Original subtitles

Hey, how much farther is it

- to the castle of Horus Scrum? - Not far.

Yeah, you're probably wondering how I keep up.

- Nope. - See, I just focus on my thigh muscles

for an extra burst of speed.

- Look, bud. I'm used to working alone... - Taking breaks?

You know I'd keep going,

- but you're the boss, so... - Evan, I warned you.

Questing is not easy. It's serious business.

I'm worried you can't take care of yourself.

Oh, me? Puh-lease.

I'm fine. I'm gonna be a big help to you.

- Really? Okay, well, then carry my sword. - Mhm.

I'm... do what now? Whoa!

Whoa! I gotta put a new grip on it.

Hold on. Whoa.

My barbarian gut instinct is telling me

that you're gonna be a pain in my barbarian butt.

Okay. Fine.

Physical strength is not my thing.

But you don't have to worry about me.

Trolls have amazing survival instincts.

I can smell danger a mile away.

- So much for smelling danger. - Oh, come on, lady.

Don't take my snack. I'm hangry.

Ah, please don't let me become a snack.

Do you promise to pay attention

and take care of yourself?

Yeah, I promise. One more chance.

Sorry, bat. Not your day.

So dramatic. All you had to do was ask.

Ah, thanks.

When we get to the wizard's castle,

- maybe you should stay outside. - No, no, no, no.

I gotta make him see what he did.

Because of him, my lute got destroyed.

Look at this. Wait, wait, wait.

Look. That is aggravated lute-icide.

- Oh. - Okay. I know we just met, like,

yesterday at a tavern, but you gotta pick up the pace.

- Ditch the troll! - What? Rude.

I can't. I said he could come.

Said he could come?

Oh, what? Barbarians have some sort of moral code?

They can't ever go back on their word?

That's right. It's a barbarian creed.

I'm just saying. Less creed, more speed.

♪ A troll burned his bridge ♪

♪ A warrior lost her crown ♪

♪ I'm not being poetic ♪

♪ That's literally what went down ♪

♪ Together, their journey has begun ♪

♪ Combining might and melody ♪

♪ To quest and smite a demon ♪

♪ And find their true family ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ "The Barbarian and the Troll" ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ "The Barbarian and the Troll" ♪

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~

Oh! This is futile.

If I'm ever going to get my revenge

on that barbarian, I'm going to need help.

Can anyone lend me a hand,

a leg, anything?

Oh.

Oh, hello, little girl walking all alone on the path with a goat.

Any chance of giving an old skeleton a lift?

My mom always taught me

never to talk to disembodied heads on the side of the road.

- That's oddly specific. - Yet here we are.

Silence! I demand you transport me.

You know what to do, Helen.

No. No, no, no, no.

No, no!

You'll regret this.

Behold!

The greatest wizard in all

of the local tri-village area, Horus Scrum.

- Stay behind me. - You don't have to tell me twice.

I speak to you and only you, great wizard.

Ready yourself for battle.

Unless you are too cowardly.

Brendar the Barbarian is in my throne room.

Prepare to be smothered...

In compliments!

Ooh!

Big fan. Big, big fan.

What... why is it so dark in here?

Alexa, lights on.

Thank you, Alexa. Whoa.

Welcome to my castle.

Mi castle is su castle.

Is this how all wizards initiate a battle?

- Who said anything about a battle? - The owl.

- Hey, it got her here, didn't it? - Point taken.

Who are you?

- Huh? What? - Announce yourself.

State your name and what you want.

Um...

I am Evan the musical troll of Gothmoria.

A-and I demand that you repair my lute.

By demand, I mean, um... please?

- No. - Okay then.

We need to work on that.

So, Brendar, I heard you're a free agent,

and I'm in need of someone like you

for an important yet dangerous quest.

"Yet Dangerous" is my middle name.

- Aha! - What kind of quest?

Stand back and behold

the Quest Exposition Explanation!

- Settle in, everyone. - Gather around.

On the outskirts of Gothmoria

is a magical castle

housing a most powerful witch named Gnarlia.

That amulet you see is mine!

She took it from me, and I want it back.

But it won't be easy.

We gotta traverse the Dark Forest of Torment,

the Black Mountains of Despair,

and the Light Gray River of Mild Inconveniences.

