Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

- Well, boys,

enjoy your last few minutes

before we're stuck with the

babysitter.

- Why do Mom and Dad think we

still need the babysitter?

- Yeah, we're responsible.

We're, like, the most

responsible kids in the world.

[whimpers]

- Guys, I know we're bummed,

but whoever's whining, please

knock it off.

You sound like a dog who needs

to go to the bathroom.

- Hey, kids.

Guess who's almost here.

- The babysitter.

all: The babysitter.

- I'm so excited we are

finally getting a date night

at Chateau Mamouche.

- It's pronounced "ma-mouch,"

as in "get that food

in ma mouch."

- No, no, no!

- No, it's pronounced,

"Non, non, non."

- No, the babysitter

just cancelled.

all: The babysitter!

- The babysitter.

- Now we'll never find

a sitter so last-minute.

Well, there goes date night.

- Unless...

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

You are not

staying home alone.

You kids ask us this every time.

Your mother never goes

for it, and she's not

going to go for it now.

- I might go for it now.

- You're going for it now?

all: Yes!

- Well, the kids are getting

older, and, I don't know,

maybe it's time

we give them a shot at this.

- But you're not worried?

- No.

- Well, someone has to worry,

and usually it's you.

But if you're not worried, that

means I have to be worried.

Aren't you worried about that?

- Not really.

- But they can't even

take care of Squishy.

- Yeah, we can.

Ricky, it's your turn

to take Squish out.

- No, it's not.

- I did it last time.

- It's not my turn.

- Dawn, it's your turn.

[kids arguing]

- See?

This kind of arguing is why

you can't be left alone.

I swear it's been going on

since before you were born.

[upbeat music]

- [moans]

It's so good.

Give me some of this

right here.

- No, that's mine.

- Oh, sweet quesadilla.

I love you.

- Honey?

Honey, you need to

slow down.

That's the whole

left side of the menu.

- I am growing four humans

in my body cell by cell!

Do you not see what they're

doing inside of me?

- They're just kicking.

It's adorable.

Goo-goo-ga-ga.

- No, it is not

goo-goo-ga-ga.

It's like a

steel cage match in here.

[grunting]

- Take it back!

Take it back!

- Never!

- Don't tell me what to do!

- Goo-goo-ga-ga.

- What is that horrible noise?

- Goo-goo-ga-ga.

- Make it stop!

- Maybe this will work!

- Ow.

Making it worse!

[screams]

- And you're

still arguing like that,

which means you're not

responsible enough

to stay home alone.

- Well, then what if you put

one of us in charge?

That way,

we'll have one clear leader,

which means no arguing

and no problems.

- Oh, and

I bet you have an opinion

of who that person should be.

- I do.

You.

- [gasps]

Don't let my gasp fool you.

I knew this moment would come.

I even have

a presentation titled

"Ricky Harper's Guide

to Responsibly

Staying Home Alone."

- See, honey?

There is nothing to worry about.

- Have you met

our children, Anne?

- Okay, look. Why don't we just

go to El Pepper Pot?

That way, we can still

have our date night,

but we'll be close

in case anything happens.

[dog barks]

[laughs]

See?

Even Squishy approves.

He loves it when we bring him

his favorite nacho balls.

- It's true.

He does.

Then it's settled.

You take Squishy

to El Pepper Pot,

and I'll stay here

with the kids.

- Or you can take me

to El Pepper Pot,

and we can stay married.

- All right, kids.

You're on your own.

all: Yes!

- Make good choices, and

call us if you need anything.

- Don't burn the house down--

- Don't look back!

all: Yes!

- First time

alone in the house.

What do we do first,

Captain?

- I'll grab my presentation.

You guys should get some snacks.

It's got

quite the running time.

Dah!

- Oh, Ricky.

So cute, so innocent.

So not in charge.

- What?

- Look at me.

I'm the captain now.

both: Uh-oh.

[whimpers]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪

- ♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na ♪

[whistling]

♪ ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Na na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na ♪

- ♪ Hey! ♪

- ♪ One, two ♪

- ♪ Na na na na na na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

[upbeat music]

- What do you mean,

you're the captain now?

You made me the captain.

I'm the captain.

You guys heard her.

- I don't really

listen much.

- Well, she did.

Somebody salute me!

- I was only saying that to get

Mom and Dad out of the house.

Now, if anyone is

in charge, it's me.

After all, I've been the captain

since the day we were born.

- Looks pretty scary.

