Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

[DJ over phone]

Next question: Besides the U.S.,

where else does superstar

Candace Parker play

professional basketball?

- Russia.

- Correct.

You're two questions away

from winning the grand prize:

lunch with Candace Parker.

I'm ready.

Hit me.

- How many brothers

does Candace have?

Three:

Anthony, Marcus, and LT.

Ba-boom!

[DJ]

Whoa, you really are a fan.

Super-fan.

Plus we have a lot in common.

I also have brothers,

and I'm pretty sure

Candace knows how annoying

they can be--

always butting in my business.

Hear that?

She said we're always

butting in her business.

How dare she?

[DJ]

Okay, Dawn, last question.

What is Candace's

favorite root vegetable?

Yes!

The answer is her--

[static over phone]

[DJ]

I'm sorry, you're breaking up.

Dicky!

Wait, are you guys on the phone?

Do you think she can hear us?

[Dawn over phone]

Hang up!

All right.

I got this one.

The answer is--

[dial tone, all gasp]

[all whispering]

Ah!

Hello?

Hello?

Yam. The answer's yam!

[phone thuds]

[rumbling footsteps]

What have we done?

[rumbling footsteps]

How mad do you think

she'll be?

[rumbling footsteps]

- That mad.

[rumbling footsteps]

She's gonna scream at us like

she's never screamed before.

So far so good.

It's worse than I thought.

She's so mad,

she didn't scream at all.

That's her worst kind of mad.

Hey, looking good there,

kiddo.

Love that blouse.

Ah, making a healthy smoothie,

huh?

Good choices.

Ow.

That's a lot of carrot.

Look, we feel really bad we

messed up the contest for you.

So we'd like to say something

from the heart

that we don't say very often.

[all]

We're really sorry.

[blender whirring]

[all]

Sorry!

Hmm.

Perfect.

[blender whirring]

That does not taste

like forgiveness!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Na na na na na-na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

♪ Oh, hey, oh, oh, oh ♪

- Anybody sleep last night?

I tried to with my eyes open,

but it turns out

that's just being awake.

As long as we stick together,

we have nothing to fear.

[dog barks]

[all]

Hiyah!

[whispers] Okay, Lou,

we're all set for this weekend.

Uh-huh.

It's a big surprise

for my family.

Great, great.

I'm very excited.

- Hi, honey.

- What surprise?

Are you planning

some sort of surprise?

[laughs]

No.

Why, you want to hear it?

'Cause I have got

to tell somebody.

No, as long as

I have known you,

you have never been able

to pull off a surprise.

But I just love sharing!

I know, but then you share,

you ruin the surprise,

you get mad at yourself,

and then nobody enjoys the thing

that was supposed to be fun.

You know what?

Thank you, Anne.

- You're right.

- See?

- Keep me strong.

- [grunts]

- Get this. I actually--

- [gasps]

Control yourself, man.

Secret-Strong, got it?

Guys, I think

we're just being paranoid.

I mean, Dawn might be mad,

but she's not gonna

sneak-attack us.

[all]

Hiyah!

Hiyah.

[chuckles]

Get this.

On Saturday at the store--

[Anne]

Secret-Strong!

Nicky's right about Dawn.

Let's just try to relax.

[doorbell chimes]

[all]

Hiyah!

We can't live like this.

We got to fix things with Dawn.

One of us should probably

answer the door first.

[squeak]

[all]

Hiyah!

Stop it.

- Sorry.

[all sigh]

[all whimper]

[all exhale]

- Hey, guys.

[all]

Hey, Mae.

I'm not allowed to talk to you,

so if Dawn asks,

that "Hey, guys"

was really a "Hey, guys!"

[squeak]

[all]

Hiyah!

And I'm gonna keep doing that

until they don't have any more

tears left in their eye holes!

That's six empty eye holes.

[knocking on door]

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

It's not

a knock-knock joke.

It's not

a knock-knock joke who?

[sighs]

We're just gonna come in.

