Original subtitles

- [laughs]

I can't believe

you think Snuggle Squirrels One

is better than

Snuggle Squirrels Two.

- I just think

the snuggling is more believable

in the original.

- What about the third one?

The Empire Snuggles Back.

- I'm not discussing this

with any of you

until you read the books.

- No, no, no.

The worst zombie movie ever

is Zombabes.

- I know.

So lame.

Zombies aren't supposed to

go to beach parties...or surf.

[both groaning]

Give me the classic...

"Must eat brains!"

- Rwar!

- Raaaahhh!

- Oh.

Maybe we shouldn't be

talking about this stuff

in front of

- [whispers] Kids.

- [whispers] Yeah.

- Who, us?

Whaaaaat?

We watch scary movies

all the time.

What else would we watch...

Snuggle Squirrels?

- Pfft!

- Yeah.

- I'm a snuggle squirrel!

- Who are you to judge us?

- Then you must be

really excited for tonight.

- Sure.

Mom's meatloaf.

She adds paprika.

It's a winner.

- She's talking about

Field of Brains...

the scariest

classic zombie movie ever.

It's on TV tonight.

Uncut.

Unrated.

- And unbelievably scary!

[laughs]

- Mm.

- See you tonight.

- Uh...

Obviously, we're watching

Field of Brains tonight.

Duh!

- Guys.

You don't have to pretend.

We all know you're too young

for scary movies.

And by the way...

the snuggle squirrels

are adorable.

Like you guys.

- Did you hear that?

- Yeah.

She called me adorable.

Our, "will they, won't they?"

tension is electric.

- She called us too young.

That is the worst type of young.

- She's right, though.

We've never really seen

a scary movie.

- Well, that ends tonight.

We are watching Field of Brains.

- I will be up here

for one week,

living on nothing but grit...

determination...

and the sweat from my socks.

- All while promoting the

affordably-priced camping gear

here at Tom's Get Sporty.

[laughs]

- I'm not here to

move tents, Harper.

Grizz Coyote's no sellout.

[applause]

- Grizz is so rugged.

He can survive anything.

- I know.

I kinda hope a mountain lion

gets loose in the store,

just to see what happens.

- [laughs]

- Wow.

You guys are in a good mood.

- Sure are.

- So, now would be a good time

to ask you something?

- Anything you want.

- Can we watch

Field of Brains tonight?

Both: No way.

- What?

- You're not watching

a zombie movie.

- Why not?

- Because we've seen it.

In a world

where zombies eat farmers

and harvest their brains.

- Four kids

will not see that movie

because they are too young.

- You guys are so mean.

- We're not mean.

We're good parents.

There are

certain disturbing images

we don't want you exposed to.

- [spits]

- Kids, look.

Grizz is treating an open wound

with just

his toenails and phlegm.

- In a world...

where parents are

overprotective...

four kids watch

Field of Brains anyway.

- I wish we were those kids.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [whistling melody]

♪ ♪

[rhythmic clapping]

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

- [whistling melody]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na,

na-na ♪

- ♪ One, two ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na ♪

♪ Na, na-na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

- Excuse me, Mr. Coyote.

We have

a hypothetical question for you.

- Is it: Can a man walk

barefoot across Alaska?

Because yes.

I did that.

- Our question is about putting

two bears to bed so we could--

I don't know--

watch a movie or something.

- We talking polar?

Kodiak?

Panda?

- Mama.

About yay tall

with blonde hair.

- And a 6' papa bear

with a sort of

balding Jim Carrey look.

- Exotic species.

Do you have access to

any spears or grenades?

- No, we just want to

help them fall asleep.

- All right, since

you don't have any grenades...

I would recommend a relaxing

atmosphere and a filling meal.

Turkey.

Thick, heavy gravy.

Mac and cheese.

Maybe a pie.

- You've fed that stuff

to bears?

- No. But it puts my Uncle Jerry

to sleep every Thanksgiving.

And he's pretty hairy, so...

- Hey, guys.

What's up?

- You guys getting

grizzy with it?

- Yeah, we're gonna go home

and floss with our shoes.

- See ya.

