All language subtitles for Barbershop32016

RADIO JOCKEY: Yes, sir, it's Cayman Kelly
stretching and yawning,

and wishing you a good morning!

Right now, it's about
55 degrees and cloudy,

and I want everybody
to have a blessed day

and do what you can to love yourself
and love one another.

Peace, Chicago. Let's do this!

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

CALVIN: Dear Chicago,

the world knows you as
the birthplace of the skyscraper,

deep dish pizza,

Don Cornelius,

Kanye West,

and the home of the Cubs, Bulls,

and undisputed queen
of daytime television,

Oprah.

And of course, yours truly.

But to me, you're much more than that.

You're the place that raised me,

the place I call home.

And I'll never forget what you gave me.

My first kiss,

with mean-ass Shonda Wilkins.

- (BELL RINGING)
- (BOYS CLAMORING)

My first fight...

And first ass-whooping
from Boobie Monroe.

(EXCLAIMING)

And of course, my first love,
my wife, Jennifer,

who gave me the greatest gift
a man could ever ask for...

My son, Jalen Palmer.

(PANTING)

(SCOFFING)

CALVIN AND RASHAD: Yeah.

You know how we do.
South Side Chicago, baby!

South Side, baby.
Yes, sir, 79th Street all day.

- Yes, sir.
- It don't stop.

TERRI: I just wanna say thank you.

CALVIN: For what?

For introducing me to Rashad.

Ah, y'all gonna be divorced in a minute.

- Oh.
- (LAUGHS)

No, I'm just playing with you.

CALVIN: Not to mention,

lifelong friendship

and family.

- (PEOPLE CHEERING)
- And the birth of a new era.

CROWD: (CHANTING)
Yes, we can! Yes, we can!

CALVIN: So I hope you know
it's out of love that I say this.

But recently,

things ain't been the same
between me and you.

- (GUNSHOTS)
- (SIREN WAILING)

Lately, you've been out of control.

REPORTER: At least 24 people
were shot and injured.

Police believe most shootings
were gang-related.

CALVIN: And I'm not the only one
that feels this way, Chicago.

We've just gone to a new low.
When you now...

There used to be a day
when there was a code.

You didn't kill children.
You didn't kill mothers.

You didn't kill grandmothers.
There is no boundary.

Children are dying in the street.

(VOICE BREAKING)
We have to stop the violence.

CALVIN: The streets are talking.

They're tired.

- They're angry.
- (EXHALES)

(SIREN WAILING)

RADIO ANNOUNCER:
WBBM news time, 6:32.

FEMALE NEWS READER:
Violence on Chicago's streets

took no holiday for the long weekend.

Police say at least
eight people were killed,

at least 20 others wounded
in shootings since Thursday.

That's an increase over
last year's holiday weekend

that saw five killed and 14 wounded.

EDDIE: Oh, Lord.

Hey, Eddie. What's up, man?

Calvin, I messed up this time, man.

I'm telling you. I did something wrong.

What?

There's a bunch of them Gangster Disciples
down there on the corner,

with their pants hanging
all around their ankles.

And I told them how they was a bunch
of conjugal visits gone bad.

And they're coming down here.
They're coming after me, Calvin.

- I need the strap!
- Strap?

I need the heat! Where's the heater?

Ain't no heat in here, man.

(STUTTERS) The gun! The gat!

There ain't no gun in this shop.

So we ain't got no gun?

They're about to come in here with AKs

and 47s and Desert Eagles,

and we got nothing but witch hazel!

Eddie. Are you serious?
Because I don't see nobody.

- Here they come!
- (EXCLAIMS)

- Where?
- Come on!

Come on, Calvin! Come on!

- CALVIN: Shit!
- Oh, man.

- Shit, man.
- (BANGING ON DOOR)

(WHISPERING)
What are we gonna do?

(PANTING)

You know what, I talked my way into this,

maybe I can talk my way out of it.

Man, we can go out the back.
Let's just go out the back!

I can't run, Calvin. I'm old.

- Let's go.
- I'm just gonna talk to them.

They're young boys,
and I'm gonna talk to them.

Listen, you're not going out there!

Let me get something. Just wait.

Calvin! Don't.

There we go.

EDDIE: Let's be reasonable.

Everybody just calm down.
Let me just talk to you.

- Everybody stay cool-headed.
- Shit.

- Hey! Hey! Hey!
- EDDIE: Just give me one of--

Leave that man alone! Black lives matter!

He's old and decrepit!

Pedro, Feliz Navidad.

Eddie.

You want some?

- Man.
- I got you. (CHUCKLES)

I'm tired of this, Eddie.

- (LAUGHS)
- (MOCKING)

(CLATTERS)

That sandwich was hand-crafted.

(ALL LAUGHING)

EDDIE: And you should have heard!

"Black lives matter!"

"Eddie, don't go out there,
they're gonna kill ya!"

He was quivering like
Terrence Howard at the Oscars.

See, Eddie, that's your problem.

You play too damn much, man.

One day, somebody gonna be
chasing your ass for real.

You know what I'mma do?
I'mma let them catch you.

Oh, okay, okay.

You know the rules, baby boy.

If you like it, you pay.

If you don't like it,
your ass pay anyway.

Nice. Nice.

Well, Isaac,

it's good running into you again.

Man, she know
she ain't never ran a day in her life.

(SNICKERS)

You gonna call me, right?

- Oh, uh-huh.
- (GIGGLES)

You crazy.

All right. Ow.

Yes!

All right, Soror.
Girl, I'll talk to you later.

BREE: Bye.

WOMAN 1: You know you my girl and--

ISAAC: All right, baby girl.

- See you around.
- (CHUCKLES)

Damn!

What happened to the barbershop, Calvin?

I used to come here
to get away from women.

Especially the ones I'll never ever
wanna see again as long as I live.

You know you love the ladies,
especially the sisters.

Yeah, it's true, I like the sisters. I do.

Just not that one.

But homegirl in a catsuit,
though, she could get it.

What's good, ma?

Not you, pa.

(SCOFFS) What them
pockets do, little daddy?

You can come over here
and frisk me if you like.

- (EXCLAIMS)
- (WOMEN CHUCKLE)

Now, I'm gonna keep it
real here for a second.

This was a male sanctuary.

This is the original man cave.

And now, it's just a club,

with the lights on, and no drinks.

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

Yo, Isaac. It is what it is, man.

The recession ain't never
left the South Side.

Joining forces saved us both.

- Well, change is good.
- Mmm-hmm.

Everyone be well. Good seeing y'all.

- I'll see you around again soon.
- Later.

Bye.

Peace. Good luck with everything.

Send me some pictures.

Guychat. Guybarber. Snapchat.

Hit me up anytime you want.
I'mma see you later.

He swear he cute.

A'ight, don't get nothing on you now.

EDDIE: Look at him. He gonna chase her.

Watch him. Watch him go.

ISAAC: Hey, Aisha!

- (ALL LAUGHING)
- I told you!

Y'all see that one?

He like them big like that.

Eddie, not cool.

Go on back to your seat,
Poetic Injustice.

(MEN LAUGHING)

- What up?
- What up, pimpin'?

What up, G-ball?

EDDIE: What's hangin', Rashad?

What up, J, Bree, Angie?

- Hey, Rashad.
- Morning, Rashad.

- CALVIN: Hey, yo, boy.
- Cal, what up?

- What's up with you, man?
- You good?

- Good, I'm good.
- A'ight.

ANGIE: Seriously.

Your girl does need to be careful

wearing all of that
red and gold down 79th.

Yeah, man. The Vice Lords don't play that.

You can't just wear their colors
and walk down the street unchecked.

Man, the streets is crazy right now.

I damn near got robbed the other day.

I did get robbed the other day.

What? Man, I got robbed twice
on the same day on the same block.

That ain't shit.

Last week, I got robbed twice

and got my ass beat by the second robber

for giving all my money to the first.

She wasn't playing.

I've been living on
the South Side since '52.

I've been robbed,
been shot, been stabbed.

Hell, been stoned, been groped,

and almost lynched twice.

Nobody tried to lynch your musty ass.

The only reason I'm still here
is because the first time,

they didn't know how to tie the knot.

So I just slipped right out.

And second time,

the tree was too short.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Hey, Calvin, I finished reorganizing
that supply closet.

You want me to sweep before I go?

- No, man.
- You sure?

No. No, go on ahead to school.

- You sure, man?
- Yeah, man, positive.

- Here you go.
- Man, I appreciate that for sure.

I appreciate it, too.

- I'm gonna see you again next week.
- Okay.

- Take care, Angie.
- CALVIN: You be careful out there.

- Bye, Anthony.
- All right, y'all.

- All right, man. Thanks!
- All right, Chris Beige.

Now, don't get robbed.

(SCOFFS) Oh, you a trip.

EDDIE: Rashad, your son's here!

Hey, what up, everybody? Hey, Angie.

EDDIE: There you go, double trouble.

- JALEN: What's up, Eddie?
- Good.

Hey, what's up, Dad? How's everything?

Pretty good.
Shouldn't you two be at school by now?

Yeah, we on our way.

I just stopped by because
I need to borrow $20.

(SCOFFS)

Dad, come on, I need it.

Angie, you got 20 bucks?

Oh, yeah, I got 20.

- Yo, Rashad, you got a dub on you?
- Yes, sir. What up, son?

Does everybody in here that's working...

KENNY: What up, Dad?

...got at least $20
in their pocket or purse?

- EMPLOYEES: Yeah, I do.
- Indeed, I do.

Uh, I had $20, but I got robbed.

That was serious, I ain't make that up.

That bitch was swole.

Not now, Dante. Not now.

Do you know what all these
people got in common?

They old?

- EDDIE: Hold on now.
- Hey!

Hey, Dad!

You know, you ain't too grown
to get your butt whooped.

Cal, you want me to take
care of this for you?

- No, I got this.
- Okay.

Relax, Adrian Peterson.

It's 2016, not 1816.

You can't pull kids pants down and spank
their bottoms until it turns red.

It's illegal and a little creepy.

Ain't nobody talking
about that Catholic school you went to.

- Do I look like Father Flanagan?
- (SNAPS)

When I was growing up,
ass whippings were like meals,

- and I was well-fed.
- DRAYA: Hey, Kenny.

So, can we maybe get back to the $20?

Whatever happened to you coming around

after school every now and then
and helping out?

(CLICKS TONGUE) Dad, come on. You know
I'm busy with homework and basketball.

We've been busy with work.

It's a simple equation, son.

You don't work, you don't get paid. Okay?

This ain't The Oprah Show.
You don't just show up and get free gifts.

A'ight.

And I better not find out that
you're late to that school.

(SIGHS) Told you, man.

Hey, Kenny.

I seen that.

- Put it back.
- MAN: Wow.

CALVIN: I saw you, Kenny.

Those candy bars
are a dollar apiece, if you want one.

I'm not playing.

If not, I'mma assume you took 50
and I'm taking it out your pop's paycheck.

And he don't make that much.

Not to put your business out there,
but Terri does make more.

(WHISTLES)

Put it back.

RAJA: Busted!

- (SCOFFS)
- Everybody, check your wallets.

JERROD: He got sticky fingers.

- Y'all have a blessed day.
- Shut up!

CALVIN: "Have a blessed day"?

He said, "Have a blessed day."

I mean, why your dad's
gotta be so stingy?

Thinking he teaching lessons
and dropping knowledge.

That shit is annoying.

For real, bro.

Him and your dad,

always talkin' out
the sides of their face.

Talking about how they repping 79th,

all that nonsense,
South Side, all that stupid shit.

Stupid shit.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

What's up, G?

What size is them Jordans?

They my size. That's what size they are.

You think you got heart, huh?

Well, guess what, little nigga.
Hearts ain't bulletproof.

Hey, why don't y'all just keep moving?

Y'all out of your neighborhood anyway.

Nigga, what you talking about?

Y'all know our crew
run this whole neighborhood.

We run this whole shit.

Hey, yo, shorty, run them kicks.

Man, y'all niggas ain't shit.

Yeah, I said it.

Nigga, this our block. You know that.

Unless you really wanna do it.

(GUNS COCKING)

We out.

BOY 1: All right.

YUMMY: Yeah, I thought so.

Yeah, keep it pushing.

Get out of here, man.

Bitch-ass nigga.

Yo, thanks, Yummy.

Ain't nothing.

What's up, J?

Heard you balled out this season.

Hey, you know, trying to do my thing.

Man, Coach already talking about
bumpin' him up to varsity next year.

Word? That's good, man.
Keep putting in work.

You know, that's how you
get to the big leagues,

like D-Rose and D-Wade.

Y'all need anything though?
Y'all straight?

