Original subtitles

For you.

[ Gasps ] What's this?!

Just a little something to commemorate

your first week as C.E.O.

Aww.

Okay. I'm not a tube of toothpaste.

Mer, I can't believe it!

I thought this was buried with Daddy!

It was.[ Gasps ] Gross.

I love it! Thank you!

[ Electricity crackles ][ Clank ]

Neodymium, a rare-earth magnet.

- People will be impressed. - How impressed?

Uh, I mean, you know...

[ Electricity crackles ][ Clank ]

So, ready to do this?

Our first time paying the employees together?

I daresay I've never been readier.

It's payday, bitch!

[ Gasps ] I was talking to myself.

I wasn't calling you a... Payday!

Payday!

- Hup! - Hey, go! Whoop!

- Hyah! - Hoop!

-Hup! -Whoop! -Next!

Whoo! Hup!

Whoa-dee-oh-dee oh-dee-oh!

Yabada-doo-boo-boo!

- Whoo! - Shake.

You got to be [bleep] kiddin' me.

I'm a senior executive at this company.

It's organic venison.

Aw, God damn it.

[ Electricity crackling ]

[ Calypsis groaning ]

[ Splat ]

[ Sarcastically ] Oh, good, Brian's back.

[ Breathing heavily ]

I saw things inside those toilet pipes, Judy...

horrific things, wonderful things.

Good thing I had the GoPro.

[ Music plays ][ Electricity crackles ]

Your pen zapped my Pro!

And you only worked half a week, so giddyup.

[ Rapping ] Who's the girl that saves the world?

Hey!

[ Rapping ] Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

Birdgirl!

Oh, something else to sign.

I'll make space right here.

Nah, I can sign that one solo.

But if you have to sign everything I sign,

why don't I have to sign everything you sign?

I'm your backup so you don't make any mistakes.

Well, what if you make a mistake?

Why don't you need backup?

[ Chuckling ] Sorry.

[ Laughing ]

Okay. [ Chuckles ]

[ Clears throat ] I'm a mindtaker.

I don't make mistakes.

And you're ...dy, so you're always ...dy-ing.

What the [bleep] does that mean?!

[ Chuckles ] Am I sensing some anger?

No anger.

[ Electricity crackles ][ Clang ]

Nope. None. Not one bit.

[ Chuckling ] Hey, guys.

As fourth-wave feminists, how about we support each other,

and commemorate said support by signing this important

financial document, right here?

He's right.

And as a woman who supports other women,

I'd like to empower Judy to chill the [bleep] out.

And I want to be a fierce advocate of Meredith

getting off my jock.

Man: Stop fighting!

Both: We're not fighting!

And since we're not, maybe I'll let you not cool down

while I take some not space to read that New Yorker article

about a giant earthquake that's going to...

[clears throat]... decimate the Pacific Northwest, or whatever.

If I'm late on my court-ordered restitution payments, I don't...

- Everyone out, now! - Yep.

[ Basket contents rattling ]

What is that?

It's a congrats gift from some dude... another C.E.O.

I wonder how he does it.

I bet he starts at the "C."

Um, can I get you something... some hot tea...

English breakfast, chamomile, neem, oolong, po cha.

Oh, whatever you think is best, Gillian.

Really and truly?

Whatever I think is...

What?

...best?

Can you leave now?

Whatever I think is best.

[ Gasps ]

Best. Best. Hmm.

Best. Best... B-E-S-T, best.

Best. Best.

Ugh, I can't believe Meredith, thinking I need her help!

Ugh!

Everyone needs help.

- Aah! - Whee!

What are you?

I'm Share Bear.

[ Electronic music plays ]

It all spins.

Will you be my Share Mate, Judy?

I cast you down to the flames of...

No!

Let me explain.

I'm Share Bear, your personal Thera-Bear.

I can help you with your problems.

I'm listening.

It sounds like you're fighting with your best friend.

Tickle me for "yes."

Ugh, Meredith. Yes.

You got to tickle me.[ Scoffs ]

[ Laughs ]

Meredith thinks she's supporting you.

No, she thinks I can't do my job without her.

It sounds like you're creating a... victim narrative.

You're right. I am a victim.

That's not really what I meant.

That's okay, because that's what I heard.

Four internal microphones, visual data processing.

Impressive.

[ Buzzer ] Whee!

Gillian!

Can you get me Etan Delvay?

Ugh! Where is she?

