Original subtitles

We've scoured the globe for the naughtiest cats out there, ever.

It's moggy mayhem!

From furry funny...

That is hilarious.

...food fiascoes...

This is not fair! I have to sing for my supper.

...to fierce fighters.

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Keeping a close eye on this colossal cat collection...

Lucy Boo, hello!

...is our litter of purr-sonalities.

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Say hello to the camera.

This is Bear.

Bear, honestly... Ooh.

We're a nation of animal lovers,

with over ten million of us owning a cat.

Well, own...

I think we all know who's boss in the pet brigade.

You can have 20 animals roaming around.

You can have cats, dogs, goats, ducks, doesn't matter -

but there will always be one that will be in charge.

And the cat is in charge.

LAUGHING

LAUGHING

That cat, he knew exactly what he was doing. He's very, very cheeky.

Cheekier than a child.

It's a great example of a cat that just takes charge of the house.

Cos he looked at the owner, thought, "All right, OK.

"You want to play that game? Watch this. I'm going to open this one

"again AND I'm going to open the second one."

They're laughing, but they'll never know how close they came

to ruining the cat's entire surveillance operation.

It's a smart cat! Very smart.

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This card rules the roost, and he doesn't care who knows it.

The cat is just sitting there like a bloke who's on the Underground.

That's extraordinary.

I've never seen a cat with that look in his eye,

like he's really seen some things.

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"I'm a geezer, I've had a night out.

"Don't come near me, I don't want to talk to you."

Just looks like he wants to be left alone.

Cat, I feel your pain on that one.

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Bucky's off his head on catnip...

...but that's not stopping him giving this interloper a real ear full.

CAT WARBLING

Sounds like a cat speaking in tongues.

It sounds like some sort of Deep South preacher going, "Oh, yeah!

"I'm going to go get Satan out of there!"

CAT WARBLING

"I might be talking gobbledygook, but what I'm saying is,

"get away from our door!"

SHE WARBLES

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That's what I do when people come round to my house

and I'm warning them off.

SHE IMITATES CAT

Did it to the postman the other day, he ran off.

Should have waited till he delivered the letters, I suppose.

That's taken care of that unwelcome house guest.

Oh, that's a kitty and a big dog!

New addition to the house. You know this is a new...

Oh! Who's in charge now, big daddy?

DOG WHINES

LAUGHING

DOG YOWLS

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That was some punch that kitten's got on it.

That big massive dog's just like,

"Oh, I just want to be your friend."

Jab!

You know when you're being shouted at by the missus,

and you're thinking, "Do I say anything back? No."

So you just give this look, don't you?

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They're fearless, kittens. They really are.

You're not wrong there, Chizzy.

This kitten's even taking on Mum.

Typical mum overreaction.

Here's dominance of a different kind.

A slow dancing parrot.

Meet Percival...

...who's trying to see how far he can push Robbie before he reacts.

It's like one of those old-fashioned games of Buckaroo, isn't it?

You know at some point something's going to happen,

but you just don't know what.

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Pecking? That cat is going to go in a second.

Oh, no.

Lost patience.

That's one prod too far, Percival.

I wouldn't have lasted nearly that long.

In this classic clip,

these three demonstrate the dangers of ogling at birds.

The dog is just waiting, and he thinks, "Right, you might not be

"able to get the bird, but I've got the three of you."

Pounce!

Those scaredy cats could take a lesson from...

...this fearless feline.

It's a cat attack! Rawr.

Love this. You'd put money on the crocodile.

She's going to take the cat, bang, all over.

Bang! Have that, have that!

This cat is brazen.

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"Look at him stealing that chicken."

The cat's not having it.

Bang, bang!

Bang, gives a right hook!

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Good question. Hopefully, not a pussy pudding.

The closest thing we've got to a dinosaur that's still roaming

the Earth, his bottle's gone to some soppy cat.

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Coming up - cats with cat-titude...

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...im-purr-fect playmates...

I really haven't ever seen anything like it!

...plus, moggy mysteries.

Oh, my lord.

This is Cats Do The Naughtiest Things -

where we're all about chaos and calamity.

But cats aren't born with an ASBO.

Typically, they arrive chocolate box cute.

Who's for a game of now you see me...

...now you don't.

Aw...!

I love it. Oh, cats.

I can't let my kids see this. If my kids see this, it's all over.

