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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,412 [EKG beeping] [heart beating] 2 00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:06,538 [steady beep] 3 00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:09,584 [somber string music] 4 00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:11,250 * 5 00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:12,409 - [sighs] 6 00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:15,176 TIME OF DEATH, 2:47 P.M. 7 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:18,116 - [crying] 8 00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,292 - WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER? 9 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,590 WHERE'S ANGUS? 10 00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,092 [dramatic Scottish folk music] 11 00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:25,364 - MY NAME IS ANGUS MCLEOD. 12 00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:28,233 TODAY MY FATHER'S LIFE WAS CUT SHORT, 13 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,532 AND WHEN A LOVED ONE IS RIPPED FROM YOUR LIFE, 14 00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,674 JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED. 15 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:37,410 NOW IS THE TIME TO GET MY REVENGE. 16 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,268 [screams] 17 00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:41,338 YAH! 18 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,435 - ANGUS, STOP IT! 19 00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:43,476 STOP IT, ANGUS! 20 00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,581 ANGUS, STOP IT. 21 00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,183 WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 22 00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:48,515 - I'M GETTING REVENGE... 23 00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,449 FOR MY FATHER'S DEATH. 24 00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:51,754 - OH, ANGUS... 25 00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,645 YOUR FATHER DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES. 26 00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:56,387 THERE'S NO NEED FOR REVENGE OF ANY SORT. 27 00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,464 - NATURAL CAUSES? 28 00:00:58,492 --> 00:00:59,692 NATURE! 29 00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:00,687 AH! 30 00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,198 - NO, ANGUS, WAIT! 31 00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,731 - [trilling battle cry] 32 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,395 HA! 33 00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:09,474 [shouting] 34 00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:14,239 [grunting] 35 00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,548 [arrow twangs] 36 00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,649 [grunting] 37 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,464 [trilling battle cry] 38 00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,504 [groans] 39 00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:38,374 HUAGH! 40 00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:39,499 [sighs] 41 00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,503 I DON'T GET IT. 42 00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:41,504 I PUNCHED A FLOWER. 43 00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:42,865 I STRANGLED A TREE. 44 00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,843 BUT NONE OF IT MADE ME FEEL ANY BETTER. 45 00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:48,642 - ANGUS, THERE IS NO ONE TO BLAME FOR YOUR FATHER'S DEATH. 46 00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:50,706 HIS HEALTH HAD BEEN DECLINING FOR YEARS, 47 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,384 AND HE HAD A CANCEROUS TUMOR. 48 00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:53,453 THERE'S NOT MUCH... 49 00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:54,781 - CANCER? 50 00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,345 CANCER! 51 00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:58,524 [trilling battle cry] 52 00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:01,392 [dramatic Scottish folk music] 53 00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:07,502 * 54 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:08,628 [music dies] 55 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,502 I COULDN'T CURE CANCER. 56 00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:11,501 [trills sadly] 57 00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:12,632 - FORGET ABOUT CANCER! 58 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,666 YOUR FIGHT WITH NATURE-- IT WORKED! 59 00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:15,672 - WHAT? 60 00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:18,473 - THANK YOU, SONNY BOY! 61 00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:19,506 - FATHER! 62 00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,510 YOU'RE WELL! 63 00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,312 I DID IT! 64 00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:26,354 [upbeat rock music] 65 00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:33,390 * 66 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,766 - THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM IN THIS COUNTRY 67 00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,441 COMES WITH ITS SHARE OF PROBLEMS. 68 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:51,710 BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY. 69 00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,809 BY EDUCATING YOURSELF ON THE SUBJECT, 70 00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,441 YOU HOLD THE POWER. 71 00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,846 - I GOT A HEALTHCARE PROBLEM FOR YOU. 72 00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,578 MY PROCTOLOGIST-- THE GUY'S A QUACK. 73 00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,654 I MEAN, THIS GUY SHOULD TAKE UP RESIDENCY IN BELLEVUE. 74 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,293 I MEAN IT. 75 00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:05,918 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR PROCTOLOGIST? 76 00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,793 - HE'S INSANE; THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM. 77 00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:09,791 HE TELLS ME I COME IN TOO MUCH. 78 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,233 - HOW OFTEN ARE YOU GOING IN? 79 00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:13,329 - EVERY SINGLE DAY EXCEPT SUNDAYS. 