Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

[doorbell ringing]

- Gosh!

Who's at the door this early?

- Hi.

- Aah!

- Sharon Dee, BCD TV.

Can we get a comment from JT?

- Okay, you're just

saying letters.

- Rumor has it

action mega hunk JT Steele,

star of the "Mission:

Not Do-able" movies,

is hiding here

researching his next role.

- Did someone say JT Steele?

- Yes, I did.

Sharon Dee, BCD TV.

Is he here?

- Is who here?

- JT Steele.

- JT Steele's here?

- JT Steele's not here.

- JT Steele's here?

- Who's at the door?

- Sharon Dee, BCD TV.

She's asking about JT.

- Hey, who's at the door?

- I think you got

a bad tip.

The closest thing we have

to a movie star is...

him.

- Perhaps you've seen

the commercials

for Tom's Get Sporty?

- Nope.

- Oh, well, they go a little

something like this:

"Hi.

I'm Tom.

"We're having a sale this week

on tube socks.

Tell your friends."

- Okay, what was that

all about?

- That was pretty weird.

- Hey, thanks for working in

the plug for the store, "Tom."

- Oh, no problem...

Tom.

- Two Dads?

Okay, this just went from weird

to...ah...!

- Well, things are about to go

from "ah!" to "whoa!"

- That's right...

because I'm...

JT Steele.

kids: Whoa!

- Told ya.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Na na na na na na ♪

- ♪ One, two ♪

♪ One, two, three four ♪

[upbeat music]

- Kids, I would like

to formally introduce you

to my old pal

Fan's Choice Award-winner...

JT Steele!

- This is so cool!

How do you guys

know each other?

- Ah, Real Tom used

to babysit me.

- Easiest gig ever.

One glass of warm milk,

and this little fella

was out like a light.

- It's true.

The moo-juice

sends me straight to Z-Town.

[gasping]

- Ow!

- Oh, no!

- Are you okay?

- I'm good.

- Wait a minute.

- How do we know

this is actually JT Steele?

And how do we know

that you're Dad?

- Don't!

Oh!

Dicky,

that's real face!

- That's what they all say.

- Dicky, that is your father!

- Yeah, but who are you?

[yelling]

- Nicky, that's Mom.

- Let's settle this

once and for all.

JT, prove it's really you.

Say your catch phrase.

- [sighs]

Kids, let's leave JT alone.

- Yeah, don't worry.

Don't worry.

I got this.

[clears throat]

I got this!

- [laughing]

- Both: Whoa!

It's JT Steele!

- I cannot wait

to tell everybody!

- Yeah.

- Ah...Sorry, kids.

As much as I know

you're dying to brag

to all of your friends that

a Fan's Choice Award-winning

megastar like myself

is staying at your home,

you can't tell anyone

I'm here.

all: Aw...

- Really?

- Wait, wait.

If people are hounding JT,

then he can't properly prepare

for the most challenging and

heroic role he's ever played...

a suburban dad.

- Are you sure

we can't tell anybody?

- Would you guys like

having a movie star

staying at your house?

all: Yeah!

- Then you can't tell anyone!

- All right.

Have fun with JT.

- Wait.

You're leaving?

- Yeah, well, in order for JT to

immerse himself into the role,

your mom and I agreed

to clear out.

- It's gonna be really hard

to leave you kids,

but we're making

this sacrifice for JT.

- If you need us, we'll be

at his luxury condo in Vail.

- Love you, bye!

- This is awesome!

- JT Steele

is staying at our house.

- You guys look like

you're all ready for bed,

so...

sweet dreams!

- Um...

no, we just woke up.

- Don't you sass me,

young lady.

Did that feel real?

- Ah, could use some work.

- Mm-hmm.

- But really, we have

to go to school, JT.

- No, no, no.

No more JT.

From now on...

call me "Father."

Nah, too formal.

Um...Papa.

[doorbell ringing]

- Who's that?

- America.

This is your first mission

not do-able.

Get rid of them!

- But if it's not do-able.

How are we gonna do it?

That's what make it

exciting!

At first you don't think

it's do-able,

and then you do it!

Now, do it!

While I do this!

