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1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:04,638
♪ ♪
2
00:00:08,375 --> 00:00:09,510
D'oh.
3
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:12,279
(grunts)
4
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,381
♪ ♪
5
00:00:29,429 --> 00:00:30,831
D'oh.
6
00:00:30,898 --> 00:00:34,368
♪ ♪
7
00:00:37,638 --> 00:00:39,873
♪ Here's the story ♪
8
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,041
(scats)
9
00:00:41,108 --> 00:00:42,843
♪ Of a fat cat ♪
10
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:43,844
(scats)
11
00:00:43,911 --> 00:00:46,013
♪ That no one ♪
12
00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:49,082
♪ Really liked ♪
13
00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:52,419
♪ His name is Monty ♪
14
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:55,222
♪ He's an old rat, ha. ♪
15
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,724
♪ And he's sleepin' ♪
16
00:00:57,791 --> 00:00:59,993
♪ Bad tonight. ♪
17
00:01:00,060 --> 00:01:02,229
(scats)
18
00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:05,299
(groans)
19
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,435
Everybody hates me.
20
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:11,305
Sir, your personal chef
is here with your breakfast.
21
00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:13,373
(French accent):
Voilà. One raisin,
22
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:17,377
wrinkles ironed and smoothed,
with one molecule of sugar.
23
00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:20,647
Too sharp.
It could cut me to ribbons.
24
00:01:20,714 --> 00:01:22,749
Release the hounds.
25
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:23,917
(growling)
26
00:01:23,984 --> 00:01:26,219
No, you need a wine pairing.
27
00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:28,855
Cabernet, to bring out
my earthiness.
28
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:29,990
(barking)
29
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:31,758
Cordon bleu!
30
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:33,026
BURNS: Smithers,
31
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,361
I need real food.
32
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,997
Something that'll stick
to my rib. (sniffs)
33
00:01:37,064 --> 00:01:38,932
What is that delicious smell?
34
00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:40,434
Um, uh, this is my lunch.
35
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,269
My wife just gave me a salad,
36
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,338
but she said I could
choose my own dressing,
37
00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:47,407
so I picked this hamburger.
(grunts)
38
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,645
Hmm.
39
00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:54,548
Seems to be some sort of meat
with a slice
40
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,884
of James Lewis Kraft's
confectionary cheese on top
41
00:01:57,951 --> 00:02:01,955
and a kind of catsup blended
with a well‐naised egg
42
00:02:02,022 --> 00:02:04,358
in the style of Mayon.
43
00:02:06,326 --> 00:02:09,796
♪ ♪
44
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,433
I'll never let go.
45
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:20,907
I must have more of these, uh...
What do you call them?
46
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,376
Hamburgers.
47
00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:24,978
You're eating people
from Hamburg?
48
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,647
I don't know. Maybe.
49
00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:28,448
Mmm.
50
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:31,385
Sir, uh, we need to be
cautious about this.
51
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,286
It's not healthy for a man
52
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:35,255
to double his weight
within a day.
53
00:02:36,657 --> 00:02:38,692
(gasps) Triple!
54
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:39,860
No...!
55
00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:46,466
(shuddering gasp)
56
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,271
(grunts) My heart!
57
00:02:51,338 --> 00:02:53,273
This could be
my last moment on Earth.
58
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,809
If so, fire someone
and let me watch.
59
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:58,445
Someone who just bought a house.
60
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,414
(groans)
61
00:03:01,481 --> 00:03:03,216
BURNS:
Smithers.
62
00:03:04,151 --> 00:03:06,453
Oh, thank God you're alive.
63
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,387
And famished.
64
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,389
Do they serve burgers
in this joint?
65
00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:11,925
No, sir.
Eating meat could kill you.
66
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,794
Eh, no one lives forever.
67
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:15,595
Except Dick Cheney.
What's his deal?
68
00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:17,597
Sir, you nearly died.
69
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:20,133
I nearly died?
How was the reaction?
70
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,803
Well, when they heard
you were dying...
71
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,672
(wild cheering)
72
00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,107
He's alive.
73
00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:28,408
ALL:
Aw.
74
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:31,712
- (gunshot)
- People don't like me.
