Original subtitles

Great.

Family game night

ruins another Saturday.

Mae just invited me over for

Mae-ke Your Own Pizza Night.

That's when they make

pizzas at Mae's.

And now I can't go.

Well, we want to go to

movie night at Conner's.

That's when we go

watch movies...

at Conner's.

Okay.

We all have things

we'd rather do,

so tonight's the night.

We got to tell Mom and Dad

we don't want to do

game night anymore.

Yeah.

We're allowed to have lives too.

It's time to take a stand.

No more family game night.

- Who's ready for

family game night?

- Best night of the week!

- Woot!

- Woot!

Why aren't you wooting?

Mom, Dad...

Before we woot,

we want to talk to you

about game night.

I'm getting the sense you're not

super excited about game night.

Yeah, do you guys not want

to do game night anymore?

[all]

[gently] No!

- Great.

I'll get the pencils.

- I'll get the snacks.

Maybe tonight's not the night.

Right.

Plan B.

We lose every game and get

family lame night over with

so we can go to Conner's

and you can go to Mae's.

Great.

So operation "We lose every game

"and get family lame

night over with

so we can go to Conner's

and you can go to Mae's"

is a go.

This is why we don't

let you name operations.

Okay, okay, okay.

Boom...

chaka-laka!

[both shouting]

Guess you win.

- Yeah!

- Yeah! Whoo!

Ready?

Right foot green.

Ahh!

I pulled a hammy!

Yeah!

Ricky got hurt!

You want us to call

you a wahmbulance?

Wahhhh!

If we were in London,

it would sound like this:

Wah-wah,

wah-wah,

wah-wah.

Seriously, are you okay?

I'm fine.

Great.

You guys win again.

Yes!

Okay, another game night

in the books.

Done in record time.

I guess we're on our own

for the rest of the night.

No, no, no, no, no!

There's more.

Tonight's the perfect night

to unveil a little surprise

we've been working on:

The Harper Family Trivia Game.

Here's a teaser:

Which second cousin

moved to Wisconsin

solely for his love of cheese?

Think about that

while we get the game.

I wish Mom and Dad had something

else to do on Saturday nights

besides ruin ours.

Yeah.

They need some friends so they

can go out once in a while.

Dicky, that's it.

They just need friends.

We need to get Mom and Dad

a life so we can have one too.

All in?

I got it.

The cheese man

is our cousin Jack.

He's from Monterrey.

Ohhh.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [whistling melody]

♪ ♪

[rhythmic clapping]

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

- [whistling melody]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na,

na-na ♪

- ♪ One, two ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

Okay.

We all want our

Saturday nights free, right?

[all]

Yeah.

So who looks like they'd be

a good match for Mom and Dad?

Ooh.

Look no further.

They're perfect.

Ooh.

Look no further.

It's perfect.

Let's look further.

What about those two?

They look perfect.

That's Mom and Dad.

What about those two?

[Dream Weaver playing]

You mean those two

testing the fans?

Yeah!

All right.

Operation "No More Game Night"

is a go.

That's how you name

an operation.

So, you guys fans

of these fans?

[both laughing]

I'll say.

They're pretty fan-tastic!

So, can we help

you find something?

Such great service.

Could you direct us

to the fishing section?

This one's a big fisherman.

So's our dad!

Fishing section's this way.

I'm sorry, could you

repeat that?

I have a little bit

of a herring problem.

[all laugh]

He's just kidding.

He did that on porpoise.

Ohh!

[sighs]

They're the ones.

Our work here is done.

I don't know, guys.

They mispronounce

a lot of words.

Okay, there are the

customers who need help.

Okay, we're going,

we're going!

So, deep sea's your game, huh?

Oh, I dabble.

Tom Harper.

This is my first mate, Anne.

Oh, we're the Milbanks.

- I'm Phil.

- I'm Bonnie.

Come on, Phil, give it up.

Best catch.

Ten-foot swordfish

off the coast of Barbados.

- Wow!

- Yeah.

Take me there.

It's working.

Here's something you

don't see every day.

You've got a purse

and you've got a purse.

[gasps]

Looks like you two have got

a purse-onal connection.

Yours is beautiful.

Oh, thank you.

I got it in London.

You love London.

You know what my

favorite part is?

The sirens.

[both]

Wah-wah, wah-wah, wah-wah!

And then boom!

Ten foot of swordfish sashimi

is flipping at me feets.

- Wow.

- Yeah.

I've always dreamt

that one day I'd...

meet someone with

a story like that.

And now you have.

And perhaps he has pictures.

Well, if it's fish

pics you're into,

I may have one

or two thousand.

Hey, bon-bon,

come on over here.

I'm showing the fish pics.

Oh, look at that.

Huh?

Um, Mr. and Mrs. Harper,

hi.

So, my favorite band

is playing this weekend

and the only way to get tickets

is if you camp in line,

so I was wondering

if I could borrow a tent.

Sure, whatever.

- And a sleeping bag?

- Sure, whatever.

Can I leave now

and have the weekend off?

Sure, whatever.

Amazing!

[all laugh]

[all sigh]

So...

