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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:05,342 [laughter] 2 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:15,420 [laughter continues] 3 00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:21,517 - OH, THAT WAS A GREAT NIGHT OF LAUGHS. 4 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:23,355 - YOU SAID IT, MAN. AMAZING. 5 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:27,201 - SO FUNNY. - EH. 6 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:29,128 - WHAT? - I SAID, "EH." 7 00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,433 - DICKEY, YOU DIDN'T THINK 8 00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:32,404 THOSE MOVIES AND SHOWS WE WATCHED WERE FUNNY? 9 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,303 - NO. - WHY NOT? 10 00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:35,735 - I DON'T THINK WOMEN ARE FUNNY. 11 00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,409 I BELIEVE COMEDY SHOULD BE A BOYS' CLUB 12 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:38,708 AND ONLY MEN CAN BE FUNNY. 13 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,269 I FEEL HOW I FEEL, AND THAT'S THAT. 14 00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:41,608 AAH! 15 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,342 - NOBODY TALKS ABOUT WOMEN LIKE THAT 16 00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,147 IN FRONT OF US AND GETS AWAY WITH IT. 17 00:00:45,179 --> 00:00:46,849 THAT'S ANTIQUATED THINKING, PAL. 18 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,420 WOMEN ARE DOING GREAT THINGS IN COMEDY, 19 00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,150 AND YOU BETTER GET USED TO IT. 20 00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:54,215 - I DIDN'T REALIZE. - YOU DIDN'T REALIZE, HUH? 21 00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:57,325 YOU SHOULD, BECAUSE BARRIERS AND GLASS CEILINGS LIKE THAT 22 00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,158 ARE DESTINED TO FALL, BUDDY, 23 00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,403 AND IN THE TRADITION OF SUSAN B. ANTHONY, 24 00:01:01,429 --> 00:01:04,299 MAYA ANGELOU, GLORIA STEINEM, 25 00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:05,572 AND SO MANY OTHERS, 26 00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:08,299 THESE WOMEN IN COMEDY WILL NOT BE IGNORED. 27 00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:11,136 - WOW. YOU'RE RIGHT, OKAY? I APOLOGIZE. 28 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,312 I WAS IN THE WRONG. - WELL, GOOD, BECAUSE... 29 00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,681 - [screaming] 30 00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:18,379 HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT? 31 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,882 - YOU'RE KILLING HIM! 32 00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,723 - YOU'RE A FOOL! - NO, MITCH, NO! 33 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:26,690 [all shouting] 34 00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:32,327 - WE KILLED HIM! 35 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,430 WE ALL KILLED HIM AS ONE! 36 00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,606 - HEY, FOLKS, JEFF HERE. 37 00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:53,354 WOMEN'S ISSUES, WHETHER IT BE WOMEN IN ENTERTAINMENT 38 00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:55,151 OR WOMEN IN THE BOARDROOM, 39 00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:57,223 AN IMPORTANT SHIFT IS WELL UNDER WAY. 40 00:01:57,251 --> 00:02:00,351 NOW, AS A MAN, I GOT TO SAY I THINK MY OPINION 41 00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:02,458 CARRIES A LOT OF WEIGHT IN THIS ISSUE, 42 00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,930 BUT, UH...BOY. 43 00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,698 I THINK I JUST WALKED INTO A MINEFIELD. 44 00:02:16,537 --> 00:02:19,707 I NEVER GOT TO FINISH MY MONOLOGUE! 45 00:02:23,577 --> 00:02:25,647 - OH, NO, NO, NO! 46 00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:28,379 DICKEY IS DEAD! WE ARE SCREWED HERE, MAN! 47 00:02:28,416 --> 00:02:29,546 - WHY'D YOU DO IT, MITCH? 48 00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,293 - ME? WHY ME? 49 00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:32,949 - BECAUSE YOU MURDERED A MAN WITH YOUR BARE HANDS. 50 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,916 - HE SAID WOMEN AREN'T FUNNY. YOU HEARD HIM. 51 00:02:34,955 --> 00:02:36,555 WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, NOT KILL HIM? 52 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:37,660 IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE ALL INNOCENT. 