All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S06E07.Moira.Rosé.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-CtrlHD

A POP Original Series

[Drumroll]

Announcer: Two balls
and two strikes on Hernandez.

[Bat cracks] And there's a well-placed bunt!

- Why did he hit the ball
like that?

- So that is called a bunt.
It's uh, it's tactical.

It allows the guy on first
to get over to second.

- Okay. Who came up with
the word "bunt"?

Sounds like something you'd
need to see a surgeon for.

- David, this is an important
game.

You told me you could get
into this.

- I was referring to the pizza.

But, also, the game.

- [Gasps] What do we have here?

I seem to have stumbled
into some sort

of gentlemen's cavern.

- Hey, thanks for letting me
stay here tonight, Mrs. Rose,

When David told me
he wanted to install

a Japanese toilet at my place,

he neglected to mention that
it would involve

taking out a wall.
- It was in the email.

Also, you will be thanking me
when you experience the heated,

motion-sensor toilet seat.

- So, David, I take it you'll
be employed as cheerleader

for whatever televised
sporting event

is unfolding for the remainder
of the day?

- Alas, this is Patrick's day.
We're doing what Patrick wants.

- Yes!
- Wow,

someone's enjoying their day!
- [Chuckles]

- Sorry. Just... cleared
the bases.

- It turns out Herb Ertlinger,
the great fruit vintner,

is rabid fan of the Crows
movie -

good luck finding someone
who isn't -

and he would like to name
a wine after me.

- Oh my...
- They should call it a...

a Moira Rosé.
[Chuckles]

- Yes, that's what he has
in mind.

- Amazing! Congrats, Mrs. Rose!

- [Faux excitement] Mm.
What news!

- Yes, but he wants me
to sample

the fruits of his labour
this very day!

- Well, this seems like a very
important moment in your life.

I only wish I could be there.

- I can't go alone.

- [Sighs] Well, unfortunately,

I told my fiancé I'd watch
the game with him--

- Just go, David.
- Okay.

Are you sure?
- Yes.

You guys might wanna rehearse a
little more next time.

The extraction did feel
a bit strained.

- [Quietly] That was you.
- Wha?

- Love you.
[Door closes]

for the beleaguered bullpen..

♪♪♪

[Low hum of chatter,
meditating music]

- [Gasps] There are my fierce
women,

ready to elevate their lives!

I'm so glad you decided
to come today.

- Well, you pushed pretty hard
for it, Alexis.

- You said you'd buy me lunch.
- Mhmm.

As Elevation's official
regional brand ambassador

and regional marketing
invigorator,

I need to ask you guys:

are you ready for a total
physical

and emotional transformation?

- Nah, but I'll do your class.
- Mm.

- I didn't know they'd make us
change

out of our own workout clothes.

- Yeah, I kinda wish I knew
that

before I spent all that money
on my LuLu Limes.

- Okay.
- I found a stain on my pants.

Are we sure that they
clean these?

- 'Kay, Stevie--[Squeals]
- Alexis!

It's wonderful to see
all these new recruits

you've brought for us today.

Leadership is thrilled with
all of your hard work.

- Oh my God, I'm blushing.
[Giggles]

Um, ladies, meet Citrus.

Citrus runs our East Coast wing,

so we are very lucky
to have him here today.

- You know,
I should also tell you

that he's been very impressed
with all of the work

you've done for us
these past few weeks.

- I'm sorry, who's "he?"

- Oh, good point. Who's "he"?

- Well, if you keep this up,
you'll find out soon enough.

Twyla, Stevie, Jocelyn,
and Ronnie,

have a great class.

- How does he know all
of our names?

- Am I crazy or is he really
cute?

- Okay, ladies,
are we ready to elevate?

- Nah.
- What if I just wait in the car

until you're ready for lunch?
'Cause I'm just getting

a really weird vibe
from this place.

- Stevie, we've talked
about this.

You are a businesswoman now
and part of that means

that you need to be like
physically and mentally sharp.

And also, I get paid for
everyone that signs up,

so mm, mm, mm.

[Dance music plays]

- All right, my Elevators,

we are ascending,
not depending.