75
00:03:31,778 --> 00:03:32,913
They really don't.
Why?
76
00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:35,682
You've released the hounds
on nearly everyone in town, sir.
77
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,184
Everyone loves dogs, Smithers.
78
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,819
It must be something else.
79
00:03:38,885 --> 00:03:40,821
Um, if you're ready, come.
80
00:03:40,887 --> 00:03:43,356
- The cue will be "life."
- Hmm.
81
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:47,627
Smithers, this means that no one
will mourn me when I'm gone.
82
00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,830
My only legacy
will be the extra radiation
83
00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,299
on every drop of water on Earth.
84
00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:54,101
- Don't give up, sir.
- No, I give up.
85
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,167
Don't give up.
86
00:03:55,202 --> 00:03:56,369
- I give up.
- Don't give up.
87
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:57,204
I give up.
88
00:03:57,270 --> 00:03:58,472
- Don't give up.
- Seriously,
89
00:03:58,538 --> 00:03:59,406
I give up.
90
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:01,041
Will you listen to me
for one minute?
91
00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:03,076
Sir, I figured out a way
to add to your legacy
92
00:04:03,143 --> 00:04:06,613
and extend your life.
93
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,084
The professor here
has used exotic plants
94
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:14,254
to develop what I think
is the healthiest, tastiest
95
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:16,323
meatless burger ever.
96
00:04:16,389 --> 00:04:17,958
You could eat
as many as you want
97
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,526
and we can
sell them at a profit.
98
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:23,463
‐Aw.
‐Not here. Not here, please. I've told you about this.
99
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,070
Oh, do you know how Edison felt
100
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:32,205
on that incredible,
magical night?
101
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,974
When he invented the light bulb?
102
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,776
No.
The electric chair.
103
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,477
That's how I feel now.
104
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:38,955
Smithers, this could
change my legacy.
105
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,681
People have to like the person
who made them live longer.
106
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:43,016
They have to.
107
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:44,117
What are you saying, sir?
108
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,285
I'm going to make it
109
00:04:45,352 --> 00:04:47,954
to what
I never thought possible:
110
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:49,723
beloved after death.
111
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,159
Look at me, world.
112
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,867
We'll do a sneak preview
of your burger chain
113
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,202
and then a grand opening
114
00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:04,204
of a thousand stores
across the country.
115
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,972
Now all we need is a name.
116
00:05:06,039 --> 00:05:07,073
Excellent.
117
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,576
(gasps)
You've done it again, sir.
118
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,913
BROCKMAN:
We're here to cover
119
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,781
the sneak preview
of our new sponsor,
120
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,016
X‐Cell‐Ent Burger.
121
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:17,851
I... I'm just getting word
122
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:21,354
Springfield Dam has ruptured
and water is roaring down.
123
00:05:21,421 --> 00:05:24,057
We'll let the, uh,
sad news cover that.
124
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:25,625
I'm here live at...
125
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:26,893
Aah!
126
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,930
He was a good reporter,
great parking spot.
127
00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,499
Uh, but let's move on
from grief to beef.
128
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:35,969
The first paying customer
to taste the X‐Cell‐Ent Burger
129
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,470
will be...
130
00:05:37,537 --> 00:05:39,606
(all gasping)
131
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,675
Number 43.
132
00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:42,843
- Aw.
- That's me.
133
00:05:42,909 --> 00:05:44,077
But I warn you,
134
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:47,214
I've had every plant‐based meat
ever made:
135
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,615
Phony Baloney,
136
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,616
Not Wurst,
137
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:50,817
Faux Foie Gras,
138
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,686
Corned Beets On Rye,
139
00:05:52,752 --> 00:05:54,154
and Ghost Beef.
140
00:05:54,221 --> 00:05:56,756
Good luck pleasing me.
141
00:05:56,823 --> 00:05:58,859
♪ ♪
142
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,735
♪ ♪
143
00:06:11,905 --> 00:06:13,573
So, what do you think?
144
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,041
It tastes great!
145
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:18,245
And no animal has passed gas
in its making.
146
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:21,414
This burger
might just save the world.
147
00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:22,582
Oh. Oh.
148
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,284
Thank you.
