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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:10,000 Subtitles made by www.roylenferink.nl 2 00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:57,908 Hey, Andy! What's up, dude? 3 00:01:57,984 --> 00:02:00,111 Hey, Joe. Hey, Sara. How you doing? 4 00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,346 When you going to get a car? 5 00:02:01,421 --> 00:02:04,618 - Hey, why don't you get a car? - I can't afford it. 6 00:02:06,759 --> 00:02:10,160 - So, Survivor tomorrow night. We on? - See you then. 7 00:02:10,230 --> 00:02:12,027 I'll bring a soda. Hey, enjoy your orange. 8 00:02:12,098 --> 00:02:14,089 - Okay, take care. - See you. Bye-bye. 9 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,627 - That guy needs to get laid. - Tell me something I don't know. 10 00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:36,483 Good morning. 11 00:02:41,794 --> 00:02:44,160 Excuse me. Pardon me. 12 00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,624 Sorry. 13 00:02:55,708 --> 00:02:57,437 Excuse me. Thank you. 14 00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:02,277 - Good morning. - Hey. 15 00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,440 - Good morning, Paula. - Andy. 16 00:03:06,085 --> 00:03:08,349 Excuse me. I have a question. 17 00:03:08,888 --> 00:03:13,791 What is the difference between Hi8 and Digital video tapes? 18 00:03:14,227 --> 00:03:16,457 I'm not a salesman, so, I could probably... 19 00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:19,225 Welcome to Smart Tech. How can I be of service to you? 20 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:20,866 Well, I was just wondering... 21 00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:23,459 what is the difference between these? 22 00:03:24,270 --> 00:03:27,205 Well, if I'm photographing someone as fine as yourself... 23 00:03:27,273 --> 00:03:29,036 I'd probably go Digital. 24 00:03:31,844 --> 00:03:36,076 # Hey, don't worry I've been lied to # 25 00:03:42,188 --> 00:03:45,157 - My God. Sorry I'm late, man. - No problem. 26 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:47,523 Oh, man. 27 00:03:48,661 --> 00:03:50,595 - I had a weekend. - Yeah? 28 00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:54,024 We went to Tijuana, Mexico, you know... 29 00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:57,035 and we thought it would be fun, you know, to go to this show. 30 00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,435 Everyone's, "You gotta check out one of these shows. " 31 00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:02,030 And, you know, it's a woman fucking a horse. 32 00:04:02,308 --> 00:04:05,573 We get there, and, you know, we think it's gonna be awesome... 33 00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:09,046 and it is not as cool as it sounds like it would be, man. 34 00:04:09,415 --> 00:04:11,610 - It's kind of gross. - Yeah. 35 00:04:11,684 --> 00:04:13,345 You think, "A woman fucking a horse"... 36 00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,011 and you get there and it's... 37 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,953 - ... a woman fucking a horse. - Yeah. 38 00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:19,014 It was really giving it to her. 39 00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:20,451 And you know what... 40 00:04:20,526 --> 00:04:23,154 to be honest, I felt bad for her. We all just felt bad for her. 41 00:04:23,229 --> 00:04:24,890 - Yeah. - Kind of felt bad for the horse. 42 00:04:24,964 --> 00:04:28,195 - Wow, that's something. - So what did you get up to? 43 00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:32,300 You know, I just kind of hung out. I was... 44 00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,270 God, Friday, when I went home... 45 00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:36,638 I really wanted an egg-salad sandwich. 46 00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,700 And I was just obsessing about it and I was like: 47 00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,769 "Man, I'm gonna make one of those. " 48 00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:44,339 So Saturday I went out and I got, like, a dozen eggs... 49 00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:47,011 and I boiled them all and then I just... 50 00:04:47,086 --> 00:04:50,055 I spent, I don't know, probably three hours... 51 00:04:52,058 --> 00:04:53,719 like, three-and-a-half hours making... 52 00:04:53,793 --> 00:04:57,854 you know, the mayonnaise and the onions and paprika... 53 00:04:57,930 --> 00:04:59,989 and, you know, all the accoutrement. 54 00:05:00,066 --> 00:05:01,533 And then, by the time I was done... 55 00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:03,193 I just really didn't feel like eating it. 56 00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:05,829 - I can imagine. - And I didn't have any bread. 57 00:05:06,439 --> 00:05:09,738 So, you know, it was pretty good. It was a good weekend. 58 00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:12,871 - Sounds pretty awesome. - Yeah, it was fine. 59 00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:14,344 Sounds really fun. 60 00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:16,872 - Cool. - Cool. 61 00:05:16,949 --> 00:05:18,348 Cool, cool. 62 00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,045 - Hey, Paula. - Yeah. 63 00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:25,613 I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. 64 00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:29,093 For the first time today, I woke up... 65 00:05:29,495 --> 00:05:33,488 I came to the store, and I feel confident to say to you... 66 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,191 that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD... 67 00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:38,635 that you've been playing for two years straight, off... 68 00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:40,400 I'm going to kill everyone in the store... 69 00:05:40,473 --> 00:05:42,338 and put a bullet in my brain. 70 00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:46,143 - David, what do you suggest we play? - I don't care. Anything. 71 00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:49,212 I would rather watch Beautician and the Beast. 72 00:05:49,282 --> 00:05:51,842 I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours... 73 00:05:51,918 --> 00:05:53,715 than have to listen to Michael McDonald. 74 00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:57,017 Nothing against him, but if I hear Yah Mo B There one more time... 75 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:59,524 I'm gonna yah mo burn this place to the ground. 76 00:05:59,592 --> 00:06:02,493 You're such a smart ass. Get back on the floor. 77 00:06:04,697 --> 00:06:05,959 Fuck you. 78 00:06:07,333 --> 00:06:09,961 This is a great TV. Nothing beats a plasma. 79 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,628 What are you doing? That's my customer. 80 00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:14,901 It certainly is not. When I came upon her, she was unattended. 81 00:06:14,974 --> 00:06:16,635 - No, that's my... - Wait. 82 00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:18,768 Go to the checkout there. Pick up there, please. 83 00:06:18,845 --> 00:06:20,642 She was unattended because I went to the back... 84 00:06:20,713 --> 00:06:22,510 to get the brochure that she requested. 85 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:24,072 I apologize, but it's too late. 86 00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:25,674 The transaction has been completed. 87 00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,481 Then you're gonna give me half the commission. 88 00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:29,020 You'll receive none of the commission. 89 00:06:29,088 --> 00:06:30,555 I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy. 90 00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:31,647 This is bullshit. 91 00:06:31,724 --> 00:06:33,589 Every time I make a sale, you go crying to Paula. 92 00:06:33,659 --> 00:06:36,958 How about Jesse Jackson? Old Jesse needs a cause. 93 00:06:37,029 --> 00:06:38,587 Sick of you poaching my customers. 94 00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:40,154 I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit. 95 00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,225 You wanna take this shit outside? Just take it outside and squash it? 96 00:06:43,302 --> 00:06:46,567 Let's stay inside, so everybody can see what a pussy you have, okay? 97 00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:50,097 Because when I remove the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath... 98 00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:53,009 I can't return it until it has spilled blood. 99 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,344 Look, listen to me. You are fucking with the wrong nigger. 100 00:06:56,949 --> 00:07:00,350 Hey! You're fucking with the wrong sun-nigger, okay? 101 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,911 Dude, I will hang your old ass by your turban. 102 00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:06,181 Turban now? Do you see any fucking turban here? 103 00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:07,920 Do I talk like a turban guy? 104 00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:10,895 Do I say, "Hey, Jay, do you want a Slurpee? You want a Slurpee?" 105 00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:14,194 Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. 106 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,325 Brooklyn, okay? 107 00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:18,996 My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay? 108 00:07:19,071 --> 00:07:20,402 All right, man. Calm down, dude. 109 00:07:20,473 --> 00:07:22,634 Look, you still covering my shift on Friday or what? 110 00:07:22,708 --> 00:07:25,643 If I can keep this commission, with pleasure. 111 00:07:25,711 --> 00:07:28,578 - Cool, then. All right, pop. - No problem. 112 00:07:31,517 --> 00:07:33,178 - How about Andy? - No. 113 00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,111 Come on, man. We need, what, five guys... 114 00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,712 - ... to play a decent poker game, right? - Yeah. 115 00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:38,347 If we cancel this, I'm gonna have to go... 116 00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:40,358 to some stupid-ass birthday party with Jill... 117 00:07:40,426 --> 00:07:41,688 and that shit ain't happening. 118 00:07:41,761 --> 00:07:43,228 - No. - Why not? 119 00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:47,123 He's a really nice guy and all but I'm pretty sure that... 120 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,565 he is a serial murderer. 121 00:07:48,634 --> 00:07:50,363 Who cares, man? He's a nice guy. 122 00:07:50,436 --> 00:07:52,734 I just wanna get drunk, fucked up, and play some cards. 123 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,932 That's great. Look, I don't wanna end up a lampshade... 124 00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,032 in some creepy apartment, that's what I'm saying. 125 00:07:57,109 --> 00:07:59,134 I don't really see any other options. 126 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,772 Andy. My man. 127 00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:04,613 You got any plans later on tonight? 128 00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:06,914 Why, do we have to unload the Sony truck? 129 00:08:06,986 --> 00:08:10,080 No, the guys are getting together, we're playing some poker... 130 00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:12,147 thought, you know, you'd wanna play. 131 00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:13,687 With you guys? 132 00:08:15,294 --> 00:08:17,762 Yeah, sure. That would be cool. 133 00:08:17,997 --> 00:08:21,228 - You know how to play, right? - Yeah, I play online sometimes. 134 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,598 - We're gonna play in the store. - Great. 135 00:08:23,803 --> 00:08:25,293 Are we allowed to do that? 136 00:08:25,371 --> 00:08:26,998 - Absolutely not. - Yeah. 137 00:08:27,206 --> 00:08:28,195 Oh. 138 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,375 Well, so I'm gonna go tell Paula. 139 00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:33,044 I'm just kidding. 140 00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:36,240 I'm kidding. That sounds great. Cool, I'll see you guys tonight. 141 00:08:36,315 --> 00:08:37,339 - Okay. - All right. 142 00:08:37,416 --> 00:08:39,077 Oops. 143 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,045 - I almost feel guilty. - No, you don't. 144 00:08:57,470 --> 00:08:58,869 Going down! 145 00:08:59,505 --> 00:09:01,302 Going down! 146 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,602 Dumbass. 147 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:04,943 And a full house. 148 00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,743 - Oh, my dukes! - What? 149 00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,245 How much fucking online poker do you play, dawg? 150 00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:12,341 For like an hour or two a night, when I'm not playing Halo. 151 00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:15,320 Why did you invite this guy? He's a fucking ringer, man. 152 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,582 This is hog shit. 153 00:09:16,656 --> 00:09:18,851 You, you're a fucking asshole to tell me to come here. 154 00:09:18,925 --> 00:09:20,756 You tell me he was a nice guy, didn't you? 155 00:09:20,826 --> 00:09:23,158 Well, fuck you people, and fuck you, you and you... 156 00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,221 fuck and kiss my big brown fucking ass, okay? 157 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,664 I'm gonna see you tomorrow. 158 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:28,791 - Peace. - All right, man. 159 00:09:28,868 --> 00:09:30,062 Fuck a goat. 160 00:09:31,437 --> 00:09:33,268 - Good night. - I love that guy. 161 00:09:33,339 --> 00:09:36,274 Dude, you totally... Oh, shit, I gotta go. Damn. 162 00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,003 About to go see Ellen in a little bit. 163 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,544 Going now? Late-night action, huh? 164 00:09:39,612 --> 00:09:40,704 Dude, you know how it goes. 165 00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,271 Does your girlfriend know about all these late-night visits? 166 00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:44,907 It's like an unspoken agreement. Yeah. 167 00:09:44,984 --> 00:09:48,044 It's like a completely and utterly unspoken agreement. 168 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,281 If you knew her, if you knew who I was dealing with... 169 00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:51,584 you wouldn't be saying this shit. 170 00:09:51,657 --> 00:09:53,557 There's nothing you can't do with this woman... 171 00:09:53,626 --> 00:09:55,719 straight up and down. I've done every single thing... 172 00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:57,695 I could possibly create. I've literally lubed up... 173 00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,129 and made love to the arches of her feet. All right. 174 00:10:00,199 --> 00:10:01,291 - Wow! - Yeah. 175 00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:03,028 - Foot fuck! - That's sick, man. 176 00:10:03,102 --> 00:10:04,626 - Wow. - That is not sick. 177 00:10:05,037 --> 00:10:06,971 - I will give you sick. - Oh, shit. 178 00:10:07,039 --> 00:10:09,837 I was sleeping with a woman recently, she had the... 179 00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:13,208 - Her tits were unbelievable. - Oh, man, I love titties. 180 00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:16,373 And so we're doing it and I'm about to finish... 181 00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,474 and her dog starts licking my ass. 182 00:10:18,551 --> 00:10:22,885 I swear to God, I have to decide, do I finish or do I stop the dog? 183 00:10:22,955 --> 00:10:24,855 I know your nasty ass. He finished. 184 00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:27,290 I finished. And then I stole the dog. 185 00:10:28,527 --> 00:10:30,222 No, I didn't, but... 186 00:10:30,496 --> 00:10:32,964 You know, sometimes, Amy and I would make love... 187 00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:35,159 till it was almost like we weren't two people... 188 00:10:35,234 --> 00:10:37,896 but we were two spirits or something. 189 00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:41,167 Our souls were connected in this way, I can't describe it. 190 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,835 Time stood still. It was like we were sharing the same heart. 191 00:10:44,910 --> 00:10:48,710 Stop, man! Why do you always come and kill the vibe with those things? 192 00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:50,749 "Sharing the same heart," that's like some... 193 00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:51,942 Britney Spears shit, man. 194 00:10:52,018 --> 00:10:55,010 This is three grown ass men, don't nobody want to hear that shit. 195 00:10:55,087 --> 00:10:57,351 Yeah, man, come on, nobody wants to hear that shit. 196 00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:59,983 Thank you, Andy. Dude, you broke up two years ago. 197 00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:02,493 - You get over it at some point. - Two years, man. 198 00:11:02,561 --> 00:11:04,119 You need to get past that... 199 00:11:04,196 --> 00:11:07,427 because no ass is worth thinking that much about... 200 00:11:07,767 --> 00:11:08,995 I always say. 201 00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:10,701 Andy, do me a favor. 202 00:11:10,770 --> 00:11:14,171 Would you please help him redeem himself by telling a real sex story? 203 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,229 Yes. 204 00:11:16,542 --> 00:11:19,943 I don't... You know what, I'm a gentleman and I don't... 205 00:11:20,479 --> 00:11:21,810 I don't kiss and tell. 206 00:11:21,881 --> 00:11:25,214 Fuck it, I raise you. Nastiest shit you've ever done. 207 00:11:25,484 --> 00:11:27,179 I'm talking about nasty. 208 00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:29,445 Wow. 209 00:11:29,588 --> 00:11:32,614 So many stories are running through my head right now. 210 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,184 I dated this girl... 211 00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:40,357 for a while, and she was really a nasty freak. 212 00:11:40,433 --> 00:11:45,302 She just loved to get down with sex all the time. 213 00:11:45,371 --> 00:11:47,931 She was like, any time of day, she was like: 214 00:11:48,007 --> 00:11:50,737 "Yeah, let's go. I'm so nasty. " 215 00:11:50,843 --> 00:11:52,140 And I'd be nailing her. 216 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,439 - Oh, shit. - She'd be like: 217 00:11:53,512 --> 00:11:55,878 "Oh, you're nailing me. Cool. " 218 00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:59,551 - She talk dirty to you? - She loved to dirty-talk. 219 00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:02,449 Totally into it. She'd be like: 220 00:12:02,521 --> 00:12:07,481 "Yeah, let's screw, let's... I wanna fuck. " 221 00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:10,121 God, it was so dirty. 222 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:14,692 She'd be like, "Me so horny, me love you long time. " 223 00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:15,991 So... 224 00:12:16,068 --> 00:12:18,969 - So what were the titties like? - Yeah, describe her... 225 00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:21,131 Yeah, she had great tits. 226 00:12:21,273 --> 00:12:24,401 No, I mean, like, detailed. Did she have, like, you know... 227 00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,274 - ... them little pink teeny nipples. - Oh, yeah. 228 00:12:26,345 --> 00:12:28,836 Or like the long National Geographic nipples. 229 00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:31,474 You have like the bumpy Braille nipples, the Stevie Wonders. 230 00:12:31,550 --> 00:12:32,915 Yeah, they were nice. 231 00:12:32,985 --> 00:12:36,216 You know, when you, like, you grab a woman's breast and it's... 232 00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:38,750 And you feel it and... 233 00:12:39,558 --> 00:12:43,517 it feels like a bag of sand when you're touching it. 234 00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,196 Bag of sand? 235 00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:50,459 You know what I mean. Why don't we just play? 236 00:12:50,536 --> 00:12:52,197 Why don't you just deal the cards? 237 00:12:52,271 --> 00:12:53,898 What are you talking about? 238 00:12:53,973 --> 00:12:56,032 Have you ever felt a breast before, man? 239 00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:57,097 Yes. 240 00:12:57,176 --> 00:12:59,736 - Dude, are you gay? - No, I'm not gay. 241 00:12:59,812 --> 00:13:01,439 I've been with tons of women. 242 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,539 I touched a guy's balls at Hebrew school once. 243 00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,584 Dude, it's not a big deal. You like to fuck guys. 244 00:13:05,651 --> 00:13:08,279 I'm cool. I got friends who fuck guys, in jail. 245 00:13:08,487 --> 00:13:09,715 No, I'm not gay. 246 00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,781 No, I've borked a lot of women in my day. 247 00:13:12,858 --> 00:13:13,984 You've "borked"? 248 00:13:14,226 --> 00:13:17,024 Hold up. Yo, answer this question: 249 00:13:18,063 --> 00:13:19,428 Are you a virgin? 250 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,365 Are you a virgin? 251 00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:24,799 Yeah, not since I was 10. 252 00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:27,430 It all makes sense. You're a virgin. 253 00:13:27,506 --> 00:13:30,031 - I am... Shut up. - How does that happen? 254 00:13:30,109 --> 00:13:31,542 He's a fucking virgin. 255 00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:34,909 I knew it. That makes so much sense, man. Look, he's a virgin. 256 00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:37,278 - You guys are hilarious. - All right, come on, don't be mean. 257 00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,442 I'm not being mean. I'm trying to help the partner out. 258 00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:41,247 I'm trying to say I wanna get you laid, dude. 259 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,514 I understand what's going on. 260 00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:45,421 You guys are so up your asses. 