Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

[straw squeaking]

[straws squeaking]

- Stop it!

Stop making

such immature noises.

[trumpet fanfare]

- Hear ye! Hear ye!

Ye Olde Tom's Get Sporty!

would like to invite

one and all

to the Tenth Annual

Renaissance Faire.

As King and Queen...

- Hello.

- We shall rule thy fairgrounds

with our loyal, royal dragon...

Squishy Puffs.

- [barks]

all: Aww.

- Ah, the Ren Faire,

where we can eat with our hands,

scratch whatever itches,

and burp at will.

- Come on, let's practice.

Dawn, you be will.

[all belch]

- [chuckles]

- Stop it!

You guys are gonna ruin

the Ren Faire for me.

Why can't I just go

with somebody more mature?

- [gasps]

Who could possibly be

more mature than us?

- Someone like Mack.

- That's pretty mature.

- In fact,

I'm gonna go ask Mack

to go to the Ren Faire with me,

and show you guys

how mature people

hang out together.

- A date, huh?

[both scream]

- You let Dooley know

if you need anything.

Say, a new outfit,

some lip gloss...

- It's not a date, Dooley.

Mack and I hang out together

all the time.

We've been to the movies,

a dance, lunch as friends.

- [scoffs]

Child's play.

Those are all two hours, max.

But the Ren Faire?

We're talking

an all-day commitment.

- What's wrong, Dawn?

Not mature enough for a date?

- Please.

"Mature" is my middle name.

- I'm pretty sure it's Abigail.

- It is?

Wait, then whose middle name

is Steven?

- Yours.

- Uh, pretty sure mine's

Abigail.

- Steven!

- While you three bicker,

the mature Quad has

a social engagement to arrange.

- [scoffs]

- Yeah, it's Abigail.

- Hey, Mack, do you wanna go

on a date with me

to the Renaissance Faire?

- Yeah.

- Great!

Hear ye! Hear ye!

In ye faces.

Mae, will you join me

at the luncheon counter?

- [sighs] I can't believe

she's going on a date.

- I can't believe

I'm going on a date.

- She's not mature enough

for a date.

- I'm not mature enough

for a date.

- As much as I'd hate

to admit it,

maybe Dawn is

more mature than us.

- But we're Quads.

We go through

everything together.

Learning to walk;

learning to ride bikes;

learning long division.

- Yeah, long division.

- Yeah, riding bikes.

- You have to come with me.

- [scoffs]

I don't wanna be

the third wheel.

- Oh, hey, Miles.

May wants to know

if you wanna go on a date with

her to the Renaissance Faire.

- Really? You do?

- I do?

- You do.

- I do!

I--I mean, only if you want--

- I do.

- Oh, cool.

- Cool.

- Cool.

- Cool.

Hey, guys. Dawn just got me

a date with Mae.

Yes!

- Now she's getting dates

for other people?

We gotta get dates.

- Maybe we should get Dawn

to get us dates.

- No, we've gotta get

our own dates.

- I don't know,

she seems pretty good at it.

- Yeah, and I'm sure

she wouldn't mind helping us.

I mean, she holds me up

when I ride a bike...

for some reason.

- We are getting our own dates!

And you're learning

how to ride a bike!

- I know how to ride a bike.

Will you hold me like Dawn?

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na,

na, na, na, na, na ♪

[whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ One, two ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪♪

- [wincing]

- Do you have to limp so loudly?

- Did you have to teach me

how to ride a bike

before we asked the girls out?

- I thought it would give us

confidence heading into this.

- And it worked.

I feel really good about myself.

- All right,

there they are.

- [sighs]

- Let's do this.

- Hello, ladies.

- What's the haps?

- Would you girls wanna

go on a date with us

to the Ren Faire?

all: Why not?

- What are those boys up to?

- I don't know,

but it doesn't look cool.

- Guess who just boarded

the next boat to mature island?

- We just asked

Olivia, Avery, and June

to go to the Faire as our dates.

