Original subtitles

Old woman: IT WASN'T SOLONG AGO, YOU KNOW.

PEOPLE REALLY DID LIVE THEIR LIVES LIKE THAT.

Girl: THAT'S TOO STUPID FOR WORDS!

THERE'S AN OLD RHYME FROM MY CHILDHOOD.

WE USED TO SING IT WHEN WE WERE YOUR AGE.

♪ TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR ♪

♪ MY DAD DRIVES A RUSTY CAR ♪

♪ PRESS THE BUTTON, PULL THE CHOKE ♪

♪ OFF HE GOES IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE ♪

♪ TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR ♪

♪ MY DAD DRIVES A RUSTY CAR ♪

Girl #2: WHAT'S A RUSTY CAR?

THE THINGS THEY USED TO HAVE BEFORE THEY KNEW BETTER.

YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO KNOW ABOUT THOSE THINGS.

NO, I'M NOT. I'M A BIG KID.

YES, YOU'RE A BIG KID,

BUT YOU CAN'T KNOW EVERYTHING YET.

BUT THE POINT OF THE RHYME...

IS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT.

WHAT DID HAPPEN NEXT?

LOOK. LOOK UP THERE.

THERE'S THE SOUTHERN CROSS.

THAT GROUP OF FIVE STARS THERE.

THE SMALL ONE IS EPSILON.

WHICH SMALL ONE? I CAN'T SEE IT.

IT'S THE FIFTH ONE,

THE ONE THAT'S NOT AS BRIGHT AS THE OTHER FOUR.

THAT'S EPSILON.

I SEE IT.

I CAN'T.

WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT IT?

I'M TRYING TO RECALL.

40 YEARS IS A LONG TIME.

I MET HIM ON A NIGHT LIKE THIS ONE.

NO MOON, COOL AND CLEAR.

HE WAS JUST A MAN WANDERING IN THE DESERT,

MILES FROM ANYWHERE.

WALKING, WANDERING.

HAD BEEN FOR DAYS.

HE STUMBLED ACROSS MY CAMPSITE BY ACCIDENT.

I GAVE HIM SOMETHING TO EAT, SOMETHING TO DRINK,

AND HE TOLD ME THE MOST FANTASTIC STORY --

HOW HE HAD COME TO BE WANDERING ALL THAT TIME.

"IT BEGAN," HE SAID, "SOMETIME BEFORE."

DAYS, WEEKS, MONTHS, YEARS EVEN.

HE COULDN'T TELL ANYMORE.

IT BEGAN WHEN "SHE" CAME DOWN TO EARTH.

SHE...FROM EPSILON.

[ SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS ]

HE SAID THAT SHE HADN'T KNOWN.

DIDN'T KNOW WHERE SHE WAS

OR EVEN HOW SHE CAME TO BE THERE.

EVERYTHING WAS STRANGE TO HER.

THE SMELLS.

THE TERRAIN.

THE COLORS.

[ MAN CHANTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE ]

THE LIGHT.

[ CHANTING CONTINUES ]

[ DRUM BEATING ]

SHE WAS ABANDONED IN A PLACE THAT WAS AT ONCE HOSTILE

AND MAJESTIC.

[ DRUM BEATING CONTINUES ]

EVERYTHING WAS STRANGE TO HER.

THE WAY TIME PASSED.

THE MOVEMENT OF THE SUN AND THE CLOUDS.

THE MOON AND WHAT THE STARS LOOKED LIKE.

[ CHANTING CONTINUES ]

NOTHING MADE SENSE.

WHAT WAS THIS PLACE SHE HAD COME TO?

IS THIS A TRUE STORY, GRANDMA,

OR ARE YOU JUST MAKING IT UP?

I HAVE ONLY HIS WORD FOR IT...

BUT I BELIEVED HIM.

I BELIEVED HIM.

THE WANDERING MAN?

THE WANDERING MAN.

"DAYS WERE LIKE MINUTES TO HER," HE SAID.

TIME MEANT NOTHING.

FOR DAYS AND MINUTES, SHE LOOKED AROUND.

LOOKED EVERYWHERE WITHOUT MOVING ANYWHERE.

STILL, SHE COULDN'T FIND WHERE SHE WAS.

STILL, SHE DIDN'T KNOW... WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO HER.

WHY DIDN'T SHE JUST GO BACK TO EPSILON?

IT WASN'T SO EASY, CHILD.

SHE LONGED TO GO BACK TO EPSILON,

BUT SHE HAD NO WAY OF KNOWING WHERE EPSILON WAS

OR HOW TO GET BACK THERE.

[ MAN CHANTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE ]

SHE WAS LOST...

NOT JUST LOST IN A PLACE,

BUT LOST IN THE WHOLE UNIVERSE.

[ DRUM BEATING ]

SHE STOOD.

SHE STOOD FOR ANOTHER DAY AND ANOTHER MINUTE...

...IN THE SAME PLACE...

...BUT SOMEWHERE ELSE, LOOKING.

LOOKING EVERYWHERE AND ANYWHERE...

UNDER THE ALIEN SUN...

...UNDER THE FOREIGN STARS...

...UNTIL, AT LAST, SHE CAME BACK TO THE PLACE

WHERE SHE'D LANDED...

AND SAW HIS FIRE...

AND SAW HIM.

THE WANDERING MAN.

HE WAS AN ORDINARY MAN

CAMPED IN THE DESERT.

BUT HE WAS OUTSIDE THAT STRANGE TIME OF HERS.

TO HER, HE LOOKED LIKE --

LIKE SOME SORT OF INSECT.

LIKE A HUMAN INSECT.

GRANDMA, THIS IS SCARY.

NOT REALLY SCARY. MORE STRANGE THAN SCARY.

WHAT HAPPENED THEN?

SHE JUST CHANGED TIME...

[ CRICKETS CHIRPING RAPIDLY ]

[ CRICKETS CHIRPING SLOWLY ]

...AND WALKED RIGHT INTO HIS CAMPSITE.

UM...GOOD DAY.

WHERE ARE WE?

UM, HERE...IN THE BUSH.

UM...YOU HAVEN'T GOT ANYTHING --

THIS IS NOT EPSILON, IS IT?

NO. NO, I DON'T THINK IT IS.

HERE. YOU BETTER PUT SOMETHING ON.

WHERE?!

I THINK WE'RE SOMEWHERE ON DUMBULGA STATION.

I DON'T KNOW IT.

WHICH STAR SYSTEM IS THAT?

UM...ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

HERE, PUT THIS ON.

I'LL BE FINE ONCE I KNOW WHERE I AM.

I DON'T RECOGNIZE THE STARS.

COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WHICH STAR SYSTEM WE'RE IN?

I'M A SURVEYOR, NOT AN ASTRONOMER.

PLEASE, PUT THIS ON.

I'M HAVING TROUBLE FOLLOWING THE CONVERSATION.

HOW'S THAT GOING TO HELP?

JUST DO IT, WILL YA?

THERE'S NO LOGICAL CONNECTION,

BUT IF IT WILL HELP YOU TALK SENSE, OKAY.

COORDINATES.

UH, THE BUTTONS TOO.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?

I'M FROM EPSILON.

WHERE'S EPSILON?

THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO FIND OUT.

THIS DOESN'T SEEM TO BE HELPING YOU AT ALL.

LET'S START AGAIN.

WHERE...

ARE...

WE?

WHICH...

STAR..

SYSTEM?

DUM...

BUL...

GA...

STATION, HERE ON EARTH.

DID YOU SAY "EARTH"?

YES.

YOU MEAN THE PLANET EARTH?

I'LL PUT THE KETTLE ON. WE'LL HAVE A NICE CUP OF TEA.

You damn stupid idiots.

HOW COULD YOU?

HOW COULD YOU MAKE SUCH A STUPID MISTAKE?!

THIS SOMEBODY'S IDEA OF A JOKE?!

HEY! HEY!

DON'T YOU COME NEAR ME, YOU DESTROYER!

