Original subtitles

- LOOKING BACK ON ALL MY YEARS,

I REMEMBER A LOT OF GOOD TIMES

WITH A LOT OF GOOD FRIENDS.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE BEST SUMMER OF MY LIFE.

all: WE COME WITH HOPES, AND TO THEE BRING,

OUR SECRET WISHES, OH, SKELETON KING!

[all screaming]

- THE SKELETON KING IS REAL!

- OH-HO-HO! [squeak sound]

[everyone quieting]

- HI! - IT'S REALLY HIM!

THE SKELETON KING!

- IN...THE FLESH. HEE-HEE!

- YOU'RE THE PIRATE SAVAGE DOOMED TO

HAUNT THESE CATACOMB CAVES, YES?

- OH, BOYS, THE STORY OF HOW I CAME TO LIVE IN THIS CAVE

IS FAR MORE INTERESTING.

- OH, WHAT'S THE REAL STORY?

- YES, PLEASE! - YEAH!

- WELL, ONE DAY, I WAS WALKING BY THIS CAVE

AND I THOUGHT, "WHAT A NICE CAVE."

THEN, ALL MY MUSCLES AND SKIN FELL OFF MY BONES.

AND SO HERE I AM.

- THAT'S IT?

- BUT, YOU CAN GRANT MY WISH TO WALK AGAIN, RIGHT?

- YEAH! - YEAH YEAH YEAH!

- I WOULD LOVE TO GRANT YOUR WISH.

- OH, YEAH! - RAD!

- BUT IT WOULD BE THE FIRST TIME

I'VE EVER DONE ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

- LAME - [sigh]

- YOU DON'T GRANT WISHES?

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU DO?

- I COLLECT ANTIQUE CANDY AND GUM TINS.

BUT I HAVE SOMETHING FAR MORE INTERESTING FOR ALL OF YOU.

- YEAH.

- BLACK LICORICE?

- IT'S THE CANDY TREAT

THAT CAN'T BE BEAT.

AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY

I WANNA MOVE MY LITTLE FEET!

* I GOT A BLACK MAGIC WOMAN

* OYE COMO VA, LA LA LA LA LA *

* I LOVE THE MUSIC OF CARLOS SANTANA *

- [groans] YO, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

- * LA LA LA LA - HEY, UH, SKELETON KING,

IS IT COOL IF I GRAB SOME OF THESE, UH,

PEPPERMINT TWISTS ON THE-- - [demonic voice] NOBODY TAKES

THE PEPPERMINT TWISTS FROM MY CAVE!

- AAH! - STOP IT!

- HEY HEY HEY! - MY NECK...

- IT DOESN'T ACTUALLY HURT.

I WAS JUST AFRAID IT WAS GONNA,

SO I WAS SCREAMING, SORRY.

- OH... - LOOK. STUPID.

LET'S GO.

- OUR MOMS AND BOSSES ARE GONNA BE PISSED.

- WHAT A NICE GROUP OF GUYS.

I WISH I COULD CALL THEM MY FRIENDS,

BUT I DON'T THINK THEY LIKED ME VERY MUCH.

[whimpers]

[jazzy piano]

*

[all talking] - THERE WE ARE...

ME AND MY BEST FRIENDS IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

DAVE WAS A REAL CHARACTER.

HE'D SIT THERE AT THAT TABLE,

DEALING CARDS AND TELLING STORIES FOR HOURS.

- SANDY SANDERSON... - WHOA!

- [retching] - AND MIKE,

WELL, HE WAS ONE HELL OF A JOKESTER.

BOY, COULD HE CRACK US UP.

CHRIS, WITH HIS LUCKY BLUE CAP AND SLY GRIN.

JEFF SURE LOVED THOSE COMIC BOOKS.

MATT AND MITCH, THOSE TWO WERE ALWAYS FIGHTING OVER SOMETHING.

AND THEN THERE WAS ME.

IN THOSE DAYS, I WAS KNOWN MOST FOR MY SWEET TOOTH.

I SURE LOVED TO SNACK.