So...

They're blowing it.

Do something!

Watch me work.

Offer them a smoothie.

Hey, could we

offer you a smoothie?

We'd love a smoothie!

That was a great idea!

It just popped in there!

Well, that went more

smoothie than we thought.

Josie, we need a round of--

Where's Josie?

Bye, Phil.

Bye, Bonnie.

- I--yeesh!

- Oh!

So?

When are you crazy kids

getting together again?

We didn't talk about

anything like that.

Well, maybe you

should call them

and, you know, talk

about things like that.

- Ehh.

- Ah, I don't know.

Whoa.

Is that them in the parking lot

talking to some

other cool adults?

Make the call.

We don't want to seem desperate.

[phone rings]

[gasps]

They're calling us!

[gasps]

What do we do?

[all]

Answer it!

- What do I say?

- I don't know!

Just be yourself.

- I can do that.

- Okay, okay.

Tomcat Harper here.

Meow!

I mean roar!

Why am I making animal noises?

Yes. Yes, it was great

meeting you too.

Oh, really great!

Yeah, that was Anne-cat Harper.

Grr!

Yeah--yes, we would love

to get together again.

Oh, Saturday?

That's actually our

family game night.

- It's fine.

- Go ahead.

Don't worry about us.

Do it!

Oh, why not?

Uh-huh.

Saturday night it is.

It's official.

We're seeing the Milbanks

Saturday night!

Oh, good-bye family game night!

[all]

Yes!

And they're bringing their kids

for double family game night!

[all]

No!

Wait, you guys don't want

to do double family game night?

[all]

[gently] No!

Great!

[all groan]

[sighs]

I can't, Mae.

I'm stuck here again

for family game night.

What?

You're making ice cream sundaes

with unlimited toppings?

Aw, nuts.

And cherries?

Well, that's the topper.

Have fun.

We're never gonna

leave this house.

Maybe Mom and Dad will do

something embarrassing

and scare them off.

[doorbell rings]

[Tom]

We'll get it!

This looks promising.

- What do you think?

- You like our fedoras?

They are perfect...

for Operation "Mom and Dad

do something embarrassing

and scare them off."

What did I tell you?

[gasps]

No way!

You have got to be kidding me.

You look fedorable!

You look fedorabler!

Aw!

On the bright side,

it can't get any worse.

And now presenting

the fedorablest:

Jill, Will, and Phil Jr.

- ♪ Hello ♪

- ♪ Hello ♪

♪ Hello ♪

- ♪ Oh, no ♪

- ♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

Oi.

We brought this on ourselves.

There's still hope.

Not for Nicky.

[all]

♪ Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky ♪

♪ Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky ♪

♪ Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky ♪

♪ Nicky, Nicky, Nicky, Nicky ♪

I told you we could

turn any name into a song.

It's gonna be fine.

Once the games start,

Mom and Dad will get

super competitive

and scare the Milbanks away.

Why take that chance?

Follow my lead.

Listen, there's something you

should know about our parents.

Oh, dear.

Our mom and dad are

super competitive.

Ohh, double dear.

Phil.

Language.

[sighs]

So take a good look

at those friendly faces.

It's the last time you're

gonna see them tonight.

Well, thanks for

telling us, kids.

Uh, Tom?

Anne?

Sorry to have to tell you this,

but we're gonna have to leave...

you in the dust!

Milbanks!

- Ha ha!

- Yeah!

Let the double family

game night commence!

[air horn blows]

[all]

Game night! Game night!

Game night! Game night!

What have we done?

[all]

Game night! Game night!

Game night! Game night!

Game night! Game night!

Game night! Game night!

[all whispering]

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

[Phil]

Nice pull, Will!

[all]

Will! Will! Will! Will!

Zip!

Now put that baby to bed.

Sleep tight, little one.

[all cheer]

All right!

Zip!

You're up.

Don't pay any

attention to them.

What do I do?

Well,

if we have to join them,

we might as well beat

these game night freaks.

Let's do this.

[all]

One, two, three, Harpers!

Want some fries

with that shake, boy?

[all cheering]

Okay, Dawn.

Right hand blue.

Can't reach it, Dawn.

Give up.

Never!

- Ha ha!

- Yeah!

Yeah, that's my girl!

- Nice!

- Yeah!

- What is it, honey?

- What do you need, kiddo?

Somebody call the wahmbulance.

Duck,

duck,

goose.

Hey!

I got this.

You're not the goose!

[screaming]

[Milbanks cheering]

That was so--so violent.

Okay.

Come on.

Harper team meeting

in the kitchen!

We're gonna--

it's okay, buddy.

We're gonna whip

these guys into--

What is wrong with these people?

You see it too?

How could we not see it?

I thought they were

gonna hurt you kids.

Thought?

Phil Jr.'s been punching me

in the kidneys

every chance he gets.

[gasps]

Me too!

[all]

Me too!

We had no idea they

were gonna be like this.

I'm so sorry we

invited them over.

Well...

this might actually be kind of

sort of maybe our fault.

Your fault? How?

All you did was

point out two customers

that needed help

in the fishing section.

