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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:02,530 My husband. 2 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,710 Thank you for last night. 3 00:01:20,190 --> 00:01:21,880 Thank you for last night. 4 00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:43,150 Thank you for last night. 5 00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:15,490 Hey, what do you think you're doing? 6 00:02:17,150 --> 00:02:18,540 Shit. 7 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:38,410 Today, these visually-impaired senior citizens will fulfill a lifelong dream: 8 00:02:41,290 --> 00:02:42,980 To swim with dolphins. 9 00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:46,760 Hey, check this out. 10 00:02:47,810 --> 00:02:50,110 - What is that? - Careful. 11 00:02:50,330 --> 00:02:52,460 That is four years of research. 12 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:56,420 A technological breakthrough which might just save a life or two. 13 00:02:56,640 --> 00:02:58,420 - What's it for? - A device to prevent... 14 00:02:58,550 --> 00:03:00,420 ...the beaching of cetaceans. 15 00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:03,470 - That's whales to you and me. - Cetaceans, huh? 16 00:03:03,630 --> 00:03:05,860 That's a pretty big word for a man-whore. 17 00:03:08,550 --> 00:03:11,070 I'm not a man-whore. 18 00:03:11,290 --> 00:03:13,430 I'm a fish enthusiast. 19 00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:15,510 I stopped man-whoring when I met my wife. 20 00:03:15,730 --> 00:03:17,980 My mom said your wife got eaten on your honeymoon... 21 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,940 ...because you tried to feed the sharks. 22 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:22,770 You tell your mom I was trying to feed the turtles. 23 00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:25,170 I didn't realize there was meat sauce on the lettuce. 24 00:03:25,380 --> 00:03:28,730 Whatever. I bet that thing doesn't even work, you stupid he-bitch. 25 00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:31,380 - Come on, I got it. - Hey, you little bastards. 26 00:03:31,680 --> 00:03:33,860 Give that back! That's not a toy! 27 00:03:35,510 --> 00:03:37,810 That's the one. That's your grandma. 28 00:03:37,990 --> 00:03:39,820 Give me...! Come on! Give me...! 29 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,680 Something seems to be going wrong. I'm not sure what's happening. 30 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,610 I gotcha! I got...! 31 00:04:10,470 --> 00:04:12,690 Hey, everybody. I'm home. 32 00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:19,480 Hi, Kate. I missed you today. 33 00:04:20,690 --> 00:04:22,910 The prototype's almost working. 34 00:04:23,210 --> 00:04:24,950 All it needs is a few minor adjustments. 35 00:04:30,300 --> 00:04:34,090 Wes Takahashi in Malibu, where three blind swimmers are missing. 36 00:04:34,270 --> 00:04:36,260 I hope that man rots in hell! 37 00:04:37,170 --> 00:04:39,560 It was some weird guy. He tried to touch my ball... 38 00:04:46,830 --> 00:04:49,180 - Hello? - Deucey, Deucey, Deucey. 39 00:04:49,350 --> 00:04:51,000 It's your old buddy T.J. here. 40 00:04:51,260 --> 00:04:53,220 - T.J? - I'm in Amsterdam. 41 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,490 Man, you'd love it here. It's like Disneyland for college students. 42 00:04:56,790 --> 00:04:57,960 You wouldn't believe this. 43 00:04:58,130 --> 00:05:01,140 Why don't you come and let your friend T.J. show you a good time. 44 00:05:01,350 --> 00:05:03,400 - Oh, that's crazy. I can't. - Look. 45 00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:06,050 It ain't like you got something better to do over there. 46 00:05:06,220 --> 00:05:08,130 Amsterdam is so far away. 47 00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:11,610 Police have just released a sketch of a man wanted for questioning. 48 00:05:11,790 --> 00:05:16,140 Witnesses report he is goofy-looking and probably a virgin. 49 00:05:16,830 --> 00:05:19,710 On the other hand, far away could be good. 50 00:05:22,830 --> 00:05:24,360 Is my wife gonna be okay in there? 51 00:05:24,530 --> 00:05:26,880 - She'll be fine, sir. - All right. 52 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:30,350 Ladies and gentlemen, Flight 10 from Helsinki is now arriving... 53 00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:33,310 Excuse me. I think there's been a mix-up. 54 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:36,220 Oh, sorry. Sorry. 55 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,490 That's okay. I always wondered what it felt like to be a white woman. 56 00:05:40,530 --> 00:05:42,620 - Can I borrow it? - Give me that. 57 00:05:43,670 --> 00:05:44,710 Hold on. 58 00:05:45,050 --> 00:05:47,800 All rows now boarding for Amsterdam. 59 00:05:55,490 --> 00:05:56,750 Excuse me. 60 00:05:57,010 --> 00:05:58,230 Okay. 61 00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:10,500 Hey, how many people get to do this on their honeymoon? 62 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:13,140 You're sure it's safe to feed the turtles? 63 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:17,060 You have nothing to worry about. I'm a fish expert, remember? 64 00:06:18,410 --> 00:06:20,370 What is that over there? 65 00:06:20,670 --> 00:06:23,880 Oh, that's just some kid with a fin on his back, trying to scare us. 66 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,150 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 67 00:06:26,850 --> 00:06:29,670 Do you think the hotel would let us swim out here if there were sharks? 68 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:34,880 Come on. This is Mexico. 69 00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:38,060 They know what they're doing. 70 00:06:50,070 --> 00:06:52,030 This shirt's gonna be a great icebreaker. 71 00:06:52,190 --> 00:06:55,150 Fuck you, American, you imperialist bastard! 72 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:58,760 I love America. I love President Bush. 73 00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:01,410 Thank you for bringing democracy to Iraq. 74 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:03,990 - Shut up! - Oh, shit! 75 00:07:05,890 --> 00:07:07,980 Oh, hello. Sir. 76 00:07:08,380 --> 00:07:11,370 - Is this okay? - You did miss a spot. 77 00:07:17,290 --> 00:07:18,590 Did I get it? 78 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,380 Put some elbow in it. 79 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:24,940 Sorry, honey. 80 00:07:31,070 --> 00:07:32,720 What's with all these red lights? 81 00:07:34,030 --> 00:07:36,510 I wonder if they know their curtains are open. 82 00:07:39,370 --> 00:07:40,640 Oh, man. 83 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:45,160 Ahoy there! 84 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:47,770 Big Deucey in Amsterdam. 85 00:07:49,250 --> 00:07:50,900 Man, get on over here. 86 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:53,340 Deucey. 87 00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:56,200 - Look at this boat. - Check this out. 88 00:08:01,170 --> 00:08:02,810 You like that? 89 00:08:08,640 --> 00:08:10,210 I couldn't be happier for you. 90 00:08:10,380 --> 00:08:11,990 Come, let me show you my float-crib. 91 00:08:12,290 --> 00:08:15,380 - Okay. - Looking like money. 92 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:19,040 I'm telling you, you gonna have a good time, man, huh? 93 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,170 Well, it ain't much, but it's home. 94 00:08:25,390 --> 00:08:28,120 It's nice. I like what you've done with it. 95 00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:31,640 Now, if you gotta use the bathroom, lift up the toilet seat. 96 00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:33,950 This is where I live. This is my home. 97 00:08:34,170 --> 00:08:36,870 I don't want nobody pissing on my toilet seat. 98 00:08:38,470 --> 00:08:41,260 What do you think of the float-crib? You feeling it? 99 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,340 T.J., I think you got a bad leak here. 100 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:46,130 No, no, no. It's just high tide. 101 00:08:47,510 --> 00:08:49,950 Is that what I think it is? 102 00:08:50,350 --> 00:08:53,180 Yeah. I brought Kate. 103 00:08:53,650 --> 00:08:56,040 I really wanna show her a good time, you know? 104 00:08:56,220 --> 00:08:58,310 Maybe buy her a wooden shoe. 105 00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:01,390 Deucey. 106 00:09:02,130 --> 00:09:05,820 Keeping that leg is kind of creepy. 107 00:09:06,220 --> 00:09:09,050 - You gotta move on with your life. - T.J! 108 00:09:11,310 --> 00:09:12,780 Hey, Lil' Kim, what's up? 109 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,870 I no more man-whore. Too much danger. 110 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:19,180 Excuse us for a moment, Deucey. 111 00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:23,010 Listen up, Lil' Kim. 112 00:09:23,170 --> 00:09:26,350 When your little bony ass had SARS, who got you out of quarantine? 113 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,740 - Go make me some money. - No way! 114 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,920 I take my three inches elsewhere. 115 00:09:37,740 --> 00:09:40,000 So I thought I'd come over here and make a killing. 116 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,180 Got myself a houseboat, some ho's. 117 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,530 The only thing a woman love more than a man-ho... 118 00:09:44,750 --> 00:09:47,050 - ...is a floating man-ho. - Makes sense. 119 00:09:47,230 --> 00:09:49,360 Then all these man-whore murders started. 120 00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:51,700 My he-bitches got too scared to go to work. 121 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,400 What kind of world do we live in... 122 00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:56,270 ...where the streets ain't safe for male prostitutes? 123 00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:58,450 Here's your hashish. 