Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

- [whistling]

Breakfast is served.

- That's not the way Mom

does it.

- There's too much milk in mine.

- And not enough in mine.

- Mom usually puts fruit

in our cereal.

- [humming cheerfully]

Ba-zoo-wah!

Whoa.

There. Just like Mom.

all: Ugh.

- Speaking of Mom, when is she

coming back from Grandma's?

- Yeah, it's been weeks.

- I can't take it anymore.

- We're living like animals.

- Guys, I haven't even left yet.

But don't worry, I'm only going

to be gone for a few days.

- Why can't Grandma

just come here?

- No!

[dish clatters]

I mean, you already bought your

bus ticket.

[laughs]

- I'm just so bummed

I'm going to miss Assistant Week

at school.

You kids

are going to have so much fun

learning how the school works.

- Yeah, I got assigned

to Principal Tarian.

He's letting me do

all the P.A. announcements.

"Attention, cereal,

please report to Dawn's mouth."

- I get to assist Judy,

the cafeteria lady.

She gave me my own hairnet.

- [laughing]

- I'm assisting Mr. Ackerman,

my math teacher.

He's letting me teach class

all by myself on Friday.

- Oh, honey, that's great.

- I'm not nervous!

Why do you think I'm nervous?

[laughs nervously]

- Well, I've got

the coolest job of all.

Check out

my cool custodian keyring.

[keys jangle]

Ow! Ow!

[keys jangle again]

Ow!

- Okay, all right,

you know what,

I'm just going to help you out

with that.

[vehicle honks]

- You guys,

I'm going to miss you so much.

Okay, be good.

- We love you.

- I love you too.

- Good-bye, Mama.

all: Love you, Mom.

- Be back in a few days.

Ah, love you. Okay. Bye, guys.

- Bye.

- Bye Mom.

- Let me take a look

at this thing. Come on.

- I'm really gonna

miss you, Mom.

I wish I could go with you.

- Aw, I know, honey,

but while I'm gone,

I need somebody

to keep an eye on the boys.

- Okay, don't panic.

All right, panic!

- Please hurry back.

- Mm.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Na na na na na na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

[upbeat music]

- Ooh, uh, Dawn.

- See ya.

- I have a question.

- I'd lose the hairnet.

- No, it's a serious question.

- I am serious.

Lose the hairnet.

- The hairnet's staying.

- Sorry. Whatever you need,

just say it. I'm here for you.

- I have feelings for a girl.

- Could you excuse me

for one second?

[cringing]

Continue.

- How do I tell her I like her?

- Oh, I really wish

I wasn't hearing this...

because girls like mysteries

and secrets,

which is why you're going to be

her secret admirer.

Good talk. Gotta go.

- Wait, Dawn.

Like my hairnet,

this is not going away.

- Fine, write her a poem.

- About what?

- I don't know, like,

rhyme stuff,

like rainbows and kittens

and fuzzy mittens.

- Yeah, kittens!

That'll sweep her off her feet.

Next time you see me, I could be

asking for smooching advice.

[smooches, laughs]

- [cringes]

♪ ♪

Oh. Bear claws.

- Paws off my claws.

Sorry. But seriously,

don't touch 'em.

- Dawn, you're not going

to believe...

[sneezes]

What happened.

[sneezes]

- You caught

the world's cutest cold?

- No, I'm allergic to tulips.

- Oh.

- But that's not the news.

I have a secret admirer.

- Oh, that's a coincidence,

because--

- And he wrote me a poem.

- That's also a coincidence.

- He said I make him feel

like rainbows and kittens

all wrapped up in fuzzy mittens.

I don't know who he is,

but I can't wait to find out.

- Nurse Mae, I bumped my head.

- Aw, first your finger,

now your head.

Come on in.

Let's get you

out of that hairnet and put some

ice on it.

- Rainbows and kittens.

- What is happening?

I need a bear claw.

[door closes]

- Don't even think about it.

♪ ♪

- I'm dying to find out

who my secret admirer is.

- Trust me,

you don't want to know.

I mean...

[laughs]

Isn't the mystery the best part?

I know if it were me,

I'd never want to find out.

That way I could stay

this happy forever.

- I do like a mystery.

But, nah.

Mama wants to know.

- Of course you do.

Excuse me one sec.

Hey, Dad--

- One sec. Hot soup.

Here, take these to table two,

and remember,

give 'em the puppy dog eyes

and you'll get a better tip.

Off you go.

Okay, what do you need?

- Your advice.

See, Nicky like-likes Mae.

- What?

- Exactly!

And I foolishly told him

to become her secret admirer

because I didn't know

it was Mae,

and now Mae's all excited,

but if she finds out it's Nicky,

she'll get all weirded out

and reject him.

