Original subtitles

Hey, Pop.

You know what, I wa...

All right, here we go again.

You're not talking to me, right?

Well, you're wrong, and you know it.

Why don't you just come on out

and admit that you're wrong?

Now, go out there and do that inventory

like you're supposed to,

and if I have time when I come home,

I'll help you finish it.

Pop, you know I like toast.

All right, I'll do it.

I knew you would, son. Good morning.

I've always given in to you, Pop,

but I'm not gonna do it this time.

If you want that inventory done,

you're gonna have to do it yourself. You got that?

And when I come home,

I'll finish decorating the tree.

What branch would you like your teeth on?

You take that tree and them decorations

on outta here,

because we ain't got no money

to be spending on no foolishness.

Anything you say, Scrooge.

Scrooge this!

Come in.

Ho, ho, ho.

I bring you the greetings of Yuletide.

Ho, ho, ho.

Go down to the oceanside and stand in the low tide

until the high tide commits suicide.

You don't upset me, Fred Sanford.

I have the feeling of Christmas.

And the face of Halloween.

What are you starting something for, Pop?

Hi, Aunt Esther.

Listen, I'm in a hurry.

Was there anything I can do for you before I leave?

Just put these under your tree, sweetheart.

Aw, thanks a lot.

Hey, here's a present here for you, Pop.

You spent money on me?

It's not the amount of money one spends on a gift, Fred.

It's the thought behind it.

Well, what is it?

Who cares?

Lamont, if you're leaving, I'm going with you, honey,

because your father is getting on my nerves.

I wouldn't get on no part of you.

You think you're smart, Fred Sanford,

but as my Spanish-speaking friends

would say, adios, sucker!

Listen, Esther, now, if that's you again,

I'm gonna take your head

and use it for an ornament on top of some tree.

I'm tired of y... Sir?

"Sir," that's me.

My name is Ronnie Small.

Oh, uh, I'm Sir.

I'd like to talk to you about a job.

Well, who do you think I am, one of the Kelly Girls?

Well, wait. I'll do anything for it.

What? Yeah?

Yes, I need $10 to buy a Christmas present

for my mother and father,

and I only have two days till Christmas.

Anything? Yes, sir.

I'll work both days, day and night,

for the $10.

Two days?

Yes, sir.

Uh, come on in.

Uh, let me explain

my health and welfare plan to you.

See, everything you do is for my health and welfare.

How's this, Mr. Sanford?

That's very good,

and you better hurry, though, if you gonna get all this done

and get the house painted by tomorrow night.

Right.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, Pops. How you doing?

I'm doing fine.

Why aren't you somewhere doing time?

Say, Pop, who is that?

Oh, that's our employee, son.

He's working for us.

He's not working for us. He's working for you.

He's doing the inventory, isn't he?

Among other things.

What other things?

Like... painting the house, cleaning up the yard,

fixing the garage.

And how much are you paying him for all this?

You're gonna love this, son.

How much?

Ten bucks.

Oh, man, 10 bucks to paint the house

and clean up the yard and fix the fence?

That's what I said, Lepke, 10 bucks.

Yeah, well, how much did you pay

for his ball and his chain?

Hey, Pop, $10 is nothing.

It's nothing to you, Mr. Rockefeller,

but for him, it means Christmas presents

for his mother and father.

And if I like his work, tomorrow I'll give him his $10

and a Christmas bonus.

What kind of a bonus?

Big smile and a firm handshake.

Say, well, look here, Pops,

why don't you slide this up under your tree?

What is it?

It's a Christmas present from me to you.

Oh, I don't want that under my tree.

It'll set my tree on fire, it's so hot.

Pop, what's the matter with you?

Rollo is trying to give you a Christmas present.

I don't want his present,

and he don't need his past,

and nobody wants to see him in the future.

Say, look here, man, why don't you take it, Lamont?

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, brother.

Hey, Pop, what's the matter with you, man?

I think it was nice of Rollo

to include you on his Christmas list.

I don't want to be on his list

as long as he's on the wanted list.

You got that kid out there working for nothing, man,

all these hours, doing all this stuff.

You know, you are Scrooge.

This is just like that story, Christmas Carol.

What the Dickens are you talking about?

I see you're familiar with the story, huh?

Yeah, it's the story about the true spirit of Christmas.

That's right.

It's about this guy that worked real hard

for his old gray-haired boss

so that he could get rich and have a Merry Christmas.

I don't want to hear any more of this.

I'm kind of sleepy, son.

Naturally. You've been over-resting.

Well, I'm gonna take a nap.

Why don't you have the kid do that for you too?

Quiet, Lamont.

Shut up over there, kid!

Who is that?

Who... Who... Who are you?

It is me,

the Spirit of Christmas Past!

Oh, well, look here.

I'll give you... I'll give you $3 for them chains,

and I'll give you $2 for that outfit,

and I'll give you 30 seconds to get out of my house.

Come with me.

Is that you, Lamont?

It is me, it isn't me.

It's today, it's yesterday.

