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00:00:14,208 --> 00:00:19,208
Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
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00:00:26,728 --> 00:00:29,096
My brother and I,
when we were little kids,
3
00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:31,733
we had this goy babysitter,
4
00:00:31,766 --> 00:00:35,435
who would tell us stories
about purgatory.
5
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:50,384
She said that it was a place,
but not really a place.
6
00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:52,252
It's sort of like a dream
7
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:55,155
in that you didn't
really know you were there.
8
00:00:56,758 --> 00:00:58,593
And you stayed in this place
as long as it took
9
00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:01,128
for you to learn something.
10
00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:03,798
Time and space
didn't even matter.
11
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:25,252
Do you think that's
what it's like after you die?
12
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:53,347
It doesn't matter
how it things end.
13
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:56,517
It only matters how it begins.
14
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:04,859
Journeying.
15
00:02:06,426 --> 00:02:09,196
The Jewish way of worship.
16
00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:12,332
We carry God on our shoulders.
17
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:16,169
Diaspora in our DNA.
18
00:02:16,203 --> 00:02:19,473
What keeps us moving?
19
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:24,211
Jews come from
all corners of the globe.
20
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:27,782
We do not get
to keep our homes,
21
00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:31,284
so we have to keep moving...
22
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:34,287
to that land of promise.
23
00:02:36,691 --> 00:02:42,530
My childhood was different
from yours.
24
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:46,299
Bricks and asphalt.
25
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:50,270
Heaps of trash outside in bins,
26
00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:54,809
overflowing
with bits of broken glass.
27
00:02:54,842 --> 00:03:00,447
The heat sticks
to the backs of obsidian dolls.
28
00:03:02,249 --> 00:03:06,386
Beyond the road
lies the town of Or-Akiva.
29
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:12,660
The absorption center
is on an island.
30
00:03:12,694 --> 00:03:14,729
Between two worlds.
31
00:03:15,897 --> 00:03:18,900
Ethiopia and Israel.
32
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:24,271
The limbo of residence.
33
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,942
The Third World and the rest.
34
00:03:27,975 --> 00:03:30,343
Who are you talking to?
35
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:36,450
Practicing my sermon.
Yom Kippur services tomorrow.
36
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,888
You look nervous.
37
00:03:40,922 --> 00:03:44,357
That's because you startled me.
38
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,429
Well, then you're focused...
39
00:03:49,463 --> 00:03:51,498
like a laser.
40
00:03:53,835 --> 00:03:55,469
I guess you don't want
to mess up
41
00:03:55,503 --> 00:03:58,606
right before the highest
of holidays, huh?
42
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,877
I mean, after all,
this is our...
43
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:06,446
It's our last chance to
make amends with the Almighty.
44
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,819
What if you dropped the Torah?
45
00:04:12,987 --> 00:04:14,689
No pressure.
46
00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:20,795
I'm sorry. I...
47
00:04:21,863 --> 00:04:23,463
I don't mean to interrupt.
48
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:27,001
I was just looking
for a place to dry off.
49
00:04:30,972 --> 00:04:32,740
My name's Isaac.
50
00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:41,549
So you're the rabbi,
I take it?
51
00:04:41,582 --> 00:04:42,884
Yes.
52
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,756
What's it take
to become a rabbi anyway?
53
00:04:48,790 --> 00:04:50,792
Is it like, um...
54
00:04:50,825 --> 00:04:54,028
like some spiritual intuition
kind of thing?
55
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:55,530
Like being, um...
56
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:59,600
uh, like a sci-fi
space wizard?
57
00:04:59,634 --> 00:05:02,570
Lots of study.
58
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,705
Ah.
59
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:07,074
Secret, huh? Hmm.
60
00:05:08,009 --> 00:05:10,477
I mean, you can tell me.
61
00:05:12,914 --> 00:05:14,048
I'm Jewish.
62
00:05:17,051 --> 00:05:19,754
Aren't you gonna
offer me condolences?
63
00:05:23,057 --> 00:05:24,926
I'm just kidding.
64
00:05:28,062 --> 00:05:30,363
I went to
elementary school here.
65
00:05:31,464 --> 00:05:32,800
Are you all right?
66
00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:35,670
You're soaking wet.
67
00:05:38,072 --> 00:05:40,741
Yeah, I am.
68
00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:44,045
I walked here
from the airport.
69
00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:47,915
It's like 10 miles
in the pouring rain.
70
00:05:47,949 --> 00:05:50,483
Long trip.
71
00:05:50,518 --> 00:05:53,353
I just got back from Israel,
actually.
72
00:05:54,989 --> 00:05:57,758
I buried my father
in Tel Aviv.
73
00:05:57,792 --> 00:06:00,061
I'm sorry for your loss.
74
00:06:01,896 --> 00:06:04,599
I love that prayer
that's recited for the brave.
75
00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:05,700
What's it called?
76
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:08,569
The Mourner's Kaddish.
77
00:06:09,503 --> 00:06:12,472
The music of melancholy.
78
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:16,443
The perfect prayer
to accompany the dead.
79
00:06:16,476 --> 00:06:19,446
The Mourner's Kaddish
makes no mention of death.
80
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:22,016
It is the celebration of life.
81
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:25,052
It praises
all of God's creation.
82
00:06:26,888 --> 00:06:29,757
Well, then why is it
recited a funerals?
83
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:33,060
To remind us
that we are still alive,
84
00:06:33,094 --> 00:06:35,696
that we are still healthy,
85
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:43,638
But I'm not, Rabbi.
86
00:06:46,107 --> 00:06:47,808
I'm sick.
87
00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:51,646
No, that's not why
I have the mask.
88
00:06:51,679 --> 00:06:54,582
It's for my protection,
not yours.
89
00:06:54,615 --> 00:06:56,684
No, this sickness,
90
00:06:56,717 --> 00:06:59,520
it can't be flushed out
with mucus.
91
00:06:59,553 --> 00:07:00,922
It's in myself.
92
00:07:00,955 --> 00:07:03,624
Perhaps you need a blessing.
93
00:07:03,658 --> 00:07:06,227
I can perform
the Mi Shebeirach,
94
00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:07,795
the prayer for the sick.
95
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,599
I want the Mourner's Kaddish.
96
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:15,569
- For your father.
- For me.
97
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:19,106
You cannot request this
for yourself.
98
00:07:19,140 --> 00:07:20,975
You're alive. Be grateful.
99
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,711
Yeah, my heart's still pumping,
if that's what you mean.
100
00:07:23,744 --> 00:07:25,780
I don't know
if I'm truly living.
101
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,081
It's a 14-hour journey.
102
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:30,084
This can make anyone
feel unwell.
103
00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:34,588
Yeah, nothing's too good
for dear old Dad.
104
00:07:35,957 --> 00:07:38,125
Then I'll shout,
"Honor thy mother and father,"
105
00:07:38,159 --> 00:07:40,628
and all that.
106
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:45,498
This is maybe a wrong
translation of Hebrew.
107
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:48,002
The word "kavod"
108
00:07:48,035 --> 00:07:52,807
means both honor and dignity.
109
00:07:55,276 --> 00:07:57,712
Dignity?
110
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,880
I like that.
111
00:07:59,914 --> 00:08:02,216
Thou shall dignify thy father
112
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:05,186
by showing up
to his internment ceremony,
113
00:08:05,219 --> 00:08:09,023
even if it is
10 million miles away.
114
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,564
You ever been
to the Holy Land?
115
00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:19,633
Of course.
That's where I grew up.
116
00:08:21,102 --> 00:08:23,771
Really?
117
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:27,008
- That surprises me.
- Why?
118
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:32,313
Because you look so...
119
00:08:32,346 --> 00:08:33,948
American.
120
00:08:36,217 --> 00:08:38,152
Were you born here?
121
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:42,123
Isn't it obvious?
122
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:47,561
You should go home.
Rest, yeah?
123
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:50,264
Uh, I can't.
124
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:53,000
I'm too agitated.
125
00:08:53,034 --> 00:08:54,969
I got in a fight
with my girlfriend,
126
00:08:55,002 --> 00:08:57,872
and I don't want
to talk about it.
127
00:09:00,174 --> 00:09:03,144
Then you should
make yourself useful.
128
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,680
You sound like my father.
129
00:09:06,714 --> 00:09:09,116
Help me with the books, yeah?
130
00:09:12,119 --> 00:09:13,187
Uh, okay.
131
00:09:25,733 --> 00:09:27,802
- No!
- Wha...
132
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:30,204
Not the Torah.
133
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:32,940
The books.
134
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:35,042
Under the podium.
135
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:38,913
Yes.
136
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:47,154
What's this?
137
00:09:47,188 --> 00:09:48,856
Don't touch that box!
138
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:12,713
You're shaking.
139
00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:17,084
You don't have a bigger jacket?
140
00:10:17,118 --> 00:10:19,286
Now you sound like my mother.
141
00:10:21,122 --> 00:10:25,159
I gave it to a crazy-looking
hobo with a fly swatter.
142
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:27,895
I think his teeth
were made of wood.
143
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:31,065
There's a lot of interest
in people in this neighborhood.
144
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:34,835
Yeah, schizophrenics
shouting at ghosts.
145
00:10:36,237 --> 00:10:40,274
The world's gone crazy.
You know what's causing it?
146
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,143
Social media.
147
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,881
Toxoplasmosis.
148
00:10:48,749 --> 00:10:52,453
It's a parasite
found in kitty litter.
149
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:54,722
My mom had four cats.
150
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:57,091
I prefer dogs.
151
00:10:57,124 --> 00:11:02,229
My best friend was
a golden retriever named Golda.
152
00:11:02,263 --> 00:11:03,964
Cute.
153
00:11:03,998 --> 00:11:09,436
Twelve years
of unconditional faithfulness.
154
00:11:09,470 --> 00:11:11,672
He's gone now.
155
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:17,344
Blind obedience, dogs.
156
00:11:17,378 --> 00:11:20,080
You have to earn a cat's trust.
157
00:11:20,114 --> 00:11:23,951
I mean, they are
suspicious of everyone.
158
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:27,054
Cats also hate being wet.
159
00:11:29,490 --> 00:11:33,260
It's easier to show
compassion to animals.
160
00:11:33,294 --> 00:11:36,030
They are never wicked.
161
00:11:36,063 --> 00:11:37,932
Who says?
162
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,867
Haile Selassie.
163
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:43,304
And what, does he play
for the Yankees?
164
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:47,074
What?
165
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:50,010
He was a great
Ethiopian emperor,
166
00:11:50,044 --> 00:11:52,913
related to King Solomon.
167
00:11:52,947 --> 00:11:55,115
You're an Ethiopian Jew?
168
00:11:55,149 --> 00:11:57,451
Oh, that's cool.
169
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,220
Yeah.
170
00:11:59,253 --> 00:12:01,889
Cool.
171
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:05,859
Well, Haile obviously never met
a jilted feline.
172
00:12:07,261 --> 00:12:09,396
Anyway, um...
173
00:12:09,430 --> 00:12:12,032
I'm related to Napoleon.
174
00:12:12,066 --> 00:12:14,168
He was defeated by winter.
175
00:12:14,201 --> 00:12:15,803
Still cold?
176
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:19,473
Constantly chilled
to the bone.
177
00:12:21,242 --> 00:12:23,477
Storm clouds all week.
178
00:12:23,511 --> 00:12:25,279
All year.
179
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,181
It's a record-breaking winter.
180
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:29,183
Climate change, you know?
181
00:12:29,216 --> 00:12:30,552
I was watching this movie
182
00:12:30,585 --> 00:12:33,187
where they did one of those
computer simulations,
183
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:39,159
and the ocean rose up
and completely sank New York.
184
00:12:39,193 --> 00:12:40,995
Like the Statue of Liberty
185
00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:43,531
was up to her elbows
in the Atlantic.
186
00:12:43,565 --> 00:12:45,833
I don't think
she knows how to swim.
187
00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:47,835
A tidal flood.
188
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,374
Should we build an ark?
189
00:12:53,407 --> 00:12:56,410
Maybe it's wise
to be prepared, yeah?
190
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,379
Two of every animal.
191
00:12:58,412 --> 00:13:00,848
Uh, let's skip mosquitoes
though.
192
00:13:00,881 --> 00:13:03,851
I don't think I have much blood
left to spare.
193
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:05,152
Poor circulation.
194
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:08,389
You need to stop
giving away your jacket.
195
00:13:08,422 --> 00:13:11,292
It was a mitzvah.
196
00:13:11,325 --> 00:13:15,229
The guy was screaming
about the end of the world.
197
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,298
Fire and the brimstone!
198
00:13:17,331 --> 00:13:20,334
What is it about Christians
and burning?
199
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:24,138
Some believe sin can be purged
through sacrifice.
200
00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:28,175
Oh. Sweating it out
in a schvitz?
201
00:13:30,344 --> 00:13:35,482
I mean, heat isn't bad.
It just makes you shed.
202
00:13:35,517 --> 00:13:38,553
Coldness goes straight
to the core.
203
00:13:38,586 --> 00:13:40,120
Fuses the bone.
204
00:13:42,256 --> 00:13:45,059
I believe
the world is about to end.
205
00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:46,293
Really?
206
00:13:46,327 --> 00:13:48,095
Yeah, I do.
207
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,998
But it's not gonna be
fire and brimstone.
208
00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:54,068
It's gonna be cold.
209
00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:56,103
Bitter cold.
210
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,471
Endless rain.
211
00:13:57,505 --> 00:14:00,207
Sheets of ice
will blanket over the oceans.
212
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:04,178
Skyscrapers turning into
towers of frost.
213
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,485
It's already starting to happen.
214
00:14:13,688 --> 00:14:16,056
Leaky roof.
215
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:32,206
God helps those
who help themselves.
216
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,280
Faith is like a house.
217
00:14:40,314 --> 00:14:42,584
It needs a strong foundation.
218
00:14:42,617 --> 00:14:46,353
Otherwise, one big storm
will send it toppling on over.
219
00:14:46,387 --> 00:14:49,524
God builds your home
inside of you.
220
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:54,895
Well, mine needs a remodel.
221
00:14:57,264 --> 00:15:00,568
That's a real nice paint job
you got there.
222
00:15:00,602 --> 00:15:02,570
You ever gonna get around
to finishing it?
223
00:15:02,604 --> 00:15:05,205
Our youth group
was supposed to finish today,
224
00:15:05,239 --> 00:15:09,443
but because of the rain,
they did not show up.
225
00:15:11,278 --> 00:15:13,648
So you're just gonna
leave it like that?
226
00:15:13,681 --> 00:15:15,650
Uh, Yom Kippur's tomorrow.
227
00:15:15,683 --> 00:15:18,285
And what am I supposed to do?