We'll end at the Castle Gnarlia.

Brendar will smash down the castle door,

take out the guards while I confront that witch.

Have a magic spar,

ending with me, the victor!

Thank you.

What's so important about this rock that you need me?

Well, you see this

ordinary looking owl here before you

is actually my beautiful daughter, Stacey.

- What? - That evil witch Gnarlia

turned my beautiful daughter into an owl!

- What? - Yeah, what's sad is that

that evil witch is Stacey's mother.

- What?! - Mm.

- Plot twist. - Whoa!

Wow, an evil witch turned you into an owl.

- That is so sad. - Not really.

I'm a total night person, and I love to fly.

Plus I get to poop on people, which is not gross.

- It's natural. - Hmm. Sure.

You don't need a barbarian.

You need a family therapist.

We're losing her, Dad. Seal the deal!

Uhh... wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Uh, in exchange for your all-inclusive barbarian escort

for me to retrieve my amulet, you will win...

poof!

This bucket of gold.

- Bucket not included. - No, thanks.

If you need a bucket, I got a guy.

Ah, how about this? Uh, poof!

This anagogic cloak of displacement

inscribed with mystical runes,

and inside, a vest of illusion.

Holy moly. Displacement and illusion?

You gotta take that deal.

There's only one item in this room

that I will accept as payment.

- This axe. - Eh. That axe is cool,

but the vest can take you from day to night.

Tell her what she's won, Axey.

The duel-plated demon chopper!

Forged in the seventh lower level of Hagmord,

then cooled in the tears of a dragon.

I come complete with a comfort-grip handle,

making me a quintessential questing must.

Demons beware, because you're getting chopped.

Offer valid in 29 kingdoms. Some restrictions apply.

Ah, well, it's no sparkly vest but whatevs.

Yes, but she has been dipped in dragon's tears.

Some restrictions apply.

And only axes dipped in dragon's tears

have the power to destroy demons.

Depending on restrictions.

And I know just the demon I wanna destroy.

So what do you say, Brendar?

Can I get you in a quest today?

Wizard Scrum, I accept your offer.

And I solemnly pledge to protect you

on your quest to retrieve your magical amulet.

Sweet. Who's hungry?

- We do an excellent garlic mash. - Yum!

It's made by skeletons, so look out for bones.

Boy, some people will do anything these days

to get a-head.

Impudent sky vermin,

I am the leader of the Great Undead Army.

Check it. It's alive-ish.

Where's the rest of you, pal?

You will take me to the castle of the wizard, Horus Scrum,

where I will rebuild my body.

Well, we love to help strangers.

- Don't we, Norm? - Oh, yeah.

That's all we do around here is help, help, help.

Yeah. So help me.

And then the centaur says,

"Well, clearly you bet on the wrong half."

That's a weird way to lose money.

Oh, hi. Uh, no thanks.

I'm so excited about going on this journey,

I've lost my appetite.

Wait a second. I didn't hire the purple guy.

What are you doing here, purple guy?

What...? Brendar.

Tell him I'm part of the quest.

It's his quest. You tell him.

Ask the nice wizard if you can come.

- Yeah, he who pays has the say. - That's right.

All right.

I'm the guy who's gonna write songs about your quest.

Songs that everybody in Gothmoria will sing.

- Mm. - Especially a certain witch.

Ooh. I like the sound of that.

Sing me one of 'em.

Oh, I would, but one of your skeletons

back at the tavern destroyed my lute.

Oh. Say no more.

Mmmm... poof!

It's en-jazzled.

♪ I know you're fearless ♪

♪ I know you're brave ♪

♪ Sure, there's an owl we gotta save ♪

♪ But what about glory? ♪

♪ Hey, what about fame? ♪

♪ What's the point of questing ♪

♪ If no one knows your name? ♪

♪ A girl got turned into an owl ♪

♪ And no one heard that news ♪

♪ If no one performs, no one's informed ♪

♪ Well, color me amused ♪

♪ I'm the one that gets the people clapping ♪

♪ You gotta have songs ♪

♪ Or it didn't happen ♪

♪ Music keeps the skellys' toes a-tappin ' ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Songs or it didn't happen ♪

Songs or it didn't happen.