149
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,754
(sobbing):
Thank you.
150
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,756
You're letting me cut the line?
151
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:30,924
Oh, thank you.
152
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,292
I don't have to cook.
153
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,594
I can finally
teach Maggie to talk.
154
00:06:34,661 --> 00:06:38,331
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you. Mm, mm.
155
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,334
♪ ♪
156
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,739
Praise, praise‐‐
something I've craved
157
00:06:45,805 --> 00:06:47,641
since I was a little boy.
158
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,912
I drew this picture
of you hugging me, Mummy.
159
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,047
I don't like art that lies.
160
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,583
Oh, and by the way,
your father's dead.
161
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:57,550
(sighs)
162
00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,686
There's just
one more thing we need.
163
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:00,620
A spokesman.
164
00:07:00,687 --> 00:07:02,756
If we find a regular slob
who loves it,
165
00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,524
we can start a chain reaction.
166
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,393
Just like, uh, ooh...
167
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:07,394
Nuclear fission?
168
00:07:07,460 --> 00:07:09,763
Is that how that works?
Really? Heh.
169
00:07:09,829 --> 00:07:11,398
Now to find our slob.
170
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:13,566
My card.
171
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,273
Smithers,
keep your nods to yourself.
172
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:21,107
Yes, sir.
173
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,676
Since we're using
a green screen,
174
00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,210
do I have to be this high up?
175
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:27,013
- We need the chance of death.
- Before we film,
176
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,381
we need you
to sign this contract
177
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,488
stating that what you
publicly say about our product
178
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,218
is limited
to certain catchphrases.
179
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:35,422
Approved phrases limited to...
180
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:36,623
"yes ve‐gan,"
181
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:37,958
"I guaran‐tree it,"
182
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:39,225
"abso‐lettuce,"
183
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,627
and the "meat beater."
184
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:43,163
(gasps) Every one of those
has two meanings.
185
00:07:43,229 --> 00:07:45,198
Your ad guys are geniuses.
186
00:07:45,265 --> 00:07:48,201
If I could be
a fly on the wall...
187
00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:52,372
Uh‐oh. My kids!
188
00:07:52,439 --> 00:07:56,242
Oh, I got to put
all these kids through garbage?
189
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,244
Now, listen,
if you break this contract,
190
00:07:58,311 --> 00:07:58,778
we'll release the hounds,
who will bite you here,
191
00:07:58,845 --> 00:08:02,048
here, here and here.
192
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,017
And here in triplicate.
193
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:08,154
(beeping)
194
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:09,923
Okay, Homer, let's try a take.
195
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,024
Action.
196
00:08:11,091 --> 00:08:13,193
They say I'm eating healthy.
197
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:15,161
They say I'm saving the planet.
198
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,997
But here's my secret:
199
00:08:17,063 --> 00:08:20,133
it tastes like
it was scared to die.
200
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:21,568
ANNOUNCER:
The X‐Cell‐Ent Burger‐‐
201
00:08:21,634 --> 00:08:23,570
coming soon
to a location near you.
202
00:08:23,636 --> 00:08:25,839
The fate of the world
is in your mouth.
203
00:08:25,905 --> 00:08:27,707
With all these commercials,
204
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:30,710
I'm afraid your father's
going to need bigger pants.
205
00:08:30,777 --> 00:08:34,047
Alexa, do you have any X‐X‐X‐X‐
206
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:37,851
X‐X‐X‐XL in stock?
207
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:39,819
I found XLN stock.
208
00:08:39,886 --> 00:08:41,921
How much would you like to buy?
209
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:43,757
Um, I‐I don't know.
210
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:45,325
How's ten pairs?
211
00:08:45,392 --> 00:08:48,828
Submitting order for
a thousand shares of XLN stock.
212
00:08:48,895 --> 00:08:50,363
Please confirm.
213
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:53,033
- Confirm?
- Ignoring question mark.
214
00:08:53,099 --> 00:08:54,968
Buy order executed.
215
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,503
‐(ping) ‐(gasps) Oh, no.
216
00:08:56,569 --> 00:09:00,607
Maggie. I accidentally
bought X‐Cell‐Ent Burger stock.