80 00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:14,561 - DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY 81 00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,855 OF COLON OR RECTAL PROBLEMS IN YOUR FAMILY? 82 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,727 - NO, I DON'T. 83 00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,696 - YOU DON'T NEED TO GO TO THE PROCTOLOGIST EVERY DAY. 84 00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,444 - YEAH, THANK YOU, TIM, 85 00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,000 BUT I THINK I'LL TAKE MY PROCTOLOGY ADVICE 86 00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,637 FROM MY PROCTOLOGIST, IF YOU DON'T MIND. 87 00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,684 COINCIDENTALLY, THOUGH, MY PROCTOLOGIST TOLD ME 88 00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,279 THE SAME EXACT THING THIS MORNING. 89 00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:31,511 HE'S GOT ME BENT OVER THE TABLE. 90 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,445 I'M HAPPY AS A CLAM. 91 00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,681 AND HE TELLS ME HE'S GONNA CANCEL MY DAILY APPOINTMENTS. 92 00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:36,776 I SAY, "EXCUSE ME?" 93 00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,647 HE SAYS IT'S A WASTE OF MONEY. 94 00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,016 I SAID, "WELL, IT'S MY MONEY, 95 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,023 AND I CAN SPEND IT ANY WAY I DAMN PLEASE." 96 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,855 WELL, HE GETS UP, POINTS TO THE DOOR, 97 00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,631 SAYS, "I'D LIKE YOU TO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE." 98 00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,459 I'M GETTING MAD. 99 00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:48,925 I START TO PUFF UP A LITTLE LIKE I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM. 100 00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:51,602 TIM, I WANTED TO TAKE A SWING AT THIS WHACK JOB. 101 00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,002 I REALLY DID. 102 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,673 - THESE VISITS AREN'T COVERED BY YOUR INSURANCE? 103 00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,042 - THIS IS ALL OUT-OF-POCKET. 104 00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,569 - IF IT'S NOT COVERED BY YOUR INSURANCE, 105 00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,405 YOU SHOULDN'T BE GOING IN THAT MUCH! 106 00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,670 - I LIKE TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING'S WORKING BACK THERE, 107 00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,378 OKAY? 108 00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,510 WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR EVERYONE TO UNDERSTAND? 109 00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,775 IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT BODY PART, THE REAR. 110 00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,584 IF I WANT TO SPEND MY HARD-EARNED MONEY 111 00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,646 GOING TO THE PROCTOLOGIST EVERY SINGLE DAY, 112 00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:11,824 THAT'S MY RIGHT. 113 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:12,892 IT'S MY MONEY AND MY HEALTH, 114 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,490 AND I'LL MAKE THE CALLS. 115 00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:16,322 AND I DON'T NEED PEOPLE LIKE TIM 116 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:18,427 OR DR. LOUDON TELLING ME OTHERWISE. 117 00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,329 TIM, YOU MADE ME VERY UPSET HERE TODAY. 118 00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,801 I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS. 119 00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,699 GOD--NO, I'VE GOT TO GO. 120 00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:24,731 THIS IS TOO MUCH. 121 00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,325 - WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, 122 00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,367 ONE MAN'S OPINION ON THE HEALTHCARE DEBATE. 123 00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:33,674 - WELCOME TO MY CANDY FACTORY. 124 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:36,677 YOU'RE IN AN EDIBLE WONDERLAND THAT YOU WON'T SOON FORGET. 125 00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,080 NOW, FOLLOW ME, 126 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,581 AND I THINK YOU'LL ENJOY WHAT YOU SEE... 127 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,384 AND TASTE. 128 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,646 [plays loopy slide whistle tune] 129 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,415 [chimes tinkling] 130 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:47,424 - SHALL WE? 131 00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:49,555 - GRAMPS, LOOK. 132 00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:52,830 GUMDROP WALKED US RIGHT BY THIS DOOR. 133 00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,600 - OH. 134 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,598 - [laughs softly] 135 00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,629 - YEAH. 136 00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:03,667 IT'S JUST SOME MOPS AND A BUNCH OF OLD JUNK, HARRY. 137 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,444 - UNLESS... 138 00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,073 EVERYONE, COME QUICK! 139 00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:11,650 both: ANOTHER EDIBLE ROOM! 140 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:12,879 [all gasp] 141 00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,783 - LOOK, IT'S CANDY PAPER. 142 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,746 - SUGAR DUST POWDER! 143 00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,746 - AND DARK CHOCOLATE CHAIR. 144 00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:21,918 - A LICORICE MOP. 145 00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,685 I WANT TO TAKE IT HOME. 146 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,564 - CANDY BULBS! 147 00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:27,704 AH-HA-HA! 148 00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,658 THE CANDY BULB IS POKING MY MOUTH. 