Original subtitles

Wow!

Wow, that thing sure is heavy.

That's some hard work, there.

That thing is really, really heavy.

Wow... Phew! That was really rough.

Yeah... listen, Yerby, I want to thank you.

See, Lamont's out with the truck,

and I didn't know

how I was gonna get this tub home.

Hey, Yerby...

Oh, yeah. Go ahead and let it down, Junior.

This is Junior?

If this is Junior, I'd hate to see Senior.

Hey, who is he, Yerby?

Junior Joe Louis.

I call him that,

because he fights like Joe Louis.

He's a professional fighter?

That's right, and I'm his manager.

I remember when all you could stand to manage

was some tips and towels

in the toilet of the Kit Kat Club.

Yeah.

The last time I saw you,

you were working at the at the carnival

selling pony rides.

Yeah.

You sure looked funny with that saddle on your back...

and that fake tail.

Yeah, well, that's all behind me now.

It was all behind you then.

It's all been gravy

since I got into the fight game.

No kidding?

Well, look, we'll go in the house

and have a couple of beers,

you can tell me about it.

Okay.

A beer?

Not for you.

You go finish your roadwork.

Roadwork...

Well, he's not as dumb as he looks.

Nobody could be dumb as he looks.

Hey, Yerby, come on in

and have a little sit-down

anywhere you want to.

I'll get us a couple of beers.

Hey, Yerby!

That fighter of yours

good like you say he is?

A real contender.

In fact, he's gonna fight

right here in L.A. this week.

No kidding?

I sure would like to see that.

Do you think

you could get us a couple tickets

for me and Lamont?

I can do better than that. How would you like

to be right up there in the ring with us?

What are you talking about?

Look, Junior is a million-dollar fighter,

and I'm offering a you a part of it.

Which part?

The part that eats,

or the part that sits on the canvas?

Fred... Junior is sensational.

I'm really offering you

a half a million dollars.

Half a mill...

Half a... half a... half a mill... Half a m...

Hey... Half a mi...

I can't even get my tongue to go up that high!

Half a... half a... Half a million...

at least!

Partner... Uh, wait a minute.

Now, before we finish this,

how much is this going to cost me?

300 bucks.

300 what? Bucks!

No, 200.

200, what?

200 minus 100 equals 100.

Well, make it minus 50,

and then we got a deal.

You got it.

I'll take it.

I'll take that.

Hey, Yerby, have you seen my nice new wallpaper?

Uh, yeah, I was saving this money here

to surprise Lamont.

I was gonna get some new tires

for the truck... but here it is.

Good!

Now, you know that part of the deal

is that you keep Junior here and train him.

Where you going?

I gotta go to San Diego.

Well, what am I supposed to do with Junior?

Whip him into shape!

Okay.

Sharpen up his punches.

That's all right.

Build up his stamina.

I can do that.

Smarten him up.

Give me my money back.

Ain't nobody gets my... Oh, here he is.

Did you run around the block 20 times?

Now, Mr. Sanford here, is your new part owner,

and I want you to do everything he tells you.

And the first thing is keep that left up.

No, left, dummy, left, left!

This one! Up!

Look, here,

I got a blank contract right here.

Let me check this over first,

because it's got to be right.

That's right.

There you go, John Hancock.

Yeah, well now, good luck,

and train him hard, now.

I will do that, Yerby.

Hey, now, where you going?

I gotta go contact my parole officer.

I thought so.

Oh, no, you big dummy!

Keep the left up and the lamp up,

and get the hell out of here!

Don't never hit your manager.

Here I am,

I ain't been in the wide world of sports

two minutes,

and already, I can sense the agony of defeat!

Is that you, son?

Of course it's me. Who else would it be?

Say, what's the matter with you?

What you cranky and grouchy for?

I'm cranky and grouchy,

because I got a flat tire on the truck,

and I changed it, and the spare was flat.

I had to walk two and a half miles

from Al's Garage...

and that's also the reason

why I wish we lived closer to a river,

so I could push that truck in it.

Forget the truck.

I'm thinking seriously

of getting you a half-ton pickup from Rolls and Royce.

Uh-oh.

What?

I recognize a familiar gleam in your eye.

Gleam?

It's that, "Son, we're going to get rich quick" gleam.

Come on, Pop, what did you buy?

I just bought a little something for the house.

Pop, I'm going to give you five seconds

to explain to me what it's doing here.

Junior, here, is a professional fighter.