228
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,590
Oh, no, no.
229
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,095
Are you coming or what?
230
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,697
Uh, make yourself useful.
231
00:15:29,731 --> 00:15:31,533
God helps those
who help themselves.
232
00:15:31,566 --> 00:15:33,000
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
233
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:35,068
God helps those
who help themselves.
234
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:37,037
Yes, Isaac.
235
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,440
You get that part right there.
236
00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:49,049
Oh, no, no. Nice even strokes.
Here, watch me.
237
00:15:51,553 --> 00:15:54,154
How did you learn
how to do this?
238
00:15:56,190 --> 00:16:00,762
Um, my father taught me how
to do odd jobs around the house.
239
00:16:00,795 --> 00:16:04,231
He'd say,
"I have a proposition for you,"
240
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:06,133
and then make me an offer.
241
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:09,203
He owned a pawn shop,
so making deals was his trade.
242
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:12,239
Dad thought self-reliance
was important.
243
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,609
It was his idea
to enroll my brother and I
244
00:16:14,642 --> 00:16:17,277
in Jewish private school.
245
00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:21,114
Someone has to carry the torch.
246
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:24,117
Yeah, especially when it's
so close to being extinguished.
247
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:31,793
Um...
248
00:16:31,826 --> 00:16:34,161
can the Mourner's Kaddish
be used
249
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,731
to pray for someone
really ill?
250
00:16:36,764 --> 00:16:38,298
No.
251
00:16:38,332 --> 00:16:41,168
We cannot treat the sick
as if they were dead.
252
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:43,337
It's against Jewish law.
253
00:16:47,542 --> 00:16:51,746
Well, then what if I proved to
you that I'm not really live?
254
00:16:53,548 --> 00:16:55,783
How can you make such a claim?
255
00:16:58,285 --> 00:16:59,721
Watch me.
256
00:17:07,629 --> 00:17:10,497
I'm no good at this.
257
00:17:10,532 --> 00:17:12,366
What?
258
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:13,601
All right.
259
00:17:13,635 --> 00:17:16,436
Are you planning on
being here all night?
260
00:17:16,470 --> 00:17:19,841
I must close the synagogue
by 9:00.
261
00:17:19,874 --> 00:17:21,776
Okay.
262
00:17:21,809 --> 00:17:24,144
Then I have a proposition
for you.
263
00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:31,218
If I can prove to you by then
that I'm not really alive,
264
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,320
then you'll give me
the Mourner's Kaddish.
265
00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:36,558
And if you can't?
266
00:17:36,591 --> 00:17:40,394
Uh, then I'll finish painting
the wall by tomorrow.
267
00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:43,463
And I'll scrub the floors
outside too.
268
00:17:48,570 --> 00:17:51,271
Now I have paint on my sleeve.
269
00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:56,176
Hey, you're still alive.
Be grateful.
270
00:18:00,147 --> 00:18:01,716
The Magen David
used to be a lot larger
271
00:18:01,749 --> 00:18:03,417
when I was young.
272
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:04,886
How long has it been?
273
00:18:04,919 --> 00:18:06,854
Uh, I'm 23 now, so...
274
00:18:06,888 --> 00:18:09,524
Eleven years, give or take.
275
00:18:09,557 --> 00:18:12,259
Yeah, math was never
my strongest subject.
276
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:16,764
The laws of nature are but the
mathematical thoughts of God.
277
00:18:16,798 --> 00:18:18,131
Haile Selassie?
278
00:18:18,165 --> 00:18:19,299
Euclid.
279
00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,401
Your knowledge spans centuries.
280
00:18:21,435 --> 00:18:23,370
Education is good, yeah?
281
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,840
I wish I had a proper one.
282
00:18:25,873 --> 00:18:28,442
You did not like it here?
283
00:18:31,546 --> 00:18:34,582
This school sucked, Rabbi.
284
00:18:35,817 --> 00:18:37,919
They were too busy
teaching us Shabbat songs
285
00:18:37,952 --> 00:18:40,655
to cover two plus two.
286
00:18:40,688 --> 00:18:42,322
Things look good to me.
287
00:18:42,356 --> 00:18:44,424
The children are
fat and healthy.
288
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:46,226
Ah.
289
00:18:47,729 --> 00:18:50,732
I did like the music
during services.
290
00:18:50,765 --> 00:18:54,669
It always conjured images
of old Jews in some shtetl,
291
00:18:54,702 --> 00:18:58,205
dressed in ratty shawls,
hovering over a lit barrel.
292
00:18:59,974 --> 00:19:01,843
Struggling for warmth.
293
00:19:04,378 --> 00:19:07,214
But still, they go on.
294
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:10,450
Sounds like the school
imparted in you
295
00:19:10,484 --> 00:19:11,786
a sense of community.
296
00:19:11,819 --> 00:19:15,623
Please.
The computer lab had Apple IIs.
297
00:19:15,657 --> 00:19:17,925
In that day and age,
they didn't even have mice.
298
00:19:17,959 --> 00:19:20,427
Better than having rats.
299
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:22,362
You don't get it.
300
00:19:23,965 --> 00:19:25,867
It is more than what I had.
301
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:28,569
You can't know something
302
00:19:28,603 --> 00:19:30,972
until you've
lived through it yourself.
303
00:19:37,745 --> 00:19:42,349
No computers,
but you're so smart.
304
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:45,252
Your speech is
quite eloquent for a...
305
00:19:45,285 --> 00:19:46,721
Ethiopian?
306
00:19:46,754 --> 00:19:47,822
American.
307
00:19:47,855 --> 00:19:50,625
I read lots of books.
308
00:19:50,658 --> 00:19:52,827
Every Wednesday,
an old white lady
309
00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:54,996
would come to the orphanage.
310
00:19:55,029 --> 00:19:58,866
She had wrinkled hands,
like a basket.
311
00:20:01,536 --> 00:20:02,937
Her voice was rusty.
312
00:20:02,970 --> 00:20:06,808
I used to think she had
a frog in her stomach.
313
00:20:08,509 --> 00:20:11,211
Why do you have
all this stuff anyway?
314
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:16,249
I like to hold objects
just that have been touched.
315
00:20:16,283 --> 00:20:17,852
They're stories.
316
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:24,391
These things belonged to my son.
317
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:27,729
It is not mine.
318
00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:31,498
It is not yours.
319
00:20:43,611 --> 00:20:45,646
How old's your kid?
320
00:20:48,015 --> 00:20:50,585
Is he going to school here?
321
00:20:50,618 --> 00:20:53,921
He's in Israel with my wife.
322
00:20:56,023 --> 00:20:58,993
You married an Israeli woman?
Why did you leave?
323
00:20:59,026 --> 00:21:03,064
I was called by God
to tell my story here.
324
00:21:03,097 --> 00:21:06,768
She stayed in Israel to help
with the absorption center.
325
00:21:09,103 --> 00:21:10,671
Do you miss 'em?
326
00:21:11,706 --> 00:21:13,508
What do you think?
327
00:21:16,077 --> 00:21:17,444
I wouldn't know.
328
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,949
I don't relate well with people.
329
00:21:23,618 --> 00:21:24,685
What about Africa?
330
00:21:24,719 --> 00:21:26,453
Ethiopia.
331
00:21:26,486 --> 00:21:27,989
Do you miss it?
332
00:21:30,091 --> 00:21:31,959
No.
333
00:21:34,829 --> 00:21:36,564
But it's your home.
334
00:21:36,597 --> 00:21:39,499
Israel is my home.
335
00:21:39,534 --> 00:21:41,569
And America is my home.
336
00:21:43,370 --> 00:21:44,939
They didn't want you.
337
00:21:46,674 --> 00:21:50,645
The Ethiopian government
denied our presence.
338
00:21:50,678 --> 00:21:53,413
Journalists were told
not to take our photo.
339
00:21:53,446 --> 00:21:55,616
We did not exist.
340
00:21:55,650 --> 00:21:57,919
Israel embraced us.
341
00:21:57,952 --> 00:21:59,754
A sandy kiss.
342
00:22:01,522 --> 00:22:04,692
You know, I just left,
and I can still...
343
00:22:04,725 --> 00:22:07,628
feel the grit in my teeth.
344
00:22:08,930 --> 00:22:11,666
And no one to share it with.
345
00:22:13,034 --> 00:22:16,637
You did not go
with your girlfriend?
346
00:22:16,671 --> 00:22:18,005
Too much baggage.
347
00:22:18,039 --> 00:22:22,409
I like to have room
to stretch my legs.
348
00:22:22,442 --> 00:22:26,446
Mom always said,
"First class or nothing."
349
00:22:26,479 --> 00:22:30,885
My journey was
a bit more cramped.
350
00:22:30,918 --> 00:22:36,023
They had to remove the seats
to fit us all inside.
351
00:22:36,057 --> 00:22:40,460
An entire village
packed inside a cargo plane.
352
00:22:40,493 --> 00:22:42,563
No in-flight movie?
353
00:22:45,032 --> 00:22:47,935
We sang to pass the time.
354
00:22:53,641 --> 00:22:58,512
When we were told
we were over the Holy Land,
355
00:22:58,546 --> 00:23:00,848
we started to clap.
356
00:23:08,990 --> 00:23:10,858
We were finally free.
357
00:23:27,842 --> 00:23:29,710
You made it...
358
00:23:29,744 --> 00:23:31,746
to the Holy Land.
359
00:23:31,779 --> 00:23:35,516
Yeah, we did.
360
00:23:36,550 --> 00:23:40,453
Snowy mountains over desert.
361
00:23:40,487 --> 00:23:43,057
Green fields next to sand.
362
00:23:43,090 --> 00:23:48,428
Blue and pink hues
rich as a painter's dream.
363
00:23:52,867 --> 00:23:55,202
Skyscrapers too.
364
00:23:55,236 --> 00:23:58,471
Built atop biblical history.
365
00:24:00,241 --> 00:24:03,978
I didn't expect it
to be so civilized.
366
00:24:04,011 --> 00:24:08,983
I thought it'd be all primitive
clay huts and sandy dunes.
367
00:24:09,016 --> 00:24:11,852
Other than that...
368
00:24:12,987 --> 00:24:15,122
yeah, it was beautiful.
369
00:24:15,156 --> 00:24:17,191
Were you inspired?
370
00:24:21,796 --> 00:24:23,731
I had a vision.
371
00:24:25,199 --> 00:24:27,802
Like a dream?
372
00:24:27,835 --> 00:24:31,572
Like Jacob and the ladder?
373
00:24:39,647 --> 00:24:41,615
It was terrible.
374
00:24:41,649 --> 00:24:44,151
You can be honest with me.
375
00:24:53,260 --> 00:24:56,530
After I fell asleep
on the beach,
376
00:24:56,564 --> 00:25:01,068
I woke up to this
really awful slurping noise.
377
00:25:02,670 --> 00:25:05,072
The sea was gone.
378
00:25:05,106 --> 00:25:07,742
Just pure bedrock.
379
00:25:08,943 --> 00:25:14,115
And then I saw my girlfriend
at the bottom,
380
00:25:14,148 --> 00:25:18,052
sucking it dry
with a really long straw.
381
00:25:19,754 --> 00:25:22,857
Her belly got so big.
382
00:25:22,890 --> 00:25:26,761
It burst like a beached whale.
383
00:25:28,863 --> 00:25:30,564
You're right.
384
00:25:30,598 --> 00:25:32,833
That is a terrible vision.
385
00:25:37,304 --> 00:25:39,673
Or a hallucination
caused by sunstroke.
386
00:25:40,608 --> 00:25:42,143
It's true, you know.
387
00:25:42,176 --> 00:25:44,245
The Dead Sea is disappearing,
388
00:25:44,278 --> 00:25:47,715
slowly evaporating
under the hot sun.
389
00:25:47,748 --> 00:25:49,583
Climate change.
390
00:25:49,617 --> 00:25:51,919
End of the world.
391
00:25:53,888 --> 00:25:58,125
I mean, the important thing is,
I had an epiphany.
392
00:25:58,159 --> 00:26:01,929
I realized what she was:
just a...
393
00:26:01,962 --> 00:26:04,765
a colorful accessory.
394
00:26:04,799 --> 00:26:07,701
Even the sex felt tacked on.
395
00:26:07,735 --> 00:26:09,770
I broke up with her
at the airport
396
00:26:09,804 --> 00:26:11,338
when she came to pick me up.
397
00:26:11,372 --> 00:26:15,709
She was wearing these
giant purple sunglasses,
398
00:26:15,743 --> 00:26:18,779
and something about that
really pissed me off.
399
00:26:18,813 --> 00:26:20,147
I don't know. It just...
400
00:26:20,181 --> 00:26:23,918
It reminded me that
I didn't really know her.
401
00:26:23,951 --> 00:26:26,654
She was just a mask.
402
00:26:26,687 --> 00:26:27,922
So I...
403
00:26:30,825 --> 00:26:33,928
Hold on.
I need to set the scene.
404
00:26:35,763 --> 00:26:37,832
Okay, um...
405
00:26:37,865 --> 00:26:40,935
pretend we're at
an airplane terminal.
406
00:26:40,968 --> 00:26:44,071
You be me,
and I'll be my girlfriend.
407
00:26:44,105 --> 00:26:45,005
What?
408
00:26:45,039 --> 00:26:46,707
- You're me now.
- Why?
409
00:26:46,740 --> 00:26:48,676
It's play acting. You never
played pretend as a kid?
410
00:26:48,709 --> 00:26:52,146
- Why are we doing this?
- You don't know something
411
00:26:52,179 --> 00:26:54,915
until you've
lived through it yourself.
412
00:27:00,087 --> 00:27:02,656
The new me.
How do you feel?
413
00:27:02,690 --> 00:27:03,891
Confused.
414
00:27:03,924 --> 00:27:04,959
Perfect.
415
00:27:04,992 --> 00:27:07,061
All right,
so I deplane the plane,
416
00:27:07,094 --> 00:27:08,963
and she comes at me like this.
417
00:27:12,032 --> 00:27:14,101
Oh my God, baby.
418
00:27:14,135 --> 00:27:16,137
I miss you so much.
Look at you.
419
00:27:16,170 --> 00:27:17,805
Have you lost
even more weight?
420
00:27:17,838 --> 00:27:19,707
I told you not to skip
any more meals.
421
00:27:19,740 --> 00:27:23,210
Wait. Why are your eyes so red?
Have you been crying?
422
00:27:23,244 --> 00:27:25,079
Well, come on!
Talk to me, baby!
423
00:27:25,112 --> 00:27:27,148
I miss you so much.
Give me a kiss.
424
00:27:27,181 --> 00:27:29,350
I don't want to do this
anymore.
