Original subtitles

♪♪

"Persnickety."

Definition:

fussy or particular.

- Correct.

Boom!

Definition: nailed it!

Never mind persnickety.

Let's get persnackety!

I've got some nice aged cheese,

including a Danish blue.

Don't be afraid of the veins.

It's very approachable.

[both]

Eww.

The only cheese

I approach is nacho.

Don't feel bad, Nicky.

It's nacho fault.

- Cheese me, bro.

[gags]

This is so not approachable.

Ah, looks like the Harper house

is the hot new hangout.

Is there anything better than

a house full of happy children?

[Tom chuckles]

[sighs] We should cherish

this moment, Tom.

[phone dings]

[gasps]

Everybody out.

Scoot.

Scoot. Leave.

Andale.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

go, go, go, go, go!

[overlapping chatter]

- Let's go.

- Bye. Thanks for coming.

- Thank you for coming.

- Don't leave.

- See you later.

Hey, no, you too.

Beat it.

- Scram.

- What?

I need the living room.

Mom, what the heck?

I was just accepted into

the most exclusive book club

in Boulderly Hills.

What's a "book club?"

Oh, it's when a group of people

read the same book,

and then they get together

and discuss it.

Why?

Because they like

to talk about books.

- Why?

- Because they like it.

- Why?

- Because it's fun!

They are allowing me

to host one event,

and if all goes well,

I can become a permanent member.

So I have four days

to read the book and get the

house ready,

which brings me back

to my original point:

get out!

So if we're not allowed

in the living room,

where are we supposed

to do all our livin'?

Oh, I have

the perfect place.

You ready for this?

[mimicking trumpeting fanfare]

♪ Bup-bup-bup-bah ♪

[together]

The garage?

More like bup-bup-bup-bummer.

[upbeat music]

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na, hey! ♪

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na ♪

[whistling melody]

♪ ♪

[rhythmic clapping]

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Na na na na na-na ♪

♪ Na na na na na-na, hey! ♪

- ♪ One, two ♪

- ♪ Na na na na na-na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

- ♪ Na, na-na ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Remember when going home was

something to look forward to?

Now we're stuck in the garage,

listening to the radio

and sitting on paint cans.

At least your can had a lid.

I guess we could

just hang out here.

No, this is fine

for after school,

but we can't stay here

all the time.

The store closes.

And Dad starts charging us

after our third smoothie.

[ear-piercing metallic screech]

[all groaning]

- What is that?

[panting]

Hey, kids, meet Terry the Bull.

[laughs]

It's Terry Bull, get it?

That's terrible.

Exactly.

Can we ride it?

Oh, this is the kind of thing

every kid would love to ride.

But it's forbidden.

You putting that

in the rodeo room?

Well, I was going to use this

for my new office chair,

but that's a good idea.

I could still sit

on old springy for another day.

Yah!

Off to the rodeo room.

[metallic screeching]

[all groaning]

Dad's Terry Bull

is terrible.

Ugh, great.

Speaking of terrible,

look who just walked in.

[Nicky, Ricky, and Dicky]

The But-er.

She's always one-upping us.

Yeah, remember last Easter

when I brought chocolate bunnies

for everyone in class?

She brought real bunnies.

They were adorable.

Hello, Harpers.

[together]

Hello, Madison.

Oh, look.

We're wearing the same jacket.

[sighs]

Here comes the "but."

Buuuut mine's real leather.

Total But-er move.

Ricky, I heard you got 100%

on your vocab test.

That's correct.

Much like all the answers

on my vocab test.

That's great.

Buuuut I got 101%.

I wrote a complete sentence

using all the words,

so Teacher gave me

an extra point.

Teacher.

I could come over

and tutor you,

buuuut I don't want to sit on

paint cans in your lame garage.

Uh, our garage is not lame.

There's tons of fun stuff

to do in there, right, guys?

Tons.

Yeah, tons.

Yeah, it's awesome.

Buuuut it's still a garage.

That's true,

buuuut it's a garage

with a chocolate fountain.

Yeah, and, uh,

a vanilla fountain.

