Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

- Coming up next,

another episode of America's

favorite reality show,

"The Life of Eiffel."

- With me, Eiffel!

- Ugh, when I was in ballet

class with Eiffel,

I couldn't stand her.

But now that she's on TV,

I love her.

- Me too.

- Me three.

- Me three, too.

♪ ♪

- I'm your sister.

You can't have family

game night without me.

- Sorry, Eiffel,

you make it odd.

- So?

We can play two against three.

- No. I meant, like,

you make it odd

because, ya know,

you're odd.

- Ugh!

Odd?

I'm not odd!

I'm odd-dacious!

I can't believe you don't

want me at your game night.

I'm America's

toilet paper princess!

When people wipe their tushies,

all they think about

is this face.

- I know I do.

- Fine!

I'll have my own game night.

With better games

and better snacks.

But you know what

it won't have?

You, Lilly.

You.

Eiffel out!

[all screaming]

- Okay, who's hurt?

all: Shh!

- Anyone bleeding?

all: Shh!

- I think one of 'em

sprung a leak.

- No one's hurt.

- We were just watching

"The Life of Eiffel."

- With her, Eiffel.

- This episode is so good.

- Lilly's having game night

and uninvited Eiffel.

- Because she thinks

she's odd.

- So then Eiffel was all,

"Ugh, I'm not odd...

I'm odd-dacious."

But then Lilly was all, "Ghost

out, toilet paper princess.

Around here,

you're number two."

[all giggling]

- Have you guys been watching

this all day?

- Well, the day's

not over yet,

but that was our goal, yes.

- Yeah, it's not like we're

addicted to it or anything.

- Oh, well then you won't mind

if I turn it off.

- No, no, no, no!

- Dad!

- Why did the bad man

take my friends away?

- I'm sorry, kids, but it's time

you "ghosted" out of this show.

- "Ghosted," Dad?

Don't try to sound young.

- You kids need to stop watching

other people's TV lives,

and start living

your own lives.

- You don't understand.

They're rich and famous.

Their TV lives are way more

interesting than our real lives.

- True dat.

- Dat not true.

- Now it's just sad.

- Listen, I'm just saying,

you're interesting.

- Yeah, you're quadruplets.

Do you know how many sets of

quads there are in the world?

- 3,556.

You asked!

- All I'm saying is that

if you just got off the couch

and did something, maybe you

could be rich and famous.

- What do we do now?

- What's the purpose

of our lives if we can't

watch other people's

lives on TV?

- Wait...

that's it!

Mom and Dad are right.

We're every bit as

interesting as Eiffel and Lilly.

We should just make a reality

show about ourselves.

- Yeah!

I mean, we may not be

odd-dacious,

but we're quad-dacious.

- We'll be a bigger hit than

"The Life of Eiffel."

- And then once we're

rich and famous,

we can watch anything we want,

anytime we want.

- Well, when we're

not jet-skiing

in a giant pool of pudding.

We're gonna be rich.

Think big, guys.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ One, two ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

[upbeat music]

- Thanks for helping us

with our reality show, Dooley.

- Yeah, you're the only guy we

know who could

get us this kind of

camera equipment.

- Hey, who helps you out

when you need helping out?

all: Dooley do.

- When you needed four matching

suits of armor,

who got 'em for you?

all: Dooley do.

- And when you needed four

wetsuits, a lock pick,

and 200 water guns

filled with Greek yogurt,

who got 'em for you?

all: Dooley do!

- Uh, wouldn't it be

"Dooley did"?

- Depends on when

Dooley do it.

Now let Dooley

show you what he done.

In addition to

the Dooley-cam...

I've also hidden cameras

downstairs, upstairs,

in your parents' store--pretty

much everywhere you're gonna go.

I've even got one on the dog.

[snaps fingers]

- He asked me to wear one.

I said no.

- Now here's your portable

Quadfessional.

This is where you can escape

and get things off your chest.

- Oh, I got things

on my chest.

It totally works.

This chocolate chip

came right off my chest.

- That's a mole.

- Either way,

it popped right off.

- Anyway...

I can control all the cameras

right here from this tablet.

- Dooley, this is incredible.

- Yeah, but where

did you get all this--

- Eh, eh, eh.

- Wait, this stuff isn't--

- Jee, jee, jee.