All our troubles,
all our worries,

we're going to elevate
above them.

Can I get an 'oh yeah'
if you're up on my level!

Class: Oh yeah!

Stevie: [Weakly] Oh yeah...

♪♪♪

[Cart rattles, door closes]

- Hey, Johnny.

Listen, I don't wanna creep
you out or anything,

but I was just peering
into your son's bedroom...

- Okay, not off to a good
start, Roland.

- Well, do you know that
Patrick's sitting in there

all by himself?
- Uh, yes, I'm aware.

He's spending the night
with us.

Patrick is practically family
now.

- Ah. Have you told him that?

- Well, no, I haven't told him.

I mean, I haven't exactly
said it out loud.

- Yeah... I don't know, Johnny.

Not having the big father/
son-in-law chat

feels like a missed opportunity
to lay down some laws.

Maybe Patrick should get "the
talk" from old Uncle Roland.

- 'Kay, nobody's having a talk
with Uncle Roland.

Look, everything is fine.

If I feel like having a talk,
I'll have a talk.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have a few things
to attend to.

- I remember when Jocelyn's dad
gave me the talk.

I mean, he was trying to talk
me out of getting married,

but she was 9 months pregnant
at the time,

so he really didn't have a leg
to stand on.

But I'll tell you,

I could not get out of that
sauna fast enough.

No way!

The kid's just in there
by himself, Johnny.

Something to think about.

[Bird chirp]

[Classical music plays]

- Okay, so how did this happen?

I'm shocked he'd give you
a second chance

after that train wreck
of a commercial.

- Mark my words, David,
Herb--

- Ertlinger.
- Mm-hmm.

Won't be the last we see to
clamber out of the woodwork

now that I have a hit film
on my hands.

Spines tend to liquidate
in the presence of success.

Speaking of.

Herb!

- [Quietly] ERT-linger.
ERT. LINGER.

- Herb Ertlinger.
- Nailed it first try.

Both: [Laughing]

Hey, bygones be bygones
about the TV spot.

At least the print ad
worked out.

Pretty hard to mess up
one of those!

- Clearly you haven't seen
the heartburn ads

she shot with Anne Geddes.
- [Laughs] Herb,

I would like to introduce you

to a potential vendor.
This is my son, David Rose.

I'm sure you've heard of
Rose Apothecary?

- I have not, no.

But I'd be happy to discuss
a buy with...

whatever store this is,

if it means something to you.
- [Chuckles] Okay.

I think we might need to sample
the product first.

- Ah!

My wife and I got a real kick
out of that Crows movie.

So we would love to make
our Moira Rosé

an exclusive
and limited release.

This is what we're thinking
for the label.

- [Gasps] Well, hello!

Who is she and how do we get
a mouthful of her?!

- Now, it's important that
you believe

in the product you're selling,

so we have a few options:

there's the strawberry-peach,

the ground fruits blend,

and... a lovely banana rosé.
Huh?

- Mmm. Rich in potassium.
- Mm-hmm.

- So, uh, sample at your
leisure.

I'll come back with some
coffee grounds

and a cheese board.

Again, we are so thrilled
to have you here, Moira.

Enjoy.
- Thank you so much.

- Poor thing.
- [Sigh of agreement]

- Okay. Here is to being able
to share

the perks of the industry
with you.

Salut.
[Glasses clink]

- Cheers.

[Slurp]

- Oh, I had my reservations
about banana.

- Um, that's strawberry-peach.

- Oh dear, it tastes like
Amoxicillin.

- [Gulps]

This one's burning my throat.
These are terrible!

- Well, we have to pick one,
David.

- Do we? You really want people
associating your name

with this... laundry detergent?

I would never sell this
at my store.

- Okay, enough.

Whew.

Now I'm getting notes
of tomato.

- Ugh.
- [Sucks teeth]

Announcer: Bottom of
the 8th, Tigers down by one.

Great pitching duel today...

- Oh, hey, Mr. Rose.

- Patrick! Uh, yeah,
I was gonna say hello,

I, uh, didn't wanna interrupt.