[all]

Well...

We might have

set you up with them

so you'd make friends and

we could get out of game night.

But you love game night.

[all]

Well...

Why didn't you just tell us?

Because you guys love

game night so much

we didn't have the heart

to tell you we hate it so much.

Huh. Apparently you do

have the heart.

Look, it's not that we hate

spending time with you.

It's just that sometimes

we'd rather hang out

with our friends.

If we had just

told you the truth,

we wouldn't be stuck with

a family of kidney punchers

in our living room.

[Phil]

Harpers,

come out and pla-ay!

We are so sorry.

All right, listen.

I'm not gonna lie.

We're a little disappointed.

That's a lie.

We're a lot disappointed.

But right now, we have to

deal with the Milbanks.

Let us do it.

We weren't honest with you,

so let us make up for it

by going out there and

being honest with them.

Hmm.

- Wow.

- That one takes after me.

[laughs]

Mr. and Mrs. Milbank,

we've been thinking

about game night.

You know--

Oh, whoa.

Thinking time's over.

We've had the mental challenges.

Now it gets physical.

Now it gets physical?

Yeah.

I want the old man.

Um, that is exactly

what we were thinking.

But first, you know,

we're gonna go upstairs

to get our boxing uniforms.

Yes!

Our boxing uniforms.

- Boxing uniforms!

- Get ready to box!

Grr!

So, where are these

boxing uniforms?

There are no boxing uniforms,

Dicky.

Then what are we gonna

wear when we box?

We're not gonna box!

We're just gonna wait up here

until they leave.

That's your plan?

I'm a kid.

We hide from stuff.

It's what we do!

You're right.

I'm the adult here.

I should start acting

like the adult.

Listen, Phil.

I got to tell you something.

Tomcat's tum-tum really hurts

and he had to go

to the hospital.

- What are you doing?

- I don't know!

[stammering]

No, well, you didn't see us

'cause we left

out the back door.

The upstairs back door.

Well, just let yourselves out

and we'll see you all

again real soon, okay?

No, no, no, no, no.

You got enough to worry about.

We'll just stay here

and hold down the fort

till you get back.

No, no, no,

you don't have to do that.

We could be in

the hospital all night.

Well, even more reason.

Someone's got to stay here

and feed the dog, right?

We left the dog down there.

Please do not stay at our house.

All right. Good.

They're not leaving.

Okay.

New plan.

We call Josie and tell her

to come house sit.

Then the Milbanks

will have to leave.

Mom, phone me.

[loud dance music]

♪ ♪

She's not picking up.

We're just gonna have

to wait them out up here

in this freezing cold attic.

Hey, I found

some warmer clothes!

This is ridiculous.

My family's up here shivering.

What kind of a man am I?

There's only one thing to do:

march down there

and box a seven-year-old.

Or,

we could climb out the window

and camp out at the store.

Now there's a kid with a plan.

No, Tom, we are not putting

our kids in jeopardy

to avoid a beating

from a first grader.

Close the window!

[fluttering]

Shh.

Do you hear that?

[all]

Bat!

Open the window!

Open the window!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

[dull thud]

Shhh.

What was that noise?

Sounds like intruders.

Let's call the police.

- Yeah!

- Battle stations. Let's go!

Come on, Milbanks.

Call police.

Guys, you can come out.

It must have flown

out the window.

- Are you guys okay?

- Oh, that was so scary.

You all right, tiger?

Oh. Intense.

Um...

Dawn?

You have a little something.

[bat shrieks]

Can we please go out the window?

Yes!

[all screaming]

Any intruders come down here,

they're gonna get a Milspank!

Good one, Dad!

Yeah!

All right!

Nothing gets past the Milbanks!

Let's go! Come on!

Follow me.

Police!

Hands on your heads.

Gosh.

Officer, I can explain.

You can explain why you're

breaking into this house?

Oh, no, no, no, no, see.

We weren't breaking in.

We're breaking out.

We live here.

Okay.

Let's see some I.D.

Our wallets are in the house.

Then let's go in

and you can get them.

We can't go in there.

It's a long story.

So you're telling me

you'd rather be hauled

down to the police station

than go back into

your own house?

[all]

Well...

- Well done.

- That was so good.

You know, I got to admit,

family game night did turn out

to be pretty fun after all.

Yeah, glad we didn't

miss this one.

Whose turn is it?

- It's mine!

- Okay!

Your Harper family

trivia category is:

geography!

[all]

Ooh!

Which great aunt

moved to Santa Fe

with her good friend, Esther?

Your house guests

confirmed your story.

You're free to go home.

No, thanks.

We're good.

Was it Aunt Wanda?

Yes, it was!

Woot, woot!

Woot, woot!

- Woot, woot!

- Woot, woot!

Nice wooting!

All right, who's next?

[all shouting]

- All right,

all right, all right!

Here we go:

Which uncle did we bail

out of this very cell?

- ♪ ♪

- [whistling melody]

♪ ♪

- [vocalizing]

♪ Yeah ♪

[vocalizing]

♪ Yeah ♪

- ♪

- ♪