Original subtitles

[lively gospel music]

- * OH, CELEBRATE!

* OH, CELEBRATE!

- * OOH-OOH-OOH-OOH

- WHOO! - YEAH!

- YES, YES! IT IS WONDERFUL TO WORK

AT THE CAR WASH OF THE LORD!

BUT THAT AIN'T ENOUGH!

WE GOT TO GET SAVED, EVERY ONE OF US!

CAN I GET AN AMEN?

all: HALLELUJAH!

- ALL RIGHT.

LET US READ FROM THE CHAPTER...

- WOW. PREACHING.

IT'S BEEN AROUND SINCE THE DAYS OF THE CAVEMAN,

WHETHER IT'S A PREACHER AT YOUR CHURCH,

OR A FRIEND GIVING YOU SOME HELPFUL GUIDANCE.

BUT IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE TOO PREACHY?

I THINK IT IS.

- AMEN! - AMEN!

- YEAH, SEE, THERE'S A THIN LINE BETWEEN

GIVING ADVICE TO HELP OUT YOUR FELLOW MAN

AND TELLING PEOPLE WHAT TO DO!

- AMEN! - THE TRUTH IS,

WE SHOULD NOT PREACH!

- AMEN! - HALLELUJAH!

- HELP YOUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS OUT,

BUT DON'T GO TELLING THEM WHAT TO DO.

NEVER, EVER PREACH!

- AMEN! - A-MEN!

- BEING PREACHY IS PRETENTIOUS. - MM-HMM.

- AND THAT AIN'T RIGHT.

congregation: HALLELUJAH!

- AND IF YOU ARE GONNA PREACH,

I SUGGEST YOU PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH!

- AMEN! - AND IF YOU DON'T PREACH,

YOU'LL BE GOING FROM "AMEN" TO YAY-MEN!

- YAY-MEN!

- NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY, DON'T PREACH!

- WHOA! I CAN WALK!

- LET PEOPLE DO WHATEVER THEY WANT WITH THEIR LIVES,

DON'T TRY TO MEDDLE WITH THEM!

- AW, NO! I'M STRAIGHT!

WHAT DID YOU DO?

- DON'T GO TRYING TO CHANGE PEOPLE!

[grunting]

[all gasp] - DIFFERENT HAIR!

- LOOK AT THAT HAIR!

- LOOK AT ME GO! GOD HELP ME!

I CAN'T STOP PREACHING!

[voices screaming]

[deep, scary voice] GET AWAY!

I CAN'T STOP PREACHING!

[voices screaming]

[theme music]

*

- HEY, MAN, WE'RE GOING SHOPPING.

WE NEED SOME DETERGENT AND STUFF--YOU NEED ANYTHING?

- YOU KNOW WHERE YOU SHOULD GO, SHOPPERS CLUB.

- HMM? - OH, IT'S THE PLACE

WITH ALL THE FREE FOOD SAMPLES. - OH.

- DO THEY HAVE FREE FOOD SAMPLES THERE?

I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW. CAN'T REALLY RECALL.

OH, YEAH, LIKE I SAID, IF THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE GOING,

I'LL TAG ALONG.

- OKAY.

[bell tolls]

- OH, MAN, IT'S SUNDAY. ARE THEY EVEN OPEN?

- THEY'RE OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, 9:00 A.M. TO 9:00 P.M.

WHAT?

WHY WOULD I EVEN KNOW THAT? THAT'S WEIRD, AH...

IT'S PROBABLY THOSE ADS THEY PUT IN THE NEWSPAPER.

MM-MM, THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

EVERY TIME I GET A NEWSPAPER THERE'S ALL THOSE INSERTS.

[light music]

- FREE SAMPLE? - NO, THANK YOU.

- SAMPLES?

- AH, NO THANKS.

[eerie sound effect]

- [gasps]

DIOS MIO!

EL DIABLO!

OHH!

[grunting]

AAH!

