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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,240
The board wants you to stand down.
2
00:00:02,240 --> 00:00:04,680
I've been the face of this company
for 20 years.
3
00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,880
Well, maybe it needs a new face.
4
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:08,160
Play us a jingle, Don.
5
00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:10,040
Uh...I do songs now, Vicki.
6
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:11,040
You write one iconic jingle,
7
00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:12,600
and suddenly it defines
your whole career.
8
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:16,080
I seem to remember the master bedroom
being pretty cosy.
9
00:00:16,080 --> 00:00:17,240
You were married to her.
10
00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:19,360
Like, there's nothing
I need to worry about?
11
00:00:19,360 --> 00:00:21,920
I've been burnt too many times
to ever go back to Sando.
12
00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:23,360
Oh, yeah.
13
00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:24,960
OK.
14
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:31,720
(SINISTER MUSIC)
15
00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:38,600
Sick of being locked into dodgy
furniture finance contracts?
16
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,040
(CLANG!)
Oh!
17
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:46,480
Well, it's time to break free,
with Sando's Break Free Sale.
18
00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,640
ALL: Do 'em a deal, Sando!
19
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,600
How about no deposit, no interest,
20
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,560
and no repayments for 24 months?
21
00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,640
It so good...
22
00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,440
..it's criminal.
(SIREN BLARES)
23
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:59,840
Genuine pleather couches, only $299.
24
00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:01,680
Bona-fide oriental buffet,
25
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,520
only $199.
26
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:07,400
Formal Korean barbecue
dining sets, only $349.
27
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,520
Don't get trapped, break free,
28
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,920
at Sando's Break Free Sale today.
29
00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:13,480
No deposit, no interest,
30
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,800
and no repayments for 24 months.
31
00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:16,960
ANNOUNCER: Sando's Warehouse.
32
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:20,200
New stores in Mankinook, Booyong,
Shaftwood and Browntown.
33
00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,760
She's the Package Deal Queen!
34
00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,720
I can't do this. It's not right.
35
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,720
Damnit, why can't I quit you?
36
00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:33,520
Because you don't want to.
37
00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:36,240
Your sister is my best friend,
I can't hurt her feelings.
38
00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:37,960
What about my feelings?
39
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:41,800
I don't love you any less, Eric,
but I can't love you anymore.
40
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:44,400
Then it's over.
41
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,880
I'm shipping out to Quanzhou
to become a Shaolin master.
42
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,200
But that's seven years' training.
Three at TAFE.
43
00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,560
(SPEAKS CHINESE DIALECT)
44
00:01:51,560 --> 00:01:53,800
No. Don't go.
45
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:01,520
(GASPS) Eric?
46
00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:05,600
Eric? Eric.
47
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,360
Eric!
48
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,680
It's OK. I'm not going to master
the ancient ways of kung-fu.
49
00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:12,600
I've been banned from TAFE.
50
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,160
Mm-hm.
51
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:16,560
Eric, you need to let me in.
52
00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:21,200
I can't help you,
if you don't open up to me.
53
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,120
I have strong feelings for someone.
54
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,360
As in, not your mother?
55
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:31,040
No. Doesn't matter.
This girl doesn't even know I exist.
56
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:32,560
Have you talked to her?
57
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:34,280
Yeah.
Then she knows you exist.
58
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,840
She knows about this Eric,
but she doesn't know this Eric.
59
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:38,320
Mmm.
Nobody does.
60
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,680
Well, have you tried telling her
how you really feel?
61
00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:44,720
I've always wanted to ask her out,
but what if she says no?
62
00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:46,760
What if she says yes?
63
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,960
Sometimes you have to take a risk.
64
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,920
Now, if a guy asked me out
to dinner, I'd say yes.
65
00:02:52,920 --> 00:02:54,320
You would?
Mm-hm.
66
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:59,080
Because life's too short for that
Eric not to ask that girl out.
67
00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,680
You done blubbering about your
mummy issues yet, snowflake?
68
00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,800
Vic.
What?
69
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:09,560
The jingle man sent me.
