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1
00:00:20,470 --> 00:00:21,930
[playground noises]
2
00:00:22,020 --> 00:00:24,980
[Eddie] When I was ten,
my family moved to America.
3
00:00:25,310 --> 00:00:28,730
Shortly thereafter, I learned
a valuable lesson about love.
4
00:00:30,190 --> 00:00:31,190
Hey, new kid.
5
00:00:31,230 --> 00:00:33,780
You wanna play a card
came called 52 pickup?
6
00:00:35,950 --> 00:00:36,950
[cards falling]
7
00:00:37,030 --> 00:00:38,030
Pick it up,
8
00:00:38,160 --> 00:00:39,240
dick for brains!
9
00:00:39,700 --> 00:00:42,700
[tender music]
[footsteps approaching]
10
00:00:49,290 --> 00:00:52,340
She was the most
beautiful thing I had ever seen.
11
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,720
I fell instantly
and madly in love.
12
00:00:55,840 --> 00:00:57,970
♪ Take a look ♪
13
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,680
♪ At me ♪
14
00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,190
Then she broke my heart.
15
00:01:07,190 --> 00:01:09,650
I vowed never to
let love hurt me again.
16
00:01:10,650 --> 00:01:11,650
Today
17
00:01:11,820 --> 00:01:13,400
I'm a master of love.
18
00:01:13,990 --> 00:01:15,360
Your book '52 Pickup'
19
00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:18,620
is basically a how-to
guide for men to pick up women,
20
00:01:18,950 --> 00:01:20,490
-is it not?
-It is, yeah.
21
00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:24,160
And you claim that your book
22
00:01:24,580 --> 00:01:26,830
will help men pick
up a different woman
23
00:01:27,210 --> 00:01:28,920
every week, for a year?
24
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:31,210
Yeah, it's really that simple.
25
00:01:31,250 --> 00:01:32,960
All they have to do is follow
26
00:01:33,050 --> 00:01:34,590
my three simple
rules of engagement.
27
00:01:34,670 --> 00:01:36,260
That is, trigger her interest
28
00:01:36,340 --> 00:01:37,380
play indifferent
29
00:01:38,220 --> 00:01:39,720
and then go for the kill.
30
00:01:40,890 --> 00:01:43,640
Are you aware how
degrading that is to women?
31
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:45,560
I mean, some
could say it reduces us
32
00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:48,730
to mere objects who could
be easily tricked into bed?
33
00:01:48,770 --> 00:01:51,650
I mean, how would you
respond to such allegations?
34
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:52,820
How do I respond?
35
00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:55,650
[fast-paced music]
36
00:01:55,690 --> 00:01:57,280
Guilty as charged.
37
00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:58,610
[moaning]
[music continues]
38
00:01:58,820 --> 00:02:00,450
♪ Bang, bang, bang ♪
39
00:02:01,910 --> 00:02:03,990
♪ It goes all night long ♪
[moaning]
40
00:02:05,910 --> 00:02:08,370
♪ Clang, clang, clang ♪
[moaning continues]
41
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:11,330
♪ Do that siren song ♪
42
00:02:11,420 --> 00:02:13,040
[grunts]
[moaning]
43
00:02:13,630 --> 00:02:15,590
♪ Are you feeling nervous? ♪
44
00:02:17,010 --> 00:02:19,340
♪ She doesn't feel that way ♪
[grunting]
45
00:02:19,380 --> 00:02:21,010
[electronic beeping]
46
00:02:21,340 --> 00:02:23,180
[bang]
[upbeat music]
47
00:02:23,260 --> 00:02:24,350
[sighs]
48
00:02:25,010 --> 00:02:28,100
[music slows]
[sighs]
49
00:02:34,650 --> 00:02:36,360
Oh, what the hell is that?
50
00:02:37,570 --> 00:02:39,820
What is this stuff!
51
00:02:40,030 --> 00:02:42,370
[muttering]
52
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:46,080
[music continues]
53
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:50,750
[music continues]
[lawnmower whirring]
54
00:02:59,590 --> 00:03:02,180
-Hey, what's up, Ruben?
-Hey, what's... whoa.
55
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,550
-Take it easy, brother.
-Sorry, dude, we just met here.
56
00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:05,600
All right.
57
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,350
Don't get chopped off.
You're early, aren't you?
58
00:03:07,390 --> 00:03:08,470
You got it, bro.
59
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,560
[upbeat music]
[traffic sounds]
60
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,280
Thank you. How's it going? Good?
61
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,320
[paper rustling]
[music continues]
62
00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:22,360
Very well.
63
00:03:22,450 --> 00:03:23,870
There you go. Good luck.
64
00:03:24,030 --> 00:03:25,030
Good.
65
00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:26,280
And enjoy it.
66
00:03:26,700 --> 00:03:27,700
[woman] Next in line.
67
00:03:28,870 --> 00:03:31,920
[music continues]
68
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,080
So good to meet you.
69
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,500
Well, thank you for coming.
70
00:03:35,590 --> 00:03:37,670
Dude, you've changed my life.
71
00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,260
That's the whole point.
72
00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:41,510
I used to live in
my parents' basement
73
00:03:41,670 --> 00:03:43,010
and only thing I'd score
74
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:44,430
was my Xbox.
75
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:46,350
But now...
76
00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,390
I'm scoring with ladies.
77
00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:51,680
That's great. Go get them.
78
00:03:51,730 --> 00:03:53,810
[both laugh]
79
00:03:53,850 --> 00:03:54,850
[woman] Next.
80
00:03:54,980 --> 00:03:56,810
Holy shit.
81
00:03:57,730 --> 00:03:58,730
-Hi.
-Hi.
82
00:03:58,780 --> 00:04:00,530
I can't believe it's really you.
83
00:04:00,610 --> 00:04:01,610
It's really me.
84
00:04:02,070 --> 00:04:03,360
I owe you so much.
85
00:04:03,950 --> 00:04:06,320
Your book, has
helped me overcome this.
86
00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:08,740
Tiny penis?
87
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:09,790
What?
88
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:10,950
No!
89
00:04:11,370 --> 00:04:14,040
I'm talking about
my lack of style.
90
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:16,380
That's... I meant
your tiny lack of style.
91
00:04:16,460 --> 00:04:17,920
-Yes.
-I don't know why I said penis.
92
00:04:18,130 --> 00:04:20,000
That's exactly,
I don't know why I said penis.
93
00:04:20,090 --> 00:04:21,670
-You're an asshole.
-I'm sorry.
94
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,430
I'm... I'm sure
you're packing. I didn't...
95
00:04:24,470 --> 00:04:25,800
Baby's arm holding an apple.
96
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:26,840
Yeah.
97
00:04:27,390 --> 00:04:30,430
-What are you doing?
-I don't know. It just came out.
98
00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:33,060
Hi.
99
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:35,440
[music continues]
[traffic sounds]
100
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,480
What a collection
of losers today, huh?
101
00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:38,940
-Worse than usual.
-Yeah.
102
00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:40,690
OK. Those 'losers'
103
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,150
are the reason you live
in a million dollar house
104
00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,820
and wear custom-made suits.
105
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,910
Hey, it's OK,
I still love them, though.
106
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,530
Hence the term, 'lovable loser'.
107
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,120
Yeah. And hey,
hey, you know what?
108
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,200
You should show the man
a little more respect here.
109
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:53,750
OK? He's making your company a
lot of green and you know what?
110
00:04:53,790 --> 00:04:56,250
We haven't signed the contract
for that third book yet. So...
111
00:04:56,330 --> 00:04:57,330
-Don't touch me...
-OK.
112
00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,380
It's OK, Steve.
113
00:04:58,460 --> 00:05:00,340
Polly here has a
right to her opinion.
114
00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:01,460
OK, it's Molly.
115
00:05:03,210 --> 00:05:04,340
But Steve is right.
116
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,470
I was out of line.
It won't happen again.
117
00:05:06,510 --> 00:05:07,550
It's all good, babe.
118
00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,640
It's all good, Molly.
119
00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:11,720
We sold over a hundred copies.
120
00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:13,060
That's great, Nana.
121
00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:16,140
Yeah, those losers
really eat this shit up. Ha!
122
00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:17,900
What?
[both laugh]
123
00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:20,060
Here. I wrote my number in it.
124
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,230
You want to get with a
real woman, give me a call.
125
00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:24,320
[growls]
126
00:05:24,690 --> 00:05:27,070
[men laugh]
127
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:28,200
What the...
128
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:30,580
Don't even think about it.
129
00:05:32,580 --> 00:05:34,500
[music fades]
130
00:05:34,580 --> 00:05:36,920
Hey, hey, listen.
I almost forgot.
131
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,370
They asked me if
you want to participate
132
00:05:38,460 --> 00:05:40,170
in this charity fashion show.
133
00:05:40,210 --> 00:05:41,210
-Really?
-Yeah.
134
00:05:41,290 --> 00:05:43,500
-How much would it pay?
-Nada. It's for charity.
135
00:05:43,590 --> 00:05:45,260
But all the models
are gonna be celebs.
136
00:05:45,380 --> 00:05:46,800
-Oh, interesting.
-Yeah. Yeah.
137
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,260
It's gonna be
some big names there.
138
00:05:48,340 --> 00:05:49,340
You know what?
139
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:51,050
Might allow me to
broaden my fishing pond.
140
00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:52,220
[both laugh]
141
00:05:52,430 --> 00:05:54,100
And you've got
quite the pole, huh?
142
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,520
-Dude.
-I know.
143
00:05:56,850 --> 00:05:57,940
-That was...
-I know.
144
00:05:57,980 --> 00:05:58,980
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
145
00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:00,100
-We won't--
-Don't worry.
146
00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:02,070
I regretted the second
it came out of my mouth.
147
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:04,110
Oh.
[car engine roars]
148
00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:05,440
Hey! Wait a minute.
149
00:06:06,110 --> 00:06:08,360
Hey, don't forget about
this release party tonight!
150
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:09,780
-Huh?
-I said don't forget...
151
00:06:09,860 --> 00:06:10,410
[car engine roars]
152
00:06:10,490 --> 00:06:12,030
You're an asshole.
[Eddie laughs]
153
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:13,120
Asshole!
154
00:06:13,530 --> 00:06:14,540
You hear that?
155
00:06:14,580 --> 00:06:17,160
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
-Yeah, get out of here.
156
00:06:17,210 --> 00:06:18,830
Fancy car piece of shit.
157
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,090
[upbeat music]
158
00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:35,930
Take care of it, buddy.
159
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:39,060
[music continues]
160
00:06:56,740 --> 00:06:58,250
-Edison Greenleaf.
-Jesus.
161
00:06:58,910 --> 00:06:59,910
Whoa.
162
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,170
What?
163
00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:02,960
Hello.
164
00:07:03,130 --> 00:07:04,130
Hello.
165
00:07:04,630 --> 00:07:06,750
Do I know--
How do you know my name?
166
00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:08,460
Does it really matter?
167
00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:13,260
Of... I'm a fool.
Of course, from the
jackets of my book. OK.
168
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:15,810
-You want an autograph?
-Look, Eddie...
169
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,060
I'm here to ask you something.
170
00:07:19,850 --> 00:07:22,520
Yeah... you see,
I don't really carry cash.
171
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:24,440
I don't want your money.
172
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:25,820
Then what do you want?
173
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:28,780
You don't really
respect women, do you?
174
00:07:28,860 --> 00:07:30,990
I'm sorry, what?
[laughs]
175
00:07:31,070 --> 00:07:33,570
I-- did Steve Burns put
you up to this? Where is he?
176
00:07:33,660 --> 00:07:35,370
Women are nothing but notches...
177
00:07:35,740 --> 00:07:37,990
-on your bedpost!
-Yeah, my bedpost.
178
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:41,040
In fact, I don't even
have bedposts on my bed, so...
179
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,330
That's a metaphor, Eddie.
180
00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:46,170
A metaphor...
181
00:07:47,130 --> 00:07:48,130
Oh, I get...
182
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:49,840
I'm being punked, aren't I?
183
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:50,880
This is brilliant!
184
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,510
Where? Where are they?
All right, you can come out
now. Where's the film crew?
185
00:07:53,590 --> 00:07:55,800
There's no film crew, Eddie!
186
00:07:56,850 --> 00:08:00,310
All right. You know, I'm tired
of this. No more games, OK?
187
00:08:00,390 --> 00:08:02,310
Then give me what I'm here for.
188
00:08:02,390 --> 00:08:04,060
And what are you here for?
189
00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:05,400
Kiss me.
190
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,110
Jeez, I don't think
that's gonna happen.
191
00:08:07,190 --> 00:08:10,400
Prove to me that you can
see the beauty in all women.
192
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,070
The beauty beneath the surface.
193
00:08:12,570 --> 00:08:13,950
-Kiss me!
-All right.
194
00:08:13,990 --> 00:08:15,990
No offense,
you crazy old bat, but
195
00:08:16,030 --> 00:08:18,030
I'd rather my dick
dropped off, all right?
196
00:08:18,830 --> 00:08:21,040
-What a--
-Suit yourself.
197
00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:23,870
[mysterious sound]
198
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,000
[contemporary music]
199
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,350
Yeah, so, ah, Molly, listen.
200
00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:43,940
-I, uhh--
-Too close.
201
00:08:43,980 --> 00:08:44,980
OK.
202
00:08:45,140 --> 00:08:47,690
You're doing that thing kids
do when they like each other--
203
00:08:47,730 --> 00:08:48,730
No.
204
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,070
Well, OK, then.
205
00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:51,230
How about we talk business.
206
00:08:51,320 --> 00:08:53,360
Maybe a few
strawberry daiquiris,
discuss that third contract.
207
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:54,360
What do you say?
208
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:55,450
[groans] Oh, god.
209
00:08:56,030 --> 00:08:59,120
[music continues]
210
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:04,000
And then, two of
my eight cats, they got
in this really big fight.
211
00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:05,420
-All right.
-It was just horrible.
212
00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:07,380
I ended up having to
take Mr. Muggles to the vet
213
00:09:07,420 --> 00:09:09,500
and then we had to put
him down. Sorry, I can't talk.
214
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:11,000
All right, I'm
really happy for you.
215
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:14,130
[music continues]
216
00:09:15,630 --> 00:09:19,010
I thought super-models were
required to be anorexic, but
217
00:09:19,390 --> 00:09:21,310
you look just so
goddamn healthy.
218
00:09:21,970 --> 00:09:22,970
Wait.
219
00:09:23,060 --> 00:09:24,770
Are you saying that I look fat?
220
00:09:24,850 --> 00:09:26,480
No, no, that's
not what I'm saying.
221
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:28,310
I'm saying you
look really healthy.
222
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:29,980
Oh my god.
223
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,900
I shouldn't have eaten
this puffy cheese thing.
224
00:09:32,940 --> 00:09:35,240
Don't be so hard on yourself,
you know. You're only human.
225
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:36,530
Humans are flawed.
226
00:09:37,450 --> 00:09:39,410
Wait, are you
saying I have flaws?
227
00:09:39,620 --> 00:09:40,780
No, I'm saying that
228
00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,330
I think you're gorgeous.
229
00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:44,790
Just don't worry about what
anybody else thinks about you.
230
00:09:44,830 --> 00:09:47,000
Wait. You say people
are talking about me?
231
00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:49,540
Well, you know what
these bitches are like.
232
00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,630
[music continues]
233
00:09:56,510 --> 00:09:59,140
We should think about,
getting out of here soon.
234
00:09:59,180 --> 00:10:00,720
It's getting a little, umm...
235
00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:02,390
a little toxic, I think.
236
00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:03,680
Tell me about it.
237
00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,100
-Uhh.
-Umm.
238
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:06,310
Uhh?
239
00:10:06,390 --> 00:10:07,390
Hey, umm...
240
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,440
would you like to
come back to my place?
241
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:11,150
It's like five minutes away.
242
00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:13,440
Really, uhh...
243
00:10:13,860 --> 00:10:14,860
Oh...
244
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:16,820
Early start in
the morning, uhh...
245
00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:18,320
Oh, please?
246
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:20,240
Well...
247
00:10:20,410 --> 00:10:22,620
I promise to make
it worth your while.