Mae, since I am no longer

speaking to these life-ruiners,

perhaps you should describe

what I have planned for them.

No problem.

You're not safe here.

Just hear us out.

We thought, if you destroy

some of our favorite things...

And release

some of your terrifying anger...

It might make us even.

My space shuttle model.

This will be

its last mission.

My lucky wooden spoon.

It's whipped up

some of my best dishes.

And my most precious possession:

my hair.

You may take one inch,

no more.

Tell them I'm so mad,

I won't even touch

their belongings.

But Mae will.

I will?

Start with the hair.

Sorry.

[snip]

[gasps]

My baby!

So everybody feels better,

right?

Now the spoon.

Forgive me.

Woody!

Okay, so that

should about do it.

- Now the shuttle.

- But, Dawn--

The shuttle!

Tear ducts,

we have a problem.

[exhales]

Okay.

Ask her if we're good.

Are we good?

No, we're not good.

You can replace

all those things,

but you ruined my only chance

to meet Candace Parker,

and I'll never

get that back.

[whispers]

Sorry.

[Dawn]

Don't apologize, Mae!

[door closes]

Well, that didn't go

as planned.

We have to figure out a way

for her to meet Candace Parker.

It's the only way

she'll forgive us.

Good idea.

I'll find out

where she's staying.

And I'll work

a little Dicky magic

and get us an appointment.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Dawn wants you

out of her room.

Dawn wants you out of her room

who?

[Dawn]

Get out!

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

We're really glad you gave us

a chance to make things right.

So I'm really going

to meet Candace?

Yes.

- Candace Parker?

- Yes.

Candace Parker

the basketball player,

not some other random person

whose name also happens to be

Candace Parker?

Would some random person

named Candace Parker

ride around in this?

That's a dumpster.

Oh. Sorry.

Wrong arm.

[gasps]

The Candace Cruiser?

Yep, Nicky and I

tracked it down,

and Dicky made an appointment

with Candace.

I did?

Why did you say "I did?"

instead of "I did"?

Well, I did make

an appointment

to fix my hair.

So you did nothing?

Are you not listening?

Look at me.

I'm back to perfect.

So Candace doesn't even know

we're here?

[scoffs]

Wow.

Why do you guys hate me?

Oh, it's because I'm taller,

isn't it?

Dawn, we don't hate you.

Look, we're here.

Let me just

smooth talk us in.

Yo, Candace!

I don't think she's in here.

But all her stuff is.

You should really

see this, Dawn.

You know, you guys don't respect

anyone's privacy.

First mine, now hers.

You know, we shouldn't even be

in here--

Oh, is that her jersey?

[camera shutter clicking]

Okay, I've taken a picture

with everything in here.

Now we can leave.

Hold on.

I think

you're forgetting something.

What?

Eh...

maybe a thank-you?

For what?

You know, eh...

I still didn't meet Candace.

Eh...

but you met her stuff.

Eh...

nice try.

Now let's go

before somebody comes.

[all scream]

Sorry I'm late, guys.

I'll be your driver,

J.D. McCoy.

Ah, that's right.

I heard you don't speak, uh,

very good English,

and I don't speak

a lick of Russian,

but in any language,

make yourselves at home!

Russian?

[Russian accent]

Uh, in any language, we go now.

Ah, yes.

We go now.

And don't worry,

I'll get you there safely

with the smoothest stops

and starts you've ever felt,

or my name isn't

J.D. McCoy.

Oh, no!

Where's the bus going?

[speaking Russian]

[all]

No!

[all]

Nyet!

♪ Oh, oh ♪

- Ooh, this is not good.

- Where do you think

J.D. McCoy's taking us?

I have no idea.

Well, he thinks we're Russian,

so he must be driving to Russia.

You can't drive

to Russia, Dicky.

I can't, but if anybody can,

it's J.D. McCoy.

Maybe we should look for clues

to find out

who J.D. McCoy thinks we are.

[all scream]

[Russian accent]

Who is driving bus?

Um, nobody.

I just pulled over.

