All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S03E05.Rooms.By.the.Hour.1080p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-NTb

- Hi.

Um, your agent called.
Do you have any safety pins?

- My agent?

Which one?

Uh, I think the assistant
said her name was Jennifer?

Ginnifer? Or Jennifer
with a "G?"

There's more than one!

- They sent you an email.

- Is it a job?

I don't know, do I look
like Ginnifer?!

David, your inability
to retain information

that doesn't directly
pertain to you

might actually require
medical attention!

Are they sending a script?

David, there's nothing here
but...

"Hot singles in my area."

No, wait, wait.

David, it's an audition
for a feature film!

- Well, that sounds promising.

"Attractive and spunky
forty-something female."

In my sleep!

"Respected ornithologist
Dr. Clara Mandrake,"

in the psychological thriller,
'The Crows Have Eyes... Two.'"

It's a sequel; that's good.

It must mean the first one
was a big success.

- I've never heard of it.

Well, they want me
to put myself on tape.

David, do you still
have that camera?

Go get it, please!

And a drop cloth.

And a ring light.

I could probably prop my
phone up against some books.

- And so it begins again.

♪ ♪

- Good morning.

I'd like to book
some rooms, please.

- Oh, well, that's wonderful.

Good... good.

- Uh, is there a problem?

- Uh no, no problem.

I can certainly handle this.

My associate usually
works the computer,

but uh...

let's get you booked.

- I'd like to book three rooms.

- Three rooms?

Okay...

Now will that be uh, three...

Separate, uh, bookings?

You see, there's a conference
over in Elmdale,

and I was hoping to use
the motel as a kind of a...

breakout space to conduct
my own business out of,

for the next two days,

during the afternoons.

Okay, we seem to be...

having a bit of a problem
with the system here,

but not to worry.

- Are you new at this?

Ish.

Well, not to complicate
things for you even more,

um, Johnny, but...

I would love if we could
work out some kind

of a discounted deal,

seeing as we're not gonna be
needing the rooms

during the evenings.

- Okay, um... tell you what.

Why don't I go to a fresh...

page here,

and we'll get this done

lickety-split? Okay.

So...
- I would love to pay cash.

- Whew!

Even better.

Moira: From what I understand
it's between me,

and one other actress.

- Congratulations, Mrs. Rose!

Who's the other actress?

- Well, they haven't found her yet.
- Oh.

But if all goes
according to plan,

they'll be flying me out
for a screen test!

Moira, I was just
thinking about you!

- Well, thank you.

- What if we switched parts?

- Switch parts?
- For the duet next week.

- Oh Jocelyn, the duet.

I must apologize,

there seems to have been
a change of plans.

- Moira's gonna be in a movie!

- A movie?
- Well,

I'm sure you've seen
"The Crows Have Eyes."

This would be the second
in the franchise.

- Wow.
- Mhmm.

I have never heard of it,
but congratulations.

- Thank you.

- Shame about the duet, though.

Yeah, we were gonna have
a pretty incredible audience

for the performance next week.

Big tour group coming through,
so...

- Then you'll cut the number.

No, I don't think that's
a possibility, actually.

Twyla, what if you took
Moira's part

for the duet next week?

I would be honored!

God, it'd be such big
shoes to fill.

- No, Twyla, no.

No deprecatory mocking.

One must champion oneself
and say,

I am ready for this!

Otherwise, the pressure
could be crippling.

- Look at this filth!

- "Community center adds ramp."

- No, this.

He says the comma's a typo,

but it has run that way
three years in a row!

- Who is this person?

He looks like if Ricky Martin
and Mark Consuelos had a baby.

It's the competition,
and he's selling his body

to get clients.
It's disgusting!

You could probably take
just as sexy a photo

if you wanted to.

I could definitely
take just a...

I don't want to.

Let me ask you this question:

Why should the person who is
performing surgery on your pet

have to have a six pack?!

- You have a six pack.
- That's not the point!

And... it's not a full
six yet;

that's why I'm shredding
right now.

