Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

- Are you guys sure going down

the stairs in a canoe

is the best idea?

- Yes.

Stair-canoeing is genius.

- Yeah, it's the ultimate

Squadgoals photo.

- FaceShack is gonna blow up

when we post this.

- Just be sure to get the

picture.

Come on. Alright, this

is going to be so fun.

[all groaning]

Did you get the picture?

- Well...

I got a picture.

[all groaning]

Sorry, I was busy getting a kid

out of harm's way.

- What kid?

- Me.

- A good friend would've taken

the hit, Mae.

[cell phone knocks]

- Uh-oh. I didn't get a picture

of you,

but someone else did.

- Wait, isn't that us from,

like, just a second ago?

- With the

Kramden Quads behind us.

- How did they make it look like

they're behind the counter?

- Because we're behind the

counter.

- How did they make it sound

like they're behind the counter?

[together]

Hello, Harpers.

[together]

Hello, Kramdens.

- Glad you saw our Squadgoals

post.

We hashtagged it

"kramdenyourface."

[laughter]

[mock laughter]

- Laugh it up.

- We're already at 50 knocks on

our FaceShack door.

- There is no way you're at 50.

[cell phone knocks]

- You're right, 51.

Thanks, Dicky.

- [laughs]

What?

It's a really good post.

- And we doubt

you'll ever beat it.

- Oh, we're gonna beat it.

And we also have the perfect

hashtag

that's way better than

Squadgoals.

- Oh yeah?

What is it?

- No way.

It's a secret.

You're just gonna have to wait

until we post it.

- It's Quadgoals, right?

[together]

Dicky.

- Quadgoals.

I like it.

- I'm glad we thought of it.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Quadgoals is ours.

- Guess we'll just have to let

the internet decide.

- Fine.

Whoever gets the most likes

on their Quadgoals pic by

the end of the weekend

wins the hashtag.

- Good luck, Harpers.

[laughter]

[mock laughter]

- Sassy little munchkins.

I just want to put 'em on a

shelf and look at 'em...

and then just push 'em off.

- First they took our

commercial,

then they entered

the bobsled race,

and now the internet.

- Why are they always

challenging us and

driving us to be better?

- More importantly,

how are you going to explain

this to your parents?

- Oh, this is gonna be easy.

It's the first two that are

gonna be tough.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na,

na, na, na, na, na ♪

[whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ One, two ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

- ♪

- Okay, the sooner we take our

Quadgoals pic,

the longer it'll be

up on FaceShack.

Which means the better chance

we'll have

of beating those Kramdens.

So any ideas?

- I got it.

We should nostril blast peas

out of our noses

at the same time.

- You don't got it.

- Kids, pack your bags.

- You're kicking us out?

- It's because of

the stair canoes, isn't it?

- What stair canoes?

- Who said "stair canoes?"

I said "share your news."

- Okay, we're all going to visit

your Aunt Jackie on her farm.

- Really?

We're allowed back?

- I thought she banned us

because of

the whole quilt incident.

- It was an afghan.

- It was a throw.

- Kinda not the point.

- Yeah, you kids completely

ruined Aunt Jackie's entry into

the county fair.

- That's not how I remember it.

- Wow,

cool blanket thing.

- It's a quilt.

- No, it's an afghan.

- It's a throw.

- Blanket thing.

- Afghan, afghan, afghan.

- Throw, throw, throw.

- Afghan, afghan.

- Blanket thing, blanket thing.

- Nooo.

You completely ruined my entry

into the county fair.

[whimpers]

- Huh,

that is how I remember it.

- It's been seven years.

Why would she

lift the ban now?

- Yeah, does she trust us again?

- No, I'm pretty sure she just

doesn't like making

the drive down here.

It stresses her out.

- Everything stresses her out.

- Yeah, like when

people talk about her

out of the sides of their mouth.

- Well, here's something out of

the front of my mouth.

She's a nut job,

Anne.

- No, honey, she's just--

she's just fun-loving.

