Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Check it out, Anne.

The cafe may be empty,

but the rest of the store

is still bringing them in.

- Well, except that line

is headed out.

[gasps]

And so are Dawn and Mae.

This isn't good.

Dawn, what are you guys doing?

- We're in line Captain Felde's

cafe down the street.

- [gasps]

You're cheating on our cafe?

- Do your brothers know?

all: Oh, we know.

- [gasps]

- All of you?

[gasps]

And all your friends?

After all the free smoothies

I gave you kids.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You give them free smoothies?

- I just want them to like me,

Anne.

- Sorry, Mom and Dad,

but everybody's been going

to Captain Felde's cafe

ever since Gourmet Guy

gave him a rave review

on his food blog.

- His rating scale goes from

a "meh" to four "oh, my's."

- And he just gave

Captain Felde's 3 1/2 "oh, my's"

- How did they get

3 1/2 "oh, my's?"

Their new signature dish:

the burgerito.

A burger in a burrito

on a bun.

- Wow, how did they

come up with that?

- They did customer research.

- Well, how do you know?

- 'Cause we were the customers

they researched.

- I mean, no wonder our only

customer is an old lady

stealing sugar packets.

- Maybe the cafe just needs

some new ideas.

- Yeah, you could always

check the suggestion box.

- Hey, good thinking.

I forgot about this thing.

It must be 12 years old.

[exhales sharply]

[coughs]

Ah, here's a suggestion.

"Maybe there shouldn't be

four crying babies in the store.

They should be home

with their mother."

[scoffs] What kind of customer

writes that?

See, you don't need a break.

[babies crying]

Maternity leave,

shmaternity leave.

- Okay, no need to read

any more. [chuckles]

They are clearly all old.

- Well, you know,

we could help you guys

and do our own

customer research.

- Yeah, we'll ask some

of our friends about our cafe.

- Wait,

but after burgeritos, right?

- Oh, yeah.

- Totally.

- Of course.

[upbeat music]

- [whistling]

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Welcome to our customer

research session

for the cafe

at Tom's Get Sporty.

To thank you for

your participation,

you will each get

one burgerito.

Ah, ah, ah, after you

have completed the survey.

[all groaning]

- We will be asking you

a series of questions

and would appreciate

your honest opinions.

- Let's start with

what you like.

I like the smell

of those burgeritos.

- Forget the burgeritos.

What do you like

about the Get Sporty cafe?

- Uh, the colors are fun.

- Those framed sports jerseys

are cool.

- I feel bigger when I sit

at these little tables.

- Mae?

- I guess if I had

to say something,

I don't like

these bendy straws.

The noise they make

freaks me out.

- We're naming things we like,

Mae.

- Oh.

Pass.

- What if we had a smoothie

we set on fire?

- I'd be into that.

- We're not setting anything

on fire.

- No.

- [groans]

- Now let's talk about...

what you don't like.

- Mae?

- Pass.

- Mae?

- Seriously.

I'm not touching this.

- Anyone?

all: It's your parents.

- Our parents?

- They're always in the cafe.

- Because they own it.

- But they're always

getting in our biz.

- And at Captain Felde's cafe,

we get to hang out

with just kids.

- Sorry, Dawn, but it does feel

like your parents

are always watching us.

- Well, this has been

very informative.

Thank you for your time.

Enjoy your burgeritos.

- Listen, kids, we may have

accidentally overheard

a little bit of what

was going on.

- And sure, yeah,

we may be around sometimes.

- Yeah.

- But it's not like we're always

getting in their "biz."

[playing accordion]

♪ Mange, mange ♪

♪ How is the pizza? ♪

- Ah, ah, ah, not till

your homework is finished.

- ♪ Hey, you'll love the straw ♪

♪ And you'll use it

every day, hey! ♪

Okay, they do have a point.

- Yeah.

- But if the kids don't want us

in the cafe,

how are we gonna fix it?

- I don't know.

We have been having problems

with it for a while.

- Yeah.

With this new competition,

I hate to say it, but...

looks like we're going to have

to close it down.

- What?

- Close it down?

- Well--

- But we grew up in this cafe.

We have a lot of memories here.

- Yeah, like when I got hit

in the face with that baseball

and lost my first tooth.

- Or when I threw that baseball

and knocked out his first tooth.

- Exactly.

- And I've always had big plans

for us to be running it

some day.

- Really?

I was thinking of going

to college

and actually doing something

with my life.

- Seriously, we're not ready

to lose the cafe just yet.