It means we've got to get a cat.

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Kittens might be cute, but they still need to know who's boss.

Time for a turf war.

Even if that turf war is...

OK, put them up.

...with yourself.

Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee!

Take that!

That is a cat's way of showing that it's tough.

"Oh, I'm light on my feet, I'm light on my feet!

"I'm like Mohammed Ali, look."

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And I'm not sure what these apples have done to upset Ambrose, but...

So much energy!

...he's on the attack.

Obviously crazy.

As somebody with a weight problem,

that's often how I do respond to fruit. "Oh, it's an apple.

"How do I approach this? I've got to... Oh!"

Whereas, Mars Bar - straight in there.

It might look impossible, but they'll give it a go.

The cat is attempting to get rubbish out of that bin,

because cats will eat anything.

"I'll get it if it kills me!"

OK, I'll say it - I have eaten things out of my bin before,

so I'm no different to that cat.

I was very hungry, I'd had a few drinks.

I know how that cat feels, OK?

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Oh, the dog's coming over like, "Ha-ha, you fool!"

And when you do come to the rescue...

...they've already got it all figured out.

Look at that - no top on, no shoes and socks on,

going down into a very steep hole, risking his life.

I get that. I'd do the same.

You don't always know how an animal's going to respond

to you rescuing them.

"Come on. I've got you, kitty."

LAUGHING

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The cat's made him look a right idiot. Look at that.

Cat's mugged him off!

This federal feline also knows its own mind.

"I don't like you.

"No, I don't like you.

"And I certainly don't like you."

You know what, you can't get me back either.

Wow, that was very vicious.

In this golden oldie, the moggy is still taking the lead, literally.

Cats are always in charge.

Now, walk nice.

And I'm delighted to say that, that human does now use a litter tray.

Well done, cat. That's brilliant.

Here's curious playmates.

Possibly looking to feature in a Beatrix Potter sequel.

Oh, that cat.

I mean, I've never seen anything like it!

No matter how hard that cat tries, the hedgehog's having none of it.

And every game should end with a prize,

but maybe not the prize everyone wants.

How is it that you...?

What do you need a towel for, just to put it over the duck?

If he really was a man, he'd have picked the duck up, killed it,

plucked out, eaten it, cooked it for dinner.

But he's terrified of that duck.

DUCK QUACKS

Oh, the duck's still alive!

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One of the few occasions when shouting "duck" doesn't help.

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Right, OK, OK, OK. All right, duck...

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I love the way he's trying to be tough about it,

and he's terrified.

OK, stay... Oh, sit down, duck.

Right, stay there.

DUCK QUACKS Yes, yes, yes.

I'm trying to do my best for you.

It's all very British, isn't it?

"I'm trying to do my best for you." Just hold on there!"

I'm just doing it.

It's off the bed.

DUCK QUACKS Yes, I know, I know.

You need to get out of the window.

Come on.

Freedom.

Poor duck. Go on, duck.

Yay!

Go on.

Free!

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Oh, Slippers.

This furry fiend is a serial offender.

I wasn't unsurprised because Slippers has done this

sort of thing before, but not with a duck.

He brings mice, rats and pigeons in.

We've had two pigeon-related incidents.

One that he brought through the cat flap,

and then chased through the house.

And then another one that he brought in through the bedroom window.

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Slippers is the most naughtiest family member in our house.

In the house, he's a fantastic cat.

It's just extraordinary that as soon as he disappears

out of the cat flap, he turns into this feline predator.

So, how did Slippers get that duck indoors?

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No signs of a struggle at all.

The way in and out would have been through the cat flap.

It's a right Agatha Christie mystery.

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Have the ducks departed forever?

The ducks have not left the area.

In fact, when we go to the local ponds,

we seem to think there's probably more ducks in the pond.

I'm not quite sure whether they are planning

a revenge attack on Slippers.

But Slippers isn't alone when it comes to unwanted gifts.

Our cat, Louie, I can only describe his present that he delivered once

as a sort of rabbit jigsaw.

If a cat brings in a little mouse, you kind of go, "Oh, it's expected."

But our cats were bringing in rats this size, and pheasants.

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Even when cats are indoors, they can railroad family fun.

Look at it go!

Well, it WAS good.

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Oh, talk about speaking too soon.

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Yeah!

Now, that's not the cat's fault, OK?