124 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,540 - Enjoy. - Hashish? 125 00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:03,580 - Yeah. - No. 126 00:10:05,790 --> 00:10:07,350 I thought this was a coffee shop. 127 00:10:07,530 --> 00:10:10,050 Let me break it down for you, Deucey. You're in Amsterdam. 128 00:10:10,230 --> 00:10:13,060 If you want coffee, you go to a café. 129 00:10:13,220 --> 00:10:17,410 If you want marijuana, ganji or some freaky-deaky, you go to a coffee shop. 130 00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:19,370 That's where you is now. 131 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:30,050 Put that away. Cops. Cops! 132 00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:32,890 Hold it right there. 133 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,370 Now, that joint looks loose. If you want, I'll roll the next one. 134 00:10:44,450 --> 00:10:46,240 Have a good evening, huh? 135 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,840 Oh, don't worry about it, Deucey. This is Amsterdam. 136 00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:52,230 It's perfectly legal over here. You want a hit? 137 00:10:52,410 --> 00:10:54,450 No. I'm not smoking nothing. 138 00:10:54,630 --> 00:10:55,970 Oh, come on, man. 139 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,360 - Deucey don't smoke. - Suit yourself. 140 00:10:58,540 --> 00:11:00,980 Well, well, well, if it ain't Heinz Hummer... 141 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,370 ...the gigolo with the most below. 142 00:11:03,540 --> 00:11:05,150 What do you want, T.J? I'm busy. 143 00:11:05,330 --> 00:11:07,760 I wanna introduce you to my friend, Deuce Bigalow. 144 00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:10,630 - He's a gigolo from America. - Hi. 145 00:11:14,810 --> 00:11:16,970 Sometimes you're really funny, T.J. 146 00:11:17,150 --> 00:11:19,500 How much you getting for a Filthy Ramirez these days? 147 00:11:19,670 --> 00:11:20,890 I could get you more. 148 00:11:21,060 --> 00:11:23,110 A Filthy Ramirez? Where have you been? 149 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:24,980 Nobody pays for that shit anymore. 150 00:11:25,150 --> 00:11:26,500 See you around, T.J. 151 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,190 The Man-whore Awards are coming up. 152 00:11:28,370 --> 00:11:29,850 You wanna win the Golden Boner? 153 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:31,630 I already won it twice. 154 00:11:31,810 --> 00:11:33,500 Just ask your ex-fiancée. 155 00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:36,460 Man, why you gotta bring up Delisha like that? 156 00:11:38,510 --> 00:11:40,630 I can't believe prostitution's legal here. 157 00:11:40,850 --> 00:11:43,460 Oh, yeah, it's big business. They got a union, dental plan. 158 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,500 Man, if I had a he-bitch like Heinz Hummer... 159 00:11:46,680 --> 00:11:48,510 ...put me back in the game. 160 00:11:48,810 --> 00:11:50,730 - Is he that good? - "Is he that good?" 161 00:11:50,890 --> 00:11:53,460 They don't call him "Lord of the Wangs" for nothing. 162 00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:55,760 Man, what I wouldn't give... 163 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:57,460 For Heinz's wang? 164 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,900 No, I don't want Heinz's wang! I want him as a client. 165 00:12:02,630 --> 00:12:04,370 Hey, man, keep your voice down. 166 00:12:04,550 --> 00:12:07,600 Talking about me wanting Heinz's big juicy wang. 167 00:12:07,820 --> 00:12:08,980 People would think I'm gay. 168 00:12:09,940 --> 00:12:12,290 Now, a pimp's only got one thing in this world: 169 00:12:12,420 --> 00:12:13,990 His reputation. 170 00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:16,990 Here you are, gentlemen. Fresh today. 171 00:12:18,380 --> 00:12:20,080 - What is this? - Spacecake. 172 00:12:21,860 --> 00:12:23,690 - Why do they call it that? - You know... 173 00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:26,170 ...it's what the astronauts eat. Like Tang. 174 00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:31,300 I'm starving. 175 00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:36,990 - It's a little dry. - Keep eating. It gets better. 176 00:12:38,210 --> 00:12:40,470 - You sure you don't want any? - No. 177 00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,640 Never been high, never gonna be. 178 00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:46,990 This is pretty good cake, though. 179 00:12:47,870 --> 00:12:49,170 Fucking excellent. 180 00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,170 You. 181 00:13:28,740 --> 00:13:29,960 Come on in here. 182 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:32,220 You...? You want me to...? 183 00:13:32,390 --> 00:13:33,870 Yes, you. 184 00:13:53,220 --> 00:13:56,010 - Maybe you can help me. - Really? 185 00:13:56,180 --> 00:14:00,090 I don't want a man who's chiseled and sculpted. 186 00:14:00,740 --> 00:14:03,520 I like soft and weak. 187 00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:06,920 - You do? - I want a man who's unemployed. 188 00:14:08,310 --> 00:14:10,870 And went to a community college. 189 00:14:11,010 --> 00:14:13,440 I am, and I did. 190 00:14:13,660 --> 00:14:16,440 - You know what really turns me on? - What? 191 00:14:16,660 --> 00:14:19,400 Is thinking about him in his tighty whities... 192 00:14:19,490 --> 00:14:21,530 ...sitting at his computer... 193 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:24,180 ...and visiting different porn sites... 194 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:28,920 ...and taking the free tour with no intention of ever joining. 195 00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:30,710 I don't have a credit card! 196 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:33,830 - Kiss my chest. - Okay. 197 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,010 Harder! 198 00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:38,620 - Bite me! - You sure? 199 00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:40,180 Harder! Bite me harder! 200 00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:45,880 Get off of my titty, you doped-up cracker! 201 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,840 No more spacecakes for you. 202 00:14:53,140 --> 00:14:57,580 Hey. I'm sorry about that, T.J. I must have gotten a contact buzz. 203 00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,880 What'd I tell you about making me look gay? 204 00:15:00,060 --> 00:15:02,180 Not ten minutes go by and you got your sloppy mouth... 205 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:03,880 ...all over my breasteses. 206 00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:05,370 My nipple's ruined! 207 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,890 You're lucky I was born with a spare. 208 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,660 There go one of my ho's. 209 00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:14,880 The old guy in the walker's one of your ho's? 210 00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:18,710 Yeah. Why ain't his ancient ass out there making me my money? 211 00:15:18,970 --> 00:15:22,100 Kaiser! Get your old ass back in the booth! 212 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:24,620 Deucey, meet me back at the float-crib. 213 00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:28,060 Bitches out here act like they never seen a pimp before. 214 00:15:28,330 --> 00:15:32,370 I raise my hand, they look at it like it's a goddamn croissant. Then: BAM 215 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,840 Feel my pimp hand. 216 00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:39,590 Where's the boat? 217 00:15:51,550 --> 00:15:54,290 Oh. You scared me. 218 00:15:56,590 --> 00:15:58,720 Hey. Do you know who I am? 219 00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:03,370 I am Heinz Hummer. I'm the gigolo with the most below. Okay? 220 00:16:03,590 --> 00:16:06,070 I can give you a Filthy Lopez like you never had before. 221 00:16:06,370 --> 00:16:09,020 I could give you a Cambodian Creamsicle... 222 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,420 ...that will make you scream all night. Okay? 223 00:16:11,590 --> 00:16:15,030 But not now because I'm busy. So leave me alone, bitch. 224 00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:19,980 Wait a second. Do I know you? 225 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,420 "New-jizz-fizz... 226 00:16:27,810 --> 00:16:30,590 ...ver-bur-ger-king... "? 227 00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:45,560 Heinz. 228 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,420 Man, are you wasted. 229 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:01,070 I gotcha. 230 00:17:02,910 --> 00:17:04,860 Coming up next, more weather. 231 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:08,160 What's this? 232 00:17:09,990 --> 00:17:11,910 Hey, Heinz, wake up, check this out. 233 00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:15,730 Holy shit. 234 00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,480 Europe just got a little better. 235 00:17:20,860 --> 00:17:23,870 Damn. That old Kaiser's got legs. 236 00:17:24,510 --> 00:17:26,950 - You gotta keep your bitches in line. - Yeah. 237 00:17:27,950 --> 00:17:30,820 - What's he doing here? - I found him passed out in the alley. 238 00:17:31,220 --> 00:17:33,390 I couldn't just leave him there. 239 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:34,910 I put in a good word for you. 240 00:17:35,090 --> 00:17:37,470 Thanks, Deucey. Much appreciated. 241 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:39,740 I knew you'd come around. 242 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:45,520 Oh, shit. Heinz ain't passed out. Heinz is dead. 243 00:17:47,090 --> 00:17:50,350 No. He can't be. 244 00:17:50,610 --> 00:17:54,080 I'm telling you, Heinz is dead. See for yourself. 245 00:17:59,530 --> 00:18:00,830 Watch this. 246 00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:08,700 Maybe he's just a heavy sleeper. 