YOU'RE MAD! YOU'RE MAD!

MAKING YOUR FILTH AND LIVING IN IT!

AND WRECKING AND BREEDING AND WASTING --

DEVOURING EVERYTHING!

DON'T YOU COME NEAR ME,

YOU, YOU POISON! OHH!

GET ME OFF THIS VILE PLANET!

Old woman: THE POOR MAN.

I THINK HE WAS MORE CONFUSED THAN SHE.

HE DECIDED THAT SHE MUST'VE BEEN MENTALLY DISTURBED SOMEHOW,

AND HE WAS VERY CAREFUL WHAT HE SAID AFTER THAT.

LOVELY DESIGN, AREN'T THEY?

EGGS, I MEAN. NICE, ROUNDED SHAPE.

SUCH A CONVENIENT SIZE.

[ SIGHS ]

[ CLANG ]

YOU'RE NOT GONNA START THATAGAIN.

[ SIZZLING ]

NATURE'S OWN CRAFTY LITTLE PACKAGE.

DID YOUR CAR BREAK DOWN?

[ EGG CRACKING, SIZZLING ]

TASTES BLOODY GOOD. NUTRITIOUS TOO.

I DON'T GO MUCH

FOR ALL THOSE CHOLESTEROL THEORIES MYSELF.

RUN OUT OF PETROL MAYBE?

WELL, IT HAPPENS, YOU KNOW.

YOU'VE GOTTA COOK 'EM RIGHT, THOUGH.

CONSISTENCY OF THE YOKE'S THE KEY.

DID YOU RUN AWAY FROM SOMEONE?

IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE, THEN.

THE THINGS THEY DO TO PEOPLE IN SOME OF THOSE PLACES.

SOFT...BUT NOT TOO RUNNY.

AND THE WHITE HAS TO BE FIRM.

WELL, I'VE NEVER HEARD OF ANYONE

COMING DOWN OUT OF THE STARS BEFORE.

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOURS?

HEY!

SAME AS MINE?

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO HELP ME GET OFF.

ME? OFF WHERE?

HERE. OFF HERE. OFF EARTH.

OH, YOU MEAN THIS VILE PLANET?

YES.

LOOKS OKAY TO ME.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE LIKE A FROG.

OH, I SEE.

YOU DON'T SEE AT ALL.

HAVE YOU EVER COOKED A LIVE FROG?

WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?[ FLY BUZZING ]

YOU MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING.

WHEN YOU DROP A FROG INTO A POT OF BOILING WATER,

IT'LL JUMP STRAIGHT BACK OUT TO SAVE ITSELF.

BUT IF YOU PUT A FROG INTO A POT OF COLD WATER

AND HEAT IT SLOWLY,

IT'LL SWIM AROUND QUITE HAPPILY

UNTIL THE WATER GETS TOO HOT...

AND KILLS IT.

SO?

ARE YOU REPRESENTATIVE OF THE LEVEL OF INTELLIGENCE HERE,

OR ARE YOU PARTICULARLY STUPID?

OH, ABOUT AVERAGE, I'D SAY.

THIS PLACE IS WORSE THAN I THOUGHT.

[ SIGHS ]

WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SECOND FROG

IS WHAT'S HAPPENING TO YOU HERE,

RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

AND I WANT TO GET OFF BEFORE THE WATER BOILS.

YOUR EGGS ARE BURNING.

Old woman: HE HAD THE BEGINNINGS OF A REAL PROBLEM ON HIS HANDS.

EGGS!

HE WANTED NOTHING MORE THAN TO BE RID OF HER...

BUT SHE SHOWED NO SIGNS OF GOING.

DID YOU SOME MORE EGGS. THEY'RE PERFECT.

AND HE COULDN'T FIND IT WITHIN HIMSELF

TO JUST CAST HER OUT.

HE BEGAN TO CONSIDER WHAT HIS COURSE OF ACTION SHOULD BE.

HE NEEDN'T HAVE.

EVENTS SOON SPIRALED OUT OF HIS CONTROL.

WHAT'S THIS?

BACON.

YOU MEAN DEAD PIG.

IT'S BACON.

WHY DON'T YOU CALL IT "DEAD PIG"

IF YOU KNOW THAT'S WHAT IT IS?

WHY DON'T YOU LET ME ENJOY MY BREAKFAST?

HOW CAN YOU DO IT?

DO WHAT?

EAT DEAD PIG.

IT'S WASTEFUL OF RESOURCES,

IT'S CRUEL IN THE EXTREME,

AND IS SYMPTOMATIC OF AN IMMATURE

AND EGOCENTRIC SOCIETY.

THAT'S A LOT OF BIG WORDS.

OH.

IN SMALL WORDS, IT MEANS YOU'RE A BARBARIAN.

I'M GOING.

I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE NEAREST TOWN,

ABOUT TWO HOURS AWAY,

OR INTO THE CITY IF YOU'RE GOING THAT FAR.

THAT'S THE BEST I CAN DO.

NOT BAD FOR A FROG.

DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'LL DO ABOUT THE CLOTHES.

NO, WE'RE NOT GOING INTO THE CITY.

THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE. THEY'LL NEVER FIND ME.

FINE BY ME.

I'M GOING TO THE CITY. YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU LIKE.

ARE YOU GOING IN THIS?

NO, THERE'S A HELICOPTER ARRIVING IN FIVE MINUTES.

THESE THINGS ARE THE MOST PRIMITIVE,

DIRTY AND GREEDY THINGS EVER INVENTED!

I'M NOT GOING TO BE AN ACCESSORY

TO THE MURDER OF THIS PLANET --

OY! OY!

GET OUT OF THAT!

YOU'RE MAD, YOU KNOW THAT?!

COMPLETELY MAD!

WE'RE MILES FROM ANYWHERE -- MILES!

COME CRASHING INTO MY CAMPSITE, DISTURB MY PEACE!

I LEND YOU MY CLOTHES,

YOU WON'T EAT MY EGGS, AND NOW YOU WRECK MY TRUCK!

SORRY.

SORRY.

SORRY FOR LOSING MY TEMPER LIKE THAT.

I -- I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY YOU'RE MAD.

IT'S JUST...

I ONLY FINISHED PAYING IT OFF LAST MONTH.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

IT'S GOOD TO GIVE VENT TO YOUR FEELINGS.

YOU REALLY LIKE THIS THING, DON'T YOU?

YES.

I'VE PUT A LOT OF WORK INTO IT.

WELL, THE MECHANICS.

THE BODY'S NEXT.

AND YOU REALLY LIKE IT HERE, DON'T YOU?

YEAH, IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITE PLACES.

LOOK, I'M SORRY FOR PUSHING YOU LIKE THAT.

I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

LOOK OVER THERE.

SEE THE CONTRADICTION?

THAT WAS A PRETTY GOOD TRICK.

HOW'D YOU DO IT?

I'M FROM EPSILON.

MMM.

SORRY I EVER DOUBTED IT.

ARE WE ACTUALLY HERE,

OR DO I JUST THINK WE'RE HERE?

WE'RE ACTUALLY HERE.

Old woman: HE WAS FINALLY COMPELLED TO ADMIT TO HIMSELF

THAT SHE MIGHT, AFTER ALL, BE WHO SHE'D SAID SHE WAS.

USEFUL WAY TO TRAVEL.

IT WAS NOT THE ONLY SURPRISE SHE HAD FOR HIM.

I'M FINDING THIS A BIT HARD TO GRASP.

LOVELY PARADOX, ISN'T IT?

WHAT?

THE MORE I SLOW YOU DOWN, THE FASTER THINGS SEEM TO GO.

YOU LIVE YOUR LIVES VERY QUICKLY.

AFTERWARDS, HE WAS TO SAY

THAT IN THESE EARLY MOMENTS WITH HER,

HE'D FELT CURIOUSLY COMPOSED,

AS IF DISCOVERING THIS OTHER WORLD

WAS NO DIFFERENT FROM VISITING A NEW PLACE OR ANOTHER COUNTRY.