[loud thud]

- Wow!

Papa is so cool!

[doorbell ringing]

- Where is he?

- Where is who?

- JT.

I was on my way to school

and I got a BCD blast.

I want to see JT Steele.

- Well, he's not here.

[metal cracking]

- See?

Just Squishy.

- Anyway...

we told the reporter

the truth.

He's not here.

- Yeah.

- Do you really think

our dad knows JT Steele,

and that he actually

babysat him as a kid?

- And that JT came here

to research a role

about playing

a suburban dad?

- Uh, they didn't say

any of that on the report.

- Look.

I'm your best friend, Mae.

Would I lie to you?

- I'd like to think not.

- Okay, well,

see you at school.

- We completed

our first mission!

- Hiya!

Hyah!

I just completed

my first mission too.

Lunch!

- Oh, what'd you make us?

- Don't sass me!

- Ooh!

That was better.

- And, you know,

it felt better.

Ah, what time

does your driver get here?

- Oh, we take the bus.

- Ew!

All right, then I guess I can

give you guys some bus money.

Will 100 bucks each

cover it?

- Actually,

it's the school bus,

so we don't have to pay.

- On the way there...

It's the way back

when they get you.

- Mm-hmm. I get it.

- Wow!

Fake Dad made it rain.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, man.

I'm starving.

I didn't eat

my lunch today.

- I couldn't eat

my lunch today.

JT packed me an onion...

and half a jar of mustard.

- Well, I got soup.

- Well, we have to eat

before we go home.

There's no telling

what JT is gonna feed us.

- Already

took care of it.

- Okay, I got

a large ghost pepper pizza

and a chicken parm

for a Mr. Harper.

- I'm Mr. Harper.

- Watch out for the

spicy ghost pepper.

It's a wicked scorcher.

- Keep the change.

- Thanks,

Mr. Harper.

- Dicky, where'd you get

all that money?

- Oh...um...

Definitely not

from JT Steele, ha.

He's not at our house

researching a movie role.

- Yeah, you told us.

- Well, we just want you

to be sure he's still not there.

- We get it.

- A movie star didn't

make our lunches.

- We believe you.

What would a movie star

be doing at your house?

- Not pretending to be our dad,

that's for sure.

It worked.

- Sure did.

- Totally.

- Yeah, nobody knows

he's at our house.

- This is terrible.

- Sure is.

- Totally.

- I mean, what's the point

of having JT Steele at our house

if nobody knows JT Steele

is at our house?

- Then we gotta find

a way to tell people

JT Steele

is at our house

without telling people

JT Steele is at our house.

Follow my lead.

So, can you guys believe

that story on BCD

about JT Steele

at our house?

- I mean, seriously.

JT Steele at our house!

JT Steele at...

our...house.

- Are you trying to tell us

that JT Steele is at your house?

- We did not say that.

So he's not at your house?

- We did not say that.

- Okay, I gotta ask.

Is he at your house?

Is he not at your house?

- If he...

were at our house,

he may or may not have told us

that we could not tell anybody.

Wink.

- Oh, I get it.

'Cause if he...

were at your house,

then you wouldn't

be having us all over

for a barbecue tomorrow

to meet him.

Wink.

- You're right.

We would not.

So we won't be seeing you

at 2:00 tomorrow.

Wink.

Oh, wink.

Oh, wink.

- Okay,

now I gotta ask.

Are seeing them at 2:00?

Are we not seeing them

at 2:00?

- Oh, we're seeing them

at 2:00.

At the barbecue JT

doesn't know we're having.

Yet.

[upbeat music]

both: Oh!

- Whoa!

Look at all this luxury!

Hot tub!

Push-button espresso!

[gasps]

Massage chair!

- Honey, look!

It's JT's Fan's Choice Award

for "Mission:

Not Do-able 3"!

- Ah...

- Anne,

take my picture!

- I'm...busy.

- Fine, I'm leaving you out

of my acceptance speech.

- Don't care.

- Uh, sometimes...

all you need in life is a br--

- [yells]

Tom!

[upbeat music]

- No, officer.

I don't know where they are.

I haven't seen them in hours.

Oh!

Never mind,

they just got home.

