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1
00:00:06,807 --> 00:00:09,143
Jocelyn: Moira, I'm sorry
I couldn't be more available
2
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,511
for you today, it's just
that my sister was supposed
3
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,213
to organize this with me,
4
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,082
and her husband has come down
with gout for the third time.
5
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:15,616
But I still think this
is gonna be the best
6
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,618
Asbestos Fest yet!
- You know,
7
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:20,121
I know all about being left
in the lurch for a fundraiser.
8
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:22,656
Eva Longoria and I were
supposed to perform
9
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:25,793
our ventriloquist act for
the "Everybody Nose" benefit
10
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:27,661
for juvenile rhinoplasty,
11
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:30,764
when she suddenly drops out
due to exhaustion.
12
00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:33,467
I had to be both puppet,
and puppeteer.
13
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:35,269
- Okay, you know what, Moira?
14
00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:36,837
There's just a lot
going on right now.
15
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,506
I've got a list of three
different numbers
16
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,807
that you're choosing from,
17
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:42,176
and what would really be
helpful to everyone,
18
00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:43,711
and when I say everyone,
I mean me,
19
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:45,479
is if you could just
nail down which one
20
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,348
you're gonna perform tonight.
21
00:00:47,381 --> 00:00:50,351
I did get the set list from the
children's choir two weeks ago.
22
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:54,688
I... the easiest to go with
is probably
23
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:57,458
"Shoes, Glorious Shoes,
the Imelda Marcos Story."
24
00:00:57,491 --> 00:00:59,860
- Okay.
- Never mind.
25
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:03,764
I am going to dust off...
"Two Heads Are Better".
26
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:05,266
The one woman
Siamese twin play.
27
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:07,235
- Yes- no!
28
00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:09,103
No, you know what?
29
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,738
I am going to resurrect...
30
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:14,542
"One Crazy Summer,
The Patty Hearst Story."
31
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,677
It's a tale of perseverance,
much like your quest
32
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,180
to bring asbestos back
to the town.
33
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,414
Okay, well first of all,
we're trying to get rid
34
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,583
of the asbestos, Moira,
35
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:24,852
and we really just need you
to make a decision, now.
36
00:01:24,885 --> 00:01:25,853
- Okay!
- Now!
37
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:29,623
Well, let me think!
Uh... "Two Heads" it is.
38
00:01:29,657 --> 00:01:31,792
The Foxwood Casino Gazette
did say
39
00:01:31,825 --> 00:01:34,695
it was a performance
they'd never seen before.
40
00:01:34,728 --> 00:01:36,864
Don't write that down.
- Okay Moira,
41
00:01:36,897 --> 00:01:39,200
I just wanna slap you
right across the face.
42
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,768
- Patty it is! Patty.
43
00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:46,774
Although Jocelyn, I'm wondering,
44
00:01:46,807 --> 00:01:49,543
does "TV's Moira Rose" send
a different message
45
00:01:49,577 --> 00:01:52,580
than "television's Moira Rose?"
46
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:57,218
Something to think about?
47
00:01:57,251 --> 00:01:59,253
I said, something
to think about!
48
00:02:03,191 --> 00:02:04,425
Hello, you.
49
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:09,463
♪♪♪
50
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,538
- Oh hi, David.
- Hi.
51
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,507
I believe you said I could
have your room for the day,
52
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,775
to rehearse my act
for the fundraiser.
53
00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:24,478
Oh, you meant like,
like right now?
54
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:28,316
Okay. Um...
what did you decide on?
55
00:02:28,349 --> 00:02:31,319
Well, at this very moment
it's 1974,
56
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:33,721
and this room
is a San Franciscan bank.
57
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,889
You're going with
the Patty Hearst story?
58
00:02:35,923 --> 00:02:38,892
- Yes, I am.
59
00:02:38,926 --> 00:02:40,361
And what's wrong with that?
60
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,463
Well, didn't it have
an ensemble cast of 30?
61
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,332
Uh huh, and what was
your father's review?
62
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:46,667
29 dead weights!
63
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,369
So I trimmed the fat.
64
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:49,870
You didn't even play Patty,
though.
65
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,739
- You know I did!
