Original subtitles

- Dear diary...

- Hey, whatcha doing?

- Nothing.

Wait, what are you doing

in here?

- Oh, I'm in here all the time,

usually when you're not.

- Oh. Get out.

- What's behind your back?

- Nothing, get out.

- Oh, 'cause it said diary,

and you said, "Dear diary."

So I figured it was a diary.

- It's not a diary.

- Ooh, you have a diary?

- No.

- Anything in there about us?

- Diaries are for

private thoughts

like rooms with signs

on the door that say, "No boys

allowed."

- Huh, is that new?

- Yeah, I think that's new.

[All talking over each other]

- No!

It's been there

since I moved in.

Look, I respect your privacy

and I would really

appreciate it

if you would respect mine.

- Don't worry.

You can trust us.

- Totally.

- Absolutely.

- Coast is clear.

- We got to find that diary

and see what she writes about

us.

- No diary, just this weird

ear-warmer thing.

- These aren't ear-warmers.

They're an old-timey

toothache cure.

- No, they're workout bands.

Whoo!

- What? What?

- This is not what

it looks like.

- We didn't come in here

to play with your workout bands.

- Those are my sports bras.

- Ew, that was on my face.

- Gross, mine too!

- Just go!

I have a very long and angry

diary entry to write.

- Oh, by the way, where do you

keep your diary?

- Yeah, we looked

everywhere for it.

- You were in Dawn's room again

without permission, huh?

all: Yep.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na,

na, na, na, na, na ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na,

na, na, na, na, na, ♪

[whistling]

♪ ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪

♪ One, two ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

♪

- Yeah, Mae, I'm leaving now.

Yeah, I'll just

meet you at the ice cream place

named after the rapper.

No, not Scoop Dogg,

Cone-ye West.

- Did you hear that?

- Yeah, she's going

to Cone-ye West.

That place is nowhere near

as good as Wu-Tang Cone.

- What are you

talking about?

There's only two sizes there,

Biggie or Smalls.

- Guys, I don't know.

Should we really be doing this?

The sign does say,

"No boys allowed."

- Now it says,

"No, boys allowed."

- Whoa, word magic.

- Yikes, she is really

mad at us.

- You know what?

Words do hurt.

- Hey, look,

not all of it's about us.

- Dear diary,

this is top secret.

all: Ooh.

- Yesterday,

I went to the school nurse,

and she told me I have a highly

contagious mouth fungus.

all: Ew.

- She said it would

probably go away

in a couple of weeks,

so I'm not

telling anyone about it.

It's gross and itchy,

and it makes my tongue

all hairy.

The only thing

that makes it feel better

is scratching it with

the end of my diary pen.

- Diary pen!

- Hairy tongue, search.

[all yell]

- Mm, this Mackles'more

is so good.

- Not as good as that

Kendrick Lamarshmallow.

Oh, hey, guys.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- 'Sup?

- Oh, this ice cream

is so good.

It's like a party

on my tongue.

Oh, here, try some.

- No, thanks.

- Nicky, you would love it.

- I'm good.

- Dicky?

- Ew, no.

- Okay, what's going on?

You guys love ice cream

named after rappers.

- Yeah, but, um...

- We just had some country music

breakfast foods.

- Yes, the Rascal Flapjacks

were very filling.

- Oh, come on, guys.

There's always room

for ice cream.

- No, thanks.

We're so full, it's hairy.

I mean, scary.

- Well, I'm full too.

So I'm just gonna leave this

right here

in case you guys

change your mind.

Come on, Mae, let's go

up to my room.

- That was close.

- Yeah, reading her diary

was the only thing

that stood between us

and a hairy tongue.

- What's up, boys?

- [gasps]

Is that Kendrick Lamarshmallow?

both: Dibs!

[both talking at once]

[all groaning]

[laughter]

- They totally fell for it.

- And now for phase two,

the tongue wig.

- No, I think phase one

sold it.

- So are you going to make

more fake diary entries?

- Uh, absolutely.

I know they're going to

keep reading it.

And if I can't trust the boys,

I don't want them to be able to

trust each other.

- Are you sure?

'Cause this is pretty scary.

- Now boys allowed.

- Dear diary, what I found out

about my brothers

the other day really

shocked me.

They always used to be

a united threesome, but now?

Two of them

are turning on the other,

and what they plan

to do to him frightens me.

They're going to go after

what he prizes the most,

and he'll have no idea

because it'll happen

when he least expects it.

I mean, I'd like to warn him,

but he's been

kind of mean to me lately.

Maybe if he were nicer,

I'd help him out.

Oh, well, we'll see.

Soccer practice was good today.

Coach says I'm--

- Wait,

what did coach say?

- Who cares what coach said?

Is there anything that you two

would like to tell me?

- No, do you and Dicky have

anything you'd like to tell me?

- I don't know what you're

talking about.

- Me neither.

- All right, this is silly.

- Yeah, we all trust each other,

right?