We cool.

I got somethin' for y'all, man.

I know how it be, being a little homie.
You know?

I know y'all cool, be cooler.

Ben Frank style.

Gotta keep the little homies fresh,
you feel me?

Yo, thanks, Yummy.

Y'all gonna be family soon anyway, right?

- Fo' sho?
- Yeah.

There's a lot more where that came from.

- So get used to it.
- All right, Yummy.

- I'll holler at you, J.
- All right.

Yo!

WOMAN: Girl, keep the change.

- DRAYA: You like it?
- Mmm-hmm.

Damn, I see you
getting that chop over there, girl.

Yes, I am.

How much you charge for them weaves?

Well, it depends.
'Cause if you wanna be basic-ass

No, No, No Destiny's Child Beyoncé,

that's gonna cost you, like, $200.

If you wanna be like,
you know, Cater 2 U Beyoncé,

that's gonna cost you, like, $600.

And if you wanna be
Beyoncé featuring Jay Z...

- Boom, boom.
- Mmm.

That's gonna cost you, like, a stack.

I can't believe y'all
spend all that money on weaves anyway.

Next thing you know, you gonna be just

high-jacking and robbing
Puerto Ricans for their hair.

Eddie, the only hair
getting stolen around here is Indian hair.

It's lush, it's beautiful,

and it's infused with coconut oil
right out the womb, okay?

That's why all y'all want it.

Man, I can't believe
y'all put all that money on your heads,

and then don't be having
no money for your rent.

Excuse you, this is how I pay my rent.

Exactly.

'Cause with this hair and this booty,

it's like walking around
with a black AmEx.

- (MARQUITA CHUCKLES)
- And I never get denied.

I bet you don't.

Y'all in here complaining
about our weaves,

but y'all negroes know good and well

that you'd drop-kick Lupita
to get to Kim Kardashian.

- Even the non-negroes.
- Mmm-hmm.

Oh, especially the non...

(SOFTLY) Can I say negroes?

Carefully, very carefully.

Say it slow so we can
hear all the syllables.

Mmm-hmm.

Just be remorseful when you say it.

Cool. Negroes.

As the only non-negro
in the room, I'd like to say,

Lupita's got a Dark Caesar,
and it's one of my most requested cuts.

DANTE: Lupita?

Man, don't nobody want
no bald head chick in real life.

Even Kanye got rid of Amber
for Kim's sexy ass.

Every day, y'all in here complaining
about fake weaves and fake asses,

but all the girls that
you like on Instagram have exactly that.

Fake weaves and fake asses.

- No offense, Draya.
- None taken, girl.

We winning and y'all ain't.

I mean, but that's what dudes want,
they want that fantasy.

Yeah, a fantasy that you still expect us
real women to live up to.

What? Men are visual, all right?
What's the problem?

Oh, and women aren't?

I mean, you don't think we want some nice,
thick, sexy lips to suck on,

and some nice big broad shoulders,

and a dick print that
you can see from here to the Sears Tower?

- Preach.
- (WOMEN EXCLAIMING)

Mmm.

CALVIN: Hey, hey, hey! Hey! The language!

Watch your mouth in here.
Angie, get your girl.

Oh. Sorry, Mr. Cal.

You know what the
whole problem with your generation is?

You don't know how to do nothing,
need to learn a skill.

Learn how to mop a floor.

You know what I'm saying? Iron.

Your phone die,
you wouldn't know how to spell a sentence.

(MEN LAUGHING)

- Smart phone, dumb girls!
- (LAUGHS)

Learn how to cook a decent meal,
for goodness' sake.

Look, some of them
don't even know how to microwave.

Had a girl come over
to my house last week,

went into my kitchen,
thought mine was a safe.

(MEN LAUGHING)

I bet that shit was empty.

(EXCLAIMS) Ooh.

And I can't believe you, Eddie.

I can't believe that you
expect your visual fantasy

to actually mop and iron
for your old ass?

You come over to my house,
you better know how to clean and iron.

Only thing gonna be
wrinkling around my house

is my forehead when I say,
"Bitch, what?"

(MEN LAUGHING)

You need manners.

EDDIE: Yeah, Angie.
BREE: Please!

It doesn't matter how much a woman tries
to live up to your fantasies.

Doesn't matter if a woman tries to wash
your crusty-ass drawers every night.

Doesn't matter if she
fixes him a special batch of vegan chili,

even though chili
is supposed to have meat in it!

Everybody knows that chili has meat in it!

That's what it is, it doesn't matter,

because he's still gonna
wake up one morning

and leave your ass
for some chick on Instagram!

Who had sex with you
and didn't appreciate it?

Vegan chili is delicious.

Trust me on this, ladies.

The only man that you can
trust is the one up above.

CALVIN: Come on, Bree.

That dude, Ronnie,
he was just a bad apple.

DRAYA: If you and your man
had something real,

it wouldn't have mattered
how bad the Instagram ho was.

She wouldn't have
been able to come between y'all.

Not even for Jamaicanthickthighs24?

- (MAN EXCLAIMING)
- Jerrod.

Ass so fat you can see it from the front.

- Let me see.
- Send me that.

- Yeah, right there.
- Oh, there is a God.

- Smell that.
- It's not scratch-and-sniff.

JERROD: Ass cheeks so separated...

You know what, ladies?

For years it has been a war,

with the good girls and the hoes,

and the hoes have officially won.

- Go, hoes!
- (CHUCKLES)

Love me some hoes.
I can't live without hoes.

I gotta have them.

(SING-SONG) Hoes know what to do
and when to do it!

CALVIN: Wait. Wait. Hold up!

You girls keep complaining
about the chauvinistic talk in the shop,

but y'all do the same thing in reverse.

Each one of y'all want a super thug

that can hold his own
on the yard at the Cook County jail,

that's got three degrees from
Harvard and making six figures.

You know it.

Meanwhile, you pass up
corny dudes like Jerrod every day.

DANTE: Mmm. Exactly.

Don't no woman want no moist
Duncan Hines-ass dude like Jerrod.

- No.
- Jerrod's like boiled okra.

He's just green, stringy,

just completely unappetizing
to the human palate.

- (CHUCKLES)
- JERROD: Wow.

Such kind words, you guys.
I really appreciate it.

Uh. A couple things.

First of all, I'm standing right here.
I can hear you.

- And second of all--
- (GASPS)

Baller alert!

No, he did not just pull up
in a Maserati, girl!

WOMAN: Is that L. Rock from the Bears?
Oh, my God.

DRAYA: He just got a $47 million contract.

Thirty-five guaranteed
and four with incentives.

Craig came by here 20 minutes ago
looking for you.

Okay, thanks, Cal. I'll text him.

Hey, babe.

I need you to pick up Maya
from school today, too.

I just squeezed in another
last-minute appointment and I can't do it.

Yeah, I see.

Come on, babe, please.

I got an appointment, too.

- Can't Kenny do it?
- I asked Kenny.

He said he was too busy,
which is really funny,

because I don't know
what a 15-year-old could be busy doing

other than drinking up all my goddamn
apple juice and dirtying up the house.

Oh, that's easy, they masturbate a lot.

What? They do.

I mean, I was 15.

I was 15 this morning. Am I right, Raja?

Don't touch me with that hand.
Don't touch me in general.

Come here, let me get your beard.

That's all? Whoa. Really?

So you playing celebrity barber
and I'm Mr. Mom now?

You're the one who said you wanted to
spend more time with Maya and Kenny,

- so what's the problem?
- Some time.

Half your clients was mine to start.

TERRI: Oh, you complaining now?

When Kenny's mom asked if he can spend
the remainder of high school with us,

I was cool with it.

But since he's been with us,
he's done nothing to help out.

Yeah, come on.

It's like we have
two toddlers in the house.

- It's a new situation.
- It's not a new situation.

It's been a year!
You're being too soft on him!

You know how long he was with his mother.

TERRI: I understand that.
CALVIN: All right, y'all.

- (BOTH CONTINUE ARGUING)
- Yo, Terri and Rashad! Yo!

Do y'all need a minute?
Because we'll all leave.

You know what? I'm gonna leave.

It's like Love & Hip Hop reunion in here.

Momma Dee and Lil Scrappy.

Terri, girl, I couldn't help but overhear.

I mean, girl, everybody could hear.

But I wanted to tell you,
and I told Rashad,

I could pick up Maya, like,
whenever you need me to.

So let me know if I can help out, girl.

In any... In any way.

TERRI: I don't need nothing
but for you to back up a few feet.

This is a private discussion
between me and my husband.

I mean, I didn't realize
it was so private

'cause, like I said,
everybody can hear y'all.

But y'all been a little bit overwhelmed,

and let me release some of that stress.

(GASPS)

Why don't you help yourself
back to your station, Draya?

Look, Terri. I got you.
I got you, baby. Come here.

My bad, girl.

Don't even get riled up like that, Terri.

- It's all good.
- TERRI: Stay in your lane.

Come on. Baby, come here, I got you.

I'll go get Maya,
you do what you gotta do.

I know we need the money, so...

Thank you.

Well, you know, when I get home later,

I'll make it up to you.

I'll do that thing you like.

Yeah, okay.

Sure you gonna be burnt out by tonight.

It's all right, though. I'll wait for
the morning for that lazy side booty.

Terri, just out of curiosity,
what is that thing that you do?

Is it something that I can Google?

Yo, Calvin, what's the Wi-Fi password?

Let me get that Lupita.

Excellent choice.

BOY'S MOTHER: You wanna act grown?

Well, now you got a grown-man haircut.

- Yeah, this gotta be some of my best work.
- BOY'S MOTHER: Mmm-hmm.

- Your friends at school gonna love this.
- EDDIE: Oh!

That's the information
super highway right there.

- (BOTH CHUCKLING)
- Let's go.

So you learned your
lesson today, didn't you?

You look good, man!
Nothin' can stop you now.

Tell Weezy I said "hey!" (CHUCKLING)

Eddie...

Tell me that ain't child abuse.

I bet you he won't
be talking back to his mama no more.

(CHUCKLING) Gave him the George Jefferson.

(EDDIE LAUGHING)

ANGIE: All right, looking good.

Hi. Who are you here to see?

Yeah, I'm here to see One-Stop.

(SIGHS) Take a number.

They all here to see One-Stop.

- Everybody?
- Yeah.

Right, right.

That's what I said.

Give me a minute, brother.

I need eight 32-inch TVs. No plasma, man.

Just LCDs, brother. You know what I mean?

I got the watches, I got the rings.

I'm doing tailoring,

I'm doing a little bit
of everything now, brother.

(CHUCKLES) Right, right, right, right.

No, I just do the measurements.

I got a little Asian lady
who puts the suit together.

She sews. I don't sew.

(LAUGHS)

Calvin, you really just gonna
let this fool come slidin' up in here

- like he run the place?
- (EXHALES)

Eddie, worry about your section.

(STAMMERING)

- Pardon me.
- (CHUCKLES)

Look here, Truck Stop, One-Stop.

Come here, son. This the barber shop.

You gotta get people in and out.
That's what we do.

You got these musty negroes
sitting around here all day,

like it's an unemployment office.

Hey, Eddie, man, look. I pay booth rent
like everybody else does in here.

Besides,

barbers don't provide the full
menu of services that I do.

Off-market medicinal remedies,

alternative documentation,

little emotional service doggies

that lick your face
and make you feel good about yourself.

(MIMICS DOG LICKING)
And they tinkle all over your shirt.

They so happy to see you.
And it makes you feel good inside.

I've been around a long time here, son.

And what all you do is sell fake ID,

nickel bags of weed,
and pit bull puppies.

Talking about a little puppy
gonna lick on somebody's face.

It sounds too freaky for me.

I don't want no puppy licking on me.

It's just not at all African-American.

Sounds very, very Caucasian.

Calvin, you really gonna
let him be up in the shop?

Like, I can't believe
he let you up in here.

(CHUCKLES)

Calvin, my man. You're my man, right?

Please tell this man, this ancient being,

this old fogey,

this dinosaur of some sorts.

Oh, keep them coming.

This negro-saurus of a man
walking around here giving us

the damn trailer to Jurassic Park,
every time we walk up in here.

(STAMMERING)

Okay, that was a good one right there.

Please tell this
50 Shades of Grey-looking ass,

am I or am I not

a intricate part of this damn shop?

He got a point, Eddie.

(STUTTERING) He got...

- (STAMMERING)
- Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

(SIGHS)

You know what? That's it for me.

Hey. But this ain't no free clinic.

I understand. And I did stop doing
the VD screenings last week.

It's done, okay? It's over.

What can I do for you, brother?

Uh. I got a itch

down there.

It's a itch that burns.