Can you at least give us

the chance to save it first?

all: Please!

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, we'll give it a shot.

- One week, and that's it.

- Yep.

- Yes!

- Yes, thank you so much.

We won't let you down.

- All right.

I already have my first idea

for the cafe.

- Good for you.

- You're out.

- Tough break, Anne.

- Wait, what?

- You're both out.

- What?

- Sorry, but the research

is never wrong.

- Ah, man.

- Fine.

Let's grab one of these

for the road.

- No, no, no, no, no.

burgeritos are for participants

only.

- Fine.

- Thank you.

- Run, Anne! Go, go, go!

- Oh, thank you.

♪

[upbeat music]

- Any orders yet?

- Nope.

- Any customers?

- Nope.

- Reservations?

- No, but I'm beginning to have

a few about opening this place.

- Guys,

we're not off to a good start.

We need customers.

- Yeah.

- Oh, oh, here come two now.

- Seriously?

- Hey, kids.

- all: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Well, just where do you think

you're going?

- That doesn't say,

"The Parent Cafe."

- It says,

"The Parent-Free Cafe."

- Guys, we've been watching you

for the last two hours,

and The Parent-Free Cafe

is also customer-free.

- Clearly, you need us.

- all: Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Let us also remind you

of our research.

And I quote...

- And he quotes.

- "Your parents are always

getting in our biz."

- End quote.

- The quote is over.

- Uh, guys, in the future,

I'd like to do my own quotes.

- He'd like to do

his own quotes.

- Okay, well, clearly

this isn't working.

I mean, even your friends

aren't here.

- Yes, they are.

Oh, here they come now.

- And there they go.

- Uh, would you excuse us

for one second?

Uh, what are you guys doing?

- Yeah, we made our place

parent-free.

- Yeah, we got buttons.

- Why are you still in line

for Captain Felde?

- We're not. This is a new line

for Pippin's Paninis.

- Gourmet Guy just gave

four "oh, my's"

to their weenie panini.

- [chuckles]

He said weenie.

- They put a hot dog

inside a panini.

- [chuckles]

She said panini.

- Sorry.

- Okay, all right.

At least we know we need more

than just no parents.

- Yeah.

- Wait a minute.

We need our own burgerito

or weenie panini.

- Yeah, we can each come up

with a food combo,

then we'll pick the best,

and call Gourmet Guy

to come review it.

- Yeah.

- Wait, you can't just call

Gourmet Guy.

He doesn't give out his number

willy-nilly.

- [chuckles]

"Willy-nilly."

- Fine.

We won't call him.

We'll e-mail him

until he agrees.

- In the meantime, we've got

two customers at our cafe.

- Look down at your button,

Dicky.

- Oh.

[chuckles]

You said button.

[laughing]

[upbeat music]

- [whistling]

- Why does she keep throwing

this thing away?

This could have

some great suggestions in it.

"The owner should lose

that awful toupee.

He's not fooling anyone."

Huh?

Huh?

- Ah.

[chuckles]

- I thought that toupee

looked great, Squish.

I mean, why would someone--

This is Anne's handwriting.

These are all Anne's.

[exhales sharply]

I do not do

little girl push-ups.

[dog sneezes]

Really?

[upbeat music]

- Thanks for being here, Mae,

to help us decide whose

fun food combo is the best.

- Are you sure you need me

to do this?

- Yeah.

We need an impartial judge.

- [blows kiss]

- Uh...pass.

- Well, I guess we'll have to

do it ourselves.

I'll start.

I stuffed a pita

with a fajita.

The fapita.

Deal with it.

[lid clangs]

- Ah, impressive,

but I see your fapita,

and I raise you a waffle

with falafel in it.

The waffle-falafel.

Deal with that.

[lid clangs]

- Oh, nice try,

but meet...the pizza-dilla.

Two slices of pizza slapped

together to make a quesa-dilla.

Boom.

- It's pronounced "quesadilla,"

so it would be

the pizzadilla.

- I'll say it how I want.

It's my i-dilla.

[lid crashes]

- Ow!

- Okay, no more lid dropping.

Nicky, what have you got?

- Drum roll, please.

- Ooh, what is that?

A drumstick inside

a dinner roll?

- No,

I'm asking for a drum roll.

- Me too.

It sounds delicious.

- Ha.

The kabob gobbler.

Turkey and all the fixings.

It's Thanksgiving on a stick.

Boom.

I'd drop this, but I respect

my cookware too much.

- All right, let's vote.

- Vote?

