL NO LONGER ASK IF YOU ARE MY SON. 299 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,266 - YEAH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF YOU 300 00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,370 TOTALLY CLOSED THE DEAL ON THAT 301 00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:52,311 BECAUSE ON MY CUP HE WROTE, "CONTROL YOUR BITCH." 302 00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,006 - I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. - WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. 303 00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,542 CALM DOWN, ALL RIGHT? HE'S GOT ONE HAND. 304 00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,276 JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE. 305 00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,811 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 306 00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:01,577 - I'M ANSWERING AN EMAIL FROM A PROFESSOR AT DEPAUL. 307 00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,554 HE SAW ME YESTERDAY AND HE WANTS ME TO GIVE A LECTURE 308 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,153 TO HIS NEW MEDIA CLASS. 309 00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:07,245 - HONEY, THAT'S GREAT! 310 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,257 - YEAH. YOU KNOW, I'M NOT GONNA DO IT. 311 00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,320 - WHY NOT? 312 00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,588 - I DON'T WANT TO GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN. NO WAY. 313 00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:17,196 - HONEY, IT WAS NOT A BIG DEAL. - NO. IT WAS A HUGE DEAL. 314 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,600 ALL THOSE KIDS WERE PROBABLY TWEETING ABOUT IT, 315 00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:19,731 TALKING ABOUT WHAT A LOSER I WAS. 316 00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:22,866 I MADE A COMPLETE FOOL OF MYSELF IN FRONT OF 200 KIDS. 317 00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,513 I'M NOT DOING IT. 318 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:29,105 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? [typing on keyboard] 319 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,112 - I'M JUST EMAILING HIM BACK AND TELLING HIM 320 00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,114 THAT YOU'RE DOING IT. 321 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,405 - WHIT! - I WROTE, "I'M IN." 322 00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,016 AND THAT COULD MEAN A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT THINGS. 323 00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,148 SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO FOLLOW UP QUICKLY. 324 00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:40,254 OKAY. NOW LET'S PRACTICE WALKING BACK AND FORTH. 325 00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,617 - WAIT, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU JUST DID THAT. 326 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,124 ESPECIALLY WHEN I TOLD YOU NOT TOO. 327 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,556 - BUT YOU'RE GONNA BE SO HAPPY THAT YOU DID IT. 328 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:45,631 - NO. NO. YOU KNOW WHAT? 329 00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,858 YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY 330 00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:49,104 IS YOU NOT LAUGHING IN MY FACE AFTER I FELL DOWN LIKE THAT. 331 00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,559 AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY 332 00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,027 IS YOU NOT MAKING ME DO SOMETHING 333 00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,295 AFTER I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT TO. 334 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,174 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER. 335 00:13:57,204 --> 00:14:01,544 - [stammering] I--I... 336 00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,414 - YEAH. I...I...I... 337 00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,483 EXACTLY. 338 00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,088 - I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SAID THAT. 339 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,590 HE THINKS I'M JUST LIKE MY MOTHER? 340 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:17,961 WELL, HE IS JUST LIKE MY FATHER. FALLING OFF THINGS. 341 00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:22,361 HANGING OUT WITH COLLEGE KIDS. PRETENDING HE'S BRITISH. 342 00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,501 - SINCE WHEN DID SOMEONE SAYING YOU'RE LIKE YOUR MOTHER 343 00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,902 BECOME THE BIGGEST INSULT ON THE PLANET? 344 00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,565 WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, IT WAS MY DREAM TO GROW UP 345 00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:30,602 AND BE LIKE MY MOM. 346 00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,207 WHAT HAPPENED? 347 00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,169 - DINA LOHAN. 348 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,150 - ARE WE ALL JUST DOOMED TO BECOME OUR MOTHERS? 349 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,420 - OH, I HOPE I DON'T TURN INTO MY MOTHER. 350 00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,519 I MEAN, I MAY BE FROM A FAMILY OF LEMONS, 351 00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,191 BUT I AM NO TART. 352 00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:50,419 OH, MY GOD, MY MOM WOULD TOTALLY SAY THAT. 353 00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,257 IS THIS WHY I WON'T LET A MAN HELP ME DO ANYTHING? 354 00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,203 BESIDES THE FACT THAT THEY ALWAYS DO EVERYTHING WRONG? 355 00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,329 - GUYS DON'T DO THINGS WRONG. 