BUT NOT QUITE AS MUCH AS TIM.

LOOK AT HIM--OLD TIM SITTING THERE AT THAT CARD TABLE,

EATING A HERSHEY BAR, PLAYING CARDS WITH

DAVE, MIKE, CHRIS, JEFF, MATT, AND MITCH.

YEP! THAT'S HIM ALL RIGHT.

I WAS SO HAPPY TO HANG OUT WITH THEM.

I'M SURE YOU CAN TELL BY THAT LOOK ON MY FACE.

[laughs] OH, GOD. LOOK AT ME.

SITTING THERE JUST A FEW FEET AWAY FROM TIM.

YEP, THAT'S ME, OUTSIDE THE HOUSE,

PEEPING IN ON THE GUYS.

NOT SAYING ANYTHING.

CREEPIN' AROUND. JUST WATCHING QUIETLY.

LIKE I DID ALL SUMMER.

YEP! THE COMPLETE STRANGER THAT FOLLOWED THOSE GUYS EVERYWHERE.

[laughs] IT WAS THE BEST SUMMER OF MY LIFE.

[gentle orchestration]

- AND IT IS OUT OF HERE! [game on TV]

- [everyone cheering] - HOME RUN! BIRDS!

- HEY, GUYS, SORRY I'M LATE.

- SO MUCH FOR THE BIGGEST BIRDS FAN I KNOW.

- YEAH, SORRY. I GOT HELD UP IN THE SECRET GARDEN.

HOW ARE THE WINGS?

- SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU HAD A SECRET GARDEN?

[laughter]

- YEAH, YOU GOT ME, ALL RIGHT?

I--I TOOK OVER ITS CARE FROM SWEET OLD AGATHA.

POOR THING COULDN'T DO IT ANYMORE.

48 HOT PLEASE.

- PROBABLY PRETTY COOL, HUH?

- OH... - IT IS?

- YES!

- OH! - OH!

- OH, MAN, YOU GOTTA BRING US!

- OF COURSE, RIGHT AFTER I GET

[shouting] MY 48 HOT WINGS!

[bird chirping]

JUST REMEMBER, DON'T WAKE THE SLUMBERING SPARROW.

I PROMISED AGATHA. - MITCH, OF COURSE NOT, MAN.

- OKAY, COME WITH ME.

[haunting chamber music]

*

[gentle piano music]

ISN'T IT SPLENDID?

- [hushed] YEAH... - YEAH.

- CAN WE?

[all giggling]

- EXPLORE, FRIENDS.

THE GARDEN HAS MANY SECRETS YOU'LL FIND IN TIME.

[laughs] - WHOA!

- OH-OH-OH-OH-OH. IT'S OKAY, PASHA.

THEY'RE MY FRIENDS.

- TULIP TEA!

- THE SMALL ONES ARE SWEETEST, TIM.

- THIS ROSE, IT SMELLS LIKE... CINNAMON?

- TRY ANOTHER.

- PEACHES. - GOOD NOSE, MIKE.

FLOWERS WITH MY FAVORITE SMELLS.

- [laugh] - GIVE IT A TRY, JEFF...

IF YOU WANT TO SOAR!

- WHOA! AH!

- THIS STRAWBERRY. IT LOOKS DELICIOUS.

- AH, WAIT TILL YOU OPEN IT, DAVID.

[tinkling sound]

- AW! [laughs]

[crickets chirping in chorus]

- GUYS, LISTEN.

- DO YOU HEAR THEIR SONG?

- THE CRICKETS.

- AH! I'M SOARING!

- HAVE FUN, FRIENDS.

I'M JUST GOING TO NAP IN THE NESTLING WEEDS.

LET'S GO, PASHA.

[gentle piano continues]

*

AHH!

TIME FOR A NAP, PASHA.

[cricket chorus] [tinkling sound]

AH!

PASHA?

OH, MY GOODNESS!

YOU RUINED MY SECRET GARDEN!

[rock music playing] - NAH, WE JUST INVITED--

WE JUST INVITED A COUPLE FRIENDS.