If you're going to have a ball rolling around the house,

the cat's going to stop it.

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They were so happy.

This does beg the question how many times it's gone wrong before this.

From one game to another.

Aw! A group of cat chums playing Hungry Hippos.

These crazy cats have decided they're not letting

the humans have a look in.

There's one just watching,

who obviously doesn't know what the game's about.

This is significantly better than hungry hippos having a go at Cats.

Oh, there's another one in the background.

Obviously, he's the substitute.

"Yeah, mate, you'll get on in a minute."

Meet Didga - a competitive cat who craves the limelight.

He can perform a kickflip, a heelflip,

AND he buries his own poo in the garden.

Loving the thrill of the chase, Didga's challenged

a mischievous mate to hell raise around the house.

And now we come to the feline two-lane 100.

Oh, it's cat Olympics.

In lane one, we see Didga in the black and white.

Challenged by old rival, Bloomer,

in lane two sporting go-faster stripes.

This is the race we've all been waiting for.

Here's a little look at the course.

A bend around the cat cones, followed by the jumps.

I must say, I couldn't jump over those.

Ending on the infamous bedroom bridge,

then it's a race to the finish line,

scaling the headboard of hell.

Are you ready for it, cats?

"Meow." Go!

And they're off!

Didga is first to the jumps, with Bloomer in hot pursuit.

Up the headboard, and Didga wins!

Look at this in slow motion.

The elegance of the jump.

Through the air, and never touched a hurdle.

The athleticism is amazing!

Didga dug deep to take that top prize -

his favourite cat snack.

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Now, these alley cats are far more straight.

They've created their own game of gauntlet...

Oh, look at that! That's amazing.

...based on the classic TV show Gladiators.

This is a good remake.

What are you doing?!

While his owners exercise their jaws,

Jeffrey's contemplating his long jump skills.

Oh, no!

THEY GASP

Oh, my Lord!

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What a silly cat.

Perhaps Jeffrey should stick to floor work in the future.

Like Susie, who's stealing the spotlight.

That's a very, very clever cat.

I'm just happy if my cat comes home at night!

Bootsy!

Sticking to floor displays,

this game of hockey's been rudely interrupted by Parker, who's...

LAUGHTER

...in possession of Theo's pucks.

Well, you can't deny that cat's got skill.

I mean, that's perfect!

Time to celebrate.

Give me five, then!

Up next... Outrageous attitudes...

Have you seen Gremlins?

Because that was a cat that was fed after midnight.

...furious feline fun...

I would go crazy!

...and peculiar playmates.

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Meow!

Look at these fiends!

We're all about mischievous moggies.

Stop, Rocky! They can be feisty when it comes to food.

CAT GROWLS

And like us...

Awww!

...cats enjoy a dinner date.

Terry's taken his teddy for tea.

I've actually never seen a cat do anything like that.

I think that's really cute.

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Dogs have done that, but my cats just don't.

They find real soft toys outside

to play with, that are living,

and then they stop them moving.

Immediately, we think, "Oh, that's so sweet.

"He's giving the toy some food." But no, it's obviously not his toy.

It's like when you're kids and your brother leaves the room

and takes the remote so you can't change the channel.

That's exactly what that cat's just done.

They may have been fed by every house in the neighbourhood,

but that doesn't stop them going in search of more food!

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CLATTER AND MEOWING

SHE LAUGHS

CAT MEOWS

"I'm a cat! I've got to have that treat."

CAT MEOWS

"I know where you've put it, though,

"and I'm going to find it."

Ha-ha! CRASH

Oh, he's going back for another crack.

He's in the medicine cupboard.

There's nothing in there for him anyway!

There's no food, kitty-cat!

CAT MEOWS

They don't think it through!

Schoolboy error.

And here's a famous golden oldie.

No. No. No.. No.

This cute kitty is in full Puss in Boots charm mode...

No, no, no, no.

...as she attempts to sneak a slice of that roast chicken.

CAT MEOWS

Maybe try this approach.

Far cuter.

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Impressive.

Well, you know, we've all done some kind of manoeuvre

in the hope of getting a treat.

Some people think, "Oh, how humiliating for the cat."

The cat's just thinking,

"No, I've just had my sixth breakfast of the day.

"I don't care!"

My cat does meow. But she doesn't beg. She just goes "meh". Meh.