53 00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:39,231 YOU COULD HAVE STOPPED ME. 54 00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,490 - WE WERE YELLING, "NO, MITCH, NO" 55 00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:41,828 AND TRYING TO TEAR YOU OFF. 56 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,762 - WELL, I GUESS THAT WASN'T ENOUGH, WAS IT? 57 00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:46,397 AND GUESS WHAT. YOU'RE ALL ACCOMPLICES. 58 00:02:46,434 --> 00:02:48,374 WE'RE IN THIS TOGETHER. 59 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,572 - HE'S RIGHT, BUT THAT'S ALL IN THE PAST NOW, ALL RIGHT? 60 00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:54,405 DICKEY IS DEAD, AND WOMEN ARE FUNNY. 61 00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:57,382 THAT'S OUR REALITY NOW. 62 00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,681 - SO WHAT DO WE DO? 63 00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:02,783 - WE GOT TO CHOP HIM UP. 64 00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:05,686 - [gagging] - [whistling] 65 00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,489 - THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD. 66 00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,221 - THIS GUY'S REALLY COMING APART. 67 00:03:10,258 --> 00:03:11,828 AW, DICKEY. - [gags] 68 00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:19,495 - WHY? 69 00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:22,673 WHY DO WOMEN HAVE TO BE SO FUNNY? 70 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:38,345 [engine revs] 71 00:03:38,386 --> 00:03:41,556 - COME ON, YEAH! - YOU GOT IT, MAN! 72 00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:44,429 - YOU'RE GOING DOWN, BRO! - NO ONE BEATS TIM, YOU BASTARD! 73 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:45,788 - HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO. 74 00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:48,456 - BE AS SAFE AS YOU CAN AND KICK HIS BUTT, TIM. 75 00:03:48,496 --> 00:03:50,556 - YEAH! - COME ON, TIM! 76 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:54,738 [tires squeal] 77 00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,738 - YOU BLEW THAT UP, TIM! YEAH! 78 00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:59,340 - WATCH IT, TIM! YOU'RE LOSING CONTROL! 79 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,873 - YOU'RE GONNA GO RIGHT OFF THE ROAD, TIM! 80 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,708 [tires squealing, crash] - OH! WHOA! 81 00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,683 [horn blaring] 82 00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:07,322 - TIM, ARE YOU OKAY? 83 00:04:07,348 --> 00:04:09,418 - MY DICK! - GET HIM UP, GET HIM UP. 84 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,890 - DOCTOR, HOW IS HE? 85 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,762 - HE'S GONNA BE OKAY. 86 00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:20,531 TIM IS FINE, AND HE SHOULD BE BACK TO NORMAL IN NO TIME. 87 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,701 HIS DICK, ON THE OTHER HAND... 88 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,530 IT'S PRETTY BANGED UP. 89 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:25,865 - THAT'S TERRIBLE. 90 00:04:25,899 --> 00:04:27,939 - HEY, GUYS. 91 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,538 - TIM, YOU LOOK GREAT. HOW ARE YA? 92 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:32,510 - I'M OKAY, BUT... 93 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,638 - IT'S PRETTY SHAKEN UP. - YEAH. 94 00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,507 - I IMAGINE. 95 00:04:38,546 --> 00:04:40,676 - WELL, WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HIM, DOC, THE BEST WE KNOW HOW. 96 00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:42,454 - COME ON, YOU TWO. THANKS SO MUCH. 97 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,593 - ALL RIGHT. - AS SLOW AS YOU GOT TO GO. 98 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,688 - I DON'T BELIEVE IT. - [chuckles] 99 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,420 - HEY, LOOK WHO IT IS. 100 00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:51,927 - SIX WEEKS, AND I'M GOOD AS NEW. 101 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:54,629 CHECK THIS OUT. - CAREFUL, TIM, 102 00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:57,402 YOU DON'T HAVE A LOT OF EXPERIENCE ON THOSE THINGS 103 00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,501 [crash] - OH! 104 00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:00,803 - [moans] 105 00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,074 - OH, HE'S HURT. - YEAH, JUST PUT HIM BACK ON ME. 106 00:05:03,103 --> 00:05:04,913 - WE GOT STAIRS. WE GOT TO SET HIM DOWN. 107 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:07,908 - JEFF, MIKE, DAVE. COME ON IN. 108 00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:10,681 HOW'S IT GOING? - PRETTY GOOD. 109 00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:13,011 BOY, YOU'RE REALLY LAID UP. - ACTUALLY, I FEEL FINE. 110 00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:15,116 - OH, I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOUR... 111 00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:17,818 - OH, YEAH, THAT'S LAID UP PRETTY BAD. 112 00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,791 - [whispering] I THINK WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW 113 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,760 IS REST AND RELAXATION. 