What do I do?

- Well--

- Do I say something?

Do I stay out of it?

You're right.

All I have to do

is keep Nicky away

from Mae long enough

that he'll forget his crush.

That way, nobody gets rejected,

and nobody gets hurt.

Great talk, Dad.

- Anytime, honey.

- Dawn, when I teach class,

I'm thinking of breaking the ice

with a joke.

How do you like this?

What's a bird's favorite type

of math?

Owl-gebra.

[both laugh]

- That's a hoot.

Gotta go.

- You don't feel warm.

- Are you sure?

Check again.

- Nicky, come with me quick.

- Why?

- Uh, you're good with cakes,

right?

- The best.

- Dad needs you

to change the urinal cakes

in the upstairs bathroom.

- A hero's work is never done.

[mouthing] All right, come on.

- Hey, Mae. Check this out.

Ouchie mama!

- Wow. You Harper boys

are so clumsy.

Here, I have a bandage

in my backpack.

- Ouchie go bye-bye.

- You have got to be kidding me!

♪ ♪

- ♪ Mangia, mangia,

lovin' the pizza, yay ♪

♪ Tom's doing-a fine

while Anne she is away ♪

- Dad.

I took your advice,

and it totally backfired.

Now Dicky has a crush

on Mae too.

And now if the truth comes out,

all three of them

are going to be disappointed.

- Well--

- You're right!

Who am I kidding?

The idea of Mae and either Nicky

or Dicky is just plain icky!

I'm the one

with the real problem here.

I should take action.

- Yeah, you know--

- You know, that's good!

It's not enough

to keep them apart.

I have to drive them apart.

Thanks for your advice, Dad.

You know there's a pizza

on the ceiling, right?

- Actually, there's--

there's three...

And a lasagna.

- Hey, Dawn, check it out.

[keychain rattles]

- You know you're doing it

the same, right?

- Yeah, but now

it doesn't hurt...

thanks to Mae.

- Oh, that Mae.

[laughs]

She sure is full

of good advice...

and cooties.

- I don't care

about her cooties.

I think...

I like her.

I mean, normally

when I see a girl, I think,

"Hey. All right."

But suddenly, with Mae,

I'm like, "Hey. All right."

What do I do?

- Okay, trust me. I know Mae.

And if you really want her

to like you,

don't tell her you like her.

Go the secret admirer route.

- Ooh, I always did want to wear

one of those hats

and command an entire navy.

- That's an admiral.

- Thank you. I think it's

a pretty good goal as well.

- That's admirable.

- I already said, "Thank you."

- Just don't tell anyone

you like Mae, especially Mae.

- Then how's she gonna know?

- Good question.

[gasps]

You're going to give her tulips

and give them

to her anonymously.

- Got it. One question--

- "Anonymously" means

you don't say who did it.

♪ ♪

- That's the last of them.

[pot clatters]

- Big news from Mae.

She loved your poem.

- She did?

[pots clatter]

That's great!

Oh, I can't wait

to tell her it was from me.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You can't tell her yet,

or anybody.

- Then what's my next move?

- Another poem, and I already

wrote it for you.

- Hm.

I don't know, Dawn.

You rhymed "full of cooties"

with "doggy doodies."

- Girls love doggy doodies.

♪ ♪

- Hey, Mae, I'm at your locker.

Where are you? Call me back.

I can't wait to see what's going

on with your secret admirer.

- Dawn--

- Secret Admiral.

They're a band.

- Don't care.

Listen.

Which pointer do you think

I should use

for my presentation?

The classic retractable?

Here, here, and here.

Or this modern, hip

laser pointer?

Yo, check it,

what up?

Both effective,

but in untrained hands,

either one could

poke an eye out.

- I'd go retractable.

Old school's the new school.

Happy pointing.

- Dawn, you're not going

to believe this.

My secret admirer gave me

the most ridiculous poem.

He rhymed "cooties"

with "doodies."

- Oh, Mae, I am so sorry.

- For what?

It was ridiculously funny.

[laughs]

- It was?

[laughs]

- He's sweet

and has a great sense of humor.

- He does?

- And...

he also gave me...

tulips!

[sneezes]

I don't care if I'm allergic.

How...

[sneezes] cute is this?

My secret admirer

is the perfect guy,

and I can't wait for him

to reveal himself.

I'll see you at your house

after school to study.

- I heard what Mae said.

So after school at the house,

I'm gonna reveal

I'm her secret admirer.

Thanks, Dawn.

- No, wait, you really

don't want to do...

- I heard what Mae said.

So after school

at the house,

I'm gonna reveal

I'm her secret admirer.

Thanks, Dawn.

