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1
00:00:03,737 --> 00:00:05,537
- WHEN I WAS AT NORTHWESTERN,
IT WAS SUCH A BIG DEAL
2
00:00:05,573 --> 00:00:07,583
TO HAVE GUEST SPEAKERS
COME IN, YOU KNOW?
3
00:00:07,608 --> 00:00:09,378
I SAW IRA GLASS
AND COLIN POWELL,
4
00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:10,440
AND NOW IT'S ME.
5
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:12,578
I FEEL--I DON'T KNOW,
SUCCESSFUL.
6
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:14,483
- I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
7
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:15,715
AND IF YOU GET NERVOUS,
JUST IMAGINE EVERYBODY
8
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:17,649
IN THE AUDIENCE NAKED.
9
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:21,215
EXCEPT THE GIRLS.
IMAGINE THEM COMPLAINING.
10
00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:23,685
- WELL, I'M NOT NERVOUS.
I'M JUST EXCITED, YOU KNOW?
11
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,294
I MEAN,
IT'S A BIG RESPONSIBILITY.
12
00:00:25,326 --> 00:00:28,496
I REALLY HAVE THE CHANCE
TO IMPACT SOME KIDS' LIVES.
13
00:00:28,529 --> 00:00:30,829
- JUST REMEMBER THEY HAVE
VERY SHORT ATTENTION SPANS.
14
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:34,104
IT WAS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE
TO TALK TO ME IN COLLEGE.
15
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:38,165
THAT'S PROBABLY BECAUSE
I ALWAYS HAD A BONG IN MY MOUTH.
16
00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:42,136
WAIT, I THINK
IT WAS A BONG.
17
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,577
- OKAY. WELL WE'RE
DEFINITELY NOT GOING
18
00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:47,682
TO THAT FRATERNITY PARTY
WE WERE INVITED TO AFTERWARDS.
19
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:48,715
- YOU KNOW WHAT YOU
SHOULD DO IN YOUR SPEECH?
20
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,179
ONE OF YOUR ACCENTS.
21
00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:51,648
- I DON'T REALLY DO THOSE
IN PUBLIC, YOU KNOW?
22
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:54,755
JUST WHEN WE'RE SNOWED IN OR
I CAN'T GET YOU TO STOP CRYING.
23
00:00:54,788 --> 00:00:55,818
- WELL, LIKE,
IF YOU'RE QUOTING
24
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:56,986
ONE OF YOUR PROFESSORS
OR SOMETHING
25
00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:58,134
IF YOU DID IT IN AN ACCENT,
IT COULD BE REALLY FUNNY.
26
00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:02,629
- [Russian accent] OKAY.
I WILL THINK ABOUT THIS WHITNEY.
27
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:05,133
- THAT'S TOO COMMUNIST.
- ALL RIGHT.
28
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,436
[German accent] AH. PERHAPS
THIS IS THE RIGHT ACCENT
29
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:08,538
FOR THE OCCASION.
30
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:12,139
JA? DON'T YOU THINK SO?
31
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:14,413
- IT'S TOO SOON.
32
00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:15,842
- [Australian accent]
ALL RIGHT, THEN.
33
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:20,406
HOW ABOUT I PUT ANOTHER
ACCENT ON THE BARBIE, HUH?
34
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:23,378
AND THEN GO DOWN UNDER.
35
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:24,247
- DO THE BRITISH ONE.
36
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:25,645
THAT ALWAYS MAKES YOU
SEEM SMARTER,
37
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:28,216
AND IT MAKES ME
FEEL LIKE A SPICE GIRL.
38
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:32,126
- YEAH. NAGGIE SPICE.
39
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,330
YOU KNOW, I AM MENTIONING
PROFESSOR CHANDLER
40
00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:35,902
AND HE'S BRITISH,
SO THAT MIGHT WORK.
41
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,499
- SEE?
[cell phone beeps]
42
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:41,301
- [British accent] BBC
WORLD SERVICE, IT'S THE PHONE.
43
00:01:41,335 --> 00:01:45,165
PERHAPS SOMEONE WANTS TO TAKE
YOU ON A LIFT TO THE LOO?
44
00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:47,606
- THAT'S THE ONE!
- COOL.
45
00:01:47,641 --> 00:01:50,311
- IT'S ANOTHER TEXT FROM MY MOM.
- IS SHE COMING?
46
00:01:50,344 --> 00:01:52,554
- NO. I AM NOT
LETTING HER COME.
47
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,180
ANY TIME SOMEONE ELSE
HAS A BIG MOMENT,
48
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:55,415
SHE RUINS IT, OKAY?
49
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:58,489
AT MY GRADUATION, WHEN I WAS
WALKING UP TO GET MY DIPLOMA,
50
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:01,759
SHE MADE ME TAKE
A PICTURE OF HER.
51
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:05,389
- WHAT? YOU GRADUATED?
- HMM.
52
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:06,586
AND SHE TOTALLY
RUINED MY SWEET 16,
53
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,457
WHICH I DIDN'T EVEN WANT,
BY THE WAY.
54
00:02:08,496 --> 00:02:10,196
SHE PLANNED IT
WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME.