114 00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:24,889 - [whispering] I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. 115 00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:31,726 - GENTLY, GENTLY. DON'T COME DOWN TOO HARD. 116 00:05:33,501 --> 00:05:36,741 - I'M IN. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. 117 00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:42,707 - OH, TIM, HAVE YOU BEEN IN THE SUN ALL DAY? 118 00:05:42,743 --> 00:05:44,613 - YEAH, BUT DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 119 00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,405 I PUT SUNSCREEN ALL OVER. 120 00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:49,547 WELL, YOU KNOW, EVERYWHERE EXCEPT FOR ONE SPOT. 121 00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,753 AAH! 122 00:05:50,784 --> 00:05:52,594 - IT WAS A PRETTY BAD SCORCH, 123 00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:54,720 SO HE'S GONNA NEED TO USE A TOPICAL CREAM 124 00:05:54,755 --> 00:05:56,855 AND THEN, AT ALL COSTS, HE CAN'T GET IT WET. 125 00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,030 - RIGHT, DON'T GET IT WET. CAN HE GO SWIMMING? 126 00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:00,759 - HE CAN. HE JUST NEEDS TO PUT, 127 00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,704 LIKE, A LITTLE, TINY, LITTLE ZIPLOC BAGGIE OVER IT. 128 00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,601 - OKAY. - WE'LL PUT THAT ON. 129 00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:09,403 - DON'T GO OUT TOO DEEP, TIM. - KEEP THAT LITTLE BAG ON, TIM. 130 00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:11,467 - CAREFUL, TIM, YOU GOT A SHARK SWIMMING BY YA. 131 00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:12,735 - LITTLE CLOSE TO THAT GREAT WHITE. 132 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:13,843 - TIM! [chomp] 133 00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,484 all: OH! 134 00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:18,049 - AND TWO AND THREE... 135 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,848 AND FOUR. 136 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:24,181 ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, THERE'S A DOCTOR IN SWEDEN 137 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:27,457 THAT SPECIALIZES IN THIS KIND OF TREATMENT. 138 00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:29,158 [airplane engine whirs] 139 00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:37,501 [crash] 140 00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:40,571 [all sobbing] 141 00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:43,641 [bagpipe music playing] 142 00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:51,511 * 143 00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:54,005 - SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS, TIM. - OH, THANKS, BUDDY. 144 00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,777 UH, MIKE, YOU KNOW MY GIRLFRIEND, GLORIA. 145 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:59,746 - YES. HI, GLORIA. - HELLO. 146 00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:02,857 - [whispering indistinctly] 147 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,790 - SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS. 148 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:07,955 - ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE, WE'RE GOING TO GET STARTED. 149 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:10,725 MY LITTLE PECKER WAS A GREAT PENIS. 150 00:07:10,764 --> 00:07:12,604 HE LIVED A FULL LIFE, 151 00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:15,873 AND HE LEAVES BEHIND TWO BEAUTIFUL BALLS... 152 00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:18,543 AND ABOUT A HALF A MILLION SPERM. 153 00:07:18,572 --> 00:07:22,812 MY HEART GOES OUT TO HIS WIFE, MY GIRLFRIEND'S VAGINA. 154 00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:25,583 BUT LET US NOT WALLOW IN SADNESS, 155 00:07:25,613 --> 00:07:28,083 FOR HE IS IN A BETTER PLACE NOW. 156 00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,515 [tapping] 157 00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,751 DO YOU GUYS HEAR A LITTLE TAPPING SOUND? 