I THINK THE REALITY WAS SOMEHOW A LITTLE DIFFERENT

FROM HIS MEMORY OF IT.

I'M GETTING DIZZY!

THESE CONCEPTS ARE OBVIOUSLY TOO MUCH

FOR YOUR INCREDIBLY LIMITED INTELLECT.

I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT.

I'M GETTING DIZZY WITH WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME.

YOU DON'T GET THE POINT, DO YOU?

OH, I GET THE POINT, ALL RIGHT.

IT'S JUST MY BRAIN'S A BIT SLOW CATCHING UP.

HOW VERY PERCEPTIVE OF YOU.

WE'RE IN ONE PLACE ONE SECOND,

THEN WE'RE SOMEWHERE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

IN THE SAME SECOND.

THEN EVERYTHING SPEEDS UP, AND IT GETS DARK,

AND WE'RE SOMEWHERE ELSE,

AND I BARELY KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE!

NO NEED TO SHOUT.

Where are we?

STILL HERE.

STILL WHERE?

STILL ON EARTH.

THE STARS. THE STARS ARE MOVING.

THE STARS ARE NOT MOVING. THAT'S YOUR EARTH TURNING.

OH.

I KNEW THAT.

LOOK.

[ BIRDS CHIRPING ]

SHE'D RETURNED HIM TO WHERE HE'D STARTED.

BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW WHEN ANYMORE, OR HOW.

OR EVEN IF HE WAS REALLY THERE...

OR SOMEWHERE STRANGE IN HIS MIND.

WHERE'S MY TRUCK GONE?

YOU JUST HAVEN'T ARRIVED YET.

HOW AM I EVER GOING TO ARRIVE IF MY TRUCK'S BROKEN?

I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE OBVIOUS TO YOU

THAT I HAVEN'T BROKEN IT YET.

NOT THAT OBVIOUS.

WE'D BETTER GET BACK INTO THE PRESENT.

IF I'M HERE BEFORE I GOT HERE,

THEY WON'T BE LOOKING FOR ME YET.

AND WHEN LATER ON THEY DO LOOK,

I WON'T BE HERE FOR THEM TO FIND ME.

YEAH.

YEAH?

Old woman: AND THEN HE BEGAN TO THINK

ABOUT WHAT WAS REALLY HAPPENING TO HIM.

THIS IS INCREDIBLE!

AND WHAT IT COULD MEAN TO HIM IF HE WASN'T IMAGINING IT.

HE HAD AN IDEA, YOU SEE.

IS IT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO DO THIS?

DO WHAT?

YOU KNOW.

JUST SORT OF ZAP AROUND FROM PLACE TO PLACE

WHEREVER I THINK OF.

I DOUBT IF YOU HAVE THE MENTAL CAPACITY

TO LEARN TO DO IT BY YOURSELF.

YEAH, WELL, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE OBVIOUS TO YOU

THAT I DIDN'T MEAN I'D BE DOING IT BY MYSELF,

BUT IS IT POSSIBLE?

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO?

I'VE HAD THIS IDEA.

I GUESS, AS LONG AS YOU'RE WITH ME.

OKAY. OKAY, I'LL TRY IT.

BEAR WITH ME. IT'LL BE WORTH IT.

DON'T LOOK.

NO.

WHERE ARE WE?

WE SHOULD BE SOMEWHERE ELSE.

YOU MEAN THERE?

HA! GOT US CLOSE, DIDN'T I?

NOT BAD FOR A FIRST TIME.

NOW I'LL SEE IF I CAN GET US CLOSER.

NOTHING HAPPENED.

THAT'S 'CAUSE I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE.

ARE YOU KIDDING? THAT'S LAS VEGAS!

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO TO LAS VEGAS.

I'VE GOT A SYSTEM.

HAVE YOU?

MM-HMM.

WELL, OFF YOU GO, THEN.

BYE.

HAVE FUN.

HOW DO I GET BACK TO NORMAL?

NORMAL TIME, I MEAN.

USE YOUR BRAINS.

RIGHT.

GOOD LUCK!

Old woman: HE ADMITTED LATER THAT HIS FIRST THOUGHTS HAD BEEN

HOW HE HIMSELF COULD BENEFIT FROM THIS...

UNUSUAL LIAISON.

A NIGHT IN THE MOST ACQUISITIVE PLACE ON EARTH, HOWEVER,

WAS TO BE ENOUGH TO CURE HIM OF SUCH NOTIONS.

FOR A MOMENT, HE CONSIDERED FINDING HIS OWN WAY HOME...

...BUT THE LURE OF POSSIBILITY WAS TOO STRONG,

AND HE FOUND HIMSELF RETURNING TO HER.

SORRY I KEPT YOU WAITING SO LONG.

IT WAS NOTHING, REALLY.

WHOO-HOO-HOO! DID I HAVE A TIME OF IT!

I WAS ON A ROLL. IT WAS GREAT.

DID YOUR SYSTEM WORK?

WELL, IT WORKS. JUST DIDN'T WORK THIS TIME.

FUN, EH?

LIFE IS ONE LONG SEARCH FOR FUN.

SOME PEOPLE NEVER FIND IT.

DON'T KNOCK IT WHEN SOMEBODY DOES.

OH.

SO YOU DO ACTUALLY THINK.

YEAH. ABOUT LIFE, I MEAN.

I JUST DON'T DWELL ON IT, THAT'S ALL.

I GOT YOUR POINT --

THE TRUCKS, THE TRAFFIC JAM.

IT'S JUST... THERE'S NO EASY ANSWERS.

HE WAS RIGHT. THERE ARE NO EASY ANSWERS.

BUT SHE WAS DETERMINED TO FORCE HIM

TO THINK ABOUT THE QUESTIONS.

WHAT DO YOU SEE DOWN THERE?

A CITY COVERED WITH SMOG.

10 MILLION FROGS SLOWLY BOILING TO DEATH.

IT IS, FOR ME, UNIMAGINABLE

THAT YOU PEOPLE CHOOSE TO LIVE LIKE THIS.

THERE ARE 10 MILLION PEOPLE DOWN THERE.

THEY COUGH, THEY COMPLAIN, THEIR CHILDREN GET SICK.

HERE ON EARTH, YOU HAVE AN EXPRESSION --

"STICKING YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND."

THE OSTRICH MENTALITY,

BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT OSTRICHES DO

TO MAKE PROBLEMS GO AWAY.

IN THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE,

WE HAVE AN EXPRESSION THAT MEANS ALMOST THE SAME THING.

IT IS, "TO BREATHE THE FOUL AIR."

IF WE SAY SOMEONE IS BREATHING THE FOUL AIR,

WE MEAN THEY HAVE THE EARTH MENTALITY.

IT IS ABOUT THE WORST INSULT YOU CAN LEVEL AT SOMEONE,

BECAUSE HAVING THE EARTH MENTALITY

IS THE ONE THING THAT IS TRULY UNFORGIVABLE

IN THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE.

CAN WE GO SOMEWHERE ELSE, PLEASE?

SOMEWHERE WHERE I CAN SEE SOME STARS.

Old woman: HE KNEW BY THIS TIME

THAT NOTHING IN HIS LIFE WOULD EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN.

She: I FEEL BETTER NOW.

Man: WHAT DID YOU MEAN -- THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE?

YOU KNOW WHAT IS MEANT BY "INTELLIGENT LIFE-FORMS"?

OF COURSE I DO.

WELL, YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THEM.

I'M NOT?

NOT JUST YOU.

THE HUMAN RACE IS NOT CONSIDERED IN UNIVERSAL TERMS

TO BE AN INTELLIGENT LIFE-FORM.

I SUPPOSE YOU LOT ARE?

YES, OF COURSE.

ONE OF MANY.

SHE BEGAN TO TALK WITH HIM --

TALK OF HOW THE INTELLIGENT LIFE-FORMS

OF THE UNIVERSE HAD CONCLUDED THAT EARTH WAS BEYOND HELP.