I don't know, it looks like
a pretty smart campaign to me.

- If he wants to sell sex,

then he should just get a job
down at the Dude Cave!

He'd make more money
than being a vet!

- Um, what's the Dude Cave?

It's the all male strip club
outside of town.

My cousin Dwayne works there;
he drives a corvette.

- Okay...

Listen, you might wanna think
about spicing up

your approach a little bit.

The bottom line is that
I did not go to med school

just to exploit innocent
puppies

as a cover for my
extreme vanity!

But people love
extreme vanity!

And they love puppies,

so you have to give them
at least one of the two.

- I don't know.

Oh! What about the bunnies
that we have up for adoption?

We can set up like,
a little bunny cam

and stream it live
from our clinic.

That is very popular with
people who hate their jobs,

or are in loveless marriages.

Are those the people
we wanna be targeting?

- Well, it's free marketing,

and you can find little homes

for those little bunnies
that don't have any houses.

- Fine!

But if those bunnies feel
exploited even a little bit,

I am pulling the plug!
- Yes.

Honeypea.

Moira: Okay...

this is really taking me back.

Okay, David, I'll need you
to count me in.

- Okay, um, from what?

- Start from five,

you leave out the two,
and the one.

- Okay, why?

- Because it's my process.

- Okay. Um...

Five, four...

- One.

Look what you've done!

Look at it lying there,
lifeless.

Yet, in its eyes,

I see darkness.

It's just a crow,
Mrs. Mandrake.

- Dr. Mandrake.

And you must be
kidding yourself

if you think more
are not coming.

They always do.

They're watching you, Gareth.

The crows have eyes,

and you better not look them
in it.

Uh, it-it's just a flock
of crows, Dr. Mandrake.

What's the worst
that can happen?

- Oh, you'll see!

And it's not a flock,
my dear boy...

it's a murder.

Yes, I said murder.

Gareth, murder!

- Sorry, um, this is...

just one big rip off
of "The Birds!"

- This is about crows!

It's much more specific!

- And the dialogue!

Uh, "Look, they've taken
Clara!"

"Where are they carrying
her to, Clara?"

Are there two Claras?!

- It's a common name.

Yeah, the next scene
takes place

in a large bird's nest.

Rarely is the material
of quality,

the challenge is to lift it
off the page.

And I think part
of the problem, David,

is that I'm getting nothing
from you.

It's like working off a corpse.

I actually think you do
play off a corpse

in the next scene and,

if I'm being perfectly honest,

this is all playing a bit big.

- Hmph! Big.

- Yeah.
- And would that be a note?

A note, coming from my son?!

Who I carried for almost
a full seven months,

to an actress who has been
short-listed

for more than seven major

made-for-television
motion pictures?

The script is nothing more
than a jumping off point.

- Oh, okay.

Let's take it again,
I'll count myself in.

Five, four, three, two...

Johnny: Great news!

Your new partner just booked
three rooms,

before you even got in
this morning.

- Wow.

- Ha!

Three rooms, two days,

"afternoons only, Trish."

What's afternoons only?

- Well, I gave her a discount,

because she's only using
the rooms during the day.

So you're renting our rooms
by the hour?!

We haven't had a guest
in four days!

What are they using
the rooms for?

- Well, she didn't say,

Just conducting her business
out of them.

Right, and you know
what that means.

- No.
- Yeah.

No, I-I don't believe you.

Let me guess, this has
something to do

with the accountants'
conference?

- Yes.

- No, no, you're mistaken.

Stevie, she would've disclosed
that information

if that were the case!

- Really?
- No.

But look, if it makes you feel
any better,

we'll go and check it out.

But when it turns out
I'm right,

and it's just a group
of business professionals

decompressing for a few hours,

during a long day at a regional
accountants' conference,

then I expect a full apology.

You don't hear it,
when you say it like that?

- I hear it a bit.

♪ ♪

- Hi.
- Come look at this,

look at the bunnies!

Ugh...

Cute!