217
00:09:00,673 --> 00:09:02,609
Alexa, sell those stocks.
218
00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:04,878
Ordering yellow socks.
219
00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:06,546
You get everything wrong.
220
00:09:06,613 --> 00:09:08,415
We'll switch to Siri.
221
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:10,083
Siri enabled.
222
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,685
You sound like Alexa.
223
00:09:15,622 --> 00:09:16,956
Oh.
224
00:09:17,023 --> 00:09:18,058
X‐Cell‐Ent Burger.
225
00:09:18,124 --> 00:09:20,260
Well, they seem
to be succeeding.
226
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:22,262
But I'd feel awful
if the stock went...
227
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:24,397
(gasps)
Up? It just went up.
228
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,698
We made money!
229
00:09:25,765 --> 00:09:29,002
Seven hundred dollars!
230
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,237
What I could buy
with that money.
231
00:09:32,639 --> 00:09:35,642
Now it's down. Down $200.
232
00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:37,210
(gasps) Up again.
233
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,379
(gasps) Down again.
234
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:41,714
The grand opening's in a week,
sir, and the reviews
235
00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:43,383
couldn't be better.
236
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:46,086
Hmm.
Smithers, I'm a hero.
237
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:48,088
Like that guy
who landed the plane safely.
238
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,389
Sully Sullenberger?
239
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,558
No, no, no, no.
Rudolf Hess.
240
00:09:51,624 --> 00:09:53,460
Smithers, a toast.
241
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:58,264
On it, sir.
242
00:10:00,333 --> 00:10:02,235
I think you've had enough, sir.
243
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:05,472
(woozily): Yes. Yes.
I'll... I'll sleep it off.
244
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:06,873
(snoring)
245
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,008
If it goes up another ten cents,
246
00:10:09,075 --> 00:10:11,544
we're a thousand dollars ahead.
247
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:14,948
(gasps) We've never been
a thousand dollars ahead.
248
00:10:15,014 --> 00:10:17,750
Never. Ooh...
249
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:20,720
Tonight on Smartline:
250
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:22,555
The Burger Wars.
251
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:24,691
♪ ♪
252
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,145
They won't give me a raise,
but they can blow the bank
253
00:10:45,211 --> 00:10:47,213
on graphics like that.
(clears throat)
254
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,815
Leading up
to its national rollout,
255
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:52,152
X‐Cell‐Ent Burger's success
is destroying its competitors,
256
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,287
who are trying to overcome
a terrific new product
257
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,156
with desperate publicity stunts.
258
00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:58,291
Attempting to piggyback
on Burger King's success
259
00:10:58,358 --> 00:11:00,960
by changing its name during
Pride Month to "Burger Queer,"
260
00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:03,496
Krusty has introduced
his own product:
261
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:06,366
the L. G. B. T. Q. B. L. T.
262
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,905
How could a ploy
this cynical and shameless fail?
263
00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:13,606
(sobs)
264
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,875
Mel, you're
three of those letters.
265
00:11:15,942 --> 00:11:17,177
Where did I go wrong?
266
00:11:17,243 --> 00:11:19,145
Your product is inferior.
267
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:20,547
Your marketing is offensive.
268
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:24,350
And you have more ex‐wives
than franchise locations.
269
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:27,954
What happened to kiss‐ass Mel
who was afraid of my shadow?
270
00:11:28,021 --> 00:11:30,256
I joined an empowerment group
271
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,725
with the monkey
and the cue card guy.
272
00:11:36,796 --> 00:11:39,832
♪ ♪
273
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,843
Aw, geez.
My hero's a loser.
274
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:53,012
Mr. Burns is gonna
drive Krusty out of business,
275
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:54,547
unless we stop him.
276
00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:57,550
No. Burns is doing
something good.
277
00:11:57,617 --> 00:11:59,085
I know it in my gut.
278
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,087
The Earth is on his side.
279
00:12:03,823 --> 00:12:05,058
(groans)
280
00:12:10,029 --> 00:12:11,698
(cheering)
281
00:12:11,764 --> 00:12:14,067
Thank you.
I love you all.
282
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:15,935
Disperse them
before we get back.
