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1
00:00:08,451 --> 00:00:09,987
This was a good choice.
2
00:00:10,355 --> 00:00:11,924
Yep.
3
00:00:11,957 --> 00:00:13,628
- We make good choices.
- Mm-hmm.
4
00:00:13,661 --> 00:00:15,665
This was
a really healthy choice.
5
00:00:18,105 --> 00:00:19,940
Well, I'm gonna
go to work now.
6
00:00:19,973 --> 00:00:21,944
Okay.
7
00:00:21,977 --> 00:00:25,252
Which is where
I should've been
8
00:00:25,285 --> 00:00:26,287
Mm-hmm.
9
00:00:27,856 --> 00:00:29,360
Stevie?
10
00:00:29,860 --> 00:00:31,029
Oh, Stevie!
11
00:00:33,668 --> 00:00:35,439
- What?
- It's your dad.
12
00:00:35,472 --> 00:00:36,807
He saw me.
13
00:00:37,443 --> 00:00:38,545
Fuck!
14
00:00:38,578 --> 00:00:41,417
It's the towels again,
we need towels!
15
00:00:41,451 --> 00:00:44,089
Your dad can't
know about this.
16
00:00:45,359 --> 00:00:47,663
It's humiliating for me.
17
00:00:47,696 --> 00:00:51,103
Stevie, is this where
you keep the towels?
18
00:00:51,504 --> 00:00:53,141
Okay.
19
00:00:53,175 --> 00:00:55,145
Here you go.
20
00:00:55,179 --> 00:00:57,916
Okay, this is a face cloth,
and a bath mat.
21
00:00:58,518 --> 00:01:00,522
Oh! Uh...
22
00:01:00,555 --> 00:01:03,127
I will get you some towels
and I will bring
23
00:01:03,161 --> 00:01:05,999
Oh, I'd love
to take them with me,
24
00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:07,236
Oh, no, no,
no, no, no.
25
00:01:07,269 --> 00:01:08,971
I will deliver them
to your room.
26
00:01:09,607 --> 00:01:10,609
Stevie.
27
00:01:11,277 --> 00:01:13,114
Is everything okay?
28
00:01:13,147 --> 00:01:15,919
- Stevie.
- Yes, I'm just a little
29
00:01:15,952 --> 00:01:18,358
Is anyone in there?
30
00:01:18,391 --> 00:01:21,431
Are you in danger?
Blink, if you're in danger.
31
00:01:21,464 --> 00:01:22,799
Stevie.
32
00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:25,205
That's really not necessary.
33
00:01:25,239 --> 00:01:28,578
Okay, well,
I'm going back
34
00:01:28,611 --> 00:01:30,013
And I'm gonna
call the police.
35
00:01:30,047 --> 00:01:31,817
No, Mr. Rose,
please don't call the police.
36
00:01:31,851 --> 00:01:35,225
Dad, please,
just take the towels and go!
37
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:40,602
Oh.
38
00:01:41,771 --> 00:01:43,308
Well, I, uh...
39
00:01:43,341 --> 00:01:45,512
I've got everything I need.
40
00:01:46,647 --> 00:01:48,451
Good seeing you both.
41
00:01:57,903 --> 00:02:00,475
Um, what happened with...
42
00:02:00,509 --> 00:02:01,977
Stop!
43
00:02:02,011 --> 00:02:03,748
- What...
- You said...
44
00:02:03,781 --> 00:02:04,850
- Okay. What happened...
- Something...
45
00:02:04,883 --> 00:02:06,387
You slept with Stevie.
46
00:02:06,421 --> 00:02:08,958
I... What, did Dad tell
the whole motel?
47
00:02:08,991 --> 00:02:11,497
Well, no,
but I heard through the wall,
48
00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:14,303
'cause he was doing
his high-pitched voice.
49
00:02:14,337 --> 00:02:17,041
So, was it cute for you,
or what?
50
00:02:17,074 --> 00:02:20,181
It was fine. It was...
It was weird. It was good.
51
00:02:20,214 --> 00:02:21,283
- Love that.
- It was good but weird.
52
00:02:21,317 --> 00:02:22,553
I love that!
53
00:02:22,586 --> 00:02:24,957
Um, okay,
so I have to tell you this.
54
00:02:26,025 --> 00:02:29,467
Um, Ted wants
to meet my friends,
55
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,071
so I think it's getting
kind of serious.
56
00:02:32,104 --> 00:02:33,307
It's been two weeks.
57
00:02:33,341 --> 00:02:35,311
I know.
58
00:02:35,345 --> 00:02:37,248
What's your point, David?
59
00:02:37,883 --> 00:02:39,920
Ugh! So, anyway,
60
00:02:39,953 --> 00:02:42,258
we're throwing a party
at his place tonight,
61
00:02:42,292 --> 00:02:44,530
so I would say be there
around, like, 7:00.
