All language subtitles for Schitts.Creek.S02E07.The.Candidate.1080p.Amazon.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.x264-QOQ

- Good Morning!
- Hey, Twyla.

I hear congratulations
are in order, Mrs. Rose.

- Thank you, dear, for what?

Oh, should I not say
anything yet?

Well, you could say something,
think of it as a clue.

- Not say something about what?

- Your wife's big announcement.

- Again dear, clue!

- You running for town council!
- What, excuse me?

You're running for
town council?

No, I'm not running
for town council.

- Oh, I must've misheard.

Everyone was talking about
you standing up to council

last week, so I just assumed

Never assume, dear, It makes
an ass out of both of us.

It's not that absurd
an idea, Moira.

You know, being on town council
might give you an outlet

to channel all that...

"passion" you have
for this town.

I'd sooner poke my eyes out
with hat pins.

- Well, that's subtle.

Well, I think you would make
a great councilor.

Well, the right person
might be able to get

a lot done around here.

The right person, John,
wouldn't be caught dead in this...

they'd be running somewhere
a little more...

- What?
- Moira...

Okay, maybe I should say
somewhere less...

- Less what?
- What's the word I'm trying to think of?

Well, let's hope we don't
find it, okay?

Are we ready to order,
councilor?

- You go ahead.

*

Have you seen
my black shoe?

It's a lace up,
probably lost in the sea

of your dirty clothes?

- No.
- Ugh!

What is going on here?!

Why are your clothes
crammed under my bed?

It's just temporary storage,
David.

- Look at your things.

Look at your life!

- I have been distracted!

- Why is this wet? Ewww!

Because I kicked over
a glass of water

that you left on the floor.

- I wasn't drinking water.

Okay, so maybe it was mine,
what difference does it make?

Ugh!
- Oh my God!

Ugh! Anyway,
I need the room tonight,

because I'm having a friend
over.

- What friend?

Um Twyla, we're gonna have
a fun little sleepover.

- Mhmm... You and Twyla?

Yeah, we're gonna do
face masks,

and we're gonna talk about
boys that we both know,

and have dated.

Um, have you spent
more than five minutes

with the girl, one on one?

She could be a serial killer.

Twy and I have tea together
like, every day, David.

That she serves you
at the cafe.

- Because we're friends.

- Oh... right.

Um, so then where is Twyla
going to sleep tonight?

Because I'd say she could
stay under my bed,

but your disgusting clothes
are all stuffed under there,

So... just wondering,

where she'd... sleep!

- Stop doing that with your face!
- Hmm.

Bob, now that Ray's
stepped down from council,

I gather his seat
is up for grabs?

"His seat is up for grabs?"

I could say something pretty
inappropriate right now.

- Well, I'm hoping you don't.

No, but I could,
that's a real set up.

Yeah, yeah, but I was
thinking, if his seat

- There you go again!

could be filled by someone
with real experience...

- Uh-huh.
- You see, I played a significant role

in Gerald Caine's campaign.

- Who's that?
- Well, he won a seat in the legislature,

and now he's a senator.

Yeah well, town council
might be small potatoes

for a guy like that.

- Well, not him, Bob. Me!

I'm talking about me.

See, I've worked on a number
of campaigns,

and I was president of the
Video Retailers Association.

- Sure, and uh...

it might be a nice change
of pace from banging your head

against the wall here
every day.

Well, I'm not banging my head
against the wall,

but if I were to run,

I'd need support from people
like you.

- Boy uh, so if you got this,

that would mean we'd work
together here at the garage,

and on council?

If I didn't know any better,

I might think you had
a crush on me!

Well, that's
that's funny.

- I'm only teasing.
- Yeah, I know, I know.

- I don't mean to embarrass you.

- I'm not embarrassed!
- You have no reason to be embarrassed.

You're a happily married man.
- Oh my.

- And so am I!
- Okay, gotta go, Bob.

- Hey Twy, come sit!

Oh, I'd love to, it's just I
have a lot of tables right now.

Okay, well um,
maybe we can hang out after?

I was thinking we could have
a little ladies' night

at my place.

- Just the two of us?
- Yeah!

Come by around eight.