- WELL, YOUR FRIENDS SMOKED MARIJUANA

OUT OF MY RIPEST GOURD!

- OH, REALLY?

[crack] [thud]

- WHERE'S PASHA?

I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.

- SORRY, DUDE. WE RAN OUT OF CHICKEN WINGS.

- PASHA!

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? AH!

- RELAX, IT'S JUST A RABBIT.

- NO, YOU MONSTER!

PASHA IS AGATHA!

- WHAT? - AGATHA COULDN'T TEND TO

THE GARDEN ANYMORE BECAUSE THE TRICKSTER GNOME

TURNED HER INTO A RABBIT WHEN SHE HARVESTED HIS MUSHROOMS.

AND THEN YOU ATE HER!

- NO WAY TO KNOW THAT! THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW THAT!

- [whimpering, crying]

- BABY.

[flapping]

- AND WE WOKE THE SLUMBERING SPARROW.

- AAH!

[bird cry]

- TURNS OUT THE SLUMBERING SPARROW

DIDN'T LIKE BEING AWAKENED.

HE MAULED MITCH PRETTY BAD. AND ME?

[Mitch screaming] I WATCHED EVERY SECOND OF IT.

- HELLO, EVERYONE.

TODAY, I'D LIKE TO READ YOU A POEM

THAT I WROTE.

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

ALL DAY LONG I SIT IN MY CAVE,

THINKING ABOUT WHAT CANDIES I CRAVE.

LICORICE IS MY FAVORITE TO EAT,

BUT I'D NEVER TURN DOWN A GUMMY WORM TREAT.

THEY'RE MY FAVORITE AS WELL.

IF WE'RE TALKING ABOUT TAFFY,

I'D BE HAPPY TO CHOOSE BANANA,

AND IF WE'RE TALKING CLASSIC ROCKERS,

I'D BE HAPPY TO CHOOSE SANTANA. IT'S TRUE.

YES, SANTANA AND CANDY ARE ALWAYS ON MY BRAIN.

THEY MAKE ME SO HAPPY, THIS SKELETON KING NAMED WAYNE.

[light music playing] AW.

WELL...

BYE!

- HEY, TIM, WHAT ARE YOU READING?

- OH, IT'S THIS REALLY GREAT BOOK.

IT'S SUCH A PAGE TURNER, I CAN'T PUT IT DOWN.

- YEAH, WHAT IS IT?

- IT'S THE BIOGRAPHY OF HULK HOGAN.

GOT IT AT THE AIRPORT.

- MAN, YOU'VE BEEN READING THAT THING ALL DAY, TIM.

YOU'RE LIKE TURNING INTO A REAL BOOKWORM.

- YOU KNOW? I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.

I GUESS I AM.

SEEMS THAT WHILE OTHER PEOPLE LIKE TO

GO OUT INTO THE WORLD AND MEET ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE,

I GUESS I PREFER...

[off-key singing] * TO TAKE AN ADVENTURE

* WITHIN THE PAGES

* OF A BOOK

* I DON'T NEED ANYONE ELSE TO MAKE ME HAPPY *

* OR ANYONE ELSE TO MAKE MY HEART SING *

* JUST GIVE ME A BOOK

* YEAH, GIVE ME A BIG OLD, PAPERY BOOK *

* 'CAUSE I'M A BOOK GUY

* OH, YEAH, I'M A BOOK GUY

* ALL THE ADVENTURE THAT I'LL EVER NEED *

* IS RIGHT THERE ON THOSE LIBRARY SHELVES *

* AND ALSO AT THE BOOKSTORE SHELVES *

* AT THE AIRPORT

* PAGE, PAGE, PAGES

- I ALWAYS THOUGHT, YOU KNOW,

TIM COULDN'T DANCE AT ALL.

- * DON'T FORGET ABOUT THE TABLE OF CONTENTS *

* FOLKS

- I MEAN, HE CAN. HE'S VERY GOOD.