What do you think is out there?

- I don't know,

because I'm not the leader.

And I'm not smart.

- Let's ask the captain.

- It has been a long voyage,

womb mateys.

But it is time to abandon

this mother ship for dry land.

- But I'm scared, Captain.

- We must be brave,

little one,

and face whatever

is out there.

Now wait four seconds and then

follow me out into the unknown.

Let's bounce!

- What are seconds?

You can't possibly remember

any of that.

- You have your memories.

I have mine.

Now, my first decision

is for us to...

watch TV.

- Where does she come up

with this stuff?

- Permission to come aboard,

Captain?

- Permission granted.

- Hey, Captain, the dog needs to

go outside and drop an anchor.

- My second decision

is to unlock the doggy door

so we don't have to spend the

next 20 minutes walking him.

[snaps fingers]

- [sighs]

I'm pretty sure Mom and Dad keep

that locked for a reason.

- Come on, boy!

Come on!

Relax. Now he's free to do his

business wherever he wants.

- Wow, he's really

digging back there.

- I've never seen him dig

so fast.

- See?

Look how happy he is.

Look at his

little paws go.

[dog barks]

- And there he goes!

Right under the fence.

- And out of the yard.

- Run!

- Wait!

I'm the captain now.

I say when we run.

Now we run!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la,

la, la, la, la ♪

- Isn't this great, Tom?

[chuckles]

Do you remember

when I was pregnant

and I ordered, like,

this whole side of the menu?

- Yeah, that was crazy.

Those are just appetizers.

Hi.

I'd like to order

this whole side of the menu.

- Tom, you just ordered

nine entrées.

- Oh.

Ooh, right.

And whatever

the lady wants.

- Uh, the lady is going

to need a minute.

- Yeah, but you can

get rolling on mine.

- Honey, why are you

ordering so much?

- It was fine

when you did it.

- Yeah, but when I did it,

I had a belly full of kids.

- Yeah, well, I have a house

full of kids, Anne.

And who knows

what they're up to?

[crunching]

We're going to need

a bigger basket!

- There he is!

- And there he goes.

- And there they are!

- Aye, aye, aye!

- You, you, you what?

- No, aye, aye, aye,

what are we going to do?

- Oh, first Dawn's going

to look at me.

- For what?

- This.

I'm the captain now.

- Aye, aye, aye.

I can't believe I looked.

- You may have been

born first,

but I've always

been calling the shots.

- I don't know about you guys,

but I'm scared.

- Me too.

If only there was

a much more intelligent,

well-read leader

to help guide us.

- Yes, if only.

I've just finished reading

"Good Night, Womb,"

and I have a theory

about the outside world.

Dawn...

Take a walk with me.

So how do you think

it's been going in here?

Can you believe it's already

been nine months?

- I know.

The time just flies.

- So do you.

- [screams]

- What was that?

- I needed to test my theory.

And I'm correct.

She didn't come back,

so it must be nice out there.

Four, three, two!

Let's roll!

See? I've always been

the man with a plan.

Now, we need to go in there

and get Squishy

before Mom and Dad see him.

- But how are we going to do

that without them seeing us?

["Mexican Hat Dance"]

♪ ♪

- You brought

a fake mustache?

- You didn't?

- Anybody see Squishy?

- No, but look at all that food

on Mom and Dad's table.

- Were they meeting friends?

Because that's a lot of

nacho balls.

- Squishy's heading

right for 'em.

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, look, honey.

They must be having

a date night too.

[giggles]

It's so romantic.

Here, hold my hand.

Honey, this is out of control.

- No, it is perfectly

in control.

May I please have

my hand back?

I want to eat it.

- Tom, relax.

Trust me,

the kids are home safe.

- Excuse me, waiter?

Can we get some more chips,

please?

- [in deep voice]

Si.

- Wait a second.

Something's wrong here.

And some table-side guac.

- Si.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Don?

Don's another word for "sir"

in Spanish.

Don, my good man.

We would also like

a fajita platter, please.

- Si.

- Merci.

- Squishy's too close to

Mom and Dad.

What are we going to do?

- You're going to let the

captain take care of it.

Squishy, Squishy.

I got your favorite,

nacho balls.

See?

Here he comes.

- There he goes again.

- Run!

- No fair!

You got to say "run"

when you were captain!

♪

- This is hopeless.

We've looked everywhere.

- Great job, el capitan.

Now Squishy's really lost.

- Me?

You left the doggy door open.