283
00:12:16,002 --> 00:12:17,537
Rubber bullets, if necessary.
284
00:12:21,341 --> 00:12:23,576
It's so wonderful
to be be‐liked.
285
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:27,614
Finally, I can join the club
that rejected me so many times.
286
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,849
♪ ♪
287
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,985
Welcome, welcome.
288
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:33,762
All the other beloved
billionaires are here.
289
00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:35,922
There's Warren Buffet,
there's Bill Gates,
290
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,657
- and that's it.
- (tapping)
291
00:12:40,493 --> 00:12:43,162
Mark Zuckerberg,
you get out of here.
292
00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:45,331
No!
You can't threaten me.
293
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:46,666
I know all about you.
294
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,968
You're currently single,
you haven't been poked
295
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,937
in five years,
and I love those pictures
296
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:52,472
from your vacation to Baja,
297
00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:54,774
where we both know
your boyfriend dumped you.
298
00:12:54,841 --> 00:12:56,109
Those were set to private.
299
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:59,112
Right. (chuckles)
"Private."
300
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:08,087
I think I know
what Burns is up to.
301
00:13:08,154 --> 00:13:10,957
His so‐called vegan burgers
contain‐‐ wait for it.
302
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,159
- Are you waiting?
- Mm‐hmm.
303
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,094
Here it is: meat.
304
00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:16,929
(gasps)
What are you saying?
305
00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:18,631
All this time
I've been eating meat?!
306
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:21,534
Aah!
Ew, ah, ah! (spits)
307
00:13:21,601 --> 00:13:25,505
(groans) Oh, no,
that's why I grew an inch.
308
00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:26,639
Just a theory.
309
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:27,573
Do you believe that?
310
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,276
No. I just wanted
the rest of your burger.
311
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,378
♪ ♪
312
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:43,523
(kids gasp)
313
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:46,693
I don't want to see
what's inside.
314
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,561
Nerd.
315
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:51,264
Mm‐hmm.
316
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,666
Yep.
Just as I thought.
317
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:55,635
He's using plants.
318
00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,404
BART:
Aw, crap.
319
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:01,274
Not meat.
Burns is doing the right thing.
320
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,886
This is kind of scary,
321
00:14:13,953 --> 00:14:15,922
like putting on
a wet bathing suit.
322
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:18,691
Wait a minute.
Those plants look unusual.
323
00:14:18,758 --> 00:14:19,758
(gasps)
324
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:21,728
They're all endangered plants
325
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:23,863
from the Amazon rainforest.
326
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,431
We have to tell Burns.
327
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:27,734
He already knows.
He's evil.
328
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,370
No. I refuse to believe
that someone can't change
329
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,372
for the better,
even though I can't think
330
00:14:32,438 --> 00:14:35,475
of a single example
of that ever happening.
331
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,011
- Mr. Burns?
- Yes, children.
332
00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:40,146
What do you want?
333
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,448
Um, we came
to tell you something
334
00:14:42,515 --> 00:14:45,618
that's maybe
a little hard to hear.
335
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,286
- Mm?
- Uh‐huh.
336
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,856
I'm sorry to have to inform you
337
00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,958
that your attempt to do good
338
00:14:52,024 --> 00:14:54,494
is doing very, very bad.
339
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,229
Leave me alone.
340
00:14:57,764 --> 00:14:59,799
(engine starts, sputters)
341
00:15:00,933 --> 00:15:02,635
Oh, for God's sake.
342
00:15:04,036 --> 00:15:06,105
- Finally.
- Mr. Burns.
343
00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,174
(grunts)
Release the hounds.
344
00:15:08,241 --> 00:15:10,243
You mean these hounds?
345
00:15:11,043 --> 00:15:12,345
Let's be clear, young lady.
346
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:13,880
I'm not going to listen to you.
347
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,348
I'm never
going to listen to you,
348
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,016
and I have
sophisticated technology
349
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,684
to ensure that happens.
350
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:21,087
Buy, buy, buy!
351
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,955
Then, when you hear
a rumor of trouble,
352
00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:24,290
sell before anyone else!
353
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:25,825
I'll be out of here
in four months!
354
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:29,295
- (TV clicks off)
- Oh, what happened to you?