- * COVER TO COVER

* OH, BROTHER

* SOME MAY CALL ME A DREAMER

* OTHERS MAY FIND ME A FOOL

* PAGE AFTER PAGE, CHAPTER AFTER CHAPTER *

* ABOUT THE AUTHOR, THAT'S WHAT I'M AFTER *

* MY MY MY, DON'T KNOW WHY

* I'M A BOOK DUDE AND I'M IN THE MOOD TO *

* READ, READ, READ A LOT

* I'M JUST A BOOK GUY AFTER ALL *

- [off-key] * LOOK AT THAT STRANGE GUY

* READING THAT BOOK

* HE'S A BOOK GUY, ALL RIGHT

- WE HAVE A BUTCHER? - * YEAH, HE'S ALWAYS GOT

* HIS NOSE IN THAT - YEP.

* HULK HOGAN BOOK

- [off-key] * THAT GUY SURE IS DIFFERENT

* I'M STARTING TO THINK HE'S

- HEY, HE'S SINGING WITH ALL THOSE GUYS NOW.

- [off-key] * WHEN'S THAT GUY'S FATHER

* GONNA MARRY HIM OFF?

- [off-key] * WHEN'S THAT GUY

* GONNA CONFORM LIKE THE REST OF THE TOWN *

* LIKE US GUYS UP IN THE WINDOWS? *

- * AND DOES HE EVEN HAVE A DECENT DOWRY? *

- * SORRY, FELLAS, WHAT CAN I SAY *

* I'M JUST A BIG OLD LEAF-THROUGH LARRY *

* I'M A GRADE-A BOOKMARK MONGER *

both: * YES, HE'S A BOOK GUY

* A REAL DEAL BOOK GUY - * BOOK GUY

both: * BOOK GUY

* HE'S A LONER AND AN INTROVERT *

* HE DOESN'T HAVE A FRIEND IN THE WORLD *

* EXCEPT FOR US, MIKE AND JEFF *

* HIS TWO BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD *

- [high-pitched voice] * HE'S A BOOK GUY

all: * YEP

- ALL RIGHT, NOW WHERE WAS I?

AH, YES. CHAPTER FOUR.

"AFTER HIGH SCHOOL, I DECIDED TO BECOME A...

PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER"?

PFFT!

[party music]

- PARTY! ALL RIGHT! - YEAH, MAN.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE WE DID IT.

WE TRICKED THIS ENTIRE BEACH COMMUNITY

INTO THINKING YOUR UNCLE ERNIE IS STILL ALIVE.

- NOW ALL WE GOTTA DO IS SIGN THOSE PAPERS,

AND WE CAN SAVE THIS BEAUTIFUL BEACH HOUSE

FROM THAT SLIMEBALL HIGGINS. - UGH.

[doorbell] OOH, THERE'S MARTIN NOW!

- OKAY, ALL RIGHT, ALL WE GOTTA DO IS SIGN THIS PAPER,

AND WE'LL BE ALL SET. - UH-HUH.

YOU KNOW, I THINK WE NEED TO PUT A HOT TUB OVER THERE.

I THINK THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

- [coughing] - YOU ALL RIGHT, JEFF?

ALL RIGHT, COUGH IT UP, JEFF. HERE WE GO.

JEFF! JEFF! [coughing and choking]

[gasps]

HE'S DEAD.

[knock on door] - MIKE? JEFF?

YOU GUYS HOME? - UH, UH...

YEAH, YEAH, JUST A SECOND.

OH, MAN. I HOPE THIS WORKS.

COME ON IN!

HEY! - HEY!

- MARTIN, HOW ARE YA? - HI, GUYS.

HEY, ERNIE!

LOOKING SHARP, ERNIE.

HOW DO YOU STAY SO HANDSOME?

- [nervous laugh] HE DOESN'T KNOW.

- YEAH, IT'S TOUGH FOR US OLD TIMERS

TO STAY ALIVE AND KICKING, HUH?

- ALIVE AND KICKING! GOOD ONE.

WHAT? - AND HOW ARE YOU GUYS LIVING?

- LIVING? UM, INTERESTING QUESTION, MARTIN.

WE'RE, UH...WE'RE LIVING LARGE.

