All language subtitles for The.Neighborhood.S03E13.720p.HDTV.x264-SYNCOPY - m

Oh, hey.
What are you watching?

Oh, nothing.
Now that Malcolm's moved out,

I'm deleting all his shows
off the DVR.

60 Minutes, time's up.

Documentary
on the rain forest?

Rain, rain, go away.

Friends?

I don't recall seeing
any of our people on that.

Hey, hey!

I was recording that show.

You know I love watching
white people invent problems.

I just want the DVR
to feel as free as I do.

Like, no more arguments,
no more backtalk.

The memory of Malcolm
living here is fading faster

than his butt-print
on that couch.

Well, actually,
that is exactly

what I wanted to
talk to you about.

Now that Malcolm's gone,
we're gonna have

a lot more time
where's it's just...

you and me.

- Ooh. I get it.
- Mm-hmm.

So you're saying we could
get freaky wherever we want to.

What about...
what about this chair?

I mean,
or the kitchen?

Maybe over by the fireplace.

I mean, where do you want
to make our first butt-print?

That is not
what I meant.

What I mean is,
we're free to focus on us.

You know,
try new things,

expand our horizons.

Oh.

Yeah, that just sounds
like a fancy way of saying:

Doing stuff
that I don't like.

Aw, come on, baby.

I was looking at community
college classes we could take.

Like here. Look.

An Introduction
to Drawing.

Babe, look, I got
all the fun I need right here.

I got my chair,
I got my remote,

and an empty DVR to fill
with blooper shows.

I know that God loves
all His children,

but clearly,
He loves me more.

Okay, fine.

You could sit at
home and do nothing.

I am going out
and expanding my horizons.

I'm expanding mine, too...
Right here in this chair.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood.
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*

*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*
Season 03 Episode 13

Episode Title: "Welcome to the Art Class"
Aired on: April 12, 2021

This is gonna be so much fun!

I can't believe Calvin
would rather sit at home

than come with us.

Yeah, his idea of fun
is watching blooper shows

with his buddy Ernie.

I just don't understand
why men go so nuts

watching other men
get hit in the nuts.

Well, his loss is my gain.

What could be more fun
than spending an evening

with my best friend,

doing art and drinking wine?

Oh.

What are you talking about?
They're not serving wine.

I know.

But I am.

Just when I thought I knew you,
more ghetto shows up.

Okay. Welcome
to Introduction to Drawing.

I'm your instructor,
Deborah.

I apologize
in advance.

We were supposed
to kick off tonight

sketching a bowl of fruit,
but my boyfriend was too busy

playing video games
to swing by Trader Joe's.

So instead, we're gonna skip
right to figure drawing.

Please welcome our model,

Antonio.

Gemma, this guy's
just wearing a robe.

Not anymore.

Bishop takes knight.

Or, as I like to call it,

"bish, please."

Well, call it what
you want, but...

checkmate.

Ha-ha!

Son of a bish!

Guys, you are
never gonna believe

what I found in
the basement.

Um, what'd you find?

It's an old manuscript
for a book Walter wrote.

He must have forgotten it
when he moved out.

Seriously?

That cranky old dude
wrote a book?

What is it?

Calling People Dummies
For Dummies?

Actually, I think
it's a mystery novel.

Check out the title.

Dead Because of Murder.

Ha! Well,
if the murder weapon

was a terrible title,
I think we found it.

Yeah, you know what?

Read a little bit, Marty.

Oh, this is gonna be
hilarious.

Okay, here we go.
Chapter one.

"Standing there in the rain,
lightning streaked the sky.

"I stared at the woman
in the red dress

"and knew three things...

"She was young,
she was gorgeous,

and she was dead."

Damn, Walter,
that's pretty good.

Are you kidding me?

It's great.

That old son of a bish
can write.

Yeah, keep reading, Marty.

Oh, don't worry, man,
there's no way

I'm putting
this down now.

To us. Out loud,

- Marty, come on.
- To us, Marty.

Oh! Ooh!

Ooh, a bat
to the crotch.

That is hard to look at.

Yeah, I know.
Let's watch it again.

