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1
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,035
Gas bill...
2
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:16,208
Light bill... light bill...
3
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:22,325
telephone bill... light bill...
4
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,049
telephone bill...
5
00:01:25,352 --> 00:01:27,052
Jet.
6
00:01:31,358 --> 00:01:35,894
This is from the Stinemet's
Collection Agency.
7
00:01:37,698 --> 00:01:39,709
"Dear sir,
8
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:43,146
"Your overdue account
has been referred to us
9
00:01:43,170 --> 00:01:45,415
"by several companies.
10
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,616
"Undoubtedly,
11
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,840
you have been
throwing your bills away."
12
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:02,899
Oh, my goodness.
13
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:06,836
Gee whiz, I must have
overlooked these bills.
14
00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,361
I have to take care
of them right away.
15
00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,431
Oh, Grady.
16
00:02:18,506 --> 00:02:20,217
Hi, Fred.
17
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:23,587
I... I see it's the first
of the month again.
18
00:02:23,611 --> 00:02:24,588
Yeah.
19
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:25,655
Yeah.
20
00:02:25,679 --> 00:02:27,524
Well, are you ready?
21
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:28,825
Ready for what?
22
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:30,327
Ready to watch Wheel and Deal.
23
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,395
You invited me over, remember?
24
00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:33,463
And I even went
25
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,499
and got little refreshments.
26
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,867
I got some red and some white.
27
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:42,872
Here's some red...
and some popcorn.
28
00:02:42,896 --> 00:02:46,009
Yeah, well, turn on the TV.
29
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,511
Grady, maybe... Okay.
30
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:49,012
Maybe it will help cheer me up.
31
00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:51,414
Okey-doke.
32
00:02:53,974 --> 00:02:57,086
Hi, hello, and good
afternoon, everybody.
33
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,589
Hi, hello, and good afternoon.
34
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:01,958
Welcome to Wheel and Deal...
35
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:05,728
Television's most exciting
and unusual quiz program.
36
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,519
Most exciting and unusual.
37
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,968
The program that
picks its contestants
38
00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:13,603
right out the studio audience
39
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,605
and gives them a chance to win
40
00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:17,674
the most expensive
prizes in the world.
41
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,578
In the world,
Fred, in the world.
42
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:23,880
Who's going to win the
quadraphonic stereo?
43
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:24,981
Who?
44
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:26,483
Who's gonna win the speed boat?
45
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:27,817
Who?
46
00:03:27,841 --> 00:03:29,219
Who's gonna win
that trip to Italy?
47
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:30,353
Who?
48
00:03:30,377 --> 00:03:31,476
Who, Fred, who?
49
00:03:33,847 --> 00:03:35,758
Who? Who?
50
00:03:35,782 --> 00:03:38,528
Not you, owl face.
51
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:41,264
And here's the man
that knows who...
52
00:03:41,288 --> 00:03:44,000
Here's your host, Harry Monte.
53
00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:45,724
Hi, Harry.
54
00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:49,706
Goodbye, Harry.
55
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,474
What did you do that for, Fred?
56
00:03:51,498 --> 00:03:53,476
Because that show
is a drag, that's why.
57
00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:54,477
Well, it doesn't bother me.
58
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:56,112
I... Give me the wine.
59
00:03:56,136 --> 00:03:57,714
I go home every night
60
00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:01,718
and dream that I've
won me a speed boat,
61
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:06,022
and I'm going down the
river with the speed boat
62
00:04:06,046 --> 00:04:08,157
and the stereo playing,
63
00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:11,961
on my way to Rome or Italy.
64
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,720
Grady, Rome is in Italy.
65
00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:17,767
Wow.
66
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:19,336
Well, now is the time to go.
67
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,706
See, they're both
in the same place.
