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1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,412
[EKG beeping]
[heart beating]
2
00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:06,538
[steady beep]
3
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:09,584
[somber string music]
4
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:11,250
*
5
00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:12,409
- [sighs]
6
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:15,176
TIME OF DEATH, 2:47 P.M.
7
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:18,116
- [crying]
8
00:00:18,152 --> 00:00:19,292
- WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER?
9
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,590
WHERE'S ANGUS?
10
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:23,092
[dramatic Scottish folk music]
11
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:25,364
- MY NAME IS ANGUS MCLEOD.
12
00:00:25,393 --> 00:00:28,233
TODAY MY FATHER'S LIFE
WAS CUT SHORT,
13
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,532
AND WHEN A LOVED ONE
IS RIPPED FROM YOUR LIFE,
14
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,674
JUSTICE MUST BE SERVED.
15
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:37,410
NOW IS THE TIME
TO GET MY REVENGE.
16
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,268
[screams]
17
00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:41,338
YAH!
18
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:42,435
- ANGUS, STOP IT!
19
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:43,476
STOP IT, ANGUS!
20
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,581
ANGUS, STOP IT.
21
00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,183
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
22
00:00:47,215 --> 00:00:48,515
- I'M GETTING REVENGE...
23
00:00:48,549 --> 00:00:50,449
FOR MY FATHER'S DEATH.
24
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:51,754
- OH, ANGUS...
25
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:53,645
YOUR FATHER DIED
OF NATURAL CAUSES.
26
00:00:53,687 --> 00:00:56,387
THERE'S NO NEED FOR REVENGE
OF ANY SORT.
27
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,464
- NATURAL CAUSES?
28
00:00:58,492 --> 00:00:59,692
NATURE!
29
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:00,687
AH!
30
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,198
- NO, ANGUS, WAIT!
31
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,731
- [trilling battle cry]
32
00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:06,395
HA!
33
00:01:06,434 --> 00:01:09,474
[shouting]
34
00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:14,239
[grunting]
35
00:01:17,478 --> 00:01:18,548
[arrow twangs]
36
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:21,649
[grunting]
37
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,464
[trilling battle cry]
38
00:01:33,694 --> 00:01:35,504
[groans]
39
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:38,374
HUAGH!
40
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:39,499
[sighs]
41
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:40,503
I DON'T GET IT.
42
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:41,504
I PUNCHED A FLOWER.
43
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:42,865
I STRANGLED A TREE.
44
00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:44,843
BUT NONE OF IT MADE ME
FEEL ANY BETTER.
45
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:48,642
- ANGUS, THERE IS NO ONE TO
BLAME FOR YOUR FATHER'S DEATH.
46
00:01:48,676 --> 00:01:50,706
HIS HEALTH HAD BEEN DECLINING
FOR YEARS,
47
00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,384
AND HE HAD A CANCEROUS TUMOR.
48
00:01:52,413 --> 00:01:53,453
THERE'S NOT MUCH...
49
00:01:53,481 --> 00:01:54,781
- CANCER?
50
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,345
CANCER!
51
00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:58,524
[trilling battle cry]
52
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:01,392
[dramatic Scottish folk music]
53
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:07,502
*
54
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:08,628
[music dies]
55
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,502
I COULDN'T CURE CANCER.
56
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:11,501
[trills sadly]
57
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:12,632
- FORGET ABOUT CANCER!
58
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,666
YOUR FIGHT WITH NATURE--
IT WORKED!
59
00:02:14,702 --> 00:02:15,672
- WHAT?
60
00:02:15,703 --> 00:02:18,473
- THANK YOU, SONNY BOY!
61
00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:19,506
- FATHER!
62
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,510
YOU'RE WELL!
63
00:02:21,542 --> 00:02:23,312
I DID IT!
64
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:26,354
[upbeat rock music]
65
00:02:26,380 --> 00:02:33,390
*
66
00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:47,766
- THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM
IN THIS COUNTRY
67
00:02:47,801 --> 00:02:49,441
COMES WITH ITS SHARE
OF PROBLEMS.
68
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:51,710
BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE
TO BE THAT WAY.
69
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,809
BY EDUCATING YOURSELF
ON THE SUBJECT,
70
00:02:53,841 --> 00:02:55,441
YOU HOLD THE POWER.
71
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,846
- I GOT A HEALTHCARE PROBLEM
FOR YOU.
72
00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,578
MY PROCTOLOGIST--
THE GUY'S A QUACK.
73
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:02,654
I MEAN, THIS GUY SHOULD
TAKE UP RESIDENCY IN BELLEVUE.
74
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,293
I MEAN IT.
75
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:05,918
- WHAT'S WRONG
WITH YOUR PROCTOLOGIST?
76
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,793
- HE'S INSANE;
THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM.
77
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:09,791
HE TELLS ME I COME IN TOO MUCH.
78
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:11,233
- HOW OFTEN ARE YOU GOING IN?
79
00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:13,329
- EVERY SINGLE DAY
EXCEPT SUNDAYS.
80
00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:14,561
- DO YOU HAVE A HISTORY
81
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,855
OF COLON OR RECTAL PROBLEMS
IN YOUR FAMILY?
82
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,727
- NO, I DON'T.
83
00:03:18,766 --> 00:03:20,696
- YOU DON'T NEED TO GO
TO THE PROCTOLOGIST EVERY DAY.