I'm working tonight,
but maybe this weekend?

Or are you with Mutt
on weekends?

Um no, because we broke up
so...

- I'm sorry to hear that.

Although, part of me
is a little relieved.

Since you did tell me
to break up with him,

and then you dated him...

That's so sweet of you,
but I'm gonna be fine.

So how late do you have
to work tonight?

Um, until people leave,
I guess.

- And when do people leave?

I don't know,
after people clear out.

Okay, well when
everybody clears out,

you can just pop by.

You know, when I broke up
with Mutt,

I just took a lot of alone
time to rebuild,

and regroup, and I just,
I think it's so important.

Yeah, and I'm doing the same
kind of thing right now.

'Cause it's so important.

- All right, good.

Because you know what they say,
if you can't be by yourself,

then you probably shouldn't be
in a relationship.

- Mmhmm, I totally get that.

But call me if you happen
to get off work early.

Twy? Call me if you get
off work early!

All right.

I know. I know!

- Hey, Roland.
- Uh-huh.

All right, so one o'clock,
then? All right, terrific.

Yeah, no, I look forward
to catching up.

Great, yep, you too.
Okay, all right.

Buh-bye! Sorry, Johnny.

I just had to reschedule
my colonoscopy.

Oh. Well, I just stopped by
to pick up

a nomination form
for town council.

You know, I gotta hand
it to you.

It takes a brave man
to face defeat yet again,

when his ego is so battered
and bruised.

- Well, I don't plan on losing,

but thank you for the vote
of confidence.

Johnny, nobody plans
on losing.

But with all due respect,

this is a kind of a different
playing field for you.

Roland, I ran the second
largest retail video chain

in North America, so...

- Well, that's good to hear,

so you're used to coming
in second, huh?

Could I get a nomination
form, please?!

Look I'm just trying to help
you out here, okay?

I've been in politics
for 18 years,

and let me tell you something,
pal,

it ain't a cakewalk, okay?!
Say goodbye to your privacy.

You walk into a restaurant,

everybody's gonna know
who you are!

Well, everyone knows
everyone here,

because there's only one
restaurant.

I mean, just taking your boy
for ice cream cone

can turn into a media circus.

Well, your son is 30,
and you never see him.

Could I get a form, Roland?
Please?

- You know what?

I'll do you one better,
I'll give you the form,

und your first signature.

- Oh, wow.
- There you go, how 'bout that?

- Thank you.
- You're very welcome.

- You signed under "Date."

Yeah, like that's going
to make a difference.

Okay.

Rrrrrr! Come're, you!
I'm thirsty!

- Exciting afternoon?

- Thrilling, can't you tell?
- What are you doing tonight?

- Uh, I'm busy.
- With what?

- I'm going out.
- With who?

- Does it matter?
- Where are you going?

- None of your business!

- Are you seeing someone?

- Not exactly.

Okay, you're sounding
very sketchy right now.

I'm going to a bar
to meet someone.

- Who?!
- I don't know yet.

Ohh... So she's going
to a bar to get laid, then.

I see...
- Uh no,

she is going to a bar
to have her needs met

by some lovely gentleman
she's yet to meet,

who is cute enough
to sleep with,

but not nearly mature
or stable enough to marry.

- I want that.

- Well, you can't come.

'Cause everyone will think
we're together.

Okay, I think you're giving
yourself a lot of credit.

- I was being generous.

No, We're gonna be each
other's wing people tonight.

Um now, how diverse
is the clientele

at this local drinkery?

- I would say very diverse.

I can't remember what life
was like before dating apps.

I'm both excited and terrified
for tonight.

I don't think I ever said
you could come.

Okay, so what time, though?
And is there a dress code?

'Cause I just want to come
prepared.

So that I can meet somebody.

I'm in Room 7 in case
you need me.

See you later.

This is gonna be so fun for us.

- You know, it's uh...

It's a funny thing,

there seems to be a rumour
going around about me.

- I heard that one,

it's only because you converse
with women easily,

and you dress so well.

I wouldn't give it another
thought.

- What?
- I'm sorry, which rumour are you talking about?

The one about me
running for council.

- No, that was about me, John.

You were with me
when Twyla said that.

