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Chapter two.
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00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,426
The Hayworth siblings were settling in
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00:00:09,551 --> 00:00:10,677
to their new normal.
4
00:00:10,802 --> 00:00:12,012
After being laid off,
5
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:14,389
Sarah was trying
to make use of her time.
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00:00:14,514 --> 00:00:16,558
Everyone hoped
she'd find a new job soon...
7
00:00:16,683 --> 00:00:18,352
some more than others.
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00:00:18,477 --> 00:00:21,146
For Connor, being
a newly separated, single dad
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00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,732
was exhausting.
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00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:25,609
And thanks to that loan from Connor,
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00:00:25,734 --> 00:00:27,986
Tom had a financial cushion
for a few months,
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00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:30,572
allowing him to really focus
on his novel.
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00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,824
Asking for a loan was awkward.
14
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:35,202
But it would get really ugly
once the whole family learned
15
00:00:35,327 --> 00:00:38,288
that this new book was all about them.
16
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:40,415
[overlapping chatter]
17
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,125
Now that they all lived nearby,
18
00:00:42,251 --> 00:00:45,212
the siblings decided to host
a weekly rotating brunch.
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00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:46,797
So first trip to Oakland.
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00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,840
- Everything you ever dreamed?
- Oh, yeah.
21
00:00:48,966 --> 00:00:50,050
- So hip.
- Oh?
22
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,302
And your place is so, uh,
23
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:53,845
so snug.
24
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:55,222
- "Snug"?
- No, no.
25
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:56,431
I think what Connor's trying to say
26
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:58,100
is that it's cozy.
27
00:00:58,225 --> 00:00:59,685
Yeah. Cozy.
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00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:01,395
Cozy and snug.
29
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:03,188
- And warm.
- Intimate.
30
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:04,189
- Comfy.
- Quaint.
31
00:01:04,314 --> 00:01:05,524
Okay, it's fine.
32
00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:07,317
The word that you are
searching for is "small."
33
00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:09,778
Oh, I don't think I...
I wouldn't call it small.
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00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:10,988
Small? With all this space...
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00:01:11,113 --> 00:01:12,155
Ooh! Oh!
36
00:01:12,281 --> 00:01:14,700
[objects clattering]
37
00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:15,867
[children laughing]
38
00:01:15,993 --> 00:01:17,911
It's kind of small.
39
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:19,579
Yeah, but, you know,
it doesn't feel small.
40
00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:22,708
- Subs by kinglouisxx -
for www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:25,043
Next weekend, brunch at our place?
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00:01:25,168 --> 00:01:26,378
I'm making chilaquiles.
43
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:27,879
Although, hearing myself say that
44
00:01:28,005 --> 00:01:29,923
sounds like a lot of work,
so probably not.
45
00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:31,008
We're not brunching.
46
00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:32,175
Next weekend, we got Spags' wedding.
47
00:01:32,301 --> 00:01:34,177
Do I have to call him Spags?
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00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:35,804
The siblings had grown up
across the street
49
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:38,015
from a kid named Spags.
50
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:40,058
While Tom tried to be
a role model to Connor,
51
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,436
which usually meant doing
Connor's homework for him,
52
00:01:42,561 --> 00:01:43,645
Spags connected with Connor
53
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:46,982
on a more primal level.
54
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,692
Spags also had a crush on Sarah,
55
00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:51,403
and although she hadn't
yet realized that she was gay,
56
00:01:51,528 --> 00:01:54,114
he probably helped her along
on that journey.
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00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:55,991
Tom and Sarah never thought
he'd amount to much,
58
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:59,745
but Spags had a ridiculous
idea called DrawerD'Oeuvres,
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00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,371
and Connor invested in it,
60
00:02:01,496 --> 00:02:03,540
despite Tom saying it was ridiculous.
61
00:02:03,665 --> 00:02:06,001
But, hey, what did Tom know?
Because it was a huge hit.
62
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,587
And Connor added it to his
already ridiculous fortune
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00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,922
while Tom could've
invested in it, but didn't.
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00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:12,841
Not that that bothered him.
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00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,301
Ooh, mommy brain.
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00:02:14,426 --> 00:02:15,886
- That's next weekend?
- Yep.
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00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:18,638
And I'm supposed to give a toast.
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00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,182
Stand up in front of everyone
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00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:22,351
and act all happy for the new couple.
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00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:23,852
I can't do that.
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00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:25,479
- Because he's gross?
- Because he's a jerk?
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00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,230
It feels like you're
losing a part of yourself?
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00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:28,732
It's impossible to find joy in anything?
