All language subtitles for Wish.You.Were.English

[rock music]

[man]
* Oh, poison

* How you gonna do me in

* So many ways to kill me

* Don't know where to begin

* Oh woman

* Why do you wanna
Hurt me so? *

* I know that
You don't love me *

* So why don't you
Just let me go *

* I've escaped
By dreamin' of *

* Another summer day

* You might wake
To find our home *

* A thousand miles away

* Oh, demon

* A-barein' down on me

* You cast a spell
Upon my heart *

* And, ah, so I can't see

* Oh, Delilah

* Why do you wanna
Cut my hair *

* I know that you
Don't want me strong *

* You want me
Weak and scared *

Sam's got
A pretty one tonight.

[man]
Well, it's about time.

-You're Tundra?
-And you're Sam Daniels.

In the flesh.
Sit. Sit, darlin'.

[Sam]
Oh, my goodness.
Let's get this straight.

You see me on the tube,
and you say,

"I got to meet him."

[chuckles]

-Ain't that a bitch?
-Mmm.

-Somethin' else?
-Bring me a J.B. and soda.

For the diva?
Do you have anything chocolate?

Beer.

I'll have a Bloody Mary.

I'll bleed in it personally.

Funny guy.

We, uh,

we don't get many girls like you
in Buda, Tundra.

So, are they paying you well
to do what you do?

They pay me damn well.
People trust me.

Just between me and you,

meteorology is bullshit.

A 30% chance of rain is just
a meaningless statistic.

It's either gonna rain
or it ain't.

Just like when you
wake up in the morning.

You're either gonna
make it through the day,

or some bad gene of some
asshole's gonna take you out.

Why did you call me?

Because if this is
some kind of tease--

I called you for one reason
and one reason only, Sammy.

I wanna bang you until your
eyes pop out of your head,

and then I want you to give me
the fucking barometric pressure.

Oh, yeah.

Uh, hold on a minute.

You're not a call girl,
are you?

'cause, um,
I don't pay for pussy.

[chuckles]
We all pay eventually.

Yeah, buddy.

Oh, I'm going
to enjoy this.

* Well, I found my woman

* Packin' her bag

She said
Honey I'm goin'

-Whoo!
- * And I ain't comin' back

* I cried
Baby are you crazy *

* Is it something I did

* No, only to please you

* And this is all she said

* Honey, the dog wants in

* And the cat wants out

* We're steady
Lookin' for something *

* We can't live without

It's not much.

Hey, there's a bed.

Hi, baby.
Hey, you called me.
Remember, honey?

-Mm-hmm.
-[laughing]

So, you want it rough?

-[door lock clicks]
-I've had it rough.

[Sam]
What are you lookin' for now?

Handcuffs?

I know.

No glove,

no love.

No love.

Shit!

What the hell's
the matter with you?

That bullet was meant
for your cheating heart.

-Well, you missed,
you crazy bitch!
-Oh, sorry.

I know this wasn't exactly
the kind of hole you were
looking for tonight.

Just give me the gun, please.
Just give me the goddamn gun.

What the fuck
would I do that for?

What kind of woman-hating,
rainmaking, dumb shit...

Motherfucker
are you, anyway?

I'm gonna kill you
right here and now.

Or you could just
go back to plan "A,"

and you can just fuck me.

It was a joke, okay?
Just a goddamn joke.

I don't think your wife
would find that very funny.

She sure didn't
when she hired me.

Happy anniversary, asshole.

* So then
I had me a notion *

* In the dark of my mind

* Thought I'd walk
Into the ocean *

* And leave
The world behind *

* On the way
I met a dolphin *

* Strokin' through the sand

* Said I've visualized
This often *

* And now I understand

* Just the dog wants in

* And the cat wants out

Fucking nuts.

[announcer]
Residents of Buda are shocked...

over the shooting death
of KFBY weatherman
Sam Daniels.

The 50-year-old was found
with a fatal bullet wound
to his heart.

Do you have anything
to add to that, Billy Bob?

[Billy Bob]
It was weird.
He was actin' all strange.

It was kinda like
he had a premonition.

[laughing]
He finally predicted
something right.

My god.
Can the value of human life
sink any lower?

You're operating under the
theory that killing somebody...

is the worst thing
you can do to them.

"That it will never come again
is what makes life so sweet."

Emily dickinson wrote that.

Yeah, well, that's
the kind of thinking
that got her killed.

-[thud]
-Uh-oh. Ooh!

-Oh.
-Oh. Too bad.

Oh, my god. It looks like
an armadillo.

Stop. Pull over.
Maybe we can help it.

[laughs]
It's goulash.

Right.
Turn left here.
This is the house.

[laughs]
Hey, you're doing
your homework.

Okay. This guy claims
his green '96 BMW
was stolen.

He's also
a small-time hood.

Rap sheet as long
as my dick.

-You okay?
-Oh, sure. Sure.

Just felt a little safer
behind a desk is all.

-Piece of cake.
-So,

this is field work, huh?

Yeah. Let's go rap
on the deadbeat's door.

-What's your problem?
-I have to pee.

[scoffs]
Well, you're on your own
with that one.

Thank you.

-You meet me back here.
-Roger that.

-[television, indistinct]
-Yeah?

-Hi. Are you Dean Longo?
-Yeah.

-Who the hell are you?
-Bruce Billings,

-city and farm insurance.
-You got a check for me?

I'm a field adjuster.

I'd like to ask you
a few questions.

[urinating]

What kind of questions?
You don't trust me?

Just a formality.

Oh.

"444XZ1"

How the fuck should
I know who took it?

It was stolen from me.

Bruce. Bruce.
Bruce!

-Shit.
-Excuse me.

Hey, look.

I don't know what kind
of game you're playin' here.

This is trespassin'.

I can have you
assholes arrested.

[laughing]

-The numbers match?
-Yes, they do.

Listen. You gotta help me.

I ain't no crook.

Yeah, that's what all
crooks say. Say cheese.

-[camera clicks]
-What about you?

You seem like a friendly
little guy.

How about
cuttin' me a break?

-Maybe we can
work something out.
-Well, sir,

I always say your policy's
based on honesty,

and honesty is the best policy.

-[camera clicks]
-You callin' me a liar?

We don't like to use
that terminology. Bruce.

-Huh?
-[Bruce] You little turd.

-You know what I'm gonna do?
-No.

-I'm gonna kick your ass.
-No. Please!

Bruce! Oh!
Bruce! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

No! Ow! Ow!

All right, asshole.

You're down for grand theft
auto, insurance fraud,

and now you've added assault--
I got pictures.

We got you in a fight.

Now we got to get you laid.

Excuse me?

I do not need to get laid,
thank you very much.

Why?
You a virgin?

No.

What's it smell like?

Lilac?

What's it look like?

-Honeysuckle.
-You're a virgin.

-No, I am not.
-Yes, you are.

Sex smells like
sweat and fish,

not honeysuckle and lilacs.

And it looks like murder.
Sweet, bloody murder.

Maybe the way
you do it, sicko.

You know, women don't
like guys like you.

"Hi. I'm Mac.