Come over here. This is the last one.

This boy burning bad,
I smell it. Come on.

- Hey, everybody!
- WOMAN: Hey, girl.

Rashad, I got your sheen spray for you.

RASHAD: Appreciate that.

Angie, this conditioner
should last you for the next two weeks.

ANGIE: Thank you, baby!

Can you help me put
these away in the back?

EDDIE: Hey, who's winning
over here, now? What's goin' on?

(SIGHING)

By a show of hands, who got a itch?

Who got a burn?

Damn.

JENNIFER: So, did you hear
Mr. Harris got shot?

- What?
- Mmm-hmm.

Are you serious? Is he okay?

I mean, he got shot, so he's not great.

But he's gonna make it.

Oh, no.

I was just in there last week
talking to his wife.

Man. She was so excited
they was getting a second location.

Was she with him?

No, thank God.

You know, he was in there by himself
closing up for the night.

Wouldn't open up the register,
so they shot him.

I don't know what's
happening out there, Calvin.

These kids have lost their damn minds.

Meanwhile, we gotta
raise Jalen in this mess.

It's not cool.

We gotta revisit that conversation.

What conversation?

About moving the shop.

You know, One-Stop found some cool
locations over there on the North Side.

Does One-Stop even know what escrow means?

You'd be surprised what One-Stop know.

And have you discussed it with Angie?

You can't make a decision about the shop
without at least talking to her first.

I wanted to talk to you first because you
know what you're gonna tell me?

(HIGH-PITCHED)
"Why did you talk to her first?"

I do not sound like that.

I don't know, Calvin.

Uprooting the shop is a big decision.

You don't think I know that?

But what else we supposed to do?

Just sit here and wait
for somethin' to happen?

We gotta explore all of our options.

(SOFTLY) Yeah.

MAN 1: I ain't got no money.

MAN 2: Let me talk to you.

WOMAN: No, I'm good.
MAN 2: Come on, baby.

Let's holler at you for a little bit.

WOMAN: You hollerin' right now,

I can hear you. I'm good.

MAN 1: Yo, who that?

Hey, what up, J.D.?

Oh, hey!

Hey, I got that tater salad for your mama!

- Come get it!
- MAN 1: All right.

(GRUNTS)

What's going on, hungry black folks?

Huh? Who wants some
non-profit Gangsta Grub?

All right. Soul food to save fools' souls.

Every delicious piece of beef
helps keep a bullet off the street.

I know that's right because
that "Who Smoked Your Okra"

was poppin' on fleek last time.

J.D.: There you go, Draya.

Did she just say "fleek"?

Don't... Don't just make up words.

There's a whole dictionary full of words.

There's a library down the street.

Webster's Dictionary.
Go in there and flip through it.

You won't see "fleek" in there, nowhere.

Draya, don't worry about that. I got some

"Don't Be So Mean" greens
in there for you today, too.

- You gonna love it.
- DRAYA: Thank you, boo-boo.

They so good, they're gonna make
a Vice Lord give a GD a foot massage.

DANTE: Nigga!

(CHUCKLING) Oh!

You are like
the Al Sharpton of the fat back.

Okay. Okay.

When are you gonna get
your own show on VH1?

Who knows, man? You know, right now,

I'm just happy
being a pillar of the community,

trying to do something good.

I mean, so, you want us to believe
that you cooked all that food yourself?

My kitchen workforce is
made up of ex-gangbangers,

who, if they didn't have this job,
would be on the street bangin'.

And you donating all the profit?

What's so hard to believe about that?

(EXCLAIMING)

What is it, Eddie? What is it?

Rashad, you might have
to shut your mouth.

This pie got me dancing a jig over here.

- DRAYA: Mmm-hmm.
- Don't be no sucker, Eddie.

Oh!

What's that, Rashad?

I got the little peanut butter
and poverty sandwich.

Did Terri cut the edges off the bread
like she does for the baby, too?

(J.D. LAUGHING)

Yo, J.D., man. This is on the up and up.

- I'm proud of you, bro.
- Oh, thanks, Calvin.

- But the name...
- What?

I'm a little concerned, man.

The name seems like
you're promoting something.

Man, I'm just promoting food.

Remember the words
of Maya Angelou, man. "Words is power."

Maya Ange-who?

I know who you're talking about.

That big booty bitch
we went to high school with,

with the lopsided titties, I remember.

Calvin, come on, man.
You know I'm just joking, man.

You know I know who Maya Angelou is.

"Still I rise."

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.

Who is this on the cover?
It looks like Mike Tyson.

ONE-STOP: Gonna be a double-breasted suit.

(GROANS) Can't win for losing.

(INDISTINCT)

(LAUGHS) Well, there he goes!
Harold Washington, Junior.

(LAUGHING)

- What up, Jimmy?
- What's up, man?

- You're lookin' good.
- Good to see you.

You know, you're the only
one that comes in here

with a suit on that ain't goin' to court.

(ONE-STOP CLEARING THROAT)

Everybody ain't tryin' to wear one of
them granny sofa suits you got.

- Guess who's back?
- Hey, Jimmy.

RASHAD: What up, bro?

EDDIE: What bring you around here?

I know you didn't come
all the way over here to the South Side

just for a line up.

Yeah. Where's your camera crew, Jimmy?

Doing a little press opp
for the mayor's office?

What, a man can't check out his old
stomping grounds on his lunch break?

- Hell, nah.
- No.

- No.
- Hell, no.

All right, you got me.

I do want to talk to you all about this
council vote that's coming up next week.

What vote?

The one about the enclosure.

- Closure?
- What enclosure?

What kind of enclosure?

The city plans to gate off 20 blocks,

with this shop essentially
right in the middle of it.

See, the idea is that
if it can control traffic,

you know, one way in, one way out,

it'll help decrease violence
in the neighborhood.

So they're just gonna
build a jail around us?

Do you know what cuttin' off these
streets is gonna do to traffic?

You're right. It might increase traffic.

But it might also decrease
violence in the neighborhood,

which would make
this shop more desirable.

That ain't gonna help us.

We'll just be a non-violent empty shop.

Exactly. And half the businesses on
this block are barely above water.

- Exactly.
- Look, y'all.

I know it's not the most ideal solution.

But you gotta acknowledge

that at least we're trying
to do something.

- No.
- Yeah. No.

Hell, no.

Look, y'all, I share the same concerns,

but something's gotta be done out here.

Do you know how many people get shot on
this block, every single week?

Do you?

'Cause we out here
dodging bullets every day,

while you downtown talkin'
about the South Side,

look like some Middle Eastern,
war-torn country in your $1,000 suit.

You know damn well
them suits ain't $1,000, boyba.

Look, Rashad, we want the same thing, man.

But the council, they're all out of
ideas just like everybody else.

That's right. Put it on us.

That's what politicians do though.

You know, they don't do their job--

All I'm doing is workin', brother.

RASHAD:...but then they want us to do it.

And then you say it's our fault, right?

Like, we the ones that don't wanna work.

- Exactly.
- EDDIE: I told you.

I mentioned this a long time ago.

Government ain't good for nothing
but giving you syphilis and flu shots.

I'm almost sure that's how I got syphilis.

That is not how you got syphilis.

- Her name was Josephine.
- (GASPS)

(STUTTERS) Would you stop
tellin' everybody's business!

(LAUGHS) That's funny.
My mom's name is Josephine.

Ah...

Wait. What...

(CLEARS THROAT)

You know, maybe
that's part of the problem. I mean...

Maybe we need to
stop waiting for the government

to step in and save us
and we need to start saving ourselves.

I mean, this is America.

Everybody has equal
opportunity to make it here.

- Really?
- (ALL SCOFFING)

- What?
- Okay.

- Oh, man.
- WOMAN: Oh...

All right. Baba ghanoush
over here lost his damn mind.

Eddie, that's bullshit.

You wanna know why I'm sarcastic?

Because every time I open my mouth

to say something real,
you gotta make fun of me.

Meanwhile, if I say you're
a watermelon-flavored fried chicken lover,

I'm a racist.

CALVIN: Hell, nah.

You'll get your ass beat.

Rashad, it was hypothetical.

There's no such thing
as watermelon-flavored fried chicken.

Not yet, Raja.

That would be stereotypically delicious.

All I'm saying is, my parents
moved here from India with nothing.

They had no money, no friends.

And their accents were so thick,

they couldn't even get bank accounts.

And somehow they made it happen.

Not to dismiss your argument here, Raja,

because it is... It is riveting.

However, there were
some "setbacks" that black people faced

that really made things
stressful for a minute there.

Slavery being at
the very top of that list.

Exactly. Your ancestors were immigrants.

Ours were imports.

- Big difference.
- RAJA: Not really.

How do you think
the West Indies happened, okay?

They took Indians,
they took black people from Africa,

they put 'em in the Caribbean,

and 200 years later, Rihanna happened.
You're welcome.

I don't like white people either. Okay?

I'm just saying, maybe y'all
should stop making excuses

and actually pick up the ball.

- Whoa!
- "Pick up the ball"?

- Basketball reference.
- That was racist, right there.

"Pick up the ball"?

WOMAN: Oh, yes.

It got real Fox News-y in here for me.

(CHUCKLES) Well, yeah,
we do be shootin' some hoop.

CALVIN: What are you talkin' about, man?

You think it's
a level playing field out here?

You think racism don't exist no more?

The President of
the United States of America is black.

The most powerful man
on the planet is black.

Just one man.

Meanwhile, only dude I have to look up to
is the guy from Big Bang Theory.

(LAUGHS) He funny. He make me laugh.

So what does that mean for the average
black dude walking down the street?

Does our president's blackness,

did it stop Trayvon Martin,
or Michael Brown,

or Walter Scott, or Tamir Rice,
or Freddie Gray from being killed?

Hell nah.

A madman walked into a Charleston church
and killed nine innocent people.

Did his blackness stop that?

Eric Garner got killed on tape
and it still didn't matter.

So what are you saying, Raja?

I'm not sayin' that stuff isn't messed up.
Because it is.

What I'm saying is,

there's never been a better time

in this country
to be a black person than right now.

Unless you Bill Cosby.

- Uh...
- (SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

I'm not doin' this school work.

If she thinks I'm really about
to do this homework tonight...

She gave us six packets.

(WHISPERING) Six packets.

Man, she must be insane.

JALEN: Yo, there go those dudes
from this morning.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

EDDIE: I used to cut
Barack's hair back in the day.

Hell, I'm the one who told
him to marry Michelle.

WOMAN: Oh!
EDDIE: He liked some other little girl.

He was gonna tell her--

Thelma Carter. With the big tongue.

Couldn't say his name.
She used to call him "Barath."

(LAUGHTER)

Michelle, now, that's different.
She got them childbearing hips.

And she can iron a shirt.

You see them arms right there? (GRUNTING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

You never touched
a hair on that man's head.

- Not one.
- Are you serious?

Hold on. Okay. All right. Okay.

Who do you think that is?
It's him before his hair turned gray.

Oh, that could be anybody.

Man, you can't tell who that is, man.

It's Barack right there.
You can tell by the ear.

- (MEN LAUGHING)
- You cannot.

(CHUCKLES) You can't see shit.

(LAUGHING) You're stupid.

You know what? Forget y'all.

- (CHUCKLES)
- Laugh all you want to.

Y'all better just leave Barack alone.
He's one of ours.

He used to be one of ours.

I mean, when was the last time you seen
Barack Obama do something for us?

And I'm not talkin'
about for the country.

I'm talkin' about for us.

Eddie, even if you don't agree,

you still gotta honor
what she's sayin', though.

- Thank you, Rashad.
- (SCOFFS)

- I can't take this anymore, man. I'm out.
- All right.

- Thanks a lot, man.
- Thank you, man.

And you need to read a newspaper.

Obama makes sure you
get all that birth control that you need.

- Excuse me?
- (LAUGHS)

And the rest of y'all,
council vote next week. Don't forget.

CALVIN: Look, I can't let y'all tear
the President down like that. All right.

The man is in an impossible situation.
Know what I'm sayin'?

- How are you?
- How you doin'?

He's not just the president
of black America.

He's the President of
the United States of America.

And personally,
I think he's doin' a great job.

You know what? The two of them just make
me believe in the sanctity of marriage.

(GROANS) I hate to be
the one to say this...

- (CHUCKLES)
- (DANTE CLEARS THROAT)

But Barack has definitely got bitches.

- (GASPS)
- Oh, yeah, he does.

- (ALL MURMURING)
- No, he has not.

Half these hoes weren't even registered
to vote before he ran for president.

WOMAN: Give me a break!

Every vote... Ass. Ass, ass, ass.
That's what it is.