261 00:13:45,624 --> 00:13:49,025 From now on, your dick is my dick. I'm getting you some pussy. 262 00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:03,908 A bag of sand! Come on, man! You could do better than that. 263 00:14:04,343 --> 00:14:07,801 God, me so horny? Me so stupid! 264 00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:15,410 Oh, come on. 265 00:14:18,657 --> 00:14:21,182 It's gonna be fine. They don't even remember. 266 00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,023 Those guys are cool. 267 00:14:30,803 --> 00:14:32,327 This is gonna be bad. 268 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,131 Yeah, well, virgin's not a dirty word. 269 00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,232 You know what's a dirty word, is asshole... 270 00:14:37,309 --> 00:14:38,799 and that's what you guys are. 271 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:42,109 You know, I may not have had sex, but I could fuck you up. 272 00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:45,344 Yeah. 273 00:14:50,789 --> 00:14:52,017 Come on. 274 00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,857 - Hey, David. - Hey, Andy. 275 00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:02,091 - What's up? - Cal, good morning. 276 00:15:07,673 --> 00:15:09,163 - Hey, Andy. - Hey. 277 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:11,175 We're gonna have to get you some punani. 278 00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:17,113 Andy, it's going down, partner. We're gonna be... 279 00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:21,749 This for you, partner, this for you. 280 00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:24,789 Waves of them coming at you on Friday, Saturday. 281 00:15:24,857 --> 00:15:27,451 By Sunday, your nuts gonna be drained. 282 00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:31,155 Hey, Andy, don't let him bother you. It's okay not to have sex. 283 00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:33,664 Not everybody is a pussy magnet. 284 00:15:33,732 --> 00:15:37,668 - What are you? 25? - I'm 40. 285 00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:40,464 Holy shit, man. You've got to get on that. 286 00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:44,871 Life isn't about sex. Life is about children and passion. 287 00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:46,266 Yeah. 288 00:15:46,345 --> 00:15:48,438 - And spirit. - Yeah, life's about passion. 289 00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:51,074 It's not about fucking and balls and pussy. 290 00:15:51,150 --> 00:15:54,449 It's about love. It's about people. 291 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:58,053 - It's about connection. - It's all about connections. 292 00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:02,287 It's not about cock and ass and tits and butthole pleasures. 293 00:16:02,361 --> 00:16:04,090 It's not about butthole pleasures at all. 294 00:16:04,163 --> 00:16:07,394 It's not about this rusty trombone and dirty Sanchez. 295 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:10,435 - Please stop. - And Cincinnati bowtie. 296 00:16:10,602 --> 00:16:15,369 And your pussy juice cocktail and this shit-stained balls. 297 00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:16,931 - Mooj, just please stop. - Just relax... 298 00:16:17,009 --> 00:16:19,204 All right. That's enough, party's over. 299 00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:21,240 Let the virgin get back to work. 300 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:26,777 Andy! 301 00:16:27,086 --> 00:16:29,452 Andy, come on. We were just kidding. 302 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:30,880 Pointless. 303 00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:33,254 Andy, nobody cares that you're a virgin. 304 00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,156 Don't be such a baby. 305 00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:37,626 They were just having fun. They didn't mean anything. 306 00:16:37,696 --> 00:16:39,493 - Get away from me, David. - Wait a minute. 307 00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:41,465 - Stop following me! - Hold up. 308 00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:46,901 - Hold on. - I'm gonna have to quit my job now. 309 00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:48,234 You don't have to quit your job. 310 00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,138 You know what, I don't wanna go out with you guys. 311 00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:51,540 - Fine. - Okay? I don't need your help. 312 00:16:51,610 --> 00:16:54,101 Okay, fine, you don't have to go out with us if you don't want. 313 00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:56,704 You know what, I respect women, I love women. 314 00:16:57,049 --> 00:17:00,416 I respect them so much that I completely stay away from them. 315 00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:02,882 - Okay. - I have a very fulfilling life. 316 00:17:06,658 --> 00:17:10,492 And now, I am making your silver pants blue. 317 00:17:11,497 --> 00:17:13,488 Get some roadburn, come on! 318 00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,960 Come on, sucker! 319 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:19,368 # Now, pretty ladies around the worid # 320 00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,597 # Got a weird thing to show you # 321 00:17:22,941 --> 00:17:24,533 Oh, my God! 322 00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:31,512 Hey, Will and Grace, back to work. 323 00:17:31,583 --> 00:17:33,778 Hey, Haziz, can you just give us a second? 324 00:17:33,852 --> 00:17:36,150 We're just kind of in the middle of something. 325 00:17:36,255 --> 00:17:37,916 I'm on my break, okay? 326 00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,424 Fuck off, Haziz. Leave us alone, all right? 327 00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:42,585 - Fuck off? Fuck you! - Fuck you! 328 00:17:42,661 --> 00:17:44,629 - Fuck you! Fuck off. - Fuck off. 329 00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:46,425 I'm gonna kick you in the nuts, asshole. 330 00:17:46,498 --> 00:17:49,729 Hey, hey! Watch the language, okay? I have a family. 331 00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:50,894 Watch how you talk to me! 332 00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:53,961 It's a free country, Bambi. I can smoke out here if I want to. 333 00:17:54,039 --> 00:17:55,301 Smoke my pole. 334 00:17:55,374 --> 00:17:57,672 - You are a very unkind man. - Get inside! 335 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,074 This is not professional. 336 00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,442 Paula, this asshole over here... 337 00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:03,310 - It's okay. - Paula! 338 00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,883 It's all right. Come on. You know, it's just... 339 00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,283 So, how could this not have happened? 340 00:18:08,353 --> 00:18:10,253 It just never happened. 341 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:14,090 When I was young, I tried, and it didn't happen. 342 00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:18,162 And then I got older and I got more and more nervous... 343 00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:21,698 because it hadn't happened yet. And I got kind of... 344 00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:25,330 weirded out about it. Then it really didn't happen... 345 00:18:25,404 --> 00:18:28,601 and then, I don't know, I just kind of stopped trying. 346 00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:31,336 Do you want to give it another shot? 347 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:33,173 Maybe it's too late. 348 00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:37,077 Sometimes I feel that it is just too late for me. 349 00:18:37,649 --> 00:18:39,480 No, that's crazy. 350 00:18:39,551 --> 00:18:42,520 You're 40 years old. You know, 40 is the new 20. 351 00:18:42,588 --> 00:18:44,579 You wanna spend the next 60 years of your life... 352 00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:46,146 never experiencing sex? 353 00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:48,284 And not just sex, but love... 354 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:53,297 and a relationship, and laughing and cuddling and all that shit. 355 00:18:53,932 --> 00:18:55,263 I don't know. 356 00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:59,665 - I wouldn't know what to do. - Look, you gotta take a risk. 357 00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:01,399 You gotta risk it. Look at me. 358 00:19:01,473 --> 00:19:03,373 I went out with this girl for four months... 359 00:19:03,442 --> 00:19:05,171 and it was the greatest... 360 00:19:05,844 --> 00:19:07,573 greatest thing in my life. 361 00:19:08,514 --> 00:19:12,416 Until she went down on this guy in an Escalade, I think. 362 00:19:13,085 --> 00:19:14,609 And, you know, instead of saying: 363 00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:17,678 "Okay, what am I doing that caused this behavior?"... 364 00:19:17,756 --> 00:19:19,587 I dumped her. Stupid decision. 365 00:19:19,658 --> 00:19:22,525 I spent the last two years of my life regretting it. 366 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,494 Why don't you get her back right now? 367 00:19:24,563 --> 00:19:26,656 Because she's dating this pot dealer. 368 00:19:26,732 --> 00:19:28,359 Stupid horrible decision. 369 00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:31,596 But, hey, that's her journey, you know. I gotta respect that. 370 00:19:31,670 --> 00:19:32,932 I gotta give her the space. 371 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:36,941 She wants to be some immature little bitch and blow everybody... 372 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,034 - ... that's love, man. - It sounds horrible. 373 00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:41,272 Of course it's horrible. It's suffering... 374 00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,871 and it's pain and it's... You know, you lose weight... 375 00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:45,439 and then you put back on weight... 376 00:19:45,517 --> 00:19:47,610 and then you call them a bunch of times... 377 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:51,053 and you try and email and then they move or they change their email... 378 00:19:51,123 --> 00:19:52,647 but that's just love. 379 00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,059 Do you realize that this is the first time... 380 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,425 we've spoken for more than, like, 30 seconds? 381 00:19:57,496 --> 00:19:58,554 Uh-huh. 382 00:19:58,931 --> 00:20:01,798 - It's kind of nice. - Come out with us this weekend. 383 00:20:02,534 --> 00:20:04,934 No pressure. We'll just have a good time. 384 00:20:05,170 --> 00:20:07,798 Okay, yeah, I will. I'll give it a shot. 385 00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:08,897 Great. 386 00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,169 But I'm not going to have sex with anybody. 387 00:20:11,243 --> 00:20:13,973 Good, sex should be the last thing on your mind. 388 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,858 Logjam. Hi. 389 00:20:33,765 --> 00:20:34,754 Shit. 390 00:20:38,370 --> 00:20:39,530 Oh, God. 391 00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:45,002 Sorry. 392 00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:48,477 See you later. Thanks for the dance. 393 00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,015 I'm okay. It's all right. 394 00:21:06,064 --> 00:21:07,929 Oh, come on, bus! 395 00:21:14,673 --> 00:21:16,834 Oh, come on, dogs! 396 00:21:19,978 --> 00:21:21,912 Shit! You gotta be kidding me. 397 00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:41,859 I mean, I'm kind of nervous. I never had oral sex before. 398 00:21:42,367 --> 00:21:46,997 Jennifer told me how to do it. It's gonna kick ass. 399 00:21:53,445 --> 00:21:55,174 What are you doing? 400 00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:56,646 Okay, just... We're almost there. 401 00:21:57,783 --> 00:22:00,149 We have one. Houston, we have one. 402 00:22:00,919 --> 00:22:03,149 You'll pull my fucking hair out! 403 00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:05,121 - We did it. - God! 404 00:22:05,190 --> 00:22:06,885 Oh, my God, you came in your pants. 405 00:22:06,958 --> 00:22:09,756 - What did you do? - I had some Cream of Wheat. 406 00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:12,560 - You know what else is sexy? - What? 407 00:22:13,131 --> 00:22:14,826 - Me... - Yeah? 408 00:22:14,900 --> 00:22:16,094 ...sucking... 409 00:22:17,469 --> 00:22:19,994 on your... 410 00:22:20,605 --> 00:22:21,629 toe. 411 00:22:21,707 --> 00:22:23,607 - That's what you want to suck on? - Yeah. 412 00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:27,975 - It's just so big and thick. - Okay. 413 00:22:29,681 --> 00:22:31,012 Yeah. 414 00:22:34,052 --> 00:22:35,041 That tickles. 415 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,247 I'm sorry. Oh, no. 416 00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:40,348 - Your nose is bleeding. - You think? 417 00:22:40,425 --> 00:22:42,825 - I'm sorry. - I'm hot. 418 00:22:43,061 --> 00:22:45,120 But, now, you can't have any of this. 419 00:22:45,864 --> 00:22:47,832 You should just give up forever! 420 00:22:56,675 --> 00:22:58,438 Cal, what do you think? Is this too yellow? 421 00:22:58,510 --> 00:22:59,534 No. 422 00:22:59,878 --> 00:23:01,971 What's Curious George like in real life? 423 00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:03,241 Come on, man. 424 00:23:12,991 --> 00:23:15,391 Wow, this is pretty crowded. 425 00:23:15,694 --> 00:23:18,561 Yeah. Well, it's $9 beer night. 426 00:23:19,731 --> 00:23:21,164 Okay, look now. 427 00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:23,463 So, this is what's about to happen, all right? 428 00:23:23,535 --> 00:23:26,231 You about to go run down some drunk chicks, all right? 429 00:23:26,304 --> 00:23:28,738 And don't confuse that with tipsy. We talking about drunk. 430 00:23:28,807 --> 00:23:30,832 I want vomit in the hair, bruised-up knees. 431 00:23:30,909 --> 00:23:32,399 A broken heel is a plus. 432 00:23:32,477 --> 00:23:34,001 That's what you want to find, okay? 433 00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:36,877 No, Dave already told me I didn't have to have sex tonight. 434 00:23:36,948 --> 00:23:37,972 And now he's gone, so... 435 00:23:38,049 --> 00:23:40,040 Dude, just stop thinking for a minute, all right? 436 00:23:40,118 --> 00:23:41,745 You ain't got to think on this one. 437 00:23:41,820 --> 00:23:43,754 All you got to do is use your instinct. 438 00:23:43,822 --> 00:23:45,255 Show me your instincts. 439 00:23:45,323 --> 00:23:48,087 My head, my heart. I follow my heart. 440 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,788 Now, I'm gonna show you this one time, all right? 441 00:23:50,862 --> 00:23:53,592 Instincts. Show me your instincts. 442 00:23:54,199 --> 00:23:56,394 - Show me your instincts. - They're right here. 443 00:23:56,735 --> 00:23:58,532 Own your instincts. 444 00:23:58,703 --> 00:24:01,604 All you doing is using your instinct. That's it. 445 00:24:01,673 --> 00:24:04,471 That's how a tiger know he got to tackle a gazelle. 446 00:24:04,543 --> 00:24:06,443 There's a code written in his DNA. 447 00:24:06,511 --> 00:24:08,206 - It says, "Tackle the gazelle. " - Okay. 448 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:11,443 And believe it or not, in every man, there's a code written that says: 449 00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:13,450 - "Tackle drunk bitches. " - No. 450 00:24:13,518 --> 00:24:17,010 You know what, I don't feel comfortable... 451 00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:20,554 hitting on drunk "bitches," you know. 452 00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:21,785 I don't think that's right. 453 00:24:21,860 --> 00:24:23,054 Okay, hold up. 454 00:24:23,128 --> 00:24:25,995 First of all, you making it out to be some kind of bad thing. 455 00:24:26,064 --> 00:24:28,498 I didn't use bitches in a derogatory sense. You did. 456 00:24:28,567 --> 00:24:30,262 It just does... This doesn't feel right. 457 00:24:30,335 --> 00:24:33,202 Of course it don't feel right. What has felt right for you didn't work. 458 00:24:33,271 --> 00:24:35,865 You need to try some wrong, dawg. 459 00:24:38,009 --> 00:24:40,443 Okay, how do I tell which ones are drunk? 460 00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:42,207 Now you're talking all right. Check this out. 461 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,043 - You see this redhead over here? - Where? 462 00:24:44,115 --> 00:24:47,676 - With the big old titties. - I'm not gonna stare at a woman. 463 00:24:47,752 --> 00:24:50,346 Dawg, I'm not telling you to stare at nobody. 464 00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:53,253 I'm telling you to use your peripherals. Now look at me. 465 00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:54,792 - See. Look. See? - Yeah. 466 00:24:55,227 --> 00:24:56,558 I'm not looking at you. 467 00:24:57,295 --> 00:24:59,855 - No. I'm looking at... - You're looking at her? 468 00:25:01,766 --> 00:25:05,327 - What do you want me to do? - I want you to use your peripherals. 469 00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:07,638 See? I'm not looking at you. 470 00:25:08,707 --> 00:25:12,939 No. See, I'm looking at the redhead at 3:00 with the big titties. 471 00:25:13,144 --> 00:25:16,011 You see her, racked up right there, see her? 472 00:25:16,414 --> 00:25:17,904 - Yes. - Yeah. 473 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:21,414 - You find one with the peripherals. - Okay. 474 00:25:21,820 --> 00:25:24,948 You see, over by the post. 475 00:25:25,724 --> 00:25:26,952 It looks like a... 476 00:25:27,025 --> 00:25:28,754 It's either a ficus... 477 00:25:28,827 --> 00:25:30,556 It might be a rubber tree plant. 478 00:25:30,862 --> 00:25:33,729 All right, if you're making a joke, dawg, it's not funny. 479 00:25:33,798 --> 00:25:36,392 I see a blonde and she's very pretty. 480 00:25:36,468 --> 00:25:38,902 Better, okay. All right. 481 00:25:38,970 --> 00:25:40,995 - Now with your peripherals... - Yeah. 482 00:25:41,072 --> 00:25:43,540 ...you got to scope out a hot, drunk chick. 483 00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:45,039 And then you should make your move. 484 00:25:45,110 --> 00:25:46,941 - Okay? All right. - Yes. 485 00:25:47,145 --> 00:25:49,943 And remember, it's more important that she's drunk than she's hot. 486 00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:52,482 For this first one. Go get her. Peripherals, though. 487 00:25:52,551 --> 00:25:53,711 All the way. 488 00:25:54,853 --> 00:25:56,115 All peripherals. 489 00:26:03,461 --> 00:26:04,758 That boy is stubborn. 490 00:26:07,632 --> 00:26:10,931 Hi, I'm Andy. You look comfortable. 491 00:26:11,169 --> 00:26:13,603 Can I get you another cocktail? 492 00:26:13,705 --> 00:26:14,831 Too drunk. 493 00:26:14,906 --> 00:26:18,342 - But you got the right idea. - But clinically alive. 494 00:26:20,478 --> 00:26:21,467 - Hey! - Yo! 495 00:26:21,546 --> 00:26:23,946 I'm having trouble finding the drunk people. 496 00:26:24,015 --> 00:26:26,245 - You want to know where there's one? - Yeah. 497 00:26:26,318 --> 00:26:30,152 I. I, Captain Yellowshirts. 498 00:26:31,323 --> 00:26:33,450 Okay. Have a good one. 499 00:26:33,525 --> 00:26:34,719 - Yo! - What? 500 00:26:34,793 --> 00:26:37,956 I met a girl and she's here with a bachelorette party... 501 00:26:38,029 --> 00:26:40,054 and they invited us to party with them. 502 00:26:40,332 --> 00:26:43,267 - Okay, that's good. - It's so good... 503 00:26:43,335 --> 00:26:44,996 because no one is hornier than a girl... 504 00:26:45,070 --> 00:26:47,698 who's about to watch her friend get married to a guy. 505 00:26:47,772 --> 00:26:49,205 It's so funny. 506 00:26:53,345 --> 00:26:57,145 So we just decided because this is my last night as a free woman... 507 00:26:57,215 --> 00:27:00,309 before I marry Dan, that we would just wig out. 508 00:27:00,518 --> 00:27:02,213 We're wigging out! 509 00:27:03,221 --> 00:27:06,019 You guys are hilarious. 510 00:27:07,292 --> 00:27:08,554 Wait a minute. 511 00:27:08,627 --> 00:27:12,154 Yes, Mr. President. Yes, the erection results are in. 512 00:27:13,398 --> 00:27:16,196 Hey, guys, look, it's Dr. Zeus' penis. 513 00:27:16,668 --> 00:27:18,465 I really mean this. 514 00:27:19,404 --> 00:27:21,838 Hey, everybody, who wants penis cake? 515 00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:23,198 I do. 516 00:27:23,308 --> 00:27:26,573 - She does. - Hey, you guys, Betty Cocker. 517 00:27:28,713 --> 00:27:30,305 What a good guy. What a... 518 00:27:30,382 --> 00:27:32,373 Dan, the guy Robin's marrying... 519 00:27:32,450 --> 00:27:35,681 is such a good guy. 520 00:27:35,754 --> 00:27:37,346 He sounds like a good guy. 521 00:27:37,422 --> 00:27:40,448 I hated him for like two years 'cause he cheated on me. 522 00:27:40,725 --> 00:27:41,953 - Oh. - But... 523 00:27:44,396 --> 00:27:46,626 he's really changed now. 524 00:27:47,799 --> 00:27:50,893 - He's a really good guy now. - Your friends seem nice. 525 00:27:50,969 --> 00:27:53,460 You have really kind eyes, you know that? 526 00:27:53,672 --> 00:27:56,937 Thanks. Your hat has sequins. 527 00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:00,500 Mmm. 528 00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:05,240 Mmm. 529 00:28:11,222 --> 00:28:13,452 - Your hands are on my belt. - What? 530 00:28:13,525 --> 00:28:15,550 - Your hands are on my belt. - I'm sorry. 531 00:28:15,627 --> 00:28:16,821 It's good. 532 00:28:17,762 --> 00:28:18,990 You're cute. 533 00:28:19,064 --> 00:28:21,259 This is kind of lame. You wanna get out of here? 534 00:28:21,332 --> 00:28:22,822 Okay, yeah. 535 00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:29,438 - Yeah. - Fuck. 536 00:28:30,008 --> 00:28:31,339 - Come on. - Okay. 537 00:28:36,715 --> 00:28:38,046 You wanna drive? 538 00:28:38,116 --> 00:28:40,641 I don't have a car with me here, so... 539 00:28:40,719 --> 00:28:42,584 Cars just suck. 540 00:28:44,556 --> 00:28:45,716 I'm driving. 541 00:28:46,958 --> 00:28:47,982 Are you drunk? 542 00:28:48,059 --> 00:28:49,617 No, I didn't have anything to drink. 543 00:28:49,694 --> 00:28:51,889 - Blow into this? - Okay. 544 00:28:56,968 --> 00:29:00,836 - What is this? - The judge recommended I get one. 545 00:29:07,412 --> 00:29:10,904 - Whoa, okay. Wow. - That's fast. 546 00:29:12,817 --> 00:29:15,342 - Okay. - Come on, you're in the lasso. 