Original subtitles

The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz. I

mean, I've always wanted to play

the role of Dorothy.

We are so not in Boulder right

now.

♪

- I was so close.

You had the shoes in your hand

and then like magic,

they were gone.

- It wasn't like magic.

It was magic.

- She tricked you

with lollipops.

- Magical lollipops.

- And then she poofed herself.

- How do you stop a poof?

- You can only stop a poof

with a poof.

- Oh, well then,

can you poof?

- Sorry, I can only ding.

[bell dings]

- Dang. That's some ding.

- I can't believe you guys.

Without the shoes,

how am I supposed to

prove that I'm

the real Dorothy.

- You can't, because I am.

- No, I am.

- There's only one way

to know for sure

who the real Dorothy is.

both: How?

- Go ask the Wizard.

- Oh, of course, the Wizard.

It's Oz, duh.

Hey, could you ding me there?

- Sorry, I can only ding myself.

You're going to have to follow

the Orange Brick Road.

- Well then, I guess

I'm going to see the Wizard.

- You hear that, boys?

We're gonna go see the Wizard.

- I feel a song coming on.

- I'm all oiled up.

And a one and a two--

- Stop the music!

No singing.

Here's the thing: I would rather

do this on my own.

- [gasps] Alone?

- Without us?

- I'm just saying,

in light of 108 recent events.

- But only one in Oz.

- I might have

a better chance on my own.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have to beat

that fake Dorothy to the Wizard.

Wait, where is she?

- Oh, just picking up

these new shoes.

You know, I never would have

beat you to the Wizard in socks.

[laughs]

- Gotta go.

- I'm starting to get

the feeling

she doesn't want us

to go with her anymore.

- It's because she doesn't.

She doesn't trust us anymore.

- I wish there was some way

we could regain her trust.

- We could if we helped prove

she's the real Dorothy.

- What if we got her shoes back?

- Good idea.

You do have a brain!

- No, bad idea.

The Wicked Witch has the shoes,

and she can poof.

I don't wanna get poofed.

- Relax, fur ball.

She can't poof

what she can't see.

We'll sneak in.

- Okay, but how are we

gonna get there?

- Maybe we can

poof ourselves there.

- It's worth a shot.

One, two, three, poof!

[straining sound]

[popping]

My hat!

[metal clangs]

- All right,

everybody spread out

and find his hat.

♪ ♪

- Oh, no, Squishy.

A fork in the road.

Wonder which is the way

to the Wizard.

- Well, since you asked.

- Ew!

- This way's the shortest.

- Perfect.

- Uh, but on the other hand,

this way's the fastest.

- Great, thanks.

- On the other hand,

if you go that way,

you have to walk on broken glass

and might get trapped

in a blizzard.

Maybe take the other way.

- Good advice.

- Although,

it is a dangerous climb

up a steep mountain.

- And how is that better?

- Well, it's better

than running across broken glass

in a blizzard as you're getting

eaten by tigers.

- Wait, blizzards and tigers?

- And bears.

- No way. I'll go this way.

- Right. I totally would.

- But on the other hand--

- Ugh!

♪ ♪

- Are we sure this is

the Witch's castle?

- Yeah, look.

[both laugh]

- I don't get it.

- Oh, you have to have a brain.

Now we need to go in there

and get those shoes for Dawn.

- Right. Now stick to my plan.

Ring the doorbell.

- How come I have to

ring the bell?

Cowardly's my first name.

- Because we beat you

at rock paper scissors.

- I can only do paper

with these paws.

- Just ring the doorbell.

- [growls]

[man laughing maniacally]

- Um, who's there?

- Now wedge the rock

in the doorway.

- Ugh!

[door creaking shut]

- Yes! I did it!

I'm brave!

High paw!

- Get 'em every time.

- [laughs]

- But on the other hand--

- Okay, look, no more hands.

I'm sorry, Mr. Fork Man, but I'm

just in a really big hurry.

- Which way to the Wizard?

- On the one hand--

- You know what? You should stay

and listen to this.

It's very informative.

- Oh, no you don't!

[bell dings]

- You know,

that way is the mountain

and that way is the tigers

and broken glass.

- Huh.

♪ ♪

- You guys feel like

we've been here before?