Oh... You know what?
I hate to agree with Dante,

'cause it's just a bad look.

But every president has a side chick.

It's constitutional.

You know, Thomas Jefferson
had a whole plantation of side chicks.

I bet you Hillary's got a side chick.

Probably thick, too.

- (DOOR OPENS)
- (SHAVER WHIRRING)

- What's up, Terri?
- TERRI: What up, Quis?

(DOOR CLOSES)

Looks like you're on
the wrong side of town, nigga.

Boy, this whole city is mine.
These are my blocks.

And I don't see nobody out there
strong enough to take it from me.

Shit.

So what are you sayin'?

You tryin' to embarrass yourself

- and get blood on the floor.
- Embarrass myself?

No! Wait a minute! Wait, wait, wait.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on!

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on!

CALVIN: Wait a minute!

Listen! Wait! Listen!

Listen a minute! No! No! Look...

I'll blow your head off, man.

Look, not in here!

Y'all wanna kill each other,
y'all take that shit outside!

Well, let's go outside!

Calvin, what he doing here?

I booked him. I booked him.

He has a standing appointment
with me every other week.

It got messed up when he went to jail

and I didn't know Quis
was gonna be here today.

I'm sorry, y'all.

- Stupid nigga!
- Jay! Jay! Jay!

- That's what I'm doing here!
- Jay!

- Jay! Look at me.
- What you gonna do?

Look at me, Jay!

Come back in an hour.

Come back in an hour.

CALVIN: Please.

Please.

I'll take care of your bill.

On me.

I'll pay for everything,
I'll pay for your hair, man.

That's cool, Calvin.

(PANTING) All right. Thank you!

- You know me, boy.
- Thank you, man!

You a stupid nigga.

CALVIN: Come on, man.
JAY: I'm telling you!

You know what it is.

CALVIN: In an hour, man. In an hour.

(SOFTLY) I'm sorry.

- Thanks, Shad.
- It's all right.

Big boy, I'm sorry about that, man.
Misunderstanding.

We usually have that schedule
worked out a little better.

It's all good, Calvin.

(CALVIN SIGHS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

You know, I'm gonna have to
get that thing from you.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

The other one, too.

(GROANS) Oh man, I forgot about that one.

Damn shame.

Can't even go to the barbershop no more

without some knucklehead
bringin' a gun in here.

Barbershop used to be a place of peace.

MARQUIS: It's for my protection.

- From what? Some clippers?
- (EXHALES)

What the hell you
need to be bringing that in here for?

It's my constitutional right.

Nigga, spell it.

(CHUCKLES)

(EDDIE LAUGHS) Constitutional right!

You need to worry about why ain't nobody
ever sitting in them chairs.

You probably shot them all.

- (EDDIE LAUGHS)
- (CELL PHONE CHIMING)

Yeah, this Calvin.

It might be a better question for you.

- Crazy. Crazy.
- Is he okay?

Wait. Is he okay?

DANTE: Man. Come on, man.
We all lived out here...

No, I'll be on my way.

I'll be there.
Rashad, handle that for me.

Yo, Cal, what's up?

I got you, no worries.

No! Hell, no, man! He said Rashad.

No, I don't think he said Rashad.

- Yeah.
- What'd he say?

Yeah. He said me, Eddie.

Specifically?

He called you by name?

Baby, are you okay? Did anybody hit you?

JALEN: No, nothing happened.

I was just standing there
and a fight broke out.

Oh, don't worry. We're gonna get this

- all straightened out.
- Mom! I'm fine.

- Let me see your head.
- No, Mom, I'm okay.

My God. It's, like, red right here.

Goodness.

Let me see your face.

CALVIN: So, what happened?

Well, frankly, Mr. Palmer,

we're concerned about the people that
Jalen's been hanging around with lately.

Are you talking about Kenny?

Why would you say that?

'Cause that's who
he's been hanging with every day.

You guys know I can't talk
about anybody else's kids.

But let me just say this.

Jalen has shifted
over these past few weeks.

His behavior is different.

His teachers have noticed it.

His grades have started to slip.

And the fight that happened today,

he was involved in that fight,
which turned out to be gang-related.

What do you mean "involved"?
Are you trying to say Jalen's in a gang?

If he's not already in a gang,

he's strongly considering joining one.

No, no. I'm sorry, Jalen...

He knows better than that.
He wouldn't do that.

I understand why you feel
that way, Mrs. Palmer,

but there's also a reality of what
we face in our communities.

So this year is absolutely
critical for him

to build a foundation
to go off to college.

See? This is what
I've been talking about.

I mean, with Jalen's grades,

- his test scores...
- (SIGHING)

No way in the world
we can't get him a scholarship

at the private schools,
or remember Holy Cross

I was telling you, that Catholic School?

We have to talk about this.

I'll talk to their coach.

Mr. Palmer, now hold up.

Hold up.
Now, that's not what I was suggesting.

We want Jalen to be here.
The school needs him here.

For what?

Seem like y'all losing him.

Mr. Palmer, I understand...

I'm supposed to sit here

and we're going to sacrifice
our only son to this system?

There's gotta be something
we can do to work together on this.

Seems like the problem
is bigger than you and me.

So, why are you pointing
the finger at Kenny?

No, look.
I've been skeptical about that kid.

The whole reason he's living with Rashad

is because he got expelled
from school for fighting.

Probably some gang-related shit.

I ain't trying to have
Jalen get caught up,

following behind some
little wannabe thug.

So, you know, maybe we just
talk to him again

or we ground him or something.

I don't know,
but don't you think sending him

to Holy Cross is a little bit extreme?

After what we just heard?
We gotta send him somewhere!

I'm not trying to get that call
in the middle of the night

saying my son is locked up or worse,

because we didn't act
when we had a chance.

Keep your elbow tucked.

Catholic school?

I don't know anybody in Catholic school.

Good. Maybe it's time for you
to meet some Catholics.

And tomorrow, I'm gonna re-introduce you
to the concept of a belt.

Ain't nobody wants to see
your butt cheeks hanging out.

Nobody wears no belts.

They're corny.

Yeah, well, so is getting shot.

When are you going to do something about

that abomination on your head
called locks?

I'm not cutting my locks.

You need to do something with them.

You're the son of a barber,
you can't be walking around here

looking like that girl from
The Pirates of the Caribbean.

They're supposed to look like that.

No, they're not.

When you going to wash them things, man?

Walking around smelling like
Flavor Flav's wave cap.

Why are you trying to take
everything I like away from me?

Because I love you, that's why.

(SCOFFS)

So just because you take some
long dramatic pause

before you say something,

I'm supposed to just accept your words?

You're so smart, Jalen.

If you're that smart,
keep your elbow tucked.

My elbow is tucked. My shot is water.

Your shot sucks.

Whose shots suck?

Boy, you better ask somebody.

My shot is butter.

- (THUDS)
- Ew!

RASHAD: What up, broski?

I got your message.

Shorties is wiling, right?

How are you?

Look, I'm going to need you to
keep your son away from mine.

What you talking about?

You know that gang fight
that happened yesterday?

Kenny got Jalen involved in that shit.

No, that ain't what happened.

I talked to Kenny, he said they was
standing there and the fight broke out.

And you believed him?

Yeah, I believe him. He's my son.

You taking Jalen's word for it.

You damn right!

Jalen ain't never got
expelled from school for fighting.

Oh, is it like that?

I tell you something in
confidence, man-to-man,

and now you throwing that shit
back in my face?

I told you that's who Kenny was
when he was with his mother.

He ain't that kid no more, he with me.

I'm happy for you.

Nevertheless,

keep your son away from mine, man,
or we gonna have a problem.

Bruh, we got a problem right now.

JERROD: Wow!

(CHUCKLES) Two black fathers
bonding in the hood.

It's rare.

It's like catching a unicorn.

You don't see it every day,
is what I'm trying to say. Right?

You want a latte?

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

"One-Stop's Home and Office Decoration."

Ghetto office.

Ghetto office,
you decorate somebody's shit.

So the dog ate the whole condom?

Yeah.

Frame your face. Shit.

RAJA: Okay, Eddie. Come on, man.
EDDIE: Oh.

You know what, I've happened
to have enough of him.

- (GUNSHOTS)
- (ALL SCREAMING)

Lord, they shooting!
They shooting out there!

Eddie, stop playing! Get down!

Hell! It'll take me too long
to get back up.

I ain't getting down there,
it ain't worth it.

It's fine.

This ain't Fallujah. Come on.
Everybody, stand up.

(SIGHS)

DRAYA: My God. I gotta go.

I can't take it.

Baby, that's a gang out there.

It ain't no ice cream truck.

The idea is stay away from the bullet,
don't go towards them.

I don't think you understand, Eddie.

My car broke down earlier today.

I can't be caught outside with no car
and it's dark and they're shooting...

- Draya, I got you.
- DRAYA: It's crazy right now!

I gotta get Maya anyway.
You're on the way,

so I got you.

Are you serious, Rashad?

RASHAD: Hold on, let me get my stuff.

(LAUGHS)

Thank you.

RASHAD: All right. You good, Eddie?

Yeah, I'm good.

I need to get on out of here anyway.

Yeah. No doubt, no doubt.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

With all that ass, she ain't safe nowhere.

FEMALE ANCHOR: The New York Times
broke this down recently.

JENNIFER: (SIGHS) Okay, let's see.

(NEWS PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)

The second amendment means
we have a right to bear arms.

Should it also mean that
there is no place in our...

DRAYA: I cannot believe that crazy man
came in the store doing that today.

RASHAD: He was wild! (LAUGHS)

No, he played us all.

He was crazy.

Crazy!

All right, then.

I'll catch you tomorrow.

Are you okay, Rashad?

Like, seriously.

Like, I don't know,
lately you've been so stressed out.

I'm good! I'm good.

You good?

Draya, I'm good.

Well, if you need anything,

even if you just want to talk,
I'm a great listener.

(CHUCKLES)

I know you cool. I appreciate that.

I might take you up on that one day.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Well, what time you gotta pick up Maya?

Maybe we can go upstairs
and we could talk now.

Come on, Draya.

What?

You're inviting me to your house
just to come and talk?

As opposed to what?

I mean, I ain't been out
the game that long, Draya.

Are you serious?

A pretty girl tries to comfort you
in your time of stress

and whatever the hell else
you're going through,

and you gonna take it there with me?

(STAMMERS) Look, my bad.
I thought you was really...

Come on. Just because I'm thick,
it doesn't mean I don't have a soul.

But the way you was talking,
it felt like you wanted to...

You know what? Good night, Rashad.

It felt like... I thought you was...

Good night, Rashad!

Draya, it felt...

Draya! Draya!

Damn!

Damn. Oh.

Oh, man.

Ah, man.

Man, she definitely wanted it.
I know she wanted it!

Hell, yeah! What do you think?

You think I ain't gonna think that?
I mean, she got the...

She sitting there
with it all out like, "Yo."

Leaning over. I mean...

I ain't tripping, right?
I ain't been out the game that long.

You know what I'm saying?

Damn! She said,
"You wanna come inside and talk..."

She definitely wanted it. Right? Right?

Baby, I just wanted you
to know that you were right!

You hit the nail on the head.

- Babe, listen.
- You had the hammer!

We gonna send his heathen ass
to Catholic school!

- Babe, stop it!
- I'm gonna call the Catholics.

I'm gonna call Jesus.
Somebody call some Marys.

- Okay...
- The Holy Cross, we coming!

You and your lady having problems, huh?

I can help.
You know I have counseling services.

I got single, I got couple, I got group.

If you choose groups,
the responsibilities would be

to bring in cookies and, or,

fruit punch every third meeting.

(CALVIN CHUCKLES)

No, thank you, man. I'm good.
We don't need no damn session.

Here, man. Here's the check.

Mmm!

Calvin, before I take that check,

I'm going to tell you,
it's non-refundable.

If I take that check,
that check goes away.

And if you don't have that
remaining balance on Monday,

I promise you,

it is not a homing pigeon,
it does not come back.

You know how Mike Tyson has
those birds on that roof?

He can let those birds go.
"Go, go!" You know?

Birds fly around,
birds come back on his hand.

He looks at that bird.

(COOING) Right?

That ain't gonna happen. You understand?

I know what non-refundable means.

It's forfeited.

I just wanna let you know.
'Cause you're my man.

Damn, man. Is it One-Stop or non-stop?
Take the check.

Certified check. Nice.

It's a pleasure doing
business with you, Calvin.

I'm gonna hold off on that handshake

until you make that remaining
balance payment on Monday.

Just in case you do some nigga shit.

Hey, don't tell nobody.

(EXCLAIMS) It's going down
this weekend, y'all!