- YEAH. - OH.

- WHAT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING HERE, I NEED YOUR HELP!

- OKAY, NOW, HOW MANY OF YOU WILL BE ON THIS CONTRACT?

- OH, UH, I WILL BE AND UH,

JEFF HERE, AND OF COURSE, ERNIE TOO, SO,

ALL THREE OF US.

- AND ERNIE, DO YOU APPROVE?

I NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU ARE 100% ON BOARD HERE.

IF YOU NEED MORE TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT, AS YOUR LAWYER,

I CAN GIVE YOU THAT TIME... - [gasps]

- I CAN LEAVE THE HOUSE, I CAN LEAVE THE ROOM.

- NO YOU CAN'T--YES, YES, YES.

WE ALL AGREE. ALL THREE OF US.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL THREE.

YOU KNOW, ERNIE HERE MAKES

THE BEST RUM AND DIET COKE I'VE EVER HAD.

- OH, YEAH, DOESN'T HE? - I COULD REALLY GO

FOR ONE OF THOSE RIGHT NOW. - SURE, UH, JEFF,

WHY DON'T WE HELP HIM? JUST GOTTA GET THAT RUM, AND,

UH, DIET COKE, RIGHT?

- YES. - GREAT.

WE GOTTA GET MARTIN OUTTA HERE.

HE'S GONNA CATCH ON.

- THAT DRINK ALMOST READY, GUYS?

- UH... [in high voice] JUST A MINUTE!

[lower voice] YOU GREEDY PRICK.

WOULD YOU STOP AND LET ME DO THE TALKING?

[glass breaking, thudding]

HEY, AND--THERE HE GOES.

EASY, ERNIE. THERE WE ARE. - ALL RIGHT.

- AND DOWN YOU GO, ERNIE.

AND, JEFF, WHAT A DANCE PARTNER!

[laughs] HEY

OKAY, GREAT. HEY, MARTIN, YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE'RE ALL OUT OF RUM AND DIET COKE, AND ERNIE HERE

JUST REMINDED ME, WE'VE GOT A TENNIS LESSON TOMORROW,

SO CAN WE GET THIS-- - [choking]

- YEAH, I CAN SEE!

[gasps] HE'S DEAD.

[gasps] DON'T WORRY, I'VE GOT A PLAN.

I HOPE THIS WORKS. ALL RIGHT,

HERE'S THE, UH, CONTRACT FOR YOU HERE, ERNIE

IF YOU WANNA TAKE A LOOK. [in higher voice] OH, I'D BE

HAPPY TO TAKE A LOOK. HERE WE ARE.

HEY, MARTIN, DON'T FALL DOWN.

ALL RIGHT, LET ME JUST READ THROUGH

THE WHOLE CONTRACT HERE.

THE WHOLE CONTRACT? THIS IS GONNA TAKE FOREVER.

YEAH, I KNOW, AND ERNIE'S A SLOW READER.

HEY, YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD, ERNIE.

HE'S FINE, MARTIN!

WOULD YOU PLEASE SIGN THIS THING ALREADY?

ALL RIGHT, I JUST NEED A PEN.

[in high voice] OH, I GOT A PEN, LET ME JUST SEE HERE.

OH, I HAD A PEN. I DON'T KNOW.

I GOT A PEN RIGHT HERE. UH, MARTIN,

I GOT A QUESTION ABOUT THIS WORD RIGHT HERE.

OH, THAT'S LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

YEAH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, ERNIE, JUST SIGN PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT, AND DONE!

WE DID IT! JEFF, WE DID IT!

JEFF?

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.

THEY'RE ALL DEAD. HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.

THIS WEEKEND AT ERNIE'S

IS STARTING TO REMIND ME OF THAT MOVIE--

BEACH HOUSE BLUNDER.

- COME ON, GUYS! DON'T GIVE UP.

WE MIGHT BE DOWN, BUT WE'RE NOT OUT.

- DAMN IT! - I'VE GOT A SECRET WEAPON.