- Hey, Grizz.

Camping sales are way up.

People love tough guys

like you and me.

- You and me?

Have you ever

throat-punched a giraffe

'cause he was

eating off your branch?

Have you ever let

an anaconda swallow you

so you'd have

a warm place to sleep?

- [clears throat]

See that scar?

I got that last year

living in the woods.

- In a luxury cabin in Aspen.

He punched a mini-fridge when

he realized there was no Wi-Fi.

- [laughs]

Okay, as I recall,

someone wouldn't eat s'mores

because the marshmallows

touched stick.

- Those sticks were

on the ground.

- They fell from a tree.

That's where sticks land.

- Please!

Civilians like you

could never live off the land.

You sell the survival lifestyle.

I live it.

You want to know what tough is?

You should read my man-oirs.

Which I wrote entirely

on the hide of a rhinoceros.

You know how hard it is to get

a rhino to hold still that long?

Now if you'll excuse me...

it's lunchtime.

- Is he right?

Have we gone soft?

- No, no, no.

We're still tough.

We don't need that book.

- Mr. And Mrs. Harper!

Your walk-no-mores have arrived.

- Yes!

Finally, getting the mail

won't be so exhausting.

[laughs]

- Okay, maybe we need to

read the book.

- Yeah.

Do you smell turkey?

- Yeah.

- Huh.

- Oh. Oh.

You know, according to Grizz...

that means either

an avalanche is coming...

- Okay.

- Or someone's cooking turkey.

- But it's meatloaf night.

- Kids!

Avalanche!

Oh.

False alarm.

It was turkey.

- Welcome, parents.

Please sit.

- What's going on in here?

- We made you dinner.

- But what about my meatloaf?

- We're shaking things up.

Tonight, we're having turkey

covered in a thick, heavy gravy.

- Followed by more turkey,

also with thick, heavy gravy.

- And for

your dining entertainment,

I'll be reading from

a thick, heavy book.

Doorknobs:

A Complete History.

- Are you guys trying to

put us to sleep?

[laughter]

- Chapter one.

- More thick, heavy gravy?

- Would you kids mind if we--

[yawns]

If we, uh...

- If you went to bed?

Not at all.

Good night.

- Love you.

- Sweet dreams.

- Have a great sleep.

- Don't let the bed bugs bite.

- Love you guys.

- Good night.

- Good night.

- Good night.

- It's zombie time.

All: Rwar!

- And now...

Field of Brains.

- I've been dreaming about

seeing this movie

for as long as I can remember.

- You mean since this morning?

- Yeah.

Like I said.

- Shh.

The movie's starting.

- "Based on actual events"?

Interesting.

Man: Family?

I've returned from farming.

Boy: Welcome home, Papa.

Did you harvest any corn today?

- Sure did, son.

Sure did.

- This isn't scary.

- Yeah, it's just a nice family

living on a farm

in the middle of nowhere

with no neighbors or police

for miles.

- I don't see how

this could go wrong.

Man: I'm gonna check

the basement

to see if the furnace

is still acting up.

[hinges creaking]

- Ooh.

Ooh!

Look at that doorknob.

That's a rare 1937 lock

and slide with Amish movement.

All: Shh!

- Whoo-hoo!

Sure is dark down here.

- [growling]

- Aah!

- It went so wrong so quickly!

- [stomach gurgles]

- Oh...

Tom, are you okay?

- Ah.

I think the kids'...

thick, heavy gravy...

might've hurt my stomach.

Grizz is right.

We have gone soft.

- What do you mean "we"?

My stomach is just fine.

[stomach gurgles]

Whoa.

Okay, that is not

a sign of softness.

That is the call of the wild.

- It sounds like

a call for help.

And a true survivalist

doesn't call for help.

We play through...

[stomach gurgles]

- Okay, wait, wait, wait.

Are you suggesting

that you are more of

a true survivalist than me?

- Well, I don't want to

toot my own horn, but...

Honk honk.

- Please!

I am definitely

more of a survivalist

than you.

Honk honk.

- I could live outside

for a week--honk.

- I could live outside

for a month--honk.

- I could live outside

right now.