62
00:02:44,563 --> 00:02:47,001
That's presumptuous.
What if I have plans?
63
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:50,609
- That's so cute. Bring Stevie.
- No, I'm not bringing Stevie.
64
00:02:50,642 --> 00:02:53,280
I'm gonna let
the dust settle on that...
65
00:02:53,314 --> 00:02:55,752
Ted's already
getting groceries,
66
00:02:55,785 --> 00:02:57,689
I already invited her.
67
00:02:57,723 --> 00:03:00,328
So, it's gonna be fun!
David! It's gonna
68
00:03:00,361 --> 00:03:02,433
Children, children.
69
00:03:02,466 --> 00:03:04,670
Your father and I have
something to discuss.
70
00:03:04,703 --> 00:03:05,972
I'm really busy
right now, though.
71
00:03:06,005 --> 00:03:07,709
I can't right now,
I don't have time.
72
00:03:07,743 --> 00:03:10,782
We understand you have found
some local friends
73
00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:13,387
with whom to spend time with.
74
00:03:13,421 --> 00:03:15,559
- Oh, my God.
- Okay, I can't deal
75
00:03:15,592 --> 00:03:17,729
- And that's fine!
- But
76
00:03:17,763 --> 00:03:21,604
we do have to be careful
with our hearts
77
00:03:21,637 --> 00:03:25,244
Because a podunk baby
out of wedlock
78
00:03:25,278 --> 00:03:27,816
is not something your
father and I can afford
79
00:03:27,849 --> 00:03:30,187
to negotiate at this moment.
80
00:03:30,221 --> 00:03:34,028
Well, that's crazy,
because all I want
81
00:03:34,061 --> 00:03:35,932
is some podunk baby
out of wedlock!
82
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,335
So...
83
00:03:37,368 --> 00:03:39,205
Okay, hi. Hi.
84
00:03:39,239 --> 00:03:41,844
I don't wanna sound negative
about this at all,
85
00:03:41,877 --> 00:03:45,251
but I think that
you two really, actually
86
00:03:45,284 --> 00:03:46,887
the idea of, um,
87
00:03:47,689 --> 00:03:48,858
getting a life.
88
00:03:48,891 --> 00:03:51,964
Alexis, I would not
concern yourself
89
00:03:51,997 --> 00:03:54,603
because we have
a flourishing
90
00:03:54,637 --> 00:03:57,909
Uh, walking over to the cafe
and ordering a tuna melt
91
00:03:57,943 --> 00:04:00,481
is hardly what I would call
a "flourishing social life."
92
00:04:00,515 --> 00:04:02,653
Oh, that's funny.
That's funny.
93
00:04:02,686 --> 00:04:06,460
You're just... It's just
that you're so involved
94
00:04:06,493 --> 00:04:09,733
and that was fine
when we were child actors
95
00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:11,904
But now David and I
are grown-up adults,
96
00:04:11,937 --> 00:04:14,543
and we're just
feeling very like, um...
97
00:04:14,577 --> 00:04:15,945
- Suffocated.
- Suffocated.
98
00:04:15,979 --> 00:04:17,348
- Wait, stop!
- Suffocated?
99
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,251
- Yeah.
- Stop!
100
00:04:19,286 --> 00:04:22,292
We came in here to
speak about you two.
101
00:04:22,325 --> 00:04:24,529
What could you possibly
have to say now?
102
00:04:27,869 --> 00:04:29,138
Well, now I don't remember.
103
00:04:29,171 --> 00:04:30,541
Yeah, I don't remember.
104
00:04:30,575 --> 00:04:32,846
Oh, my God! Thanks.
105
00:04:36,921 --> 00:04:38,791
You know,
the more I think about it,
106
00:04:38,825 --> 00:04:41,363
the more I wonder
whether David's whole
107
00:04:41,396 --> 00:04:44,336
sexually adventurous thing
was just a phase.
108
00:04:44,369 --> 00:04:45,538
It's not a phase.
109
00:04:45,571 --> 00:04:48,477
Well, you know,
he was very influenced
110
00:04:48,510 --> 00:04:49,747
all those haircuts.
111
00:04:49,780 --> 00:04:51,316
It's not a phase, John.
112
00:04:52,017 --> 00:04:53,153
The kids are right,
113
00:04:53,186 --> 00:04:56,192
we've been talking about them
far more than I care to.
114
00:04:56,225 --> 00:04:58,631
Something about
that top that just
115
00:04:58,665 --> 00:04:59,967
Hey, how you doing?
116
00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:01,403
Eh...
117
00:05:02,137 --> 00:05:04,743
- Jocelyn, hi!
- Hi, Moira.