55
00:02:10,231 --> 00:02:11,501
IT WAS HUMILIATING.
56
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:14,302
I MEAN, I WAS ALREADY 18.
57
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:16,635
I DIDN'T EVEN
GET TO VOTE THAT DAY.
58
00:02:16,670 --> 00:02:17,840
- OH, YEAH, SHE'S ALWAYS
DOING STUFF LIKE THAT.
59
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:18,771
- I KNOW.
60
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:19,836
- SO WHAT HAPPENED
WITH THE WEDDING THING?
61
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:20,913
- SHE ASKED IF I WOULD
SHOOT MY COUSIN'S WEDDING,
62
00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,841
I SAID NO, AND THEN
SHE TOLD HER I WOULD ANYWAY.
63
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,247
I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO A FAMILY WEDDING.
64
00:02:25,279 --> 00:02:26,379
I'M NOT GONNA
KNOW ANYONE THERE,
65
00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:30,184
AND I'M GONNA
HAVE DATED EVERYBODY.
66
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:32,718
- WELL, IT'S TOO BAD
SHE WON'T GET TO SEE MY SPEECH.
67
00:02:32,753 --> 00:02:34,463
IF SHE DID, THIS WAY
SHE'D FINALLY UNDERSTAND
68
00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,718
WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING.
69
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,686
- HONEY, NO MATTER
WHAT YOU SAY
70
00:02:37,725 --> 00:02:38,855
OR HOW MANY TIMES
YOU EXPLAIN IT,
71
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:42,202
NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING.
72
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:43,860
- ALL RIGHT. WELL, WE'RE
GONNA GO TO THE BAR FIRST.
73
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:46,467
I WANT TO GET A DRINK
AND LOOSEN UP BEFORE MY SPEECH.
74
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,300
AND I DEFINITELY WANT
TO SHOW OFF THIS SUIT
75
00:02:48,336 --> 00:02:49,736
SINCE I'LL BE
RETURNING IT TOMORROW.
76
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:50,840
- [laughs]
77
00:02:50,871 --> 00:02:53,771
- OKAY. SO HOW DO I LOOK?
- GOOD.
78
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:57,407
OH. ONE LAST THING HERE.
- ALL RIGHT.
79
00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,375
- GOT TO--
- HEY! HEY!
80
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,613
- [British accent]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? NO!
81
00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:03,348
GET THOSE SCISSORS
AWAY FROM ME!
82
00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:04,694
[rock music]
83
00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,588
WHITNEY IS TAPED IN FRONT
OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.
84
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:10,260
*
85
00:03:10,291 --> 00:03:11,491
- DUDE, I AM TOTALLY IMPRESSED.
86
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,295
I MEAN, GUEST SPEAKER
AT NORTHWESTERN?
87
00:03:14,328 --> 00:03:15,828
LOOK, IF YOU GET NERVOUS,
JUST TAKE ONE OF THOSE PILLS
88
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:18,673
THAT'S ALWAYS FALLING OUT
OF WHITNEY'S PURSE.
89
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,469
- OH, NO, I'M NOT NERVOUS.
I'M PSYCHED.
90
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:23,471
- OH, I HAVE A PILL
FOR THAT TOO.
91
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:25,474
- BACK IN HIGH SCHOOL, ALEX
WAS SUCH A GOOD PUBLIC SPEAKER
92
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,536
THAT THE PRINCIPAL HAD HIM DO
THE ANNOUNCEMENTS EVERY MORNING.
93
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:28,975
DO IT.
94
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:30,479
- GOOD MORNING,
LINCOLN HIGH BEAVERS.
95
00:03:30,511 --> 00:03:31,881
FOR TODAY'S HOT LUNCH
WE'LL BE HAVING
96
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:34,682
SPAGHETTI AND HOT ROLLS,
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
97
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:35,845
- [laughs]
98
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,593
- MAN, YOU RUSTY.
99
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,519
- [laughs]
100
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,424
- HEY!
- HI.
101
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:44,386
- WHAT'S UP, LITTLE RED?
- HELLO, HELLO.
102
00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:45,885
- HEY.
103
00:03:45,926 --> 00:03:48,756
- ALEX. ARE YOU JUST GONNA
LET THE LADY STAND THERE?
104
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,326
- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
105
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:53,565
WHIT, BEAT IT.
106
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:55,401
- EXCUSE ME?
107
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,766
- ALL RIGHT.
HERE YOU GO, TINY RED.
108
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,905
- WHY AM I GETTING SMALLER?
109
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:02,740
THANK YOU, GUYS,
FOR BEING SUCH GENTLEMEN.
110
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:06,706
GOD, IT'S SO SWEET.
I LOVE IT.
111
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,817
BUT I ALSO HATE THAT I LOVE IT.
AM I FROM THE 50s?
112
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:11,950
- NOPE. YOU'RE JUST
ONE OF THE FEW WOMEN LEFT
113
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,045
WHO ACTUALLY
APPRECIATES CHIVALRY.
114
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:18,887
- I APPRECIATE CHIVALRY.
I LIKE BEING CHOKED.
