Original subtitles

Okay, don't take this

the wrong way, but, um,

you guys look...

[sniffs]

and smell like garbage.

Oh, there's an explanation.

We just came from

the doctor's office.

Today was our yearly checkup.

Oh.

That makes sense.

No, it doesn't.

How does going to the doctor

end up like... this?

Well, in order to really

understand,

we need to take you back

to when we were five.

We were on the way

to the doctor's office when we

saw the most beautiful thing we

ever seen.

[angelic chorus]

[kids]

Cookie tower.

- Looks good, doesn't it?

[kids]

Cookie tower.

We know going to the doctor's

office has always been a

challenge for you guys.

And us.

So how about we make you a deal?

[kids]

Cookie tower.

He told us if we made it

through that doctor's visit

without any incidents, they'd

buy us the cookie tower.

Ooh, how'd it taste?

We don't know.

Five years, five disasters,

and five doctors later, we still

haven't tasted the sweet,

sugary goodness

of the cookie tower.

[angelic chorus]

Would you guys

stop doing that?

Sorry.

Wait, so you've been banned

from five doctors?

Oh, we've been banned from

almost every doctor in town.

Dentists, podiatrists,

we've even been banned

from Dr. Waffles.

What is that, like,

a breakfast place?

No, she's a veterinarian.

But she does put out those

really dry, bone-shaped donuts.

Good thing she also puts out

a fresh bowl of water.

We're no longer welcome there.

But this year,

no crazy freak-outs

were gonna get in our way.

We've each had our issues, but

this time, we also had a plan.

Step forward and state

your problem.

Every time we go

to the doctor's office,

I read the medical pamphlets,

get convinced I have

all the diseases,

and freak out.

Solution?

Tablet full of vampire books

to distract me.

Vampires live forever

and never catch diseases.

Next?

Doctors offices are the center

of the evil germ universe.

Solution?

My antibacterial super-cape.

No evil germs are getting past

this flu-fighting fabric.

Next?

I have shy kidneys.

When the nurse gives me

that little cup to fill,

I get a drought in my spout.

Solution?

I pre-peed,

so I'm pee-pared.

Hey, I drink out of that!

That's okay.

I washed it out first.

Next?

State your problem.

We have four kids.

And we are about to see the last

good doctor within 50 miles

that hasn't banned us.

Solution?

Relax, breathe,

and make everyone believe

we are the perfect

model family.

Even if we have to make believe.

Sorry, Anne.

Ricky said he was too busy

to teach me how to tie a tie.

Stupid homework.

What about you, honey?

I have a little fear

of needles.

A little?

Last year, you scissor-kicked

the doctor, stiff-armed a nurse,

pushed a toddler off

a wooden pony and used it

as your getaway horse.

I would have gotten away clean

if that horse wasn't afraid

of stairs.

Solution?

Since there are no shots

scheduled this year,

I'll be fine.

Trust me, nothing's gonna

go wrong this time.

[chuckles]

You gotta make time

for me, Ricky!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[man]

[whistling melody]

♪ ♪

[rhythmic clapping]

♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

[man]

[whistling melody]

♪ ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na,

na-na ♪

- ♪ One, two ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na ♪

[man]

♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

So we had our plan, and it was

all going great

until we walked in

the waiting room.

Don't look at the pamphlets,

don't look at the pamphlets,

don't look at the pamphlets--

I gotta look at the pamphlets!

Mumps?

Why did I look

at the pamphlets?

- Okay, stay on target.

Smiles, everybody, okay?

Smiles.

- Hello, uh, Andrea.

- It's An-DRE-a.

There's an accent

over the "e."

Ooh, were your parents French?

Why, do you have something

against the French?

No, no, no, no, no,

not at all.

In fact, we are part French.

We are the "Harpairs."

- Well in that case,

avez-vous un rendez-vous?

- Huh?

I asked if you had

an appointment.

Ooh, ah--yes.

I mean, oui.

Wee-wee.

Anyway, we're all here.

- Minus my husband, who's

parking. What is taking him so

long?