Jackie, what are you talking about now?

JACKIE: Girl, my husband's
got me all stressed out.

Police got him working
back-to-back double shifts.

Okay. I just need
a little touch up now, Angie.

Oh!

- Touch up?
- Mmm-hmm.

No. No, baby, you got to pull them roots
all the way up like a turnip...

Turn it over, ball it

- and then put it back in your head.
- (MEN LAUGHING)

Jackie, I mean, no shade,

but, God, you should be ashamed
to walk out the house like this.

Girl, how you gonna say, "No shade,"
and then shade the shit out that lady.

JACKIE: Thank you.

Y'all know the boy
that got shot didn't make it.

- Oh, my God. That's terrible.
- Uh-huh.

No.

Pronounced him dead this morning.

My husband said that
this whole thing started

because of some fight

that happened over there
at the high school.

Y'all know what happened last time
one of their leaders got killed.

It was a bloodbath.

Well, the police chief's planning on

doubling the amount of cops
on the streets this weekend.

Man, I'm so tired of this mess!

Every time I turn around,

somebody is killing somebody over nothing.

And what are we supposed to do?

Lock our doors, don't snitch.

Pretend like this shit is normal?

This is bullshit, this is not normal.

Then we gotta do something about it.

Shorties out here wiling
and that's our fault. That's on us.

Look, if we get people
to come to the shop,

I don't care what neighborhood they from.
They from Chatham,

from Englewood, East Side,
crazy, wherever they from,

we just need people from the city

to come meet up in the shop,
and we just talk.

And give them a chance to speak.

They're gonna come up with ideas.

I think that's a great idea, Rashad.

Really great idea, baby.

Well, I say we do it.

ANGIE: Y'all know we have to do it.

I mean, the gangs have us scared.

They're killing everybody.

We don't wanna walk outside anymore.

Them people downtown,
they aren't moving for us.

I mean, if we don't do something,
no one's gonna save our community.

We gotta take our streets back.

RAJA: Action, LeShawn!

- BREE: Stacia!
RAJA: Sorry, action, Stacia!

STACIA: Stop the violence, y'all!

(STAMMERING)
Exactly. Calvin's Shop.

STACIA: That's what I'm talking about!

- Oh, come on, man!
STACIA: You watch that booty shaking!

- Calvin's Shop...
- Listen, guys!

We know you don't
care about your community,

but you gotta care about this.

Please come down to Calvin's Shop tonight

for the community summit,

because dreams apparently

are being deferred even as we speak.

- STACIA: Yeah!
- I think we got it.

Okay.

(EXHALES)

- Move!
- Ow.

Get it! Get it! Get it! Get it!

You can look, but do not touch.

(EXHALING) Look back at it.

- You like that?
- I'm good.

We're out in the street, you know.

This isn't the privacy
of your own bedroom.

JERROD: Yeah, girl!

RASHAD: We wanna
thank y'all for being here.

There's still seats available
if you need a seat.

It's important that we all are here
because this is our community.

And it's up to us to change it,
so, we wanna hear y'all ideas.

I was thinking more like
a benefit concert.

You know, something for the kids.

I think we should just call up Kanye

and have him come on out and perform.

Yes!

He ain't coming around y'all
broke negroes.

Are you serious right now?

Look, Kanye a Kardashian now.

He wears dresses now.

I seen him on TV, he had a skirt on.

His knees were showing.

All right, all right, all right. Relax!

What about R. Kelly?

What?

R. Kelly? For a kids benefit?

Kelly love the kids.

Yeah, he can teach them
how to make home movies.

No, he didn't.

All right, already! Leave him alone!

Do you realize how much good quality
R&B we'd have missed out on,

because y'all keep bringing up
that same old bull?

The last albums he made,

them albums was made out of pure stress.

Does anybody else have any other ideas?

I'd like to say something.

Look, Eddie, you once said

that the barbershop is
the pillar of the neighborhood.

Damn right!

So we use that, right?

We turn the shop into our
safe space for the weekend.

All right?
Neutral grounds where both sides

can come together peacefully.

- I like that.
- BREE: Yeah.

- Turn this place into Switzerland.
- Exactly!

Ain't no way in hell the South Side

is ever going to resemble
any parts of Switzerland.

I don't even know no black Swiss.

I mean, Swizz Beatz.

Is he black? Or is he white?

You know, he is a little beige.

He might be Swiss. I mean...

He named himself to it.
So, he's Swiss. He's Swiss.

ANGIE: Can we get back to it?

We could try to get
both sides to come together

and agree to a ceasefire.

And then we can get the Chicago celebs

to tweet about it and talk about it.

Get them to support.

That's good, Jerrod.

You know what, he's right.

That means that we have
to give them something to see.

Yeah, maybe we could
just give away free gifts.

Like a radio promotion.

Yes!

And who's supposed to pay
for these free gifts?

Draya is right, we need some
incentive to bring people out.

I don't want to state the obvious here,
but this is a barbershop.

We could just do what we already do.
For free.

Free cuts the whole weekend?

You know how much money
we pull in on Saturday alone?

Do you know how much we're gonna
lose if that enclosure happens?

- Mmm-hmm.
- It's a great idea, Calvin.

EDDIE: It is. It is a great idea.

Yeah, a 48-hour ceasefire,

with unlimited free cuts and styling.

I mean, come on,
who could turn that down?

I propose that Gangsta Grub
be the official caterer for this.

Yeah, I bet you would.

Hell, yeah, dude!
You know how much money

I can make out on these streets
in a 48-hour...

To donate to the Boys and Girls Club!

That's R. Kelly's favorite.

DANTE: Listen here, Bollyhood!

Leave Kels alone, God damn it,

I say, God damn it, leave Kels alone!

Sorry about that, go ahead.

Then I think that we have a plan!

Hold up, hold up.
We've got one little problem.

Y'all know to have a ceasefire,

we got to get the shot callers
to call a truce.

Y'all know what happened the last time

we got Marquis and Jay up in here.

It was damn near World War III.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

But you know what?
What if we made that mix-up happen again?

(RAZOR BUZZING)

JERROD: This is just a terrible idea.

Yeah. "Let's cause a little mix-up.

"Let's make that mix-up happen again."

That was the dumbest thing you ever said.

Do you know who these people are?

They are murderers.

They don't work at the grocery store,
and if they did,

they would be butchers.

Quiet!

Thank God you wore
a G-Unit bulletproof vest.

Yeah, it worked for 50!

No, it didn't, actually.
He got shot in the face!

He got shot in the face?

Draya! What's up, baby girl?

Hold up, Calvin! What's going on in here?

Is this a set-up?

- Listen to me.
- RASHAD: Jay! Jay!

JERROD: No, stop!

CALVIN: Hold on, hold on, hold on.

- (CLAMORING)
- CALVIN: Hold on!

Hold on! Wait a minute!

- I wish you would, boy!
- Jay!

Listen! Now, I've been knowing you guys
for about 20 years, man.

My father used to cut both of your heads!

RASHAD: Come on, bruh.

Out of respect for him
and the shop, man, hear us out.

We're asking y'all for 10 minutes.

That's all we asking for, bruh.

(GASPING) Oh, I need more time, God.
I don't wanna die a virgin.

Come on, Jason.

Come on, G. Come on, man.

CALVIN: Let's do this, man.

Have a seat.

We all good. Come on, big boy.

Sit on down for a second. Get on.

Are we good?

(CELL PHONE CHIMING)

Hey, Rev.

Fifteen fish dinners for bingo night?

Hell, yeah! Ha-ha!

I mean, praise God!

How about some sweet potato pie?
All right.

All right! What's cooking? Daddy's home!

J.D., don't come up in here
with all that shit today, okay?

We don't have time for that shit.

- Okay?
- Mabel.

What did I ask you to do?
More of this. More parsley.

Okay? You? You better hurry it up!

Okay, I don't even know why
he got a goddamn hairnet on.

He don't even have no hair.
You guys are tripping!

- That's good.
- Lord have mercy.

More flour. Put some more.
Don't be scared.

You didn't buy it! (SCOFFS)

It's gotta be out of here by 2:00.

You have a break yet?

Knead it, knead it! Knead it

like you knead a bitch's ass. Okay?

- Come on! Hmm?
- Mabel.

What happened to us
giving them a break, huh?

For what?

We've got to keep the talent healthy.

- Negro, I'm the talent.
- Oh!

You got me twisted on there,
talking about the talent.

You ain't doing shit out there
worth a damn...

You may be the talent, but I'm the face.

All right?

Look, Nana...

We don't want this gravy train
to stop flowing anytime soon.

Look at that, hmm?

That's just from this morning.

Talent! You all take five.

- Go.
- (ALL GASP)

Talent, take six.

Hmm?

RASHAD: I know it seems like a lot.

But we just asking for two days.

Two days and no bloodshed.

Exactly, gentlemen.

Not to oversell it,
but what's gonna happen is,

you guys go home for the weekend,

and all your friends on Friday

will still be alive come Monday morning.

It's not a bad deal.

Oh...

Why'd I do that?

Look, all we trying to say, man, is,

we got sons, I know y'all got kids,

and we just trying to make sure
our kids get to their 18th birthday.

And 19th and 20th.

And it gotta start somewhere, man.

And we say it starts here
this weekend for two days.

But we need y'all.

Y'all the shot callers.

We just need y'all to call some shots.

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS)

I'm in.

Because of you, Cal.

Appreciate it, man.

I got you.

All right, everybody,

we're good to go this weekend.

All right, there we go.

- Let's get ready.
- Yes, sir.

Hey, thanks for taking care
of me earlier, Rashad.

- I really appreciate it.
- We all good.

And...

Thanks for giving me
a ride home the other night.

You were a real gentleman, Shady-Shad.

TERRI: So you took the bitch home.

Look, she needed a ride home
so I gave her a ride home.

I'm a good dude.

It was nighttime, she was by herself.
I wasn't gonna leave her out there.

It's crazy out there.
What else was I supposed to do?

Draya works in a barbershop.

There were plenty of other good dudes
who could've taken her home.

Why'd you have to be the one?

Because it was on the way.

Bullshit!

I know girls like Draya.

I see through her fake lashes,
and her watermelon ass,

and her whole damsel-in-distress routine.

She wants you, Rashad.

Are you dumb enough
to fall into that girl's trap?

Terri...

You come home every other night

from some video shoot
or some athlete's commercial.

Do I ever question it?

No, because I trust you.

I know you hold me down,
I'm holding you down.

I don't care, I don't like that bitch.

Look, I promise you...

I promise you, there's nothing
going on with me and Draya.

I need you to know that, okay?

- Pull your pants down.
- What?

Pull your pants down, we're doing it.

What the hell are you doing, girl?

Stepping up my lazy side booty game.

- Let's go.
- Yo, chill out.

- Be quiet.
- I am being quiet.

You're gonna wake her up.

I don't care, we can be quiet. Let's go.

Chill out! Chill out! Look...

We ain't having sex on demand,
I ain't no piece of meat.

- "Let's go." Look...
- Whatever.

Get up in it.

Get up in it. Now!

I mean...

I am aroused though, I ain't gonna lie.

But I got this sofrito sauce
on the stove, I'll be back.

What? You're just proving my point!

And your sofrito sauce
don't taste better than me!

You're not going nowhere.

- (SIGHS)
- Not this weekend.

It's too crazy out there on them streets.

But, Dad, there's a three-on-three
tournament this weekend!

I don't care about no basketball.

Do you know your mama found
gang paraphernalia in your drawer?

In my house!

Now how am I supposed to trust you?

Man, this ain't fair!

None of my team has gotta deal
with these stupid rules!

You know why? Do you know why?

Because most of those knuckleheads

ain't even got a father
to look out for them anyway.

But they look out for me.

When I'm at school,
my boys are the ones that got my back.

Who you talking about?
You talking about Kenny?

You think that's your boy?

Why you always gotta say
something about Kenny?

Aren't you and Uncle Shad like brothers?

- Why you always tripping?
- Hey!

You watch your mouth, Jalen!

Now, I'm not one of your friends, okay?

I don't see why you don't understand
how dangerous it is out there

and that we don't approve of
who you're associating with!

What? You want me to hang out
with the cornball that cleans the shop?

What's wrong with Anthony?

Why is it corny to be smart?

Why is it corny to do what you're asked?

Why is it corny to handle your business?

That's not corny, son.
That's being a man.

(SIGHING)

Look, J... I know you're mad.

I know you're upset.

But listen,

you gotta realize how lucky you are
to have two parents

that wanna know where you are,
what you're doing,

who you're associating with.

That's important.

You're lucky.

I don't feel lucky.

My life would be so much
better if you wasn't in it.

What? What'd you say? Jalen!