About a mile back,

I realized that

something is not right with you.

- Uh-oh.

You guys are not

in costume.

- Costume?

Oh, that's right.

You no speak-y Engl-y.

You in here.

Arm-ski, arm-ski,

leg-ski, leg-ski,

zip-ski up-ski.

It's almost showtime.

[Russian accent]

Yeah, yeah, showtime.

What's showtime?

You know what,

we could've been off this bus,

but no.

You had to have a thank-you,

so you know what?

Here you go!

Thank you!

You're welcome!

I guess we should just

put these on

until we come up

with a plan.

[phone ringing]

Oh, no, it's Mom and Dad.

- Don't answer.

- Well, I have to.

Otherwise,

they'll think something's up.

Something is up.

But they can't know that.

We told them we were going

to Mae's house.

[sighs]

Hey, Dad.

We're just at Mae's

doing stuff with Mae

at Mae's.

Okay, well, we need you

to meet us at Get Sporty!

for the biggest surprise

of your life!

- They're all the same!

- No, they're not.

Shh!

Oh, honey, you must have pressed

video chat.

I'm staring

straight into your ear.

Can you pull the phone back

a bit?

[whispers]

She's gonna see we're on a bus.

Did you just say

you're on a bus?

Uh, no, I said,

"Mae's house is full of dust."

Why are you holding the phone

so close to your face?

Uh, Mae's mom doesn't want you

to see her dusty, dusty house.

Uh...

[high-pitched voice]

That's true, Anne.

You know how I like

to keep a clean house.

Uh...

[deep voice]

That's news to me, Evelyn.

It's nothing like my mother's

house, I'll tell you that.

Oh, you like it there

so much?

Why don't you go back there?

At least there

I get three hot meals.

Um, got to go.

See you at the store.

What the heck was that?

Sounds like

trouble in paradise.

We got to get off this bus.

Hey, I think

we're slowing down.

As soon as the bus stops,

we bolt out of those doors

and go to the store.

[brakes hiss]

Go, go, go!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[boys]

Candace Parker?

Whoa, you said my name

with no Russian accent.

[Russian accent]

Oh, they mean Candace Parker?

Sorry I'm late.

I'm so thrilled to finally be

meeting From Russia with Funk.

I love seeing you guys bring it

whenever I play in Russia.

[Russian accent]

Um, bring what exactly?

The funk, when you dance.

- [Russian accent] Of course.

- [Russian accent] The funk.

[Russian accent]

We bring it everywhere.

Well, since we're going to be

working together,

I should probably get to know

your names.

- Uh, Nickski.

- Rickski.

Uh, Dickski.

And Dawn...ski.

Well, since we're almost there,

I should get changed.

This is gonna be

the best workout video ever.

[Russian accent]

Nice to meet me, Candace Parker!

[normal voice]

Wait, wait, wait, workout video?

With funk?

We got to get off this bus.

Too late.

We're moving.

Wow, J.D. McCoy's starts

are smoother than his stops.

[whistling melody]

We're here, Anne.

Oh, you are doing great,

honey.

You haven't ruined

the surprise yet.

Stay Secret-Strong.

[both laugh]

Okay, here, wait.

Take my arm.

Okay.

[clears throat]

Whoa.

[laughs] Whoa.

Tom, when I'm blindfolded,

it feels like

you actually have muscles!

[gasps]

That's Lou's arm.

Who's Lou?

He's the guy

I'm working with

and the man

whose biceps you're fondling.

You can stop now.

Harper, it's almost go time.

You promised me

a flawless production,

and you better deliver.

Or?

Else.

[sighs]

Oh, no.

Else is the worst.

[upbeat music]

Okay, listen,

as soon as the bus stops,

we're going to make our move.

[all scream]

[Russian accent]

We are stopped?

Oh, yeah,

I told you,

J.D. McCoy would get you here

smooth-ski and safe-ski.

[Russian accent]

Yes, but where-ski exact-ski?

[slowly]

Colorado.

Go, go, go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You guys are in a hurry

to get started, huh?