- Okay, breathe. Relax.

- Model family.

- Right, okay.

So, will the wait be long?

Well, we're running

a bit behind.

One of our doctors went home

with the flu.

The flu?

It's here?

It's all around us.

They even have pamphlets on it!

- Uh, and we're gonna wait

over here.

- Try go get us in there quick.

- Okay.

Okay.

[clears throat]

Andrea, I don't mean

to be pushy,

but asking these four kids

to wait can get a little tricky.

Are you asking

for special treatment?

No! No, no, no.

Not at all.

But is that something that is

available to, say, moi?

And--and what is with

the sticker switch there?

[phone rings]

Dr. Miller's office.

- Wha--what do

the different colors mean?

- Mrs. Harper, please.

Okay, just where I'm from,

green is good and red is bad

and I see myself

as more of a green.

Yes, a lot of very difficult

cases today.

Am--am I a difficult case?

Is that what red means?

Okay, guys, focus.

The cookie tower is in sight.

Solutions ready?

[boys]

Ready.

[wheels squeaking]

Is that a--

It couldn't be a--

It is a!

[all scream]

Oh, no.

[all]

Oh, no.

So the painters were moving

a skeleton?

It was an educational skeleton.

His name is Boney Tony.

Even worse than that skeleton--

they put us in separate rooms,

so I couldn't help my brothers.

No pamphlets.

[heartbeat thumping]

[Ricky]

Ah!

Good morning,

I'm Dr. Miller.

And, uh, who do we have here?

Dawn Harper.

10, healthy, active,

love soccer, no allergies,

not my year for shots.

Are we done?

Done? We haven't even started

your exam yet.

Great! So, what do you want

to start with?

Blood pressure?

She's just trying

to move things along

so you can go see

her brothers.

Always thinking of other people.

That's how we Harpers are--

the perfect model family.

So, uh, new patient, huh?

What brought you to our office?

Well, it's not because

you're the last doctor

within 50 miles, if that's what

you're thinking.

- Why would I think that?

- Pfft!

Ooh, red sticker.

That's never fun.

- I knew it.

- Okay, Mom.

- Too much pressure.

- Tell me about it.

- I need your father.

- No, I'm serious.

Tom, I need you,

where are you?

[air hissing]

Still looking for parking, Anne!

It's a jungle out here!

The stupid mattress truck

is taking up half the spots!

I mean, do you really need

that many spots?

All right, all right.

I think this guy's leaving.

Come on, buddy, back out.

Back out, back out, back--

oh, he's pulling back in, Anne.

Why?

Why are you pulling back in?

No!

Life is so unfair!

Ooh, he's pulling back out

again.

Great, great, take it

and get up here, now!

"Physician parking only."

Only when?

Only when your wife is yelling

at you?

Works for me.

So after I got through my exam,

I blew up a latex glove

and made a little turkey.

[mimics turkey gobbling]

What?

Everyone deals with stress

in their own way.

Anyway, Mom went to go help

Ricky and Dicky

while I went to go help Nicky

battle the evil germs.

Better?

It could use a cape.

[sighs]

Ah, yes.

Thank you very much,

Cunninghams.

- Mom?

- [screams]

Oh!

Oh, my gosh.

Sorry.

How's Nicky?

Cookie tower, here we come.

How's your sticker problem?

Hmm.

Great work.

I'm off to see the whizzer.

- Those.

- Ahh.

This place

is a madhouse today.

I thought you called in

a replacement doctor.

I did. Dr. Fetoosh

was supposed to be here,

but he's running late.

I can't wait to meet him.

I hear he's quite the character.

Hey, hon.

Sorry I'm late.

Good thing that physician spot

was open,

so just call me Doctor.

That's it!

Ah, doctor!

- You're Dr. Fetoosh.

- I am?

Yes, and you're quite

the character.

Ooh.

Wait, why am I doing this

again?

They red-stickered our files,

Tom.

I'm no doctor,

but that can't be good.

You are a doctor,

which means you have access

to the files.

And if we don't change the red

sticker on that file to green,

they'll never let us

bring the kids back here.