248
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:24,910
[fast-paced music]
249
00:10:24,990 --> 00:10:26,660
Well, if you insist.
250
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,160
[chuckling]
251
00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:30,580
Let's get out of here quick.
252
00:10:30,670 --> 00:10:33,670
[fast-paced music]
253
00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:35,340
[loud moans]
254
00:10:39,510 --> 00:10:40,640
No. On the bed.
255
00:11:01,070 --> 00:11:04,080
[music continues]
256
00:11:33,230 --> 00:11:34,900
[gasps]
What the fuck?
257
00:11:35,150 --> 00:11:38,230
[mysterious music]
258
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,280
[gasps]
259
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,400
Oh my god.
260
00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:42,610
Can't be.
261
00:11:44,950 --> 00:11:47,240
[mysterious music]
262
00:11:47,490 --> 00:11:48,620
I must be dreaming.
263
00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:53,210
[groans]
264
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:58,500
[gasps]
265
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:02,470
[rustling]
266
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:06,140
[door creaking]
267
00:12:10,770 --> 00:12:11,940
Where are you going?
268
00:12:12,730 --> 00:12:14,810
[light switch clicks]
[gasps]
269
00:12:15,860 --> 00:12:16,860
[door closes]
270
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,570
[cellphone buzzing]
271
00:12:21,190 --> 00:12:22,650
Come on, come on.
272
00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:24,990
[cellphone buzzing]
273
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:28,790
[grunts]
274
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,790
[sighs]
275
00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:35,080
Hello?
276
00:12:35,420 --> 00:12:36,420
Steve!
277
00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:38,250
You need to get to
my place right away.
278
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:39,550
Who is this?
279
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,590
It's Eddie, dumb-ass.
280
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:43,970
Really? Who is this?
281
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:45,300
Umm...
282
00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:47,720
you just need to get to Eddie's
place as soon as you can.
283
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:48,810
Why?
284
00:12:49,390 --> 00:12:50,390
Uhh...
285
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:53,310
because he wants you
to join us in a threesome.
286
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:55,020
Really?
[grunts]
287
00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:57,770
He's never asked me that before.
288
00:12:58,230 --> 00:12:59,360
Are you in or what?
289
00:12:59,730 --> 00:13:01,400
I'm in! I'm in! I'm in!
290
00:13:01,530 --> 00:13:02,530
I'm in.
291
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:04,150
[sighs]
292
00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:06,320
[sighs]
293
00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:09,620
[fast-paced music]
294
00:13:27,590 --> 00:13:30,680
[music fades]
295
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:44,440
[knocks on door]
296
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,490
About time.
297
00:13:45,860 --> 00:13:47,030
[knocking on door]
298
00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:49,910
[knocking on door]
299
00:13:50,620 --> 00:13:51,660
[door opens]
300
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:52,700
What?
301
00:13:52,830 --> 00:13:53,910
[laughs]
302
00:13:54,540 --> 00:13:55,870
Wow.
[door closes]
303
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:57,120
Huh, look at you.
304
00:13:57,540 --> 00:13:58,540
Well.
305
00:13:58,580 --> 00:14:00,880
Your stud service has arrived.
306
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:02,500
Huh?
307
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:03,630
I studied Goju Kai karate.
308
00:14:03,670 --> 00:14:04,670
Ha!
309
00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:05,760
Kai,
310
00:14:06,090 --> 00:14:07,090
by the way.
311
00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:09,010
Yeah. Uhh...
312
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,510
So, where is he?
313
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:11,680
Where's Eddie?
314
00:14:11,890 --> 00:14:13,220
Funny thing about that.
315
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:15,020
Eddie?
316
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:16,680
You back here?
317
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,690
So where's he?
318
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:20,060
It's me, Steve. Eddie.
319
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,190
[laughs]
OK.
320
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:23,520
Yeah?
321
00:14:23,650 --> 00:14:24,650
Eddie?
322
00:14:24,690 --> 00:14:25,690
You back here?
323
00:14:26,030 --> 00:14:28,360
Uhh, he's standing
right in front of you.
324
00:14:28,570 --> 00:14:29,990
OK. I get it.
325
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,240
You're hot.
326
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,580
I don't know
what's going on here, but
327
00:14:33,660 --> 00:14:35,580
but if you don't
tell me where Eddie is
328
00:14:35,620 --> 00:14:36,910
I'm gonna have to call the cops.
329
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,410
OK, listen to me, Steve.
330
00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:40,460
I really don't
know what happened.
331
00:14:40,540 --> 00:14:43,000
Last night I fell
asleep and when I woke up
332
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:44,340
I was this.
333
00:14:45,340 --> 00:14:46,380
Have it your way.
334
00:14:48,550 --> 00:14:49,550
Beth McDonald.
335
00:14:52,890 --> 00:14:53,890
What was that?
336
00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:55,520
Your crush in middle school.
337
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,730
Beth McDonald,
the one that got away.
338
00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,890
OK. Eddie's the
only one who knows that.
339
00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:00,980
See?
340
00:15:01,060 --> 00:15:03,270
All that proves is
that he told you about her.
341
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,320
OK, how about Jessica Levine?
342
00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:08,110
You lost your virginity
to her in tenth grade
343
00:15:08,190 --> 00:15:09,900
and cried like a little baby.
344
00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:11,990
That's cause she bit my dick!
345
00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,790
Wait. OK,
what's go-- Did... did...
346
00:15:15,910 --> 00:15:17,910
Did he tell you
my whole life story?
347
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:19,580
Steve. It's me.
348
00:15:19,830 --> 00:15:22,380
Eddie. Stuck
inside a chick's body.
349
00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:23,420
[sighs]
350
00:15:23,630 --> 00:15:24,630
Come on.
351
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,050
[sighs]
352
00:15:27,090 --> 00:15:28,090
OK.
353
00:15:28,630 --> 00:15:30,220
Fine. If you're
Eddie, tell me this
354
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:32,340
Two years ago,
we took a trip to Vegas.
355
00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:34,640
We got really drunk
with some strippers
356
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,020
and they dared us to do
something really disgusting.
357
00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:38,390
The next day we swore...
358
00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:41,390
we swore we would
never talk about it again.
359
00:15:42,560 --> 00:15:43,560
-Really?
-Yeah.
360
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:44,900
Really, Steve?
361
00:15:45,230 --> 00:15:47,440
You're gonna make
me say this out loud?
362
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:48,530
Hey.
363
00:15:48,690 --> 00:15:49,740
If you're Eddie...
364
00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:52,030
well, you'd know all about it.
365
00:15:52,990 --> 00:15:53,990
[sighs]
366
00:15:54,660 --> 00:15:56,530
OK, we gave
each other hand jobs.
367
00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:58,120
Uhh...
368
00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,660
excuse me, what was that?
369
00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:03,880
We gave each other hand jobs.
370
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:05,040
Are you happy?
371
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:06,090
What?
372
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:07,300
Eddie?
373
00:16:08,380 --> 00:16:09,840
I just puked in my mouth.
374
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:11,760
Wait a minute.
375
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:12,970
Wait a minute. Eddie.
376
00:16:13,010 --> 00:16:14,930
This is impossible.
I mean, how...
377
00:16:15,090 --> 00:16:16,390
[muttering]
378
00:16:16,430 --> 00:16:17,600
How did this happen?
379
00:16:18,260 --> 00:16:19,270
I don't know.
380
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,730
Like I said, I fell
asleep at Alexa's last night
381
00:16:21,810 --> 00:16:23,140
after banging her up and down
382
00:16:23,230 --> 00:16:24,440
and when I woke up
383
00:16:24,770 --> 00:16:25,770
I was a chick.
384
00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:32,570
Well...
385
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,450
at least you're hot.
386
00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:35,870
Shut the fuck up.
387
00:16:36,490 --> 00:16:37,490
Wait.
388
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:39,830
-You think I'm hot?
-Oh yeah, I do.
389
00:16:39,910 --> 00:16:42,080
So you would have
sex with me, knowing it's me,
390
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:43,120
Eddie,
391
00:16:43,250 --> 00:16:44,290
inside this body?
392
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:46,790
Hey, after Vegas,
what have I got to lose?
393
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,090
-Good point.
-Right?
394
00:16:49,210 --> 00:16:51,300
So, if you don't mind, can I...
395
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:53,420
-See the whole package, maybe?
-What?
396
00:16:53,510 --> 00:16:54,930
You know, minus the clothes.
397
00:16:55,010 --> 00:16:56,840
Dude, I am not taking
my clothes off for you.
398
00:16:56,930 --> 00:16:58,220
OK, fine. Be that way.
399
00:16:58,390 --> 00:16:59,390
I have to say
400
00:16:59,510 --> 00:17:01,180
my breasts are really perky.
401
00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:04,350
[dream music]
402
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:08,400
Steve!
403
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:11,690
[music continues]
404
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:14,320
Steve!
405
00:17:15,450 --> 00:17:16,450
[slap]
[screams]
406
00:17:16,530 --> 00:17:17,620
I'm a First Dan.
407
00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:19,240
[slap]
OK.
408
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,660
I said, we need to
figure out what happened to me.
409
00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:22,700
OK.
410
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:24,710
Jesus.
411
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,000
OK.
412
00:17:31,090 --> 00:17:32,380
Let's figure this out.
413
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:34,920
Let's think about
the last 24 hours, yeah?
414
00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:36,970
-You had the book signing.
-Yeah.
415
00:17:37,050 --> 00:17:38,970
You had the release party.
416
00:17:39,010 --> 00:17:40,560
You had sex with a super-model.
417
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:41,600
Nothing unusual.
418
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:42,680
OK, then.
419
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:43,930
-Wait.
-What?
420
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:45,810
The homeless woman.
421
00:17:45,890 --> 00:17:47,230
You had sex
with a homeless woman?
422
00:17:47,270 --> 00:17:48,560
No, dumb-ass.
423
00:17:49,230 --> 00:17:51,270
I was outside the
building before the party.
424
00:17:51,360 --> 00:17:53,070
And this homeless
woman came up to me.
425
00:17:53,150 --> 00:17:54,610
She knew my name, said...
426
00:17:54,650 --> 00:17:56,200
said, I don't respect women,
427
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,820
didn't see their inner
beauty, some shit like that.
428
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:00,950
Then, she asked me to kiss her.
429
00:18:01,030 --> 00:18:02,200
Wow, how was that?
430
00:18:03,290 --> 00:18:05,660
That's the thing.
I mean, I blew her off.
431
00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:07,330
She was fucking hideous.
432
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:11,670
I would've fucked her.
433
00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:14,550
Twice.
434
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,590
She must have put a spell on me.
435
00:18:17,630 --> 00:18:19,260
That's the only
thing that makes sense.
436
00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:20,350
OK.
437
00:18:20,510 --> 00:18:21,510
OK. So...
438
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:24,060
we are looking
for a homeless woman
439
00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:25,730
with magical powers.
440
00:18:26,310 --> 00:18:28,310
I mean...
I don't know. I guess so.
441
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:29,850
Maybe she was a witch.
442
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,730
-A witch?
-Did she have a broom?
443
00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:33,190
-No.
-OK.
444
00:18:33,610 --> 00:18:34,610
But...
445
00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:36,950
she did have a
really big walking stick.
446
00:18:37,030 --> 00:18:38,030
Her magic wand!
447
00:18:38,740 --> 00:18:40,200
Kind of magic wand, yeah.
448
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,280
Right. Well...
449
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:44,330
with all these magical powers,
why was she still so ugly?
450
00:18:44,410 --> 00:18:45,870
-What?
-I mean, the first thing you do
451
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,120
is make yourself hot, right?
452
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:48,620
What's that got
to do with anything?
453
00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:50,120
Ah. Wait a minute. No!
454
00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:51,330
Because if she was hot
455
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,130
it would have been
easy for you to kiss her.
456
00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:54,420
My god, this lady is slick.
457
00:18:54,460 --> 00:18:56,710
Gotta tell you, if she was
here, I'd give her some props.
458
00:18:56,800 --> 00:18:57,800
You're an idi--
459
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:00,930
-That's it.
-What?
460
00:19:01,590 --> 00:19:02,800
We have to find her.
461
00:19:02,890 --> 00:19:04,470
I mean, if she
turned me into a chick
462
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,270
then she can turn me back again.
463
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:07,480
Wait a minute. Listen to me.
464
00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,270
You know how hard
it's gonna be to find
a homeless woman in this city?
465
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:12,110
Like trying to find
a virgin in a whorehouse.
466
00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:13,440
OK, listen to me, Steve.
467
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:14,610
We either find her
468
00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:17,110
or I'm stuck as a chick
for I don't know how long.
469
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:18,190
Maybe forever.
470
00:19:18,400 --> 00:19:20,450
Doesn't worry me,
because you're kind of hot.
471
00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:21,530
Dude!
472
00:19:21,660 --> 00:19:22,660
Me and you
473
00:19:22,910 --> 00:19:23,950
not gonna happen.
474
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,950
[upbeat music]
475
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:28,040
Not until I slip
you a few mickeys.
476
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,710
I still say, if
she had magic powers
477
00:19:30,790 --> 00:19:32,210
she'd use them
not to be homeless.
478
00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:35,420
Or, maybe searching
for her in homeless
shelters is part of the test.
479
00:19:35,500 --> 00:19:37,090
Yeah, but not the fun part.
480
00:19:37,130 --> 00:19:40,220
[music continues]
481
00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:46,850
Can I help you?
482
00:19:47,140 --> 00:19:49,140
Yeah, hi, we're trying
to find a homeless woman.
483
00:19:49,180 --> 00:19:50,810
This is a homeless shelter.
484
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,060
We have about 40 of them.
485
00:19:52,150 --> 00:19:53,270
She's really old.
486
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:54,900
There's about 30 of them.
487
00:19:54,980 --> 00:19:56,110
She's really ugly.
488
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,110
Look, this is really important.
489
00:19:59,990 --> 00:20:00,990
You see...
490
00:20:01,570 --> 00:20:03,570
I think she took
something of mine.
491
00:20:03,950 --> 00:20:05,620
So let me get this straight.
492
00:20:05,660 --> 00:20:08,240
Some poor old homeless woman
493
00:20:08,410 --> 00:20:10,500
who's probably
struggling to survive
494
00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:12,040
took something from you.
495
00:20:13,290 --> 00:20:14,290
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
496
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,170
So what do you want me to do?
497
00:20:16,210 --> 00:20:18,710
I make our clients
line up so you can pick her out?
498
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,260
Oh my god,
that would be so great.
499
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:21,340
-Yeah.
-Thank you.
500
00:20:21,380 --> 00:20:22,760
[shelter worker laughs]
501
00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:25,220
Have you ever
heard of sarcasm, skippy?
502
00:20:28,220 --> 00:20:29,770
That shit ain't happening.
503
00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:31,680
Well, can we
at least have a look around?
504
00:20:31,770 --> 00:20:33,650
No, you can't be
looking around in here.
505
00:20:33,730 --> 00:20:35,360
OK, what do you expect us to do?
506
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:36,900
What I expect you to do
507
00:20:37,150 --> 00:20:38,730
is to take your skinny
508
00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:40,990
sorry asses and
get up outta here before I--
509
00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:42,070
Tonya...
510
00:20:42,780 --> 00:20:44,030
what's going on here?
511
00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:49,040
These two claim that a
homeless woman stole from them.
512
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,450
And they want us
to line up our clients
513
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,500
like a bunch of criminals
so they can pick her out.
514
00:20:53,580 --> 00:20:55,380
Well, that's not exactly true.
515
00:20:55,830 --> 00:20:57,590
Hi, I'm Jess White.
516
00:20:57,630 --> 00:20:58,710
I'm the manager.
517
00:20:58,800 --> 00:20:59,800
Hi, I'm Ed...
518
00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:01,840
...na Greenleaf.
519
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:04,720
So why don't you tell
me what's going on here?
520
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,680
OK, the other night,
I ran into this homeless
woman on the street.
521
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,100
She was really ugly.
522
00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:10,850
Anyway,
523
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:13,060
I think she might have
taken something of mine.
524
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:14,100
I see.