118
00:05:04,777 --> 00:05:05,979
Why don't you join us?
119
00:05:06,012 --> 00:05:07,214
Moira, what're you doing?
120
00:05:07,247 --> 00:05:09,486
Attempting to be social,
support me.
121
00:05:09,519 --> 00:05:11,423
- Won't you, please?
- Hey, sure!
122
00:05:11,456 --> 00:05:12,793
- Hi!
- Of course.
123
00:05:13,494 --> 00:05:15,564
- Hello!
- Well!
124
00:05:15,598 --> 00:05:17,134
- Hello.
- Hello.
125
00:05:17,167 --> 00:05:19,973
- Good to see you!
- Look at us,
126
00:05:20,007 --> 00:05:21,376
Uh-huh. Yes.
127
00:05:21,410 --> 00:05:24,148
Jonathan and I
were just saying,
128
00:05:24,181 --> 00:05:26,754
wouldn't it be fun
to have the mayor
129
00:05:26,787 --> 00:05:29,893
for cocktails
and charades tonight!
130
00:05:29,927 --> 00:05:32,598
- Yes, tonight.
- Oh, jeez.
131
00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:35,270
Yeah, no, unfortunately
that's not gonna work for us.
132
00:05:35,303 --> 00:05:37,743
We're having
a huge party tonight
133
00:05:37,776 --> 00:05:39,211
Ton of people
coming to our house.
134
00:05:39,245 --> 00:05:41,282
- Whoo!
- Ooh, yeah, big.
135
00:05:41,315 --> 00:05:44,321
But we're free any other night
other than tonight.
136
00:05:58,149 --> 00:05:59,351
- Hey.
- Um...
137
00:05:59,887 --> 00:06:01,189
So, um...
138
00:06:02,324 --> 00:06:04,529
So the other...
So, last night...
139
00:06:04,562 --> 00:06:06,099
Um...
140
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:07,869
- That was just a...
- Was a one-time thing.
141
00:06:07,903 --> 00:06:09,773
That was a one time...
142
00:06:09,807 --> 00:06:10,975
Just a blip...
143
00:06:11,009 --> 00:06:13,179
Just a blip. Blop. Just a...
144
00:06:15,283 --> 00:06:18,690
Uh, my sister
said that she, uh...
145
00:06:18,724 --> 00:06:20,127
Yes, she asked you to Ted's.
146
00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,663
- Yeah.
- Yep.
147
00:06:22,031 --> 00:06:23,099
Um...
148
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,536
Okay, well,
I'm gonna leave from here.
149
00:06:24,569 --> 00:06:27,207
Should I just come by
your place and get you
150
00:06:27,241 --> 00:06:28,911
Yeah. We can go together,
'cause that's...
151
00:06:28,945 --> 00:06:31,416
That's like a totally
normal thing for us to do.
152
00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:34,689
- Why would it not be?
- No, it's fine! I mean...
153
00:06:34,722 --> 00:06:36,593
So, um...
154
00:06:36,626 --> 00:06:37,662
So, cool.
155
00:06:37,695 --> 00:06:39,265
Yeah, no,
this is a good thing.
156
00:06:39,298 --> 00:06:41,102
So I'll just, um...
157
00:06:41,135 --> 00:06:42,873
I'll see you
when you swing by.
158
00:06:42,906 --> 00:06:44,141
- So...
- Yeah, I'll be...
159
00:06:44,175 --> 00:06:47,014
Blippity blop.
Blippity blip.
160
00:06:50,721 --> 00:06:52,357
You're quiet today.
161
00:06:53,460 --> 00:06:55,431
Am I?
162
00:06:55,464 --> 00:06:57,067
It's just that
you're not talking,
163
00:06:57,101 --> 00:07:00,007
and it's annoying,
because I'm bored.
164
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:03,213
Can't we just think and work,
or do we always have to talk?
165
00:07:03,246 --> 00:07:06,753
Okay, you're being
super sketchy and emo
166
00:07:06,786 --> 00:07:09,626
Have you ever been in
a relationship where you
167
00:07:09,659 --> 00:07:11,931
- Yes.
- With someone
168
00:07:11,964 --> 00:07:13,467
Oh, what?
169
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:15,638
Oh. Um...
170
00:07:15,671 --> 00:07:17,608
You know that
if it's in your dreams,
171
00:07:17,642 --> 00:07:20,648
or over the clothes,
it's not cheating, right?
172
00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:24,188
Yeah, well, it's been
happening a lot lately,
173
00:07:24,221 --> 00:07:26,392
and then I look over
and I see Twyla,
174
00:07:26,425 --> 00:07:27,495
and I feel bad.
175
00:07:27,528 --> 00:07:29,832
Also, Ted is
throwing a party tonight,
176
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:33,507
maybe that's something
exciting for you two
177
00:07:35,077 --> 00:07:37,582
That's probably
not such a good idea.