115
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:24,669
- OOPS! OKAY,
SO WE GOT TO GO.
116
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:26,028
I THINK WE'RE GONNA BE LATE.
- OH, OKAY.
117
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:27,766
BYE, GUYS!
- BYE.
118
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,401
- HEY, GOOD LUCK
WITH YOUR SPEECH.
119
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:32,507
- STAY TOPICAL, BRO.
- HOT ROLLS, BABY!
120
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:38,352
LET ME HELP YOU
WITH THAT.
121
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:41,949
- RJ, THANK YOU.
[giggles]
122
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:43,682
- SO THAT'S CHIVALRY STUFF
WORKS ON GIRLS?
123
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:44,817
I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T
WANT THAT ANYMORE.
124
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:48,492
DON'T WOMEN JUST WANT TO FREEZE
OUR SPERM AND GET A JOB?
125
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:50,462
- NO. WE STILL WANT GUYS
TO BE CHIVALROUS,
126
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,661
THEY JUST STOPPED.
127
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:55,502
RIGHT AROUND THE TIME THEY
STARTED WEARING SKINNY JEANS.
128
00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:58,029
- I DON'T WEAR SKINNY JEANS.
I WANT KIDS SOMEDAY.
129
00:04:58,065 --> 00:04:59,865
- WHY, KIDS DON'T
LIKE SKINNY--
130
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:04,770
OH. BALLS.
131
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:05,965
- MARK, LET ME STRAIGHTEN
THIS OUT FOR YOU.
132
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:08,876
THE PROBLEM IS THAT WOMEN
WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A LADY,
133
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,409
BUT THEY'RE CONFLICTED
BECAUSE THEY ALSO
134
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:11,354
DON'T WANT TO SEEM WEAK.
135
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:12,749
AND ARE WE NOT
GONNA TALK ABOUT THE FACT
136
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:16,480
THAT WHIT
LIKES TO BE CHOKED?
137
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:19,817
- OLD NEWS.
138
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:23,063
MAYBE I'M HANDLING THIS WHOLE
ROXANNE SITUATION ALL WRONG.
139
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,460
I NEED TO SPEED THINGS UP.
140
00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:26,862
BECAUSE LET'S FACE IT,
WE'RE ALL DYING.
141
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:30,064
IT'S JUST A SMALL GAS LEAK.
142
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:39,469
- I NOW WOULD LIKE
TO INTRODUCE 2001 GRADUATE
143
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:44,607
AND FOUNDER OF MENDEAVORS.COM,
MR. ALEX MILLER.
144
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,084
- WHOO!
145
00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:49,815
- HEY, EVERYONE,
I'M ALEX MILLER.
146
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,750
- OKAY. YEAH, YEAH. I'LL MEET
YOU IN ABOUT AN HOUR, OKAY?
147
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:52,785
DO YOU WANT TO GET
SOMETHING TO EAT?
148
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,150
'CAUSE I'M SO--
- SHH.
149
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,617
- HUH?
150
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:58,526
CHILL OUT, LADY.
151
00:05:58,559 --> 00:06:02,859
- LADY? OKAY, I WAS BORN
IN THE EARLY-TO-MID 80s.
152
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:05,426
- I CAN TELL.
153
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:08,736
OKAY. YEAH, I'LL CALL
YOU AFTER THIS. BYE.
154
00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,809
- [clears throat] I WOULD
LIKE TO SEND A SPECIAL THANKS
155
00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,039
TO PROFESSOR MCKINLEY
WHO GRACIOUSLY INVITED ME--
156
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,684
- OBVIOUSLY STOP TEXTING PLEASE.
157
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:26,851
WHAT? STOP!
158
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,587
- I WAS A STUDENT HERE
IN THIS VERY HALL.
159
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:30,923
- LET ME SEE THAT.
160
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:32,158
- IT USED TO BE CALLED
JONES AUDITORIUM BACK THEN.
161
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,192
- OH.
- IT'S SO GOOD TO BE
162
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:36,097
BACK HERE AT NORTHWESTERN
WHERE IT ALL BEGAN.
163
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:38,599
MY DRINKING, I MEAN.
164
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:39,632
I'M KIDDING.
165
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:41,997
WHEN I WAS HERE,
I WAS MOSTLY HIGH.
166
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,065
YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST CAME UP
WITH THE IDEA FOR MY WEBSITE,
167
00:06:44,104 --> 00:06:45,814
EVERYBODY THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY.
168
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,809
BUT MY GUT WAS TELLING ME
I SHOULD DO IT.
169
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,441
SO IF YOU LEARN ONE THING
FROM TONIGHT,
170
00:06:49,477 --> 00:06:51,647
IT'S ALWAYS TRUST
YOUR INSTINCTS.
171
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:53,509
BECAUSE IF I LISTENED
TO PEOPLE'S ADVICE,
172
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,877
THEN I WOULD HAVE
ALWAYS WONDERED
173
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:58,215
WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED
IF I HAD TRUSTED MY GUT?