And a business center

with a multi-device

charging station.

I can't believe

you don't know about the garage.

It's totally the place to be.

Good.

Then I'll be there tomorrow.

Bring your tablet.

Uncharged.

See you at noon.

Oh, make it 11:30, before they

break down the breakfast buffet.

Why did you

promise her breakfast?

Well, you promised her chargers.

We have those.

But a full breakfast buffet?

In 12 hours?

I'm just one man.

I'm sorry,

but she's always but-ing us,

and it felt so good

to but the But-er.

So let's get our butts

in gear and but her.

That's another thing.

Do you have any idea

how much butter I'm gonna need?

[Tom]

Whoo!

[grunts]

Dad, were you riding the bull?

No. I told you

I need a new office chair.

[upbeat music]

[Anne muttering]

Okay, why am I

bothering dusting? You're just

gonna put everything in that

box.

I'm getting rid of clutter.

These book club women

do not mess around.

[sniffs]

Do you smell kids?

Always.

Why do you wanna impress

this book club so much?

Because no one ever invites me

to join any clubs or committees

because they always just assume

I'm overwhelmed.

"Oh, look,

there goes poor Anne.

How does she get anything done

with all those kids?"

"She doesn't even look like

she showered today."

People say that?

No.

You know what?

I may have four kids,

but I always know exactly

what they're up to.

Nothing gets past me.

Tell you what,

why don't you go read? I'll take

care of the living room.

[sighs]

Really?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Oh, can you call

Hank the Handyman?

That light's broken.

It just needs a new bulb.

Can do that myself.

[groans]

Handyman.

Pfft. Easy peasy.

Oh!

That can't be good.

Oh, oh!

That's definitely not good.

[upbeat music]

Okay, just do it.

Madison's gonna be here any--

Hey, girl.

Sorry, I'm a little bit early.

Hope that's not a problem.

buuuut I couldn't wait

to see that awesome garage

of yours.

Okay, I know we built it up

to be super amazing,

buuuut...

it's even better

than we said.

[together]

Welcome to the Quad Club!

[dance music playing]

So what do you think?

It's nice,

buuuut...

Buuuut...

[Quads]

Buuuut?

♪ ♪

But nothing.

This place is great.

We did it.

We shut her down.

I bet the But-er didn't think

things would churn out that way.

[all]

♪ And churn it, and churn it,

and churn it ♪

♪ And churn it, and churn it,

and churn it, and churn it ♪

Keep churning.

- ♪ And churn it, and churn it ♪

- Look.

It's Chet Acerman,

the Ace Man.

He's aced every test

he's ever taken.

So he's the king

of the nerds.

Hardly.

He's the president and leader

of the Determined Organization

of Researching Kid Scientists.

The D.O.R.K.S.

Oh, so he's

the king of the dorks.

Yes, and he's coming this way.

Look smart.

Hey, Nicky,

this place is aces.

[gasps]

He knows my name.

He called you Nicky.

He got the "icky" right.

Looking sharp, Mr. Harper.

Hey, I know you.

Aren't you in the third grade?

Grade is just a number.

The number to be

in here is fifth.

I totally understand.

Sorry to bother you.

On my way out,

want me to ask your assistant

to grab you a drink?

I don't have an assistant.

What?

A big-time club owner like you

doesn't have an assistant?

I know, right?

I've been thinking that same

thing ever since you said it.

Well, if you want one, I would

love to apply for the position.

- You're hired.

- Dicky, could you run out back

and grab me some--

- Bup, bup, bup.

No one speaks to Mr. Harper

unless they have an appointment.

Dicky.

Talk to my assistant.

Tell him I'm in a meeting.

Mr. Harper is in a meeting.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Hey, guys.

Are those ribs? On bones?

Is that corn? On cobs?

Apparently the lunch lady's

grandson had a blast

at the Quad Club yesterday.

She said as long as he keeps

having fun,

all our food will be edible

and on stuff.

So what's my afternoon

look like?

Uh, 1:00 p.m.,

reapply hair product,

1:05, shake it out,

and 1:15,

accept compliments.

Oh, man, how am I

gonna remember all this?