178
00:07:41,590 --> 00:07:43,226
Mmm.
179
00:07:43,259 --> 00:07:45,030
Oh. Oh! Oh.
180
00:07:49,038 --> 00:07:53,379
I'm sorry, what kind of event
are you hosting this evening?
181
00:07:53,413 --> 00:07:54,816
Event.
182
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:58,223
Oh, it's more of a soiree.
183
00:07:58,256 --> 00:08:01,796
He's just teasing,
it's our annual
184
00:08:01,830 --> 00:08:05,203
Pineapples, pig on the spit,
the whole nine yards.
185
00:08:05,237 --> 00:08:07,407
Oh, you, uh, roast pigs?
186
00:08:07,441 --> 00:08:08,577
- We do!
- Sure do.
187
00:08:08,610 --> 00:08:12,117
We have a big one
hanging in the garage.
188
00:08:12,151 --> 00:08:14,622
Wow, it sounds like, uh...
189
00:08:14,656 --> 00:08:16,660
Quite the evening.
190
00:08:16,693 --> 00:08:20,200
So whose pig do
we have to slaughter
191
00:08:21,302 --> 00:08:23,974
Oh, my goodness, well, um,
192
00:08:24,007 --> 00:08:28,650
we just didn't think
that you and Johnny
193
00:08:28,684 --> 00:08:30,721
Well, that's a touch
presumptuous, Jocelyn.
194
00:08:30,754 --> 00:08:32,758
Why would we not
want to be involved
195
00:08:32,792 --> 00:08:35,197
in a themed party
in your yard?
196
00:08:35,531 --> 00:08:36,733
Right.
197
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:41,142
Well, I mean, for one thing,
you know, the two
198
00:08:42,111 --> 00:08:43,146
A little what?
199
00:08:45,851 --> 00:08:48,256
Hoity-toity.
All right, I've said it.
200
00:08:48,289 --> 00:08:52,565
We didn't think that
you'd wanna hang out
201
00:08:52,598 --> 00:08:54,636
Right.
202
00:08:54,669 --> 00:08:59,712
Regular people are how
Rose Video became such a...
203
00:08:59,746 --> 00:09:01,583
Right, ca-careful, Moira.
204
00:09:01,616 --> 00:09:04,856
Regular people!
I mean, they made us
205
00:09:04,889 --> 00:09:07,361
- What am I trying to say?
- We love regular people.
206
00:09:07,394 --> 00:09:09,231
We love regular people.
207
00:09:09,265 --> 00:09:12,738
Well, by all means then,
the two of you are invited.
208
00:09:13,574 --> 00:09:14,909
Thank you.
209
00:09:19,285 --> 00:09:21,723
So, just to be clear,
210
00:09:21,756 --> 00:09:24,328
um, I'm a red wine drinker.
211
00:09:24,361 --> 00:09:26,098
- That's fine.
- Okay, cool.
212
00:09:26,131 --> 00:09:28,904
But, uh,
I only drink red wine.
213
00:09:29,338 --> 00:09:30,340
Okay.
214
00:09:31,108 --> 00:09:32,945
And up until last night,
215
00:09:32,978 --> 00:09:35,851
I was
under the impression that
216
00:09:35,884 --> 00:09:38,724
you too only drank red wine.
217
00:09:39,659 --> 00:09:41,295
But I guess I was wrong?
218
00:09:41,329 --> 00:09:42,998
I see where
you're going with this.
219
00:09:43,032 --> 00:09:44,602
Um...
220
00:09:44,636 --> 00:09:46,472
I do drink red wine.
221
00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:49,511
But I also drink white wine.
222
00:09:51,114 --> 00:09:54,588
- Oh.
- And I've been known
223
00:09:54,622 --> 00:09:57,461
And a couple summers back
I tried a Merlot,
224
00:09:57,494 --> 00:09:59,030
that used to be a Chardonnay.
225
00:09:59,064 --> 00:10:00,668
- Which got a bit complicated.
- Oh. Okay.
226
00:10:00,701 --> 00:10:02,938
Yeah, so, you're just
really open to all wines.
227
00:10:02,972 --> 00:10:05,878
I like the wine
and not the label.
228
00:10:05,911 --> 00:10:07,915
- Yes, that does.
- Okay.
229
00:10:07,948 --> 00:10:10,387
Um, this is just
very new to me,
230
00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:12,424
so as long as you
didn't roll over
231
00:10:12,457 --> 00:10:15,964
and cry yourself to
sleep with regret,
232
00:10:15,998 --> 00:10:17,501
No, no, no,
I absolutely did that.
233
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:19,772
Just wept for hours
in the dark.