[scoffs]

Please.

As the closest thing

to a chef here,

I know what's best,

and it's the kabob gobbler.

- Uh, it's clearly

the fapita.

- Uh, waffle-falafel.

- Pizza-dilla.

- "Dilla."

- Best meal of the year

on a stick.

[all yelling at once]

- Guys, guys, Gourmet Guy

just e-mailed us back.

- [gasps]

- He's coming tomorrow.

So if we really want to save

the cafe,

we have to get

a good review.

So let's hit him

with our best:

the kabob gobbler.

- Nicky, none of us want Mom and

Dad to shut down the cafe,

but we all have to agree.

- But since we can't,

what are we gonna do?

- I give you the kabob gobbler

Waffle-Falafel

Fapita Pizza-dilla.

- "Dilla."

- Let it go.

- Nicky, as the closest thing

we have to a chef,

what do you think?

- [scoffs]

What do I think?

I think it lacks focus.

I think it's a mish mosh of

11 different foods on a stick.

I think it's

a culinary abomination.

- That's a good name.

And here's a better one.

The Food Bat.

[whooshes]

- You know what?

That is a home run.

Hey, check it out.

- [gasps]

- That's gotta be Gourmet Guy.

- Okay, guys,

it's show time.

- Table for one, sir?

- That'd be lovely.

- Might I recommend

our signature dish...

the Food Bat.

- Oh, my.

- [gasps]

That's one "oh, my,"

and he hasn't even tasted it.

- Oh, my.

- That's two.

- Yes!

- That's two.

- [chuckles]

Oh, my!

- Three!

- Oh...

my.

- Yes! That's four "oh, my's."

- Oh, he's so gonna give us

a rave review.

- Whoa!

- Mmm.

all: "Meh"?

- How could he give us

a "meh"?

- Maybe we should have

set it on fire.

- Dicky, that "meh" could cost

us the cafe.

- You know, I don't get it.

We all heard Gourmet Guy say,

"Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my,

Oh...my."

Unless...

that wasn't Gourmet Guy.

- But he's the only person

we served.

Who else could it

have been?

- Meh.

What?

It...needs salt.

I think there's some...

not in here.

- Um, Nicky,

did you just say, "meh"?

- Uh, no, I said, uh,

I said, "Mae."

- Pretty sure it was "meh."

- Well, I'm telling you

it was "Mae."

- Why would you say "Mae"?

She's not even here.

- You're right.

I-I said, "guacmaemole."

- Nobody says that.

- Oh, yes, then it must have

been, uh, "guacamolmae."

- No one says that either.

- Oh, uh, then I meant to say,

uh, "guacmaemolmae."

Everybody says that.

- Is there something

you want to tell us, Nicky?

- I mean, noth--nothing

really comes to mind.

Fresh "guacmaemolmae"?

- Admit it,

you're Gourmet Guy.

- What?

No.

- Admit it!

- Uh, no.

- Admit it!

- Okay, fine.

I'm Gourmet Guy.

You happy?

- Yeah.

- What--hey, hey!

Ah!

This is exactly why Gourmet Guy

likes to remain anonymous.

♪

- What were you thinking,

Nicky?

This could ruin everything

we've worked for.

How could you give us

a bad review?

- Because...as Gourmet Guy,

I have a responsibility

to give my readers

the truth.

- Yeah,

and as our brother,

you also have a responsibility

to us.

- I bet he's just mad

'cause we wouldn't

feature his kabob gobbler.

- That's not why I posted it.

No matter how mad

I was as Nicky,

as Gourmet Guy, I gave

my completely honest opinion.

- I'm calling a quaddle.

Minus Gourmet Guy.

- Is Nicky still invited?

- No!

Nicky sits there

and thinks about

what Gourmet Guy did.

- All right,

what do we do?

- I say we kick him out

of the quads.

From now on, we'll just be

the Three Quads.

- We can't be the Three Quads,

Dicky. Quads means four.

- Yeah, just like dilla

is pronounced "deya."

- All right, I've got it.

We'll have Gourmet Guy

review us again,

but this time we'll just serve

him Nicky's kabob gobbler.

- Perfect. He's sure to give

himself four "oh, my's."

- Okay, here's how this

is gonna go down.

- Guys,

I heard the whole thing.

You're three feet away.

- So, you'll do it,

right?

- Absolutely.

Nicky looks forward to cooking

the kabob gobbler,

and Gourmet Guy looks forward

to reviewing it.