This isn't one of those
animal rights viral videos

where the bunnies go through

a meat processor in the end,
is it?

- Ew, no, David.

I set this up to get people
to visit Ted's website.

Poor thing is, like, out of it

when it comes to selling
himself.

There are 200 people
watching this, David!

That's like double your
Instagram followers.

Okay, my account is private,
thanks.

- Mm-hmm.

- There's Ted.

Yeah, sometimes he comes
in and out.

- Um...

Ted is taking his clothes off.

- You wish, David.

No, Ted is getting naked
on your webcam!

Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no!

I emailed our entire client
list about this, David!

I emailed his parents!

- I'm obsessed with this.

This is incredible!

- No, no, no, no, no, no!

Ted looks good.
- Yeah, he does.

- David, he looks really good.
- Okay, that's gross.

- Okay, so...

David!

- Oh, hi.

Hi. Uh, I and my associate,

just wanted to come by
and check on you,

and see how you're enjoying
your multiple room stay?

Oh, we're doing just fine,
thank you.

- Good, good, good.

Because we've heard through
the rumor mill that um...

there have been some
unannounced visitors

staying in the rooms
we rented you.

Visitors who may be engaging
in mature,

if not adult activities.

- And?

And that's something
we didn't discuss.

- Miss, if I were to tell you...

Oh no, no,
I got it immediately,

and I wasn't even there, so.

- Okay, well unfortunately,

we're gonna have to ask you
to shut it down.

Oh, you have nothing to worry
about, Mr. Rose.

We're a very high-end
operation,

and very discreet.

Besides, people are making love
in these rooms,

whether they rent by the day,

the week, or the hour.

- Yeah...

Yeah, well...

Point taken.

- Wow.

Hey, you know,
I've tried to add

an extra half hour
to my morning run,

but my body just isn't
having it.

- Well, you look great.
- Thanks.

- Um, about the bunny cam...

- I know, it's a huge hit!

We've gotten like nine
new customers overnight!

And some of them
don't even have pets,

they just want to discuss
whether or not

they should get a pet.

- Ted, the camera can see you.

- Okay, so should I like,

wave or something, next time?

Nope, the camera
can see you...

like, after your run.

- Oh.

Oh no, why didn't you tell me
the camera could see me

when I get back from my runs?!

- I just noticed!

Actually, David noticed first
last night,

but that's exactly when
there is a huge spike

in the website.

- I'm worse than Dr. Miguel!
- No, you didn't know!

Although there was a moment
last night,

where it looked like
you might have known,

and you were doing this like,

thing with your hips.
- Alexis!

No, I know,
of course you didn't know.

Of course!

Um, don't worry, I'm gonna take
it down right now.

- W-Wait.

You said you saw a spike
in the website views?

People were very concerned
as to whether or not

you would get your pants
on successfully.

- Well...

who's to say that people
weren't watching

for the bunnies?

- I am, that's what I'm saying.

I feel that until
these guys are adopted,

we can't take it down,
that'd be bad for business,

for the bunnies' sake.

I'll just have to be more
careful next time.

- Um hello, who are you,

and what did you do
with Theodore Mullins?

- Well, what can I say,

sometimes I like to live
dangerously...

while still respecting
my personal boundaries.

Yes.

Moira: David!

- What is it?

It's an email.
- Mm-hmm!

Subject line,
"The Crows Have Eyes II."

- Mm-hmm.
- And?

I don't know, I'd like you
to read it, please.

- You booked it.
- Ohhhh!

David! I did?

What'd they say about me?

They need you to sign
the contract!

- Well, that's standard!

What are the terms?

- Ooh, it's filming in Bosnia!

Um, in a city that I don't,

I don't know the name
of the city,

I can't pronounce it,
a lot of consonants.

- I did not know that.

But I've always loved
shooting on location,

it allows one to focus
on the work.

Hmm, it's being released
in Bosnia,

Croatia,

Herzegovina.

Before opening
internationally!

You have to fly
yourself there?

Mmm, that doesn't
sound right.