68
00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:25,975
Listen, Grady, tomorrow
is Lamont's birthday,
69
00:04:25,999 --> 00:04:27,977
and I don't want to hear nothing
70
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,412
about all them
presents like that,
71
00:04:29,436 --> 00:04:31,114
because I want to get
him something nice,
72
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,482
you know what I mean?
73
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:35,285
Well, Fred, what
about two years ago,
74
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:39,322
when you registered
his name at 31 Flavors,
75
00:04:39,346 --> 00:04:41,124
and they gave him
a free tutti-fruity.
76
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,481
Now, that was nice.
77
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:46,050
What you say, Fred?
78
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:51,568
Hey, Grady.
79
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,102
Hey, Bubba.
80
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,738
Hey, man, why the long face?
81
00:04:54,762 --> 00:04:56,506
Fred is worried, Bubba,
82
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,508
that he can't get Lamont
something nice for his birthday.
83
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:01,533
What happened? Did
they run out of tutti-fruity?
84
00:05:03,570 --> 00:05:05,848
Listen, Bubba, would
you do me a favor?
85
00:05:05,872 --> 00:05:07,150
Yeah, anything, Fred.
86
00:05:07,174 --> 00:05:08,951
Listen, I got a
turkey in the oven.
87
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:09,952
Yeah.
88
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:11,321
Lay down next to it.
89
00:05:11,345 --> 00:05:13,523
Oh, Fred.
90
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:16,559
We... we're missing
Wheel and Deal.
91
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:17,960
It's almost over now.
92
00:05:17,984 --> 00:05:20,263
Oh, forget about that.
93
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:21,864
Hey, if you want
to see that show,
94
00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:23,099
I can get you tickets.
95
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:25,802
Shut up, Bubba. Now,
don't you know Fred by now?
96
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,203
If he doesn't want to sit here
97
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:28,471
and watch it on the television,
98
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,740
you know he doesn't
want to go down there
99
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,141
and watch it in person.
100
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,110
Now, just use your head, Bubba.
101
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,512
Yeah.
102
00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:37,380
Bubba, I think I want
to go down there.
103
00:05:37,404 --> 00:05:39,982
Now, that's using your head.
104
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,584
See, I could go down there
105
00:05:41,608 --> 00:05:44,220
and win some
presents for Lamont.
106
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:48,157
My cousin was supposed to go,
but her baby is due anytime now.
107
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:51,394
We can use her tickets.
They're good tomorrow night.
108
00:05:51,418 --> 00:05:52,562
Hey, that'd be perfect, Bubba.
109
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:53,996
We could go on down there,
110
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,598
and the three of
use could go down,
111
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:56,833
and anything we win,
112
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,868
we can give it to Lamont
for his birthday present.
113
00:05:58,892 --> 00:05:59,869
Yeah. Oh, oh.
114
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:01,070
Oh, Fred, I can't go.
115
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:02,772
Hmm? I don't have a costume.
116
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:05,342
Hey, Grady's right, Fred.
117
00:06:05,366 --> 00:06:06,943
You know, if we
want to be picked,
118
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:08,445
we're gonna have to be dressed
119
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,836
in something real
crazy and weird.
120
00:06:16,610 --> 00:06:19,010
Well... you're ready.
121
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:25,127
Wow. I... I just
can't believe it.
122
00:06:25,151 --> 00:06:28,264
We're gonna go down
there to Wheel and Deal,
123
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:29,599
and... and when
we get down there,
124
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:33,236
I'm gonna ask for a speed
boat, and a refrigerator,
125
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,772
and a trip to Italy,
126
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:38,541
where I can sit
with my spaghetti
127
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:41,533
and "pasta" time away.
128
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:46,115
Listen, now...
129
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,518
here's one thing we've got to
get straight, though, Grady...
130
00:06:48,542 --> 00:06:50,487
Whatever we win is for Lamont.
131
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:53,289
Oh, but, Fred, I
wanted to go to Rome
132
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:56,748
so I could be with
Gina under the "Brigida."