158 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:37,556 [tapping] 159 00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:40,691 - THAT MAN'S JOHNSON IS BACK ALIVE! 160 00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:43,658 [cheers and applause] 161 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:53,111 - AH, THE PIN-UP GIRLS OF WORLD WAR II. 162 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,840 ADORNING THE NOSE OF EVERY FIGHTER PLANE 163 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:57,175 AND AT LEAST ONE BOAT, THESE CURVY CARTOONS 164 00:07:57,210 --> 00:08:00,050 REMINDED THE MEN WHAT THEY WERE FIGHTING FOR. 165 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,250 MEANWHILE, ON THE HOME FRONT, 166 00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:02,981 WOMEN TOOK TO MILLS, FARMS, AND HOSPITALS 167 00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,646 TO HELP THE WAR EFFORT. 168 00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:08,585 BUT DID YOU KNOW THEY HAD PIN-UPS OF THEIR OWN? 169 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:11,862 PIN-UP BOYS, LIKE HUNKY HARRY AND RUGGED ROGER, 170 00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:14,032 REALLY SEEMED TO STRIKE A CHORD WITH THE LONELY LADIES 171 00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:17,601 WHILE THE REAL MEN WERE OFF FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT. 172 00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,871 THESE HAND-DRAWN HUNKS 173 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,230 WERE THE HEART OF THE HOME FRONT, 174 00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:24,938 ALL THANKS TO ONE NAME, BARBARA O'SHAUGHNESSY. 175 00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,712 BORN IN QUINCY, MASSACHUSETTS, 176 00:08:26,740 --> 00:08:30,610 BARBARA WAS AN ART STUDENT WITH A PASSION FOR THE PECULIAR. 177 00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,854 - OH, I LOVED ALL MY PIN-UP BOYS-- 178 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:38,250 CHUBBY, KNOBBY, PASTY, THE PASTIER THE BETTER. 179 00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:40,545 - LEFT WITH FEW OPTIONS, BARBARA O'S ROSTER 180 00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,618 CONSISTED OF MEN THE STATE DEEMED UNDRAFTABLE. 181 00:08:42,656 --> 00:08:43,886 - STATE YOUR NAME. 182 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,694 - DALE STEVENS FROM WILLIAMSBURG. 183 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:48,896 - WHAT KEPT YOU OUT OF THE WAR, DALE? 184 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,659 - SLOW REFLEXES. 185 00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,798 - MARK BELOTTI, BORN WITH FLAT FEET. 186 00:08:52,833 --> 00:08:54,173 - KEITH STANTON, TOO SCARED. 187 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,571 - PATCH MCGILLIS, I GOT NO FEET. 188 00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:58,044 - THESE BOYS WERE THE LEFTOVERS, ALL RIGHT, 189 00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,711 BUT NOT IN BARBARA'S EYES. 190 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:01,010 - I SAW SOMETHING IN THEM-- 191 00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:05,051 A CERTAIN RAW MASCULINITY AND SEXUALITY. 192 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,878 OH, THAT'S GOOD STUFF. 193 00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,624 HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, RIGHT THERE, THAT'S PERFECT. 194 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:10,119 THAT EXPRESSION RIGHT THERE, THAT'S PERFECT. 195 00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,650 THERE'S A CURVE, IT'S THE SCOLIOSIS OF THE SPINE. 196 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,916 CHIN UP A LITTLE BIT, CHIN UP. PERFECT RIGHT THERE. 197 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:16,615 - HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. 198 00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:18,687 THERE'S A ROLL THAT I WANT TO GRAB. DON'T MOVE. 199 00:09:18,726 --> 00:09:20,756 IT'S A SHAPE I'VE NEVER QUITE SEEN BEFORE. 200 00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:23,134 IT DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE A MAN. IT'S SOME SORT OF A PEAR. 201 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:24,973 IT'S A PEAR I'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE EITHER. 