Pop, you bought a fighter?

Huh?

You bought a fighter?

Yeah, you see, he's fighting this week.

You remember my old buddy, Yerby?

Yerby... Yerby's mixed up in this?

Not mixed up. Involved.

Pop, how could you do any kind of business

with Yerby, man?

Anybody that goes door to door

selling encyclopedias printed in crayon is deranged.

How much did it cost?

A measly 50 bucks.

50 bucks!

You spent our last 50 bucks

on a fighter, Pop?

I was saving that money for the truck.

Well, forget the truck.

All right, I'll put a grill in Junior's mouth

and drive him to work.

Well, listen... you just wait and see.

Wait and see, son.

I'll get us rich...

and not just from Junior's fighting,

but from souvenirs and them sweatshirts,

and all that stuff they sell.

And just how do you plan on doing this?

I'm going down to re-negotiate Junior's contract.

Pop, you don't know nothing about the boxing game.

Who don't know nothing about boxing?

I used to box myself years ago.

Used to call me

Fast Fists Freddie with the Floy Floy.

That's right. Now, come on!

Try to hit my hand!

That was close.

Yeah, this is it, Grady.

Look, "Clancy Fitzgerald, Fight Promotion."

Ah, man.

Wow, Fred, this looks like something

right out of one of those old movies.

I can just close my eyes and see...

I can see... You know, Fred,

with my eyes closed I can't see a damned thing.

Just sit down somewhere.

You don't know nothing.

Say, Fred,

Mr. Fitzgerald told us to come in and wait.

He did not say make ourselves at home.

Listen, one thing I know, Grady,

is this... fight game.

See, you gotta be cocky,

or else people run all over you.

Oh... Okay, gentlemen,

what can I do for you?

Don't sit in that chair!

What do you mean, don't sit in this chair?

Listen, I'm tough, and I'm cocky,

and I know the fight game.

I'll tell you something you don't know,

Tough and Cocky...

that chair was just painted!

All right.

Now, what's on your mind?

Big money, big money,

that's what's on my mind.

Big, big money.

That's my name, Fred "Big Money" Sanford,

and this is my associate, "Small Change" Wilson.

Well, who's the fighter you're here to talk about?

Well, listen, I'm Junior Joe Louis's manager.

What do you mean?

I thought he was Yerby's fighter.

I'm Yerby's partner,

and I've come here to check over

and talk over some new details with you.

What do you mean, details?

Look, just have the fighter down there, Friday night 8:30,

in a pair of trunks and a bathrobe.

Ah-ha! We can begin negotiations

right there.

What do you mean?

Fred doesn't have a bathrobe.

You shut up, Grady,

else I'll put round five in your mouth.

Okay, gentlemen, I'll see you on Friday.

Listen, we haven't finished negotiating nothing yet.

What do you mean?

I think we covered a lot...

Three of the major points.

First, you're one of Yerby's suckers.

Second, you're short a bathrobe,

and third, you like to sit on wet paint.

I'm not talking about that,

I'm talking about the fight.

Now, listen,

we gotta negotiate the television,

to see who's gonna get the television rights.

Then we gotta figure out

what we gonna do with the souvenirs,

and all those other things,

and first, the main thing is...

Who's gonna be interviewed by Howard Cosell?

Now, wait just a minute,

I don't think you understand.

You see, this is just a four-round preliminary fight.

The winner just gets a hundred bucks,

and that is less the rental fee for the bathrobe.

Now, that's the deal.

Oh, that's the old deal.

Here it is... Now, we discuss this stuff,

we negotiate the television rights,

or else me and my fighter, we walk.

You get that, buster?

I think I understand your position.

I think he understands your position, Fred.

I know he understands my position.

See, he's calling his attorney

and accountant now to get some advice.

Hello. I want to talk to Max.

He's talking to Max.

You did it, Fred, you did it.

Big Money Fred.

Hello?

Hello, Max?

Now, on Friday night... Junior Joe Louis is out.

Put in Irish Doogie Doyle.

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute, we got a contract.

Well, sue me.

Wait a minute,

you can have the television rights.

It's been nice talking to you, gentlemen.

Listen, I tell you what...

I'll put on Lamont's bathrobe,

and you can be interviewed by Howard Cosell.

So long.

Wait a minute! Wait...

Oh, boy, you did it, Fred.

You got him on the ropes, now.

Now, finish the job.

Borrow one of the ropes and hang yourself.