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00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,984
Guys, no.
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00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,528
Because how am I supposed
to act all "yay, marriage"
76
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:36,406
when I'm, you know...
77
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:37,783
getting divorced?
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00:02:37,908 --> 00:02:38,909
- Oh, yeah.
- Right.
79
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:40,118
- Right.
- Of course. So sorry.
80
00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,620
You still haven't told Gretchen?
81
00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:44,414
No, we're waiting for Emily to get back
from her business trip.
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00:02:44,539 --> 00:02:47,417
God, here I am,
83
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:50,170
heartbroken, trying to write
an inspiring toast about love
84
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,630
when I'm not a good writer.
85
00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:54,633
You know, I'm not skilled
with such things.
86
00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,017
Uh, yeah, I could...
I could help you out.
87
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:05,602
- Really? You don't mind?
- Come on, Connor.
88
00:03:05,727 --> 00:03:07,646
I won "Most Promising Debut Novel"
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00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:10,273
at the 2009 Nantucket Book Festival,
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00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:12,234
non-fantasy or science fiction division.
91
00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:15,153
- I think I can handle a wedding toast.
- Thanks, Tom.
92
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:17,072
I don't know what that is,
but that's very cool of you.
93
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,698
- Aw, brotherly love.
- That's so sweet.
94
00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:21,076
Not all heroes wear capes, right?
95
00:03:21,201 --> 00:03:23,620
I am just so excited to go
to a party for grown-ups...
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00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:26,206
open bar, dancing, bacon-wrapped dates.
97
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:27,833
Spags will have b-wrapped-d's, for sure.
98
00:03:27,958 --> 00:03:29,126
Champagne fountain.
99
00:03:29,251 --> 00:03:30,836
I think they're releasing,
like, 100 doves.
100
00:03:30,961 --> 00:03:32,546
Do you know what happens to those doves
101
00:03:32,671 --> 00:03:33,797
after they're released?
102
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,507
Oh, yeah. They get eaten by hawks.
103
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,134
- It's gnarly.
- Oh, my God.
104
00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,636
I am so glad we didn't do
any of that at our wedding.
105
00:03:39,761 --> 00:03:41,179
Well, we barely had a wedding.
106
00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:42,764
Yeah, that was definitely
the right choice.
107
00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,392
[strained] Yeah. Definitely.
108
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:46,768
Anyone else need coffee?
109
00:03:46,893 --> 00:03:49,604
[mischievous music]
110
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♪ ♪
111
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- Oh, my God!
- Gosh.
112
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:55,527
- Phew.
- [overlapping chatter]
113
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Ooh!
114
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:59,197
- Hey.
- Hey!
115
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:00,282
What're you watching?
116
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,784
I was just doing... my email.
117
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:04,494
Just sending, receiving.
118
00:04:04,619 --> 00:04:07,164
BCC, CC, LOL.
119
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:08,206
Are you watching porn?
120
00:04:08,331 --> 00:04:10,250
No... yes.
121
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,334
Yes, I am.
122
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,879
Just hardcore sex content.
123
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,797
All right, well,
there's nothing to be...
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00:04:15,922 --> 00:04:17,132
embarrassed about.
125
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,176
- Don't. I don't...
- Oh, my God! What is this?
126
00:04:19,301 --> 00:04:21,219
It's a custom dress
with a mermaid silhouette.
127
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,637
I don't understand.
128
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,056
Oh, that's where
the skirt comes out mid-thigh
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00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:26,766
to create a hourglass effect.
130
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:29,186
- No. Why would you watch this?
- Oh.
131
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:31,313
Well, going to this wedding,
132
00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:34,107
it's kind of reminding me of how we...
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00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:35,817
never really had one ourselves.
134
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,152
Well, we are married.
135
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,362
I mean, we did it
as soon as it became legal.
136
00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:41,781
Yeah, in, like, a quickie,
city hall ceremony.
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00:04:41,907 --> 00:04:44,159
I'm talking about one
with, like, a reception.
138
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,869
- We couldn't afford one.
- I know.
139
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,496
And our parents were pretty
lukewarm about the whole thing.
140
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:48,663
I know.
141
00:04:48,788 --> 00:04:49,956
And we didn't want a big party.
142
00:04:50,081 --> 00:04:51,791
No, you didn't want a big party.
143
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:53,460
You said, "Having a wedding reception
144
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:56,421
was like celebrating money
and patriarchy."
145
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:59,049
Well, the father literally
gives the bride away,
146
00:04:59,174 --> 00:05:00,675
I mean, like she's cattle.
