Original subtitles

[upbeat music]

No one's reading

our blog, Mae.

Not no one.

We got four hits.

Yeah, but two of them

were me.

There are still two more.

Those were you.

Look, we started writing

for FuzzFeed

to keep students informed.

[phone dings]

- Ooh, we got a fifth.

Still you, Mae.

But no one's going to read it

if they don't know about it,

so that is why I made

this poster.

- If kids won't read our blog,

what makes you think

they'll read our poster?

Uh, the glitter.

[yelps]

Good morning, ladies.

Nicky, what are you doing

in the school store?

I'm the new manager.

Welcome to...

Nicky's Get Schooly!

You made us

tear our poster.

We're trying to get

more readers for FuzzFeed.

Yeah. Nobody read

our last article.

"Budget Cut Crisis: Head Janitor

Now Also Lunch Lady."

Spoiler alert,

don't eat the mop bucket stew.

Hopefully more people

will read our next article.

It's about school safety.

Yeah. Disaster preparedness.

Next week is the anniversary

of the Avalanche of 1975.

Is that the one that

made Pigfoot?

You guys talking about Pigfoot?

Pigfoot's not real.

It's just an urban legend.

What's an urban legend?

It's a rumor that's been told

so many times,

people start to believe

it's true.

Like if you

swallow your gum,

it will stay in your stomach

for seven years.

Or that you'll use math

later in life.

I don't know anything

about gum or math,

but you guys should really

write about Pigfoot.

Sorry, but we only write

real news. The truth.

Important stuff.

That's why our motto is...

Real news. The truth.

Important stuff.

Exactly.

Like Pigfoot.

We're not writing

about Pigfoot.

- I am so proud of my students.

You two with the reporting,

you with the store,

and Ricky's

keeping the halls safe.

Keep up the good work.

Principal Tarian,

those are 50¢.

- Hmm.

What does 37¢ get me?

About 13¢ away

from a lollipop.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Yo, what are you doing?

I'm writing you up

for running in the halls.

Come on, cut me some slack.

The law cuts no slack.

Take it up with the principal.

[sighs]

Ugh. Rough morning.

This hall monitor

needs a lollipop.

Ooh, coffee and donut flavor.

So I just talked

to the principal,

and he told me

I should be more like you.

Well, he's a smart man.

So say hello

to your new partner.

What?

Ooh. Littering.

Going to have

to write you up for that.

[upbeat music]

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na, hey! ♪

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na ♪

[whistling melody]

♪ ♪

♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Na na na na na-na ♪

♪ Na na na na na-na, hey! ♪

- ♪ One, two ♪

- ♪ Na na na na na-na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

- ♪ Na, na-na ♪

[upbeat music]

Wow, that sash

looks really good on you.

Which he's not supposed to be

wearing when he's off duty.

Chicks really dig it.

You know, there's a lot more

to being hall monitor

than impressing "chicks."

Okay, well, you do

whatever that stuff is,

and I'll take care

of the chick stuff.

See, the perfect team.

Good cop, good-looking cop.

Oh! My sash!

See, if you were wearing it,

that wouldn't have happened.

Oh, Tom, here's a coupon

for your bubble bath.

Oh, good, I'm out.

Get the one

in the teddy bear bottle.

It's the most manly.

[baby talk]

Who wants a treat?

[babbles]

Wow, I don't think

Squishy likes these anymore. He

used to gobble them right up.

Huh. Maybe they

changed the recipe.

Uh, no.

It's the same recipe.

That's so weird.

Here. Let's see.

What is going on, Anne?

Why is he taking treats from you

and not from me?

Okay, Tom,

this doesn't mean anything.

He still loves you.

Who said anything about him

not loving me?

Here you go, buddy.

[growls]

What did you

say to him?

Oh, man!

What's wrong, honey?

Did your wife turn your

beloved pet against you too?

Uh, no.

Mae and I posted

a new article,

but it hasn't gotten

any views yet.

What's it about?

School safety

and the Great Avalanche of '75.

Ooh, so it's about Pigfoot.

It's not about Pigfoot!

Half boy, half pig--

it's scientifically impossible.

But stranger things

have happened.

I can't believe that story

is still around.

I know. It's so ridiculous.

Where did it even come from?

[Tom]

It happened just before your mom

and I went to Edgewood.

It was the '70s.

The time of disco.

[disco music]

- People wore their pants

flared,

their shoes high,

and their hair big.