133
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:01,531
Hey, listen, that's
Lamont coming now.
134
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:02,932
Now, don't you say
nothing about this.
135
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,834
We're gonna keep it a
secret from him, hear?
136
00:07:04,858 --> 00:07:06,636
Okay. Hey, I'll tell you
what we're gonna do.
137
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:07,837
We're gonna sneak out the back,
138
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:09,839
and we'll meet you
down at the costume place
139
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,073
over on Melrose, okay?
140
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,876
Okay, that's a good
idea. All right, come on.
141
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:14,180
Come on.
142
00:07:23,109 --> 00:07:24,086
What's happening, Pop?
143
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,087
Hey, son.
144
00:07:25,111 --> 00:07:26,088
What's happening, Pops?
145
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,124
World War III.
146
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,292
World War III?
147
00:07:29,316 --> 00:07:31,683
Yeah, why else would
they let out of jail?
148
00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,431
Hey, man, lighten
up on Rollo, Pop.
149
00:07:34,455 --> 00:07:35,632
He's been helping me all day
150
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:36,633
to arrange things
151
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:37,867
for my birthday party, man,
152
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:38,902
and I'd appreciate
it... Birthday?
153
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:40,870
No kidding? It's your birthday?
154
00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:41,938
Well, I'll be doggone.
155
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,339
You're having a birthday.
156
00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:45,141
Come on, man, you know
tomorrow's my birthday, Pop,
157
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,476
and remember, you promised
158
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,977
that you was gonna
bring the decorations
159
00:07:48,001 --> 00:07:49,178
and the food and the liquor.
160
00:07:49,202 --> 00:07:50,179
Your birthday?
161
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:53,983
My, how time flies.
162
00:07:54,007 --> 00:07:57,375
Seems like only last
year it was your birthday.
163
00:07:58,846 --> 00:07:59,966
It fell on your birthday.
164
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:07,151
♪ It's my birthday
party And I... ♪♪
165
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,355
No decorations.
166
00:08:14,461 --> 00:08:16,160
Ain't no booze.
167
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,144
Ain't no food.
168
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,746
What kind of party
is this gonna be?
169
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:27,249
Hey, Pop, would you get in here?
170
00:08:27,273 --> 00:08:28,952
Ain't no decorations,
171
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,252
ain't no booze, ain't no food.
172
00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:31,253
Happy birthday.
173
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:33,456
Happy birthday, Lamont!
174
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,346
Right on, dude!
175
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:43,032
Oh, Lamont, you
look so handsome.
176
00:08:43,056 --> 00:08:44,033
Thank you, Aunt Esther.
177
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,401
Hey, Lamont. Huh?
178
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:48,004
I would like for you to
meet Brenda, my man.
179
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,861
Uh...
180
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:53,698
Hi.
181
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,514
Hello, Lamont.
182
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,348
Hi.
183
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,819
Say, man, where's all
the party decorations?
184
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:04,721
And where's your old man?
185
00:09:04,745 --> 00:09:06,477
Hi.
186
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:11,561
Huh? Uh, he... Can I
get anybody anything?
187
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,530
Oh, sure. I'm starved.
188
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:15,565
I'd give anything, anything
189
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,000
for an hors
d'oeuvre and a drink.
190
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,157
I'll kill him.
191
00:09:27,534 --> 00:09:31,881
Hi and hello, everybody.
This is Johnny Jacobs.
192
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:34,417
Welcome to Wheel and Deal.
193
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:37,353
Now, here's the biggest wheeler
and the dealer of them all...
194
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,821
Harry Monte.
195
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:41,724
Hi, everybody.
196
00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:43,693
Hi. Hi.
197
00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,562
Madam, that's a
beautiful hairdo.
198
00:09:45,586 --> 00:09:46,796
Why, thank you.
199
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,731
I'll give you
$200 if it's a wig.
200
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:51,434
You will?
201
00:09:51,458 --> 00:09:53,970
I won, I won.