147
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,719
Okay, I just can't stop thinking
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00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:06,515
about how nice it would be
to wear gowns,
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00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,017
and have our first dance, and
150
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,728
have a video to show our kids
on our anniversary.
151
00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:14,022
Right. I get that.
152
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,732
Okay, well,
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00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,859
it's not a wedding cake, but
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00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,612
there is a mushroom lentil pie
in the fridge
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00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:21,780
that we could slice together.
156
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:23,990
- Ooh, tempting.
- It's gluten-free.
157
00:05:24,115 --> 00:05:25,325
Wow, you really know how to sell it.
158
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[laughs]
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00:05:26,535 --> 00:05:29,371
[upbeat music]
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00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,248
♪ ♪
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00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,917
"And in the end,
isn't that what matters?
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"Not just that we find someone
willing to accept us
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"and forgive our mistakes,"
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but that we find someone who
makes us want to be better?"
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00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:44,553
I mean...
166
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I don't know.
It kind of sounds like you.
167
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,098
Do you mean thoughtful
168
00:05:48,223 --> 00:05:49,891
and in touch with human emotion?
169
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,434
- It feels heavy, right?
- Oh.
170
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,186
Like, I would never say,
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"Marriage is a fire stoked
by the coals of forgiveness."
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00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:57,691
Like, it's a marriage.
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00:05:57,816 --> 00:06:00,068
Can it even get... stoked?
174
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,236
I don't know. That's just something
175
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:02,612
I'm kind of bumping on creatively.
176
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:04,531
Look, man. This is gold, okay?
177
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,408
Mom cried when I read it to her.
178
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,994
Mom cried at the end of "Jumanji."
179
00:06:09,119 --> 00:06:11,079
Okay, uh, you need my help?
180
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,581
I'm here to help.
181
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:14,541
I'll have another go at it, no problem.
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00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:17,627
Dope. Just write it
pretending you're me.
183
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:20,171
Do you mean, like, someone
who uses the word "dope"?
184
00:06:20,297 --> 00:06:21,464
- Swag.
- What?
185
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:22,882
We should just work on it together.
186
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:25,260
Oh, actually it's
probably a little quicker
187
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,053
if I kind of bang it out myself.
188
00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,305
Plus, Marina needs me to get home.
189
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,931
Right on, I'll have Lupe
make some chicken nuggs.
190
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:31,099
Lupe!
191
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,059
Nugg time!
192
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,314
What is this?
193
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:38,815
Together,
194
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,859
we are going to work
through your wedding envy.
195
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:43,028
By watching my favorite show?
196
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:44,571
We're gonna watch it critically.
197
00:06:44,696 --> 00:06:46,072
- Of course.
- Because once we lift up
198
00:06:46,197 --> 00:06:47,741
the rock of the wedding industry
199
00:06:47,866 --> 00:06:50,243
and examine the cultural biases
just crawling underneath,
200
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:53,371
you will never want a reception again.
201
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,582
You are so cute when you use
your women's studies degree.
202
00:06:55,707 --> 00:06:57,375
Aw! Okay, let's watch this trash.
203
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,587
I could see the sun just
hitting you, like, glowing.
204
00:07:00,712 --> 00:07:02,505
I feel perfect. [giggles]
205
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:05,133
It's like we're programmed as
women to want this spectacle,
206
00:07:05,258 --> 00:07:06,968
like our worth depends on it.
207
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:10,138
- You are so right.
- So I shouldn't get married?
208
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,182
No, no, sweetie.
That's not what we're saying.
209
00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:13,933
You shouldn't "want" to get married.
210
00:07:14,059 --> 00:07:16,102
Right. Remember, the most important day
211
00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,021
of a woman's life
is not her wedding day.
212
00:07:18,146 --> 00:07:19,439
It's the day she becomes president.
213
00:07:19,564 --> 00:07:22,400
- Sparkling face.
- [women laugh]
214
00:07:22,525 --> 00:07:25,070
- You know, it is so archaic.
- And lookist.
215
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:26,655
But I really hope they nail that dance.
216
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,031
Right? And it's the same song
her grandmother danced to.
217
00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:29,449
And the same gown!
218
00:07:29,574 --> 00:07:32,535
I just want you guys to feel it
like I feel it.
219
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,913
They overcame so much, you know,
220
00:07:35,038 --> 00:07:37,415
with the hurricane and the heart attack.
221
00:07:37,540 --> 00:07:39,751
And they got their perfect day.
222
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:41,336
- It's your day.
- Yeah.
223
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,671
It is my day.
224
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:46,383
- I think I have something in my eye.