Oh, shut up.

Teh! Di-di-di-di... Oh, shut up, Grady.

Argh!

Hello, Mr. Sanford.

Hey, Fred, do you think he ought to be carrying

that heavy stuff?

He might hurt himself.

Uh, if you don't mind,

he's helping me, you know?

My father left and took the truck again.

We don't have no truck.

No truck, no money. No money, no eat.

Eat, eat.

And for breakfast,

this bottomless pit ate a dozen eggs,

a half a pound of bacon,

and a loaf of toast... and an hour later,

I caught him looking fondly

at Julio's goat.

Goat, goat.

Fred, Fred, I think you better feed Junior.

Okay, Grady, I'll tell you what.

You take him on down to the supermarket,

and when he eat up around $2.00 worth,

put your hand over his mouth,

but look here... Watch your fingers!

Oh, okay, Fred.

All right, listen,

you been busy all day negotiating fights.

What did you get?

He got four stripes of free paint

and the fight canceled.

Come on, Junior, let's eat.

Eat, eat.

Well, you did it now, Pop.

We're broke, and without the truck

we got no way of making no money.

Forget the truck.

Forget the truck?

How we gonna make money

if we don't have no truck?

Listen, son, don't ever count me out,

because all my life,

I've made my living with my wits.

Well, I certainly hope you can eat your wits, Pop,

because Junior ate everything else.

Nobody fools Fred Sanford. Nobody misuses Fred Sanford.

I know how to handle this thing.

I'll just call that old Clancy Fitzgerald down there,

and when I get through being mean and lean like Joe Green,

I'll watch him crumble under my pressure.

Count, count.

8, 9, 10, 11, 11, 11... 12!

8, 9, 10, 11, 11, 11... 12!

12, 12, 12...

Oh, hi, Grady.

How you doing?

Oh, fine.

How do you like this ring

that I borrowed from the Y?

Hey, Grady, what are all these people doing here?

Oh, those are fight fans,

and they paid 50 cents

to watch Junior work out.

You mean to tell me they paid 50 cents

to watch him skip rope?

Grady, they can go down to the school yard

and see it for free.

Hey, buddy,

he's been jumping rope for half an hour.

How about some action?

Hi, Lamont!

Oh, hi, Yerby.

Well, how are things?

My father, Mr. Fight Promoter, got your fight cancelled.

He did what?

Where is he?

In the house.

Fred, what did you do?

Shh...

Yerby, I'm concentrating on the schedule

for Junior's personal appearance tour.

Tour?

Right.

I figure we can cover

37 cities in four days...

and then if we carry along a rock group,

Junior can sing in between fights.

But Lamont just told me

that Junior's fight was cancelled.

Yerby, next time a little bird whispers something in your ear,

make sure it's not a loony bird.

Then the fight's back on?

99 and 44/100 back on.

See, now, Clancy's coming over here later on

to watch Junior fight.

If he likes what he sees, we back in business.

Watch him fight?

Yeah.

Well, who's his sparring partner?

You did hire sparring partners, didn't you?

Yerby, you don't think I'd leave out

the most important detail, do you?

See, I plan ahead.

Lamont, put your gloves on, son.

You're going out there and getting ready to box

three or four rounds with Junior.

You must be crazy. I ain't gonna fight nobody.

Son, don't look at it as a fight.

Look at it as our new red truck.

I look at it as my fresh red blood.

I ain't fighting no-bo-dy. Nope.

All right, keep it up, keep it up.

Say, Lamont,

I want you to meet Mr. Clancy Fitzgerald,

a fight promoter.

How you doing?

Hi. Mr. Wilson,

where is Junior's sparring partner?

I haven't got all day.

Oh, I know, Mr. Fitzgerald,

time is money and money is time.

That's the first thing I learned as a boxing trainer...

About 2:30 this afternoon.

Look, I think you guys

should know something... Hi, Clancy!

Hello, Yerby.

Folks, you'll notice

a celebrity has just joined us

here in camp,

one of the great names in the fight business.

Oh, you don't have to introduce me, Yerby.

I'm talking about a great fight promoter,

Mr. Clancy Fitzgerald.

Oh. Okay, folks,

now, you've all been watching the champ

exercise and work out,

and in a few minutes,

we're going to present

some thrilling exhibition boxing.

Oh, no, we're not.

Oh, yes, we are.

Pop, what are you doing dressed like this?

What do you think

I'm dressed like this for?