Where were you?

I have been worried sick

about you kids.

- Really?

Oh, we're so sorry.

- Yes!

You totally believed me!

I nailed it!

This isn't even

a real phone.

It's just my hand.

I drew numbers on it.

- You know, if you really want

to nail being a suburban dad--

- If you're gonna say, "sign

for a package in my underwear,"

I already did it.

And nailed it!

Pff!

Thank you.

- Actually, I was thinking

more along the lines

of a good-old

neighborhood barbecue.

- It's what all dads do.

Rocking the apron...

- Grilling up some meat

in the yard.

- It's the only real way

to complete your dad-ucation.

all: Barbecue!

Barbecue!

Barbecue!

Barbecue!

- I love it.

It's already got

a chant and everything.

As long as it's just us.

- Sure.

Of course, if you want to do it

the way a real dad would,

you should--

You know what?

Forget it.

It's too real.

- No, no.

I-I want real.

- Okay.

You'd let us invite

three friends over.

There, I said it.

- Well, if that's what

a real dad would do,

then consider it done!

- Oh, yeah!

- [bell ringing]

- Speaking of done.

- Yeah, a little too done.

- Maybe having a barbecue

is not a good idea.

- No, no, no.

It's okay.

- Yeah, everybody burns dinner

now and then.

- Uhm...

this wasn't your dinner.

- What?

- It was your laundry.

Uh...

It's the typical dad mess-up.

Am I right?

Tell me I'm right.

all: Uh...

- No, seriously.

I'm here to learn.

Give me the truth.

- Fine. You sent us to school

with $400 and soup in a bag.

- You thought we were missing

and you called the police

on your hand.

- And we haven't seen the dog

since he was on your head.

- I'm not following you,

so just give me the headline

of this review.

- Okay.

"JT Steele...

you don't got this."

- How can you say that?

- You said you wanted

the truth.

- No actor wants the truth.

I was acting!

- It's all right.

You'll be fine for the barbecue.

- Yeah.

- Barbecue?

I can't pull off

a barbecue.

Only dads or actors

who can play dads can barbecue.

And since I'm no good

at either,

I quit.

- Being a dad or acting?

- Both.

I'm quitting...

"dacting."

Now...

if you'll excuse me.

[sobbing]

- But the barbecue

is still on, right?

- [sobbing]

- Maybe we should call for help.

- Yeah.

- It's ringing.

- Stop.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- This is not good.

- No, Mom.

Everything's great here.

We didn't break anything.

- [moaning]

- Yeah, nothing broken

here either.

- [sobbing]

- Love you, Mom.

Talk to you tomorrow.

Okay, I think she bought it.

- What are we gonna do?

- Mae, Molly, and Natlee

are coming over tomorrow

for a barbecue.

- Maybe he just needs

to sleep it off.

I'm sure he'll be fine

in the morning.

- Well,

that didn't work.

- [crying]

- Did you sleep

with your shoes on?

- No.

[coughs]

I couldn't sleep at all.

I was up all night contemplating

everything I'm bad at:

Laundry-ing,

dacting

- Not actual words.

- [groans]

Word thinking.

- Look,

you're over thinking this.

You can totally host

a barbecue.

Just do what your dad did

when you were a kid.

I bet you're a chip

off the old block.

- Wait, wait.

Did you just say "chip"?

"Block"?

And "off"?

- I sure did.

- I haven't used those words

since my dad went down the block

for chips and took off.

He never came back.

I just waited there

with a bowl full of dip.

With nothing

to scoop it with...

but my finger.

That's it!

I had no chips!

- Okay.

- No chips.

No chips.

No chips.

[snoring]

- Man, he really

wanted chips.

- Yeah,

he went out hard.

What was in there?

- It's warm milk.

- What are we

gonna do now?

- We can't host a barbecue

for our friends,

if he's sound asleep.

- Or can he?

Hmm...

all: Hmm...

[upbeat music]

[doorbell ringing]

- Where's JT?

- Or where is not JT?

Wink.

- Actually...

JT is not here.

all: Aw...

- Wink.

- Ladies, meet Fan's

Choice Award-winner...

JT Steele!