Yeah.

Oh! Aah!

Oh-ho-ho! Oh...

- Hey, babe.
- Hi, Ernie.

Hey, Tina.

Hi, baby.
How was your art class?

Ugh. It was crazy.
You're not gonna believe this,

but we had a nude model.

Nude? Oh.
How nude are we talking?

North of the border,
south of the border,

or the whole country?

Well, let's just say
I saw everything

from sea to shining sea.

Oh-ho,

in that case, allow me
to take a peruse of the map.

Oh. Okay.

There we go.

Wait. Hold on.

This ain't no damn model.

It's a naked dude!

What?

I know. I mean, I
was surprised, too,

but I did a really good job.
Look, Calvin.

Uh, yeah, almost too good.

Baby, you're not
even looking at it.

Well, I will when you
draw him some pants.

Wait. Wait,
wait, wait.

You didn't know
that your wife

was gonna be staring
at a naked dude all night?

Talk about a bat
to the crotch.

It's not like that, Ernie.

There's nothing sexual
about it.

It's just, to an artist,
he's a beautiful specimen

of the human form.

Mm-hmm. You can say
it's not sexual all you want,

but all my ex-wives

would have left
me for that.

And I just mean the picture.

Hey, are you cool
with this, Calvin?

Well, you know...

Of course he's cool with it.

He's not insecure
like you, Ernie.

He's not threatened by this.

Right, Calvin?

- Of course not.
- Yeah.

Huh. Why would I
be threatened by him?

I mean, any man that
works out that much

and is willing to pose nude
in front of strangers, well,

he's the one that's insecure.

See?

My baby gets it. Mwah!

What?

Notice she took the
picture with her.

Oh, man. This is intense.

I know.

I may need you
to walk me home tonight.

Will you two
be quiet?

I'm about to find out
who the killer is.

Hold up.
The box is empty.

What?

The last page is missing!

Just like
the chauffeur's left eye!

Are you kidding me?

No, man,
the very last line says...

uh, "Standing there,
bloody knife in hand,

was none other than..."

And then there's no more!

Oh, man, this sucks.

We just spent 12 hours
reading a whodunnit,

and we don't get to find out
who done it?

This is so frustrating.

O-Okay, you guys,
it's not that big a deal.

I think it's pretty obvious
to all of us that the killer

was the personal chef.

- What?!
- What?!

No, man, it was clearly
the pool boy.

That's why there were
bloody fingerprints

all over the inflatable swan.

You're both crazy.

It was obviously the bastard son
who was cut out of the will,

whose name was Will...

which was kind of
confusing for a while!

- It was definitely not Will.
- Of course it was Will!

An inflatable swan?

Okay, okay.

Clearly,
there is only one person

who knows for sure
what the answer is.

And that's Walter.

Yeah, but we have
no idea where he is.

Yeah, all we know

is he moved
to a retirement community

in Palm Springs, and there's
got to be hundreds of them.

Okay, gentlemen, well...

sounds like we have a mystery
of our own to solve.

But first lock the door...
They just found

the chauffeur's missing eye,
and I am freakin' out!

Oh, hey, babe.
Whatcha doing?

Working some more on my sketch.

Oh. So you're still doing
that thing I'm totally cool with

that doesn't bother me at all?

I was looking at it again, and
thought I could do a better job

of shading
Antonio's muscles out.

Oh.

Antonio?

I'm guessing you didn't get that
off a name tag.

You know, for some reason,
I just can't get this right.

Oh, well, it'll be easier

when I see him at class tonight.

Uh, he's gonna be there again?

Yeah. For the next couple
of sessions.

Last night was
about basic form.

Tonight
we'll get more into detail.

Well, how much more detail
do you need?

I can already tell
the guy's religion.

Wait a second, now.
What's going on?

I thought you said you
were cool with this.

Well, I was...

until he's got a name

and you're doing
all this shading of muscles

and highlighting.

You know what, I'm starting
to think Ernie might be right.

What?
Are you serious?

You're gonna
listen to Ernie?

That man's been married
five times.

He's got more rings
than LeBron James.