547 00:29:18,356 --> 00:29:20,085 # Missy be puttin' it down # 548 00:29:20,158 --> 00:29:21,250 # I'm the hottest round # 549 00:29:21,326 --> 00:29:22,850 # I told y'all mother-uh # 550 00:29:22,927 --> 00:29:24,121 # Y'all can't stop me now # 551 00:29:24,195 --> 00:29:25,253 # Listen to me now # 552 00:29:25,330 --> 00:29:26,592 # I'm lastin' 20 rounds # 553 00:29:26,664 --> 00:29:28,154 # And if you want me, people # 554 00:29:28,233 --> 00:29:29,757 # Then come on get me now # 555 00:29:30,668 --> 00:29:34,729 And Dan's like, "You're such a B-I-T-C-H, bitch!" 556 00:29:35,940 --> 00:29:38,773 And I'm like, "You're the bitch, bitch. " 557 00:29:38,843 --> 00:29:40,572 - You know? - Yeah. 558 00:29:40,645 --> 00:29:42,374 What was your name again? 559 00:29:42,647 --> 00:29:44,171 - Andy. - Andy. 560 00:29:44,249 --> 00:29:48,982 Let me tell you something, Andy. Don't ever be named Dan. 561 00:29:49,287 --> 00:29:52,051 Dan rhymes with man, and men jerk off. 562 00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:53,590 And he was a jerk-off. 563 00:29:53,658 --> 00:29:56,354 - Do you know what I mean? - Look out! The car! 564 00:29:56,661 --> 00:29:59,630 - Wow. - I like you. 565 00:30:00,064 --> 00:30:01,554 You're not a... 566 00:30:03,902 --> 00:30:04,926 Ugh. 567 00:30:05,003 --> 00:30:08,029 I think I ate some bad shellfish sandwich or something. 568 00:30:09,374 --> 00:30:11,399 - You're cute. - No. 569 00:30:17,882 --> 00:30:20,874 - That tasted good. - That tasted like shellfish. 570 00:30:22,187 --> 00:30:24,951 Look out! Sorry. 571 00:30:25,990 --> 00:30:27,082 Watch it! 572 00:30:29,494 --> 00:30:31,985 - Do you think I'm pretty? - Oh, yes. 573 00:30:32,297 --> 00:30:33,764 Oh, God, yes! 574 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:39,567 - You're not looking at me. - Yes, you're pretty. 575 00:30:39,637 --> 00:30:42,299 Do you think I'm pretty? Look at me. 576 00:30:42,373 --> 00:30:45,433 - Look at me! - I'm looking! You're pretty! 577 00:30:45,510 --> 00:30:47,910 God, I just wanna live! 578 00:30:49,547 --> 00:30:52,107 God, I hope I get my period soon. 579 00:30:52,250 --> 00:30:55,742 - I am in a bad mood. - Okay. 580 00:30:55,820 --> 00:30:58,653 I'm so tired. 581 00:30:59,390 --> 00:31:00,789 Hey, whoa! 582 00:31:01,926 --> 00:31:04,360 Oh, God! Turn away! 583 00:31:04,696 --> 00:31:06,857 Hey, get off the wheel. 584 00:31:08,566 --> 00:31:11,160 You're not gonna get in my pants acting like that. 585 00:31:11,236 --> 00:31:12,794 I'm starving. 586 00:31:13,037 --> 00:31:15,562 Let's get some fucking French toast. 587 00:31:17,642 --> 00:31:21,271 - Okay, here we are. - Oh, God, we made it. 588 00:31:21,346 --> 00:31:22,711 Home sweet home. 589 00:31:24,015 --> 00:31:25,676 Oh, mommy! 590 00:31:29,554 --> 00:31:33,354 - Are you okay? - The fucker came out of nowhere. 591 00:31:34,759 --> 00:31:37,125 Okay. We're okay. 592 00:31:40,365 --> 00:31:41,696 Are you okay? 593 00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:44,494 Well, are you... What's the matter? 594 00:31:50,174 --> 00:31:51,436 I'm sorry. 595 00:31:52,010 --> 00:31:55,468 That's okay. I think I kind of had that coming. 596 00:31:56,247 --> 00:31:58,408 I'll still have sex with you if you want. 597 00:31:58,483 --> 00:32:01,509 You know what, I think I'm gonna pass on the sex, if you don't mind. 598 00:32:01,586 --> 00:32:04,077 At least I don't have to work out tomorrow. 599 00:32:04,822 --> 00:32:06,722 - Did you have a daiquiri tonight? - Yeah. 600 00:32:06,791 --> 00:32:07,849 I thought you might. 601 00:32:08,426 --> 00:32:09,791 It was a very bad night. 602 00:32:11,696 --> 00:32:12,788 Yeah, laugh. 603 00:32:12,864 --> 00:32:15,196 You know what, you guys wouldn't be laughing right now... 604 00:32:15,266 --> 00:32:18,758 if some girl had just vomited shellfish sandwich into your mouth. 605 00:32:19,971 --> 00:32:21,836 You know what, you're right, it's my bad. 606 00:32:21,906 --> 00:32:23,897 Let me apologize to you first of all... 607 00:32:23,975 --> 00:32:27,809 for not mentioning in detail that when you pick up a drunk woman... 608 00:32:27,879 --> 00:32:30,541 who's falling down on her way out of the bar... 609 00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:33,448 - ... that you should probably drive. - I drive a bike. 610 00:32:33,518 --> 00:32:37,079 Okay, Mr. Schwinn-fucking-Armstrong, who asked you to drive a bike? 611 00:32:37,155 --> 00:32:39,316 You know what, I'm not the only person in the worid... 612 00:32:39,390 --> 00:32:40,550 who rides a bike. 613 00:32:40,625 --> 00:32:43,321 Yeah, everyone rides a bike, when they're fucking six. 614 00:32:43,394 --> 00:32:45,521 Why don't you kiss something? 615 00:32:45,596 --> 00:32:48,724 Because this is over, you guys, okay? 616 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,461 Can I just interject for a second? 617 00:32:50,535 --> 00:32:51,934 Let me just say... 618 00:32:52,036 --> 00:32:54,402 you're putting the pussy up on this pedestal. 619 00:32:54,472 --> 00:32:55,996 You're just building the pussy up, man. 620 00:32:56,074 --> 00:32:57,473 What are you even talking about? 621 00:32:57,542 --> 00:32:59,510 "Building the pussy up," what does that mean? 622 00:32:59,577 --> 00:33:04,276 You making the pussy into this great big Greek goddess named Pussalia... 623 00:33:04,349 --> 00:33:05,543 and what you're doing is... 624 00:33:05,616 --> 00:33:08,915 you're psyching yourself into thinking it's some impossible feat. 625 00:33:08,987 --> 00:33:10,352 Yeah, I think you're right. 626 00:33:10,421 --> 00:33:12,389 I'm putting the pussy up on a pedestal. 627 00:33:12,457 --> 00:33:13,856 - Right. - That's it. 628 00:33:14,058 --> 00:33:15,855 It's "Pussalia," right? 629 00:33:15,927 --> 00:33:18,395 - Look where you going. - I don't wanna say the word anymore. 630 00:33:18,463 --> 00:33:20,727 - Say what word? - "Pussy. " I don't wanna say it. 631 00:33:20,798 --> 00:33:23,062 Fuck it. "Pussy" is a scientific word. 632 00:33:23,167 --> 00:33:25,260 Dude! New pants, man. 633 00:33:25,803 --> 00:33:26,792 You know what, Dave? 634 00:33:26,871 --> 00:33:29,431 You know, you said there wasn't gonna be any pressure at all. 635 00:33:29,507 --> 00:33:31,134 - I'm not pressuring you. - Excuse me. 636 00:33:31,209 --> 00:33:32,836 Can one of you guys help me, please? 637 00:33:32,910 --> 00:33:34,468 No hablo English, lady. 638 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:38,178 I actually am helping a customer right now. 639 00:33:38,249 --> 00:33:40,615 - Okay, well... - I'm on break. 640 00:33:40,685 --> 00:33:43,245 But our stock supervisor is very knowledgeable. 641 00:33:43,321 --> 00:33:45,812 He can answer all of your questions and he'd love to help you. 642 00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:46,948 Thank you. 643 00:33:47,025 --> 00:33:48,583 - Have a nice day. - You, too. 644 00:33:49,494 --> 00:33:53,760 - Great, okay. Hi, I'm Trish. - Hi, Andy is my name. 645 00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:57,459 - This one looks pretty good. - You don't wanna buy that VCR. 646 00:33:57,535 --> 00:33:58,524 I don't? 647 00:33:58,603 --> 00:34:00,400 No, actually to be totally honest with you... 648 00:34:00,471 --> 00:34:01,802 you don't wanna buy any VCR. 649 00:34:01,873 --> 00:34:03,568 It's a dead technology. 650 00:34:03,641 --> 00:34:07,771 It's like getting an eight-track player. 651 00:34:07,845 --> 00:34:10,245 - Yeah. - Or a Betamax. 652 00:34:10,314 --> 00:34:12,373 You know what, actually I'd recommend this one. 653 00:34:12,450 --> 00:34:13,576 This is a dual. 654 00:34:13,651 --> 00:34:16,711 You've got the VCR and DVD combo. 655 00:34:16,788 --> 00:34:20,315 So, you know, that technology would be probably pretty good for... 656 00:34:20,591 --> 00:34:21,717 - Six months or so? - Yeah. 657 00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:23,090 That's good. 658 00:34:23,227 --> 00:34:25,161 At best. Sorry. 659 00:34:25,296 --> 00:34:27,662 - No. - As good as it gets. 660 00:34:27,799 --> 00:34:28,993 Okay, that sounds good, then. 661 00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,159 Okay, all right. 662 00:34:31,335 --> 00:34:32,393 - It's perfect. - Sorry. 663 00:34:32,470 --> 00:34:33,732 Coming through. 664 00:34:34,072 --> 00:34:35,164 Okay. 665 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,969 God, you know, it's so funny, I work right across the street... 666 00:34:38,042 --> 00:34:39,475 and I've never been in this place. 667 00:34:39,544 --> 00:34:40,977 - Really? Where at? - Yeah. 668 00:34:41,045 --> 00:34:43,673 The "We Sell Your Stuff On eBay" store. 669 00:34:44,482 --> 00:34:46,177 - Yes. - And that's the name? 670 00:34:46,417 --> 00:34:48,783 Yeah, I was looking for something... 671 00:34:48,953 --> 00:34:51,820 ...you know, obvious. So I chose that. 672 00:34:51,889 --> 00:34:54,084 I don't understand. So, what, you do what? 673 00:34:54,459 --> 00:34:56,427 Well, I take the stuff that you don't want... 674 00:34:56,494 --> 00:34:58,587 and then I "sell" it on eBay. 675 00:34:58,663 --> 00:35:01,154 But you don't actually sell anything in the store? 676 00:35:02,133 --> 00:35:03,691 No. I don't. 677 00:35:04,435 --> 00:35:06,528 So why do you have a store? 678 00:35:06,604 --> 00:35:07,901 I don't know. 679 00:35:07,972 --> 00:35:11,237 No, I think it's because, you know, I wanna maybe look professional... 680 00:35:11,309 --> 00:35:14,278 and not like a crazy person who's just gonna steal all your shit. 681 00:35:14,345 --> 00:35:16,711 Sure. I didn't mean anything by that. 682 00:35:16,781 --> 00:35:18,248 No, it's okay. 683 00:35:18,416 --> 00:35:22,113 You know what, you should come by sometime if you want, you know... 684 00:35:22,186 --> 00:35:23,983 see it for yourself, check it out. 685 00:35:24,055 --> 00:35:25,613 I'll check out your empty store. 686 00:35:25,690 --> 00:35:28,921 Yeah, it's the one across the street that's not empty. 687 00:35:30,261 --> 00:35:31,751 Here's my number. So... 688 00:35:32,296 --> 00:35:34,764 - All right. - So, just anytime. 689 00:35:35,433 --> 00:35:38,300 Why do I need your number if you're across the street, though? 690 00:35:39,570 --> 00:35:42,562 I don't really have a good answer for that, Andy. I just... 691 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,608 - Sorry. - Just giving it to you. 692 00:35:44,842 --> 00:35:47,936 So I'll write you up, and I'll meet you over at the register. 693 00:35:48,012 --> 00:35:49,673 - Okay. - And check you out... Check out. 694 00:35:49,747 --> 00:35:51,078 - Okay, see you over there. - Okay. 695 00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:52,138 Okay. 696 00:35:52,550 --> 00:35:54,609 - Awful chatty. - Hey... 697 00:35:55,019 --> 00:35:57,180 Look, I think she gave me her number. 698 00:35:57,255 --> 00:35:59,780 She wrote down her number, but I think she gave me her number. 699 00:35:59,857 --> 00:36:01,222 - No, she gave you. - Dude, man. 700 00:36:01,292 --> 00:36:02,884 See, you still mad at me? 701 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:04,825 - No, I was never. - Right, you see what I mean? 702 00:36:04,896 --> 00:36:06,796 Yeah, we gonna celebrate it, man. Yeah. 703 00:36:06,864 --> 00:36:08,297 - This is pretty cool. - Yeah. 704 00:36:08,366 --> 00:36:10,300 - Unbelievable. - Come on, give him some credit, man. 705 00:36:10,368 --> 00:36:11,562 The man pulled a number. 706 00:36:11,636 --> 00:36:14,196 It's just... I was in... I can't believe that happened. 707 00:36:14,272 --> 00:36:15,739 What you did with you's own hand. 708 00:36:15,806 --> 00:36:17,967 Man, she just gave me her number. 709 00:36:18,142 --> 00:36:22,772 That's great, man. I'm telling you, love is a mysterious fig. 710 00:36:22,847 --> 00:36:23,871 It is. 711 00:36:23,948 --> 00:36:26,712 Okay, here's a question. When should I call her? 712 00:36:27,318 --> 00:36:28,580 - You like her? - Yeah. 713 00:36:28,653 --> 00:36:30,120 You definitely don't want to call her. 714 00:36:30,188 --> 00:36:31,815 When is the next Olympics? 715 00:36:31,889 --> 00:36:33,254 So what you just got to do is... 716 00:36:33,324 --> 00:36:35,053 just get you a bunch of these hood rats... 717 00:36:35,126 --> 00:36:36,559 run through them, just knock them out. 718 00:36:36,627 --> 00:36:37,685 Boom, boom, boom. 719 00:36:37,762 --> 00:36:40,322 And once you've done slayed like 20, 30 of them hood rats... 720 00:36:40,398 --> 00:36:43,128 now you ready to go up to the upper echelon type ho. 721 00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:45,328 - You know what I mean? - I'm not a big ho runner. 722 00:36:45,403 --> 00:36:47,200 My uncle used to drive a ho runner. 723 00:36:47,271 --> 00:36:49,136 Screw these analogies. What he's saying is... 724 00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:51,232 you are going to be so bad at sex the first time... 725 00:36:51,309 --> 00:36:53,243 you don't want to have sex with someone you like... 726 00:36:53,311 --> 00:36:55,745 'cause they'll think you're a weirdo for being so lame at it. 727 00:36:55,813 --> 00:36:57,872 You want to have sex with hood rats first... 728 00:36:57,949 --> 00:37:00,008 so that by the time you get to the girl you do like... 729 00:37:00,084 --> 00:37:03,542 you're not terrible at sex, you'll be mediocre at it. 730 00:37:03,888 --> 00:37:05,355 Probably still pretty bad, though. 731 00:37:05,423 --> 00:37:07,653 Let's put it up for my man for pulling that number. 732 00:37:07,725 --> 00:37:10,091 - Way to go, man. - Politicked his ass off. 733 00:37:10,161 --> 00:37:12,459 - You did politic. - Thanks a lot. 734 00:37:12,563 --> 00:37:14,588 Like a train, round the bend. You ready? 735 00:37:48,799 --> 00:37:49,788 Yeah. 736 00:37:50,935 --> 00:37:52,129 - I can't. - Do it. 737 00:37:52,203 --> 00:37:53,830 - I can't pee in public. - Gotta do it. 738 00:37:53,904 --> 00:37:55,496 I've got a mental block about it. 739 00:37:55,573 --> 00:37:58,770 - Come on, do it. - I'm shy! 740 00:38:03,014 --> 00:38:05,642 I peed in public! 741 00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:08,282 - Let me out. - I can't hear what you're saying. 742 00:38:08,352 --> 00:38:10,912 - I don't want to be in here. - It's a soundproof room. 743 00:38:11,622 --> 00:38:13,783 - Just learn the techniques. - Right on, man. 744 00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:17,158 You guys, this is not funny! 745 00:38:48,426 --> 00:38:49,415 Hello. 746 00:38:56,067 --> 00:38:57,432 Hey, what you watching? 747 00:38:57,501 --> 00:38:59,628 - Dawn of the Dead, man. - Great. 748 00:38:59,770 --> 00:39:01,863 The store is slow. Paula's gone. 749 00:39:01,939 --> 00:39:04,339 - Yo, is Paula back? - No. She's not here. 750 00:39:04,809 --> 00:39:06,777 - She said we can't watch this in here. - You sure? 751 00:39:06,844 --> 00:39:09,210 I know. Can I ask you something in confidence? 752 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:11,339 I know this is gonna sound weird. 753 00:39:12,049 --> 00:39:13,539 Am I good-looking? 754 00:39:13,617 --> 00:39:15,346 Do you think a woman will find me attractive? 755 00:39:15,419 --> 00:39:17,114 Oh, my God! 756 00:39:17,888 --> 00:39:20,482 - Oh, my God, the blood just... - Okay, never mind. 757 00:39:20,558 --> 00:39:22,389 Wait, Andy. Hold up. 758 00:39:22,460 --> 00:39:25,452 Listen, this is embarrassing for me. This is hard to talk about. 759 00:39:25,529 --> 00:39:27,997 - Are you ready for my honest answer? - Yes. 760 00:39:28,399 --> 00:39:30,765 Yeah. I think you're a good-looking cat. 761 00:39:31,535 --> 00:39:33,093 I don't think that anybody knows it... 762 00:39:33,170 --> 00:39:34,762 and I don't think anybody can see it. 763 00:39:34,839 --> 00:39:35,999 Well, that's why I'm asking you. 764 00:39:36,073 --> 00:39:38,598 You seem really well-groomed and really put together. 765 00:39:38,676 --> 00:39:41,372 I mean, look, dude. You think this was an accident? 766 00:39:41,712 --> 00:39:44,237 All of this right here? Premeditated, partner. 767 00:39:44,315 --> 00:39:47,716 You gotta highlight your attributes, like a diamond in the rough. 768 00:39:47,785 --> 00:39:49,514 You willing to make some sacrifices? 769 00:39:49,587 --> 00:39:50,645 Absolutely. 770 00:39:50,721 --> 00:39:53,519 You see that whole Teen Wolf thing you got going right there? 771 00:39:53,591 --> 00:39:55,456 You need to wax that right out. 772 00:39:55,526 --> 00:39:57,391 - Does it hurt? - No. Waxing don't hurt. 773 00:39:57,461 --> 00:39:59,452 I mean, not unless you're a bitch. You know what I mean? 774 00:39:59,530 --> 00:40:01,020 It didn't hurt me. I get it done all the time. 775 00:40:01,098 --> 00:40:02,793 What the fuck! 776 00:40:06,303 --> 00:40:08,203 Fuck that nigger up! 777 00:40:09,140 --> 00:40:11,608 Bitch, get out of the room! 778 00:40:14,545 --> 00:40:16,570 This is gonna be good. 779 00:40:16,647 --> 00:40:18,877 - This the one right here, right? - Hi, how are you? 780 00:40:18,949 --> 00:40:20,974 So this is your first time getting body waxed? 781 00:40:21,051 --> 00:40:22,109 Yes, it is. 782 00:40:22,186 --> 00:40:24,279 - Take off your shirt. - Okay. 783 00:40:27,658 --> 00:40:29,558 We're gonna need more wax. 784 00:40:29,627 --> 00:40:31,959 I'm staying. This is gonna be good. 785 00:40:32,596 --> 00:40:35,394 And clear all my appointments in the afternoon. 786 00:40:35,633 --> 00:40:36,964 Here we go. 787 00:40:37,301 --> 00:40:38,632 That feels warm. 788 00:40:41,772 --> 00:40:44,866 I like your sweater. Does that come in a V-neck? 789 00:40:46,243 --> 00:40:48,734 She starts doing his pubes, I'm out of here. 790 00:40:50,714 --> 00:40:52,306 You gonna look good after this, man. 791 00:40:52,383 --> 00:40:53,611 Thanks, man. 792 00:40:53,984 --> 00:40:55,349 - So, ready? - Yeah. 793 00:41:01,459 --> 00:41:03,324 You fucker! 794 00:41:04,462 --> 00:41:07,056 I'm sorry. That's just your job. 795 00:41:07,131 --> 00:41:10,589 - You want me to stop now? - No. It's okay. 796 00:41:12,102 --> 00:41:13,330 Let's do another one. 797 00:41:13,404 --> 00:41:15,065 That one little patch looks sexy though. 798 00:41:15,139 --> 00:41:17,164 - Does it look good? - Yeah, it looks really good. 799 00:41:18,375 --> 00:41:20,741 It looks man-tastic. 800 00:41:21,912 --> 00:41:23,072 Okay. 801 00:41:24,715 --> 00:41:28,344 Wow! I didn't expect that at all. I really didn't expect that. 802 00:41:28,919 --> 00:41:31,319 You got it. The first one is the only one that hurts. 803 00:41:31,388 --> 00:41:33,856 Yeah. Those hairs are pretty deep. 804 00:41:33,924 --> 00:41:35,016 Okay. 805 00:41:35,326 --> 00:41:36,953 - You ready? - Yup. 806 00:41:40,764 --> 00:41:42,527 Sucker motherfucker! 807 00:41:42,967 --> 00:41:45,265 You shithead! I hate you! 808 00:41:45,336 --> 00:41:47,133 I hate you so much! 809 00:41:48,272 --> 00:41:49,500 That one hurt. 810 00:41:49,573 --> 00:41:51,939 That one hurt just as much as the first one. 811 00:41:52,009 --> 00:41:54,000 - That's great, man. - Man! 812 00:41:55,913 --> 00:41:58,177 One, two, three. 813 00:41:59,350 --> 00:42:03,343 Fuck me! 814 00:42:03,787 --> 00:42:07,279 In the asshole! 815 00:42:09,493 --> 00:42:10,619 - I'm sorry. - I'm sorry. 816 00:42:10,694 --> 00:42:12,286 I really don't swear this much. 817 00:42:12,363 --> 00:42:13,796 You know what, I got a weak stomach. 818 00:42:13,864 --> 00:42:15,661 That's all I can really take. I'll see ya'll. 819 00:42:15,733 --> 00:42:18,099 - Jay. - Be tough, Andy, you got it. 820 00:42:18,168 --> 00:42:20,261 - Where did Jay go? - He went to throw up. 821 00:42:20,337 --> 00:42:21,599 - Ready? - Yup. 822 00:42:22,306 --> 00:42:23,364 One, two. 823 00:42:24,575 --> 00:42:26,839 Cocksucker motherfucker! 824 00:42:26,977 --> 00:42:28,638 You pulled on two. 825 00:42:29,914 --> 00:42:31,575 Why didn't you pull on three? 826 00:42:31,649 --> 00:42:32,980 Freddy pie hole! 827 00:42:34,718 --> 00:42:36,618 No! Kelly Clarkson! 828 00:42:41,825 --> 00:42:43,588 Ya'll done or ya'll... 829 00:42:43,661 --> 00:42:45,185 - That's fucked up. - Oh, shit falls! 830 00:42:45,262 --> 00:42:46,388 That's fucked up. 831 00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,334 I hate you. 832 00:42:51,402 --> 00:42:53,768 Stop smiling, you jerk! 833 00:42:53,837 --> 00:42:55,031 You pussy. 834 00:42:55,105 --> 00:42:57,198 Oh, God. What's next? 835 00:42:57,575 --> 00:42:59,805 - You're doing the nipple. - Not the nipple. 836 00:42:59,877 --> 00:43:01,606 - Come on. - Not the nipple. 837 00:43:01,679 --> 00:43:03,374 Please, Cal, hold my hand. 838 00:43:03,781 --> 00:43:06,579 - You kidding me, man? - Hold my goddamn hand, man. 839 00:43:07,151 --> 00:43:09,415 - Do it! Just hold. - Okay, here we go. 840 00:43:10,688 --> 00:43:11,712 Ready? 841 00:43:12,389 --> 00:43:13,686 No. Yup. 842 00:43:13,757 --> 00:43:15,691 One, two, three. 843 00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,660 Nipple fuck! 844 00:43:20,030 --> 00:43:22,498 Mika, you should burn in hell! 845 00:43:22,967 --> 00:43:25,629 Okay, all right. No, seriously, I think I'm done. 846 00:43:25,703 --> 00:43:28,069 I think we're done. I think that's good. 847 00:43:30,207 --> 00:43:31,538 You know what, guys... 848 00:43:31,609 --> 00:43:34,134 this is not a good look for me! 849 00:43:34,545 --> 00:43:36,376 You look like a man-o'- lantern. 850 00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:38,415 Thank you very much. Appreciate it. Thank you. 851 00:43:57,968 --> 00:43:59,697 - Thank you very much. - You're welcome. 852 00:43:59,770 --> 00:44:01,362 - Thank you. - Thanks. 853 00:44:01,839 --> 00:44:03,898 Andy, I owe you an apology, man. 854 00:44:03,974 --> 00:44:07,410 I wasn't very nice to you for the past two-and-a-half years. 855 00:44:07,478 --> 00:44:08,604 You were nice to me. 856 00:44:08,679 --> 00:44:11,341 No, I was... I thought you were really boring and... 857 00:44:11,415 --> 00:44:13,713 I kind of thought you were a serial killer. 858 00:44:15,019 --> 00:44:16,418 I'm not joking. 859 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,787 - Hey! - Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry. 860 00:44:19,857 --> 00:44:22,189 Don't worry. There's a lot of padding in these. 861 00:44:22,259 --> 00:44:24,625 I could hurl it off the balcony, it would be fine. 862 00:44:24,695 --> 00:44:26,424 - Yeah. It will be fine. - We couldn't break this... 863 00:44:26,497 --> 00:44:27,555 - ... if we tried. - No problem. 864 00:44:27,631 --> 00:44:29,724 Look, you shouldn't listen to Dave and Jay, okay? 865 00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:32,894 Those guys are crazy. You should listen to me, okay? 866 00:44:32,970 --> 00:44:35,939 Look, there is a hot-ass girl who works right there. 867 00:44:36,006 --> 00:44:39,339 There she is, in the bookstore. You should ask her out, man. 868 00:44:41,311 --> 00:44:43,142 Something wrong with her underpants. 869 00:44:43,247 --> 00:44:44,714 Yeah, they're not in my mouth. 870 00:44:44,782 --> 00:44:46,750 You know, I kind of... 871 00:44:47,985 --> 00:44:50,180 like the woman from the eBay store. 872 00:44:50,354 --> 00:44:51,378 That's great, but... 873 00:44:51,455 --> 00:44:52,752 you're not gonna get with anyone... 874 00:44:52,823 --> 00:44:54,450 unless you play the odds on this, man. 875 00:44:54,525 --> 00:44:56,425 You need to plant a lot of seeds. 876 00:44:56,493 --> 00:44:59,985 It's like this. When I was growing pot, I realized... 877 00:45:00,531 --> 00:45:03,625 - ... that the more seeds I planted... - Thank you. 878 00:45:03,734 --> 00:45:06,032 ...the more pot I could ultimately smoke. 