84
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,444
- YEAH, THANK YOU, TIM,
85
00:03:22,470 --> 00:03:24,000
BUT I THINK I'LL TAKE
MY PROCTOLOGY ADVICE
86
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,637
FROM MY PROCTOLOGIST,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
87
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,684
COINCIDENTALLY, THOUGH,
MY PROCTOLOGIST TOLD ME
88
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:30,279
THE SAME EXACT THING
THIS MORNING.
89
00:03:30,311 --> 00:03:31,511
HE'S GOT ME BENT OVER THE TABLE.
90
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,445
I'M HAPPY AS A CLAM.
91
00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,681
AND HE TELLS ME HE'S GONNA
CANCEL MY DAILY APPOINTMENTS.
92
00:03:35,716 --> 00:03:36,776
I SAY, "EXCUSE ME?"
93
00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,647
HE SAYS IT'S A WASTE OF MONEY.
94
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,016
I SAID, "WELL, IT'S MY MONEY,
95
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,023
AND I CAN SPEND IT ANY WAY
I DAMN PLEASE."
96
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,855
WELL, HE GETS UP,
POINTS TO THE DOOR,
97
00:03:43,891 --> 00:03:45,631
SAYS, "I'D LIKE YOU TO GET
THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE."
98
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,459
I'M GETTING MAD.
99
00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:48,925
I START TO PUFF UP A LITTLE
LIKE I'M GONNA FIGHT HIM.
100
00:03:48,962 --> 00:03:51,602
TIM, I WANTED TO TAKE A SWING
AT THIS WHACK JOB.
101
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:53,002
I REALLY DID.
102
00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:54,673
- THESE VISITS AREN'T COVERED
BY YOUR INSURANCE?
103
00:03:54,702 --> 00:03:56,042
- THIS IS ALL OUT-OF-POCKET.
104
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,569
- IF IT'S NOT COVERED
BY YOUR INSURANCE,
105
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,405
YOU SHOULDN'T BE GOING IN
THAT MUCH!
106
00:03:59,440 --> 00:04:00,670
- I LIKE TO MAKE SURE
EVERYTHING'S WORKING BACK THERE,
107
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,378
OKAY?
108
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,510
WHY IS THAT SO HARD
FOR EVERYONE TO UNDERSTAND?
109
00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,775
IT'S A VERY IMPORTANT BODY PART,
THE REAR.
110
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,584
IF I WANT TO SPEND
MY HARD-EARNED MONEY
111
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,646
GOING TO THE PROCTOLOGIST
EVERY SINGLE DAY,
112
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:11,824
THAT'S MY RIGHT.
113
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:12,892
IT'S MY MONEY AND MY HEALTH,
114
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,490
AND I'LL MAKE THE CALLS.
115
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:16,322
AND I DON'T NEED PEOPLE LIKE TIM
116
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:18,427
OR DR. LOUDON
TELLING ME OTHERWISE.
117
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,329
TIM, YOU MADE ME VERY UPSET
HERE TODAY.
118
00:04:20,361 --> 00:04:21,801
I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS.
119
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,699
GOD--NO, I'VE GOT TO GO.
120
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:24,731
THIS IS TOO MUCH.
121
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,325
- WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT,
122
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,367
ONE MAN'S OPINION
ON THE HEALTHCARE DEBATE.
123
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:33,674
- WELCOME TO MY CANDY FACTORY.
124
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:36,677
YOU'RE IN AN EDIBLE WONDERLAND
THAT YOU WON'T SOON FORGET.
125
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,080
NOW, FOLLOW ME,
126
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,581
AND I THINK YOU'LL ENJOY
WHAT YOU SEE...
127
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,384
AND TASTE.
128
00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:44,646
[plays loopy slide whistle tune]
129
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,415
[chimes tinkling]
130
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:47,424
- SHALL WE?
131
00:04:47,455 --> 00:04:49,555
- GRAMPS, LOOK.
132
00:04:49,590 --> 00:04:52,830
GUMDROP WALKED US
RIGHT BY THIS DOOR.
133
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,600
- OH.
134
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,598
- [laughs softly]
135
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:56,629
- YEAH.
136
00:04:59,867 --> 00:05:03,667
IT'S JUST SOME MOPS
AND A BUNCH OF OLD JUNK, HARRY.
137
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:05,444
- UNLESS...
138
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:07,073
EVERYONE, COME QUICK!
139
00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:11,650
both: ANOTHER EDIBLE ROOM!
140
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:12,879
[all gasp]
141
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,783
- LOOK, IT'S CANDY PAPER.
142
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,746
- SUGAR DUST POWDER!
143
00:05:18,786 --> 00:05:20,746
- AND DARK CHOCOLATE CHAIR.
144
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:21,918
- A LICORICE MOP.
145
00:05:21,955 --> 00:05:23,685
I WANT TO TAKE IT HOME.
146
00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:26,564
- CANDY BULBS!
147
00:05:26,594 --> 00:05:27,704
AH-HA-HA!
148
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,658
THE CANDY BULB
IS POKING MY MOUTH.
149
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:30,727
- [laughs]
150
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:31,834
- BUT IT TASTES GOOD.
151
00:05:31,865 --> 00:05:33,395
- HEY!
152
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:34,944
GET OUT OF THE STORAGE CLOSET!
153
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:35,968
- MR. GUMDROP,
154
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,873
I LOVE YOUR DAZZLEBERRY NECTAR.