No honk necessary.

Oh, yeah.

This is happening.

- Oh, what,

pillows and a blanket?

What, are you staying

at the Queen's house?

Give me the cold grass, baby.

- Grass?

Oh, your majesty!

I'll take the hard dirt.

- I hope it rains.

- I hope it snows!

- Honk!

- Honk!

Honk.

Ow!

Ah-ooga!

[screaming and snarling]

- Why are we still

watching this?

- I'm too scared

to turn it off.

- We have to keep watching.

It's what the big kids do.

[screaming continues]

Right, Nicky?

- The farmer has passed the

first stage of zombification.

Moaning and night walking.

The second stage is

the digging of holes.

- Please don't dig holes.

Please don't dig holes.

[digging]

[gasps]

- Okay.

He dug holes.

But at least he hasn't

planted any brains yet.

- Must plant brains.

All: No!

- Ugh, this ground is hard.

- You know,

while you complain,

I'm building

a bed out of nature.

- Oh, you think ripping off

your sleeves like Grizz

makes you a better survivalist?

That is pathetic.

- Huh.

See, I must have

left my sleeves...

over there.

- Oh, you want a muscle show?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, well get ready for

the grand prize 'cause...

it's a new shirt.

[saw buzzing]

[zombie growls]

- Aah! Aah!

[crunch]

Aah!

[snarling]

[saw buzzing]

[soft music plays]

- The credits.

The sweet, sweet credits.

- We did it.

We survived Field of Brains.

Pfft.

Too young.

We are not too young.

- Yeah.

We're not little kids

who run to our Mom and Dad.

- [growling]

- Wha--

Mom?

- Dad?

- Dad!

- Mom!

- Dad!

- Mom?

- Dad?

- Huh?

Uh--

- Mom?

- Dad?

- [groaning]

[growling]

- [growling]

- Mom?

- Dad?

- Zombies.

- [moaning]

All: Aah!

- Okay, everybody calm down.

Mom and Dad aren't zombies.

Zombies aren't real.

- She's right.

Field of brains was just

a movie.

- Based on actual events.

Right, Nicky?

Where's Nicky?

[stomach rumbles]

- Gah.

Ah, I think the gravy train's

leaving the station.

Ooh.

Oh.

- Hey, hey, hey.

Where are you going, nature boy?

According to Grizz's book,

bathrooms are for

daisy-sniffers.

- I hate the smell of daisies.

- Well, then start digging.

- Fine.

[stomach gurgling]

- Oh...oh...

- Don't look at me.

This hole is occupied.

Ah!

- They've got Nicky.

- Nobody has anybody.

Nicky is still upstairs.

- Yeah...

and if Mom and dad were really

zombie brain farmers,

wouldn't they be

digging holes right now?

[both growling and groaning]

They're digging holes.

- For our brains!

[groaning continues]

- Listen to me

if you want to live.

While you were

hiding under your pillows,

I saw it all.

I know what's coming.

- Where'd you get

the chalkboard?

- Not important.

According to Field of Brains,

Mom and Dad are not zombies yet.

- Did you buy the chalkboard?

- Forget the chalkboard.

Mom and Dad are just starting

zombification process.

If this is about

the chalkboard...

It's just like in the movie.

- Stage one...

moaning and night walking.

Stage two...

digging holes.

- They're already on

stage three.

- No, digging is stage two.

- Really?

That's a shovel?

- I thought he was trying

to wood-fire a pizza.

[distant growling, groaning]

- We don't have much time.

The next stage is

sensitivity to light.

Then...

the final stage.

They eat brains!

- What do we do?

- Well, according to

Professor Feldstein...

- There is an antidote.

But it must be administered

before stage four.

If not, they will become...

full...

blown...

zombies.

[voice echoes]

- Any questions?

I found the chalkboard

in the attic.

- Thank you!

- And a dirty sock.

- Ugh,

that antidote smells disgusting.

- Did you really think that

dirty socks, toilet water,

bellybutton lint, dead flies,

moldy cottage cheese,

dental floss gunk,

and a sprig of dill

was gonna smell good?

- I thought the dill would

jazz it up.