He's waiting for everyone.
70
00:03:09,560 --> 00:03:17,520
I'm a boy, trying to be a man
71
00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:20,480
Won't you help me now?
72
00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:24,920
Won't you help me now?
73
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,600
Won't you help me now?
74
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,360
Who's the jingle for?
75
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,400
It's not a jingle, it's a song.
76
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,280
Sounds pretty jingle-y to me.
77
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,120
No. No, it doesn't.
78
00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,080
It's a song from my new album.
79
00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:46,880
How many jingles can you fit
on an album? Must be heaps.
80
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,360
You could run them continuously
like a Hooked On Jingles album.
81
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,120
Right, check this one out.
82
00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:58,720
I'm living the dream
but the nightmare is still alive
83
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:06,560
I tried to turn it off
but it haunts me when I drive
84
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,120
Come on down
85
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,640
Listen to my story
86
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,480
Come on down
87
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:17,440
Won't you come on down?
88
00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,360
Sounds just like the other jingle.
89
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,680
What's your album called, Dad?
90
00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:23,760
Not sure yet. Got a few ideas.
91
00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,440
Five Leaf Clover.
92
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:32,360
Um...
93
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:33,960
Catch 23.
94
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:40,360
Commercial Brake -
but 'break' spelled like car brake.
95
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,040
(LAUGHS)
96
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,480
What about just...Jingles?
97
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,440
Mum, Dad said they're not jingles.
98
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,200
Oh, oh, Dad, what about that?
Not a Bunch of Jingles?
99
00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,160
Jingle Fever.
Welcome to the Jingle.
100
00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:58,840
Mr Bojingles.
Jingles!
101
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:00,800
You know what? I don't have to
put up with this.
102
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:04,560
I've actually scored a gig down at
the White Stag Hotel.
103
00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:06,560
I'm playing my album.
104
00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:09,480
A paid gig?
Yeah.
105
00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:11,080
It's $400, but still...
106
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,760
$400? Dad, that's amazing.
107
00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:15,480
Yeah, the publican wanted six
but I got him down to four.
108
00:05:15,480 --> 00:05:17,840
Who's the dealmaker now, Sando?
109
00:05:17,840 --> 00:05:19,040
So you're paying him?
110
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,800
Yeah, pay for play,
that's how the industry works.
111
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:24,040
Now I can see where Eric got
his keen eye for business.
112
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:25,640
I get a cut of the cover charge.
113
00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,800
There's a sausage sizzle.
So it's a lunchtime show?
114
00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:31,360
It's afternoon.
It's the prime 4pm spot.
115
00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,000
So after Quiz Time with Professor
Pickles the Trivia Clown.
116
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,520
Ooh, clown's a hard act to follow.
And the footy's on.
117
00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:38,880
Then don't come.
118
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:42,040
If you'll excuse me, I've got to go
rehearse somewhere that's not here.
119
00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:45,200
If you want me,
you'll have to come to the gig.
120
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:46,880
(MOBILE PHONE RINGTONE)
Let's go Sando!
121
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:49,560
Hear that? Better than any song.
122
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,160
Excuse me.
123
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,480
Hello, Tony.
124
00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,000
Let me find somewhere private
to talk.
125
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,600
Sack me?
126
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,240
I thought you said it was temporary.
127
00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:01,080
Well, it's not my decision, Sando.
It's the board's.
128
00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,520
They want a get-together next week
to finalise.
129
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:05,440
But the business is named after me.
130
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,280
I think there might be
another option.
131
00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:10,480
Oh, right. What, you and me on a
leather couch with wine and cheese?
132
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,960
No, thank you.
You missed that opportunity.
133
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:17,880
No, I think I can convince the board
to not sack you
134
00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:21,320
and instead maybe keep you on
for another six months.
135
00:06:21,320 --> 00:06:22,640
Oh, right.
136
00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:25,680
At which time you step aside
citing exhaustion,
137
00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:28,440
maybe a gambling addiction,
a complicated women's health issue.
138
00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:32,400
Whatever.