355
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,864
Come over here.
What is it, baby?
356
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:35,234
We have to think of a way
to shut X‐Cell‐Ent Burger down.
357
00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:37,336
But what about the shareholders?
358
00:15:37,403 --> 00:15:39,972
What?
Sharehol... Ew.
359
00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:42,475
Ew, ew, ew!
360
00:15:42,542 --> 00:15:44,610
♪ ♪
361
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,284
No, no, no!
362
00:15:51,350 --> 00:15:53,553
More money for Marge.
363
00:15:53,619 --> 00:15:55,221
Oh! Oh!
364
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,923
- Dad, you're my last hope.
- Mm?
365
00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:58,624
Tomorrow's the national launch.
366
00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:02,028
If X‐Cell‐Ent Burger succeeds,
by the year 2080,
367
00:16:02,094 --> 00:16:03,463
the entire Amazon‐‐
368
00:16:03,529 --> 00:16:05,498
I'm talking
the lungs of the planet‐‐
369
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:06,432
will be gone.
370
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:08,267
Lisa, I'm sorry
to put it on you,
371
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,803
but every generation
has its to‐do list.
372
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:14,073
Yours is putting Miami
on stilts, inventing new bees,
373
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:17,443
and learning to peacefully
live with fire tornadoes.
374
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:19,245
You're not gonna
help fight Burns?
375
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,080
I've learned one thing in life:
376
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:24,584
don't bite the bony,
withered claw that feeds you,
377
00:16:24,650 --> 00:16:27,820
even if there's
delicious marrow inside.
378
00:16:27,887 --> 00:16:29,655
What was this about again?
379
00:16:29,722 --> 00:16:31,390
You won't help save the Earth.
380
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:33,159
No, I won't.
381
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:34,961
I don't know
how you sleep at night.
382
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:37,463
I sleep fine, little lady!
383
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,666
(groaning)
384
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,768
♪ ♪
385
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,643
Cheesy McMayor!
Jack in the Bag!
386
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,579
Guys, my company
is doing something bad.
387
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:54,747
Should I tell the world?
388
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:58,050
Look what eating only
my own food has done to me.
389
00:16:58,117 --> 00:16:59,685
Look at me!
390
00:16:59,752 --> 00:17:01,754
(cackles)
391
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:05,157
♪ You're a spokesman ♪
392
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:07,727
♪ For a franchise ♪
393
00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:10,263
♪ That's clear‐cutting ♪
394
00:17:10,329 --> 00:17:13,900
♪ Left and right ♪
395
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:16,736
♪ You have sold out ♪
396
00:17:16,802 --> 00:17:19,705
♪ All your values ♪
397
00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:21,674
♪ I won't let you ♪
398
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,043
♪ Sleep tonight. ♪
399
00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:26,045
(scats)
400
00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:27,713
(grunting)
401
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,585
♪ ♪
402
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:35,087
(gasps) Once again,
dreams have taught me
403
00:17:35,154 --> 00:17:37,089
more than
all the books ever written.
404
00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:39,191
I know what I have to do.
405
00:17:39,258 --> 00:17:41,460
(indistinct chatter)
406
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:45,264
What's going on?
Why is everyone baring
407
00:17:45,331 --> 00:17:47,700
- their teeth at me?
- They're smiling, sir.
408
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:49,068
They can't wait to see you.
409
00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:51,137
Oh.
Uh, just so I know,
410
00:17:51,203 --> 00:17:52,505
to be considered good
411
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,408
I now have to continue
doing good things?
412
00:17:55,474 --> 00:17:56,474
- Yes.
- Ah.
413
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,377
That's why Jesus retired at 33,
414
00:17:58,444 --> 00:18:00,513
without a fast‐food franchise
to his name,
415
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:03,416
except maybe Chick‐fil‐A.
Well, let's get on with
416
00:18:03,482 --> 00:18:05,751
my ascension into
sainthood, Smithers.
417
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,887
I'm gonna bring them down.
418
00:18:07,954 --> 00:18:10,389
Are you sure?
Think of the shareholders.
419
00:18:10,456 --> 00:18:14,160
- For once, I say
damn the shareholders. - Mm...
