Original subtitles

Ah-ah!

Where were you, Grady?

I was just standing behind you reading the paper.

And I was the one who said "Ah-ah!"

No, I mean where have you been since early this morning?

Well, traveling, Rollo.

It's a two-hour bus ride from my daughter's house

out in Westwood.

Hey, man, that was five hours ago.

Oh.

Yeah, well, you see,

the bus that I got on, it went through Beverly Hills,

and when it got into Beverly Hills and stopped,

I decided to get off.

For what?

To mingle with the hoi-palloi.

You know, so that's why I'm late.

I started walking up and down those Beverly Hills streets,

up to hoi and down to palloi.

And Rollo, after looking at those millionaires' homes,

I got carried away.

Carried away by the Beverly Hills mansions?

No, by the Beverly Hills police.

They don't like us walking around

looking at those millionaires' homes.

You mean you got busted?

Oh, no, just questioned

and directed to the number 83 bus.

Where is Fred and Lamont, Rollo?

Reckon they're out looking for you.

Oh. You know what, Rollo?

What?

I-I just think

I'm going to move out of my daughter's house.

I mean, I just feel so miserable there.

Hey, man, it's natural to feel that way.

It is?

Sure it is. Look, man.

I mean, you're living with them, right?

Yeah.

And you feel like you're taking

and not giving them anything, right? Right.

Well, tell me this.

How did they like the housewarming gift

you gave them?

Well, they never said thank you.

Why not?

I never gave them one.

Well, that's the problem, Grady.

Hey, man, give them a gift.

You know, a nice housewarming gift, man.

Then they'll be grateful to you.

Then you'll feel good

because you gave them something.

Oh. Wow. You're right, Rollo.

Hey, that's really great.

I'll go get them something that they want,

and then they'll really be glad they met me.

Right. Yeah. Thanks, Rollo.

And I know just the thing to get them.

What?

An original oil painting

for over the fireplace in the living room.

And I'll get it

from one of those very expensive art stores

and spend my very last cent on it, $67.80.

All right, now,

the only way you're going to get anything out of this exercise

is to get your knees up to your chest.

Come on, now. Come on. Come on.

You see that this exercise... Can you feel that?

Here, like this. I sure can.

That's it. All right. Now, this exercise

is good for stretching the hamstring muscles.

All right. How many should we do, coach?

Well, you do 10, and then you build up, all right.

Now, let's see... We want to get these to here.

Okay, now, one, two, three.

There it is. That's it, that's it. There.

Perfect, just perfect.

Two... That's it.

Three... four... five.

Now, how does that feel?

Oh, I feel it, I really feel it.

Good, good.

After you gentlemen are done feeling it,

I'd like to see the coach in the kitchen, please.

Sure.

Why don't you change places. I'll be right back.

Okay, coach.

Did you, uh, did you just drop that?

No, baby, I didn't just drop that.

That is our winter crop coming in.

Oh, well, hey.

Look, the celery is doing fine

and the radishes are nice and red

the greens are all nice and green, and...

Oh, my goodness,

look how nice those legs are coming in.

I can't wait for dinner.

I think I'm eating out.

Well, listen, hon. What's the matter?

Well, it's 4:00,

and we're having a dinner party at 8

on the dining room table.

Now, if you don't get the UCLA track team off of it,

we're going to have a very lumpy tablecloth.

You got it.

Is my father home yet?

Poppy? No, I haven't seen him.

Well, I hope everything's all right.

I mean, it's getting late.

Oh, I'm sure he'll be fine,

so why don't you just come on over here?

Will you stop that? Hmm?

Hal... I mean, you know what you are?

What?

You are a sex maniac.

I mean, I married a sex maniac.

Thank you, dear.

No, it's my pleasure.

Oh, it's been a pleasure of mine.

Over here.

Oh, you got it.

Hi, Ma. Hi, babe.

Daddy not home yet?

Uh, Roger, this is my mom and dad.

Yes, Mom and Dad.

Hey, Roger, how are you doing?

Hiya, Coach.

I'm coming out for the freshman track team

this year.

I'm really looking forward to training under you.

I followed all your records at Chicago

and I read all about you

when you were on the track team here.

Oh, man, you were something else.

Incredible.

Me and Hal Marshall...

Roger, Roger... Uh, what's your event?

Oh, he does the two-minute handshake.

Roger's going to help me with my homework. Come on, Rog.

Bye, coach. Wow.

Are you done with me?

Oh, yes.

Oh, but would you get Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber

off my dining room table?

Sure, but how about a quick kiss first?

Ask them.

You know, Ellie, sometimes, I don't think you realize

that you are living in the same house

with the great Hal Marshall.