247 00:18:15,050 --> 00:18:17,560 I can't believe you brought a dead man-whore in my home. 248 00:18:17,740 --> 00:18:20,530 - What were you thinking? - I didn't know you could die from pot. 249 00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:24,390 This is no pot-related fatality. This is no ganja accident. 250 00:18:24,610 --> 00:18:26,350 This man was murdered. 251 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:30,400 The Man-whore Killer did this? 252 00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,130 - We gotta call the police. - No, no, no! Hey, hey! 253 00:18:36,270 --> 00:18:37,740 Goddamn, white boy. 254 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,220 You think the police gonna believe a stone-black pimp... 255 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:43,010 ...had nothing to do with a dead prosti-dude in his float-crib? 256 00:18:53,530 --> 00:18:56,350 Before I toss your dumb ass in the canal, I just wanna say... 257 00:18:56,530 --> 00:18:58,710 ...for the record, under T.J.'s management... 258 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,840 ...this would've never happened. 259 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,310 I just gotta see what all the fuss was about. 260 00:19:11,790 --> 00:19:13,360 Goddamn! 261 00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:16,230 No wonder Delisha never came back. 262 00:19:16,450 --> 00:19:19,190 That shit's the real Loch Ness monster. 263 00:19:20,890 --> 00:19:22,360 What's over there? 264 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:26,580 - Look where his hand is. - What the shit is this? 265 00:19:27,710 --> 00:19:30,320 What you looking at? Turn off them damn cameras! 266 00:19:30,580 --> 00:19:33,190 I ain't gay! I was only looking down his pants... 267 00:19:33,370 --> 00:19:35,620 ...because I heard his schlong was so big and juicy. 268 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:38,460 Wait a minute. That didn't sound right. 269 00:19:38,670 --> 00:19:40,630 - Perv! - Give me them damn cameras. 270 00:19:43,450 --> 00:19:44,630 Where is he? 271 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:48,280 We now interrupt Naked Seinfeld for this special report. 272 00:19:48,460 --> 00:19:50,020 The suspected Man-whore Killer... 273 00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,370 ...has been spotted on the Prinsengracht Canal... 274 00:19:52,540 --> 00:19:54,590 ...attempting to dispose of his latest victim. 275 00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:57,720 - I ain't gay! - The suspected killer... 276 00:19:57,850 --> 00:20:01,320 ...has been identified as Tiberius Jefferson Hicks. 277 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,460 - You idiot. - He is still at large... 278 00:20:03,630 --> 00:20:05,070 - ... and extremely... - Hold it! 279 00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:06,890 Hey. Hey, guys! How's it going? 280 00:20:07,810 --> 00:20:09,890 - Where is he? - I don't know. 281 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,940 - Where is he? - I swear I don't know. 282 00:20:16,110 --> 00:20:18,630 Your loyalty is impressive, sir. 283 00:20:19,190 --> 00:20:22,500 You've once been arrested for man-whoring, were you not? 284 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,720 Look, I wasn't really man-whoring... 285 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:28,930 Please, Mr. Bigalow. I've heard this a thousand times. 286 00:20:29,110 --> 00:20:31,410 You were cold, you were frightened. 287 00:20:31,550 --> 00:20:33,850 He took you under his arm and fed you. 288 00:20:34,020 --> 00:20:35,800 He made you feel sexy. 289 00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:39,250 He told you how to hide money in every orifice. 290 00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:43,070 But your friend is obviously a killer. 291 00:20:43,250 --> 00:20:44,550 T.J.'s not a killer. 292 00:20:45,500 --> 00:20:47,380 If he isn't a murderer... 293 00:20:47,550 --> 00:20:50,510 ...then what was he doing checking out a dead man's penis? 294 00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:53,510 I guess he was curious. 295 00:20:53,940 --> 00:20:57,200 He heard it was big and juicy... 296 00:20:57,380 --> 00:20:59,680 ...and wanted to see for himself. 297 00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:01,200 A lot of guys do that. 298 00:21:03,590 --> 00:21:06,940 No, they don't. 299 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:09,820 Okay. 300 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,900 T.J.'s gay. 301 00:21:12,290 --> 00:21:16,210 - Really? - Not normal-gay, but, you know... 302 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:19,300 ...crazy-gay, you know? 303 00:21:19,940 --> 00:21:22,460 Musical-theater-gay. 304 00:21:24,120 --> 00:21:26,070 Is that why he puts lipstick... 305 00:21:27,510 --> 00:21:30,210 ...on all his victims? 306 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,000 Wait a minute. 307 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:36,820 In the alley, I heard someone whistling. 308 00:21:37,250 --> 00:21:38,610 And I saw someone. 309 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:42,780 A woman... 310 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,600 ...in a leopard coat. 311 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:51,210 People see a lot of crazy things when they're high on spacecake. 312 00:21:51,430 --> 00:21:53,470 There's drugs in spacecake? 313 00:21:53,690 --> 00:21:57,650 Mr. Bigalow, I will find your pimp whether you help me or not. 314 00:22:04,210 --> 00:22:06,600 - T.J., thank God you're here. - How'd you find me? 315 00:22:06,780 --> 00:22:09,170 It's the only chicken and waffle place in Holland. 316 00:22:09,340 --> 00:22:12,260 So a black man's gotta be at a chicken and waffles place? 317 00:22:12,350 --> 00:22:13,780 That's racist. 318 00:22:14,430 --> 00:22:17,820 - But you are here. - Yeah, but figuring it out is racist. 319 00:22:20,390 --> 00:22:22,830 - It's a nice place. - Did you know Holland invented... 320 00:22:22,950 --> 00:22:25,090 - ...chicken and waffles? - Really? 321 00:22:25,260 --> 00:22:28,180 Before that, you could only get chicken or waffles. 322 00:22:28,390 --> 00:22:31,300 But they were the first to put them together. 323 00:22:31,700 --> 00:22:35,390 Black people all over the world will be forever grateful to the Dutch for that. 324 00:22:35,530 --> 00:22:37,790 You do know the Dutch started the slave trade. 325 00:22:38,310 --> 00:22:40,520 Those motherfuckers! 326 00:22:47,010 --> 00:22:48,390 Who let them print this? 327 00:22:48,610 --> 00:22:52,570 Look, we're gonna prove that you didn't kill anyone. 328 00:22:52,780 --> 00:22:56,050 I don't give a damn about that. It's the "extremely gay" part. 329 00:22:56,180 --> 00:22:58,870 If I'm a murderer, they'll welcome me home with open arms. 330 00:22:59,090 --> 00:23:00,870 Get out of jail and become a huge rapper. 331 00:23:01,090 --> 00:23:02,570 But a gay pimp? 332 00:23:02,740 --> 00:23:05,790 - Like, where I'm going? Vermont? - Look, T.J... 333 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:07,920 ...I think I saw the real killer. 334 00:23:08,140 --> 00:23:09,400 It was a woman. 335 00:23:10,270 --> 00:23:12,400 Some she-john went on a he-bitch killing spree... 336 00:23:12,490 --> 00:23:14,840 ...because she wasn't satisfied with a Filthy Lopez. 337 00:23:15,010 --> 00:23:17,700 - What's a Filthy Lopez? - Forty bucks. Same as downtown. 338 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:20,930 All we do is find the she-johns that went out with the dead gigolos. 339 00:23:21,090 --> 00:23:22,880 - One of them is our killer. - Makes sense. 340 00:23:23,090 --> 00:23:25,400 - You gotta get back on the horse. - Horse? What horse? 341 00:23:25,620 --> 00:23:26,840 The man-whore horse. 342 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:28,620 We gonna use your white ass as bait. 343 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:30,490 Bait? Look, I'm not man-whoring. 344 00:23:30,660 --> 00:23:32,970 We'll find the killer using your twat-sicle. 345 00:23:33,350 --> 00:23:36,880 Twat-sicle? Gross! No. 346 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:41,710 Give this to my mama. 347 00:23:42,010 --> 00:23:44,360 Tell her I'm sorry I was a disappointment to her. 348 00:23:44,530 --> 00:23:47,150 Sorry I called her friends in the middle of the night... 349 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:49,280 ...when I was pleasuring myself. 350 00:23:49,400 --> 00:23:52,450 And tell her she don't have to worry anymore about her baby. 351 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:59,410 Even if I wanted to, how are we gonna find a dead gigolo's customers? 352 00:23:59,580 --> 00:24:01,840 We'll go to the man-whore union. But be careful. 353 00:24:01,980 --> 00:24:03,240 They'll be looking for me. 354 00:24:05,890 --> 00:24:09,630 Meeting of the Royal Order of European Man-whores... 355 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,100 ...is now in session. 356 00:24:12,280 --> 00:24:14,840 These are the highest paid he-bitches in Europe. 357 00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,890 That? That's Rodrigo. He's from Spain. 358 00:24:18,060 --> 00:24:20,410 He can tie shoelaces with his tongue. 359 00:24:21,450 --> 00:24:23,500 That? That's Enzo. He's Italian. 360 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:25,980 His nutsack is insured for a million dollars. 361 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,540 - That's 500 grand each. - Check it out. 362 00:24:29,020 --> 00:24:30,810 That's Assapopulus from Greece. 363 00:24:30,930 --> 00:24:33,890 He can actually kiss you with his butthole. 364 00:24:34,020 --> 00:24:35,540 I'd like to never see that. 365 00:24:35,890 --> 00:24:39,890 I'd like to say a few words about our fallen comrade, Heinz Hummer. 366 00:24:40,110 --> 00:24:41,370 Who's the blond guy? 367 00:24:41,590 --> 00:24:44,850 Chadsworth Buckingham. Comes from a long line of ho's. 368 00:24:45,020 --> 00:24:47,940 His great-great-great grandmother gave Henry VIII crabs. 369 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,110 But I know Heinz would like to be remembered for most... 370 00:24:51,760 --> 00:24:54,850 - ...was being a male prostitute. - Hear, hear. 371 00:24:55,030 --> 00:24:57,850 He was also a supercilious cunt. 372 00:24:58,590 --> 00:25:02,290 - Who's that guy? - Gian-Carlo. Silverback he-bitch. 