149 00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:30,727 - [laughs] 150 00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:31,834 - BUT IT TASTES GOOD. 151 00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,395 - HEY! 152 00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,944 GET OUT OF THE STORAGE CLOSET! 153 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:35,968 - MR. GUMDROP, 154 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,873 I LOVE YOUR DAZZLEBERRY NECTAR. 155 00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:41,436 - THAT'S WINDOW CLEANER, YOU TWIT! 156 00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:45,476 HEY, STOP DRINKING MY MOTOR OIL, KID! 157 00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:46,683 - BUT IT'S DELICIOUS. 158 00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:47,824 - PEOPLE! 159 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,878 IF A ROOM IS EDIBLE, 160 00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:51,046 I WILL LET YOU KNOW! 161 00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,894 THESE ARE MY JANITORIAL SUPPLIES. 162 00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,761 HEY, STOP IT! 163 00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,589 IF YOU'RE THAT HUNGRY, 164 00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,825 HAVE A CHOCOLATE BAR, OKAY? 165 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,600 I HAVE LITERALLY THOUSANDS OF THEM 166 00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:02,929 ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL. 167 00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,703 - OH, BOY, EDIBLE WRAPPING! 168 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,033 - MM! 169 00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,437 - OPEN THEM! 170 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,740 - THE WALLPAPER TASTES LIKE WALLPAPER. 171 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,012 - IT DOES? 172 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,780 - IT IS! 173 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,409 LISTEN TO ME! 174 00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:19,945 NOTHING IN THIS ROOM IS FOR CONSUMPTION. 175 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,980 MOST OF IT IS FOR CLEANING. 176 00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,845 DEEP CLEANING. 177 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:24,994 - WHAT ABOUT THIS SANDWICH? 178 00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,088 - CAN'T I EAT IT? 179 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,589 - NO. 180 00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:28,921 - BECAUSE IT'S NOT EDIBLE? 181 00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:31,656 - NO, BECAUSE IT'S MY DAMN SANDWICH! 182 00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:32,662 - OH. 183 00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:33,833 - HEY! 184 00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,631 - HERR GUMDROP... 185 00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:37,773 I ATE ONE OF YOUR LITTLE MEN. 186 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:38,798 - THAT'S IT! 187 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,532 YOU ALL LOSE! 188 00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:41,798 GOOD DAY! 189 00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:42,865 - BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TOUR? 190 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,813 - I SAID GOOD DAY. 191 00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,538 - WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL ABOUT IT. 192 00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,014 - OH. 193 00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,511 - MAYBE WE'LL JUST HAVE TO SELL MR. GUMDROP'S SECRETS 194 00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,513 TO HIS COMPETITOR, MR. BEETLEVALUE. 195 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,805 COME ON, HARRY, AND BRING THAT CANDIED CANE. 196 00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:54,817 - FINE. 197 00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,918 IT'S WOOD! 198 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,950 [somber music] 199 00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:04,017 * 200 00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:05,887 - MR. GUMDROP... 201 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,196 I COULD NEVER GIVE YOUR SECRETS AWAY. 202 00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:12,869 - HARRY... 203 00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,541 - AHH! 204 00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:16,799 SCREW YOU, GUMDROP! 205 00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:17,907 - GUMDROP, NO! 206 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:18,908 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 207 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,669 both: AH! 208 00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,538 - OW, MY ASS! 209 00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:31,750 [bell dings] 210 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,615 - HI, FOLKS, I'M LEWIS KENN OF FRESHY'S FOOD CORPORATION. 211 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,915 IT'S COME TO OUR ATTENTION THAT SOME OF OUR CUSTOMERS 212 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:40,757 HAVE HAD UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCES WITH FRESHY'S FOOD ITEMS. 213 00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,064 IT'S NOT RIGHT, 214 00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,895 ESPECIALLY WHEN IT RESULTS IN SERIOUS INJURY 215 00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:46,501 OR DEATH. 216 00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,774 WE'VE HEARD YOUR COMPLAINTS LOUD AND CLEAR. 217 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,942 YOU DON'T LIKE DYING FROM OUR PRODUCT. 218 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,041 AT FRESHY'S, WE LOVE FOOD. 219 00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,643 SO WE'RE EXCITED TO DO AWAY 220 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,775 WITH THE INGREDIENTS THAT CAUSE INJURY AND DEATH 221 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,810 AND REINSTATE A NEW ALL-NATURAL MENU. 222 00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,577 WE'RE SO CONFIDENT IN THE NEW MENU, 223 00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:03,715 THAT IT COMES WITH MY GUARANTEE. 224 00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,551 IF YOU DIE ENJOYING FRESHY'S, 225 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:08,086 WE'LL PAY FOR YOUR FUNERAL, PERIOD. 