- Right.

- Right.

These two are definitely

up to something.

- I don't trust

these two at all.

- I really want to know

what coach said.

- All right, boys, lights out.

Sweet dreams.

- Well, you heard her.

Guess it's time

for total darkness.

- Where things can happen

without us seeing them coming.

- But those things will

never happen, right?

- No.

- Of course not.

[bed creaks]

[all scream]

[vacuum whirring]

[vacuum turns off]

[bed creaks]

- Oh...

guess my bed

squeaks a little.

- You heard me, boys.

I said lights out.

[bed creaks]

[all scream]

- [sighs]

- ♪ La, la-la-la ♪

- Five, carry the two,

divide that by three equals...

I hate homework.

- That's the same answer

I got.

- Dawn, Dawn, Dawn,

or Dawn to the third power

as us math guys like to say.

Why don't you take a little

break and let me

handle the homework situation?

In fact, the Rickulator

has already completed

your assignments for the week.

You know you can count

on me to get you an A.

Well, a B-plus to make it seem

like you did it.

- Why would you do my homework?

That falls in the...

you broke something,

need something, or have

something to hide category.

- What? Hogwash.

- What's hogwash?

- It's similar

to "balderdash."

And doing your homework

is just what kind,

loving siblings do.

For example, you'd look out

for me if you knew

I was in imminent danger

or if someone

was threatening what I prize

the most

like my perfect attendance

record.

You'd tell me, right?

- Of course.

- So anything

you want to tell me now?

- Nope.

- Well, if anything comes up,

I'll be upstairs

working on your music

history report.

Just remember, I'll always

have your Bach.

See what I did there?

- Wow, this is going way

better than I thought.

Oh, and I smell

chocolate chip paranoia

coming from the kitchen.

- Oh, hello, ladies.

Don't mind me, I'm just baking

some of Dawn's favorite

chocolate chip muffins.

- Mm.

- Mmm.

These are delicious.

- Can you guess

the secret ingredient?

- Sugar?

- No.

- Flour?

- No.

- Baking soda.

- No.

- Chocolate chips?

- Those aren't secret

ingredients!

- Shrimp?

- Trust!

Trust

is the secret ingredient!

Enjoy.

- Why would you

make us muffins?

- I just enjoy doing nice things

for nice people,

like my nice sister Dawn.

- Hogwash!

It's like balderdash.

- No, it's true.

I'm just looking out

for my sis

like she always looks

out for me.

For example, if you knew

someone or...

two people were threatening

what I love most...

Say, my perfectly seasoned

cast iron skillet,

I could trust you

to warn me, right?

- Well, there is something

I do need to warn you about.

- Yes?

- We're gonna eat

all these muffins.

- Wait, isn't there anything

else you want to tell me?

- Nope.

Two down, one to go.

- Hey, girls, whatcha eating?

- Oh, Nicky made muffins.

I think there's one left

in the kitchen.

both: Dibs!

- There she is,

my favorite sister.

- She's your only sister.

- Aren't we all sisters?

Uh, Dawn,

I brought you a gift.

- Why?

- I just felt like

giving you something,

you know, like you'd give me

a warning if you knew

someone wanted to take away

what I prize most.

Like my luscious locks.

- Sure.

Um, Dicky,

this is my lamp.

- I knew you'd love it.

So now that I gave you

something,

is there something you would

like to give me?

Like information?

- Yep.

- Really?

- Oh, did I say "yep"?

I meant nope.

Three for three, doesn't get

any better than this.

Writing fake diary entries

to mess with my brothers

is the best idea

I've ever had.

I now have a homework servant,

a muffin chef,

and a brighter room.

- I can't wait until my

brother's old enough

to read my fake diary.

Mmm, we're out of muffins.

- Relax, I know where we can

go get some more.

- Mmm, s'mores sound good.

- You know what?

Let's get Nicky to make

some of those too.

Just when I thought

it couldn't get any better,

it got s'more better.

[laughter]

- Fake diary entries?

The other boys are never

gonna believe this.

- I believe it.

- I believe it too.

Thanks.

Mae's heavier than I thought.

- What are you guys

doing in here?

- I was trying to get info about

what you guys were gonna do to

me.

- Me, too, but now we know

everything was all made up

so Dawn could manipulate us

into turning on each other.

- I can't believe she

double-crossed us.

- Yeah, who would go to such

lengths just to

betray someone's trust?

- You know, I think it's time

we start working together

to get Dawn back.

- Yeah, and I have a plan.

But first, could you make us

some s'mores?

I'm starving.

I thought I'd have a snack

in the beanbag chair,

but turns out,

these weren't real beans.

- ♪ Oh, oh ♪

[knock at door]

- Who is it?

- It's Dicky.

You asleep yet?

- Yes.

- Okay.

Do you know when

you'll be awake?

- I'm awake now, Dicky.

- I thought you just said

you were asleep.

- Okay, just come in!