[man screaming]

- Pretty sure we would've

remembered the screaming.

- Ooh, guys, look.

An all-you-can-eat

boiled egg bar.

- Those aren't eggs,

those are eyeballs.

- Mm, who cares?

The diet starts tomorrow.

Mm, mm.

- Oh, God.

- Okay, focus.

We need to find

the sparkly, silver shoes.

- There they are!

- I can't grab them.

Those were just a hologram.

- But why would

the Wicked Witch trick us

into standing

in the middle of the room?

[machinery clanking]

I mean,

there must be some reason.

I'm stumped.

- [cackling]

Now, is there anything

more exciting

than an evil plan

coming to life?

Prisoners, winged monkeys,

whatever that guy's doing.

And me, the wickedest

of them all.

Whee!

Oh, that's a wicked wedgie.

- Please, we're sorry.

Let us go.

- Aww, you're not

going anywhere.

[cackles]

[coughs]

[frog croaking]

I have a frog in my throat.

Always trying to get out.

[frog croaking]

Get back in there, Frank!

[swallows]

- Uhh!

♪ ♪

[roaring]

- [panting]

Oh, I need

to see the Wizard

to prove that

I'm the real Dorothy.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You can't just barge in here,

expecting to see the Wizard.

there's a waiting list.

- But this is really important.

- Don't worry,

I prioritized the list

based on importance.

[door closes]

- I need to speak to the Wizard.

It's very important.

I can't find my belt.

- Top of the list.

- Wait, but how

is that more important?

You know what?

You can go first.

But I am right after him.

I need to see the Wizard

before...

- I need to see

the Wizard to prove

that I'm the real Dorothy.

...That.

- Two Dorothys?

You can go in now.

both: Really?

- No. Take a seat.

- Hey, get off me!

- And the chair talks!

It's all yours.

♪ ♪

- [cackling]

- We've gotta get out of here.

- You're never

getting out of here

- I'm a super villain and even

I can't get out of here.

Word of warning,

don't try to use her slide

without permission.

She loves that slide.

I think she likes the way

it feels on her tushy.

- I've got big plans

for you three.

When you drink this,

you will all turn

into winged monkeys!

[coughs]

[frog croaks]

- Ohh.

- Not hungry.

- Hard pass.

- Hey, fur for brains,

taste this.

- What--what's in it for me?

- I don't make you soup.

- Soup's overrated.

- No, I think she meant she's

going to make you into soup.

- I know. I'm just stalling

to extend my life.

- Why do we have to

play this game every time?

Just drink it, carrot breath!

- Better than frog breath.

Fine.

Mm, mm, mm.

[suckling]

Ahh.

Nothing happened.

Uh, ah, ohh, ew!

Wow, do I have something

on my back?

- Yeah, super cute tiny wings.

What'd she say?

all: Super cute tiny wings.

♪ ♪

- Next up, Dorothy v. Dorothy.

- May the best Dorothy win.

- Oh, you mean

the only Dorothy, me.

- Uh, no. Me.

- I'll be the judge of that!

- It is I,

the great Wizard of Oz.

Who dares ask me--

oh, hey, honey!

- Wait, Dad?

You're the Wizard?

- Eh.

- Weird but sweet.

This is gonna be easy.

- It's not just Dad.

We're co-wizards!

I told you

not to start without me.

- And I told you

we didn't have time to stop

in the little wizard's room.

- Oh!

- Okay, guys, guys, focus.

Tell this fake Dorothy

that I am the real Dorothy.

- And what makes you think

you're the real Dorothy?

- Ha, what do you mean?

I'm Dorothy.

I mean, I have the hair

and the dress.

- Uh, so do I!

- But I have the dog.

[both gasp]

- Oh, he is so cute!

- [squeals]

[both speaking gibberish]

- Who's that little man?

Who's that little man?

Well, this is a tough one.

Give us one second!

We have come to a decision.

- Great.

Who's the real Dorothy?

- No, not about that.

About dinner.

We are ordering pizza!

- I thought we decided

on burgers.

- One more second.

[bell dings]

- Ahh!

A little heads up next time.

- That's what the ding is for.

Look, we have a problem.

- Hey, no fair. You can't get

help from the Good Witch.