226 00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,891 WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR FROM A DINING EXPERIENCE? 227 00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,134 I'M LEWIS KENN. 228 00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,089 THANK YOU FOR YOUR CONTINUED LOYALTY. 229 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,637 - YES, OH, YES. 230 00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,883 WELCOME TO OCEANSIDE CITY PIER 231 00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:31,648 FOR THE 95TH ANNUAL HOT DOG EATING CONTEST. 232 00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,309 LET'S MEET OUR CONTESTANTS, SHALL WE? 233 00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:37,076 FIRST, ROMPIN', STOMPIN' BARRY BARREL. 234 00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,117 - BOW! 235 00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:39,791 - VORNO'S PERENNIAL FAT BOY, 236 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,720 TORNADO MULDOON. 237 00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:42,785 - WHOO! 238 00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:44,663 - HU WALIYASHI. 239 00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:45,762 [gong strike] 240 00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,733 THE BOTTOMLESS PIT. 241 00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:48,901 - HI, DAD. 242 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,129 - TOBY THUD. 243 00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,834 AND WRAPPING OUT OUR FIELD... 244 00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:56,966 PERCY APPLEWOOD DEMILLE...PIP. 245 00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:58,814 ON YOUR MARK, GET SET... 246 00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,069 GO! 247 00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,607 AS EACH CONTESTANT TAKES DOWN HOT DOGS 248 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:03,943 IN THEIR OWN UNIQUE STYLE. 249 00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:07,977 LOOK AT THESE GUYS EAT. 250 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:15,015 LOOK AT THEM GO, FOLKS. LOOK AT THEM GO. 251 00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:23,099 LOOKS LIKE TIME IS RUNNING OUT. 252 00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:26,800 AND THREE, TWO, ONE. THAT'S TIME. 253 00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:28,974 HOT DOG, WE HAVE A WINNING CONTESTANT. 254 00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,172 AND THAT WINNER IS... 255 00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:34,173 PERCY APPLEWOOD DEMILLE...PIP! 256 00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:38,077 PERCY IS THIS YEAR'S DAINTIEST HOT DOG EATING CHAMPION. 257 00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:40,811 PERCY, HOW DO YOU FEEL? 258 00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,148 - I LIKE THE KETCHUP. 259 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,022 THE MUSTARD STINGS MY TEETH. 260 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,889 - OKAY. 261 00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,228 - WELL, TIFFANY, IT'S BEEN A REWARDING WEEK 262 00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,697 PROVIDING CARE FOR MY PATIENTS. 263 00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,736 BUT I AM OUT OF HERE. 264 00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,742 AND I SURE HOPE THOSE TROUT ARE BITING, 265 00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,084 BECAUSE I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD 266 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,208 TO THIS FISHING TRIP SINCE-- 267 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,212 [door bangs open] 268 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,953 - HELLO, DOCTOR! 269 00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,309 HAHA! 270 00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,946 HOW IS MY FAVORITE PROCTOLOGIST DOING? 271 00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,893 HEY, WHAT IS WITH THAT FISHING GETUP, MAN? 272 00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,289 YOU LOOK CRAZY. 273 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,020 - YOU KNOW, I'M TAKING MY SON FLY-FISHING, MIKE. 274 00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,255 HIS CARDIOLOGIST THINKS 275 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,060 THE FRESH AIR WILL DO HIM SOME GOOD. 276 00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:26,292 - DID THE MAID QUIT? 277 00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:27,656 - I WAS REALLY JUST ABOUT TO LEAVE, SO... 278 00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:30,095 - WELL, I GOT HERE BEFORE YOU DID. 279 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,700 HOW ARE YOU, TIFF? 280 00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,032 I DO LIKE THE GREEN ONES--MM. 281 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,226 SEE YOU IN A MINUTE. 282 00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,167 DOC, YOU SHOULD SMILE MORE. 283 00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:37,173 IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH. 284 00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,914 - OKAY, THANK YOU. 285 00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,309 - LET'S DO A NICE LONG ONE TODAY, HUH? 286 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,311 - UGH. 287 00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:44,313 - [coughing] 288 00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,984 - BRANDON, IT'S DAD. 289 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,923 - DAD, I GOT MY TACKLE BOX FULL! 290 00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,879 - I'M SORRY, SON, WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO POSTPONE 291 00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:51,948 THE FISHING TRIP. 292 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,745 - IS IT MIKE AGAIN? 293 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:54,987 - YES, IT'S MIKE AGAIN. 294 00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:55,992 - BUT... [groans] 295 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:56,993 - I'M SORRY, SON. 296 00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:57,994 THIS IS MY JOB. 297 00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:58,985 - LOUDON! 298 00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,786 CHOP-CHOP. 299 00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,058 WHAT IS WITH HIM TODAY, TIFF? 300 00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:06,066 [dramatic music] 301 00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,799 * 302 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,095 HEY, DR. LOUDON! 