And you usher me in as the CEO.
139
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,640
You're not high from sniffing a
Birchgrove lounge set, are you?
140
00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,880
Tony, Tony, Tony.
141
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:40,840
Let me do you a deal.
142
00:06:40,840 --> 00:06:42,680
I'm not haggling with you,
because I'm not a customer.
143
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,640
In fact,
I'm the opposite to a customer.
144
00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:48,400
I could have been the
Package Deal King with you, Sando.
145
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,240
We could have ruled this place
together.
146
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,440
But guess what? You didn't see me.
147
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:56,280
So right now,
I have formalised the paperwork.
148
00:06:56,280 --> 00:06:59,440
I want you down here by 3:30
this afternoon to sign it.
149
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,760
If you are one millisecond late,
the deal is off the table.
150
00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:03,840
Tony, listen, I...
(HANGS UP)
151
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,040
Shit!
152
00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:17,480
(GASPS)
153
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,280
Mummy?
154
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:27,600
Oh, too cute. Shit. Shit, shit.
155
00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,160
(SIGHS) Stupid key.
156
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:39,440
(SIGHS)
157
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:43,280
G'day, Don.
158
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:44,640
What are you doing?
Nothing.
159
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:48,280
I just, ah, thought I'd come out
and see how you're doing, you know.
160
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:51,760
Because all that stuff in there, I
just hope our feedback was helpful.
161
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,480
Yeah, about as helpful
as a two-legged chair.
162
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,520
(LAUGHS) That's funny.
163
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,240
Oh, you're good with words.
164
00:07:58,240 --> 00:08:00,640
That's why you're such an excellent
jingle writer, you know?
165
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,360
I don't know why you're
ashamed of it.
166
00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,600
It's what the world needs,
is people like you.
167
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,080
You need people like me.
168
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,760
I gave up everything for you,
you know?
169
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:11,440
I raised those kids
while you worked.
170
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:14,160
I gave up my career
to wrote your jingles.
171
00:08:14,160 --> 00:08:16,040
I even took your surname.
172
00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,000
Yeah, because it was good
for business.
173
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:21,840
You were never going to make it
with a name like Donald Sackryder.
174
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,120
It's pronounced Sa-ckryder, OK?
175
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,800
It's Viking heritage.
It means strong and noble.
176
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:31,280
Did Vikings chant catchy war cries
as they went into battle, did they?
177
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,240
I want you to go, now.
178
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,080
OK, yeah. Because I've got something
really important to prep for later.
179
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,520
No, Vicki,
I want you to leave for good.
180
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,920
Right.
181
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,200
Oh.
182
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,360
Shit.
What?
183
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:52,760
That's the only key
and that's the only way out.
184
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,920
But I have an extremely important
business meeting this afternoon.
185
00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,520
And I have a gig this evening.
186
00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:59,040
Lunchtime.
After lunch.
187
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:00,440
Alright.
188
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,480
Susie!
(YELLS) Help!
189
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:08,200
Rian, come out, sweetie.
190
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:09,440
Mm-mm!
191
00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,360
You're hurting mummy's feelings.
192
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,920
You're making Mummy think that
you don't value Mummy's time.
193
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,280
Leave me alone!
194
00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:18,520
Alright, I'll do you a deal.
You come out and I will buy you...
195
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:19,800
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Do a deal?
196
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,040
I thought you didn't want us
doing deal parenting
197
00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:23,440
because of, you know who?
198
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,080
Oh, my God. I just...
199
00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,880
She wouldn't come out, I'm running
late for a potential investor.
200
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:29,280
I just...I'm sorry.
201
00:09:29,280 --> 00:09:31,320
An investor? Great! Who?
202
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,320
No-one important.
203
00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:34,800
Probably actually a waste of time.
204
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,280
But speaking of which,
I really have to go.
205
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,040
Sweetie, come out of there.
206
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,640
How do I know you're not Mummy
207
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:44,000
just changing her voice
to sound like Daddy?