The less you know,

the better.

- That's always worked for me.

- No one else is concerned

about where all the--

- Zub, bub, bub.

- You can't--

- Bap!

- But I--

- Bap, bap, bap, bap.

- All right, I'm dropping it,

but I am not comfortable.

- Now let's do this.

The faster we shoot this, the

faster we get rich and famous.

- And the faster we can

watch whatever we want.

- Okay, camera's rolling.

Just act normal.

And...

Action.

[static]

[dramatic music]

- [whispering] This is

totally lame.

- Do something interesting.

- You do something interesting!

- I'll do

something interesting.

Table flip!

♪ ♪

I'm pretty sure that table's

nailed to the floor.

Guys, a little help here.

[all grunting]

- Come on, come on.

- Okay.

[all grunting]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- So turns out, we weren't

as interesting as we thought.

But it didn't take long

for us to figure out

how to make it more

"quad-dacious."

- Guess what.

Someone in this room

has a birthday coming up.

- Oh, is it me?

- No.

- Is it you?

- We have the same birthday.

- Oh.

Is it us?

- No, it's Mae.

- So what do you want to do

for your birthday this year?

Big party?

The best reality shows

have really big parties.

And big parties always have

tension, arguments,

and drama.

All the good stuff.

- I don't want a party.

Too much drama.

- Oh, nonsense!

It's your birthday.

- Yeah, but you guys always...

how to I put this gently?

Completely ruin

my birthday parties.

- I wouldn't say completely.

- Last year, Dicky

blew out my candle.

- Who hasn't accidentally

blown out someone's candle?

- With his barf.

- That was your fault for having

a hotdog-eating contest.

- It wasn't a contest.

Those were for everybody.

- Okay, so, last year, I admit,

not your best birthday.

- And the year before?

- Hey, you served sloppy Joes

before you let us

in the bounce house.

That was not on us.

- No, it was on everybody else.

- Okay, I think we can all agree

we overeat and throw up a lot.

- If we promise

not to eat anything,

will you let us

make it up to you

and throw you

a party this year?

all: Please?

- Fine!

But nothing big, just us.

- Got it.

Nothing big--great idea.

Terrible idea!

"Nothing big"?

Talk about boring!

- Right?

Who wants to watch that?

- Hey, get out of

my Quadfessional!

- Hey get out of

Ricky's Quadfessional!

- But I want to make sure we're

not gonna have a lame party.

- Nicky's right.

Think about how bad

that'd be for us.

I-I mean Mae.

This is all about Mae.

- Yeah!

Mae.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- So, when you say

you want your party to be

just us, you mean, like,

just us

and 50 people, right?

- Dawn.

- All right.

What about 45?

- Dawn!

- Fine, 20 guests.

No more.

- We're going to need a theme.

- A theme?

- How about cats?

Mae likes cats.

- I do like cats.

- We got this, Mae.

- Oh, she also likes

root beer floats.

- I do like

root beer floats!

- Mae, please.

- We can it a

"Mae's Favorite Things" party.

- Love it!

- Awesome.

- That really

ties it all together.

- Okay, fine.

20 friends, a few things

I like, but that's it.

You guys have to promise me

this party won't get huge.

all: We promise.

all: We lied.

♪ ♪

- Oh heck to the no,

massage lady.

I'm not just gonna stand here

and take that.

- Yeah, you cross the

toilet paper princess,

you get straight-up flushed.

- Ka-floosh.

Boom.

[door opens]

- What you doing, Tom?

- Just being a good dad

and keeping tabs on

what the kids are watching.

And I have got to tell you...

it's genius!

- No, no, honey.

Reality TV is so phony,

and fake, and--

why is she being so mean

to that masseuse?

- Because she made fun

of her "Snow Wipe"

toilet paper commercial.

- What?

I don't wipe my tushy without

thinking of her face.

- Right?

I'm gonna say what I said to you

on our wedding night.

Let's go on this journey

together, Anne.

- [laughs]

- Now take your massage table,

and get out!

[both screaming]

- I can't believe she just

flipped a massage table!

- She flips a table

in every episode.

- I am so happy to be

on this journey with you--

- Then help me!

[both grunting]

And don't worry, there's no way

the kids could possibly know

what we're watching right now.