- A NEW TEAMMATE? - I GOTTA TELL YOU,

HE IS A BIT OF A COACH'S PET.

- WELL, CAN HE PLAY?

- LET'S JUST SAY

THIS OLD DOG HAS SOME NEW TRICKS.

- AH...

[laughing]

- HEY, I THINK IT COULD BE A DOG.

[overlapping chatter] - DOG.

- IT'S MY PET HERMIT CRAB!

- OH. - OH.

- JUST PUT SOME SHOES ON, AND WE CAN GO!

- HEY, SPARTANS! A HERMIT CRAB

CAN'T PLAY BASKETBALL.

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS JUST GO RUN BACK TO THE LOCKER ROOM

WITH YOUR TAIL BETWEEN YOUR LEGS?

- CRAM IT, WILDCATS!

- HEY, YOU HEARD THE MAN!

CATS DROOL!

DOGS RULE!

- YEAH! - THERE YOU GO, BUDDY.

GET OUT THERE AND PLAY!

- * OH, NO, SOMEBODY BROUGHT DOGS! *

- * GET IT, GET IT

- * WHO BROUGHT THE CANINES

[dogs barking]

* WHO BROUGHT THE CANINES

- GET THE BALL TO HIM! PASS THE BALL TO HIM!

TO HIS PINCHERS!

- * WHO BROUGHT THE CANINES

- GET TO THE HOLE. GET TO THE HOLE.

- I'M OPEN! - * WHO BROUGHT THE CANINES

[crowd yelling]

- COME ON, REF...

- * WHO BROUGHT THE CANINES

- THIS CRAB SUCKS. - WELL, YEAH, YEAH, HE SUCKS.

BUT HE'S THE ONLY THING WE GOT. - YEAH, HE'S BETTER THAN YOU.

- HEY, TELL--TELL COACH TO PUT ME IN.

- * HEY, PARTY PEOPLE EVERYWHERE *

* WHO BROUGHT THE CANINES

* HA HA HA

- HIS PINCHERS ARE WIDE OPEN!

- LISTEN TO COACH!

- PASS THE BALL TO THE DAMN CRAB!

[crowd quiets down]

- OOH. [buzzer]

- OKAY, GUYS, OKAY, OKAY.

WE CAN STILL DO THIS, AND YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?

WE GOT ANOTHER DOG IN THE FIGHT.

AND THIS TIME, HIS NAME IS ROVER!

MY OTHER PET HERMIT CRAB!

[guys groaning]

[tweets] [buzzer]

[click]

- [slow motion] THERE YOU GO!

[inspirational sports music]

*

[click]

[click]

[swoosh] [buzzer]

[everyone cheering]

all: AW.

- OH. DAMN IT!

- I GUESS MY HERMIT CRAB'S BARK WAS WORSE THAN ITS BITE.

- SCREW YOU, COACH.

- THAT WAS REALLY STUPID. - BUT...

[sighs]

WELL, THAT DIDN'T GO TOO WELL.

- WHOA. - WOO-HOO.

- OOH, MAMA. WHAT A SUMMER.

- SUMMER?

SUMMER ENDED MONTHS AGO!

- IT DID?

- AND SPEAKING OF WHICH, WE REALLY SHOULDN'T BE WEARING

THESE WHITE PANTS AFTER LABOR DAY.

- [laughs] YOU'RE RIGHT!

- AH, A GOOD SUMMER THOUGH. - I HAD A GREAT SUMMER.

- SEE YA! - WE'RE ALL SET.

- GUYS?

WHAT IF...

I WORE WHITE PANTS AFTER LABOR DAY?

- [laughs] OKAY.

VERY FUNNY, TIM. [laughs]

- NO!

I'M SERIOUS.

- WHAT?

- TIM...

YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY MEAN WHAT YOU'RE SAYING HERE.

- MIKE, I CAN POSSIBLY MEAN WHAT I'M SAYING RIGHT NOW

BETTER THAN I HAVE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

WHY CAN'T WE WEAR WHITE PANTS ALL YEAR ROUND, GUYS?