- You really shouldn't--

I mean...

[sighs]

- I'm sorry!

It was an accident!

Thanks, Dawn.

♪ ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [sneezes]

- Principal T.,

can I ask you a question?

- If it's gonna be

"Can I call you Principal T.?"

the answer is no.

- If you had a friend

coming over to your house,

and you knew if they showed up,

it would be a total disaster,

what would you do?

- Well, whenever I have

a problem,

I have a bear claw.

But you don't need fried dough

to solve your problems.

You just relax,

and I am sure

the solution will come to you.

- Ricky!

Attention, Ricky Harper,

please report

to the principal's office.

- Did you just call me

to the principal's office,

because I've never been called

to the principal's office.

This is where the bad kids

are called.

I'm not a bad kid.

I'm a good kid. There must be

some kind of mistake.

- Okay, stop talking.

- Is it the eye thing? Because

that kid walked right into it.

In fact, he bent my pointer,

so if anyone should be mad, it

should be me.

- It is not the eye thing.

- Oh, good,

because it was totally my fault.

- You're not in trouble.

Look, do you have feelings

for Mae?

- Of course not.

- Perfect.

Mae's having a really hard time

in math, and it would be great

if you could go over

to her house after school today

and help her study.

- Mae's not having a hard time

in math.

She's one

of my brightest students.

- Well, then, maybe she could

give you some feedback

on your lesson plan.

- Why? You don't think

I'm ready to teach class?

- I didn't say--

- Oh, my gosh, you're right!

What was I thinking?

I'm gonna make a fool of myself!

"Owl-gebra"?

Who's gonna laugh

at an owl joke?

Who? Who?

[hyperventilating]

- Breathe into this.

- Okay, Ricky, you'll be fine.

Just keep breathing.

- [breathing heavily]

- Ricky's really nervous

about his lesson plan.

Do you mind if he comes over

to your house after school

and practices?

- Are you guys talking about me?

[breathing heavily]

- Of course.

You and I

can study another time.

- Um...

Have you girls seen a brown bag

out here?

It had my lunch in it.

- No.

- Sounds like a problem

a bear claw could fix.

♪ ♪

- Perfect.

Oh, there you are.

Is Mae with you?

I just finished her cake.

- Yeah...about that.

She's...not coming.

- What?

- Yep, she's pretty unreliable.

If I were a guy,

that'd be enough for me

to not like her.

- Boy, that is a deal breaker...

for most guys.

But I ain't most guys.

Now hand me my cake carrier.

I'm taking this love show

on the road.

- Uh, no!

You don't want to do that.

- Of course I do.

The only thing

that would keep me away from Mae

is if she likes another guy.

- [snaps fingers]

Funny you should mention that.

Mae likes another guy.

- She does?

- Yup, one minute she's all

about her secret admirer,

next minute she's doodling

"Mrs. Mae Newguy...erson."

He just moved here from Sweden.

- This is terrible.

- Aww.

There'll be others.

- I heard voices.

Is Mae here?

- Yeah, about that.

I--I have some bad news.

Mae met another boy.

And he's Swedish.

- Yeah, well, he may be

sweet-ish,

but I'm sweet-er.

- It doesn't matter

how sweet you are.

She's met another guy.

I'm sorry.

It's over.

- Oh, okay.

Guess I'll just go back upstairs

and forget about her.

Or...

- What "or"?

There is no "or"!

- I could apply a fresh coat

of body spray

and go fight for her.

- Wait! No!

I don't really think...

- Dawn, I've decided

to fight for her.

- What?

No! Fighting is bad!

- Not when it's for my lady.

Oh, I'm gonna bring her

this cake and win her back.

- Uh--but not with that cake,

you're not.

It's totally smudged.

- Where?

- Uh...right over here.

I mean, right over here.

- [gasps]

- Better go back in and fix it.

- Hey, Dawn.

- What are you doing here?

I mean, hey,

what are you doing here?

- We couldn't stay at my house.

Ricky's allergic

to my cat, Debbie.

- [sighs]

Yeah, Debbie.

- You've got to be kidding me.

Can I have a word with you?

[laughs]

Excuse us.

[door slams]

I thought you told me

you didn't like Mae.

- I didn't, but now I do.

And it's all because

you made me go over there.

So thank you.

- Yay me.

[laughs]

What happened?

- I can't explain it.

I was nervous

about my presentation,

and then she said everything

was going to be okay,

and suddenly

everything was okay.

I mean, with most girls,

I'm like, "Oh, no."

But with Mae, I'm like,

"Oh, yes."

- Look, I didn't want

to have to tell you this,

but there's another boy.

He's Swedish,

and you don't stand a chance.

- Swedish!

I guess that's that.