If this continues, I'll have
to call a neurologist.

No, this is another rumour,
Moira.

A rumour about me
running for council.

From whom did you hear
this one?

Well, I-I don't know
where it started,

but the gist of it
is I'd be a shoo-in,

and could really get things
done.

Well, there's no question
about it.

You'd be a godsend to council.

Well, thank you sweetheart,
I agree.

But they'll never know
about it,

because you have much
bigger plans.

- Yes, I know, well...

I see you go into the office
every day, pistons firing,

you are full of ideas,

and you haven't told me
what they are yet,

but I have every confidence
that they are brilliant.

Yeah, yeah... Well,
who says I can't do both?

Moira, being on council
could leverage our position

considerably in this town.
- It's not worth it.

You saw me struggle to get those
modest planters for the motel.

Trying to council to focus
on the simplest thing

is like wrangling monkeys!

- Well, I can wrangle monkeys.

It's called running a business.

Yes, you could, but you'd be wasting
your talents on these people.

Yeah well,
that goes without saying.

Listen, I know it's a giant
step down

from anything I've done
in the past, but

- Exactly, it's beneath you.

- Well, I just...

worry that the people who were
spreading this rumour

might be a little disappointed,
that's all.

Well, you can't worry
about them.

- Hey!
- Hey.

- Are you waiting for someone?

No, I'm just taking
some "me time."

- Oh, okay...

I hope I'm not getting
in the way of that.

- No, no, you're good.

So, Stevie...

you're a strong woman
who's alone a lot.

Like, I know you dated David,

but everyone's allowed
a mistake, am I right?

- You sound like my conscience.

- Is it hard for you?

- Uh, is what hard for me?

- Like, being by yourself here?

Like, you're just totally okay
to sit here all day by yourself?

- That's why I took the job.

- Mmhm. Okay.

And while you're here,
by yourself,

you never get this almost
uncontrollable urge

to talk to people,
or be complimented, or...

- I know everyone in this town,

so for the most part, I would
rather be here by myself

than engage in meaningless
conversation

with people I don't care about.

- Totally.

Mmhm... And why is that?

Because I enjoy
my own company more.

- Of course. Of course.

Okay.

Can I have everyone's
attention, please?

If I could just- okay.
Thanks, Jazzagals.

I just wanted to grab your ear
for just a second,

to make a quick announcement.

I will not be at rehearsals for
the next two weeks, because...

I have decided to throw
my hat in the ring,

and run for council!

Oh, Jocelyn!
That's great! Oh my gosh!

That's amazing!

I'm currently running
unopposed.

So that kinda takes away
the excitement of winning,

you know, but still, I think
it's gonna be a real hoot.

That's so fun! Congratulations!
Good going! Good for you!

- Thank you.

That's awesome!
That's great!

So Jocelyn, good for you.
Taking on a new little project.

Thanks I'm really looking
forward to it.

You know what's funny,
just this morning,

Twyla asked me if I was running
for council.

- That is funny.

I mean, unless you're thinking
of running.

- Mm, no. No, no.

Can you imagine?
- No!

I mean, just because you've
spent all your time

trying to sell the town
and get outta here, so.

Twyla dear, what was it
this morning that made you say

I would make such
a great councilwoman?

Oh, I just heard
you were running.

- Are you?
- No! - I...

She's not interested
in politics!

Although I can see why
someone might think that.

I certainly know how
to command a crowd,

and I've never been one
to shy away from a good fight.

I don't think it's such a bad
idea for someone else to run.

A little healthy competition
never hurt anyone.

Yeah, a real election race
could be fun!

Absolutely, I mean,
I wouldn't want anyone

to think that I was just
stepping into this,

you know, because of Roland.

Yeah, I mean, if any
of you townies

wanna put your name
on the ballot,

I think that's just
a great idea.

- That's the spirit.

If Jocelyn can do it,
anyone can.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. Places! Don't you think?

- Hmm... On a scale of one

to I'm-gonna-get-beat-up
by-an-angry-local,

where do we see this look fall?

- Um like, easy six.

- Okay.
- Where are you going?

I am going to a sketchy bar
on the outskirts of town.