234
00:10:19,806 --> 00:10:21,743
I say we go with this one,
it's the biggest.
235
00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:25,383
Wow, Ted, the place is very
236
00:10:26,352 --> 00:10:27,722
new looking.
237
00:10:27,755 --> 00:10:29,859
Did you design the interior?
238
00:10:29,892 --> 00:10:31,963
Oh, I wish.
239
00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:34,736
No, I found this website
online that sells off
240
00:10:34,769 --> 00:10:36,773
old department store
show rooms.
241
00:10:36,806 --> 00:10:38,877
So this whole room...
242
00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:40,848
Just gets delivered, as is.
243
00:10:40,881 --> 00:10:42,752
This is the
"bachelor's den" here,
244
00:10:42,785 --> 00:10:46,960
and then that's
the "executive dining lounge"
245
00:10:47,662 --> 00:10:49,230
- Hmm.
- Wow!
246
00:10:49,264 --> 00:10:50,968
- Yeah.
- Wow.
247
00:10:55,009 --> 00:10:58,449
So are we the only ones
showing up to this party?
248
00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,520
No, we're still waiting
for Mutt and Twyla.
249
00:11:00,553 --> 00:11:02,958
Oh, I should take the rolls
out of the microwave.
250
00:11:02,992 --> 00:11:04,595
Hot rolls!
251
00:11:04,628 --> 00:11:07,802
Alexis had just said that
this was a "party" party.
252
00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,772
Ah, well, you must've been
misinformed then, David.
253
00:11:09,806 --> 00:11:12,644
No, it's a dinner party.
I wanted to get to know
254
00:11:12,678 --> 00:11:15,182
so I figured we'd invite
a few couples over, huh,
255
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:17,353
have some dinner,
play some games?
256
00:11:23,533 --> 00:11:25,202
You guys showed!
257
00:11:25,236 --> 00:11:26,539
Yeah, why wouldn't we show?
258
00:11:26,572 --> 00:11:30,179
Twyla, I love your outfit,
you look like
259
00:11:31,415 --> 00:11:34,822
- Hi.
- So, where is everybody?
260
00:11:34,856 --> 00:11:38,195
It is. It's an exclusive
little party.
261
00:11:43,740 --> 00:11:46,011
Hey, who turned off Don Ho?
262
00:11:46,044 --> 00:11:47,313
- Hey.
- Oh!
263
00:11:47,346 --> 00:11:49,317
- Aloha, Roses!
- Well, look who it is.
264
00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:51,489
It's the Schitts!
265
00:11:51,522 --> 00:11:52,958
Yeah, there you go.
266
00:11:52,992 --> 00:11:54,027
- Jocelyn.
- Moira.
267
00:11:54,060 --> 00:11:55,597
Ooh, Johnny!
268
00:11:55,630 --> 00:11:57,601
- Whoo!
- I gotta tell you, that suit,
269
00:11:57,634 --> 00:12:00,039
that's pretty
dangerous to wear
270
00:12:00,072 --> 00:12:02,210
I just wanna wipe
my hands all over that!
271
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:03,747
Oh!
272
00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:05,149
You just keep getting funnier.
273
00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:07,186
I'm not joking though,
I really do.
274
00:12:07,220 --> 00:12:10,493
Moira, I have to ask you.
Are those wigs real hair?
275
00:12:10,527 --> 00:12:12,497
I just wanna reach out
and just touch them...
276
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:14,836
No, Maureen does not
like to be manhandled!
277
00:12:14,869 --> 00:12:16,672
- Sorry, sorry.
- Hey, Roses.
278
00:12:16,705 --> 00:12:18,509
If I tell you a secret,
you promise to keep it?
279
00:12:18,543 --> 00:12:20,446
Uh, no,
I don't think we would.
280
00:12:21,549 --> 00:12:23,352
Johnny.
281
00:12:26,893 --> 00:12:30,432
Now, listen. I'm the guy
in charge of upholding
282
00:12:30,466 --> 00:12:32,905
so if you have any ideas
about turning me in,
283
00:12:32,938 --> 00:12:35,209
you'd just be turning me
in to myself.
284
00:12:37,446 --> 00:12:39,317
Spark it up, Roley!
Spark it up.
285
00:12:39,350 --> 00:12:40,854
- You got it, honey.
- Listen, I don't know
286
00:12:40,888 --> 00:12:43,092
if you guys wanna
partake in this,
287
00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:45,296
because I'm sure
your fancy dinner parties
288
00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:48,468
didn't have
illegal substances.
289
00:12:48,502 --> 00:12:50,640
Illegal substances.
290
00:12:50,673 --> 00:12:52,376
Amateurs.
291
00:12:52,410 --> 00:12:54,916
We had friends
in the FDA, but...