The only thing that mattered

was the beat.

- Just get to Pigfoot.

[Tom]

There was a student named Harry.

His family were pig farmers.

All Harry wanted to do

was tend his pigs and dance.

He loved disco music,

but the principal wouldn't

allow it in the school.

So he told Harry to take a hike.

Well, Harry took the principal

literally and set off

with his favorite pig Danny

in search of a place

where he could dance

to his heart's content.

But they got caught

in the terrible avalanche.

As they tumbled

down the mountainside,

they got squished together

into one being:

a boy with a pig nose,

a curly tail, and one pig foot.

Cursed to never dance again,

Pigfoot lives a lonely life

deep in the woods

in a brick house

where he's mighty mighty

and letting it all hang out.

So Pigfoot is real.

No, he's not real.

It's a legend.

And it's obvious hogwash.

[all laugh]

- That was good.

- Thank you.

Oh, Anne.

Don't be such a ham.

Get it, 'cause ham's like

another word for pig?

- Oh, we get it.

- Not your best stuff.

[growls]

[upbeat music]

Our avalanche story

got zero hits.

What are we doing wrong?

That poster had 4 pounds

of glitter, Mae.

No, the left foot

is the pig foot.

And he has a pig nose.

And one of my dads says he

breathes fire and farts lasers.

I wish the school cared

half as much about FuzzFeed

as they do

about that dumb pig boy.

We got to think big, Mae.

Our next poster, bedazzled.

[gasps]

We may even use felt.

[gasps]

So you like it?

No, my asthma's acting up.

That's better.

That's a terrible idea!

Listen, kids like Pigfoot.

You want more readers,

write about Pigfoot.

I don't know, Nicky.

We're honest reporters.

Honesty doesn't pay the bills,

honey.

You got to give the people

what they want.

I sell a lot more candy

than carrot sticks,

you know what I mean?

We're better than that.

Yeah, but nobody knows

we're better than that

until they read our stuff.

And to get them

to read our stuff,

maybe we need to write

about Pigfoot.

[gasps]

Asthma?

No, shock.

We're not writing about Pigfoot.

Look, if we can get

some people to read FuzzFeed

by making up a few crazy

stories, is that so bad?

What about our motto?

Real news. The truth.

Important stuff.

Once we hook them,

we'll go back to that motto.

But until then,

our new motto is:

Less troof. More hoof.

- How much hoof?

[school bell rings]

All right, come on, people,

let's move it.

I want these halls cleared.

Get to class.

All right,

let's go over SWERG again.

Stop.

Write.

Explain.

Rip.

Give. SWERG.

You try it.

Who needs SWERG

when you got swag?

Nobody's going to take you

seriously with those sunglasses.

Harper, no one is going

to take you seriously...

- Here it comes.

- With that dirty sash.

What is that? Soup?

Pea.

You peed on your sash?

No. Pea soup.

You ate in your sash?

You know you're not supposed to

wear it off-duty.

[laughs]

You said duty, sir.

[chuckles]

I did, didn't I?

Why can't you be more

like your brother, huh?

Clean sash, cool shades,

sophisticated sense of humor.

I salute you, Dicky.

So what I took from that is,

I'm your boss now.

You're not my boss!

Watch this.

I'm about to get my SWERG on.

Stop! Do you have a hall pass?

I don't know.

Do you have a wedgie?

'Cause that can be arranged.

Okay. Just take this

to the principal.

Oh, Kedj, buddy, I get it.

Nobody understands how annoying

Sergeant Sweater-Vest can be

more than me.

But he kind of has a point

about the hall pass thing.

And we do have you on video

giving wedgies.

[muffled]

You have video?

Tons. But listen, if you go

to the principal for this,

I'll make the wedgie thing

go away. Deal?

Deal.

We don't have any video.

Well, it worked.

Yes, but we can't lie

like that.

Hall monitors need to hold

themselves to a higher standard.

Look, Ricky, sometimes

you have to break the rules

to enforce the rules.

Just try these on.

No, thanks.

In my office, now.

Nice job, Dicky.

You're his boss now.

So you want to SWERG

or you want to swag?

Oh, I'll swag.

But I am not happy about it.

- [sighs]

- Those are upside down.

There's still some things

I'm going to do my way.

[upbeat music]

Okay, buddy, here we go.

Ha ha!

- Squeaky toy?