I like poetry and puppies.
Wanna snuggle?"

Get in the game.

Make sex your goal.

You never know what might come
of it. Maybe even love.

Do you love your wife?

No.
But I do hate her.

Ah-ha. Then what do
you know about love?

And I am not a virgin,
okay? Okay?

There you go.

Cover this next job for me.

What, alone?
In a confiscated car?

Listen to yourself.
I gotta file a report.

Take life by the balls,

or it will kick you
in them.

[Bruce's voice]
Her name is Sally Rider,
if you can believe that.

She's a piece of work.

A chronic claimant.
Company's ready to drop her.

Her stuff always
seems to disappear at
the end of the month.

[Mac]
Just around rent time, huh?

[Bruce]
Exactly.

Why are they sending
an inspector, anyway?

Tanya, we need to show
some sign of a burglary.

Could you please
go over there and break
a window or something?

You break a window.

Don't you dare
disrespect your mother!

Now you get over there,
and you break a window...

and make it look like
we had some kind
of a break-in or something.

Shit. I think
I cut myself.

They better pay
for that window.

[reporter on radio]
Another male has
been discovered...

in the trunk of a car
in the parking lot...

of the tenpin
bowling alley downtown.

Buda police deny this
is the work of the so-called
"Black Widow Killer,"

who may be responsible
for the death of KFBY
weatherman Sam Daniels.

We'll have more details for you
as they become available.

-What the fuck
are you looking at?
-Nothin'.

Check out the wheels
on our little inspector.

[sighs]

-Check out the buns.
-Hurry.

Grab life by the balls.
Be tough. Kick some balls.

Be--be the ball.

Kick some ass.
Kick some ass.

[whispering]
Be the ball.
Be the ball.

So, this is where
he got in, huh?

Yes, it is.

Well, that's weird.

What's weird?

The glass
is on the outside.

[sighs]

Stupid goddamn criminals.

[camera clicks]

Keep an eye on him.
I'll take care of this.

[groans]

Let's see.

Emily Dickinson. Poetry.

Okay.

Hey, outta here.
Go on out.

You know, Miss Rider, this--

This was an awful lot
of stuff to walk.

Uh, do you mind if I ask you
just a few standard, uh,

-standard, uh, what's the word?
-Questions?

Questions.
Questions. Thank you.

Uh, "Were you gone for any long
periods of time?"

uh, no.

Uh, "Did the neighbors
see any moving trucks
in the neighbor--"

Look at that car you drive.

That fancy, fancy haircut.

You're all about money,
aren't ya?

-No, not really.
-I'll bet you are.

I'll bet you are
sensitive too.

Do you like poetry?

You like poetry?

I take you for, um,

an Angie Dickinson
kinda guy.

Oh, that's Emily.

Whatever.

[nervous laugh]
Yes. Yes, I like her.

I like you.

Oh, what's that?
Is that a closet?

Would you mind opening it
for me, please?

Because I'm
a little claustrophobic.

Okay.

-You know what?
-What?

I'm not usually like this.

But you are somebody
that I could get
interested in...

-Ow!
-Real quick.

Oh.

Why don't you and me
have dinner soon?

I mean, real soon, hmm?

Well, now--
Now that wouldn't be very
professional now, would it?

Come on, boy.

Finely butchered meat,

Billy Ray
on the boom box.

-Candlelight.
-Candlelight?

Candlelight. Come on.
Saturday night.

[gasps] You could bring
the settlement check with you.

Save on the postage.

Well, that's kind of soon,
don't you think?

I need the money.
[laughs]

What am I gonna do?
Serve a man...

who drives around
in a BMW on paper plates?

-Well--
-Huh?

[moaning]

Mmm.

Hello, soldier.

-So, Saturday night, then?
-Okay. Bye-bye now.

And, uh, I'll see you
Saturday, then.

Okay.

Bye-bye, Macbeth.

-Sucker.
-[laughs]

I'm completely losing my edge.

I miss.

My gun jams.

My confidence
is completely shaken.

Maybe your subconscious
is telling you that what
you're doing is wrong.

I've never had any problem
killing before.

Sometimes we reach
a point in life

when what we do...

just doesn't work
for us anymore.

Killing cheating men used to be
the only thing that got me
out of bed in the morning.

-Maybe it's time for a change.
-Maybe.

Some days I'm so irritable,
I don't feel like
killing anybody.

Isn't there a little room
in your heart

for some love?

[scoffs] That's one
four-letter word...

that doesn't roll easily
off my tongue, Doc.

You can call me Norm.

Okay, Norm.

Can you honestly say
that any man can be trusted?

I've yet to find one.

For instance,
can you be trusted?

We're here
to talk about you.

But just answer me
this one question.

Can you be trusted?

Crystal, I'm afraid
our time is up.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's the wrong answer.

What?

See, your wife knows
about your little
payment arrangements.

-What are you talking about?
-You shrink head.

-They give head.
-That's ludicrous.

Clearly what you're
doing is projecting your
neurotic tendencies on--

I'm sorry.
I'm afraid your time is up.

No. No, no, please.
Don't. [groans]

Hi, Mama.

Holy shit.
Where'd you get that?

-Oh, it's the company's.
-Figures.

How you doin'?
I'm not dead yet.
There's that.

Way to look
on the bright side, Mama.

Way to look on the bad side
is that your father's
not dead yet, either.

Yes.
[chuckles]

Now, what did you
come here for?

They raised the premiums
on me and daddy's life
insurance policy,

and I need you to sign
some papers is all.

-Holy shit!
-Now don't worry.

You're still the beneficiary.
So, uh, just initial
where I highlighted there,

down on the bottom
of the page.

-Guess what, Mama?
-What?

I met a girl.

You know what I told you
about girls.

I know, but-- But don't
you think it's time I--

Women only want one thing:
money. Trust me on that.

Why would you want to give away
half of the farm?

I don't have a farm, Mama.

And I'm lonely.

Sweetie, women
got teeth down here.

Now you get anywhere near it,

and they gonna...
[chomping]

chomp off your manhood,
just like that.

[laughing]
I underestimated you.
You're a genius.

Huh?

-Hendricks will give us a bonus.
-You really think so?

You tell her the claim's
in the works,

but you tell her you need
a little convincing
to put it through.

Next thing you know,
she's doing a little
old-fashioned chin juggling.

-[laughing]
-No.

Why are we even friends?

We don't even belong
to the same species.

Then, when she bugs you,
as women always do,

you say, "Sorry.
The claim didn't go through."

[laughing]
Get lost!

Yeah, well, I'm puttin'
the claim through, okay?

-You're kidding, right?
-No, dang nabbit.

-She likes me.
-That's stupid, Mac.

Hendricks will have your ass.

Face it.
That thing isn't worth it.

That thing you're
referring to is what
we all live for.

It's what--

It's what makes
two halves whole.

It's what drives nature...

and feeds the soul.

I'm talkin' beaver.

You're talkin' soul food.

You ain't gonna get
shit off her.

Don't you think we ought
to get to know each other

just a little better?

Isn't that what we're
trying to do?