What, do you think I'm selling sherbet?

Look...

look, I can't let you go in there and fight Junior,

you'll get killed.

Oh, no, I won't.

I'm going in there to take care of him,

and when I come back,

I might give you two or three of these

across your lips.

Okay, Junior, okay, open wide, now.

Don't eat it, Junior!

Eat, eat!

Pop, I can see right through

your little scheme.

See, you think you gonna shame me

into going in there and fighting Junior,

but it's not gonna work.

If you want to go in there and fight Junior,

go on with your bad self.

Well, I want to.

Now, help me get through them ropes.

Well, don't stand there! Help get me up!

Say, Yerby...

Yerby, could you talk some sense into him?

Hey, Lamont, I tried to,

but he's determined

to get those new tires for your truck.

How did you know about that?

Hey, that's the first thing he said to me

when I mentioned this deal to him...

That you could get killed

on those bald-headed tires,

and he was gonna get you some new ones.

He said that?

Let me have the gloves, Pop.

Huh?

There you go, son.

Thank you so much.

You know what you're asking me

to do, don't you?

You're asking me

to come in here and get killed.

Well, I'm only gonna ask you this one time.

All right, you both know the rules.

Okay, now, Junior,

I want to see you hitting hard,

moving fast, and don't let up.

And listen, son, you hit him slow,

and hit him soft,

and when he hits you right in your mouth,

and in your nose together,

make it look like it's bleeding,

and when he hits you with all his might

in your stomach,

bend over and growl, you know,

and then, when he knocks you unconscious,

lay there and don't move.

Okay, son, go ahead.

All right, now, you both know the rules.

When you hear the bell, come out fighting!

Well... let's get this over with.

Over with.

Hey, son! Wait a minute.

Hey, Lamont,

did he hit you before the bell rang?

Come on, son, get up.

You big dummy, you.

Why'd you hit my son before the bell rang?

Nobody does that!

Nobody does that to a Sanford and lives!

He hit you before... Hmm!

All right, you big dummy...

Hey, look!

Hey, look at that!

That's a glazed donut!

Fred, you crazy!

What?

You crazy!

You done and blown the whole deal!

Well, when I saw him hit my son,

I couldn't help it!

Everybody just went crazy.

You don't do that.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Fitzgerald,

but this has been...

No, no, no, no. I like Junior, Yerby. I like him.

I like the way he handles himself.

Now, do you think he can do that

Friday night?

Do what?

That cute little Mark Spitz thing he does.

Oh, yeah. I seen him do it even faster than that!

Oh, good.

Good, then he is back on the card,

because I've gotta have a fast knock-out Friday night

to make my own fighter look good.

You got it.

I like him!

But I don't want to see him

anywhere near the arena.

I don't want to be near the arena where you are,

because you're a crook,

and you're a cheat, and you're not honest.

Give me my money back!

How much will it cost to buy you out?

Give me 50.

50 for him and 25 for me for a new bellybutton.

There you go!

All right, Junior, come on.

Let's get dressed and get out of here.

Let's eat!

Eat! Eat!

Well, we made our money back

and plus a couple extra dollars.

Yeah, son.

I hope you learned a lesson.

I did learn a lesson, I did, son.

You go on in there on the couch

and sit down and relax

and rest your stomach.

I'll be right in there in a minute.

Now, step right up, folks.

Right now, we're gonna have the big contest.

Anyone that wants to come in the ring

and can last three minutes with me,

they win $10 a piece.

It don't make no difference, I'll take all comers.

Anybody? How about you, sir?

Would you help this old lady

in the ring here?

Come on up!

Come on! Come on!

Hey, Pop, I'm home. Hi, son.

Hey, why don't you come outside with me

and look at the new tires I got for the truck.

Uh, not right now, son.

I'm trying to figure out a nickname for myself.

A nickname?

Yeah.

What for?

I'm going back in the ring.

Now, just wait a minute,

now, I gotta draw the line someplace, Pop.

I'm not gonna let you

go in the ring and fight.

I'm not talking about fighting.

I'm talking about wrestling.

That's where the real money is.

Wrestling?

Mm-hm.

What are you going to call yourself, Gorgeous Junk?

How about Kid Rust?

I'm not going to let you do it, man.

You'll get hurt.

I'm not gonna let you do it,

that's all there is to it.

Well, I sure appreciate that, son.

All right.

And you don't know

how much this means to me,

for you to go into that ring

and represent us.

Now...