208
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:48,240
Well, would Mummy say,
if you come out now,
209
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:49,800
I'll take you to the
comic book store
210
00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:53,040
to get you the new Freya
the Funky Fairy series you want?
211
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,080
Why are you so upset at Mummy?
212
00:09:57,080 --> 00:09:58,800
Did you know she's a goblin?
213
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:00,720
(LAUGHS)
214
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:03,800
Sweetie...Mummy's not a goblin.
215
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:05,200
Goblins don't exist.
216
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,960
They're make-believe, like...Santa.
217
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:09,560
Santa's not real?
218
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:12,800
Oh, no, Santa's real, very real.
Couldn't be realer.
219
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:15,960
Come on, Rian, this is silly.
220
00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,240
Is this...?
Mummy.
221
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,200
It's obviously fake.
222
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,480
It's been photoshopped or something.
223
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,360
People aren't born with pointy ears
like this.
224
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:34,840
Goblins are.
225
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:40,440
(BLENDER WHIRRS)
226
00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,120
Oh, Eric! You scared me.
227
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:47,520
I decided to take your advice and
ask the girl I like out for dinner.
228
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:50,400
Good for you.
So how are you going to do it?
229
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,920
OK. How about, "Would you like to
have dinner with me?"
230
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,720
Perfect. Simple.
231
00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,640
But try it for me again and, um,
232
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,680
maybe just a little more human-y
and a little less...
233
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:04,880
..robot-y.
234
00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,440
Would you...like to...have
dinner...?
235
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:08,920
That's still robot-y.
236
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,400
Would you like to have dinner
with me?
237
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:13,400
Would I ever?
238
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,880
See? You did it!
239
00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:17,320
Now quite that wasn't so hard,
was it?
240
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:19,240
So, what you're saying is...
I'm saying you nailed it.
241
00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:20,800
How could a girl say no to that?
242
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,640
You'd better get yourself ready
for a date, mister.
243
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,560
Tonight?
244
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:28,520
Why not? Strike while the iron's hot.
245
00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:32,760
Now, remember, don't stress.
246
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:36,240
I want you to be yourself,
and everything will be fine.
247
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:41,320
Be myself? Be myself.
248
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,680
Be yourself? That's the worst
advice I've ever heard.
249
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,200
Why?
Seriously?
250
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,760
Look, you're a grown man
who lives at home,
251
00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:52,200
collects action dolls and wants to
have a Star Wars-themed wedding.
252
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:55,680
Star Wars wedding,
where did you get that stupid idea?
253
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:57,240
Hey, give that back!
254
00:11:58,680 --> 00:11:59,760
All I'm saying is,
255
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:02,640
you suck the girl in on the pretence
of being someone cool.
256
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,920
And after you've trapped her
into marrying you,
257
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,440
then you can be yourself.
258
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:07,600
But not before.
259
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,320
What do you know? You're 10.
260
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,920
I'm 10, but I've already had
11 girlfriends and one fiancee.
261
00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:15,160
One fiancee?
Danica from nippers.
262
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:20,360
Whoo, man, she wanted to get married
when we turned 16, start a family!
263
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:22,720
Man, I couldn't commit. I hate kids.
264
00:12:22,720 --> 00:12:25,120
(TEXT ALERT)
Kev's here, gotta bounce.
265
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:28,480
Seriously, take my advice.
I'll see you in a week.
266
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,360
Got a sec?
267
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,240
Where did you get this?
Rian found it.
268
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,120
I thought Susie torched all these.
269
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:54,280
Yeah, the names she used to
get called.
270
00:12:54,280 --> 00:12:57,200
"Yoda. Spock. Pigsy. Orc-head."
271
00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,560
Mum really came up
with some pearlers.
272
00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:03,200
What are you doing?
273
00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:05,560
Trust me, if that gets out,
274
00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,440
that's what your marriage
is going to look like.
275
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,360
You must never talk about
goblin ears again.
276
00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:11,640
Do you understand?
277
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:15,000
I did - one Christmas.
278
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,640
She threw the turkey knife
right across the table.
279
00:13:17,640 --> 00:13:19,560
She was nine.
