Original subtitles

Humans are like fishes

either you like them or you don't

fish have the advantage

first that they do not talk

and, second, that they taste delicious

something you can't say about every human

here you have plenty of time

and I love to bake

all you need for an exquisite creation

are the right ingredients

they don't have to be fresh

it all depends on the right mixture

to find the balance

to get the right proportions

that

is the high art of real baking

a lot of fish have passed me by

big ones, small ones and hunchbacks

and some of them stayed a little bit longer

before they vanished in the depths of the sea

but one thing always stays the same

only with the right bait

can you catch the nice, big ones

that's how it is

I am Stanislav Borg

I'm a lighthouse keeper

and I'm a gifted fisherman

Hi, this is the voicemail for Vanessa

I'm not available at the moment

I'm enjoying my vacation on the beach

leave a message after the beep

and I will call you back

Thanks...bye-bye!

whoever sees this here

please inform the police immediately!

I am being held captive in this lighthouse

and there is already a dead body

I fear the worst

hello

I have a room to rent

nothing but hot air

you can't manage anything

you fucking loser

you are and remain a dreamer

you have no idea

you waste your life with unnecessary, silly things

ah!

fucking women!

how I can help you?

I am looking for something exclusive

something for me

what's important is luxury, luxury, luxury... luxury

and not so alone

a few good, well-to-do men looking to marry are welcome

if you know what i mean

I think I have something just right for you

can't you watch where you're going?

these bums are everywhere these days

where is our dough

we're not going to let a little piece of shit like you

pull a fast one

give me ten days

give me ten days... I promise

your promises are worthless

in five days we want to see cash

and if you think you can fuck off

we will find you

five days

no, no, no, no.. to the resort, Svet Ivor

Svet Ivor

Svet Ivor

Svet Ivor?

Svet Ivor

oh my God! You frightened me

are you staff?

I'm looking for the resort

you don't understand? yes?

nothing capito?

probably a complete idiot like all the others

oh, you don't have to explain

I don't understand your mumbling anyway

idiot!

I understand you very well

I am the idiot who takes care of everything here

my name is Stanislav

I'll show you the room

What? What room?

this is a disaster

cozy, isn't it?

with sea view!

I must call the agency, immediately!

you don't want it?

njit, that's not possible

where I'm going there are palms, luxury

and many many lusty men

do you see anything like that here?

yeah, there must be a mistake

oh really?

are you going to fix this, or do I have to take care of it?

that's not possible

but you can gladly rent the room

rent?

I don't want to rent anything at all here

I want to get away from here, namely as fast as possible

please call a boat immediately to bring me away from here

a clean one, please!

that's not possible

you can't leave

the next boat is coming in a week

on the seventeenth

out of order?

the storm damaged the wire to the mainland

damaged?

I'll give you the room

for 100 € a night

do you want it now?

no!

I'm going to sue the agency so bad

see that!

the absolute nightmare!

filthy

run-down

primitive

in the middle of nowhere

what?

the boat. The boat there!

row me back

I'll pay you

that's not possible

100 €?

200?

300?

500!

200€, that's highway robbery!

I still need your passport

please sign in here, name, first name and residence

that's the law

everybody must be reported and registered properly

and how do you want to do that?

it's a matter of principle

I need something to clean

drop something?

five o'clock is tea time

John de Mar?

didn't checked out?

So! Vanessa

I'm sure that you have a lot of stories to tell

from your young life

say ...

your guestbook

i've noticed that the last guest didn't check out

is there still somebody else on the island?

or

did he depart early?

or died of boredom?

not of boredome

this is a joke, right?

in your bed

died?

two days ago

that was a joke

I just wanted to cheer you up a bit

he wanted to clear out

so I had to kill him

you really have a sick sense of humor

stupid joke

fucking women!

I was looking for a prince

and where did I end up?

What? What are you doing here?

I'm going to take a bath

A bath? Here?

you only rented the room

besides, there is only one bath

no one will believe me!

Hello

I have a reservation

you have to take off!

take off!

you have to take off!

up there?

Hey? Wait!

A boat!

stop! stop!

stop!

wait for me!

you did that on purpose

that was no accident!

I was in the shed

you want me to rot here

you haven't seen a woman for a long time?

and this guy?

I am Sebastian

I know you from somewhere

Right!

from the travel agency

can't you watch where you're going?

the bum!

You can't have booked the resort?