- [all sniffling]
225
00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:48,009
You know, it just restores your faith
226
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:51,096
that love conquers all.
227
00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:53,556
This didn't work, did it?
228
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,562
Hey, did you get the twins down?
229
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:01,147
No, I'm just really into tiptoeing.
230
00:08:01,272 --> 00:08:02,774
Did you finish Connor's toast?
231
00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:04,234
Well, I tried to get it out there,
232
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:06,027
but, of course,
he insisted we "brainstorm"
233
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,237
while doing sit-ups.
234
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:08,279
- Hmm.
- Medical question.
235
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,657
Can you break your abs?
236
00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:12,409
Hey, you volunteered for this, remember?
237
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:14,661
- Heroes without capes?
- I don't mind helping Connor.
238
00:08:14,786 --> 00:08:16,496
I've been doing it my whole life.
239
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,207
I can't waste my entire week
on this stupid toast.
240
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,000
I mean, he keeps changing it.
241
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:23,545
I don't know what his problem is.
242
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:25,296
Wait, you don't think this
is about that loan, do you?
243
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:27,799
Like, now that I owe him money,
he owns me?
244
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,551
Please, no fights at the wedding, okay?
245
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,262
I don't want another scene
like your parents' anniversary.
246
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:33,680
Connor told me he was
buying them a juicer.
247
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:37,058
I show up with 20 pounds of oranges.
I looked like a idiot.
248
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:39,561
Well, he did buy them
a very nice car instead.
249
00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:41,062
- That's not the point.
- Please!
250
00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:44,023
This is my first party in
a year without a bouncy house.
251
00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:46,317
I have it all mapped out.
252
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,027
Drop the twins off at 10:00.
253
00:08:48,153 --> 00:08:50,155
Take my first shower in a week.
Put on a dress.
254
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,031
Hair, makeup. Pregame cocktail.
255
00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:53,908
- Maybe an edible.
- Marina.
256
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,410
Okay, boomer. I'll stick to alcohol.
257
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,495
And if I remember to eat enough
while I'm drinking,
258
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,664
I will get drunk, but not drunk-drunk,
259
00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:02,751
and I will peak
right in time for dancing.
260
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,210
Oh. [chuckles]
261
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:06,212
Don't forget to make some time
for old Tommy
262
00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:07,505
at the end of the night.
263
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,257
Sweetie, it's not your birthday.
264
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,633
- Well, okay.
- Tommy Boy?
265
00:09:10,759 --> 00:09:12,135
Oh, hey, guys.
266
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,095
Marina, you mind if I borrow
Dean Koontz over here
267
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,847
for just a second? I got a new idea.
268
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,891
Uh, Connor, it's 9:00 p.m.
269
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:19,476
So I read over what we wrote,
270
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:21,770
and it's fine.
271
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,688
You know, but I'm thinking,
272
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,608
what if the toast is in the form
273
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:30,361
of, like, an investment report
about their marriage?
274
00:09:30,487 --> 00:09:31,613
Uh...
275
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:34,073
I'm gonna go pump. You two have fun.
276
00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:35,617
[percussive music]
277
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:36,868
I brainstorm better when I plank.
278
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,995
Come on. Plank with me.
279
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,663
[grunts]
280
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,290
- Thomas?
- Okay.
281
00:09:44,793 --> 00:09:46,961
"So, in conclusion,
market conditions indicate
282
00:09:47,086 --> 00:09:48,880
"that the value of this merger
283
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,174
"will only increase
in the years to come.
284
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:52,926
"My rating for this marriage:
285
00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:55,053
strong buy."
286
00:09:55,178 --> 00:09:56,679
Huh. That's not bad.
287
00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:59,140
That whole run about volatility
is actually pretty good.
288
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,184
Yeah, but hearing it out loud,
289
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:04,270
it's like NPR funny,
290
00:10:04,395 --> 00:10:06,189
and I'm more Howard Stern funny.
291
00:10:06,314 --> 00:10:08,566
Oh, my God, Connor!
We have been at this all night.
292
00:10:08,691 --> 00:10:11,277
You're right. Let's sleep on it.
Do another round in the morning.
293
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:12,195
- No.
- No?
294
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,446
No, that's it. I'm done.
295
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:15,073
- I'm out.
- But we're so close.
296
00:10:15,198 --> 00:10:16,282
You're always doing this to me,
297
00:10:16,407 --> 00:10:17,575
just like when we were kids
and you used to
298
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:18,785
trick me into doing your homework.
299
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,203
You used to love doing my homework.
300
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:21,204
- What?
- And I wouldn't have
301
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,455
gotten into college otherwise.