EARTH HAD PROVED ITSELF TO BE THE MOST IRRATIONAL

OF ALL KNOWN PLACES,

THE LEAST WILLING TO LISTEN TO THE MOST OBVIOUS.

HE DENIED IT, OF COURSE.

BUT WHEN SHE TOLD HIM

THAT EARTH HAD NOW BEEN LEFT TO DESTROY ITSELF

BY ITS OWN DEVICES, HE FELL SILENT.

"WHY, THEN, HAD SHE COME HERE?" HE EVENTUALLY ASKED.

AND SHE DIDN'T KNOW. SHE COULDN'T ANSWER HIM.

SHE THOUGHT IT MUST'VE BEEN A MISTAKE,

AND SHE HOPED SHE WOULD SOON BE DISCOVERED AND TAKEN OFF.

KNOWING AT LEAST SOME OF WHAT SHE SAID TO HAVE BEEN TRUE,

IT HAD MADE HIM LAUGH...

[ LAUGHING ]

...LAUGH OUT LOUD

AT THE BIZARRE TURN IN HIS LIFE.

I'M GLAD YOU'RE ABLE TO TAKE IT IN SUCH GOOD HUMOR.

YOU EARTHLINGS HAVE ALWAYS BEEN EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD

AT DENYING REALITY.

I THINK WE OUGHT TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP.

WOULD YOU MIND?

HELL.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

I FEEL THE NEED TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP.

WE'RE TOGETHER ANYWAY, SO IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE

TO BE ALSO HAVING A RELATIONSHIP.

WE HARDLY KNOW EACH OTHER.

WELL, IT'S QUITE EASY, REALLY.

WE'LL TREAT EACH OTHER WITH RESPECT AND KINDNESS

AND HAVE A RELATIONSHIP.

JUST LIKE THAT, EH?

IS THAT SO HARD?

NO, NO. SUITS ME FINE.

SOME SIMPLE RULES NEED TO BE FOLLOWED.

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN, MEAN WHAT YOU SAY.

DON'T GET OFFENDED BY ANYTHING I SAY OR DO,

NO MATTER HOW HARD THAT MIGHT BE FOR YOU,

UNTIL AFTER WE'VE AGREED TO TERMINATE THE RELATIONSHIP.

DON'T BOTTLE UP YOUR FEELINGS,

AGREE TO DISAGREE,

RESPECT THE OTHER'S POINT OF VIEW.

THAT'S THE ONE THAT'S GOING TO BE HARDEST FOR ME.

OKAY?

SOUNDS EASY ENOUGH.

GOOD. THAT'S DECIDED THEN.

[ CHUCKLES ]

IF WE'RE HAVING A RELATIONSHIP,

I THINK YOU SHOULD TUCK YOUR SHIRT IN.

IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'D LIKE... DARLING.

THIS IS ALL GOING A BIT FAST FOR ME.

WOULD YOU MIND NOT USING THAT WORD

UNTIL OUR RELATIONSHIP'S A BIT BETTER ESTABLISHED?

SURE.

THANKS.

LET'S GO.

Old woman: THAT'S HOW IT STARTED.

BUT PROGRESS DID NOT PROVE TO BE IN LINE WITH HIS EXPECTATIONS.

WHERE ARE WE NOW?

STILL THE SAME PLACE.

WE'RE OBVIOUSLY IN A DIFFERENT PLACE.

I CAN'T SEE THE DIFFERENCE.

YOU EPSILONIANS CERTAINLY HAVE A DIFFERENT WAY

OF LOOKING AT THINGS.

IT'S NOT US, IT'S YOU THAT ARE OUT OF STEP.

WITH THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE.

WON'T THAT AFFECT THE COURSE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP?

NO, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO.

COULD YOU LEND ME YOUR BELT?

WHAT'S MY BELT GOT TO DO WITH IT?

YOU OBVIOUSLY FIND ME ATTRACTIVE.

SO IN ORDER TO HELP THIS EARLY PART

OF OUR RELATIONSHIP,

I'D LIKE TO PUT YOUR BELT AROUND MY WAIST

TO ACCENTUATE MY FEMALE SHAPE.

WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME, WHICH YOU DO QUITE OFTEN,

THE SIGNAL TO YOUR BRAIN WILL BE STRONGER,

MEANING YOUR HORMONE RELEASE WILL BE GREATER.

HENCE THE RELATIONSHIP WILL IMPROVE...

FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW, ANYWAY.

I'M NOT SURE WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME.

BELT?

WHAT ABOUT FEELINGS?

I'M TALKING ABOUT MUCH MORE POWERFUL THINGS

THAN FEELINGS.

I'M TALKING ABOUT HORMONES.

I NEVER THINK MUCH ABOUT THEM MYSELF.

WOULD YOU MIND NOT DOING THAT

WITHOUT GIVING ME SOME WARNING?

IT'S VERY DISORIENTING.

YOU'LL GET USED TO IT.

I MUST SAY, IT'S ABOUT THE LAST THING I EVER IMAGINED --

HAVING A RELATIONSHIP WITH A BEING FROM EARTH.

MUST BE TOUGH FOR YOUR HORMONES,

HAVING TO COPE WITH A PIG-EATING BARBARIAN.

YOU'RE QUAINT.

[ LAUGHS ] JUST WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR!

I FINALLY STARTED A RELATIONSHIP

AND SHE THINKS I'M QUAINT.

HOW MUCH WARNING DO YOU WANT?

OKAY.

WHERE ARE WE NOW?

SAME PLACE.

NO, WE'RE NOT. WE'RE SOMEWHERE DIFFERENT.

WE'RE IN THE SAME PLACE, STILL ON EARTH.

YES, BUT WHERE ON EARTH?

DO YOU THINK THESE TREES ARE TRYING TO DIE

BY THEMSELVES?

THAT THEY'VE JUST DECIDED TO UP AND PERISH

FOR NO GOOD REASON?

WELL, DO YOU?

OR DON'T YOU THINK ABOUT IT?

MAYBE THEY'VE GOT A FUNGUS OR SOMETHING.

MAYBE YOU'VE GOT A FUNGUS IN YOUR BRAIN.

Old woman: HE KNEW IT WASN'T A FUNGUS.

HE KNEW WHY THOSE TREES WERE DYING.

LIKE SO MANY PEOPLE IN THOSE DAYS,

HE DIDN'T WANT TO ADMIT THAT HE KNEW.

HE WOULD HAVE CONDEMNED HIMSELF, HIS WHOLE WAY OF LIFE,

HIS FRIENDS, HIS NEIGHBORS.

DEEP DOWN HE KNEW HE'D KILLED THOSE TREES

AS MUCH AS ANYONE HAD KILLED THOSE TREES,

THOUGH HE'D NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE,

NEVER TOUCHED THEM.

BUT EVEN THEN, TO HER, HE COULDN'T ADMIT IT.

SO, DON'T KEEP ASKING ME, "WHERE ON EARTH?"

IT'S ALL THE SAME PLACE.

RIGHT.

Man: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

LOOKING FOR FROGS.

OH.

SEE ANY?

NOT YET.

WHY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR FROGS?

FROGS ARE A MEASURE OF THE HEALTH OF A PLACE.

OH.

I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU WERE GONNA BOIL ONE UP FOR ME.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO DO THAT?

I MIGHT LEARN SOMETHING.

HEY!

NO FROGS AROUND HERE.

Old woman: THAT SHE MIGHT HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR

WAS SOMETHING HE'D OVERLOOKED.

SHE BEGAN TO -- TO AFFECT HIM.

HE BEGAN, IN HIS OWN WAY,

TO OPEN UP TO HER.

MY WATCH IS BEHAVING PRETTY STRANGELY

WITH ALL THIS JUMPING AROUND.

AND I DON'T WANT A LECTURE ABOUT TIME.

I'M JUST TELLING YOU, THAT'S ALL.