- No, no, not at all.
I'm just watching the game.

Hey, do you want some pizza?

- Uh... yeah, I could go
for some 'za.

[Chuckles]

- Ordered it a while ago,

so it might be a bit cold
by now, but...

- Oh, that's okay,
cold pizza can be good.

- Mm.
- Hot pizza's good.

Too-hot pizza - not so good.

I got that happening.
- [Laughs] Yeah.

- Oh, is this thin crust?

- I think it's just regular.

- Oh yeah, well, I love
a regular crust.

Announcer: ...Jackson on
the mound.

- Yeah, cheese, tomato sauce,
bread.

Can't beat that combination.
- [Chuckles]

Announcer: Here's the wind-up - and the pitch!

- You know, speaking of great
combinations, you and David--

- Oh!
- Oh, uh...

did we get another hit?

- That's the other team,
unfortunately.

- Oh... boy. Almost got
a glove on it, huh?

That would've been good.

You know, I was gonna say,
you and David--

- Oh, he and Mrs. Rose went
to some wine tasting thing.

- Oh, he went with Mrs. Rose,

yeah, the woman I'm married to?

You know, I was just flashing
on you and David--

- [Watching game] Oh, come on!
This is not happening.

- What is happening?!

Oh, you know, we,
we can talk about this later.

It's not, it doesn't really
matter. Fellas!

- [Frustrated sigh]
- Ugh!

- Yes, Stevie!
You're crushing it.

You're breaking through
and I can see it!

Ronnie--
- [Groans]

- You too!

Twyla, where are we going?
- Up!

- And what're we leaving
behind?

Class: Everything and everyone!

- Yes! Push past those demons!

Leave it behind you
as we ascend to the gateway.

Jocelyn, do you see it?
- I think so!

- And... class!

[Exhales] Great job, everyon!

Women: [Breathing hard]

- And remember, I wanna see
all of you

signing up for that gateway!

Good work.

- Oh yeah, I feel amazing.

Does anyone wanna sign up
with me?

I'm happy to share a tent!

- If babies are allowed,
I am in.

- Consider me a convert.
I'm gonna go grab a couple

of those Elevation Hydration
bottles.

- So, Stevie, what did you
think?

- Okay, yeah, I didn't hate it,

but I mean,

does anybody even know
what "the gateway" is?

- Um, well, I think it's pretty
obvious...

- [Questioning gasp]

- Although, if it'd make you
feel better,

I can totally like clarify

some of the language
with Citrus.

[Catching their breath]

Yeah. Um, hey! Citrus?

- Yeah?

- Well, first of all, so great
to finally experience

what we're marketing.

- Well, I'm glad you
enjoyed it, Alexis.

- [Chuckles] Although,
from a marketing perspective,

I think it'd be really
helpful to just like...

clarify some of the language
that we're using.

- Okay. Like what?

- Well, first of all,

I noticed that you referred to,
um, like "demons" a lot.

- Well, we all have demons!
- Yes, and I get that.

Carbs. Am I right?
Both: [Laugh]

- Right. But I'm also talking
about actual demons.

- Yes...

Okay. I guess I'm just asking
for the people

signing up right now, um,

or is it like an actual
gateway?

- Oh! It's, it's a symbol.

- Okay, good.
Both: [Laugh]

- But it's also a literal
gateway into the sky.

- Gotcha.

- I hope that cleared
everything up.

- Totally.
- [Laughs] Great.

Jocelyn: I'm just signing up.
I can't...

Oh... it's gonna be good.

- Hey, Jocelyn?

Can I see that sign-up sheet
for a sec?

- Oh, I haven't finished
filling out my social...

- Oh, that's okay.

I'm just gonna go and destroy
this right now,

because I get the creeping
suspicion

that this place is like,
not okay.

Like I feel like this is more
than just a fitness class.

- What do you think it is?
- Um, I think it's a cult.

And like not the good kind.

Not like when you go
to India to follow

a long-haired, sexy man around
for a couple months

and then come home with
a bangin' yoga body.

- Yeah, if only someone had
pointed out how weird this was

from the beginning.