280
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:22,560
I'll never forget the rage
in her eyes.
281
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:26,640
Sometimes, I wonder if
she really is a goblin.
282
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,920
Goblins don't exist.
283
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:30,840
Yeah. Except in New Zealand.
284
00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:32,240
That's why they filmed
The Hobbit there.
285
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:33,560
Eric, that's a movie.
286
00:13:33,560 --> 00:13:35,480
Yes, Gary, I know.
287
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:40,560
So, why doesn't Susie
have goblin ears anymore?
288
00:13:40,560 --> 00:13:43,880
Dr Durkel, German,
amazing plastic surgeon.
289
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,480
He did my nose.
290
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,240
It used to be much smaller.
291
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:50,080
Now I can finally wear
adult sunglasses.
292
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:56,240
(NO SOUND)
293
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:57,720
Heeeeeeeelp!
294
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:01,920
If only the builder had done
a dodgy job on the sound-proofing
295
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:03,840
like he did on
the house renovations.
296
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:07,680
Brilliant. There is no reception
in here with the door closed.
297
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:10,200
It's like a bloody padded cell
in here.
298
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:11,800
Yeah, well, I like peace and quiet.
299
00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:13,920
We're just going to have to wait
for someone to come.
300
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,920
Who? They all think I stormed out
and left the house.
301
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,920
Because you stormed out
and left the house.
302
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:20,320
If I'm late for this gig, Vicki...
303
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,960
I don't think that your gold coin
donation sausage sizzle
304
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,480
is nearly as important
as the future of my company.
305
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:28,280
Here we go again,
always making it about you.
306
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,440
You know what?
You're addicted to you.
307
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:32,440
Addicted to you?
It sounds like a Nicabate jingle.
308
00:14:32,440 --> 00:14:33,840
You should write that one up.
309
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,480
I write songs.
Songs?
310
00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,880
More like mid-life crisis
power ballads.
311
00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,480
I am not having a mid-life crisis.
312
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,040
Oh, OK? Well, so what's Nikki then?
Your long-lost soul mate?
313
00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:49,040
Nikki is not a mid-life crisis, OK?
314
00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:53,160
Nikki is the reason I have an album.
She's why I've got my mojo back.
315
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,480
The wind beneath your wings.
Yeah.
316
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,840
I've never been more creative
than I have been in the past month
317
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,040
and it's because of her.
318
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:02,440
Don, do the maths.
She's been living here for years.
319
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:05,200
I've been here for a month
and I'm your wind.
320
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:10,040
Maybe you're too gutless too admit
it, but we both know...
321
00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,440
..I've always been your muse.
322
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,160
That's just...
323
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,960
(LAUGHS) That's... Aha!
324
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:21,280
I knew I had a spare.
Thank Christ for that.
325
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,360
Can get out of this sad man den.
326
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,240
You really need to get to this
meeting, don't you?
327
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:28,360
Yes, I think I have made that
abundantly clear.
328
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,360
You know what? Maybe it's time
I made it about me for once.
329
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,200
(GULPS)
330
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:40,720
Donald Sandringham nee Sackryder,
what have you done?
331
00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:42,680
(LAUGHS)
332
00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:48,840
Anything else?
333
00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:55,800
A hearing aid, perhaps?
334
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,520
Uh...yeah, yeah, sorry.
335
00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:02,880
Rian, do you want to go grab
a couple more comic books?
336
00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:04,400
Yeah!
OK.
337
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,200
Hey, can I ask a question?
Yep.
338
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,560
Goblins aren't...aren't real,
are they?
339
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,160
I mean...right?
340
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:16,000
I mean, it's nonsense, isn't it?
341
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,200
I was just looking at that poster...
342
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:20,040
Does this look like nonsense to you,
mate?
343
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:30,920
(MANIACAL LAUGHTER ON PHONE)
344
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:42,160
What's with her today?
Hm?
345
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,680
Hey, babe, can you help?
346
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:48,360
So the sit-down with the investor
went really well today.
347
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,360
He totally gets my business model.
