Original subtitles

- ♪ ♪

- What do you think, boy?

Best episode

of Celebrity Dog Houses ever?

[dog barks]

Yeah.

- And with the newly added

walk-in treat bin,

Beyonce's bichon, Bichonce,

is one lucky single lady.

- Well, if you like it,

you better put a leash on it.

[dog barks]

[sighs]

What do you say?

We're good boys.

We deserve a treat.

[spaghetti western music]

♪ ♪

- Hands off!

- You now hands off!

- That's not even real English!

[all scream]

- Wait, wait.

Good boy, go get it!

Mm.

And that, my furry friend,

is how it's done.

- [overlapping arguing]

- [sighs]

- We can't fight over the remote

every time we want to watch TV.

- He's right.

You should just let me have it.

- You all know your lies

are better when I'm in control.

- You mean when I'm in control.

- I'd like to be in control

for once.

- Please, leave this

to the big dogs.

- Yeah, and, Dicky,

why are you still in this?

You know Ricky or I

always end up with it.

- We wanna be big dogs.

- Yeah.

- Fine, the only fair way

to do this

is if we all let go

at the same time.

- Fine.

- Fine.

- Woof.

- Okay.

One, two, three.

- Ha!

You let go.

The remote is mine.

Well, well, well,

there's a new dog in the yard.

- Woof.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- [whistling melody]

♪ ♪

[rhythmic clapping]

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

- [whistling melody]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na, na, na-na ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na,

na-na ♪

- ♪ One, two ♪

- ♪ Na, na, na ♪

- ♪ One, two, three, four! ♪

- ♪ ♪

- You guys cheated!

I'm not surprised about you.

You're the,

"I can't stand to lose" girl.

But, Dicky,

you're supposed to be

the cool, "I don't care" guy.

- Now I'm the cool,

"I got the remote" guy.

- Ooh, can I move up

to, "I don't care" guy?

- Real "I don't care" guys

don't care enough

to ask that question.

- That's not true.

I mean, whatevs.

- Face it, you're more like the,

"Guy we don't have to worry

about" guy.

- [chuckles]

Dicky, this was cute,

and props for tricking Ricky,

but I think we both know

how this is gonna end--

You wishing it never began,

so step down.

- Oh, I'll step down.

[grunts]

- Ow!

Oh, you want to dance?

Let's dance!

- Ow, ow.

- I'm not letting go.

- Neither am I.

[buzzer]

- You just deleted Dad's show!

I mean, whatevs.

- Celebrity Dog Houses!

That was the season fur-nale.

[gasps]

What have you done?

- I didn't do anything.

- Why is it

whenever I leave the room,

you kids fight over the remote?

- Because you don't like it

when we do it in front of you.

- And because they don't have

any remote skills.

- Please, I've got the skills

to pay the bills.

- [sighs]

There is only one person

who pays the bills around here,

and that is your mother.

Now, that's it.

No more television

for the whole weekend.

Both: What?

- Good parenting, Dad.

They deserve it.

- All of you.

Both: What?

- I don't want any fighting

this weekend.

Tomorrow is your mother

and my anniversary.

And this year,

you are not gonna ruin it.

- But we didn't ruin it

last year.

You did.

- Yeah, you're the one

who bought your lady

those snow tires.

- Well, this year

is gonna be perfect,

especially now that I don't

have to listen to you guys

argue about who's the best

at the remote,

which, by the way, is pointless

since we all know it's me.

You might want to film this.

Go. Stop.

- You didn't do anything.

- Check the footage, Spielberg,

in slo-mo.

All: Ooh.

- Well, at least we can still

watch TV on this all day.

- Looking for this?

Oh.

Oh, I look good on camera.

- [whistling melody]

- I know it's a day early,

but I really wanted to give you

your anniversary present.

Just three more feet.

- Ow!

- Oh, sorry.

I always forget

how big your feet are.

- [scoffs]

- Ow.

Ta-da!

You can look now.

- Yeah, but then I'll see

the rake or the box of yarn

or the gutters, and I'll have

to pretend like I love it.

[gasps]

I love it!

- There is no pleasing you.

- [laughs]

No, this time

I'm telling you the truth.

You got me a new bed!

- Wow, I finally did it?

- You really did.

- Ha!

Anne Harper,

meet the Slumbertron,

the most technologically

advanced sleep surface

on the planet.

It does everything.

It, uh, adjusts...

- [gasps]

- Heats...

- Ooh.

- Cools...

- Ahh.

- Massages.

- [laughs]

I love you.

- It also makes soothing sounds

and has a humidifier.

- Hon, thank you so much.

- Yeah, yeah, I'm awesome.

What'd you get me?

- Okay, well, I was gonna wait

'til tomorrow, but...

Here.

- It's a universal remote!

- Top of the line.

You are now the king

of this castle with the power

to control all of the electrical

appliances in the house.

Go ahead, say hello.

- Hello?

[angelic music]

- Hello, Thomas.

Ready to program.

Slumbertron programmed.

- She's so fast.