303 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,966 WE HAVEN'T DONE OUR FULL PROCTOLOGICAL EXAM! 304 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,935 WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED IT YET! 305 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,214 LOUDON! 306 00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:18,382 DAMN! 307 00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:25,185 - HI, FOLKS, IT'S ME, LEWIS KENN, AGAIN. 308 00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,288 AND HERE AT FRESHY'S, 309 00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,289 WE RECENTLY REVAMPED OUR MENU, 310 00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,961 AND THE RESPONSE HAS BEEN OVERWHELMING. 311 00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,261 I'VE HAD TO PAY FOR THOUSANDS OF FUNERALS, 312 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,963 SO MANY THAT WE'VE BEEN FORCED TO AMEND OUR POLICY 313 00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,066 TO SOMETHING MORE FINANCIALLY FEASIBLE. 314 00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:40,428 FROM NOW ON, FRESHY'S WILL ONLY PAY FOR FUNERALS 315 00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,967 CORRESPONDING TO DEATHS CAUSED BY... 316 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,124 AND ONE TYPE OF DEATH I CANNOT MENTION ON THIS BROADCAST. 317 00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,749 THAT'S THE LIST, 318 00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,145 AND WE AT FRESHY'S THINK IT'S PRETTY FAIR. 319 00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,816 WE HOPE YOU AGREE. 320 00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,995 [laughter] 321 00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,198 - OH, GUYS, YOU GOT TO MEET MY NEW GIRLFRIEND. 322 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,300 - MM! 323 00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,301 - I GOT TO WARN YOU, THOUGH. 324 00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:13,302 SHE'S A CONJOINED TWIN. 325 00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,903 - OH. 326 00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,395 - AND THE OTHER TWIN, I USED TO DATE HER. 327 00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:18,766 - YOU USED TO DATE THE OTHER TWIN? 328 00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:21,436 JEFF, I GOT TO SAY, THIS IS VERY PECULIAR. 329 00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,044 - YEAH, WHAT AN INTERESTING QUIRK. 330 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,246 HEY, IS THAT MY PROCTOLOGIST OVER THERE? 331 00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,377 THAT JERK HAS BEEN BLOWING ME OFF. 332 00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,416 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 333 00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:31,450 - MIKE, COME ON. 334 00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,024 - AGH! 335 00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,053 - MIKE, YOUR SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS! 336 00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,157 [indistinct conversation] 337 00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:38,028 - HOW'S THE SALAD, JERK? 338 00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,228 - WHO'S THIS, GERARD? 339 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,030 - I'M GERARD'S PATIENT. 340 00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,032 DO YOU MIND? 341 00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,203 - ALL RIGHT, JUST RELAX, OKAY? 342 00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:46,501 - WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN, HUH? 343 00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:49,543 STANDARD DAILY RECTAL CHECKUPS-- RING ANY BELLS? 344 00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,469 - THOSE CHECKUPS ARE ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY, OKAY? 345 00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:55,135 PROBLEMS WITH THE RECTUM, COLON, AND ANUS 346 00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:56,375 DON'T DEVELOP AS QUICK 347 00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,049 AS YOU'RE INSISTING ON COMING IN. 348 00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:01,878 - OH, LOOK AT THE HOT-SHOT PROCTOLOGIST OVER HERE. 349 00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:04,275 WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT, POOP CHUTE UNIVERSITY? 350 00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:07,017 AND DON'T SAY "INSISTING" LIKE I'M SOME SORT OF FREAK. 351 00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:08,564 - THEY'RE A WASTE OF TIME, OKAY? 352 00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,418 NOBODY SHOULD BE COMING IN TO THEIR PROCTOLOGIST 353 00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,027 EVERY SINGLE DAY. 354 00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:14,589 - I'M SORRY, WASTE OF TIME? 355 00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,897 I'M PUTTING YOUR UGLY KIDS THROUGH COLLEGE 356 00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:17,900 WITH THESE VISITS. 357 00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,371 YOU HAVE NO RIGHT 358 00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:20,899 TO DENY ME SERVICE. 359 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,244 - EXCUSE ME, I HAVE EVERY RIGHT 360 00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,110 TO DENY SERVICE TO A PATIENT 361 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:29,078 FOR WHAT ANY LAWYER WOULD DEEM UNNECESSARY DOCTOR VISITS. 362 00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,979 - DON'T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE I'M SOME SORT OF BACKWOODS FOOL! 363 00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,182 - YOU'RE NOT THE KING OF THE PROCTOLOGISTS, ALL RIGHT? 364 00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:35,224 NEWS FLASH! 365 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,218 - YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MIKE? 366 00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,249 IT IS PEOPLE LIKE YOU-- 367 00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:38,954 - OH, HERE WE GO! 368 00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:39,946 - YEAH, HERE WE GO! 369 00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,317 IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU 370 00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,864 THAT PUT AN UNNECESSARY STRAIN ON THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM 371 00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:45,531 WITH THESE UNWARRANTED DOCTOR VISITS! 