WHY CAN'T WE LIVE THE LIVES WE'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF?

- YOU'RE PREACHING TO THE CHOIR HERE, MAN.

OF COURSE WE WANT A WHITE PANTS WORLD.

THAT'S ALL ANYONE IN THIS DAMN TOWN EVER DREAMS OF!

NOW YOU HAD A GREAT SUMMER IN THOSE PANTS, HUH?

- TIM, YOU WENT SKINNY DIPPING IN THE LAKE...IN THOSE PANTS!

- BUT ALL GOOD THINGS MUST COME TO AN END,

SO I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF.

- NO! NOT THIS, OKAY?

- WHOA! TIM! [slap]

WHAT ABOUT ROCKO AND HIS BOYS? THEY WON'T STAND FOR IT!

- THE PANTS STAY ON! - THE PANTS STAY OFF!

COME ON! COME ON! - IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!

- AAH!

- YOU KNOW ME, ROCKO. [laughter] YEAH!

- YOU'RE GONNA PULL MY PANTS CLEAR OFF OF ME!

- WHAT THE [bleep] IS THIS SHIT?

- OH! - ROCKO!

[maniacal laughter]

- WHO DO WE GOT HERE?

- [shrill voice] A REAL WISE GUY, EH?

- AM I SEEING THINGS OR IS THIS PIECE OF SHIT

WEARING WHITE AFTER MIDNIGHT ON LABOR DAY?

- [gasp]

- OH-HO! YOU AIN'T SEEING THINGS, BOSS.

- WHY THE [bleep] ARE YOU WEARING THOSE

[bleep] WHITE PANTS AFTER [bleep] LABOR DAY?

- WELL, I, UH-- - I, UH--SHUT UP!

[thud] - OH!

- I'LL KILL HIM! TAKE 'EM OFF!

- HEY! GET OFF OF HIM, YOU WILD ANIMALS.

HE'S GONNA TAKE 'EM OFF!

[everyone panting]

- WHITE SHORTS?

- YOU BASTARD!

[thwack] - AH!

- AND SO...THEY BEAT HIM.

BUT NO BEATING COULD EVER TAKE AWAY THE FACT

THAT HE HAD WORN WHITE PANTS AFTER LABOR DAY.

[bicycle bell rings] I DIDN'T SEE THE OLD GANG

TOO MUCH AFTER THAT DAY.

THEY ALL WENT THEIR SEPARATE WAYS.

LATER THAT YEAR, ROCKO WAS DRAFTED BY

THE UNITED STATES ARMY,

AND HE FOUGHT AND DIED IN VIETNAM.

KIP BEGAN DATING SANDY SANDERSON THAT WINTER.

THEY EVENTUALLY MARRIED AND HAD TWO DAUGHTERS.

HE DIED IN VIETNAM.

POGO ACTUALLY ENDED UP DOING PRETTY WELL FOR HIMSELF.

HE WENT TO VIETNAM, AND WAS AWARDED A PURPLE HEART...

FOR DYING.

DAVE WENT ON TO LIVE A VERY TROUBLED, CONFLICTED LIFE.

ONE MIGHT EVEN SAY THAT HE DIED A LITTLE INSIDE...

WHEN HE WAS SHOT IN THE BRAIN

[man screaming] - AND DIED IN VIETNAM.

MIKE ALSO WENT TO VIETNAM.

FORTUNATELY, HE PULLED KITCHEN DUTY

AND AVOIDED THE FRONT LINES BY WORKING THE DEEP FRYER

IN AN ARMY MESS HALL.

HE FRIED IN VIETNAM.

AND AS FOR TIM,

WELL, HIS STORY'S AS OLD AS THE HILLS.

HE DIED IN VIETNAM.

- HEY, WHITEPANTS! [gunshots]

- WELL, THAT'S THE END OF MY MEMOIR ABOUT THOSE GUYS

THAT I DIDN'T REALLY KNOW.

[mellow music]

YEP, I DIED TOO.

- WELL, GOOD-BYE EVERYONE!

- ABSO-LUTELY.

- BYE-BYE!