425
00:27:29,383 --> 00:27:32,286
I barely even know you.
426
00:27:32,319 --> 00:27:36,790
How did you know that is
exactly what I told her?
427
00:27:36,824 --> 00:27:39,393
Spiritual intuition.
428
00:27:39,426 --> 00:27:42,263
Oh, come on.
Where's your sense of fun?
429
00:27:42,296 --> 00:27:44,431
That is not my idea of fun.
430
00:27:44,465 --> 00:27:46,967
You dumped her
at the terminal.
431
00:27:47,001 --> 00:27:48,269
Yeah, just like that.
432
00:27:48,302 --> 00:27:50,971
Five years
down the luggage chute.
433
00:27:53,474 --> 00:27:54,808
Look...
434
00:27:54,842 --> 00:27:57,778
it's for her own good.
435
00:27:57,811 --> 00:27:58,846
Right?
436
00:27:58,879 --> 00:28:01,315
I told you I'm sick, Rabbi.
437
00:28:02,483 --> 00:28:04,285
But there's
a more pressing issue.
438
00:28:04,318 --> 00:28:07,388
I was in such a hurry,
I forgot my bags.
439
00:28:07,421 --> 00:28:10,991
Well, maybe someone
will steal my identity.
440
00:28:11,025 --> 00:28:12,860
I hope they do.
441
00:28:12,893 --> 00:28:16,096
They might have
better luck with it than me.
442
00:28:16,130 --> 00:28:18,265
Well, at least
I still have my cap.
443
00:28:21,435 --> 00:28:24,939
Did you know
owls mate for life?
444
00:28:25,973 --> 00:28:28,409
Everyone needs a companion.
445
00:28:33,113 --> 00:28:36,016
My girlfriend and I,
we used to go to, um...
446
00:28:36,050 --> 00:28:38,919
weekly game night
at the local bar.
447
00:28:42,156 --> 00:28:44,258
Do you like games, Rabbi?
448
00:28:45,527 --> 00:28:47,761
Did you spin this dreidel
with your son?
449
00:28:47,795 --> 00:28:49,163
Where did you get this?
450
00:28:49,196 --> 00:28:52,399
It was on the ground.
It fell out of the box.
451
00:28:52,433 --> 00:28:53,467
Hey, remind me.
452
00:28:53,500 --> 00:28:55,302
What are the rules
of the game?
453
00:28:55,336 --> 00:28:56,470
It's been awhile.
454
00:29:05,212 --> 00:29:07,114
A dreidel has four sides.
455
00:29:07,147 --> 00:29:10,384
Oh, thanks.
You can skip ahead a little bit.
456
00:29:10,417 --> 00:29:12,886
I'm not that rusty.
457
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:15,356
What do the letters mean?
458
00:29:15,389 --> 00:29:22,162
If nun is facing up,
the player does nothing.
459
00:29:22,196 --> 00:29:25,833
Gimel: He gets everything.
460
00:29:25,866 --> 00:29:28,068
Hei: He gets half.
461
00:29:28,102 --> 00:29:32,773
Shin: He puts one into the pot.
462
00:29:34,341 --> 00:29:35,843
May I?
463
00:29:37,845 --> 00:29:39,947
Come on. A dreidel's
meant to be spun.
464
00:29:39,980 --> 00:29:42,850
What would your son think
if he knew
465
00:29:42,883 --> 00:29:46,053
that it was just sitting here
collecting dust?
466
00:29:49,456 --> 00:29:51,058
Once.
467
00:29:57,532 --> 00:30:00,000
I just realized we have
nothing to gamble with.
468
00:30:00,034 --> 00:30:02,002
I don't have my wallet, so...
469
00:30:02,036 --> 00:30:03,538
all we have is our words.
470
00:30:16,083 --> 00:30:18,118
Shin, shin, put one in.
471
00:30:18,152 --> 00:30:20,555
Looks like I owe you one.
472
00:30:23,023 --> 00:30:25,025
Can I sit there?
473
00:30:28,095 --> 00:30:29,263
Ah.
474
00:30:34,968 --> 00:30:36,203
Last week,
my girlfriend and I...
475
00:30:36,236 --> 00:30:39,006
Ex-girlfriend.
476
00:30:39,039 --> 00:30:42,510
Ex-girlfriend and I,
we go to game night like usual,
477
00:30:42,544 --> 00:30:45,279
and I really didn't wanna go
'cause I thought...
478
00:30:45,312 --> 00:30:47,981
I mean, I thought I had the flu.
I was like throwing up all day.
479
00:30:48,015 --> 00:30:50,351
It was like some kind
of stomach bug.
480
00:30:50,384 --> 00:30:54,321
But she said that the fresh air
would be good for my health,
481
00:30:54,355 --> 00:30:55,657
which is bullshit.
482
00:30:55,690 --> 00:30:57,191
Anyway, so I'm sitting there
483
00:30:57,224 --> 00:30:59,026
in front of my untouched plate
of french fries,
484
00:30:59,059 --> 00:31:00,994
and we're playing Pictionary.
485
00:31:01,028 --> 00:31:03,330
You know, the game
where you have to guess
486
00:31:03,364 --> 00:31:05,432
what the other person's drawing.
487
00:31:05,466 --> 00:31:08,469
And she was supposed
to draw the phrase...
488
00:31:09,537 --> 00:31:13,307
Actually, I'll show you.
489
00:31:13,340 --> 00:31:14,642
No more play acting!
490
00:31:14,676 --> 00:31:17,277
What do you do for fun
in Ethiopia?
491
00:31:17,311 --> 00:31:19,380
Count mosquitoes?
492
00:31:20,948 --> 00:31:22,149
Come on.
493
00:31:42,670 --> 00:31:44,037
Start guessing.
494
00:31:44,071 --> 00:31:45,339
Compass.
495
00:31:45,372 --> 00:31:47,341
North. Travel.
496
00:31:47,374 --> 00:31:48,643
Sky.
497
00:31:48,676 --> 00:31:50,043
A bird. Pumpkin.
498
00:31:50,077 --> 00:31:51,713
Up in smoke.
499
00:31:51,746 --> 00:31:53,013
Going up.
500
00:31:55,115 --> 00:31:56,183
Clouds.
501
00:31:56,216 --> 00:31:57,317
Hair?
502
00:31:57,351 --> 00:31:58,620
God.
503
00:32:02,222 --> 00:32:03,957
Bush.
504
00:32:03,991 --> 00:32:05,292
- Pie.
- Huh?
505
00:32:05,325 --> 00:32:07,060
On cloud nine.
506
00:32:07,094 --> 00:32:09,029
Uh...
507
00:32:09,062 --> 00:32:10,698
- Up in the air.
- Yes!
508
00:32:10,732 --> 00:32:13,601
Yes, yes. See?
509
00:32:13,635 --> 00:32:16,604
Easy, right? Well, no.
510
00:32:16,638 --> 00:32:19,607
'Cause nothing's ever simple
for my ex-girlfriend.
511
00:32:19,641 --> 00:32:23,210
She starts drawing a plane,
like the one I took to Israel.
512
00:32:23,243 --> 00:32:25,078
I mean, she's getting
all the small details...
513
00:32:25,112 --> 00:32:27,715
the wings, the windows,
the cockpit.
514
00:32:27,749 --> 00:32:30,083
That was her.
515
00:32:30,117 --> 00:32:33,420
She's always focusing
on the small details
516
00:32:33,454 --> 00:32:35,989
and missing the big picture.
517
00:32:37,257 --> 00:32:41,295
So she's standing there,
scribbling her Picasso,
518
00:32:41,328 --> 00:32:45,165
and I realize shouting out
answers is a useless endeavor.
519
00:32:45,199 --> 00:32:51,071
So my eyes start wandering to
this guy on the opposite team.
520
00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:55,142
He was wearing a bright orange
turtleneck sweater
521
00:32:55,175 --> 00:32:57,311
and had perfectly coiffed hair.
522
00:32:57,344 --> 00:33:00,615
And I'm telling you, Rabbi,
I'd never seen hair so coiffed.
523
00:33:02,282 --> 00:33:06,554
Something's attracting me
to this guy, and...
524
00:33:06,588 --> 00:33:09,122
we make eye contact.
525
00:33:10,692 --> 00:33:12,760
And I just get
this huge erection.
526
00:33:20,835 --> 00:33:24,204
I do not want
to hear about this.
527
00:33:25,807 --> 00:33:28,475
You said I could be
honest with you.
528
00:33:28,510 --> 00:33:31,144
About spiritual matters!
529
00:33:31,178 --> 00:33:34,248
There's nothing more holy
than a magnificent boner.
530
00:33:34,281 --> 00:33:36,383
Hey, don't tell me you've
never had inappropriate feelings
531
00:33:36,416 --> 00:33:38,452
towards a member
of your congregation.
532
00:33:38,485 --> 00:33:40,120
I never have.
533
00:33:40,153 --> 00:33:41,488
Tell the truth!
534
00:33:41,523 --> 00:33:43,525
Truth is the safest lie.
535
00:33:43,558 --> 00:33:45,125
Where did you hear that?
536
00:33:45,158 --> 00:33:46,460
The rabbi before you.
537
00:33:46,493 --> 00:33:47,562
Jewish proverb.
538
00:33:48,495 --> 00:33:51,365
So, Rabbi, can I trust you?
539
00:33:53,467 --> 00:33:54,802
Do you know right
from wrong?
540
00:33:54,836 --> 00:33:58,773
These things that you do
with man is wrong.
541
00:33:58,806 --> 00:34:02,142
People who entertain
those hedonistic things
542
00:34:02,175 --> 00:34:04,444
do not have time for God.
543
00:34:04,478 --> 00:34:06,781
They're spiritually bereft.
544
00:34:08,448 --> 00:34:09,851
I can't help who I am.
545
00:34:09,884 --> 00:34:13,788
Homosexuality is
fundamentally against Judaism.
546
00:34:13,821 --> 00:34:16,223
No, it's not.
No, it's not. No.
547
00:34:16,256 --> 00:34:19,359
Are you going to argue
with me about Judaism?
548
00:34:19,393 --> 00:34:22,830
Who says you look at another
dude and get a righteous chubb?
549
00:34:22,864 --> 00:34:24,832
God? I don't think so.
550
00:34:24,866 --> 00:34:27,134
No, that's all your homophobic
baggage you're projecting.
551
00:34:27,167 --> 00:34:29,804
- I am not.
- And full of contradictions.
552
00:34:29,837 --> 00:34:32,139
I thought you said
everyone deserves a companion.
553
00:34:32,172 --> 00:34:33,508
And by the way,
554
00:34:33,541 --> 00:34:37,144
a lot of things are
fundamentally against Judaism,
555
00:34:37,177 --> 00:34:38,680
especially the Jews.
556
00:34:38,713 --> 00:34:40,615
Our main export
is self-loathing.
557
00:34:40,648 --> 00:34:42,316
Do you hate yourself?
558
00:34:43,885 --> 00:34:45,587
Constantly.
559
00:34:45,620 --> 00:34:47,889
I'm sorry.
560
00:34:47,922 --> 00:34:50,357
He says,
after calling me depraved.
561
00:34:50,390 --> 00:34:53,595
My father just died.
Where's your compassion?
562
00:34:53,628 --> 00:34:56,196
I never said
you were depraved.
563
00:34:56,229 --> 00:34:57,765
You're the one
who's projecting.
564
00:34:57,799 --> 00:35:01,335
Oh, yeah, that's right.
I think you said...
565
00:35:01,368 --> 00:35:02,469
Oh, yeah.
566
00:35:02,503 --> 00:35:04,572
"Spiritually bereft."
567
00:35:06,306 --> 00:35:09,209
As in lifeless, deceased.
568
00:35:09,242 --> 00:35:12,145
Okay, can I have
the Mourner's Kaddish now?
569
00:35:12,179 --> 00:35:15,583
That is not the same thing
as physical death.
570
00:35:15,617 --> 00:35:17,885
Will you stop trying
to move the goalpost?
571
00:35:17,919 --> 00:35:21,421
It's time for you to hold up
your end of the proposition.
572
00:35:24,291 --> 00:35:27,294
It's your turn.
You never took your spin.
573
00:35:56,223 --> 00:35:59,827
Shin again.
What are the odds of that?
574
00:35:59,861 --> 00:36:02,797
All right, tell me something
about yourself, Rabbi.
575
00:36:02,830 --> 00:36:04,331
I opened up to you.
576
00:36:04,364 --> 00:36:07,669
Do you have a question, Isaac?
577
00:36:07,702 --> 00:36:09,771
- Yeah.
- Then ask!
578
00:36:09,804 --> 00:36:11,304
Okay.
579
00:36:11,338 --> 00:36:13,775
Do they have owls in Israel?
580
00:36:15,777 --> 00:36:17,812
There are lots of birds
in Israel.
581
00:36:17,845 --> 00:36:19,747
Lots of black ones?
582
00:36:19,781 --> 00:36:22,382
Are we still
talking about birds?
583
00:36:25,586 --> 00:36:27,655
Why did you fly away?
584
00:36:29,757 --> 00:36:32,960
Why did you really leave Israel?
That's my question.
585
00:36:36,798 --> 00:36:38,566
All nests are temporary.
586
00:36:38,599 --> 00:36:40,500
Right.
587
00:36:40,535 --> 00:36:42,469
But eggs are fragile.
588
00:36:43,871 --> 00:36:47,474
They shouldn't be taken
before they've hatched.
589
00:36:50,011 --> 00:36:53,514
On Purim, my class used to
drop eggs from the roof.
590
00:36:53,548 --> 00:36:54,949
Here.
591
00:36:54,982 --> 00:36:57,518
We're supposed to prevent
their shells from breaking,
592
00:36:57,552 --> 00:37:00,287
so we packed them in boxes
filled with shredded newspaper,
593
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,558
and we'd attach
plastic bag parachutes.
594
00:37:04,959 --> 00:37:07,260
Do they still do
the egg drop here?
595
00:37:08,796 --> 00:37:12,265
We cannot do it anymore
for safety reasons.
596
00:37:12,299 --> 00:37:14,535
A boy fell off the roof
during recess,
597
00:37:14,569 --> 00:37:18,506
and we had to build a gate
on the stairwell.
598
00:37:23,511 --> 00:37:24,979
Do you have a key?
599
00:37:27,414 --> 00:37:28,783
I left a baseball card
in the air vent.
600
00:37:28,816 --> 00:37:31,251
I want to see
if it's still there.
601
00:37:32,754 --> 00:37:34,922
It'll only...
It'll only take a minute.
602
00:37:39,694 --> 00:37:41,294
Or not.
603
00:37:42,730 --> 00:37:44,799
It's in my office.