420
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:16,062
Simpson.
After the announcement,
421
00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:17,639
there will be questions
from the audience,
422
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:19,632
but like our burgers,
the questioners will be
423
00:18:19,699 --> 00:18:21,500
entirely made up of plants.
424
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,302
I'm ready.
425
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:25,471
And you do remember
your non‐disclosure agreement?
426
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:28,240
I believe it said
something to the effect of
427
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,776
I was limited
to certain words and phrases,
428
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:33,913
and I couldn't make obscene
gestures with my hands.
429
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,548
Or...
430
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:37,183
- Crotch.
- Excellent.
431
00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:39,919
Excellent.
(grunts)
432
00:18:39,986 --> 00:18:41,787
(cheering)
433
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,490
Mr. Simpson
will now take questions.
434
00:18:45,391 --> 00:18:48,194
Yes. The little girl
in the mustache.
435
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:49,328
Thank you, sir.
436
00:18:49,395 --> 00:18:51,163
Is it true
that X‐Cell‐Ent Burgers
437
00:18:51,230 --> 00:18:53,566
are made of plants
from the rainforest?
438
00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:58,571
Abso‐lettuce.
439
00:18:58,638 --> 00:18:59,472
(all gasp)
440
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:01,907
Uh‐huh.
And what are the chances
441
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,442
that your product will help lead
442
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:05,711
to the destruction
of the planet?
443
00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:09,448
I guaran‐tree it.
444
00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:11,050
(gasping)
445
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:14,253
Using legal loopholes
to tell us the truth.
446
00:19:15,988 --> 00:19:18,057
A supersize admission
in the burger wars.
447
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:20,526
Have we been fed
an order of lies, or worse‐‐
448
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:21,761
curly lies?
449
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:23,062
Good God, I'm hungry.
450
00:19:23,129 --> 00:19:25,264
(all clamoring)
451
00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:28,801
I did it again.
I won by doing nothing.
452
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,169
That's my hero.
453
00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:31,737
Always will be.
454
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:33,372
Round up some more donkeys.
455
00:19:33,439 --> 00:19:35,675
We're in
the burger business again.
456
00:19:35,741 --> 00:19:38,144
Mom, I'm so conflicted.
457
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:39,745
You're conflicted?
458
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,815
I feel like someone who knew
a stock was about to crash,
459
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:46,152
sold it before that happened,
and kept a thousand dollars.
460
00:19:46,218 --> 00:19:47,286
What are you saying?
461
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,355
Nothing.
Nothing, nothing.
462
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:51,691
(crowd booing, shouting)
463
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:53,092
(sighs)
This is the time
464
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,294
he really needs you
to look at him.
465
00:19:55,361 --> 00:19:57,396
♪ ♪
466
00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:03,369
- Sir. You're happy.
- Yes.
467
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:06,105
Because I'm no longer
crushed by morality.
468
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,374
I gave it a nice go‐‐
almost a full month‐‐
469
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:11,077
but in the end,
evil always wins.
470
00:20:11,143 --> 00:20:12,945
Would you like to go
to a school for the blind
471
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,847
and convince them
aliens have landed?
472
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:17,450
BURNS:
Mm. I'd like that.
473
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,962
- (sighs)
- ♪ You listened ♪
474
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:32,898
♪ To your conscience, kapow ♪
475
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,734
♪ And now you're ♪
476
00:20:34,800 --> 00:20:38,104
♪ Feelin' fine ♪
477
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:41,574
♪ And you're dreamin' ♪
478
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:44,677
♪ Of me singin' ♪
479
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:45,811
♪ 'Cause you drank ♪
480
00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:49,381
♪ Two‐dollar wine. ♪
481
00:20:51,150 --> 00:20:52,752
Tell me when it hurts.
482
00:20:52,818 --> 00:20:55,888
It hurt from the beginning!
483
00:20:55,955 --> 00:20:59,091
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
484
00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:02,027
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
485
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,830
And FORD.
We go further, so you can.
486
00:21:04,897 --> 00:21:08,334
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
487
00:21:29,655 --> 00:21:31,690
Shh.
488
00:21:31,740 --> 00:21:36,290
Repair and Synchronization by
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