202 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,868 AND YET IT'S A PEAR I KIND OF WANT TO TAKE A BITE OUT OF. 203 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,670 THAT'S IT. 204 00:09:28,702 --> 00:09:31,872 ONE HAD A HEAD THAT WAS ALMOST A PERFECT SQUARE, 205 00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,705 AND, BOY, WAS IT SEXY. 206 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,042 BOY, WAS IT EVER. 207 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:39,906 OH, THOSE ARE LARGE NIPPLES. OH, YEAH. 208 00:09:39,947 --> 00:09:41,717 - THE POPULARITY OF THE PIN-UP BOYS 209 00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,649 MAY SEEM BAFFLING BY TODAY'S STANDARDS, 210 00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,224 BUT IT DIDN'T LAST LONG. 211 00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:48,662 IN 1945, THE WAR WAS OVER, AND THE WOMEN REJOICED, 212 00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:52,989 ENDING AN ODD ERA FOR THE YOUNG UNITED STATES. 213 00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:56,226 NO ONE'S QUITE SURE WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PIN-UP BOYS. 214 00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:59,073 LEGEND HAS IT ALL SEVEN MOVED INTO AN ABANDONED MANSION 215 00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:00,969 ON THE TOP OF THE HILL. 216 00:10:01,001 --> 00:10:04,241 IT'S SAID THAT ON A QUIET NIGHT YOU CAN STILL HEAR THEM... 217 00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,711 [smooching] 218 00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:08,009 PRACTICING KISSING. 219 00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:21,962 - MALE CAUCASIAN, 22 YEARS OLD, 220 00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,719 WENT MISSING ABOUT 18 HOURS AGO. 221 00:10:23,757 --> 00:10:26,657 NEIGHBOR FOUND HIS BODY IN A DUFFEL BAG 222 00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:28,834 WITH A NOTE ON IT THAT SAID, "DO NOT OPEN." 223 00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,732 NOT MUCH TO GO ON, 224 00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,774 BUT WE DO KNOW HE'S A FAN OF BOYS' CLUB MEDY. 225 00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:36,001 HIS NAME IS RICHARD, RICHARD DICKEY. 226 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,106 WE'RE GONNA STOP BY HIS FRIEND'S HOUSE RIGHT NOW 227 00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,768 FOR A LITTLE QUESTIONING. 228 00:10:39,807 --> 00:10:43,007 GOOD AFTERNOON, SIR. I'M OFFICER GORMAN. 229 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:44,853 I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS 230 00:10:44,878 --> 00:10:47,818 ABOUT YOUR FRIEND IF I COULD. - NO! 231 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:51,078 UGH! 232 00:10:51,118 --> 00:10:54,818 - UH, ALL RIGHT, WELL, UH... 233 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,285 I GUESS I'LL JUST CUFF HIM. 234 00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:03,998 THESE THINGS NEVER SEEM TO WORK FOR ME. 235 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,031 OH, THERE THEY GO. 236 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,005 - WELL, KEN, TAD, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. 237 00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,911 - OF COURSE, BUT, HEY, YOU'RE ALMOST DONE, THOUGH, RIGHT? 238 00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:18,453 - WELL, ANY DAY NOW. ANY DAY NOW. 239 00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,708 BUT I SHOULD GET OUT OF YOUR HAIR. 240 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:23,478 - OKAY, HEY, AND IF YOU NEED ANYTHING, WE'RE HERE. 241 00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,486 - OH, GOD BLESS YA. - ANYTHING AT ALL. 242 00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,088 - HAVE A GREAT NIGHT. - BYE, KAREN. 243 00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,121 - OH, THAT'S NICE. HEY, TAD, WHAT DO YOU SAY 244 00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:32,787 WE GET ONE OF THOSE PIZZAS YOU'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT? 245 00:11:32,826 --> 00:11:34,896 - YEAH, YEAH, CIRCLE OF DOUGH, CUT UP TRIANGLES, 246 00:11:34,928 --> 00:11:39,098 PUT SOME CHEESE ON IT. UM, SURE. 247 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:41,772 - IS EVERYTHING OKAY? WHAT'S WRONG? 248 00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:44,812 - AH, IT'S JUST...KAREN. 249 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:46,868 THERE'S SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD GOING ON THERE. 250 00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:50,507 IS THIS CRAZY, OR IS KAREN'S PREGNANT STOMACH 251 00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:53,783 JUST A BASKETBALL TUCKED INTO HER DRESS? 252 00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:56,824 - YES, I WAS THINKING THE SAME EXACT THING! 253 00:11:56,850 --> 00:11:59,190 THAT'S CRAZY! - WHO IS SHE TRYING TO FOOL? 254 00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,019 - I HAVE NO IDEA. PLUS, I THINK SHE WEARS A WIG, MAN. 255 00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,764 - YEAH. 256 00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:04,520 - AND SHE'GOT THAT LUMP IN THE FRONT OF HER NECK. 257 00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,327 HEY, I'M JUST GONNA COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY IT. 258 00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:10,029 I THINK THAT KAREN IS A MAN IN A WIG. 259 00:12:10,063 --> 00:12:11,503 - YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. 