604
00:38:26,541 --> 00:38:30,377
I can't believe
they put in a gate.
605
00:38:30,410 --> 00:38:33,380
Iron bars don't belong
in a temple.
606
00:38:33,413 --> 00:38:35,983
This place is losing
its intimacy.
607
00:38:36,017 --> 00:38:39,787
They changed the floors.
The carpet used to be blue.
608
00:38:39,821 --> 00:38:42,489
Is color important?
609
00:38:42,523 --> 00:38:44,625
For memory's sake.
610
00:38:44,659 --> 00:38:48,062
We used to call this place
"The Blue."
611
00:38:48,095 --> 00:38:50,898
My homeroom teacher,
she'd say,
612
00:38:50,932 --> 00:38:53,901
"It's Friday.
Line up to go to The Blue."
613
00:38:53,935 --> 00:38:55,736
And then we'd march single-file
down the hill
614
00:38:55,770 --> 00:38:57,738
from the classrooms
to synagogue.
615
00:38:59,006 --> 00:39:01,876
Oh, there was this kid
in a wheelchair.
616
00:39:01,909 --> 00:39:04,679
He would fly down the hill,
617
00:39:04,712 --> 00:39:08,916
arms up in the air
without a care in the world.
618
00:39:08,950 --> 00:39:11,986
I always wondered
what his secret was.
619
00:39:12,019 --> 00:39:14,055
Did you try asking him?
620
00:39:14,088 --> 00:39:16,824
What? No.
621
00:39:17,892 --> 00:39:20,161
No. Uh...
622
00:39:20,194 --> 00:39:23,965
The only kid I talked to
was my little brother.
623
00:39:23,998 --> 00:39:26,901
- No friends your age?
- The kids my age were the ones
624
00:39:26,934 --> 00:39:30,872
I was trying
to protect him against.
625
00:39:30,905 --> 00:39:33,440
They teased him
because he was...
626
00:39:33,473 --> 00:39:35,710
'Cause he was different.
627
00:39:35,743 --> 00:39:38,913
I don't know if you can see it,
but I got this one right here
628
00:39:38,946 --> 00:39:41,481
from a nasty sucker punch
to the jaw.
629
00:39:41,515 --> 00:39:44,085
Small scar. I don't know.
630
00:39:44,118 --> 00:39:47,955
The other kid fractured his hand
though, so I guess I won.
631
00:39:49,824 --> 00:39:52,093
You do any fighting
in your day?
632
00:39:52,126 --> 00:39:54,461
Got the build for it.
Bet you could be a bruiser.
633
00:39:55,930 --> 00:40:00,801
Physical violence is not
the only way to show resolve.
634
00:40:00,835 --> 00:40:04,605
How else do you tell people
you mean business?
635
00:40:04,639 --> 00:40:07,942
Through kindness.
636
00:40:18,653 --> 00:40:20,788
Stopped raining.
637
00:40:20,821 --> 00:40:22,957
Good.
638
00:40:22,990 --> 00:40:25,126
I think this place could use
some more greenery
639
00:40:25,159 --> 00:40:27,895
for the services.
640
00:40:27,929 --> 00:40:30,865
Come. Help.
641
00:40:30,898 --> 00:40:33,801
- It's cold outside.
- Nah.
642
00:40:33,834 --> 00:40:36,938
In my family,
I was one of four boys
643
00:40:36,971 --> 00:40:40,241
tasked with fetching water
from the village well.
644
00:40:40,274 --> 00:40:41,876
I was the youngest
and the slowest,
645
00:40:41,909 --> 00:40:43,210
and my brothers
would scold me
646
00:40:43,244 --> 00:40:46,247
for not bringing back
as much water as them.
647
00:40:59,093 --> 00:41:02,263
One morning on my way back,
648
00:41:02,296 --> 00:41:06,701
I saw a bundle of rags
by the side of the road.
649
00:41:06,734 --> 00:41:10,104
See, we were told to scavenge
for everything we could use,
650
00:41:10,137 --> 00:41:12,506
so I thought this was
an opportunity
651
00:41:12,540 --> 00:41:14,709
to make my brothers proud.
652
00:41:16,577 --> 00:41:19,246
But when I came close,
653
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:22,550
I saw that the bundle of rags
654
00:41:22,583 --> 00:41:27,555
had the body of
a frail old man in it.
655
00:41:27,588 --> 00:41:30,825
Insects were crawling
over his pale skin.
656
00:41:30,858 --> 00:41:34,729
At first, I thought
that he was dead.
657
00:41:36,731 --> 00:41:42,003
But then he raised a stick-like
trembling arm and pointed at me.
658
00:41:42,036 --> 00:41:44,672
His tongue flicked
at the sight of water,
659
00:41:44,705 --> 00:41:49,777
and he looked into my soul
with pleading yellow eyes.
660
00:41:49,810 --> 00:41:54,749
That morning,
I returned home with no water.
661
00:41:54,782 --> 00:41:56,217
My brothers punished me
662
00:41:56,250 --> 00:41:59,954
by making me go without
drinking for four days.
663
00:42:01,756 --> 00:42:03,591
By the end,
I was so lightheaded,
664
00:42:03,624 --> 00:42:05,860
I could barely stand.
665
00:42:05,893 --> 00:42:08,262
Sounds like
a pretty bad week.
666
00:42:08,295 --> 00:42:10,264
No.
667
00:42:10,297 --> 00:42:13,834
I never felt better...
668
00:42:13,868 --> 00:42:17,605
after giving
that dying old man water.
669
00:42:17,638 --> 00:42:23,110
His look of gratitude filled my
heart with endless lakes of joy.
670
00:42:24,712 --> 00:42:27,648
Though I did not have the word
for it then,
671
00:42:27,681 --> 00:42:33,587
but that was the moment
I learned the power of mitzvot.
672
00:42:35,122 --> 00:42:40,327
I knew my path was to be
taken side-by-side with God.
673
00:42:46,801 --> 00:42:50,104
Maybe you were just
dehydrated.
674
00:42:50,137 --> 00:42:53,040
Uh, I mean, you're lucky
you didn't die.
675
00:42:53,074 --> 00:42:54,809
You realize that, right?
676
00:42:54,842 --> 00:42:58,345
Children can be very resilient.
677
00:43:00,781 --> 00:43:03,150
But everything leaves a scar.
678
00:43:05,286 --> 00:43:07,321
What about the boy
who fell from the roof?
679
00:43:07,354 --> 00:43:09,123
You know about his injuries?
680
00:43:09,156 --> 00:43:13,861
It must have been pretty bad if
the congregation put in a gate.
681
00:43:13,894 --> 00:43:15,229
I'm not sure.
682
00:43:15,262 --> 00:43:18,299
It happened before I arrived.
683
00:43:18,332 --> 00:43:20,668
But I've heard stories.
684
00:43:23,904 --> 00:43:27,842
Was it malaria?
The old man in the rags.
685
00:43:27,875 --> 00:43:33,114
Killed half of our village,
including my parents.
686
00:43:36,083 --> 00:43:37,852
I'm sorry.
687
00:43:42,022 --> 00:43:44,091
Hey, we're both orphans.
688
00:43:44,125 --> 00:43:45,960
Kinda.
689
00:43:45,993 --> 00:43:48,028
How biblical.
690
00:43:49,730 --> 00:43:51,732
The world is crawling
with sickness.
691
00:43:51,765 --> 00:43:54,301
End of the world.
692
00:43:56,003 --> 00:43:58,105
Are you afraid of germs?
693
00:43:58,139 --> 00:44:00,374
Is that why
you're wearing the mask?
694
00:44:00,407 --> 00:44:03,043
Well, yeah.
695
00:44:03,077 --> 00:44:06,814
I mean, I did just get back
from a baseball game.
696
00:44:06,847 --> 00:44:09,783
I thought you walked here
from the airport.
697
00:44:13,187 --> 00:44:16,924
With a brief six-hour stop
at Busch Stadium.
698
00:44:16,957 --> 00:44:19,693
What?
699
00:44:19,727 --> 00:44:22,429
I made a promise
to my brother.
700
00:44:29,904 --> 00:44:33,140
The crowd was packed thick,
like a glacier.
701
00:44:34,975 --> 00:44:38,479
Bacteria frozen
in the ice crystals.
702
00:44:38,513 --> 00:44:42,049
Sickness in every chair.
703
00:44:46,387 --> 00:44:52,259
There's a flu going around,
and I have asthma.
704
00:44:52,293 --> 00:44:54,461
You can never be too careful.
705
00:44:57,164 --> 00:45:01,168
I mean, if I catch pneumonia,
706
00:45:01,202 --> 00:45:03,404
my lungs will fill up
with toxic sludge.
707
00:45:05,773 --> 00:45:07,741
Who perish by water.
708
00:45:10,010 --> 00:45:16,116
No. I have long since
lost my buoyancy, Rabbi.
709
00:45:16,150 --> 00:45:18,520
No.
710
00:45:18,553 --> 00:45:21,789
Drowning is
a terrible way to go.
711
00:45:23,857 --> 00:45:28,929
I prefer a different method.
712
00:45:28,963 --> 00:45:30,831
Something noble.
713
00:45:34,268 --> 00:45:36,403
Equestrian.
714
00:45:36,437 --> 00:45:41,008
Like falling...
715
00:45:41,041 --> 00:45:42,977
from a horse.
716
00:45:52,520 --> 00:45:55,823
Only God can know
how and when.
717
00:45:55,856 --> 00:45:57,291
Mm?
718
00:45:59,927 --> 00:46:02,496
Well, that's the rub.
719
00:46:02,530 --> 00:46:05,065
Free will isn't very free.
720
00:46:08,269 --> 00:46:11,939
There's free will
in all of us.
721
00:46:11,972 --> 00:46:16,910
It exists between two points
on a vertical line.
722
00:46:16,944 --> 00:46:19,380
Two separate body parts.
723
00:46:19,413 --> 00:46:22,983
The top point
is the higher mind.
724
00:46:23,017 --> 00:46:28,122
Our ears, it listens
to the music of the divine.
725
00:46:28,155 --> 00:46:31,458
God's spiritual chorus.
726
00:46:31,492 --> 00:46:35,462
At the bottom is our base,
animalistic urges,
727
00:46:35,496 --> 00:46:37,998
the bony spur of reason.
728
00:46:38,032 --> 00:46:40,167
Our ass?
729
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:42,504
Our mouth.
730
00:46:42,537 --> 00:46:45,540
It only tastes sensual pleasure.
731
00:46:45,573 --> 00:46:49,376
The ears and the mouth
are in battle.
732
00:46:49,410 --> 00:46:54,214
It's just in this case,
in this moralistic fault line,
733
00:46:54,248 --> 00:46:56,518
where the egg hatches,
734
00:46:56,551 --> 00:46:59,186
it is born when we are born.
735
00:46:59,219 --> 00:47:04,091
When we learn to walk,
it learns to stretch its wings.
736
00:47:04,124 --> 00:47:07,529
This creature
is our righteousness.
737
00:47:07,562 --> 00:47:13,400
Its spine is
invertebrate purity.
738
00:47:13,434 --> 00:47:15,235
It is the choice.
739
00:47:15,269 --> 00:47:17,938
The choice to praise God.
740
00:47:17,971 --> 00:47:20,908
The choice to do mitzvot.
741
00:47:20,941 --> 00:47:25,913
It is the very essence of
what it is to be uniquely human.
742
00:47:25,946 --> 00:47:28,015
The divine choice.
743
00:47:33,287 --> 00:47:38,459
Was leaving your wife and son
divine choice?
744
00:47:41,428 --> 00:47:44,498
Are you trying
to hurt me, Isaac?
745
00:47:46,266 --> 00:47:48,435
I'm just asking questions.
746
00:47:48,469 --> 00:47:50,638
I thought you'd have
a unique perspective.
747
00:47:50,672 --> 00:47:52,674
Why?
748
00:47:52,707 --> 00:47:54,942
Is it because I'm Black?
749
00:47:54,975 --> 00:47:56,678
You can say it.
750
00:47:56,711 --> 00:47:59,380
This has been
on your mind, yeah?
751
00:48:01,148 --> 00:48:02,550
Yeah.
752
00:48:02,584 --> 00:48:04,118
Yeah, so what?
753
00:48:04,151 --> 00:48:07,421
I'm racist
'cause I'm curious?
754
00:48:09,056 --> 00:48:12,192
Your school computers
weren't good?
755
00:48:12,226 --> 00:48:14,061
Try no running water,
756
00:48:14,094 --> 00:48:15,630
no clothing,
757
00:48:15,663 --> 00:48:21,135
shelters that are hot and filled
with young, hungry bodies.
758
00:48:22,604 --> 00:48:25,573
You don't have it bad.
759
00:48:25,607 --> 00:48:27,609
Why come with me
with your self-pity?
760
00:48:27,642 --> 00:48:30,545
Why tell me
this disgusting story
761
00:48:30,578 --> 00:48:33,447
about meeting strangers in bars?
762
00:48:36,049 --> 00:48:38,919
Because I thought
you'd understand.
763
00:48:42,590 --> 00:48:46,393
I told you something
deep within myself,
764
00:48:46,427 --> 00:48:52,499
something I've kept buried
my entire life...
765
00:48:52,534 --> 00:48:55,703
because I trusted you,
766
00:48:55,737 --> 00:48:58,005
and all you did
was call my behavior abhorrent
767
00:48:58,038 --> 00:49:00,140
just like everybody else.
768
00:49:03,277 --> 00:49:05,580
I insulted you?
769
00:49:05,613 --> 00:49:07,649
You've been judging me
since the moment
770
00:49:07,682 --> 00:49:10,184
I stepped through those doors.
771
00:49:10,217 --> 00:49:12,052
Likewise.
772
00:49:14,188 --> 00:49:17,024
See?
773
00:49:17,057 --> 00:49:20,093
We're the same.
774
00:49:20,127 --> 00:49:24,264
You come from a different place.
So do I.
775
00:49:31,806 --> 00:49:34,174
We're very different.
776
00:49:43,685 --> 00:49:47,020
Why? Because you're Black?
Okay!
777
00:49:47,054 --> 00:49:49,490
Look, I know what it feels like
to feel estranged,
778
00:49:49,524 --> 00:49:51,391
to be trapped between worlds,
779
00:49:51,425 --> 00:49:54,328
to be forced upon a skin
that isn't you.
780
00:49:54,361 --> 00:49:57,699
Come on, where's your
spiritual intuition now?
781
00:49:57,732 --> 00:50:00,234
I'm sorry about your loss.
782
00:50:00,267 --> 00:50:02,202
Now I must ask you to leave.
783
00:50:02,236 --> 00:50:04,338
You can leave the jacket
by the door.