879 00:45:06,103 --> 00:45:09,334 I think I have all the advice that I can handle right now. 880 00:45:09,406 --> 00:45:10,498 Don't get bitter. 881 00:45:10,574 --> 00:45:13,441 I'm not bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay? 882 00:45:13,510 --> 00:45:15,307 That was Jay's idea, okay? 883 00:45:15,379 --> 00:45:17,973 And I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is... 884 00:45:18,048 --> 00:45:20,539 like the gayest thing you could possibly do, okay? 885 00:45:20,617 --> 00:45:24,348 Look at me. Looks are not important. Really look at me. 886 00:45:24,455 --> 00:45:27,390 I am ugly as fuck by traditional standards... 887 00:45:27,458 --> 00:45:29,892 but I get with women. 888 00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:32,087 Aren't you curious as to how that's possible? 889 00:45:32,162 --> 00:45:34,392 I am not ugly as fuck. 890 00:45:34,465 --> 00:45:36,296 I didn't say you were ugly as... 891 00:45:36,366 --> 00:45:37,833 - Well, you implied it. - Okay. 892 00:45:37,901 --> 00:45:40,495 It doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck or you're ugly as shit. 893 00:45:40,571 --> 00:45:43,665 It's about talking to women, and I know how to do that... 894 00:45:43,741 --> 00:45:47,108 because I observe, because I am a novelist. 895 00:45:47,778 --> 00:45:49,678 What? You never told me that before. 896 00:45:49,747 --> 00:45:52,545 That's because I am not an arrogant prick, Andy. 897 00:45:52,649 --> 00:45:55,049 Okay? The problem most men have is... 898 00:45:55,385 --> 00:45:56,875 they don't know how to talk to women. 899 00:45:56,954 --> 00:46:00,651 You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. 900 00:46:00,791 --> 00:46:03,385 What am I supposed to say? "I went to magic camp?" 901 00:46:03,761 --> 00:46:05,558 "I'm an accomplished ventriloquist?" 902 00:46:05,629 --> 00:46:08,757 "I am a seventh-degree imperial yo-yo master. " 903 00:46:09,900 --> 00:46:11,925 Do me, yo-yo master. 904 00:46:12,002 --> 00:46:15,802 I want you to do me, 'cause you're the yo-yo guy. 905 00:46:16,140 --> 00:46:17,368 Are you done? Listen. 906 00:46:17,441 --> 00:46:19,375 The problem most men have is... 907 00:46:19,443 --> 00:46:22,901 they just plain straight up have no clue how to talk to women. 908 00:46:23,313 --> 00:46:26,214 Just ask a question, okay? That's it. 909 00:46:26,350 --> 00:46:29,547 Because women do not care about what you have to say... 910 00:46:29,620 --> 00:46:31,087 at all anyway, you know. 911 00:46:31,155 --> 00:46:33,180 And all they want to do is talk about themselves. 912 00:46:33,257 --> 00:46:34,986 So you're just gonna let them do that. 913 00:46:35,058 --> 00:46:36,685 Okay? So remember. 914 00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:39,991 Questions, be cool, and be kind of a dick. 915 00:46:40,063 --> 00:46:43,191 Here, be David Caruso in Jade. 916 00:46:43,700 --> 00:46:45,861 Okay. I know exactly what you're talking about. 917 00:46:45,936 --> 00:46:47,426 You do. That's good. 918 00:46:49,239 --> 00:46:50,638 There she is. 919 00:46:53,477 --> 00:46:55,206 Go plant that seed, man. 920 00:46:55,813 --> 00:46:57,576 Plant it with your finger. 921 00:47:09,793 --> 00:47:11,226 Can I help you? 922 00:47:13,263 --> 00:47:14,890 I don't know. Can you? 923 00:47:16,567 --> 00:47:18,535 Are you looking for something? 924 00:47:19,903 --> 00:47:22,531 Is there something I should be looking for? 925 00:47:26,810 --> 00:47:28,368 We have a lot of books. 926 00:47:28,812 --> 00:47:31,906 So, maybe it depends on what you like. 927 00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:38,387 What do you like? 928 00:47:38,655 --> 00:47:42,147 We have a great section of... 929 00:47:42,659 --> 00:47:44,126 do-it-yourself. 930 00:47:44,194 --> 00:47:46,560 Do you like to "do it yourself"? 931 00:47:47,497 --> 00:47:49,658 Sometimes. I mean... 932 00:47:50,234 --> 00:47:53,795 if the mood strikes. 933 00:47:55,072 --> 00:47:57,233 How is the mood striking you now? 934 00:48:04,181 --> 00:48:05,648 What's your name? 935 00:48:06,383 --> 00:48:07,577 What's your name? 936 00:48:07,651 --> 00:48:09,710 I'm Beth. 937 00:48:12,422 --> 00:48:13,548 Andy. 938 00:48:14,825 --> 00:48:15,951 Andy. 939 00:48:18,629 --> 00:48:21,223 - Don't tell on me, okay, Andy? - I wont. 940 00:48:22,933 --> 00:48:25,265 Unless you want to be told on... 941 00:48:26,136 --> 00:48:27,125 Beth. 942 00:48:29,940 --> 00:48:31,532 Wow. That totally worked! 943 00:48:31,608 --> 00:48:33,735 I literally said nothing. And she found me fascinating. 944 00:48:33,810 --> 00:48:35,641 I would've thought you were doing that for years. 945 00:48:35,712 --> 00:48:37,441 - Should I have asked her out? - No. That's the key. 946 00:48:37,514 --> 00:48:38,947 You wait for it to grow into a plant... 947 00:48:39,016 --> 00:48:40,506 and then you fuck the plant. 948 00:48:44,588 --> 00:48:45,646 Okay. 949 00:48:46,523 --> 00:48:47,751 This is easy. 950 00:48:48,592 --> 00:48:49,923 All right. 951 00:48:50,427 --> 00:48:53,055 Hello, Trish. How you doing? What's going on? 952 00:48:54,698 --> 00:48:55,858 Good joke. 953 00:48:55,933 --> 00:48:57,696 This is a fun conversation. 954 00:48:57,768 --> 00:49:00,134 Just grow a backbone and call her. 955 00:49:00,270 --> 00:49:02,864 She asked you to call her. She wants you to call her. 956 00:49:10,047 --> 00:49:11,014 Hello. 957 00:49:11,548 --> 00:49:12,913 Hey, how you doing? 958 00:49:14,851 --> 00:49:16,648 - How you doing? - I'm well. 959 00:49:17,054 --> 00:49:18,487 Who is this? 960 00:49:19,189 --> 00:49:22,215 - This is James. - James. Do I know you, James? 961 00:49:23,794 --> 00:49:25,819 I was wondering whether you had a few minutes... 962 00:49:25,896 --> 00:49:27,796 to talk about a little laundry detergent. 963 00:49:27,864 --> 00:49:29,991 Are you a telemarketer, James? 964 00:49:30,233 --> 00:49:31,257 Yep. 965 00:49:31,335 --> 00:49:32,666 Are you at the top of a tall building? 966 00:49:32,736 --> 00:49:35,170 Can you get to a roof quickly? Jump off! 967 00:49:35,238 --> 00:49:36,398 I mean, you people are sick. 968 00:49:36,473 --> 00:49:38,270 Get a real fucking job, why don't you? 969 00:49:38,342 --> 00:49:39,900 Go shoot yourself in the fucking head. 970 00:49:39,977 --> 00:49:42,810 Hey, why don't you just, you know, get a knife and run into it? 971 00:49:42,879 --> 00:49:44,278 Why don't you do that, huh? 972 00:49:44,348 --> 00:49:45,645 - Okay. - I'll see you later, James. 973 00:49:45,716 --> 00:49:49,049 - Nice to talk to you. - Fuck your mother, okay? Bye-bye. 974 00:49:50,787 --> 00:49:51,776 Oh. 975 00:49:54,992 --> 00:49:57,358 Hey, man. Got a big box of porn for you. 976 00:49:59,129 --> 00:50:01,461 - Can I come in? - Yeah. 977 00:50:03,400 --> 00:50:05,300 Sweet video game chair. 978 00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:10,501 So what's in the box? 979 00:50:10,574 --> 00:50:12,940 It's my personal collection of erotica. 980 00:50:13,343 --> 00:50:14,469 I want to give it to you. 981 00:50:14,544 --> 00:50:17,479 I think there might be a few tapes in there that just might open up... 982 00:50:17,547 --> 00:50:19,071 Pandora's box of love. 983 00:50:19,149 --> 00:50:20,173 Okay. 984 00:50:20,250 --> 00:50:23,048 Amy and I, we used to watch Harry Twatter... 985 00:50:23,153 --> 00:50:24,643 and we'd put it on the television... 986 00:50:24,721 --> 00:50:26,655 and then act it out as it was going on... 987 00:50:26,723 --> 00:50:28,350 and it was... 988 00:50:30,394 --> 00:50:31,918 She's adorable. 989 00:50:32,863 --> 00:50:34,296 Fucking bitch. 990 00:50:34,364 --> 00:50:36,389 Well, you know, this is really gracious and kind... 991 00:50:36,466 --> 00:50:37,626 and generous and everything. 992 00:50:37,701 --> 00:50:40,431 But I just don't want a big box of porn in my apartment. 993 00:50:40,504 --> 00:50:42,938 There's some really great stuff in here. 994 00:50:43,006 --> 00:50:45,372 Really great movies in here, man. 995 00:50:45,642 --> 00:50:47,166 Hey, did you ever see School of Rock? 996 00:50:47,244 --> 00:50:48,711 - Yeah. - Well, this is... 997 00:50:48,779 --> 00:50:50,406 It's called School of... 998 00:50:50,747 --> 00:50:51,873 You know... 999 00:50:52,182 --> 00:50:55,549 - That's nice. - But it stars Jack Black Cock. 1000 00:50:56,420 --> 00:50:57,614 That makes sense. 1001 00:50:57,687 --> 00:50:59,518 Dude, here it is. 1002 00:50:59,589 --> 00:51:02,149 Boner Jams '03. It's a mixed tape I made. 1003 00:51:02,225 --> 00:51:06,321 All these great scenes that I was really into in the summer of 2003. 1004 00:51:06,630 --> 00:51:09,394 - I think you'd really dig it. - Yeah. Now I can see that. 1005 00:51:09,466 --> 00:51:10,990 This is... 1006 00:51:11,268 --> 00:51:12,701 Everybody Loves Raymond. 1007 00:51:12,769 --> 00:51:14,202 That's probably not supposed to be... 1008 00:51:14,271 --> 00:51:16,068 This is a good show. I just tape it sometimes. 1009 00:51:16,139 --> 00:51:18,198 Well, I don't think you understand something, Dave. 1010 00:51:18,275 --> 00:51:22,735 I don't want this stuff, okay? Because I don't do that, that much. 1011 00:51:22,813 --> 00:51:24,781 - What, masturbate? - Yeah. 1012 00:51:25,882 --> 00:51:28,248 Dude, I've jacked it twice since I've been here. 1013 00:51:28,318 --> 00:51:31,412 - Are you kidding me? Why not? - It's not a hobby of mine. 1014 00:51:31,488 --> 00:51:33,820 Well, then, that's the only hobby you don't have. 1015 00:51:33,890 --> 00:51:36,290 No, seriously, I just don't feel comfortable talking about... 1016 00:51:36,359 --> 00:51:37,451 You need to. You're wound up. 1017 00:51:37,527 --> 00:51:39,119 You're like one of these action figures... 1018 00:51:39,196 --> 00:51:40,925 all hermetically sealed in your box. 1019 00:51:40,997 --> 00:51:43,363 - You gotta play with... - Don't! 1020 00:51:43,433 --> 00:51:44,525 Don't take it out! 1021 00:51:44,601 --> 00:51:47,229 I'm sorry. You know what, it's just... 1022 00:51:47,370 --> 00:51:50,066 It loses its value if you take it out of its packaging. 1023 00:51:50,140 --> 00:51:53,268 I'm just saying, let it out. Give it some air, man. Play with it. 1024 00:51:53,343 --> 00:51:56,005 - Take your porn with you. - I'm not taking it. 1025 00:51:56,079 --> 00:51:57,740 Take your box-o-porn. 1026 00:51:57,814 --> 00:52:00,612 - It's my gift to you. - No. I don't want it. 1027 00:52:00,884 --> 00:52:02,044 David, it's not... 1028 00:52:02,119 --> 00:52:03,177 Andy, for the last time... 1029 00:52:03,253 --> 00:52:05,118 I don't want your giant box of pornography. 1030 00:52:05,188 --> 00:52:07,486 No, no, no! Come on, man. 1031 00:52:07,757 --> 00:52:09,054 So uncool. 1032 00:52:09,659 --> 00:52:10,853 Uncool? 1033 00:52:11,895 --> 00:52:15,695 Uncool is trying to give an honest man a big box of porn, Andy. 1034 00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,932 For the last time, I don't want to watch... 1035 00:52:19,002 --> 00:52:20,663 School of Cock with you. 1036 00:53:30,740 --> 00:53:32,640 It's nothing official. 1037 00:53:33,610 --> 00:53:36,602 Just a little token of my appreciation. 1038 00:53:57,500 --> 00:54:00,799 Hi, Andy. I'm gonna talk dirty to you. 1039 00:54:00,870 --> 00:54:05,170 I want to have lots of sexy sex with you. 1040 00:54:05,342 --> 00:54:09,403 I want to touch your big, fat noodle... 1041 00:54:09,512 --> 00:54:13,380 'cause I want to have naughty intercourse with you. 1042 00:54:13,617 --> 00:54:17,553 I want you to put your penis on, I mean, in me, Andy. 1043 00:54:17,854 --> 00:54:21,255 I want to do lots of, lots of sexy... 1044 00:54:21,324 --> 00:54:24,020 hot things with you. Shit. 1045 00:54:24,794 --> 00:54:27,888 This really isn't working, Andy. I don't know what to say... 1046 00:54:27,964 --> 00:54:29,397 because I am you. 1047 00:54:31,501 --> 00:54:32,866 Okay. New tape. 1048 00:54:35,138 --> 00:54:37,971 Nothing is ever good enough and it's always our fault. 1049 00:54:38,041 --> 00:54:39,906 Hey, you can't speak to your mother like that. 1050 00:54:39,976 --> 00:54:41,841 - You do. - She's not my mother. 1051 00:54:46,850 --> 00:54:49,182 I heard Dave gave you the box of porn. 1052 00:54:49,552 --> 00:54:50,610 Yeah, he did. 1053 00:54:52,022 --> 00:54:53,990 You ever watch, like, Primetime Live... 1054 00:54:54,057 --> 00:54:56,082 when they take a black light into a hotel room... 1055 00:54:56,159 --> 00:54:58,650 and show you all the semen all over the bedspread? 1056 00:54:59,262 --> 00:55:00,251 Yeah. 1057 00:55:00,864 --> 00:55:03,025 You blind someone with that box. 1058 00:55:03,633 --> 00:55:05,464 Could see that thing from space. 1059 00:55:09,005 --> 00:55:11,599 This right here, you looking at the Bentley of big screen TVs. 1060 00:55:11,675 --> 00:55:14,041 I'm talking about, this is the Rolls-Royce of big screens... 1061 00:55:15,645 --> 00:55:18,079 Sometimes, I think these butterflies are in here. 1062 00:55:18,581 --> 00:55:20,515 I think he might be fooling us all, though. 1063 00:55:20,583 --> 00:55:21,515 Really? 1064 00:55:21,584 --> 00:55:23,779 I actually think he might be, like, some genius... 1065 00:55:23,853 --> 00:55:25,946 and this is like some big, like, hilarious... 1066 00:55:26,022 --> 00:55:29,014 Like he's bored at work and he just wanted to kick up some shit... 1067 00:55:29,092 --> 00:55:30,457 so he told us all he's a virgin. 1068 00:55:30,527 --> 00:55:32,620 You're seeing that a lot of stuff that's not there. 1069 00:55:32,696 --> 00:55:34,664 You're just projecting all over him. 1070 00:55:34,864 --> 00:55:36,422 He might be an idiot savant... 1071 00:55:36,499 --> 00:55:39,491 but he's not, like, clever enough to go that deep. 1072 00:55:39,569 --> 00:55:40,934 But he's got a great body. 1073 00:55:41,004 --> 00:55:43,336 - Would you fuck him? - In a New York minute. 1074 00:55:43,406 --> 00:55:45,033 - You would fuck him? - Absolutely. 1075 00:55:47,344 --> 00:55:49,141 Hey, Andy, what are you doing for lunch? 1076 00:55:49,579 --> 00:55:51,774 I don't know. I have a turkey sandwich. 1077 00:55:51,848 --> 00:55:54,681 We're gonna go around the corner. I think you should come with us. 1078 00:55:54,751 --> 00:55:57,549 There's this great place. A lot of cute giris. 1079 00:55:57,954 --> 00:55:59,421 I don't know. Okay. 1080 00:56:00,357 --> 00:56:02,257 We brought you a shirt. 1081 00:56:02,692 --> 00:56:04,489 This place is pretty fancy. 1082 00:56:05,795 --> 00:56:06,819 Something going on? 1083 00:56:06,896 --> 00:56:08,727 Hey, who's ready to have some fun? 1084 00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:12,199 Hey, guys... 1085 00:56:13,636 --> 00:56:16,104 No, don't ignore me. I know what this is. 1086 00:56:16,172 --> 00:56:18,663 Within one hour, you'll each have 20 dates. 1087 00:56:18,808 --> 00:56:22,107 Don't... Please don't do this. I saw this on Primetime Live. 1088 00:56:22,245 --> 00:56:23,974 All right, ninja master. 1089 00:56:24,381 --> 00:56:26,372 We've given you all the advice we have to give. 1090 00:56:26,449 --> 00:56:27,643 Now you gonna put it in action. 1091 00:56:27,717 --> 00:56:29,685 Advice? You guys all gave me different advice. 1092 00:56:29,753 --> 00:56:31,653 - He thinks you're a pothead. - I am. 1093 00:56:31,821 --> 00:56:34,881 Dude. Hey, partner. What are you whining about? 1094 00:56:34,958 --> 00:56:37,119 - You asked for this shit. - No, I didn't. 1095 00:56:37,193 --> 00:56:39,024 Will you just quit whining like a bitch? 1096 00:56:39,095 --> 00:56:41,620 - I'm not whining like a bitch. - You are whining like a bitch. 1097 00:56:41,698 --> 00:56:44,690 And you about to cram like 10 years of pimpage into one day. 1098 00:56:44,768 --> 00:56:47,635 - I don't want to cram pimpage. - And after that... 1099 00:56:48,071 --> 00:56:49,800 you on my level. Come on. 1100 00:56:49,873 --> 00:56:52,341 - Just ask questions. - This is a bad idea. 1101 00:56:55,345 --> 00:56:56,676 - Hi. - Hi. How are you? 1102 00:56:56,746 --> 00:56:57,974 I'm fine. 1103 00:56:59,149 --> 00:57:00,343 Are you fine? 1104 00:57:01,117 --> 00:57:02,141 Yeah. 1105 00:57:03,019 --> 00:57:04,646 You're fine then? 1106 00:57:05,321 --> 00:57:08,484 Are you fucking retarded? What the hell's the matter with you? 1107 00:57:08,825 --> 00:57:10,383 Do you want me to be fucking retarded? 1108 00:57:11,561 --> 00:57:13,927 When I look into the eyes of the children and the parents... 1109 00:57:13,997 --> 00:57:15,430 and they are smiling and saying: 1110 00:57:15,498 --> 00:57:17,762 "Thank you, Dr. Montalban, you saved my child"... 1111 00:57:17,834 --> 00:57:18,926 it was worth it. 1112 00:57:21,805 --> 00:57:22,931 Amy... 1113 00:57:23,606 --> 00:57:25,733 - ... what are you doing here? - David. 1114 00:57:27,110 --> 00:57:29,442 - And you are Gina? - Gina. 1115 00:57:29,546 --> 00:57:31,241 - Hey, what's up? - Nothing. 1116 00:57:31,381 --> 00:57:33,941 Look, I'm going to be real honest with you. 1117 00:57:34,017 --> 00:57:36,508 It's been a long time since I've been with a man. 1118 00:57:36,586 --> 00:57:39,248 Spent a lot of time with the ladies. 1119 00:57:39,322 --> 00:57:41,756 Looking to get back up on that pogo stick. 1120 00:57:41,825 --> 00:57:43,793 - You know what I'm saying? - Excuse me. 1121 00:57:43,860 --> 00:57:47,819 Remember that time when we made love and you cried in my arms? 1122 00:57:47,897 --> 00:57:50,331 Please don't reminisce about the times we fucked, please. 1123 00:57:50,400 --> 00:57:52,265 - It's so creepy. - Let's go to Paris. 1124 00:57:52,335 --> 00:57:55,168 I want to take you underneath the Eiffel Tower and make love to you. 1125 00:57:55,238 --> 00:57:56,500 - Cut it out. - Cut what out? 1126 00:57:56,573 --> 00:57:59,133 This go to Paris! We've been broken up for like two years, man. 1127 00:57:59,209 --> 00:58:00,642 I don't want to date you anymore. 1128 00:58:00,710 --> 00:58:02,337 - You're a whore. - I am not a whore. 1129 00:58:02,412 --> 00:58:04,039 I just didn't like you. 1130 00:58:04,113 --> 00:58:05,239 This is so us. 1131 00:58:07,484 --> 00:58:09,076 - Psycho talk. - What? 1132 00:58:09,152 --> 00:58:10,983 - You're a good-looking man. - Thank you. 1133 00:58:11,054 --> 00:58:13,454 Very pretty. Real soft, delicate features. 1134 00:58:13,523 --> 00:58:16,014 You're real feminine, you know, which is good for me... 1135 00:58:16,092 --> 00:58:18,754 because that would be a simple sort of transition. 1136 00:58:18,828 --> 00:58:20,022 You know what I'm saying? 1137 00:58:20,096 --> 00:58:23,259 Maybe throw a little rouge on you, tuck your sac back. 1138 00:58:23,333 --> 00:58:24,891 - You game? - No. 1139 00:58:26,035 --> 00:58:29,766 You need to stop fucking around with my friend, okay? 1140 00:58:29,839 --> 00:58:32,706 Because you're giving him hope, and it's driving the man crazy. 1141 00:58:32,775 --> 00:58:35,835 I moved, I changed my e-mail address, my phone number. 1142 00:58:35,912 --> 00:58:37,311 He's practically stalking me. 1143 00:58:37,380 --> 00:58:39,814 Well, I didn't know all that. So, I'm sorry. 1144 00:58:41,084 --> 00:58:42,210 I love Minnesota. 1145 00:58:42,285 --> 00:58:44,879 I grew up in a town outside of Minneapolis... 1146 00:58:44,954 --> 00:58:47,821 with a population of, like, 500 people. Really small. 1147 00:58:47,891 --> 00:58:50,155 Yeah, it's like the Land of a Thousand Lakes. 1148 00:58:50,226 --> 00:58:52,990 What about you? You're used to, like, a really big city. 1149 00:58:53,129 --> 00:58:55,324 Really... God, yes. 1150 00:58:56,432 --> 00:58:59,765 The town that I grew up in was really small. I mean... 1151 00:58:59,903 --> 00:59:02,770 you know, it was just so safe. There was no crime. 1152 00:59:02,839 --> 00:59:06,036 I mean, a girl could just walk from one end of town to the other... 1153 00:59:06,109 --> 00:59:08,942 and just, you know, feel completely safe. 1154 00:59:12,115 --> 00:59:13,446 You suppose he's had enough? 1155 00:59:13,516 --> 00:59:15,950 Spank bank has once again been filled. 1156 00:59:16,853 --> 00:59:18,377 I'll tell you who's the hottest. 1157 00:59:18,454 --> 00:59:21,548 You're gonna think I'm crazy. Let me tell you. Gina. 1158 00:59:21,958 --> 00:59:24,984 Can't get va-Gina out of my head. Va-Gina all week. 1159 00:59:34,837 --> 00:59:36,236 - You know what's a fun game? - Huh? 1160 00:59:36,306 --> 00:59:38,240 You take three Excedrin PMs... 1161 00:59:38,308 --> 00:59:41,038 and you see if you could whack off before you fall asleep. 1162 00:59:42,979 --> 00:59:45,539 You always win is the best part about the game. 1163 00:59:48,318 --> 00:59:50,218 - Are you Andy? - Yeah. 1164 00:59:50,286 --> 00:59:51,878 Is this yours? Did you write this stuff? 1165 00:59:51,955 --> 00:59:54,617 My girlfriend, Jill, found your speed-dating card. 1166 00:59:55,391 --> 00:59:56,688 Yeah, right. 1167 00:59:56,759 --> 00:59:58,886 God, I've been looking for that speed-dating card. 1168 00:59:58,962 --> 01:00:00,759 Thank you so much for bringing it to me. 1169 01:00:00,830 --> 01:00:02,957 So, you actually wrote that one girl looked like... 1170 01:00:03,032 --> 01:00:04,932 she was "hurting for a squirting"? 1171 01:00:05,201 --> 01:00:07,965 Mmm-hmm. Yeah. Hurting for a squirting, I wrote that. 1172 01:00:08,037 --> 01:00:10,369 So you wrote "ho fo show. " 1173 01:00:11,174 --> 01:00:13,665 Yeah, I remember that girl. She was a ho. 1174 01:00:14,410 --> 01:00:15,604 Fo show. 1175 01:00:15,812 --> 01:00:17,871 Let me show you how this device works. 1176 01:00:17,947 --> 01:00:19,676 Right, I'm just looking for a cordless phone. 1177 01:00:19,749 --> 01:00:22,377 Yup, it's great. You can do anything, make video diaries... 1178 01:00:22,452 --> 01:00:26,149 Hey, Amy, how's it going? How you feeling? I'm great. 1179 01:00:26,356 --> 01:00:28,984 I feel fantastic since we broke up. 1180 01:00:29,525 --> 01:00:31,152 I feel awesome! 1181 01:00:31,227 --> 01:00:33,889 Can you just show me the department where there would be phones? 1182 01:00:33,963 --> 01:00:36,124 How have you been? What's been going on... 1183 01:00:36,199 --> 01:00:38,258 I bet... Hey, have you been doing a lot of this? 1184 01:00:40,570 --> 01:00:41,935 Sir, please, sir. 1185 01:00:42,005 --> 01:00:43,472 You are never gonna meet anybody... 1186 01:00:43,539 --> 01:00:46,201 with that kind of mentality about women, you sick son of a bitch. 1187 01:00:46,275 --> 01:00:48,004 Who the fuck are you to put me on trial? 1188 01:00:48,077 --> 01:00:49,738 I've never even met you. 1189 01:00:49,812 --> 01:00:52,007 So why don't you back the shit off, all right? 1190 01:00:52,081 --> 01:00:54,106 And stop with the inquisition. 1191 01:00:54,217 --> 01:00:55,479 That's how you talk? 1192 01:00:55,551 --> 01:00:57,416 You know what, I don't have to answer to you. 1193 01:00:57,487 --> 01:00:59,011 You ain't my bitch. 1194 01:00:59,088 --> 01:01:00,646 Know what I saying? 1195 01:01:00,723 --> 01:01:03,055 So, shit, man. Fuck it. 1196 01:01:03,126 --> 01:01:05,151 You shouldn't even be hanging out with this pervert. 1197 01:01:05,228 --> 01:01:07,355 I don't hang out with him. I work with him and that's it. 1198 01:01:07,430 --> 01:01:09,125 I tried to introduce him to a few nice people... 1199 01:01:09,198 --> 01:01:10,290 he made a fool of himself. 1200 01:01:10,366 --> 01:01:12,027 I don't mess with him, baby. That's not me. 1201 01:01:12,101 --> 01:01:14,331 You should keep your ho on a leash. 