348
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,960
I think he might be the answer,
babe.
349
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:53,760
Uh-huh.
350
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,080
Can you...scratch something for me?
Because I've got my gloves...
351
00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:58,280
Uh, sure.
352
00:16:58,280 --> 00:17:00,120
It's just behind my ear.
353
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:06,080
Hurry, it's driving me nuts.
354
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:12,760
Ow!
355
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,120
What am I, a sausage?
356
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,960
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
357
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,640
(HIGH-PITCHED SQUEAL)
358
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,440
I can't believe you.
359
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:21,280
You drew blood.
360
00:17:21,280 --> 00:17:24,360
I can't believe you -
do you even have any blood?
361
00:17:24,360 --> 00:17:26,520
What are you talking about?
362
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:30,040
What you're not talking about - the
little secret you've been keeping.
363
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:31,800
I'm sorry.
364
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,040
I was gonna to tell you.
365
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,200
And then I didn't.
Great.
366
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,080
So if I didn't see any
photographic evidence
367
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:39,480
I never would have found out.
368
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,160
Photographic?
369
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,000
You had someone spy on me?
370
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,760
Did I?
It's just business, Gary.
371
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:47,160
Oh, and what business is that?
372
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,920
Making the world think that goblins
don't exist.
373
00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:51,880
My meeting with Kevin?
Kevin?
374
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,960
My potential investor is Kevin,
that's who I met with today.
375
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,160
Wait. What are you talking about?
376
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,440
I wasn't talking about Kevin,
but I will...
377
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:01,480
..at some point need to
talk about Kevin.
378
00:18:01,480 --> 00:18:04,040
I'm talking about this.
379
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,640
Where did you get that?
380
00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,840
Our daughter thinks you're a goblin!
381
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,960
And you do too. Don't you, Gary?
382
00:18:12,440 --> 00:18:15,360
No.
Well, my jig is up.
383
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:18,480
You've discovered my dark shame,
our seven-year-old is right.
384
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:19,760
I am a goblin.
Really?
385
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,480
I'm afraid so. I just...
386
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:24,440
I didn't know how to tell you I eat
small cats and live under a bridge.
387
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:27,000
Of course I'm not a goblin, Gary!
388
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:28,640
I know. I know. It's just that,
389
00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,520
it got stuck in my head
and I can't get it out.
390
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,560
I was born with Stahl's Ear.
391
00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,880
It's an extra cartilage fold
scaphoid portion of the ear,
392
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:38,760
commonly known as 'pointy ear'.
393
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:42,360
It took me a long time
to get over it.
394
00:18:42,360 --> 00:18:44,080
Did Kevin know about your ears?
395
00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:46,120
Yeah.
Right.
396
00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:50,480
So, you could tell him,
the one who cheated on you.
397
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:54,080
But not me, your husband who you
love and trust, apparently.
398
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:55,600
You know what?
399
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,360
This is pointless.
Yeah?
400
00:18:57,360 --> 00:19:00,600
Well, if your ears had been,
we wouldn't be arguing.
401
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:04,000
(WEEPS) That is hurtful.
402
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:09,760
(SIGHS) Pointy ears. Stupid.
403
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,840
Oh. Bloody key's gone down
the wrong way.
404
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,040
Is there a right way for a key
to go down?
405
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:22,000
No bourbon, no whisky -
what kind of man cave is this?
406
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,240
Ooh, dessert wine.
407
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:28,240
That answers my first question.
408
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:29,440
Don't you open that.
409
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,640
That is expensive stuff.
410
00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:36,720
Vicki, what are you up to?
Drink up.
411
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,760
I am going to get you so pissed
412
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:43,080
that you spew your guts out
and the key with it.
413
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:44,280
Should only take half a glass.
414
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,360
Oh, you still think
I'm an easy drunk?
415
00:19:46,360 --> 00:19:48,960
Well, you never could
drink me under the table.
416
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,640
What about your 40th?
417
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:54,080
Well, I had half a slab
before we even got there.