- Alexis, can I still go on
the trip?

I'm not saying that I need it.

It's just last weekend
I snuck Roland Jr.

into the ball room at Ikea,

just so I could eat a meatball
by myself.

- No. No. No one is going on
the trip.

And I am so sorry for making
you guys sign up for this.

- Well, I'm keeping
the Hydration bottles.

I can just dump out
the crystal water.

- Just a heads up, you guys,
they're almost sold out

of the "nocturnal affirmation"
cassette tapes, so--

- Twy...
- Now I just need to buy

one of their cassette players.
Because you have to make sure

they're playing at the right
speed when you're sleeping.

- Twy, this is a cult.
I brought you to a cult.

- Oh my gosh,
did you not know that?

My mom tried to take me
to the gateway

for spring break one year.

I just thought I was supporting
your career.

- Ugh, how did I fall for this?

Cults prey on sad, weak,
vulnerable people.

- I'll try not to take
that personally.

- I've just been so desperate
to like throw myself into work,

and I clearly missed all
the signs

and now I've like endangered
all of us.

- Well, there's an exit sign
right there.

- Yup, but the arrow's pointing
straight up.

- There was an emergency exit
in the change room.

- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[Squeals] Yeah.

[Classical music plays]

[Slurps]

- Ugh! Okay, you know what?
I'm making a blend.

- Yes. Make us a nice
Moira-lot...

or a Moira Rose-ling.

Hey, not to be too effusive,
but I'd call that one potable.

- I have had worst things
in my mouth. [Chuckles]

- I'm so happy that I wrestled
you away today

for this oenological escapade.

I finally have you all
to myself, David.

When's the last time you and I
had a whole day together

with nary a care in the world?

- I mean, I am in the middle of
planning a wedding,

while also building
a successful retail empire.

- Yes, you are.

Then grant me this precious
moment -

before there's a ring
on your finger -

to say chin chin to you
and your husband-to-be.

- This feels remarkably
selfless.

- You and Patrick are two
good grapes.

- Hmm...

- Different notes,
different tannins,

but... together, you've managed
to make one perfect blend.

- Thank you.
- That being said--

- Oh my God.
- If I may impart a...

slice of marital sagacity:

you and I,

we're two potent grapes.

You know, there's a lot of
your father in Patrick.

- Don't need that.

- But just because their notes
are subtle

doesn't mean they require
any less attention.

- Says the woman who literally
convinced me

to leave my partner alone
at home,

watching a baseball game.

- You know I'm right.

Your father and I have produced
beautiful wine together

for over forty years.
- Ew.

- And I have absolutely
no doubt

that your relationship
with Patrick

is going to get even better
with age.

[Door opens]

- Okay, I hope we've landed on
something,

because all I have left
is this cherry ice wine

[Sniffs]
and I think it might be corked.

- Nope. My David has put
together

a delicious blend right here.
- Mm-hmm-hmm!

- Ugh. No. That's not the one
we picked.

- Huh?
- That's not the one we picked.

- What? Well, let's retrace
our steps.

- No.

- How many combinations
can there be?

[Slurps]
- No.

Announcer: We'll be back to
the ball game right after--

- Yeah, I guess I don't need
to turn the volume down

for these commercial breaks.
- Oh, whatever works for you.

[Chuckles]
[Turns volume off]

- It's just I thought you
had something

that you wanted to talk about?

- Oh, no, just wondering
what the inflation was

on concessions these days,

'cause it's been years
since I've been to a ball game.

[Chuckles]
- Well, it's highway robbery.

- Yeah, you got that right.
[Chuckles]

- It just sorta seemed like you
wanted to talk about David

for a second.

Felt like that's where
you were goin'.

- No, I...

sure. Yeah, I can talk about
David.

Yeah, my son...

[Clears throat]

Who, uh, you will be...

walking down the aisle
with very soon.

Well, technically, you won't be
walking with him...

down the aisle, but...
but um...

- Mr. Rose, I don't wanna
cut you off,

but um...

[Clears throat]

I'm glad we have a minute
to talk.

Because I, I hope it goes
without saying that,

as lucky as I feel
to have met David,

I also feel incredibly lucky
to be joining your family.