260 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:14,801 I MEAN, IT ALL MAKES SENSE. THE BASKETBALL... 261 00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:17,865 SHE TALKS ABOUT A HUSBAND WHO, OH, YEAH, WE'VE NEVER MET. 262 00:12:17,905 --> 00:12:19,205 - PLEASE. - AND THOSE BREASTS 263 00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:21,169 THAT WOULD BE MORE AT HOME NOT IN A BRA, NO, 264 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,878 BUT A TISSUE BOX FOR SURE. 265 00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:26,951 - NEXT TIME I HAVE TO SNEEZE, I'M REACHING FOR HER BREASTS. 266 00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:31,180 - GUYS, I THINK I'M HAVING THIS BABY! 267 00:12:31,218 --> 00:12:34,548 - OKAY, KAREN, WHY DON'T I CALL AN NBA REFEREE 268 00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,557 AND WE'LL GET THIS THING DELIVERED? 269 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:39,029 - YEAH, WE'RE SICK OF THE LIES, DUDE. 270 00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:42,129 [all screaming] 271 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,874 [siren wailing] 272 00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,040 - WHOA, KEN! THIS IS CRAZY, MAN! 273 00:12:52,072 --> 00:12:55,312 - TAD, I LOVE YA, BUT YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT THIS ONE, PAL! 274 00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:56,942 - WHAT ARE YOU TWO TALKING ABOUT? 275 00:12:56,977 --> 00:13:00,907 - OH, KAREN, WE THOUGHT YOU WERE A MAN, 276 00:13:00,948 --> 00:13:03,848 AND WE WERE WRONG, MAN! 277 00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:07,094 - YEAH, WE ARE OFTEN RIGHT, BUT TODAY WE WERE WRONG-O! 278 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,890 - IT'S CRAZY, MAN! 279 00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:11,592 [all screaming] 280 00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,194 - OKAY, ALMOST THERE. 281 00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,356 YOU GOT TO GIVE ME ONE MORE BIG PUSH, YEAH? 282 00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:22,200 - WHAT IS THAT? 283 00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:25,935 - MRS. FREEDMAN, SAY HELLO TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL BABY BALL. 284 00:13:25,973 --> 00:13:28,083 [both laughing] 285 00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:30,538 - WOW, WOW, WOW! 286 00:13:30,577 --> 00:13:32,247 - WHICH ONE OF YOU TWO IS THE FATHER? 287 00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:34,949 - HA HA HA HA. - NO, NO. 288 00:13:34,982 --> 00:13:37,952 - BACHELORS FOR LIFE. - THAT WOULD BE ME. 289 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:41,145 - OH! 290 00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:43,258 - THANKS FOR TAKING CARE OF KAREN, FELLAS. 291 00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:45,360 I OWE YOU A ROUND OF BEERS. 292 00:13:45,392 --> 00:13:47,092 - OKAY. 293 00:13:47,127 --> 00:13:50,557 - ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH OF THAT. 294 00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,267 - SAME SHAPE AND EVERYTHING. 295 00:13:52,299 --> 00:13:54,999 - THIS HAS BEEN FUN, BUT WE HAVE GOT TO GO. 296 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,065 - JUST LIKE HIS DADDY. 297 00:13:57,104 --> 00:13:59,514 - GOOD LUCK. 298 00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,584 - THE FUTURE, THIS IS WHERE MY SON, 299 00:14:04,611 --> 00:14:06,651 TOM O'CONNELL, WILL LEAD THE RESISTANCE 300 00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,649 AGAINST THE MACHINES. 301 00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:12,621 NOW, A ROBOTIC TERMINATION DEVICE, OR RTD, 302 00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:14,352 IS ON A MISSION THROUGH TIME 303 00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:17,157 TO DESTROY TOM WHEN HE'S AT HIS MOST VULNERABLE... 304 00:14:19,927 --> 00:14:21,627 INSIDE MY WOMB. 305 00:14:24,164 --> 00:14:26,634 THE RTD CAME FROM THE FUTURE... 306 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,239 FIVE YEARS IN THE FUTURE. 307 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:38,278 [whirring] 308 00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:29,434 - WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON WITH THIS THING? 309 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:32,302 - HEY. IT'S OFF. 310 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,072 I'M GONNA RESTART IT. 311 00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,141 [computer chimes] GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. 