784
00:50:05,372 --> 00:50:07,809
But what about our deal?
785
00:50:07,842 --> 00:50:09,744
The youth group
will finish the painting.
786
00:50:09,777 --> 00:50:12,246
No! I know I have to get
something off my chest.
787
00:50:12,279 --> 00:50:14,782
I can't take
any more sex stories.
788
00:50:14,816 --> 00:50:16,283
Talk to a therapist.
789
00:50:16,316 --> 00:50:18,553
I want to atone.
790
00:50:21,255 --> 00:50:23,625
Look. Sixth grade camp.
791
00:50:26,293 --> 00:50:28,195
Such an innocent face.
792
00:50:30,197 --> 00:50:32,634
Yeah.
793
00:50:32,667 --> 00:50:35,302
Yeah, it was all
part of the act.
794
00:50:36,638 --> 00:50:39,607
Back then, I was either...
795
00:50:39,641 --> 00:50:41,709
sad or angry.
796
00:50:43,143 --> 00:50:47,682
I bit a kid at camp
for stealing my Lego.
797
00:50:47,715 --> 00:50:49,651
I drew blood.
798
00:50:52,587 --> 00:50:54,622
The diagnosis came quickly.
799
00:50:54,656 --> 00:50:57,725
Borderline personality
at age nine.
800
00:50:59,359 --> 00:51:03,531
Lamotrigine and Clozapine
cocktail at 10:45.
801
00:51:03,565 --> 00:51:05,299
Lamotrigine is a...
802
00:51:05,332 --> 00:51:10,605
It's an anticonvulsant
used to treat extreme states
803
00:51:10,638 --> 00:51:13,741
of anger and despair.
804
00:51:15,275 --> 00:51:16,878
Keeps me numb.
805
00:51:16,911 --> 00:51:18,880
I see people.
806
00:51:18,913 --> 00:51:21,281
Imaginary people?
807
00:51:21,315 --> 00:51:24,084
No. They're real.
808
00:51:25,620 --> 00:51:31,191
Nagging memories
from people who have left.
809
00:51:31,224 --> 00:51:33,861
Hauntings from the past.
810
00:51:37,264 --> 00:51:38,566
No.
811
00:51:40,500 --> 00:51:42,169
Just my little brother.
812
00:51:45,573 --> 00:51:47,675
He was there
with the fifth graders.
813
00:51:49,476 --> 00:51:51,512
You look different.
814
00:52:06,861 --> 00:52:09,129
It was his favorite hat.
815
00:52:27,247 --> 00:52:30,384
He liked to toss the ball
around best he could.
816
00:52:30,417 --> 00:52:31,853
But...
817
00:52:33,655 --> 00:52:36,858
He had an enlarged heart.
818
00:52:38,325 --> 00:52:40,862
How tragic.
819
00:52:40,895 --> 00:52:44,866
Yeah. Some rare birth disorder
I don't remember the name of.
820
00:52:47,869 --> 00:52:51,839
Every morning,
we'd play catch,
821
00:52:51,873 --> 00:52:55,175
even when the snow
stuck to our hair.
822
00:52:56,644 --> 00:52:59,614
On weekends,
we'd play in the evening.
823
00:52:59,647 --> 00:53:01,849
Sometimes my hands
would get so cold,
824
00:53:01,883 --> 00:53:04,317
my hands would go numb.
825
00:53:07,622 --> 00:53:11,659
And then we went
to every game.
826
00:53:11,693 --> 00:53:13,761
Season pass.
827
00:53:15,462 --> 00:53:18,298
Didn't even matter
if the Owls lost.
828
00:53:25,272 --> 00:53:29,644
That all changed
after I started the medicine.
829
00:53:29,677 --> 00:53:35,482
It was like a cloud of numbness
crept in through my nostrils,
830
00:53:35,516 --> 00:53:38,318
into my lungs.
831
00:53:38,351 --> 00:53:41,288
I slept through the days.
832
00:53:41,321 --> 00:53:44,759
I lost weight.
My bones shrank.
833
00:53:44,792 --> 00:53:48,563
My skin felt like paper.
834
00:53:48,596 --> 00:53:51,699
I breathed helium.
I ate ozone.
835
00:53:57,605 --> 00:53:59,974
I thought...
836
00:54:00,007 --> 00:54:04,045
I felt like I could fly away
at any moment.
837
00:54:04,078 --> 00:54:07,314
People cannot fly.
838
00:54:07,347 --> 00:54:09,650
It is not our nature.
839
00:54:11,953 --> 00:54:15,489
Maybe all it takes is
a big enough gust of wind.
840
00:54:20,427 --> 00:54:22,930
I waited for a gusty day.
841
00:54:26,734 --> 00:54:30,403
And then I climbed...
842
00:54:30,437 --> 00:54:33,007
to the top of this building.
843
00:54:35,610 --> 00:54:39,046
I wanted to see if I could
lift off into the stratosphere,
844
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:42,617
where the air was so thin,
just like my blood.
845
00:54:45,653 --> 00:54:48,421
You're the boy
that jumped off the roof.
846
00:54:49,757 --> 00:54:52,860
There's your
spiritual intuition.
847
00:54:54,128 --> 00:54:55,897
Were you scared?
848
00:54:57,799 --> 00:55:00,067
I've been scared
my whole life.
849
00:55:02,136 --> 00:55:05,472
The noise can get
so overwhelming.
850
00:55:05,506 --> 00:55:07,575
I just wanted it all to end.
851
00:55:09,811 --> 00:55:12,647
So I closed my eyes.
852
00:55:14,381 --> 00:55:16,617
I took one last step.
853
00:55:32,733 --> 00:55:36,070
One broken leg
and a bruised kidney
854
00:55:36,103 --> 00:55:39,006
and a compressed vertebrae.
855
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:40,708
But I lived.
856
00:55:40,741 --> 00:55:43,443
I guess I should be grateful.
857
00:55:44,178 --> 00:55:47,380
I wrote a letter just in case.
858
00:55:47,414 --> 00:55:49,684
"Dear Mom and Dad,
859
00:55:49,717 --> 00:55:52,385
sorry for the trouble."
860
00:55:52,419 --> 00:55:55,488
I left it on my bed
before school.
861
00:55:55,523 --> 00:55:59,026
Your life is not yours
to extinguish.
862
00:55:59,060 --> 00:56:02,462
Suicide is stealing
from God's sovereignty.
863
00:56:02,495 --> 00:56:04,966
Stealing?
864
00:56:04,999 --> 00:56:07,735
Like a criminal.
865
00:56:07,768 --> 00:56:11,471
Yeah, I guess that's why
they locked me up.
866
00:56:11,505 --> 00:56:14,008
Spent the next few years at the
at-risk section of the hospital,
867
00:56:14,041 --> 00:56:16,143
while I relearned how to walk,
868
00:56:16,177 --> 00:56:18,179
and they watched
my every move.
869
00:56:18,212 --> 00:56:19,714
Limited visitation.
870
00:56:19,747 --> 00:56:23,584
Couldn't even go outside
without supervision.
871
00:56:23,618 --> 00:56:25,887
A solitary existence.
872
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:27,154
Not quite.
873
00:56:27,188 --> 00:56:29,824
Oh, when I was first admitted
the hospital,
874
00:56:29,857 --> 00:56:35,596
I had this doctor
with beady pigeon eyes, who...
875
00:56:35,630 --> 00:56:37,698
She kept rubbing them
with the back of her hands,
876
00:56:37,732 --> 00:56:39,634
like a sleepy infant.
877
00:56:39,667 --> 00:56:42,737
I thought she was blind
with fake glass eyes,
878
00:56:42,770 --> 00:56:46,574
and she saw through a little
hidden camera in her pen pocket.
879
00:56:49,076 --> 00:56:51,779
Isaac, I'm Dr. Rodricks.
880
00:56:51,812 --> 00:56:55,049
I'm here to let you know
that you had a bad fall.
881
00:56:55,082 --> 00:56:57,618
Now you're in
critical condition.
882
00:56:57,652 --> 00:56:59,486
I'm gonna be sending you
to the ICU.
883
00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:03,658
You've fractured the neck
of your left femoral head,
884
00:57:03,691 --> 00:57:07,662
and your T11 and T12
vertebral spine.
885
00:57:07,695 --> 00:57:10,430
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
886
00:57:14,702 --> 00:57:16,971
I also had a medical scare.
887
00:57:17,004 --> 00:57:19,807
I had a heart attack.
888
00:57:21,242 --> 00:57:22,475
When?
889
00:57:22,510 --> 00:57:26,213
On my 35th birthday.
890
00:57:26,247 --> 00:57:27,949
Really?
891
00:57:29,517 --> 00:57:32,219
What, were you doing blow
or something?
892
00:57:34,555 --> 00:57:39,860
My wife and I, we were in
the middle of celebrating.
893
00:57:41,896 --> 00:57:43,230
I see.
894
00:57:44,732 --> 00:57:46,867
Must've been
one hell of a celebration.
895
00:57:46,901 --> 00:57:49,804
Yes, it was.
896
00:57:52,039 --> 00:57:55,042
So young to have heart issues.
897
00:57:55,076 --> 00:57:57,845
Just like my little brother.
898
00:57:57,878 --> 00:57:59,814
You should lay off
the pork, Rabbi.
899
00:57:59,847 --> 00:58:01,549
I thought you're supposed
to stay kosher.
900
00:58:01,582 --> 00:58:04,251
The doctor said
it was stress-induced.
901
00:58:04,285 --> 00:58:07,621
I have high blood pressure.
902
00:58:07,655 --> 00:58:11,525
Maybe we shouldn't take life
so seriously.
903
00:58:11,559 --> 00:58:14,829
I know what it's like
to be in the hospital.
904
00:58:14,862 --> 00:58:18,265
You feel so helpless.
905
00:58:18,299 --> 00:58:21,602
And the white coats,
they don't care.
906
00:58:21,635 --> 00:58:23,838
They're just trying to help.
907
00:58:27,208 --> 00:58:30,211
They made me...
They made me feel
908
00:58:30,244 --> 00:58:33,314
like I belonged in one of those
science kits for kids.
909
00:58:33,347 --> 00:58:36,017
You feel rejected too.
910
00:58:36,050 --> 00:58:39,587
A Black rabbi. It must be hard
for some people to accept.
911
00:58:39,620 --> 00:58:42,656
You're the one
that keeps bringing it up.
912
00:58:44,992 --> 00:58:48,829
Yeah, that's because
I know how it feels.
913
00:58:48,863 --> 00:58:50,965
Wait, that came out wrong.
914
00:58:50,998 --> 00:58:53,134
I...
915
00:58:53,167 --> 00:58:55,069
I'm not racist.
916
00:58:56,103 --> 00:58:57,238
I'm not.
917
00:58:57,271 --> 00:59:00,007
I love Black people. I...
918
00:59:02,276 --> 00:59:03,911
When I was a baby,
I had a nanny.
919
00:59:03,944 --> 00:59:07,715
She was Black, and she had, um,
she had large hips.
920
00:59:07,748 --> 00:59:09,683
I admire the
African-American female.
921
00:59:09,717 --> 00:59:13,187
They age elegantly like,
um, like oak trees.
922
00:59:13,220 --> 00:59:16,624
The rest of us, we just
whither away into the ground.
923
00:59:18,025 --> 00:59:21,629
I offended you again.
I'm sorry.
924
00:59:21,662 --> 00:59:24,698
Ah, the doctor say
I lack empathy.
925
00:59:24,732 --> 00:59:26,367
It's part of my diagnosis.
926
00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:31,939
My brain lacks
like something fundamental.
927
00:59:31,972 --> 00:59:33,107
A tether.
928
00:59:33,140 --> 00:59:36,177
It seems quite attached
to that picture.
929
00:59:39,914 --> 00:59:42,249
Kept me company
in the hospital.
930
00:59:42,283 --> 00:59:44,318
Slept right under my pillow.
931
00:59:45,252 --> 00:59:47,154
The ink is fading
932
00:59:50,157 --> 00:59:52,793
Must've rubbed off
on my sleep.
933
00:59:58,933 --> 01:00:01,302
Almost forgot
what he looked like.
934
01:00:04,071 --> 01:00:06,240
When did you see him again?
935
01:00:10,945 --> 01:00:12,980
After I was discharged.
936
01:00:15,983 --> 01:00:18,152
But I was gone so long.
937
01:00:18,185 --> 01:00:20,654
It's like he was
a different person.
938
01:00:20,688 --> 01:00:23,791
People age. They...
939
01:00:23,824 --> 01:00:27,128
Evolve. Like germs.
940
01:00:30,164 --> 01:00:33,701
I expected to come back
to the person in the picture.
941
01:00:36,270 --> 01:00:39,273
But he felt like
a stranger to me.
942
01:00:39,306 --> 01:00:42,243
So I...
943
01:00:42,276 --> 01:00:44,645
So I treated him like one.
944
01:00:46,447 --> 01:00:52,286
He wanted to play catch,
and I refused.
945
01:00:52,319 --> 01:00:54,955
Instead, I went up
into my bedroom,
946
01:00:54,989 --> 01:00:57,758
and I slept until sundown.
947
01:00:59,727 --> 01:01:02,763
And when he didn't come home,
948
01:01:02,796 --> 01:01:05,399
my parents had me
help look for him.
949
01:01:09,436 --> 01:01:11,172
I found him.
950
01:01:16,777 --> 01:01:19,079
Outside.
951
01:01:19,113 --> 01:01:21,815
Face up in the ashen snow.
952
01:01:23,817 --> 01:01:28,289
Eyes frozen open,
looking right up at me.
953
01:01:31,258 --> 01:01:33,227
Heart attack.
954
01:01:34,495 --> 01:01:36,230
A little boy.
955
01:01:38,999 --> 01:01:42,336
His ventricles burst
like a balloon.
956
01:01:45,372 --> 01:01:47,908
I killed my brother.
957
01:01:50,044 --> 01:01:52,446
What was his name?
958
01:01:54,215 --> 01:01:55,783
Hiram.
959
01:01:55,816 --> 01:01:58,285
It is not your fault, Isaac.
960
01:02:00,387 --> 01:02:04,425
The Tanakh says
our days are determined.
961
01:02:04,458 --> 01:02:07,761
Do you know what I felt
when I saw him?
962
01:02:09,964 --> 01:02:12,199
I touched his face.
963
01:02:12,233 --> 01:02:14,501
It didn't feel like skin.
964
01:02:16,437 --> 01:02:20,407
My spirit was alloy.
965
01:02:20,441 --> 01:02:23,477
Not a single tear.
966
01:02:23,511 --> 01:02:28,148
I hid under the kitchen table
during the funeral.