Come on.
Come on, Big Bear.
Come on, Big Mac.

Come on now.
Up periscope, baby.

-Come on.
-I am up.

Oh, Big Mac. More like
a little ol' happy meal.

Yes, happy, happy.
Are you happy?

Go for it, Big Mac.
Come on. Come on.

Mr. BMW, come on!

Sally,
that was incredible.

Uh-huh.

There is something
I need to tell you, though.

Let me guess.
You're gay.

No. No!

It's just that, well,

we've shared the most
intimate thing...

that two people
can share and, well,

I haven't been
entirely honest with you.

Look. You brought me
a $5,000 check.

You fucked me silly.

Now don't ruin
a perfect date.

I'm not some rich guy.

What about the BMW?

It isn't mine.

I gave my sweeties to you.

I gave you my treats,
and now you tell me this.

I-I don't blame you
for being mad.

It was inexcusable to lie,
but-but we can get beyond this.

Wrong!

Oh, great.
You replaced the knife set.

Out! Now!

Okay, I'm goin'.
I'm goin'.

Teach you to lie
about money to me!

[woman]
Can you believe it
about that weather guy?

Did you hear
the latest forecast?

I know. I know.
I know. Party bloody.

That's his wife over there.

-Oh, my God.
-Look at her.

Oh, she looks
positively heartbroke.

One more widow
for Buda. Bitch.

Hey, uh, listen, Edna.
If they ever find this guy
who did it to your husband,

I will kick
their fuckin' ass!

They won't have no ass.
Ba-da-bing. Ba-da-boom!

[Edna]
All the TV stations are
going to be at the funeral.

Make sure the roots
don't show, Vinny.

Oh, none, I repeat, none
of these hair care products
are tested on animals.

You got it?

This is my 15 minutes.

That's longer
than that bastard
ever stayed around.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
There's no excuse for
cold-blooded murder, lady.

Or animal experimentation.

Edna, I will kill
anyone who does either
of those things over here.

Hey, Tanya.
Give some of that
chestnut number 12.

-It's time to streak.
-Whoo.

[woman] You think
she snuffed him?

-You bet your boobies.
-How?

Ruth, it is simple
as cuttin' a cuticle.
Just snip, snip.

Do you know Vinny?
He knows some people...

who could rub somebody
out for about 500 bucks.

Hey, Tanya. Today!

[woman] Five hundred bucks?

That's less than
my liposuction.

Shh! I know.

I'm dyin' over here.

He thinks he's
dying over there.

Boy, oh, boy.
I know where he really dyes.

[laughing]

Oh, damn it!

[sighs]
I'm getting too old
for this shit.

* One man's loss

* Is another man's gain

* One man's joke

* Is another man's pain

* One man's laugh

* Is another man's cry

Okay. What kind
of swag shit is this?

[sniffs]
You don't like it,
buy your own fuckin' drugs.

[phone rings]

[beep]

[Mac]
Uh, hello, Miss Rider.

Uh, yeah, it's me, Mac.
Remember, from last night?

Listen to him.

Bangs me once
and he's in love.

Look. This is for
a million bucks.

[Mac continues, indistinct]

Saw it. Doesn't do
me any good, though.
Look at it.

He left all his money
to his mommy.

That's it.
Fuck. Fuck!

That's it.

Hey, hey, do not use
that kind of language
in front of your mother, missy.

Oh, great.

You took the big line.

-[sighs]
-Baby wants a daddy.

Baby wants
a million dollars.

That's it.
No more blow for you, kid.

Mama, I just figured out
a way for us to make
a million bucks.

[country music]

-Hi.
-Where you goin'?

N-nowhere.

I was just standing up.

Why?

It's what you do
when you greet someone.

[scoffs] That makes
a lot of sense.

Miss Rider.
May I call you Sally?

Just spit it out.

Yes, Sally.
I want to thank you
so much for coming here.

These last three days
have been horrible.

And I know you probably
feel like I used you,

and for that
I am truly sorry.

-I'm pregnant.
-What?

Preggo. Knocked up.

With fetus.

-How?
-You porked me.

One of your tiny little
soldiers swam up my fallopian
tube and hit the jackpot.

Oh, my god.

Uh, all right.
Are you sure?

God, I could use
a cigarette.

-There you go, baby.
-Um.

[moans]

Call me.

You bet.

I'm sorry to have
to ask this,

-but it is mine, isn't it?
-What am I, a slut?

No. No. Shh. please.
[laughing]

It's just a definite
type of situation.

Would the slut like
something to drink?

Double bourbon on the rocks.

Well, I don't know.
Pina colada, please.

Listen, Mac. Here.

Oh, my briefcase.
Thank you.

And, God forbid,
anything happens to you,

our child needs to be
assured of a future.

-My life insurance policy.
-Uh-huh.

Comin' through.

Pina colonic.
Moose piss.

[Sally]
Thank you.

Hey.

You owe me this, Mac.

This is all happening
too fast. I--

Why, Macbeth?
You come into my life.

You plant your seed
inside me like some farmer

on a government subsidy,

and now I'm left
holding the wrong end
of the shitty stick?

-[fizzing]
-Is that it?

No, it's just

the lousy money
is for my mama is all.

I just need some time
to think about all this.

I'm just... hopin'...

that you'll see things
my way.

Oh, now don't cry, please.
Please don't cry, Sally.

Uh, uh, we can
get through this.

Here. Let's toast

to our baby's future.

[Bruce]
What a bitch.

[snoring]

Mac?

[bangs table]

-Mac!
-What's shakin'?
How ya doin'?

-What happened to you?
-Oh, hey, Bruce.

I-I had an epiphany.

Oh!

Is this it?

I rewrote it,
I printed it,

I notarized it,

and I had the security guard
witness it.

You know why?

She's gonna have my baby.

You know what, Bruce?
You were right.

It was my first time.

Holy shit.

-Thirty years old.
-I am.

What the hell
took you 20 years?

I don't know.

I always check
with mama first.

But, uh, hey, Bruce,
can you keep a secret?

Sure.

I think I'm in love.
[laughs]

I mean, I feel tingly
all over.

-She slipped you one, buddy.
-Huh?

It was probably like Ecstasy
or that date rape drug.

Oh, no.
She-- She wouldn't rape me.

Then, how'd she get
pregnant so fast?

Women don't lie
about being pregnant.

Whatever.

The last thing you need
is this bitch...

carrying your
life insurance policy.

-I'll talk to Hendricks.
-Wait, wait, wait a minute.

I mean, I'm gonna be
the father of her child.

I mean, what is she
gonna do, kill me?

[Sally]
I want him dead.

Yeah, you want him dead.

Calm down. We don't
kill people around here.

-But Vinny, this guy
is stalking my mama.
-He attacked me.

-Yeah?
What's he look like?
-Blond, dorky,

wearing a big fur coat.

-Motherfucker.
-[gasping]

I wonder what this guy
would feel like...

with a 300-volt electrode
up his ass.

-You need a professional.
-[gasping]

Don't worry, all right?
Don't worry. I know people
all over the state.

I'll hook youse up.
Yeah, Vinny's gonna
take care of youse.