- And they said, "Why not?"

- I know what you're up to.

- Up to?

We're just being mature.

- It sounds like your slow boat

is following my jet plane.

But I guess that makes sense,

because girls do mature

faster than boys.

- Oh, yeah?

Care to prove it?

- I don't have anything

to prove to you.

- Oh, yeah?

Prove that.

- Nothing is getting proven,

except how immature you all are.

- Since we maturely disagree,

why don't we settle this

with a little mature-off?

- Yeah.

both: A mature-off!

- I'd accept your challenge,

and I'd win,

but lucky for you, there's

no such thing as a mature-off.

- A mature-off, huh?

[all scream]

- Oh, there's such a thing.

- This should be good.

- Getting a date is easy,

but the mark of true maturity

is making a connection.

- What kind of connection?

- Mind, body, soul.

The triangle of romance.

all: Whoa.

- No.

- Hey,

I don't make this stuff up.

- I think you do.

- First,

you must connect the mind,

which you'll do

through simple conversation.

- Mack and I talk all the time.

- Next, the body, a connection

by holding hands,

fingers intertwined.

- We have hands.

- [whispers] Whoo.

- And third,

while holding hands,

you must look deeply

into each other's eyes,

thus connecting your souls.

- We have souls.

- On both feet.

- But how do you know so much

about romance?

- He doesn't.

- She's right.

I don't.

But my sister does.

She's in high school.

all: Oh!

- So?

- And she has a boyfriend.

all: Whoa.

- No.

- And he drives.

all: What?

- Ever.

- So now that we know the rules,

do any of you boys think

you have what it takes

to complete

the triangle of romance?

I know I do.

Aw, what's wrong?

Your little toy boat

running out of gas?

- No.

- We're in.

- And we're full of gas.

[all laugh]

- Okay.

Let the mature-off begin.

♪ ♪

[lively flute music]

♪ ♪

[trumpet fanfare]

- Welcome, lords and ladies,

to the Renaissance Faire.

- Let us explore our kingdom.

- Indeed.

- Look at all this

old-timey food.

Turkey legs, beef ribs,

pork chop on a stick?

- Wow,

that's a lot of portable meat.

[poof!]

- Whoa.

- [coughing]

Harpers,

come hither over yonder.

- Are we hithering or yondering?

- Just come here.

- Excuse us

while we hither over yonder.

- All right, remember,

the all-seeing Dooley the Great

will be watching

for whoever completes

the triangle of romance first.

- How will you watch us all

at the same time?

- Yeah.

- Pshoo!

[poof!]

- How is he gonna watch us

if he's not here?

- Oh, I'm here.

[all scream]

- But now I'm not.

Whoosh!

- So what do you guys

wanna do first?

- I wanna catapult a watermelon.

- I wanna try a turkey leg.

♪ ♪

- That's it!

Hand-holding, here I come.

Huh. I guess that's the way

you walk at a Renaissance Faire.

Maybe we should walk like that.

♪ ♪

- Okay.

♪ ♪

- Wanna get some portable meat?

- Thought you'd never ask.

- Well, we're gonna be over

by the ring toss.

- Meet us there.

- Let's end this.

I'm going in, boys.

- How are you gonna do it?

- I'm going to woo milady

with the language of the day.

Watch-eth and learn-eth.

Doth my fair maiden want-eth

to talk-eth

and hold-eth my hand-eth

perhaps-eth?

- Why are you talking so weird?

- [sighs]

He crash-eth and burn-eth.

- Meat!

Hot meat here!

- Don't worry.

I got this.

The way to a woman's soul

is through her stomach.

Let me have

one of your finest turkey legs.

- That will be $12.

- Let me have one of your

less fine turkey legs.

- $11.

- Oh, ew, greasy.

Uh, can I have a napkin?

- Yep, $2.

- Wha--

they're free with the $12 legs.

- It doesn't seem like

such a bad deal now, does it?

- Ooh, a turkey leg.

Can I have some?