I am gonna take you downstairs

and introduce you to the TV.

Yes, I am.

Yes, I am.

- Tom, the whole

"talking to the remote"

thing is kinda weird.

I'll see you tonight,

Mattress McConaughey.

All right, all right,

all right.

- I wonder what's going on

in there right now.

- So many wonderful things.

- Thanks to you two cheaters,

the only thing I can see

is the reflection

of your cheating faces.

- I saw this movie once

where this kid

stared at the TV super hard,

and it finally came on.

Then his head exploded.

- I'll take that chance.

All: Me too.

[all grunt]

[all scream]

- Television programmed.

- What is that?

- Not what--who?

Dawn, Nicky, Ricky, Dicky,

meet Clicky.

She's like a fifth child to me,

except this one will actually do

what I say.

- It's your Dad's

new universal remote.

- When I'm finished

programming her,

she'll control everything

in the house.

- That's sick, Dad!

Show us

how she turns on the TV again.

- Oh, it's so easy.

You--hey, nice try.

You're still not allowed

to watch TV.

- Why not?

- They were fighting

over the remote,

so I banned TV

for the weekend.

- Why would you do that?

- I was parenting.

- Tom, our anniversary

is the one day a year

we get to sleep in.

Let them have the TV

just for tomorrow morning.

- But, if I go back

on a punishment,

isn't that bad parenting?

- [whispers]

- All right, you kids

can watch TV tomorrow morning.

All: Yes!

- But you have to share nicely

and quietly,

and under no circumstances

are you to disturb us

before 10:00 a.m.

- [whispers]

- [laughs]

11:00 a.m.

- We won't.

- Don't worry.

- Thank you.

- Promise.

- And if I have to come

down here and break up a fight,

whoever's responsible

will lose TV for a month.

[ominous music]

- She even has comedic timing.

- This is awesome.

- We're getting our lives back.

- All right, we've got

a second chance here.

So no fighting over the remote

and no waking up early

to try to steal it.

Can I trust you two this time?

- Absolutely.

- No fighting over the remote.

- ♪ ♪

- I'm getting the remote first!

- It's mine.

- You don't deserve the remote.

- You can't even rewind.

- You scroll too slowly.

- Your brain scrolls too slowly.

- Oh, hey, I think

it's in this pillow.

Take a look.

- Quiet down, you're gonna

wake up Mom and Dad.

- Where's the remote?

- We don't know!

- Dad must have forgot

to put it out.

- Great, we get the remote back

for the whole morning,

and now we can't even watch.

- Maybe the remote's

in Mom and Dad's room.

- I'm on it.

- Stop!

Stop, stop!

We're not supposed to bother

them under any circumstances.

- Don't worry.

They'll never know I'm there.

I'm like a super quiet ninja.

Wa-ta!

- I'm quieter than you!

- We gotta stop them.

- Or do we?

- You found it.

Hey, guys!

- Shh.

Let them wake up Mom and Dad.

- What are you doing?

This is so unlike you.

- Sometimes in order to win,

you have to do the opposite

of what people expect.

They think you're gonna zig,

you gotta zag.

- It just feels weird.

You're the "I always do

the right thing" guy.

- Did Dawn and Dicky

do the right thing

when they tricked us?

- No.

- And how about when they got

the TV taken away from us?

- No.

- So, when they wake up

Mom and Dad, they'll lose TV,

and you and I

will have control

over the remote

for a whole month!

- You're selling dreams,

and I'm buying.

♪ ♪

- [whispers] It's not here.

I don't see the remote anywhere.

- Me neither.

- [grunts]

[angelic music]

Both: Clicky.

- Don't touch it.

Clicky is mine.

- Stop!

- Ow! Let go.

- You hear that?

That's the sweet sound of Mom

and Dad about to punish

somebody.

- But not us.

- Ow. Come on.

Stop!

- Happy anniver...sary.

- Where's Mom and Dad?

- You didn't wake them up

and get in trouble?

- Nope.

- Yay.

- Is that Clicky?

- Yep, we couldn't find

the TV remote.

- Don't worry, I'll have

this baby back in Dad's hands

before he wakes up.

- G-guys, this is really bad.

- Nicky, scone check.

We don't want the bottoms

to brown.

What--what did I tell you

about zagging?

If they get caught with Clicky,

we could be

in control of the TV forever.

- That's a lot of TV.

- You are not Clicky-worthy.

- Please, you saw the way

she lit up when she saw me.

Both: What did you do?

- [chuckles]

It'll be fine.

It's just some juice.

[electricity crackles]

- Clicky: Television progr--

[voice distorts]

- And some yogurt.

- [laughs evilly]

- Okay, I think she's dry.

You ready?

- Hold on.

I'm good.

[muffled angelic noise]

- Is it working?

- Kinda, sorta, maybe.

Here, let's try it on the TV.

Please, please, please, please,

please, please, please,

please, please.

- Maybe you didn't

say "please" enough.

- That's weird.

I pressed the TV button,

but it made the lights

go on and off.

- Maybe the lights button

will make the TV come on.