Resort?

This is a lighthouse? Right?

So! You're moving out

he is the right guest

What?

dream on ... you can forget about that!

never ever!

should I spend the night in the shed?

this here

this rotting hole

is mine!

until I get off this damned island

it was never so clean here!

hey... we will certainly find a solution

What?

you can choose

the bathtub or the shed

I booked the room

I am a lady

so what?

you are a gentleman? Right?

we can take turns

as soon as I'm gone

you can do whatever you want

till then I'll let you

stay here

Hello! This is my room

I was here first

by mistake!

but first!

actually, you couldn't afford to go

where I was supposed to go

who says?

my car broke down

and I already paid in cash

but I wanted to come here

five o'clock is tea time

in the kitchen

Deal?

Although?

You'll have to excuse me

the whole thing here has got me a little bit

on edge

I am actually quite nice

this is just a little bit too much for me

I was so looking forward to my holiday

sun, beach, sea and good company

and what do I get here?

my name is Sebastian

oh, I didn't mean it like that

I don't know you

maybe you are quite nice!

I am Vanessa

Vanessa

has the old fart already told you?

the next boat, God why didn't I notice ...

...

he did it on purpose!

luckily you are here

finally, somebody I can talk to

and have a pleasant discussion with

I'm going to look around a bit

yeah, sure!

was nice chatting with you

Hello!

I thought you went into our cozy accomodations?

to come back to this suing issue

Stop! Not another word

you talk too much

I came here

to escape just that

therefore no pointless

unnecessary

meaningless gossip about nothing

I want peace and quiet

is that so difficult to understand?

meaningless?

I just wanted to be nice ...

And? Already made friends?

wouldn't she make a good catch?

Here!

This is all that is left to me

not exactly a lot

and you?

been on the island long?

five years ago I got the offer

I agreed immediately

master of a tiny kingdom

absolute calm

and if it gets too tight

escape back to the mainland

with the boat?

what should I say

there is always a possibility

this would certainly interest the lady

eh... we'll keep her on the hook for a while

I like it here

what do you think about the princess?

Vanessa?

she's totally confused

she lives in a dream world

incredibly elegant

are you talking about me?

I heard you

and I'm not talking to you, by the way

more!

to lovely holidays

more!

man, am I starving!

I don't think she likes it

you have to eat

it'll give you power

and make her fat!

I'll just ignore you

has the kitchen something else to offer?

has the kitchen something else to offer?

this is ... this is amazing!

where did you learn to bake like that?

I know people who would like kill for that

Antwerp, '74

Lisbon, '76

and here

three times golden prize, Prague, '75

I was head chef at the 'Cordon Bleu'

Chef ...? Paris?

oui madame

you are a talent!

what the hell are you doing here?

have you ever thought about going in to business?

I see a giant market

without money

I have spent everything on booze because of a girl

plus, you need dough to invest

I know so many people

when I get off this damn island

I'm going to invest in your business

yo, me too!

really?

You? You have no money

you are poor as a church mouse

so what?

we need money!

always the fucking money!

should be forbidden!

that would be the best

the world would be so much better

money... it's so unnecessary

the more you get, the more greedy you become

you can't get enough of it

they should reinversify it! fucking lolly...

Splendid!

reinversi... what? reinviviversi ...

reinversi ... oh whatever ...! Reverse!

the more you have, the more you have to pay

reverse!

and that's why

I am going to set a good example

get out of my bed!

what happened yesterday?

I have a complete black out

yeah, well ...

Oh, I was probably so awful...

you danced on the table in the end

What?

hey! hey! take it off!

you really wanted to strip for us

then we had sex

the three of us

hey! that was a joke!

we had to carry you in to the room

you puked all over the hall

I'm not like that

Stanislav, he got me drunk

nothing happened

you are absolutely not my type

you would never go out with such a poor guy like me

exactly!

Hey! Who says that I want something from you?

everybody wants something from me

why did you get in to my bed?

probably looking for something warm and soft?

a mattress!

a mattress?

that's what I am to you?

you threw me on to the floor

serves you right!

you have to tie the bait really firmly

or else they just tear it off

and disappear with it

the princess!

has she straightened herself out again?

she thinks that I wanted to get in her pants

and? did you?

all right

women like that are trouble anyways

do you have a smoke for me?

how am I supposed to function now?

hey, I meant that stuff seriously yesterday

of course!

you wanted to start a revolution

would that be so bad?

we were totally drunk

you're a dreamer

got to have dreamers too

that's what I said when I was sixteen

till I got kicked out of school for dreaming

some day I'm going to make the big catch

and then I'll let people run around for me

and I'll sit in the front row

and you call me a dreamer

ah, what do you know?