302
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:24,749
I mean, really the reason
that I'm successful
303
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,793
and living in Matt Damon's old house,
304
00:10:26,918 --> 00:10:28,294
it's thanks to you.
305
00:10:28,419 --> 00:10:29,879
Well, then why don't you ask
Matt Damon to help you out?
306
00:10:30,004 --> 00:10:31,130
He does have an Oscar for writing.
307
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,590
- People forget that.
- Okay.
308
00:10:32,715 --> 00:10:34,926
What... come on.
I need your help, all right?
309
00:10:35,051 --> 00:10:38,805
You're the better writing-good person.
310
00:10:38,930 --> 00:10:40,181
Wow.
311
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,308
Look, you're taking advantage
of me, okay?
312
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,602
- It was just supposed to be a favor.
- This is just a favor.
313
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:46,062
I do favors for you when you need them.
314
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:47,647
- Okay.
- What?
315
00:10:47,772 --> 00:10:49,774
- Oh, wow.
- Wait, why are you laughing?
316
00:10:49,899 --> 00:10:51,317
You're calling in that loan, aren't you?
317
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:54,571
That is so like you.
You're always so transactional.
318
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:56,739
Who even said anything about the loan?
319
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,616
[scoffs]
320
00:10:58,741 --> 00:10:59,784
Wow.
321
00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:01,452
And to think
322
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:04,122
I was gonna invite Camila
on our ski trip.
323
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,040
She doesn't even know how to ski.
324
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:08,251
That's the point, Tom.
She needs to learn.
325
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:11,004
Nobody needs to learn how to ski!
326
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:13,381
Okay, well, now you just sound crazy!
327
00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,924
All right?
328
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,010
Tomorrow, I'm gonna stand up
in front of friends and family
329
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,720
and give a toast, and you know what?
330
00:11:18,845 --> 00:11:21,055
I have absolutely nothing to say.
331
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:22,599
I've given you
at least three full versions.
332
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:24,475
Absolutely nothing!
333
00:11:24,601 --> 00:11:26,936
I'm gonna look like an idiot. [scoffs]
334
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,188
I hope you're happy.
335
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,481
[door slams]
336
00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:33,443
[guests chattering excitedly]
337
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:36,613
[upbeat music]
338
00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:38,573
♪ ♪
339
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:41,868
[silverware clattering]
340
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:45,121
Sarah, can you pass me
the bread, please?
341
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,749
There's another basket
right next to Tom.
342
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:49,834
- I'd rather have your bread.
- Oh, my God.
343
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,794
Is this gonna be like Mom
and Dad's anniversary again?
344
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,546
- What is it this time?
- What it is, Sarah,
345
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:55,715
is I'm no longer doing
somebody's homework for them.
346
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,175
But you love doing Connor's homework.
347
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,052
Why does everyone keep saying that?
348
00:11:59,177 --> 00:12:00,762
You had very good penmanship.
349
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,847
Like a woman born in the '40s.
350
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,682
Thanks, guys.
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey.
351
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,184
You get it, right?
352
00:12:06,309 --> 00:12:08,144
Every time I do something nice for him,
he takes advantage of me.
353
00:12:08,269 --> 00:12:10,146
Honey, I hear you. I do.
354
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,065
But you're no longer listening.
355
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:13,650
No, I hung in as long as I could.
356
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:16,361
I have a strict schedule to get
the most out of this day,
357
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,112
and I'm not gonna let anything ruin it.
358
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,156
- Fair enough.
- Yup.
359
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:23,326
[grunting] Hayworths!
360
00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:24,535
[cackles]
361
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:26,579
We're still bumping it out, right?
362
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,039
- Boom, boom, boom!
- ALL: Whoa!
363
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,415
Hey, Tommy Boy!
364
00:12:29,540 --> 00:12:30,959
- Boom!
- Oh!
365
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,585
- [chuckles]
- Got me again.
366
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:35,296
- Still got it, man.
- [laughter]
367
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:36,923
- Sarah.
- Hey, Spagsy.
368
00:12:37,048 --> 00:12:39,258
- Congratulations.
- Yeah, this is so crazy.
369
00:12:39,384 --> 00:12:41,219
Yeah, well, you invited... oh, wow.
370
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,845
Yeah. [laughs]
371
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,806
Okay. This is my wife, Denise.
372
00:12:44,931 --> 00:12:46,849
Wow. Very nice! [cackles]
373
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,851
Why didn't you invite me
to your wedding?
374
00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:50,478
Oh, well, we didn't actually
really have a wedding, so...
375
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,605
Chandrasekharans!