418
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:55,760
Yeah, I found that out
on the drive over
419
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:58,200
after you rear-ended that Mr Whippy
van and the cops showed up.
420
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,480
Oh, that's right.
And we had to switch seats.
421
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,400
Once again, I took the fall.
422
00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:06,280
For me. Why is that?
423
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,000
SANDO: Oof. Ooh.
424
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,320
I think I forgot to vomit.
425
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,000
I think I forgot to make you.
426
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,320
I wonder who they'll get
to replace me at the gig.
427
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:30,320
I hear Daryl Braithwaite's
back on the scene.
428
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,480
I'll be honest with you Donny,
you're no Ed Sheeran onstage,
429
00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,200
but you're bloody Mick Jagger
in the sack.
430
00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:40,640
How do you know that?
431
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,640
I just, you know, heard.
432
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:46,200
Don...
433
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,640
Mm?
434
00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:49,240
Get your axe.
435
00:20:49,240 --> 00:20:52,080
That's not an axe,
that's an electric guitar.
436
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:53,920
Some rock star.
437
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,960
Ow! That's a '63 Les Paul!
438
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,040
Don't worry, Don.
I'll get you another one.
439
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,640
You can't. It belonged to...
440
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,080
..Jimmy Page!
441
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,760
Yes. Through the floor. Watch this!
442
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:08,040
Oh, God. I got through the floor!
443
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:19,120
(TEXT MESSAGE ALERT)
444
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,760
It does sound better.
445
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,040
Eric! Are you having your date here?
446
00:21:52,040 --> 00:21:54,080
Oh, look at you.
447
00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,760
She's going to be very impressed.
448
00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,520
Is she?
She is.
449
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:58,760
Does she like roses?
450
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:02,440
Ah, probably.
Then why won't she take it?
451
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,840
Because she's not here.
She's right in front of me.
452
00:22:05,840 --> 00:22:08,760
I'm right in front of...you.
453
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,480
Should we kiss now?
454
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,480
(MAN TURNS FOOTY OFF, CROWD GROANS)
455
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:15,880
Hey! What's going on?
456
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:21,520
P.A.: Ladies and gentlemen, please
welcome legendary singer-songwriter,
457
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,280
it's Donny Sandringham.
458
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,880
Go nuts!
459
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:26,800
(SILENCE)
460
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,880
G'day everyone.
This first one is...
461
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:33,440
Oh!
462
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,200
I swallowed a key earlier.
463
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:38,600
Long story.
464
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,160
Oh...
Nah, doesn't matter. Go on.
465
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:52,960
This is a new one.
It's called Addicted To You.
466
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:56,840
Well, I saw you at the milk bar
drinking a thickshake
467
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,640
And I said, "Hey who's that?"
468
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,160
(ALL GROAN)
469
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:01,800
Then you walked out
WOMAN: What is shit!
470
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:05,680
So I put the jukebox on and started
dancing right where you sat
471
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:07,360
Because I'm addicted to you
472
00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:11,800
Addicted to you
Addicted to you
473
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:12,840
Because I'm...
474
00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:16,160
(GROANS PAINFULLY) Oh!
475
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:17,520
Stupid key!
476
00:23:17,520 --> 00:23:20,560
Hey, buddy, do you know
what I'm addicted to?
477
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:21,880
The footy, so shut up!
478
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:23,080
(ALL LAUGH)
479
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:24,800
You're a nobody. Get off!
480
00:23:24,800 --> 00:23:27,000
Off!
ALL CHANT: Off! Off! Off!
481
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:31,280
Is this the crowd singalong bit?
Off! Off! Off! Off!
482
00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:33,680
Sorry I'm late,
had some shopping to do.
483
00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:34,800
Off! Off! Off!
484
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:38,320
Alright, let's do
Operation Save Don's Arse.
485
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,480
I'm going to set off the fire alarm,
you get him off the stage!
486
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,000
Wait, wait, look.
487
00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:47,320
Off! Off! Off! Off! Off! Off!
488
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,040
Oh, yeah, a nobody, am I?