202
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:55,104
Here's your $200.
203
00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:57,540
Congratulations. Thank you.
204
00:09:57,564 --> 00:09:59,042
My, my,
205
00:09:59,066 --> 00:10:01,044
what a good-looking group
we've got to trade with today.
206
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,478
"Look here, Harry."
207
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:04,013
You, Sir, would you
stand up, please,
208
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,481
and give us your name?
209
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:10,587
My name is Leif
Erickson, and I'm a Viking.
210
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:11,988
Okay, Viking, look.
211
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:13,790
You see what I have
in my hand here?
212
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:14,958
Two, three, four,
213
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:17,860
five brand-new 100-dollar bills.
214
00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:19,361
Of course I see it.
215
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:21,330
Why do you think I'm
standing here drooling?
216
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:25,434
And I'll give them all to you
if you have a tube of lipstick.
217
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,270
A tube of lipstick?
218
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:30,873
What would I do
with a tube of lipstick?
219
00:10:30,897 --> 00:10:35,466
Man, I'm a Vi-king,
not a Vi-queen.
220
00:10:41,842 --> 00:10:42,986
I'm sorry.
221
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,809
Wait a minute, Harry.
222
00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,081
How about a bra?
223
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:54,897
I've got one of those.
224
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,032
See?
225
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,800
See?
226
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,769
The guy down at
the costume place
227
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,704
told me to wear this
underneath all this brass,
228
00:11:01,728 --> 00:11:03,906
or else it would
turn my chest green.
229
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,708
I'm sorry, Viking,
230
00:11:05,732 --> 00:11:07,510
and you're hurting my wrist.
231
00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:08,845
Well, wait a minute now, Harry,
232
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,579
wait a minute, wait a minute.
233
00:11:10,603 --> 00:11:12,515
Wait a minute, I
gotta win something.
234
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:13,750
Come on, now.
235
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:15,484
Look, my buddies
must have gotten lost
236
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:16,719
or something,
237
00:11:16,743 --> 00:11:18,521
but they should be
here most any time now.
238
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:19,922
Look, Viking, I'll
give you $1.00
239
00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:22,681
if you put your bra
back on and sit down.
240
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:36,895
Fred, up here!
241
00:11:56,282 --> 00:12:01,564
Well, well... What...
242
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,733
What lovely young
couple did we pick here?
243
00:12:03,757 --> 00:12:06,569
Well, hi, Harry.
I... I'm Cinderella.
244
00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:09,038
♪ Sala ca do la Misa ca bo la ♪
245
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,273
♪ Bibbity, bobbity, boo ♪♪
246
00:12:11,297 --> 00:12:13,810
And I'm a blond, and
if you touch my wand,
247
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,133
I'll give you a big kiss.
248
00:12:17,971 --> 00:12:19,315
And who are you?
249
00:12:19,339 --> 00:12:22,719
I'm Fred G. Sanford,
and the "G" is for "Gorilla."
250
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:25,254
Are you comfortable
in that thing?
251
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,489
Are you kidding? Comfortable?
252
00:12:27,513 --> 00:12:30,548
You ever tried to go to the
bathroom in an ape suite?
253
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:36,020
Now I know why Tarzan
said, "Aah, ooh, aah!"
254
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,904
Hey, Lamont, hey, man,
I'm a gonna go outside
255
00:12:41,928 --> 00:12:44,140
and see if there's a mushroom
up over this house, man,
256
00:12:44,164 --> 00:12:46,142
because this is a bomb party.
257
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,409
Yeah, you're right, Rollo.
258
00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:50,213
There's no food, no
liquor, no decorations.
259
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:52,882
No chopsticks, man.
260
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:56,285
And it's all my father's fault.
261
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,991
Oh, that's him now, I'll bet.
262
00:13:02,015 --> 00:13:03,815
He's in a cab too.