- And nobody invited me?!

You know how at home I am
at sketchy bars!

Who are you going with?

With Stevie, we're gonna meet
some randoms.

So um, when I go missing,

just feel free to tell people
that the last place I was seen

was at a sketchy bar on the
outskirts of town meeting randoms.

Okay well, this isn't fair,
David.

I'm the one who should be at
a sketchy bar meeting randoms.

I'm the one who should
go missing!

- Well then, come!
- I can't.

- Why?
- Well, for one thing,

this mask doesn't come off
for another twenty minutes.

- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.

And... second, I told myself
that I would enjoy

my own company tonight.

Okay um, well, we're going
to a bar,

and you're on the rebound,
so text me when you're dressed.

I'm serious, David,
I'm not coming.

Have fun, though.

Oh, and in case
you wake up in a chair

with your hands duct taped
together,

you can snap the duct tape

by just raising your hands
over your head,

and then bringing them down
really hard.

- Thanks. Um... see you there?

I'm not coming.

- I'm not coming.

- Hi, Moira. How was rehearsal?

It was quite an afternoon.
Oh John, thank you.

Listen, I just wanted
to thank you

for what you said this morning.
- And what's that?

When we had our little talk
about me running for council.

I have to admit I'd given it
a little more thought

than I'd let on.

- Oh?
- Yes.

I actually picked up
a nomination form.

Really? John, I didn't
realize.

No, no, no, I'm glad
you talked me out of it.

- Okay.
- Yeah, because I thought about the job,

what it would entail,
and you know, listen,

Roland drives me crazy
when he's not even around,

but can you imagine?
- No!

- Working with him every day?

Huh! I'm laughing
about it right now.

Did you know Jocelyn
is running?

No, oh my God!
This gets better and better.

So the two of them
on council together?

Is there a more frightening
thought?

They would have a virtual
monopoly on this town.

- Well, don't they already?

Exactly, I think someone
needs to challenge them!

- Right!

So... what are you saying?

That I should run?
- No. Nope.

Because I did get five
signatures

on my nomination form, and I

No! No, no, no, John, you've
got enough on your plate.

- Oh.
- Whereas I...

have nothing but free time.

Not exactly sure
where this is going.

John, you have the family
to think about.

You're going to accomplish
wonderfully big things.

Town council would just
hold you back.

But something tells me
it will not be...

holding you back?

It would be a few weeks
of my time.

And you know, someone said it
might be a nice project for me.

And would that someone
be you?

Jocelyn practically begged me
to take the bait!

So you're running
for council?!

- Looks like it.
- Oh well, isn't that wonderful!

Isn't that wonderful!

Hey, that's really good news.

I'm sorry, John,
I just got swept up in it.

No, no, listen as long
as one of us is running, okay?

that's the important thing.

It doesn't matter which
one of us is running.

I thought it would be me,

but then you talked me out
of it! But that's okay!

Please John, I'm going to
need you every step of the way.

And I'll be right
behind you, Moira,

supporting you, because...

you're the one running,
and I'm not!

How long are we going
to be doing this?

Oh, just a few more minutes,
at least.

- It's not usually this dead.

It's like everybody saw
you coming, and left.

Is this really what
our lives have become?

Sitting in some sad...

bar waiting to get laid?

Well it's this,
or the internet.

Oh, I did have a match
earlier.

Um who is... 79 miles away.

Well, if you start
walking now,

you'll get there before
breakfast.

Alexis is supposed to be
meeting us here.

She said she wasn't coming,
but this is a bar,

and she is single, so.

Well, you should warn her
that we are the only people

here under sixty.

Yeah, it's not...
not brimming with options.

- No.

*

- Nope.
- No!

- No, it didn't feel right.
- No, it didn't.

- Well, at least we tried.

- I agree.

Oh, uh, I notice that man
is no longer sleeping

under the pool table.

Well, I'm surprisingly
good at pool.

So...
- Hmm!

Wait a second, is this like
a reverse hustle,

where you say you're good,
but you're actually terrible?

- Um, I don't know.

- You wanna break?

- Um, from what?

- Oh, this is gonna be fun.

Don't, David.

I have nowhere else
to put stuff.