376
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:55,274
It is a shame
you two never had a wedding.
377
00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,151
I have no photos for Facebook.
378
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,070
Every year, on your anniversary,
379
00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:01,197
I post a picture of Ellen and Portia.
380
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:04,575
[laughing]
381
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:06,202
I'm gonna run to the bathroom.
382
00:13:06,327 --> 00:13:08,955
Oh, wait. Denise, it's...
383
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:10,707
- Mom!
- What?
384
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,166
When I got married,
385
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,876
you wouldn't even say
that it was to a woman.
386
00:13:14,002 --> 00:13:16,462
Oh, sweetie, everybody
was homophobic back then.
387
00:13:16,587 --> 00:13:17,672
- BOTH: Mom!
- [scoffs]
388
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,757
Oh, stop it.
389
00:13:20,508 --> 00:13:22,176
Sarah, I'm sorry.
390
00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,178
I'm just realizing now, I never
even got you a wedding gift.
391
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:27,515
Honestly, Tom, that's
the least of my problems.
392
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,685
- Sweetie?
- Yeah, Dad?
393
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,396
Is Denise gonna finish her salmon?
394
00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:37,025
[rock music playing]
395
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,818
♪ ♪
396
00:13:38,943 --> 00:13:40,778
Connor!
397
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:42,697
Hey. Break a leg.
398
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:44,323
Break your face.
399
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:46,075
Ooh, good one.
Did you write that yourself?
400
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:48,161
Someone had to.
401
00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:49,620
Hello, everyone.
402
00:13:49,746 --> 00:13:51,581
I'm Connor Hayworth.
403
00:13:51,706 --> 00:13:54,125
Spags and I made a little bit
of money together.
404
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,668
[applause]
405
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,504
Pfft! [cackles]
406
00:13:58,629 --> 00:14:00,298
You know,
407
00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:03,926
I wasn't quite sure what to say
about Spags and Teresa today
408
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:06,054
because, the truth is,
409
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:08,139
I've been going through a bit
of a tough time.
410
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:09,599
Yeah.
411
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:12,268
I thought I could use some help.
412
00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:15,354
And that's one of the things
I love about Spags.
413
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,106
He always helps.
414
00:14:17,231 --> 00:14:19,525
He doesn't get all weird about it.
415
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:21,319
Spags would definitely understand
416
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:22,820
that if I ask him for help
417
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:25,656
with something that he, Spags,
418
00:14:25,782 --> 00:14:27,283
is particularly good at,
419
00:14:27,408 --> 00:14:29,243
that he should be flattered.
420
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:31,871
That's why Spags
is like a brother to me.
421
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,164
Okay.
422
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,875
Hey, everyone. Tom Hayworth here.
423
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,127
I'd like to just kind of add on to that.
424
00:14:38,252 --> 00:14:40,505
No, you can't add on.
The toast floor's mine tonight.
425
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:42,757
- I don't yield my time...
- Perfect. We'll double toast.
426
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:45,885
What I love about Spags,
427
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:47,929
is he never tries to manipulate you.
428
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,388
You know?
429
00:14:49,514 --> 00:14:51,349
I mean, if, let's say,
430
00:14:51,474 --> 00:14:53,559
I ask Spags for a loan,
431
00:14:53,684 --> 00:14:56,145
he'd never hold that over my head.
432
00:14:56,270 --> 00:14:58,648
Spags would understand
433
00:14:58,773 --> 00:15:00,691
that I fully intended to pay him back.
434
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:03,152
And I'm very grateful for the help,
435
00:15:03,277 --> 00:15:05,279
and I thought I made that very,
436
00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:08,616
very, very clear to Spags.
437
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,202
What happened to the coals
of forgiveness?
438
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,412
Go sit down. You look like an idiot.
439
00:15:13,538 --> 00:15:14,956
I look like an idiot?
You're wearing a drink.
440
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:15,873
[all gasp]
441
00:15:18,292 --> 00:15:21,462
[guests murmuring]
442
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:22,880
[guests gasp]
443
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:24,549
[both grunting]
444
00:15:24,674 --> 00:15:25,633
Stop!
445
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,010
Okay, here comes Big Papa.
446
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:29,637
- Nope, come on, not fair.
- Connor!
447
00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,473
All right. That's enough!
448
00:15:32,598 --> 00:15:34,517
Oh, my God. They're so embarrassing.
449
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:37,061
Give it up for Teresa and Spags!
450
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,272
[scattered applause]
451
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:42,024
[sighs contentedly, gags]
452
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,818
I was supposed to eat more bread.