174
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:00,591
I STARTED MENDEAVORS BECAUSE
I WANTED TO GO ONLINE
175
00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:02,091
AND QUICKLY LEARN
HOW TO DO THINGS
176
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,762
LIKE FIX A LEAK
OR CHANGE A TIRE.
177
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,702
SO I WENT HOME THAT NIGHT
AND I STARTED A WEBSITE CALLED,
178
00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:08,798
"MENTHINGS."
179
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:11,799
I QUICKLY REALIZED THAT
WHEN YOU GOOGLE "MENTHINGS,"
180
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:14,202
YOU SEE, WELL, MENS' THINGS.
181
00:07:14,234 --> 00:07:17,544
[laughter]
182
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,741
PROFESSOR CHANDLER WAS
ONE OF MY FAVORITE TEACHERS.
183
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,913
AND I REMEMBER
HE SAID TO ME ONCE,
184
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:23,782
[British accent]
"THE THING ABOUT COMPUTERS IS,
185
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:26,781
"THEY'LL ALWAYS GET
SMALLER AND SMALLER.
186
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:30,524
SO WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO IS
THINK BIGGER AND BIGGER."
187
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:31,491
[laughter]
188
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:34,519
SO I TOOK THAT IDEA
AND I APPLIED IT TO--
189
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:35,785
PLEASE, GOD, NOT LIKE THIS.
190
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:37,093
[thud]
191
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:43,955
I'M--I'M FINE. I'M FINE.
192
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:47,797
- [hysterical laughter]
193
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:52,940
[laughter continues]
194
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:55,713
DID YOU SEE THAT?
195
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,612
- I'M SORRY.
COME ON, SAY SOMETHING.
196
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,848
YOU DIDN'T TALK TO ME
THE ENTIRE RIDE HOME.
197
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:05,023
- WELL, THERE WAS A DEAD BIRD
ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD,
198
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:06,192
SO I FIGURED THAT WOULD
KEEP YOU ENTERTAINED
199
00:08:06,219 --> 00:08:07,959
FOR THE TIME BEING.
200
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,558
- I'M SORRY.
201
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:11,760
LOOK, THE SPEECH WAS SO GOOD.
THEY LOVED IT.
202
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:14,762
EVEN AFTER THE INCIDENT.
- DON'T CALL IT THAT.
203
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:18,865
I WASN'T MOLESTED,
I JUST FELL.
204
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:21,599
- I DON'T KNOW WHY
I LAUGHED, OKAY?
205
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:22,895
I THINK IT WAS
NERVOUS LAUGHTER
206
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:25,006
BECAUSE I WAS JUST
SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU,
207
00:08:25,038 --> 00:08:27,678
AND I WAS JUST SO SCARED
THAT YOU WERE HURT.
208
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:31,578
- REALLY?
- YES. I WAS TERRIFIED.
209
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,612
- OKAY. 'CAUSE
IT WAS REALLY SCARY.
210
00:08:33,647 --> 00:08:36,747
- IT WAS SO SCARY.
211
00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:39,594
- I MEAN,
I TOOK A NASTY SPILL.
212
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:42,160
- IT WAS NASTY.
213
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,219
- YOU KNOW,
I WAS JUST SO INTO IT.
214
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:46,087
I MEAN, THE SPOTLIGHT
WAS IN MY FACE, AND REALLY,
215
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:48,896
I THOUGHT I HAD ANOTHER
FIVE FEET TO WORK WITH.
216
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,669
- WELL, YOU DID NOT, SIR.
217
00:08:51,699 --> 00:08:53,769
ICE. YOU WANT SOME ICE?
LET ME GET YOU SOME ICE.
218
00:08:53,801 --> 00:08:56,001
- OH, MAN, GOOD THING
I KNOW HOW TO FALL.
219
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,706
'CAUSE AS SOON AS I KNEW
I WAS GOING DOWN,
220
00:08:57,738 --> 00:09:01,238
I JUST, LIKE,
ROLLED INTO IT.
221
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:04,284
- [snickering]
222
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,851
WHY HAVE YOU
NOT FIXED THAT YET?
223
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,580
- ARE YOU LAUGHING?
- [laughs] NO!
224
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:09,816
- I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!
- NO.
225
00:09:09,850 --> 00:09:11,720
- [laughs]
OKAY. OKAY.
226
00:09:11,752 --> 00:09:13,252
I AM NOT LAUGHING
AT YOU FALLING,
227
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,256
'CAUSE THAT IS NOT FUNNY.
228
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:17,828
I THINK THE THING
THAT'S GETTING ME
229
00:09:17,858 --> 00:09:20,688
IS WHAT YOU SAID
WHILE YOU FELL.
230
00:09:22,930 --> 00:09:24,970
- I SAID SOMETHING AS I FELL?
231
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,968
- WHAT'S THAT?
232
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,000
- WELL, WHAT DID I SAY?
233
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,367
- UH, YOU SAID--
234
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:33,844
[chuckling]
235
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:36,614
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M JUST GONNA WRITE IT DOWN...
236
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:38,614
UM...[laughs] FOR YOU.
237
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:41,106
[clears throat]
238
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:52,126
- "PLEASE, GOD,
NOT LIKE THIS"?