- [whistles] - FREE SAMPLE? SPICY BITEYS!

- HEY, THEY'RE GIVING OUT LITTLE BUFFALO CHICKEN BITES.

- OH, LET'S GO GRAB ONE.

THIS LOOK OKAY? [whoosh]

WHAT THE HELL?

- WHERE'D THAT GUY GO?

HMM. SAMPLES ARE GONE.

- [over P.A.] CLEAN UP NEAR THE MAIN ENTRANCE.

- EL DIABLO...

[chatter over radio]

- WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?

[gasps]

[beep] EL DIABLO!

[cheerful Muzak resumes]

[thumping]

[rapid thumping]

- [screeches] - EL DIABLO!

- [screeches]

[screaming and yelling]

- HEY!

- [screaming]

- HEY! HEY!

- [screeches]

- [growls]

- [screaming]

[thud] - [gulps]

[growls]

- AAH! AAH!

- [growling] - [screaming]

[panting]

- MARGUERITE!

WHERE IS HE? WHERE IS THE EL DIABLO?

- HE'S IN THE FREEZER. HE'S CRAZY!

- THE FREEZER?! - YES!

[dramatic music builds] - THERE'S POPSICLES IN THERE!

- [chomping]

[roars]

- [screaming] - [roaring]

- RUN! RUN, MARGUERITE!

[screaming] [gunshots]

[theme music]

[whirs]

[click]

[ring ring]

[tape snaps] [keys clack]

[click]

[snap]

[click]

[thump] [snap]

[clack] [click]

[glug glugs]

[snap] [click]

[glug glug] [spoon clinks]

[ring ring] [snap]

[clack] [click]

[glug glug]

[ring ring] [clink clink-clink-clink]

[glug glug]

[snap] [ring ring]

[click] [glug glug]

[whirs] [ring ring]

- NICE. [all noises going at once]

- WHOO!

- WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?!

THESE ARE OFFICE SUPPLIES, NOT MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS!

now, EVERYBODY GET BACK TO WORK!

[clink]

[strings humming] [speaker feedback]

[playing guitar and bass]

*

[lively blues rock music]

- * WELL, I GOT A LITTLE LADY WHO TREATS ME JUST RIGHT *

* GETS ME UP IN THE MORNING, KEEPS ME UP ALL NIGHT, YEAH *

- * UP ALL NIGHT

- * YEAH, I NEED HER - * NEED HER

- * LOVE HER! - * LOVE HER!

[muffled music] * I PUT NO ONE ELSE ABOVE HER

- * WHOO-HOO-HOO! - * BABY!

* BABY, DON'T YOU DO ME WRONG

- * DON'T DO ME WRONG - * I SAID

[muffled music] * BABY

* BABY, DON'T YOU DO ME

[music louder] * WRONG, NO, NO, NO, NO!

- * BABY! - * BABY!

- * DON'T! - * DON'T!

- * DO ME WRONG!

- * DON'T DO ME WRONG!

- * I SAID, BABY! * BABY!

- * DON'T DO ME WRONG!

- HEY, WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?

- COME ON, YOU SAID NOT TO PLAY THE OFFICE SUPPLIES!

- YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT.

I MEANT THAT THERE WAS TO BE NO MUSIC OF ANY KIND!

I DIDN'T SAY "GRAB A GUITAR," "GRAB AN AMP,"

AND THEN START PLAYING ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC!

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE! [keyboard chord]

WHAT'S THIS?

- IT'S AN ORGAN. - WHERE'S YOUR STAPLER?

DO YOU REALLY THINK THIS TYPE OF THING IS APPROPRIATE?

'CAUSE I'LL TELL YOU WHAT-- I DO NOT!

I WANT EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T WORK HERE TO GET OUT!

NOW I'M GONNA VALIDATE YOUR PARKING THIS TIME,

BUT REMEMBER...

THIS IS AN OFFICE!

IT'S NOT, UH, CBGB'S, OR THE TROUBADOUR!