292
00:12:54,949 --> 00:12:56,051
When in Rome...
293
00:12:56,084 --> 00:12:58,288
Well, damn, Roses!
294
00:12:58,322 --> 00:12:59,926
- Let this party begin.
- Mm-hmm.
295
00:12:59,959 --> 00:13:01,996
I'll fire up
the cheese fountain.
296
00:13:14,054 --> 00:13:15,657
Oh!
297
00:13:17,962 --> 00:13:19,197
No, thank you.
298
00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:22,236
So, Mutt, did, uh,
299
00:13:22,270 --> 00:13:25,476
you two criminals
do any good for
300
00:13:25,509 --> 00:13:26,645
We washed a car.
301
00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:27,882
You washed a car. Wow.
302
00:13:27,915 --> 00:13:30,186
The judicial system
is really cracking down
303
00:13:30,219 --> 00:13:31,990
on its delinquents
these days, huh?
304
00:13:32,023 --> 00:13:33,292
You know what
I always wondered?
305
00:13:33,325 --> 00:13:35,998
What do you two talk about
all day out there?
306
00:13:38,202 --> 00:13:39,404
Nothing.
307
00:13:40,740 --> 00:13:44,447
I mean, we talk, but...
We don't really talk about
308
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,486
So, like, what?
309
00:13:48,723 --> 00:13:49,725
Like, nothing.
310
00:13:50,994 --> 00:13:52,764
Okay, um...
311
00:13:52,797 --> 00:13:57,506
Like, Mutt was having
a bad day today,
312
00:13:57,540 --> 00:13:59,979
You didn't tell me you
were having a bad day.
313
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:03,854
Ted, this is delicious.
314
00:14:03,887 --> 00:14:05,056
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh.
315
00:14:05,089 --> 00:14:08,628
I didn't mean a bad day, Twy,
I just meant, like,
316
00:14:08,662 --> 00:14:11,601
Thank you, Stevie.
I ordered it online
317
00:14:11,634 --> 00:14:14,007
- No sales tax.
- What were
318
00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,109
It's nothing.
319
00:14:15,142 --> 00:14:17,446
So when the lasagna
gets delivered...
320
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,552
Does it come, uh,
321
00:14:20,586 --> 00:14:22,390
Okay, I just, uh...
322
00:14:22,423 --> 00:14:25,529
I don't know why you
didn't feel comfortable
323
00:14:25,562 --> 00:14:27,033
It's not important.
324
00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:29,104
That's why I was talking
to Alexis about it.
325
00:14:29,137 --> 00:14:33,512
- Ouch.
- Stevie, how long have
326
00:14:33,545 --> 00:14:35,316
- It's very fresh and new.
- No, it's not.
327
00:14:35,349 --> 00:14:37,053
- It is, I would say.
- Mm-mmm.
328
00:14:38,355 --> 00:14:40,259
So, everyone knows?
329
00:14:41,194 --> 00:14:44,634
- Knows what?
- Uh, these two have...
330
00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:47,040
What an elegant gesture, Ted.
331
00:14:47,073 --> 00:14:49,744
Sorry,
I thought everyone knew.
332
00:14:50,546 --> 00:14:52,183
- No.
- It's okay.
333
00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:55,289
Sorry!
334
00:15:02,236 --> 00:15:04,240
I've been with
these people before.
335
00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:06,678
I know them all.
336
00:15:06,711 --> 00:15:09,417
Wow, you've really been
getting around town.
337
00:15:10,419 --> 00:15:13,960
No, I was with them
in my other life.
338
00:15:14,996 --> 00:15:17,100
I'm gonna tell you something.
339
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:20,139
I'm from a small town,
just like this.
340
00:15:20,941 --> 00:15:23,678
No, I'm not buying that.
341
00:15:23,712 --> 00:15:26,118
- It's true.
- Really?
342
00:15:26,751 --> 00:15:28,222
Why would you leave?
343
00:15:28,255 --> 00:15:31,028
Oh, God,
I couldn't wait to get out.
344
00:15:31,628 --> 00:15:33,765
I was dying there.
345
00:15:33,798 --> 00:15:35,971
Have you never dreamed?
346
00:15:36,004 --> 00:15:38,608
Of a life beyond?
347
00:15:38,642 --> 00:15:41,181
You have "what ifs,"
like, what if...
348
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:43,818
I had enlisted
in the military,
349
00:15:43,852 --> 00:15:46,624
what if Roland hadn't been
such a smooth talker, what...
350
00:15:46,658 --> 00:15:49,164
Oh, man, what if.
351
00:15:49,197 --> 00:15:53,572
What if I had
not been crowned
352
00:15:53,605 --> 00:15:56,678
and moved to the city
with my driving instructor?
353
00:15:56,711 --> 00:15:59,150
- Awesome.