373 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:05,410 Heinz Hummer was undercutting all of us. 374 00:25:05,550 --> 00:25:07,250 - What? - Yes. 375 00:25:07,370 --> 00:25:10,240 He was charging the same price for straight sex... 376 00:25:10,420 --> 00:25:12,720 ...as he was for a Turkish Snow Cone. 377 00:25:12,860 --> 00:25:14,900 - What? - Oh, yes. 378 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:19,330 He was also charging the same price for a Belgian Steamer... 379 00:25:19,510 --> 00:25:22,680 ...as he was for a Portuguese Breakfast. 380 00:25:24,500 --> 00:25:27,470 As we sow, so shall we reap. 381 00:25:27,690 --> 00:25:30,770 Thank you, Gian-Carlo, for those kind words. 382 00:25:30,940 --> 00:25:32,990 Until this insane killer is apprehended... 383 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,510 ...the union is going to institute a new security measure. 384 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:40,330 This ring locks snugly over your va-guy-na... 385 00:25:41,330 --> 00:25:44,470 ...and then communicates directly with a global satellite system. 386 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:48,680 There are rings of all sizes available, smaller for our Asian members. 387 00:25:49,380 --> 00:25:50,810 Y'all know me. 388 00:25:51,810 --> 00:25:53,640 My name is McManus. 389 00:25:54,170 --> 00:25:58,780 I joined this union some 20-odd years ago for two reasons: 390 00:25:58,950 --> 00:26:01,650 To have intercourse in exchange for cash... 391 00:26:01,820 --> 00:26:04,820 ...and two, to protect me rights as a man-whore. 392 00:26:04,990 --> 00:26:06,210 But... 393 00:26:07,120 --> 00:26:08,860 ...three years ago... 394 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:13,340 ...when this union told we man-whores... 395 00:26:13,510 --> 00:26:17,690 ...that we were to stop having intercourse with underage girls... 396 00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:20,220 ...I strongly disagreed. 397 00:26:20,380 --> 00:26:22,340 But I did not stand up. 398 00:26:22,690 --> 00:26:25,830 I'm ashamed to say I stood down! 399 00:26:26,310 --> 00:26:28,520 And then three months later... 400 00:26:28,690 --> 00:26:32,040 ...this union told we man-whores... 401 00:26:32,220 --> 00:26:37,650 ...that we were to begin washing our private areas between customers. 402 00:26:37,870 --> 00:26:40,300 Our private areas. 403 00:26:41,130 --> 00:26:45,080 And once again, I'm ashamed to report to you gentlemen... 404 00:26:45,740 --> 00:26:47,040 ...I stood down! 405 00:26:47,870 --> 00:26:53,000 But now, sir, for what am I to tell my 8-year-old boy... 406 00:26:53,300 --> 00:26:55,600 ...when he comes to me and he says: 407 00:26:55,740 --> 00:26:57,700 "Daddy. Daddy. 408 00:26:57,870 --> 00:27:03,090 What's that thing hanging off of your he-pussy?" 409 00:27:03,830 --> 00:27:05,780 How am I to tell him, sir? 410 00:27:12,270 --> 00:27:14,870 Deucey, you can do this. 411 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,780 Due to high demand... 412 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:20,050 ...each member will be only allowed two tickets... 413 00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:23,230 - ...to this year's Man-whore Awards. - How's it going? 414 00:27:23,870 --> 00:27:27,140 I'm Deuce Bigalow. I'm a gigolo from America. 415 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:31,660 My friend Tiberius Jefferson is not the Man-whore Killer. 416 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:33,180 Homo! 417 00:27:34,270 --> 00:27:37,570 Now, I'm convinced that the real killer... 418 00:27:38,830 --> 00:27:40,050 ...is a she-john. 419 00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,360 Which means any one of you could be next. 420 00:27:46,010 --> 00:27:48,350 Now, there are a couple hundred gigolos in this room. 421 00:27:48,530 --> 00:27:50,920 Now, if we all work together... 422 00:27:51,140 --> 00:27:53,140 ...we can find out who the real killer is. 423 00:27:54,970 --> 00:27:56,660 What do you say? 424 00:28:03,580 --> 00:28:05,440 How come you didn't tell them I wasn't gay? 425 00:28:05,660 --> 00:28:08,620 Did you not just see me get thrown through a window? 426 00:28:08,970 --> 00:28:10,970 - What do we do now? - T.J. has an old friend... 427 00:28:11,150 --> 00:28:15,140 ...who just might be able to help us. Come on. Watch your step. 428 00:28:17,140 --> 00:28:18,880 Right this way, please. 429 00:28:19,410 --> 00:28:20,670 Deuce. 430 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:24,670 Antoine? 431 00:28:25,190 --> 00:28:27,240 - Sit down. - It's good to see you. 432 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:28,620 It's been a long time. 433 00:28:34,630 --> 00:28:37,020 This is the list from the man-whore union. 434 00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:41,500 It's got all the clients that went out with the dead gigolos. 435 00:28:41,670 --> 00:28:42,970 Awesome! 436 00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:50,760 Please be quiet. I went through a great deal of trouble to get this. 437 00:28:51,020 --> 00:28:53,760 - Sorry. - Now, if you want to compete... 438 00:28:53,890 --> 00:28:55,670 ...with the European man-whores... 439 00:28:55,850 --> 00:28:59,150 ...you need to learn how to really please a woman. 440 00:28:59,500 --> 00:29:02,060 - I should write some of this down. - Go ahead. 441 00:29:02,890 --> 00:29:06,070 You must be able to pleasure a woman with... 442 00:29:07,370 --> 00:29:08,630 With your... 443 00:29:09,500 --> 00:29:10,890 Pleasure her with...? 444 00:29:15,850 --> 00:29:17,240 Do you want me to try? 445 00:29:26,420 --> 00:29:27,630 All right. 446 00:29:28,630 --> 00:29:30,630 Women really like that? 447 00:29:40,890 --> 00:29:42,370 Man-whore down. 448 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:49,420 Get the list. It's in his pants. 449 00:29:49,640 --> 00:29:51,900 All right. I think I got it. 450 00:29:57,940 --> 00:30:00,460 Can't a brother stick his hand down another man's pants... 451 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:02,860 ...without setting off the faggot alarm? 452 00:30:05,030 --> 00:30:07,550 Marlene Alsmere. She went out with Diego and Heinz. 453 00:30:07,770 --> 00:30:09,600 What am I gonna do if she tries to kill me? 454 00:30:09,820 --> 00:30:12,510 Distract her with your magic she-nis, I'll look for evidence. 455 00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:14,600 The lipstick and the leopard coat. 456 00:30:19,210 --> 00:30:23,640 All right. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. Hi, I'm Deuce Bigalow. 457 00:30:23,820 --> 00:30:26,910 Hi, I'm Deuce-- Biggest lady I've ever seen. 458 00:30:28,030 --> 00:30:30,170 That's a huge bitch. 459 00:30:33,780 --> 00:30:35,260 Hi. 460 00:30:38,390 --> 00:30:39,870 Cute kids. Are they yours? 461 00:30:39,990 --> 00:30:44,340 Those pictures, they come with the frames. I'm unable to have children. 462 00:30:44,900 --> 00:30:48,390 I'm so sorry. That must be very hard for you. 463 00:30:57,300 --> 00:30:58,740 Evidence. 464 00:31:02,570 --> 00:31:04,390 That big ho got food everywhere. 465 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:07,480 You're a nice man. 466 00:31:07,700 --> 00:31:09,870 Now, take off your clothes. 467 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:13,210 Don't you wanna talk a little more? You seem very interesting. 468 00:31:13,470 --> 00:31:15,090 Take them off! 469 00:31:17,910 --> 00:31:19,600 "Dutch Bride. " 470 00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:44,440 Baby walk to Mommy. 471 00:31:45,350 --> 00:31:47,390 Come, come. 472 00:31:47,610 --> 00:31:49,960 No! Like baby! 473 00:31:50,130 --> 00:31:53,140 Baby walk to Mommy. 474 00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:57,350 Good baby. 475 00:32:03,180 --> 00:32:04,880 Come to Mommy. 476 00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:14,140 Baby hungry? Want booby? 477 00:32:16,270 --> 00:32:18,180 Baby never eat again. 478 00:32:30,620 --> 00:32:33,490 You like them big hairy balls, don't you? 479 00:32:48,710 --> 00:32:51,280 Bad pussy! Bad pussy! 480 00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:56,530 Hold it! 481 00:32:56,750 --> 00:32:59,800 Hold it right there. Is this truck full of marijuana? 482 00:32:59,930 --> 00:33:03,580 Is this truck full of marijuana? Can't you read the sign? 483 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,630 No unloading pot in the red zone. 484 00:33:06,930 --> 00:33:08,490 Write him up. 485 00:33:08,670 --> 00:33:11,320 - But, sir, it's my daughter's birthday. - Inspector. 486 00:33:11,450 --> 00:33:14,460 She's turning 13. We need all this pot for the party. 487 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:17,890 Inspector. I got these lipsticks from Marlene Alsmere. 488 00:33:18,060 --> 00:33:20,290 She was a customer of Heinz. She's big and strong. 489 00:33:20,450 --> 00:33:23,410 - She could easily be the killer. - The lipstick the killer uses... 490 00:33:23,590 --> 00:33:24,840 ...is a very rare one. 491 00:33:25,020 --> 00:33:30,980 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66. Discontinued in 1984. 492 00:33:31,110 --> 00:33:32,230 But... But... 493 00:33:32,370 --> 00:33:36,240 Sir, I have a list of the women who went out with the murdered gigolos. 494 00:33:36,940 --> 00:33:39,760 - Will you stop doing that? - Will you stop playing these games... 495 00:33:39,940 --> 00:33:42,550 - ...and tell me where T.J.'s hiding? - T.J.'s innocent. 496 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:45,150 Oh, don't make me laugh. "T.J.'s innocent." 497 00:33:46,370 --> 00:33:49,020 Uncle! You forgot your lunch. 498 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,640 That's very nice. Thanks. 499 00:33:57,070 --> 00:34:00,640 - Let me... Let me help you with that. - Thank you. 500 00:34:02,720 --> 00:34:04,990 Excuse me for asking... 501 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:07,290 ...but why did you slap yourself like that? 502 00:34:08,770 --> 00:34:10,420 Promise you won't laugh? 503 00:34:11,030 --> 00:34:12,280 I promise. 504 00:34:14,160 --> 00:34:17,850 I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. 