- Huh.

- I love your son

and I will always do everything
I can

to respect him

and to protect him
from all of the things in life

that can set him off.

And there are many, many things
that can set him off--

- [Laughs] Oh, I'm aware, yeah.

Um... oh boy, that...

pretty much covers it.

Uh, I was only gonna say
that I...

I hope you treat him with...
respect,

which you just said you would,

and, of course...
I already knew it.

- I'm glad we had this talk,
Mr. Rose.

- Me too. Me too.

- All right.
- [Blows out breath]

Both: [Clear throats]
[Turns volume up]

Announcer: Iverson at
the plate,

and here comes the pitch!
[Loud crack of a bat]

Announcer: Iverson with a...
- Oh... Oh! It's going...

GOING! GONE!

- Oh! [Laughing excitedly]
- [Laughing excitedly]

- Whoa-ho!
- Hey!

Both: [Awkward laughter]
- Wow!

♪♪♪

[Operatic music plays]

♪♪♪

- So, it was this one?

- Um, let me just triple check.

[Slurps]

[Gags] No. [Laughs]
No, it's not.

- [Slurring] Did it oxidize?

Is that why we can't recognize
the tastes?

- Okay, if neither of you can
remember which one it was,

maybe we just,
we just call this off.

The wife and I had reservations
at the Elmdale Inn an hour ago.

- It was strawberry-radish.

- We don't do anything
with radishes.

- Ooh, maybe you should.
That sounds refreshing.

- We're not making a new wine!
- [Shocked gasp]

- There's no need to raise
your voices, Herbert.

- Okay, speaking of Herbert,
is it Herbert or Erbert?

Like when people say Herb
or Erb?

[Doors closing]

- I took the liberty of calling
your husband, Moira,

because somebody has to drive
you two home

and it's certainly not going
to be me.

Both: [Gasp excitedly]

- Our designated grapes!

- Well, I see the sampling
went well.

[Noisy, drunken kiss]
Both: Okay.

We couldn't find a wine.

- Well, it sorta smells
like you... found all the wine.

- What?
- Yeah...

- Mr. Ertlinger, I hope this
doesn't stand in the way of...

our doing business.

- Your wife ensured that
that won't be happening.

Between the two of them they
could not find a single wine

they were willing to put
Moira's name on.

- I said radish!
- We... [swallows anger]

Could you please escort
your family out of here?

I am very late for a dinner!

- I am offering a major apology
if that'll help.

[Awkward silence]

Okay. I take it keys are in
your purse, Moira?

- [Incoherent] Es in a nokia...
- I'm gonna uh...

I'm gonna start the car.
- Okay, great!

- Yeah.
- What?!

[Crickets chirp]

- [Exhales]

How was your class, Alexis?

- Um, it was a big success.
Thank you for asking.

Everyone had a great time

and the clients were like
super impressed.

- Oh, that's good.

I wonder if that means they'll
give you priority boarding

when you enter the gateway?
- Oh my God,

Stevie did this, didn't she?

- Now, do the step machines
actually lift off the ground,

or are the step machines just
there to help you practice

for when you walk onto
the spaceship?

- Come on, David,
she didn't know.

- Thank you!
- But now that you do,

does it just make the journey
to the gateway

that much more meaningful?
- Okay, you know what?

Honestly, this whole situation
is starting to gross me out.

It's like I'm sharing a room
with my twin brothers who kiss.

- Mm!
- Mm...

[Knock at the door]
- Well, look at this!

We have a full house here.

Just came in to say goodnight.
- That's not necessary.

- John! Open, please!
- Yeah.

Hey! I like sleepovers!

Anyone think I might
like a sleepover?

Alexis: Ew... Ew!

Johnny: You know, spending
a little extra time together

is not such a bad idea
since we're...

losing Alexis soon
to the gateway.

- OH MY GOD-DUH!
- A simple mistake, honey.

- So does this happen
every night?

- Um, no. No, it doesn't.
- Oh...

Alexis: Uh, okay.

Mm! Stop!
- [Snorted laugh]