Exactly.

Which is why he knows the signs.

And one of them is when
your wife starts hanging out

with a dude that's hanging out.

So what are you saying?

I'm saying that you're not
going back to that art class.

Oh. Excuse me?

No, I mean it, Tina.

I don't want you spending time
with this guy.

And I don't want you telling me
what I can and can't do.

Oh, isn't that rich.

You can tell me

what I can't do,

but I can't tell you
what you can't cannot do

if you was trying to
do something and I said, "No,"

and you said, "Yes, I can,"
and I said, "No, you can't."

You know what I mean.

No. But what I know is

you cannot not stop me
from not doing what I want!

Wait, wait a minute.
Are you going or not?

'Cause I need to know
if I won this argument.

All right, I'm meeting Gemma for
dinner, then going to art class.

Have fun watching your
stupid blooper shows.

Well, actually, we're not
watching blooper shows tonight.

We realize we've
been close-minded,

so we've decided to partake
of some art ourselves.

Oh, really?
Where?

The Wiggle Palace
on 40th Street.

So much classier
than the Jiggle Barn on 12th.

Seriously, Calvin?

You're trying to tell me
that going to a strip club

is the same
as going to art class?

Isn't it?

I mean, it's like you said.

They're all
just beautiful specimens

of human form.

Besides, Ernie tells me
there's a girl there

by the name of Monet.

That's right, that's right.
She, uh, she works in oils.

Fine, do what you want.

But you're acting like a child.

No, I'm not.

And even if I was,
it wouldn't matter,

because the Wiggle Palace
has a day care!

All right, buddy,
you ready?

Let's go give some "mo-ney"
to Monet.

Forget it, Ernie.

We ain't going to no
damn Wiggle Palace.

Wh-What?

No, I was just trying
to bluff Tina to make a point.

Now I got to think
of something else.

Trust me, Calvin, just-just
let her do her thing.

She'll get over it.

Or she'll never come home.

I've had wives do both.

Okay. So, our
missing person

is Walter Brown.

Yes. Last seen driving off
in a moving van

while giving us all the finger.

We know

he moved to one
of 87 retirement communities

in Palm Springs,

but that is where
the trail goes cold.

I mean, I don't know
if this gives us anything,

but I'm pretty sure
Walter is left-handed.

Or at least left-fingered.

Wait a second.

That's it.

Oh, what? What's it?

Fingers.

"Don't Lift a Finger
Moving Company."

It was written
on the side of the truck.

We should call them.

Yeah, but they're
not gonna give out

personal information
to just anyone.

Which is why
I'm not gonna be just anyone.

I'm gonna be Walter.

Oh. So, you telling us

that you're gonna do
Black voice?

On second thought,
one of you should do it.

Yeah, hey. This is Walter Brown.

One of you jackasses
lost my damn ottoman.

Well, where the hell
did you deliver it to?

Rancho La Vista
Senior Living,

unit 31-B.

Oh, never mind. Here it is,
right under my feet. Bye.

Boys, looks like we're going
to Palm Springs.

Hell yeah, jackasses!

Sorry, I was still in character.

Seriously? He thinks
going to a strip club

is the same thing as
going to an art class?

I know. It's like
comparing apples to oranges.

Or, in the case of Antonio,
bananas.

Well, don't let Calvin's
negativity ruin your night.

For the next two hours,
don't even think about him.

Which suddenly became
much harder to do.

Calvin, what? What
are you doing here?

Isn't it obvious?

I'm the model
for tonight's class.

What did you do to Antonio?

I bought him off.

I gave him 40 bucks
and a free oil change.

Ironically, he was so oiled up,

he dropped the coupon.

You are unbelievable.

What's wrong, Tina?

It's like you said.
It's only art.

And we both know I'm packing
one hell of an exhibit.

You know what? Maybe I'll
just sketch my shoes tonight.

If you need me, I'll be the one
looking straight down.

Oh, please, Calvin.

We both know there is no way

you're actually gonna
go through with this.

Oh, really?

Okay. That's it.

I want to talk to you
in the hallway now.