- NOW, WAIT JUST A MINUTE! [gospel music plays]

I SEE AN INJUSTICE HERE AND I JUST GOTTA PREACH ABOUT IT!

- DO YOU WORK HERE, FRIEND?

- NO, I DO NOT, BUT I PROMISE I'LL BE QUICK.

WE HAVE TO VALUE AND HONOR THE ARTISTIC PURSUIT.

IF SOMEONE WANTS TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES CREATIVELY,

IT'S IMPORTANT THAT WE DO NOT STIFLE THAT URGE.

JUST THINK: IF WE WERE TO QUIET THE CREATIVE MIND

OF A YOUNG STEVEN SPIELBERG, WE WOULD NOT HAVE

INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM,

HIS MOST IMPORTANT WORK TO DATE.

- WELL, JEEZ, GUYS, NOW I FEEL LIKE A DIPSHIT.

I LIKE TO ROCK AND ROLL EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

THIS PLACE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE SO STUFFY, AM I RIGHT?

NOW, HIT IT!

[blues music starts again] - * HEY!

- * BABY, DON'T YOU DO ME WRONG! *

- * DON'T DO ME WRONG!

[theme music]

[eerie music]

- WELCOME BACK TO GHOSTS,

GHOULS, SPECTERS & SPACESHIPS,

WITH ME, JOHN DEMROID.

TONIGHT, WE'LL BE DISCUSSING

THE EL DIABLO,

- [whispered] EL DIABLO... - A DEMONIC FORCE WITH ORIGINS

IN SOUTH AMERICA, MEXICO,

AND THE SOUTHWESTERN UNITED STATES.

THE EL DIABLO'S FIRST RECORDED APPEARANCE

WAS IN THE SMALL FISHING VILLAGE OF LA MANZANILLA, MEXICO,

AUGUST, 1938.

MARIA DE JESUS SANTIAGO

WAS CELEBRATING HER QUINCEAÑERA

WHEN A HEAVY-SET GENTLEMAN

APPEARED OUT OF NOWHERE, DEVOURING HER BIRTHDAY BUFFET.

THIS UNEARTHED INTERVIEW SHEDS LIGHT

ON THAT GRUESOME ENCOUNTER.

[host imitating woman's voice] HE ATE EVERYTHING IN SIGHT--

CHURROS, PESCADO AZTECA, LIVE CHICKENS.

THERE WAS NO STOPPING HIM. I STILL HAVE BITE MARKS.

WHEN THE DUST SETTLED, ALL THAT WAS LEFT WAS THIS:

THE QUESADILLA...WAS LUCKY.

EL DIABLO SIGHTINGS ARE STILL REPORTED TO THIS DAY.

WHEN IT COMES TO GHOSTS, GHOULS, SPECTERS AND SPACESHIPS,

THE EL DIABLO MAKES IT ON...

MY "MOST SPOOKY" LIST.

[theme music]

[piano music]

- OH! - OH, SO--

- ARE YOU... SAME BOOK, WOW.

HI, I'M LUKE. - I'M EMILY.

I DON'T NORMALLY DO THIS, BUT...

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT TO DINNER SOMETIME?

- I WOULD LOVE TO,

BUT I CAN'T.

IT'S THIS WHOLE THING WITH MY EX-GIRLFRIEND.

- WHAT'S THE THING WITH YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND?

- SHE'S MY CURRENT WIFE.

THIS IS KILLING ME, MURRAY. I THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH HER.

- YOU TWO JUST MET. - NO, NO, NO,

I'M IN LOVE WITH MY WIFE. BUT I REALLY WANT TO DATE EMILY!

GOD, THERE'S GOTTA BE A WAY AROUND THIS.

- I GOT THE PERFECT PLAN. MEET ME AFTER THE GAME.

ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS HAVE AN AFFAIR.

- AN AFFAIR!

HEY, HONEY! DO WE HAVE ANY WINE OR CHOCOLATES ANYWHERE?