STRANGE FOR ME, THAT IS.

THAT'S NICE FOR YOU.

I'M GROWING QUITE FOND OF YOU, YOU KNOW.

THAT MUST BE EVEN NICER FOR YOU.

THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK.

MM-HMM.

ARE THERE ANY, LIKE, BOUNDARIES ON OUR RELATIONSHIP?

HOW DO YOU MEAN "BOUNDARIES"?

WELL, BOUNDARIES, YOU KNOW?

LIKE, FOR EXAMPLE, PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES.

I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE KNOWN YOU FIVE MINUTES OR A WEEK,

MY WATCH BEHAVING STRANGELY,

BUT...I FIGURED IT WOULDN'T HURT TO ASK, YOU KNOW?

"SAY WHAT YOU MEAN" AND ALL THAT.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL...YOU KNOW.

IF THAT'S YOUR IDEA OF SAYING WHAT YOU MEAN,

NO WONDER THIS PLACE IS IN SUCH A MESS.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE ARE NOW?

NO, BUT YES.

YES, I DO.

WHERE ARE THEY?

WHO?

THE PEOPLE WHO LIVED HERE.

NOBODY EVER LIVED HERE.

THEY DID, YOU KNOW.

WELL, THEY DON'T NOW.

THEY STOOD TOGETHER ON THE THRESHOLD

OF THE WORLD IN ANOTHER TIME,

A LONELY SURVEYOR AND A WOMAN FROM ANOTHER PLANET.

IN THAT MOMENT, HE SAID...

HE FELT AS CLOSE TO ANOTHER HUMAN AS HE EVER HAD.

ONLY SHE WASN'T REALLY A HUMAN,

SHE WAS FROM EPSILON,

AND THOUGHT THAT HUMANS WERE FOOLISH,

RIDICULOUS, ABSURD.

HE DIDN'T LET HIS BEING A HUMAN STOP HIM.

HE WAS BECOMING ENCHANTED BY HER.

CAN I HAVE MY BELT BACK?

NO.

WHY DO YOU WANT YOUR BELT BACK?

IT'S MY HORMONES.

YOUR WOMANLY SHAPE IS DRIVING THEM CRAZY.

AND YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION

ABOUT PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES.

YOU'RE QUAINT.

DON'T SAY THAT!

WHY NOT? THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING QUAINT.

THERE IS WHEN I'M NOT TRYING TO BE.

WE'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TRY TO BE ANYTHING.

I DON'T LIKE TO BE CONSIDERED QUAINT

WHEN I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP.

BUT YOU ARE.

THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME.

WHAT?

WOMEN TEND TO THINK I'M THEIR BEST FRIEND

INSTEAD OF... YOU KNOW.

NO, I DON'T KNOW. TELL ME.

I HAD A GIRLFRIEND ONCE. WE EVENTUALLY BROKE UP.

A WEEK LATER SHE CAME BACK TO VISIT ME,

SEE IF I WAS OKAY.

SHE SAT DOWN AT THE KITCHEN TABLE,

AND SHE SAID SHE HAD A NEW BOYFRIEND.

"WELL, HOW LONG HAS THAT BEEN GOING ON?" I SAID.

SO SHE SAID, "A WEEK."

"THAT WAS QUICK, WASN'T IT?

WE ONLY SPLIT UP A WEEK AGO. WHAT'S HE LIKE?"

SHE SAID HE WASN'T AS NICE AS ME,

WHICH MADE ME FEEL BETTER,

BUT THAT HE WAS A BETTER BOYFRIEND,

WHICH MADE ME FEEL WORSE.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?" I SAID.

SO SHE SAID SHE FANCIED HIM.

I JUST SORT OF LOOKED AT HER.

I WAS FEELING PRETTY HURT.

SHE MISUNDERSTOOD ME AND THOUGHT I DIDN'T KNOW

WHAT SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT.

SO SHE SAID, "YOU KNOW,

YOU'RE TOO NICE TO EXCITE ME IN BED."

SO I SAID, PRETTY ANGRY,

"WHAT DO YOU WANT -- AN ANIMAL?"

AND SHE SAID, "YES."

INTERESTING RELATIONSHIPS YOU HAVE HERE.

ARE THEY ALL LIKE THAT?

USUALLY THEY'RE MUCH MORE COMPLICATED.

MORECOMPLICATED?

OH.

I HOPE YOU DON'T EXPECT OURS TO BE IN ANY WAY LIKE THAT.

I DON'T.

BY STAYING WITHIN THE SIMPLE RULES,

WE'LL AVOID ANY SUCH PROBLEMS.

WE WILL.

SO DON'T GET OFFENDED WHEN I CALL YOU QUAINT.

SHOULDN'T THESE RULES HAVE SOME SORT OF HIERARCHY?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? SIMPLE RULES ARE SIMPLE RULES.

YES, BUT IF I SAY I'M OFFENDED,

I'M BREAKING THE RULES,

BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE RULES,

I'M NOT ALLOWED TO GET OFFENDED.

BUT IF I DON'T SAY I'M OFFENDED,

I'M ALSO BREAKING THE RULES,

BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE RULES,

I'M MEANT TO SAY WHAT I MEAN.

YOUR REASONING POWERS ARE PARTICULARLY UNDERDEVELOPED.

OH, SO IT'S MYFAULT THE RULES ARE INCONSISTENT.

IT'S NOT THE RULES!

IT'S THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT THEM.

THE WAY I THINK ABOUT THEM DRIVES ME MAD!

OKAY.

THE RELATIONSHIP WILL WORK IF WE FOLLOW THE RULES, RIGHT?

UM...ALL RIGHT.

AND YOU'RE IN A POSITION WHERE, BECAUSE OF WHAT THINK,

YOU'RE BEING FORCED TO BREAK THE RULES.

EXACTLY!

SO CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK!

EH?

CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK ABOUT BEING CALLED QUAINT.

REVEL IN THE IDEA. GLORY IN IT.

THEN YOU WON'T BE OFFENDED.

THEN YOU WON'T BREAK THE RULES.

SO, YOU THINK I'M QUAINT, DO YOU?

YES! YOU ARE.

WELL, FANCY THAT. I'M QUAINT!

[ LAUGHS ]

YOU ARE.

IS THAT ALL?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU DON'T THINK I'M...VERY QUAINT?

YOU KNOW,

REALLY, REALLYQUAINT?

THEN YOU COULD KISS ME AGAIN.

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE ALL OF A SUDDEN?

SAME AS THE LAST PLACE, SAME AS THE PLACE BEFORE.

WHAT'S THAT?

TRYING TO FIND A PLACE TO GET OFF.

OH.

Old woman: IT SEEMS TO ME

THAT THIS WAS REALLY WHERE THE DIFFICULTY STARTED.

HE HADN'T THOUGHT IT THROUGH --

THAT HE WAS HOME,

BUT THAT SHE WANTED TO GO HOME.

THAT HE WAS WHERE HE WANTED TO BE,

BUT THAT SHE WAS SOMEWHERE SHE DIDN'T LIKE,

SOMEWHERE THAT HAD NO FUTURE FOR HER.

I THOUGHT WE JUST STARTED A RELATIONSHIP.

SO?

WELL, I JUST THOUGHT...

WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO GET OFF IF YOU HAD THE CHOICE?

NO.

THAT'S JUST COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL.

NO, IT'S NOT.

WHY NOT?

I LIKE IT HERE.

[ SCOFFS ] YOU LIKE IT HERE.

YOU LIKE IT HERE.

WELL, NOT "HERE" HERE.

BUT, YES, I LIKE IT HERE.

AND HOW MUCH LONGER IS "HERE" GOING TO BE HERE?

I DON'T KNOW. BUT WHILE IT'S HERE, I LIKE IT HERE.

BESIDES, WHERE ELSE WOULD I GO?

WHY ARE WE BACK HERE?

BECAUSE ILIKE IT HERE.