- Did you hear him?
- Baby, please wait! Hey!

Hey, boy!

Did you hear what he said?

I know, but listen, he didn't mean it!

(STUTTERING) He's angry and he's 14.

Well, I'm angry and I'm older than 14.

- Boy, you ain't white!
- Okay, babe...

Listen, at some point, he's gonna realize

that we're doing all of this
because we love him.

- But he's not a tough guy.
- I know.

He's trying to act like it.
Boy, you not a tough guy!

Hey, I know that.

South Side's no place to flex.

You ain't got it like that,
you need to ease back

'cause the consequences
out here are way too thin.

I know, but clearly,
he's going through something.

But you and me? We raised a smart kid.

He's gonna turn around.

Trust me.

(SIGHING)

Hope so.

RJ: Unlike New York and LA,
there has been a spike

in the number of homicides
in Chicago in the last year.

You think anybody who's not
a regular will show up?

Yeah, everyone likes free shit.

That's not exactly what
we're doing this for though.

You really think
the neighborhood's gonna agree

to be peaceful for two days?

I can't think of the last time
we went two hours

without gunfire popping off around here.

We gonna make it happen this weekend.

So what? What happens after that?

The enclosure just magically stops?

Exactly. It ain't like politicians
really listen to the people anyway.

ANGIE: So we're gonna make them listen.

The shop staying open
depends on the success of this ceasefire

and how much press we get.

Check this out.
I already created a Twitter campaign.

#BarbershopSavesTheNeighborhood.

Now, look, we get a few
celebrities to tweet that out,

we'll go viral in no time.

RAJA: I'll tell you what.

If you can get this to be
a trending topic on Twitter,

I'll vote Democrat the next election.

JERROD: Deal.

This just got very interesting.

- What up, everybody?
- Yo-yo.

- Am I early or late?
- Both.

My man.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

Come on.

I don't think we should.
What do you think?

Made him get in the game injured, man.

That's why we
couldn't do nothing last week.

Head must tilt a certain way.

I'm just fond of shit.

Uh, I like that.

MAN: I'll set that down there.

RAJA: Thank you! Appreciate it.

MAN: Thank you for the work.
Appreciate it.

This is low as I can go really.

I can't go much lower than this now.

- Is this decaf?
- Uh, yeah, cold brew's for me.

Good looking out, A.

Yeah, no problem.

All right, my man. Thanks for coming.

- Yo, who next?
- I got you, Cal.

There you go.

CALVIN: How is it out there?

Streets is quiet, feels good.

It's actually starting to feel
a little normal.

- Okay.
- Yes, sir.

All right, ma.

Bye, Anthony-Shmanthony.

Girl, I know.

- That was probably crazy.
- (TELEPHONE RINGING)

Bitch, we've been in here 17 hours.

You know, I am half delirious.

- Mmm-hmm.
- (TELEPHONE RINGING)

- So what'd he say?
- (RINGING CONTINUES)

- Angie, do you wanna get that?
- (CACKLES)

(WHIRRING)

- Stop, Tewana, stop!
- What the fuck?

BREE: I'm the owner today?

(ANGIE CONTINUES CACKLING)

Calvin's shop, Bree speaking.

ONE-STOP: May I speak to Calvin, please?

Yeah, one second. Calvin, it's for you.

Who is it?

I'm sorry, may I ask who's calling?

- It's me, girl!
- Oh.

Why you acting all business like?
It's One-Stop.

I'll answer it in the back.

Yeah, he's gonna take it in the back.

Oh, it's like that?

(CLICKS TONGUE) That's gross.

(SNORING)

Yo, Raja, let me get
some of that spray, G.

I had to get mine in the back,
like everybody else,

so what makes you so special, "G"?

- You a vic, man.
- RAJA: Say that to my face.

Come on back and say it to my...
Don't! No, don't.

No, no, stop being mean, Rashad.

Stop!

Oh, shit!

- Shit! That's dope!
- Yeah!

- Yo, you...
- You hooked it up!

One-Stop, why didn't you just
call me on my phone?

ONE-STOP: B, your cell number's
in my old phone. I got a new Galaxy.

It isn't even out yet, man.
It's not even on the market.

People don't have it yet.

Has everything on this bad boy...

Satellite radio, holographic video,

surround sound, 5G.

Man, this phone is the only phone

that's, like, five minutes
ahead of every call.

So, I already talked to your ass already!

- Dude, shut up!
- (CHUCKLING) It's crazy!

Damn. Now what's going on?

Look, I got a Italian couple
here that's hot on this place.

- They love it!
- Who?

They wanna open a yogurt spot
or a yoga spot.

What's the issue? What'd you call me for?

Are we good or not?

Because if you're
thinking about backing out...

I'm not thinking about backing out.

Now, I told you,
me and my wife, we want that shop.

All right, man. Oui, oui.
I'll see you Monday.

And that's French.

Dumbass.

Hey, what's up?

What's up?

You good?

I'm straight.

We rolling out
with the rest of the family

from Holy City tomorrow.

Y'all still down, right?

- GROUP: Hell, yeah.
- Yeah, probably.

This nigga said probably?

No, we down for sure.

Y'all little niggas better be.

Because if you in this,
you in this for life.

But you know that, though, right, Kenny?

Yeah, I know what's up.

Yeah, all right.

We gonna see.

I'm gonna give you the shake
tomorrow, too, youngster.

That's right.

I'm not stalking you,

I'm just getting something for my clients.

Uh, Draya, I want to
talk to you anyway, 'cause...

You know what? The other night...

That was my fault.

I was tripping.

And I hope we good.

I forgive you, Rashad.

(GIGGLES)

Hey, who wants some chicken wings?

And I got some homemade banana pudding
from BJ's Market.

Nice!

Is this gluten-free, Terri?

Hey, what you doing now?

You're saying no,
but that's not what you mean, Rashad.

That is what I mean.

I knew I wasn't tripping the other night.

- No, you weren't.
- You tripping right now.

- TERRI: Rashad!
- (GASPS)

Shad, you back here?

Shad!

(MUTTERS)

Babe.

Shad, you back here?

- (WHISPERS) You be quiet.
- You be quiet!

- No, no!
- (WHINING)

TERRI: Where you at?

Oh, man.

Babe, you in the bathroom?

(DRAYA GASPS)

(INAUDIBLE)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Hi, Terri.

No, baby. I'm tellin' you, we did nothing.

- Get off me!
- There was nothing happening!

TERRI: Don't touch me!

- I need you to listen to me!
- Do not touch me!

I'm listening, I'll listen!
I'll listen! I'm listening.

- It ain't what you think...
- Okay, all right!

(MUFFLED) Hey, what's going on?

TERRI: Draya, stop!
Calvin, help me on this!

Get off me!

- Wait a minute!
- Let me get at her!

Get off me!

- Baby!
- Rashad, get off me!

RASHAD: Baby, you gotta chill.
Nothing happened.

Calvin, help me!

World Star fight!

No, no World Star.

RASHAD: I need you
to listen to me for a second.

Leave me alone!

Hold on, hold on, hold on.

Calm down. I need you to calm down.

You ain't even worth it.

(SOFTLY) Go get her.

EDDIE: Cal,

do we still have those cameras
in the back?

I told you not to take those down.

We could've had the shop's first sex tape.

TERRI: Whatever!
RASHAD: Terri. Terri, come on.

- I know what I saw.
- Come on, Terri.

- Hey, Terri, come on.
- I know what I saw.

- I need you to talk to me.
- I knew it!

- Whatever! I knew it.
- You have to listen to me.

I knew it. I should've never trusted you
or that skank-ass ho!

Look, why would I mess around with Draya
in the same shop you work at?

- I'm smarter than that!
- Whatever!

I don't care what happened!

You should've never let it get that far.

You made her think she could!

Why do you even talk to her anyway?

I don't know!

It's because... Look, she talked to me.

You don't be talking to me, I talk!

She asked me how I'm doing,
she asked what's going on!

- Where you at?
- Where I'm at!

I'm working, for us, for our family!

This ain't about work,
I'm talking about us.

Me and you.

I'm talking about me and you for real.
Look at me.

Baby, look, look.

I tell you, you look beautiful every day.

I say that because I mean it,

and I want you to know that I see it,

because I love you, I care about you.

You sound like a real bitch right now.

Look, I ain't gonna be too many bitches.

Straight up.

Now, if you wanna have
a real conversation,

we have a real conversation.

(SIGHS)

But you ain't gonna never
call me a bitch again.

I don't have nothing else to say to you.

(CAR LOCK BEEPS)

I'm out.

Go on then.

Damn. (SCOFFS)

For all that, I should have smashed.

RJ: Good afternoon, everybody!

Folks coming home from church
are getting ready

for their Sunday dinner. Mmm!

It's a lazy quiet day...

TERRI: It's your girl, Terri. Leave it.

RJ:...and that's a good thing for once.

Stay with us, I got some of your requests
coming up momentarily.

CUSTOMER: All right, I'm good. Thank you!

(SCOFFS)

You got something you wanna say?

You know what,
women like you are the reason

why women like me
can't find a decent man.

Excuse me?

Bree, this is not the time...

Don't be mad at me because you can't

- get a man or keep a man!
- Draya...

With all the single dudes in the world,
you just gotta be a married man's ho?

Is that your thing? Is that what you do?

DRAYA: Yo, you better get your girl.

You just break up a healthy relationship?

DRAYA: You gotta get your girl.

- You better get her now!
- Ladies! Ladies, listen.

- DRAYA: I'm dead serious.
- Don't nobody wanna hear all that!

Now, if y'all wanna fight, fuss and cuss,
you take it to the back.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Cal, this is not Fight Club.

You can't send ladies
to the back room to fight.

You gotta sign a waiver
and a release of liability.

If they start fighting in that
back room and tear shit up,

I'm telling you, man,

it's gonna come back on your insurance.
That's a deductible.

And I do dental work, too,
if it gets out of hand.

Okay, come see me.

Man, shut up, One-Stop.

Look, I don't wanna take sides here,

but does anybody else here
see the hypocrisy

in always blaming
the single woman for the affair?

I mean, let's be honest,
she wasn't the one

who swore to be honest and to be faithful

and not cheat in the back room
of the barbershop

until I'm dead. It was him.

How many times I gotta say
ain't nothing happened?

Yeah, nothing happened.

But I'm not gonna spend every day

explaining myself to you, you, or you!

Look, I'm just saying,
hypothetically, okay?

It is shameful society always
blames the other woman

when they should be blaming him.

DANTE: Listen, doofus...

Monogamy doesn't run in our DNA.

- You understand that?
- What?

You can't defy science.

That is ridiculous, that is bullshit.

Women want sex, too.

And you don't see us lying and cheating,
and going out buying sports cars.

You're just a weak-ass man, Dante.

Honestly, it's as simple as that.

Yeah, okay and I'll be that.

A weak-ass man with a sports car
and a gaggle of bitches.

In real life.

Ew, y'all ain't shit, man.

Ooh, hey, hey, hey, now, wait a minute.

Don't lump us all in there.

You know,
men aren't just looking to cheat.

That's like saying every woman
wants a big package.

Because it's just not true.

They do, they all want a big package.

(SCOFFS) I know I do.

Honestly, I thought
that it was more about

passion and love, and, like,
how you guys connected...

I mean, I have...

(WHISPERING) I believe he's gay.

Like that? Like that?

CALVIN: I'm a real man.

I don't feel like I need to cheat.

Now that's just a lie.

Because if Halle Berry came
walking in right now

and offered you them drawers,
you trying to tell me you wouldn't

take her in the back
and just bed her down?

Hell, no. Halle Berry crazy as hell.

From Monster's Ball?

(IMITATING HALLE BERRY)
"I want you to just make me feel good."

No.

You crazier than she is.

DANTE: I like them crazy.

Like one-eye open crazy.

Like gotta hide your wallet crazy.

Solange crazy.

Kick me, bitch, in the elevator.

- Man, that's...
- Shut up!

(WHISPERING)
I can't wait to give her this D.

Ooh. He crazy there. This one.

Now that's dangerous.

JERROD: Well, look, maybe it's just me.

I'm a romantic.

One woman is good enough for me.

RJ: Yeah, what's going on, everybody?
I wanna send a special shout-out

to Calvin's Barbershop
over on the South Side.

Hey!

They're right in the midst
of a 48-hour ceasefire

- to increase the peace.
- RASHAD: Doing it.

- Keep it going, y'all.
- CALVIN: Hey, did y'all hear that?

Did y'all hear my name on the radio?

- It's all right.
- CALVIN: Did you hear that?

All right, that's dope, but it's still not
a trending topic on Twitter, okay?