- And what if I had not
354
00:15:59,184 --> 00:16:03,125
hand modeled
at that microwave trade show?
355
00:16:03,158 --> 00:16:05,496
- Yeah.
- What if I didn't ask,
356
00:16:05,529 --> 00:16:08,535
"Who's the eyebrows buying
everyone's drinks?"
357
00:16:09,704 --> 00:16:11,641
Wow, now you know.
358
00:16:12,410 --> 00:16:14,480
Whatever happened to privacy?
359
00:16:14,514 --> 00:16:16,986
Now your whole family thinks
I'm this big hooker.
360
00:16:17,020 --> 00:16:20,026
My whole family
does not think
361
00:16:20,759 --> 00:16:22,796
It was a funny
one-night thing.
362
00:16:22,830 --> 00:16:24,467
Everyone here is fine with it.
363
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:25,536
It was funny?
364
00:16:27,006 --> 00:16:29,277
Yeah, it was a...
It was a fun...
365
00:16:29,310 --> 00:16:31,648
It was a funny...
It was... Yes.
366
00:16:31,681 --> 00:16:34,954
I had a best friend
that hooked. She married one
367
00:16:34,987 --> 00:16:36,091
Wow! So cool.
368
00:16:36,124 --> 00:16:37,693
- Mmm.
- It's not the time, Twyla.
369
00:16:37,726 --> 00:16:40,499
Um, Stevie, I don't think
you're a big hooker.
370
00:16:40,532 --> 00:16:41,768
You don't talk all dinner,
371
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:44,006
and now you're telling me
I can't talk about Trixie?
372
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,376
I'm sorry, it's just I think
373
00:16:45,409 --> 00:16:48,248
sometimes you have
a tendency to say
374
00:16:48,282 --> 00:16:51,088
Is there a right time
to talk about being a hooker?
375
00:16:51,121 --> 00:16:53,958
I bet nobody thought
sex with Trixie was funny.
376
00:16:53,992 --> 00:16:55,262
I never said it was bad!
377
00:16:55,296 --> 00:16:58,368
Okay, you know what
I think is happening,
378
00:16:58,402 --> 00:17:01,108
is things are just
getting blown
379
00:17:01,141 --> 00:17:05,549
And honestly, if, Alexis,
you just tell us what you
380
00:17:05,582 --> 00:17:07,353
it'd probably help.
381
00:17:07,386 --> 00:17:09,524
Oh, my God, Ted!
382
00:17:09,557 --> 00:17:12,263
We were washing a car
and talking about bad dreams.
383
00:17:12,296 --> 00:17:14,334
- Okay?
- Okay.
384
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,869
You sound a little defensive.
385
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,273
- Well...
- I'd agree.
386
00:17:17,306 --> 00:17:18,775
You know what,
I just remembered,
387
00:17:18,808 --> 00:17:21,981
I have to wake up
early tomorrow.
388
00:17:22,014 --> 00:17:23,818
Uh, nobody checks-in.
389
00:17:24,620 --> 00:17:27,059
Tomorrow someone is, early.
390
00:17:27,092 --> 00:17:30,799
Uh, Ted, you have
a really special place,
391
00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:33,772
and we should all do
this again sometime.
392
00:17:33,805 --> 00:17:35,876
Uh, David, would you mind
walking me home.
393
00:17:35,909 --> 00:17:37,480
I don't think
we're finished talking.
394
00:17:37,513 --> 00:17:39,015
David.
395
00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:40,486
Don't.
396
00:17:43,592 --> 00:17:48,202
My son lives in a barn
in the woods, by choice.
397
00:17:49,904 --> 00:17:53,578
He could be the next
mayor of this town
398
00:17:54,547 --> 00:17:57,453
My son is pansexual.
399
00:17:58,722 --> 00:17:59,757
Mm-hmm.
400
00:17:59,790 --> 00:18:01,561
I've heard of that.
401
00:18:01,594 --> 00:18:04,200
I know what that is,
that's, uh,
402
00:18:04,234 --> 00:18:05,836
that cookware fetish.
403
00:18:05,869 --> 00:18:06,938
No.
404
00:18:06,971 --> 00:18:08,808
- No, no.
- Mmm-hmm.
405
00:18:08,842 --> 00:18:10,712
No, he loves everyone.
406
00:18:10,746 --> 00:18:12,416
Men, women,
407
00:18:12,450 --> 00:18:16,424
women who become men,
men who become women.
408
00:18:16,458 --> 00:18:20,599
I'm his father,
and I always wanted
409
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:25,141
But, you know,
just pick one gender,
410
00:18:25,175 --> 00:18:27,480
Maybe everything
would've been less...
411
00:18:27,513 --> 00:18:28,648
Confusing.