- Hey, look.

Squishy's inside.

- Because I left

the doggy door open.

- It looks like Squishy

has company.

- Because you left

the doggy door open.

- Those nacho balls

are every dog's favorite.

- We've got to get them

out of our house.

- Uh-oh.

We're locked out.

- I wish there was

a way to pick this lock.

Wait a minute.

Dawn, let me have

one of your hairpins.

- Oh, good idea!

- Now I can get

a better look.

Nope.

No way to pick it.

- No, no, no!

- No!

- Really?

[upbeat music]

- ♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la,

la, la, la, la, la ♪

- We checked the front door

and the garage door.

- Everything's locked.

- We got to get in there

before they destroy the house.

- Okay, if my calculations

are correct,

we can jump off that tree,

onto the hammock,

which will catapult us onto the

roof and then down the chimney.

- And right into the hospital.

- Sorry, Ricky,

but you're not the captain of

this ship anymore.

- Neither of you are.

- You think you could do better?

- Well, it would definitely

be a lot safer.

After all, according to my best

pre-birth memory...

- I'm going first.

- No, I'm going first.

- Trust me, they're going to

want to see this first.

- Who's "they"?

What are you talking about?

[whistle blows]

- What are you doing?

- Whoa, he has a whistle.

He must be in charge.

- It's true.

Whistles traditionally indicate

some type of authority.

- We should probably

listen to him.

- If you all fall down together,

you'll get stuck.

So line up

in an orderly fashion!

Wait for my whistle...

[blows whistle]

Then go.

[blows whistle]

Go!

[blows whistle]

Go!

[blows whistle]

Go!

[blows whistle]

Go--

Oh, wait.

That's me.

Whee.

- There's no way

you had a whistle in there.

- Well, there's

no way you had a book,

but if you did have a book,

the name of that book would be

"I'm the Captain Now."

- Fine, Captain.

How do we get

in the house?

- Easy, through

the doggy door!

- We probably shouldn't have

gone all at once.

- This wouldn't have happened

if I'd had my whistle.

- This couldn't get

any worse.

[dog panting]

all: No, no, no, no, no, no!

Eww!

Ricky, Dicky, and Dawn:

You're out!

- That seems fair.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

- Tom, that is the Papa Grande.

It's an eight-pound burrito.

You need to go slow.

- Too late!

The Papa Grande is

in Papa Tom.

- Well, you're going

to be popping buttons

if you don't stop

all this eating.

I can't believe you don't have

a stomachache by now.

- Honey, when you've got a

stomach of steel like I--

[stomach gurgling]

That's new.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

It's passed.

- Okay.

- Whoo! [laughs]

So you want to split

a Mexican chonga--

[stomach gurgling]

Oh! Uh-oh!

Ooh! Ooh!

- Okay, honey,

just breathe through it, okay?

[rhythmic breathing]

- Okay.

Okay, I'm fine.

- Great!

- I'm fine.

You know, I'm not even worried

about the kids anymore.

You know, we can still enjoy

a nice, romantic...

[stomach gurgling]

Evening! Ow!

La, la, la,

la, la, la, la.

Oh.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

Oh, wow.

They're coming faster now, Anne.

- Okay--

- Oh! [babbles]

Oh!

Oh, wow!

It's like that burrito's

kicking in there.

- Okay!

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Can we get the check,

please?

- Oh, oh!

- Oh, no. I'm so sorry!

- My water broke, Anne!

- Let's get you home.

- So embarrassing!

- Come on.

You got this.

- [grunting]

- Okay, okay.

I am so sorry.

My husband is with burrito.

- You let me do this to myself!

- It's okay.

- Don't look at me!

I'm hideous!

[upbeat music]

- What are we going

to do now?

- If Mom and Dad come home

to find us like this,

they'll never let us

stay home alone again!

- Wait, who's

been the captain?

You've been the captain.

You've been the captain.

You've been the captain.

Hey, I'm the captain now.

Just like I was

when we were womb-ies.

- I'm scared.

- Me too.

I don't know what to do.

- If only we had

a calm, cool leader

with sweet hair

and smooth dance moves.

- [beatboxing]

- Like that guy!

- Wow, he's cool!

- And calm!

- For some reason,

I trust him.

- Here's what we got to do.

Everybody just relax,

clear your mind,

and we're going to

dance our way out of here.

Ladies first.

- What's a lady?

- I don't know,

but I have a feeling

they're going to love me.