453
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:44,944
- [gags]
- Oh!
454
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,362
[retching]
455
00:15:46,487 --> 00:15:47,738
[guests gasp]
456
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:49,657
Uh, let's keep those toasts coming!
457
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:52,243
Who wants to follow that?
458
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,163
[upbeat music playing distantly]
459
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:59,000
♪ ♪
460
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,210
You know, any of those toasts
you wrote would've worked.
461
00:16:01,335 --> 00:16:03,212
Well, yeah.
462
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:05,840
Then why'd you keep asking me for more?
463
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,758
I guess 'cause...
464
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:10,678
♪ ♪
465
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,847
I like hanging out with you?
466
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,056
[dryly] Ha ha.
467
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,562
- Seriously?
- Don't make me say it again.
468
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:21,981
Look, I got no one at home right now.
469
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,399
I mean, yes, I have a daughter,
470
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:24,692
you know, I have a full-time nanny,
471
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,153
and I have the sickest house ever,
472
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:29,739
but I got no one to talk to
about this stuff.
473
00:16:29,864 --> 00:16:32,116
Well, you could always talk to Sarah.
474
00:16:32,241 --> 00:16:33,659
Or Spags.
475
00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:35,745
But you're my big brother.
476
00:16:35,870 --> 00:16:38,247
Why do you think I was always
asking you to do my homework?
477
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,249
It was just a way to get you
to pay attention to me.
478
00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:43,502
And to get me to do your homework.
479
00:16:43,628 --> 00:16:45,171
You do good homework.
480
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:48,549
Yeah, I don't know.
Maybe I like doing homework.
481
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,593
[both sigh]
482
00:16:50,718 --> 00:16:53,304
Truth is,
483
00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:56,098
I guess right now, I'm...
484
00:16:56,224 --> 00:16:59,101
I don't know.
Things are a little lonely.
485
00:16:59,227 --> 00:17:01,437
And you are
486
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:03,773
the closest thing I have to a wife.
487
00:17:03,898 --> 00:17:07,068
[both laugh]
488
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,779
The only difference is,
we can't get divorced.
489
00:17:09,904 --> 00:17:12,490
Yeah, no matter how hard we try.
490
00:17:12,615 --> 00:17:14,992
Aw, man. You know, now I feel bad.
491
00:17:15,117 --> 00:17:16,702
Whole time, I thought you were using me.
492
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,205
Turns out, you were really
looking up to me.
493
00:17:19,330 --> 00:17:20,414
Well, I don't know
if I said it like that...
494
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:22,124
Truth is,
495
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:24,418
I was kind of jealous of you and Spags.
496
00:17:24,543 --> 00:17:26,128
I mean, he was your buddy,
497
00:17:26,254 --> 00:17:28,756
you gave him money for DrawerD'Oeuvres,
498
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:30,132
which I think, let's be honest, is...
499
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:32,218
- Awesome. Yeah.
- Pretty ridiculous.
500
00:17:32,343 --> 00:17:33,970
- What?
- I said "awesome."
501
00:17:34,095 --> 00:17:35,763
Yeah.
502
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,640
Hey, man, that loan?
503
00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,558
That's an investment in you.
504
00:17:39,684 --> 00:17:40,768
Your next book's gonna kick ass.
505
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:41,894
I know it is.
506
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,605
What's it about, anyways?
507
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,357
- Uh...
- The book?
508
00:17:46,482 --> 00:17:48,484
Oh, it's kind of hard to explain.
509
00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:50,361
It's a novel of manners,
510
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,571
kind of how we live today,
a look at our society...
511
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,907
Yeah. No, you don't have
to actually explain it.
512
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,075
- I trust it'll be good.
- Okay. Yeah, okay.
513
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,952
- Okay.
- [both laugh]
514
00:17:58,077 --> 00:17:59,161
Come on! Come on! Come on!
515
00:17:59,287 --> 00:18:01,038
- Hey, are you okay?
- Good as new.
516
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,123
- Are you sure?
- Of course.
517
00:18:02,248 --> 00:18:03,666
This is all part of my schedule.
518
00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:06,544
Come on. We still got dancing and cake.
519
00:18:06,669 --> 00:18:08,337
[chuckles]
520
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:09,714
All righty.
521
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:17,054
♪ ♪
522
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:28,482
[Sophie B. Hawkins'
"As I Lay Me Down" playing]
523
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:29,942
♪ ♪
524
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:31,652
♪ It felt like springtime ♪
525
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,280
♪ On this February morning ♪
526
00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:35,823
This is our song.