Well, now, how could I forget?

Hey, son.

Hi, Pop. Ma... Yes, baby.

Why'd you put those two white guys

on the dining room table?

They're gonna love this.

They're gonn... Wow!

Oh, they're going to love it, love it, love it.

Hi, Gramps.

Laurie, what in the devil is wrong with you,

walking into a room

where your grandfather is and...

Is he bothering you?

He is my friend.

Roger, this is my Grandpa Grady.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

I left my notebook in your bedroom.

I'll be right back.

In the bedroom?

Oh, it's all right.

We were just doing our homework.

Homework in the bedroom?

See you later, Laurie.

So long, Rog. Bye, Gramps.

Uh, Laurie,

if you do the homework in the bedroom,

what's the name of the course?

Oh, Grandpa.

Oh, Grandpa.

What you young ladies need today

is more housework and less homework.

Homework, in the bed...

What is... Poppy! What is going on?

I mean, where have you been?

Well, I...

Don't you know that I'm having a dinner party?

You said you were going to help.

But I am going to help you, Ellie.

But when, Pop?

But, I mean, that's what I was doing.

I was out getting you a present for the party.

A present for the... Oh, Poppy.

I mean, Poppy, you didn't have to do that.

Uh, Poppy, I'm sorry that I yelled at you, but...

Hey, no, no, it's all right.

I love it when you yell at me.

I mean, that's what families are supposed to do

in their own homes.

Right.

They're supposed to yell at each other.

Wait a minute.

Go get my son-in-law. I want him to see this too.

Okay. Hal?

Oh, that's magnificent.

Oh, good goobly goop!

Well, come on. What do you think?

Well, um...

I just can't find the right words, Poppy.

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

Um... Um... Great.

Great colors.

What a body.

This is a rare classic,

made on velvet with fresh paint...

And it was signed by the man who runs the store.

Isn't that something?

Yes, that's something.

May I see you in the kitchen, Harold?

Sure.

Uh, hey.

Hey hey.

Hey hey!

Yeah, Poppy, you shouldn't have done it.

Thank you.

Was it very expensive, Grandpa?

Eh, Sugarpoo, it's, it's not the money.

It's the thought that counts...

Oh, Grandpa...

And I thought I spent $67.80.

The worst painting

I have ever seen in my entire life.

Oh, come on, Ellie. Now, you're just jealous

because she's thinner than you are.

Uh, you're not funny, Harold.

I mean, all those university people coming,

and what's the first thing they're going to see

when I open the door?

A naked lady with her fingers in her mouth.

Ellie, you're not going

to get dressed for the party?

Uh, Hal, would you just go out and take it down?

No, I can't do that.

Now, just think about

how your father's going to feel.

I am thinking of how my husband is going to look.

To whom?

Oh, to Professor Stoneham,

your coach, Boomer Bradley, your colleagues.

Baby, listen, just go out and take it down.

All right, all right, I'll go out and take it down,

but you're going to have to tell your father why.

Oh, you are a coward, aren't you?

I mean, that's what you are, a coward.

No, no, no. I am a sex maniac.

You are a coward.

Okay, you know,

I'm going to show you what kind of coward I am.

I'm going to go right out there

and tell him exactly the truth.

I'm going to tell him that I love it

and you can't stand it.

No, really, that's what I'm going to do.

Now, who is this? Avon lady?

I mean, it is too early for anybody to be here.

Poppy.

Oh my, Ellie, it's beautiful!

It's the first thing that hits your eyes

as you open the door.

Right.

It just comes blasting right out at you.

Wow. Step outside and try it.

What?

No, no, no. Go outside.

Make believe you're a guest coming for the first time.

Poppy!

No, it's all right.

Would you open the door, please?

Uh, no, guests must ring the bell.

I don't believe this.

♪ Who is it? ♪

Would you open the door?

Poppy, I think you better open the door.

Well, good evening.

Is there anything that strikes you

as being outstanding?

Oh, yes.

Mr. Wilson... I mean, now, that is...

a beautiful painting.

Well, thank you. Come again.

See, I told you...

Uh, I think everybody should... get dressed.

Yeah, Poppy, let's get dressed.

Oh, of course.

I mean, after all, I want to look right

when those people from the university

come to my house.

You look fine.

I want the folks from your alma mater

to really like your alma father.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Devore. It's good to see you.

Come on in.

Uh, excuse me, Professor.

Can I get you something?

No, thank you, Mr. Wilson. We're just fine.

Did you want something, Terestia?

Do you have any carrot juice?

Uh, I'll see if I can squeeze you some.

Aren't you the professor of art at the university?

Yes, I am.