It's all things to all people, for I am what was.

Uh, could you say that in English?

Come with me, Fred Sanford.

Uh... go with him, Fred Sanford.

You!

Now you're wrong, putting your hands on me.

Don't do that. Don't touch me.

Come with me.

Where are you going?

Into your past.

Perhaps another time.

Now!

Uh... This is a good time.

Follow me.

Follow me... I'm following you.

Follow me.

Where are we?

Doesn't this place look familiar?

Yeah. I've been here once.

No, I've been here a lot.

This is my house in St. Louis.

You're the spirit of St. Louis?

Who's that?

That's my mommy.

Mommy!

Mommy?

She can't hear you.

She can hear me,

but she just won't listen because I always lied.

Fredsie, come on.

"Fredsie?"

That's me. She used to call me... Fredsie.

That's right. She's calling you.

Yes, Mother?

Did you bring back the bread?

Yes, Ma'am. I got it.

Well, where's Mommy's change?

I had to spend it.

Charlie Stone had an old windshield wiper,

so I bought it off him,

and some day I'll sell it for junk

and make lots of money

because that's what the future of this country

is coming to... junk.

Fredsie!

Really. You'll see.

I'm gonna be a millionaire and buy you things, Mommy.

I'm gonna buy you diamond rings

and fur coats

and your own brand-new windshield wipers.

Oh, baby.

Now, you've got to get some sleep,

because Santa Claus is coming tonight

and he don't want to find you awake,

because if he does, he won't leave you anything.

Okay.

Mommy...

I didn't buy you anything for Christmas.

Oh, honey, that's all right.

Mommy don't really need anything.

Get me away from here, Spirit.

Why? Don't you like seeing your mommy?

Yes, but I don't like seeing me.

I didn't spend all that money

on the windshield wiper.

I spent half of it on the windshield wiper

and the other half I bought candy with.

And you never told your mother.

No.

And I could have bought her a present.

Take me home, spirit.

Okay.

Follow me.

Goodbye, Mommy.

Take me away from here.

Take me away from here.

Take me away from here!

Wake up.

Wake up, Fred Sanford.

Oh... I'm glad I was only dreaming.

You know, I dreamt that...

Come with me.

Uh-uh.

I've been out once tonight.

Come with me!

I'll do the driving.

No cars, Fred Sanford.

We will travel on the clouds

above the stars in the sky.

Uh-uh. I ain't smoking none of that stuff.

Come with me!

Who are you?

I am the Spirit of Christmas Present.

Come with me.

I'm coming with you.

Follow me.

I'm following you.

Follow me.

I'm following you.

Follow... me... I'm following you.

Follow me...

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way ♪

♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride ♪

♪ In a one-horse Open sleigh ♪♪

Right on, right on.

Esther, you got the best chicken-flickin'

guitar-pickin' landlord in town!

Yeah.

Hey, I know those laughs.

You should.

These are all your friends.

Friends?

Yes, the people that care about you

and the people that you care about.

Who do I care about?

I don't know who I care about.

Then don't you think it's time

you started to care about someone?

I know that laugh.

That belongs to Queen Kong.

That's Aunt Esther. Listen.

Thank you, spirit.

For what?

For saying "listen" and not "look."

Shh.

Because I can't stand

the sight of her. Quiet.

Gee, Esther, it was nice of you

to invite me over for eggnog.

It's the spirit of Christmas, Donna...

Love for your fellow man.

That's true.

Say, are Pops and Lamont coming?

No, I didn't invite Fred.

Why?

Because he doesn't

have the Christmas spirit.

I wanted Lamont to come, but he didn't want to come,

because he didn't want to embarrass his father.

I would have gone, but she didn't invite me.

I really would have gone.

Out of love, or to insult her?

Both, because I love to insult her.

It was nice of you to buy Fred a Christmas gift, Esther.

Especially after all the insults he heaps on you.

Well, the Lord said turn the other cheek.

Her cheeks look just alike... All four of them.

You know, I don't understand Pops.

I bet when he was a kid,

he used to send poison-pen letters

to Santa Claus.

Oh, Fred ain't that bad, Rollo.

Why you wanna stick up for him, Bubba?

He's always calling you stupid, dumb,

mindless, and foolish.

I know it...

But at least he doesn't insult me.

Hey, Bubba's right.

I'm never nice to him,

and he's always trying to be nice to me.

To Fred G. Sanford.

Ooh!

Don't be nice to me.

Please, don't be nice to me.

You know, if I could just get him to the altar,

it would be all right.

Stop being nice to me.

I don't deserve it.

Take me away from here.

I want to go, spirit.

I want to go.

Take me away.

No... I don't deserve it.

Too many dreams.

Two bad dreams.

Would you care to try for three?

Oh... Who are you?

The Spirit of Liberace?

I am the Spirit of Christmas Future.

Uh, Christmas Present and Christmas Past just left.

If you hurry, you can catch them.

Come with me.

Uh, uh... I'm coming.

Follow me.

I'm following you.

Follow me.