155
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:41,436
- THAT'S WINDOW CLEANER,
YOU TWIT!
156
00:05:42,776 --> 00:05:45,476
HEY, STOP DRINKING
MY MOTOR OIL, KID!
157
00:05:45,513 --> 00:05:46,683
- BUT IT'S DELICIOUS.
158
00:05:46,714 --> 00:05:47,824
- PEOPLE!
159
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:48,878
IF A ROOM IS EDIBLE,
160
00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:51,046
I WILL LET YOU KNOW!
161
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:53,894
THESE ARE MY
JANITORIAL SUPPLIES.
162
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,761
HEY, STOP IT!
163
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,589
IF YOU'RE THAT HUNGRY,
164
00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,825
HAVE A CHOCOLATE BAR, OKAY?
165
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,600
I HAVE LITERALLY
THOUSANDS OF THEM
166
00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:02,929
ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL.
167
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:05,703
- OH, BOY, EDIBLE WRAPPING!
168
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,033
- MM!
169
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,437
- OPEN THEM!
170
00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:11,740
- THE WALLPAPER TASTES
LIKE WALLPAPER.
171
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,012
- IT DOES?
172
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,780
- IT IS!
173
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,409
LISTEN TO ME!
174
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:19,945
NOTHING IN THIS ROOM
IS FOR CONSUMPTION.
175
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,980
MOST OF IT IS FOR CLEANING.
176
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:23,845
DEEP CLEANING.
177
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:24,994
- WHAT ABOUT THIS SANDWICH?
178
00:06:25,018 --> 00:06:26,088
- CAN'T I EAT IT?
179
00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:27,589
- NO.
180
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:28,921
- BECAUSE IT'S NOT EDIBLE?
181
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:31,656
- NO, BECAUSE IT'S
MY DAMN SANDWICH!
182
00:06:31,692 --> 00:06:32,662
- OH.
183
00:06:32,693 --> 00:06:33,833
- HEY!
184
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:35,631
- HERR GUMDROP...
185
00:06:35,663 --> 00:06:37,773
I ATE ONE OF YOUR LITTLE MEN.
186
00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:38,798
- THAT'S IT!
187
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,532
YOU ALL LOSE!
188
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:41,798
GOOD DAY!
189
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:42,865
- BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TOUR?
190
00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:44,813
- I SAID GOOD DAY.
191
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:46,538
- WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO YELL ABOUT IT.
192
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,014
- OH.
193
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:49,511
- MAYBE WE'LL JUST HAVE TO SELL
MR. GUMDROP'S SECRETS
194
00:06:49,543 --> 00:06:51,513
TO HIS COMPETITOR,
MR. BEETLEVALUE.
195
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,805
COME ON, HARRY,
AND BRING THAT CANDIED CANE.
196
00:06:53,847 --> 00:06:54,817
- FINE.
197
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:56,918
IT'S WOOD!
198
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,950
[somber music]
199
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:04,017
*
200
00:07:04,057 --> 00:07:05,887
- MR. GUMDROP...
201
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,196
I COULD NEVER
GIVE YOUR SECRETS AWAY.
202
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:12,869
- HARRY...
203
00:07:14,001 --> 00:07:15,541
- AHH!
204
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:16,799
SCREW YOU, GUMDROP!
205
00:07:16,837 --> 00:07:17,907
- GUMDROP, NO!
206
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:18,908
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
207
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,669
both: AH!
208
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,538
- OW, MY ASS!
209
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:31,750
[bell dings]
210
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,615
- HI, FOLKS, I'M LEWIS KENN
OF FRESHY'S FOOD CORPORATION.
211
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,915
IT'S COME TO OUR ATTENTION
THAT SOME OF OUR CUSTOMERS
212
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:40,757
HAVE HAD UNPLEASANT EXPERIENCES
WITH FRESHY'S FOOD ITEMS.
213
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,064
IT'S NOT RIGHT,
214
00:07:42,095 --> 00:07:43,895
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT RESULTS
IN SERIOUS INJURY
215
00:07:43,931 --> 00:07:46,501
OR DEATH.
216
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,774
WE'VE HEARD YOUR COMPLAINTS
LOUD AND CLEAR.
217
00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,942
YOU DON'T LIKE DYING
FROM OUR PRODUCT.
218
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:53,041
AT FRESHY'S, WE LOVE FOOD.
219
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:54,643
SO WE'RE EXCITED TO DO AWAY
220
00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:56,775
WITH THE INGREDIENTS
THAT CAUSE INJURY AND DEATH
221
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:59,810
AND REINSTATE A NEW
ALL-NATURAL MENU.
222
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,577
WE'RE SO CONFIDENT
IN THE NEW MENU,
223
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:03,715
THAT IT COMES WITH MY GUARANTEE.
224
00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,551
IF YOU DIE ENJOYING FRESHY'S,
225
00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:08,086
WE'LL PAY FOR YOUR FUNERAL,
PERIOD.
226
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:10,891
WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR
FROM A DINING EXPERIENCE?
227
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,134
I'M LEWIS KENN.
228
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,089
THANK YOU FOR YOUR
CONTINUED LOYALTY.
229
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,637
- YES, OH, YES.
230
00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:27,883
WELCOME TO OCEANSIDE CITY PIER
231
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:31,648
FOR THE 95TH ANNUAL
HOT DOG EATING CONTEST.