Ooh, accommodation
is covered.

- Thank God!

You'll be put up with
a local family.

- Close to the set?

- They're paying you scale.

But it'll be in Baltic
currency,

do you want me to keep going?

- No, read to yourself.

- There's a death waiver?!
- Ohh!

You can close the computer.
- Yeah, but we haven't even gotten to the section

on bird safety yet!

- Shut it! Now.

- What if...

- Hmm.

No, thank you.

- Have a nice rest of the day.

- Hey Johnny, wow!

This place is hopping!

Yeah, well, it's uh,
it's been a busy week.

Uh huh, you know,
I gotta tell you,

when I first heard that Stevie

was hitching her wagon
to your cart,

the first thing that came
into my mind was,

whoooa, Nelly,

that horse is in big trouble.

A convoluted metaphor,
but um...

But I've gotta say,
you've proven me wrong,

I mean, obviously, you're doing
something right here.

- Yeah, well, once again,

thanks for coming by, Roland.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Johnny, look,

I know it makes you
uncomfortable

when somebody gets real
with you,

but could we just have one
minute when I compliment you,

and you don't go all,
ooh, Roland, my generation,

we don't talk about
our feelings.

we keep 'em all -
rawrrr - inside!

Yeah well, that's not it,
but once again,

thanks for coming by.

- Hey, one of you guys Ken?

- Ken? No.

- Hi.

I'm Roland, Roland Schitt,
mayor.

Roland Schitt.
- Kitty.

- Kitty, how are you?

Are you enjoying your stay
in our town?

- It's been really good, mhmm.
- Oh...

Hmm.

So Roland, look, why don't we
head down to the office

if we, uh, wanna chat?

- Who's Ken?

Well, Ken is probably
her husband.

Uh huh, and she doesn't know
what he looks like?

- Gentlemen.
- Uhhh...

Uh-huh.

- Excuse me.
- You betcha.

Oh, Johnny.

Well, I see why you've had
such a great week.

Okay, I don't know
what you're implying,

but I don't like your tone.

- Johnny, please.

This little operation has been
on the council's radar

for quite a while now,

and I'm sorry, but that was no
Sunday school teacher

coming outta here!

Okay, look, this whole
thing was a mistake.

This whole thing!

But I'm working on it,

I'm working to shut it down,
quickly.

Well, I'm really happy
to hear that,

because I would hate to have
to assert my mayoral authority

in a situation like this, yes?

Yeah, and nobody wants
to avoid that more than me.

- Good. Okay.

Well, you know what, I'm glad
I helped you fix your, uh,

broken moral compass.

Well, there's nothing wrong
with my moral compass, but...

All right, well, why don't we
tell Kitty that?

- Ah, I'd love to see that!

So I was thinking,
for the chorus,

- Yeah?
- we could sway,

like we're actually islands
in the stream.

- Oh yeah, that's good.

- Hi, I'm here!

Moira, what about
your big movie?

Oh that, they're still
hounding me,

but I took a moment
to stop and think

about what is really
important in life,

and while the Bosnian Riviera
is a majestic locale,

it can't hold a candle
to singing with you

wonderful working women here,

in our makeshift
rehearsal studio.

- Well, I'm flattered,

but Twyla's been working
on your part for the duet,

and I really don't think
that that would be

in the spirit of things
to take that from her.

But the song was my idea,
Jocelyn.

John and I made David
to that song,

in Pusitano.

Hey, why don't we just
show you how we're doing,

and you can offer up
some professional advice,

for now.

- Okay.

Jocelyn and Twyla:
♪ From one lover to another ♪

♪ Uh huh ♪

♪ Islands in the stream ♪

Jocelyn and Twyla:
♪ That is what we are ♪

- ♪ K-H-E-O-K! ♪

Jocelyn and Twyla:
♪ No one in between ♪

Jocelyn and Twyla: ♪ Sail away
with me to another world ♪

Jocelyn and Twyla: ♪ And we'll be
lying with each other, uh huh ♪

- ♪ Uh huh ♪