66
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:54,475
The night Patricia Lupone
ate that pre-show shwarma,
67
00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,345
and I was asked to step in.
68
00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,980
I've always wanted
to reprise the role!
69
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,583
I just recall that that show
was very heavy on the footwork
70
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,952
and at one point you yelled,
"Line!"
71
00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:06,720
in the middle of a dance
break.
72
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,656
Okay, some of these
townspeople
73
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,891
are going to experience
my triad of threats
74
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,826
for the first time, David.
75
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:15,396
Nothing less than spectacular
can do for them!
76
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:18,632
Okay. I just remember you
practicing every day
77
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,768
for seven months with that
dance instructor
78
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,470
that I ended up dating.
79
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:25,005
Are you sure you
remember it all?
80
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:28,476
Skip Fosse once told me that
when it comes to choreo,
81
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,878
always leave some room
for spontaneity.
82
00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:33,681
- Okay.
- Okay, you know what?
83
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,716
If you feel it's necessary,
fine,
84
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,485
I won't stand in the way
of you spotting.
85
00:03:37,518 --> 00:03:38,952
Well unfortunately,
I can't spot you now,
86
00:03:38,986 --> 00:03:40,621
because now I have to go
to work.
87
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:43,924
- Oh, then go to work!
- Okay. Good luck.
88
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,626
- No, you say, "break a leg."
89
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,461
- Okay, that, too.
- Say "break a leg!"
90
00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:50,298
Break a leg!
91
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:53,867
Okay, here. Ahem!
We're going to ease in...
92
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:56,236
with a machine gun ballet.
93
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,712
Hi, sorry.
Boys: Hey! This guy!
94
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,348
Excuse me, hey. Hey, yeah.
What's up. Yeah...
95
00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:09,383
And we mark up
the retail price.
96
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:11,519
- Okay.
- What are you doing here?
97
00:04:11,552 --> 00:04:13,354
Patrick has offered to help
me with this school assignment
98
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,055
I told you that, David.
- Hi.
99
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,057
Um, you did not tell me that.
100
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:18,826
Yeah, how are your friends
doing outside?
101
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,762
- They're harmless, thanks.
- Are they? Cool.
102
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,531
Um, we're actually just
in the middle of something,
103
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,566
so if you wouldn't mind...
- I would mind, but...
104
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:28,536
- Okay, so, profit margins.
- Mhmm?
105
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,838
Um, how do you get
more of those?
106
00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:33,341
Well, you'd start by telling
the group of teens
107
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,443
that hang out outside your
store every afternoon
108
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,778
to leave because they're
scaring off actual customers.
109
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:41,515
Okay, they're not
scaring off customers,
110
00:04:41,549 --> 00:04:43,851
there was one that looked
meth-y.
111
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:45,786
And I don't know
where he went.
112
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,555
See, your brother doesn't
wanna tell them off.
113
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:49,457
Which is, and you can
write this down,
114
00:04:49,490 --> 00:04:51,459
a financial liability.
- Liability.
115
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:55,329
Incorrect!
The fact that we have youths
116
00:04:55,363 --> 00:04:58,031
minding their own business
in front of our store
117
00:04:58,065 --> 00:05:00,067
builds, and you can
write this down...
118
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,503
- No.
- street cred.
119
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:04,772
Okay, are they actually
buying anything?
120
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:09,076
Yes! They're coming in,
and they're buying gum.
121
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,412
And what else are they
doing, David?
122
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:14,615
They're coming in,
they're looking around,
123
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:16,950
and they're buying gum.
124
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,920
And maybe complimenting
my outfits.
125
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:22,456
- There it is!
- No, there what is?
126
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:25,125
I'm sorry that you connect
with a more mature clientele,
127
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:28,429
whereas I vibe
with a much younger crowd.
128
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,464
Oh.
129
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:34,535
- Nice sweater, bro!
- Um... God, I...
130
00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,939
this is so old, and I can't
even remember where I got it.
131
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:41,041
Do you guys remember-sorry,
where I got this sweater?
132
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,112
- What just happened to you?
- Huh?
133
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,914
- Like, breathe it out.
134
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:50,083
Roland: Hey there, Johnny!
135
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:52,520
Just so you know,
I'm obviously a beer guy,
136
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:55,022
but I've never been known
to turn down
137
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,090
a fresh bouquet of flowers...