I saved up all my money for this holiday

why do you think

that you can give me advice?

look at yourself

you wear this shirt surely the third times

must be the third time you've worn that shirt

what does that have to do with anything?

you are so superficial!

you're only interested in superficial appearances

not the appearance, the smell!

you are just a pig!

who says that this pig isn't rich and wealthy?

you and money? Forget it!

you're just a big loser

I ... I am not a loser!

he looks like a loser, he talks like a loser

and he smells like a loser

I don't need to listen to this any more... you know

loser ... loser ... and incapable of dealing with conflict

yes!

yeah, run away, it's what you do best

men!

no one calls me a loser!

should I knock her off for you?

this here ... this is my island

she has no reason to be here

hey... what kind of stupid ad is that?

oh, a competition

a competition from a soft drink company

is this here that ... jabadu?

yeah

this tschtripet tschetripet ... what does it mean?

4 - 5 - 4 - 5 - 4 - 5 - 3

it's printed here

snake oil salesmen!

I want some peace

Jabadu!

I can't decipher this

how many zeros are printed here?

jabadu! jabadu! jabadu! jabadu!

men!

jabadu! jabadu! jabadu! jabadu!

jabadu! jabadu! jabadu! jabadu!

Stanislav, this is going to be great!

I'm going to invest in your business

and how much exactly, if I may ask?

enough to buy you and the lighthouse together

or as you explained it to me

enough to sit in the front row

am I being punished, or what?

your own words

this is a conspiracy!

Stanislav ... a glass of water for 10 €. This is usury!

nobody is forcing you to buy anything

everything has two sides

you want to play?

what you can do, I learned long ago

Stanislav? Can I run a tab?

of course!

yeah!

Why not? Business is business!

your room has just changed owners

you have to check out!

forget about it!

I'll gladly let you take the bathtub

you ... you ... I'd rather sleep with the fish garbage

than share a room with you

simply not capable of dealing with conflict!

a house?

or a yacht?

a dog!

definitely a dog

or I'll start my own business

with Stanislav

and without Vanessa

Stanislav, what does this date here mean?

oh, this is when the contest expires

but? this can't be,

that's the day after tomorrow!

oops!

then you better hurry up!

I need the boat

get the boat ready right away!

I can't lose any time

the boat … the boat ... that won't work

why not?

you won't get far with that boat

what do you mean?

no!

I need the boat!

10,000!

I give you 10,000 for it

which part of the word 'no' didn't you get?

20,000!

30,000 €!

my last offer!

60,000!

that's more than you earn in a whole year

80,000!

I have to get out of here!

Sebastian!

Sebastian!

I am not in the mood to argue with you

do not say anything

just don't say anything!

we have to leave here, immediately!

Stanislav is dangerous!

fuck!

what is going on here?

the head's missing

I want to get out of here!

what do you want with these?

not without my suitcases!

this is life or death

this one!

Hey!

Hey!

quick! hurry up!

Hey!

these fucking tourists!

Hey!

faster!

Hey!

faster! please!

faster!

how much longer?

how much longer?

first I'd like to know which direction we have to go ...

direction?

I thought you knew which direction?

all looks the same

there ...

are you sure?

I think I came from there

then we should row out in to the open sea?

come on... I'm sure!

ah!

and why?

I'm just sure!

this is no fun and games!

when we get lost

this is not like when you get lost while shopping

typical!

Ok...there!

you just pointed in the opposite direction!

me?

no

did too!

I changed my mind

why did I get involved with you?

now it's my fault?

four suitcases and no brain!

what do my suitcases have to do with this?

ah! Are you mad?

you are such an idiot!

you are such an arrogant bitch!

why did I ever get involved with you?

you shouldn't have come along

oh not!

I'm cold

come here

land!

land!

we are saved ... come ... come

we made it

Fuck!

what?

there!

no! Don't leave me alone!

wait!

wait for me!

we can't go up there. He'll kill us!

do we have a choice?