♪ I could tell them a tale ♪

♪ About Horus the Great ♪

♪ His magnificence is only matched ♪

♪ If you travel out of state ♪

♪ With a barbarian, some skeletons ♪

♪ And a troll with perfect pitch ♪

♪ He quested and he bested ♪

♪ A nasty little witch ♪

♪ All hail Horus the Great ♪ Come on!

♪ All hail Horus the Great ♪

- Wanna dance? - I can only swing dance.

That's my axe to swing.

Raise the roof, wizard style.

Let's give it up for Horus, you guys, come on!

♪ I'm the one that gets ♪

♪ The people clapping ♪

♪ You gotta have songs ♪

♪ Or it didn't happen ♪

Come on!

♪ All hail Horus the Great ♪

♪ All hail Horus the Great ♪

Feel that musical euphoria!

♪ All hail Horus the Great ♪

- ♪ All hail Horus the Great ♪ - Courtesy of the musical

troll of Gothmoria!

Whoa!

Well, Wizard? Can I join your quest?

Well, that was one heck of an earworm.

Much better than the one I had extracted last year.

- Ew. - You are on the quest.

Whoo-hoo! Brendar, did you hear that?

My music's getting better.

I played my song, and he picked me.

Yes, but this quest isn't just about music.

We're going to get into a lot

- of dangerous situations. - You won't regret this.

- I'm beginning to regret this. - It's not my fault

giant spiders leave their webs everywhere.

There should be a law.

Evan, Gothmoria is a dangerous place.

You can't just walk around with your head in the clouds.

Are you even listening to me?

It wasn't my fault.

Help.

Tastes like spider-flavored chewing gum.

Oh, boy.

Look. Not only is my reputation at stake

but if I fail, I don't get to keep Axe.

And I need Axe to rescue my brother, Kendar.

If you get in trouble again, you're on your own.

- Do you understand me? - I got it.

On my own. Okay.

Don't worry about me because from now on,

I will not get in any more spider webs.

Oh!

Uh, I hate to be a backseat driver,

- but you missed the turn back there. - No, we didn't.

I have a very good sense of direction.

Well, then you would know we're taking you

back to our bat cave.

- What... - Where we plan on turning you

into a lovely bone broth for us and our friends.

All 800 of 'em.

Oh, great.

Here I thought the worst part of my day

was going to be flying under the business end of a bat.

Ah, there you are, Brendar.

I'm paying you to lead us, not to lollygag.

Ugh, that troll is slowing us

- down again, isn't he? - Uh...

Evan just got swallowed by a tree.

Oh. Well, that is unfortunate.

Yes. Terribly sad.

Okay, let's start trekking and make up some time, people.

- Stop. - What?

I never leave anyone behind on a quest.

It's a barbarian creed.

Also, he has my house keys.

You won't need keys where you're going.

Axe down!

Brendar!

Wha? Is someone there?

Huh? Who's there?

- Ah. - Hello there.

- Who are you? - Uh, I'm Evan.

Hi, Evan.

Allow me to introduce you

to my very best friend, Wee Tinkle.

And the other one of us is Tee Winkle.

Well, it's nice to meet you.

You're not the only one to get eaten by a tree.

- So did we! - I can see.

Already so much in common.

We're gonna get along so great.

Uh, isn't there any way out of here?

- There's no way out. - It's true.

Don't be so glum, chum.

You're our new trunk tummy bunk buddy.

Plenty of sap to slurp and acorns to crunch.

- Sawdust smoothie toast. - Okay. Cheers.

That's lovely.

Refreshing.

- He loves it. - Time for a refill.

Dad, the tree has your staff.

"Ooh. Look at me.

"I'm a wizard. I have a magical staff."

Ha! Joke's on you, tree.

Takes years to master the fine art of staff magic.

Really?

- Ow-ow-ow! - I'll turn you into toothpicks.

When I'm free, you'll be mulch.

Your little purple friend is just an amuse-bouche.

You're the main course.

That doesn't sound good.

And then he says,

"If you leave now, don't come back."

Then the whole bridge goes up in flames.

- You actually burned your bridge? - Gee whiz.

- That is ever so literal. - Yeah.

But then I found a group of friends,

and we started a really great quest together.

Quests are t-titally-rific.