489
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,560
(CROWD CONTINUES CHANTING "OFF!")
490
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,400
Well, who wrote this?
491
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,360
Let's go Sando
492
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:57,920
Come on down to Sando's
493
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:01,520
And build yourself a dream
494
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:04,640
The price is low and away we go
495
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,120
She's the Package Deal Queen
(ALL SING ALONG)
496
00:24:07,120 --> 00:24:10,360
Come on!
Let's go Sando! Whoo!
497
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:14,000
Yeah!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
498
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,040
I actually love that jingle,
it's so catchy and fun.
499
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:20,240
Oh, yeah, you like jingles?
Then here's a few Aussie classics.
500
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:26,640
The cats of Australia
have made their choice
501
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:30,440
Snappy Tom, Snappy Tom
(ALL SING ALONG)
502
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,680
At Snappy Tom time,
they're all of one voice
503
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:38,360
Snappy Tom, Snappy Tom...
504
00:24:38,360 --> 00:24:40,840
(CROWD CHEERS)
505
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,920
Slip, slop, slap
506
00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:48,280
Slip on a shirt, slop on sunscreen
and a slap on a hat
507
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:51,880
Slip, slop, slap
508
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:56,440
In the sun this summer say -
"Slip, slop, slap."
509
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,120
(CHEERING)
Yes, Donny!
510
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:02,760
For anything mechanical,
we've got it
511
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,520
ALL: They'll fix the car!
512
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,600
Lubemobile will come to you
513
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,520
That's 13 30 32
514
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:10,680
That's 13 30 32!
515
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,640
(CROWD CHEERS)
516
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:14,720
Ooh! (GROANS)
517
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:18,000
ALL CHANT: Donny! Donny! Donny!
Donny! Donny! Donny! Donny! Donny!
518
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:23,520
Donny! Donny! Donny! Donny! Donny!
Donny! Donny! Donny! Donny!
519
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,480
Donny! Donny! Donny! Donny!
520
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:28,560
Good on you, jingle man.
521
00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:33,840
Oh, shit, the key's coming.
522
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:35,760
Take me to the dunny. Now!
523
00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:42,800
Dunny! Dunny! Dunny! Dunny! Dunny!
Dunny! Dunny! Dunny! Dunny! Dunny!
524
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:46,320
Dunny! Dunny! Dunny! Dunny!
525
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:51,200
Oh...
526
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,600
They're lovely, thank you.
527
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,840
Wait, where's...
528
00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:04,080
Daddy told me you're not a goblin -
you're a magical fairy elf.
529
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,080
I promise I won't tell anyone.
530
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,680
(PHONE RINGS)
Sorry.
531
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:11,880
Tone Bone.
532
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,520
Well, I hope you're
parking your car
533
00:26:14,520 --> 00:26:18,280
because this deal is off
in exactly five minutes.
534
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:20,720
Let me do you a deal.
There is no deal.
535
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:23,200
See you at the board meeting,
bye-bye.
536
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,680
(DONNY GROANS AND FARTS PAINFULLY)
537
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:30,040
(KEY JINGLES ON PORCELAIN)
538
00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:31,760
Oh! That's better out than in.
539
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:35,440
(FLUSHES DUNNY)
540
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,320
Come on down to Sando's
541
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,400
And build yourself a dream
542
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,640
Price is low and away we go
543
00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:47,680
She's the Package Deal Queen
544
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,760
Let's go Sando's!
545
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,360
Got any CDs, bro?
546
00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:54,880
Well, my album should be out
in about...
547
00:26:54,880 --> 00:26:57,240
No, no, no. The jingles.
Just the jingles, bro.
548
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:58,600
Let's get a photo.
549
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,120
(SHUTTER CLICKS)
550
00:27:00,120 --> 00:27:02,000
No.
551
00:27:02,000 --> 00:27:03,680
(DONNY SINGING 'ADDICTED TO YOU')
552
00:27:15,840 --> 00:27:17,440
Captions by Red Bee Media
553
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:20,160
Copyright Australian
Broadcasting Corporation
40740
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