Don't matter.

- Because this is my shit.
- Mmm...

What the hell are you doing?

I'm dancing, in a non-gay way.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Turn that up!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

BREE: Bring it on, Eddie! Bring it on.

(CHEERING)

- MAN: Come on, girl!
- (ALL CLAMORING)

DRAYA: Go, Calvin!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(WHOOPING)

(LAUGHING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

(ALL CHEERING)

Rashad, baby!

(INDISTINCT YELLING)

(SIREN WAILING)

(INDISTINCT)

Hey, what's up, Terrence?

Did you come to get a cut, man,
or are you here to see Eddie twerk?

- No, no, no, no!
- You don't talk!

Come on, Eddie! Show him!

You know ain't I do no twerking!

(LAUGHTER)

ANGIE: Eddie, come on, you can twerk.

Uh, look, listen, guys, um...

There was a shooting on 26th and King

- just a few minutes ago.
- Oh, man! Really?

- It was Anthony Clark.
- (GASPS)

- What?
- Wait, our Anthony?

DRAYA: Oh, God.

(WEEPING)

What happened?

He was walking home from the library.

He died on the scene.

There was nothing any of us could do.

(SNIFFLES AND GROANS)

(SIGHS) Oh, God.

OFFICER TERRENCE: Calvin...

I didn't come here to bring
anybody down, okay?

I'm really proud of the work
you guys are doing here.

I mean, all the progress
you've made with the shop...

Progress?

What progress, man?

I mean, what are you talking about?

A kid just died.

A mother's child...

A father's child is dead.

One of the best ones we got.

Yeah.

That ain't no progress.

That's failure!

Nothing we've done has worked.

We just wasting our time.

These kids ain't gonna listen to us.

These kids, they like to kill each other.

They like that shit.

We crazy to think that

haircuts can stop bullets.

Man, this is the fucking South Side.

This ceasefire shit is over. It's over.

Calvin, come on, now.

It's over, man!

Calvin.

Calvin, we made a commitment
to see this thing through.

I don't give a damn about no commitment!

What commitment?

Huh?

The commitment of them
killing each other?

They ain't got no commitment to us!

Look, I feel terrible about
what happened to Anthony.

We all do.

That's the reason that
we have to keep going

now more than ever.

How can you give up like this?

Because that's what he do.

He already had planned to

open up a shop on the North Side.

That's what he put money down on.

Is that right, Cal?

You already plan to leave us behind.

Calvin.

Calvin, is that true?

(SIGHS) Look.

I'm a father first.

Oh, my God.

Y'all gotta realize that. Okay?

I got a son, too, man.

Okay, you take care of yours,
I take care of mine.

Now y'all depend on me
to do a few things,

but Jalen depends on me to do everything.

And I'm not about to leave him out here

in these streets
to get hurt for you, you,

or this damn shop!

None of us have ever asked you
not to be a father!

None of us!

We are here because of fathers
like you and sons like Jalen,

and you didn't even tell us?

We get up every single day
and we work beside you!

We're supposed to be your friends!

I am your partner!

When were you gonna tell me?

I was gonna say something
after the ceasefire.

- Man, that's bullshit.
- No, that's some real shit.

RASHAD: You weren't gonna tell us

'cause you ain't care
about what we think.

- What?
- You sold us out, man.

I didn't sell nobody out, man.
I've been here for years!

Y'all are the only reason
I come to this damn shop!

I've been wanting
to leave here years ago!

I'm just trying to do better, man.

That's it! For my family!

If you can't understand that, I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry, but I'm out!
- Wait, Calvin. Come on.

- Let's talk...
- No. I'm gone. I'm out!

Calvin! Calvin?

(GRUNTS)

Thanks. Appreciate it.

EDDIE: What do you say, Eugene?

EUGENE: Hey, hey, what's up, Big Eddie?

Why don't you give me
a double shot of Hennessy?

- You got it, boss.
- (GRUNTING) Yep.

You got some of those wasabi nuts?

(EUGENE AND EDDIE LAUGH)

Eddie, if you came in here
on some Ol' Man River shit,

trying to tell me what kind of fool I am

for moving the shop,

I don't want to hear it.

Well, I might as well just
take my drink to go then.

Go on. Put that in a plastic cup.

(CHUCKLING)

I'm gonna be real with you, Cal.

I came in here to say,

thank you.

Now, I ain't want
to say this in front of everybody,

but you right.

Selling the shop is the best
thing for your family,

and the perfect excuse for me to get out.

Go on and retire.

Retire? You?

(SCOFFS)

Thought you'd die before
you left that shop, Eddie.

Yeah.

I ain't dying in that old
raggedy-ass unisexual shop.

What... (CHUCKLES)

I can't even recognize
that place no more.

Hell...

I don't even recognize
the neighborhood no more.

Yeah.

Got that right.

All the more reason

for you to just go on over
there to the North Side.

I know what you're doing, Eddie.

It's not easy, man.

Hell, no, it ain't easy. Hell, no.

We black. It's hard.

Hard and us go hand in hand.

But we ain't never gave up.

I didn't give up.

I gave out.

I'm tired, Eddie.

(LAUGHS)

I'm tired, too.

We've been up 38 hours.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Anthony's gone.

And that hurts like hell.

But we done lost a whole bunch more
if we didn't do that ceasefire.

Now we lost one.

He was special.

But we probably saved
more lives than we know.

And for that reason alone is
reason to keep up the fight.

- What's good, bro?
- Yo.

I can't do this, man.

What?

I gotta walk away.

So you just gonna leave me
out here with Yummy alone?

I ain't leave you nowhere, man.

You ain't got to do this either.

Can't believe you doing this to me, yo.

What?

Look, my dad let me move
in with him and Terri.

They've been real cool to me.

I don't want to hear that, man.

J, what are you thinking?

I mean, look at what you have here.

Everything you need is right here.

- You got a moms, you got a dad.
- (SCOFFS)

I'm not doing this.

If you were smart, you'd do the same.

(DOOR OPENING)

Do I need to check the closet?

You been gone all of this time,

ain't answered none of my messages

and you come here playing.

I'm sorry.

I don't wanna fight.

With everything going on
right now, with Anthony,

we shouldn't be like this.

I agree.

And I'm sorry about that Draya mess.

Nothing happened.

But I shouldn't have
put you in that position.

I know nothing happened.

You're just an idiot.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm just a man, baby.

I get it.

And I know I've been working a lot.

But I need you to know

that I see everything you do.

You're an amazing man, Rashad.

You're an amazing father to Maya.

I could never ask for
a better partner than you.

I guess I just figured

you knew how I felt.

I do.

But sometimes a brother needs to hear it.

ANGIE: One-Stop, can you sign this?

ONE-STOP: No doubt.

- (SIGHS)
- ANGIE: Thank you, baby.

JERROD: Oh, this is crazy, man.

ANGIE: Bree, you wanna sign the card?

RAJA: Yo, Jerrod, check it out.

CALVIN: Hey, what's up, everybody?

Before y'all pack up your stuff,

can I talk to you for a minute?

Just real quick.

Go on in now, say what you gotta say.

I was wrong.

The reason I wanted to end the ceasefire

is the same reason why I
wanted to move the shop to the North Side.

Man, I was hurt.

Disappointed.

But y'all know me.

Y'all know I got love for the South Side.

I got love for everybody
in this neighborhood.

I got love for everybody in here.

All my customers,

even the ones that don't know
how to go home.

What?

Are y'all gonna play me like that?

So after a while, it just...

It just became easier to just walk away.

Walk away from all this pain.

All the hurt.

That ain't right either.

If we don't do something for
this neighborhood, who will?

At the end of the day
we can't expect people

who don't know nothing about
what's going on around here,

to come in here and solve our problems.

We gotta fix our problems ourself.

So what are you saying, Calvin?

I'm saying I wanna continue
what we started.

I want to put the ceasefire
back on for the neighborhood.

For Anthony...

And really for us.

But I'm only one half
of the leadership here, so,

I'm gonna need the support of my partner

before the ceasefire's
officially back on.

Calvin, you never lost my support.

You know, I'm here.

I appreciate your vote of confidence,

but I think Angie is the one you...

Shh! You're good. You're good.

- Oh, Angie is the one you're speaking to.
- Now you got it.

JERROD: I totally misread the situation.

RAJA: It's okay.

So what you say, Ange?

Look...

I just...

I just can't understand why people
are still standing around

when my partner just said
the ceasefire is back on.

(EXCLAIMING)

Yes!

RAJA: Ooh, bait and switch.

Thank you so much.

- All right.
- RAJA: Let's do this.

EDDIE: Oh, yes, yes!

- That's good stuff right there.
- Yes, sir. Good stuff.

- Sorry about that.
- Nah.

JERROD: Let's celebrate!

Yo. Can a brother get a cut around here?

Damn!

Hey, D, what's up, man?

ANTHONY DAVIS: How you doing?
CALVIN: Doing good now.

I'm Calvin. This is my shop, man.
What can we do for you?

Playing the Bulls tomorrow

and got a tweet from somebody
named thottiepimpin

about what y'all are doing
here and everything

and just came here
to show my support, man.

Cool.

Who's thottiepimpin?

That one right there.

What's up, man?

- How you doing, man?
- I'm doing.

- Just a second.
- You all right?

You okay?

Sorry, A.D. Sorry. He's got issues.

This was a mercy hire.

Just give the man some space.

- Hey. How ya doing?
- What's up, man?

- Good to see you.
- You too, man.

- All right, bro. Keep growing.
- High five.

Okay, come on, young man.

Sit on down. Come on in here.

Let me line that unibrow a little.

Give it a soft fade,

and then I'll cut
right through the middle there

and open it up for you.

Nobody's touching my unibrow.

And no disrespect,

I'm gonna let my man
Calvin over here hook me up.

EDDIE: All right.
DANTE: What's up, A.D.?

How you doing, brother? You good?

- Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
- Everything all right?

All right. Question...

- You looking for a roommate?
- No, I'm all good, man.

- You sure?
- Positive.

I got my stuff. I'm all ready.

We ain't got to make a stop or nothing.

- All right. Cool, man.
- I'm good. I'm good.

- You say yes?
- No, I said...

All right. Okay. All right, okay. Cool.

Don't do it.

- Sorry about that, man.
- It's all good, man.

- You know how they act.
- Yeah.

Question. You mind if
I get a picture for Twitter?

Yeah, for sure, man.

Tag me in it, too, so I can retweet it.

Man! That would be...
That would be dope, man.

Hey, man, hurry up.

Hey, Jerrod, get out the man's face.

Let me get this photo.

Damn, you're like TMZ.

(LAUGHING)

I appreciate you coming through here.

- They gonna go crazy.
- Yeah, I appreciate it.

Don't worry about nothing, man.
Your unibrow is safe with me.

- I appreciate that, man.
- Cool.

RJ: Yes, sir. Peace is in the air!

We're 42 hours into the ceasefire

and the word is out
about Calvin's Barbershop.

RJ 2: Chicago native and NBA superstar

Anthony Davis paid a visit
to the South Side.

NEWS ANCHOR: In other news, quite a crowd
has gathered on the South Side

for, get this, free haircuts,

in an effort to decrease
violence in our city.

We are trending.

#BarbershopSavesTheNeighborhood
is trending on Twitter.

- What?
- JERROD: Yup!

- No way.
- Take a look.

ANGIE: Finally.

Oh, wow. It is trending.

- Oops.
- What the hell, dude?

CALVIN: All right, man. Who next?

- Can I get a selfie with you?
- What?

(SQUEALING)

This is so cool!

We're gonna get, like, a thousand likes!

Yo, Instagram that.

What'd them white girls want? They lost?

I don't know. Why don't you go see?

Did you tell them they was awesome?

White people love when you go, "Awesome!"

I'm available for catering,
uh, business luncheons,

private parties, Shivas.

- Hold the pork!
- (BOTH LAUGH)

And let's not forget about
my Gangsta Grub rub!

Put it on all the meat you eat.

Ladies, all the meat.

J.D., what inspired you to
get involved in this movement?

Well, you know,
it's always been about the kids.

Wow.

You are living proof
that there are superheroes

living amongst us mere mortals.

Well, you know, there wasn't
enough room in my car for my cape.

(BOTH LAUGH)

J.D., how much money have you raised
for the Boys and Girls Club this weekend?

Oh... (MUMBLING)

Maybe about $500. That's it.

It certainly looks like
a lot more than $500.

Slow your roll.

Oh, well...

J.D., we here at WIS News...

We have a little surprise for you.

(EXCLAIMS)
J.D. don't like surprises.

- You're going to love this.
- I doubt it.

- J.D., meet Jamilah...
- Who is she?