Yeah, they sure are.

Well, you see, I went from being trapped under a bridge

to now being trapped in a tree,

so I guess I'm not meant to go on a quest.

But, Evan, who's to say

you're not on the grandest quest of all time?

- With us. - Oh.

Well, that's a really great way of looking at it.

You know, I guess I am on my very own quest.

Hey. I need my very own quest song.

♪ Sometimes everything goes all wrong ♪

♪ You get feeling sorry for yourself ♪

♪ Sometimes, you need a reminder ♪

♪ From two friendly little elves ♪

- ♪ We're gnomes, bro ♪ - Oh, sorry.

Just kidding. No worries, friends.

But yeah, to clarify, we are gnomes.

♪ Maybe one journey's over ♪

♪ But a new one's about to start ♪

♪ Sometimes you storm a castle ♪

♪ Sometimes you warm a heart ♪

Wow!

♪ Man, you guys are really the best ♪

♪ Brand-new friends on my brand-new quest ♪

- ♪ Quest ♪ - ♪ Quest ♪

♪ Staying positive ♪

♪ In the face of certain death ♪

♪ Laughing and singing till our last breath ♪

♪ Even if it's soon ♪

♪ We'll still sing our tune ♪

♪ Staying positive in the face of certain death ♪

Huh.

♪ Anything can happen ♪

♪ You never know what's in store ♪

- ♪ So let's rock ♪ - Rock!

- ♪ Let's roll ♪ - Roll!

♪ Let's shake this tree's pelvic floor ♪

- ♪ Floor ♪ - ♪ Floor ♪

Something's happening.

Keep dancing. Faster.

♪ Swing your partner 'round and 'round ♪

♪ Make a smoothie, chug it down ♪

Whoo. Faster, faster. We got it now.

♪ 'Round and 'round and 'round and 'round ♪

♪ And 'round and 'round and 'round and 'round and 'round ♪

- Whoo! - ♪ And 'round and 'round ♪

Stomach doing somersaults.

What's that music?

- It's a lute. - Evan's alive.

♪ Staying positive in the face of certain death ♪

♪ Staying positive in the face of certain death ♪

♪ Staying positive ♪

♪ In the face of certain death ♪

We're free!

Hey, look at that. I rescued myself.

- Evan! - Huh?

- My axe! - Oh, right.

Axe and you shall receive.

Uh-oh.

I don't know, Stacey.

I still don't understand how a bird

can get caught in a tree.

We are ever so grateful

for you helping us escape the tree.

As a token of our thanks,

- please accept this gift. - Thanks.

Gosh, what could it be?

It's, um...

one gray sock.

The instructions are written on the wrapper.

Be sure to follow them exactly. Or else.

- Or else what? - Bye!

Instructions? It's a sock.

Eh, okay. Let's get moving.

We have to make up for the time we lost.

Tuck this away.

- Aren't you coming? - Oh, but you said that...

I said that if you got in trouble again,

you'd be on your own.

And you were. And you rescued yourself.

- Hm. - And two annoying little gnomes.

And all of us.

Oh, so you're saying I can come with you.

You'll probably get me killed in the next five minutes,

but you're learning. We can build on that.

Wha... Thanks, Brendar.

Huh.

♪ Maybe this journey needs me ♪

♪ Maybe this barbarian ♪

♪ With the impossibly complex backstory needs me ♪

♪ Maybe this journey needs me ♪

♪ Maybe this little troll who's lived under a bridge ♪

♪ His whole life needs me ♪

Wow. You can really carry a tune.

- Yeah. And you can carry my axe. - Say what? Oh, oh.

Ow, oh.

Careful, Evan... don't drop me!

It's still a little bit too heavy for me but...

I'm good. Don't help ... am good.

- Careful. - Oh, boy.

Oh, Becky, I'm getting tired.

I'm cramping up. Take over.

Here.

- Ow, ow, ow. - Hey, hey, you, hey, hey.

Oh, great. Crows.

Oh, get out of here. Scoot, shoo.

Yes!

I am General Skelly of the Great Undead Army.

And I will seek my reve...

Oh, great. Hay fever.

Ugh!

Ugh.

Oh... ugh.

Gahgh.

sync & correction by f1nc0 ~ Addic7ed.com ~