525
00:21:14,350 --> 00:21:15,350
Yep.
526
00:21:15,480 --> 00:21:18,570
And, what would that be?
If you don't mind my asking.
527
00:21:20,820 --> 00:21:23,280
-It was, uhh...
-Her identity.
528
00:21:24,820 --> 00:21:26,320
She took your identity?
529
00:21:27,490 --> 00:21:29,530
Oh, it's...
kind of hard to explain.
530
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:32,080
You... you mean your ID?
531
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:33,500
That's right. Her ID.
532
00:21:34,460 --> 00:21:36,540
Oh, well, I guess I can
see why you'd want that back.
533
00:21:36,620 --> 00:21:38,170
-Yeah, I know, right?
-So, umm...
534
00:21:38,250 --> 00:21:39,500
can you describe her for me?
535
00:21:39,590 --> 00:21:42,210
Yeah, umm, she's
about 80 years old, with this
536
00:21:42,550 --> 00:21:45,380
wild, grey hair, and
this really big crooked nose.
537
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:46,760
Tell her about
the walking stick.
538
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:48,930
Oh yeah, she had this
massive wooden walking stick.
539
00:21:49,010 --> 00:21:50,220
Yeah, like a magic wand.
540
00:21:51,470 --> 00:21:53,220
-Like a magic wand?
-Uhuh.
541
00:21:53,770 --> 00:21:55,140
What a plain Jane, huh?
542
00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:56,940
Yeah, I know.
You should have asked her out.
543
00:21:57,020 --> 00:21:58,400
What? She was a five at best.
544
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:00,150
Yeah, but
together you'd make a ten.
545
00:22:00,230 --> 00:22:01,320
You're an asshole.
546
00:22:02,190 --> 00:22:04,190
Five shelters
and no sign of her.
547
00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:05,950
Buddy, I've got
to tell you I'm starvin marvin,
548
00:22:05,990 --> 00:22:07,160
you know what I'm saying?
549
00:22:07,530 --> 00:22:09,120
This may be
harder than I thought.
550
00:22:10,870 --> 00:22:12,290
[sighs]
[door closes]
551
00:22:12,330 --> 00:22:13,330
Look, uhh...
552
00:22:13,910 --> 00:22:16,290
maybe we should eat something.
Maybe get a little Thai food?
553
00:22:16,330 --> 00:22:17,330
-Maybe, just a--
-What?
554
00:22:17,420 --> 00:22:19,330
Some Thai food.
Man, I'm starving, come on.
555
00:22:19,380 --> 00:22:20,380
Sure. Whatever.
556
00:22:22,170 --> 00:22:23,170
OK.
557
00:22:24,010 --> 00:22:25,010
OK.
558
00:22:27,010 --> 00:22:28,180
Look. Listen to me.
559
00:22:28,590 --> 00:22:30,470
We will find
this homeless woman.
560
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:31,640
This witch.
561
00:22:31,680 --> 00:22:33,810
Whatever it is you think
she is, we will find her.
562
00:22:33,850 --> 00:22:35,640
Yeah, but what
do I do until then?
563
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:36,980
I'm a chick, Steve.
564
00:22:39,230 --> 00:22:40,230
[sighs]
565
00:22:41,980 --> 00:22:43,190
Well, you know what?
566
00:22:43,690 --> 00:22:45,440
-Embrace it.
-Embrace it?
567
00:22:45,610 --> 00:22:46,610
Yes, Eddie.
568
00:22:46,820 --> 00:22:47,990
Embrace it.
569
00:22:49,070 --> 00:22:50,740
I mean, come on,
Eddie, think about it.
570
00:22:50,780 --> 00:22:53,990
A chance for you to see what
it's like on the other side.
571
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,370
Right? Embrace that!
572
00:22:58,290 --> 00:22:59,290
And, hey...
573
00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:03,710
it may be a good time
to do a little research
for your third book.
574
00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:06,550
Yeah.
575
00:23:06,630 --> 00:23:07,760
-Hmm.
-There you go.
576
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:08,930
Yeah.
577
00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:10,590
I'm starving. Going to eat.
578
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,680
[fast-paced music]
579
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:27,190
Good morning.
How can I help you?
580
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,400
Hey, guys. Ma'am.
581
00:23:28,780 --> 00:23:29,740
Umm, look.
582
00:23:29,820 --> 00:23:31,860
We're here to get my
sister here some chick clothes.
583
00:23:31,950 --> 00:23:34,580
He, she needs
a little of everything.
584
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,450
Fabulous.
You've come right place.
585
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:38,830
What is size?
586
00:23:38,870 --> 00:23:40,120
Uhh, 32 regular.
587
00:23:41,330 --> 00:23:42,580
Ha, just kidding.
588
00:23:42,750 --> 00:23:43,750
Umm...
589
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:44,840
I'm a size...
590
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:46,960
-Two?
-Yeah, sure, two.
591
00:23:47,050 --> 00:23:48,050
Great.
592
00:23:48,090 --> 00:23:49,090
OK.
593
00:23:49,170 --> 00:23:52,220
[music continues]
594
00:23:55,140 --> 00:23:56,140
So, uhh...
595
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:58,680
you guys are from Russia, right?
596
00:23:58,810 --> 00:24:00,350
Da, Moscow.
597
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:02,400
[laughs]
Da . Cool.
598
00:24:03,270 --> 00:24:04,270
In winter
599
00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:05,770
is so cold
600
00:24:05,820 --> 00:24:07,610
we pray, global warming.
601
00:24:07,690 --> 00:24:08,690
[laughs]
602
00:24:08,940 --> 00:24:09,940
Hell, no.
603
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:11,450
Oh, something wrong?
604
00:24:12,820 --> 00:24:14,240
Yeah, this is messed up.
605
00:24:14,490 --> 00:24:15,490
Wrong size?
606
00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:17,120
You tell me.
607
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,160
[sighs]
608
00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:21,290
Holy shit.
609
00:24:21,870 --> 00:24:23,000
Looks a good fit.
610
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:27,130
So it's supposed to feel
like someone's cutting you in
half with a rusty butter knife?
611
00:24:27,170 --> 00:24:28,250
Da, pretty much.
612
00:24:29,170 --> 00:24:30,800
I mean, I have to admit...
613
00:24:31,670 --> 00:24:33,890
I do like how this
displays the goods.
614
00:24:34,010 --> 00:24:35,970
Perky, like pair of chipmunks.
615
00:24:36,010 --> 00:24:37,640
[nervous laugh]
616
00:24:38,100 --> 00:24:39,600
Steve, what do you think?
617
00:24:39,930 --> 00:24:40,930
Marry me.
618
00:24:41,180 --> 00:24:42,390
Oh, shut the fuck up.
619
00:24:42,480 --> 00:24:43,850
No, I'm serious. Marry me.
620
00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:45,770
Because you and I,
we make a great couple.
621
00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:47,480
What happens when I
go through the change?
622
00:24:47,570 --> 00:24:49,320
I'm not giving you
any more hand jobs.
623
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:52,820
[sputtering]
She's really not my sister.
624
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:54,320
Americans.
625
00:24:54,410 --> 00:24:57,530
No, no, no, she's actually
a little more like my brother.
626
00:24:57,620 --> 00:24:58,620
I'm sorry, Eddie.
627
00:24:58,700 --> 00:25:01,620
But, you mind turning
around and give me a
little bit of that rusty butter?
628
00:25:01,660 --> 00:25:03,620
You're an idiot.
[music continues]
629
00:25:04,330 --> 00:25:05,330
OK.
630
00:25:05,670 --> 00:25:08,670
[fast-paced music]
631
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:16,220
♪ Oh my, oh my ♪
632
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:29,360
♪ You really got my attention ♪
633
00:25:31,530 --> 00:25:34,490
♪ You made me stop
What I was doing ♪
634
00:25:36,490 --> 00:25:39,620
♪ You made me
Look in your direction ♪
635
00:25:39,700 --> 00:25:40,700
♪ Yeah ♪
636
00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:42,120
[music fades]
637
00:25:43,330 --> 00:25:44,330
Hey, Eddy.
638
00:25:44,540 --> 00:25:45,830
How're you doing, man?
639
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,580
-Yeah, good to see you.
-Nice to see you.
640
00:25:47,710 --> 00:25:50,040
Eddy, Ed... Edna. Edna, Eddy.
641
00:25:50,210 --> 00:25:52,510
Edna, my pleasure.
Ooh, firm handshake.
642
00:25:52,670 --> 00:25:55,090
Buddy, she needs
the works. What do you think?
643
00:25:55,170 --> 00:25:56,760
I mean, give her
the works and put your--
644
00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:58,760
We don't need to do
much. We'll just do her hair.
645
00:25:58,800 --> 00:25:59,800
Right, right.
646
00:25:59,890 --> 00:26:02,100
I got an amazing
hair stylist, my wife.
647
00:26:02,180 --> 00:26:03,180
-Your wife?
-Your wife?
648
00:26:03,270 --> 00:26:06,440
She's the best.
Yeah, she's amazing.
You will be more than happy.
649
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:08,560
That's wonderful, Eddy,
thank you. Thank you so much.
650
00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:09,650
Sweetie.
651
00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:11,980
Come on out, baby.
Someone to meet somebody.
652
00:26:12,030 --> 00:26:14,360
You snapped.
You know what that means?
653
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:15,820
-I know, I know.
-Excited.
654
00:26:15,900 --> 00:26:16,910
Right?
655
00:26:17,660 --> 00:26:19,780
Edna, this is James.
656
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:21,280
Edna, James.
657
00:26:21,580 --> 00:26:23,490
-The best.
-Welcome to our salon.
658
00:26:23,580 --> 00:26:25,620
-Only the best.
-Eddy James he starts, I finish.
659
00:26:25,660 --> 00:26:26,830
Always a happy ending.
660
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,420
Well... [laughs]
661
00:26:29,290 --> 00:26:30,630
So are we doing
anything with him?
662
00:26:30,710 --> 00:26:31,710
I'm fine.
663
00:26:31,750 --> 00:26:34,260
-It's all about her.
-It's her today, baby.
664
00:26:36,090 --> 00:26:37,090
-No, no, no.
-Don't.
665
00:26:37,180 --> 00:26:39,180
-Come on, not today.
-Don't even, start with it.
666
00:26:39,220 --> 00:26:40,220
Me, not today?
667
00:26:40,300 --> 00:26:42,680
You snap and look at him,
the way you just looked at him-
668
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:44,680
-No, it's really about her.
-Yeah.
669
00:26:44,970 --> 00:26:47,060
Which is why
I'm having a co-- ex--
670
00:26:47,100 --> 00:26:48,600
-a conversation--
-I'm sorry.
671
00:26:48,690 --> 00:26:49,690
with my husband.
672
00:26:49,730 --> 00:26:50,730
You're flirting.
673
00:26:50,810 --> 00:26:53,940
Oh, no, I'm not, babe.
You know you're the one for me.
674
00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:57,610
-Anyways.
-I'm sorry.
675
00:26:57,700 --> 00:26:59,110
Yes, that's what I need.
676
00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:00,320
And enough of that.
677
00:27:00,410 --> 00:27:02,030
Sweetheart, listen,
let's get you started.
678
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:04,040
Don't worry about this.
That's between him and I.
679
00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:05,410
We'll take care
of you just fine.
680
00:27:05,450 --> 00:27:08,210
You're in good hands,
magic hands. Come with me.
681
00:27:08,500 --> 00:27:09,500
Do your magic.
682
00:27:09,580 --> 00:27:10,580
You know I do.
683
00:27:11,380 --> 00:27:12,750
[sighs] So...
684
00:27:13,250 --> 00:27:14,800
when the husband snaps
685
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,590
I have magic to perform. So...
686
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,680
I am gonna give you a little...
687
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,050
Oh, gosh, I don't know.
688
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:22,220
You know what I'm gonna do?
689
00:27:22,300 --> 00:27:23,260
I'm gonna give you more waves
690
00:27:23,350 --> 00:27:24,720
than a Hawaiian surf
competition,
691
00:27:24,810 --> 00:27:25,970
how does that sound?
692
00:27:26,060 --> 00:27:28,980
[hair dryer whirring]
693
00:27:29,850 --> 00:27:31,150
-Steve!
-Yo?
694
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:32,560
What do you think?
695
00:27:34,650 --> 00:27:36,030
That's hot. Hot.
696
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:37,690
It is hot, Steve.
697
00:27:38,070 --> 00:27:39,200
I mean, look at her
698
00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:40,610
but then look at you.
699
00:27:41,570 --> 00:27:43,240
How about I do
you next, handsome?
700
00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:44,740
OK, I'm good.
701
00:27:45,910 --> 00:27:47,370
-Come on, Steve.
-Come on, Steve.
702
00:27:47,450 --> 00:27:48,830
Let James work his magic.
703
00:27:48,870 --> 00:27:49,870
I'm good.
704
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:50,960
Steve...
705
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:52,580
I promise I won't hurt you.
706
00:27:52,670 --> 00:27:53,840
-[nervous chuckle]
-Ah!
707
00:27:54,000 --> 00:27:55,420
Unless you want me to...
708
00:27:55,710 --> 00:27:56,710
OK.
709
00:27:58,090 --> 00:27:59,130
Is it gonna hurt?
710
00:27:59,380 --> 00:28:00,430
Oh, don't worry.
711
00:28:00,470 --> 00:28:02,550
It's like giving
head to a babushka.
712
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:03,720
Hmm? OK.
713
00:28:04,260 --> 00:28:05,260
One.
714
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:06,560
Two.
715
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:07,390
Three!
[ripping sound]
716
00:28:07,470 --> 00:28:08,060
[Edna screams]
717
00:28:08,140 --> 00:28:09,180
[screams]
718
00:28:09,230 --> 00:28:12,270
[fast-paced music]
[panting]
719
00:28:18,110 --> 00:28:19,320
He-- she deserves it.
720
00:28:19,530 --> 00:28:21,240
[music continues]
721
00:28:34,830 --> 00:28:35,840
[door opens]
722
00:28:36,250 --> 00:28:37,250
OK.
723
00:28:38,090 --> 00:28:40,220
Last time I'm
shopping with you, pal.
724
00:28:41,380 --> 00:28:42,380
Here we go.
725
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:44,680
[sighs]
726
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,550
Look, I gotta get
back to the office.
727
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:47,640
But listen to me.
728
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,390
I'm meeting Molly
at the GC Marketplace.
729
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,230
We're gonna discuss the
contract of your third book, so
730
00:28:53,310 --> 00:28:55,440
if you care to
join us for a drink...
731
00:28:56,230 --> 00:28:57,610
I'm not hitting on you.
732
00:28:57,690 --> 00:28:59,570
-Right...
-Eddie, look, I get it.
733
00:28:59,610 --> 00:29:01,570
You're Eddie, you're
not Edna. I get that.
734
00:29:01,650 --> 00:29:02,650
-Uhuh.
-I mean...
735
00:29:02,740 --> 00:29:04,660
I must have lost my mind, I mean
736
00:29:04,780 --> 00:29:05,910
you think about it.
737
00:29:05,990 --> 00:29:08,160
The situation's
a little scary, right?
738
00:29:08,450 --> 00:29:10,830
-Yeah, you can say that again.
-OK, so...
739
00:29:11,370 --> 00:29:13,250
we talked about
this. Embrace it.
740
00:29:13,330 --> 00:29:14,330
-Uhuh.
-Maybe
741
00:29:14,370 --> 00:29:16,000
see what it's like
on the other side.
742
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:17,250
-OK, you're right.
-Cool.
743
00:29:17,340 --> 00:29:18,340
And maybe...
744
00:29:18,460 --> 00:29:20,460
wear the slinky black dress with
the high heels and the thong.
745
00:29:21,130 --> 00:29:24,130
[fast-paced music]
746
00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,520
[men whooping]
747
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:39,690
[upbeat music]
748
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,050
[music continues]
749
00:30:09,430 --> 00:30:11,560
[music slows]
750
00:30:20,270 --> 00:30:21,270
[locker opens]
751
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:36,120
Hello.
752
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:37,960
Hi.
753
00:30:38,750 --> 00:30:39,790
Are you new here?