- [sighs]

- Or...

- No!

- Yes, I'm going to--

- Fight for her--

yeah, yeah, I know!

- I gotta ask.

Am I coming in the house?

Am I not coming in the house?

- One second!

[door slams]

- Look, if you want Mae

to like you,

you've got to play it cool.

Don't tell her you like her.

In fact, don't tell anyone

you like her.

You know what, don't even speak.

- Got it. I mean...

- [snaps fingers]

Hey.

Glad you're here.

You know,

let's go grab some smoothies.

- I'm not in the mood.

- Soup, then.

- But Ricky said he's going to

help me with my math homework.

- You don't need help with math.

You're one

of his brightest students.

What you need is soup.

And you know what today's soup

of the day is?

What's your favorite soup?

- Alphabet?

- Bingo! Let's go.

- But, Dawn.

I have to go to the bathroom.

- Get Sporty has

fresh urinal cakes.

- But, Dawn,

you're not even wearing shoes.

- Okay, fine.

I didn't want to have

to tell you this,

but a certain special someone

left me a note saying he wanted

to meet you at Get Sporty

right now.

- Do you mean...

- Oh, yes.

That special guy is going to be

at Get Sporty any minute,

waiting for you with a hot bowl

of alphabet soup.

He said he'll "A-B-C you there."

- Really?

Let's go!

- Well, I certainly have no idea

what they were talking about.

- Me neither.

- I don't understand what's

going on most of the time.

- I need to go

to Get Sporty

without them knowing why.

- I need to go

to Get Sporty

without them knowing why.

- Alphabet soup?

Mae has fancy taste.

I must have her.

♪ ♪

- Dawn, you promised.

This is so disappointing.

- I'm sorry, Mae.

I really thought

there'd be alphabet soup.

- I'm not disappointed

about the soup.

Well, a little.

I just can't believe my secret

admirer didn't show up.

- Well, maybe he has cold feet.

I know I do...

- This isn't funny, Dawn.

I'm devastated.

This has ruined romance

for me...

and soup.

- Well, I'm sure

he's around here somewhere.

I'll go look for him right now.

Hey, Mae.

It's me, your secret admirer.

You are the coolest girl

in the world.

But my family is moving away.

If life was like

alphabet soup...

I'd put "U" and "I" together.

But it ain't.

So I-B-C-N...

U.

- Dawn, I know it's you.

- No, it ain't.

I'm a dude.

This is clearly a dude hat

and dude sunglasses.

- But that is not

dude nail polish.

- Too much pink?

- Dawn, please, any dum-dum

can tell it's you.

- Hey, fella!

Get your dang Swedish hands

off her.

- I stand corrected.

- Mae, I'm your secret admirer.

- No, you're not.

I'm her secret admirer.

- But wait.

I want to be her admirer.

We'll have no secrets.

- Back off, she's mine.

- No, she's mine!

- No, she's mine!

[all yelling at once]

- Dawn, what's going on here?

- [sighs]

I'm sorry, Mae.

My brothers

started to like you--

- What? Me?

Them?

[all shouting at once]

- Why?

- I--I don't know,

but I didn't know what to do.

I didn't want you to be

disappointed

or them to get

their feelings hurt.

[all shouting at once]

- So the poems and the flowers

were from them?

[all shouting at once]

- [shudders]

- With some intentionally bad

advice from me.

I'm sorry, Mae. I should have

just told you the truth.

Forgive me?

- Of course I do.

But I don't know if they will.

- Mae is mine!

all: Mine first!

- I know.

[sighs]

My mom told me to keep

an eye on them, and I completely

messed it up.

- Don't worry.

Everything will be okay.

- Aw, that's what my Mom says.

[gasps]

That's what my Mom says!

Wait a minute.

- I was nervous

about my presentation,

and then she said everything

was going to be okay,

and suddenly,

everything was okay!

- Ouchie go bye-bye.

- Nurse Mae, I bumped my head.

[boys shouting]

- My box of chocolate!

- Not anymore!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

- This ends now!

- Guys, stop!

You don't like Mae.

You just miss Mom.

- We don't miss Mom.

- That's childish.

- What are we, babies?

- So what's for dinner, Mae?

Okay, I see it now.

both: Mm.

- Look, we might not like Mae

that way,

but I want to go on record

saying we don't miss our Mom.

- Hey, guys, who wants to talk

to Mom on video chat?

- [gasps]

I mean...

I don't want to, but...

she probably wants

to say hi to us.

- Yeah, bet she misses us

like crazy.

- She's so needy.

Ugh, cooties.

- Wait, so you told them

I had cooties?

- I... yeah, sorry.

- And they still liked me?

Mama's got game.

[whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