138
00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,759
Roland, what are you
talking about?
139
00:05:58,792 --> 00:06:01,495
Well, you are gonna be
thanking me pretty soon
140
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:02,730
for saving your bacon,
so I just thought
141
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:06,467
I'd give you some gift ideas.
- I'm kinda busy right now.
142
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,503
Yeah, I can see that.
Very busy, right, Johnny?
143
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:11,939
Apparently too busy
to change the bulb
144
00:06:11,972 --> 00:06:13,941
that's burned out
over room three.
145
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:16,143
Roland, I fail to see how
pointing out problems here
146
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,111
is saving my bacon.
147
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,080
I know a guy who needs
some work,
148
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,849
and I told him
I'd do him a favour,
149
00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,785
and get him a job right here
in the motel, so...
150
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,920
Uh huh. And why does it
sound like I'd be the one
151
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,656
doing your friend the favour?
152
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,458
Well Johnny,
I'm the middle man,
153
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:32,993
I'm the one that kind of made
this all happen.
154
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:35,463
Well, nothing's happened,
so you can tell your friend
155
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:37,465
we can't afford him.
156
00:06:37,498 --> 00:06:39,900
You know, when I started
Rose Video we had one employee
157
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,503
per store working start
to close,
158
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:44,505
so keeping an eye
on the bottom line,
159
00:06:44,538 --> 00:06:46,173
that's how a young
business grows.
160
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,675
- Uh huh...
- Besides,
161
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:50,511
Stevie and I are managing
just fine on our own.
162
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:52,713
All I'm saying is keep
an open mind, okay?
163
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,548
It might be nice
to have a guy around here
164
00:06:54,582 --> 00:06:56,917
who has some basic skills
for a change.
165
00:06:56,950 --> 00:07:00,821
And I'm sorry, but we all know
how Rose Video turned out!
166
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:04,625
You know, Rose Video was the
second largest video chain in-
167
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,560
Oohhh!
168
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,562
Did you ask him why he's been
wandering around with a notepad,
169
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:10,197
it's really starting
to creep out the guests.
170
00:07:10,230 --> 00:07:12,065
Yeah, he's pitching a guy
he knows to help out
171
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,901
around the motel,
but don't worry,
172
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:17,037
I told him that we're a well
oiled machine at this point.
173
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,607
- Yeah, that I've been greasing.
174
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,710
Your new policy about helping
the guests with the bags...
175
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:24,177
Yeah, and you know, we're
getting very good feedback
176
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,213
about that on the comment cards.
177
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,115
But I've been the one
carrying them,
178
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:30,651
because "somebody"
has a bad back.
179
00:07:30,684 --> 00:07:32,653
Well Stevie, if I lift
a roll of toilet paper,
180
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,655
you know, it... flares up.
181
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,590
Okay well, I'm starting
to look like
182
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,026
a Slovakian shot putter,
so I'm with Roland.
183
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,828
We're gonna be hiring
someone else.
184
00:07:47,901 --> 00:07:49,102
- Thanks, bro.
185
00:07:49,136 --> 00:07:51,471
Come back again soon, guys.
186
00:07:53,641 --> 00:07:54,742
- Great sale, bro.
187
00:07:54,775 --> 00:07:57,645
Four teens, one pack of gum,
which you gift wrapped.
188
00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,212
Hey, why don't we just
close the store up,
189
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,248
and celebrate for the rest
of the day?
190
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,183
I'll have you know that
it was one pack of gum,
191
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,786
and one lip balm.
- Oh!
192
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:07,054
Well, that'll make
up for all the stuff
193
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:09,256
they've been stealing.
194
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,291
- I'm sorry?
- What do you mean, stealing?
195
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:14,027
Those kids are one hundred
percent stealing from you.
196
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,730
I don't think so.
197
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:19,266
Okay. They split up into
four different directions,
198
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,169
one takes the back left
corner, one takes the right,
199
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:24,838
one of them asks you if you
have those wool hoodies
200
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,607
in a different size,
201
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,042
while the last one compliments
you on your cuticle game.
202
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,878
And while you're lapping
all that up,
203
00:08:30,911 --> 00:08:32,546
the two in the back corner
are filling their backpacks
204
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,815
full of facial cleanser.