232
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:33,309
LET'S MEET OUR CONTESTANTS,
SHALL WE?
233
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:37,076
FIRST, ROMPIN', STOMPIN'
BARRY BARREL.
234
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,117
- BOW!
235
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:39,791
- VORNO'S PERENNIAL FAT BOY,
236
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,720
TORNADO MULDOON.
237
00:08:41,755 --> 00:08:42,785
- WHOO!
238
00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:44,663
- HU WALIYASHI.
239
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:45,762
[gong strike]
240
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:47,733
THE BOTTOMLESS PIT.
241
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:48,901
- HI, DAD.
242
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,129
- TOBY THUD.
243
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:52,834
AND WRAPPING OUT OUR FIELD...
244
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:56,966
PERCY APPLEWOOD DEMILLE...PIP.
245
00:08:57,004 --> 00:08:58,814
ON YOUR MARK, GET SET...
246
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,069
GO!
247
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,607
AS EACH CONTESTANT
TAKES DOWN HOT DOGS
248
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:03,943
IN THEIR OWN UNIQUE STYLE.
249
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:07,977
LOOK AT THESE GUYS EAT.
250
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:15,015
LOOK AT THEM GO, FOLKS.
LOOK AT THEM GO.
251
00:09:19,259 --> 00:09:23,099
LOOKS LIKE
TIME IS RUNNING OUT.
252
00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:26,800
AND THREE, TWO, ONE.
THAT'S TIME.
253
00:09:26,834 --> 00:09:28,974
HOT DOG,
WE HAVE A WINNING CONTESTANT.
254
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:30,172
AND THAT WINNER IS...
255
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:34,173
PERCY APPLEWOOD DEMILLE...PIP!
256
00:09:34,207 --> 00:09:38,077
PERCY IS THIS YEAR'S DAINTIEST
HOT DOG EATING CHAMPION.
257
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:40,811
PERCY, HOW DO YOU FEEL?
258
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:42,148
- I LIKE THE KETCHUP.
259
00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:44,022
THE MUSTARD STINGS MY TEETH.
260
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,889
- OKAY.
261
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,228
- WELL, TIFFANY,
IT'S BEEN A REWARDING WEEK
262
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,697
PROVIDING CARE FOR MY PATIENTS.
263
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:04,736
BUT I AM OUT OF HERE.
264
00:10:04,772 --> 00:10:06,742
AND I SURE HOPE
THOSE TROUT ARE BITING,
265
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,084
BECAUSE I'VE BEEN
LOOKING FORWARD
266
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,208
TO THIS FISHING TRIP SINCE--
267
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,212
[door bangs open]
268
00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,953
- HELLO, DOCTOR!
269
00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,309
HAHA!
270
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:15,946
HOW IS MY FAVORITE
PROCTOLOGIST DOING?
271
00:10:15,983 --> 00:10:18,893
HEY, WHAT IS WITH
THAT FISHING GETUP, MAN?
272
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,289
YOU LOOK CRAZY.
273
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,020
- YOU KNOW, I'M TAKING MY SON
FLY-FISHING, MIKE.
274
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,255
HIS CARDIOLOGIST THINKS
275
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,060
THE FRESH AIR
WILL DO HIM SOME GOOD.
276
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:26,292
- DID THE MAID QUIT?
277
00:10:26,326 --> 00:10:27,656
- I WAS REALLY JUST ABOUT
TO LEAVE, SO...
278
00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:30,095
- WELL, I GOT HERE
BEFORE YOU DID.
279
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,700
HOW ARE YOU, TIFF?
280
00:10:31,732 --> 00:10:33,032
I DO LIKE THE GREEN ONES--MM.
281
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,226
SEE YOU IN A MINUTE.
282
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,167
DOC, YOU SHOULD SMILE MORE.
283
00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:37,173
IT'S GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH.
284
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,914
- OKAY, THANK YOU.
285
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:41,309
- LET'S DO A NICE LONG ONE
TODAY, HUH?
286
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,311
- UGH.
287
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:44,313
- [coughing]
288
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:45,984
- BRANDON, IT'S DAD.
289
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:48,923
- DAD, I GOT MY TACKLE BOX FULL!
290
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,879
- I'M SORRY, SON,
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO POSTPONE
291
00:10:50,918 --> 00:10:51,948
THE FISHING TRIP.
292
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,745
- IS IT MIKE AGAIN?
293
00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:54,987
- YES, IT'S MIKE AGAIN.
294
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:55,992
- BUT...
[groans]
295
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:56,993
- I'M SORRY, SON.
296
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:57,994
THIS IS MY JOB.
297
00:10:58,025 --> 00:10:58,985
- LOUDON!
298
00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,786
CHOP-CHOP.
299
00:11:00,828 --> 00:11:03,058
WHAT IS WITH HIM TODAY, TIFF?
300
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:06,066
[dramatic music]
301
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:07,799
*
302
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,095
HEY, DR. LOUDON!
303
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:11,966
WE HAVEN'T DONE OUR FULL
PROCTOLOGICAL EXAM!
304
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,935
WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED IT YET!
305
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,214
LOUDON!
306
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:18,382
DAMN!
307
00:11:22,315 --> 00:11:25,185
- HI, FOLKS,
IT'S ME, LEWIS KENN, AGAIN.