First, I rope 'em,
hog-tie 'em,

then I brand 'em
right on the ass.

I'm not
just killin' men.

I'm killin'
millions and millions

of their little sperm too.

-Aren't some of them
women sperms?
-Hey, sister,

whose side are you on?

My favorite trick--
[laughs]

I go to a broad's door
with flowers,

only I got
a butcher's knife in there.

[laughing]
Ooh, I got flowers.

Ba-bing!
You really got some of this.

We're gettin' dicked.

We are taken it dry.

There ain't no reason
why you can't find
someone competent...

to do something
as simple as murder.

[chatter, indistinct]

Ooh-la-la. Check out
little Miss Uppity.

[Ruth]
I'm so saddened
by those fake boobs.

She could hurt someone
with those things.

I think
they're set on "stun."

How you doin'?
Hey, you are something.

I'm not something.
I'm a woman.

Mm-hmm. yeah.

Yes, you are.
Uh-huh.

You got a name on you?

Jupiter.
Jupiter music.

You know, I got
a little rhythm myself.

Turn the charm off, Luigi.

Just give me short,
dark, and different.

Hey, Tanya, come--come here.
Give her a wash.

Why are you trying
to get rid of all
this beautiful hair?

Because men like long hair.

Excellent.

I hate men.

I'm trying to get rid
of a man right now.

Tell him you're pregnant.

No. No, I mean,
really get rid of him.

You don't really
get rid of someone
because they bug you.

They gotta deserve it.

He deserves it.

He had sex with my mother
with me standing there
right there watching.

She didn't want him to do it.

Sounds like my kind of man.

Perfect.

Yeah, you look like
a goddamn model.

Hey, are you a vegetarian?

You know,
'cause today vegetarians
get five bucks off.

Bet she's a meat eater.
Probably likes it raw.

Right?

[bell on door jingles]

-Who the hell are you?
-The cleaning woman.

I didn't order
any cleaning woman.

No, but your daughter did.

I already told you
he attacked me and he--

He knocked me up.

So it's pure revenge.
No other motives?

Who's hiring who here?

You listen to me.

I never let any man
get close to me.

They never hurt me,
and I always hurt them.
Get it?

Whoa. You are
the right woman
for the job.

Okay, how much?

Seeing as this guy
is such a scumbag,

and I'm blowin'
out of town anyway,
I'll cut you a deal.

Two thousand bucks cash.

A thousand now.
A thousand once
the job is complete.

I could hit him
with my car for nothing.

Mom, I think
that sounds fair.

Okay.

So, um,

how ya gonna do it?

[Jupiter]
Well, I usually take them
to a private spot.

But seeing as
I'm feeling kind of bold--

-Mac Wilson.
-Yes. Hi.

-Jupiter Music.
-Pleased to meet you.

Have a seat.

I just wanna thank you
so much for coming here.

I think just talking
to a friend of Sally's
might help.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Booze?
-Oh, uh, Miss Music?

-Um, I'll have a Bloody Mary.
-A Bloody Mary for the lady.

And, uh, just a coke
for me, please.

-One choke. Mm-mmm.
-Thank you.

[sighs]
I can't tell you
what it feels like...

just to talk to someone
about all this.

I don't suppose
she's told you about--

I mean, you know she's,
uh, pregnant.

Well, yes.
She is my friend.

Mm-hmm.
Yeah. Well,

the whole thing
is just so gloomy.

One Hemorrhaging Mary.
One real thing.

-Grub?
-Oh, uh--

-Do you have anything chocolate?
-Mud pie.

And you?

I'd like
a Caesar salad, please.

I think Caesar is my favorite
of the histories.

One slab of fat for the lady,
and one plate of rabbit food
for Brutus.

Don't you just hate waiters
with a sense of humor?

I always wanna tell them
to just shut up
and get the food.

But I... never seem
to have the nerve.

So, how long
have you known Sally?

Long enough to understand
what she's going through.

-Well, what is she
going through?
-You should know.

Well, um, to be honest
with you, I--

I haven't had a lot
of experience with women.

-There. There it is.
-Oh, lucky them.

Excuse me, but...

am I upsetting you?

I'm just sick
of all the bullshit.

Well, so am I.
All I've ever wanted...

was someone to love
and-and care for.

My whole stupid life...

I've looked in women's eyes
just hoping...

to see something
stare back at me.

Comfort,

acceptance and,

God forbid, love.

Anyway, Sally seemed...

-[whistling]
-...to respond to me.

-Here you go.
-Thank you.

And for the lady.
[muttering]

And that's how you repay her?

Oh, it was the moment.

Sally was someone
I could feel...

passionate about, you know?

-Someone I could finally
sink my teeth into.
-How about you bite this?

-Oh.
-[gunshot]

[groans]

-[woman] Oh, my God!
He's been shot.
-Oh, shit.

-Oh, my god!
-Who would shoot
the poor guy?

Well, he did have
a bad attitude.

He's-- He's been shot!

Oh, my God! Get down!

[Mac] Got it.
I got it!

Could you be
any more conspicuous?

I'm sorry.

Great.
Room number eight.

Well, this is
Buda's finest motel.

You-- You'll be safe here.

This shithole's
is Buda's only motel.

I can't believe someone
shot that waiter.

I mean--

Neither can I.
That's never happened
to me before.

Oh, I can tell you it's
never happened to me.
I can tell you that.

Why don't you come in
and calm down?

Thank you.

Who would do
something like that? I mean,

who would intentionally
hurt another human being?

I-I don't know
if I could ever sleep
again tonight, really.

I mean, ever again.

Well, you can sleep here.

Oh, uh, thank you.
But that wouldn't
be right, really.

Would you do me
a favor, though?

Would you tell Sally
that we need to talk?

Because wasn't tonight
proof enough that--

That there's so much
to live for, you know?

Would you tell her that, please?

-I will.
-Oh, thank you.

Thank you.
Thank you so much.

[sobbing]

Thank you.

You're great.

[door opens, closes]

[phone rings]

Hello. Hello?
Who the fuck is this?

It's the cleaning woman.

It is about time
you called.

I turned on the radio
this morning expecting
to hear the good news.

And what do I find out?
You shot the help.

No specifics on the phone.
I'll do the work.

I'll tell you what.
I'll give you another
couple thousand dollars.

Maybe you'll take out
a few bellboys
and maitre d's for me.

It's being taken care of today.

I'm going to plan "B."

But let me
ask you something.

Are you sure I'm going after
the right guy?

Oh, oh, you know,
he lures you in
with that nice guy shit,

and the next thing you know,

he's planted his
demon seed in ya.

Look. I don't really care
how many people you take out.

Just make sure
he's one of them.

[phone beeps]

Have a seat.

Look what I got.

-Greasy burger.
-I don't eat that shit.

I'm sorry.

Well, I--I have
something else

I think you might like.

Now where did I put it?

It's Duken chocolate.
It's Swedish.

They only make
200 of these a year.
Feel it.

-Heavy, isn't it?
-Yeah.

It's also hard as a rock.

Let me see
if I got something
to cut it with.