205
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,250
It's the exact same move that
I used with my klepto friends
206
00:08:37,284 --> 00:08:38,986
in the Hamptons.
207
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,821
I-I feel like I would've
seen that.
208
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:43,156
Yeah, I mean, maybe that's
what you and your burnout
209
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:45,158
friends did at the Miss Sixty
store,
210
00:08:45,192 --> 00:08:47,027
but that's not what's
happening here.
211
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,162
Okay. Why don't you go check,
then?
212
00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,974
I can't tell if there's
product missing,
213
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:02,676
or if we just haven't
replenished.
214
00:09:02,710 --> 00:09:04,745
I feel like if someone
were robbing our store
215
00:09:04,778 --> 00:09:07,080
we would know about it, right?
- Uh yeah, we would know.
216
00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:09,016
Though this would explain
the compliments.
217
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,351
- That's...
- What?
218
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,054
Give it an hour,
they'll be back.
219
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:15,756
They only took the toner
and the cleanser,
220
00:09:15,789 --> 00:09:17,858
and if they're not selling it
on the black market,
221
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,761
then they'll need to come back
and get the moisturizer,
222
00:09:20,794 --> 00:09:22,562
or their t-zones are going
to be like, super effed!
223
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,335
Roland: Johnny,
I gotta say, uh,
224
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:30,203
I'm glad you came around
to your senses,
225
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,338
and may I tell you something,
226
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,807
I don't feel like you're less
of a man
227
00:09:33,841 --> 00:09:35,308
because you need a little help
with your business.
228
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:36,944
Yeah, that's good to know,
Roland.
229
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,345
So where's the guy?
230
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,914
Oh he'll be here,
don't you worry.
231
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:43,617
Mr. Worry!
232
00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,653
And I think you're really
going to like him,
233
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:49,056
he's very smart,
he's devilishly handsome,
234
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,824
and he stands about yay tall,
235
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:53,293
maybe a little bit
more like that.
236
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:55,262
Okay, I see where
this is going.
237
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:57,731
- Or do you?
- Roland what are we doing here?
238
00:09:57,765 --> 00:10:00,367
Johnny, it's me!
I'm the guy!
239
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,102
- I know you're the guy,
240
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,271
I got that as soon as I said
where's the guy?
241
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,173
Oh my god, you should see
the look on your face!
242
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,375
- Impatience, that's the look!
243
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:11,344
All right, we do need help at
the motel, we do need someone,
244
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,213
but someone who is going
to pitch in,
245
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:14,648
and do some of the grunt work.
246
00:10:14,682 --> 00:10:16,950
And I am willing to roll up
my sleeves,
247
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,886
and help out my best friend!
248
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,187
- Okay, I gotta go.
249
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,388
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
No, no, no, no!
250
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:23,323
Now I wasn't joking
about my skills, pal!
251
00:10:23,356 --> 00:10:25,358
Come on, what do you say
we give it a shot?
252
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,060
- I don't think so, no.
- Huh? Going once.
253
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:28,295
Going twice.
- No.
254
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,730
- Going 3 times.
- Roland! All right.
255
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,799
Going 4 times.
Going 5 times...
256
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:34,267
All right, all right,
all right. All right. Fine.
257
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:37,370
But only because we could
actually use some help.
258
00:10:37,404 --> 00:10:40,240
- That's a smart move, Johnny.
- But consider this a trial.
259
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:42,242
Yeah, that's probably
a good idea,
260
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:43,877
I don't wanna commit
until I know I like it.
261
00:10:50,951 --> 00:10:53,453
♪ Stick 'em up!
This is a holdup! ♪
262
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,923
♪ Nobody move but me-me-me-me!
263
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,427
♪ But me!
264
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,262
Who goes there?
265
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,832
- It's Jocelyn.
- Oh!
266
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:07,234
Good news, Moira,
don't ask me why,
267
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,802
but Gwen had a hunting rifle
in her basement,
268
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,938
and I'm hoping this is good
for your act!
269
00:11:10,971 --> 00:11:12,806
- Um, it was a machine gun.
270
00:11:14,174 --> 00:11:17,177
So I need a machine gun
for the machine gun ballet!