754
00:30:40,710 --> 00:30:42,710
Yeah, I'm all new.
755
00:30:44,420 --> 00:30:46,300
I've never seen you here before.
756
00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:48,840
Can you put some lotion on my
back, please?
757
00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:49,930
OK.
758
00:30:52,430 --> 00:30:53,770
Rub me really good.
759
00:30:53,810 --> 00:30:56,890
[fast-paced upbeat music]
760
00:31:12,330 --> 00:31:13,330
[panting]
761
00:31:15,910 --> 00:31:18,620
-Problem with the machine?
-No, problem with these.
762
00:31:19,330 --> 00:31:21,830
-Not used to running with them.
-You just get them done?
763
00:31:22,710 --> 00:31:25,460
-Yeah, you can say that.
-Well kudos to your doctor.
764
00:31:25,550 --> 00:31:27,550
-They look totally natural.
-You think so?
765
00:31:27,590 --> 00:31:28,930
Yeah, yeah.
I mean that I’d have to feel
766
00:31:28,970 --> 00:31:31,010
-them to know for sure.
-Excuse me?
767
00:31:31,390 --> 00:31:32,760
Yeah.
What do you say after work out,
768
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,470
-we go back to my place, huh?
-Unbelievable.
769
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:40,940
-Come on, babe.
-I have a penis!
770
00:31:41,020 --> 00:31:42,020
[fun music]
771
00:31:58,500 --> 00:32:00,670
[Frank] Well, so,
I end my set.
772
00:32:00,710 --> 00:32:03,630
I walked off the stage and
started looking for this
young lady.
773
00:32:03,710 --> 00:32:07,510
Well, she’s sitting at this bar,
just like you.
774
00:32:07,800 --> 00:32:09,590
And then I walked up holding
775
00:32:09,630 --> 00:32:13,390
this panties, and I say,
"I think this belong to you."
776
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,560
And she says, "Actually,"
but starts laughing though,
777
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:22,310
"Actually, they are gift
for my grandmother."
778
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,020
So after taking a look at
them, I realized--
779
00:32:25,150 --> 00:32:27,610
-They are granny panties.
-Yeah, big ones.
780
00:32:29,940 --> 00:32:31,320
Well anyway, you’ve got
my number.
781
00:32:31,820 --> 00:32:33,820
Alright, so give me a call.
I’ll see you, gorgeous.
782
00:32:36,450 --> 00:32:38,120
Wait a minute, aren’t you
Frank Stallone?
783
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:39,200
Sure, kid.
784
00:32:40,660 --> 00:32:42,290
-Who is that guy?
-Frank Stallone.
785
00:32:42,370 --> 00:32:44,500
Right. I knew it.
He doesn’t remember me.
786
00:32:44,670 --> 00:32:46,790
We had this night, I mean,
it was dark and he...
787
00:32:47,170 --> 00:32:50,760
he was... he-- he--
I'll tell you about it some
other time.
788
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:52,050
Back to business, beautiful.
I just--
789
00:32:52,090 --> 00:32:55,600
-Not gonna happen.
-As in not gonna happen?
790
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,930
-Ever.
-As in never?
791
00:32:59,020 --> 00:33:01,850
Ever. Ever. Ever.
792
00:33:03,350 --> 00:33:05,270
-So I guess that’s a no.
-I would rather die.
793
00:33:05,770 --> 00:33:08,610
Okay.
Get to the point next time.
794
00:33:08,900 --> 00:33:10,650
[upbeat music]
795
00:33:26,540 --> 00:33:29,920
-Holy shit!
-Hi, Molly Morrison.
796
00:33:30,170 --> 00:33:32,260
-Edna Greenleaf.
-Greenleaf?
797
00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:36,010
-Yeah, I am Eddie’s sister.
-Oh!
798
00:33:37,010 --> 00:33:39,600
-Nice to meet you.
-Very nice to meet you.
799
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:43,270
She is great, great, great.
What the fuck did you do?
800
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,060
What happened sweetheart?
Just a little...
801
00:33:46,150 --> 00:33:47,520
I had a little bit trouble,
you know?
802
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,280
-A little bit?
-Don’t wear makeup much?
803
00:33:50,780 --> 00:33:54,360
It’s my first time.
I mean, me and Eddie,
804
00:33:54,650 --> 00:33:57,070
-we are from Amish country.
-More like clownish country.
805
00:33:58,030 --> 00:34:00,370
-Again.
-Interesting.
806
00:34:00,450 --> 00:34:03,910
No. Hey, look.
What is interesting, ladies.
807
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,750
We don’t care about you.
Go this way.
808
00:34:05,790 --> 00:34:07,960
Okay, umm...
what are we doing?
809
00:34:10,210 --> 00:34:13,170
You ever heard of Van...
D... Gogh.
810
00:34:14,630 --> 00:34:16,510
He’s got no ears!
What do you know.
811
00:34:17,260 --> 00:34:19,600
Hey, how are you guys doing?
Hey dreamboat.
812
00:34:21,390 --> 00:34:23,220
NO, not you, shipwreck.
I was taking to...
813
00:34:23,310 --> 00:34:24,310
[music continues]
814
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,820
-What took you guys so long?
-Rome wasn’t built a day.
815
00:34:38,950 --> 00:34:40,910
What the fuck does that have
to do with anything?
816
00:34:41,910 --> 00:34:45,500
Rome. I like that show.
I watch that show.
817
00:34:46,120 --> 00:34:47,170
Drink?
Let me get the drink.
818
00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:56,090
Hey, isn’t that chick
from homeless shelter.
819
00:34:56,670 --> 00:34:59,800
-Jess something.
-Yeah. I think so.
820
00:35:02,180 --> 00:35:04,520
-I wonder why she is here alone.
-Who cares?
821
00:35:05,520 --> 00:35:07,940
-I think I am gonna go say hi.
-Wh-- why?
822
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:12,730
-To be polite.
-You? I mean, yeah.
823
00:35:13,730 --> 00:35:15,740
Go ahead.
And I am outta here, ok?
824
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:17,450
-Sounds good.
-Yeah, me too.
825
00:35:19,530 --> 00:35:21,240
Wait a minute.
How would you like a ride?
826
00:35:21,490 --> 00:35:22,990
-I think I am going right--
-No.
827
00:35:24,450 --> 00:35:26,370
Okay. How about you give me a
ride home
828
00:35:26,450 --> 00:35:30,080
-because I don’t have a car.
-No.
829
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,380
You know,
I saw this article today.
830
00:35:36,590 --> 00:35:38,420
-[Edna] Hi.
-Hi.
831
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:40,010
[Edna] Do you mind
if I join you?
832
00:35:41,090 --> 00:35:42,640
-Do we know each other?
-Yeah, we met at
833
00:35:42,720 --> 00:35:44,760
the homeless shelter.
I was looking for that
834
00:35:44,850 --> 00:35:47,850
-homeless woman took my ID.
-Oh, that’s right.
835
00:35:47,890 --> 00:35:52,690
-Your name was... Edna.
-Yeah, Edna.
836
00:35:53,020 --> 00:35:55,780
-Sure, have a seat.
-Thanks.
837
00:35:56,990 --> 00:35:58,440
-It’s Jess, right?
-Yup.
838
00:35:59,780 --> 00:36:00,820
So you here alone?
839
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,120
-No.
-Alright.
840
00:36:06,160 --> 00:36:09,040
-You want some?
-I’m good, thanks.
841
00:36:09,500 --> 00:36:12,380
So did you ever find that
woman you were looking for?
842
00:36:12,460 --> 00:36:15,550
-Not yet.
-You got...
843
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:19,470
-What?
-You got something here.
844
00:36:21,180 --> 00:36:24,300
-Thank you.
-There. All gone.
845
00:36:29,930 --> 00:36:31,480
-Can I ask you something?
-Yeah. Sure.
846
00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:34,900
-Are you hitting on me?
-I am sorry.
847
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:38,480
I mean, I am flattered and all.
But...
848
00:36:39,150 --> 00:36:41,320
-I am straight.
-Yeah, so am I.
849
00:36:42,740 --> 00:36:45,330
Oh. Oh my gosh.
I am so sorry.
850
00:36:45,700 --> 00:36:47,990
No, it’s fine.
Don’t worry about it.
851
00:36:48,330 --> 00:36:50,410
Well, in fact,
it’s been a while since...
852
00:36:50,750 --> 00:36:52,420
-since anyone hit on me.
-Really?
853
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:54,380
It’s hard to believe.
854
00:36:56,500 --> 00:36:58,630
Ok. It’s all about confidence.
855
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:00,720
You have to believe you are
the most attractive,
856
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:04,140
-desirable person in the room.
-Yeah, that’s not me.
857
00:37:05,260 --> 00:37:08,430
Okay, well, there’s always
liquid confidence.
858
00:37:09,970 --> 00:37:11,480
-Liquid confidence?
-Mhm.
859
00:37:13,730 --> 00:37:14,600
Thank you.
860
00:37:18,570 --> 00:37:19,570
[fun music]
861
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:34,920
Ok, Jess.
Do you see that guy
862
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:35,960
over there at the bar?
863
00:37:39,050 --> 00:37:41,130
I want you to go over
and talk to him.
864
00:37:44,470 --> 00:37:46,340
Nope.
No way.
865
00:37:46,470 --> 00:37:47,970
Come on.
What is the worst that’s
866
00:37:48,010 --> 00:37:49,010
gonna happen?
867
00:37:49,510 --> 00:37:53,890
I’ll try to flirt, and he'll
laugh so hard that he...
868
00:37:53,980 --> 00:37:57,310
he falls off his chair,
bangs his head,
869
00:37:57,400 --> 00:37:59,480
and he is in coma.
870
00:38:01,030 --> 00:38:03,700
Wow, you’ve got quite
an imagination.
871
00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:07,570
-I'm just saying, I can’t.
-Come on, Jess.
872
00:38:07,990 --> 00:38:08,990
Come on.
873
00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:16,370
You are a smart,
confident woman.
874
00:38:16,420 --> 00:38:19,420
That guy, he would be so lucky
to date you.
875
00:38:20,340 --> 00:38:23,550
I'm a smart, confident woman...
876
00:38:25,510 --> 00:38:26,760
-Ok.
-Ok. Wait.
877
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:29,140
Do you need those glasses?
878
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,680
-Only to see.
-OK. That’s fine.
879
00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:36,190
-Okay.
-You look great.
880
00:38:41,520 --> 00:38:42,530
[growls]
881
00:38:43,780 --> 00:38:44,780
[music continues]
882
00:38:54,580 --> 00:38:56,580
-Hi.
-Hey.
883
00:38:58,500 --> 00:38:59,580
Watching the game?
884
00:39:00,130 --> 00:39:01,790
Yeah, I am watching the game.
885
00:39:04,340 --> 00:39:06,170
-I’m Jess.
-Dylan.
886
00:39:08,510 --> 00:39:11,720
So, Dylan, you come here often?
887
00:39:13,100 --> 00:39:16,640
Look. I bet you are really
nice person,
888
00:39:16,940 --> 00:39:20,150
but I have girlfriend, and I’m
a little bit busy right now.
889
00:39:20,310 --> 00:39:23,730
-So I am sorry.
-I am really sorry.
890
00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:28,530
Friggin’ Dodgers.
Biggest payroll in baseball
891
00:39:28,570 --> 00:39:30,200
and they're playing like minor
leaguers.
892
00:39:30,490 --> 00:39:31,740
Tell me about it.
I know.
893
00:39:32,530 --> 00:39:33,950
I bet you can hit better
than Bradley.
894
00:39:34,700 --> 00:39:38,370
-And look better doing it.
-Dylan.
895
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:40,960
-Edna.
-Edna, can I buy you a drink?
896
00:39:41,170 --> 00:39:42,960
-Yeah, sure.
-What would you like to have?
897
00:39:44,670 --> 00:39:47,510
Dirty martini.
Extra dirty.
898
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:53,560
Papa, can I get a dirty martini.
Extra dirty, please.
899
00:39:54,430 --> 00:39:56,350
So, Edna, how come I’ve never
seen you?
900
00:39:56,930 --> 00:39:59,940
-It’s me first time in here.
-I guess this is my lucky day.
901
00:40:00,350 --> 00:40:01,650
I guess it’s mine too.
902
00:40:02,650 --> 00:40:03,610
Thank you.
903
00:40:05,570 --> 00:40:07,780
-Can I ask you a question?
-Sure. Shoot.
904
00:40:09,490 --> 00:40:12,120
-Are you single?
-As matter of fact, I am.
905
00:40:12,740 --> 00:40:13,740
I see.
906
00:40:16,330 --> 00:40:17,330
[drink splatters]
907
00:40:18,540 --> 00:40:20,210
-What the hell?
-Come on, Jess.
908
00:40:20,290 --> 00:40:22,500
We are going.
He is a right wanker anyway.
909
00:40:23,880 --> 00:40:24,880
[laughing]
910
00:40:30,340 --> 00:40:32,890
-That was awesome.
-It really was.
911
00:40:33,090 --> 00:40:34,470
You shot that guy down.
912
00:40:36,310 --> 00:40:37,520
Down to the ground.
913
00:40:37,560 --> 00:40:38,560
[Jess snorts]
914
00:40:38,730 --> 00:40:41,480
-You just snorted.
-Oh, I am sorry.
915
00:40:41,770 --> 00:40:43,520
Come on.
It’s really cute.
916
00:40:43,730 --> 00:40:47,440
-Why are hot guys like that?
-What do you mean?
917
00:40:47,940 --> 00:40:51,400
-You know like-- ow!
-I am sorry, Jess.
918
00:40:51,490 --> 00:40:55,160
-Like superficial dirt bags.
-I know, right.
919
00:40:55,950 --> 00:40:59,910
-Why do you think that is?
-I-- I don’t know.
920
00:41:00,250 --> 00:41:02,500
-I mean, men right?
-Men.
921
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,960
Do you want me to give you
a ride back to mine?
922
00:41:08,420 --> 00:41:09,510
Jess, are you ok?
923
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:12,880
You all right?
924
00:41:13,430 --> 00:41:14,430
[heaving]
925
00:41:17,350 --> 00:41:20,060
Look. It’s cheese fries.
[chuckling]
926
00:41:20,430 --> 00:41:22,020
I mean, are you all right?
927
00:41:23,100 --> 00:41:24,350
I’m going to take you back
to mine.
928
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:25,440
[upbeat music]
929
00:42:11,780 --> 00:42:13,110
Welcome to adult warehouse.
930
00:42:13,150 --> 00:42:15,240
[together] The paradise
for sexually-active adults.
931
00:42:15,780 --> 00:42:18,700
Um, hi.
I was kinda, you know,
932
00:42:18,740 --> 00:42:20,830
wandering outside, and thought
I’d come in have a look.
933
00:42:20,910 --> 00:42:22,200
Don’t worry,
nothing in here bites.
934
00:42:22,290 --> 00:42:25,290
-Unless you want it to.
-Good one.
935
00:42:25,580 --> 00:42:27,460
-Do you have any questions?
-We are here to serve you.
936
00:42:27,540 --> 00:42:29,750
Yeah.
You guys have anything
937
00:42:29,790 --> 00:42:31,800
you recommend if you wanna,
you know.
938
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:35,720
-Get your Amelia Earhart on?
-I’m sorry?
939
00:42:36,130 --> 00:42:38,970
She means fly solo.
Yeah, yeah, that.
940
00:42:39,180 --> 00:42:40,810
-Wonderful.
-Right this way.
941
00:42:48,270 --> 00:42:50,320
This is where you’ll find your
beaver buzzers,
942
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,610
magic wands, pussy plungers,
hamburger helpers
943
00:42:52,650 --> 00:42:53,820
and wacky wobblers.
944
00:42:54,150 --> 00:42:56,360
Personally, I like
the butterfly.
945
00:42:56,740 --> 00:42:58,240
It really makes me squirt!
946
00:42:58,280 --> 00:42:59,990
And I like the butterfly too.
947
00:43:00,070 --> 00:43:01,910
You can even get
one with a butt plug.
948
00:43:01,990 --> 00:43:04,160
It makes you wonder
why you put up with
guys and all their games.