[clicks tongue]

That's why I tied this

on your finger.

How did I remember anything

before you got here?

You didn't.

- Chet just invited me

to join his study group.

Today's the day

I am finally a DORK.

Hey, Ricky, see you

at the Quad Club, DORK.

Yes, chest bump!

Handle this for me.

Sure thing, D-man.

Uh, Mr. Harper wants to get

a chest bump

on the books with you.

How's 2:30?

That works for me.

- Good.

[upbeat music]

[phone beeps]

How do you fix

a hole in the wall?

[phone]

I found a handyman in your area.

Would you like me

to call Hank the Handyman?

[scoffs]

[Anne]

Tom?

[sighs]

Oh, there you are.

The book club meeting

is tomorrow.

And I have been shopping

for seven hours,

and I couldn't

decide on anything.

Okay, I really need your help.

Now, which one

of these pillows makes me look

like I can do it all

and I'm in control?

That one.

What are you doing?

Wall yoga.

Step away from the wall.

Why?

- 'Cause I want to see

what you're hiding.

- Why?

- Because there's no such thing

as wall yoga.

- Why?

Just get away

from the wall!

[screaming]

No, no, d-d-don't.

We had

a minor electrical problem.

- [gasps]

- [stammering]

The good news is,

if I hadn't discovered

the minor electrical problem, I

wouldn't have discovered the...

major electrical problem.

- [screams]

- [stammers]

Tom, the book club meeting

is tomorrow.

We need a handyman.

I'm a handy man.

Call Hank the Handyman.

I will be upstairs,

crying into one of my pillows.

I just can't decide which one.

[crying]

Show her who's handy.

Oh!

My hand!

[grunts]

[upbeat music]

99...

100.

Know what?

Let's make it an even 101.

And so X=7.

[applause]

Ricky, the only thing more

enjoyable than that right answer

is this garage.

Am I right, Science Bob?

You are, Aceman.

When I founded the DORKS,

I did it hoping to inspire

young minds just like yours.

Thank you, DORK-father.

[phones ding]

Hmm.

Oh, look,

a text from the But-er.

"I know you're all

at the Quad Club,

"buuuut my garage is

having a grand opening,

and it's much cooler

and way more fun."

[snorts] Don't worry, no one's

leaving the Quad Club for that.

[phones ding]

Breakfast served all day?

[cheering]

[Nicky]

All day?

After six hours,

you're just lying to yourself.

It's lunch!

I just got a text

from the President.

I've got to go do science.

You're going to Madison's,

aren't you?

Did you see what it says?

"Breakfast served all day."

Whoo!

Mae, you're going too?

Well, not if you

don't want me to.

[sighs]

No, it's okay.

Good, because Mama

needs more bacon.

I'll come back

to tell you how bad it is.

She'll never be back.

Why would you say that?

When has bacon ever been bad?

[sighs]

Mama's not coming back.

[all sigh]

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Look at Madison over there.

That But-er stole

all our buddies.

She's a buddy burglar.

I can't believe Chet

kicked me out of the DORKS.

Talk about capricious.

Definition: given to sudden

changes of mood or behavior.

[crying] It was yesterday's

DORK word of the day.

This whole thing stinks.

Ugh.

It's probably these fish sticks.

Look at them over there.

They're having surf and turf.

While we're just getting "urf,"

as in it fell on the "urf,"

and they still

"surfed" it to us.

Ah, Lucas.

Sweet, you hooked me up

with the steak and lobster.

Bup-bup-bup-bup.

This is Madison's lunch.

I work for her now.

Oh, but in the future, I'd still

like to use you as a reference.

Okay, listen.

We are not gonna let this little

But-er get away with this.

We have to make

the Quad Club so quadtastic,

there'll be no "buts" about it.

You're right, but how are we

gonna top all-day breakfast?

This is terrible.

Terry Bull.

That's a great idea.

What is?

Your Terry Bull idea.

I thought you said

it was great.

It is.

Well, which is it?

Great or terrible?

Both.

Your great idea is Terry Bull.

It can't be both.

Dicky, Terry Bull.