- That was smart to bring that.
- Hey!

May I?

-Thank you.
-[wrapper crinkles]

So, how'd you get
a name like Jupiter?

An unusual name.

I don't know.
It's the biggest
of all the planets.

It's exotic and romantic.

Mm-hmm. It's also
a brutally cold,

inhospitable mass
of methane and ammonia.
[laughs]

Oh, wait!

I'm sorry.
Dang!

I'm just full
of arcane quotations...

and meaningless
bits of information.

Makes me
all the more a weirdo.

Chocolate?

It's good.

It is, isn't it?

Come on.

Mind if I ask you
a question?

Why do you wear
your locket upside down?

It's a reminder.

It's from my father,
and let's just leave it at that.

You know,

I don't usually feel comfortable
around anybody.

But, uh...

I feel good around you.

Oh, yeah. Right.

We get along like
methane and ammonia.

Ha! [laughs]

-Rose,
-Huh?

Why are women so sensitive?

Because...

Their menstrual cycle.

It's tied to the cycles
to the moon.

Oh.

And their blood rises
and flows...

with the tide.

They're like,

less hairy werewolves

with cute butts.

Their what?

I don't know.

Well then what would you do

if you're falling in love
with a woman you got pregnant

-best friend?
-You fuck her.

It's so easy for you ain't it?

Uh-huh.

[sighs]

[Tanya sings]
* Where's my

* Fuckin' beer?

* Where are you beer?

* Where are you beer?

* You're not in here

* No more beer

-* Beer, beer, beer
-[moans]

* Where are you, my beer?

[screams]

What are you trying to do,
kill me?

[exhales]

[laughs]

[grunts]

[moans]

Oh!

-So uh...
-Oh, yeah.

did you do it?

[rock music plays]

I need to speak to your mother.

Can't you see
she's blown' somebody?

Ah!

Hmm.

Hmm-hmm.

What is wrong with you people?

[man moans]

Well,

at least when we say we're going
to do something we do it!

Oh, sweet Jimmy.
Oh!

-[Tanya] Wait, wait, wait.
-[Sally] Hey! Hey! Wait!

Hold up!

Did you do it?
Did you kill the bastard?

I will.

It's just not what I expected.

He's... a prince.

-Jesus.
-No!

You're wrong,
he's a savage.

-Tell her, Mom.
-Hey.

Hey, he's a maniac.

Oh, and the worse thing,
right before he brutalizes you,

He makes you feel all
feminine and fuzzy.

Did he quote Shakespeare
to you yet?

'Cause that's when you're
really in trouble.

You want him dead, he's dead.

But I don't like you
and I don't trust you.

Oh. [laughs]

You're not to big on
waiters either, huh?

Hm?

[tires squeal]

Hey!

[doorbell rings]

[Mac] Just a minute!

Oh, hi!

Oh, I'm so glad you came.

Come in.

[romantic music playing]

You look very nice.

What's all this?

I-I thought we'd
have some dinner.

I hope you brought
your appetite.

Please, have a seat.

Allow me.

Would you like some wine?

No.

Would you excuse me a moment?

I, uh,

I haven't been, uh,

entirely honest with you.

So unlike a man.

When I first met Sally,

I, um,

I tended to be something
I wasn't.

Rich basically.

That's not exactly a crime.

I really care for Sally.

But, uh...

Now here come the hard part.

I'm really starting to have
feelings for you.

I know,
I know it's inappropriate.

But,

I feel so alive around you.

I have to go.

Oh no, not again.

"Oh that I were a glove
upon that hand

that I might touch thy cheek."

[gasps]

Is that Shakespeare?

Yes.

Oh.

I'll give you
"glove upon thy cheek."

-[grunts]
-Fuck with my heart.

No man fucks with my heart.

[choking] Check my pocket.
Check my pocket.

-[grunts]
-[coughs]

Oh, Mac!

-For me?
-Yeah.

Oh!

Oh, God! Mac. Mac.

Are you okay?
Are you okay?

Are you alive?

Look like you're alive.
You're alive.

Yes. You're rough.

[moans]

Wait a minute.

She hired you to kill me?

Yeah.

But you know,
it doesn't make sense.

Well,

it could be because I signed
over my life insurance policy

to her for a million dollars.

You what?

Mac,

that was so dumb.

It was wasn't it?

Oh.

Well, can it be that easy
to collect a million dollars?

No. That's major fraud.

I'm not even certain I could get
away with something like that

and I'm employee of the month.

I'm a marked man.

That Sally.

She's reached a new level of--

Of moral turpitude I tell you.

Don't tell me
she's not pregnant.

Doubt it.

That impetuous floozy!

[sighs]

And you.

Can't believe you tried
to kill me.

It's what I do.

I kill people.

[gasps]

You shot that waiter!

Nobody's perfect.

Oh, my God!

I'm not sure I can forgive you.

Well, I'm not sure that
I'm asking you to.

Here.

Eat this.

Awesome, huh?

You sure do like
chocolate don't you?

Hmm.

Chocolate contains theobromine.

One of the 12 narcotics
that comes from a coco plant.

The most powerful
which meaning cocaine.

[gasps]

It's my one vice.

That and killing.

Right.

[laughs]

Thirty years
nothing happens to me.

And now I'm not only having
premarital sex,

I'm doing drugs too.

[Jinny] Well,

you can bet
your sweet patootie

this is going to hurt
like a bitch.

Whoa. Whoa, you got a big old
cat in the pants over here.

Will you get out of here?

Oh, no, no, see if--

It's not right.

See, were ever animals suffer,
that's were I gotta be.

One...

two..

three.

Get along little doggie.

-[rips]
-[screams]

[exclaims]

Got a good one.

Ow!

Jesus, Jinny,

if childbirth hurts
anything like that

than no thank you
very much!

You know, I have once rescued
a litter of cats

that look just like that.

One, two,

No, no.

-[rips]
-[screams]

Oh more, look,
look at this one. Real good.

You already did that side!

[cries]

I think you can clear
a rain forest, uh,

much faster than that.

Vinny, shut the fuck up!

So, which one of people

are you going to pick
to take care of this, uh,

mink coat wearing motherfucker?

None. None.

None of your people.

-Fuck it.
-Hey, were are you going?

The hell with it,
it's a new look.

[Jinny] No, wait,
I'm not done yet.

Hey, bitch!

Lie down, Vinny.

Hey.

-Mwah.
-Oh.

Oh.

The doctor says,

damage to my trachea
is only temporary.

-Oh, good.
-Hmm-hmm.

And your eye is almost healed.

So, did you tell Sally?

No.

Mac, what difference
would it make?

Do you think I'm the only person
in Texas without a gun?

No.

She's my Macduff, you know?

-Macduff?
-Mm-hmm.

Macduff killed Macbeth.

Who knows that?

Who talks like that?

My daddy.

He was an English teacher.

The only kind words I ever heard
coming out of his mouth.

William Shakespeare written
over 400 years ago.

What about your mom?

Looks at me and sees my daddy.

Trust me it's not
a good thing.

Call it young says
life's a struggle.