949
00:43:04,250 --> 00:43:05,250
It really does.
950
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:09,000
Hey!
951
00:43:09,830 --> 00:43:12,250
That blow-up doll is
for display purposes only!
952
00:43:12,380 --> 00:43:14,170
Yeah, we're talking to you, pal!
953
00:43:15,670 --> 00:43:16,670
[both sigh]
954
00:43:16,970 --> 00:43:18,800
[together] School principals.
955
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,260
Well... have fun.
956
00:43:22,430 --> 00:43:24,060
Find us if you have
any more questions.
957
00:43:24,270 --> 00:43:27,350
[upbeat music]
958
00:43:28,230 --> 00:43:29,480
Holy shit!
959
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:32,610
[music continues]
960
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:43,200
[clattering]
961
00:43:47,370 --> 00:43:48,870
[chuckles]
Need some help?
962
00:43:49,080 --> 00:43:50,080
Yeah, thanks.
963
00:43:50,830 --> 00:43:52,000
[grunts]
[Edna chuckles]
964
00:43:52,630 --> 00:43:53,630
Never been here before.
965
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:56,380
Well, I think
they have a, a policy.
966
00:43:56,460 --> 00:43:58,260
You knock it to
the floor, you bought it.
967
00:43:58,470 --> 00:44:00,130
Well, I guess I'll have
to throw a party, then.
968
00:44:00,180 --> 00:44:01,340
[chuckles]
I'm Matt.
969
00:44:02,140 --> 00:44:03,760
-Edna.
-I'm here to...
970
00:44:04,220 --> 00:44:05,600
find a gag gift for my...
971
00:44:06,100 --> 00:44:07,350
my buddy's bachelor party.
972
00:44:07,640 --> 00:44:09,140
Wow, if you're
looking to gag someone
973
00:44:09,270 --> 00:44:10,310
I think this might do the trick.
974
00:44:10,850 --> 00:44:11,850
Wow.
975
00:44:11,900 --> 00:44:13,150
Think they
modeled that on someone?
976
00:44:13,230 --> 00:44:14,860
[laughs]
Yeah. Sea Biscuit.
977
00:44:15,730 --> 00:44:17,820
[laughs]
978
00:44:17,900 --> 00:44:19,320
A girl who knows her horses.
979
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:20,820
That's really unusual.
980
00:44:20,910 --> 00:44:21,910
Yeah.
981
00:44:22,240 --> 00:44:23,910
-I'm pretty unusual.
-Really?
982
00:44:24,990 --> 00:44:27,620
OK, I... I know this might
seem forward and all, but...
983
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,330
what would you think
about meeting me for
a cup of coffee some time?
984
00:44:31,620 --> 00:44:33,540
Now, you don't
have to decide right now.
985
00:44:34,290 --> 00:44:35,250
Here's my card.
986
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:36,800
You get thirsty,
987
00:44:36,880 --> 00:44:37,840
you give me a call.
988
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:38,920
All right.
989
00:44:40,130 --> 00:44:42,220
And, it doesn't have
to be coffee. It could be tea.
990
00:44:43,470 --> 00:44:44,850
Whatever you like. It's on me.
991
00:44:45,390 --> 00:44:48,470
[music continues]
992
00:44:50,270 --> 00:44:52,020
I think I'm gonna
fix him up with Jess.
993
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:53,440
Uhuh.
994
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:56,190
-An investment banker.
-Uhuh.
995
00:44:56,230 --> 00:44:58,150
-Not bad.
-He's pretty good looking, too.
996
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:00,990
OK. Is that
Eddie or Edna talking?
997
00:45:01,070 --> 00:45:02,450
-Umm...
-I'm just saying.
998
00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:03,990
[chuckles]
999
00:45:04,410 --> 00:45:05,780
So, uhh... wow.
1000
00:45:06,660 --> 00:45:07,740
Where'd you meet him?
1001
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:10,000
Where?
1002
00:45:10,410 --> 00:45:12,290
Yeah, where?
What is it, a secret?
1003
00:45:12,420 --> 00:45:13,580
[chuckles]
Nope.
1004
00:45:15,500 --> 00:45:16,500
So where'd you meet him?
1005
00:45:16,590 --> 00:45:17,590
[Edna sighs]
1006
00:45:20,090 --> 00:45:21,420
Adult Warehouse.
1007
00:45:21,630 --> 00:45:24,340
I mean, I had to get out of here
before I wore out my nipples.
1008
00:45:24,390 --> 00:45:26,140
Oh, really? Yeah,
I get that. The question is
1009
00:45:26,390 --> 00:45:27,720
did you buy anything...
1010
00:45:29,060 --> 00:45:30,060
What?
1011
00:45:30,270 --> 00:45:31,640
-I mean...
-Eddie!
1012
00:45:32,190 --> 00:45:34,020
I mean, really?
I said embrace it, but...
1013
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:36,190
-I just...
-This, this will kill you.
1014
00:45:36,770 --> 00:45:39,070
I thought it might be useful
for my third book, you know?
1015
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,070
Third book?
Third and final book.
1016
00:45:41,110 --> 00:45:42,360
What are you
doing to yourself here?
1017
00:45:42,650 --> 00:45:43,660
My god.
1018
00:45:43,740 --> 00:45:44,740
-Yeah...
-I mean...
1019
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:46,200
you embraced it.
1020
00:45:47,490 --> 00:45:49,240
OK, I just gotta tell you.
1021
00:45:49,290 --> 00:45:51,290
This, the whole
thing, I'm not feeling
1022
00:45:51,830 --> 00:45:53,210
too good about, this.
1023
00:45:53,250 --> 00:45:55,500
Well, I just wanted to
test my female parts, you know?
1024
00:45:56,040 --> 00:45:57,040
I'm out of here, pal.
1025
00:45:57,090 --> 00:45:58,250
You've got your
own-- you're home now.
1026
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:00,000
That's just too much.
1027
00:46:00,090 --> 00:46:03,130
[drum music]
1028
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:10,850
[buzzing]
1029
00:46:12,180 --> 00:46:14,690
Don't worry, OK? We'll find a
place for you to sleep tonight.
1030
00:46:14,940 --> 00:46:17,060
Even if you have to
come home and stay at mine.
1031
00:46:17,310 --> 00:46:18,360
-OK?
-OK.
1032
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:19,860
[laughs]
So sweet.
1033
00:46:20,780 --> 00:46:22,320
-Edna. Hi.
-Hi, Jess.
1034
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:24,030
Why don't you go
wait by there? OK, then?
1035
00:46:24,780 --> 00:46:27,030
Just stopping by,
cause I found you a date.
1036
00:46:27,620 --> 00:46:28,620
You did?
1037
00:46:28,950 --> 00:46:32,160
He's nice-looking,
successful, good sense of humor.
1038
00:46:32,250 --> 00:46:33,250
What do you think?
1039
00:46:33,540 --> 00:46:34,620
I don't know...
1040
00:46:34,710 --> 00:46:37,540
Oh, come on, Jess, you asked
me to introduce you to someone.
1041
00:46:37,830 --> 00:46:38,840
I know.
1042
00:46:39,250 --> 00:46:40,300
So, what's the problem?
1043
00:46:40,630 --> 00:46:41,630
It's just...
1044
00:46:41,750 --> 00:46:44,260
I don't think I can take any
more rejection right now, OK?
1045
00:46:44,590 --> 00:46:47,680
[soft music]
1046
00:46:51,310 --> 00:46:54,020
There are a few things we could
do to improve your chances.
1047
00:46:54,890 --> 00:46:55,940
What do you mean?
1048
00:46:56,230 --> 00:46:57,230
Do you trust me?
1049
00:46:58,860 --> 00:46:59,860
Yes...
1050
00:47:00,190 --> 00:47:01,650
[fast-paced music]
Sweetheart, listen.
1051
00:47:03,150 --> 00:47:04,740
When I get done with you...
1052
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:06,740
you are going to attract
1053
00:47:06,860 --> 00:47:09,240
more men, than
pre-menopausal Madonna.
1054
00:47:09,620 --> 00:47:11,700
-Oh, you really think so?
-I know so.
1055
00:47:12,040 --> 00:47:13,040
You see these hands?
1056
00:47:14,750 --> 00:47:16,460
These are magical hands.
1057
00:47:16,540 --> 00:47:19,540
And they should be
registered with the
Magicians' Guild of America.
1058
00:47:19,710 --> 00:47:21,250
Trust me, Jess, he's the best.
1059
00:47:21,420 --> 00:47:22,750
That's what he said.
1060
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:23,840
[Jess chuckles]
1061
00:47:23,880 --> 00:47:24,880
Uhuh.
[snaps fingers]
1062
00:47:26,930 --> 00:47:27,930
[upbeat piano music]
1063
00:47:28,010 --> 00:47:29,760
OK, here I come.
1064
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:32,850
[music continues]
1065
00:47:35,230 --> 00:47:36,230
Wow.
1066
00:47:36,730 --> 00:47:39,770
You've become beautiful moth.
1067
00:47:39,980 --> 00:47:41,190
Don't you mean, butterfly?
1068
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:42,520
Whatever.
1069
00:47:43,730 --> 00:47:46,030
Are you sure it's not
a little, too revealing?
1070
00:47:46,150 --> 00:47:47,280
No, no.
1071
00:47:47,820 --> 00:47:50,110
It's the, uhh,
perfect amount of revealing.
1072
00:47:50,780 --> 00:47:53,200
Now you are ready,
become trophy wife.
1073
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:55,580
Oh, that's not my goal.
1074
00:47:57,330 --> 00:47:58,920
All you have to
do is be yourself.
1075
00:47:59,460 --> 00:48:01,210
I mean, there's a lot to like.
1076
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:02,880
You think so?
1077
00:48:03,500 --> 00:48:04,750
More than you know.
1078
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:06,090
[music continues]
1079
00:48:06,460 --> 00:48:07,470
Can I ask you something?
1080
00:48:08,340 --> 00:48:10,010
-Sure.
-How come...
1081
00:48:10,550 --> 00:48:12,260
you haven't tried to
fix me up with your brother?
1082
00:48:13,010 --> 00:48:14,350
-With Eddie?
-Uhuh.
1083
00:48:14,680 --> 00:48:15,680
Umm...
1084
00:48:15,850 --> 00:48:16,850
Uhh...
1085
00:48:17,810 --> 00:48:19,440
Because I don't know
when he's coming back.
1086
00:48:19,690 --> 00:48:20,690
Where did he go?
1087
00:48:21,100 --> 00:48:22,110
Eddie...
1088
00:48:22,190 --> 00:48:23,190
went to prison.
1089
00:48:23,270 --> 00:48:26,030
[music continues]
1090
00:48:26,070 --> 00:48:27,990
[laughs]
[snorts]
1091
00:48:28,110 --> 00:48:29,110
Shut up.
1092
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:31,780
[music continues]
1093
00:48:32,200 --> 00:48:33,200
Oh my gosh.
1094
00:48:33,950 --> 00:48:34,950
I'm so sorry.
1095
00:48:35,290 --> 00:48:36,290
It's OK.
1096
00:48:36,620 --> 00:48:38,120
It must be really
hard on your family.
1097
00:48:38,330 --> 00:48:39,540
Yeah, it is.
1098
00:48:41,290 --> 00:48:42,500
Can I ask what he did?
1099
00:48:44,460 --> 00:48:45,500
Eddie's a fraud.
1100
00:48:46,500 --> 00:48:48,510
I mean like,
he committed a fraud.
1101
00:48:49,170 --> 00:48:50,550
Wow. Really?
1102
00:48:51,380 --> 00:48:54,390
[music continues]
1103
00:48:55,680 --> 00:48:57,560
-Crazy white people.
-Tell me about it.
1104
00:48:58,220 --> 00:48:59,520
I think this one is a lesbian.
1105
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:00,690
Really?
1106
00:49:00,940 --> 00:49:02,190
Strange vibe.
1107
00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:05,110
Maybe you should fix
her up with your cousin.
1108
00:49:05,230 --> 00:49:07,690
She doesn't like white chicks.
1109
00:49:07,730 --> 00:49:10,820
[both laugh]
1110
00:49:18,700 --> 00:49:21,210
I'm thinking of taking Eddie's
place in the fashion show.
1111
00:49:22,460 --> 00:49:23,630
It's for a good cause, right?
1112
00:49:24,880 --> 00:49:26,670
No, I was out with Jess.
1113
00:49:27,250 --> 00:49:28,710
We went and got pedicures.
1114
00:49:29,590 --> 00:49:31,670
My feet have
never looked so good.
1115
00:49:32,930 --> 00:49:33,930
What?
1116
00:49:34,220 --> 00:49:36,720
I am not sending you
a picture of my feet.
1117
00:49:37,310 --> 00:49:38,470
Goodbye, Steve!
1118
00:49:41,020 --> 00:49:42,020
I mean
1119
00:49:42,060 --> 00:49:43,520
what's the big
deal with this thing?
1120
00:49:43,900 --> 00:49:46,650
[upbeat music]
1121
00:49:47,190 --> 00:49:48,190
Damn.
1122
00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:52,280
[buzzing]
[music continues]
1123
00:49:56,990 --> 00:49:58,910
OK, remember.
If you and Matt hit it off
1124
00:49:58,990 --> 00:50:01,500
just say the code word and
I'll make an excuse to leave.
1125
00:50:01,870 --> 00:50:02,870
Bananas. Hmm?
1126
00:50:03,460 --> 00:50:04,540
All right, we're here.
1127
00:50:05,120 --> 00:50:08,130
[sophisticated music]
1128
00:50:08,380 --> 00:50:09,380
-Hi.
-Hi.
1129
00:50:09,840 --> 00:50:11,380
I hope you don't mind, I...
1130
00:50:11,710 --> 00:50:12,800
brought along a friend.
1131
00:50:12,970 --> 00:50:13,970
This is Jess.
1132
00:50:14,550 --> 00:50:16,220
-This is Matt.
-Hi. Nice to meet you.
1133
00:50:16,260 --> 00:50:17,260
Nice to meet you.
1134
00:50:17,600 --> 00:50:19,140
So, what would
you guys like to drink?
1135
00:50:19,220 --> 00:50:20,810
No, no, no. Let me get this.
1136
00:50:20,850 --> 00:50:22,930
No, no. You guys chat
and get to know each other.
1137
00:50:23,020 --> 00:50:24,020
I'll go get the drinks.
1138
00:50:24,730 --> 00:50:26,350
-OK.
-A cappuccino.
1139
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:27,440
Cool.
1140
00:50:27,810 --> 00:50:30,820
[music continues]
1141
00:50:36,910 --> 00:50:38,070
-Here you go.
-[indistinct]
1142
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:41,160
[music continues]
1143
00:50:41,950 --> 00:50:44,580
-What can I get started for you?
-Uhh, two cappuccinos, please.
1144
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:47,880
Here you go. Hey.
1145
00:50:48,500 --> 00:50:49,500
That's for you.
1146
00:50:51,250 --> 00:50:52,260
[chuckles]
1147
00:50:52,380 --> 00:50:55,880
You gotta get those
young ladies used to
getting flowers, you know?
1148
00:50:56,010 --> 00:50:57,930
That's true, that's true.
1149
00:50:58,010 --> 00:50:59,930
It's not gonna be
the last time, hopefully.
1150
00:51:00,890 --> 00:51:01,930
Hopefully not.
1151
00:51:02,350 --> 00:51:03,350
Can I get your name?
1152
00:51:03,770 --> 00:51:04,770
And your number?
1153
00:51:06,560 --> 00:51:08,440
What? What do
you need my number for?
1154
00:51:08,810 --> 00:51:09,810
So I can call you later.
1155
00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:11,360
OK, look.
1156
00:51:11,860 --> 00:51:12,860
I'm a dude.
1157
00:51:13,740 --> 00:51:14,740
You're a dude.
1158
00:51:15,030 --> 00:51:16,030
Yeah, that's right.
1159
00:51:16,860 --> 00:51:18,200
What're you playing?
Hide the banana?
1160
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:19,320
Yeah, something like that.
1161
00:51:20,330 --> 00:51:21,330
You could've
just said no, thanks.