- Yeah, a fun-loving nut.

- Well, I'm excited

to get up there.

- Yeah, Aunt Jackie's farm is

the perfect place to take

the ultimate Quadgoals pic.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I promised Aunt Jackie that

you guys would behave.

Hey, this is important to me.

I really miss going up there,

so no shenanigans.

- We don't participate in

shenanigans.

- Ooh, we could tip a cow

for our pic.

- Shenanigan.

- Or mud wrestle a pig.

- Shenanigan.

- Ooh, llama race.

- Well, Aunt Jackie

doesn't have llamas,

but if she did, shenanigan.

- No llamas?

What kind of farm is this?

- It's a dairy farm.

- Well, nut job or not,

your Aunt Jackie's got

a great back porch, and I can't

wait to get up there

and smell that

fresh dairy air.

[upbeat music]

Breathe it in, kids.

[inhales]

Ahh, you can't smell that

at home.

- Yeah, because we flush.

- Annie.

- Oh, Jackie!

- Thanks for finally letting us

back on the farm, Aunt Jackie.

- Yeah, this is awesome.

- And we just wanted to say

we're really sorry

about the whole--

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

It's all in the past.

I didn't win that year.

Or the year after that.

Or the year

after that year.

Or any year after that year.

But this...

this is my year.

And I have got something,

as you kids say,

"cool" to show you.

Come on.

- Nut.

- Fun-loving.

- You kids inspired

my newest passion

and latest entry

into the county fair,

my niece and nephews in butter.

- Wow.

That's...that...

wow.

- I would've gone with "why?"

- Yeah.

- Think of these butter

sculptures

as a symbol of my forgiveness.

- Who knew butter could look so

lifelike?

- Yeah, it's so realistic.

- And they'll stay that way

thanks to this magic cooling

box.

- She knows it's

called an air conditi--

- Leave it alone.

- Well, I have to say, Jackie,

I'm really impressed.

- Oh, well, now we both have

Quads, Annie.

Maybe Mommy will finally see us

as equals.

- Okay, speaking of equals,

this equals an awesome

Quadgoals pic.

- No!

I'm sorry, kids.

I'm sorry.

What I meant to say was, no!

I don't want any photographs

getting out

ahead of the judging.

[all groaning]

- So where'd you get

all that butter?

- Well, I make it

the old-fashioned way.

I milk old Carol over there, and

then I churn the butter myself.

Turns out it's a great

stress-reliever.

Churn, churn, churn.

And I am a little bit tense,

you know,

this being my year and all.

Churn, churn, churn.

I need this win.

[together]

Okay.

- We're just gonna go and get

settled in our rooms.

- Okay.

- Well,

I know how I want to settle in.

With a nice little porch nap.

- So when do we sneak

back into the barn

and get the butter sculpture

picture?

- We don't.

- We don't?

But that's what we do.

- Not this time.

Remember,

no shenanigans?

We're just gonna have to find

something even better than

butter heads to beat

those Kramdens.

- [laughs]

Chickens are funny.

- That's it.

We can take a picture

with it laying an egg.

- Look at its legs.

They're

like chicken legs.

- Even better, I could cook an

omelet, and you guys can hold

the chicken over the pan

and act surprised.

- Yeah, it'll look like

the chicken laid

a fully cooked omelet.

- Ooh, and then can hashtag it

"omlettin' you have it,

Kramdens."

- Yes.

- Look at the little wiggly

thing under her chin,

like Grandma.

I wonder if she'll let

me play with it,

like Grandma.

Come on.

Come on.

- We should help him.

- But...not right away.

- Ahh-ahh-ahh!

[chicken clucking]

Help!

She's faster than Grandma.

- Okay, now.

- Yeah.

- Come on, get it, get it,

get it.

- Got it, got it, got it.

- Here, chicky, chicky, chicky.

Ohh.

- Wait. Wait.

We're never going to catch it

like this.

We have to think

like a chicken.

- Not a problem.