505 00:34:18,890 --> 00:34:22,420 I have these little rituals that I can't help doing. 506 00:34:22,550 --> 00:34:26,120 I can't touch doorknobs, I snap my fingers when I see a bus. 507 00:34:26,290 --> 00:34:28,990 And when someone sneezes, I slap myself three times. 508 00:34:29,170 --> 00:34:31,510 I've heard of that. That's not so bad. 509 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:36,340 I'm sorry. Bells make me do that. 510 00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:38,690 It got me kicked out of school. 511 00:34:38,860 --> 00:34:41,650 It's okay. Everyone's got a few weird habits. 512 00:34:41,850 --> 00:34:45,340 Actually, I've got about 130. 513 00:34:46,460 --> 00:34:47,990 So you're above average. 514 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,860 I mean... I'm Deuce. 515 00:34:52,390 --> 00:34:54,390 I'm Eva. 516 00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:57,040 Is that a Sudanese Sweetlips? 517 00:34:57,260 --> 00:35:00,430 - How did you know? - It's, like, my top-five favorite fish. 518 00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:03,340 They have one here at the aquarium. 519 00:35:03,730 --> 00:35:05,390 I heard this place is incredible. 520 00:35:10,340 --> 00:35:12,170 The doorknob? 521 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:15,470 I'll get it. Okay. 522 00:35:16,390 --> 00:35:18,870 Thanks. Thank you. 523 00:35:19,650 --> 00:35:21,000 He's beautiful. 524 00:35:21,860 --> 00:35:23,390 That's really good. 525 00:35:23,910 --> 00:35:25,520 Thank you. 526 00:35:37,780 --> 00:35:42,610 Excuse me, but in America they don't allow smoking in aquariums. 527 00:35:44,260 --> 00:35:48,390 Well, in Europe, we don't unilaterally attack a country just to steal their oil. 528 00:35:49,350 --> 00:35:50,790 What? 529 00:35:50,910 --> 00:35:54,920 "What?" Did I offend you? Are you going to shock and awe me? 530 00:35:55,780 --> 00:35:58,870 Maybe you should check my pockets for weapons of mass destruction! 531 00:35:59,050 --> 00:36:01,530 What? I just asked you to put your cigarette out. 532 00:36:01,750 --> 00:36:02,960 And then what is next? 533 00:36:03,170 --> 00:36:05,180 Take wine away from my children? 534 00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:09,480 I put out this cigarette. God bless America. 535 00:36:12,130 --> 00:36:14,570 The nicotine in that cigarette is poisonous. 536 00:36:14,750 --> 00:36:17,440 - So they say. - It could kill every fish in that tank. 537 00:36:17,620 --> 00:36:19,360 Poor little fishy. 538 00:36:22,140 --> 00:36:25,130 Hey. Why are you with that loser? 539 00:36:35,350 --> 00:36:37,570 You have a nice ass. 540 00:36:40,790 --> 00:36:42,800 I think this belongs to you. 541 00:36:49,090 --> 00:36:50,620 You dick! 542 00:36:51,010 --> 00:36:53,580 I would like to take you from behind. 543 00:36:57,140 --> 00:37:00,090 My penis is uncircumcised. 544 00:37:01,880 --> 00:37:03,620 No head. 545 00:37:03,800 --> 00:37:05,840 It's like a torpedo. 546 00:37:06,660 --> 00:37:10,490 - You pig. - Oh, are you tired of swimming? 547 00:37:10,710 --> 00:37:14,190 Did the little fishies not want to play with you? 548 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:27,840 Fuck off, you Yank! 549 00:37:30,500 --> 00:37:32,410 I'm staying with my uncle for the summer. 550 00:37:32,590 --> 00:37:34,530 Then I go back to art school in Brussels. 551 00:37:34,930 --> 00:37:37,370 Could I take you out for coffee sometime? 552 00:37:37,540 --> 00:37:38,940 You mean like a date? 553 00:37:39,620 --> 00:37:41,150 Well, yeah. 554 00:37:46,150 --> 00:37:48,320 Oh, the siren. 555 00:37:49,890 --> 00:37:52,540 Right. Right. Siren. 556 00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:56,500 Before I can go on a date I have to collect five different colored tulips... 557 00:37:56,670 --> 00:38:00,370 ...eat two herring and drink a beer from a wooden shoe. 558 00:38:00,940 --> 00:38:02,940 Well, that sounds doable. 559 00:38:08,850 --> 00:38:10,370 What is it? 560 00:38:13,380 --> 00:38:14,580 The accordion player? 561 00:38:22,420 --> 00:38:24,330 The Smelly Finger Dance. 562 00:38:31,630 --> 00:38:33,630 One cheek at a time. 563 00:38:34,980 --> 00:38:38,940 Hey, guys. I need a quick gigolo fix. What do you say? 564 00:38:40,380 --> 00:38:43,590 I'm judging a sandcastle-building competition this afternoon... 565 00:38:43,770 --> 00:38:45,420 ...so I can't help you. 566 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:49,020 The dog ate my penis. 567 00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:55,370 You don't have to walk me any further. I just work over there. 568 00:38:55,550 --> 00:38:58,290 - I don't mind. - I'm kind of embarrassed of my job. 569 00:38:58,460 --> 00:39:01,720 I'm kind of embarrassed of my job too. What do you do? 570 00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:04,290 Bye, Deuce. 571 00:39:04,950 --> 00:39:09,510 Well, well, well. If it isn't Deuce Not-So-Big-Below. 572 00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:14,160 It's Bigalow. 573 00:39:14,300 --> 00:39:16,510 What's your going rate, Douche? 574 00:39:16,650 --> 00:39:19,770 Well, I was getting $10. 575 00:39:21,860 --> 00:39:26,170 Okay, gigolo. Do you even know when a woman is having an orgasm? 576 00:39:26,340 --> 00:39:28,340 Sure I know. It's when she says: 577 00:39:28,550 --> 00:39:32,640 "Please stop. It's okay. You tried. 578 00:39:33,900 --> 00:39:35,690 Now, get off me." 579 00:39:39,870 --> 00:39:42,510 I bet he doesn't even know how to give a Sneaky Castro. 580 00:39:42,730 --> 00:39:46,960 Well, that depends. If she wants it regular sneaky or extra sneaky. 581 00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:49,910 There is no such thing as an Extra Sneaky Castro. 582 00:39:51,650 --> 00:39:53,350 Is there? 583 00:39:54,210 --> 00:39:55,910 It's when you stick it in their... 584 00:39:56,130 --> 00:40:00,390 It's pretty convenient, your friend killing off all the competition. 585 00:40:00,820 --> 00:40:03,870 I've got my eye on you, Small-Below. 586 00:40:04,050 --> 00:40:06,040 Small-Below. 587 00:40:10,610 --> 00:40:12,570 I'll be right down. 588 00:40:18,350 --> 00:40:19,610 Okay. 589 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,000 This is the woman that went out with Heinz... 590 00:40:23,220 --> 00:40:25,270 ...the night before he was murdered. 591 00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:31,880 Don't worry about it, Sherlock Ho. I ain't gonna let you out of my sight. 592 00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:37,970 Hi, you must be Lily. I'm Deuce. 593 00:40:38,130 --> 00:40:40,350 Nice to meet you. 594 00:40:51,090 --> 00:40:52,880 Would you like some bread? 595 00:40:53,090 --> 00:40:55,100 Oh, I can't have bread. 596 00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,960 It makes my esophageal lining swell up... 597 00:40:58,140 --> 00:41:00,570 ...and could block my throat-hole. 598 00:41:01,610 --> 00:41:03,620 - Excuse me for a second. - Sure. 599 00:41:10,050 --> 00:41:12,490 Pardon me. I had to clear. 600 00:41:13,490 --> 00:41:15,010 Yeah. 601 00:41:16,270 --> 00:41:18,740 - So, what do you do? - I just got fired. 602 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,790 - I'm sorry. - I was a phone-sex operator. 603 00:41:23,570 --> 00:41:27,660 I only lasted a week. They were jealous of me. 604 00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:31,710 I heard that Heinz Hummer had a bit of a jealous streak. 605 00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:33,580 I bet you're glad he's dead. 606 00:41:33,790 --> 00:41:38,580 Heinz was the most gentle man I ever knew. 607 00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:42,620 I miss him and his mangina. 608 00:41:44,540 --> 00:41:46,630 I can't take it anymore. 609 00:41:48,450 --> 00:41:51,360 I'm sorry. I can see that you really liked Heinz. 610 00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:55,930 - Here, let me get that for you. - Thanks. 611 00:42:02,670 --> 00:42:05,620 - Let's go. - I think I'm gonna puke. 612 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:08,890 I started smoking again when I lost my job. 613 00:42:09,110 --> 00:42:12,760 If I don't find another one pretty soon, I'm gonna lose my house. 614 00:42:12,930 --> 00:42:15,540 Well, we'll just have to find you a new one. 615 00:42:16,100 --> 00:42:19,930 - Relax. Have some wine. - Thanks. 616 00:42:33,070 --> 00:42:35,590 I don't normally drink red wine so... 617 00:42:37,070 --> 00:42:38,500 I have hiccups. 618 00:42:41,550 --> 00:42:44,670 - Gone down the wrong hole, I think. - Check, please. 619 00:42:46,330 --> 00:42:49,680 Deuce, I can't thank you enough. 620 00:42:49,860 --> 00:42:53,420 It's good for you, it's good for them. I'm just glad it worked out. 621 00:42:55,670 --> 00:42:59,110 - I better get to work. - I'll be hearing from you. 622 00:42:59,290 --> 00:43:00,810 Okay. 623 00:43:03,020 --> 00:43:07,370 The white zone is for loading and unloading of vehicles only. 624 00:43:07,550 --> 00:43:10,030 There is no parking in the white zone. 625 00:43:10,160 --> 00:43:13,120 Thanks, Deuce. I had fun last night. 626 00:43:13,340 --> 00:43:14,550 The white zone... 627 00:43:15,860 --> 00:43:18,370 I am Rodrigo Bollas de Madera. 628 00:43:19,590 --> 00:43:23,680 I am here for my 12:30 ass-hair bleaching. 629 00:43:23,860 --> 00:43:25,770 Okay. How blond do you wanna go? 630 00:43:27,380 --> 00:43:28,810 Gwyneth. 631 00:43:29,550 --> 00:43:30,810 Good choice. 632 00:43:42,390 --> 00:43:43,690 Oh, hey. 633 00:43:43,860 --> 00:43:48,040 I got a real Janeane Garofalo situation back there, so go for it. 634 00:43:53,870 --> 00:43:56,470 So, Enzo... 635 00:43:56,690 --> 00:43:59,080 ...got any she-johns lined up for tonight? 636 00:43:59,260 --> 00:44:02,600 Well, I did a Chili Rainbow last night so I'm exhausted. 637 00:44:02,780 --> 00:44:06,030 What about you, Assapopulus? 638 00:44:06,210 --> 00:44:08,520 I've got the herpes so... 639 00:44:08,730 --> 00:44:10,260 What are you gonna do? 640 00:44:12,170 --> 00:44:13,340 Liar! 641 00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:16,350 - Mahmoud! - What's your excuse? 642 00:44:16,570 --> 00:44:19,690 I just realized I'm gay. 643 00:44:21,650 --> 00:44:24,170 Any of you guys want a blowjob? 