- Hey, ladies.

What's up?

[all screaming]

- Hold on!

Give the man some space.

- JT's a space man.

- It looks like JT,

but his lips weren't moving.

- And I'm pretty sure

he's snoring.

- Nope, he's just practicing

his breathing exercises

for an upcoming movie

where he plays a Navy SEAL.

- Arr, arr, arr, arr,

arr, arr, arr.

- Who is also

an actual seal.

- That doesn't sound

like a real movie.

- Something's

a little weird.

- Nope.

Nothing weird.

Okay, well, we'll see you

at school

where you can tell everyone that

you met JT Steele at our house.

- But...

we came for a barbecue.

- I skipped breakfast

for this.

- That's right.

Barbecue.

JT's gonna grill us up

some burgers.

This should be fun

to watch.

No, no, no, no,

no, no, no.

Let's take the long way.

That way we'll give JT

plenty of time to prepare.

Don't look back.

- How are we gonna pull off

this barbecue?

- I'm gonna need my big spatula

and a lot of duct tape.

[upbeat music]

- That was the longest

long way ever.

- I don't understand why we had

to go around the block.

- Oh, hey, JT's already

manning the grill.

- Hey, girls.

Welcome to the barbecue.

- Uh, no, no,

no, no, no.

Not so close.

Give him some space.

- Just watching the master

at work.

- Don't worry, guys.

I grill this.

- Thanks, JT.

- The meat is raw.

- Is that grill even hot?

- What are we supposed

to eat?

- There's not even

any chips.

Just dip.

- Well, at least you got

to meet JT Steele.

And he got to...

"meat" you.

All right, see you guys

at school,

where you can tell everyone

that we know him.

- There's JT.

- It's Sharon Dee.

- From BCD!

all: TV?

- Oh!

Oh!

- Let's get him

out of here.

- Quick!

Come one, guys!

- Come on, come on. Oh!

[loud thud]

all: Oh...

- [grunting]

- This is bad.

- Really bad.

- Could be worse.

- Yeah,

at least that reporter

doesn't know

he quit show business.

all: Dicky!

- Sorry.

[whispering]

That wasn't meant for you.

- He's quitting

show business?

Is it true that you quit

show business?

- [grunts]

- Sounds like a yes to me.

You heard it here first.

- Oh, no.

This is all our fault.

JT Steele's career is about

to be ruined because of us.

- What are we supposed

to do?

- We gotta make him

a hero again.

- How?

- With chips.

- Uhm, excuse me.

He's not quitting the business.

He's just researching the role

of a down-on-his-luck dad

who rescues

a pathetic barbecue.

Perhaps you'd like

to see a scene.

- Roll camera.

- Look how pathetic

this barbecue is.

All of the children

are so sad.

- Why are they sad?

They've got

a big bowl of dip.

- Shouldn't they be happy?

- They would be happy,

but they have...

no chips.

all: No chips.

No chips.

No chips.

- No chips.

No way!

I got this!

Real quick,

where am I?

- Boulder.

- That's right.

Chip-a-doodle-doo!

Hyah!

- Wow! That really

snapped him out of it.

- Okay, it'll take him

about a half-hour

to find chips

and bring them back.

So all--

- Chipee-ki-yay!

Daddy's back!

- How did you get

back here so quick?

- Because I'm a dad.

And that's what dads do.

Also, there was

a minivan next door

with a bunch of free chips

in the back.

- I think he stole

Ms. Hoolihan's groceries.

- Who wants chips

with their dip?

- Ooh, I do.

all: I do, I do.

- Another stellar performance

from JT Steele.

- Ah, I couldn't

have pulled it off

without my four little

dacting coaches.

- Still not a word.

- [laughs]

Well, my job here is done.

I'm gonna go back

to Hollywood now.

[whistling]

I don't know why,

but I had this idea

about me being

in a seal movie.

[helicopter blades whirring]

See ya, kids!

- Bye!

- Yeah, this is

my helicopter!

- Woah! Cool helicopter.

- I own it!

- Is that JT?

- Yep!

He's a terrible dad!

But he sure knows

how to leave a barbecue!

[upbeat music]

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na na ♪

[whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