1202 01:01:14,404 --> 01:01:16,065 - Bro, I can't let you... - Hey. 1203 01:01:16,139 --> 01:01:18,300 I can't let you be talking to my woman like that, dawg. 1204 01:01:18,374 --> 01:01:20,535 - Know what I'm saying? - Bitch is running wild, man. 1205 01:01:20,610 --> 01:01:23,841 You miss that ass? That's the ass of a free man. 1206 01:01:23,913 --> 01:01:26,279 That ass is going out tonight, maybe to a club. 1207 01:01:26,349 --> 01:01:27,907 Maybe to a night club. 1208 01:01:28,117 --> 01:01:29,448 Hey, Andy... 1209 01:01:29,519 --> 01:01:31,851 - ... take a look at your pal. - Oh, my God. 1210 01:01:31,921 --> 01:01:34,481 Yeah, he's performing a public colonoscopy. 1211 01:01:34,557 --> 01:01:35,956 Isn't that sweet? 1212 01:01:36,025 --> 01:01:37,515 I'm gonna send David home for the day... 1213 01:01:37,593 --> 01:01:38,753 and you're gonna fill in for him. 1214 01:01:38,828 --> 01:01:40,523 - What? Selling things? - You got that right. 1215 01:01:40,596 --> 01:01:41,824 I don't think that's a good idea. 1216 01:01:41,898 --> 01:01:43,422 And you're gonna have to talk to people, too. 1217 01:01:43,499 --> 01:01:45,126 I know that's a frightening concept to you... 1218 01:01:45,201 --> 01:01:46,429 but I think you can handle it. 1219 01:01:46,502 --> 01:01:48,265 So get out there and start selling some shit. 1220 01:01:48,337 --> 01:01:49,634 ...thing for Amy. 1221 01:01:49,972 --> 01:01:51,439 - Hold it. - Check it out. 1222 01:01:51,507 --> 01:01:52,906 I miss her. 1223 01:01:55,778 --> 01:01:57,746 Dude, the floor's the ultimate aphrodisiac. 1224 01:01:57,814 --> 01:01:59,611 All you got to do is go make your pick now. 1225 01:01:59,682 --> 01:02:02,048 - Come on, man. - Okay. 1226 01:02:02,819 --> 01:02:04,810 And you could act a little enthused about it. 1227 01:02:04,887 --> 01:02:05,979 Yeah. 1228 01:02:07,390 --> 01:02:10,587 That's right. That's right. Gazelle in the pink top. 1229 01:02:11,761 --> 01:02:13,456 - Oh, shit. - Hi. 1230 01:02:13,529 --> 01:02:15,588 Looks like you're checking out digital cameras. 1231 01:02:15,665 --> 01:02:17,599 You know what, he ain't going to do it willingly. 1232 01:02:17,667 --> 01:02:20,500 No. We need to, like, really facilitate things a bit more. 1233 01:02:20,570 --> 01:02:22,094 - Yo, Andy. - Yeah. 1234 01:02:22,171 --> 01:02:23,695 What's up, dude? This is Jay, man. 1235 01:02:23,773 --> 01:02:25,035 Hey, Jay. 1236 01:02:25,141 --> 01:02:26,574 I am throwing a party tonight. 1237 01:02:26,642 --> 01:02:28,371 It's gonna be real mellow, just chilled up. 1238 01:02:28,444 --> 01:02:29,843 Now, you really need to be there. 1239 01:02:29,912 --> 01:02:32,437 It's gonna be really, really colorful. 1240 01:02:32,715 --> 01:02:34,012 Are you free? 1241 01:02:34,884 --> 01:02:35,942 Yeah, I think so. 1242 01:02:36,018 --> 01:02:38,418 That was a joke, man. I know you're free. 1243 01:02:38,721 --> 01:02:40,086 - I'm okay. - Gotta go, man. 1244 01:02:40,156 --> 01:02:41,248 All right, bye. 1245 01:02:44,026 --> 01:02:46,153 So, tell me, Montel... 1246 01:02:46,529 --> 01:02:49,589 why weren't we invited to the party? What are we, Al-Qaeda? 1247 01:02:49,665 --> 01:02:50,757 No, hold up. 1248 01:02:50,833 --> 01:02:53,028 - No, no. - It's not that kind of party, y'all. 1249 01:02:53,102 --> 01:02:55,127 You're not coming to our fucking party either, okay? 1250 01:02:55,204 --> 01:02:56,262 Fuck you, okay? 1251 01:02:56,339 --> 01:02:58,102 First of all, it ain't that kind of party. 1252 01:02:58,174 --> 01:03:00,074 - Go fuck a goat. - Yeah. 1253 01:03:00,176 --> 01:03:02,007 Why you always telling me to fuck a goat, man? 1254 01:03:02,078 --> 01:03:03,102 Fuck a goat! 1255 01:03:19,662 --> 01:03:20,822 Hello? 1256 01:03:23,132 --> 01:03:24,258 Hello? 1257 01:03:26,068 --> 01:03:27,262 Hello. 1258 01:03:28,871 --> 01:03:30,566 Hello. Hi. 1259 01:03:31,541 --> 01:03:34,066 - Are you here for Jay's party? - Yes. 1260 01:03:34,477 --> 01:03:36,104 I am Jay's party. 1261 01:03:37,947 --> 01:03:41,041 You know what, hiring a transvestite prostitute isn't helping me, man. 1262 01:03:41,117 --> 01:03:43,381 What? Ain't nobody hired no damn transvestite. 1263 01:03:43,452 --> 01:03:44,476 What are you talking about? 1264 01:03:44,554 --> 01:03:46,385 She was really nice, incidentally. 1265 01:03:46,455 --> 01:03:48,184 If that sister was a transvestite... 1266 01:03:48,257 --> 01:03:50,350 that was the Mona Lisa of transvestites. 1267 01:03:50,426 --> 01:03:52,326 You got a hummer from the tranny, didn't you? 1268 01:03:52,395 --> 01:03:55,728 You know, aren't we owed one now? 'Cause technically we paid her. 1269 01:03:55,798 --> 01:03:57,129 Get a dick, man. 1270 01:03:57,200 --> 01:03:58,861 Do you guys even like me? 1271 01:03:58,935 --> 01:04:02,393 Or is this some sort of cruel joke that you're all in on? 1272 01:04:02,471 --> 01:04:04,769 Because I'm not a freak. I'm a good person. 1273 01:04:04,841 --> 01:04:08,333 I always thought that Matt Damon was like a Streisand, but... 1274 01:04:08,978 --> 01:04:10,946 I think that he's rocking the shit in this one. 1275 01:04:11,013 --> 01:04:12,742 Shut up, Dave! 1276 01:04:12,815 --> 01:04:16,683 Hold up. Let's just chill on the aggression for a minute. 1277 01:04:17,086 --> 01:04:21,182 Look at him. He is such a bad ass. 1278 01:04:21,824 --> 01:04:24,190 He looks just like Luke Wilson. 1279 01:04:24,260 --> 01:04:25,249 Mmm-hmm. 1280 01:04:25,361 --> 01:04:27,090 So you saying she was definitely a man? 1281 01:04:27,163 --> 01:04:28,187 Yes. 1282 01:04:28,264 --> 01:04:30,357 Okay, well, how do you know that she was a man? 1283 01:04:30,433 --> 01:04:33,368 Because her hands were as big as Andr� the Giant's. 1284 01:04:33,703 --> 01:04:36,399 And she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls. 1285 01:04:37,173 --> 01:04:38,663 So you have no proof. 1286 01:04:38,875 --> 01:04:40,706 You know what? Just leave me alone. 1287 01:04:40,776 --> 01:04:42,835 Just stay away from me. Or I'm gonna tell Paula... 1288 01:04:42,912 --> 01:04:44,846 that you're all stealing the recordable CDs. 1289 01:04:45,514 --> 01:04:48,176 - Come on. - That's like we were paid to do it. 1290 01:04:48,251 --> 01:04:50,310 We did this 'cause we're your friends... 1291 01:04:50,386 --> 01:04:53,150 and we didn't think you have the balls to do it yourself. 1292 01:04:53,222 --> 01:04:54,484 - Really? - Yeah. 1293 01:04:54,724 --> 01:04:56,055 Okay, watch this. 1294 01:04:56,259 --> 01:04:57,726 Yo, Andy, it's just CDs, man. 1295 01:04:57,793 --> 01:04:59,693 That's a third strike for me, dawg. 1296 01:05:23,286 --> 01:05:24,275 Hi. 1297 01:05:24,987 --> 01:05:27,114 - Andy. Hi. - Right, yeah. 1298 01:05:27,290 --> 01:05:29,087 - You remember my name. - I did. 1299 01:05:29,158 --> 01:05:31,649 - How you doing? - I'm great. I like your store. 1300 01:05:31,727 --> 01:05:34,287 That's good, yeah. If you have time, look around. It's... 1301 01:05:34,363 --> 01:05:35,455 Okay. 1302 01:05:35,898 --> 01:05:37,229 How's business been? 1303 01:05:37,300 --> 01:05:40,269 You know, it's coming along. I mean, it takes a while. 1304 01:05:40,336 --> 01:05:43,362 - Do you want to go out sometime? - Yes. 1305 01:05:43,839 --> 01:05:46,330 Yes, I would like that. That would be great. 1306 01:05:46,409 --> 01:05:50,175 I think I'm maybe free this weekend, if that's okay. 1307 01:05:50,246 --> 01:05:53,044 Or you could call me tomorrow and we can just firm it up. 1308 01:05:53,115 --> 01:05:54,639 - Okay. Great. - Great. 1309 01:05:54,717 --> 01:05:58,312 Okay, so I'll call you, and yeah, that'll be good. 1310 01:05:58,387 --> 01:05:59,877 - How you doing? - Congratulations. 1311 01:05:59,956 --> 01:06:01,856 Okay, so I'll... Yeah. 1312 01:06:02,191 --> 01:06:03,488 Can I help you? 1313 01:06:03,559 --> 01:06:06,084 Yeah, these are wonderful. I'll take these. 1314 01:06:06,262 --> 01:06:09,891 Thanks, they are. They're great. The goldfish just crack me up. 1315 01:06:10,032 --> 01:06:11,056 Funny. 1316 01:06:11,133 --> 01:06:12,225 - Yeah, they are. - Yeah. 1317 01:06:12,301 --> 01:06:13,495 - Yeah. - They're cute. 1318 01:06:13,569 --> 01:06:16,732 I don't actually sell anything here. I just sell them on eBay. 1319 01:06:17,406 --> 01:06:18,600 I don't get it. 1320 01:06:18,941 --> 01:06:19,930 Okay. 1321 01:06:20,109 --> 01:06:23,044 - Can you help me? - No, you're on your own here. 1322 01:06:23,112 --> 01:06:26,275 Good luck to you, and to you. And I'll give you a call. 1323 01:06:26,349 --> 01:06:29,341 - Great. Nice to see you. - Great. Thanks for coming in. 1324 01:06:29,919 --> 01:06:30,943 Bye. 1325 01:06:31,554 --> 01:06:33,613 So, I guess I'll just give you some money... 1326 01:06:33,689 --> 01:06:36,214 and you can give me these shoes and... 1327 01:06:36,292 --> 01:06:38,988 You know, I know it seems so strange... 1328 01:06:39,061 --> 01:06:41,757 Yes. I'd just rather buy them from you straight up. 1329 01:06:41,831 --> 01:06:43,765 Yeah, I know. I wish it could be that easy, but... 1330 01:06:43,833 --> 01:06:47,064 I wish, too, but you're making it extremely difficult for me. 1331 01:06:47,136 --> 01:06:49,297 I'm just trying to get these shoes back to my house... 1332 01:06:49,372 --> 01:06:50,600 so I can wear them. 1333 01:06:51,073 --> 01:06:52,631 I got a corpse in my way. 1334 01:06:52,708 --> 01:06:53,868 Look out. Just kill it. 1335 01:06:53,943 --> 01:06:56,969 That's just so not fair that you have blades and... 1336 01:06:57,046 --> 01:06:58,911 I'm telling you, man, I feel great. 1337 01:06:59,048 --> 01:07:01,073 I'm so... It's like a weight has been lifted. 1338 01:07:01,150 --> 01:07:04,745 Celibacy is the way to go, man. Andy had it right, you know? 1339 01:07:04,820 --> 01:07:06,685 Look at him. He looks younger than all of us... 1340 01:07:06,756 --> 01:07:08,018 but he's 10 years older. 1341 01:07:08,090 --> 01:07:10,581 Why? Because he's never had a relationship. 1342 01:07:10,760 --> 01:07:13,388 No she-devil sucked his life force out yet. 1343 01:07:29,912 --> 01:07:32,244 - Hello? - Hey. Hi. Hello. 1344 01:07:32,615 --> 01:07:33,639 Is this Trish? 1345 01:07:34,617 --> 01:07:36,812 - Who's calling, please? - This is Andy. 1346 01:07:36,886 --> 01:07:39,116 - Hi, Andy. - Hi, how you doing? 1347 01:07:39,188 --> 01:07:42,123 - I'm good. How're you doing? - I'm doing great. 1348 01:07:42,925 --> 01:07:44,187 So you're gay, now? 1349 01:07:44,260 --> 01:07:46,160 No, I'm not gay. I'm just celibate. 1350 01:07:46,829 --> 01:07:48,888 I think... I mean, that sounds gay. 1351 01:07:48,964 --> 01:07:51,865 I just want you to know that this is the first conversation... 1352 01:07:51,934 --> 01:07:55,370 of three conversations that leads to you being gay. 1353 01:07:55,805 --> 01:07:58,399 There's this and then in a year it's like, "You know... 1354 01:07:58,474 --> 01:08:01,637 "I'm kind of going to wanna get back out there, but I think I like guys. " 1355 01:08:01,710 --> 01:08:04,543 And then there's the big, "I'm a gay guy now. " 1356 01:08:04,814 --> 01:08:07,282 - You're gay for saying that. - I'm gay for saying that? 1357 01:08:07,349 --> 01:08:09,943 - You know how I know you're gay? - How? How do you know I'm gay? 1358 01:08:10,019 --> 01:08:12,510 'Cause you macram�d yourself a pair of jean shorts. 1359 01:08:12,588 --> 01:08:13,680 You know how I know you're gay? 1360 01:08:13,756 --> 01:08:15,849 You just told me you're not sleeping with women anymore. 1361 01:08:15,925 --> 01:08:17,483 - You know how I know you're gay? - How? 1362 01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:20,654 'Cause you're gay and you can tell who other gay people are? 1363 01:08:20,729 --> 01:08:22,219 - Do you know how I know you're gay? - How? 1364 01:08:22,298 --> 01:08:23,765 You like Coldplay. 1365 01:08:24,467 --> 01:08:25,798 You're dead. 1366 01:08:27,203 --> 01:08:28,261 Come on. 1367 01:08:28,337 --> 01:08:30,305 Leave my torso alone at least. 1368 01:08:31,173 --> 01:08:32,606 I also wanted to call... 1369 01:08:32,675 --> 01:08:35,371 and see what night you might want to go out. 1370 01:08:35,478 --> 01:08:37,275 I'm actually free tonight. 1371 01:08:39,348 --> 01:08:42,749 Okay. Now, I was thinking maybe this weekend, but that's good. Okay. 1372 01:08:42,818 --> 01:08:43,807 Great. 1373 01:08:43,886 --> 01:08:45,877 Okay, what time do you want to pick me up? 1374 01:08:47,323 --> 01:08:48,654 Let's see. 1375 01:08:49,525 --> 01:08:53,120 That's actually kind of a problem because I ride a bike. 1376 01:08:53,395 --> 01:08:54,794 That's cool. Are you kidding me? 1377 01:08:54,864 --> 01:08:56,661 I love getting on the back of a motorcycle. 1378 01:08:56,732 --> 01:08:59,428 My boyfriend in college drove a motorcycle. 1379 01:08:59,502 --> 01:09:01,299 So, I mean, I'm cool. 1380 01:09:01,370 --> 01:09:05,466 Yeah, I bet that was cool. I ride a bicycle. 1381 01:09:06,575 --> 01:09:08,202 You know how I know that you're gay? 1382 01:09:08,277 --> 01:09:09,335 How? 1383 01:09:09,411 --> 01:09:11,675 You like the movie Maid in Manhattan. 1384 01:09:11,747 --> 01:09:13,271 - You know how I know you're gay? - How? 1385 01:09:13,349 --> 01:09:16,512 I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once. 1386 01:09:16,585 --> 01:09:18,348 - You know how I know you're gay? - How? 1387 01:09:18,420 --> 01:09:21,150 You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says: 1388 01:09:21,223 --> 01:09:23,453 "I love it when balls are in my face. " 1389 01:09:23,526 --> 01:09:24,618 That's gay? 1390 01:09:24,693 --> 01:09:26,058 God damn it! 1391 01:09:26,462 --> 01:09:29,090 I'm ripping your head off right now. It's off. 1392 01:09:29,165 --> 01:09:31,656 And now I'm throwing it at your body. 1393 01:09:32,501 --> 01:09:33,525 Fuck you! 1394 01:09:35,004 --> 01:09:36,130 You guys... 1395 01:09:36,906 --> 01:09:39,067 she's picking me up in an hour. 1396 01:09:40,109 --> 01:09:41,736 Oh, drag, dude. 1397 01:09:42,278 --> 01:09:44,542 - She's picking you up from here? - Yeah. 1398 01:09:44,613 --> 01:09:46,171 That's fucked up, man. 1399 01:09:46,248 --> 01:09:47,875 - Why? - Why? 1400 01:09:48,584 --> 01:09:52,020 Seriously. I mean, look at this place, man. 1401 01:09:52,555 --> 01:09:55,820 You gotta see this through the eyes of a woman, you know? 1402 01:09:55,891 --> 01:09:58,223 What is she going to think when she comes in here? Look. 1403 01:09:58,294 --> 01:10:00,762 - He's got a billion toys. - So what? 1404 01:10:00,829 --> 01:10:03,593 And more video games than a teenaged Asian kid. 1405 01:10:03,666 --> 01:10:05,190 It's all right. 1406 01:10:05,834 --> 01:10:08,632 Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss? 1407 01:10:08,971 --> 01:10:10,131 It's Oscar Goldman. 1408 01:10:10,206 --> 01:10:12,436 - Why do you have that? - That's worth a lot of money. 1409 01:10:12,508 --> 01:10:14,476 That's much more valuable than Steve Austin. 1410 01:10:14,543 --> 01:10:18,809 Well, that may be the case. But none of this shit is sexy, okay? 1411 01:10:18,881 --> 01:10:20,610 I'm not trying to be sexy, man. 1412 01:10:20,683 --> 01:10:22,150 I mean, seriously, Asia? 1413 01:10:22,284 --> 01:10:24,149 You framed an Asia poster? 1414 01:10:24,220 --> 01:10:26,211 How hard did the people at the frame store laugh... 1415 01:10:26,288 --> 01:10:28,313 - ... when you brought this in? - They did not laugh at me. 1416 01:10:28,390 --> 01:10:30,290 - Know why you're gay? - Because you like Asia. 1417 01:10:30,359 --> 01:10:31,621 You guys cool it with the gay. 1418 01:10:31,694 --> 01:10:33,525 You know, she's on her way over here, okay? 1419 01:10:33,596 --> 01:10:35,325 First, you relax, okay? 1420 01:10:35,397 --> 01:10:38,696 Just stop calming me down and tell me what I should do. 1421 01:10:38,767 --> 01:10:40,962 Okay, we just take everything that's embarrassing... 1422 01:10:41,036 --> 01:10:42,094 and we move it out of here. 1423 01:10:42,171 --> 01:10:44,196 So it doesn't look like you live in Neverland Ranch. 1424 01:10:51,614 --> 01:10:52,842 - Hi. - Hi. How are you? 1425 01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:53,939 Good. 1426 01:10:54,016 --> 01:10:56,007 So, you wanna head out? 1427 01:10:56,085 --> 01:10:57,950 Did you just move in or something? 1428 01:10:58,020 --> 01:11:00,284 No. Actually I'm getting new carpet in. 1429 01:11:00,356 --> 01:11:02,756 I'm having carpet put in tomorrow, so... 1430 01:11:04,126 --> 01:11:05,457 - Well, you know. - Yeah. 1431 01:11:05,527 --> 01:11:07,222 - Okay. - Looks good with the floors. 1432 01:11:07,296 --> 01:11:08,729 - Yeah. - All right. 1433 01:11:09,064 --> 01:11:10,531 I should tear up the hard wood... 1434 01:11:10,599 --> 01:11:12,726 and see if there's carpet underneath. 1435 01:11:12,801 --> 01:11:14,666 That's never the case. 1436 01:11:18,007 --> 01:11:19,668 - This is gonna be fun. - Yes. 1437 01:11:19,742 --> 01:11:21,642 You know, I drive by this place every day. 1438 01:11:21,710 --> 01:11:23,439 I've never been in before. 1439 01:11:24,079 --> 01:11:25,307 I'm glad you came. 1440 01:11:25,381 --> 01:11:28,646 You know, I never really go out with nice guys like you. 1441 01:11:29,585 --> 01:11:32,452 I think I've avoided nice guys like you my whole life... 1442 01:11:32,521 --> 01:11:33,988 at my own peril. 1443 01:11:35,858 --> 01:11:37,519 My last boyfriend drank a lot. 1444 01:11:37,593 --> 01:11:38,582 Mmm-hmm. 1445 01:11:38,661 --> 01:11:40,185 - And so... - This is just punch. 1446 01:11:41,463 --> 01:11:43,260 No, it's okay. A little bit's fine. 1447 01:11:43,332 --> 01:11:45,596 Buddha punch. I need some Buddha. 1448 01:11:46,135 --> 01:11:48,603 Excuse me, miss. Could you gather your team... 1449 01:11:48,671 --> 01:11:51,401 and sing happy birthday for my daughter, please? 1450 01:12:09,858 --> 01:12:12,588 - That was so good. What? - That was great. Happy birthday. 1451 01:12:12,661 --> 01:12:14,629 - It's your birthday, too? - No. 1452 01:12:14,697 --> 01:12:16,790 - It's his birthday, too. - No, no, no. 1453 01:12:16,865 --> 01:12:19,459 Could you sing for him and bring him a cake? 1454 01:12:19,535 --> 01:12:21,025 Happy birthday. 1455 01:12:35,017 --> 01:12:37,383 - Thanks a lot. - Happy birthday, Andy. 1456 01:12:53,702 --> 01:12:56,899 - You really like kissing, don't you? - Yes. 1457 01:12:59,675 --> 01:13:00,937 I really do. 1458 01:13:01,009 --> 01:13:02,738 Take off your pants, okay? 1459 01:13:04,279 --> 01:13:05,610 - Okay. - Okay. 1460 01:13:08,117 --> 01:13:10,483 - Wow, this is really gonna happen. - Oh, yeah. 1461 01:13:10,552 --> 01:13:11,985 Thank God. 1462 01:13:13,422 --> 01:13:16,585 - Okay, I'm taking off my pants. - Yeah. 1463 01:13:16,825 --> 01:13:18,417 Do you need some help? 1464 01:13:18,794 --> 01:13:22,252 I think I almost got them. It's hooked on my ankle. 1465 01:13:22,931 --> 01:13:24,489 Wow, that's... 1466 01:13:26,068 --> 01:13:27,899 Hey, wait. Do you have protection? 1467 01:13:27,970 --> 01:13:29,631 I don't like guns. 1468 01:13:32,574 --> 01:13:34,098 That's funny. 1469 01:13:34,176 --> 01:13:36,542 I have condoms right here. Okay? 1470 01:13:36,612 --> 01:13:38,477 - Okay. - There's, you know... 1471 01:13:38,547 --> 01:13:41,607 Check the expiration date because they were from when I was married. 1472 01:13:41,683 --> 01:13:44,516 And we didn't have sex that often. That's why there are so many, okay? 1473 01:13:44,586 --> 01:13:45,678 Okay. 1474 01:13:50,058 --> 01:13:51,423 I got them. 1475 01:13:53,796 --> 01:13:55,423 How does this go? 1476 01:13:55,931 --> 01:14:00,630 Okay. "Roll over the tip and down onto the base. " 1477 01:14:02,538 --> 01:14:04,096 Over the balls? 1478 01:14:04,706 --> 01:14:06,071 It doesn't say. 1479 01:14:09,278 --> 01:14:11,473 Do you mind if I use your magnum? 1480 01:14:12,648 --> 01:14:13,637 Yeah. 1481 01:14:15,517 --> 01:14:17,485 Wow. You got to be kidding. 1482 01:14:18,320 --> 01:14:19,787 I am Aquaman. 1483 01:14:21,890 --> 01:14:23,357 What is that? 1484 01:14:41,443 --> 01:14:42,501 Mom? 1485 01:14:43,679 --> 01:14:44,941 What's going on here? 1486 01:14:45,013 --> 01:14:46,947 - Who the hell are you? - It's Andy. 1487 01:14:47,015 --> 01:14:48,073 Hi, I'm Andy. 1488 01:14:48,150 --> 01:14:49,640 God! What are you doing? 1489 01:14:49,718 --> 01:14:51,743 Marla, get the fuck out of my room! 1490 01:14:51,820 --> 01:14:52,844 You know what... 1491 01:14:52,921 --> 01:14:55,481 I cannot believe that you're allowed to have sex when I'm not! 1492 01:14:55,557 --> 01:14:57,491 - That is so unfair. - I'm gonna head out. 1493 01:14:57,559 --> 01:14:58,583 You should go. 1494 01:14:58,660 --> 01:15:01,629 Oh, Jesus! How many times did you just do it? 1495 01:15:01,697 --> 01:15:02,823 Oh, my God! 1496 01:15:05,234 --> 01:15:06,701 I'm so sorry. 1497 01:15:13,742 --> 01:15:15,676 Dude, teach me. 1498 01:15:25,921 --> 01:15:26,910 Hotline. 1499 01:15:26,989 --> 01:15:30,481 Hi, yes, I'm calling because it's more than four hours... 1500 01:15:30,559 --> 01:15:33,619 and your ad said to call if it's been more than four hours. 1501 01:15:33,695 --> 01:15:35,629 How much of the medicine have you taken, sir? 1502 01:15:36,164 --> 01:15:39,065 I haven't taken any, but your ad said... 1503 01:15:39,134 --> 01:15:43,002 that if you've had an erection for more than four hours, you call. 1504 01:15:43,138 --> 01:15:46,505 You're only supposed to call if you've taken the medicine. 1505 01:15:46,575 --> 01:15:49,976 Okay. I'm sorry. I must not have heard that part. 1506 01:15:50,045 --> 01:15:52,513 Yes. If you haven't taken the medicine, you don't call. 1507 01:15:52,581 --> 01:15:54,606 Right. I'm sorry. Right. 1508 01:15:54,750 --> 01:15:56,980 So, there's nothing you can do? 1509 01:15:57,419 --> 01:15:59,478 - I just don't wanna... - There's nothing I can do. 1510 01:15:59,555 --> 01:16:00,613 I'm in Bombay, India. 1511 01:16:00,722 --> 01:16:03,452 Okay. No, not you personally. I just don't want... 1512 01:16:03,759 --> 01:16:05,659 I just don't want to have an erection anymore. 1513 01:16:06,828 --> 01:16:08,989 You know, you could have sex. 1514 01:16:09,097 --> 01:16:10,086 Okay. Yup. 1515 01:16:10,766 --> 01:16:14,634 That's one thing people do when they have an erection. 1516 01:16:14,703 --> 01:16:17,263 Yeah, that's not an option. I don't have sex. 1517 01:16:17,339 --> 01:16:19,671 Okay, well, then you can masturbate. 1518 01:16:19,741 --> 01:16:21,436 I'd rather not masturbate. 1519 01:16:21,510 --> 01:16:24,479 If you'd like the erection to go away, you can light a match... 1520 01:16:24,546 --> 01:16:28,607 blow out the flame and put the hot ember on your wrist. 1521 01:16:29,318 --> 01:16:31,445 And that will focus the brain elsewhere... 1522 01:16:31,520 --> 01:16:34,045 - ... and you will lose your erection. - Really? That'd work? 1523 01:16:34,122 --> 01:16:36,920 Take your finger and flick your testicle... 1524 01:16:36,992 --> 01:16:38,459 and if you do that till it hurts... 1525 01:16:38,527 --> 01:16:40,722 - ... your erection will go away. - Okay, all right. 1526 01:16:40,796 --> 01:16:42,195 It sounds unpleasant and it is. 1527 01:16:42,264 --> 01:16:43,993 It is a trick we use in India. 1528 01:16:44,066 --> 01:16:47,832 Okay, those are all good pieces of advice. I really appreciate it. 1529 01:16:47,903 --> 01:16:49,928 We appreciate your business. 1530 01:16:50,105 --> 01:16:52,164 Oh, no. We didn't get your business... 1531 01:16:52,240 --> 01:16:55,676 No, not this time. I guess I didn't need you this time. Thank you. 1532 01:17:24,206 --> 01:17:26,766 My goodness, Andy, you are a terrific salesman. 