372 00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:48,998 - RIGHT, 'CAUSE YOU GOT THEM LINING UP AROUND THE DAMN BLOCK 373 00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,869 TO GET THEIR ASS CHEEKS AROUND YOUR HOT LITTLE HANDS! 374 00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:54,869 I'M YOUR BEST CUSTOMER, YOU ASS-BRAINED IDIOT. 375 00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:56,902 - HEY, I DON'T NEED YOUR BUSINESS, PAL! 376 00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,507 I DON'T NEED IT, AND I DON'T WANT IT! 377 00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:01,038 YOU'RE NOT MY PATIENT ANYMORE, OKAY? 378 00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,205 OKAY, SO THAT'S THAT. 379 00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:08,447 - HUGE MISTAKE! 380 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,451 I'M COMING BACK EVERY SINGLE DAY! 381 00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,423 - OH, NO, HANFORD. 382 00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:13,952 I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU ONCE A MONTH. 383 00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,257 NOW THAT'S OFF THE TABLE. 384 00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:16,518 YOU CAN'T EVEN COME IN ONCE A MONTH. 385 00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,226 HOW DOES THAT BURN YOUR LITTLE RED ASS? 386 00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,228 - ONCE A MONTH? 387 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,559 [both shouting] 388 00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:25,365 - NO, I'M COMING IN TWICE A WEEK, ALL RIGHT? 389 00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,298 STARTING RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! 390 00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:28,444 - WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! 391 00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,138 GET OUT OF HERE, SON OF A BITCH! 392 00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:31,500 - AH! 393 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,168 SCREW YOU! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS! 394 00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,336 - FRIENDS? 395 00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,384 I HATE YOUR [bleep]-ING GUTS! 396 00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:38,109 - NO! - OKAY? 397 00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:39,375 - YOU'RE JUST MAD. - NO, I'M NOT MAD! 398 00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:41,152 - OKAY, I'LL KILL YOU! 399 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:43,221 - TIM! - I'LL KILL YOU! 400 00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,250 - OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 401 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,124 [all shouting] 402 00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,553 - I'M GONNA GIVE THIS RIM-LORD 403 00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,517 A REAL REASON TO SEE A PROCTOLOGIST. 404 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:52,426 - OH, YOU DON'T HAVE THE BALLS, ASS-JOB! 405 00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,359 OH, I'M COMING BACK, LOUDON. 406 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,364 OH, YOU CAN BET YOUR FLABBY LITTLE ASS, I'M COMING BACK. 407 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,367 - AH, OKAY, YEAH, YEAH. 408 00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,368 - YOU SON OF A BITCH! 409 00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,399 - OKAY, OFF YOU GO. 410 00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:01,433 THERE HE GOES. 411 00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:02,438 WHAT? 412 00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:03,439 WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? 413 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,170 EVERYBODY EAT, EAT! 414 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,435 WE'RE ALL HERE TO EAT AND HAVE A GOOD TIME! 415 00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:07,443 EAT! 416 00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:09,384 STUPID SON OF A... 417 00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,279 - YOU KNOW, HE'S JUST LOOKING OUT FOR HIS HEALTH, GERARD. 418 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:14,551 - OH, YES, HONEY, I KNOW HE'S JUST LOOKING OUT FOR HIS HEALTH, 419 00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:15,551 GERARD. 420 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,222 - JUST MAKING SURE. 421 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,650 - HE'S JUST A STUBBORN SON OF A BITCH! 422 00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:35,571 - AND SO, CLARENCE OWINGS WILL BE DEARLY, DEARLY MISSED. 423 00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:38,472 HE LEAVES BEHIND HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE, BEATRICE, 424 00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:40,965 THEIR FIVE WONDERFUL CHILDREN, 425 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,478 AND TOO MANY GRANDCHILDREN TO COUNT. 426 00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,039 [slight laughter] 427 00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,377 CLARENCE WAS A BRAVE MAN. 428 00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,012 HE FOUGHT BRAVELY IN WORLD WAR II, 429 00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:49,117 WHERE HE EARNED HIMSELF A PURPLE HEART. 430 00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:53,319 AND HE MADE THIS TOWN A BETTER PLACE EVERY SINGLE DAY. 431 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:58,033 I ASK YOU TO REMEMBER CLARENCE FOR HOW HE LIVED, 432 00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:01,458 NOT FOR HOW HE DIED... 433 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,364 WHICH WAS BY FARTING SO HARD 434 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:06,226 THAT HIS SKELETON SHOT OUT OF HIS BODY, 435 00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:07,496 THROUGH HIS ANUS, 436 00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,604 AND RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW. 437 00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,696 NO, DON'T REMEMBER HIM FOR THAT, 438 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:14,468 BUT FOR ALL THE GOOD TIMES HE GAVE US 439 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:18,177 AND ALL THE GREAT MEMORIES WE STILL HAVE OF HIM. 440 00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,251 HE WILL BE TRULY MISSED. 