644 00:44:26,470 --> 00:44:27,950 I do. 645 00:44:29,350 --> 00:44:31,000 Well... 646 00:44:31,170 --> 00:44:35,560 Okay, then. I better go put that penis in my mouth. 647 00:44:35,700 --> 00:44:38,000 You're all afraid of the Man-whore Killer. 648 00:44:38,220 --> 00:44:39,650 - No. Come on. - No, we're not. 649 00:44:39,790 --> 00:44:42,740 - Get down! - I don't wanna die! 650 00:44:43,090 --> 00:44:46,000 You really should find a better hiding place. 651 00:44:47,130 --> 00:44:48,740 Oh, you haven't heard. 652 00:44:49,570 --> 00:44:52,570 - Rodrigo's been killed. - No. 653 00:44:52,790 --> 00:44:56,040 Oh, my God, why? He was just having his ass hair bleached. 654 00:44:56,180 --> 00:44:58,570 He got much more than that, I can assure you. 655 00:45:02,130 --> 00:45:05,050 Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very happy that Scotland Yard... 656 00:45:05,220 --> 00:45:09,300 ...has now joined the search for the gay killer, Tiberius Jefferson. 657 00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:10,920 Thank you very much. 658 00:45:12,050 --> 00:45:15,350 So how about this next one? Svetlana Revenko. 659 00:45:15,750 --> 00:45:18,270 The Russian women are a little freaky down below. 660 00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:21,840 Hair start in the front, don't end till it get to the back. 661 00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:24,050 So if you gotta give a little mouth-to-south... 662 00:45:24,270 --> 00:45:26,050 ...put a clothespin on your nose. 663 00:45:26,710 --> 00:45:28,180 I'll keep that in mind. 664 00:45:30,700 --> 00:45:32,580 Wish me luck. 665 00:45:32,700 --> 00:45:35,790 Gasov. You mind changing that to the weather channel? 666 00:45:38,830 --> 00:45:40,530 It's gonna be cold tomorrow. 667 00:45:42,880 --> 00:45:45,320 I have been waiting for you, Mr. Bigalow. 668 00:45:49,450 --> 00:45:53,230 Aren't you afraid to work with the Man-whore Killer on the loose? 669 00:45:53,580 --> 00:45:54,800 What do you know about it? 670 00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:58,270 Apparently there's some maniac who's killing them all. 671 00:45:58,410 --> 00:46:00,830 Some people say they deserve it. What do you think? 672 00:46:01,010 --> 00:46:04,320 I think everything happens for reason. 673 00:46:05,180 --> 00:46:07,800 You're probably wondering why I'm wearing this veil. 674 00:46:08,060 --> 00:46:11,970 I wasn't, but if you wanna talk about it, cool. 675 00:46:12,190 --> 00:46:13,530 I grew up in Chernobyl. 676 00:46:13,710 --> 00:46:14,930 Chernobyl. 677 00:46:15,970 --> 00:46:18,320 - What a pretty name. - My mother... 678 00:46:18,500 --> 00:46:22,320 ...she work in nuclear reactor when she was pregnant with me. 679 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:27,500 Instead of a nose, I was born with an appendage on my face. 680 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:31,320 A male appendage. 681 00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:35,110 No shit? 682 00:46:36,110 --> 00:46:40,320 I have always been a little self-conscious about it. 683 00:46:40,460 --> 00:46:42,840 Well, you shouldn't. I mean... 684 00:46:42,980 --> 00:46:48,330 A lot of women would love to have a guy's dick on their face. 685 00:46:48,450 --> 00:46:50,630 Yours is just permanent. 686 00:46:52,800 --> 00:46:54,410 You are sweet. 687 00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:57,930 And very handsome for an American. 688 00:47:01,330 --> 00:47:02,850 I like you. 689 00:47:10,630 --> 00:47:13,810 I would love to hear some Latin music. 690 00:47:13,940 --> 00:47:16,280 Well, I'll see if the penis knows any. 691 00:47:17,460 --> 00:47:19,770 I mean the pianist. 692 00:47:20,470 --> 00:47:22,460 The guy playing the piano. 693 00:47:24,110 --> 00:47:27,810 The band has started. Aren't we lucky? 694 00:47:47,030 --> 00:47:48,860 Damn, no lipstick. 695 00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:52,160 - You smell nice. What is it? - It's Old Nice. 696 00:47:53,250 --> 00:47:55,590 It's a knockoff of Old Spice. 697 00:47:55,770 --> 00:47:59,990 I like it, but I think it makes me sneeze. 698 00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:02,200 What happens when you sneeze? 699 00:48:04,550 --> 00:48:06,690 Oh, Jesus, I'm sorry. 700 00:48:07,650 --> 00:48:11,210 Oh, good Lord. Now is a good time to turn. 701 00:48:22,340 --> 00:48:23,780 Hi. 702 00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:37,860 How long are you going to be staying in Holland? 703 00:48:38,040 --> 00:48:40,250 Only until I can prove my friend T.J.'s innocent. 704 00:48:40,690 --> 00:48:42,780 Is there someone waiting for you back home? 705 00:48:44,130 --> 00:48:45,600 It's kind of hard to explain. 706 00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:48,740 Would you like to meet her? 707 00:48:49,390 --> 00:48:51,090 She's here in Amsterdam? 708 00:48:52,090 --> 00:48:53,910 It's my wife. 709 00:48:55,820 --> 00:48:58,390 I got her right here in my duffle bag. 710 00:49:03,790 --> 00:49:06,570 Kate, this is my new friend, Eva. 711 00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:10,600 She passed away a couple of years ago... 712 00:49:10,820 --> 00:49:12,960 ...and this is all I have left of her and I... 713 00:49:18,350 --> 00:49:20,400 Nice to meet you. 714 00:49:20,610 --> 00:49:25,790 She was very lucky to have someone so devoted to her. 715 00:49:42,090 --> 00:49:44,360 Hey, can I see you when you get off work? 716 00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:48,440 Oh, you know, I'd really love to, but I'm going to be so tired. 717 00:49:48,570 --> 00:49:50,530 - Bye. - Okay. 718 00:50:03,050 --> 00:50:05,050 Eva. Eva. 719 00:50:05,840 --> 00:50:09,060 Did you just kiss me nine times because of your OCD? 720 00:50:09,220 --> 00:50:11,880 No. It's because I like you. 721 00:50:13,790 --> 00:50:15,190 Excuse us, coming through. 722 00:50:18,840 --> 00:50:20,840 What are they doing in there, anyway? 723 00:50:21,450 --> 00:50:23,230 They're making a movie. 724 00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:25,830 Cool. What kind of movie? 725 00:50:31,240 --> 00:50:33,670 - I better get to work. - Okay. 726 00:50:33,930 --> 00:50:36,450 In there? You work in there? 727 00:50:37,370 --> 00:50:40,490 - Yeah. Well... - Hi, Eva. Great work yesterday. 728 00:50:40,670 --> 00:50:42,840 - Thank you. - Eva. Eva. Listen... 729 00:50:42,980 --> 00:50:46,450 ...we really need you on the set. All the guys are waiting. 730 00:50:46,670 --> 00:50:49,930 - All the guys? - Yeah. I can't keep them waiting. 731 00:50:50,110 --> 00:50:51,360 Bye, Deuce. 732 00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:54,880 I'll put your name on the list. 733 00:51:10,930 --> 00:51:12,410 Hey, whoa, whoa. 734 00:51:12,630 --> 00:51:14,370 Back of the line, buddy. 735 00:51:14,590 --> 00:51:17,280 Trust me, she's worth the wait. 736 00:51:21,330 --> 00:51:22,930 It's a closed set, you can't come in. 737 00:51:23,150 --> 00:51:24,500 Like hell I can't. 738 00:51:25,980 --> 00:51:27,760 Get off her, you little freak! 739 00:51:36,240 --> 00:51:37,940 Eva, you don't have to do this. 740 00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:44,200 Hey, I agreed to one midget, not two! 741 00:51:46,890 --> 00:51:48,460 Deuce? 742 00:51:49,380 --> 00:51:51,160 Eva, you don't have to do this. 743 00:51:51,600 --> 00:51:52,860 Do what? 744 00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:55,810 - This. - What? 745 00:51:57,510 --> 00:51:59,030 This. 746 00:52:01,860 --> 00:52:03,280 You painted that? 747 00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:06,160 I'm a scenic artist. 748 00:52:06,330 --> 00:52:08,590 So that's what you do here. 749 00:52:11,810 --> 00:52:13,860 Hey, little friend. I guess I owe you a big... 750 00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:20,430 Stoner Steve here! Who wants to get high? Stoner Steve! 751 00:52:20,640 --> 00:52:22,860 - T.J., is that you? - Quiet, you dumb prosti-dude. 752 00:52:22,990 --> 00:52:25,460 I've went out with every girl on that list in Holland. 753 00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:28,770 - Find the rest of those bitches. - Those women live in other countries. 754 00:52:28,950 --> 00:52:33,210 Goddamn, white boy! Pack up that snatch-pole and go find the real killer! 755 00:52:33,340 --> 00:52:35,990 Stoner Steve! Stoner Steve Café! 756 00:52:47,160 --> 00:52:48,210 Hi. 757 00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:50,730 Hi. 758 00:53:53,170 --> 00:53:54,650 Hey, look at that. 759 00:53:54,830 --> 00:53:56,350 Look at that, right there. 760 00:54:07,740 --> 00:54:09,140 Are you sure? 761 00:54:39,750 --> 00:54:41,050 T.J., there you are. 762 00:54:41,230 --> 00:54:43,440 The girl with the giant ears heard Heinz talking... 763 00:54:43,660 --> 00:54:47,060 ...about some photo in the man-whore society. We gotta get in there. 764 00:54:47,230 --> 00:54:50,490 - Why aren't you in disguise? - I'm in disguise. 765 00:54:51,150 --> 00:54:52,670 I'm in blackface. 766 00:54:53,540 --> 00:54:55,500 - But you're black. - Yeah, but I'm disguised... 767 00:54:55,700 --> 00:54:57,450 ...as a different black guy. 768 00:54:57,620 --> 00:54:59,620 - You look the same. - What you trying to say? 769 00:54:59,840 --> 00:55:02,010 - We all look alike? - No, that's not it. 770 00:55:02,190 --> 00:55:05,450 You're such a racist. I got half a mind to stop helping you save me. 771 00:55:05,620 --> 00:55:07,500 Come on. Jeez, let's go. 772 00:55:14,150 --> 00:55:17,760 Excuse me. This is a private club. Man-whores only. 773 00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:20,840 Hey, I'm a real good man-whore. Just go ask your mama. 774 00:55:22,890 --> 00:55:25,590 Still. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. 775 00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:28,460 That's what your mama said after I bang her. 776 00:55:30,980 --> 00:55:32,320 Okay, that's it. 777 00:55:32,540 --> 00:55:33,970 Go, go, go! 778 00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:41,630 Hey, your mama is in here. 779 00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:43,580 It's okay. I know what I'm talking about. 780 00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:47,330 If you're going to stick two in there, you're gonna need a lot of lubricant. 