Well, I say,

It's not that life
is to short

it's just that death
is so long.

That's true.

-Mac?
-Mm-hm.

We want to be together, right?

That's what I want more than
anything in the world.

Then let's get married.

Really?

Yeah.

I mean listen to
the beauty of this plan.

-Okay.
-Okay.

-We get hitched...
-Huh-huh.

you name me on your policy

and them you show up dead.

Just like Sally arranged.

I-I show up Dead?

Well, yeah.

It's a small sacrifice
for the plan I guess.

Oh, but it's not you, dummy.

We get somebody else's body.

You have one lying around?

That's the least
of our problems.

But here's the genius.

We frame Sally for the murder.

What?

How?

Mac, hello.

You signed over your
life insurance policy to her.

Every body in town knows she's
trying to kill you.

No, no, no, no.

That's insane.

And sweetie,

First of all it's going to point
a finger at you.

Second of all, the insurance
company not just gonna

pay out the money
without an investigation.

I'll have an alibi.

And you must know someone at
the office who could arrange

for a quick pay-off.

Well, maybe my partner.

That is the single
most insane idea

I've ever heard
in my life.

See? See, it's insane.

Look, you can get
a job, Jupiter.

Wait.

I said insane
not impossible.

Come on,
let's get out of here.

Oh, heaven, Jesus.

[Jupiter] We'll be fine.

My life sucks right now.

My life would suck a hell
of a lot less

if I had a third
of a million dollars.

Mac will have
to give me the case

'cause you're my only
best friend.

Oh great, now I'm
in the past tense.

Although he is being
a pain in the ass

by taking Sally's
name on the

policy.

I got a friend at
the coroners office,

Can you get the money?

Can he get me a body?

-Ow.
-Is a frogs ass air tight?

Wait hold on a minute.

Will you just hold on a minute?

Stop this before
it gets too late.

Where are you going?

Work.

What do you mean work?

Quit with the
stupid questions.

Wait a minute.

You don't need to do this.

What about the plan?

The plan depends on you.

The only reason why
I'm in this shit-hole of a town

is because of you.

Mac, you don't understand.

I should've been rich.

Ray Poundstone
was my father.

The guy who owned Greasy Burger?

Yeah.

My mom was 17 and he was 40.

She was this naive
small town girl.

He was married
only she didn't know that.

Comes around,
bought her stuff

and gave her this.

Charms her gets her pregnant

and denies everything.

Her parents,

they kick her out.
So now she's this teen

toting around this
hungry dirty little baby

and we can't even get a discount
on a Greasy burger.

Day I turned five,

She eats a bullet.

Oh.

I am so sorry.

Yeah well,

shit happens.

I kept this as a reminder
the whole time.

And when I turned 15

I give Mr. Greasy Burger a call.

He thinks he's getting
another piece of ass.

Pay back is a bitch.

[clicks gun]

I can give you love.

I gotta go.

[door opens]

-How's it going, baby.
-It's going just fine.

Glad to hear.

* Some point I heard the word
Times about *

* With a thick Southern draw
like my girlfriends *

* And I watched as my hands
began tugging at my arm *

* And I really started
freaking out *

* Ships in and out

* Take you and me

[man] We're going to have
a good time tonight, baby.

[Jupiter] Yes we are.

[man] you're looking
real good, baby.

Hm. I like you a lot.

I like you too.

We're going to have
some fun tonight.

I gotta a little
surprise for you.

Yeah? Would have you got there?

What the hell is that?

Just a little present
from your wife.

[man] What do you think
you're doing with that little
piece shooter, huh?

-Give me that bitch!
-No!

What the hell you doing?

You like it rough, huh?

[Jupiter screams]

Who the hell is that?

Put the gun down!
Place is surrounded.

All right, buddy.

You found yourself
in the middle of an FBI...

prostitution ring.

Uh, bust, uh, bust ring.

Put it down!

[groans]

Jesus.

-Get out, asshole!
-Yeah! Get out asshole!

This sucks!

[groans]

Oh, my God.

[exhales]

You couldn't do it,
could you?

I could've been killed.

You could've been killed!

What are you doing?

I-I came to save you.

Oh, Mac.

What, what is it?

I want out.

Oh, honey.

Ah! Oh, oh.

I think I-- I think
I dislocated my shoulder.

Oh, you brave thing.

[groans]

Let's just--
Let's just get out of here.

All right.

All right.

[dance music plays]

[Sally] * Oop doom-a-loo-wee

* Hey look,
it's the killer bitch *

Momma?

-Don't, Tanya.
-Mamma.

Don't!

* We're rich!

[Tanya] When can we get it?

Oh, when can we get it?

You're not getting shit.

Mac's not dead.

What?

You're kidding, right?

Not only am I not kidding,

but if anything happens to Mac,

you're both dead.

Oh.

Now that you
have threatened me,

I never felt so secure
in my whole life.

You listen to me, mistress.

When I want something,
I get it.

Now I want this
son of a bitch dead.

[Sally over recording]
Dead, dead.

She...

Wants me... dead.

You know, it's impossible
to sneak anything by you.

Fuck!

Oh, I mean,

TO the heck with it.

Lets do it.

Lets send this floozy
to the slammer.

You mean it, Mac?

Are you ready for this?

I'm a good man either way.

Ah, that's my baby.

["Wedding March" playing]

Done deal!

Next.

Wilson. Love bird Special.

Bill of Bernie Curse's is
filling in for Father Fiscus.

["Wedding March" plays]

-[camera clicks]
-[groans]

Ah!

Dearly beloved,

we are gathered here today
to unite in Holy matrimony.

These two lovely...

assholes!

[grunts]

We hold marriage

to be very, very sacred.

It's a love bird special!

Stupid, stupid bitch!

Sorry about that.

Anyone here sees any reason

why these two
should not be wed?

Let them speak now
or forever hold their peace.

[coughs]

Do you, uh, do you got
the rings there, sir?

Well how about you, cowboy?

Oh, well I, uh--

They're in layaway.

Ah, layaway.

[clears throat]

Well do you, uh,

Macbeth Wilson, uh,

-take Melody Malloy...
-Melody?

I was gonna tell you.

Hey.

Hey, hey, hey!

Do you take this women,
yadda, yadda, yadda?

Oh, uh, uh,

Yes. Yes, sir, I do.

And do you Melody Malloy
take Macbeth here

to be your lawful husband?

For better or worse,
sickness and in health,

death do you part, etcetera.

I do.

Well then by the power
invested in me

by the state of Texas
I pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Fuck the bride!

Fuck her, fuck her, fuck her!

[woman] Congratulations!

Pay at the cashier.

Next.

Let's go.

That was beautiful, man.

Oh, shut up.

I just can't believe you didn't
tell me your real name.

Well, it never came up.

Never came up!

-I gave you--
-Shh.

[whispers] I gave you
a bracelet with a "J" on it.

Marriage's ritual is death.

-[register dings]
-Sign this license.

Change the policy over to me.
It was beneficiary.

[woman]
Scrumptious wedding cake.

For flash cameras,
a buck and a half.