356 00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:58,604 WE JUST DON'T GIVE THEM ENOUGH CREDIT. 357 00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:01,131 OH, MY GOD. MY MOM WOULD TOTALLY SAY THAT. 358 00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,068 - OKAY. STOP HITTING ME. 359 00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:07,073 OH, MY GOD. MY MOM WOULD TOTALLY SAY THAT! 360 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,937 - IS THIS WHY I WON'T EVEN LET A MAN PULL OUT MY CHAIR? 361 00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:13,647 BECAUSE MY MOM TOLD ME TO NEVER DEPEND ON A MAN FOR ANYTHING? 362 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,550 YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOT TO BREAK THIS CYCLE. 363 00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,993 - YEAH, AND MY DAD USED TO DO EVERYTHING FOR MY MOM. 364 00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:21,689 THAT'S WHY I'M SO CO-DEPENDENT. WHAT DO YOU THINK? 365 00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:27,564 ARE YOU MAD AT ME? 366 00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,204 - MY MOTHER NEVER SAYS WHAT SHE MEANS 367 00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,999 AND ALWAYS BEATS AROUND THE BUSH. 368 00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,671 SO IN THE SPIRIT OF BREAKING THE CYCLE, 369 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,340 WHITNEY, YOU ARE EXACTLY LIKE YOUR MOTHER. 370 00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:41,109 AND LILY, I'M ALWAYS A LITTLE BIT MAD AT YOU. 371 00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,181 - I AM NOTHING LIKE MY MOTHER. 372 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,350 MY MOTHER DENIES EVERYTHING, SHE'LL NEVER ADMIT 373 00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,248 WHEN SHE DOES SOMETHING WRONG, AND ALL SHE DOES IS SIT AROUND 374 00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:51,120 AND GET DRUNK WITH HER PSYCHOTIC FRIENDS. 375 00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:58,689 OH, NO. 376 00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,485 ALEX IS RIGHT. 377 00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,227 EMAILING BACK THAT GUY IS EXACTLY WHAT MY MOM DID 378 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,603 WITH MY COUSIN'S WEDDING. 379 00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:08,171 I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT ALEX'S FEELINGS. 380 00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:11,071 OH, I FEEL SICK. 381 00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:14,614 OKAY, I NEED TO GO HOME AND HANDLE THIS. 382 00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,641 - I'M COMING WITH YOU. ROXANNE HATES ME. 383 00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:27,453 - HEY! - DON'T. 384 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,157 - I'M NOT. 385 00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:36,633 THIS IS FOR YOU. - WHAT IS THIS? 386 00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,103 SOME KIND OF APOLOGY PRESENT... 387 00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:41,202 THAT I PAID FOR? 388 00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,774 - NO. THIS IS YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT 389 00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:45,472 FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY, WHICH IS ON APRIL 10TH. 390 00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:46,435 UNLIKE MY MOTHER, 391 00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:50,243 I KNOW WHEN SOMEONE I LOVE'S BIRTHDAY IS. 392 00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:53,207 - OKAY. THANKS, WHIT. 393 00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,346 BUT YOU DON'T GET POINTS FOR KNOWING WHEN MY BIRTHDAY IS. 394 00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:59,492 THAT'S JUST, LIKE, BEING A PERSON. 395 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,319 - OPEN IT. - OKAY. 396 00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:08,362 - IT'S A TICKET FROM YOUR SPEECH. 397 00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,325 - WHOA. WHIT... 398 00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,303 - I FRAMED IT 'CAUSE I WANTED YOU TO ALWAYS 399 00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:15,372 REMEMBER HOW COOL IT WAS THAT YOU GOT ASKED TO DO THAT. 400 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:19,644 - WOW. THAT'S REALLY IMPRESSIVE. 401 00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,651 WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING? 402 00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,220 - UNLIKE MY MOTHER, I'M NOT GOING TO INTERRUPT PEOPLE 403 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,320 WHILE THEY'RE TALKING. 404 00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,091 I WANT YOU TO FINISH YOUR THOUGHT. 405 00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,561 - OKAY. WELL, I'M NOT SURE I EVEN REMEMBER HOW TO DO THAT. 406 00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,359 UH, OKAY. 407 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,862 [chuckles] I'M DONE. 408 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,095 SAY SOMETHING. 409 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,841 - YOU'RE MY HERO. 410 00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,270 - WHAT? 411 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,365 - YOU GOT RIGHT BACK ON THAT STAGE 412 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:58,107 AND YOU FINISHED YOUR SPEECH, AND IT WAS AMAZING. 413 00:17:58,145 --> 00:17:59,775 YOU'RE THE MOST INCREDIBLE PERSON I KNOW. 414 00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:04,482 YOU ARE THE SMARTEST, FUNNIEST, MOST HONEST, 415 00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:07,817 GENEROUS, LOVING PERSON I'VE EVER MET. 416 00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:12,164 AND I'M COMPLETELY IN AWE OF YOU. 417 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,757 - WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. 