We're shooting the video at

a place called Tom's Get Sporty!

You guys ever heard of it?

Yeah, me neither.

Anyways, I'll see you guys

in there.

♪

Oh, I wish

I could wait for the kids, but

here comes the surprise, Anne.

- Take them off. Take them off.

- Okay.

- Is that Candace Parker?

- Yep.

I convinced the director, Lou,

to shoot her workout video

here in the store.

Okay, not only

am I proud of you

for finally pulling off

a surprise,

but this one

is really good.

Dawn is gonna freak out!

I am freaking out.

They're shooting Candace's video

at Dad's store!

How funny is that?

You would've met Candace

anyway.

What a crazy little world.

This must be

Dad's big surprise.

The bigger surprise

is when he finds out

From Russia with Funk

is not from Russia

and does not have any funk

and is us.

Well, don't worry.

I got funk.

You got funk like

the real From Russia with Funk?

[hip-hop music]

♪ ♪

Dicky don't got funk

like that funk.

[sighs]

We can't ruin this video

for Mom, Dad, and Candace.

We just have to come clean

and tell them what happened.

Dad always appreciates

our honesty.

And that's how we ended up

on her bus.

- Okay.

- Thank you.

You know I always appreciate

your honesty.

[Lou]

Harper!

Now get out there and dance.

But, Dad,

we're not Russian dancers.

You want to tell him that?

What is this?

Chocolate sprinkles?

I asked

for rainbow jimmies.

You're fired.

[all]

Mom?

Sorry, kids,

but you see Lou.

He's just so big and...

muscular and--

We get it, Anne.

Hi, I'm Candace Parker.

Welcome to my workout,

where I combine basketball,

exercise, and hip-hop,

or as I like to call it,

Hip-Hoop.

No matter what language

you speak,

good health translates

to good life,

so here to help me

is my favorite dance crew,

From Russia with Funk.

So let's start off

with some basic moves.

Cut!

Oh, he is so loud.

What the heck was that?

You know what,

lose the basketballs.

Do what you guys do best.

I hope your hip

is better than your hoop.

[hip-hop music]

Dance already!

Ah, please dance!

♪ ♪

Cut!

Did you leave your funk

in Russia?

Nope, they left it

on the side of the road.

Who are you?

[all]

He's J.D. McCoy.

And J.D. McCoy always delivers

his passengers

smoothly and safely.

These kids are

the real From Russia with Funk.

Who are they?

They're from Boulder

and have no funk at all.

Well, no matter who they are,

I got them here

smoothly and safely.

And now I'll be on my way.

Destination unknown.

Actually, I'm just gonna go

wait in the bus.

Well, uh, why don't we

pick it up from the top?

I don't know what

you and your kids are up to,

but congratulations,

you're ruining Candace's video.

[sighs]

Dang it.

That's the last thing

I wanted to do.

I'm really, really sorry,

Candace.

Dawn, you don't have

to apologize.

It was our fault.

We ruined our sister's chance

of having lunch with you.

And she really deserved

to win.

She knows more about you

than anybody.

Well, then she knows

I have brothers,

and they ruined a lot of things

for me growing up.

See?

She gets us.

Okay, now that the real dancers

are here,

are we doing this shoot or not?

Pipe down, Lou.

Brothers, am I right?

Wait, he's your brother?

Little brother.

[laughs]

[coughs]

[mouths words]

And he's always butting in.

You know what

that's like, Dawn.

Tell me about it.

What do you say we take five

and go shoot some hoops?

But, Candace,

what about the video shoot?

I'm telling Mom.

Have you ever dunked?

Only cookies in milk.

Well, that was a win-win.

Dawn got to meet her hero,

and I actually pulled off

a surprise.

[laughs]

You stayed Secret-Strong.

Yeah, I'm gonna do

the same thing for your big

birthday surprise.

- Get this.

- Ooh.

- I got front-row seats--

- Oh.

This is way better

than cookies and milk.

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na na ♪

[whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