[both grunting]

- Ugh, what is in this thing?

♪ ♪

- Root beer float fixings.

Check.

30 kitties for the

cat petting zoo.

Check.

- Wait, where did

we get 30 cats?

- Yut-dut-dut!

Better you don't know.

- Cake candles.

Check.

Party music.

Check.

- Lame check list--

all: Check!

- This list is not lame!

- This list is sucking all the

fun out of this world.

- Trust me,

we need this list.

It's gonna help us make sure

Mae's party is problem-free.

- Problem-free?

But without problems,

there'll be no drama.

- Without drama,

there'll be no show.

- Without a show,

we're never gonna be able to

jet ski in a lake

filled with ice cream.

- I thought it was

a pool full of pudding?

- I'm thinking big, people!

We needed drama.

And if we've learned anything

from "The Life of Eiffel"

it's that nothing stirs up a

little "party drama"

quicker than telling someone

they can't come anymore.

So let's start stirring.

- My good stirring spoon.

♪ ♪

- Bad news, Mae.

Ricky just went over the

guest list,

and he says

it's ballooned up to 21.

And since you really, really

wanted to keep it to 20 guests,

I guess there's

only one thing we can do.

You're gonna have to

cut somebody.

- No, that's okay.

I could live with 21.

- Did I say 21?

I meant 22.

So, who's

getting the boot?

What about Miles?

- Nah, that's okay.

- 22 is fine.

- No, no, no.

You said 20 was your limit

and we need to

respect your wishes.

- Yeah, but I just don't want

anyone to feel left out.

That's too much drama.

- Yeah, drama.

Who wants that?

[laughs]

And girlfriend

doesn't like drama.

- Well, if girlfriend

won't un-invite someone

from her party,

maybe we should just do what

real reality shows do

and vote one of ourselves out.

- Interesting.

- That could work.

- Very dramatic.

- All right, it's settled.

We'll vote,

and by the end of the night,

one of us won't be going

to Mae's party.

- But who?

- Little does Nicky know,

I'm already plotting his demise.

I know exactly

who is going to get voted out.

Me?

I got voted out?

- Apparently,

he didn't know exactly

who was going

to get voted out.

- Ricky is not happy!

- Drama.

Check.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- I can't believe

you voted me out!

- Isn't this what you wanted?

- Yeah, wasn't it your idea

to have the vote

in the first place?

- That was when I thought

I had the numbers!

We had an alliance!

You promised me you'd

vote for Nicky.

- I did?

[dog growling]

- Listen, if I get Dawn

to vote for Nicky,

will you vote for him, too?

- Yes!

- You said yes!

- Only because that was

the first time

I ever beat Squishy

in a tug-o-war.

I mean...

I could have beat him before,

but he cheats.

- [whimpers]

- You promised

to vote for Nicky, too.

- I know.

But that was before

he made us...

this.

- Sometimes you have to

fight fire with flan.

- You know what?

It's fine.

If you don't want me

at the party, I won't go!

In fact, maybe I should just

drop out of this whole thing.

- What whole thing?

- This stupid show.

I'm not "Hanging with the

Harpers" anymore.

I quit!

[grunts]

[roars]

- I got to admit,

I'm gonna miss his persistence.

- You know what

you're also gonna miss?

My checklist!

No Ricky, no list-y.

- No biggie.

- Yes, biggie!

- Oh, please-y.

I think we can pull off

Mae's party without your list.

- Good luck.

Without this list,

you'll have no idea

how to make the party

a success.

Ricky out!

[grumbling]

- You know what?

This list just gave me

a great idea for this party.

Confetti!

♪ ♪

- Next season on

"The Life of Eiffel"...

- With me, Eiffel!

- The tables are turned...

- [gasps]

Whoever flipped my table

is gonna pay.

- Yeah, someone's

getting flushed.

- Not now.

I'm not in the mood

to ka-floosh.

- You know, we have to

be at the store early

to set up for Mae's party.

We should probably stop watching

and get to bed.

- Tom!

I thought we were

on this journey together!

I'm not going to bed until I

find out who turned that table.

- I have never loved you more.

[door opens]

- Hide!

- Oh, oh!

No, no, honey, close it.