239
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,228
COME ON!
240
00:09:59,266 --> 00:10:02,136
YOU KNOW,
THAT IS NOT FUNNY!
241
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:05,709
- YOU HAD TO BE THERE.
- I WAS THERE!
242
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:07,269
YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T WANT
TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE.
243
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:08,907
- I'M SORRY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
244
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:10,042
YOU KNOW WHAT?
245
00:10:10,077 --> 00:10:12,647
I THINK THAT THIS IS SOME
KIND OF REPRESSED EMOTION
246
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:15,120
COMING OUT IN A STRANGE WAY,
LIKE HOW YOU GET WEIRDLY VIOLENT
247
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:18,288
AT BABY SHOWERS.
248
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,418
- WHY DO I HAVE
TEN NEW TEXT MESSAGES?
249
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:24,693
YOU POSTED THE VIDEO ONLINE?
250
00:10:24,725 --> 00:10:27,285
- NO! NO! NO!
251
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,397
KIND OF.
252
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,829
I UPLOADED IT TO FACEBOOK,
BUT THEN I TOOK IT DOWN
253
00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:32,995
AS SOON AS I KNEW
YOU WERE MAD.
254
00:10:33,033 --> 00:10:34,103
- OH, GOOD.
255
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,874
BECAUSE ONCE YOU REMOVE
SOMETHING FROM THE INTERNET,
256
00:10:35,903 --> 00:10:39,113
IT'S TOTALLY GONE FOREVER.
257
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:42,179
- MY MOM REPOSTED IT.
258
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:45,007
- LOOK WHAT SHE
PUT AS A CAPTION.
259
00:10:45,045 --> 00:10:48,115
"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA. LOL."
260
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:49,448
- I'M GONNA TELL HER
TO TAKE IT DOWN.
261
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,122
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
I JUST--I DON'T--
262
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,851
I WANT TO PRETEND LIKE
THIS NEVER HAPPENED, OKAY?
263
00:10:52,886 --> 00:10:56,416
SO I'M JUST GONNA GO LAY DOWN.
FOREVER.
264
00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:59,856
- I HAVE A PILL FOR THAT.
265
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:03,033
[upbeat dance music]
266
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:04,733
- OH, THERE'S ROXANNE.
267
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,225
I'M GONNA TRY
THIS GENTLEMAN THING.
268
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:08,696
- ALL RIGHT.
269
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:10,396
- UH, GO.
270
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,207
GO.
271
00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:14,879
GO!
272
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:15,938
- GOOD LUCK.
273
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:21,451
- [sighs] HEY!
- HEY.
274
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:22,721
- AH.
275
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:23,820
WHOA. WHOA.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
276
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:27,121
WHOOPEE CUSHION?
WATER BALLOON?
277
00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:29,864
BLOOD ON MY HEAD
LIKE CARRIE?
278
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:30,990
- RELAX.
ROXANNE...
279
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,994
I WAS JUST PULLING OUT
THE STOOL FOR YOU, NO PRANKS.
280
00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,896
JUST TRYING
TO BE A GENTLEMAN.
281
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:39,429
- OH. I DIDN'T REALIZE WE WERE
IN COLONIAL WILLIAMSBURG.
282
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:43,401
THANKS. I CAN PULL OUT
MY OWN CHAIR.
283
00:11:43,436 --> 00:11:45,006
- UH, LET ME GET THAT.
284
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,738
- MARK, NO.
I SAID I WOULD DO IT.
285
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:49,444
MARK, KNOCK IT OFF.
286
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:54,176
- I AM TRYING TO BE
A GENTLEMAN, STUPID!
287
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,118
- WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON?
288
00:11:57,150 --> 00:12:01,890
- I'M TRYING TO BE CHIVALROUS,
YOU PSYCHO!
289
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,892
- I DON'T WANT CHIVALRY.
I WANT MY STOOL.
290
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:14,128
- NEVER LISTENING TO YOU
AGAIN.
291
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:16,367
- LOOK, I STILL STAND BY
BEING A GENTLEMAN.
292
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:19,243
MY DAD NEVER LET MY MOM WALK
ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE SIDEWALK.
293
00:12:19,272 --> 00:12:23,812
I MEAN, HE CHEATED ON HER,
BUT SHE NEVER GOT HIT BY A CAR.
294
00:12:26,013 --> 00:12:29,453
- MARK, CAN I GET A RED WINE?
- GET IT YOURSELF, DUDE.
295
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:38,225
- HEY! NEW DAY.
ARE YOU FEELING BETTER?
296
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,488
GOOD NEWS. I MADE UP
WITH THE BARISTA.
297
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:42,397
I WILL NO LONGER CHANGE MY ORDER
AS HE IS MAKING IT,
298
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:46,029
AND HE WILL NO LONGER ASK
IF YOU ARE MY SON.
299
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,266
- YEAH, WELL,
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU
300
00:12:47,300 --> 00:12:48,370
TOTALLY CLOSED THE DEAL
ON THAT
301
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:52,311
BECAUSE ON MY CUP HE WROTE,
"CONTROL YOUR BITCH."