- YEAH, ABOVE THE SINK.

- HA, HA, HA! HO, HO!

[both gasping]

OH, YEAH!

MURRAY, THIS AFFAIR IS A GAME-CHANGER!

YOU ARE A GENIUS, MY FRIEND.

BUT MY WIFE CANNOT FIND OUT ABOUT THIS.

- I GOT A GREAT IDEA.

ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS LIE TO HER.

- OH.

- CHEATING HUSBANDS DO IT ALL THE TIME.

- HONEY? - WHAT?

I TAKE NAPS THERE!

[beep] [woman, singsong] LU-UKE...

ARE YOU STILL COMING OVER TONIGHT? I HOPE SO BECAUSE--

- CHEAP JAPANESE CRAP!

[crash]

THAT THING NEVER WORKED.

I'M WRITING SONY A LETTER!

I'M REALLY GETTING THE HANG OF THIS LYING THING, MURRAY.

IT REALLY WORKS! - BOY, THAT SPIELBERG

CAN REALLY DIRECT, HUH? - OH, YEAH, SURE CAN.

- LUKE? IS THAT YOU?

- UH, NO, IT ISN'T! [chuckles]

[thoughtful music]

- LUKE, SOMETHING'S UP.

YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR, RIGHT?

- WHAT? WAIT A MINUTE, COME ON!

WHAT ABOUT ALL MY EXCUSES?

- I DON'T KNOW, MAURINE, ON THE ONE HAND I KNOW

HE'S HAVING AN AFFAIR, BUT...

ON THE OTHER HAND I'VE GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO THIS LIFESTYLE!

- GIRL, I KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.

MEET ME AFTER THE GAME AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.

DO WHAT I DID WITH MURRAY AND GET A DIVORCE.

[ding!]

- OH!

- SIGN HERE. THE DIVORCE'LL BE FINAL,

AND FLORENCE WILL HAVE FULL CUSTODY OF THE CHILDREN.

- THERE WE GO! - WELL, THAT'S THAT!

- OKAY. - THANKS.

- FLO, YOU'RE A GREAT WIFE. - UH-UH-UH!

EX-WIFE! - [laughs]

AWW, COME HERE!

WAIT A MINUTE! I SHOULD BE HUGGING EMILY.

I LIKE HER BEST NOW. - RIGHT.

- OKAY. BYE! - OF COURSE, YOU'RE RIGHT,

CAUSE YOU'RE...LEAVING ME FOR HER...OKAY.

[organ music] - WELL, ARCHBISHOP,

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF OUR CAMPUS?

- JUST SPECTACULAR. I MUST SAY, BROTHER HANNIGAN,

THIS IS ONE OF THE FINEST SEMINARY SCHOOLS

IN THE ENTIRE ARCHDIOCESE.

- OH, FANTASTIC!

WELL, THAT PRETTY MUCH WRAPS UP OUR TOUR.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE CHECK OUT THAT CHAPEL ON THE WAY OUT?

- HOLD ON. WHAT ABOUT THIS DOOR RIGHT HERE?

- THIS, AH, WELL, THAT'S... NOTHING.

NO NEED TO GO IN THERE, RIGHT? LET'S GO CHECK OUT

THAT CHAPEL THAT YOU WANTED-- - BROTHER HANNIGAN,

YOU'VE LED ME THROUGH EVERY OTHER DORMITORY ON THIS CAMPUS.

WHY WOULD YOU STOP HERE?

- NO REASON. - NO REASON?

THEN GET OUT OF MY WAY. I'D LIKE TO MEET THE FINE BOYS

WHO LIVE HERE IN AQUINAS HALL.

- OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT, SIR.

- WHY NOT? WHAT'S WRONG WITH--

[loud punk music]

CHUGGING COMMUNION WINE?

[loud music, laughter]

GETTING GOOFY WITH AN INCENSE THURIBLE?

HOST WAFERS AS POKER CHIPS.