SAY YOU COULD GO TO EPSILON.

I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT EPSILON.

I MIGHTN'T LIKE IT THERE.

DO THEY DRINK BEER THERE?

DO THEY HAVE SEX?

WHAT A STUPID QUESTION. OF COURSE WE DO.

OH, I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK MAYBE YOU DIDN'T.

AND WHAT MADE YOU THINK THAT?

WELL, YOU DON'T SHOW MUCH EVIDENCE OF IT.

NEITHER DO YOU.

WELL, THAT'S EASY FIXED. HOW 'BOUT IT?

HOW 'BOUT WHAT?

IT -- YOU KNOW, WHAT I SAID BEFORE.

YOU MEAN SEX? YES.

BETWEEN US? YES.

HOW 'BOUT IT?

LET'S DO IT.

LET'S DO WHAT?

YOU KNOW, SEX.

HOW WOULD WE GO ABOUT DOING IT?

YOU MEAN, HOW WOULD WE START?

OKAY, HOW WOULD WE START?

WELL, I'D COME CLOSER.

THEN WHAT?

I'D COME CLOSER STILL.

YEAH? THEN WHAT?

I'D KISS YOU. WE'VE DONE THAT.

YOU'VE KISSED ME. I HAVEN'T KISSED YOU.

HOW LONG WOULD YOU KISS ME FOR?WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

THERE'S NO TIME LIMIT ON THESE THINGS.

THEN WHAT? THEN...

WELL, IT WOULD JUST SORT OF PROGRESS FROM THERE.

PROGRESS WHERE?YOU'RE ASKING A LOT OF DIFFICULT QUESTIONS.

YOU'RE BEING VERY COY ABOUT ANSWERING THEM ALL OF A SUDDEN.

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

I THINK I'D START TAKING OFF YOUR SHIRT.

I'M NOT SURE, BUT I THINK THAT'S WHAT I'D DO.

WHEN I FIRST MET YOU,

ALL YOU WANTED TO DO WAS PUT A SHIRT ON ME.

I TOLD YOU THEN IT DIDN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

WHAT WOULD IBE DOING WHILE YOU'RE TAKING MY SHIRT OFF?

YOU'D BE TAKING MINE OFF ME.

WOULDN'T THAT BE A BIT AWKWARD,

TAKING EACH OTHER'S SHIRTS OFF AT THE SAME TIME?

IT MIGHT BE AWKWARD,

BUT THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE DO WHEN THEY'RE ABOUT TO DO IT.

WHY DON'T WE JUST UNDRESS OURSELVES?

WELL, WE COULD.. BUT IT WOULDN'T BE THE SAME.

THAT WOULD MEAN IT'S JUST SEX, NOTHING ELSE.

ISN'T THAT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT -- SEX?

IT MIGHT BE WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

IT'S NOT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

THEN I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

COME ON. WE'LL GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Man: WE CAN'T.

She: CAN'T WHAT?

GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

WE'RE DOOMED TO ALWAYS BE IN THE SAME PLACE -- ON EARTH.

YOU MIGHT BE,

BUT I'M NOT.

YOU MIGHT AS WELL FACE IT.

YOU'RE PROBABLY GONNA BE HERE FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

NO. I'M NOT.

CERTAINLY NOT. NO WAY.

IT'S NOT SOBAD HERE, YOU KNOW.

I'VE GOT A COMFORTABLE LITTLE HOUSE IN THE CITY.

I KNOW THE AIR'S NOT PERFECT, BUT I DO OKAY.

GO BUSH QUITE A BIT. CATCH UP WITH FRIENDS.

GO TO THE FOOTY WHEN I CAN.

IT'S A GOOD LIFE.

I'VE GOT A SPARE ROOM IF YOU'D LIKE.

A COMFORTABLE LITTLE HOUSE, EH?

YEAH.

I'M PRETTY PROUD OF IT.

DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT?

NOT YET.

I WOULD LIKE TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE NICE, THOUGH.

LIKE A TREE. DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE TREE?

YES.

CAN YOU SHOW IT TO ME?

SURE.

Old woman: ONCE AGAIN, HE HAD COMPLETELY MISUNDERSTOOD HER.

ONLY THIS TIME, THE EVENTS THAT UNFOLDED

WERE TO REVERBERATE THROUGH HIS LIFE FOREVER.

I USED TO LIVE NOT FAR FROM HERE AS A CHILD.

I'D COME TO THIS TREE, AND I'D TALK TO IT.

"HELLO, TREE," I'D SAY.

I'D TELL IT WHAT WAS GREAT ABOUT LIFE THAT DAY,

OR WHAT WAS WORRYING ME.

YOU'LL THINK THIS IS A BIT SILLY,

BUT TO ME IT WAS THE BROTHER I NEVER HAD.

LOOK AT THAT MARK THERE.

THAT'S WHERE THE TREE AND I EXCHANGED BLOOD.

KID STUFF.

BUT EVEN NOW, I STILL SOMETIMES COME HERE.

DO YOU HAVE AN AX?

NOT HERE. IT'S IN MY TRUCK.

THAT'S OKAY. I'LL JUST GET IT.

YOU'VE GOT MY AX!

YES. I SAID I'D GET IT.

WELL, WHY DO YOU WANT MY AX?

TO CHOP YOUR TREE DOWN.YOU WOULDN'T!

WOULD YOU?

WELL, NOT THIS TREE!

PLEASE! ANY OTHER TREE!

PICK ANOTHER ONE! THERE'S FORESTS OF THEM!

PLEASE!

HE WAS WITHOUT MEANS TO STOP HER.

SHE HAD THE POWERS, THE STRENGTH, THE AX.

HE HAD ONLY HIS GRIEF AND HIS MISUNDERSTANDINGS.

EVERY BLOW FELT LIKE A BLOW TO HIS HEART.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY,

EVERY BLOW WAS A BLOW TO HIS APATHY,

HIS INDIFFERENCE TO HIS PLACE IN THE WORLD.

BUT HE HADN'T KNOWN. HE DIDN'T KNOW.

HE'D NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE HER,

ANYONE SO -- SO CERTAIN.

ANYONE SO UNWAVERING.

HE WATCHED HER CUT HIS TREE DOWN.

HE SAW HER ANGUISH...

AND HE BEGAN TO GRASP SOMETHING ABOUT HER...

...HER LONELINESS.

HER ISOLATION FROM THOSE LESS DRIVEN...

...THOSE LIKE HIM.

BUT HE REFUSED TO UNDERSTAND.

[ Gasping ] THERE.

I'VE RUINED A BIT OF YOUR PLANET NOW.

SATISFIED?

WHY?

WHY?!

BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO STAY HERE!

JUST MY STAYING HERE

IS GOING TO DO THAT OVER AND OVER AGAIN!

I'LL START LIVING LIKE YOU LIVE --

BANG! ANOTHER TREE DOWN.

I'LL START WANTING THE SAME THINGS YOU WANT --

BANG! ANOTHER TREE DOWN.

YOU DON'T NEED ME HERE.

[ CRYING ]

HE TURNED HER WORDS OVER IN HIS MIND,

TRYING TO MAKE THEM FIT

INTO HIS LIMITED VIEW OF THE WORLD.

BUT HE FELT TOO REMOVED FROM HER,

AND HE LONGED TO GET BACK TO THE SIMPLE,

THE EASY, THE FAMILIAR.

YOU'RE TOO EXTREME FOR ME.

EXTREME?

I'M NOT EXTREME.

I'M PERFECTLY NORMAL AND SENSIBLE.

I MEAN YOUR ACTIONS. THE THINGS YOU DO.

YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE EXTREME BEHAVIOR.

YOUR WHOLE WAY OF LIFE IS ONE OF EXTREMES.

YOU'RE WRONG.

I HAVE A PERFECTLY NORMAL WAY OF LIFE.

IT MIGHT BE NORMAL,

BUT IT DOESN'T STOP IT FROM BEING EXTREMELY STUPID.