1162
00:51:22,990 --> 00:51:24,250
You're a fine-ass dude, though.
1163
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:28,120
[music continues]
1164
00:51:31,500 --> 00:51:33,500
-There you go.
-Oh, thank you.
1165
00:51:33,590 --> 00:51:34,590
Cappuccino.
1166
00:51:36,380 --> 00:51:38,930
Did you know that
Matt volunteers at
a homeless shelter?
1167
00:51:38,970 --> 00:51:41,010
-No.
-Yeah, it's no big deal. I...
1168
00:51:41,430 --> 00:51:43,810
I was raised by a family
who believe in giving back.
1169
00:51:44,310 --> 00:51:45,310
Oh.
1170
00:51:45,680 --> 00:51:48,060
Actually, he's gonna volunteer
at my shelter this weekend.
1171
00:51:48,520 --> 00:51:49,520
Really?
1172
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:52,270
Yeah, I figure I'm doing my part
no matter which shelter I'm at.
1173
00:51:52,480 --> 00:51:53,480
OK.
1174
00:51:53,780 --> 00:51:55,860
So at what shelter
do you normally volunteer at?
1175
00:51:56,070 --> 00:51:57,530
Uhh, you...
1176
00:51:57,900 --> 00:52:00,070
probably wouldn't know.
It's on the other side of town.
1177
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:01,280
Actually...
1178
00:52:01,490 --> 00:52:03,490
I know pretty much
every shelter in town.
1179
00:52:03,580 --> 00:52:05,450
-Right.
-[both chuckle]
1180
00:52:05,500 --> 00:52:06,540
Go on, give me a try.
1181
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:08,120
Uhh...
1182
00:52:08,670 --> 00:52:10,040
OK, umm...
1183
00:52:10,420 --> 00:52:11,750
Well, it's... umm...
1184
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:13,920
it's on...
1185
00:52:14,380 --> 00:52:17,170
Edna, did you
happen to see if the, umm...
1186
00:52:17,630 --> 00:52:18,800
if they have any bananas?
1187
00:52:19,130 --> 00:52:20,130
I'm sorry?
1188
00:52:20,510 --> 00:52:22,220
You know, bananas.
1189
00:52:22,850 --> 00:52:24,310
My banana's gone AWOL.
1190
00:52:25,350 --> 00:52:26,350
What?
1191
00:52:26,720 --> 00:52:28,850
[music continues]
1192
00:52:29,350 --> 00:52:30,440
I mean, our bananas.
1193
00:52:31,310 --> 00:52:32,650
They don't have any bananas.
1194
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:34,520
Oh...
1195
00:52:34,570 --> 00:52:37,860
Uhh, I'd be happy to
split my cup cake with you.
1196
00:52:38,570 --> 00:52:40,530
-Oh god.
-Thank you, that's so sweet.
1197
00:52:40,860 --> 00:52:42,570
You know, I'm
gonna really have to go.
1198
00:52:42,910 --> 00:52:44,490
I've got something really
important to take care of.
1199
00:52:44,910 --> 00:52:46,120
-Oh, really?
-Uhuh.
1200
00:52:46,290 --> 00:52:47,330
Yeah, but you guys,
1201
00:52:47,450 --> 00:52:49,040
you guys have fun.
Get to know each other.
1202
00:52:50,420 --> 00:52:51,420
Is that OK with you, Jess?
1203
00:52:51,500 --> 00:52:52,500
I'd like that.
1204
00:52:52,960 --> 00:52:53,960
Great.
1205
00:52:55,090 --> 00:52:56,090
See ya.
1206
00:52:56,210 --> 00:52:57,210
Yeah.
1207
00:52:59,220 --> 00:53:00,220
So...
1208
00:53:00,800 --> 00:53:01,930
tell me a little about yourself.
1209
00:53:02,140 --> 00:53:03,800
Well, umm, as you know I work...
1210
00:53:04,600 --> 00:53:06,350
-You're jealous.
-No, I'm not.
1211
00:53:06,430 --> 00:53:07,430
Bullshit.
1212
00:53:07,720 --> 00:53:09,730
Look, I'm just
a little worried about her.
1213
00:53:10,060 --> 00:53:11,810
Why? You're the one
who set them up, right?
1214
00:53:12,150 --> 00:53:13,350
I thought it'd be different.
1215
00:53:13,860 --> 00:53:16,190
Different? Why? What
do you mean? Like what?
1216
00:53:16,690 --> 00:53:18,110
Different than us.
1217
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:19,320
What?
1218
00:53:19,990 --> 00:53:22,410
Look. Maybe it's my
female hormones talking, but...
1219
00:53:22,990 --> 00:53:26,030
the idea of tricking
women to get them
into bed, it just seems...
1220
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:28,040
wrong.
1221
00:53:28,080 --> 00:53:29,160
Is there any other way?
1222
00:53:29,410 --> 00:53:30,410
[groans]
1223
00:53:30,660 --> 00:53:32,620
Besides, you're the one
who wrote the how-to manual.
1224
00:53:32,710 --> 00:53:34,540
-I know.
-Actually, two manuals
1225
00:53:34,750 --> 00:53:36,840
-the blog, the article--
-I said I know.
1226
00:53:37,630 --> 00:53:39,210
-Touchy.
-Hey, you're the one who told me
1227
00:53:39,260 --> 00:53:41,840
I should start looking at stuff
from a female's perspective.
1228
00:53:43,050 --> 00:53:44,180
Damn, I did, didn't I?
1229
00:53:44,550 --> 00:53:47,680
Umm, I'm just starting
to realize there's more
to life than one-night stands.
1230
00:53:47,760 --> 00:53:48,770
Is there?
1231
00:53:49,600 --> 00:53:52,690
I mean, haven't you ever thought
about being in a relationship?
1232
00:53:53,270 --> 00:53:54,560
You know, like getting married?
1233
00:53:55,520 --> 00:53:57,020
Dude, that's messed up.
1234
00:53:57,270 --> 00:53:58,270
Is it?
1235
00:53:58,320 --> 00:53:59,610
I mean, come on, Eddie.
1236
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:03,110
Please, you're
starting to sound like
an old woman, or an old man
1237
00:54:03,280 --> 00:54:05,570
or, whatever it is that you are.
1238
00:54:06,620 --> 00:54:08,660
-OK, maybe you're right.
-No, I am right.
1239
00:54:09,580 --> 00:54:10,580
It's just...
1240
00:54:10,830 --> 00:54:13,540
you know, Jess,
she's different to
the other girls I've been with.
1241
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:16,380
What is that
supposed to mean, Eddie?
1242
00:54:16,540 --> 00:54:19,090
She's kind, she's
smart, she's vulnerable.
1243
00:54:19,250 --> 00:54:22,300
And when she laughs,
she does like, you know,
this sort of snort thing.
1244
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:23,880
It's really cute.
1245
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:25,680
Oh shit!
1246
00:54:26,430 --> 00:54:27,470
You're falling for her.
1247
00:54:27,600 --> 00:54:28,850
-That's crazy.
-Is it?
1248
00:54:29,310 --> 00:54:31,390
-Hey, we're up next!
-You know I'm right.
1249
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:33,020
-Yeah?
-I know you're an idiot.
1250
00:54:33,140 --> 00:54:35,060
Yeah, I'm an idiot, but
you're in love with Jess.
1251
00:54:35,230 --> 00:54:37,020
[singing] You're
in love with Jess.
1252
00:54:37,190 --> 00:54:38,690
[singing] You're in love with--
[groans]
1253
00:54:39,110 --> 00:54:40,110
[loud thud]
1254
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:44,360
You're an idiot.
1255
00:54:44,900 --> 00:54:47,910
[upbeat music]
1256
00:54:49,330 --> 00:54:50,330
[door opens]
1257
00:54:51,540 --> 00:54:52,540
-Hi.
-Hi.
1258
00:54:52,620 --> 00:54:54,040
I was just
actually running a bath.
1259
00:54:54,410 --> 00:54:56,040
Oh. I can go and come back.
1260
00:54:56,120 --> 00:54:57,250
Don't be silly, come on in.
1261
00:54:57,420 --> 00:54:59,290
I can pour you some wine,
we can talk while I soak.
1262
00:54:59,540 --> 00:55:00,750
Oh.
[door closes]
1263
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:01,880
Something wrong?
1264
00:55:01,960 --> 00:55:02,960
Uh, no.
1265
00:55:03,210 --> 00:55:04,380
Good. So, red or white?
1266
00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:06,180
Uhh, red. Red would be great.
1267
00:55:06,260 --> 00:55:07,260
Red it is.
1268
00:55:07,970 --> 00:55:09,180
This is my kitchen.
1269
00:55:09,260 --> 00:55:10,850
Oh, very nice. I like it.
1270
00:55:10,890 --> 00:55:12,100
Sorry, it's a
little bit of a mess.
1271
00:55:12,180 --> 00:55:13,180
No, no.
1272
00:55:13,980 --> 00:55:15,850
Oh, this is all that's left.
1273
00:55:19,900 --> 00:55:20,900
Oh.
1274
00:55:21,190 --> 00:55:22,190
Thirsty?
1275
00:55:22,900 --> 00:55:23,900
Yeah.
1276
00:55:24,690 --> 00:55:25,780
All right, then.
1277
00:55:26,360 --> 00:55:27,360
Follow me.
1278
00:55:27,610 --> 00:55:30,700
[sophisticated music]
1279
00:55:32,040 --> 00:55:33,200
[door closes]
Have a seat right there.
1280
00:55:34,580 --> 00:55:35,790
I'd invite you
to join me, but...
1281
00:55:35,870 --> 00:55:38,880
[laughing hysterically]
1282
00:55:40,040 --> 00:55:41,250
Are you all right, Edna?
1283
00:55:42,420 --> 00:55:43,420
What?
1284
00:55:44,380 --> 00:55:45,380
I'm good.
1285
00:55:45,970 --> 00:55:46,970
OK.
1286
00:55:47,010 --> 00:55:50,050
[music continues]
1287
00:55:51,470 --> 00:55:53,100
So, you said you wanted to talk?
1288
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:57,020
Yeah, yeah, I'm just
kind of curious about
how things with you and Matt go.
1289
00:55:57,270 --> 00:55:58,270
Really well.
1290
00:55:58,390 --> 00:55:59,900
We've been talking
every day on the phone.
1291
00:55:59,980 --> 00:56:01,190
Oh, so you're
gonna see him again?
1292
00:56:01,610 --> 00:56:03,520
Tomorrow, when he
volunteers at the shelter.
1293
00:56:03,860 --> 00:56:04,860
Right.
1294
00:56:05,150 --> 00:56:07,490
You know,
he seems like a great guy.
1295
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:10,780
Yeah, I mean, he does
seem that way, doesn't he?
1296
00:56:11,200 --> 00:56:13,620
Plus, he is so dreamy.
1297
00:56:13,870 --> 00:56:14,870
OK, Jess.
1298
00:56:15,160 --> 00:56:16,580
Promise me you'll
be careful again.
1299
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:18,000
What do you mean?
1300
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,210
I just don't
know Matt that well.
1301
00:56:20,420 --> 00:56:21,670
And sometimes, guys...
1302
00:56:22,090 --> 00:56:23,290
they can be snakes.
1303
00:56:23,750 --> 00:56:24,750
You're so sweet.
1304
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:25,880
Yeah.
1305
00:56:26,130 --> 00:56:27,260
I'm a lot of things.
1306
00:56:27,880 --> 00:56:30,760
So, how come you didn't
go after Matt yourself?
1307
00:56:31,510 --> 00:56:32,680
He's not really my type.
1308
00:56:33,100 --> 00:56:34,600
-No?
-Nah.
1309
00:56:35,060 --> 00:56:36,060
Plus...
1310
00:56:36,390 --> 00:56:37,980
kind of have my
eye on someone else.
1311
00:56:39,060 --> 00:56:41,190
Oh, is it that guy you
came by the shelter with?
1312
00:56:41,310 --> 00:56:42,360
-Steve?
-Yes.
1313
00:56:42,980 --> 00:56:44,570
No. He wishes.
1314
00:56:45,110 --> 00:56:46,110
Nah, not him.
1315
00:56:47,240 --> 00:56:48,240
Someone who...
1316
00:56:48,490 --> 00:56:50,150
doesn't really know
how I feel about them.
1317
00:56:50,860 --> 00:56:52,240
Then why don't
you just go for it?
1318
00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:55,330
[music continues]
1319
00:56:55,450 --> 00:56:56,790
-Edna.
-Umm...
1320
00:56:57,830 --> 00:56:58,830
I can't.
1321
00:56:59,410 --> 00:57:00,420
Come on.
1322
00:57:00,670 --> 00:57:02,250
You're a smart, confident woman.
1323
00:57:02,580 --> 00:57:04,040
Any guy would be
lucky to date you.
1324
00:57:04,170 --> 00:57:05,840
[Edna chuckles]
Touché.
1325
00:57:06,630 --> 00:57:07,630
[both laugh]
1326
00:57:09,300 --> 00:57:12,390
[upbeat music]
1327
00:57:19,430 --> 00:57:20,440
[door opens]
1328
00:57:20,520 --> 00:57:21,520
So I said,
1329
00:57:21,690 --> 00:57:23,060
"How about a little notice."
1330
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:25,270
-What a concept.
-I know, right?
1331
00:57:30,610 --> 00:57:31,610
Excuse me.
1332
00:57:33,820 --> 00:57:35,990
I noticed you came out
from Lewis, Brown and Anderson.
1333
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:37,990
-Yeah?
-Do you know Matt Flannery?
1334
00:57:38,290 --> 00:57:39,660
-I work for him.
-You do?
1335
00:57:39,870 --> 00:57:40,870
Yeah, why?
1336
00:57:40,910 --> 00:57:43,080
I met him the other
day and he asked me out.
1337
00:57:45,210 --> 00:57:46,880
-He asked you out?
-Yeah.
1338
00:57:47,090 --> 00:57:49,170
-I don't think so, honey.
-What do you mean?
1339
00:57:49,800 --> 00:57:52,380
-Matt's happily married.
-With three kids.
1340
00:57:53,220 --> 00:57:56,260
[fast-paced music]
1341
00:58:00,310 --> 00:58:03,270
[Steve laughs]
How do you know
the guy was married?
1342
00:58:03,350 --> 00:58:04,650
I talked to his secretary.
1343
00:58:05,310 --> 00:58:06,400
Damn, you're good.
1344
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:08,440
Yeah? And Matt's a scumbag.
1345
00:58:09,610 --> 00:58:10,610
Huh.
1346
00:58:10,900 --> 00:58:11,900
What?
1347
00:58:12,070 --> 00:58:13,740
Come on, you gotta give
this guy some props, right?
1348
00:58:13,820 --> 00:58:14,910
It's quite
the scam he pulled off.
1349
00:58:14,990 --> 00:58:16,740
I'd like to give him
something, but it ain't props.
1350
00:58:16,820 --> 00:58:18,580
Well, you know what? Old
Eddie would have been impressed.
1351
00:58:18,660 --> 00:58:21,040
Yeah, well, new Eddie would
like to kick old Eddie's ass.
1352
00:58:21,080 --> 00:58:24,000
Yeah? I'd put my
money on old Eddie, cause
new Eddie seems a little gay.
1353
00:58:25,540 --> 00:58:26,630
You're an idiot.
1354
00:58:27,750 --> 00:58:28,750
I know.
1355
00:58:30,260 --> 00:58:31,260
[sighs]
1356
00:58:33,880 --> 00:58:34,880
This is complicated.
1357
00:58:34,970 --> 00:58:38,010
[fast-paced music]
1358
00:58:45,230 --> 00:58:48,230
[music fades]
1359
00:58:51,900 --> 00:58:52,900
Oh, Edna!
1360
00:58:52,990 --> 00:58:54,950
Hi, Jess, you made it.
1361
00:58:55,070 --> 00:58:56,240
Thanks for inviting me.
1362
00:58:56,740 --> 00:58:58,740
-And for the backstage pass.
-Sure.
1363
00:58:59,780 --> 00:59:00,790
Did you come alone?