312 00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:38,239 - RIGHT. 313 00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,532 [grunting] 314 00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:33,227 - WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS THING? - BLOW IN IT. 315 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:36,200 - WHERE? - I DON'T KNOW. IN ITS NECK? 316 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:37,529 - OH. 317 00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:40,304 [exhales deeply] 318 00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:43,203 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT WORKED. 319 00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:44,466 - OH, BOY. 320 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,774 - LET'S GO, LET'S GO. GO, GO, GO, GO. 321 00:16:57,417 --> 00:16:59,387 GO, GO, GO, GO. 322 00:17:03,423 --> 00:17:05,333 - HELLO? 323 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,158 - ARE YOU LINDA O'CONNELL? 324 00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:09,234 - WHAT? 325 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:11,162 - ARE YOU LINDA O'CONNELL? 326 00:17:11,198 --> 00:17:13,598 - NO. 327 00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:17,203 - I MUST DESTROY LINDA O'CONNELL. 328 00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:20,167 - OH... 329 00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:23,407 OKAY. 330 00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:26,513 - I MUST DESTROY LINDA--LINDA--LINDA O'CONNELL. 331 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:29,546 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS THING? - THAT'S OUR FAULT. 332 00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,252 - WAIT. WE CAN END THIS NOW. 333 00:17:32,285 --> 00:17:34,815 THE RTD... 334 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:38,594 IT'S NOT POWERFUL. LIKE, AT ALL. 335 00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,655 IT CAN WALK KIND OF, BUT NOT REALLY. 336 00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:44,363 DEFINITELY NOT ON STAIRS. LET'S DESTROY IT... 337 00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:47,497 AND YOU NO LONGER HAVE TO LIVE AS SLAVES. 338 00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,573 - OKAY. - NEVER--OH, OKAY. OKAY. 339 00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:57,606 - THAT NIGHT WE DISCOVERED THE ROBOT'S WEAKNESS. 340 00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:11,785 [camera shutter clicking] 341 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:14,234 - I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE. 342 00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,201 - SO YOU DIDN'T... 343 00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:17,829 KILL HIM. - NUH-UH. I DIDN'T. 344 00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:20,574 I MEAN, WHY WOULD I EVEN DO THAT? 345 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,370 - FAIR ENOUGH. LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING. 346 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:27,143 WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS ON WOMEN IN COMEDY? 347 00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:29,514 - WHAT? - POOR DICKEY HERE-- 348 00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,612 HE DIDN'T LIKE IT TOO MUCH. 349 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,684 NOW, YOU WOULDN'T, SAY, KILL HIM 350 00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:36,383 OVER SOMETHING LIKE THAT, WOULD YA? 351 00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:38,416 - WHAT? NO WAY. 352 00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:39,891 I-I AGREE WITH HIM. 353 00:18:39,919 --> 00:18:41,389 I DON'T THINK WOMEN ARE FUNNY EITHER. 354 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:42,691 [chuckles] 355 00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:45,362 - ALL RIGHT, BUT HAVE IT YOUR WAY. 356 00:18:45,392 --> 00:18:46,532 I'M DONE HERE. 357 00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,559 IN FACT, I'M GONNA TURN YOU 358 00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:51,825 OVER TO OFFICER VICKERS... 359 00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:55,574 OFFICER JILL VICKERS. ENJOY. 360 00:19:00,673 --> 00:19:03,513 - HI, THERE. OFFICER VICKERS. 361 00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:07,253 SORRY YOU HAD TO BE STUCK IN HERE WITH MY COLLEAGUE. 362 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,650 DID HE GIVE YOU THE OLD... 363 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,821 "ANSWER THE QUESTION AND DON'T PLAY ANY GAMES"? 364 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,490 - [laughs] - THIS IS HIM, HE'S ALL LIKE, 365 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,390 "I GOT SUSPENDERS ON SO MY PANTS DON'T FALL DOWN. 366 00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:16,622 "ANSWER THE QUESTION! 