441 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,380 THANK YOU. 442 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:24,354 [sparse applause] 443 00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,354 - CLARENCE WAS MY UNCLE, 444 00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:30,356 BUT HE WAS ALSO MY BEST FRIEND. 445 00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:33,090 HE WAS A GREAT MAN. 446 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,556 I TOLD HIM... 447 00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:36,134 I TOLD HIM NOT TO EAT 448 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,503 THAT FRESHY'S SOUTHWEST JALAPEÑO BURGER. 449 00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:41,271 IT WAS TOO SPICY, I SAID. 450 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:45,271 BUT...AS GREAT OF A MAN AS CLARENCE WAS, 451 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,405 HE WAS JUST AS STUBBORN. 452 00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:52,111 SO HE ATE THAT JALAPEÑO BURGER... 453 00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:56,545 AND THEN HE FARTED HIS SKELETON RIGHT OUT OF HIS BODY, 454 00:16:56,583 --> 00:17:00,323 DIRECTLY THROUGH HIS ANAL CAVITY AND OUT THE WINDOW. 455 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,323 LANDED IN THE NURSERY SCHOOL ACROSS THE STREET. 456 00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,356 YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON THE CHILDREN'S FACES. 457 00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:09,262 THEY THOUGHT A MONSTER HAD JUMPED INTO THE CLASSROOM, 458 00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,526 BECAUSE HIS BONES, YOU KNOW, THEY... 459 00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,534 THEY WERE STILL MOVING... 460 00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,667 AS BONES ARE KNOWN TO DO. 461 00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,273 BUT, OH... 462 00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:19,565 HOW CLARENCE WAS SO GOOD WITH CHILDREN, 463 00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,236 AND HE LOVED CHILDREN. 464 00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,435 SO I ASK YOU, PLEASE, 465 00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:27,477 REMEMBER CLARENCE FOR HOW HE WAS GREAT WITH CHILDREN, 466 00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:29,354 NOT FOR HOW HE DIED. 467 00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,387 WHICH WAS BY FARTING HIS SKELETON OUT OF HIS BODY 468 00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,133 LIKE A BULLET. 469 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,659 - SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. 470 00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:45,704 - MY POPS RAISED ME AS WELL AS ANY MAN CAN. 471 00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,572 HE WAS SO STRONG. 472 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:52,271 WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER, HECK, HE COULD KNOCK OUT AN OX. 473 00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:53,405 [slight laughter] 474 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,310 THAT'S WHAT MADE IT SO HARD 475 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:58,682 TO SEE HIS SKELETON-LESS BODY LAYING THERE ON THE GROUND. 476 00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,681 MY MOM SAID THAT WHEN IT HAPPENED, 477 00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:03,423 HIS SKIN SHOT AROUND THE ROOM... 478 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,150 LIKE WHEN YOU LET GO OF A BALLOON 479 00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,515 THAT HAS HELIUM IN IT. 480 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:09,293 I TOLD MY MOM THAT THAT SOUNDS A LOT LIKE WHAT HAPPENED 481 00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:12,492 TO VINCENT D'ONOFRIO IN MEN IN BLACK. 482 00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,685 BUT THE REFERENCE WAS LOST ON HER. 483 00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,596 I HOPE THAT REFERENCE IS NOT LOST 484 00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:21,671 ON ALL OF YOU HERE TODAY. 485 00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:23,671 WHEN THE CLEANING CREW ARRIVED, 486 00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:25,873 THERE WAS SLIME EVERYWHERE. 487 00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,605 THEY JUST SLIPPED ALL OVER THE PLACE. 488 00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,711 ALL EIGHT OF THEM FELL... 489 00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:35,683 RIGHT INTO THE 69-ING POSITION. 490 00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:38,445 I'VE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. 491 00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:43,485 AND SO, IF YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING I'VE TOLD YOU HERE TODAY, 492 00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,593 PLEASE... 493 00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,355 REMEMBER MY M.I.B. REFERENCE. 494 00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:49,395 THANK YOU. 495 00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:51,599 [sparse applause] 496 00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,671 - YOU MAY NOW PAY RESPECTS TO THE DEPARTED. 497 00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:57,643 - THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SERVICE. 498 00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,370 - OH, YEAH, THANK YOU. 499 00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:00,706 HEY, UM, THAT BURGER 500 00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,540 THAT MADE MY DAD FART OUT HIS SKELETON, 501 00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,635 IS THAT THE SAME FRESHY BURGER THAT YOU GUYS ARE HAVING 502 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:06,577 A TWO-FOR-ONE SPECIAL ON RIGHT NOW? 503 00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:08,283 - YEAH, WHY? 504 00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,375 - 'CAUSE I ATE SIX OF THEM THIS MORNING! 