I'D LIKE TO TERMINATE OUR RELATIONSHIP.

WOULD THAT BE AGREEABLE TO YOU?

PITY.

WHY?

I WAS GROWING QUITE FOND OF YOU.

THAT MUST'VE BEEN NICE FOR YOU.

SO, IS THE RELATIONSHIP TERMINATED?

I GUESS IT IS.

GOOD.

I DON'T RESPECT YOUR POINT OF VIEW.

I CAN'T AGREE TO DISAGREE.

I GET OFFENDED BY THE THINGS YOU SAY AND DO.

AND I DON'T THINK YOU SAY WHAT YOU MEAN

OR MEAN WHAT YOU SAY ANY MORE THAN I DO.

AND I LIKEBOTTLING UP SOME OF MY FEELINGS.

IT CAUSES A LOT LESS TROUBLE.

THAT STUFF MIGHT WORK FOR YOU ON EPSILON,

BUT IT DOESN'T WORK FOR ME HERE.

FINE.

WELL...

...WHAT NOW?

I'D BETTER GO.

KEEP TRYING.

WILL YOU BE OKAY?

I THINK SO.

IT'LL TAKE ME A WHILE TO FIGURE OUT

HOW TO FIX THAT THING.

THEN I'LL BE ON MY WAY, TOO.

OKAY, THEN. GOODBYE.

GOODBYE.

YOUR CLOTHES -- I'M STILL WEARING THEM.

THAT'S OKAY. YOU CAN KEEP 'EM.

OH.

YOU NEVER KNOW.

YOU MIGHT MEET SOMEONE ELSE. YOU'D NEED THEM THEN.

YES.

YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT. THANK YOU.

THAT'S FINE.

IT WAS A PLEASURE TO HAVE MET YOU.

GOODBYE THEN.

GOODBYE.

[ SIGHS ]

'TWAS FUNNY IN A WAY.

NEITHER OF THEM REALLY WANTED TO SAY GOODBYE,

BUT BOTH OF THEM SAID IT.

AND ONLY THEN WERE THEY ABLE TO GIVE FULL CONSIDERATION

TO WHAT HAD HAPPENED BETWEEN THEM.

[ ENGINE SPUTTERING ]

[ ENGINE REVVING ]AH!

INCREDIBLY LIMITED INTELLECT, EH?

I BREATHE THE FOUL AIR.

WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?

THAT'S WHAT MAKES ME WHAT I AM.

HI! I'M...BACK.

Old woman: FOR HER, NOTHING WAS EVER TOO LATE.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING QUAINT.

THERE IS WHEN I'M NOT TRYING TO BE.

WE'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

SHE WENT BACK...

WE DON'T HAVE TO TRY TO BE ANYTHING.

...IN TIME.

I DON'T LIKE TO BE CONSIDERED QUAINT

WHEN I'M IN A RELATIONSHIP.

BUT YOU ARE.

THAT ALWAYS HAPPENS TO ME.

WHAT?

WOMEN TEND TO THINK I'M THEIR BEST FRIEND,

INSTEAD OF, YOU KNOW.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, BUT TELL ME.

I HAD A GIRLFRIEND ONCE.

I KNOW.

DO YOU? HOW?

YOU...TALKED ABOUT IT BEFORE.

OH. I DON'T REMEMBER.

ANYWAY, WE EVENTUALLY BROKE UP.

A WEEK LATER SHE CAME BACK TO VISIT ME,

SEE IF I WAS OKAY.

I SORT OF FEEL LIKE I'VE TOLD YOU THIS STORY BEFORE.

STOP ME IF I HAVE.

NO. GO ON.

OKAY.

WHERE WAS I?

YOU WERE JUST SAYING SHE SAT DOWN AT THE KITCHEN TABLE

AND TOLD YOU SHE HAD A NEW BOYFRIEND.

WAS I? OH.

"WELL, HOW LONG'S THAT BEEN GOIN' ON?" I SAID.

SHE SAID, "A WEEK."

THAT WAS QUICK. YOU'D ONLY SPLIT UP A WEEK BEFORE.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID! HOW DID YOUKNOW?

YOU...JUST TOLD ME.

DID I? WHEN?

JUST NOW.

ARE YOU SUREI HAVEN'T TOLD YOU THIS STORY BEFORE?

NOT BEFORE. NO, DEFINITELY NOT BEFORE.

I KEEP GETTING THESE FLASHES LIKE I HAVE.

I GET VERY CONFUSED WHEN I TRY AND TALK TO YOU SERIOUSLY.

WHAT WAS HE LIKE?

WHO? THE BOYFRIEND.

SHE SAID HE WASN'T AS NICE AS ME.

HE WOULDN'T BE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

SHE'S RIGHT. HE ISN'T AS NICE AS YOU.

DO YOU KNOW HIM?

OF COURSE I DON'T. BUT --

I DON'T HAVE TO KNOW HIM.

I KNOW YOU.

I'M SORRY.

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE ALL THAT QUAINT.

Old woman: I SUPPOSE IT MUST BE NICE TO BE ABLE TO TRY ONE SET OF ACTIONS,

AND THEN, IF THINGS DON'T QUITE WORK OUT,

DISPENSE WITH THE OUTCOME AND THE CONSEQUENCES

AND TRY ANOTHER SET OF ACTIONS FOR BETTER RESULTS.

BUT LIFE ON EARTH IS NOT LIKE THAT.

WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE CONSEQUENCES

OF OUR ACTIONS.

WE ARE NORMALLY GIVEN ONLY ONE CHANCE.

THE WANDERING MAN WAS GIVEN A SECOND CHANCE,

ALTHOUGH HE ONLY KNEW ABOUT THAT AFTERWARDS.

HE SAID IT WAS A MOST PECULIAR THING.

HE DIDN'T THENREMEMBER ANY OF THE THINGS

THAT HAD HAPPENED TO HIM...

OR HADN'T HAPPENED,

DEPENDING ON HOW YOU LOOK AT THE PAST.

I'M GLAD THERE'S NO TIME LIMIT ON THESE THINGS.

SO AM I.

YET HE STILL FELT DIFFERENT, THOUGHT DIFFERENTLY,

AS IF HE'D BEEN CHANGED BY THOSE EVENTS NEVERTHELESS.

BUT FOR NOW, FOR HIM,

THERE WAS ONLY THE PRESENT.

IF IT HAD ENDED THERE,

IF SOMEHOW THEY'D LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER,

THE OUTCOME WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY DIFFERENT...

...THE CONSEQUENCES MUCH MORE SERIOUS.

BUT IT HADN'T QUITE ENDED YET.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I'M SAD.

DON'T BE SAD.

OF COURSE I'M SAD.

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE SAD ABOUT.

I HAVEN'T FINISHED BEING SAD YET.

OH.

NOW I'VE FINISHED!

WHAT WERE YOU SAD ABOUT?

I WAS SAD ABOUT...

IF I STAY, I'LL NEVER SEE EPSILON AGAIN.

AND IF I GO, I'LL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN.

WHICHEVER ONE I THOUGHT ABOUT MADE ME SAD.

OH.

WHICH ONE MADE YOU LESS SAD?

WILL YOU SHOW ME YOUR COMFORTABLE LITTLE HOUSE NOW?

THE ONE WITH THE SPARE ROOM.

IT'S MY HORMONES. YOU SEND THEM OUT OF CONTROL.

HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT MY COMFORTABLE LITTLE HOUSE

AND THE SPARE ROOM?

IT'S A BIT...COMPLICATED.

YOU TOLD ME... IN OUR PREVIOUS PAST.

WE'VE GOT A PREVIOUS PAST, YOU AND ME?

WE ENDED UP HAVING AN ARGUMENT AND PARTING WAYS.

SO I CAME BACK AND FOUND YOU

BEFORE WE HAD THE ARGUMENT, AND HERE WE ARE.

YOU HAVE A FIGHT YOU WISHED YOU HADN'T HAD,

SO YOU JUST GO BACK AND YOU DON'T HAVE IT.