- Yes, I bought it for thee.

- [sighs]

Should've bought a napkin.

But don't worry.

Sir Dicky to the rescue.

Hey, June,

why don't you come sit

on that romantic chair with me?

- Dicky,

that's not a romantic chair.

That's a catapult.

- Well, it would be romantic

if you sat--

[wailing]

Here!

- Okay,

just going to take her hand...

Yes! Now, interlock fingers,

and...

- Yes!

Wow, she's not letting go.

- Now all I need to do is

make eye contact.

- Well, I gotta go

to the little m'ladies room.

- Me too.

both: Why am I still

holding her hand?

[both scream]

- Ah!

[both scream]

- Guys, I flew over Dawn

near the palm reader.

She's getting close

to beating us.

We gotta do something.

Also, you gotta try

the catapult.

It's awesome.

- I can't wait

to get my fortune told.

- I can't waste time

on this long line.

I've got a hand to hold.

Wait, that's it.

Why wait?

I can read your palm myself.

- You know how to read palms?

- Of course.

I read 'em left and right.

[laughs]

Now I just need

to look into your eyes.

- Aren't you supposed

to look into my palm?

- Hey, which one of us went

to Camp Wanna-read-a-palm-a?

- You?

- I saw that you would say that.

- So... [laughs]

what else do you see?

- Victory.

- Look out

- [groans]

- Ugh, that was close.

Good thing you didn't spring

for the napkins.

- We've gotta find a way

to put some distance

between Dawn and Mack's

greasy hands.

- Hey, Mack.

Milord; m'buddy; m'pal.

- How are things going

with you and m'sister?

- Good, I think.

- Well,

if you wanna impress Dawn,

you should know that

Dawn loves fairy tales.

- Oh, yeah.

Dawn loves that stuff.

Her middle name is "Fairy-tale."

- Yup, Dawn Abigail Steven

Mature Fairy-tale Harper.

- Mine's Albert.

- Your name's

not really important.

What is important is that

Dawn has always wished

for a knight in shining armor.

- Of course,

Dawn will want to test you

to make sure

you're a true knight,

and a true knight is never seen

without his armor on.

- Especially the gloves.

Don't ever take the gloves off.

Do you understand, Mack Albert?

- Yeah,

it's pretty straightforward.

- Okay, that'll delay Dawn,

but now one of us

has to complete the triangle.

- We gotta get back

to the girls.

- I know a shortcut.

- [all screaming]

- [groans]

all: M'ladies.

- [groans]

- Wait, where's Mack?

- Hey, Dawn.

- Mack?

- Ah, dude, shiny.

- I'm like something

out of a fairy tale, right?

- Aren't you hot in there?

- A little.

- Okay,

that looks really uncomfortable.

Maybe you should take it off.

- A true knight must stay-eth

in his armor,

lest his lady

need-eth protection.

Especially the gloves.

But you'd know that,

Dawn Abigail Steven Mature

Fairy-tale Harper.

- I think the heat is

getting to him.

- No,

I think my brothers got to him.

- Little bit of both.

[loud crash]

- In the future,

we may all travel by catapult.

all: Ooh.

- Care to step

into the future with me?

Hey, Mack Albert,

I'm working here.

- But I see

you still have your gloves on

like we told you to.

- I knew you three were

up to something.

- Wow.

She's steaming mad.

- Uh, excuse us for a moment.

- I cannot believe you guys

tried to ruined my date

by using my love of fairy tales

against me.

- Sorry, Dawn.

Sometimes the Ren Faire

is a little unfair. [laughs]

Nailed it.

- Hark, ye subjects!

'Tis time to get jousty.

[laughs]

The winners shall be crowned

Lord or Lady of the Faire.

- And with their partners,

they will join

the Royal Procession,

holding hands thusly.

[swooning sigh]

- That's it.

If we win the joust,

we can hold hands thusly,

and thus complete

the triangle of romance.

- Wait, do you think

holding hands thusly counts?

- I'll allow it.