418 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,496 - EXACTLY. 419 00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,901 I THINK IT ALL THE TIME BUT I NEVER SAY IT, 420 00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,803 WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT MY MOM DOES. 421 00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:26,772 - OKAY. 422 00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:30,506 WELL, NOW I JUST THINK YOU'RE ADOPTED. 423 00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,783 - YOU THINK? 424 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:35,482 - HEY. YOU'RE MY HERO, TOO. 425 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:36,645 - OH, SHUT UP. I'M THE WORST. 426 00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:37,923 - NO, NO. REALLY. 427 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,650 LOOK, I'M GONNA DO THAT THING AT DEPAUL, 428 00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:43,658 AND I NEVER WOULD HAVE DONE IT IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU. 429 00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,160 SO THANK YOU. 430 00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:48,162 YOU'RE NOT INVITED, BUT I'M GONNA DO IT. 431 00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,225 - [screams] THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY! 432 00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:52,703 BUT WHATEVER YOU WANT, 'CAUSE THIS IS ABOUT YOU. 433 00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,332 - NO. IT'S ABOUT US. 434 00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:57,397 'CAUSE THERE'S NO "U" IN "US." 435 00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,278 - NORTHWESTERN? YOU SURE? 436 00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,911 [laughs] 437 00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:08,515 YOU KNOW, NOT ONLY ARE YOU MY HERO, 438 00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:10,278 BUT I THINK YOU ACTUALLY MIGHT BE A SUPERHERO. 439 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:12,517 WHEN YOU WALKED OFF THAT STAGE, YOU WERE AIRBORNE 440 00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:15,662 FOR AT LEAST FIVE SECONDS. 441 00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:16,918 - YOU MIGHT BE A SUPERHERO TOO. 442 00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,386 YOU'RE KIND OF LIKE WONDER WOMAN-- 443 00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:19,925 I ALWAYS WONDER WHY YOU'RE STILL IN MY LIFE. 444 00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:22,199 - [laughs] 445 00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,372 - ALL RIGHT. GOOD NIGHT, MARK. 446 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,770 - GOOD NIGHT. 447 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,940 - MARK, CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY COAT? 448 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:41,575 - YOU'RE SICK. 449 00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,556 - HANG ON. - QUIT FIGHTING IT. 450 00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,518 - I'M-- 451 00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:53,887 - QUIT THRASHING LIKE A CRAB ON DECK. 452 00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:58,973 IS THIS COAT EVEN YOUR SIZE? 453 00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:01,728 - [sighs] 454 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,240 - IDIOT. 455 00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:13,247 - WEIRDO. 456 00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:23,223 PEACE. 457 00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:29,964 - OKAY, I PROMISE, I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. 458 00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,426 SOME STUDENT AT NORTHWESTERN MUST HAVE PUT THIS TOGETHER. 459 00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:36,335 BUT ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO SEE THIS? 460 00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:37,569 - YEAH. 461 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,644 - OKAY. 462 00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,682 ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO SEE THIS? 463 00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:46,549 - YEAH. I DON'T CARE. I'M--I'M OVER IT. 464 00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,679 - OKAY. 465 00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:49,945 [hip hop music] 466 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,982 - I'M KIDDING, WHEN I WAS HERE I WAS MOSTLY HIGH. MOSTLY HIGH. 467 00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:53,418 [high-pitched voice] MOSTLY HIGH. MOSTLY HIGH. 468 00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:54,593 [British accent] SMALLER. BIGGER. 469 00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:55,791 [voice sped up] SMALLER. BIGGER. 470 00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:56,962 [voice slowed down] SMALLER. BIGGER. 471 00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,019 PLEASE, GOD, NOT LIKE THIS. 472 00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,887 NOT LIKE THIS. NOT LIKE THIS. 473 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:01,626 NOT LIKE THIS. NOT LIKE THIS. 474 00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:03,701 ALL RIGHT. TURN IT OFF. - OKAY, SORRY. SORRY. 475 00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:06,770 - YEAH. - SORRY. SORRY. 476 00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,569 - MAN, THAT REALLY HURTS. 477 00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:11,301 - OH, GOD. I SHOULD NOT HAVE SHOWN YOU THAT. 478 00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:14,708 - NO, I MEAN, IT ONLY HAS EIGHT VIEWS? 479 00:21:14,741 --> 00:21:16,081 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 480 00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:19,608 I STILL THINK WE CAN GET IT ON TOSH.0. 35500

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