271
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,948
Okay Moira, you've got
to meet me halfway here,
272
00:11:20,981 --> 00:11:22,716
this is a real gun!
- What?
273
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,319
And I got you extra
performance time,
274
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:29,122
I got the children's choir
down to one song!
275
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:32,425
Some of the kids cried.
- Oh, Jocelyn.
276
00:11:32,459 --> 00:11:34,928
Jocelyn, why? Why, why,
why, would you do that?
277
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:37,064
Because you asked
for more time, Moira!
278
00:11:37,097 --> 00:11:39,432
- But... Jocelyn!
279
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:42,169
Did you know that rehearsal,
280
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:44,337
it can be the most enlightening
281
00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:46,306
and even heuristic exercise.
282
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:49,142
- What are you saying?
283
00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:52,846
I'm saying I am stepping out
of the limelight, Jocelyn.
284
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,449
But we already re-printed
the posters
285
00:11:56,483 --> 00:12:00,520
from "TV's Moira Rose,"
to "Television's Moira Rose!"
286
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,455
And that's great,
that will get them in the door
287
00:12:02,489 --> 00:12:04,357
and then the kids
take over from there!
288
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,860
That's...
- Okay.
289
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:08,929
I see what's going on here.
290
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,866
Somebody's got cold feet.
- Ha ha.
291
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,301
Blocks of ice. Mhmm.
292
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:17,504
I bit off more
than I could chew.
293
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:21,174
You know what, Moira,
we have all been there.
294
00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:23,844
Yeah. On my wedding day,
I thought,
295
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:26,346
what if I just got in my car
and drove to New Mexico,
296
00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:29,016
and left Roland at the altar
at the Elmdale Bingo Hall?
297
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,852
Bottom line,
I got cold feet too,
298
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:34,187
and I faced my fears,
and now look at us!
299
00:12:34,221 --> 00:12:36,857
27 years of bliss.
300
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:39,492
Was I to perceive something
encouraging within that...
301
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:42,029
little anecdote?
302
00:12:42,062 --> 00:12:45,398
Okay, you know what, Moira,
pull it together.
303
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,200
I'm taking this gun.
304
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:52,906
Okay, Patty, come on, Patty!
305
00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:56,043
Patty, the eyes of the lonely
world are on you!
306
00:12:58,311 --> 00:13:01,048
So, five, six, seven, eight,
Patty!
307
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:04,551
Five, six, seven, eight!
308
00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:07,187
Nine, ten-nine...
309
00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,523
nine, ten, eleven, twelve!
310
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,360
♪♪♪
311
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:17,898
Like clockwork, David.
312
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:21,068
Hey!
- Yeah.
313
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:24,371
Hey! Can I help you guys
with anything, or...?
314
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,206
- No, we're just looking.
315
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:28,942
Okay, cool.
Cool, cool, yeah, yeah.
316
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:31,945
Look around. You do you.
317
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:34,547
Uh, hey, do you have
this in like,
318
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:36,950
a larger size, maybe?
319
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,385
I don't know, I'll have
to go all the way
320
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,220
into the back to check.
321
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:46,059
Hey, man!
322
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,861
I like your shoes,
where'd you get them?
323
00:13:47,895 --> 00:13:50,197
- Oh! Oh...
- Oh! Um, these?
324
00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,432
I got these at a boutique
in Prague
325
00:13:52,465 --> 00:13:54,501
that's only open
on Sunday nights.
326
00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,536
- Cool.
- Is it?
327
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:59,572
Uh hey, I think
we're gonna head.
328
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,976
Oh, um wait, but-you forgot
something, though.
329
00:14:05,112 --> 00:14:06,546
- What?!
330
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,248
Look, please don't do
anything crazy,
331
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,983
it took me so long
to make that.
332
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:11,418
Well, I'll be happy
to give it back,
333
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:13,653
when you and your skid mark
friends give back
334
00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,255
all of the products
that you've stolen.
335
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:16,656
And if I'm being honest,
336
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,325
someone with your combination
of skin
337
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,260
should really be using product
with tea tree oil in it.
338
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,030
- I...
339
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,134
- Hand it over.
340
00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:29,069
I thought she was too cool
to work here.