308
00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:26,288
AND HERE AT FRESHY'S,
309
00:11:26,319 --> 00:11:28,289
WE RECENTLY REVAMPED OUR MENU,
310
00:11:28,321 --> 00:11:30,961
AND THE RESPONSE
HAS BEEN OVERWHELMING.
311
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:33,261
I'VE HAD TO PAY
FOR THOUSANDS OF FUNERALS,
312
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,963
SO MANY THAT WE'VE BEEN FORCED
TO AMEND OUR POLICY
313
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,066
TO SOMETHING MORE
FINANCIALLY FEASIBLE.
314
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:40,428
FROM NOW ON, FRESHY'S WILL
ONLY PAY FOR FUNERALS
315
00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:42,967
CORRESPONDING TO DEATHS
CAUSED BY...
316
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,124
AND ONE TYPE OF DEATH I CANNOT
MENTION ON THIS BROADCAST.
317
00:11:56,149 --> 00:11:57,749
THAT'S THE LIST,
318
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,145
AND WE AT FRESHY'S
THINK IT'S PRETTY FAIR.
319
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:00,816
WE HOPE YOU AGREE.
320
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,995
[laughter]
321
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,198
- OH, GUYS, YOU GOT TO MEET
MY NEW GIRLFRIEND.
322
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:11,300
- MM!
323
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,301
- I GOT TO WARN YOU, THOUGH.
324
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:13,302
SHE'S A CONJOINED TWIN.
325
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:14,903
- OH.
326
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,395
- AND THE OTHER TWIN,
I USED TO DATE HER.
327
00:12:16,436 --> 00:12:18,766
- YOU USED TO DATE
THE OTHER TWIN?
328
00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:21,436
JEFF, I GOT TO SAY,
THIS IS VERY PECULIAR.
329
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:23,044
- YEAH,
WHAT AN INTERESTING QUIRK.
330
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,246
HEY, IS THAT MY PROCTOLOGIST
OVER THERE?
331
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,377
THAT JERK HAS BEEN
BLOWING ME OFF.
332
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:30,416
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
333
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:31,450
- MIKE, COME ON.
334
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:33,024
- AGH!
335
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:34,053
- MIKE, YOUR SPAGHETTI
AND MEATBALLS!
336
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,157
[indistinct conversation]
337
00:12:35,188 --> 00:12:38,028
- HOW'S THE SALAD, JERK?
338
00:12:38,058 --> 00:12:40,228
- WHO'S THIS, GERARD?
339
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,030
- I'M GERARD'S PATIENT.
340
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:43,032
DO YOU MIND?
341
00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,203
- ALL RIGHT, JUST RELAX, OKAY?
342
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:46,501
- WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN,
HUH?
343
00:12:46,533 --> 00:12:49,543
STANDARD DAILY RECTAL CHECKUPS--
RING ANY BELLS?
344
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:52,469
- THOSE CHECKUPS
ARE ENTIRELY UNNECESSARY, OKAY?
345
00:12:52,505 --> 00:12:55,135
PROBLEMS WITH THE RECTUM,
COLON, AND ANUS
346
00:12:55,175 --> 00:12:56,375
DON'T DEVELOP AS QUICK
347
00:12:56,409 --> 00:12:58,049
AS YOU'RE INSISTING
ON COMING IN.
348
00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:01,878
- OH, LOOK AT THE HOT-SHOT
PROCTOLOGIST OVER HERE.
349
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:04,275
WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT,
POOP CHUTE UNIVERSITY?
350
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:07,017
AND DON'T SAY "INSISTING"
LIKE I'M SOME SORT OF FREAK.
351
00:13:07,054 --> 00:13:08,564
- THEY'RE A WASTE OF TIME, OKAY?
352
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,418
NOBODY SHOULD BE COMING IN
TO THEIR PROCTOLOGIST
353
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,027
EVERY SINGLE DAY.
354
00:13:12,059 --> 00:13:14,589
- I'M SORRY, WASTE OF TIME?
355
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:16,897
I'M PUTTING YOUR UGLY KIDS
THROUGH COLLEGE
356
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:17,900
WITH THESE VISITS.
357
00:13:17,931 --> 00:13:19,371
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT
358
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:20,899
TO DENY ME SERVICE.
359
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:23,244
- EXCUSE ME, I HAVE EVERY RIGHT
360
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,110
TO DENY SERVICE TO A PATIENT
361
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:29,078
FOR WHAT ANY LAWYER WOULD DEEM
UNNECESSARY DOCTOR VISITS.
362
00:13:29,109 --> 00:13:31,979
- DON'T YOU TALK TO ME LIKE
I'M SOME SORT OF BACKWOODS FOOL!
363
00:13:32,012 --> 00:13:34,182
- YOU'RE NOT THE KING
OF THE PROCTOLOGISTS, ALL RIGHT?
364
00:13:34,214 --> 00:13:35,224
NEWS FLASH!
365
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,218
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING, MIKE?
366
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:37,249
IT IS PEOPLE LIKE YOU--
367
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:38,954
- OH, HERE WE GO!
368
00:13:38,986 --> 00:13:39,946
- YEAH, HERE WE GO!
369
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:41,317
IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU
370
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,864
THAT PUT AN UNNECESSARY STRAIN
ON THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM
371
00:13:43,891 --> 00:13:45,531
WITH THESE UNWARRANTED
DOCTOR VISITS!