967
01:02:28,182 --> 01:02:30,251
I didn't want my family
to see my dry face.
968
01:02:30,284 --> 01:02:32,920
You were in shock.
969
01:02:32,953 --> 01:02:35,823
My own brother was dead,
and I felt nothing.
970
01:02:35,856 --> 01:02:38,959
It was like
I was on autopilot.
971
01:02:40,127 --> 01:02:43,565
How can I feel nothing?
972
01:02:43,598 --> 01:02:46,300
I am not human.
973
01:02:46,333 --> 01:02:47,835
I am not alive!
974
01:02:47,868 --> 01:02:50,304
It was the drugs
you were taking.
975
01:02:50,337 --> 01:02:52,840
Or I'm a monster.
976
01:02:52,873 --> 01:02:55,909
I hurt people.
977
01:02:55,943 --> 01:02:58,312
My own family.
978
01:03:07,221 --> 01:03:10,090
You mind?
979
01:03:10,124 --> 01:03:14,596
Doctors say I need to watch
my caloric intake.
980
01:03:14,629 --> 01:03:16,297
I have low blood sugar.
981
01:03:20,367 --> 01:03:21,603
How much do you weigh?
982
01:03:21,636 --> 01:03:24,506
That's a personal question.
983
01:03:36,917 --> 01:03:41,088
In Ethiopia, we didn't know
when our next meal will come,
984
01:03:41,121 --> 01:03:44,925
so we ate whatever we could.
985
01:03:47,294 --> 01:03:48,962
You're not about to give me
the whole
986
01:03:48,996 --> 01:03:52,266
starving-kids-in-Africa spiel,
are you?
987
01:03:53,535 --> 01:03:57,572
Okay, I get it.
I don't appreciate what I got.
988
01:03:57,605 --> 01:04:00,841
I'm not grateful.
989
01:04:02,910 --> 01:04:06,280
Well, Rabbi, this is America.
990
01:04:06,313 --> 01:04:08,382
Nobody appreciates anything.
991
01:04:10,050 --> 01:04:14,589
Do you even eat?
You're tiny for your age.
992
01:04:16,190 --> 01:04:18,292
Rude.
993
01:04:18,325 --> 01:04:21,362
I'm not anorexic,
if that's what you're thinking.
994
01:04:25,132 --> 01:04:29,336
I mean, look at you.
You're like a sculpture.
995
01:04:31,071 --> 01:04:32,540
Don't worry.
996
01:04:32,574 --> 01:04:34,642
You're not my type.
997
01:04:43,250 --> 01:04:47,020
You want one?
I always carry a spare.
998
01:04:52,993 --> 01:04:55,028
This won't do.
999
01:04:55,062 --> 01:04:56,296
No.
1000
01:04:56,330 --> 01:04:58,265
This won't do it all.
1001
01:05:20,387 --> 01:05:22,189
Ah.
1002
01:05:22,222 --> 01:05:24,258
You found my sugar stash.
1003
01:05:24,291 --> 01:05:27,494
I was saving that
for the drive home.
1004
01:05:27,529 --> 01:05:31,398
Well, it's like
our own Jewish picnic.
1005
01:05:39,273 --> 01:05:41,074
They're good. Try 'em.
1006
01:05:44,278 --> 01:05:47,481
You don't really have
any place to sleep tonight?
1007
01:05:49,584 --> 01:05:52,486
What about a motel?
1008
01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:54,121
No money.
1009
01:05:57,525 --> 01:06:00,260
You know where you get
your next meal?
1010
01:06:02,095 --> 01:06:06,467
My mom and I aren't exactly
on speaking terms.
1011
01:06:08,536 --> 01:06:11,371
She wasn't the same
after Hiram died.
1012
01:06:11,405 --> 01:06:13,541
She was like a ghost.
1013
01:06:16,711 --> 01:06:20,414
Three weeks after the funeral,
it's Memorial Day weekend.
1014
01:06:20,447 --> 01:06:22,617
You know, my house,
Memorial Day is...
1015
01:06:22,650 --> 01:06:24,652
Mom's brisket and gravy.
1016
01:06:24,686 --> 01:06:28,690
It's a tradition.
Secret recipe.
1017
01:06:31,058 --> 01:06:33,494
But that night,
1018
01:06:33,528 --> 01:06:36,296
we're having
takeout fried chicken.
1019
01:06:38,098 --> 01:06:41,101
Such a pathetic sight.
1020
01:06:41,134 --> 01:06:43,771
So we're all sitting
around the table,
1021
01:06:43,805 --> 01:06:46,039
and it's so quiet,
you could practically hear
1022
01:06:46,073 --> 01:06:48,375
the crappy mashed potatoes
go hard.
1023
01:06:50,177 --> 01:06:55,282
Nobody's saying a word,
and she's just glaring at me.
1024
01:06:58,418 --> 01:07:02,289
And so I reach over to get
another wing of original recipe,
1025
01:07:02,322 --> 01:07:05,425
and I accidentally
knock over my soda,
1026
01:07:05,459 --> 01:07:07,529
spilling it onto the table.
1027
01:07:10,297 --> 01:07:13,233
My dad gets up
to get a towel,
1028
01:07:13,267 --> 01:07:18,272
and all of a sudden,
my mom just grabs my arm.
1029
01:07:20,207 --> 01:07:21,676
"Why did you do that?"
1030
01:07:21,709 --> 01:07:25,112
She kept saying,
"Why did you do that?"
1031
01:07:25,145 --> 01:07:27,180
My dad tried prying her
off of me,
1032
01:07:27,214 --> 01:07:28,750
and then they start
getting into it,
1033
01:07:28,783 --> 01:07:31,118
and I'd never seen my parents
fight like that before.
1034
01:07:31,151 --> 01:07:36,089
And she packed her bags and left
two days before my birthday.
1035
01:07:38,593 --> 01:07:41,328
She didn't come
to your father's burial.
1036
01:07:43,665 --> 01:07:45,733
Of course not.
1037
01:07:47,467 --> 01:07:49,503
Classic narcissist,
1038
01:07:52,406 --> 01:07:54,509
Know anything
about narcissism, Rabbi?
1039
01:07:56,209 --> 01:07:59,446
I've heard
the story of Narcissus.
1040
01:07:59,479 --> 01:08:01,348
Oh.
1041
01:08:01,381 --> 01:08:04,217
The Greek dude who was so
in love with his own reflection,
1042
01:08:04,251 --> 01:08:07,354
he drowned
trying to fuck himself?
1043
01:08:07,387 --> 01:08:10,390
The official medical diagnosis
isn't too far from that.
1044
01:08:12,594 --> 01:08:14,762
How do you know this?
1045
01:08:14,796 --> 01:08:17,431
You're not the only one
who likes to read.
1046
01:08:19,166 --> 01:08:21,234
They see people as tools.
1047
01:08:24,237 --> 01:08:27,742
Things to be used
and thrown into the trash.
1048
01:08:31,445 --> 01:08:33,447
They're good actors.
1049
01:08:33,480 --> 01:08:35,817
That's what makes them scary.
1050
01:08:35,850 --> 01:08:40,354
But behind all that charm,
it's just an empty void.
1051
01:08:43,390 --> 01:08:46,794
Electrical signals
in a sack of meat.
1052
01:08:46,828 --> 01:08:50,832
People like this
do not exist.
1053
01:08:50,865 --> 01:08:53,901
Sure they do.
Just look at the White House.
1054
01:09:06,279 --> 01:09:08,549
Narcissists are the worst.
1055
01:09:08,583 --> 01:09:11,284
We only exist
to serve them.
1056
01:09:11,318 --> 01:09:14,321
I must have inherited
some of her shit
1057
01:09:14,354 --> 01:09:17,491
'cause my brain
is just as poisoned.
1058
01:09:17,525 --> 01:09:21,629
And Dr. Rodricks called it
borderline personality disorder.
1059
01:09:23,831 --> 01:09:26,668
Should be called
borderline person disorder.
1060
01:09:28,402 --> 01:09:30,370
You don't lack empathy.
1061
01:09:30,404 --> 01:09:34,241
You shared your snacks with me.
1062
01:09:34,274 --> 01:09:37,411
What'd I tell you
about acting?
1063
01:09:37,444 --> 01:09:40,247
Maybe it was just
so I could get the soda.
1064
01:09:40,280 --> 01:09:44,819
But maybe these pills
is making you feel this...
1065
01:09:44,852 --> 01:09:47,555
deafness towards people.
1066
01:09:47,588 --> 01:09:49,256
Yeah. Yeah, right.
1067
01:09:49,289 --> 01:09:51,559
I mean, that's what
I thought too, but...
1068
01:09:53,393 --> 01:09:55,262
But...
1069
01:09:55,295 --> 01:09:58,866
I didn't take my meds
with me to Israel.
1070
01:09:58,900 --> 01:10:02,670
I was so doped up
for Hiram's funeral, I...
1071
01:10:02,704 --> 01:10:06,774
I just wanted the pure
experience this time.
1072
01:10:06,808 --> 01:10:10,578
And... at first it was okay.
1073
01:10:10,611 --> 01:10:11,979
Everything was fine.
1074
01:10:12,013 --> 01:10:15,449
I said hi to family
I hadn't seen in over a decade.
1075
01:10:15,482 --> 01:10:16,784
Everyone seemed so surprised
1076
01:10:16,818 --> 01:10:18,686
I wasn't still locked up
in a loony bin.
1077
01:10:18,720 --> 01:10:21,321
My Uncle Schlomo, he kept
patting me on the head, saying,
1078
01:10:21,354 --> 01:10:24,424
"How are you feeling?"
Just like Dr. Rodricks.
1079
01:10:24,458 --> 01:10:25,760
It was...
1080
01:10:27,595 --> 01:10:29,731
I kept it together.
1081
01:10:29,764 --> 01:10:32,265
I kept it together.
1082
01:10:34,769 --> 01:10:36,838
Till I saw my father
being lowered into the ground,
1083
01:10:36,871 --> 01:10:38,438
and then...
1084
01:10:41,075 --> 01:10:43,778
And then the noise
started to return.
1085
01:10:45,479 --> 01:10:47,749
- And I felt...
- Sad.
1086
01:10:50,450 --> 01:10:53,020
Angry.
1087
01:10:53,054 --> 01:10:55,322
I wanted to deck somebody.
1088
01:10:55,355 --> 01:10:56,423
Anybody!
1089
01:10:56,456 --> 01:10:58,826
Especially my Uncle Schlomo.
1090
01:10:58,860 --> 01:11:01,763
I just... I needed
to get out of there.
1091
01:11:01,796 --> 01:11:05,666
And so I just hopped on a bus,
1092
01:11:05,700 --> 01:11:08,002
and I went to
the Wailing Wall.
1093
01:11:08,035 --> 01:11:09,771
Seems appropriate.
1094
01:11:09,804 --> 01:11:11,471
It was packed that day.
1095
01:11:13,775 --> 01:11:17,078
God seemed like He was being
particularly vengeful,
1096
01:11:17,111 --> 01:11:19,046
and I'm walking
along the wall,
1097
01:11:19,080 --> 01:11:22,750
and the noise
is getting so unbearable,
1098
01:11:22,784 --> 01:11:25,920
I just wanted it to stop, and...
1099
01:11:27,955 --> 01:11:31,659
I see this little Hasidic man
all by himself,
1100
01:11:31,692 --> 01:11:36,363
and he's standing there,
shuckling in deep prayer.
1101
01:11:41,102 --> 01:11:45,740
And then all of the sudden,
he snaps out of it.
1102
01:11:47,975 --> 01:11:51,646
And he looks at me
right in the eye.
1103
01:11:51,679 --> 01:11:54,481
Looks me right in the eyes,
1104
01:11:54,515 --> 01:11:56,483
and he smiles.
1105
01:11:58,886 --> 01:12:01,454
"Don't worry.
1106
01:12:01,488 --> 01:12:04,625
Next year will be better,"
he says.
1107
01:12:08,996 --> 01:12:11,065
And the noise stopped.
1108
01:12:13,768 --> 01:12:15,870
Is it still gone?
1109
01:12:20,407 --> 01:12:21,642
No.
1110
01:12:22,910 --> 01:12:25,580
Oh, it only lasted...
1111
01:12:25,613 --> 01:12:27,414
ten seconds.
1112
01:12:29,650 --> 01:12:32,820
But in those few seconds, I...
1113
01:12:32,854 --> 01:12:34,722
I felt...
1114
01:12:36,557 --> 01:12:37,959
Peace.
1115
01:12:43,731 --> 01:12:45,365
Yeah.
1116
01:12:48,069 --> 01:12:51,072
And then the anger returned.
1117
01:12:51,105 --> 01:12:53,007
Anger is a feeling.
1118
01:12:53,040 --> 01:12:55,610
It's just a part of mourning.
1119
01:12:55,643 --> 01:12:59,914
Yeah, but the point is,
I didn't feel sad.
1120
01:12:59,947 --> 01:13:02,950
See, it wasn't the medicine.
1121
01:13:04,619 --> 01:13:06,621
I don't care about
people close to me.
1122
01:13:06,654 --> 01:13:09,190
I didn't cry
at my father's funeral.
1123
01:13:09,223 --> 01:13:11,859
It is not late to mourn.
1124
01:13:11,893 --> 01:13:14,061
You're probably in shock.
1125
01:13:14,095 --> 01:13:17,531
I didn't cry
when my brother died either.
1126
01:13:17,565 --> 01:13:18,733
I...
1127
01:13:18,766 --> 01:13:21,869
I haven't shed a single tear
in 15 years.
1128
01:13:21,903 --> 01:13:23,537
I'm dead.
1129
01:13:23,571 --> 01:13:25,506
I am spiritually bereft.
1130
01:13:25,539 --> 01:13:27,508
But you went to Israel
for your father
1131
01:13:27,541 --> 01:13:30,678
because you cared
about him deeply.
1132
01:13:30,711 --> 01:13:33,648
You go to baseball games
to dignify him.
1133
01:13:33,681 --> 01:13:37,051
Merely ritualistic comforts.
1134
01:13:37,084 --> 01:13:39,787
I mean, you should
understand that.
1135
01:13:39,820 --> 01:13:41,522
I'm not even 30 years old,
1136
01:13:41,555 --> 01:13:45,626
and I've already lost two
of my closest family members.
1137
01:13:49,897 --> 01:13:52,767
And tonight
I'll be the third.
1138
01:13:52,800 --> 01:13:55,502
You're speaking
of ending your life.
1139
01:13:56,938 --> 01:14:00,473
I've tried it once before.
1140
01:14:00,508 --> 01:14:03,844
Maybe this time,
I'll finished the job.
1141
01:14:06,948 --> 01:14:08,916
On Kol Nidre?