- [crunch] - [crunch]

- [crunch] - NACHO CHEESE CRISPS!

[wolf whistles]

*

SISTER DOROTHY!

[farts loudly]

PYROTECHNICS WITH THE VOTIVE CANDLES?

- OH, NO, NO--

[yells] - [laughs]

USING HOLY WATER AS SOME SORT OF GATORADE COOLER!

- OH, HO, HO, HO, GREAT. THOSE AQUINAS MANIACS BLEW IT!

YOU'RE GONNA EX-COMMUNICATE ME, AREN'T YOU? AWW...

- NO.

- NO? WHY NOT?

- WELL, WHEN YOU THINK OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH,

WHAT IS THE THING THAT WE'RE ALWAYS GETTING IN TROUBLE FOR?

- WHAT? - YOU KNOW,

THAT CONTROVERSIAL THING WE DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT?

- OH, YOU MEAN THE...

- THIS. - OH, YEAH.

- COMPARED TO THAT, A GROUP OF PRIESTS HAVING A PARTY

SEEMS FAIRLY HARMLESS.

- WELL, THIS WORKED OUT GREAT! - INDEED, IT DID.

- HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE ALL GOING TO HEAVEN!

- YEAH! [loud punk music]

[shouting and whooping]

*

[theme music]

[funk music]

- * I SEE YOU, BABY

* OUT AT THE CLUB

* I NEED YOU, BABY

* MUST GIVE YOU LOVE

* BUT YOU DON'T WANT TO

* IT MAKES ME SAD

* YOU BETTER ACT RIGHT

* OR I'LL GET MAD

- * I'M GONNA GET YA, NO INNUENDO *

* FOLLOW YOU HOME

* CLIMB THROUGH YOUR WINDOW [giggling]

- * HIDE IN YOUR CLOSET WHERE YOU CAN'T SEE ME *

* I'LL WATCH YOU SLEEP AND TOUCH MY PEE-PEE *

- * I WANT YOUR PRIVATES, I NEED 'EM BAD *

- * MUST TASTE YOUR PRIVATES, OR I'LL BE SAD *

- * YOU KNOW I DESERVE 'EM, AND I REALLY NEED 'EM *

- * GIVE 'EM TO ME, OR THERE'LL BE TROUBLE *

[funk music]

*

- EXCUSE ME, FATHER KOWALSKI.

WOULD YOU MIND TURNING THAT...

UP?

[marching band version of I Deserve It (Sex)]

[booming loud version]

[Muzak version]

[kiddie show version]

[orchestral version]

- * BUT YOU DON'T LIKE ME

* SO ONE MORE DRINK SPIKE!

* YOU'RE GETTING DRUNK NOW

* IT MAKES ME THINK

- * THAT I CAN TRICK YOU AND GET YOU BACK *

- * TO MY APARTMENT AND IN THE SACK *

[simultaneous versions playing around the world]

- * I'M GONNA [bleep] YOU, WHOA-OH-OH-OH-OH *

* IT'S GONNA-- - UNCLE JIM!

COME DANCE WITH US!

- AH, NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

- AW, COME ON. HAVE SOME FUN!

- NO, THE SONG... IT DOESN'T SEEM RIGHT.

- ALL RIGHT. SUIT YOURSELF.

- I'VE DONE THE RIGHT THING. HMM.

- THAT'S RIGHT, IF YOU SEE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE WORLD,

YOU GOTTA KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.

DON'T RUIN EVERYONE ELSE'S GOOD TIME.

UH-HUH, YOU GOTTA BOTTLE IT UP DEEP DOWN INSIDE OF YOURSELF

AND KEEP IT AWAY FROM EVERYBODY. AMEN AND HALLELUJAH!

[funk music]

*

* COME ON, COME ON, GET ON

[theme music]

- WHOO HOO! LET'S HIT THOSE WAVES, BABY!

- YEAH! HEH HEH HEH!

RACE YOU THERE, DUDE! [all yelling]

- WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!