- I'm not sure which one of you

I'm talking to,

but whoever it is,

tell the other one he's weird.

[upbeat music]

- Hey, Tom,

do you have the receipt

for that tube sock order?

- No, but I do have this.

- Ugh.

Did you have to part it, Tom?

- Have to?

No.

This is your punishment.

- Come on, honey.

I wrote those thing, like,

right after the kids were born.

I was on no sleep and clearly

not thinking straight.

So please just--just hand over

the box.

- No, no, no, no, no.

- What?

- I want to read

the rest of them.

I'm sure there's a few in here

about my mother.

- Honey, you are wrong.

There's more than a few.

- Have you decided on what

you'll be having yet, sir?

- Let's see, let's see,

let's see.

Do you have any bisque?

- We do not.

- Might I suggest

the kabob gobbler.

The only thing on the menu.

- Okay, so that's one

kabob gobbler.

- Would you like that

set on fire?

- How does the chef

recommend it?

- Not set on fire.

- One kabob gobbler

"not set on fire."

- Oh, my.

- One!

- Oh, my.

- Yes! Two!

- Oh, my.

Oh.

- all: "Meh?"

- Yeah, did you guys call me?

- We weren't talking to you,

Mae.

How could you give us

another "meh?"

- I don't get it, Nicky.

We heard you say "oh, my"

four times.

- I said it,

but I just couldn't write it.

- Why not?

The kabob gobbler was

your creation.

- I'm sorry.

The critic in me has to be

honest with the chef in me.

And the chef in me stinks.

- What are you talking about?

We all tasted it,

and it was delicious.

- I can't come back

from a review like this.

- But Gourmet Guy said,

"The chef shows promise."

- Well, what does he know?

- He's you.

- What do I know?

- Then don't post it.

- I have to.

I have a deadline.

- Well, call the editor

and tell him

you're not going to make it.

- I am also the editor.

- Look, you can't post

that review.

It'll ruin the cafe,

and Mom and Dad

will definitely close it down.

- Hey!

- Let go!

- You let go!

- [grunts]

It's three against one.

You'll never win.

- Wrong.

It's three against five.

I'm Gourmet Guy, Chef Nicky,

Editor Nicky, and regular Nicky.

- That's four.

- Oh.

And also Kicky.

all: Who?

Ow!

- I wouldn't do that

if I were you.

- Step away from the laptop.

- All of you.

- Oh, yeah?

Who's gonna make me?

- Is that a food fight?

This place is picking up.

- It's not fire,

but I'm in.

- Food fight!

- [blowing whistle]

Everybody, stop!

What's wrong with you?

This isn't a fair food fight.

Now it's fair.

Kabobs away.

[all yelling and laughing]

- Kids! Kids!

- Ah! Ah!

- Oh, gosh!

[screaming]

- Hey, hey, stop!

Stop!

Ahh!

- Ow.

- Ow!

It totally hurts.

- I thought you wanted

to save the cafe,

not destroy it!

- Sorry, but we found out

Nicky's the Gourmet Guy.

[all gasping]

- And he was gonna post a bad

review about our cafe.

[all gasping]

- Nicky, how could you give us

a bad review?

- [gasps]

Oh, we're done with that?

- I'm sorry.

I just can't lie to my readers.

- We're sorry about all this.

We just really don't want

the cafe to close down.

- Well, we have some news

and we think

you're gonna like it.

- We decided to keep it open.

- Yes!

- You did?

- We saw how much hard work

you guys put into saving it,

and we realized how much

you care about it.

- Plus, our accountant told us

it would be a financial disaster

to close it, so...[chuckles]

- Yeah.

- [chuckles]

Is Nicky your accountant, too?

- No.

He is.

- Oh, hi.

- Okay, let's get this cafe

cleaned up

and back open for business.

[all agreeing]

- Uh, is that smoke?

- Well, that's weird.

I preheated the oven,

but I didn't put anything in it.

[all panicking]

- Hey, at least something

got set on fire.

- Run, people!

Forget the dinner rolls,

Grandma!

- Ah!

- Yes!

- [screaming]

- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

- Well, the fire definitely

started in the oven.

Found this in there.

- "Suggestion box."

- Oops.

[chuckles]

Guess that wasn't

the best hiding place.

- Good news.

We were also able to save this.

- Ugh.

- Thank you, Fireman Handsome--

I mean, Hanson.

That's what she calls you.

- Just one time.

- So, how much will it cost

to rebuild the cafe?

- Well...

- all: Oh, my.

- ♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na na ♪

[whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