781 00:55:47,710 --> 00:55:49,670 I know what I'm talking about, huh? 782 00:55:49,850 --> 00:55:51,500 Okay, I gotta go now, Ma. 783 00:56:19,940 --> 00:56:21,680 Hey, this thing is locked. 784 00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:33,850 Man! I only heard about this place. 785 00:56:34,070 --> 00:56:36,860 This is where man-whoring all started. 786 00:56:38,420 --> 00:56:40,820 Check it out. You know who this is? 787 00:56:40,940 --> 00:56:43,380 He was the first guy to keep from shooting his load... 788 00:56:43,510 --> 00:56:44,770 ...by thinking about sports. 789 00:56:47,250 --> 00:56:50,510 This guy, here? Baron Von Doggy Style. 790 00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:53,250 Led a pimping expedition to the Arctic Circle. 791 00:56:53,420 --> 00:56:55,950 Froze to death sixty-nining a moose. 792 00:56:56,170 --> 00:56:59,210 The only thing left of him is this stick... 793 00:56:59,380 --> 00:57:02,520 ...which he used to bitch-slap Eskimos. 794 00:57:07,470 --> 00:57:10,820 Now, this brother here, Kunta Kuntlicker. 795 00:57:11,340 --> 00:57:14,080 He's the Jackie Robinson of ass-eating. 796 00:57:16,910 --> 00:57:18,430 Vladmir Suckmeov. 797 00:57:19,030 --> 00:57:21,650 The first man-ho in space. They were studying... 798 00:57:21,860 --> 00:57:24,170 ...the effects of zero gravity on the reach-around. 799 00:57:24,340 --> 00:57:28,260 - Will you cut it out? - I'm sorry. This is my Graceland. 800 00:57:30,770 --> 00:57:33,210 Hey. Wait a minute. Hey, check this out. 801 00:57:34,820 --> 00:57:38,560 That's the blond lady with the leopard coat. This must be the killer. 802 00:57:40,390 --> 00:57:43,050 So, what are you going to wear to the Man-whore Awards? 803 00:57:43,250 --> 00:57:46,700 I thought I'd go with a tux and satin chaps with my ass-plug cuff link... 804 00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:51,260 - You left the trophy case open again. - Whoa, papa, that wasn't me. 805 00:57:51,430 --> 00:57:52,870 Deucey. 806 00:57:53,830 --> 00:57:56,430 - I gotta fart. - You gotta what? 807 00:57:56,650 --> 00:57:59,130 - I gotta fart. - Well, hold it. 808 00:58:01,440 --> 00:58:02,740 I hear something. 809 00:58:06,270 --> 00:58:09,440 I think the building is squeaking. 810 00:58:09,740 --> 00:58:11,340 Maybe it's a bird. 811 00:58:17,830 --> 00:58:19,390 You idiot! 812 00:58:23,040 --> 00:58:24,570 - Go. - Bigalow! 813 00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:27,910 Security! Stop them! 814 00:58:29,960 --> 00:58:31,530 T.J. 815 00:58:44,660 --> 00:58:46,620 - Move the curtain! - What the hell? 816 00:58:46,740 --> 00:58:48,360 Somebody smoked a he-bitch! 817 00:58:50,830 --> 00:58:53,400 - Enzo? He kill Enzo. - No, no, I didn't do it. 818 00:58:53,620 --> 00:58:55,620 What is that? 819 00:58:56,700 --> 00:58:59,140 That is not a dick in my hand. 820 00:58:59,320 --> 00:59:03,350 Anybody got some antibacterial gel? I got burnt dick on my hand. 821 00:59:11,320 --> 00:59:13,270 Eva. Eva. 822 00:59:13,410 --> 00:59:15,750 - I'm in the shower. - T.J.'s been arrested. 823 00:59:15,890 --> 00:59:18,320 I can't hear you! I'll be out in a minute! 824 00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:22,100 In his gayest murder yet, the homosexual Man-whore Killer... 825 00:59:22,320 --> 00:59:24,930 ...murdered famed gigolo Enzo Giarraputo. 826 00:59:25,450 --> 00:59:29,800 Our meteorologist Truus is sick today. Filling in is Henk van de Berg. 827 01:00:19,020 --> 01:00:21,850 What's the matter? Why are you looking at me like that? 828 01:00:22,020 --> 01:00:23,550 Like what? 829 01:00:34,370 --> 01:00:37,330 I'll get that. I was a Boy Scout for almost a week. 830 01:00:39,640 --> 01:00:41,420 So is your uncle home? 831 01:00:41,980 --> 01:00:44,980 No. We're completely alone. 832 01:00:46,250 --> 01:00:47,940 Would you like some cheese? 833 01:00:48,070 --> 01:00:49,460 I'm lactose intolerant. 834 01:00:50,110 --> 01:00:52,080 Why are you so jumpy? 835 01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:54,380 Maybe I can help you relax. 836 01:00:59,070 --> 01:01:00,810 You're shaking. 837 01:01:02,420 --> 01:01:03,940 Maybe it's because I'm cold. 838 01:01:04,420 --> 01:01:06,080 I can fix that. 839 01:01:06,640 --> 01:01:08,510 Why don't you pour us a drink. 840 01:01:13,550 --> 01:01:17,120 So I guess we're all alone, huh? 841 01:01:18,860 --> 01:01:20,330 Yes. 842 01:01:21,810 --> 01:01:24,120 Deuce. You're scaring me. 843 01:01:24,820 --> 01:01:26,080 Eva. 844 01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:33,470 Listen, everything I'm about to do is because I really care for you. 845 01:01:34,120 --> 01:01:35,470 Oh, Deuce. 846 01:01:35,900 --> 01:01:37,340 Now, I don't know why... 847 01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:43,170 I don't know why you've done this, but I'm gonna give you everything I've got. 848 01:02:10,820 --> 01:02:12,220 Deuce? 849 01:02:21,830 --> 01:02:23,740 - Don't go in there. Stop! - Gaspar. Gaspar. 850 01:02:23,870 --> 01:02:27,260 I know who the killer is. I know who the killer is. 851 01:02:34,000 --> 01:02:35,260 I know who the killer is. 852 01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:38,480 I knew sooner or later someone would figure it out. 853 01:02:43,790 --> 01:02:46,090 I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you. 854 01:02:50,920 --> 01:02:52,490 It's Eva. 855 01:02:53,870 --> 01:02:55,570 It's Eva? 856 01:02:57,440 --> 01:02:59,520 You mean my niece Eva? 857 01:02:59,740 --> 01:03:01,740 I know it sounds crazy... 858 01:03:01,920 --> 01:03:04,870 ...but I found the lipstick. The same lipstick the killer used. 859 01:03:05,050 --> 01:03:09,000 Shimmer Lavender Love number 66, at your house. 860 01:03:09,180 --> 01:03:13,050 And you found it in the pocket of a trench coat hanging in the closet? 861 01:03:13,270 --> 01:03:17,190 Exactly. Plus, I heard her whistling the same song I heard the killer whistle. 862 01:03:17,350 --> 01:03:18,750 Like: 863 01:03:25,830 --> 01:03:28,410 Now, you tell me. Why would anyone but the killer... 864 01:03:28,610 --> 01:03:31,970 ...be whistling that specific song? The odds would be astronomical. 865 01:03:32,140 --> 01:03:33,920 Maybe the song got stuck in her head... 866 01:03:34,100 --> 01:03:36,450 ...because she overheard the real killer whistling it. 867 01:03:36,660 --> 01:03:38,710 And maybe the real killer is someone... 868 01:03:39,750 --> 01:03:43,320 ...very near and dear to her, though she doesn't realize. 869 01:03:44,760 --> 01:03:48,620 Sure. Or maybe the Hamburglar did it and escaped with the Great Pumpkin. 870 01:03:49,270 --> 01:03:52,530 Look, I understand this must be very difficult for you... 871 01:03:52,710 --> 01:03:55,360 ...to be out-thunk by a civilian like myself. 872 01:03:55,540 --> 01:03:57,580 But we have to put our egos aside right now... 873 01:03:57,710 --> 01:03:59,190 ...and do what's best for Eva. 874 01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:01,410 She's clearly ill and she needs our help. 875 01:04:01,630 --> 01:04:03,050 You're absolutely right. 876 01:04:03,230 --> 01:04:06,580 You know, the only thing I can't think of is motive. 877 01:04:06,710 --> 01:04:08,920 I mean, what could she have against man-whores? 878 01:04:09,140 --> 01:04:13,710 Maybe because they represent a decline of this once glorious city... 879 01:04:13,850 --> 01:04:16,930 ...which has become a new Sodom and Gomorrah for rich college kids... 880 01:04:17,100 --> 01:04:20,240 ...to smoke hash, to fornicate with Venezuelan hookers... 881 01:04:20,360 --> 01:04:24,370 ...or to defecate on our historic cobblestone streets. 882 01:04:24,590 --> 01:04:27,110 They don't defecate on the streets. 883 01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:35,590 Well, how do you know he's a tourist? I mean, he could be a local. 884 01:04:40,980 --> 01:04:42,370 Where is Eva now? 885 01:04:43,580 --> 01:04:45,370 She's at your house. 886 01:04:45,500 --> 01:04:47,150 Good. 887 01:04:54,500 --> 01:04:56,680 Do you really think you need all those weapons? 888 01:04:56,810 --> 01:04:58,890 She doesn't seem that dangerous. 889 01:04:59,110 --> 01:05:02,890 - You're not gonna hurt her, are you? - You can never be too careful. 890 01:05:04,850 --> 01:05:08,680 - That poor guy. - What a dipshit. 891 01:05:09,460 --> 01:05:11,200 Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy... 892 01:05:11,250 --> 01:05:12,940 Tonight, the sexually-inadequate men of Europe can breathe easy... 893 01:05:13,110 --> 01:05:17,080 ...safe in the knowledge that all of the continent's finest gigolos... 894 01:05:17,240 --> 01:05:20,550 ...are right here under one roof, all asking: 895 01:05:20,770 --> 01:05:24,730 "Who is gonna walk away with the Golden Boner?" 896 01:05:24,850 --> 01:05:28,500 In this car, we have Assapopulus and his date for the evening. 897 01:05:28,680 --> 01:05:30,240 - Damn it. - His mother. 898 01:05:30,290 --> 01:05:34,290 She's the woman that made me start into prostitution... 899 01:05:34,370 --> 01:05:37,550 ...made me go into prostitution. I wanted to become a doctor, but... 900 01:05:37,770 --> 01:05:39,640 Uncle, you home? 901 01:05:40,600 --> 01:05:43,600 What a beautiful couple, mother and man-whore. 902 01:05:44,990 --> 01:05:46,910 "Man-Whore Awards"? 903 01:05:47,550 --> 01:05:50,380 Please welcome your host for this evening. Johnny Vaughan. 904 01:05:50,560 --> 01:05:55,030 Thank you very much. Can I just say, ladies, gentlemen, man-whores... 905 01:05:55,250 --> 01:06:00,030 ...a night where we celebrate guys who can get wood no matter what. 906 01:06:00,250 --> 01:06:02,080 Do you know, they have gay-pride days. 907 01:06:02,300 --> 01:06:04,600 - Oh, my God. - Yes. 908 01:06:07,300 --> 01:06:10,650 - I'm going to kill them all. - But why? 909 01:06:10,860 --> 01:06:13,900 Don't you see what's happening to our country? 910 01:06:18,600 --> 01:06:20,950 But it's murder. 911 01:06:22,610 --> 01:06:27,300 During the final number, when these man-whores are gathered on-stage... 912 01:06:27,430 --> 01:06:29,820 ...I push this little button and: 913 01:06:31,090 --> 01:06:33,250 Bye-bye, gigolos. 914 01:06:33,390 --> 01:06:38,040 Shouldn't be that hard to pin the crime on your good friend Deuce Bigalow. 915 01:06:38,220 --> 01:06:39,430 I won't let you! 916 01:06:42,300 --> 01:06:44,350 If you wanna stop me... 917 01:06:47,000 --> 01:06:50,340 ...it's as simple as touching this doorknob. 