372
00:13:45,558 --> 00:13:48,998
- RIGHT, 'CAUSE YOU GOT THEM
LINING UP AROUND THE DAMN BLOCK
373
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,869
TO GET THEIR ASS CHEEKS
AROUND YOUR HOT LITTLE HANDS!
374
00:13:51,899 --> 00:13:54,869
I'M YOUR BEST CUSTOMER,
YOU ASS-BRAINED IDIOT.
375
00:13:54,902 --> 00:13:56,902
- HEY, I DON'T NEED
YOUR BUSINESS, PAL!
376
00:13:56,937 --> 00:13:58,507
I DON'T NEED IT,
AND I DON'T WANT IT!
377
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:01,038
YOU'RE NOT MY PATIENT ANYMORE,
OKAY?
378
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,205
OKAY, SO THAT'S THAT.
379
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:08,447
- HUGE MISTAKE!
380
00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:10,451
I'M COMING BACK
EVERY SINGLE DAY!
381
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,423
- OH, NO, HANFORD.
382
00:14:12,452 --> 00:14:13,952
I WAS GONNA GIVE YOU
ONCE A MONTH.
383
00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:15,257
NOW THAT'S OFF THE TABLE.
384
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:16,518
YOU CAN'T EVEN COME IN
ONCE A MONTH.
385
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,226
HOW DOES THAT BURN
YOUR LITTLE RED ASS?
386
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:19,228
- ONCE A MONTH?
387
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,559
[both shouting]
388
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:25,365
- NO, I'M COMING IN
TWICE A WEEK, ALL RIGHT?
389
00:14:25,398 --> 00:14:27,298
STARTING RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!
390
00:14:27,334 --> 00:14:28,444
- WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
391
00:14:28,468 --> 00:14:30,138
GET OUT OF HERE, SON OF A BITCH!
392
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:31,500
- AH!
393
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,168
SCREW YOU!
I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!
394
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:34,336
- FRIENDS?
395
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:36,384
I HATE YOUR [bleep]-ING GUTS!
396
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:38,109
- NO!
- OKAY?
397
00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:39,375
- YOU'RE JUST MAD.
- NO, I'M NOT MAD!
398
00:14:39,412 --> 00:14:41,152
- OKAY, I'LL KILL YOU!
399
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:43,221
- TIM!
- I'LL KILL YOU!
400
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,250
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
401
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:46,124
[all shouting]
402
00:14:46,153 --> 00:14:47,553
- I'M GONNA GIVE THIS RIM-LORD
403
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:49,517
A REAL REASON
TO SEE A PROCTOLOGIST.
404
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:52,426
- OH, YOU DON'T HAVE
THE BALLS, ASS-JOB!
405
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:54,359
OH, I'M COMING BACK, LOUDON.
406
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,364
OH, YOU CAN BET YOUR FLABBY
LITTLE ASS, I'M COMING BACK.
407
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,367
- AH, OKAY, YEAH, YEAH.
408
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,368
- YOU SON OF A BITCH!
409
00:14:59,399 --> 00:15:00,399
- OKAY, OFF YOU GO.
410
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:01,433
THERE HE GOES.
411
00:15:01,468 --> 00:15:02,438
WHAT?
412
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:03,439
WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
413
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,170
EVERYBODY EAT, EAT!
414
00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:06,435
WE'RE ALL HERE TO EAT
AND HAVE A GOOD TIME!
415
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:07,443
EAT!
416
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:09,384
STUPID SON OF A...
417
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,279
- YOU KNOW, HE'S JUST LOOKING
OUT FOR HIS HEALTH, GERARD.
418
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:14,551
- OH, YES, HONEY, I KNOW HE'S
JUST LOOKING OUT FOR HIS HEALTH,
419
00:15:14,581 --> 00:15:15,551
GERARD.
420
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,222
- JUST MAKING SURE.
421
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,650
- HE'S JUST A STUBBORN
SON OF A BITCH!
422
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:35,571
- AND SO, CLARENCE OWINGS
WILL BE DEARLY, DEARLY MISSED.
423
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:38,472
HE LEAVES BEHIND
HIS BEAUTIFUL WIFE, BEATRICE,
424
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:40,965
THEIR FIVE WONDERFUL CHILDREN,
425
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,478
AND TOO MANY GRANDCHILDREN
TO COUNT.
426
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,039
[slight laughter]
427
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,377
CLARENCE WAS A BRAVE MAN.
428
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,012
HE FOUGHT BRAVELY
IN WORLD WAR II,
429
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:49,117
WHERE HE EARNED HIMSELF
A PURPLE HEART.
430
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:53,319
AND HE MADE THIS TOWN
A BETTER PLACE EVERY SINGLE DAY.
431
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:58,033
I ASK YOU TO REMEMBER CLARENCE
FOR HOW HE LIVED,
432
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:01,458
NOT FOR HOW HE DIED...
433
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:03,364
WHICH WAS BY FARTING SO HARD
434
00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:06,226
THAT HIS SKELETON
SHOT OUT OF HIS BODY,
435
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:07,496
THROUGH HIS ANUS,
436
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,604
AND RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW.
437
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,696
NO, DON'T REMEMBER HIM
FOR THAT,
438
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:14,468
BUT FOR ALL THE GOOD TIMES
HE GAVE US
439
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:18,177
AND ALL THE GREAT MEMORIES
WE STILL HAVE OF HIM.