1142
01:14:10,284 --> 01:14:13,688
Right before
the start of the New Year,
1143
01:14:13,721 --> 01:14:16,557
when God decides if He'll write
you into his book of life.
1144
01:14:16,590 --> 01:14:18,626
Thought it'd make
a good end chapter.
1145
01:14:18,659 --> 01:14:21,461
Nothing could be more heinous!
1146
01:14:22,296 --> 01:14:25,766
One who commits suicide
willfully
1147
01:14:25,800 --> 01:14:29,170
is not attended to
at all.
1148
01:14:29,203 --> 01:14:33,140
One does not mourn for
or make any lamentation for him.
1149
01:14:33,174 --> 01:14:36,210
Refusing to mourn.
1150
01:14:36,243 --> 01:14:40,081
Why does that sound
so familiar?
1151
01:14:40,114 --> 01:14:42,850
Such wrathful punishment.
1152
01:14:42,883 --> 01:14:45,886
Very Old Testament.
1153
01:14:45,920 --> 01:14:48,189
What if there was a man who...
1154
01:14:50,758 --> 01:14:53,527
who didn't fit in
with the world?
1155
01:14:56,063 --> 01:15:00,634
His thoughts were broken,
like bits of lead,
1156
01:15:00,668 --> 01:15:05,873
and when he spoke,
he spit metallic words.
1157
01:15:09,176 --> 01:15:11,545
Fixed into a drug-induced
wax marionette,
1158
01:15:11,579 --> 01:15:16,183
so that he's not flung between
extremes of anger and sadness.
1159
01:15:17,385 --> 01:15:21,088
He takes handfuls of pills
just so we can stop the noise,
1160
01:15:21,122 --> 01:15:23,124
but it only makes him numb.
1161
01:15:23,157 --> 01:15:25,593
What if this man can't find
his place in the world,
1162
01:15:25,626 --> 01:15:28,796
so he decides he's going
to remove himself from it?
1163
01:15:29,897 --> 01:15:33,034
Would God make an exception
for a person like that?
1164
01:15:33,067 --> 01:15:35,136
The Tanakh says...
1165
01:15:35,169 --> 01:15:40,141
God has set before you
life and death,
1166
01:15:40,174 --> 01:15:41,675
the blessing and the curse.
1167
01:15:41,709 --> 01:15:43,711
Therefore, choose life.
1168
01:15:43,744 --> 01:15:46,280
Deuteronomy.
1169
01:15:46,313 --> 01:15:49,750
Will you stop reciting
ancient text at me
1170
01:15:49,784 --> 01:15:52,219
and just speak to me
like a real human being?
1171
01:15:52,253 --> 01:15:54,255
This is as real
as I get, Isaac!
1172
01:15:54,288 --> 01:15:57,091
I don't believe you!
1173
01:16:01,162 --> 01:16:03,831
How did your dog Golda pass?
1174
01:16:07,902 --> 01:16:09,937
Canine cancer.
1175
01:16:11,238 --> 01:16:13,174
And did you watch her suffer,
1176
01:16:13,207 --> 01:16:15,609
or did you put her
out of her misery?
1177
01:16:15,643 --> 01:16:19,280
'Cause isn't that
the compassionate thing to do?
1178
01:16:19,313 --> 01:16:24,351
People are different
from animals.
1179
01:16:24,385 --> 01:16:26,654
God gave us a soul,
1180
01:16:26,687 --> 01:16:28,756
a moral compass,
1181
01:16:28,789 --> 01:16:33,227
an ability to decide
from wrong and right.
1182
01:16:33,260 --> 01:16:37,064
What about,
what about the mentally ill?
1183
01:16:37,098 --> 01:16:39,767
Do we have a soul?
1184
01:16:39,800 --> 01:16:41,769
The Talmud says
such an individual
1185
01:16:41,802 --> 01:16:44,805
cannot be held responsible
for their actions.
1186
01:16:44,839 --> 01:16:47,341
Jewish law applies to people.
1187
01:16:47,374 --> 01:16:52,913
Personhood requires
consciousness of one's actions.
1188
01:16:52,947 --> 01:16:54,982
I am not a person.
1189
01:16:55,015 --> 01:16:56,817
You just proved my point.
1190
01:16:56,851 --> 01:17:00,821
- That is not what I'm saying!
- Then what are you saying?
1191
01:17:02,056 --> 01:17:03,824
It's complicated.
1192
01:17:03,858 --> 01:17:06,660
Not everything is
black or white.
1193
01:17:06,694 --> 01:17:08,929
Just like free will.
1194
01:17:08,963 --> 01:17:10,865
There's a lot of hypocrisy
in Jewish law.
1195
01:17:10,898 --> 01:17:16,137
That is because we never stopped
searching for answers, Isaac.
1196
01:17:16,170 --> 01:17:18,005
We welcome debate.
1197
01:17:18,038 --> 01:17:23,177
The very word "Israel" means
"one who wrestles."
1198
01:17:26,714 --> 01:17:29,817
Which side are you on?
1199
01:17:29,850 --> 01:17:32,153
God's.
1200
01:17:32,186 --> 01:17:33,888
Truth.
1201
01:17:38,092 --> 01:17:40,895
The truth is...
1202
01:17:40,928 --> 01:17:43,264
I am already dead.
1203
01:17:43,297 --> 01:17:46,400
I... shouldn't be here.
I shouldn't be here.
1204
01:17:46,433 --> 01:17:49,770
There's a flaw
in God's creation,
1205
01:17:49,803 --> 01:17:51,772
and I'm gonna correct it.
1206
01:17:51,805 --> 01:17:56,076
I am choosing this.
Divine choice.
1207
01:17:56,110 --> 01:17:58,245
But first I need
the Mourner's Kaddish.
1208
01:17:58,279 --> 01:18:04,084
You want me to give you
permission to kill yourself?
1209
01:18:04,118 --> 01:18:06,887
I want your blessing,
1210
01:18:10,791 --> 01:18:13,027
But I don't need it.
1211
01:18:18,232 --> 01:18:21,168
I can go up to the roof
right now.
1212
01:18:21,202 --> 01:18:24,038
- No! You cannot do this!
- It's my decision!
1213
01:18:24,071 --> 01:18:27,308
God has a plan!
1214
01:18:29,009 --> 01:18:31,979
Did He plan for
the death of your son?
1215
01:18:34,081 --> 01:18:35,883
He's dead, right?
1216
01:18:35,916 --> 01:18:38,886
That's why you hold on
to those things.
1217
01:18:38,919 --> 01:18:42,356
How'd he die, Rabbi?
By fire or water?
1218
01:18:42,389 --> 01:18:43,757
Hunger or thirst?
1219
01:18:43,791 --> 01:18:46,427
Sword or beast?
1220
01:19:04,178 --> 01:19:06,514
Rabbi.
1221
01:19:06,548 --> 01:19:07,848
Rabbi!
1222
01:19:20,494 --> 01:19:22,763
They murdered my son.
1223
01:19:28,302 --> 01:19:30,337
He was caught
in an explosion.
1224
01:19:32,873 --> 01:19:35,409
Palestinian car bomb.
1225
01:19:35,442 --> 01:19:37,811
He was only six.
1226
01:19:43,050 --> 01:19:45,553
My Elad!
1227
01:19:50,157 --> 01:19:52,092
That's why you left.
1228
01:19:54,529 --> 01:19:56,864
You couldn't bear the pain.
1229
01:20:01,068 --> 01:20:02,503
Give me the keys!
1230
01:20:06,006 --> 01:20:07,975
Not till I get
what I came for.
1231
01:20:08,008 --> 01:20:11,111
I cannot provide you
what you need!
1232
01:20:11,145 --> 01:20:14,148
The Mourner's Kaddish
is a prayer to honor the dead.
1233
01:20:14,181 --> 01:20:16,350
Maybe exceptions can be made.
1234
01:20:16,383 --> 01:20:19,587
Jews are in constant motion.
You said it yourself.
1235
01:20:19,621 --> 01:20:22,356
It is not up to me
to decide your fate.
1236
01:20:22,389 --> 01:20:25,392
I want to finally be free.
1237
01:20:25,426 --> 01:20:27,428
Why would you deny me that?
1238
01:20:27,461 --> 01:20:29,229
It is law.
1239
01:20:29,263 --> 01:20:32,567
Maybe laws can change with age.
Like people.
1240
01:20:32,600 --> 01:20:35,369
You've never felt abandoned?
1241
01:20:36,904 --> 01:20:38,540
No.
1242
01:20:38,573 --> 01:20:39,574
Forgotten?
1243
01:20:39,607 --> 01:20:41,342
No.
1244
01:20:41,375 --> 01:20:43,344
Liar!
1245
01:20:43,377 --> 01:20:45,112
What is this?
1246
01:20:45,145 --> 01:20:46,413
A rabbi's not supposed to lie.
1247
01:20:46,447 --> 01:20:49,517
What do you want me
to say, huh?
1248
01:20:49,551 --> 01:20:54,154
That I feel rejected,
even in my own land?
1249
01:20:54,188 --> 01:20:57,659
All my life,
I've searched for a home.
1250
01:20:57,692 --> 01:21:01,095
From Africa
to the Middle East.
1251
01:21:01,128 --> 01:21:04,599
From the Third World
to America.
1252
01:21:04,632 --> 01:21:08,001
Ethiopia discarded me
at birth.
1253
01:21:08,035 --> 01:21:11,472
Israel took me in,
1254
01:21:11,506 --> 01:21:14,108
but the world look upon
the Jewish state
1255
01:21:14,141 --> 01:21:17,612
with fear and disgust.
1256
01:21:17,645 --> 01:21:19,614
My own boy,
1257
01:21:19,647 --> 01:21:25,052
my own flesh and blood was taken
away by people who want to...
1258
01:21:25,085 --> 01:21:28,155
deny me of my existence!
1259
01:21:29,957 --> 01:21:33,060
I even had to leave
my own wife.
1260
01:21:38,365 --> 01:21:43,170
A piece of shrapnel
got lodged in Elad's neck.
1261
01:21:46,173 --> 01:21:50,545
He was in a coma
for five days before there...
1262
01:21:50,578 --> 01:21:54,982
When the blood builds up
in an artery.
1263
01:21:55,015 --> 01:21:56,950
Hemorrhage.
1264
01:21:59,219 --> 01:22:03,023
I held him in my arms
as he took his last breath.
1265
01:22:05,159 --> 01:22:07,695
When they pronounced him dead,
1266
01:22:07,729 --> 01:22:11,566
I left the hospital,
and I told my wife
1267
01:22:11,599 --> 01:22:14,736
I was going to the synagogue,
1268
01:22:14,769 --> 01:22:18,640
and I wouldn't be home
for hours.
1269
01:22:18,673 --> 01:22:22,176
But you didn't go to temple.
1270
01:22:22,209 --> 01:22:24,512
I walked...
1271
01:22:24,546 --> 01:22:26,480
and I walked.
1272
01:22:27,515 --> 01:22:30,150
And I walked.
1273
01:22:31,786 --> 01:22:34,656
His blood was on my clothes.
1274
01:22:37,224 --> 01:22:41,128
I wasn't even thinking
about my actions. I...
1275
01:22:43,096 --> 01:22:47,201
I felt like I was
outside my own body.
1276
01:22:47,234 --> 01:22:49,737
- On autopilot.
- Yes.
1277
01:22:51,539 --> 01:22:55,342
Then I felt a jolt
against my shoulder.
1278
01:22:55,375 --> 01:22:59,379
This man was heading
in the opposite direction.
1279
01:23:01,081 --> 01:23:04,117
He bumped me,
and he kept walking.
1280
01:23:04,151 --> 01:23:07,789
I shouted at him to stop,
but he didn't.
1281
01:23:07,822 --> 01:23:10,457
So I ran after this man.
1282
01:23:10,491 --> 01:23:15,329
I grabbed him by the shoulder
and spun him around.
1283
01:23:15,362 --> 01:23:17,130
He was Muslim.
1284
01:23:19,466 --> 01:23:24,706
I looked into his eyes,
and all... I could see was...
1285
01:23:29,276 --> 01:23:31,646
I demanded an apology.
1286
01:23:32,614 --> 01:23:34,448
I demanded my boy back.
1287
01:23:34,481 --> 01:23:37,451
And I begged! I begged!
1288
01:23:42,624 --> 01:23:45,492
He spat at me.
1289
01:23:45,527 --> 01:23:47,595
So I struck him.
1290
01:23:47,629 --> 01:23:51,265
He fell to the ground
like a...
1291
01:23:51,298 --> 01:23:54,067
like a sack of wet cement.
1292
01:23:55,202 --> 01:23:57,772
- Did he...
- He was fine.
1293
01:24:00,140 --> 01:24:02,075
I got him some help.
1294
01:24:02,109 --> 01:24:04,712
Just a few stitches.
1295
01:24:04,746 --> 01:24:09,249
I was in such despair,
and all I could...
1296
01:24:09,283 --> 01:24:14,488
I mean, the only way
I could see things was...
1297
01:24:14,522 --> 01:24:16,691
Was through anger.
1298
01:24:20,460 --> 01:24:23,196
I've always been
a good person.
1299
01:24:23,230 --> 01:24:25,499
A devout person.
1300
01:24:28,770 --> 01:24:33,240
You said personhood requires
a consciousness of actions.
1301
01:24:35,710 --> 01:24:38,580
Maybe...
1302
01:24:38,613 --> 01:24:41,148
in that moment
you were so overwhelmed
1303
01:24:41,181 --> 01:24:44,318
that you didn't realize
what you were doing.
1304
01:24:45,820 --> 01:24:47,487
You weren't really alive.
1305
01:24:50,424 --> 01:24:54,227
The congregation
did not share that sentiment.
1306
01:24:54,261 --> 01:24:57,832
They gathered outside my home
in Or-Akiva.
1307
01:24:57,865 --> 01:25:02,202
"Send him to Africa!"
they chanted.
1308
01:25:03,905 --> 01:25:07,407
The rabbinical counsel
gave me an ultimatum.
1309
01:25:09,242 --> 01:25:14,515
I was to either stay
and have my title stripped,
1310
01:25:14,549 --> 01:25:16,183
or I could go to America
1311
01:25:16,216 --> 01:25:18,786
and help with
the underprivileged there.
1312
01:25:18,820 --> 01:25:21,789
They did not want me
in Israel.
1313
01:25:21,823 --> 01:25:23,758
This much was certain,
1314
01:25:23,791 --> 01:25:26,460
not with the Jewish
and Muslim relations
1315
01:25:26,493 --> 01:25:28,796
as bad as they are now.
1316
01:25:30,330 --> 01:25:33,266
Not much of a fair proposition.