302
00:12:53,606 --> 00:12:55,006
- I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
- WAIT. WAIT. WAIT.
303
00:12:55,042 --> 00:12:56,542
CALM DOWN, ALL RIGHT?
HE'S GOT ONE HAND.
304
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,276
JUST LEAVE HIM ALONE.
305
00:12:58,311 --> 00:12:59,811
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
306
00:12:59,847 --> 00:13:01,577
- I'M ANSWERING AN EMAIL
FROM A PROFESSOR AT DEPAUL.
307
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,554
HE SAW ME YESTERDAY AND
HE WANTS ME TO GIVE A LECTURE
308
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,153
TO HIS NEW MEDIA CLASS.
309
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:07,245
- HONEY, THAT'S GREAT!
310
00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:10,257
- YEAH. YOU KNOW,
I'M NOT GONNA DO IT.
311
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,320
- WHY NOT?
312
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,588
- I DON'T WANT TO GO
THROUGH THAT AGAIN. NO WAY.
313
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:17,196
- HONEY, IT WAS NOT A BIG DEAL.
- NO. IT WAS A HUGE DEAL.
314
00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,600
ALL THOSE KIDS WERE
PROBABLY TWEETING ABOUT IT,
315
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:19,731
TALKING ABOUT
WHAT A LOSER I WAS.
316
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:22,866
I MADE A COMPLETE FOOL OF MYSELF
IN FRONT OF 200 KIDS.
317
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,513
I'M NOT DOING IT.
318
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:29,105
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[typing on keyboard]
319
00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,112
- I'M JUST EMAILING HIM BACK
AND TELLING HIM
320
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:32,114
THAT YOU'RE DOING IT.
321
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,405
- WHIT!
- I WROTE, "I'M IN."
322
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,016
AND THAT COULD MEAN
A BUNCH OF DIFFERENT THINGS.
323
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,148
SO YOU MIGHT WANT
TO FOLLOW UP QUICKLY.
324
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:40,254
OKAY. NOW LET'S PRACTICE
WALKING BACK AND FORTH.
325
00:13:40,287 --> 00:13:41,617
- WAIT, I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU JUST DID THAT.
326
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,124
ESPECIALLY WHEN
I TOLD YOU NOT TOO.
327
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,556
- BUT YOU'RE GONNA
BE SO HAPPY THAT YOU DID IT.
328
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:45,631
- NO. NO. YOU KNOW WHAT?
329
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:46,858
YOU KNOW WHAT
WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY
330
00:13:46,894 --> 00:13:49,104
IS YOU NOT LAUGHING IN MY FACE
AFTER I FELL DOWN LIKE THAT.
331
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,559
AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE
WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY
332
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,027
IS YOU NOT MAKING ME
DO SOMETHING
333
00:13:52,065 --> 00:13:54,295
AFTER I TOLD YOU
I DIDN'T WANT TO.
334
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,174
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE JUST LIKE YOUR MOTHER.
335
00:13:57,204 --> 00:14:01,544
- [stammering] I--I...
336
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,414
- YEAH.
I...I...I...
337
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,483
EXACTLY.
338
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:13,088
- I CAN'T BELIEVE
HE SAID THAT.
339
00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,590
HE THINKS I'M JUST
LIKE MY MOTHER?
340
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:17,961
WELL, HE IS JUST LIKE MY FATHER.
FALLING OFF THINGS.
341
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:22,361
HANGING OUT WITH COLLEGE KIDS.
PRETENDING HE'S BRITISH.
342
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,501
- SINCE WHEN DID SOMEONE SAYING
YOU'RE LIKE YOUR MOTHER
343
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,902
BECOME THE BIGGEST INSULT
ON THE PLANET?
344
00:14:27,935 --> 00:14:29,565
WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,
IT WAS MY DREAM TO GROW UP
345
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:30,602
AND BE LIKE MY MOM.
346
00:14:30,637 --> 00:14:32,207
WHAT HAPPENED?
347
00:14:32,239 --> 00:14:34,169
- DINA LOHAN.
348
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:40,150
- ARE WE ALL JUST DOOMED
TO BECOME OUR MOTHERS?
349
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,420
- OH, I HOPE I DON'T
TURN INTO MY MOTHER.
350
00:14:42,449 --> 00:14:44,519
I MEAN, I MAY BE FROM
A FAMILY OF LEMONS,
351
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:46,191
BUT I AM NO TART.
352
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:50,419
OH, MY GOD, MY MOM
WOULD TOTALLY SAY THAT.
353
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,257
IS THIS WHY I WON'T LET
A MAN HELP ME DO ANYTHING?
354
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,203
BESIDES THE FACT THAT THEY
ALWAYS DO EVERYTHING WRONG?
355
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,329
- GUYS DON'T DO THINGS WRONG.
356
00:14:57,364 --> 00:14:58,604
WE JUST DON'T
GIVE THEM ENOUGH CREDIT.
357
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:01,131
OH, MY GOD.
MY MOM WOULD TOTALLY SAY THAT.
358
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,068
- OKAY. STOP HITTING ME.
359
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:07,073
OH, MY GOD.