[clucking]

[all clucking]

- Aww, you kids keep

getting more and more

like your father each year.

Now, why are you riling up

my chickens?

- Well, the truth is,

is we're just trying to take

a cool picture of life

on the farm.

- Oh, well, in that case,

I've got just the thing.

Come on.

[upbeat twangy music]

♪ ♪

Sorry we only had three baby

goats, Dicky.

- I'm good.

- Everybody say "goat cheese."

- No, don't say "goat cheese."

The goats hate that.

- Well, then what should we say?

- I'm just kidding.

You can say "goat cheese."

The goats don't

understand English.

Only cows understand English,

right, Carol?

Don't make me look stupid in

front of these people, Carol.

[cow lowing]

Okay, picture time.

- Everybody say "cuckoo."

[together]

Cuckoo.

- Aww, that's cute.

- Yes,

best Quadgoals pic ever.

As soon as we post this,

the Kram...

uh, guys,

there's no cell service here.

This is bad.

- Baaaad.

- Goat gets it.

- Oh, no, that's wasn't

the goat.

That was meeee.

I was just agreeing with you,

because cell service around here

is more rare than me winning

something at the county fair.

I need this win.

- And so do we.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [snoring]

- So have you guys had any luck

finding a signal?

- No, we checked everywhere.

- This place is confusing.

I got lost in the corn maze, the

cabbage maze, the grass maze...

- None of those were mazes.

- Dang it.

Aunt Jackie's right.

There is no signal.

- Well, I'm off...

to the contest!

- Nut!

- Oh, fun-loving!

Oh, hey.

- I'm gonna be touring

the other contestants' farms

with the judges to look at

their butter sculptures.

And then my house is last,

so we'll be back here

later today.

- Oh, good luck.

- Thanks.

You'll make sure

the kids behave,

and you know I need

this win, right?

- Oh, yes, of course.

Ow, ow.

We won't let them

out of our sight.

- Okay.

- Just look at them over there.

No shenanigans in

that bunch.

Good luck.

- Ohh...

[speaking gibberish]

- Ahh.

- It's shenanigan time.

Okay, as soon as Mom

and Dad fall back asleep,

I'm going into town to go post

that Quadgoals pic.

- To town?

It'll take you forever

to walk there.

- Who said anything

about walkin'?

- Nicky just said it.

- Don't ruin my moment.

Who said anything

about walkin'?

- Seriously.

Nicky just said it.

[upbeat music]

- What if Mom and Dad see you?

- I think we're good.

- Are you sure you know how to

drive that thing?

- How hard can it be?

[engine turning over]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa.

- Pretty hard, apparently.

- We should help her.

- But not right away.

- Ahh!

Ahh!

Ahh!

[dog barking]

- She keeps going in circles.

- Ahh!

- I think she needs directions

to town.

It's that way!

- Where's the brake?

Ahh!

- Oh, no. Dawn just ran over

that extension cord.

- And it's wrapping around her.

- Guys, a little help?

- No thanks.

We've need to find out where

that cord came from.

- I wonder what that cord

was plugged into?

- I said, "A little help."

- Oh, sure.

Your shoe's untied.

- What?

Whoa!

Wow.

That actually worked.

- Uh, guys.

I think I found what that cord

was plugged into.

- The magic cooling box.

- It's not blowing.

There's no magic.

- The sculpture's are gonna

melt.

- Don't worry.

I can just plug the cord

back in.

Now we might have a problem.

- We need to get another

extension cord fast.

Look.

I already have a butter tear.

- Don't worry.

I mean, how fast can butter

melt?

Come on.

Come on!

How fast can butter melt?

- What are we going to do?

- I got something that will

help.

What?

Can't let all this butter

go to waste.

Mmm.

My butter lump tastes good.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

[upbeat music]

- Okay, Mom and Dad are still

asleep.

- [sighs]

What are we gonna do?

This is a disaster.

- I know, now we'll never be

able to post

our Quadgoals picture.