[ Soft music plays ]

Gillian: You're the best. I'm the best.

I'll show her.

Where's the buzzer?

[ Singing in Japanese ]

- Judy? - Aah!

Nice to meet you.

I... like your office.

Very... minimal.

It's not real.

[ Beep ]

[ Crowd cheers ]

Ow!

That felt really real.

Then it was... to you.

[ Electricity crackles ]

I'm real. The stapler isn't.

[ Whistle blows ]

Am I real?

[ Whistle blows ] Ow!

You're being held back by your company.

Not by my company, by Meredith. Ugh.

I was like you once.

Everything was built to say "no" to me.

So I chucked it all,

and it's been one big "yes" ever since.

Tickle me for "yes."

[ Laughs ]

Share Bear brings affordable mental healthcare to all.

It listens, learns,

and gives the most optimal feedback it can,

all while keeping your information private

and stored locally.

Your secrets are in my tummy.

[ Laughs ]

Judy, our job is to take big swings,

and we start with Share Bear.

It's not too late to be the you you dream about.

- "We"? - Yes.

Because the one thing I don't have is...

Factories?

...hundreds of disgruntled, miserable employees

to test the Share Bears on.

Oh, my God, I've got so many of those!

Together, we'll put mental healthcare

within arm's reach of everyone.

Is this the power input?

That's my poo chute.

[ Laughs ]

Etan: For years, I struggled with social anxiety.

I stayed shut in.

I only connected to the world through computers.

Hmm.

Nobody told me there was a meeting.

I called it, as C.E.O.

Well, isn't that great for you.

The thought of getting up in front of all of you...

You've got this.

Yes. And that's why I devoted my life

to making Share Bear a reality.

[ Theme music plays ]

[ Laughing ]

Judy, you can't jump into an investment like this.

We don't know anything about the tech world,

or mental health, or...

Share Bear... this guy.

[ Laughing ]

She's got a point. We're an old-school company.

We make practical things... coal, potash, porn...

things people can touch.

So, it's not porn, but it is exactly the kind of business

we should be in.

Etan is a decent, albeit odd, man who's devoted his life

to bringing goodness to the world,

and we can be a part of that dream.

[ Laughs ]

I'm so confident in this deal, I'll stake my reputation on it.

[ Chuckles ]

Yeah, uh, we'll need a little more than that

for the display case, Judy.

You can't put that in a bowl.

We're so confident, Judy will stake 20% of her stock

in Sebben & Sebben on it.

Uh, I will? [ Chuckles nervously ]

Wait. Jude, let's talk about this.

Deal![ Sighing ] Oh.

Damn, I love a good bet.

I'm legally obligated to tell you, if this goes to [bleep],

you forfeit the stock.

Sign right there.

Oh, my, only one signature needed.

We'll hold your stock as collateral...

ri-i-i-ght...

over here.

[ Singing softly in Japanese ]

Psst. Um, hi. Sorry.

I don't want to interrupt the process.

Um, just, like, ballpark, when do you think I'll be able

to hit the road?

[ Train horn blows ]

Jude, slow down.

Let's talk about this.

Don't you think it's a little weird Etan completely spoke

for you at that meeting?

And you're worried because that's your job?

Whoo! Burn!

Even a Thera-Bear loves a good burn.

You know the board's holding 20% of your stock.

If this tanks, you lose it,

and they can overrule you on all your decisions.

It's super easy to judge when you're second in command,

but my name's on this company.

I made a decision.

Ow!

[ Share Bears laughing ]

Mer, as Birdgirl, I've been trying to save

the world one person at a time.

But as C.E.O., I have a shot

at improving the lives of millions of people.

Can't we be post-not-fighting?

Yes, we can't... not... totally.

You're wrong about Etan.

You'll see at the launch party.

Sorry, you already planned a launch party?

I still sense tension.

How did your families communicate anger?

Both: Shut up, Share Bear.

Etan: When I first met Judy, I thought this partnership

was too good to be true, because Sebben & Sebben

has the highest suicide rate of all Fortune 1,000 companies.

Man: Where's our paychecks?!

All this beautiful pent-up rage makes Sebben & Sebben

the perfect launch pad for a revolutionary new product.

[Sing-songy] Behold, the first Share Bear.

- Yeah! - [ Laughs ]

Anyway, the Share Bear!

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Sure, I've been fortunate.

Brian: Always had a job with constant promotions

and a benefits package.