263
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:09,265
Oh, no it's not, it's
Dap Sugar Willie.
264
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,333
Hey, baby, what's happening?
265
00:13:11,357 --> 00:13:13,002
You? Give me five.
266
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:14,103
Take it back.
267
00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,238
My man.
268
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,239
Hey, everybody.
269
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:17,273
Don't get up.
270
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,875
Hey, Dap Sugar, I
want you to meet...
271
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:19,976
No names.
272
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,443
No names, please.
273
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:24,613
If this party turned out to be
as good as I think it should,
274
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,548
I want to be able
to tell the man
275
00:13:26,572 --> 00:13:28,885
I don't know nobody.
276
00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,486
Well, you got it, stranger.
277
00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:31,888
That's cool.
278
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,489
Hey, man, show me
where the food's at.
279
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:34,490
I'm starved.
280
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:35,691
Ain't no food at this party.
281
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,260
You've got to be kidding.
282
00:13:37,284 --> 00:13:38,494
You joking?
283
00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:39,695
No food?
284
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:40,785
Lamont, not even a cookie?
285
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:52,557
Okay, fellows, let's
play Wheel and Deal.
286
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:57,313
I have here for you,
Fred, a large box.
287
00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:00,683
Forget the box.
I'll take the girl.
288
00:14:00,707 --> 00:14:01,918
Now... now, Fred, you remember,
289
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,352
this is for Lamont.
290
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:04,353
Oh, yeah, for Lamont.
291
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,788
Uh-huh.
292
00:14:05,812 --> 00:14:07,423
Well, I'll take her
Sundays and weekends.
293
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,625
Now, I won't tell you, Fred,
294
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:10,927
what's inside the box,
295
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:13,696
but the clue is
"Fun every night."
296
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:16,687
The clue just walked off.
297
00:14:19,826 --> 00:14:21,270
Now, Fred, you can keep
298
00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:22,705
what's inside the box,
299
00:14:22,729 --> 00:14:24,707
or you can wheel and deal
300
00:14:24,731 --> 00:14:28,044
for what's behind
curtain number one,
301
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,678
and that clue is "air."
302
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:30,813
It's up to you, Fred.
303
00:14:30,837 --> 00:14:33,649
Air, air, and curtain,
304
00:14:33,673 --> 00:14:36,285
curtain and air and...
Take the curtain.
305
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:37,519
Take the curtain.
306
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:38,520
Take the box.
307
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,122
Take the curtain. The box.
308
00:14:40,146 --> 00:14:42,658
Take the curtain. The box.
309
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:45,828
Would you sit down?
310
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:47,551
Put your wig on.
311
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:50,833
Air and curtain.
312
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,401
No, it's air balloon.
313
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:55,204
Ba... balloon, breath,
breath, bad breath.
314
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,673
A year's supply of mouthwash.
315
00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:59,075
No, no, no, no, no, no, Fred,
316
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:00,943
take... you take
the box, the box.
317
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:01,978
You're sure, Grady?
318
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,679
I'm positive,
Fred. It's the box.
319
00:15:03,703 --> 00:15:05,647
The box, I'll take the box.
320
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:07,683
The box is yours, but
before you show you
321
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:08,885
what you've got in the box,
322
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,619
let's see... what
you turned down
323
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:13,083
behind curtain number one.
324
00:15:13,679 --> 00:15:15,391
A brand-new convertible!
325
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:19,350
No! Grady, you big dummy!
326
00:15:22,989 --> 00:15:25,167
You told me to take that box,
327
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:26,735
and look what's
behind the curtain,
328
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:28,170
a convertible.
329
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:29,671
Lamont would have liked that.
330
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:30,806
I can see him now,
331
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:32,541
parked up there
on Mulholland Drive
332
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:34,877
with a pretty girl,
and kissing her.
333
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:35,978
Then if it got cloudy,
334
00:15:36,002 --> 00:15:37,179
he could put the top up
335
00:15:37,203 --> 00:15:39,916
so it couldn't rain
on his parade.