1364
00:59:01,450 --> 00:59:04,710
Yeah, I invited Matt,
but he, uhh, he had to
go out of town for work.
1365
00:59:04,960 --> 00:59:06,080
-Really?
-Yeah.
1366
00:59:06,580 --> 00:59:08,460
OK, you're all set. You should
report to the staging area.
1367
00:59:08,540 --> 00:59:09,540
OK, thanks.
1368
00:59:09,790 --> 00:59:12,460
Edna, I have to tell you,
Matt is such a great guy.
1369
00:59:12,800 --> 00:59:13,920
After we got done at the shelter
1370
00:59:14,010 --> 00:59:16,510
he took me for
a ride on his motorcycle.
1371
00:59:17,260 --> 00:59:19,600
And then, after
dinner, we stopped
by his boat for a nightcap.
1372
00:59:19,680 --> 00:59:20,680
He has a boat?
1373
00:59:20,970 --> 00:59:22,970
Well, actually Matt
says it's called a sloop
1374
00:59:23,310 --> 00:59:24,560
because it has three masts.
1375
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:25,770
Damn, he's good.
1376
00:59:26,310 --> 00:59:27,310
Well, I wouldn't know that.
1377
00:59:27,350 --> 00:59:29,230
I have this rule,
no sex until the third date.
1378
00:59:29,610 --> 00:59:32,150
But, I will say
he is a very good kisser.
[chuckles]
1379
00:59:32,320 --> 00:59:34,110
OK, listen, I need to
tell you something, Jess.
1380
00:59:34,610 --> 00:59:35,610
What is it?
1381
00:59:36,650 --> 00:59:37,860
OK, how do I put this?
1382
00:59:38,160 --> 00:59:39,160
Just say it.
1383
00:59:39,490 --> 00:59:41,120
Matt is, umm...
1384
00:59:41,740 --> 00:59:42,740
Yeah?
1385
00:59:42,870 --> 00:59:43,870
married.
1386
00:59:44,660 --> 00:59:46,660
-You're wrong.
-I spoke to his secretary.
1387
00:59:47,460 --> 00:59:48,580
Why are you doing this?
1388
00:59:48,670 --> 00:59:49,960
To protect you, Jess.
1389
00:59:50,250 --> 00:59:52,750
You deserve to be with someone
who really cares about you.
1390
00:59:52,920 --> 00:59:54,380
Not someone
who's running a scam.
1391
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:56,170
I knew it! You're a lesbian!
1392
00:59:56,300 --> 00:59:59,050
What? No, I'm not a lesbian.
1393
00:59:59,390 --> 01:00:01,470
I am just a man
trapped in a woman's body.
1394
01:00:01,510 --> 01:00:02,510
What?
1395
01:00:03,180 --> 01:00:05,980
Look, I know this is gonna
sound crazy, but the thing is...
1396
01:00:06,770 --> 01:00:08,230
I ran into a
homeless woman the other day.
1397
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:09,690
She asked me to kiss her.
1398
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:13,070
Said it would
prove that I could see
the beauty in all women.
1399
01:00:13,610 --> 01:00:16,240
I refused. The next day
I wake up, I am no longer Eddie.
1400
01:00:16,400 --> 01:00:17,400
I am Edna.
1401
01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:19,490
And so, I need to find her.
1402
01:00:19,530 --> 01:00:20,700
Because all I can figure is,
1403
01:00:20,740 --> 01:00:22,580
you know, she's put
some kind of spell on me.
1404
01:00:23,030 --> 01:00:24,120
And so, once I find her
1405
01:00:24,160 --> 01:00:26,200
she can change me
back into being Eddie.
1406
01:00:29,000 --> 01:00:30,380
Come on, say something.
1407
01:00:31,580 --> 01:00:33,250
I don't ever
want to see you again.
1408
01:00:34,050 --> 01:00:36,550
-What?
-Don't call me, don't
1409
01:00:36,760 --> 01:00:38,800
text me, don't
just stop by and see me!
1410
01:00:39,130 --> 01:00:40,510
You're a sick, sick person!
1411
01:00:41,140 --> 01:00:42,550
Just, leave me alone.
1412
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:44,680
Jess, come back!
1413
01:00:44,850 --> 01:00:47,930
[melancholic music]
1414
01:00:53,980 --> 01:00:57,030
[sobbing]
[music continues]
1415
01:01:06,450 --> 01:01:07,450
[screams]
1416
01:01:11,540 --> 01:01:14,590
[music continues]
[bottles clinking]
1417
01:01:22,050 --> 01:01:25,050
[music fades]
1418
01:01:28,730 --> 01:01:29,730
The thing is,
1419
01:01:29,890 --> 01:01:32,350
ever since the show
I haven't been able
to control my emotions.
1420
01:01:32,810 --> 01:01:35,230
Like, someone cuts me
off, I bawl my eyes out.
1421
01:01:36,440 --> 01:01:39,070
Ketchup spills on my
shirt, I bawl my eyes out.
1422
01:01:39,860 --> 01:01:40,900
That's messed up.
1423
01:01:41,700 --> 01:01:45,120
I'd rather be a little
bit emotional than a cold,
heartless bastard like you.
1424
01:01:46,580 --> 01:01:47,580
Ouch.
1425
01:01:48,080 --> 01:01:49,080
Oh shit.
1426
01:01:49,330 --> 01:01:50,330
I'm sorry.
1427
01:01:50,750 --> 01:01:51,830
That's all right.
1428
01:01:52,370 --> 01:01:53,630
I was born out of wedlock.
1429
01:01:54,460 --> 01:01:56,750
I mean, I know I've been
hurting over Jess, but this...
1430
01:01:57,380 --> 01:01:58,800
this feels like more than that.
1431
01:01:59,300 --> 01:02:00,970
Hey, maybe it's
your female hormones.
1432
01:02:02,380 --> 01:02:03,380
Yeah, maybe.
1433
01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:05,050
Well, hey,
look. It's still early.
1434
01:02:05,140 --> 01:02:06,800
What do you say we
go out, hit a club or something?
1435
01:02:07,180 --> 01:02:08,890
While I'm an emotional wreck?
1436
01:02:09,390 --> 01:02:11,730
How self-centered
can you be, Steve?
1437
01:02:12,560 --> 01:02:13,560
I mean... what?
1438
01:02:14,520 --> 01:02:15,520
What?
1439
01:02:16,190 --> 01:02:17,820
You'd think we're
fucking already or something.
1440
01:02:22,200 --> 01:02:23,200
[sighs]
1441
01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:29,490
[sighs]
1442
01:02:31,750 --> 01:02:33,370
-Shit, I did it again.
-Uhuh.
1443
01:02:34,500 --> 01:02:36,080
[sighs]
I really have a problem.
1444
01:02:36,540 --> 01:02:37,540
Yeah?
1445
01:02:37,630 --> 01:02:38,630
Well...
1446
01:02:38,670 --> 01:02:41,630
My best friend has
turned into a really hot chick
1447
01:02:41,710 --> 01:02:44,050
and every night I've been
having sex dreams about him.
1448
01:02:44,760 --> 01:02:46,010
[laughs] Her.
1449
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:48,930
See, you're not the only
one with problems here, pal.
1450
01:02:49,850 --> 01:02:51,140
I'm sorry, I didn't know.
1451
01:02:51,770 --> 01:02:53,560
Yeah, well, I'm not
too proud of that one.
1452
01:02:53,890 --> 01:02:54,890
[sighs] Right.
1453
01:02:56,900 --> 01:02:58,900
Come on, Eddie, let's
just change the subject.
1454
01:02:58,980 --> 01:02:59,980
Yeah.
1455
01:03:00,070 --> 01:03:02,240
Do me a favor,
pass me the controls, maybe
there's a game on or something.
1456
01:03:05,570 --> 01:03:06,570
[sighs]
1457
01:03:06,910 --> 01:03:08,160
[TV playing]
1458
01:03:08,870 --> 01:03:10,370
-You know what?
-What?
1459
01:03:11,290 --> 01:03:12,870
-Let's do it.
-Do what?
1460
01:03:13,620 --> 01:03:15,210
Like, let's do it.
1461
01:03:15,250 --> 01:03:16,250
[sputters]
1462
01:03:18,420 --> 01:03:20,800
-Are you fucking serious?
-Yes, I'm fucking serious.
1463
01:03:21,090 --> 01:03:24,550
I mean, I should
really take my female
equipment out on a test drive.
1464
01:03:25,050 --> 01:03:26,890
And who better
to lose my virginity to
1465
01:03:27,050 --> 01:03:29,010
-than my best friend?
-Because I can drive!
1466
01:03:30,100 --> 01:03:32,770
I can drive. And you are
serious. You are serious, right?
1467
01:03:32,850 --> 01:03:35,310
I'm as serious as
pink on a pregnancy test.
1468
01:03:35,390 --> 01:03:36,520
OK, that's great!
1469
01:03:36,900 --> 01:03:38,770
That is great. That is so sweet.
1470
01:03:39,230 --> 01:03:41,070
Don't be fucking with me, cause
if you're fucking with me...
1471
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:42,900
Mate, I'm being serious.
1472
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:44,320
I'm gonna go and freshen up.
1473
01:03:44,690 --> 01:03:45,700
Afterward...
1474
01:03:46,030 --> 01:03:47,030
me and you...
1475
01:03:47,280 --> 01:03:48,280
are gonna do the nasty.
1476
01:03:48,780 --> 01:03:49,870
I love the nasty.
1477
01:03:49,950 --> 01:03:51,280
[upbeat music]
1478
01:03:51,370 --> 01:03:52,490
I love the nasty.
1479
01:03:53,370 --> 01:03:55,250
Wait a minute. You
do have a vagina, right?
1480
01:03:55,790 --> 01:03:56,960
-Yes.
-Good.
1481
01:03:57,120 --> 01:03:58,120
Important.
1482
01:03:58,540 --> 01:04:00,590
For the old in and outie.
[whistles]
1483
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:03,920
[music continues]
1484
01:04:08,380 --> 01:04:09,390
[sighs]
1485
01:04:12,640 --> 01:04:13,640
[sighs]
1486
01:04:13,720 --> 01:04:14,720
OK, umm...
1487
01:04:15,180 --> 01:04:16,980
You, like, make
yourself comfortable.
1488
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:19,480
I'll be right back.
1489
01:04:19,560 --> 01:04:22,570
[music continues]
1490
01:04:30,280 --> 01:04:31,280
[slap]
1491
01:04:34,740 --> 01:04:37,790
[farting]
1492
01:04:42,290 --> 01:04:43,290
Ugh.
1493
01:04:47,090 --> 01:04:48,800
-[Edna screams]
-[Steve shouts]
1494
01:04:51,930 --> 01:04:52,930
What's wrong?
1495
01:04:56,350 --> 01:04:57,350
You OK?
1496
01:05:00,980 --> 01:05:03,230
Oh! What the fuck? What...
1497
01:05:03,440 --> 01:05:05,110
what, what, what did you do?
1498
01:05:05,320 --> 01:05:06,530
I think I'm dying!
1499
01:05:06,570 --> 01:05:08,070
There's so much blood, Eddie!
1500
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:09,780
Call 911!
1501
01:05:10,150 --> 01:05:12,700
[grunting]
[vomiting]
1502
01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:15,200
Hey. Hey, excuse me.
1503
01:05:15,790 --> 01:05:16,790
Thanks for the tampon.
1504
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:19,460
[emergency sirens]
1505
01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:25,880
[sighs]
1506
01:05:27,210 --> 01:05:29,300
-Well, that was embarrassing.
-Yes.
1507
01:05:30,260 --> 01:05:31,260
Yes, it was.
1508
01:05:31,550 --> 01:05:34,260
-Umm... thanks for the...
-No problem.
1509
01:05:34,800 --> 01:05:35,760
No problem.
1510
01:05:36,850 --> 01:05:37,850
OK.
1511
01:05:38,560 --> 01:05:39,560
OK.
1512
01:05:41,310 --> 01:05:42,940
So you know that thing
that we were gonna do--
1513
01:05:43,020 --> 01:05:44,860
Don't worry about that.
Do not...
1514
01:05:45,270 --> 01:05:46,480
worry about that. I am...
1515
01:05:46,570 --> 01:05:49,240
I, I, I will not be having any
more of those kind of dreams.
1516
01:05:49,280 --> 01:05:50,280
[chuckles] Right.
1517
01:05:50,360 --> 01:05:52,070
Yeah. I'm, uhh...
1518
01:05:53,620 --> 01:05:54,820
I'm totally cured.
1519
01:05:55,410 --> 01:05:56,410
I get it.
1520
01:05:57,410 --> 01:05:59,450
Yeah, I'll tell you
what, I should get going.
1521
01:05:59,660 --> 01:06:01,080
Got to get back
to the office. I've got to...
1522
01:06:01,660 --> 01:06:02,670
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
1523
01:06:04,040 --> 01:06:05,340
I'll, uhh... I'll uhh...
1524
01:06:05,540 --> 01:06:07,500
I'll, I'll talk to you later.
1525
01:06:08,590 --> 01:06:10,800
-See you later, Steve.
-I'm good. I'll see you.
1526
01:06:11,420 --> 01:06:14,430
[upbeat music continues]
1527
01:06:16,010 --> 01:06:17,720
Oh, wait. Do I have
something on my face?
1528
01:06:17,970 --> 01:06:18,970
I'll see you.
1529
01:06:19,060 --> 01:06:22,060
[music continues]
1530
01:06:25,150 --> 01:06:28,480
Look, how many times
do I have to tell you?
I don't do full-frontal.
1531
01:06:29,440 --> 01:06:30,990
What? How much does it pay?
1532
01:06:31,740 --> 01:06:32,780
Oh yeah. I'm in.
1533
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:34,320
Call me back.
1534
01:06:34,610 --> 01:06:35,620
Can I help you?
1535
01:06:35,660 --> 01:06:37,990
Yeah, I'll have
a small latte, and uhh...
1536
01:06:38,200 --> 01:06:39,910
let me get whatever the
young lady here would like.
1537
01:06:39,990 --> 01:06:41,000
No thanks.
1538
01:06:41,080 --> 01:06:43,920
I insist. I'm trying to live
my life by paying it forward.
1539
01:06:44,250 --> 01:06:46,830
OK, that's great
and all, but I'd rather
just pay for my own drink.
1540
01:06:47,500 --> 01:06:48,500
Come on, babe.
1541
01:06:48,670 --> 01:06:49,840
It would really make my day.
1542
01:06:50,260 --> 01:06:51,880
OK, look, I know
what you're doing.
1543
01:06:52,420 --> 01:06:53,840
I used to be just like you.
1544
01:06:54,260 --> 01:06:55,970
So trust me when
I say, scamming women
1545
01:06:56,010 --> 01:06:58,970
to get them into
bed is a shallow,
meaningless way to live.
1546
01:06:59,260 --> 01:07:00,310
At the end of the day
1547
01:07:00,520 --> 01:07:01,980
it's love that really matters.
1548
01:07:02,230 --> 01:07:03,230
Uhuh.
1549
01:07:03,560 --> 01:07:04,560
You go, girl.
1550
01:07:05,020 --> 01:07:06,900
[musical flash]
I'll be damned...
1551
01:07:08,360 --> 01:07:09,360
Dude...
1552
01:07:09,820 --> 01:07:10,820
you just dodged a bullet.
1553
01:07:11,530 --> 01:07:12,650
Chick is hiding a banana.
1554
01:07:14,070 --> 01:07:15,860
She's got, balls.
1555
01:07:15,950 --> 01:07:18,950
[fast-paced music]
1556
01:07:37,800 --> 01:07:40,850
[music fades]
1557
01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:44,310
-Wow.
-I know, right?
1558
01:07:45,020 --> 01:07:46,600
It's a little different
to your first two books.
1559
01:07:46,900 --> 01:07:48,610
Well, I mean,
I'm a little different.
1560
01:07:48,650 --> 01:07:49,650
True.
1561
01:07:50,770 --> 01:07:52,860
-True.
-So, what do you think?
1562
01:07:53,230 --> 01:07:55,320
I don't know, Eddie.
I don't know, I mean...