- GORDY, WHAT'S WRONG? AREN'T YOU GONNA COME SWIMMING?

- NO. I DON'T SWIM IN THE OCEAN.

NOT SINCE THAT DAY.

BACK WHEN I WAS A LIFEGUARD. [dramatic music]

I WAS MANNING MY POST WHEN I SAW A KID OUT IN THE SURF.

HE WAS SPLASHING AND GASPING FOR AIR.

I JUMPED DOWN, SWAM OUT, AND I GRASPED FOR HIM,

BUT HE WAS TOO WET,

AND TOO SLIPPY.

HE SLIPPED OUT OF MY HANDS AND OUT INTO THE DARK BLUE SEA.

I VOWED TO MYSELF AT THAT VERY MOMENT

THAT I WOULD NEVER SET FOOT IN THE OCEAN EVER AGAIN.

[sighs] - WOW.

- THAT'S TERRIBLE, I MEAN, WE WOULDN'T BLAME YOU

IF YOU DON'T WANT TO GET IN THE WATER.

- OH, MY GOD! GLEN'S DROWNING!

YOU SEE HIM OUT THERE IN THE WAVES!

- OH, MY GOD! - HELP!

- GLEN! - GLEN!

- HELP! - HELP! HELP!

- SOMEONE HELP! - GORDY!

YOU HAVE TO SAVE HIM! - OH, MY GOD, YEAH!

THIS IS YOUR BIG CHANCE!

- GORDY, THIS IS YOUR OPPORTUNITY

TO OVERCOME YOUR PAST AND FINALLY REDEEM YOURSELF

FOREVER! - YEAH, GORDY.

- HELP!

- NO!

- WHAT? - I CAN'T.

I MADE A VOW.

I CAN'T GO IN THE WATER, REMEMBER?

WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT IT.

WELL, LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT IN THE OL' COOLER, HUH?

OOH, FRUIT LEATHERS!

HEY, WE GOT BLUEBERRY FRUIT LEATHERS, WE GOT GRAPE...

- HELP! - OOH, CRAN-GRAPE...

- SHUT UP! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!

GET OUT THERE RIGHT NOW AND SAVE HIM, COME ON!

- OKAY! - YEAH!

- OKAY, THANK YOU. - YES!

- I'M GOING TO DO IT. - YOU GOT HIM, BUDDY.

- WAIT!

HA HA HA HA!

I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT MY VOW. [laughs]

I CAN'T GO IN THE WATER!

WE ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT MY VOW!

WHAT A BUNCH OF SPACE CADETS, HUH?

WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT IT. - HELP...

- WHAT KIND OF FRUIT LEATHERS YOU GUYS WANT?

WE GOT CRAN-GRAPE... - AH, FORGET IT!

I'LL SAVE HIM MYSELF, OKAY?

[yelling] - ALL RIGHT, COME ON, LONNIE!

- ALL RIGHT LONNIE, - ALL RIGHT, COME ON, LONNIE!

- YOU GOT IT, BABY! - GET A HOLD OF HIM! HOLD IT!

- HE'S TOO SLIPPY. HE'S TOO SLIPPY, GORDY!

- HELP! - HELP! HELP US!

- OH, NO, NOW THEY'RE BOTH DROWNING!

- BREAK THE DAMN VOW!

DON'T YOU THINK SAVING SOMEONE'S LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT

THAN SOME VOW YOU MADE YEARS AGO?

- BARRY!

WHEN YOU MAKE A PROMISE TO YOURSELF, YOU STICK TO IT.

LIKE WHEN I FOUND OUT THAT I'M LACTOSE INTOLERANT.

I PROMISED MYSELF I'D NEVER EAT CHEESE AGAIN, AND I HAVEN'T!

AND I LOVE CHEESE, BARRY! - WE'RE DROWNING, HELP!

- FROM MOZZARELLA TO FETA,

FROM MONTEREY JACK TO CHEDDAR AND BACK.