1533 01:17:26,842 --> 01:17:29,174 - Thank you. - Gosh, you really got it down. 1534 01:17:29,244 --> 01:17:31,075 - Thanks. - And your numbers are good. 1535 01:17:31,146 --> 01:17:32,113 Thanks. 1536 01:17:32,180 --> 01:17:34,114 I'm going to put you out on the floor full time. 1537 01:17:34,182 --> 01:17:35,171 - Really? - Yeah. 1538 01:17:35,250 --> 01:17:36,148 Wow. Okay. 1539 01:17:36,218 --> 01:17:38,516 Good. We're gonna get you a blue shirt and tie, all right? 1540 01:17:38,587 --> 01:17:39,519 Great. Thanks. 1541 01:17:39,588 --> 01:17:42,614 You know, Andy, I've been thinking about your problem. 1542 01:17:42,691 --> 01:17:44,852 I think I might have a solution for you. 1543 01:17:46,061 --> 01:17:49,155 You ever heard of the term "fuck buddy"? 1544 01:17:50,932 --> 01:17:52,024 What? 1545 01:17:52,167 --> 01:17:54,635 It's a special friend... 1546 01:17:55,570 --> 01:17:56,798 who you fuck. 1547 01:17:57,773 --> 01:17:59,866 No, haven't heard that term. 1548 01:17:59,941 --> 01:18:02,876 When I was a little girl, I developed early. 1549 01:18:03,545 --> 01:18:06,605 By the time I was 14, I had this body you're looking at. 1550 01:18:06,682 --> 01:18:09,742 - Can you imagine that? - I don't want to, no. 1551 01:18:10,352 --> 01:18:13,412 Well, needless to say, a lot of male attention. 1552 01:18:13,488 --> 01:18:14,648 Like men, yes. 1553 01:18:14,723 --> 01:18:18,716 Especially from our Guatemalan gardener, Javier. 1554 01:18:18,894 --> 01:18:20,020 Okay. 1555 01:18:20,395 --> 01:18:22,124 You know, Javier... 1556 01:18:22,998 --> 01:18:27,765 before he made passionate yet gentle love to me for the first time... 1557 01:18:29,137 --> 01:18:33,267 he serenaded me with a beautiful old Guatemalan love song. 1558 01:18:33,341 --> 01:18:35,002 Really, that's... 1559 01:18:35,377 --> 01:18:37,777 That sounds nice. 1560 01:19:05,173 --> 01:19:06,231 Okay. 1561 01:19:07,876 --> 01:19:09,104 My goodness. 1562 01:19:09,411 --> 01:19:11,641 - I think we better get back to work. - Yeah. 1563 01:19:11,713 --> 01:19:14,045 - Yeah, I better go back to work. - Yeah. 1564 01:19:14,116 --> 01:19:15,947 - So, okay. - All right. 1565 01:19:16,051 --> 01:19:17,916 So, you mull it over and I'll talk to you soon. 1566 01:19:17,986 --> 01:19:19,817 - All right, I will. Thank you. - Okay. 1567 01:19:24,926 --> 01:19:27,918 What's up, dawg? What happened? How was the date with Trish? 1568 01:19:27,996 --> 01:19:30,328 - It was a disaster. - Really? 1569 01:19:30,398 --> 01:19:33,196 Yes. I've never been more embarrassed in my life. 1570 01:19:33,401 --> 01:19:35,426 Couldn't get the condoms to work. 1571 01:19:35,504 --> 01:19:38,268 And one of them exploded on my balls. 1572 01:19:38,607 --> 01:19:40,370 And then her kid walked in the room. 1573 01:19:40,442 --> 01:19:41,374 Wait. Hold up. 1574 01:19:41,443 --> 01:19:42,967 She was hiding the kid from you, dawg? 1575 01:19:43,044 --> 01:19:44,375 You know what, it doesn't matter... 1576 01:19:44,446 --> 01:19:46,778 because it was going downhill straight from there. 1577 01:19:46,848 --> 01:19:49,043 Listen, you don't want no baby-daddy drama. 1578 01:19:49,117 --> 01:19:50,345 Trust me on this one, all right? 1579 01:19:50,418 --> 01:19:52,477 For all you know, he in prison right now. 1580 01:19:52,554 --> 01:19:53,919 Let's say y'all living together. 1581 01:19:53,989 --> 01:19:56,958 Next thing you know, you the one going on the 1st and the 15th... 1582 01:19:57,025 --> 01:19:58,253 to pick up the government check. 1583 01:19:58,326 --> 01:20:00,419 What if he got boys that's on the outside... 1584 01:20:00,495 --> 01:20:01,587 and they stalking you? 1585 01:20:01,663 --> 01:20:03,563 You see what I'm saying? You got to think, partner... 1586 01:20:03,632 --> 01:20:05,327 What the fuck are you talking about? 1587 01:20:05,400 --> 01:20:07,868 Here's what you do. You tell her you're a virgin. 1588 01:20:07,936 --> 01:20:10,063 You test her with this shit, okay? 1589 01:20:10,138 --> 01:20:12,902 Here, tell me. Tell me. This is how it's gonna go. Tell me. 1590 01:20:12,974 --> 01:20:14,771 - I'm a virgin. - Sweet. 1591 01:20:15,277 --> 01:20:18,678 I like that because you don't have chlamydia. 1592 01:20:19,915 --> 01:20:22,645 And I know that, and that shit is everywhere. 1593 01:20:23,185 --> 01:20:24,982 What if she laughs at me, though? 1594 01:20:25,053 --> 01:20:27,248 Then you punch her in the fucking head if she laughs. 1595 01:20:27,322 --> 01:20:29,882 I'm not going to punch her in the head. She's really sweet. 1596 01:20:29,958 --> 01:20:33,519 No. I mean, you punch her in her fucking head emotionally. 1597 01:20:33,595 --> 01:20:36,587 She's different. She's someone I felt like I had... 1598 01:20:36,665 --> 01:20:37,996 a connection with. 1599 01:20:38,066 --> 01:20:41,331 All you trying to do right now is bust off this first night. 1600 01:20:41,403 --> 01:20:43,928 You got a whole lot of semen back up in you. 1601 01:20:44,005 --> 01:20:45,165 I am going to tell her. 1602 01:20:45,240 --> 01:20:47,071 - You should totally tell her, man. - I'm going to. 1603 01:20:47,142 --> 01:20:49,372 'Cause I watched this movie called Liar Liar... 1604 01:20:49,444 --> 01:20:52,106 and the message was, "Don't lie. " 1605 01:20:52,180 --> 01:20:53,875 And that was a smart movie. 1606 01:20:53,949 --> 01:20:55,439 - Yeah, that's the right thing. - Yeah. 1607 01:20:56,184 --> 01:21:00,120 Really? All your girlfriends wanted to have sex with virgins, too? 1608 01:21:00,789 --> 01:21:04,384 That's funny. I didn't even know you girls talked like that. 1609 01:21:05,026 --> 01:21:08,154 I think my first time might be your best time, too. 1610 01:21:08,997 --> 01:21:10,396 Well, I knew it. You know what... 1611 01:21:10,465 --> 01:21:13,525 I knew that you'd react that way and I knew that... 1612 01:21:13,802 --> 01:21:18,262 you would want to lead me through my first sexual encounter... 1613 01:21:18,573 --> 01:21:23,067 with all the compassion and care that someone... 1614 01:21:23,345 --> 01:21:24,972 would give to their soul mate. 1615 01:21:25,046 --> 01:21:26,911 Oh, my God. I'm in trouble. 1616 01:21:30,151 --> 01:21:31,345 Hey, Andy. 1617 01:21:31,820 --> 01:21:33,447 You watching Survivor tonight? 1618 01:21:33,521 --> 01:21:35,989 No, actually I'm going out to dinner with somebody. 1619 01:21:36,057 --> 01:21:36,989 Hi. 1620 01:21:37,492 --> 01:21:38,516 This is her. 1621 01:21:38,593 --> 01:21:40,618 - Trish, this is Joe and Sara. - Hi. 1622 01:21:40,695 --> 01:21:42,026 - Hi, Trish. - Hey. 1623 01:21:42,097 --> 01:21:43,621 But tape it for me, okay? 1624 01:21:43,698 --> 01:21:45,393 - Will do. All right. - Thanks. 1625 01:21:45,467 --> 01:21:46,593 - So long. - Bye-bye. 1626 01:21:46,668 --> 01:21:48,363 - See you later. - Have a good night. 1627 01:21:48,436 --> 01:21:50,836 Yeah, my man's gonna get it on tonight. 1628 01:21:50,906 --> 01:21:51,895 Yes, sir. 1629 01:21:51,973 --> 01:21:54,498 Yeah, and you better get on me, too. 1630 01:21:54,809 --> 01:21:56,709 What is wrong with this woman? 1631 01:21:56,778 --> 01:21:57,972 Mercy, mercy, mercy. 1632 01:22:04,352 --> 01:22:06,047 I'm so sorry that happened the other night. 1633 01:22:06,121 --> 01:22:07,145 No, I'm sorry. 1634 01:22:07,222 --> 01:22:08,917 - Oh, my God. - That was me. 1635 01:22:08,990 --> 01:22:09,979 No. 1636 01:22:10,692 --> 01:22:13,388 Let me... I have something I want to tell you. 1637 01:22:14,296 --> 01:22:16,230 Kind of hard to talk about. 1638 01:22:17,198 --> 01:22:18,187 But... 1639 01:22:18,934 --> 01:22:21,960 you know, there are certain things... 1640 01:22:22,304 --> 01:22:24,670 about who I am that... 1641 01:22:25,173 --> 01:22:28,165 I'm sorry. I just have to get this off my chest. 1642 01:22:28,243 --> 01:22:30,939 I am so sorry, I didn't tell you I had kids. 1643 01:22:31,680 --> 01:22:33,511 Yeah, what was that about? 1644 01:22:33,581 --> 01:22:35,947 Gosh. You know, that really surprised me. 1645 01:22:38,820 --> 01:22:40,754 No, you should have told me probably, but... 1646 01:22:40,822 --> 01:22:41,811 I'm sorry. I know. 1647 01:22:41,890 --> 01:22:43,983 What do I care if you have a kid? 1648 01:22:44,459 --> 01:22:46,120 Well, I have two kids. 1649 01:22:46,995 --> 01:22:49,395 Wow. Okay. How old are they? 1650 01:22:50,398 --> 01:22:51,456 Six. 1651 01:22:52,200 --> 01:22:53,428 Sixteen. 1652 01:22:53,902 --> 01:22:55,267 Twenty-one. 1653 01:22:56,137 --> 01:22:57,468 Forty-two. 1654 01:22:58,373 --> 01:23:00,307 Fifty-six. How many kids do you have? 1655 01:23:00,375 --> 01:23:02,206 - I have three. - Okay, three. 1656 01:23:02,277 --> 01:23:04,268 Yeah, and one of them has a kid. 1657 01:23:04,346 --> 01:23:05,643 A one-year-old. 1658 01:23:05,981 --> 01:23:07,710 That's cool. That's great. 1659 01:23:09,718 --> 01:23:13,210 - I'm really glad we're doing this. - Me, too. 1660 01:23:17,592 --> 01:23:19,116 Listen, Andy... 1661 01:23:19,527 --> 01:23:22,519 I don't want to send you running for the hills or anything, but... 1662 01:23:22,597 --> 01:23:27,296 I really feel like if we decide to do this again, then... 1663 01:23:29,437 --> 01:23:32,668 maybe we should hold off on the physical part for a while. 1664 01:23:34,576 --> 01:23:36,908 That is a fantastic idea. 1665 01:23:37,712 --> 01:23:39,179 Why didn't I think of that? 1666 01:23:39,247 --> 01:23:40,475 - Really? - Totally. 1667 01:23:40,548 --> 01:23:43,847 - No sex? - No. Why do that? 1668 01:23:43,918 --> 01:23:45,715 Because here's the thing. 1669 01:23:45,854 --> 01:23:47,048 From personal experience... 1670 01:23:47,122 --> 01:23:49,818 I found that sex can really complicate things. 1671 01:23:49,891 --> 01:23:52,951 And what we should be doing right now is getting to know each other. 1672 01:23:53,028 --> 01:23:54,052 Yeah. 1673 01:23:54,429 --> 01:23:56,420 Well, I never thought you'd go for it. 1674 01:23:56,498 --> 01:23:57,829 I'm going for it. 1675 01:23:57,899 --> 01:24:00,891 Well, that just is a great, great notion. 1676 01:24:01,836 --> 01:24:02,928 Are you serious? 1677 01:24:03,004 --> 01:24:05,802 Look at my face. Look at how serious I am. 1678 01:24:06,107 --> 01:24:07,836 Can you see my nostrils? 1679 01:24:07,909 --> 01:24:09,706 - Yes. - That's serious. 1680 01:24:10,011 --> 01:24:11,444 That's more angry. 1681 01:24:11,846 --> 01:24:14,076 Yeah, you know what, most guys would be saying: 1682 01:24:14,149 --> 01:24:17,380 "Yeah," right now, but, like, by the third date, it would be: 1683 01:24:17,452 --> 01:24:20,979 "Hey, baby, I really need to physically express how I feel"... 1684 01:24:21,056 --> 01:24:23,422 - ... and all that stuff. - Well, hey, baby... 1685 01:24:23,491 --> 01:24:26,585 you know, three dates... Make it 10, 10 dates. 1686 01:24:28,463 --> 01:24:29,760 How about 15? 1687 01:24:29,831 --> 01:24:33,562 Fifteen. Screw your 15. 20 dates. 1688 01:24:33,835 --> 01:24:35,894 - Okay, 20 dates. - Twenty dates. 1689 01:24:36,337 --> 01:24:38,532 - Okay. - This is genius. 1690 01:24:38,907 --> 01:24:40,272 It's gonna hurt. 1691 01:24:42,277 --> 01:24:44,245 Not as much as you think. 1692 01:24:45,980 --> 01:24:48,107 We can really get to know each other this way. 1693 01:24:48,183 --> 01:24:49,172 Yeah. 1694 01:24:49,617 --> 01:24:52,177 - This is one, right? - No, next one. 1695 01:24:58,126 --> 01:25:00,060 Is it safe to come in, or are you guys doing it? 1696 01:25:00,128 --> 01:25:01,789 Honey, it's safe. 1697 01:25:04,265 --> 01:25:05,289 Great. 1698 01:25:05,366 --> 01:25:07,027 Well, good timing. 1699 01:25:07,368 --> 01:25:09,063 - Yeah. - You remember Marla. 1700 01:25:09,137 --> 01:25:12,072 - Hi, we met. - And this is my little bunny rabbit. 1701 01:25:12,140 --> 01:25:13,573 - Julia. - Hey. 1702 01:25:13,641 --> 01:25:16,007 - This is Andy. - Julia, how you doing? 1703 01:25:16,978 --> 01:25:20,539 You know what, do you by any chance like magic? 1704 01:25:21,015 --> 01:25:23,506 - Yeah. - I thought that you might. 1705 01:25:23,585 --> 01:25:25,075 Because I noticed on the way in... 1706 01:25:25,153 --> 01:25:27,747 that you had something shiny behind your ear. 1707 01:25:27,822 --> 01:25:30,256 Marla, did you see that? Something behind her ear? 1708 01:25:30,325 --> 01:25:31,815 You think you do? Could I check? 1709 01:25:31,893 --> 01:25:34,191 Do you mind if I check behind your ear? 1710 01:25:34,429 --> 01:25:35,794 Big money! 1711 01:25:37,232 --> 01:25:39,894 - That's amazing. - Wow, it is amazing. 1712 01:25:39,968 --> 01:25:42,061 There's something else, too, behind your ear, I think. 1713 01:25:42,137 --> 01:25:44,799 No, actually it's not behind your ear. I think it is your ear. 1714 01:25:44,873 --> 01:25:45,862 Rip! 1715 01:25:45,940 --> 01:25:49,398 It is your ear. There is your ear. 1716 01:25:49,477 --> 01:25:50,808 I ripped it off. 1717 01:25:50,879 --> 01:25:52,403 - Gross! - Yeah, that's... 1718 01:25:52,480 --> 01:25:55,608 All right. Wait. Okay, but that means that you... 1719 01:25:55,683 --> 01:25:58,652 walk around with a rubber ear in your pocket all day? 1720 01:25:59,487 --> 01:26:01,216 Yeah, like half the time. 1721 01:26:01,489 --> 01:26:03,354 You know, I can come to your high school... 1722 01:26:03,424 --> 01:26:05,392 and do it for your friends if you want. 1723 01:26:05,460 --> 01:26:07,291 You know what, I should head out. 1724 01:26:07,362 --> 01:26:08,693 - Really? - Yeah. 1725 01:26:08,763 --> 01:26:10,663 I have to give you a ride home. 1726 01:26:10,732 --> 01:26:11,960 Right. Yes, you do. 1727 01:26:12,033 --> 01:26:14,263 Yeah, 'cause you don't have a car or anything, right? 1728 01:26:14,335 --> 01:26:15,893 Right, I don't have a car. 1729 01:26:15,970 --> 01:26:18,598 'Cause he doesn't have a car, and he does magic. 1730 01:26:18,940 --> 01:26:19,998 Awesome. 1731 01:26:20,208 --> 01:26:22,802 And sarcasm is like a second language to me. 1732 01:26:22,877 --> 01:26:24,936 So, I'm right there with you. 1733 01:26:28,049 --> 01:26:29,448 But, Dad... 1734 01:26:30,185 --> 01:26:33,484 I don't know how to love. 1735 01:26:34,355 --> 01:26:35,879 You never... 1736 01:26:35,957 --> 01:26:39,984 taught me how... 1737 01:26:43,331 --> 01:26:45,196 - Hello. - Hey, Cal. 1738 01:26:45,366 --> 01:26:47,596 - Hey. - I just got back from a date. 1739 01:26:47,669 --> 01:26:49,762 Did you tell her you're a virgin? 1740 01:26:50,138 --> 01:26:52,265 No. I haven't gotten to that yet. 1741 01:26:52,340 --> 01:26:54,535 Really? Are you having sex right now? 1742 01:26:54,742 --> 01:26:56,937 No. She was incredible. 1743 01:26:57,278 --> 01:26:59,576 She was amazing. She didn't pressure me. 1744 01:26:59,647 --> 01:27:02,639 And she has three kids. 1745 01:27:02,717 --> 01:27:04,708 And one of her kids has a kid. 1746 01:27:06,955 --> 01:27:08,217 You all right? 1747 01:27:08,656 --> 01:27:12,922 Did you just say she has three kids, one of whom has a kid? 1748 01:27:12,994 --> 01:27:15,428 - Yeah. - So, so, she's a grandma? 1749 01:27:15,630 --> 01:27:16,619 No. 1750 01:27:16,698 --> 01:27:18,461 I'm not a doctor or anything like that... 1751 01:27:18,533 --> 01:27:20,694 but she's a fucking grandma. 1752 01:27:21,536 --> 01:27:23,128 Yeah, whatever, you know. 1753 01:27:23,204 --> 01:27:24,603 She's the hottest grandma I ever saw. 1754 01:27:24,672 --> 01:27:26,105 Yeah, she is. She's a hot grandma. 1755 01:27:26,174 --> 01:27:28,904 That's a good-looking grandma. My grandma looks like Jack Palance. 1756 01:27:28,977 --> 01:27:30,001 Well, she's no Jack Palance. 1757 01:27:30,078 --> 01:27:31,807 No. If Jack Palance looked like that lady... 1758 01:27:31,879 --> 01:27:33,847 I would want to fuck Jack Palance right now. 1759 01:27:33,915 --> 01:27:34,939 Yeah, me, too. 1760 01:27:35,516 --> 01:27:36,642 She's a hot grandma. 1761 01:27:36,718 --> 01:27:38,583 Heck, yeah. No, do a grandma, man. 1762 01:27:38,653 --> 01:27:41,451 You should fuck her on her plastic-covered couch. 1763 01:27:42,223 --> 01:27:44,248 Fuck her while she watches Murder, She Wrote. 1764 01:27:44,325 --> 01:27:45,917 She would probably find that very erotic. 1765 01:27:45,994 --> 01:27:47,222 Yeah, whatever, you know. 1766 01:27:47,295 --> 01:27:50,787 Fuck her and then have her send you a check for $12 on your birthday. 1767 01:27:51,466 --> 01:27:53,730 I'm the dude with the hot granny. 1768 01:27:55,103 --> 01:27:56,866 What did you want to talk to me about? 1769 01:27:56,938 --> 01:27:58,667 Well, Andy, the numbers just came in... 1770 01:27:58,740 --> 01:28:02,437 and you are by far our best salesman. 1771 01:28:02,810 --> 01:28:05,176 So, I am promoting you to floor manager. 1772 01:28:05,580 --> 01:28:07,411 This is the bullshit of all bullshits! 1773 01:28:07,482 --> 01:28:09,450 You scumbag! Ass kisser! 1774 01:28:11,786 --> 01:28:13,481 Thank you. That's great. 1775 01:28:13,821 --> 01:28:17,552 - I understand you have a girlfriend. - Yeah, kind of seeing somebody. 1776 01:28:17,992 --> 01:28:20,620 - I'm very happy for you. - Thanks. She's great. 1777 01:28:20,762 --> 01:28:22,389 Are you still a virgin? 1778 01:28:23,498 --> 01:28:24,965 You know, I don't really... 1779 01:28:25,033 --> 01:28:26,933 - ... talk about my personal life. - You're a virgin. 1780 01:28:27,001 --> 01:28:28,366 - Yes, I am. - Yeah. 1781 01:28:29,737 --> 01:28:31,466 My door is always open. 1782 01:28:32,073 --> 01:28:33,870 - So to speak. - Great. 1783 01:28:35,376 --> 01:28:36,741 Great. Thank you. 1784 01:28:37,245 --> 01:28:39,213 I'm very discreet. 1785 01:28:42,016 --> 01:28:44,450 But I'll haunt your dreams. 1786 01:28:46,354 --> 01:28:47,719 - Okay. - Okay. 1787 01:28:53,061 --> 01:28:54,460 Wow. 1788 01:28:56,331 --> 01:29:00,392 - So who's gonna take my job? - Cal will be taking over your job. 1789 01:29:00,468 --> 01:29:02,299 And he's interviewing people right now... 1790 01:29:02,370 --> 01:29:03,667 for his old job. 1791 01:29:03,738 --> 01:29:05,763 So, have you ever worked with electronics before? 1792 01:29:05,840 --> 01:29:06,966 - No. - No? 1793 01:29:07,208 --> 01:29:10,439 But I have electronics in my home. 1794 01:29:11,512 --> 01:29:15,471 Perfect. That's the job pretty much. You're very well-qualified. 1795 01:29:16,117 --> 01:29:17,641 More than these other losers. 1796 01:29:19,187 --> 01:29:21,849 - I could do that... - Wait, last thing. 1797 01:29:21,923 --> 01:29:23,948 I'm also gonna need that extended warranty on it... 1798 01:29:24,025 --> 01:29:26,357 for the price of "on the house. " 1799 01:29:28,329 --> 01:29:29,626 That I can't do. 1800 01:29:29,697 --> 01:29:32,393 Hey, don't be a Negro. Be my nigger. All right? Help me out. 1801 01:29:32,467 --> 01:29:34,526 Hold up. I ain't nobody's nigger. 1802 01:29:35,503 --> 01:29:38,267 I mean, you're somebody's nigger wearing this nigger tie. 1803 01:29:38,339 --> 01:29:39,863 Now you being condescending. 1804 01:29:39,941 --> 01:29:43,433 See, you've been warned, all right? Just move forward amicably. 1805 01:29:43,511 --> 01:29:44,876 Okay. Well, check this out. 1806 01:29:44,946 --> 01:29:47,039 First of all, you're throwing too many big words at me. 1807 01:29:47,115 --> 01:29:48,810 Okay, now because I don't understand them... 1808 01:29:48,883 --> 01:29:50,350 I'm gonna take them as disrespect. 1809 01:29:50,418 --> 01:29:52,784 Watch your mouth, and help me with the sale. 1810 01:29:52,854 --> 01:29:55,550 Okay, see, now you found yourself a nigger. 1811 01:29:55,623 --> 01:29:58,456 You were looking for a nigger? Nigger here now. See? 1812 01:29:58,526 --> 01:30:01,825 Today's forecast: Dark and cloudy, and chance of drive-by. 1813 01:30:02,029 --> 01:30:04,020 - You want to go? - I suggest you move back. 1814 01:30:04,098 --> 01:30:05,725 Then, nig, fire on. 1815 01:30:05,800 --> 01:30:07,097 What are we gonna do? 1816 01:30:07,635 --> 01:30:10,399 What are you gonna do, Mr. Floor Manager? 1817 01:30:11,806 --> 01:30:13,034 Go, get them, tiger. 1818 01:30:13,107 --> 01:30:14,768 This shit just got rigged. 1819 01:30:14,842 --> 01:30:16,742 - What are you gonna do, bitch? - I'll tell you what. 1820 01:30:16,811 --> 01:30:18,745 You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th? 1821 01:30:18,813 --> 01:30:20,610 You ever heard of, Rolling 20s, nigger? 1822 01:30:20,681 --> 01:30:23,047 Since I was 16, nigger, I'm saying "frosty. " 1823 01:30:23,117 --> 01:30:24,778 You know what I'm saying, "spoon", nigger. 1824 01:30:24,852 --> 01:30:26,513 We fucked dwarfs in the ass. 1825 01:30:26,587 --> 01:30:28,521 Nigger, this dwarf here don't got to be tall... 1826 01:30:28,589 --> 01:30:30,386 to pull the trigger off in somebody face! 1827 01:30:30,458 --> 01:30:32,688 - Come on nigger, back up. - What's up? Hey... 1828 01:30:32,760 --> 01:30:33,988 Welcome to Smart Tech. 1829 01:30:34,061 --> 01:30:35,460 - Is this your boy? - What can I help you with? 1830 01:30:35,530 --> 01:30:37,225 Yeah, nigger, we will both mash you! 1831 01:30:37,298 --> 01:30:39,027 - How can we help you, sir? - Nigger, what? 1832 01:30:39,100 --> 01:30:41,466 No, he don't need no help. He's already been served. 1833 01:30:41,536 --> 01:30:44,403 I served him. He's taken care of. He's a little slow, but he got it. 1834 01:30:44,472 --> 01:30:47,168 See, what he thought was he can come up in here and make the rules. 1835 01:30:47,241 --> 01:30:49,641 But now he see that Jay make the moves at Smart Tech... 1836 01:30:49,710 --> 01:30:52,577 that I run this, bitch and now he bought the bounce. 1837 01:30:53,948 --> 01:30:55,108 This your boy? 1838 01:30:55,249 --> 01:30:57,774 Yeah, that's my boy. We represent Smart Tech. 1839 01:30:57,852 --> 01:30:59,319 You just got fucked up with him. 1840 01:30:59,387 --> 01:31:01,912 Both y'all niggers going get clapped up when I get back. 1841 01:31:02,957 --> 01:31:04,219 Both of you all niggers. 1842 01:31:04,292 --> 01:31:06,419 - What did I do? - It don't fucking matter! 1843 01:31:06,661 --> 01:31:09,858 Yeah, aim high, Willis. Aim high! 1844 01:31:09,931 --> 01:31:11,398 Please don't do this. 1845 01:31:12,233 --> 01:31:14,224 Jay, what's going on? 1846 01:31:16,404 --> 01:31:17,735 Jill broke up with me. 1847 01:31:17,805 --> 01:31:20,296 I'm so sorry. What happened? 1848 01:31:20,541 --> 01:31:22,634 I came home a little tipsy. 1849 01:31:22,910 --> 01:31:25,310 And I had one of my condoms on still. 1850 01:31:27,348 --> 01:31:30,613 Woke up the next morning and jumped in the shower with her. 1851 01:31:31,285 --> 01:31:33,310 I don't know what I was thinking. 1852 01:31:33,387 --> 01:31:34,513 Why did you cheat on her? 1853 01:31:34,589 --> 01:31:36,887 Because I'm insecure! You can't tell? 1854 01:31:36,958 --> 01:31:39,358 I know, man. It's gonna be okay. 1855 01:31:39,427 --> 01:31:41,554 - I'm cold. - It's gonna be all right, man. 1856 01:31:41,629 --> 01:31:43,256 Seriously, man, I'm sorry. 1857 01:31:43,564 --> 01:31:45,293 I apologize to you. I know. 1858 01:31:45,366 --> 01:31:47,197 If you wanna have a meaningful relationship... 1859 01:31:47,268 --> 01:31:49,498 you've got to leave the sex out of it, man. You're right. 1860 01:31:49,570 --> 01:31:50,764 It's all right. You're good. 1861 01:31:50,838 --> 01:31:52,669 I'm sorry. Come here. I love you, man. 1862 01:31:52,740 --> 01:31:54,230 Man, I love you, too. 1863 01:31:55,443 --> 01:31:57,104 You're a good guy. 1864 01:31:59,247 --> 01:32:01,681 Do you know how I know you guys are gay? 1865 01:32:01,749 --> 01:32:04,183 You're holding each other ever so gently. 1866 01:32:04,252 --> 01:32:05,241 Cabron. 1867 01:32:11,759 --> 01:32:12,851 Bravo. 1868 01:32:13,327 --> 01:32:14,919 At least he can cook, Mom. 1869 01:32:19,100 --> 01:32:21,728 I love... Spiderman. 