It's more like, "Give me food. Meh. Meh."

It's never, "Oh, hello, could I possibly have some of that burger?"

Get off.

No. This is my cheeseburger.

And also, she would not eat a burger.

She knows she's got to watch her figure and stuff.

But this maniac moggy doesn't care about no carbs before Marbs.

This was what I deal with every time I eat.

Regan steals my food.

You'd think I'd be a thinner human being with this fool around.

TALKS WITH MOUTH FULL

Have you seen Gremlins?

Because that was a cat that was,

I think, fed after midnight.

This cat's got the feline form of hangry.

With added fangry!

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Aw! The cat really wants the bread, let him have it!

Since when do cats like bread?

My cat doesn't eat bread!

CAT GROWLS Yikes!

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I think the thing is, you know, you get a sort of primal instinct,

don't you?

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Especially if you're a cat, or someone like me.

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He's not giving up!

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When it comes to naughty but nice, you can't beat these two.

That's so cute!

I'm going to teach this to Bootsy.

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Let me get this straight.

When a cat rings a bell and expects food, it's cute and charming.

When I do it, it's grounds for divorce.

From a demanding delivery to phoning it in.

PHONE VIBRATES

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What happened at the end? It was all so intricate and lovely,

and then it was like, smack! Yeah, that'll do.

It's just like God at the end of creation

when he did lots of lovely things and went,

"Oh. Oh, I haven't got time. There's SolihulL"

Well, the creator of that machine is Joseph Herscher. Why?

To stop this dog...

No!

...from eating her cat's food.

So we came up with this idea -

what if we made a machine that would automatically feed the cat

while she was out taking her dog for a walk?

I've seen a lot of cat feeder contraptions,

but I notice that they all use dry food, so I really thought it

was time that someone had a go at making something that used wet food.

It's much harder to work with cos it has to be refrigerated

so it has to come out of the fridge and it has to be sealed cos it's

wet and therefore you have to unseal it to serve it to the cat.

It took about a month to build, there was a lot of trial and error.

Three, two, one!

It's stuck. Just give it a yank.

Oh!

The biggest challenge was getting the lid off of the cat food

because it needed to be on strongly enough that it wouldn't

fall off when it rolled through the whole machine,

but then it needed to be able to be pulled off at the end.

So what we ended up doing was we got this rubber lid that

fitted to the cat food, and then this big,

heavy object rolls over it and it's got double-sided sticky tape

that sticks to the lid and peels it off.

We did about 65 attempts to get one perfect run through.

It might have been easier to just teach the cat to open the fridge.

Take that, Buster! One way to tackle a pilfering puppy!

That cat doesn't care

if its food arrives in a golden unicorn from Mars.

It's just food. But tucking in has its consequences.

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The cheek of this inpatient moggy!

He's decided against the back door cat flap,

preferring to make its owners open the front door.

That's genius!

Here's a more daring way of getting into the house.

Bonnie's perfecting her cat burglar skills.

And if she doesn't frighten the living daylights out of you,

she'll blind you with her laser beam eyes.

Our cat, Izzy, can get out of all sorts of situations.

She's an escapologist. In fact, we call her Steve McQueen at times.

It's like The Great Escape.

But can Izzy the escapologist do this?

First Velvet checks if the coast is clear.

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See, they're intelligent, aren't they? Patient.

A dog would have run at that door five times,

but that cat's just working it out.

I bet this cat lover...

...wishes they'd locked their loo door.

From downright dirty to frantic fun.

I would go crazy,

especially in this climate where toilet paper is a luxury!

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Now, this cat has created for themselves a very beautiful

coat out of it - a Vivienne Westwood style covering.

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And he's thinking, I don't know what to do now. I've had my fun.

Come and save me. I'm a cat, get me out of here!

Harry, on the other hand,

is doing something my mates often forget to do.

TOILET FLUSHES

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That cat could probably be used to tutor teenagers cos

mine don't flush it ever.

Sticking with the clean theme,

I'm pretty sure that's not the cat's toothbrush.

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This is probably the most exciting yet frustrating thing

that can happen to a cat.

His natural hunting instincts have kicked in

and he can't quite work out what's happening.

There must be nothing more joyous than to be a goldfish in a frozen

pond.

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Well, he's got some pretty smart moves.

A possible contender for Dancing On Ice? That is superb figure skating.