412
00:18:30,486 --> 00:18:34,727
Well, you know, Johnny,
when it comes to
413
00:18:36,197 --> 00:18:38,502
we can't tell our kids
who to love.
414
00:18:40,572 --> 00:18:42,310
- Who said that?
- You did.
415
00:18:43,076 --> 00:18:44,179
When?
416
00:18:44,213 --> 00:18:45,482
You just said it now!
417
00:18:45,516 --> 00:18:46,951
When?
418
00:18:46,984 --> 00:18:48,922
Now, right this second.
You just said it.
419
00:18:48,955 --> 00:18:52,596
And you're right.
You can't tell them.
420
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:57,906
Thank you
for playing along.
421
00:18:57,940 --> 00:18:59,977
I'm sorry, I just had
422
00:19:00,010 --> 00:19:02,650
It was like being in
an episode of Couples Therapy.
423
00:19:02,683 --> 00:19:04,153
Okay, wait.
424
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:07,526
This was all a put-on
just to get out of dinner?
425
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,797
Yeah, I thought
you were in on it.
426
00:19:10,732 --> 00:19:14,507
Well, you deserve
a Daytime Emmy
427
00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:16,611
Thank you, I think so.
428
00:19:16,644 --> 00:19:19,850
Okay, so you're not, like,
raging mad at me, then.
429
00:19:20,218 --> 00:19:21,454
No.
430
00:19:21,488 --> 00:19:25,429
I think it's fair to say that
neither of us have ever worked
431
00:19:25,462 --> 00:19:27,232
- True.
- It was funny.
432
00:19:28,066 --> 00:19:30,104
And a little humiliating.
433
00:19:30,137 --> 00:19:31,641
Yeah, I, uh...
434
00:19:32,443 --> 00:19:34,514
Saw a lot of my body.
435
00:19:34,547 --> 00:19:36,818
I didn't like it. So...
436
00:19:36,851 --> 00:19:38,321
I'm actually that way.
437
00:19:39,289 --> 00:19:42,896
Okay, yeah, I was, um,
wondering if
438
00:19:43,998 --> 00:19:46,203
Try it again,
for the sake of practice?
439
00:19:46,237 --> 00:19:47,806
I'd be into that idea.
440
00:19:48,542 --> 00:19:50,512
For the sake of proficiency.
441
00:19:56,223 --> 00:19:58,327
So I guess we won't
be playing Hedbanz.
442
00:20:02,436 --> 00:20:04,574
Oh! Why did he say that?
443
00:20:04,607 --> 00:20:05,642
Oh, my God.
444
00:20:05,676 --> 00:20:07,446
What the hell...
445
00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:09,082
- Just don't... Just stay here.
- What?
446
00:20:09,115 --> 00:20:11,420
Oh, hello again!
447
00:20:11,454 --> 00:20:12,923
Spending another
night together?
448
00:20:12,956 --> 00:20:14,125
Dad!
449
00:20:14,158 --> 00:20:17,466
Oh, Stevie,
I hope you're being smart.
450
00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:18,935
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
451
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:21,708
Because we can't
afford a baby right now,
452
00:20:21,741 --> 00:20:24,446
and let's be honest,
neither can you!
453
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:28,053
Okay, well, I think
it's about time
454
00:20:28,086 --> 00:20:29,490
- Excuse me!
- Uh, David,
455
00:20:29,524 --> 00:20:32,128
I just want you to know
that I support this.
456
00:20:32,161 --> 00:20:36,036
Not the fact that
you're sleeping with a girl,
457
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:37,873
But, you know,
I'd be just as happy
458
00:20:37,906 --> 00:20:40,979
if you were to bring home
one of your guy friends.
459
00:20:41,012 --> 00:20:42,449
What are you talking about?
460
00:20:42,482 --> 00:20:46,524
Um, excuse me while
I just go draw a warm bath
461
00:20:46,558 --> 00:20:48,060
No, Stevie. Stevie.
462
00:20:49,095 --> 00:20:51,433
You're a lovely girl,
lovely girl.
463
00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:54,774
Bit of an edge, but you know,
it's growing on me.
464
00:20:54,807 --> 00:20:56,978
And David,
I just want you to know
465
00:20:57,011 --> 00:21:00,652
that I endorse
all your sexual encounters.
466
00:21:01,219 --> 00:21:02,489
Are you drunk?
467
00:21:02,522 --> 00:21:04,727
Grass, too much grass.
468
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,299
- A little bit, but...
- What the...
469
00:21:07,332 --> 00:21:10,505
Hey, track that cycle, missy!
470
00:21:10,538 --> 00:21:12,542
Okay, good night!
471
00:21:12,576 --> 00:21:14,580
Hey, good night!
472
00:21:14,614 --> 00:21:15,882
Good night.32951
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