[toy squeaks]

Non-squeaky toy?

- Okay, Tom,

I fixed the transmission.

What are you doing?

I am trying to fix

my relationship with Squishy.

Money?

Hey, that's my wallet.

What is happening?

Squishy used to be

man's best friend, and now

he's Anne's best friend.

Oh, I don't think that's it.

[laughs]

No, maybe it is.

Our squishues started

after we took him to the vet

and they put him

in the cone of shame.

[growls]

[barks]

Hey, maybe you're right.

Maybe? I am right. And it's your

fault. You're the one who made

me take him to the vet.

What? He had a hot spot.

Yeah, well,

now he has a cold spot. In his

heart. For me.

Squishy, I am going

to make it up to you. I am going

to shame myself until you

forgive me.

[sighs]

Tom, that is crazy.

You're right.

I'm going to need a bigger cone.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[phone dings]

400 hits, Mae!

Our plan worked!

Great. Now can we go back

to writing the real news?

Absolutely. We've written

our last fake story.

Say good-bye to Pigfoot.

Get your Pigfoot products here.

Only at Nicky's Get Piggy!

We've got orange and green

Pigfoot sticks.

Those are just carrots

and celery.

Yeah, but I wrote "Pigfoot"

on the label,

and now everyone

wants to buy them.

So keep those Pigfoot articles

coming.

It's great for business.

Awesome article.

I can't believe there was

an actual Pigfoot sighting.

Can't wait to read

more about Pigfoot.

Actually, our next article is

about the dangers

of the playground.

It's called

"Splinters on the See-Saw:

"Why Recess Is

a Pain in the Butt."

Eh, I'm not going

to read that.

Tell us when you

write about Pigfoot.

We'll have

another Pigfoot post tomorrow.

We will?

We just got

some new information.

We did?

- Ooh, what is it?

- Did you interview him?

- Did you get him on video?

- Did you touch his pig foot?

Yes, yes, and you'll just

have to log on to find out.

Oh, I will.

I bet she touched the foot!

A videotaped interview?

What happened to us saying

good-bye to Pigfoot?

We did say good-bye.

But you know how sometimes

your mom invites that one friend

over for dinner, and you really

don't want him to be there?

- But then 400 people--

[ding]

407 people want him to stay?

Who are we

to tell those people no?

We finally have readers, Mae.

We can't lose them now.

Well, you lost me.

I quit.

[upbeat music]

Brenner, tuck in that shirt.

Johanssen, no eating

in the hall.

All right, Lanny, you ready

to admit you're the litterbug?

[Lanny]

I'm not the litterbug.

I'm the gum chewer!

Then who's

the litterbug?

I don't know.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are you putting students

in lockers?

No.

Principal Tarian,

we both know sometimes

you have to break the rules

to enforce the rules.

No, you do not.

You are a hall monitor.

You need to hold yourself

to a higher standard.

This is a clear abuse

of your duty.

[both]

Ha ha, you said "duty."

It is not funny this time.

You're both fired.

Turn in your sashes.

Aw, I guess

we should have SWERGed.

Oh, well.

You live, you learn.

Welcome to FuzzFeed.

So, Mr. Foot...

[altered voice]

Please, call me Pig.

May I touch your hoof?

So what's the first thing

you're going to do

when you come back to Edgewood?

Well, you know,

I want to boogie down

and get my revenge

on the principal.

But if there's one thing I love

more than disco and revenge,

it's the bargains

at Nicky's Get Piggy!

Our video is crushing it.

FuzzFeed is blowing up.

What did I tell you?

The pig is big, baby! Big!

Look!

There's our favorite reporter!

[all cheering]

Is Pigfoot really coming back

to get revenge on the principal?

Does he eat bacon?

When he orders a BLT

does he ask for a Me-L-T?

Don't worry. All your questions

will be answered.

Just keep checking FuzzFeed.

Wait!

But how did you find him?

A real reporter never reveals

her secrets.

You got a bright future, kid.

A real reporter?

So a real reporter dresses

her brother up like a pig

and makes up a bunch of lies?

Well, you know what feels

better than the truth?

Nice job, Dawn.

That.

I don't even know that guy.

And I don't even

know you anymore.

It's all your fault.

We only got kicked off the force

because we did things your way.

Well, at least

we got to hang out together.

We're hanging from the lockers

by our underwear.

Together.

So what do you make

of this Pigfoot business?

Pigfoot's not real.