- Slide it, slide it--

- Close it, just close it--

- Slide it, slide it--

[muffled]

- One of your friends, Eiffel.

- What?

La, la, la, la.

La, la, la, la, la la.

Oops.

It just slipped

right out of my hand.

- Just having some ice cream.

- Mmm.

- What're you doing?

- So my parents

have lost their minds.

But in other news, the party

is coming together great.

Mae is gonna love it.

♪ ♪

- I don't love it.

It's all just too much.

- Great party, Mae.

- I know!

Isn't it all

just too much?

I still don't love it.

- Don't worry!

You will.

We have a lot more planned.

- There's more?

Ugh.

- Despite Mae's hesitance,

the party was shaping up

to be exactly what we needed

to make our show a success

and make us rich and famous.

- Hey!

Ladies.

- Um, what're you doing here?

- We voted you out.

- Your vote is irrelevant,

since I am no longer

on your silly reality show.

- That "silly reality show"

is your reality.

- Not anymore.

As you can see,

I now have my own show.

It's called "Strictly Ricky."

Now if you'll excuse me.

- Okay, there is no way

"Strictly Ricky"

is stealing our party.

Now, Dicky, grab a cat

and meet me at the throne.

Queen Mae needs a lap kitty.

- Nice crown!

[whispers] Don't look at

the camera.

- How can I not?

It's right in my face.

- [laughs]

Oh, Mae, you're too funny.

Too bad you're stuck

hanging with the Harpers.

You'd be a star on my show.

- But I thought it was called

"Strictly Ricky"?

- Well, I'm thinking of

changing it to

"Strictly Ricky!

And Sometimes Mae."

- [giggles nervously]

There's my best friend

and the birthday girl.

Come on, it's kitten time.

- She was talking to me.

On my camera.

On my show.

- She was on our show first.

- Let go!

- Come on, man.

- You like us better, right?

- Let go!

- Guys, stop it,

you're hurting me!

- Stop making this

all about you, Mae.

- But it's my birthday!

- You're right.

It is your birthday.

So it's time

we sang to you.

Everybody gather round.

Time to sing

"Happy Birthday."

Wait till you see

the little surprise

that wasn't on your list.

As soon as the song ends,

Dooley's gonna fire off

all those confetti canons.

- Don't know how, why,

or when,

but somehow,

you'll screw it up.

- Not gonna happen.

Oh, excuse me.

Dicky, what're you doing?

Mae should have--

where are all the cats?

- They're playing

in their cat tubes.

- What cat tubes?

- All of 'em!

[dramatic music]

- Those are for confetti!

Dooley, don't set off

those can--

No cats were harmed in what

you're about to see.

But do not try this at home.

Ever.

For any reason.

[record scratching]

Canons!

[cats meowing]

- This is a cat-tastrophe!

[cat meowing]

- This is all your fault!

- Cat butt on my face!

Cat butt on my face!

Get it off!

- My fault?

How is this my fault?

- 'Cause if it wasn't for you,

we wouldn't even be here!

- Enough!

This is the worst

birthday party ever.

- What do you mean?

At least nobody

threw up on your cake.

[cat meowing, vomiting]

- Ugh!

The cat yakked on the cake.

- And I stand corrected.

- I can't believe you guys!

both: It's his fault!

- It's their fault!

- You're all at fault!

I didn't want any of this.

But you were so wrapped up in

creating drama for your show,

that you ruined another one

of my birthdays.

Oh, and I finally decided who I

want to un-invite for my party.

Me!

Who's the queen of

the reality show now?

See, when I realized they were

messing up my birthday again,

I decided to get something

out of it.

My own spinoff.

I'm gonna call it,

"No One Does Drama Like Mama."

Boom.

- Mae?

We're sorry.

- All of us.

- We were selfish jerks.

- We were so focused

on our fake reality,

we screwed up our real one.

- And it wasn't worth it.

- Yeah, being rich and famous

became more important than our

friendship.

You would never

do that to us.

- Yeah, you'd never get caught

up in this kind of drama.

- Yeah.

Drama.

Who wants that?

♪ ♪

- We didn't think you'd see.

- And I didn't really mean--

- Maybe we should give up

reality TV for a while.

- And delete this

and never show it to anyone.

Ever.

all: Deal.

[dog barks]

- All right.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

- [whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