THERE'S NO CHEESE THAT-- - OH, WHATEVER, WE'RE GONNA

HAVE TO DO IT OURSELVES! LET'S GO!

- WE'RE COMING FOR YOU, GLEN!

- GORDY, HELP, GORDY, HELP US! - HELP!

- I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT ONE KID DIED THAT ONE TIME.

THAT WAS SO SAD.

AND IT'S TOO BAD MY FIVE BROTHERS DROWNED JUST NOW.

I'M SURE PEOPLE ARE GONNA BE PRETTY PISSED AT ME FOR THAT.

SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE NOBODY CARES ABOUT MY VOW BUT ME.

- I CARE.

- WHO ARE YOU?

- I'M YOU, YOUR SELF-IMAGE. AND I'M PROUD OF YOU

FOR KEEPING YOUR PROMISE TO ME.

- YOU MEAN IT?

[tango music]

*

BUT WOULD YOU BE MAD AT ME IF I SNUCK A LITTLE BIT OF CHEESE?

- NOT IF YOU DON'T MIND SHARING.

[both laugh]

- IF YOU MAKE A VOW TO YOURSELF, YOU MUST NEVER BREAK THAT VOW.

EVEN IF ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE DYING,

YOU MUST KEEP THAT PROMISE.

BUT SOME VOWS MEAN MORE THAN OTHERS.

SAY IF YOU MADE A VOW TO NOT EAT CHEESE,

IT'S OKAY TO HAVE A NIBBLE OR TWO.

LORD, FORGIVE ME, THAT IS SOME GOOD CHEESE!

[theme music]

- OH, HERE WE GO. ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE GOOD.

- OKAY, OKAY, HEY, CONGRATULATIONS, MARK AND DIANE.

YOU GUYS ARE GREAT TOGETHER. - YEAH, YEAH,

AND THE CEREMONY WAS BEAUTIFUL,

AND THIS RECEPTION IS JUST AWESOME!

- OH, IT'S GREAT! FIVE-STAR BUFFET.

HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG?

- THANK YOU, HA HA. WHOA!

[distant clattering]

- EL DIABLO!

[all screaming]

- HE'S GOING FOR THE CAKE! - [screaming]

- WE'VE GOT TO GET AWAY!

GET OUT OF HERE, GO, GO, GO!

- THE EL DIABLO!

WHERE IS HE?

SHOW YOURSELF, EL DIABLO!

EVERYONE STAND BACK--I WILL EXORCISE THE EL DIABLO!

DEAR LORD IN HEAVEN, FREE THIS POSSESSED MAN,

RID HIM OF HIS SIN, AND SAVE US FROM ALL OF

THE DEVIL'S SEVEN DEADLY SINS, BEING GLUTTONY...

LUST...

- PRIDE... - HELP!

- NO. - LUST...

PYROTECHNICS WITH THE VOTIVE CANDLES...

RHYTHM AND BLUES MUSIC, AND ALL THE REST.

PLEASE, OH PLEASE, SET HIM FREE! - [screams]

[crashes]

- IT'S OKAY, EVERYBODY. IT'S OKAY.

THIS MAN IS CLEAN. YOU'RE ALL SAFE ONCE AGAIN.

[guests murmuring]

HEY, WHAT'S THAT? SOME CHEDDAR CHEESE?

MM, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

UM, UH...

OH, NO, I THINK THE, UH,

EL DIABLO HAS POSSESSED ME NOW!

OH, GOD... WHAT IS THIS, COFFEE CAKE?

MM...MM, THAT'S GOOD! MM!

OH, GOD, PLEASE SAVE ME!

THE EL DIABLO HAS TAKEN CONTROL OF MY BODY!

[mouth full] MM, COFFEE CAKE.

OH, PLEASE, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

FAT PIECE OF CAKE...MM!

MM MM MM!

OH, GOD, HELP US ALL!

- ABSO...LUTELY!

[whisper echoing] - EL DIABLO...