Now let's dance.

all: ♪ Goo-goo-goo-goo-ga-ga! ♪

♪ Goo-goo-goo-goo-ga-ga! ♪

[screaming]

So that's all

we've got to do.

Just clear your mind, and dance

like no one's watching.

[beatboxing]

- How is this going to help?

- It's working.

I moved a little.

- The dog slobber

is making us slippery!

- But there's not

enough of it!

- Just keep dancing.

[beatboxing]

- Would you stop ooncing?

Your breath smells

like nacho balls.

- That's it!

Here, boy!

You want a treat?

[belches]

- Ugh.

- Eww!

- Gross!

- Oh so slimy.

- I'm okay with it.

- Now what?

- We oonce

our way out of here.

all: ♪ Oonce, oonce, oonce,

oonce, oonce, oonce ♪

- It worked!

[all cheer]

Now back in.

- Okay.

- Not all at once!

- Come on, guys.

We have to hurry.

Mom and Dad will be home

any minute,

and we've got to get

this kitchen cleaned up.

- And the living room.

[dogs barking]

- Why is everybody

looking at me?

- Because your plan worked.

- You're the captain now.

- Aye, aye, Captain.

- You, you captain?

No, me, me captain.

- We're really going to

let this guy be captain?

- No, I got this.

You're on trash cleanup.

You're on poop patrol.

You vacuum--

and not like how Dad vacuums,

like Mom.

- And what are you

going to do?

- I'm going to get these dogs

out of the house.

Here, boys.

[belches]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Okay.

The house is clean.

Dicky!

- I tried to get them out,

but for some weird reason,

they keep

following me back in.

- Um, what's

in your pocket?

- Oh, I forgot.

I snagged a nacho ball

from the restaurant.

Now, what could these dogs want?

- [sighs]

You want it, boys?

You want it?

You want the ball?

Go get it.

Go get it!

Go get it!

Go on.

Go get it.

Uh-uh.

Not you.

- Come on. We're almost there.

- Oh, so much food!

- Mom and Dad are here!

- Oh, come on.

- Honey, let's get you

into the kitchen.

Some antacids will help.

- [groans]

You're never going to want to go

on another date night

with me again, are you?

- You don't want me to

answer that right now, Tom.

- To summarize, when parents

trust us to be left home alone,

responsibility is paramount,

for this is not only

a privilege but an honor.

Thank you.

[applause]

- Look, Tom.

Our responsible,

well-behaved children

are perfectly safe.

- That's right.

You left, and we

didn't even argue once.

- Aw.

See, Tom?

Oh, Squishy, we brought you home

your favorite nacho balls.

[barking]

- Uh, what happened

to your stomach, Dad?

- You look pregmint.

- Oh, your father ate

a little too much

because he was worried

about you guys.

I'm guessing he feels

a little silly now, huh?

- I'm feeling

a little something.

I'm going to get some tea.

- [sighs]

- So how was date night?

- Why is there a dog

in our cupboard?

- Uh, there's a logical

explanation for that.

- Yeah, it's not like we had

some big dog party in here.

[nervous laughter]

- What?

[dogs barking]

So you did have

a big dog party.

[barking]

A very big dog party.

- Okay, technically,

it was Squishy's party.

- After he ran out the doggy

door, dug under the fence,

and went to El Pepper Pot,

they followed him back here.

Ricky, Nicky, and Dawn: Dicky!

- Squishy was in

El Pepper Pot?

- Just until

we got him out.

Ricky, Nicky, and Dawn: Dicky!

- You were in

El Pepper Pot?

- Well, I guess I didn't do this

to myself for no reason.

Oh, who's my little

cup of tea?

Yes, you are.

- So any chance

this will affect

you letting us stay

home alone again?

- Hmm, well, there is a dog

licking guac off my shoe,

so I'm thinking we're

going back to the babysitter.

all: The babysitter.

- Ahh, the babysitter.

- Please get the dogs

out of the house.

- Take care of Chamomile for me.

- Don't worry.

Captain Dicky has a plan.

- No.

Every time one of us

tries to be the leader,

it just makes things worse.

- She's right.

- Yeah, we always

work best as a team.

- So let's do this.

Come on, pups.

- Come on, boy.

Come on.

- Me first.

- Ow.

- Me.

- No, me!

[all yelling]

- Guys, stop.

I may not be the captain,

but we know what we have to do.

all: ♪ Oonce, oonce, oonce,

oonce, oonce, oonce ♪

[whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪

- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