- Can't you just freeze her?

- We've been over this,

I ding, that's all I do.

I ding and I'm done.

Excuse us.

- Ooh. Don't mind me.

I'll just be reading

"Oz Weekly."

Ooh, looks like Selena Gomoz

has a new lip gloss.

- Now look, your brothers

are in trouble.

See for yourself on my

"Good Witch Sees All" app.

- Oh, hey, I've always wanted

one of those.

- Yeah, they're cool,

but they eat up a lot of data.

Anyway, the boys thought

you'd have a better chance

proving you're Dorothy

if you showed up here

with the sparkly, silver shoes.

So they went to

the Witch's castle to get them.

- Wait, really?

They did that for me?

- Yeah. But they got caught.

Look.

- [cackling]

- Oh, no.

- Hey, sorry to interrupt,

but does anybody know

a good sushi place?

- That's reasonably priced!

- Are you sure you want

cheap sushi?

Remember what happened

last time?

- One more minute.

- Yeah.

- I don't want the Wicked Witch

to turn us into winged monkeys.

Their wings don't even work.

- Ooh, winged monkeys.

That's not a good life.

- You should probably

go save them.

- Okay, do you mind?

This is a chips and cheese

conversation.

As in, nachos. Queso, get out

of my conversation.

- Oh! What about Mexican?

- Ah, no, we had it

for breakfast.

- Queso?

Uno momento.

- Okay, look,

I feel bad for the boys,

but I'm a dinner order away

from being declared Dorothy.

- I bet if Dawn

knew where we were,

she'd come save us.

- Of course she would.

- Mm-hmm.

Who's letting who down now?

- Ooh!

- You know what?

You need to think about this.

I'm gonna leave you alone,

possibly with your own spotlight

and a little background music.

- Don't worry,

Dawn will save us.

- She'd never give up on us.

Just like we'd never

give up on her.

- ♪ Comes a time when you

have to make a choice ♪

♪ Feelings that you probably

should have voiced ♪

♪ They'll be fine

this is my dream ♪

♪ Understand,

'cause I'll be Dorothy ♪

♪ Finally, I get to be

the lucky girl ♪

♪ But why does it feel like

I'm alone in this world? ♪

- ♪ Should we get

some barbecue? ♪

- ♪ No, I think

barbecue is wrong ♪

- ♪ Should we get

some nice soup? ♪

- ♪ I think she wants to get

back to the song ♪

- ♪ I could breathe fire,

walk through a storm ♪

♪ I could be the player

that hits the home run ♪

♪ It could be amazing,

but we could do better ♪

♪ Together, together,

together, together ♪

♪ And stars will always

shine bright ♪

♪ I'm stronger with those guys

by my side ♪

♪ I have to stand up

for the things I believe ♪

♪ Even if it means

I might not be Dorothy ♪

♪ Fire, walk through the storm ♪

♪ I could be the player

that hits the home run ♪

♪ I have to stand up

for the things I believe ♪

♪ Even if it means

I might not be Dorothy ♪

- We've reached a decision!

- Chinese!

Now back to

this Dorothy question.

- Finally!

- Look, I've reached

a decision, too.

I have to go.

- Wait, if she leaves

that makes me Dorothy, right?

- Look, it's all yours, Dorothy.

I have something

way more important to do.

- So, Chinese, huh?

What restaurant?

- One second!

♪ ♪

- This is taking a long time

to thicken,

but it's almost ready.

[cackles]

- This mannequin looks weird.

That's better.

- That witch mannequin

is coming toward us!

- Which mannequin?

- Yes.

- No, which mannequin

is coming towards us?

- That's what I'm saying.

- It's me, Dawn.

- Whoa!

- Witch mannequin is Dawn.

- The one that just said,

"It's me, Dawn."

- Come on, guys.

It's time to get out of here.

- Yes!

- Not good!

This, also not good.

- What's not good about it?

Now I get to turn all four

of you into winged monkeys.

Now, drink up, my quaddies.

And then you'll become

pretty ugly.

Ha! You see what I did there?

- Ha, you're so funny.

- Hysterical.

- You should give up witching

and go into stand-up.

- Really?

Wanna hear a joke?

- Sure.

- Who escapes

the Witch's castle?