440
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,251
HE WILL BE TRULY MISSED.
441
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,380
THANK YOU.
442
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:24,354
[sparse applause]
443
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,354
- CLARENCE WAS MY UNCLE,
444
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:30,356
BUT HE WAS ALSO MY BEST FRIEND.
445
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:33,090
HE WAS A GREAT MAN.
446
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,556
I TOLD HIM...
447
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:36,134
I TOLD HIM NOT TO EAT
448
00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,503
THAT FRESHY'S SOUTHWEST
JALAPEÑO BURGER.
449
00:16:38,531 --> 00:16:41,271
IT WAS TOO SPICY, I SAID.
450
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:45,271
BUT...AS GREAT OF A MAN
AS CLARENCE WAS,
451
00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:48,405
HE WAS JUST AS STUBBORN.
452
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:52,111
SO HE ATE
THAT JALAPEÑO BURGER...
453
00:16:52,145 --> 00:16:56,545
AND THEN HE FARTED HIS SKELETON
RIGHT OUT OF HIS BODY,
454
00:16:56,583 --> 00:17:00,323
DIRECTLY THROUGH HIS ANAL CAVITY
AND OUT THE WINDOW.
455
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,323
LANDED IN THE NURSERY SCHOOL
ACROSS THE STREET.
456
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:05,356
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK
ON THE CHILDREN'S FACES.
457
00:17:05,392 --> 00:17:09,262
THEY THOUGHT A MONSTER
HAD JUMPED INTO THE CLASSROOM,
458
00:17:09,296 --> 00:17:11,526
BECAUSE HIS BONES,
YOU KNOW, THEY...
459
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,534
THEY WERE STILL MOVING...
460
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,667
AS BONES ARE KNOWN TO DO.
461
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,273
BUT, OH...
462
00:17:18,305 --> 00:17:19,565
HOW CLARENCE
WAS SO GOOD WITH CHILDREN,
463
00:17:19,606 --> 00:17:22,236
AND HE LOVED CHILDREN.
464
00:17:22,275 --> 00:17:24,435
SO I ASK YOU, PLEASE,
465
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:27,477
REMEMBER CLARENCE FOR HOW
HE WAS GREAT WITH CHILDREN,
466
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:29,354
NOT FOR HOW HE DIED.
467
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,387
WHICH WAS BY FARTING
HIS SKELETON OUT OF HIS BODY
468
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,133
LIKE A BULLET.
469
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,659
- SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.
470
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:45,704
- MY POPS RAISED ME
AS WELL AS ANY MAN CAN.
471
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,572
HE WAS SO STRONG.
472
00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:52,271
WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER, HECK,
HE COULD KNOCK OUT AN OX.
473
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:53,405
[slight laughter]
474
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,310
THAT'S WHAT MADE IT SO HARD
475
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:58,682
TO SEE HIS SKELETON-LESS BODY
LAYING THERE ON THE GROUND.
476
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,681
MY MOM SAID THAT
WHEN IT HAPPENED,
477
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:03,423
HIS SKIN SHOT AROUND THE ROOM...
478
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,150
LIKE WHEN YOU LET GO
OF A BALLOON
479
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:06,515
THAT HAS HELIUM IN IT.
480
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:09,293
I TOLD MY MOM THAT THAT SOUNDS
A LOT LIKE WHAT HAPPENED
481
00:18:09,322 --> 00:18:12,492
TO VINCENT D'ONOFRIO
IN MEN IN BLACK.
482
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:14,685
BUT THE REFERENCE
WAS LOST ON HER.
483
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:18,596
I HOPE THAT REFERENCE
IS NOT LOST
484
00:18:18,631 --> 00:18:21,671
ON ALL OF YOU HERE TODAY.
485
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:23,671
WHEN THE CLEANING CREW ARRIVED,
486
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:25,873
THERE WAS SLIME EVERYWHERE.
487
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,605
THEY JUST SLIPPED
ALL OVER THE PLACE.
488
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,711
ALL EIGHT OF THEM FELL...
489
00:18:30,743 --> 00:18:35,683
RIGHT INTO THE 69-ING POSITION.
490
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:38,445
I'VE NEVER LAUGHED SO HARD
IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
491
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:43,485
AND SO, IF YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING
I'VE TOLD YOU HERE TODAY,
492
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,593
PLEASE...
493
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:48,355
REMEMBER MY M.I.B. REFERENCE.
494
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:49,395
THANK YOU.
495
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:51,599
[sparse applause]
496
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:54,671
- YOU MAY NOW PAY RESPECTS
TO THE DEPARTED.
497
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:57,643
- THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL SERVICE.
498
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:59,370
- OH, YEAH, THANK YOU.
499
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:00,706
HEY, UM, THAT BURGER
500
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,540
THAT MADE MY DAD
FART OUT HIS SKELETON,
501
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:04,635
IS THAT THE SAME FRESHY BURGER
THAT YOU GUYS ARE HAVING
502
00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:06,577
A TWO-FOR-ONE SPECIAL ON
RIGHT NOW?
503
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:08,283
- YEAH, WHY?
504
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,375
- 'CAUSE I ATE SIX OF THEM
THIS MORNING!
505
00:19:10,417 --> 00:19:11,377
AH!
506
00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:12,418
AHH!