This is your future, Fred Sanford.

That's me? All alone?

No son, no friends?

And do you know why?

No deodorant?

No.

No generosity, no love, no Christmas spirit.

No kidding? No kidding.

I don't want to see no more.

Take me away from here. I don't want to see no more.

Get me out of here. I don't like him.

I don't like him... I don't like him.

I don't like him.

I don't like him!

I don't like him.

You don't like who, Mr. Sanford?

Uh... him. Me.

Sir.

Spirit, you shrunk!

You were dreaming, Mr. Sanford.

Yeah, uh... Who told you to stop working?

Oh, I'm sorry.

It was me that told you to stop working, that's who.

It was me. Stop working!

Are you okay, Mr. Sanford?

Of course I'm okay,

and you're gonna have the finest Christmas

you ever had in your life.

Here. Here's 20 bucks.

It was 10, Mr. Sanford.

It's 20. Where's your Christmas spirit?

Are you sure you don't want me to help with the dishes?

Nope, I'm all finished, Pop.

Hey, and thanks a lot for my smoking jacket.

That's okay.

Hey, you know, sometimes you amaze me, Pop.

Why?

Well, giving Ron that $20 and telling him

he didn't have to come back to work.

Well, it's Christmas.

Yeah, but there's just one thing I don't understand, Pop.

What's that, son?

Well, you said that you weren't gonna let me

have my presents until my birthday,

and my birthday isn't until February.

Well, just go along with it.

I know what I'm doing, son.

I know that, Pop, but, you know,

when all my friends ask me

what kind of presents I got for Christmas,

I'm gonna feel silly telling them

I'm not getting them until February.

I know, but, see, I work wonders in many ways.

Come in.

Welcome, and Merry Christmas.

Thank you, sir.

Sir? Where are you getting that old sir stuff?

It's Fredsie.

Fredsie?

I just wanted you to meet my parents,

Mr. and Mrs. Small.

How are you?

Mr. Sanford, the nicest man in the world,

and his son, Lamont. How are you?

Hello. How are you?

Uh, have a seat, Mrs. Small.

Thank you.

Say, you know, you have a nice son here.

He really loves you.

It was nice of you to overpay him,

but to give him all those gifts for all of us...

Well... Gifts?

Well, I got to leave now. Ta-ta.

Goodbye, Mr. Sanford, and thank you.

Before you leave, uh,

what's your first name, Mr. Small?

Bob. Robert.

Oh, well, I thought it might be Lew,

because I see that L on your tie.

Well, that's one of the gifts

your father sent over.

He explained to Ron that stands for love.

That's right.

That's what Fredsie explained.

Fredsie said that, huh?

And these cuff links you have here, Ron,

with L.S. on them?

I guess that was a gift from him too, huh?

Sure was.

Uh-huh, well, of course I'm familiar

with that L.S.

That must stand for his famous slogan.

I'm familiar with it, but just for the heck of it,

what's it mean again?

Oh, it's his way of life, his philosophy.

Yes, and I loved it.

He even put it on the box of handkerchiefs

he got for me.

See? L.S. "Love Somebody."

Merry Christmas, son.

Merry Christmas, Pop.

And remember... love somebody.

Gee, Esther, it was nice of you

to invite me over for eggnog.

It's the spirit of Christmas, Donna...

Love for your fellow man.

That's true.

Are Lamont and Pops coming?

No, I didn't invite Fred.

Why?

Because he doesn't

have the Christmas spirit.

I wanted Lamont to come, but he didn't want to come,

because he didn't want to embarrass his father.

It was nice of you to buy Fred a Christmas gift, Esther.

Here's to Fred G. Sanford.

To Fred G. Sanford!

Come in.

Merry Christmas!

Oh, Fred!

Hey, Fred!

Oh, Fred, I'm so glad to see you.

You're a little late for dinner and eggnog.

I am? Well, am I too late for the Christmas carols?

Not until the clock hits 12:00.

Good.

Well, then start one, Fred. Go ahead. Yeah.

No, I don't want to sing nothing.

Uh, A-flat.

♪ Chestnuts roasting On an open fire ♪

♪ Jack Frost Nipping at your nose ♪

♪ Yuletide carols Being sung by a choir ♪

♪ And folks dressed up Like Eskimos ♪

♪ Everybody knows ♪

♪ A turkey and some mistletoe ♪

♪ Helps to make The season bright ♪

♪ Tiny tots With their eyes all aglow ♪

♪ Will find it hard To sleep tonight ♪

♪ They know That Santa's on his way ♪

♪ He's loaded lots of toys And goodies on his sleigh ♪

♪ And every mother's child ♪

♪ Is gonna spy ♪

♪ To see if reindeers Really know how to fly ♪

♪ So I'm offering This simple phrase ♪

♪ To kids from one to 92 ♪

♪ Although it's been said Many times, many ways ♪

♪ Merry Christmas ♪

♪ Merry Christmas ♪

♪ Merry Christmas ♪

♪ To... you... ♪♪

Merry Christmas, y'all!