- No, Aunt Jackie needs

this win.

So we've got to fix the

sculptures before she gets back

with the judges.

- How?

None of us can sculpt.

- Maybe I can.

I mean, I did take a pottery

class last summer.

I can just use some of this

butter and see what I can do.

In the meantime, you guys get

more butter.

- Where are we gonna get enough

butter to fix this?

[cow lowing]

- Quiet down, Carol.

We're trying to think where we

can get butter.

Now, where does butter come

from?

[cow lowing]

Carol!

- All right, so what do we do?

- We, uh, we grab one.

Just like shaking

hands with an old lady.

An old lady with one gross,

boneless finger.

It's oozing.

- Ohh, oozing?

I'm in.

Yeah, this feels right.

- Come on, Nicky.

Grab an old lady finger.

[cow lowing]

- I think they're beautiful,

Carol.

- Uh, guys, I took a stab at it.

[together]

Ahh!

- Stab it!

- I thought you said

you could sculpt.

- I didn't say I could sculpt.

I said I

took a pottery class.

- What does that have to do

with sculpting?

- Clearly nothing.

How are we going to sculpt all

of this butter to look

exactly like our faces?

- Who said we have to sculpt it?

- Dawn just did.

Am I the only one

who listens?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Okay, in here you'll

find my sculptures

for this year's fair,

my niece and nephews

in butter.

Where are your kids?

I want to show the judges

how realistic this is.

- I'm sure

they'll be here in a sec.

They're around.

We know because

we were totally awake

the whole time you

were gone.

- I'm gonna stall the judges.

Before you meet the butter,

let's meet the udder.

- Where are the kids?

She needs this win, Tom.

She'll gonna lose it.

- I thought you said

she was fun-loving.

- She's a nut.

[fly buzzing]

- Hey.

Did Butter Dawn

just wiggle her nose?

- I don't know, but she just

opened her eyes.

- Stop opening your eyes.

both: Ahh!

- We mean

- both: Ahh...

- It looks just like

our real kids.

- Who are still not here.

- Heh-heh-heh.

- Ahh...

- What the heck

are you kids doing?

- The details aren't important.

All you need to know is that we

ruined another one

of Aunt Jackie's entries.

- And this was your way of

fixing it?

- Should we just tell

Aunt Jackie the truth?

[laughter]

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

Absolutely not.

She needs this win.

- Just shut your eyes

and be better butter.

- And that leads us to

my masterpiece.

- It only takes a quick glance

to see that this is a winner.

- Oh, no, no,

really feast your eyes on it.

Really soak it in.

- Well, this is the most

realistic butter sculpture

we've ever seen.

This one even appeared

to...weep.

We have our winner.

- Ohh, yes.

I so needed this win.

In your face,

ladies.

You too, Rusty.

Oh, let's get one with Carol.

- Guys, we did it.

Just one more picture.

- Okay, Carol, picture time.

This time, don't

make the duck face.

- Ahhh!

[together]

Ahh!

Ahh!

both: Ahh.

- Ahh!

- Sorry, Jackie, but as you

know,

dipping children in butter is

a definite disqualification.

I'd be surprised if

this is even butter at all.

Mmm.

Actually, it is butter,

some of the best I've ever had.

You may have lost the ribbon for

your sculpture,

but you deserve one

for best home-churned butter.

First prize goes to you.

- Ohh, yes.

I am a winner.

In your faces.

Oh, I'm so excited.

I can't wait to tell Mom.

If only I had cell service.

I hate this farm.

Out of my way, Rusty.

- Oh, excuse me.

Do you think you could email us

that picture?

- Yeah, we need it

for something.

[together]

Harpers.

[together]

Kramdens.

- Well, it looks like you win

the Quadgoals hashtag.

- Yes!

In your adorable little faces.

- We so needed this win.

- I guess you can use

the hashtag too.

- Yes!

Our adorable little faces

win again.

[laughter]

[mock laughter]

[together]

Kramdens.

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

[whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