918 01:06:56,130 --> 01:06:59,090 - Where's Eva? - Eva's gone to the Man-whore Awards. 919 01:06:59,260 --> 01:07:01,780 - I'm going there too. - I'm coming with you. 920 01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:05,830 Yes. Yes, you should be there too. 921 01:07:20,180 --> 01:07:21,440 Now let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 922 01:07:21,480 --> 01:07:22,740 Now let me give you all the lowdown on T.J. 923 01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:28,130 In Thailand, I got a job in a carnival sideshow, eating broken glass. 924 01:07:28,310 --> 01:07:32,010 We did six shows a day. That's a lot of broken glass. 925 01:07:32,220 --> 01:07:35,520 And it's all collected in the lining of my anus. 926 01:07:36,180 --> 01:07:40,050 My ass is like one big, nasty cheese grater. 927 01:07:42,050 --> 01:07:45,010 Here to perform his signature move, the Chili Rainbow... 928 01:07:45,180 --> 01:07:49,700 ...would you please welcome Assapopulus Borealis. 929 01:08:13,530 --> 01:08:14,970 Deuce! 930 01:08:15,150 --> 01:08:16,790 Deuce! Right here! 931 01:08:16,970 --> 01:08:19,280 - Hey, Eva's right behind us. - Deuce, stop! 932 01:08:21,880 --> 01:08:23,840 What are you doing? She's right back there. 933 01:08:25,100 --> 01:08:27,050 - He's the killer! - What? 934 01:08:27,270 --> 01:08:28,670 You're with the killer! 935 01:08:28,840 --> 01:08:31,320 - I'm with the dealer? - He's the Man-whore Killer! 936 01:08:31,540 --> 01:08:33,360 Eighteen-wheeler? 937 01:08:34,240 --> 01:08:35,620 My uncle is the killer! 938 01:08:36,410 --> 01:08:39,330 Oh! I'm with the... You're the k... 939 01:08:39,490 --> 01:08:42,930 She says that I am the killer, you stupido. 940 01:08:48,670 --> 01:08:50,970 But why? What did man-whores ever do to you? 941 01:08:51,110 --> 01:08:52,850 What did they do to me? 942 01:08:54,240 --> 01:08:57,670 All my life I dreamed of being one thing: A gigolo. 943 01:08:57,840 --> 01:09:00,190 Yes, me. Gaspar Voorsboch. 944 01:09:01,550 --> 01:09:04,930 I'll never forget that day. Never. 945 01:09:05,150 --> 01:09:07,900 It was my first semester at Man-whore University. 946 01:09:08,060 --> 01:09:09,420 Now, today, class... 947 01:09:09,630 --> 01:09:14,290 ...we shall learn how to give a lady a proper Portuguese Breakfast. 948 01:09:14,450 --> 01:09:16,940 You take an egg and you crack it. 949 01:09:17,460 --> 01:09:19,500 You mix them up. 950 01:09:19,680 --> 01:09:22,630 Now, this is a good chance to sweet-talk the client. 951 01:09:23,030 --> 01:09:25,290 - And? - And we pour that in there. 952 01:09:25,410 --> 01:09:29,070 - Beautiful. Very nice, now. And... - And don't forget the Canadian bacon. 953 01:09:29,280 --> 01:09:30,900 Canadian bacon. I was getting to that. 954 01:09:31,120 --> 01:09:33,370 - What are you doing? - It's a penis enlarger. 955 01:09:33,550 --> 01:09:35,670 Just a few pumps and it gets your thing bigger. 956 01:09:35,850 --> 01:09:37,850 You mind if I give myself a few pumps? 957 01:09:37,990 --> 01:09:39,330 Go nuts. 958 01:09:39,460 --> 01:09:41,680 There we go. So there you have it. 959 01:09:41,860 --> 01:09:45,250 Tell me. How was your Portuguese Breakfast? 960 01:09:45,420 --> 01:09:46,940 Delicious. 961 01:09:47,110 --> 01:09:49,330 - Elsa? - Gaspar? 962 01:09:56,420 --> 01:09:58,210 They knew she was my fiancée. 963 01:09:58,330 --> 01:10:00,810 And tonight I will get my revenge. 964 01:10:07,810 --> 01:10:09,330 Leave it! 965 01:10:20,810 --> 01:10:23,860 I'm from Canada and I'm wasted! 966 01:10:26,080 --> 01:10:27,340 - Are you all right? - Yeah. 967 01:10:27,560 --> 01:10:29,520 - Are you okay? - Stop! Stop! 968 01:10:29,730 --> 01:10:31,340 Police business. 969 01:10:31,950 --> 01:10:33,290 Come on, we gotta stop him. 970 01:10:34,550 --> 01:10:37,040 Stop! Stop! Man-whore business. 971 01:10:37,170 --> 01:10:39,820 Before we present the award for Man-whore of the Year... 972 01:10:40,040 --> 01:10:44,130 ...let's take a moment to honor those gigolos who have recently passed. 973 01:11:03,220 --> 01:11:06,080 Hey, Daddy. I was looking in your underwear drawer and I found... 974 01:11:06,300 --> 01:11:07,870 ...this bracelet. 975 01:11:08,870 --> 01:11:11,960 Holy mother of God. That's not a bracelet, boy. 976 01:11:12,170 --> 01:11:15,910 That is a device that your daddy has to wear on his he... 977 01:11:16,260 --> 01:11:17,430 His he... 978 01:11:17,690 --> 01:11:19,830 His he... 979 01:11:21,170 --> 01:11:23,440 Happy birthday, son, you got a bracelet. 980 01:11:23,650 --> 01:11:24,920 Great. 981 01:11:26,700 --> 01:11:27,920 Let's go. Come on. 982 01:11:28,040 --> 01:11:29,910 Now the award you've all been waiting for: 983 01:11:30,090 --> 01:11:31,570 The Man-whore of the Year. 984 01:11:31,790 --> 01:11:34,520 Listen. Go get help. I'll get all the gigolos off the stage. 985 01:11:34,740 --> 01:11:36,660 Okay. Good luck. 986 01:11:37,300 --> 01:11:38,560 Excuse me. 987 01:11:38,780 --> 01:11:41,310 You have to get off the stage now or you'll all be killed! 988 01:11:41,480 --> 01:11:44,310 Get the hell out of here, Douche, before I have you thrown out. 989 01:11:44,390 --> 01:11:47,090 - There's a bomb on the stage! - You idiot. 990 01:11:47,260 --> 01:11:49,000 You're all gonna die! 991 01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:52,180 I'm the Man-whore Killer. This is a bomb! 992 01:11:52,350 --> 01:11:55,700 Everybody out! Everybody get out! 993 01:11:55,830 --> 01:11:57,610 You gotta get out of here! 994 01:12:02,790 --> 01:12:05,790 You'll die with the rest of them, Bigalow. 995 01:12:08,140 --> 01:12:11,530 Those gigolos robbed me of my manhood. 996 01:12:11,700 --> 01:12:15,920 I was never able to satisfy a woman. I'll see to it that they won't either. 997 01:12:21,050 --> 01:12:25,360 You don't have to kill anyone, Gaspar. Because you can please a woman. 998 01:12:26,750 --> 01:12:29,010 Those gigolos don't know what they're talking about. 999 01:12:29,230 --> 01:12:31,190 Is he talking about us? 1000 01:12:35,360 --> 01:12:37,060 Do you really think all a woman wants... 1001 01:12:37,270 --> 01:12:39,270 ...is some guy to give her a Mud Pretzel... 1002 01:12:39,410 --> 01:12:42,580 ...or Turkish Snow Cone or an Irish Facial? 1003 01:12:43,840 --> 01:12:46,620 - Yes, they do, liar. - No, they don't. 1004 01:12:47,540 --> 01:12:51,370 A woman wants a guy who'll ask her about her day and really listen to her. 1005 01:12:51,580 --> 01:12:53,530 - Or at least pretend to. - Yes. 1006 01:12:53,930 --> 01:12:55,410 What? 1007 01:12:55,620 --> 01:12:57,320 When she's hurting... 1008 01:12:57,500 --> 01:12:59,190 ...ask her how she feels. 1009 01:13:00,450 --> 01:13:02,750 - Cry with her. - Yeah! 1010 01:13:02,890 --> 01:13:04,850 These gigolos are just ripping women off! 1011 01:13:06,410 --> 01:13:09,840 I've never had any complaint from any of those freaks! 1012 01:13:12,320 --> 01:13:14,060 I faked it. 1013 01:13:16,070 --> 01:13:18,540 A woman doesn't care if you wear a Rolex watch... 1014 01:13:18,760 --> 01:13:21,200 ...or have a gigantic schlong like Heinz Hummer. 1015 01:13:22,280 --> 01:13:24,060 This guy knows his shit. 1016 01:13:27,550 --> 01:13:29,110 What are you doing? 1017 01:13:30,500 --> 01:13:32,420 Anyone else? 1018 01:13:37,810 --> 01:13:41,330 If you let a woman know you care, maybe she'll give you an Irish Facial. 1019 01:13:51,500 --> 01:13:54,420 We will die together, man-whore. 1020 01:13:56,160 --> 01:13:59,290 - You don't have to do this. - They ruined my life. 1021 01:13:59,420 --> 01:14:02,680 - Give me the detonator. - No. 1022 01:14:02,850 --> 01:14:04,640 My penis exploded. 1023 01:14:06,070 --> 01:14:08,330 Okay, that's a tough one. I'll give you that. 1024 01:14:10,030 --> 01:14:14,160 But having a penis is way overrated. Trust me. 1025 01:14:15,900 --> 01:14:18,160 No. No. 1026 01:14:18,290 --> 01:14:19,810 Gaspar! 1027 01:14:28,680 --> 01:14:30,380 Are you okay? 1028 01:14:32,550 --> 01:14:34,590 We did it. 1029 01:14:40,460 --> 01:14:42,720 That's the grossest thing I've ever seen. 1030 01:14:42,820 --> 01:14:44,900 And I've seen some pretty gross things. 1031 01:14:45,080 --> 01:14:45,809 - In the car. - Put your head down. 1032 01:14:45,810 --> 01:14:46,510 - In the car. - Put your head down. 1033 01:14:46,730 --> 01:14:48,650 I'll be seeing you again, man-whore. 1034 01:14:49,860 --> 01:14:53,600 Deuce, you saved the Man-whore Society. 1035 01:14:54,340 --> 01:14:56,080 The Golden Boner belongs to you. 1036 01:14:56,300 --> 01:14:58,610 Thanks. I'm... That's very... 1037 01:14:59,990 --> 01:15:01,690 This belongs to you too. 1038 01:15:03,300 --> 01:15:05,160 Hang it to the left. 1039 01:15:05,690 --> 01:15:07,300 You gonna eat that? 1040 01:15:07,430 --> 01:15:09,820 - Knock yourself out. - Thank you. 1041 01:15:12,950 --> 01:15:16,380 So I guess this means you're a real gigolo now. 1042 01:15:16,520 --> 01:15:18,300 I don't want you to treat me differently. 1043 01:15:18,430 --> 01:15:20,470 How much would you charge me for a kiss? 1044 01:15:20,870 --> 01:15:22,950 Well, the first one's always free. 1045 01:15:27,440 --> 01:15:29,950 - Deuce! - What? 1046 01:15:30,560 --> 01:15:32,260 Oh, no. No, it's... 1047 01:15:32,390 --> 01:15:34,040 It's just this. 1048 01:15:56,270 --> 01:15:58,170 Deucey! 1049 01:15:58,310 --> 01:15:59,920 Thank you, Jesus. 1050 01:16:00,830 --> 01:16:02,340 Did anybody hurt you in there? 1051 01:16:03,520 --> 01:16:06,830 Oh, you asking if I got ass-punked. Is that what's happening right now? 1052 01:16:07,050 --> 01:16:11,660 - Not if you don't wanna talk about it. - Well, turns out I'm not that attractive. 1053 01:16:11,830 --> 01:16:13,520 Well, you've been cleared of murder... 1054 01:16:13,700 --> 01:16:16,180 - ...but people still think you're gay. - Hey, hey, hey. 1055 01:16:16,350 --> 01:16:18,440 Don't tell nobody I'm not gay. Look at it: 1056 01:16:18,610 --> 01:16:21,480 T.J., the gay man's pimp. 1057 01:16:21,610 --> 01:16:24,440 I mean, I'm gonna corner the market. Check out my new bitches. 1058 01:16:24,620 --> 01:16:26,700 - Hello, darling. - Hi, sweetie. 1059 01:16:26,830 --> 01:16:28,400 Love you. 1060 01:16:30,230 --> 01:16:31,920 Let's get chicken and waffles. My treat. 1061 01:16:32,090 --> 01:16:35,400 So the first thing a brother wants out of prison is chicken and waffles? 1062 01:16:35,580 --> 01:16:37,880 - Oh, come on. - Get your she-cocks back to work. 81758

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