Okay. Make it quick.
All right, it's cold out there,

and I got to model
in a few minutes.

Okay, this is it. 31-B.

I hope he's home.

It's 8:30.
Where else would he be?

Are you kidding me?
They have shuffleboard, aqua aerobics

and a puzzle room here.

If you over 70,
this place is lit.

Hey!

Walter!

It's us. It is nice to see you.

What the hell
are you doing here?

When I moved out,
didn't you see me

give you the finger?

Yes, Walter.
But, you know,

we came to tell you
that we found your book

- in the basement.
- Yeah.

We all read it,
and it was amazing.

Really?

Yeah. The only problem is

when we got to the end,

- the last page was missing.
- Yeah,

which is why we need you

to tell us who
the killer is.

Well, since you guys went
through all of the trouble

of tracking me down,
the least I can do

is tell you who it is.

For all the cash you got
in your wallets.

What?
What?

Yeah, you heard me.
My name ain't Google.

Information ain't free.

All right, fine.
Fine. Fine.

We will give you the money.

All right, Walter.

Tell them that the killer

was the chef.

Oh, no, no, no.
He means the pool boy.

It was the bastard son, right?

You're all wrong.

The murderer...

is the butler.

- Who?
- The butler?

Well, there's no
butler in the book.

Oh, well, sure, there is.
In the very first chapter,

he opens the door
for the detective.

But that's the only time
he appears

in the entire book.
He doesn't even speak!

Exactly. That's why
he's the very last person

you'd ever suspect.

Pretty good, right?

No, it's not pretty good!

It's a "screw you"
to the reader!

Why can't it be both?

Oh, this is ridiculous.

Yeah, any one of us
could've written

a better ending than that.

Yeah, maybe.

But would anybody
pay you 200 bucks to hear it?

I didn't think so. The end.

I can't believe we drove
all this way for that.

And we got to drive
all the way back.

But you know what we
can do on our way home?

We can write our own ending
to the book.

I was gonna say play "I spy,"

but that is a
way better idea.

What is going on with you?

And why are you
acting so crazy?

No, no, what's crazy is my wife
rushing out every night

to look at a naked guy

when she's got
a perfectly good one

sitting at home watching TV.

You are ridiculous.

What do you think I'm gonna do,

run off
with some model half my age?

What do you think I am,
a man?

Of course not. I don't think
you're gonna run off with him.

I just liked it better

when the only man
you were thinking about was me.

Are you kidding?

Baby, you are
the only man I think about.

You know the first thing
that popped in my head

the minute that guy
dropped his robe?

Yeah, I got a good guess.

It wasn't that.

It was that I wish
you were there with me.

It was?

Yeah. Then I would've seen
the look on your face

and you would've seen
the look on mine,

and we would've laughed
our asses off together.

I mean, 'cause you know
when that guy took off his robe,

I would've said something
really, really hilarious.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's right.

And then I would've
laughed too loud

and fell out on the floor. I
mean, who could blame you?

It's my biggest flaw.
I'm just too damn funny.

You see, babe?

This is what
I'm talking about.

When I said I wanted to go out
and do fun stuff together,

it wasn't about the stuff.

The fun part
was doing it with you.

Mm.

I'm sorry, babe.

I should've come with you.

The next time you want
to do something together,

I promise, I will.

Thank you.

So, what do you say?
You ready to get out of here?

Yeah, but we're leaving
the class without a model.

Don't worry, I got it.

Okay.Yeah.

Hey, Ernie.

You want to make 40 bucks
and get a free oil change?

Oh, damn.

Crazy, huh?

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.

Get out of town.

We actually had to.

Okay, so, what do you think?

- I thought it was great.
- Yes.

Up until the ending.

What?

I mean, the personal chef,
the pool boy and the bastard son

all committed the murders
together?

What idiot
would come up with that?

Are you...

Are you kidding?
It was great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, the ending
pulled the whole story together.

Yeah, it's way better
than what Walter had.

Well, the ending's
all wrong.

The killer was obviously
the shady-ass butler.

I knew that

the minute
he opened the door.

Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

Synchronized by srjanapala