367 00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,256 I GOT A BIG-ASS BUTT." FART. 368 00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:21,962 [imitates fart] FART. 369 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:25,504 YOU FIND SOMETHING FUNNY? 370 00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:27,202 - COME ON. - N-NO. 371 00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,544 - YOU'RE FINDING SOMETHING FUNNY. 372 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:30,338 - NO! 373 00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:33,540 - THEN MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T MIND A LITTLE MUSIC. WHAT? 374 00:19:33,573 --> 00:19:36,713 * OFFICER GORMAN'S GOT A BIG OLD BUTT * 375 00:19:36,743 --> 00:19:40,953 * OFFICER GORMAN FARTS A LOT - [groaning] 376 00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,580 - I THINK I'VE SEEN ALL I NEED TO SEE HERE. 377 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:48,516 BUT I'M GONNA TAKE ONE MORE LOOK. 378 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:51,385 - [laughing wheezily] 379 00:19:51,424 --> 00:19:54,394 - YOU'RE SICK. 380 00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,397 - [laughing] 381 00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:58,569 - GOOD SHOW. 382 00:20:06,739 --> 00:20:08,709 - WE GOT HIM. 383 00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,641 - YOU EVER DO STAND-UP? - NO. 384 00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:12,247 - I THINK YOU COULD DO IT. - YEAH? 385 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:21,585 [dramatic choral music] 386 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:26,291 * 387 00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:31,496 - WOMEN ARE FUNNY. 388 00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:34,571 * 389 00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:38,541 [electricity crackling] 390 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:46,751 * 391 00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,429 - HI. I'M ELLIE KEMPER, 392 00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,431 AND I'M NOT GOING TO BE FUNNY ANYMORE. 393 00:21:03,463 --> 00:21:05,063 - IN LIGHT OF THE EVENTS OF THE PAST 48 HOURS, 394 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,997 WE HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE ON BEHALF OF ALL WOMEN. 395 00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:10,304 - WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE FUNNY ANYMORE. 396 00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:11,667 - WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE FUNNY ANYMORE. 397 00:21:11,704 --> 00:21:13,444 - WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE FUNNY ANYMORE. 398 00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:15,413 - LOOK AT THE CONSEQUENCES. - WE JUST CAN'T PARTICIPATE 399 00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:17,542 IN SOMETHING THAT'S GOING TO LEAD TO MORE DEATH. 400 00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:21,447 - BEING FUNNY WAS... REALLY GREAT. 401 00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:23,451 - BUT I GUESS WE WERE JUST TOO FUNNY. 402 00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:25,053 - TOO FUNNY. - TOO FUNNY. 403 00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:28,524 - I ENCOURAGE WOMEN TO CONTINUE TO EXCEL 404 00:21:28,555 --> 00:21:30,355 IN OTHER FIELDS. 405 00:21:30,390 --> 00:21:32,060 - JUST... - DON'T BE FUNNY. 406 00:21:32,091 --> 00:21:34,361 - FOR GOD'S SAKE, DON'T BE FUNNY. 407 00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:35,734 both: WE'RE GARFUNKEL AND OATES, 408 00:21:35,762 --> 00:21:37,432 AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO BE FUNNY ANYMORE. 409 00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:40,574 - WE'RE JUST GONNA BE SERIOUS. - LIKE THIS. 410 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,370 - I'M NICOLE BYER, 411 00:21:42,402 --> 00:21:44,502 AND I'M NOT GOING TO BE FUNNY ANYMORE. 412 00:21:44,537 --> 00:21:46,707 - SANDRA BERNHARD, NOT GONNA BE FUNNY. 413 00:21:46,739 --> 00:21:48,509 - CASEY WILSON HERE. 414 00:21:48,541 --> 00:21:50,111 I'M NO LONGER GOING TO BE FUNNY. 415 00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:51,612 - THIS IS LENNON PARHAM, 416 00:21:51,644 --> 00:21:53,754 AND I'M NOT GONNA BE FUNNY ANYMORE. 417 00:21:53,780 --> 00:21:58,420 NOT A QUIP, NOT A JIBE. NOT EVEN A BON MOT. 418 00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:12,828 [twangy guitar music plays on television] 419 00:22:12,865 --> 00:22:17,435 - OH! I KEEP HURTING MY NARDS! 420 00:22:17,470 --> 00:22:20,340 - [laughing] 30307

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