- I don't know. Who?

- Nobody.

Now drink the potion!

- Ahh!

- Please tell me

this wasn't your whole plan.

- It wasn't.

Squishy!

[whistles]

[barking]

[barking]

- Ahh!

- Yes!

- We're saved!

- You did it!

- [cackles]

- Or you made things

much, much worse.

- Which is usually our thing.

- How does it feel?

- Not great.

- [cackles]

♪ ♪

- Okay, kids. Playtime's over.

- What are you going

to do to us?

- I'm gonna show you

just how wicked I am!

♪ ♪

- No, no, no,

no, no music. No.

[sighs] Look, you can sing

until you're blue in the face.

Then I don't care if you turn us

into winged monkeys.

As long as you turn us

into winged monkeys together.

So put that into a song

and sing it.

- Don't mind if I do.

[frog croaking]

- How did you do that?

- I didn't.

- Then who did?

- Who cares? Run.

[frog croaking]

- What did you do to me?

[croaks]

- They didn't do it.

We did!

[croaking]

- The great Wizards of Oz.

all: What?

- Um, sorry.

both: Mmm, mmm, mmm.

The great Wizards of Oz--

this is so good.

Why did we ever stop going

to Buddoz Belly?

- Oh, because

Pandoz Express opened.

- Oh, right.

[frog croaks]

Anyway, we've come to a decision

on who the real Dorothy is.

- Wait, but I thought

when I left,

Rose Dirken

automatically got it.

- Oh, that's what she said.

- [laughs]

- But not what we said.

- Though some people may think

that it's the hair

and the dress and the shoes

that make the Dorothy.

But the truth is,

it's your actions

that make you who you are.

By saving your brothers,

you acted like a true Dorothy.

- Wait, I did?

[bell dings]

- I knew you'd

do the right thing.

- Then it's settled.

You're the real Dorothy.

- Here you go. You said to get

extra chopsticks,

and then when I came out,

you were gone, so--

What'd I miss?

all: She's the real Dorothy.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You said I was the real Dorothy.

- No, no, it's okay,

Rose Dirken.

You can be Dorothy.

I just really wanna

go home with my brothers

and my dog and the shoes

they made for me.

- If you want to go home,

you know what to do.

- Yes, I do.

[laughs]

- Oh, sorry.

I wasn't talking to you.

It's my fortune.

[laughs]

But you know what to do.

- There really is

no place like...

all: Careful.

- ...Home.

Take me back to Boulder.

[shimmering tone]

- Dawn, sweetie?

- She's awake.

Hey, kiddo, come on.

- Oh, wait, what happened?

- Uh, you were hit in the head

by a skillfully crafted

stage tornado.

- Ah--

- Okay, my dumb prop

made you hit your noggin.

- But I was just in Oz.

- Oz? Dawn, you didn't

go anywhere.

- No, I did, I was in Oz and

there was an Orange Brick Road

and a weird fork man

and I was that mannequin.

- Wait, which mannequin?

- Exactly, so it was real.

- Uhh, okay.

- Look, I owe you guys

an apology.

I know you mess up sometimes

and get in my way and make

things really hard for me.

- Are you sure

this is an apology?

- But I do know that you always

have my best interests in mind.

And in courage,

and in heart.

- We have your best interests

in heart?

- That makes no sense.

But I'll let it go,

since you're obviously

concussed.

- And I also owe you

an apology.

The only one who ruined

my audition was me.

I was just so focused on looking

like Dorothy on the outside

that I didn't act like Dorothy

on the inside.

So I'm sorry.

- I forgive you.

- Air hug?

- How about a real one? Hm?

[both laugh]

Uh, hello, Rose Dirken,

still stuck under a house!

- Lift it up.

- Okay, Rose.

I just wanted to say

even though I really

wanted the part,

you totally deserve

to be cast as Dorothy.

- Uh, duh!

After all, I am the one

wearing Ericka's sparkly,

silver shoes.

[cracking]

Ow! Wha! Ooh!

Don't worry. I am okay.

- Yeah, that girl's going down.

- Ahh!

[all gasp]

Ow, my ankle.

- All right, Dawn.

Looks like you're Dorothy.

- Yes!

I mean, anything for the show.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