- How are we supposed to get

Mom and Dad to drink...

this?

- We don't.

We pour the antidote

into their shoes.

It has to enter

through their soles...

to save their souls.

- That's deep, bro-fessor.

- So, which one of you

brave men

wants to go downstairs

and put it in their shoes?

So, which one of you brave men

wants to take their fingernails

out of my back?

Boys: Sorry.

- Come on.

We gotta find their shoes.

- I don't see them.

- Uh, let's check the back

door.

- What if they come in?

- They won't,

as long as the lights are on.

[both groaning]

[electricity crackles]

- Oh.

Uh-oh.

That sounded like

something important.

Both: Oh!

- Definitely

something important.

- Aah!

- Aah!

- Well, at least it's just us.

- Huh.

We should probably go inside

and call the power company.

Anonymously.

- That's exactly

what Grizz would do.

- Yeah.

- Ah!

- Oh!

Stepped in a hole!

- Sprained my ankle.

- [lisping]

Bit my 'ongue!

- Ohh...uhh....

- Ohhhhhhh!

- Sprains.

- S'rains!

[both groaning]

- Sprains...

- S'rains...

- Ooh.

- What are they doing?

- I think

they're sitting down to eat.

- Oh, no.

They've reached stage four.

They're hungry for brains.

- [lisping]

My tongue is on fire!

- Stains!

- Oh, stains!

- Ugh!

- Quick--we have to get

the antidote in their shoes.

- Aah!

- Huh?

Huh?

- Uhh?

All: Aah!

- Hey!

Ehhhh....

- Nooooo!

- They got Ricky!

Should we save him?

Sorry, Ricky!

- Go, go, go.

[panting]

We lost Ricky.

- He's one of them now.

- I call his computer.

- We need to find Grizz.

He'll know what to do.

He can survive anything.

- Gah!

- Aah!

- Aah!

- He's not here.

[sloppy eating noise]

- What's that?

Grizz?

[rustling, lips smacking]

- Aah!

- Aah!

[all screaming]

- Aah!

- Aah!

- Grizz has turned, too!

- It's a zombie apocalypse.

- Aah!

- Aah!

- What?

- Nicky!

- I'm a goner.

- Dawn!

- Aah!

Aah!

Don't eat my brains.

Don't eat my brains.

Why aren't you eating my brains?

- Because I'm not a zombie.

- Me neither.

- Not blood.

Barbecue sauce.

- What about Grizz?

- Hey. Is that

takeout pizza and ribs?

- Hold on.

I can explain.

I was really hungry.

- So you're a fraud?

- What do you mean by fraud?

- You're a liar.

- Oh, then yes, I'm a fraud.

- Wow.

Can you believe this guy?

You must be

really upset with him right now.

We'll let you hash it out.

- Hey, hey, hey.

Wait, wait, wait.

Come back here.

- Hey!

- Look, we told you guys that

you couldn't watch that movie

because we knew it would get in

your heads.

- You're just not old enough

to see stuff like that.

All: Yeah.

- We're sorry

we watched Field of Brains.

- We're happy

you're not zombies.

- All right.

Bring it in. Come on.

There we go.

- Aw, hugs.

- Yeah, this feels right.

I'll call my Mom.

Have her pick me up.

- Okay, maybe we can all

go home and get some sleep

now that we know that there's

no such thing as zombies.

- Brains!

- Zombies are real!

Everybody panic!

[screaming]

- No, no, no.

Wait!

No, no, no.

Guys, guys.

[laughing]

I'm sorry.

We were just messing.

- What are you guys doing here?

- We came from

a Field of Brains party,

and I realized

I left my phone here.

- You look just like Abigail,

the butter-churning

farm maid zombie.

- You saw the movie?

- No big whoop.

Could have been scarier.

- Yeah, it takes more than that

to rattle us.

- They bought it.

They actually think

we're not zombies.

- I can't wait

till they fall asleep

so we can eat their brains.

[both growling]

[screaming]

Hey, lock up for us?

- Sure.

- Thanks.

[continue growling]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[whistling melody]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪

- [cheerful melody]

- ♪