1317
01:25:37,872 --> 01:25:39,540
And your wife?
1318
01:25:43,276 --> 01:25:47,247
I send all my earnings
back home to her.
1319
01:25:48,382 --> 01:25:51,151
I still see Elad.
1320
01:25:53,921 --> 01:25:55,590
How often?
1321
01:25:55,623 --> 01:25:57,558
All the time.
1322
01:25:59,527 --> 01:26:02,730
All... the time.
1323
01:26:05,265 --> 01:26:07,167
Hauntings from the past.
1324
01:26:17,812 --> 01:26:23,751
Uh, when you slugged
that Muslim man,
1325
01:26:23,785 --> 01:26:25,853
did you break his nose?
1326
01:26:28,388 --> 01:26:31,224
I broke the rules, Isaac.
1327
01:26:33,027 --> 01:26:34,862
God's rules.
1328
01:26:41,334 --> 01:26:46,406
I did it once.
I am not doing it again.
1329
01:26:46,440 --> 01:26:48,876
You've been trying to
assuage your guilt ever since.
1330
01:26:55,315 --> 01:26:57,350
Atonement is
a heavy burden to bear.
1331
01:26:57,384 --> 01:26:59,620
Is that what I am to you?
1332
01:26:59,654 --> 01:27:02,489
A way to free yourself
of your own guilt?
1333
01:27:02,523 --> 01:27:04,759
You're wrong, Rabbi.
1334
01:27:04,792 --> 01:27:07,929
The idea that you're responsible
for your brother's death
1335
01:27:07,962 --> 01:27:09,564
eats away at you inside.
1336
01:27:09,597 --> 01:27:12,533
Not about that.
1337
01:27:12,567 --> 01:27:15,368
You're wrong about the number of
times you've broken the rules.
1338
01:27:15,402 --> 01:27:17,404
It wasn't just that once.
1339
01:27:17,437 --> 01:27:19,473
What are you talking about?
1340
01:27:19,507 --> 01:27:21,743
When you were a boy.
1341
01:27:21,776 --> 01:27:25,680
You gave that dying man water.
1342
01:27:25,713 --> 01:27:28,415
You defied your family,
1343
01:27:28,448 --> 01:27:30,852
even at the cost
of your own safety.
1344
01:27:30,885 --> 01:27:34,021
- That was different.
- You're right.
1345
01:27:35,656 --> 01:27:38,626
You knew it was
the right thing to do.
1346
01:27:40,862 --> 01:27:43,898
It's when you saw
the true face of God.
1347
01:27:47,568 --> 01:27:49,604
Be compassionate.
1348
01:27:51,606 --> 01:27:52,907
Give me a mitzvah.
1349
01:27:52,940 --> 01:27:57,377
God's rules
are different from man's.
1350
01:27:57,410 --> 01:28:00,648
That is absolute,
1351
01:28:00,681 --> 01:28:04,752
100% sanctimonious bullshit!
1352
01:28:04,786 --> 01:28:07,588
Some twisted narrative to
make sense of your own problems,
1353
01:28:07,622 --> 01:28:09,624
just like your fucking
homophobic shit
1354
01:28:09,657 --> 01:28:11,092
that you blame
on a religion.
1355
01:28:11,125 --> 01:28:12,560
You scare me, Isaac.
1356
01:28:12,593 --> 01:28:15,029
Well, this is a real Isaac!
1357
01:28:15,062 --> 01:28:18,800
Unmedicated, angry,
immoral, dirty,
1358
01:28:18,833 --> 01:28:20,935
dangerous...
1359
01:28:22,502 --> 01:28:23,971
I can't breathe.
1360
01:28:25,438 --> 01:28:26,908
What's wrong?
1361
01:28:26,941 --> 01:28:29,877
I told him to take
the bus that day.
1362
01:28:29,911 --> 01:28:33,848
I was too busy studying
the Torah to protect my boy.
1363
01:28:35,550 --> 01:28:38,085
Rabbi! Oh, shit.
1364
01:28:39,620 --> 01:28:41,856
Oh, shit. Okay, okay.
1365
01:28:43,858 --> 01:28:45,760
I need an ambulance now.
1366
01:28:45,793 --> 01:28:49,697
No. There's someone having
a heart attack, I think.
1367
01:28:49,730 --> 01:28:52,600
Yeah, yeah,
he's still breathing.
1368
01:28:52,633 --> 01:28:55,703
We're at the synagogue.
1369
01:28:55,736 --> 01:28:57,638
What do you mean?
The synagogue.
1370
01:28:57,672 --> 01:29:01,676
Okay, okay, yeah.
Hurry, please. Thank you.
1371
01:29:03,711 --> 01:29:06,681
Hey, hey.
1372
01:29:06,714 --> 01:29:07,949
Rabbi.
1373
01:29:07,982 --> 01:29:10,117
Keep fighting.
1374
01:29:10,151 --> 01:29:13,888
Promise me you'll keep...
you'll keep fighting.
1375
01:29:13,921 --> 01:29:17,892
You... You're crying, Isaac.
1376
01:29:19,527 --> 01:29:21,629
Yeah, because I'm freaked out.
1377
01:29:22,530 --> 01:29:26,567
Only God knows how and when.
1378
01:29:27,768 --> 01:29:30,037
Sh'ma...
1379
01:29:30,071 --> 01:29:32,740
yisrael...
1380
01:29:32,773 --> 01:29:36,744
adonai eloheinu,
1381
01:29:36,777 --> 01:29:40,114
adonai echad.
1382
01:29:40,147 --> 01:29:42,449
Sh'ma...
1383
01:29:42,482 --> 01:29:44,518
yisrael...
1384
01:29:44,552 --> 01:29:48,756
adonai eloheinu,
1385
01:29:48,789 --> 01:29:50,691
adonai...
1386
01:29:50,725 --> 01:29:52,760
echad.
1387
01:29:52,793 --> 01:29:56,163
You remember the words.
1388
01:29:56,197 --> 01:29:58,633
Your father would be proud.
1389
01:30:01,769 --> 01:30:03,838
So would your son.
1390
01:30:06,707 --> 01:30:10,177
Make me a proposition, yeah?
1391
01:30:10,211 --> 01:30:12,179
I'm listening.
1392
01:30:13,714 --> 01:30:16,550
I'll give you
the Mourner's Kaddish.
1393
01:30:17,985 --> 01:30:21,656
You have to promise me
you keep fighting.
1394
01:30:23,124 --> 01:30:26,560
Please don't leave.
1395
01:30:26,594 --> 01:30:28,863
There is no place
for me either.
1396
01:30:28,896 --> 01:30:30,965
I have tried finding answers
in Israel.
1397
01:30:30,998 --> 01:30:32,566
I've tried praying.
1398
01:30:32,600 --> 01:30:34,501
I have asked God
to fix my broken brain
1399
01:30:34,535 --> 01:30:36,637
more times than I can count.
1400
01:30:36,671 --> 01:30:38,539
I never got an answer.
1401
01:30:38,572 --> 01:30:41,075
Me too, Isaac.
1402
01:30:41,108 --> 01:30:46,914
We are
endlessly voyaging nomads.
1403
01:30:50,584 --> 01:30:52,753
My brother and I,
when we were little kids,
1404
01:30:52,787 --> 01:30:54,889
we had this,
this goy babysitter,
1405
01:30:54,922 --> 01:30:58,192
who would tell us stories
about purgatory.
1406
01:30:58,225 --> 01:31:04,497
She said that it was a place,
but not really a place.
1407
01:31:04,532 --> 01:31:05,967
It's sort of like a dream
1408
01:31:06,000 --> 01:31:08,803
in that you didn't really know
you were there.
1409
01:31:10,271 --> 01:31:12,540
And you stayed in this place
as long as it took
1410
01:31:12,573 --> 01:31:14,909
for you to learn something.
1411
01:31:14,942 --> 01:31:17,578
Time and space
didn't even matter.
1412
01:31:17,611 --> 01:31:21,716
Do you think that's
what it's like after you die?
1413
01:31:21,749 --> 01:31:23,951
Mm.
1414
01:31:23,985 --> 01:31:28,255
Judaism has no clear picture
of the afterlife.
1415
01:31:31,826 --> 01:31:35,596
It doesn't matter
how things end.
1416
01:31:35,629 --> 01:31:38,833
It only matters
how it begins.
1417
01:31:40,001 --> 01:31:43,137
What was it like...
1418
01:31:43,170 --> 01:31:45,106
before it all began?
1419
01:31:45,139 --> 01:31:47,074
Ah.
1420
01:31:48,142 --> 01:31:51,846
Brown.
1421
01:31:51,879 --> 01:31:54,081
Earthy.
1422
01:31:54,115 --> 01:31:55,883
Fresh.
1423
01:31:57,084 --> 01:32:01,322
The sun hangs low
in the orange dusk
1424
01:32:01,355 --> 01:32:05,026
like a celestial disc.
1425
01:32:06,093 --> 01:32:09,730
A current of essence
in the air.
1426
01:32:19,974 --> 01:32:24,278
It surges with every beat
of your heart.
1427
01:32:27,014 --> 01:32:28,249
Uh...
1428
01:32:30,351 --> 01:32:32,920
The ground is soft,
1429
01:32:32,953 --> 01:32:35,122
but crisp,
1430
01:32:35,156 --> 01:32:38,626
like crushed ice.
1431
01:32:38,659 --> 01:32:43,030
You can see the Wailing Wall
from there too,
1432
01:32:43,064 --> 01:32:45,800
stretched into eternity.
1433
01:32:49,036 --> 01:32:53,040
Souls gather around
its edges...
1434
01:32:55,142 --> 01:33:00,314
bobbing like luminescent
water reeds.
1435
01:33:01,982 --> 01:33:05,186
Busch Stadium
is right next to it.
1436
01:33:05,219 --> 01:33:08,989
Every seat
is filled with them.
1437
01:33:09,023 --> 01:33:10,925
And Hiram is there.
1438
01:33:12,326 --> 01:33:14,261
My son Elad.
1439
01:33:14,295 --> 01:33:17,198
And my son Elad.
1440
01:33:17,231 --> 01:33:18,899
Elad!
1441
01:33:23,871 --> 01:33:25,806
Every child is there.
1442
01:33:26,941 --> 01:33:31,145
Every one that was ever born.
1443
01:33:33,747 --> 01:33:35,716
Free from sickness.
1444
01:33:35,749 --> 01:33:36,817
And conflict.
1445
01:33:36,851 --> 01:33:39,019
One community.
1446
01:33:40,421 --> 01:33:42,923
A family.
1447
01:33:42,957 --> 01:33:44,825
A home.
1448
01:33:46,293 --> 01:33:48,195
I see it.
1449
01:33:48,229 --> 01:33:50,831
I see it,
and I want to be there.
1450
01:33:57,738 --> 01:34:00,241
Are you ready, Isaac?
1451
01:34:10,050 --> 01:34:13,687
Yitgadal v'yitkadash
1452
01:34:13,721 --> 01:34:15,055
sh'mei raba
1453
01:34:15,089 --> 01:34:17,958
b'alma di-v'ra chirutei,
1454
01:34:17,992 --> 01:34:20,828
v'yamlich malchutei
1455
01:34:20,861 --> 01:34:24,098
b'chayeichon uvyomeichon
1456
01:34:24,131 --> 01:34:28,469
uvchayei d'chol beit yisrael,
1457
01:34:28,502 --> 01:34:31,739
ba'agala uvizman kariv,
1458
01:34:31,772 --> 01:34:33,841
v'im'ru: amen.
1459
01:34:33,874 --> 01:34:37,311
Y'hei sh'mei raba m'varach
1460
01:34:37,344 --> 01:34:41,148
l'alam ul'almei almaya.
1461
01:34:41,182 --> 01:34:43,083
Yitbarach v'yishtabach,
1462
01:34:43,117 --> 01:34:47,188
v'yitpa'ar v'yitromam
v'yitnaseh,
1463
01:34:47,221 --> 01:34:50,257
v'yithadar v'yit'aleh
1464
01:34:50,291 --> 01:34:53,794
v'yit'halal sh'mei
d'kud'sha,
1465
01:34:53,827 --> 01:34:55,229
b'rich hu,
1466
01:34:55,262 --> 01:34:59,433
l'eila min-kol-birchata
v'shirata,
1467
01:34:59,466 --> 01:35:04,471
tushb'chata
v'nechemata da'amiran b'alma,
1468
01:35:04,505 --> 01:35:06,340
v'im'ru: amen.
1469
01:35:06,373 --> 01:35:10,377
Y'hei shlama raba min-sh'maya
1470
01:35:10,411 --> 01:35:15,149
v'chayim aleinu
v'al-kol-yisrael,
1471
01:35:15,182 --> 01:35:18,152
v'im'ru: amen.
1472
01:35:34,034 --> 01:35:37,004
Hurry, hurry.
1473
01:35:37,037 --> 01:35:39,507
It's gonna be okay.
1474
01:35:56,857 --> 01:35:59,893
You say that you do not care,
1475
01:35:59,927 --> 01:36:02,830
that you do not love,
1476
01:36:02,863 --> 01:36:04,265
but you do.
1477
01:36:06,500 --> 01:36:09,069
You're a good man.
1478
01:36:09,103 --> 01:36:10,971
A good person.
1479
01:36:11,005 --> 01:36:14,008
Your brother knows this
better than anyone.
1480
01:36:20,848 --> 01:36:22,983
I don't know what to do.
1481
01:36:23,017 --> 01:36:25,085
You want to live.
1482
01:36:27,488 --> 01:36:32,192
Kol Nidre is the last night
before the Day of Atonement.
1483
01:36:32,226 --> 01:36:35,029
We choose to stay
for a reason.
1484
01:36:35,062 --> 01:36:37,298
You want another chapter.
1485
01:36:39,400 --> 01:36:41,068
But I have nobody left.
1486
01:36:41,101 --> 01:36:43,437
Well, keep moving.
1487
01:36:45,039 --> 01:36:46,440
Wait.
1488
01:36:48,175 --> 01:36:49,843
Take this.
1489
01:36:52,046 --> 01:36:55,082
You keep this with you.
1490
01:36:55,115 --> 01:36:57,117
Always.
1491
01:36:58,452 --> 01:37:01,021
Thank you, Rabbi.
1492
01:37:05,326 --> 01:37:07,529
My name is Nate.
1493
01:37:22,076 --> 01:37:23,578
Where would you go?
1494
01:37:23,611 --> 01:37:26,246
Ethiopia!
1495
01:37:26,280 --> 01:37:28,650
The photograph.
1496
01:37:28,683 --> 01:37:30,918
Keep it.
1497
01:39:42,908 --> 01:39:47,908
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