[all scream]

- Poof!

I'm just gonna walk off.

I'm out of pellets.

- All right, so let's settle

this with a joust.

- Joust we shall.

- So how's your balance

in that armor?

- Not great.

Why?

[loud crash]

- To the catapult!

[all screaming]

- We're getting good at this.

- Okay, Dicky, focus.

How are we gonna win the joust

against all these people?

- I've got an idea.

[whispering]

- Hey.

Did you hear what happened

at the joust last year?

It was a bloodbath.

Heads literally rolled.

- It's true.

My brother was there.

A part of him still is.

- Now it's time to get jousty.

[trumpet fanfare]

- You know,

if there was a show-off contest,

you'd be the Queen of that too.

- [scoffs]

That's not showing off.

This is showing off.

[jazz trumpet solo]

- Are you done, Anne?

- ♪ A-squee-bah, a-squee-bah ♪

♪ A-squee-squal-ee-squee,

lah-bee-bah-bah-dah ♪

- Okay, okay.

We all get it, you can scat.

Welcome to

the Royal Jousting Tournament!

[cheers and applause]

- Jousting in today's

first round

will be Sirs Nicky, Ricky,

Dicky, and...

Wait, that's it?

Those are the only contestants?

- It worked.

We're the only contestants.

Now one of us is

guaranteed to win,

so you two fall down.

- But why should I fall down?

You and Ricky should fall down.

- Sir Ricky falls down

for no one.

- Two of us are gonna have to

fall down if we wanna beat Dawn.

- You're all falling down...

[imitates horse chuffing]

And none of you are

going to beat me.

- We have

a last-minute addition.

Joining the joust will be

Dame Dawn.

[cheers and applause]

- To your corners!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Let the joust begin.

[cheers and applause]

♪ ♪

- [imitates horse chuffing]

[scattered screams]

[confused murmuring]

- Well, it looks like

for the first time ever,

we have a tie.

- No!

One of us has to be the winner,

and hold the fair maiden's hand.

- Knight Nicky's got this.

- No, Knight Ricky does.

- No, Knight Dicky does.

- None of you are knights.

It's only the Dame who has game.

- Just fight already!

- It's called Get Jousty,

not Get Talky.

[all booing]

- That's it!

This is my advantage.

- Every Quad for himself.

♪ ♪

- Fighting with turkey legs?

Genius!

Ow--uh, yes,

d--don't do that.

It's a waste of food.

- Wait, he's right.

First one to finish

their turkey leg wins.

♪ ♪

- Kids! Kids, wait!

What--what are you doing?

- Look at us.

We're eating turkey legs

to prove who's most mature.

- But why are you trying

to prove who's most mature?

- Well, Dawn got a date,

and then we wanted to see

who could complete

the triangle of romance first.

- The triangle of what?

- You know,

connect with your date;

hold hands; look in the eyes;

mind, body, soul.

- That's why you guys

have been acting so weird?

- That's why I've been wearing

this armor all day?

I've lost 12 pounds.

- I don't think the triangle

of romance is even a thing.

- Yeah, who would tell you

something so dumb?

- [laughs nervously]

Dooley the Great bids you adieu.

Poof!

- Mack,

I'm sorry I ruined our day.

I--I guess I just wasn't ready

for a date.

I mean, that's why I dragged

Mae and Miles along.

- And we're sorry too.

- I--I guess we're not as mature

as we thought.

- Well, I think admitting that

is pretty mature.

And don't worry, when it's

time to date, you'll know it.

- And kids,

you can't force a connection.

That happens naturally

after you get to know someone.

Kinda like that.

- You know, dates are cool,

but that joust

looked like way more fun.

- Yeah, I kinda wanted

to join in.

- [giggles]

- Oh.

- Okay, okay.

All right, right--

Ah! Right, everybody,

everybody, everybody, hey!

Just--just scat.

[all scatting]

- You're loving this, aren't ya?

- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪

[all continue scatting]

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

[whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