I'll take the chocolate one.

Hmm.

My pal at the coroners office
is all settled.

All we need now is the body.

Then lets go dig up
so more business.

[Mac] Wait up.

[Melody] Come on.
It's just over here.

If this isn't my idea,
the cops are coming.

Oh, shut up and dig.

I know the body
was right here.

-[bangs metal]
-Oh, wait.

I think I hit something.

Oh!

-No! No! No!
-What is it?

Goddamn coyotes!

[cries]

My whole crumby life,

nothings ever gone right!

Fucking blond!

Why me?

Why do I always
have to be the victim!

[trembles]

Sweetheart,

why don't we just go
back to the car

and everything
will be all right.

All right?

Come on.

Put it down.

Put it down.

Put it--

Down.

[exhales]

[snoring]

[gunshot]

[screams]

Oh, God dang!

What?

[groans]

[sighs]

Oh, no wonder
I've been missing.

My sights off.

Oh.

Morning, honey.

Whatcha doin'?

Thinking.

You know, uh,

when most people think

it, uh,

doesn't involve firearms.

At all--

Why don't you...

give me the gun.

Please?

[gun shot]

Come on.

You can do it.

Come on.

Give me the gun.

There you go!

That's better, isn't it?

What's the matter?

Mac,

things are changing
inside of me and

I don't know that I like it.

Well you're
metamorphosizing is all.

I just said, "goddang".

Hot dog, I say that.

Oh.

Mac,

I have been alone

all of my life.

Even when I was
with other people.

And I liked it that way.

Now I don't feel so alone.

Honey.

I love you.

-[gun clicks]
-[man] That's for sure.

-Oh, God,
-Oh, my God.

-Oh. Oh. No.
-Shh.

I think I'm going
to metamorphosize your brain.

With the big bad
brain chunks.

-[laughs]
-[Mac] No!

Goddamn it,
are you happy now, Mac?

No.

What are you all
upset about, girly?

[laughs] Come on.

I followed you here yesterday
from the wedding.

-[laughs]
-No.

What?

Are you on the rag
or something, huh?

[chuckles]

Why don't you come over here
and find out.

Ooh.

Yeah.

Get over there, homo.

-Okay.
-[laughs]

-Not a move.
-Okay.

Baby, I am going to show you
how to pop a pistol.

[both laugh]

Oh.

You're gonna see
a real bull's-eye.

What?

What's with the look?

Oh, just...

Just?

What are you,
ovulating or something?

Huh?

[laughs]

Oh.

No, no.

I should kill you

before I threw you.

[laughs]

No.

[screams]

Ah!

Oh.

Oh, my God.

I didn't mean to kill him.

Why?

Now we got a body.

[thuds]

Lets go.

Oh!

Dump him off at
your apartment.

Huh?

We're never gonna get out of
this God forsaken town.

[Mac groans]

Welcome to my tomb.

Remember you're dead.

I know, I know,

dead men tell no tales.

Mac, don't blow this.

You've got clothes,
food and books.

Maybe I'll read the Lord's book.

Maybe that got porn.

[Melody] We've gotta go.

We'll have your funeral
by weeks end.

You're check by next month

and a party for
the rest of our lives.

You're forgetting one thing.

My life is already over.

You're wrong, baby.

It's just beginning.

Now shut up and play dead.

["Burn Down the
Trailer Park" plays]

* I borrowed some money

* I sold my car

* I set an airstream trailer

* Up on blocks

* That satellite dish

* Was my first mistake

* She started watchin'
Oprah Winfrey and Rikki Lake *

[crying]

[man] I'm going
to miss Mac too, Bruce.

It looks like it's just
gonna be me and you now.

Two amigos.

We'll make it thorough.

Asshole.

...owed you,

Melody.

There was...

a fair...

You gave me...

Good luck.

She touched my...

heart...

gently and

now I...

am

lost.

Model. Hm.

Nice job, Luigi.

* I fell asleep with
the Late Show on *

* Now it's 3 am

-* I wake up and she's gone
-[crying]

* I've got a strong suspicion

"But with me,
Your Lord Lady

burst above my chamber door.

First in the sack
but not before."

[chuckles] Just like you.

How about that?

Oh, Lord.

I'm talking with a moose.

I gotta get out of here.

* I can't live here since
you broke my heart *

* I'm gonna burn down
the trailer park *

-Mr. Hendrix.
-Hm?

Sally Rider still listed
as Mac's beneficiary.

Look, Bruce,

you've given me
an insane story, okay.

This, uh, new bride
and some audio tapes

with Sally Rider
threatens to kill Mac.

And, bless his soul, it's, um,

It's a little much to swallow.

No listen first, okay.

You know the rules.

I'm not cutting a check
until I see Mac's body

in the casket
buried six feet under.

Mac?

Mac!

Oh, this is good.

Oh, shit!

[country music playing]

Yes, uh,

Let's see now, uh...

Oh, J&B with a root beer
chaser please.

And, um,

give me a pack of something.

What? Cheetos.

Hey, Mr. Smarty pants.

You know what it's
like to be dead?

I've been shot.

Just 'cause I'm stuck behind
this here bar

doesn't mean I gotta listen
to deadbeats like you.

Hey, hey, hey,
who are you calling deadbeat?

I would watch my mouth
if I were you.

'Cause I've killed,

and been killed.

I am no longer responsible
for my actions.

Wait a minute.
I know you.

You know what?

My whole miserable life
I've been taking guff from

little butt suckers like you!

And I am done!

You were at that table.

I'm going to call the police.

Oh, sure, call the police.

What are you? Afraid to fight
your own battles?

You stay right where you are,
sauce boy.

Well my wife
is going to kill you.

What's this, voicemail?

Lets see if he's here.

Hm-hm.

[grunts]

Gee that hurts.

Mac.

Okay, come on.

That a boy.

Now you can't take
him from here.

Kiss my dick.

Honey?

Honey?

Hey.

There's been a slight
change of plans.

Hendricks wants
to view your body

So while you were
passed out drunk,

we put you in a coffin.

Oh, no, no, no.

Not a coffin.

-Not a coffin.
-Shh.

No one wants investigations.

Law suits.

Excavations.

I've got to wake up.

Why can't I move?

Well, I gave you a paraset which
causes temporarily paralysis.

and a tranquilizer
which eases your nerves.

But don't worry,
they're harmless.

What's that red one?

An m&m.

Oh, Lord.

This on the other hand,
is pure cocaine

laced with strychnine.

Fatal nose candy
for Sally and Tanya.

By the time they each did
a line or two,

they'll be dead.

They're problem people, Mac.

You're going to bury me,
aren't you?

-Oh!
-[laughs]

We would never do that, honey.

We're your friends.

We're having a wake.

Think of it as a party.

Really?

Yes, we need witnesses,

that it's really you we buried.

Then at the last minute,

we switched your body with
the body of the guy you killed.

[mumbles]

Oh. Hm.

[both laugh]

-[mumbles]
-Shh-shh.

It's about Chief.

Oh, no.

Shh.

Nephew, nephew.

[crying]

He's cute.

Yeah, real pretty.