MY MOM WOULD TOTALLY SAY THAT!
360
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,937
- IS THIS WHY I WON'T EVEN
LET A MAN PULL OUT MY CHAIR?
361
00:15:09,977 --> 00:15:13,647
BECAUSE MY MOM TOLD ME TO NEVER
DEPEND ON A MAN FOR ANYTHING?
362
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:16,550
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I GOT TO BREAK THIS CYCLE.
363
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,993
- YEAH, AND MY DAD USED
TO DO EVERYTHING FOR MY MOM.
364
00:15:19,019 --> 00:15:21,689
THAT'S WHY I'M SO CO-DEPENDENT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
365
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:27,564
ARE YOU MAD AT ME?
366
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,204
- MY MOTHER NEVER
SAYS WHAT SHE MEANS
367
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:30,999
AND ALWAYS
BEATS AROUND THE BUSH.
368
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,671
SO IN THE SPIRIT
OF BREAKING THE CYCLE,
369
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,340
WHITNEY, YOU ARE
EXACTLY LIKE YOUR MOTHER.
370
00:15:36,369 --> 00:15:41,109
AND LILY, I'M ALWAYS
A LITTLE BIT MAD AT YOU.
371
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:43,181
- I AM NOTHING LIKE MY MOTHER.
372
00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:45,350
MY MOTHER DENIES EVERYTHING,
SHE'LL NEVER ADMIT
373
00:15:45,378 --> 00:15:47,248
WHEN SHE DOES SOMETHING WRONG,
AND ALL SHE DOES IS SIT AROUND
374
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:51,120
AND GET DRUNK
WITH HER PSYCHOTIC FRIENDS.
375
00:15:56,389 --> 00:15:58,689
OH, NO.
376
00:15:58,725 --> 00:16:00,485
ALEX IS RIGHT.
377
00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:03,227
EMAILING BACK THAT GUY
IS EXACTLY WHAT MY MOM DID
378
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,603
WITH MY COUSIN'S WEDDING.
379
00:16:04,631 --> 00:16:08,171
I DIDN'T EVEN THINK
ABOUT ALEX'S FEELINGS.
380
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:11,071
OH, I FEEL SICK.
381
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:14,614
OKAY, I NEED TO GO HOME
AND HANDLE THIS.
382
00:16:14,641 --> 00:16:17,641
- I'M COMING WITH YOU.
ROXANNE HATES ME.
383
00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:27,453
- HEY!
- DON'T.
384
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,157
- I'M NOT.
385
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:36,633
THIS IS FOR YOU.
- WHAT IS THIS?
386
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,103
SOME KIND OF APOLOGY PRESENT...
387
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:41,202
THAT I PAID FOR?
388
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,774
- NO. THIS IS YOUR
BIRTHDAY PRESENT
389
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:45,472
FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY,
WHICH IS ON APRIL 10TH.
390
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:46,435
UNLIKE MY MOTHER,
391
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:50,243
I KNOW WHEN SOMEONE
I LOVE'S BIRTHDAY IS.
392
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:53,207
- OKAY. THANKS, WHIT.
393
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,346
BUT YOU DON'T GET POINTS
FOR KNOWING WHEN MY BIRTHDAY IS.
394
00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:59,492
THAT'S JUST, LIKE,
BEING A PERSON.
395
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,319
- OPEN IT.
- OKAY.
396
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:08,362
- IT'S A TICKET
FROM YOUR SPEECH.
397
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,325
- WHOA. WHIT...
398
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:12,303
- I FRAMED IT 'CAUSE
I WANTED YOU TO ALWAYS
399
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:15,372
REMEMBER HOW COOL IT WAS
THAT YOU GOT ASKED TO DO THAT.
400
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:19,644
- WOW.
THAT'S REALLY IMPRESSIVE.
401
00:17:24,711 --> 00:17:27,651
WHY AREN'T YOU TALKING?
402
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:30,220
- UNLIKE MY MOTHER, I'M NOT
GOING TO INTERRUPT PEOPLE
403
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,320
WHILE THEY'RE TALKING.
404
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:34,091
I WANT YOU TO FINISH
YOUR THOUGHT.
405
00:17:34,121 --> 00:17:36,561
- OKAY. WELL, I'M NOT SURE
I EVEN REMEMBER HOW TO DO THAT.
406
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:39,359
UH, OKAY.
407
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:42,862
[chuckles]
I'M DONE.
408
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,095
SAY SOMETHING.
409
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,841
- YOU'RE MY HERO.
410
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,270
- WHAT?
411
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,365
- YOU GOT RIGHT BACK
ON THAT STAGE
412
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:58,107
AND YOU FINISHED YOUR SPEECH,
AND IT WAS AMAZING.
413
00:17:58,145 --> 00:17:59,775
YOU'RE THE MOST
INCREDIBLE PERSON I KNOW.
414
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:04,482
YOU ARE THE SMARTEST,
FUNNIEST, MOST HONEST,
415
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:07,817
GENEROUS, LOVING PERSON
I'VE EVER MET.
416
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:12,164
AND I'M COMPLETELY
IN AWE OF YOU.