...and one of her Boys and Girls
Club counselor, Mr. Fenty.

Okay, well, who is he?

They are here to officially
accept your donation

on behalf of the Boys
and Girls Club of Chicago.

What?

Oh, they're here to accept the money--

Shut up, woman!
I heard you the first time!

Ain't nobody said they was
gonna give no money

to no Boys and Girl-- Oh!

Boys and Girls Club. Yeah.
(CHUCKLING)

Okay, hold on one second, chrome dome.
All right.

Live from the South Side,
I am Candace Washington...

I need your help. It's Jalen.

- What's going on with Jalen?
- He's about to do this

initiation with the Vice Lords.

Look, I tried to tell him not to.

Where's he at, Kenny?

He's at the park.
(ECHOING) Cornell Square.

Cal!

YUMMY: Hell, yeah,
that's what I like to hear.

You all ready? You all ready?

YUMMY: Yeah.

What's up, man?

Where your little homie Kenny at?

I don't know.
I think his dad said he had to come home.

Stay home? You playing, right?

Stay home?

You think this a joke?

You think this is a game, nigga?

PRINCIPAL WALKER:
We're concerned about the people

that Jalen's been hanging around with.

JENNIFER: Are you trying
to say Jalen's in a gang?

Not trying to get that call
in the middle of the night

saying my son is locked up or worse,

because we didn't act
when we had a chance.

See, that's the problem right there.

Everybody wanna be down,

nobody want to put in the work.

Didn't Quis say to chill this weekend?

(SCOFFING) Nigga. Marquis?

Nigga, I ain't worried about Marquis.

Know what? You playing me right now.

You wasting my time right now.

I think he wasting my time.

Ain't no going home, nigga.

Ain't no such thing.

JALEN: Why are you
trying to take everything

- I like away from me?
- CALVIN: Because I love you...

JALEN: My life would be
so much better if you...

JENNIFER: We raised a smart kid.

You need to make a decision.

Are you riding or not?

(TIRES SQUEALING)

(EXHALES)

ALL: Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six, five,

four, three, two...

One!

- (ALL CHEERING)
- Yeah!

ONE-STOP: That's what I'm talking about!

Yeah, baby! All right!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

- Bam!
- Your daddy gonna be proud.

Your dad will be so proud of you.

- You did a good job.
- I feel good.

I feel good.

Hey, yo, Shad. Hey, man!

Much love, dude.
I'm sorry about everything.

- I love you, boy.
- I love you, bro. Love you.

Wow.

Two black dads getting along.

(WHIMPERING)

(SNIFFLING)

Let me ask you something.

Um, I don't come off as gay, do I?

I mean, I've heard that,
like, twice already today.

(SCOFFS) No.
Now, do I think that you could

maybe afford to own one less
pastel-colored T-shirt

and go up a size in the jean department?

Yes, absolutely.

But who cares?

Clothes don't signify someone's sexuality.

And even if you were gay...

I'm not. For the record. I'm not.

It wouldn't matter to me anyway.

I like who you are and you shouldn't feel
pressured to change for anybody.

And there's no rules on
how to be a straight dude.

Look at Miguel.

Look at Prince.

Homeboy be rocking
six-inch stilettos and a perm,

and he can still get it.

(CHUCKLES) Yes, he can.

I'm messing with you.
Playing the whole...

- That's...
- Anyway.

- (BREE CHUCKLES)
- (SIGHS)

So, you like my personality?

What can I say?
I find your neuroses entertaining.

Your passion for
women's rights liberating.

And, um...

I find your nerdiness

incredibly sexy.

Wow.

- Talking to me?
- (BOTH LAUGHING)

And that's why I like you.

Because you get me.

Not a lot of people do,
but you definitely do.

And just so you know, Ronnie, your ex,

he was never good enough for you.

I think I'm in love with you.

And I want to shout it from the rooftops.

- Oh... Too soon?
- Yeah.

- That's what I thought.
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah.

I mean... What'd you hear?
You heard that I said

- I was in love with you?
- No.

Rewind that.

How about dinner tomorrow night?

- Okay.
- That makes sense.

Yeah. That's...

- I went from a broken home,
- (CHUCKLES)

- so I give affection very fast.
- Oh, my Lord. My Lord.

- Yeah. Yeah.
- (DOORBELL RINGS)

You got a lot of nerve showing up here.

- I came to apologize, Terri.
- I don't want to hear it.

Well, I wanna say it anyway.

(SIGHS)

Listen, I'm really sorry.

I should have never come
between you and Rashad.

Damn right.

It's just that you have your
whole life taken care of,

and figured out. And...

I'm like, still trying to figure out
every little thing about mine.

I made a mistake.

It'll never, ever happen again.
I promise you that.

Well...

I appreciate you saying that.

Does that mean we're cool?

I guess.

Come here, girl!

(GIGGLES)

Anyway...

I did want to tell you
that if you and Rashad

was looking for, like,
a third girl to help you out,

you know, get it poppin'
or anything like that,

I would be down for that.

- Mull it over.
- (SCOFFS)

- Bye, Draya.
- Hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

We need to at least hear her out now.

I mean, she ain't
come this way for nothing.

- Hey, Rashad!
- RASHAD: What's good, Draya?

- Get in the house.
- Baby.

TERRI: You think it's funny.
You're not funny.

- CALVIN: Thanks.
- (EXCLAIMS)

This is not what you think it is.

This is that bird I talked about.
Remember that?

- It went away.
- (SIGHS)

It flew away. Let 'em fly.

(MIMICS COOING)

Know why I came back?

- Why?
- Because you my man.

I came back to you.

Why don't you just give me the damn check?

My man.

That's your section.

- No booth rent.
- We're clear?

Do you.

My man. It's a pleasure, my brother.

You will do good business, my brother.

You have a good day!

Hit these streets. Oh! Hey! Hey!

I need to talk to you.
You got to sign some paperwork, brother.

Your wife trying to find you.

You're gonna run from me, really?

(DOOR OPENS)

Yo, man, we closed.

Come back tomorrow.

JALEN: Man, that's too bad.

I was really hoping you could fit me in.

I think I got room for one more.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Have a seat.

- Glad you came, man.
- (CHUCKLES)

Just wanted to do something about this
so-called abomination you say.

(LAUGHS)

I'll hook you up,
don't worry about nothin'.

Edge you up real quick.

Uh... I was thinking,

start off fresh.

You sure?

Positive.

(SOFTLY) All right.

Start you off fresh.

You know, I didn't mean
what I said earlier.

You've always been there
for me for everything,

and I appreciate it.

Love you, Dad.

I love you, too, man.

Always gonna be my guy.

I swear.

All right. Let's see how
we can hook you up here.

Yeah, okay.

Now, listen...

I hear about anything,

I'm snatching you right up
out of there, you hear me?

- Yeah, I hear you.
- I'm not playing.

Be up there quick fast in a hurry.

I escort you to the bathroom
and everything if I have to.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Crazy, Dad.

But I'm fine with that.

I'm just happy to stay here.
Happy to be home.

I'm happy you back.

JALEN: See me hooping this year, right?

You got to penetrate more.
Too many jumpers.

JALEN: But they go in though.

CALVIN: (CHUCKLES) Not all
the time, they don't go in.

(LAUGHING) Oh, man...

CALVIN: You don't wanna rock
your dreads like that, man?

Now if you end up on the Bulls,
your daddy got to go everywhere with you.

- (LAUGHING)
- I'm gonna be the team barber.

Damn, man.

CALVIN: All right.

- Slow down.
- (CALVIN SIGHS)

Hey.

You ain't comb your hair in six months,
it's a little nappy down there.

- All kind of cucabugs back here. Beebees.
- (LAUGHS)

You gonna be all right.

Yeah. That's it.
(CLEARS THROAT)

Oh.

Look fresh.

Now you look like my son again.

I'm getting all the shorties
at school now.

Yeah.

Now you can sweep up the hair.

(LAUGHS)

CALVIN: Dear Chicago,

I know I was hard on you before,

but here's the thing.

- If there's one thing I know about you,
- (KIDS GIGGLING)

is that you know how to bounce back.

MALE ANNOUNCER: And we salute
Chicago's own South Side Champs.

- (MAN SHOUTING)
- (WHISTLE BLOWING)

Chicago, stand up.

ALL: Chicago, stand up.

We want them to believe in themselves.

We want them to believe
in their community.

We want them to believe
that they have a future.

GRADUATES: We are college bound.
We are exceptional.

Not because we say it,
but because we work hard at it.

Hey! Congratulations, Miss Paxton.

(CHEERING)

CALVIN: You've always taken personal
tragedy and turned it into triumph.

No, don't do it...

- (GRUNTS)
- Give me that!

- RASHAD: Yeah. Yeah.
- No, no, no!

- Breaking down like LeBron!
- Oh.

- Know that. Know that.
- CALVIN: Yeah.

CALVIN: That's why
I'm not giving up on you.

There we go. This what we running.

CALVIN: Because you never gave up on me.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Who won? Who won?
- JALEN: Boom, every time.

Mr. Wilson!

CALVIN: And I know whatever happens,

eventually,

Chicago,

you'll find your way back home.

You always do.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

What's up?

(OVERLAPPING CHATTER)

Yeah, who won? What's the real story?

What's the real story?

Who won? Who won?

Let's just stick to cutting hair, right?

REPORTER: What can
the people of Chicago take away from this?

It's a reminder that the individual,
or, in this case, individuals,

can make a big difference.

As a former barber in the shop,

- it's been very inspiring...
- Is that Jimmy James?

...for me to see the people of community

come together and show the world

that there's still hope on the South Side.

REPORTER: Mr. James!
JIMMY: Ms. Cruz.

MARIELA CRUZ: In light
of the success of the ceasefire,

have you personally changed
your mind about the enclosure,

and do you think it'll have any effect
on the upcoming council vote?

Go ahead, Jimmy.

Well, I can't speak for the council,

but I'd be shocked if they voted yes,
when so many have voted against it.

See, the whole point of the enclosure

was to decrease violence
in the neighborhood.

And I think that
Mr. Palmer and Ms. Norris

- Oh!
- (CHUCKLES)

and the rest of the team down at the shop

found a way to do just that.

EDDIE: That's right!
RAJA: Whoo!

- EDDIE: Yeah!
- (APPLAUSE)

(SIRENS WAIL)

Dad! You see this?

CALVIN: Man, that's got to...
EDDIE: No, it ain't.

Oh! Serious?

- Oh, my God.
- Whoa! Whoa!

BREE: Oh, my God.

- OBAMA: Hey, everybody!
- Hell, no.

- (APPLAUSE)
- OBAMA: It's good to see you.

- How are you?
- Mr. President.

- How you doing?
- I'm doing great.

OBAMA: I like that sharp suit.

- Hey, I'll get you one.
- I'm gonna hold you to that.

ONE-STOP: Gotcha.
OBAMA: Okay.

Mr. President, how you doing, sir?

You know, it's good to be back
where it all started for me.

The South Side.

- I told you.
- Hey, Eddie!

- Very good to see you. Good to see you.
- (OBAMA LAUGHS)

- Take that jacket off.
- (LAUGHS)

- (WHISPERS) Should I say hi?
- Yeah.

- Hi!
- OBAMA: How you doing?

EDDIE: Have a seat right there.

(LAUGHS)

I was telling these kids
how I used to cut

- your hair back in the day.
- OBAMA: You sure did.

You was running around here organizing.

You know, I gotta get a picture of this.

- Calvin, take this picture.
- CALVIN: Yeah.

- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)
- Bam!

How you doing, Mr. President?
My name's Calvin.

I own the shop with Angie right here.

- I'm Angie. Hi.
- Yeah.

OBAMA: We appreciate your small business.

Hey, Mr. President.
New Democrat right here.

All right! Congratulations!

(PEOPLE YELLING)

Stop acting all nervous, Eddie.

You know you know what you're doing.
Come on, man.

I cut the man's hair years ago.
I know what I'm doing right here.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Um...

Mr. President, I just want to say,

you know, I really love what you've done
for the black community.

OBAMA: All right.
And I'm loving those pants.

- Oh, thank you.
- Appreciate your patriotism.

I salute you, too.

Barry. Come on, now.

I'm sorry.

Okay, here we go. Low like you always do?

CALVIN: Come on, now, hook your man up.

- Little bit.
- Are you shaking, Eddie?

- (SHAVER WHIRRING)
- Eddie, you got it.

Come on, Eddie. Represent now.

(ALL GASPING)

- (ALL CLAMORING)
- (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING)

CALVIN: Eddie!

One-Stop,

you got some salve?

I can fix it! I can fix it!

Sit back down!

English - SDH