Real nice.

I should have told the ASPCF
when I had the chance.

Could've been a lot worse.

[woman crying]

Well, Mac.

I'm gonna miss you
around the office. [sobs]

Oh, Mac!

Why couldn't have it been me
instead of you?

Why not her?

It always happens
to the good ones.

Bruce,

how did this happen?

Somebody shot him.

Who would shoot my baby?

What you see here is Mac...

It's only a shell.

Well the real Mac
was only a shell.

Maybe 'cause you said things
like that to him all his life.

Who are you?

I'm his wife.

His wife?

Well just how does
it affect his life

insurance policy?

I'm not sure.

This is the time, Penelope.

Look, my million dollar baby
takes a bullet.

And you're telling me
that all the money
is going to this bimbo?

Oh, I think this is
the right time all right.

I think this is the right time!

I would watch my mouth
if I were you.

Some respect please.

Mac.

Oh, Mac! [cries]

I'm your mother.

I gave you your life.

Don't you give a shit,
you little wimp.

You know what it was like
having sex with your father?

It was horrible!

It was like being rammed
by a buffalo!

He moved, Penelope.

Oh, shut up, you cluck,
he's dead.

I'm not so sure.

Can't we just let
the poor guy die?

[crying]

Don't die!

Don't die, my little baby.

-[shoveling]
-Come in.

This is no bargain.

He'll be fine.

Those drugs should slow
his respiratory rate way down.

He's got hours.

We'll just have to
wait it out.

Yeah.

[laughs] Then what?

Dig him out like Frankenstein?

[shoveling]

Oh.

Oh, golly.

[laughs]

[Melody] What do you suggest?

I mean. uh,

a real scumb bag would say,

"One half is better than...

one third...

than two.

it's a much more
magical number.

Three.

[spits]

Good thing we don't have
any scumb bags here, huh?

Lucky me.

Fucking nuts.

Hey! Open up!

Come on now!

[cries]

Hey,

How many does
this make today?

Uh,

five.

Oh, Jesus.

Is the whole world dying?

No, only the men.

Jesus.

I can't take this.

I need a drink.

Here's to Mac.

I hope he's resting in peace.

Ah, here's to Mac' mother.

Hmm.

Not getting a plum nickel!

No.

Sorry, Mom.

[glasses clink]

Here's to Sally,

and her boyfriend,

that Cyclope
she was slurping.

Ugh.

What boyfriend?

Oh, that fruit loop
that was there today

in the pink shirt
and the paisley tie.

Nice look.

Not Hendrix?

[both] Goddamn it,
cock sucker, son of a bitch!

[yelling]

-Got company.
-Hello?

Come out where ever you are,
you little money whore!

It's it, that tack stuff!

Melody, get in here!

Hendricks gave them the check!

A million dollars?

He's blind without these.

No!

No!

No!

Fuck!

Whoo-hoo! We're rich!

No more thrift shops.

Designer jeans!

Designer jeans, Mom!

Designer jeans!

Just put the money in the trunk.

Oh.

Are we just going
to dump him here?

It is a graveyard.

We gotta see if
the check cleared.

Damn.

We're headed the wrong way.

The office is back there.

We have to excavate Mac.

-We don't have time.
-He doesn't have time!

[Bruce] Jesus Christ
I gotta take a piss.

Melody?

Bruce?

Get your God dang asses
over here, right now!

[tires screech]

What the hell are
you two doing here?

Uh, I had to drop
something off.

Where's Hendrix?

Well the man cannot
handle his drugs.

Uh, your drugs I mean.

I would love to stay
and chit-chat but, uh,

at last we have
some shopping to do!

Bye.

Bye.

How about you buy this.

Mac's not dead.

[both] Bullshit.

[grunts]

Mac!

[gasping]

We saw him, stupid.

I guarantee you he's over there
sleeping like a baby.

[gasping]

[cranking]

oh, fuck!

Now why don't you move
your trashy asses over there.

Lets go.

Oh!

-I'm so scared.
-Move it.

the big bad hit lady
who couldn't hurt a fly.

"Gonna fill him full lead!"

Tanya, shut up!

[grunting]

[Melody]
Get over there, come on.

Go.

Hey.

All right.

Please, please.

[Melody] Hold on Mac
we're coming in.

[Bruce] Oh, no.

He looks a lot stiffer
than I remember.

-[gasps]
-[all scream]

[screams]

Oh, God!

Your alive!

[Sally] Oh, my God!

How could you
do this to me?

To him?

Your the one who tried to kill
the love of my life.

Your with him?

[both] Eww!

I'm married to him,
you cheap hussy!

-Cheap?
-Yes!

-I'm not cheap--
-Who do you think you are?

[arguing]

Listen, we need to negotiate!

[all] We're are not
negotiating shit!

[arguing]

We could have you killed!

[Melody] You never loved him
for one second, you skank!

[all shouting]

[Mac] Shut up!

All of you!

Listen to you.

All this talk of killin'.

The hate in your voices.

To pay money to have me killed.

You two buried me alive!

Is the human life
worth so little?

Mac.

Look at yourselves!

Lost your touch,
Miss Fancy Pants

Whoo! We won! Whoo!

[laughs]

Well, Macbeth,

you are not stopping me
from getting out of Buda.

Hm-hm.

I need no hit woman
to help me kill you.

[grunts]

[laughs]

Jupiter-- Melody,

whatever the hell
your name is.

Put the cash in the car.

-Bruce.
-Hm-hm.

Help me with these bodies.

[Bruce] You got it.

Mac, is this you?

Of course it is.

Ooh, baby!

Whoo-hoo!

[both grunting]

{both sigh]

Oop. Ah!

[winces

It's all right.

[engine starts]

All right.

Where are we headed?

How about San Antonio?

Uh, no, somewhere like
Acapulco, baby.

Where?

Oh.

What the hell was that?

[Bruce] Just Goulash.

[Melody] Come here you.

[Bruce] Durango or Guadalajara.

Oh, lets see.
The list is endless.

-Tijuana?
-[Mac] Well that
place sounds nice.

[Sally] Get your elbow
out of my face, Tanya!

[both arguing]

[Sally] When we get out of here,
you're going back to Huxby.

* There are few words
I have to say *

* To you

* After all that you do

* It's no surprise

* It's in your eyes

* But you can't hide

* What's on your mind?

* And you will find

* You'll realize

* It's leaving me

* Wishing

* You were dead

* Wishing

* You were dead

[instrumental playing]

* When I think of yesterday

* I see

* All the wicked
Games we play *

* At the time

* It all sound fine

* But you can't hide

* What's on your mind?

* And you will find

* You'll realize

* It's leaving me

* Wishing

* You were dead

* Wishing

* You were dead

* So was I wrong

* To have said

* Wish you were dead?

* Oh, oh, oh

* Oh, oh, oh

[instrumental playing]

* Oh, oh, oh

* Oh, oh, oh

* Oh, oh

* Wishing

* You were dead

* Wishing

* You were dead

* So was I wrong

* To have said

* Wish you were dead?

* Oh, oh, oh

* Oh, oh, oh