417
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,757
- WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
418
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,496
- EXACTLY.
419
00:18:18,531 --> 00:18:20,901
I THINK IT ALL THE TIME
BUT I NEVER SAY IT,
420
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:23,803
WHICH IS EXACTLY
WHAT MY MOM DOES.
421
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:26,772
- OKAY.
422
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:30,506
WELL, NOW I JUST
THINK YOU'RE ADOPTED.
423
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,783
- YOU THINK?
424
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:35,482
- HEY. YOU'RE MY HERO, TOO.
425
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:36,645
- OH, SHUT UP.
I'M THE WORST.
426
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:37,923
- NO, NO. REALLY.
427
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:41,650
LOOK, I'M GONNA
DO THAT THING AT DEPAUL,
428
00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:43,658
AND I NEVER WOULD HAVE DONE IT
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU.
429
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,160
SO THANK YOU.
430
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:48,162
YOU'RE NOT INVITED,
BUT I'M GONNA DO IT.
431
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,225
- [screams]
THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY!
432
00:18:50,263 --> 00:18:52,703
BUT WHATEVER YOU WANT,
'CAUSE THIS IS ABOUT YOU.
433
00:18:52,732 --> 00:18:54,332
- NO. IT'S ABOUT US.
434
00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:57,397
'CAUSE THERE'S
NO "U" IN "US."
435
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:04,278
- NORTHWESTERN? YOU SURE?
436
00:19:04,311 --> 00:19:05,911
[laughs]
437
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:08,515
YOU KNOW, NOT ONLY
ARE YOU MY HERO,
438
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:10,278
BUT I THINK YOU ACTUALLY
MIGHT BE A SUPERHERO.
439
00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:12,517
WHEN YOU WALKED OFF THAT STAGE,
YOU WERE AIRBORNE
440
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:15,662
FOR AT LEAST FIVE SECONDS.
441
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:16,918
- YOU MIGHT BE
A SUPERHERO TOO.
442
00:19:16,956 --> 00:19:18,386
YOU'RE KIND OF LIKE
WONDER WOMAN--
443
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:19,925
I ALWAYS WONDER WHY
YOU'RE STILL IN MY LIFE.
444
00:19:19,959 --> 00:19:22,199
- [laughs]
445
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:27,372
- ALL RIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT, MARK.
446
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,770
- GOOD NIGHT.
447
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,940
- MARK, CAN YOU
HELP ME WITH MY COAT?
448
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:41,575
- YOU'RE SICK.
449
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:48,556
- HANG ON.
- QUIT FIGHTING IT.
450
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,518
- I'M--
451
00:19:50,557 --> 00:19:53,887
- QUIT THRASHING
LIKE A CRAB ON DECK.
452
00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:58,973
IS THIS COAT
EVEN YOUR SIZE?
453
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:01,728
- [sighs]
454
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,240
- IDIOT.
455
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:13,247
- WEIRDO.
456
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:23,223
PEACE.
457
00:20:27,794 --> 00:20:29,964
- OKAY, I PROMISE,
I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS.
458
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,426
SOME STUDENT AT NORTHWESTERN
MUST HAVE PUT THIS TOGETHER.
459
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:36,335
BUT ARE YOU SURE
YOU WANT TO SEE THIS?
460
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:37,569
- YEAH.
461
00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:39,644
- OKAY.
462
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,682
ARE YOU SURE
YOU WANT TO SEE THIS?
463
00:20:42,709 --> 00:20:46,549
- YEAH. I DON'T CARE.
I'M--I'M OVER IT.
464
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,679
- OKAY.
465
00:20:48,715 --> 00:20:49,945
[hip hop music]
466
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,982
- I'M KIDDING, WHEN I WAS HERE
I WAS MOSTLY HIGH. MOSTLY HIGH.
467
00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:53,418
[high-pitched voice]
MOSTLY HIGH. MOSTLY HIGH.
468
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:54,593
[British accent]
SMALLER. BIGGER.
469
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:55,791
[voice sped up]
SMALLER. BIGGER.
470
00:20:55,822 --> 00:20:56,962
[voice slowed down]
SMALLER. BIGGER.
471
00:20:56,989 --> 00:20:58,019
PLEASE, GOD,
NOT LIKE THIS.
472
00:20:58,057 --> 00:20:59,887
NOT LIKE THIS.
NOT LIKE THIS.
473
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:01,626
NOT LIKE THIS.
NOT LIKE THIS.
474
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:03,701
ALL RIGHT. TURN IT OFF.
- OKAY, SORRY. SORRY.
475
00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:06,770
- YEAH.
- SORRY. SORRY.
476
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:08,569
- MAN, THAT REALLY HURTS.
477
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:11,301
- OH, GOD. I SHOULD NOT
HAVE SHOWN YOU THAT.
478
00:21:11,338 --> 00:21:14,708
- NO, I MEAN,
IT ONLY HAS EIGHT VIEWS?
479
00:21:14,741 --> 00:21:16,081
- YOU KNOW WHAT?
480
00:21:16,108 --> 00:21:19,608
I STILL THINK
WE CAN GET IT ON TOSH.0.
35500
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