There was a double axeL There was a triple salchow.

Absolutely amazing from that cat. They're just multi-skilled.

Priscilla's hogging the mirror with the aim of being paw perfect.

I don't know why it kind of reminds me of sort of ballet school,

you know, where you have to dance in front of yourself to see how

you're doing. And I'm not sure what that cat thinks.

This other cat's doing exactly what I'm doing. How weird!

Imagine that cat watching TV, it's going to go,

oh, my God, I can't believe I did that!

He's lost his cool.

Cats can be choosy about their chums.

Here's one way to try to fit in.

COCKATOO MEOWS

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COCKATOO MEOWS

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I love the reaction of the kittens cos the kittens are sort

of like, shall we tell our brother that he's not like us?

COCKATOO MEOWS

I think the perfect ending would have been

if all the cats had suddenly squawked like a cockatoo.

And this pussy's practising blending in for when their club opens.

Oh, pole dancing - my favourite pastime.

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SHE SINGS

Nothing says sexy less than someone keeping their socks on.

I'm not a big fan of his trunks either.

It's style, elegance and grace.

HE GROWLS

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And it's an extra 100 quid if you want to stroke him.

Bootsy, we're going to do some stuff with you!

I'm fed up with you not earning me any money!

This cat's made his own exclusive members' club and,

if your name's not on the list, you're not coming in.

You're barred!

A game of hide and seek was ruined when one participant got hungry.

Up next, a cast of challenging cats...

If it could, the kitten would behead that dog. The head won't come off!

...power play...

...and freaky feline rescue. No, that's not me.

I'm not doing that for a cat! I love them, but mm-mm-mm!

This is the show packed with cats doing crazy things...

...especially to their closest rivals. A dog would never do that.

It would. It would.

But who is top of the naughty list when it comes to cats and dogs?

One's, you know, cunning, deadly. The other one, idiotic.

It's almost like dogs don't really exist to the cat.

But even though people think dogs are in control, I think

cats are kind of much more subtle about it.

CAT MEOWS

Cats aren't always cute and cuddly. Take Rutter.

He's weighing up the pros and cons of attacking Howie,

the other family pet.

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That dog knows something's going to happen.

The cat could be one of our daughters, right?

Winding up the dog, winding up the dog, look.

Get ready for it. Here it comes. Ready? Go on!

Now, the dog won't stand for this. I'll be very surprised if the dog...

HE LAUGHS

And that's why I prefer dogs! Come on, Bo, it's OK! Come on!

Come on down past the kitty!

But here the cat's definitely in control.

You can get past that kitty!

Come on, Bo! Bo, come on! Come on, Bo!

DOG WHINES

Bo! Bo, come on!

Bo! Bo! Come on!

For extra courage, Bo's calling in the canine community.

Come on, puppy! Fenway can do it, see?

Come on, Fenway, show him! Come on, Fenway, show him how it's done!

Come on, Bo!

Come on, Bo! Come on!

Humans to the rescue!

Rosie's also got a rival. Her plan is to just...

...shut them out.

Get out of here!

The cat knows exactly what it's doing - exactly!

Cats are super-smart.

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Actions speak louder than words.

THEY LAUGH

Cats think they're top dogs. Take this kitten.

It's teaching that dog a lesson in power and pecking order.

That's quite a good double act.

We're thinking, oh, isn't it sweet? Oh, it's just a funny kitten!

But if it could, the kitten would behead that dog.

And it is trying to. It's trying to say, the head won't come off!

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Get your head out of my cat flap!

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Cats 1, dogs 0 I think there.

Who's for a bit of paw-wheel-drive? I see that Uber have branched out.

All aboard the cat-ellite cruiser!

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Think Thelma and Louise but with more fleas.

However naughty our moggies are, it doesn't stop us

from going to extraordinary lengths to show our devotion.

Needless to say, don't try this at home.

No! No, that's not me. I'm not doing that for a cat.

I love them, but mm-mm-mm! No!

You are not going down there to get your cat!

No!

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I'd argue that a cat - literally one of nature's great climbers -

is more equipped to walk back along that narrow ledge than

a slightly out-of-shape man in skinny jeans, but I could be wrong.

Unbelievably stupid thing to do, to walk along that ledge like that!

And then to carry the cat back!

Why not go next door and say, excuse me?

My cat's on your balcony.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media