1870 01:32:35,016 --> 01:32:37,280 Pull out slowly and go straight ahead. 1871 01:33:05,880 --> 01:33:07,040 I'm all right. 1872 01:33:07,548 --> 01:33:08,674 Nobody's there. 1873 01:33:08,849 --> 01:33:11,113 I want to know everything about you. 1874 01:33:11,185 --> 01:33:12,243 I want to tell you. 1875 01:33:12,320 --> 01:33:13,344 - You do? - Yeah. 1876 01:33:13,421 --> 01:33:16,254 Like, what do you want to do? What are your dreams? 1877 01:33:16,657 --> 01:33:19,592 You don't wanna work at Smart Tech for the rest of your life. 1878 01:33:20,227 --> 01:33:22,320 I've been working there for a long time. 1879 01:33:22,396 --> 01:33:26,093 And I've been thinking lately that maybe I should open my own store. 1880 01:33:26,367 --> 01:33:27,425 - Really? - Yeah. 1881 01:33:27,501 --> 01:33:30,937 - What kind of store? - Well, like a stereo store. 1882 01:33:31,005 --> 01:33:33,371 Oh, my God, that is... Why don't you do that? 1883 01:33:33,441 --> 01:33:35,102 I don't have enough money to do that. 1884 01:33:35,176 --> 01:33:36,643 What about those collectibles? 1885 01:33:36,711 --> 01:33:38,975 I bet if you sold those, you could make a lot of money. 1886 01:33:39,046 --> 01:33:42,880 I just sold a guy's G. I. Joe for $1,000. 1887 01:33:43,217 --> 01:33:44,707 - Really? - Do you have any of those? 1888 01:33:44,785 --> 01:33:45,911 - Yeah. - You do? 1889 01:33:45,987 --> 01:33:47,045 I have 47 of them. 1890 01:33:47,121 --> 01:33:48,315 No, you don't. 1891 01:33:48,389 --> 01:33:50,380 - Yeah, in their original boxes. - You do? 1892 01:33:50,458 --> 01:33:52,551 I could help you sell them on eBay. 1893 01:33:52,627 --> 01:33:55,721 I would not take a commission, I swear to God. 1894 01:33:55,796 --> 01:33:58,856 You could do it. You could totally pull it off. 1895 01:34:00,334 --> 01:34:02,359 - Yeah, let's do it. - Let's do it. 1896 01:34:20,521 --> 01:34:21,715 Aquaman. 1897 01:34:22,156 --> 01:34:23,248 Here. 1898 01:34:23,724 --> 01:34:25,089 Clothes on. 1899 01:34:26,894 --> 01:34:28,794 I'll send you off to... 1900 01:34:29,864 --> 01:34:32,799 a farm with lots of land. 1901 01:34:32,867 --> 01:34:35,665 So, you and other Aquamen can run around... 1902 01:34:36,771 --> 01:34:39,239 and play in the Aquafields. 1903 01:34:49,450 --> 01:34:51,475 Godspeed, Col. Steve Austin. 1904 01:34:53,921 --> 01:34:56,355 You don't wanna go, do you? Okay, you can stay. 1905 01:34:56,424 --> 01:34:58,289 Steve Austin can stay. 1906 01:35:02,263 --> 01:35:03,753 Hey, Cal. David. 1907 01:35:03,964 --> 01:35:06,159 Way to sell a big TV. 1908 01:35:06,233 --> 01:35:07,757 She likes you, man. 1909 01:35:07,968 --> 01:35:09,959 Too bad I retired my penis. 1910 01:35:10,271 --> 01:35:13,468 Mooj, we try to be fair with the schedule but it's hard. 1911 01:35:13,641 --> 01:35:17,168 Okay, but why every damn schedule comes up, I get most early shift? 1912 01:35:17,244 --> 01:35:20,111 It's bullshit. Nobody buys stereo at 10:00 in the morning. 1913 01:35:20,181 --> 01:35:21,239 No, I understand. 1914 01:35:21,315 --> 01:35:24,250 People buy stereo between 6:00 and 8:00. 1915 01:35:24,318 --> 01:35:25,307 Mmm-hmm. 1916 01:35:25,386 --> 01:35:28,844 Rich men get off work, then buy stereo. 1917 01:35:28,923 --> 01:35:31,448 - Right. - Not after fucking brunch. 1918 01:35:31,525 --> 01:35:33,152 Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. 1919 01:35:33,227 --> 01:35:35,821 I'm going to give you a couple of Jay's shifts. 1920 01:35:35,930 --> 01:35:38,558 And then I'll give you a couple of mine and that way... 1921 01:35:38,632 --> 01:35:41,795 - ... we'll all be equal, okay. - Thank you, Andy. 1922 01:35:42,103 --> 01:35:43,229 It's okay. 1923 01:35:43,637 --> 01:35:45,195 You're a good man, Andy. 1924 01:35:47,374 --> 01:35:50,275 By the way, what date are you on, now? 1925 01:35:50,678 --> 01:35:53,272 I think it's around 17. 1926 01:35:53,347 --> 01:35:56,111 It's hard to tell what actually constitutes a date, though. 1927 01:35:56,183 --> 01:36:00,051 Three to go. So that means you're gonna have sex in three days. 1928 01:36:00,755 --> 01:36:03,155 Maybe, I might try to space them out a little bit. 1929 01:36:03,224 --> 01:36:05,749 - I'll pray for your cock. - Okay, thanks. 1930 01:36:05,960 --> 01:36:08,019 - Thanks. Thank you. - Have a good cocky. 1931 01:36:08,195 --> 01:36:10,789 Trish is on the phone. Here is a shock. 1932 01:36:10,865 --> 01:36:12,833 - Girlfriend with a problem. - Hello. 1933 01:36:13,100 --> 01:36:15,330 I have done everything but sex! 1934 01:36:15,402 --> 01:36:17,870 I'm a woman, okay? Deal with it! 1935 01:36:17,938 --> 01:36:20,031 I'm gonna start taking you back to church. 1936 01:36:20,107 --> 01:36:22,075 We are gonna start going to church. 1937 01:36:22,143 --> 01:36:23,633 - Hello? - You know what? 1938 01:36:23,711 --> 01:36:25,042 What the hell are you talking about? 1939 01:36:25,112 --> 01:36:27,774 Oh, my God, I cannot believe this. Thank God you're here. 1940 01:36:27,848 --> 01:36:30,817 Jesus Christ. Marla locked herself in the bathroom. 1941 01:36:30,885 --> 01:36:31,874 What happened? 1942 01:36:31,952 --> 01:36:33,749 She wants to go to the family health clinic. 1943 01:36:33,821 --> 01:36:35,846 She wants birth control. But she's too young. 1944 01:36:35,923 --> 01:36:39,120 I want to have sex with my boyfriend! But I can't, Mom! 1945 01:36:39,193 --> 01:36:40,455 So, you want me to take her? 1946 01:36:40,528 --> 01:36:42,621 - No, I don't want you to take her. - Okay, all right. 1947 01:36:42,696 --> 01:36:45,529 I want her to keep it in her pants until she gets to college. 1948 01:36:45,599 --> 01:36:46,657 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 1949 01:36:46,734 --> 01:36:47,996 "Keep it in my pants"? 1950 01:36:48,068 --> 01:36:50,696 Okay, you didn't keep it in your pants, Mom. 1951 01:36:50,771 --> 01:36:54,229 I know. I don't want you to make the same mistakes as me, Marla. 1952 01:36:54,308 --> 01:36:57,334 Mistakes? Okay, so I was a mistake then. 1953 01:36:57,411 --> 01:37:01,347 No, you're not a mistake. Your sister was the mistake. 1954 01:37:02,049 --> 01:37:03,539 Oh, my God! 1955 01:37:03,951 --> 01:37:06,784 Her older sister, I mean, she wasn't planned, you know what I mean? 1956 01:37:06,854 --> 01:37:09,379 Because I was such a... Oh, God, you wanna run away, don't you? 1957 01:37:09,456 --> 01:37:10,514 No. 1958 01:37:10,591 --> 01:37:13,424 You and your boyfriend have sex all the time! 1959 01:37:13,494 --> 01:37:15,223 Oh, my God! Are you kidding? 1960 01:37:15,296 --> 01:37:17,127 We never have sex. Do we ever have sex? 1961 01:37:17,198 --> 01:37:18,529 No, we don't. 1962 01:37:18,799 --> 01:37:20,630 What? Yes, you do! 1963 01:37:20,701 --> 01:37:23,363 You're such a liar! Why do you lie to me? 1964 01:37:23,437 --> 01:37:24,461 Why? 1965 01:37:28,042 --> 01:37:30,010 I didn't hear anything after "a liar. " 1966 01:37:30,077 --> 01:37:32,910 - What did she say after "a liar"? - She sounds like a tea kettle. 1967 01:37:32,980 --> 01:37:34,880 Fuck you! 1968 01:37:37,184 --> 01:37:39,675 - Maybe I should take her. - No, I don't think so. 1969 01:37:39,753 --> 01:37:42,187 You know, a little information never hurt anybody. 1970 01:37:56,237 --> 01:37:57,295 Cool. 1971 01:37:58,372 --> 01:37:59,430 Wow! 1972 01:38:01,909 --> 01:38:04,002 Where do you put the penis? 1973 01:38:04,912 --> 01:38:06,243 Oh, shit. 1974 01:38:16,657 --> 01:38:18,318 It is... 1975 01:38:19,159 --> 01:38:20,751 not a Rubik's Cube. 1976 01:38:23,430 --> 01:38:24,419 Shit. 1977 01:38:26,166 --> 01:38:28,259 God, how much longer are they gonna make us wait? 1978 01:38:28,335 --> 01:38:30,860 I don't know. They should be out in a second. 1979 01:38:31,305 --> 01:38:32,363 Now, you're all here... 1980 01:38:32,439 --> 01:38:34,839 because you're interested in obtaining birth control. 1981 01:38:34,909 --> 01:38:36,171 Any questions? 1982 01:38:36,777 --> 01:38:39,109 Here's a cute story. I came home the other day... 1983 01:38:39,179 --> 01:38:42,171 and he is with his girlfriend in my marital bed... 1984 01:38:42,249 --> 01:38:45,184 doing things that are illegal in Alabama. 1985 01:38:45,319 --> 01:38:48,618 Sex acts, right? Things that my wife won't do, okay? 1986 01:38:49,056 --> 01:38:51,889 - Did you have a question? - How do I get my wife to do that? 1987 01:38:51,992 --> 01:38:53,391 Does anybody else have a question? 1988 01:38:53,460 --> 01:38:56,793 My daughter is, for lack of a better word... 1989 01:38:57,197 --> 01:38:58,289 dumb. 1990 01:38:58,565 --> 01:39:00,760 How do I stop her menstrual cycle? 1991 01:39:00,834 --> 01:39:03,098 You want her to stop having a menstrual cycle? 1992 01:39:03,170 --> 01:39:05,798 I want to stop it, maybe just for a few years. 1993 01:39:05,873 --> 01:39:08,103 Yeah, I don't think that's a good idea. 1994 01:39:08,175 --> 01:39:11,269 - Does anybody else have a question? - I have a question. 1995 01:39:11,345 --> 01:39:15,179 I think some of the people here might be sexually inexperienced. 1996 01:39:15,783 --> 01:39:18,843 Is it true that if you don't use it, you lose it? 1997 01:39:19,219 --> 01:39:20,846 Is that a serious question? 1998 01:39:20,921 --> 01:39:22,548 - No. It wasn't. - Okay. 1999 01:39:23,157 --> 01:39:26,786 Now, there are a lot of activities that you can engage in... 2000 01:39:26,860 --> 01:39:29,693 without having sex that are both fun and safe. 2001 01:39:29,763 --> 01:39:31,856 What sort of activities? I think... 2002 01:39:31,932 --> 01:39:34,162 everybody wants to know about the activities. 2003 01:39:34,234 --> 01:39:38,796 Well, instead of having intercourse, you could have outer-course. 2004 01:39:39,273 --> 01:39:41,400 Outer-course? What's that? 2005 01:39:41,508 --> 01:39:42,873 Yeah, what is that? 2006 01:39:42,943 --> 01:39:47,073 Outer-course is anything that isn't vaginal intercourse. 2007 01:39:47,381 --> 01:39:49,372 I prefer vaginal intercourse. 2008 01:39:51,051 --> 01:39:52,348 He really does. 2009 01:39:52,686 --> 01:39:56,247 Now, there are ways of having sex without intercourse. 2010 01:39:57,391 --> 01:40:00,792 Let's see, there are things like body rubbing or dry humping. 2011 01:40:00,861 --> 01:40:02,192 You could dry hump. 2012 01:40:02,262 --> 01:40:05,390 - There is masturbation. - Masturbation. Play with yourself. 2013 01:40:05,466 --> 01:40:07,491 - Mutual masturbation. - Play with a friend. 2014 01:40:07,568 --> 01:40:11,163 Deep kissing. There is erotic massage. 2015 01:40:11,238 --> 01:40:13,103 That sounds like it would be nice. 2016 01:40:13,173 --> 01:40:15,767 - Oral sex play. - Sounds like my Friday night. 2017 01:40:15,843 --> 01:40:17,743 Shut up, Seth. We went to temple. 2018 01:40:17,811 --> 01:40:19,608 Okay, are there any virgins here... 2019 01:40:19,680 --> 01:40:22,376 who are thinking about having sex for the first time? 2020 01:40:23,650 --> 01:40:24,639 Oh. 2021 01:40:25,085 --> 01:40:27,212 Wait. So you're a virgin? 2022 01:40:29,790 --> 01:40:32,657 - I'd tap that. - Oh, yeah, you'd "tap that"? 2023 01:40:32,726 --> 01:40:35,695 Seth, what, you think you're cool with your little Jew fro? 2024 01:40:35,763 --> 01:40:38,994 We don't say, "tap that. " What are you talking about, Seth? 2025 01:40:39,066 --> 01:40:41,364 You know what, I'm a virgin, too. 2026 01:40:43,404 --> 01:40:44,530 That's... 2027 01:40:44,605 --> 01:40:46,470 - We're virgins, too. - Yeah. 2028 01:40:48,409 --> 01:40:51,378 No, you know what, it's a personal choice... 2029 01:40:51,445 --> 01:40:52,969 and I don't think it's weird at all. 2030 01:40:53,047 --> 01:40:54,309 You know what your problem is? 2031 01:40:54,381 --> 01:40:56,110 You're putting the pussy on a pedestal. 2032 01:40:56,183 --> 01:40:57,912 That's the second time I've heard that. 2033 01:40:57,985 --> 01:40:59,919 What is the "pussy on a pedestal" thing? 2034 01:40:59,987 --> 01:41:03,855 Okay, I can't listen to anymore of this, 'cause it's making me sick. 2035 01:41:03,924 --> 01:41:04,913 So, bye. 2036 01:41:04,992 --> 01:41:07,153 You can get this information on your website, right? 2037 01:41:07,227 --> 01:41:08,956 - Yes. - Thanks. Nice meeting everybody. 2038 01:41:09,029 --> 01:41:10,155 Any other questions? 2039 01:41:10,230 --> 01:41:12,164 Do you have any extra-large condoms? 2040 01:41:12,232 --> 01:41:14,063 Seth, you got a tiny penis. 2041 01:41:18,172 --> 01:41:21,300 So, I made that all up to help you out. 2042 01:41:23,377 --> 01:41:24,901 No, you didn't. 2043 01:41:25,145 --> 01:41:28,478 But thank you for doing that. 2044 01:41:31,351 --> 01:41:32,978 How can you tell? 2045 01:41:33,153 --> 01:41:35,587 Well, you know, I go to school with, like, 400 guys... 2046 01:41:35,656 --> 01:41:37,089 who are all trying to have sex. 2047 01:41:37,157 --> 01:41:39,125 And, yeah, so I can tell who's done it. 2048 01:41:39,193 --> 01:41:40,251 Of course. 2049 01:41:40,327 --> 01:41:43,228 - And you really haven't? - No, I really haven't. 2050 01:41:43,730 --> 01:41:46,130 Please don't tell your mom, okay? 2051 01:41:46,200 --> 01:41:47,929 - Yeah, I won't. - Thanks. 2052 01:41:48,035 --> 01:41:51,198 But when are you gonna tell her? 2053 01:41:51,405 --> 01:41:53,373 Believe me, I'm working on it. 2054 01:41:54,741 --> 01:41:56,470 I am working on it. 2055 01:41:59,480 --> 01:42:00,708 Do you have any weed? 2056 01:42:02,683 --> 01:42:03,911 - Yeah. - You do have some. 2057 01:42:03,984 --> 01:42:06,111 Can spare any or is it all spoken for? 2058 01:42:06,820 --> 01:42:08,845 I mean, like what are we talking? Are we... 2059 01:42:08,922 --> 01:42:11,390 Just enough to get me baked for like a week. 2060 01:42:11,625 --> 01:42:12,683 That's a lot of weed. 2061 01:42:12,759 --> 01:42:14,693 Yeah, I am taking vacation next week, so... 2062 01:42:14,761 --> 01:42:16,592 - Where are you going? - I'm not going anywhere. 2063 01:42:16,663 --> 01:42:18,460 - I'll stay in my apartment. - Just getting baked? 2064 01:42:18,532 --> 01:42:20,022 I want to be baked the whole time. 2065 01:42:20,100 --> 01:42:22,466 Watch TV, I'll probably re-watch Gandhi. 2066 01:42:23,103 --> 01:42:25,037 - Gandhi baked is good. - Yes, isn't it? 2067 01:42:25,105 --> 01:42:26,732 I always feel bad when I watch it baked... 2068 01:42:26,807 --> 01:42:28,741 'cause I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot... 2069 01:42:28,809 --> 01:42:29,833 and poor Gandhi is... 2070 01:42:29,910 --> 01:42:31,639 - ... fucking starving his ass off. - Starving, I know. 2071 01:42:35,249 --> 01:42:36,739 - Sounds good. - Yeah. 2072 01:42:36,817 --> 01:42:39,547 I'm going to take her to capacity. Are you okay with that? 2073 01:42:39,620 --> 01:42:40,951 Give it a shot. 2074 01:42:41,021 --> 01:42:43,148 Freak! Oh, yeah! 2075 01:42:44,858 --> 01:42:47,486 Michael McDonald, man, I haven't heard this in years. 2076 01:42:47,561 --> 01:42:49,688 Yeah, I haven't heard it in like 48 minutes. 2077 01:42:50,430 --> 01:42:53,160 If I get the set, will you throw in the DVD? 2078 01:42:53,233 --> 01:42:55,497 You don't get the set. I'll throw in the DVD. 2079 01:42:56,003 --> 01:42:57,061 I'll take it. 2080 01:42:57,137 --> 01:42:58,934 - Really? - Yeah. 2081 01:42:59,940 --> 01:43:02,135 Y'all want to see something beautiful? Come here. 2082 01:43:02,209 --> 01:43:05,372 You want to see the most beautiful thing in the world? Check this out. 2083 01:43:05,445 --> 01:43:09,176 This is my baby right here. That's my baby's dick right there. 2084 01:43:09,816 --> 01:43:11,545 Looks like a poltergeist. 2085 01:43:11,852 --> 01:43:13,149 That is his foot. 2086 01:43:13,220 --> 01:43:15,552 Look at his dick. That's not even four months. 2087 01:43:15,622 --> 01:43:16,953 Extrapolate that. 2088 01:43:17,024 --> 01:43:19,390 By the time he's 30, what's gonna happen? 2089 01:43:19,459 --> 01:43:21,757 Yo, Andy! Come check this out, dawg. 2090 01:43:21,828 --> 01:43:24,388 Is this the movie about babies that are geniuses? 2091 01:43:24,464 --> 01:43:26,955 No, this is my child, dude. Jill is pregnant. 2092 01:43:27,034 --> 01:43:28,160 - That's yours? - Yeah. 2093 01:43:28,235 --> 01:43:30,260 That's why she broke up with me in the first place... 2094 01:43:30,337 --> 01:43:32,567 'cause she just thought that I wouldn't be a good father... 2095 01:43:32,639 --> 01:43:34,971 in light of the fact that I'd be cheating on her all the time. 2096 01:43:35,042 --> 01:43:36,737 But she got over all that. It's cool now. 2097 01:43:36,810 --> 01:43:38,744 Congratulations, man. That is great. 2098 01:43:39,012 --> 01:43:40,570 We having a party tonight, Andy... 2099 01:43:40,647 --> 01:43:42,205 and I really want you to be there, man. 2100 01:43:42,282 --> 01:43:44,773 We celebrating and I really, really want you to be there. 2101 01:43:44,851 --> 01:43:47,342 It looks like the Doppler radar. 2102 01:43:47,421 --> 01:43:48,479 Can you believe that? 2103 01:43:48,555 --> 01:43:50,182 This child ain't even four months old. 2104 01:43:50,257 --> 01:43:52,521 He ain't four months old yet. Look at what he's packing. 2105 01:43:52,593 --> 01:43:55,118 Everybody dick looks big on 60-inch TV. 2106 01:43:55,195 --> 01:43:57,755 My sister's dick looks big on TV, okay? 2107 01:43:58,732 --> 01:44:01,394 Oh, my God, this guy, Eric Gilliland... 2108 01:44:01,868 --> 01:44:04,462 - ... he has bought, like, 15 of these. - Really? 2109 01:44:04,538 --> 01:44:07,507 Yeah, I think he likes action figures even more than you. 2110 01:44:07,574 --> 01:44:10,099 - That is impossible. - I think so. 2111 01:44:10,978 --> 01:44:14,277 Andy, the way these things are flying off your shelf... 2112 01:44:14,348 --> 01:44:17,317 you know, I think you could actually make like... 2113 01:44:17,818 --> 01:44:19,376 maybe like $100,000. 2114 01:44:19,453 --> 01:44:21,614 - Really? - Yeah, you could open your store. 2115 01:44:21,688 --> 01:44:23,087 - Wow. - Honey... 2116 01:44:23,223 --> 01:44:25,384 - That's a lot of money. - I know. 2117 01:44:25,459 --> 01:44:28,121 That's incredible. I wouldn't have done it without you. 2118 01:44:28,195 --> 01:44:29,389 Thanks. 2119 01:44:30,063 --> 01:44:32,861 - And that's not the only good news. - What? 2120 01:44:33,300 --> 01:44:36,269 - You know what tonight is? - Survivor is on? 2121 01:44:37,571 --> 01:44:39,095 - No. - I know. 2122 01:44:39,706 --> 01:44:42,266 Is it The Apprentice? 2123 01:44:43,210 --> 01:44:44,199 No. 2124 01:44:44,978 --> 01:44:46,070 What? 2125 01:44:48,782 --> 01:44:53,116 It's our 20th date. 2126 01:44:59,660 --> 01:45:01,093 - Wow. - Yeah. 2127 01:45:01,161 --> 01:45:02,492 - Really? - Uh-huh. 2128 01:45:02,562 --> 01:45:05,861 Seriously? I think we're at 18. 2129 01:45:05,932 --> 01:45:07,661 'Cause there were a couple of dates there... 2130 01:45:07,734 --> 01:45:09,599 - ... that don't really count as dates. - No. 2131 01:45:09,670 --> 01:45:12,332 I'll give you a free pass on those other ones. 2132 01:45:13,373 --> 01:45:14,533 Thank you. 2133 01:45:14,608 --> 01:45:15,734 - Listen. - What? 2134 01:45:15,809 --> 01:45:17,037 - Listen. - Mmm-hmm. 2135 01:45:18,545 --> 01:45:20,172 I really like you. 2136 01:45:26,153 --> 01:45:27,950 I think I'm falling for you. 2137 01:45:28,789 --> 01:45:32,555 I don't know. I kind of see this going somewhere. 2138 01:45:32,893 --> 01:45:34,087 I do, too. 2139 01:45:34,194 --> 01:45:37,391 I just think we should just go crazy on each other. 2140 01:45:38,632 --> 01:45:40,623 - Okay. - Okay? 2141 01:45:41,501 --> 01:45:42,763 Oh, thank God! 2142 01:45:45,572 --> 01:45:46,561 Oh! 2143 01:45:47,240 --> 01:45:49,674 Okay, I should... I gotta pick those up. 2144 01:45:49,743 --> 01:45:50,869 Don't pick them up now. 2145 01:45:50,944 --> 01:45:52,275 No, I have to pick those up right now. 2146 01:45:52,346 --> 01:45:54,439 - Wait, we'll get them later. - Listen, no, I can't, no. 2147 01:45:54,514 --> 01:45:56,141 Listen, it's really important because... 2148 01:45:56,216 --> 01:45:58,480 once the integrity of the box gets compromised... 2149 01:45:58,552 --> 01:46:00,850 This is original packaging and that's why these things... 2150 01:46:00,921 --> 01:46:03,082 are so valuable. So you don't screw with that. 2151 01:46:03,156 --> 01:46:05,147 - You really don't screw with that. - All right. 2152 01:46:05,225 --> 01:46:07,284 We can wrap them again later, you know. 2153 01:46:07,361 --> 01:46:08,726 Yeah, I know. But you know what... 2154 01:46:08,795 --> 01:46:10,922 this is very important that we don't lose the value... 2155 01:46:10,997 --> 01:46:12,328 and compromise the integrity of it. 2156 01:46:12,399 --> 01:46:14,629 Andy, I'm throwing myself at you and... 2157 01:46:14,701 --> 01:46:16,726 all you can think about is a fucking toy. 2158 01:46:16,803 --> 01:46:19,897 They're not fucking toys! This is Iron Man, okay? 2159 01:46:19,973 --> 01:46:22,407 I got this when I was in second grade. 2160 01:46:22,609 --> 01:46:25,305 Do you know how hard it is for a kid to not open that? 2161 01:46:25,379 --> 01:46:26,607 This is important. 2162 01:46:26,680 --> 01:46:27,977 These are my things... 2163 01:46:28,048 --> 01:46:31,347 and you are trying to make me sell them and I don't want to. 2164 01:46:31,418 --> 01:46:32,749 - No. - And you're making me. 2165 01:46:32,819 --> 01:46:34,946 - I'm not making... - You are encouraging me... 2166 01:46:35,021 --> 01:46:37,148 - ... to quit my job. - I'm not! I'm not trying to... 2167 01:46:37,224 --> 01:46:39,954 You want me to open a store. You want me to sell everything. 2168 01:46:40,026 --> 01:46:41,789 You know what, I'm gonna tell you something. 2169 01:46:41,862 --> 01:46:44,990 I don't just change like that. I can't just change for you. 2170 01:46:45,065 --> 01:46:47,966 I don't... I'm not trying to change you. I like you. 2171 01:46:48,034 --> 01:46:50,161 I'm just... I'm trying to help you grow up, Andy. 2172 01:46:50,237 --> 01:46:51,898 Well, thanks a lot. 2173 01:46:51,972 --> 01:46:55,999 I mean, my God, you ride a bicycle to work in a stockroom. 2174 01:46:56,076 --> 01:46:58,408 You know what, I'm not in the stockroom anymore. 2175 01:46:58,478 --> 01:46:59,968 - I'm a floor manager. - Okay. 2176 01:47:00,046 --> 01:47:03,072 And I ride a bike because I like to. Einstein rode a bike. 2177 01:47:03,150 --> 01:47:05,846 He had a wife who he fucked, by the way. 2178 01:47:06,520 --> 01:47:08,818 What do I have to do for you to have sex with me? 2179 01:47:08,889 --> 01:47:11,380 Do you want me to dress up like Thor? I'll dress up like Thor. 2180 01:47:11,458 --> 01:47:13,050 I'll dress up like Iron Man. 2181 01:47:13,126 --> 01:47:14,855 What do they do? I'll do it. 2182 01:47:14,928 --> 01:47:16,793 What? Everything's always about sex. 2183 01:47:16,863 --> 01:47:18,455 Why don't you want to have sex with me? 2184 01:47:18,532 --> 01:47:21,000 Why not? Tell me. You tell me the truth. 2185 01:47:21,067 --> 01:47:23,262 Is it because I have a kid who has a kid? Is that why? 2186 01:47:23,336 --> 01:47:24,860 No, it's cool that you're a grandmother. 2187 01:47:24,938 --> 01:47:26,565 I love the fact that you're a grandmother. 2188 01:47:26,640 --> 01:47:29,200 - Oh, God! - You are. You're a hot grandma. 2189 01:47:29,276 --> 01:47:30,436 Oh, my God! 2190 01:47:30,510 --> 01:47:32,603 You are so mean! Get out! 2191 01:47:32,679 --> 01:47:35,409 - Okay, fine. Good! - Good, fine. You're gonna go. 2192 01:47:35,482 --> 01:47:38,849 - I didn't ask for any of this. - You asked for all of it, Andy. 2193 01:47:39,252 --> 01:47:40,651 Okay. Great. 