- There she is,

my sister from the same mister.

- What do you want?

- I came in here to apologize

for reading your diary.

- You did what?

- And to thank you

for what you wrote.

Look, I don't want to make

too big of a deal out of this,

but your most private thoughts

saved my life.

Now I know about Ricky

and Nicky's plot to betray me.

You're my hero,

and thanks to you,

I'm about to go mess with them

before they can mess with me.

- Mae, remember how I said it

couldn't get any better

from when it got better

after being better?

It just got better.

- Did I miss it?

- No, the boys haven't

come down yet.

This should be good, though.

Dicky really meant business

last night.

- He did?

Are you nervous at all?

What if he does something

really bad?

- Nah, how bad could it be?

[boys scream]

Don't worry, it's just

a harmless prank.

It's not like they're

out for blood.

- They're out for blood!

- Oh, hi, Dawn and Mae.

How's your morning going?

- Okay.

- Can't complain.

- That's terrific.

We don't have any hair!

- Hey, you know who else

doesn't have any hair?

Vin Diesel,

and he's doing okay.

- I may not be fast,

but I'm furious!

- Wait, stop!

The only reason I shaved your

heads was because

I thought

you were gonna shave mine.

- Why would you think that?

- Because I read in Dawn's

diary that you were

gonna take the thing

that I prized most.

- Hiya.

- Dawn, why would you write

a lie like that

in your diary?

- Because you guys invaded

my privacy,

and I wanted to teach you

a lesson.

So I wrote some fake stuff

in my diary

to turn you

against each other.

[all gasp]

- Why would you do that?

- I am shocked.

- And bald.

- I never thought my diary

would cause things

to get this out of control.

I'm sorry.

- We appreciate that, Dawn.

But all the "I'm sorrys"

in the world

won't bring our hair back.

- I know,

and I feel horrible.

I promise I'll find a way

to make it up to you.

- Honestly, Dawn,

I don't know how

that would be possible.

[laughter]

- She totally bought it.

- Who knew the flesh-colored

swim caps

Dad couldn't sell at the store

would finally come in handy?

- My bald cap's starting

to itch. Can I take it off?

- I think we should keep it on

for the rest of the day

and see how guilty we can

make Dawn feel.

In fact, let's start a wish list

of stuff we can

guilt Dawn into giving us.

Number 370,

a hot tub for our bedroom.

- Yeah, I've got some foot

issues you guys

don't want any part of.

- Uh, why not make it

three hot tubs?

- Hi, guys.

Dawn still feels terrible about

the whole fake diary thing.

- She should.

- It was terrible.

- It could've been me.

- But she thinks she found a way

to make it up to you.

- Is it a monkey

on a motorcycle?

If not,

put it on the list.

- Dawn, come on in.

- After some deep thought

and reflection,

I decided that if my fake diary

caused Nicky and Ricky

to be bald,

then I deserve to be bald too.

- What did you do?

- Is it that bad?

- Terrible.

- Awful.

- Gollum!

- Well, you guys don't look

so good either.

both: Actually...

- Bald caps?

- Sorry.

All three of us overheard

you guys talking in your room.

- What? When?

- Last night.

- And by the way, Mae,

you're heavier than you look.

- You were in my room again?

- Yeah, and it's a good thing,

'cause we found out

those diary entries were fake.

- Liar!

- So we're giving you a taste

of your own medicine.

How's it taste, Dawn?

- Taste!

- So I shaved my head

for nothing?

Oh, this is bad.

This is so bad!

I have to go to school tomorrow.

What did I do?

- You know what?

The whole fake head shaving plan

was mine in the first place.

I know what I have to do

to make this right.

[buzzing]

- Wait, Dicky, no!

I was faking it too.

- This story has more twists

than a cinnamon roll.

- Cinnamon rolls only

have one twist.

- But it's a pretty big twist!

- How did you know we were

faking it?

- Mae and I overheard you guys

in here talking about your Dawn

guilt wish list.

- You were eavesdropping

on our private conversation?

- Private? The pass-through

was completely open.

- Yeah, we said,

"Uh, guys, we're right here,"

several times.

- It's still an invasion

of our privacy.

- You know,

when you think about it,

we invaded your privacy,

you invaded our privacy.

It's kind of funny.

- [laughs]

- Yeah, I guess it is.

- Yeah,

nothing really bad happened.

- I shaved my head!

For real!

- Ooh.

- Wow.

- Yikes.

- Your hair really

is everything.

- Your real bald head

has taught us all a lesson.

We could all work on respecting

each other's privacy

so this sort of thing

never happens again.

- Dawn's right.

Who wants cinnamon rolls?

- Oh, yum, me.

- Yeah.

- I shaved my head!

- Looking good, kids.

- Did we all really

have to shave our heads?

- Hey, quad for all,

and all for bald.

- Besides, I'm sure

it'll grow back.

- Maybe.

- [gasps]

[whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