Things just always seem to work out for me.

Maybe because I'm such a good person.

That's very good, Brian, but it sounds like

you're holding something back.

Nothing gets past you, does it, ya helpful bastard?

I'll give you 5 openness points.

5?! Okay!

I murdered Scot with one "T."

I can't eat or sleep.

My golf game's gone to [bleep]!

Confessing to the authorities is a good first step.

[ Chuckling ] Look at this little guy.

He even has a sense of humor.

Don't ever joke about that.

I will gut you from stem to stern.

That... That's your stern, right?

That's my bum button.

[ Laughs ]

It's weird.

Partly, I'm worried about my unsigned paycheck,

but I guess what I'm really afraid of is money defining me.

[ Chuckling ]

Listen to me, going on and on and on about myself.

How are you doing?

Oh.

Nobody's ever asked me that.

W-W-W-What?!

You have never shared?

But you're a Share Bear.

[ Gasps ] I volunteer to eat your pain.

Can you back up a tad?

You're in my personal space

Am I?

Or do you want to go to that place?

Do you want to go past the scary, past the ugly,

behind the convenience store,

Mom left you in a running car while she went on a date?

Share with me.

[ Beeping ]

Share with me. S-S-Share.

[ Pop ]

[ Thud ]

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Don't let another author tell your story, Jessica.

Oh, everyone is loving these little [bleep].

Share Bear: Tell me about your father.

Morale's never been better.

I am so proud of you, Jude.

Thanks, Chaz.

See, Mer, Ete is a genius.

That's not short for Etan, is it?

See he's a genius.

Ugh. He sure is... something.

Wednesday fritters!

And the fritters are amazing!

You've got to get on board with this bear thing.

But it means overcoming years of my natural inclination

to [bleep] on things.

That's called coprophilia.

I can help.

Etan just seems too good to be true.

[ Laughs ]

Why don't you just find out.

Invite him out to a nice lunch,

and then, when nobody's looking,

take a little stroll through his brainpan to see if he's legit.

Bwee-yoop.

It's not "bwee-yoop."

It's... Oh, forget it.

Aw, Thursday is fritters day.

I'd like a wine spritzer.

Nothing for the bear. He's driving.

[ Laughs ]

[ Mindtake dial beeping ]

Mind if I take a look around?

I live my life as a "yes."

[ Chuckling ] Oh.

I'm gonna enjoy this.

[ Beep ]

[ Scatting ]

We're a shoeless household.

Judy may trust you, but I don't,

so I'm nosing around for the real dirt.

Relax.

It'll feel like you're inside of a grilled-cheese sandwich.

Bwee-oop!

[ Snoring ]

Let's see what you're hiding up in that piece, Mr. Delvay.

Nope. Nope. Nope.

My God, does he never leave his apartment?

Wait a second.

Yep.

Yes. I knew it.

Now, how to show Judy all this?

Totally uncrackable.

The only way to access the info is, head turn right, arm, knee,

bend elbow, grab, shake around, thumb up hoo-hah.

[ Singing ] Caring, shar... [ Tape rewinding ]

Etan: Yes, Dog With Bucket Hat, I've sent the wire transfer,

so you can move that 20% of Judy's stock

right over to my account.

I [bleep] knew it.

He's plotting to take over the company.

Got to get that dude's bear.

[ Singing in Japanese ]

Yes.

A million times, yes.

Y-e-s. Y-e-s. [ Chuckles ]

[ Train horn blows ]

Etan: Hmm.

Bear goes on the belt.

[ Imitates beeping ]

You're free to go.

[ Chuckles ]

He's gone.

I don't even know why you wanted his bear.

They're trash. I've broken, like, 10.

[ Sighs ] I don't really give a [bleep], Paul.

Let's see if this gets you to talk.

Head turn, right arm, knee bend, elbow grab,

shake it 'round, thumb up hoo-hah.

Share...

Yes, Dog With Bucket Hat, I've sent the wire transfer...

Bingo.

...of Judy's stock right...

[ Tape rewinding ]

[ Singing ] Sharing. All bears share.

What the hell did I do?

Sharing...

Paul: So, how are you? And I don't mean that as a platitude.

Okay, is that what I sound like?

Gross.

[ Singing ] All bears share.

Sharing.

- [ Singing ] Sharing. - [ Singing ] Sharing.

But I never make mistakes.