505 00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,377 AH! 506 00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:12,418 AHH! 507 00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:13,652 [glass shatters] 508 00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,716 [dramatic string music] 509 00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:20,326 * 510 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,330 [skin whistling] 511 00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,531 [crowd screaming] 512 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:23,802 - OH, MY GOD! 513 00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,370 [all shouting] 514 00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:26,428 [farting noise] 515 00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,296 - OH, MY GOD. 516 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:29,935 [woman screams] 517 00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,541 - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE CALM DOWN. 518 00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:37,484 THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, OKAY? 519 00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,380 JUST LOOK RIGHT HERE. 520 00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:40,382 [device whirring] 521 00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:43,323 WELCOME TO EARTH. 522 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,590 - * HE IS THE MAGIC PRIEST 523 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,560 [somber string music] 524 00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:56,633 * 525 00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,533 - I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING. 526 00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:00,425 [inspirational music] 527 00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:01,697 MIKE. 528 00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:06,314 * 529 00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,439 - SO YOU ARE TAKING NEW PATIENTS? 530 00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:14,548 DOES DR. LESTER SEE PEOPLE ON A DAILY BASIS? 531 00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:15,781 HE DOESN'T? 532 00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:18,285 WELL, CAN HE MAKE AN EXCEPT-- 533 00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:23,460 [uplifting, dramatic music] 534 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:30,500 * 535 00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,471 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 536 00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:43,577 - MIKE, I WAS READING ABOUT A PATIENT OF MINE THIS MORNING, 537 00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:47,750 AND I REALIZED I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE WITH YOU. 538 00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,750 I WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY. 539 00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,321 - THAT'S ALL I EVER WANTED TOO, DR. LOUDON. 540 00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:56,862 SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW? 541 00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:58,889 DO I MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR TOMORROW, OR WHAT? 542 00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,355 - NO. 543 00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:01,993 NO, MIKE, WHEN YOU REALIZE 544 00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:05,498 YOU WANT A PATIENT TO BE YOURS FOREVER, 545 00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:08,402 YOU DON'T START TOMORROW. 546 00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:09,495 YOU START RIGHT NOW. 547 00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:10,566 [latex snaps] 548 00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:14,609 IS IT OKAY IF WE DO THE EXAM OUT HERE? 549 00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:15,811 - WHO CARES? 550 00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:17,582 - RIGHT. 551 00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:18,610 ALL RIGHT. 552 00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:21,445 AND HERE WE GO. 553 00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:22,681 STILL FRIENDS, RIGHT? 554 00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,546 - FOR LIFE, MY MAN. 555 00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:29,517 - OKAY. 556 00:21:29,556 --> 00:21:31,716 LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE. 557 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,502 OKAY, NOW THAT'S ODD. 558 00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:38,328 [ominous music] 559 00:21:38,365 --> 00:21:39,765 - WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR HEALTH, 560 00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:42,799 YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE MATTERS INTO YOUR OWN HANDS 561 00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:46,005 AND VISIT YOUR PROCTOLOGIST EVERY SINGLE DAY. 562 00:21:46,038 --> 00:21:48,008 - BUT WE'VE GOT TO GET THE WORD OUT THERE. 563 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,440 VISIT OUR WEBSITE AND SIGN THE PROCTOLOGY PLEDGE 564 00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:52,808 TO HELP SPREAD AWARENESS. 565 00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:55,945 - REMEMBER, DAILY CHECKUPS WITH YOUR PROCTOLOGIST 566 00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:57,622 CAN LEAD TO... 567 00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:00,390 all: 365 FINGERS POINTING 568 00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:02,690 TOWARDS A HEALTHIER COLON, ANUS, 569 00:22:02,722 --> 00:22:05,732 RECTUM, AND INNER RECTUM. 570 00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:07,458 - WELL DONE, BOYS. 571 00:22:07,494 --> 00:22:08,834 - OH, MY GOD! 572 00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:10,761 IT'S THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES! 573 00:22:10,797 --> 00:22:12,797 all: PRESIDENT GARVIN! 574 00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:13,932 - THAT'S RIGHT. 575 00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:14,926 WELL, I GOT TO GO, 576 00:22:14,967 --> 00:22:16,837 BUT KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. 577 00:22:16,869 --> 00:22:18,439 all: WE WILL. 578 00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:21,541 BYE! 579 00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:22,584 - WOW. 580 00:22:22,609 --> 00:22:23,739 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 581 00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:26,146 PRESIDENT GARVIN? 582 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:29,448 all: 365 FINGERS POINTING TOWARDS 583 00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:32,922 A HEALTHIER COLON, ANUS, RECTUM, AND INNER RECTUM. 584 00:22:32,952 --> 00:22:34,592 - ABSO...LUTELY. 38973

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