[ LAUGHS ] USEFUL WAY TO SOLVE PROBLEMS.

WHAT WAS THE ARGUMENT ABOUT?

YOU THOUGHT I WAS TOO EXTREME.

I DIDN'T! I DON'T THINK YOU'RE EXTREME AT ALL.

I'D NEVER THINK THAT. NEVER!

I AM A BIT AT TIMES.

YOU'RE NOT EXTREME.

YOU JUST FEEL PASSIONATELY ABOUT THINGS.

THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT.

I CHOPPED DOWN YOUR CHILDHOOD TREE.

YOU WHAT?

I CHOPPED DOWN YOUR TREE, YOUR FAVORITE TREE,

THE ONE YOU USED TO TALK TO.

YOU DIDN'T.

YOU DON'T MIND?

YOU MUST HAVE HAD GOOD REASON.

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THINGS.

YOU KNOW?

ALL THE THINGS YOU'VE BEEN SAYING

ABOUT THE EARTH AND SO ON.

IT ALL MAKES SENSE, BUT...

YOU TEND TO GET A BIT DEPRESSED ABOUT IT AT FIRST.

THINKING ABOUT HOW JUST ONE PERSON

DOESN'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE AT ALL.

"WHAT CAN I DO ANYWAY?" AND ALL THAT.

AND THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT WAR.

WHEN THERE'S A WAR ON,

WHEN THEIR COUNTRY AND THEIR WAY OF LIFE ARE THREATENED,

PEOPLE DON'T HESITATE TO CHANGE THEIR LIFE COMPLETELY,

YOU KNOW? TO RISK EVERYTHING --

THEIR JOB, THEIR CAREER,

THEIR LIFE, THEIR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

DUMP THE LOT TO JOIN IN THE WAR.

THEY'RE READY TO RISK EVERYTHING --

WHICH IS HOW IT'S GOT TO BE TO WIN THE WAR.

DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, DOES IT?

THIS IS A WAR. THIS IS MORE THAN A WAR.

BUT WE MUCK AROUND AT THE EDGES OF IT

LIKE WE'RE JUST PLAYING.

THEY'VE FOUND ME.

WHAT?

THEY'VE FOUND ME.

THIS IS MUCH MORE SERIOUS THAN ANY WAR.

WE MUCK AROUND AT THE EDGES OF IT

LIKE WE'RE JUST PLAYING --

DIDN'T YOU HEAR WHAT I SAID?

I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID.

TELL THEM TO GO AWAY.

I CAN'T.

WHAT IF THEY DECIDE NOT TO TAKE ME NOW?

WE CAN'T JUST KEEP DOING THIS.

YOU'RE RIGHT. WE'VE GOT TO THINK, THINK CLEARLY.

LET ME THINK.

WE'VE GOT TO GO BACK TO YOUR TRUCK,

YOU KNOW, IN CASE THEY DODECIDE TO TAKE ME,

AND YOU'RE LEFT STRANDED IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

IN THE WRONG TIME.

RIGHT.

LET'S GO.

DO YOU THINK IF I JUST HELD ON TO YOU THE WHOLE TIME

THAT THEY COULDN'T...

NO.

DIDN'T THINK SO.

BUT WE COULD TRY.

She: I WONDER WHICH ONE IT IS.

Man: I'VE DECIDED IT'S THAT ONE...

AT THE END OF THAT SORT OF TRAIL.

SEE IT? THAT'S THE ONE I'LL BE LOOKING AT.

I COULD WAVE TO YOU.

I THINK I MIGHT BECOME AN ASTRONOMER IF YOU GO.

I WOULDN'T IF I WERE YOU.

WHY NOT?

YOU'LL BE OUT OF A JOB IN A FEW YEARS' TIME.

WHY'S THAT?

THIS VIEW IS DISAPPEARING.

YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE ANY STARS AT ALL SOON.

BETTER NOT BECOME AN ASTRONOMER THEN.

NO.

I THOUGHT I MIGHT BE ABLE TO SEE YOU

THROUGH THE TELESCOPE.

[ LAUGHS ]

WHAT'S THAT SILLY EXPRESSION?

IT'S MY "I'LL BE A GOOD FATHER" LOOK.

IF WE WEREN'T GONNA BRING CHILDREN INTO THE WORLD,

THERE'D BE NO POINT SAVING IT.

THERE'S NO POINT BRINGING CHILDREN INTO THE WORLD

UNTIL YOU'VE SAVED IT.

I THINK WE MIGHT AGREE TO DISAGREE THERE.

WE COULD GO BACK TO WHEN WE FIRST MET

AND JUST GO 'ROUND AND 'ROUND IN TIME

BETWEEN THEN AND NOW.

I DON'T THINK THEY'RE COMING.

I DON'T FEEL THEM ANYMORE.

I FEEL YOU...

AND HERE...

...BUT NOT THEM.

I FEEL...

WE MIGHT DO SOME THINGS TOGETHER.

IT'S A NICE FEELING.

WHOO-HOO!

[ WHOOPING ]

[ LAUGHING ]

WHAT WAS THAT?

I CALL IT MY SHARPIE DANCE.

[ ENGINE REVVING ]

[ REVVING STOPS ]

Old woman: IT WAS SOME DAYS AFTER THIS THAT I MET HIM,

JUST THAT ONE TIME,

FOR THE FEW HOURS IT TOOK HIM TO TELL HIS STORY.

THEN HE SLEPT BRIEFLY, WOKE,

PICKED UP HIS BAG AND WALKED INTO THE NIGHT,

SAYING HE HAD SOME STORIES TO TELL,

SOME STARS TO SAVE.

DID HE DISAPPEAR?

NO, HE DIDN'T DISAPPEAR.

A FEW YEARS LATER,

I SAW HIS PHOTO IN THE NEWSPAPER.

I RECOGNIZED HIM IMMEDIATELY.

WHAT'S A NEWSPAPER?

IT'S A THING THEY USED TO HAVE BEFORE THEY KNEW BETTER.

YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO KNOW.

I'M NOT TOO YOUNG.

IN TIME, HE BEGAN TO APPEAR ON TELEVISION,

TO BE WRITTEN ABOUT, TALKED ABOUT,

SPREADING HIS IDEAS THAT HE SAID WEREN'T HISIDEAS.

AT FIRST, THEY CONSIDERED HIM TO BE A LITTLE MAD HIMSELF.

"EPSI-LOON" THEY CALLED HIM.

SOUNDS LIKE THEY WERE MADDER THAN HIM.

NOT ALL OF THEM. THERE WEREOTHERS LIKE HIM.

OVER THE YEARS,

AS THE SENSE OF WHAT HE WAS SAYING JUST --

JUST COULDN'T BE ARGUED AGAINST,

THEY CHANGED THE WAY THEY THOUGHT ABOUT HIM,

AND THEY GAVE HIM A DIFFERENT NAME.

THE MAN OF THE STARS?

THE MAN OF THE STARS?

YOU MET THE MAN OF THE STARS?

I DID.

I WAS REALLY THE FIRST PERSON WHO EVER MET HIM.

BECAUSE BEFORE THAT, HE WASN'T HIMYET.

THAT'S AMAZING.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW AMAZING THAT IS.

OH, I DO.

THEY SAY IF IT WASN'T FOR HIM,

YOU MIGHTN'T BE ABLE TO SEE THE STARS AT ALL TODAY.

AND THAT WOULDBE A PITY, WOULDN'T IT?

I CAN SEE THEM!

♪ TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR ♪

♪ HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE ♪

♪ UP ABOVE THE WORLD SO HIGH ♪

♪ LIKE A DIAMOND IN THE SKY ♪

♪ TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR ♪

♪ HOW I WONDER WHAT YOU ARE ♪

[ MAN CHANTING IN NATIVE LANGUAGE ]

[ TRIBAL MUSIC PLAYING ]

--Captions by VITAC--