Well, then, the doctor is in.

Oh!

Oh! [laughs]

Oh, Dr. Fetoosh.

- You are such a character.

- Ahh.

- Lovely meeting you.

- Oh.

Dr. Fetoosh, you're here.

Nice tie.

The kids are gonna love that!

Oh!

[laughs]

I did that on purpose...

'cause I am Dr. Fetoosh.

And I am quite the character.

Oh, is that the, uh...

the, uh, Harper file?

Yes, but let's start you off

with something easier.

[baby cries]

Oh, that is a real baby!

Dicky?

Anything happening in there?

[Dicky] No, my lemonade stand

is closed for business.

You know I'm not really talking

about lemonade, right?

I know.

Okay, do you need me to sing

the pee-pee song that Mom always

used to sing?

Oh, that'd be nice.

♪ Raindrops and waterfalls

the deep blue sea ♪

♪ These are the things

that help us go-- ♪

[Dicky]

It's not working!

Okay, Dicky, calm down.

I'm gonna get you through this,

trust me.

Nothing's gonna stop us

from getting that cookie tower.

I'm pregnant!

- What?

- I'm pregnant!

- You're not pregnant.

- Wait, who's pregnant?

- Me.

- Congratulations!

He's not pregnant,

he just read a pamphlet.

- Give me that.

- Easy, Dawn, I'm with child.

- You're not with child.

- I'm gonna be an uncle!

You're not gonna be an uncle!

Then who's gonna teach the

little guy how to ride a bike?

Okay, you go in there and get

your lemonade stand open.

- You know it's really not lem--

- Just get in there!

You come with me!

Calm down, Ricky.

You're not pregnant.

Then why am I so moody

and nauseous?

I think

it's the morning sickness.

Ricky, you're a boy.

You're right.

I'm a boy.

It's scientifically

impossible.

- Ow!

- What?

- I think it just kicked.

- You're not pregnant!

Okay, here, just focus on

the adorable puppy magazine.

I'm gonna go back

and check on Dicky.

Oh, and Mom said to take this

in case any of us

got nervous stomachs.

Ew, chalky.

[Ricky voice-over] All right,

puppies, calm me down.

Interesting.

Puppies can get rabies.

Huh?

People can get rabies.

People can get rabies?

One of the symptoms is foaming

at the mouth!

I'm foaming at the mouth!

I never want to see anything

like that again.

Here you go, Dr. Fetoosh.

Your next patient

is Ricky Harper.

Uh, where's the rest

of the file?

Oh, his entire

medical history is in there.

No, I'm talking about

the important part.

You know,

where the sticker is.

You know, you can tell a lot

about a patient

by the color of his sticker.

You're such a character,

Dr. Fetoosh.

Yes, I know.

I really need that file.

- I have rabies!

- He--he has rabies!

He has rabies!

Who has rabies?

Nicky?

We've gotta get out of here!

Someone has... rabies!

I did it!

- Rabies!

- Nicky!

No!

My precious!

- Help me!

- [screams]

Ah!

- Nicky!

- Stay away from me!

- Get back in here!

- No!

- He's got rabies!

- There's no rabies.

Come here.

- Ow!

- What about Ricky?

Don't be ridiculous.

He doesn't have rabies.

He's having babies.

Okay, neither of those things

are happening.

He just took some tablets

for his stomach

that made his mouth foam up.

Huh, that makes more sense.

But there's still

germs out there.

You know what else is out there?

A delicious dream

with our names on it.

Now, we may have lost

our tablet, our cape,

and my favorite water bottle...

but there's one thing

we haven't lost...

our burning love of cookies.

So, Nicky,

I have just two words for you.

[chanting]

Cookie tower.

[all chanting]

Cookie tower, cookie tower,

cookie tower, cookie tower!

So the power of the tower

helped Nicky

get through his exam...

[kids chanting]

Cookie tower, cookie tower,

cookie tower.

- You're good to go.

[kids cheering]

[Dawn]

And got Ricky through his.