[air blowing]

That's the air conditioning.

Give me that!

See?

Let a master do it.

[whirring]

- Way to go, master.

- Hey, if this were on TV,

you would go,

"Wow, I can't believe

this is on TV."

- Great, now it's not doing

anything.

- [groans]

Tom, did you turn

the bed heater on?

- I thought you did.

- Mm-mm.

[both shouting]

- Oh, my God.

- Aah!

- Clicky, what happened to you?

[both gasp]

- No, what?

[both screaming]

Tom, what's happening?

- The bed turned Clicky

into a sandwich,

and now it's trying

to turn us into one.

We're the meat

in a bed sandwich!

Happy anniversary.

- Oh, you too, sweetie.

Aah!

- Well, that's the humidifier.

Works great, huh?

- See?

Nothing.

- Anne: [groans]

- Maybe we need

to press harder.

[whales calling]

- What is that noise?

- Soothing whale sounds.

- Not soothing!

[drilling]

- Yo, Joey, I need

that steel over here.

- Why would they even put

those sounds in there?

[sounds stop]

[both sigh]

- Oh, thank goodness.

[both scream]

- Here we go again.

- We need the kids!

[both scream]

- Okay.

New plan.

Here's what we do.

We sneak Clicky back

into Dad's hands.

- Yeah, go on.

- That's it.

That's all we do.

- Oh.

- You sound disappointed.

- Well, it sounded like

there was gonna be more.

I mean, I could have come up

with that.

- But you didn't.

- You guys remotely closer

to getting that thing fixed?

Oh, I am on fuego today.

- Hold up there, lumpy butt.

- It's not me,

it's these blousy pants.

- You had this the whole time?

- What? I thought

I put that in the drawer.

I mean, not that I ever

had it to put in the drawer.

I mean, hey.

You found the remote.

Let's go watch stuff, yay!

- You hid the remote.

You wanted us to wake up

Mom and Dad.

- Quiet.

Do you hear that?

[distant screams]

It sounds like Mom and Dad

are calling for us.

- Maybe they need help.

- Please, we're not falling

for another one of your tricks.

- Why aren't they coming

to help us?

- We did tell them

not to disturb us.

- Why is this the first time

they actually do what we say?

- Honey, my foot itches.

- Hold on.

[groans]

- [sighs]

Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Maybe Dad noticed

Clicky is gone.

- What are you doing?

- I'm going to tell them

we didn't break Clicky.

You know they're gonna believe

whoever gets there first.

- Wow.

Nice job tricking them

into going upstairs.

- I wasn't tricking them!

I'm freaking out!

You should be too.

- Me?

- What if they tell Mom and Dad

this was your fault?

- My fault--they're the ones

who broke Clicky.

- Yeah, but you hid

the TV remote

and started this whole thing!

- I just wanted to watch TV.

Wait!

Don't listen to them!

- Help.

- Please.

- Dad, Dicky broke Clicky.

- No, I didn't, she did.

- Well, he's holding it.

- Uh, no, I'm not.

- Well, now, he's throwing it.

Hey, what happened to the bed?

- Clicky's broken?

- Get us out of here.

We're stuck.

- But first, tell me

what happened to Clicky.

- No, first you will open

this bed.

- They're lying!

I don't know how the remote got

into my pocket.

Hey, what happened to the bed?

- Just open it!

[both sighing]

- What did you do

to poor Clicky?

- It's all Ricky's fault!

- You dropped it in yogurt.

- [shouts] Yogurt?

I warned you.

Ricky, Dicky, Dawn?

No TV for a whole month.

- Good parenting, Dad.

Did these rude children wake you

on your anniversary?

For shame.

- What are you talking about?

You knew about all this.

- Me?

I've been so hard at work

making breakfast.

I hardly paid any attention

to your childish arguing.

Scones?

- Thank you, Nicky.

It's nice to know that

at least one of our children

cares more about us

than about television.

- Well, after all you've given

me, it's the least I could do.

Oh.

I forgot to butter the scones.

- Hold up there, butter boy.

What are you up to?

- I'm starting to worry

about you.

- You should be worried.

You've all underestimated me

for too long.

And now the chickens

have come home to roost.

- When did we get chickens?

- There are no chickens.

But there is a rat.

- You never let me use the

remote, and now it's all mine.

- You were supposed to zig.

- But I zagged.

- Nicky,

I think those scones have been

buttered enough-- with lies.

You see, not only is Clicky

the child who listens to me,

she's also the one who tells me

the truth.

- Thank you.

- There's a logical explanation

for this.

It was all his plan!

He was the zag master.

- Seriously?

[overlapping arguing]

- Happy anniversary, honey.

- Yeah, yeah.

[arguing continues]

- We probably

should've just shared.

- Yep.

- Would have been better

than this.

- This is going to be

the longest month ever.

- This is gonna be

the best month ever.

[both sigh]

[beeping]

- Oh! No, no, no!

- No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no!

No, no, no, no, no!

♪ ♪

[whistling melody]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

- [cheerful melody]

- ♪