Of course Pigfoot's not real!

But just in case he is,

I do not want that thing

in my hallways.

You're re-hired.

Find him, get rid of him.

Or your sashes are mine.

[both]

Yes, sir!

We're back.

Oh, yeah. How are we

going to get down?

I don't know.

[upbeat music]

Come on,

what's next for Pigfoot?

You've always had good ideas.

You can do this by yourself.

You don't need Mae.

So you're really going

to keep this going?

- Of course

she's going to keep it going.

The pig is big, baby! Big!

And it's time to make it bigger.

No. It's time for Dawn

to finally tell the truth.

Don't listen to her.

Give the people what they want.

Don't listen to him.

He just wants you

to keep lying,

so he can sell more stuff.

- Pigfoot!

- Truth!

- Pigfoot!

- Truth!

- Pigfoot!

- Truth!

- Pigfoot!

[muffled shouting]

I know what I need to do.

- Don't worry, Squish.

As soon as Daddy's done putting

this cereal away, we can--

Well, I think

Daddy's done with chores.

So you want to go for a walk?

What do you say?

[growls]

Why are you growling?

I'm wearing the cone.

I thought we were buddies again.

You know what, fine.

I'm taking this thing off.

Okay, Tom,

I went to six different stores,

but I finally found

your bubble bath.

Wow.

- He--

- I don't care.

They were out

of the no tears formula,

so just be really careful

about getting your bubble beard

in your eyes.

Oh.

Thanks, Anne.

I figured it was best

to stay home

ever since I got that ticket

for driving with a cone on.

[barking]

Oh.

Wait a minute.

I ran out of bubble bath

at the same time we started

having problems.

[barks]

That's it!

It wasn't the cone at all,

was it, boy?

[barks]

You missed our bubble baths,

didn't you, buddy?

[barks]

Woof! Woof!

[upbeat music]

Nicky, I need your help.

- What's up?

- Hang these up.

I'm going to go give everybody

what they want.

Pigfoot. In the flesh.

Happy to help.

This is a trick I know, sis.

So, if Pigfoot shows up,

you ready?

He's not real, so yeah.

I'm all set.

Psst!

It's me, the principal.

Look, I'm sure this Pigfoot

stuff is all a hoax.

But Dawn did print it

in FuzzFeed,

and we all know

she always writes the truth.

So I'm relying on you two

and this mustache to protect me.

Hey, Principal Tarian.

It's down to you two.

Hello, hello.

Thank you all for coming

and for reading my articles.

We want Pigfoot.

[all yelling]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Classmates.

Who better to answer

all your Pigfoot questions

than Pigfoot himself?

[all]

Pigfoot! Pigfoot! Pigfoot!

Pigfoot! Pigfoot! Pigfoot!

[cheering]

Can you pig it?

[all]

Yeah!

Nicky, what are you doing here?

You said you needed my help.

We're giving the school Pigfoot.

I just wanted you

to hang up the posters.

Oh.

Well, you live, you learn.

[snorts and grunts]

We got him!

He's real!

He's totally real!

I can't believe he's real!

I knew he wasn't real.

So he's a fake?

So these are

just regular carrots?

Yeah.

Dawn made the whole thing up.

[all]

Boo!

Sorry, Dawn.

No, Mae, you're right.

The Pigfoot that you all

believed in,

the Pigfoot that I helped you

believe in, is a lie.

FuzzFeed promised you

real news.

The truth.

Important stuff.

But I broke that promise.

So, to make up for it,

I spent all night doing research

and found the real Pigfoot.

[all murmuring]

Hello, everybody.

My name is Harry Kawalsky.

And as you can see,

I have two normal feet.

And I'm not a pig.

[all]

Boo!

- It may not be what you want

to hear, but it's the truth.

Harry's family moved away

from their pig farm

the day of the avalanche,

so everyone just assumed

he got caught in it

and fused together with his pig.

It's an honest mistake.

So there really is

no Pigfoot.

[all]

Aw.

But the dancing part is true.

Now, who wants to learn

to disco dance?

[all]

Yeah!

[disco music]

- Five, six, seven.

♪ ♪

I'm sorry I got carried away.

Be my partner again?

Of course. Great work

finding the true Pigfoot.

Now that's real reporting.

[Ricky]

No dancing in the halls!

No dancing.

No dancing.

♪ ♪

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na na na

na na na na na na ♪

[whistling]

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