[kids chanting]

Cookie tower, cookie tower,

cookie tower.

[both]

Yes!

And even got Dicky

back on track.

[kids chanting]

Cookie tower, cookie tower,

cookie tower, cookie tower...

[Dicky]

Yes! I'm filling it!

[kids chanting]

Cookie tower...

[Dicky]

A little too much.

I can't stop!

I need more cups!

Stop chanting!

Stop chanting!

Just use the toilet.

[Dicky]

Oh.

- Okay, Dicky, you're all set.

[kids cheering]

- We all passed.

- The cookie tower is ours!

Yes!

Woo-hoo!

Wait, honey, what happened

to your hand?

Oh, it's nothing.

Just a little cut from a nail

outside the window.

A nail?

Hmm.

Looks like you may need

a tetanus shot.

A shot?

But--but I'm not supposed

to have a shot.

There are no shots this year.

Don't worry, it won't hurt.

Okay, relax.

I can totally do this.

I'm fine.

She's getting on

the wooden horse!

- What happ--

- Oh, I'm sorry!

No, I, um--

Oh!

- Dawn, come on.

You're being ridiculous.

It's one little shot.

[chanting]

Cookie tower.

[boys chanting]

Cookie tower, cookie tower--

- That's not gonna work on me.

Dawn, come on, you were the one

who rallied us.

Yeah, if it weren't for you,

none of us would have gotten

through our exams.

Yeah, and since you helped us

get over our fears,

let us help you

get over yours.

Aw, guys, that's so sweet.

Not gonna work either.

We thought you'd say that.

So... get her!

[all]

Whoa!

Dawn, what did you do?

I don't know how

to work this thing!

Here!

Let me do it.

Uh-oh.

Now what are we gonna do?

There's no way to get back

in the window.

Looks like there's only one way

off this thing.

You want me to jump into

a germ-infested dumpster?

Without a cape?

No, onto the back

of that mattress truck.

- Better, but, nope.

- Me neither.

- No way.

- Come on, guys.

I'll make you a deal.

If we do this together,

I'll go back in there

and get that shot.

[boys]

Deal.

Okay, on the count of three,

I'm gonna pull this pin,

and out we go.

One, two...

- three!

[all scream]

So that's why you're covered

in garbage.

Yep.

After falling into a dumpster,

getting a shot was no big deal.

But if everything worked out,

where is this cookie tower?

Well, not everything

worked out.

Dad still hadn't gotten

the folder, but Mom had a plan.

So he says, "Doctor,

I need a second opinion."

So I say, "You're ugly too."

[laughter]

Oh, it's good to be a doctor.

[whispers]

Yes! Take that, Andrea.

Come on, let's go.

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.

So sorry I'm late.

There was a broken down

mattress truck, and some jerk

parked his minivan

in my physician's spot.

I'm sorry, who are you?

I'm Dr. Fetoosh.

What do you mean?

He's Dr. Fetoosh.

- And he's quite the character.

- I am.

No, I'm Dr. Fetoosh,

and I'm quite the character.

Do your tie thing, Doctor.

Oh, oh, of course.

The kids love it.

No, the kids love this.

You're not a doctor, are you?

Well, according to

my parking space, I am.

Get out.

Oh, um, you should double-check

the Jarvis baby.

- Wow.

Hey, we're back.

Um, do you validate parking?

Unbelievable.

So this is just

a validation sticker?

Yes, green one's

for under an hour,

red's for anything longer

than an hour.

[both]

Ohhhh.

So for the sixth year

in a row,

we were banned

from a doctor's office.

But since Mom and Dad are why

we're never allowed back,

technically it wasn't our fault.

Which is why we finally get...

That!

[kids mimic

angelic chorus singing]

Oh, this is awesome!

And we don't have to go

to the doctor for another year.

- [sneezes]

- [sneezes]

- [sneezes]

- Oh, no.

This looks like a job

for Dr. Fetoosh.

I'll go get him.

- Look at these, guys.

- Oh, my gosh.

[all talking over one another]

[upbeat music]

[whistling melody]

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

- ♪