507
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:13,652
[glass shatters]
508
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:16,716
[dramatic string music]
509
00:19:16,756 --> 00:19:20,326
*
510
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:21,330
[skin whistling]
511
00:19:21,361 --> 00:19:22,531
[crowd screaming]
512
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:23,802
- OH, MY GOD!
513
00:19:23,830 --> 00:19:25,370
[all shouting]
514
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:26,428
[farting noise]
515
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,296
- OH, MY GOD.
516
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:29,935
[woman screams]
517
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,541
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
EVERYONE CALM DOWN.
518
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:37,484
THERE'S NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT, OKAY?
519
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,380
JUST LOOK RIGHT HERE.
520
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:40,382
[device whirring]
521
00:19:40,413 --> 00:19:43,323
WELCOME TO EARTH.
522
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,590
- * HE IS THE MAGIC PRIEST
523
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:53,560
[somber string music]
524
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:56,633
*
525
00:19:56,663 --> 00:19:58,533
- I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING.
526
00:19:58,565 --> 00:20:00,425
[inspirational music]
527
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:01,697
MIKE.
528
00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:06,314
*
529
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,439
- SO YOU ARE TAKING
NEW PATIENTS?
530
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:14,548
DOES DR. LESTER SEE PEOPLE
ON A DAILY BASIS?
531
00:20:14,581 --> 00:20:15,781
HE DOESN'T?
532
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:18,285
WELL, CAN HE MAKE AN EXCEPT--
533
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:23,460
[uplifting, dramatic music]
534
00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:30,500
*
535
00:20:38,771 --> 00:20:40,471
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
536
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:43,577
- MIKE, I WAS READING ABOUT
A PATIENT OF MINE THIS MORNING,
537
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:47,750
AND I REALIZED
I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE WITH YOU.
538
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,750
I WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY.
539
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,321
- THAT'S ALL I EVER WANTED TOO,
DR. LOUDON.
540
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:56,862
SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW?
541
00:20:56,889 --> 00:20:58,889
DO I MAKE AN APPOINTMENT
FOR TOMORROW, OR WHAT?
542
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:00,355
- NO.
543
00:21:00,393 --> 00:21:01,993
NO, MIKE, WHEN YOU REALIZE
544
00:21:02,028 --> 00:21:05,498
YOU WANT A PATIENT
TO BE YOURS FOREVER,
545
00:21:05,532 --> 00:21:08,402
YOU DON'T START TOMORROW.
546
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:09,495
YOU START RIGHT NOW.
547
00:21:09,536 --> 00:21:10,566
[latex snaps]
548
00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:14,609
IS IT OKAY IF WE
DO THE EXAM OUT HERE?
549
00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:15,811
- WHO CARES?
550
00:21:15,842 --> 00:21:17,582
- RIGHT.
551
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:18,610
ALL RIGHT.
552
00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:21,445
AND HERE WE GO.
553
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:22,681
STILL FRIENDS, RIGHT?
554
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,546
- FOR LIFE, MY MAN.
555
00:21:27,887 --> 00:21:29,517
- OKAY.
556
00:21:29,556 --> 00:21:31,716
LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.
557
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:35,502
OKAY, NOW THAT'S ODD.
558
00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:38,328
[ominous music]
559
00:21:38,365 --> 00:21:39,765
- WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR HEALTH,
560
00:21:39,799 --> 00:21:42,799
YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE MATTERS
INTO YOUR OWN HANDS
561
00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:46,005
AND VISIT YOUR PROCTOLOGIST
EVERY SINGLE DAY.
562
00:21:46,038 --> 00:21:48,008
- BUT WE'VE GOT
TO GET THE WORD OUT THERE.
563
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:51,440
VISIT OUR WEBSITE
AND SIGN THE PROCTOLOGY PLEDGE
564
00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:52,808
TO HELP SPREAD AWARENESS.
565
00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:55,945
- REMEMBER, DAILY CHECKUPS
WITH YOUR PROCTOLOGIST
566
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:57,622
CAN LEAD TO...
567
00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:00,390
all: 365 FINGERS POINTING
568
00:22:00,420 --> 00:22:02,690
TOWARDS A HEALTHIER
COLON, ANUS,
569
00:22:02,722 --> 00:22:05,732
RECTUM, AND INNER RECTUM.
570
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:07,458
- WELL DONE, BOYS.
571
00:22:07,494 --> 00:22:08,834
- OH, MY GOD!
572
00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:10,761
IT'S THE PRESIDENT
OF THE UNITED STATES!
573
00:22:10,797 --> 00:22:12,797
all: PRESIDENT GARVIN!
574
00:22:12,832 --> 00:22:13,932
- THAT'S RIGHT.
575
00:22:13,966 --> 00:22:14,926
WELL, I GOT TO GO,
576
00:22:14,967 --> 00:22:16,837
BUT KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
577
00:22:16,869 --> 00:22:18,439
all: WE WILL.
578
00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:21,541
BYE!
579
00:22:21,574 --> 00:22:22,584
- WOW.
580
00:22:22,609 --> 00:22:23,739
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
581
00:22:23,776 --> 00:22:26,146
PRESIDENT GARVIN?
582
00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:29,448
all: 365 FINGERS
POINTING TOWARDS
583
00:22:29,482 --> 00:22:32,922
A HEALTHIER COLON, ANUS,
RECTUM, AND INNER RECTUM.
584
00:22:32,952 --> 00:22:34,592
- ABSO...LUTELY.
38973
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