341
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:32,239
I don't work here,
and I am really cool, so.
342
00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:35,008
Don't do it again,
and I won't call the po po.
343
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:37,077
- Did she say po po?
- Okay! Okay!
344
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,578
I think we're done here.
345
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,413
Okay, I just have one
more question.
346
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:43,416
All those compliments,
and fist pumps...
347
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:45,118
- Bumps.
- Shut up.
348
00:14:45,152 --> 00:14:47,287
Was that just part
of the big scheme?
349
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,589
- No, you have cool style.
- I like your shoes.
350
00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:51,925
They're lying to you, David,
they're lying, they're lying.
351
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,195
- Okay, get out.
352
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,430
Right, so...
353
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,503
Ugh...
- What? Why me?
354
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:05,305
- I just feel really gross.
- Why did I get one?
355
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,309
Okay, so there's window
repair in room four.
356
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,011
- Mhmm...
357
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:12,645
And then the bathroom in
room 5 still needs to be done.
358
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:13,813
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
359
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:17,184
- Can you handle that?
- No, I am just waiting to hear
360
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:19,186
something that's
in my wheelhouse.
361
00:15:19,219 --> 00:15:23,523
Okay uh, why don't you just
start by changing the sheets?
362
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:26,493
Honey, that kinda sounds
like a Johnny job to me.
363
00:15:26,526 --> 00:15:29,162
Why don't we just put
a "J" next to that.
364
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:32,599
No, no, no! We're putting
an "R" next to that,
365
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:36,003
Roland, I thought you said you
had no problem doing grunt work.
366
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,538
Well Johnny, how's it going
to look to have the mayor
367
00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,640
of the town changing sheets?
368
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:43,010
- Uh, we change sheets!
369
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,978
Well great, so then,
you've got it covered,
370
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,579
let's put a big, fat "J"
next to that one.
371
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,316
No, no, we're not putting
a "J," we're putting an "R!"
372
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:51,985
Or better yet, Roland,
why not just get to work?
373
00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:53,686
This isn't exactly
what I had in mind
374
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,056
when I said I needed help.
- Yeah, I know.
375
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:59,592
No, guys, look, I just
need to find something
376
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,361
that caters to my expertise.
377
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,063
That's all, you know
what I can do?
378
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:04,764
I can restock the soda machine.
379
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:07,067
Yeah, the soda machines
are fine, Roland.
380
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,402
What would actually help is if
you could clean a toilet or two,
381
00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:11,504
but obviously,
you're too good for that.
382
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:14,241
- No, I can clean a toilet.
- You know what,
383
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,176
I think we made a mistake, Stevie.
- Mhmm.
384
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,211
- No! I wanna clean a toilet.
- We'll hire somebody else.
385
00:16:18,245 --> 00:16:20,313
- No, I need to clean a toilet!
386
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:23,683
- You need to clean a toilet?
387
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,518
Yeah,
I need to Johnny,
388
00:16:25,552 --> 00:16:28,021
I... I mean, with the new
baby coming,
389
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:30,223
things are a little tight.
390
00:16:30,257 --> 00:16:32,159
Joc and I have been
trying to save,
391
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,694
but we've been living off
cold cuts and waffles.
392
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:37,330
And Jocelyn had to sell her
Beanie Baby collection.
393
00:16:37,364 --> 00:16:40,033
And she didn't get half what
that Diana bear is worth.
394
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,502
And now she's working nights
down at the gas station.
395
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:44,671
- She's working nights?
- No, she's not,
396
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:48,075
but she will have to
if things get really bad.
397
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:55,248
All right.
398
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:56,649
Here's what we're gonna do.
- Hmm?
399
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,285
- We're putting an "R" beside
400
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,087
every single thing on this list.
401
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,722
Got it. Okay.
Now when you say "R,"
402
00:17:02,755 --> 00:17:05,125
does that stand for Rose,
as in Johnny Rose...
403
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:07,260
- Roland! It stands for Roland!
- Okay.
404
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,296
And you can start by taking
those sheets over to room two.
405
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:10,563
- You got it.
406
00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,511
Ew! What are you doing
in my bed?
407
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,513
Oh David please,
I couldn't possibly make it
408
00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,415
all the way to my own bed.