Oh, I'm terrible?

I'll give you terrible.

I fart on your pillow

every night.

I use your toothbrush

to clean my retainer.

And you don't wet your bed,

I do.

Oh.

Terry Bull.

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Love you guys.

♪ Oh, oh ♪

- Hey, what do you think?

Oh, it's perfect.

No, no. It's all wrong.

I can't let this book club think

that this is my first rodeo.

- Anne, trust me.

The house looks great.

Even the repairs look perfect.

Yeah, Hank did a great job.

Yes.

Hank did do a great job.

I'll pass along

your compliments to Hank.

Perhaps you'd even like

to th-hank Hank in person.

Why do you keep saying Hank

like that?

Eh, no reason.

[clears throat]

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You didn't call Hank.

You did the repairs.

Oh, 30 seconds ago

you were loving Hank.

Now you know Hank is me.

Do the math, Anne.

You love me.

[doorbell chimes]

[both shout]

They're here.

No, hands off.

All right, everything's set.

But how are we gonna get

all the kids to leave Madison's

and come here?

Already got it covered.

I sent a text blast,

and any second now, this place

is gonna get cray-zay.

Your house is much nicer

on the inside

than it looks

from the street.

Um, thanks?

I have to admit, I was surprised

you were able to host.

Especially with all

those children of yours.

Oh, what,

my sweet little angels?

No, no, no. They are

so quiet and well behaved,

I sometimes forget

they're even here.

[all]

Bull, bull, bull, bull!

[all cheer]

Yeah, come on.

They Quad Club is back, baby.

And so is Mama.

[kids]

Bull! Bull! Bull! Bull!

[loudly]

So Sunsets of Tuscany.

I found it interesting

how the sunsets were--

Are those your quiet

and well behaved children

making all that noise?

What noise?

Scone?

[Tom chuckles]

Oh, no, she didn't.

Oh, hello, ladies.

Sorry to interrupt.

Oh, it's a little dark--

dark in here.

[clears throat]

Perhaps while Anne

enlightens your intellect,

I can enlighten the room.

[kids cheering]

[sparks]

[all]

Bull! Bull! Bull! Bull! Bull!

[sparks]

[mechanical bull bellows]

Whoa, he got terrible

in a hurry.

This is probably

why it's forbidden.

[bull bellowing]

He's getting away.

I got this.

[bull bellows]

[gasps]

I got him.

[all]

Oh, whoa!

[bull bellowing]

[yelling]

Tea, anyone?

What is going on out there?

It sounds like a stampede.

It's not a stampede.

What do you think,

I live in a barn?

[giggles]

[bull bellowing]

[ladies shrieking]

Oh, was your book club meeting

today?

Are you okay?

Did they hurt you?

This is terrible.

Oh, I'm sorry,

where are my manners?

[chuckles]

Yes, and, Terry Bull,

these are the book club ladies.

I think we've seen enough.

Oh, no, no, no, no, please.

I can explain.

I have never seen these people

before in my life.

Ladies, let's go.

No, no, no, no, no.

Please, please don't go.

[stammering]

I have lady fingers.

And man feet.

[softly]

Not the time, Dad.

Hello, Harpers.

I heard your party

was a smash.

Buuuut...

You know what, Madison,

save your "buts."

If you have to have the better

garage, the better jacket,

or the better test score

to feel like a better person,

that's fine by us.

Yeah,

because if there's one thing

our mother's massive book club

disaster has taught us,

it's that if you care too much

about what other people think,

you'll do stuff

that'll get you in trouble.

Unless we're not in trouble.

Oh, we're in trouble.

Well, I'm sure there's

a lesson in there somewhere

for me as well,

buuuut I don't care.

[sighs]

I'm sorry, kids.

I guess I kind of

set a bad example.

But I think we all

learned something here today.

Yup. No good

comes from reading.

[sparks]

[bull bellows]

[Tom]

Oh, ah!

How do you stop

a mechanical bull from charging?

[phone]

Take away his credit card.

[laughs]

[bull bellows]

[Tom]

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

[bull bellows]

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na na ♪

[whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