[ Singing ] Sharing.[ Tape rewinding ]

So, there's this guy Dave who's so bland and soft and milky.

I have this creepy fantasy he actually shows up in my office

in espadrilles and a welding mask.

Aaah!

I'm not quite sure where this goes.

You leave my office, and I pretend this never happened.

What are espadrilles?

[ Singing ] Sharing...[ Tape rewinding ]

[ Judy singing ]

People have told me I have a good voice.

What people?

[ Clatter ]

Guys, we all have them. Lance has one.

Lance, buddy, tell them. Tell them!

What's wrong with lipstick, huh?

Guys. Guys! Don't leave while it's weird!

[ Soft music plays ]

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Dismiss.

Brian: My golf game's gone to [bleep]

I've been anonymously sending his family all my loose change,

but even that hasn't helped.

I could see Scot with one T's life force draining from him.

The more he pleaded with me...

[ Clatter ]

...the more I hated him.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

I don't know what's wrong!

What's wrong?

I staked my reputation on you and your bears,

and now, both are worthless.

Jude, I got his bear to talk.

Etan: You can move that 20% of Judy's stock right over to my account.

He tricked you into signing over your stock

so he could wrest control of Sebben & Sebben from you.

How could you?!

How did you crack my bear?

What did they do to you, baby boy?

You know the thing... elbow grab,

shake it 'round, thumb up ass.

You overrode their data-encryption settings!

This is your fault!

How about we all take it down a notch?

And later, we will be revisiting you stealing 20% of my stock.

It's really not what it seems, Judy.

I really trusted you, you know?

You and me, changing the world.

Brian, you're lurking.

I know you invented the Share Bear,

and on behalf of everyone at Sebben & Sebben,

I'd just like to say...

jump.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

[ Shouting stops ]

[ Indistinct shouting resumes ]

I don't know about you people,

but I told my bear some dark [bleep].

And what do Share Bears do?

They share... with the world!

Man: Yeah!

[ Clears throat ]

They'll leave the building, and everyone will know our secrets.

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Brian: Thanks, broom guy.

No bear shall pass that threshold!

- Yeah! - Whoo!

Uh, except him.

Hey, Dave, can you go get your Goddamn bear?

I'm gonna be the bigger person,

and say this isn't all your fault.

Another way of putting that is...?

It's not your fault at all.

I was just trying to protect you.

I don't need it, Mer.

I blew my shares, but at least it was my decision.

You're right.

I know your name's on the company.

And you know I support you no matter what.

Toothpaste.

[ Electricity crackles ][ Clank ]

Why are we stuck togeth... oh, magnetic pen.

You wear underwire bras, too? [ Gasps ]

Have you been to Jeanette's?

Where the alphabet starts at "D."

Ugh!

[ Electricity crackles ]

[ Share Bear laughs ]

Mer, get the Birdteam.

Aah!

It's not that bad.

Really.

[ Soft music plays ]

Hey, guys.

It's me, Meredith, in y'all's head!

Bwee-yoop, mother[bleep].

Paul, you round them up, and drive them towards Charlie.

Charlie, you trap them in the front entrance.

Birdcat, guard the flank, and make sure none of them

get out the side door.

Birdteam, go!

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Come on, little ones.

Come to Daddy Bear.

[ Share Bears laughing ]

Neodymium, go!

Meredith: You don't have to tell it to go.

I like saying "go."

[ Grunting ]

♪

[ Crowd gasps ]

[ Crowd screaming ]

Rent! Yes!

[ Inhales deeply ]

Before I go, I'd like to propose direct deposit.

Next!

[ Soft music plays ]

Huh. I thought I said "coffee."

Coffee. [ Sighs ]

I see, coffee. [ Chuckles ]

[ Basket contents rattling ]

Who sent the congrats gift?

Etan: "Dearest Judy, you're the only one who ever believed in me...

so much that you risked 20% of your company.

I bought your stock just to give it back to you.

Friends forever, Etan."

Um, gulp.

[ Monitoring beeping ]

I'm coming for you.

I'm coming for you, Judy-y!

[ Rapping ] Who is the girl that saves the world?

Hey! Birdgirl!

Wings of fire, you need that girl.

Hey! Birdgirl!

Who's the one they came to see?

Hey! Birdgirl!

Oh, this is so unique.

Hey! Birdgirl!

Birdgirl! Hey!

[ Imitating fanfare ]

Announcer: Made in Georgia.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0