1563
01:07:56,240 --> 01:07:57,700
all this stuff about intimacy
1564
01:07:57,780 --> 01:07:59,280
respect, romance...
1565
01:07:59,490 --> 01:08:02,700
I mean, come on. You really
think sex is better between
two people who are in love?
1566
01:08:03,330 --> 01:08:04,580
Yeah. I do.
1567
01:08:06,290 --> 01:08:07,290
Hm.
1568
01:08:08,330 --> 01:08:09,580
Love is the answer, pal.
1569
01:08:13,170 --> 01:08:14,630
Your ass is the answer, Eddie.
1570
01:08:15,220 --> 01:08:16,880
Edna. God, I gotta stop.
1571
01:08:16,930 --> 01:08:19,970
[fast-paced music continues]
1572
01:08:29,770 --> 01:08:31,610
[mystical sound]
1573
01:08:32,230 --> 01:08:33,230
Hey!
1574
01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:36,740
You don't
respect elders, do you?
1575
01:08:37,110 --> 01:08:38,150
[coins clink]
1576
01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:39,200
Fuck off.
1577
01:08:39,280 --> 01:08:40,410
You...
[music continues]
1578
01:08:42,410 --> 01:08:44,080
[mystical sound]
1579
01:08:47,000 --> 01:08:49,750
[music fades]
1580
01:08:57,300 --> 01:08:58,300
[grunts]
1581
01:09:01,590 --> 01:09:03,260
[yawns] Yeah.
1582
01:09:04,060 --> 01:09:05,100
[urine spraying]
1583
01:09:05,850 --> 01:09:08,770
Oh! Shit! Shit! Shit!
1584
01:09:09,310 --> 01:09:10,810
[laughs] Shit!
1585
01:09:11,230 --> 01:09:14,610
Shit! Shit! [laughs]
1586
01:09:14,940 --> 01:09:17,190
[laughs] Yeah!
1587
01:09:17,320 --> 01:09:19,150
Fuck, yes!
1588
01:09:19,490 --> 01:09:20,780
Yes! Phone!
1589
01:09:21,070 --> 01:09:22,070
Phone.
1590
01:09:22,700 --> 01:09:23,990
Phone. Come on.
1591
01:09:24,530 --> 01:09:25,830
OK, OK.
1592
01:09:26,080 --> 01:09:28,200
[upbeat music]
1593
01:09:28,450 --> 01:09:29,620
Steve! It's Eddie.
1594
01:09:29,910 --> 01:09:30,960
Listen to me, it's Eddie.
1595
01:09:31,000 --> 01:09:32,580
I'm back, man. I'm back!
1596
01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:34,210
Fuck yes!
1597
01:09:34,250 --> 01:09:37,300
[music continues]
1598
01:09:42,510 --> 01:09:44,350
[music fades]
1599
01:09:45,510 --> 01:09:48,560
[tender music]
1600
01:09:55,900 --> 01:09:58,360
I think Chapter Seven,
you'll really like it.
1601
01:09:58,610 --> 01:09:59,610
[woman] Next.
1602
01:09:59,650 --> 01:10:00,650
All right. Bye.
1603
01:10:02,360 --> 01:10:03,740
-Hello.
-Hi.
1604
01:10:05,280 --> 01:10:07,990
Can I just say,
you are the perfect man.
1605
01:10:08,410 --> 01:10:10,710
Well, that's very
kind of you, but I am...
1606
01:10:10,910 --> 01:10:12,120
far from perfect.
1607
01:10:12,420 --> 01:10:15,130
I don't know. You
understand and respect women.
1608
01:10:15,790 --> 01:10:17,380
Plus, you're so damn handsome.
1609
01:10:17,840 --> 01:10:20,550
[chuckles]
That's very kind of you.
Thank you very much.
1610
01:10:21,220 --> 01:10:22,630
I appreciate that. I do.
1611
01:10:23,180 --> 01:10:24,180
Thank you.
1612
01:10:24,640 --> 01:10:25,640
Thank you.
1613
01:10:26,010 --> 01:10:27,850
Thank you.
Steve Burns, I'm his agent.
1614
01:10:29,020 --> 01:10:30,930
-I always introduce myself.
-Next.
1615
01:10:32,440 --> 01:10:33,440
-Hi.
-Hi.
1616
01:10:34,690 --> 01:10:35,690
Right here.
1617
01:10:36,480 --> 01:10:38,570
You really liked it?
That was good.
1618
01:10:39,320 --> 01:10:40,490
Here he is. Hey, pal.
1619
01:10:40,610 --> 01:10:41,610
Hey, buddy.
1620
01:10:41,690 --> 01:10:43,660
Hey, listen. We've
got to get going. We've got a...
1621
01:10:43,990 --> 01:10:47,160
dinner reservation
tonight to celebrate our
six-month anniversary, actually.
1622
01:10:47,240 --> 01:10:48,910
-Six months already?
-Yeah.
1623
01:10:49,200 --> 01:10:51,080
-Wow, congrats.
-Thank you.
1624
01:10:51,540 --> 01:10:53,620
Are you sure you won't let me
set you up with my roommate?
1625
01:10:53,670 --> 01:10:55,830
Yeah... no, no...
1626
01:10:56,630 --> 01:10:58,000
I really think
you'd hit it off.
1627
01:10:58,040 --> 01:10:59,800
[chuckles]
1628
01:10:59,880 --> 01:11:01,840
I appreciate the
offer, but no, thank you.
1629
01:11:02,550 --> 01:11:04,220
All right, if you change
your mind, let us know?
1630
01:11:04,260 --> 01:11:05,430
-Will do.
-OK?
1631
01:11:05,510 --> 01:11:06,800
-Go on.
-If you change your mind.
1632
01:11:06,930 --> 01:11:08,760
-If I change my mind. Have fun.
-See you, pal.
1633
01:11:08,810 --> 01:11:09,810
See ya.
1634
01:11:09,890 --> 01:11:12,890
[tender music]
1635
01:11:14,480 --> 01:11:17,270
[emotional music]
1636
01:11:17,610 --> 01:11:18,570
Eddie.
1637
01:11:19,860 --> 01:11:20,860
Jess.
1638
01:11:22,070 --> 01:11:23,740
-Hi.
-Hi.
1639
01:11:24,990 --> 01:11:26,530
Wow, you look amazing.
1640
01:11:26,820 --> 01:11:28,450
Oh. Thanks.
1641
01:11:30,620 --> 01:11:31,740
So, umm...
1642
01:11:32,620 --> 01:11:34,000
Uhh...
1643
01:11:34,460 --> 01:11:36,120
-Read your book.
-You did?
1644
01:11:36,500 --> 01:11:37,500
Uhuh.
1645
01:11:37,920 --> 01:11:39,920
-I really liked it.
-I'm glad.
1646
01:11:41,960 --> 01:11:43,170
You dedicated it to me.
1647
01:11:43,590 --> 01:11:44,590
Yeah.
1648
01:11:44,920 --> 01:11:47,390
Well, you know, you played
a big role in helping me change.
1649
01:11:49,050 --> 01:11:50,510
Yeah. About that.
1650
01:11:51,640 --> 01:11:52,640
So...
1651
01:11:52,850 --> 01:11:54,850
you and Edna...
1652
01:11:54,890 --> 01:11:55,980
One and the same.
1653
01:11:57,020 --> 01:11:58,020
Oh.
1654
01:11:58,270 --> 01:11:59,730
-Wow.
-Crazy, huh?
1655
01:12:00,610 --> 01:12:01,610
Yes...
1656
01:12:02,900 --> 01:12:03,900
and no.
1657
01:12:05,450 --> 01:12:06,570
You know, I've got an idea.
1658
01:12:07,820 --> 01:12:10,120
Why don't we start
this thing all over?
1659
01:12:10,620 --> 01:12:11,620
[clears throat]
1660
01:12:12,660 --> 01:12:13,660
Hello.
1661
01:12:13,750 --> 01:12:14,750
I'm Eddie Greenleaf.
1662
01:12:15,080 --> 01:12:16,580
-Jess White.
-Jess White?
1663
01:12:16,790 --> 01:12:17,790
-Uhuh.
-Wow.
1664
01:12:18,540 --> 01:12:19,580
So are you seeing anyone?
1665
01:12:20,380 --> 01:12:21,380
Uh, no.
1666
01:12:21,790 --> 01:12:24,300
Not since I discovered the last
guy I was dating was married.
1667
01:12:24,550 --> 01:12:26,010
-I'm sorry to hear that.
-Yeah.
1668
01:12:26,590 --> 01:12:28,590
A friend tried to warn
me, but I wouldn't listen.
1669
01:12:29,140 --> 01:12:30,800
In fact, I was
really mean to her.
1670
01:12:31,800 --> 01:12:33,010
You know, I think
she forgives you.
1671
01:12:36,430 --> 01:12:38,650
So, how about you? Are you...
1672
01:12:39,850 --> 01:12:40,860
seeing anyone?
1673
01:12:41,020 --> 01:12:42,020
Actually...
1674
01:12:42,610 --> 01:12:45,690
I kind of fell in love for the
first time in my life last year.
1675
01:12:47,570 --> 01:12:48,570
You did?
1676
01:12:48,820 --> 01:12:49,820
Yeah.
1677
01:12:49,990 --> 01:12:52,330
The timing, though,
it wasn't right, unfortunately.
1678
01:12:54,040 --> 01:12:55,040
Well...
1679
01:12:55,290 --> 01:12:56,910
maybe you should
give it another shot.
1680
01:12:58,040 --> 01:13:00,080
I was just thinking
exactly the same thing.
1681
01:13:02,040 --> 01:13:03,130
So, can I buy you a latte?
1682
01:13:03,710 --> 01:13:04,960
-I'd really like that.
-Yeah?
1683
01:13:05,050 --> 01:13:06,920
-Yeah.
-Let's get out of here then.
1684
01:13:07,010 --> 01:13:10,010
[fast-paced music]
1685
01:13:16,310 --> 01:13:19,350
[upbeat music]
1686
01:13:31,530 --> 01:13:32,530
[crew chattering]
1687
01:13:33,320 --> 01:13:34,330
[crew] Mark.
1688
01:13:35,620 --> 01:13:36,870
-You had the book signing.
-Uhuh.
1689
01:13:36,950 --> 01:13:37,950
The release party.
1690
01:13:38,160 --> 01:13:40,790
-Sex with a homeless model--
Oh fuck, a homeless model.
-[woman laughs]
1691
01:13:41,500 --> 01:13:43,250
[indistinct chattering]
1692
01:13:43,960 --> 01:13:44,920
[indistinct chattering]
1693
01:13:45,670 --> 01:13:47,630
[laughs]
1694
01:13:48,010 --> 01:13:49,550
I love the
homeless kind of look.
1695
01:13:49,630 --> 01:13:50,630
It's just, you know...
1696
01:13:50,680 --> 01:13:51,760
The book signing.
1697
01:13:52,010 --> 01:13:53,970
Sex with a homeless-
Oh for fuck's sake!
1698
01:13:54,050 --> 01:13:55,390
That homeless
woman's in my head.
1699
01:13:55,680 --> 01:13:56,970
Buddy, let me
tell you something.
1700
01:13:57,020 --> 01:13:58,470
I'm, I'm starving, ok.
1701
01:13:58,850 --> 01:14:00,140
This may be
harder than I thought.
1702
01:14:01,900 --> 01:14:04,020
OK, we might
have to go back to [indistinct]
1703
01:14:04,400 --> 01:14:05,860
[door rattling]
1704
01:14:06,320 --> 01:14:07,320
Knock, knock!
1705
01:14:07,530 --> 01:14:10,570
[music continues]
1706
01:14:16,080 --> 01:14:18,120
[together] This is where you
find your beaver buzzers
1707
01:14:18,200 --> 01:14:21,710
magic wands, pussy
punchers, hamburger
helpers and wacky wobblers.
1708
01:14:22,170 --> 01:14:24,290
Personally,
I like the butterfly.
1709
01:14:25,590 --> 01:14:26,590
Fuck.
1710
01:14:26,960 --> 01:14:30,050
[music continues]
1711
01:14:48,860 --> 01:14:49,980
-Well?
-This stuff is good.
1712
01:14:50,070 --> 01:14:51,280
-Not bad, right?
-Yeah, what is it?
1713
01:14:51,440 --> 01:14:52,950
-[pronounces] Bocelios.
-Hmm.
1714
01:14:53,360 --> 01:14:54,360
[crew pronounces] Dos celios.
1715
01:14:54,410 --> 01:14:55,700
This stuff's good. What is it?
1716
01:14:55,910 --> 01:14:57,200
[pronounces] Dos selios.
1717
01:14:58,700 --> 01:14:59,990
This stuff is good.
1718
01:15:00,120 --> 01:15:01,120
What is it?
1719
01:15:02,870 --> 01:15:03,870
[both laugh]
1720
01:15:04,420 --> 01:15:07,460
[music continues]
1721
01:15:10,800 --> 01:15:12,050
[sighs] The thing is...
1722
01:15:13,340 --> 01:15:14,680
Oh. For fuck's sake.
1723
01:15:14,970 --> 01:15:16,510
Yes, I'm fucking serious.
1724
01:15:16,720 --> 01:15:19,390
I mean, I really should take
my female equipment out with...
1725
01:15:19,970 --> 01:15:21,310
-What am I doing?
-[both laugh]
1726
01:15:23,140 --> 01:15:24,350
Hey, hey. Hey, excuse me.
1727
01:15:24,810 --> 01:15:27,190
Thanks for the cond--
Not the condom, fuck.
1728
01:15:27,480 --> 01:15:28,480
[all laugh]
1729
01:15:29,230 --> 01:15:32,240
[music continues]
1730
01:15:35,610 --> 01:15:36,610
[panting]
1731
01:15:37,240 --> 01:15:38,240
Come on.
1732
01:15:40,200 --> 01:15:41,200
OK.
1733
01:15:42,410 --> 01:15:43,410
Eddie!
1734
01:15:43,790 --> 01:15:45,370
No, I'm fucking Eddie. Fuck!
1735
01:15:45,420 --> 01:15:46,420
Back.
1736
01:15:46,790 --> 01:15:47,790
[crew laugh]
1737
01:15:48,000 --> 01:15:49,710
Make yourself
comfortable and I'll...
1738
01:15:51,380 --> 01:15:52,380
be right back.
1739
01:15:52,630 --> 01:15:55,590
[laughs]
1740
01:15:56,220 --> 01:15:57,680
Yes! [laughs]
1741
01:15:58,090 --> 01:16:01,140
[music continues]
1742
01:16:04,430 --> 01:16:06,100
She must have put a spell on me.
1743
01:16:06,310 --> 01:16:07,980
That's the only
thing that makes sense.
1744
01:16:08,610 --> 01:16:10,020
OK. So...
1745
01:16:10,570 --> 01:16:12,030
we're looking for this magical
1746
01:16:12,820 --> 01:16:14,610
mystery kind of
homeless woman, right?
1747
01:16:14,900 --> 01:16:16,400
I mean, I don't
know. I guess so.
1748
01:16:17,740 --> 01:16:18,740
OK.
1749
01:16:19,620 --> 01:16:20,660
Maybe she was a witch.
1750
01:16:20,910 --> 01:16:22,490
-A witch.
-All right, did you see it yet?
1751
01:16:22,580 --> 01:16:23,580
Because the gig's up.
1752
01:16:23,620 --> 01:16:24,790
[crew laugh]
1753
01:16:25,160 --> 01:16:26,580
Can I ask you a question?
1754
01:16:27,370 --> 01:16:28,370
[laughs]
1755
01:16:28,540 --> 01:16:29,540
[both laugh]
1756
01:16:34,340 --> 01:16:35,340
[snorts]
1757
01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:38,680
I'm so sorry.
1758
01:16:39,550 --> 01:16:41,800
[beeping]
1759
01:16:41,890 --> 01:16:42,890
Not in.
1760
01:16:45,850 --> 01:16:46,850
Uhuh.
1761
01:16:48,140 --> 01:16:49,940
[crew laughing]
1762
01:16:50,020 --> 01:16:53,110
[ending music]
118487
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