I'm not going up there

this is all your fault!

huh?

you! you paddled in a circle

what do you want?

may I interrupt your interesting conversation

where is the resort?

stop! hold on! hold on!

how did you get here?

boat?

oh God! Boat! boat . boat ... boat

oh... hello

to the resort?

yeah, but...

I have to explain ... please

he's going to kill us

hey!

we are together

that's what I can offer you

you probably wanted to say goodbye

when you are finished here

you may provide me with a little company

we have a new guest

just to break the ice a little bit

I am Felix

Felix Knoll, import export

I am Vanessa

this is Sebastian

your husband?

my husband?

oh ... oh... no!

more like a mistake

leave me alone

Felix?

say...

if you wanted to go to the resort

then business must be treating you well

excellent!

how I should say

I wanted to treat myself to a little time out

cooling down, forgetting the stress

yeah.. to put me back to work with full power

then you are at the right place here

import export?

what are you slinging?

slinging?

this is probably not exactly the right expression

does Harnes & Bobble sounds familiar?

the auctioneer?

that's me!

only exclusive goods

yes, one must be able to afford it

interesting!

then you must get around a lot

New York, Sidney, Tokyo, Moscow

indeed, I can call them my second residences

then your poor wife must not get the chance to see you much

I am not married

I have not been blessed with such luck

but Felix! Don't say that

who knows.. maybe you'll get a lucky break real soon

maybe he'll get struck dead by luck

and Sebastian

I assume when you can afford the resort

that you come from a good house

him!

him?

he really booked the lighthouse

he really wanted to come here

here?

really?

you're kidding!

unbelievable, isn't it?

Stanislav?

you haven't adjusted your prices yet

oh!

Felix!

what? What does the 100 mean with me?

multiplication factor

oh, just ignore them

they're permitting themselves a joke

joke? game?

interesting!

I assume that you accept credit cards

of course!

and why didn't that apply to me?

credit rating?

you don't have any credit anymore!

the lady burned her credit card when she was drunk

oh what!

and she drinks a lot, you should know

then she becomes really randy and incredibly cheap

ask Stanislav, he already amused himself with her

and when she really gets going

on the next morning she can't remember a thing

but Vanessa!

don't believe a word they say

they're all just horrible lies

of course! I see that you are a respectable lady

respectable lady!

respectable lady!

Vanessa!

you don't have to accept this

if you have had enough of these companions

I can, as a gentleman, offer you

my room to rest

Vanessa, this guy only wants to get you into his bed

Gentlemen!

have fun!

call me if you need some assistance

fucking women!

forget that lout

he threw all my baggage into the sea

look how I look

mais non!

it's what's on the inside that counts

I will make sure that he never touches you again

and we will leave this horrible place as fast as possible

he just comes here and wins a million

it's just not fair

since then he has changed totally

it's ok

let it out

I'm here now

how much has he won exactly?

you'll see

it's all becoming clear to me now!

he didn't want to let you go!

he wants the winning number for himself

you think so?

from what i can judge

he could become violent

take your fucking dirty fingers off her!

wait

wait for me!

motherfucker!

wait!

hey you fucking coward!

stand like a man!

where are you?

come out, you coward!

you fucking prick come out!

where? where are you?

come out and face me!

prick!

stop it! immediately

come on, let's talk it out

damn!

fucking tourists!

Hey! Stop!

not here on my lighthouse!

this is no kindergarden

go on back in!

come Felix!

yeah... fuck off, you coward!

hey! you're going to regret this!

come on Felix, come on!

you and me are going to have a word too!

fucking tourists!

stay still!

and here ...

I just wanted to protect you

luckily Stanislav got in the middle

could have ended badly

for that brute

you have a sense of decency

that's rare today

how caring

I appreciate that in these rough surroundings

my pleasure

oh, why are we talking about me all the time, Vanessa

this whole thing must be taking a toll on you

I think you deserve a bath

go and relax, while I hold down the fort

it's high time that you get out of those dirty clothes

how are you doing?

I am a little bit confused

I am a little bit confused

at the moment I'm asking myself

which of the two could be the bigger threat to us

I'll get you another cup of tea

where is the number?

you fucking coward!

knock me down from behind

and then rob me

not with me!

he ... he ... he was with me the whole time

more like in you, i bet

where is my lot?

give me back my stuff

I don't have your lot

I can beat it out of you, if you prefer

you told him about it, huh?

or was it you?

what?

why ... should I steal this stupid lot? huh?

that's just petty cash to me

then who else?

my wallet is missing

and where is my passport?

mine is gone too!

where is my lot?

where is my lot?