409
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,749
I'm-I'm just uh...
410
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,220
I'm exhausted!
411
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:37,724
Was it the footwork?
- Oh, it was the footwork.
412
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,859
It was the score,
it was the book,
413
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:42,229
it was all of that, David.
414
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:45,064
But most severely lacking...
was me.
415
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,735
You were right, my dear.
416
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:52,539
I've had my time,
and it's over now.
417
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,874
Um, I don't think
I said that.
418
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:57,344
There is an elephant
in the room David,
419
00:17:57,377 --> 00:18:00,247
and he's whispering, "retire!"
420
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,582
Run David, go to Jocelyn,
421
00:18:02,615 --> 00:18:04,584
and tell her to cancel
the evening.
422
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:07,420
Okay... um well,
I won't be doing that,
423
00:18:07,454 --> 00:18:09,422
but...
424
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:14,161
there is one other option.
425
00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:15,628
- What?
426
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:19,166
- What if we did...
427
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,269
the number?
428
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,805
- The number?
- Yeah, I know,
429
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:28,275
it was stupid, it was dumb.
It was a dumb idea.
430
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:32,479
David, you would do
that for me?
431
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,150
I thought you used to hate it
when I'd trot you out
432
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:38,818
in front of my friends?
433
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:43,623
I still do, it's just that
I'm finding this situation
434
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:45,592
to be incredibly disturbing,
435
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:49,396
and I will eventually need
my bed back.
436
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:52,599
Do you think people would
find it strange,
437
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:55,302
or even inappropriate?
- Probably.
438
00:18:56,536 --> 00:18:59,639
And do you think
we still have it?
439
00:19:01,208 --> 00:19:03,343
I'll go plug in my hair
straightener.
440
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,645
I hope you're not wearing
your shoes.
441
00:19:14,554 --> 00:19:15,922
Okay, let's have another
round of applause
442
00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,424
for the children's choir,
443
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,526
and their Kylie Minogue medley!
444
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:23,196
- Those were some racy lyrics!
445
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:25,298
Okay. Ladies and gentlemen,
446
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:28,201
I know that your headliner
tonight is gonna surprise you,
447
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:30,270
because she certainly
surprised me
448
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:32,272
when she told me
just moments ago
449
00:19:32,305 --> 00:19:33,906
that she'd switched up
her entire act,
450
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,742
even though somebody put down
a really hefty deposit
451
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,644
on a wall of mirrors!
452
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:43,550
Okay anyways, without
further ado, the main event!
453
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,693
- Oh, thank you so much.
454
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,862
- Um, is this the number?
455
00:19:55,895 --> 00:19:58,898
It's the middle of summer.
456
00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:02,469
Brr! It's awfully
cold out there.
457
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,237
- Um, they used to do this act
458
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,838
every year at our Christmas
party,
459
00:20:05,872 --> 00:20:07,807
and you can't unsee something
like this.
460
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:10,743
Ahem!
461
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:14,013
Oh, I wonder
who that could be!
462
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:16,383
It's television's Moira Rose!
463
00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,786
That's television's mom,
to you.
464
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,524
You know, nothing is colder
than the chill I get
465
00:20:24,557 --> 00:20:27,560
when I think of the dangers
of asbestos poisoning.
466
00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:29,362
- Mhmm.
467
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:31,664
Luckily,
a little birdie told me
468
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:33,800
that with enough funds raised,
469
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:37,437
this town could be asbestos
free by...
470
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:40,573
Christmas!
471
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:51,551
- ♪ Ding!
- ♪ Dong!
472
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:52,852
Both: ♪ On the first day
of Christmas ♪
473
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:54,721
♪ my true love gave to me
474
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,557
♪ The keys to a Lamborghini
475
00:20:57,590 --> 00:20:59,959
♪ On the-oh come
all ye faithful... ♪
476
00:20:59,992 --> 00:21:03,830
♪ Deck the halls with
boughs of holly... ♪
477
00:21:03,863 --> 00:21:07,567
Yes, I said faithful,
which rules out all of you!
478
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:18,545
Both: ♪ God rest ye,
merry gentlemen ♪
479
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:21,781
♪ Let nothing you dismay
may-may-may-may ♪
36707
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