2194 01:47:43,723 --> 01:47:44,712 Okay. 2195 01:47:45,091 --> 01:47:46,683 That's the way you want it... 2196 01:47:46,760 --> 01:47:49,695 that's the way homie's gonna play it. 2197 01:47:50,797 --> 01:47:52,458 Yeah. Truth be told. 2198 01:48:09,916 --> 01:48:12,077 Baby, you better enjoy yourself tonight... 2199 01:48:12,152 --> 01:48:14,484 'cause once this baby's born, you ain't going out again... 2200 01:48:14,554 --> 01:48:15,578 till that baby is in college. 2201 01:48:15,655 --> 01:48:16,883 - Me? - Yeah. 2202 01:48:16,957 --> 01:48:19,323 You the club rat. I'm not the one that be going out. 2203 01:48:19,392 --> 01:48:21,155 I'm not a club rat. 2204 01:48:21,228 --> 01:48:23,958 You're gonna get up, you march over there... 2205 01:48:24,030 --> 01:48:26,555 and I want you to hit on Bernadette now. 2206 01:48:26,800 --> 01:48:28,825 Dude, I'm not gonna hit on Bernadette. 2207 01:48:28,902 --> 01:48:30,028 Yes, you are, man... 2208 01:48:30,103 --> 01:48:32,697 'cause your depression is boring me for one thing... 2209 01:48:32,772 --> 01:48:34,740 and it's actually making me a little depressed... 2210 01:48:34,808 --> 01:48:36,776 which is then in turn making me more depressed... 2211 01:48:36,843 --> 01:48:38,606 that you're actually affecting my mood. 2212 01:48:38,678 --> 01:48:42,045 Look, I'm not in any kind of place to talk to a woman, all right? 2213 01:48:42,115 --> 01:48:44,276 I'm just... I'm fragile. 2214 01:48:44,417 --> 01:48:46,282 I hired her for you. 2215 01:48:46,353 --> 01:48:49,948 I hired a 90-pound girl to work in the stockroom at Smart Tech... 2216 01:48:50,023 --> 01:48:51,581 for you, okay? 2217 01:48:51,658 --> 01:48:53,182 I should have hired a 300-pound guy... 2218 01:48:53,260 --> 01:48:54,852 who could lift a 60-inch flat screen. 2219 01:48:54,928 --> 01:48:57,419 But instead I hired a hot girl... 2220 01:48:57,497 --> 01:49:00,864 who can't lift an iPod to bring you out of your funk. 2221 01:49:01,668 --> 01:49:03,192 - You hired her for me? - Yes. 2222 01:49:03,270 --> 01:49:04,703 So will you go talk to her? 2223 01:49:04,771 --> 01:49:06,568 Yeah, I'm meeting somebody. 2224 01:49:06,740 --> 01:49:07,729 No. 2225 01:49:11,378 --> 01:49:13,505 - Did you just flick me in the nuts? - No. 2226 01:49:13,580 --> 01:49:16,606 Flicked you in the fleshy patch where your nuts used to be. 2227 01:49:17,784 --> 01:49:19,581 Quit flicking my balls, man. 2228 01:49:19,653 --> 01:49:22,178 Okay, I'll stop flicking your balls. 2229 01:49:22,289 --> 01:49:24,689 But I'll start punching your nuts. 2230 01:49:25,625 --> 01:49:26,614 Oh! 2231 01:49:27,294 --> 01:49:28,420 Okay. 2232 01:49:32,165 --> 01:49:33,632 Well played, sir. 2233 01:49:34,000 --> 01:49:35,160 - Okay. - Thank you. 2234 01:49:35,235 --> 01:49:37,362 No problem, man. Go get 'em. 2235 01:49:37,971 --> 01:49:39,700 Mooj, you done see my son... 2236 01:49:39,773 --> 01:49:41,434 you know his foot gonna be bigger than this. 2237 01:49:41,508 --> 01:49:44,739 If that baby looks Pakistani, don't fucking look at me, okay? 2238 01:49:44,811 --> 01:49:48,372 I wouldn't mind. You got good genes. How old are you? What, 138? 2239 01:49:48,448 --> 01:49:51,383 When your son is born, is he already in parole? 2240 01:49:59,726 --> 01:50:03,093 I need some poon. 2241 01:50:03,430 --> 01:50:06,422 You guys were so right, right from the beginning. 2242 01:50:06,733 --> 01:50:11,397 I need genital to genital connection and that's all I need. 2243 01:50:11,871 --> 01:50:15,398 You know, the thing about relationships is that they... 2244 01:50:15,609 --> 01:50:17,338 make one person go... 2245 01:50:18,912 --> 01:50:21,142 And the other person go, "What are you talking about?" 2246 01:50:21,214 --> 01:50:22,442 And then one person goes... 2247 01:50:24,050 --> 01:50:25,677 How much have you had to drink, man? 2248 01:50:25,752 --> 01:50:29,244 How much have I had to drink? How many pots have you smoken? 2249 01:50:29,322 --> 01:50:30,482 What are you talking about? 2250 01:50:30,557 --> 01:50:33,822 How many times have you gone to the bathroom in your life? 2251 01:50:33,893 --> 01:50:35,087 Let me ask you that. 2252 01:50:35,161 --> 01:50:38,153 You know what, you don't have an answer for that, do you? 2253 01:50:38,231 --> 01:50:39,823 Fuck you, man! I'm sorry. 2254 01:50:39,899 --> 01:50:43,096 No, you're such a good guy, and I appreciate you. 2255 01:50:43,169 --> 01:50:45,160 What's up, baby, I didn't know you had came already. 2256 01:50:45,238 --> 01:50:47,399 Hey, motherfucker! 2257 01:50:49,776 --> 01:50:51,869 Man, you know what, tonight is the night. 2258 01:50:51,945 --> 01:50:56,644 You know what, you were totally right and I was wrong. 2259 01:50:56,883 --> 01:51:01,377 You were right all along. You cannot have a relationship... 2260 01:51:01,521 --> 01:51:03,716 with somebody until... 2261 01:51:04,357 --> 01:51:06,791 you have sex and that's the long... 2262 01:51:06,860 --> 01:51:08,623 That's the long and short of it. 2263 01:51:08,695 --> 01:51:12,153 - So, thank you. - That's good. 2264 01:51:12,499 --> 01:51:15,468 And now I have to go hunt for some hos. 2265 01:51:18,338 --> 01:51:21,637 - He going to be all right? - No, I don't think he is. 2266 01:51:21,775 --> 01:51:24,107 - Cal's a good guy. - Yeah, he's a great guy. 2267 01:51:24,177 --> 01:51:25,940 It's so funny, because, you know... 2268 01:51:26,012 --> 01:51:28,810 when I first met him and I thought you were cute at the store... 2269 01:51:28,882 --> 01:51:31,874 - ... he told me you were gay. - I'm not gay. 2270 01:51:32,252 --> 01:51:34,880 Cal says that I'm gay because he has a real problem... 2271 01:51:34,954 --> 01:51:37,286 with his own gayness. 2272 01:51:37,357 --> 01:51:40,656 But seriously, I'm going to lay it out for you, right now. 2273 01:51:41,294 --> 01:51:43,626 I was a little reticent to come over and talk to you. 2274 01:51:43,697 --> 01:51:46,530 You're very pretty and you seem very nice. The truth is... 2275 01:51:46,599 --> 01:51:50,228 I dated this woman, let me rephrase that, I dated this whore... 2276 01:51:50,804 --> 01:51:52,396 who stomped all over my heart. 2277 01:51:52,472 --> 01:51:55,339 And it's just taking me a little while to kind of... 2278 01:51:55,408 --> 01:51:57,035 you know, get back in the game. 2279 01:51:57,110 --> 01:51:58,509 Oh, my God. Say no more. 2280 01:51:58,578 --> 01:52:01,172 My last boyfriend Sal junior, is a scum bag. 2281 01:52:01,247 --> 01:52:03,477 I would totally pay people to have him killed. 2282 01:52:03,550 --> 01:52:05,711 That's how much I fucking hate that damn scum bag. 2283 01:52:05,785 --> 01:52:07,946 - God, you're fucking awesome. - You too. 2284 01:52:09,756 --> 01:52:11,690 Hey, you! 2285 01:52:13,760 --> 01:52:15,489 - Hey. - Hey. 2286 01:52:15,762 --> 01:52:17,286 How you doing? 2287 01:52:17,731 --> 01:52:20,291 Much better, now that I'm talking to you. 2288 01:52:20,533 --> 01:52:23,127 Hey, lookie, I can see through your shirt. 2289 01:52:23,903 --> 01:52:25,165 Nice. 2290 01:52:26,372 --> 01:52:29,068 So, you think we should... 2291 01:52:29,375 --> 01:52:31,969 take this party to my apartment or what? 2292 01:52:32,479 --> 01:52:35,505 I am RSVPing "yes. " 2293 01:52:39,219 --> 01:52:42,416 Hope you have a big trunk because I'm putting my bike in it. 2294 01:52:45,258 --> 01:52:46,748 Yeah, let's go! 2295 01:52:51,898 --> 01:52:54,492 Mom, I left my phone somewhere and I... 2296 01:52:55,235 --> 01:52:56,361 Thank you. 2297 01:52:57,704 --> 01:53:00,969 What's the matter? Where is Andy? 2298 01:53:01,040 --> 01:53:04,009 - We had a big fight, just... - Oh, Mom. 2299 01:53:04,544 --> 01:53:06,603 He just stormed out of here. 2300 01:53:06,679 --> 01:53:07,771 What happened? 2301 01:53:07,847 --> 01:53:10,509 Well, I just... Wait a minute, I thought you hated him. 2302 01:53:10,583 --> 01:53:14,110 I don't hate him. I mean, he does do magic, but... 2303 01:53:14,220 --> 01:53:16,586 you know, he's a big dork... 2304 01:53:16,990 --> 01:53:19,288 and I like seeing you happy. 2305 01:53:21,027 --> 01:53:22,153 I do. 2306 01:53:24,097 --> 01:53:26,588 - That's sweet, that's really sweet. - Mom. 2307 01:53:27,267 --> 01:53:30,236 Why don't you just go talk to him, work it out. 2308 01:53:30,303 --> 01:53:33,136 'Cause if the thing is that important, you can't just stop. 2309 01:53:33,907 --> 01:53:36,102 Let me dance for you. I would love it. 2310 01:53:37,343 --> 01:53:41,177 Look at your bra and your breasts and everything. That's so great. 2311 01:53:42,182 --> 01:53:45,674 Wow! You know what? You're so hot. You're so hot. 2312 01:53:45,985 --> 01:53:47,612 I'm smoking hot. 2313 01:53:47,687 --> 01:53:50,554 You know what? I'm just going to have sex with you. 2314 01:53:50,623 --> 01:53:52,716 Yes! Let's have sex. 2315 01:53:52,792 --> 01:53:55,022 - It's going to happen. - That's why we are here. 2316 01:53:55,094 --> 01:53:57,460 That's totally what's going to happen. 2317 01:53:57,697 --> 01:53:59,824 We could do it in the... 2318 01:54:00,834 --> 01:54:02,529 Butt, if you want to. 2319 01:54:04,204 --> 01:54:06,138 But, if I want to what? 2320 01:54:06,606 --> 01:54:09,632 - Butt. - But what? What? 2321 01:54:09,742 --> 01:54:11,767 - Do it. - Do it? 2322 01:54:11,945 --> 01:54:12,934 What? 2323 01:54:13,446 --> 01:54:16,279 I don't know what you're talking about. 2324 01:54:16,382 --> 01:54:18,441 - Butt. - But... 2325 01:54:18,685 --> 01:54:20,016 - What? - ... what? 2326 01:54:23,022 --> 01:54:25,320 But, it still feels so right. 2327 01:54:38,137 --> 01:54:39,229 Yeah! 2328 01:54:41,741 --> 01:54:45,575 Yeah. Right! Okay. Yeah. 2329 01:54:47,013 --> 01:54:48,742 That was a fun day. 2330 01:54:50,283 --> 01:54:53,377 You are so kinky. 2331 01:54:54,087 --> 01:54:55,816 Yeah, I'm so kinky. 2332 01:54:56,356 --> 01:54:59,587 That's why I did this because I thought it looks... 2333 01:54:59,659 --> 01:55:02,150 You like to shave, don't you? 2334 01:55:02,228 --> 01:55:05,026 - Let's shave each other. - I don't think you have any hair. 2335 01:55:05,098 --> 01:55:06,929 You know where to shave me. 2336 01:55:07,000 --> 01:55:09,059 - Yeah. - Because I want to shave you. 2337 01:55:09,135 --> 01:55:10,830 I want to shave your head. 2338 01:55:12,071 --> 01:55:13,936 I wanna give you a buzz cut. 2339 01:55:14,941 --> 01:55:16,636 Let's get in the bath. 2340 01:55:17,010 --> 01:55:18,500 In the bath? 2341 01:55:18,578 --> 01:55:22,947 Yes. We're gonna get dirty. Dirty, dirty. Sudsy. 2342 01:55:23,049 --> 01:55:25,074 It's just about time I got really dirty. 2343 01:55:25,151 --> 01:55:26,209 Yeah. 2344 01:55:29,022 --> 01:55:33,789 Hey. Hi, it's me, and I'm on my way to your house. 2345 01:55:33,860 --> 01:55:36,158 I want to do whatever you want to do, okay? 2346 01:55:36,362 --> 01:55:40,230 Fifty dates. 100. I hope not, but whatever. 2347 01:55:40,833 --> 01:55:43,597 I'm gonna see you soon, okay? Bye. 2348 01:55:47,640 --> 01:55:50,575 Wow. Okay, well, that was fast. Okay. 2349 01:55:53,046 --> 01:55:55,981 Wow! Holy shit! 2350 01:55:56,249 --> 01:55:58,809 Wow. This is just the right thing to happen. 2351 01:55:59,319 --> 01:56:02,686 Yeah, yeah, yeah! Wow! Almost got my penis. 2352 01:56:02,789 --> 01:56:04,222 Come to mama. 2353 01:56:05,792 --> 01:56:08,590 I'm gonna really take care of you tonight. 2354 01:56:08,828 --> 01:56:11,353 You're never gonna forget Beth. 2355 01:56:21,507 --> 01:56:23,532 I just want to please you. 2356 01:56:24,377 --> 01:56:25,969 What do you like? 2357 01:56:26,813 --> 01:56:29,907 I don't know. What do you like? 2358 01:56:30,450 --> 01:56:32,543 Can I show you what I like? 2359 01:56:33,052 --> 01:56:34,144 Okay. 2360 01:56:47,800 --> 01:56:50,598 It's so hot in here. 2361 01:56:51,337 --> 01:56:53,703 I wanna introduce you to my friend. 2362 01:56:58,044 --> 01:57:00,103 Your friend is so shiny. 2363 01:57:01,047 --> 01:57:04,073 This guy knows exactly what I like. 2364 01:57:09,422 --> 01:57:11,151 Where's you friend going? 2365 01:57:12,992 --> 01:57:15,620 This is how I'm gonna warm up for you. 2366 01:57:16,896 --> 01:57:20,730 That's always good to warm up. You don't wanna pull something. 2367 01:57:38,384 --> 01:57:40,750 Wow, this is graphic. 2368 01:57:54,600 --> 01:57:56,067 I can't do it. 2369 01:57:57,703 --> 01:58:00,365 God, what are you doing here? 2370 01:58:00,440 --> 01:58:03,102 We came here because we were concerned about you and Trish... 2371 01:58:03,176 --> 01:58:05,303 and now I could not give a fuck. 2372 01:58:05,378 --> 01:58:07,972 How did you even know where she lives? 2373 01:58:08,114 --> 01:58:10,446 - I hit it like eight months back. - What? 2374 01:58:10,516 --> 01:58:13,246 Never gave her back the key, man. You have no idea... 2375 01:58:13,319 --> 01:58:15,378 where this is going, all right? That girl is a freak. 2376 01:58:15,455 --> 01:58:18,913 Oh, it's happening! It's happening! Andy! 2377 01:58:19,358 --> 01:58:20,552 You think? 2378 01:58:20,860 --> 01:58:23,090 We've been talking, and look... 2379 01:58:23,529 --> 01:58:25,827 if you love Trish, you can't do this. 2380 01:58:25,898 --> 01:58:28,924 Look, you guys, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. 2381 01:58:29,001 --> 01:58:31,595 I don't even know who I am. All I know is... 2382 01:58:31,671 --> 01:58:35,198 that woman scares the shit out of me... 2383 01:58:35,341 --> 01:58:37,571 and I just wanna go home, okay? 2384 01:58:37,777 --> 01:58:40,075 - Let's go. - We should all get out of here. 2385 01:58:40,146 --> 01:58:41,875 - Okay. - We should all go. 2386 01:58:41,948 --> 01:58:43,347 It wasn't that good for me. 2387 01:58:43,416 --> 01:58:45,316 We should totally get out of here. 2388 01:58:45,384 --> 01:58:47,579 We should run away from here. 2389 01:58:54,060 --> 01:58:55,084 Hey. 2390 01:58:56,596 --> 01:58:57,654 Cal. 2391 01:59:00,433 --> 01:59:02,128 Go around! 2392 01:59:03,035 --> 01:59:05,128 Come on, just go around me! 2393 01:59:08,341 --> 01:59:10,002 Can't you hear me? 2394 01:59:17,517 --> 01:59:20,577 Hey, there. Hi, Trish. 2395 01:59:22,188 --> 01:59:24,713 Man, I'm really sorry about tonight. 2396 01:59:24,790 --> 01:59:26,189 What's this? 2397 01:59:27,260 --> 01:59:28,921 Those are David's. 2398 01:59:30,997 --> 01:59:32,828 I think he has a problem. 2399 01:59:32,899 --> 01:59:35,390 - These are David's? - He's into that. 2400 01:59:35,535 --> 01:59:38,971 David's Boner Jams '03? 2401 01:59:39,605 --> 01:59:41,630 Yeah, it's so sad. 2402 01:59:42,141 --> 01:59:45,133 He compiled all the best boner scenes, I guess. 2403 01:59:46,078 --> 01:59:48,410 This isn't what it looks like, okay? 2404 01:59:48,881 --> 01:59:51,975 - What does this look like? - A vagina. 2405 01:59:53,019 --> 01:59:54,577 And what do you do with this vagina? 2406 01:59:54,654 --> 01:59:57,646 To learn. It's for medicinal purposes. 2407 01:59:57,723 --> 01:59:58,712 Ugh. 2408 01:59:58,791 --> 02:00:01,123 - Hey, I'm sorry. God... - What's this? 2409 02:00:01,794 --> 02:00:04,763 This your date drug? Your roofie? 2410 02:00:05,097 --> 02:00:06,587 It's a Mentos. 2411 02:00:07,333 --> 02:00:09,267 They're "The Freshmaker. " 2412 02:00:09,335 --> 02:00:10,734 Yeah, right. 2413 02:00:10,970 --> 02:00:12,938 What are you, some kind of sex pervert? 2414 02:00:13,005 --> 02:00:14,370 Are you a deviant or something? 2415 02:00:14,440 --> 02:00:17,136 - No, I'm not a sexual deviant! - What is all this? 2416 02:00:17,210 --> 02:00:19,678 I haven't even tried to have sex with you, so... 2417 02:00:19,745 --> 02:00:22,646 What are you trying to do? What are you buttering me up for? 2418 02:00:22,715 --> 02:00:23,841 Come on. 2419 02:00:23,916 --> 02:00:25,679 You're not gonna try and kill me, are you? 2420 02:00:25,751 --> 02:00:28,413 - Look, Trish. - You didn't get a new carpet. 2421 02:00:28,688 --> 02:00:31,987 I'm not trying to kill you. I love you. 2422 02:00:32,391 --> 02:00:34,825 - I love you. - Oh, God! 2423 02:00:35,094 --> 02:00:36,254 Trish. 2424 02:00:44,837 --> 02:00:47,032 Trish. No! 2425 02:00:47,940 --> 02:00:50,465 No. Trish, stop. 2426 02:00:54,981 --> 02:00:56,278 Come on, Trish! 2427 02:00:59,719 --> 02:01:01,653 I need to talk to you! 2428 02:01:01,721 --> 02:01:02,779 No! 2429 02:01:04,957 --> 02:01:05,981 Damn it. 2430 02:01:37,790 --> 02:01:39,155 Oh, my God! 2431 02:01:42,161 --> 02:01:45,028 Andy! Oh, my God! 2432 02:01:45,097 --> 02:01:46,462 Call 911. 2433 02:01:46,632 --> 02:01:48,566 Oh, my... Andy. 2434 02:01:49,368 --> 02:01:51,063 Oh, my God! 2435 02:01:51,137 --> 02:01:53,970 I'm gonna need a minute. I'm in a lot of pain right now. 2436 02:01:54,040 --> 02:01:55,701 Oh, my God. Are you okay? 2437 02:01:55,775 --> 02:01:56,935 Not bad. 2438 02:01:57,009 --> 02:01:59,375 There were two sides to that billboard. 2439 02:01:59,445 --> 02:02:01,345 And they both hurt equally. 2440 02:02:01,614 --> 02:02:04,242 Andy. Andy. 2441 02:02:06,352 --> 02:02:08,513 - Are you okay? - I'm okay. 2442 02:02:08,988 --> 02:02:10,649 No, I'm not okay. 2443 02:02:11,957 --> 02:02:13,356 I'm a virgin. 2444 02:02:15,528 --> 02:02:16,688 A what? 2445 02:02:17,630 --> 02:02:19,996 I'm a virgin. I always have been. 2446 02:02:21,400 --> 02:02:24,733 Andy, is that what all this was about? 2447 02:02:25,705 --> 02:02:27,002 I'm sorry. 2448 02:02:27,106 --> 02:02:29,472 You're just a virgin, that's all? 2449 02:02:29,608 --> 02:02:32,270 - Yeah. - That's good. That's a good thing. 2450 02:02:34,046 --> 02:02:35,911 I feel stupid. 2451 02:02:37,583 --> 02:02:40,279 It's okay. I thought you were trying to kill me. 2452 02:02:42,021 --> 02:02:43,045 No. 2453 02:02:43,923 --> 02:02:45,185 Oh, my God. 2454 02:02:46,292 --> 02:02:48,852 No, I'm not trying to kill you. 2455 02:02:52,732 --> 02:02:55,394 That's why I never tried to have sex with you. 2456 02:02:55,801 --> 02:02:58,269 I was scared, okay? I just... 2457 02:02:58,971 --> 02:03:00,802 'Cause I didn't know what I was doing. 2458 02:03:00,873 --> 02:03:02,738 I just didn't think it would be good. 2459 02:03:02,808 --> 02:03:05,777 Of course it'll be good. We love each other. 2460 02:03:07,380 --> 02:03:08,540 Really? 2461 02:03:10,216 --> 02:03:11,581 I love you. 2462 02:03:13,085 --> 02:03:14,211 Yeah. 2463 02:03:18,924 --> 02:03:21,449 Get the fuck out of the road, virgin! 2464 02:03:23,262 --> 02:03:24,752 Shut up, you fucking jerk! 2465 02:03:24,830 --> 02:03:27,731 No, that's okay. That's all right. Sorry. 2466 02:03:29,368 --> 02:03:30,460 You know what... 2467 02:03:30,536 --> 02:03:33,334 for so long I thought that there was something wrong with me... 2468 02:03:33,406 --> 02:03:36,239 because it had never happened, but... 2469 02:03:38,711 --> 02:03:42,511 I realize now that it was just because I was waiting for you. 2470 02:04:07,540 --> 02:04:10,304 This was some wedding. How could they afford it? 2471 02:04:10,376 --> 02:04:13,675 Dude sells his toys and makes like a half a million dollars. 2472 02:04:13,779 --> 02:04:15,974 - It's crazy, right? - That's fucking crazy. 2473 02:04:16,048 --> 02:04:18,016 We're gonna get some fucking toys. 2474 02:04:18,083 --> 02:04:20,244 We are all so happy for you. 2475 02:04:20,453 --> 02:04:23,251 I am delighted to say these words. 2476 02:04:24,156 --> 02:04:25,282 Andy... 2477 02:04:25,891 --> 02:04:27,756 you may kiss the bride. 2478 02:04:41,006 --> 02:04:44,134 And for God's sake, consummate the thing. 2479 02:04:49,114 --> 02:04:52,015 No! Stop it. I have the key. 2480 02:04:58,891 --> 02:05:01,189 I'm not gonna be done buffing the marble... 2481 02:05:01,260 --> 02:05:02,955 for about a half an hour, but... 2482 02:05:03,028 --> 02:05:05,553 you can come in and sit down if you want... 2483 02:05:05,631 --> 02:05:07,826 or wait in the lobby. It's okay. 2484 02:05:07,900 --> 02:05:09,424 It's up to you. 2485 02:05:16,609 --> 02:05:18,907 Dude, get the fuck out of here. 2486 02:05:29,922 --> 02:05:31,412 - Ready? - Yeah. 2487 02:05:37,563 --> 02:05:38,962 - Yes. - Yeah. 2488 02:05:45,638 --> 02:05:46,627 Whoa. 2489 02:05:47,172 --> 02:05:49,470 You're officially not a virgin. 2490 02:05:50,276 --> 02:05:51,368 Cool. 2491 02:05:59,451 --> 02:06:00,816 Wow. 2492 02:06:08,260 --> 02:06:09,887 Wanna do it again? 2493 02:06:10,996 --> 02:06:12,520 - Yeah. - Good. Okay. 2494 02:06:12,598 --> 02:06:13,792 Sure. 2495 02:06:14,433 --> 02:06:16,628 That was good. That was okay. 2496 02:06:20,005 --> 02:06:21,063 Okay. 2497 02:06:21,206 --> 02:06:22,264 - You ready? - Yeah. 2498 02:06:22,341 --> 02:06:24,935 - Are you ready? - Yeah, I'm fine, yeah. 2499 02:06:37,723 --> 02:06:39,714 So, how was that for you? 2500 02:06:44,597 --> 02:06:47,122 # When the moon # 2501 02:06:47,199 --> 02:06:50,430 # Is in the Seventh House # 2502 02:06:50,669 --> 02:06:55,163 # And Jupiter aligns with Mars # 2503 02:06:56,175 --> 02:07:01,078 # Then peace will guide the planets # 2504 02:07:01,513 --> 02:07:04,778 # And love will steer the stars # 2505 02:07:04,850 --> 02:07:09,310 # This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius # 2506 02:07:09,521 --> 02:07:13,821 # Age of Aquarius # 2507 02:07:14,426 --> 02:07:18,863 # Aquarius # 2508 02:07:19,565 --> 02:07:24,002 # Aquarius # 2509 02:07:24,670 --> 02:07:26,763 # Harmony and understanding # 2510 02:07:27,106 --> 02:07:29,666 # Sympathy and trust abounding # 2511 02:07:29,742 --> 02:07:31,607 # No more falsehoods or derisions # 2512 02:07:31,677 --> 02:07:34,669 # Golden living dreams of visions # 2513 02:07:34,747 --> 02:07:37,011 # Mystic crystal revelations # 2514 02:07:37,082 --> 02:07:40,074 # And the mind's true liberation # 2515 02:07:40,152 --> 02:07:44,816 # Aquarius # 2516 02:07:45,090 --> 02:07:49,754 # Aquarius # 2517 02:07:50,162 --> 02:07:54,428 # When the moon is in the Seventh House # 2518 02:07:55,200 --> 02:07:59,500 # And Jupiter aligns with Mars # 2519 02:08:00,773 --> 02:08:05,540 # Then peace will guide the planets # 2520 02:08:05,811 --> 02:08:09,076 # And love will steer the star # 2521 02:08:09,148 --> 02:08:13,380 # This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius # 2522 02:08:13,652 --> 02:08:18,282 # The age of Aquarius # 2523 02:08:18,590 --> 02:08:23,186 # Aquarius # 2524 02:08:23,629 --> 02:08:25,790 # Aquarius # 2525 02:08:25,864 --> 02:08:27,764 # It's Aquarius, baby # 2526 02:08:27,833 --> 02:08:30,427 # We ain't talking about no Scorpio # 2527 02:08:30,502 --> 02:08:31,992 # We ain't talking about no # 2528 02:08:32,071 --> 02:08:35,063 # No, we ain't talking about no Scorpio # 2529 02:08:39,278 --> 02:08:40,973 # Aquarius # 2530 02:08:41,513 --> 02:08:44,346 # Aquarius # 2531 02:08:46,719 --> 02:08:49,119 # Aquarius ## 2532 02:08:55,127 --> 02:08:58,494 # Let the sunshine # 2533 02:08:58,797 --> 02:09:02,233 # Let the sunshine in # 2534 02:09:02,301 --> 02:09:05,702 # The sunshine in # 2535 02:09:06,705 --> 02:09:10,038 # Let the sunshine # 2536 02:09:10,609 --> 02:09:14,010 # Let the sunshine in # 2537 02:09:14,079 --> 02:09:17,606 # The sunshine in # 2538 02:09:18,517 --> 02:09:22,180 # Let the sunshine # 2539 02:09:22,254 --> 02:09:25,746 # Let the sunshine in # 2540 02:09:25,824 --> 02:09:29,954 # The sunshine in # # Let it shine, let it shine # 2541 02:09:30,229 --> 02:09:33,562 # Let the sunshine # 2542 02:09:33,632 --> 02:09:35,497 # Let it shine # 2543 02:09:35,567 --> 02:09:37,558 # Let it shine, yeah # 2544 02:09:37,636 --> 02:09:41,470 # The sunshine in # 2545 02:09:41,940 --> 02:09:45,398 # Let the sunshine # 2546 02:09:45,778 --> 02:09:49,214 # Let the sunshine in # 2547 02:09:49,281 --> 02:09:52,250 # The sunshine in ##194499