I don't have your lot

a misunderstanding

come on ... admit it ... we caught you

admit it, Stanislav!

you stole my lot

and you wanted to kill us all

you murderer!

I'm not a murderer

oh yeah?

and your last guest?

the corpse in the shed?

did he put himself in there?

what corpse?

ah, Vanessa forgot to tell you?

you probably didn't want to ruin your chances

what corpse?

in the shed

where is my lot?

and?

was he good?

I can't begin to imagine

that's none of your business

at least you got what you wanted

a vain golden goose

enough Sebastian, don't make it even worse

even worse? What could be worse?

my future and my dreams just turned to dust

it's not my fault that you fell in love with me

we are just not compatible

and and and...why not?

take a look at yourself

and then look at me

do you see anything in common?

you are impossible!

can you come down from your damned superficiality?

you see

again

well...you'll never get her back like that

now I've got to take relationship advice

from a damned hermit or what?

listening never hurts

where is my lot?

we can do this a completely different way

perfect!

everything'll be alright

trust me

everything'll be alright

where is my lot?

stop!

we are civilized humans

otherwise, we're no better

better? better than what?

stop it, that doesn't acheive anything!

let's try to figure out how to get off this island instead

hey! shut up!

I'm not leaving without my lot

and I know who has it

stop!

we'll turn everything upside down

then we'll build a fire in front of the tower

when they see that, they'll come to rescue us

yeah, you do that! I'll continue here

search outdoors. I'll continue here!

I ... I could make you an offer

why did we leave them alone?

you think Stanislav is afraid of such a wimp?

hey ... sorry about what happened before

I didn't mean to insult you

you're impossible!

ah . now I'm impossible?

you think ... they will find us?

why it is so quiet up there?

oh my God!

stay close behind me, ok?

an engine?

an engine!

Vanessa! this is no time to play!

shut up! you're getting on my nerves!

you pig!

I'm so sorry

such an ass!

Stanislav!

Stanislav!

hey, we can talk about it

Stanislav, open the door!

we can talk about everything!

Stanislav, I'm so sorry about hurting you!

Stanislav!

whoever sees this

please inform the police immediately!

I am being held captive in this lighthouse

one person is already dead

please! please! do something! please!

the little thing was cute

innocent ... tasty!

a pity somehow ... oh well

that's how it goes!

you asshole!

I'll get you!

bye!

you pig!

stay here!

stay here!

Vanessa you're not superficial

thanks!

hey! There's enough for everybody

hey! guys! guys! hey!

enough for everybody!

let go

let go!

hey! let go!

wait!

wait!

what did she say?

we're too late

hey! ... hey!

hey! let me out of here!

hey! I can make you an offer!

I don't want anything

quit fucking around...ok?

let me out of here!

hey! ... hey!

hey! ... hey!

with this meat

you must always cut nicely with the grain

you frightened me!

we're closed today

are you staff?

wine?

revolutionary joy for the palate

how extraordinary!

you really deserve all your success

your pies and menus are the talk of the town

well.. you know what happens when

you get bored

and it's not every day

that a drowned corpse floats in front of you

the mobile got lost

and it has provided for quite a lot of excitement!

how was it exactly

with the corpse again?

He really existed

but you'd better ask our business partner

it's about the corpse

corpse?

oh! It was washed ashore

a drowned corpse

there's no way I was going to leave it in the water

so I stored it temporarily in the shed

ah...stored it temporarily

it's been cleared up for a long time

this happens over and over

nothing unusual

but when they found the corpse

there probably

their imagination ran away with them

within this context

this man here came to our attention

Felix Heinrich

he was seen in the area at this time

an internationally wanted con artist

since then we have lost any trace of him

did you perhaps run in to him anywhere?

nope, never seen him

would you like to taste one of our new specialities?

you will be surprised

this is sensational!

what do you call this creation?

Felix

what a coincidence!

could almost make a man suspicious!

what are the ingredients?

that is our secret

something quite special!

Humans are like fishes

either you like them or you don't

humans have the advantage

that they don't talk when they eat

here I have plenty of time

and I love to cook

all you need for an exquisite creation

are the right ingredients

they don't have to be fresh

it all depends on the right mixture

to find the balance

to get the right proportions

that

is the high art of real cooking

I am Stanislav Borg

I am a chef

and a gifted gourmet