Well, now, may I ask

your honest, unprejudiced opinion

of the piece of art over the fireplace?

Oh, well, personally...

That I bought with my last penny?

I love it.

And on the back,

there's a very important piece of paper

with writing on it.

Uh, probably the story of the painting.

No, the model's phone number.

I'll see if I can get you some carrot juice.

Coach, everything all right?

Mrs. Bradley?

Wonderful, thank you.

It's great being in your house, Hal.

We've come full circle, haven't we?

I mean, I remember the time

you came out for track 15 years ago.

Look at him. He hasn't changed a bit.

Still in great shape, dedicated, team came first,

holds three records here at the school.

Hey, let me ask you something...

Do you still have the same thighs?

Yeah, I think so.

Phyllis, feel those thighs.

Come on, come on, don't be shy.

Come here. Feel them.

Are those thighs?

Yes, Boomer.

Well, Coach, I can see you're having a great time.

I'll talk to you later.

Good.

He's going to make some addition

to our athletic department.

Well, thank goodness

he isn't in the art department.

Why?

Why would he hang that picture?

I don't know.

He should have hung the artist.

Phyllis...

Oh, the Sullivans, how are you?

I'm so glad you could make it.

This is the best that I could do.

It's tasteless.

It's the worst combination of colors

I've ever seen.

You should be used to that.

You know ugly. I know ugly. What could be uglier?

An ugly picture.

My dear, that is the epitome of bad taste.

The rest of the room is in beautiful taste,

but this painting...

May I have your attention, please?

I want to say

that I gave this tasteless picture

to my daughter as a present.

Now, she knew it was tasteless,

but she hung it up anyway

because she didn't want to hurt my feelings.

My daughter and son-in-law

have as much class as anybody in this room,

and a lot more nice,

so don't you think that they're stupid.

It's me who's stupid.

Oh, Poppy, wait a minute.

No, no, wait a minute, Poppy. What are you doing?

I'm going to take my tasteless picture.

I'm going up to my room.

Poppy...

Anyone want a drink?

That's it.

That was just stupid.

Just plain dumb.

I don't belong here, it's what it is.

I don't belong here.

I'm leaving, leaving, leaving, leaving.

Listen, uh, would you relax?

Now, how can I relax?

He'll be all right. Come here.

Oh, Hal, listen. I've called everywhere.

I mean, where is he?

Easy. Now, he's a grown man,

and he can take care of himself.

Okay? All right?

I didn't have the money for the bus.

Poppy! Where have you been?

We have been going crazy. Come in here and sit down.

No, no, no. You sit down.

I don't want to sit down. I just need some...

Poppy, sit down. Just sit down.

I don't want to sit down.

I just want to borrow some money for the bus.

Poppy, just tell us where you've been.

No, no, now, don't ask me where I've been,

because I don't want to have to tell you

that I'm leaving.

Leaving?

Poppy, why do you want to leave?

Because I'm just taking, taking, taking.

I'm not giving, giving, giving.

That's why I'm leaving, leaving, leaving.

Taking what? You're not taking anything.

He's right, Poppy. You're giving.

What do I give?

Oh, Poppy. Remember what you used to tell me

when I was little? Huh?

You used to say if a tree don't have no roots,

you don't have no tree.

Now, that's what you give this family, Poppy,

our roots.

I give that?

Yes, Poppy.

And the tackiest painting I've ever seen

in my entire life.

Ellie, Ellie, listen... No, I mean it.

Hal, she's absolutely right.

I mean, my picture made your house look ugly.

That dumb painting

shouldn't make us uncomfortable in our own home.

Poppy, you bought that painting because you love us, right?

And we hung it because we love you.

Enough?

Hmm?

Enough.

All right.

Hey, come here, man.

Oh, Poppy.

All right, I'll... I'm going up to my room.

Uh, oh, Ellie?

Yes, Poppy?

Uh, I hate flowered sheets in my room.

I mean, they make me feel like I'm sleeping in a forest...

with Bambi and the chipmunks and squirrels.

Uh... get solid purple.

Uh, Hal?

Yes, dear.

I hate solid purple.

Get purple.

♪ Oh, the mairzy doats And dozy doats ♪

♪ And liddle lamzy divey ♪

♪ A kiddley divey too ♪

♪ Wouldn't you? ♪

♪ Zep dee dep... ♪

Hi, Poppy.

Hey.

Kids home from school yet?

Yeah. Haywood come in,

and he came in with a whole bunch,

and they asked me to fix some chocolate milk

to go with their chocolate chip cookies.

Hey, Gramps... they loved it. Thanks.

Uh, what?

The picture in Haywood's room... What a body!