527
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:39,243
♪ Birds were singing your praise ♪
528
00:18:39,368 --> 00:18:41,287
Oh, God.
529
00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:43,372
Hello. Hi, everyone.
530
00:18:43,497 --> 00:18:45,750
Um, I'm Sarah.
531
00:18:45,875 --> 00:18:49,128
I'm related to the two idiots
from before.
532
00:18:49,253 --> 00:18:51,255
Spags used to be super into me.
533
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:54,425
Um, thank you all for joining us
534
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,178
on this truly magical day.
535
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,472
And now, I would like
to have a first dance
536
00:18:59,597 --> 00:19:02,058
with my wife.
537
00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:05,353
♪ And I will wake up happy ♪
538
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,646
What's happening now?
539
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:09,231
[laughs]
540
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:11,400
- Looks really good.
- Thank you.
541
00:19:11,525 --> 00:19:13,611
[chuckles]
542
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:15,196
Wow. Thank you.
543
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:17,073
[both laugh]
544
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:20,034
- This is so stupid.
- I know.
545
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:23,329
Thank you for being my wife.
546
00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:25,831
And for dealing with
my really crazy family.
547
00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:27,166
Oh, it's gonna take
a lot more than a dance
548
00:19:27,291 --> 00:19:29,668
to make up for that.
549
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,380
[cheers and applause]
550
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:35,299
♪ As I lay me down to sleep,
this I pray ♪
551
00:19:35,424 --> 00:19:38,844
We are never inviting
that family anymore again.
552
00:19:38,969 --> 00:19:41,180
- That's fair.
- Yeah.
553
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,265
Let's hear it for the happy couple...
554
00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:45,267
who's stolen the spotlight
for some reason.
555
00:19:45,393 --> 00:19:46,894
Hey, get out and join them!
556
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:50,022
[Earth, Wind & Fire's
"September" playing]
557
00:19:50,147 --> 00:19:53,859
♪ ♪
558
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:55,986
A marriage is like a fire
559
00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:58,197
stoked by the coals of forgiveness,
560
00:19:58,322 --> 00:20:01,242
but Tom realized that wasn't
just true for spouses.
561
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:03,536
It was true for siblings too.
562
00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:04,912
Siblings make mistakes.
563
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,248
They evolve. They forgive.
564
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,291
They make you wanna be better.
565
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,043
And sometimes you just gotta highjack
566
00:20:11,168 --> 00:20:12,920
someone else's wedding
to figure that out.
567
00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:14,755
♪ Say, do you remember ♪
568
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,551
♪ Ba-dee-ya, dancin' in September ♪
569
00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,845
♪ Ba-dee-ya ♪
570
00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:26,058
♪ Never was a cloudy day ♪
571
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,060
♪ Ba-du, ba-du ♪
572
00:20:28,185 --> 00:20:29,770
♪ Ba-du-da, ba-du ♪
573
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:32,106
♪ Ba-du, ba-du ♪
574
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,774
♪ Ba-du-da, ba-du ♪
575
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:38,112
♪ Ba-du, ba-du, ba-du-da ♪
576
00:20:38,988 --> 00:20:40,823
Boo, come here! We have to cut the cake!
577
00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,741
- Whoa, what are you doing?
- That's our cake!
578
00:20:42,867 --> 00:20:43,868
- [laughter]
- Sorry.
579
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:46,579
I got a little carried away.
580
00:20:46,704 --> 00:20:48,414
Aw!
581
00:20:48,539 --> 00:20:52,001
Tom, this is actually, um, amazing.
582
00:20:52,126 --> 00:20:54,420
Yeah, it's the wedding video
we never had.
583
00:20:54,545 --> 00:20:57,548
The wedding gift I never got you guys.
584
00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,301
- Whoo! I'm so happy for...
- Sarah and Denise.
585
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:03,345
You're a wonderful couple! Whoo!
586
00:21:03,471 --> 00:21:04,763
Sarah and Denise.
587
00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:06,807
- Do we know them?
- No.
588
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:08,726
To think you met
at that Kid Rock concert.
589
00:21:08,851 --> 00:21:11,145
[laughter]
590
00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:14,231
[gags, retching]
591
00:21:14,356 --> 00:21:16,025
Okay. That's enough.
592
00:21:16,150 --> 00:21:17,985
- Oh, oh!
- All right, Tom.
593
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,904
Mom, Mom, Mom!
594
00:21:20,029 --> 00:21:22,323
[overlapping chatter]
595
00:21:22,448 --> 00:21:24,408
That is a lot of vomit.
596
00:21:24,533 --> 00:21:26,535
[mellow electronic music]
43167
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