336
00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:43,585
I'm so sorry,
Fred, I... I'm sorry.
337
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,922
Dumb blond, you.
338
00:15:45,946 --> 00:15:47,823
Now, Fred, let's
see what you've won
339
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:48,891
in the box.
340
00:15:48,915 --> 00:15:49,926
Lindsy...
341
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,527
Grady, you wait
till I get you home...
342
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,529
A color television set.
343
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,886
I'm gonna give you a big hug.
344
00:15:58,224 --> 00:16:00,658
I won a color
television. Whoo! Yeah!
345
00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:07,343
I've got a great
big television set.
346
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:08,710
21...
347
00:16:08,734 --> 00:16:11,047
I won a 21-inch
color television set.
348
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,882
Now I can see
life as it really is.
349
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:16,774
Now I can see what
color the Waltons are.
350
00:16:18,511 --> 00:16:20,289
Oh, come on, Grady,
help me carry this home.
351
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,890
Hey, hold it, Fred,
it's not over yet.
352
00:16:21,914 --> 00:16:22,891
It's time now
353
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,093
for your big "wheel and deal."
354
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:25,261
Huh? Now, you can keep
355
00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:26,829
the 21-inch color
television set,
356
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,764
or you can trade it in
357
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:31,667
for what's behind
curtain number two.
358
00:16:31,691 --> 00:16:33,836
It's up to you, Fred G. Sanford.
359
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,704
Uh... yeah, it's up to me.
360
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,106
The curtain. Keep the TV.
361
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,275
Uh... TV, TV?
362
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,312
TV and curtain.
363
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,482
Uh... listen, I...
I should keep...
364
00:16:46,506 --> 00:16:48,050
I was gonna take that curtain,
365
00:16:48,074 --> 00:16:49,651
because it could be
something behind that curtain.
366
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:50,652
Yeah, yeah.
367
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:51,920
See, and Lamont likes TV,
368
00:16:51,944 --> 00:16:53,922
but he don't watch
it as much as I do.
369
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:54,991
I already got a TV,
370
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:57,659
but I might wind up
with nothing, Grady.
371
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:58,727
Let's see...
372
00:16:58,751 --> 00:17:00,129
TV and the curtain. No, no, no.
373
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:01,130
Fred, Fred, Fred,
you... you... you...
374
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,932
You... you take the TV,
because that... that...
375
00:17:03,956 --> 00:17:05,434
That's what you
wanted your whole life.
376
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:06,935
My whole life,
377
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,937
I ain't even lived my
whole life yet, Grady,
378
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:11,173
and besides, I've got
to get something nice
379
00:17:11,197 --> 00:17:12,208
for Lamont.
380
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:15,577
Hey, Grady... TV
and the curtain.
381
00:17:15,601 --> 00:17:16,979
Oh...
382
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:19,982
Listen, what... what's
behind that curtain there?
383
00:17:20,006 --> 00:17:20,983
I can't tell you that.
384
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:21,984
Tell me what?
385
00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:22,985
You what?
386
00:17:23,009 --> 00:17:23,986
I can't tell you that.
387
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:26,922
What are you, a bigot?
388
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:28,124
It's up to you,
389
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,791
and there's only
one way to find out.
390
00:17:29,815 --> 00:17:30,792
What?
391
00:17:30,816 --> 00:17:32,028
The box or the curtain?
392
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,629
Well, I ain't... I ain't
taking no chances.
393
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:35,631
Hold it, hold it, you
can't go down there.
394
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:36,632
No, no, wait a minute.
395
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:39,535
You can't... You
can't... Hey, wait up!
396
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,271
Hey, you can't do that!
397
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:43,506
Open these curtains.
398
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:44,862
Stop that!
399
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:55,317
Hey, Grady, hey,
Bubba, look what I won!
400
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:56,718
A watch, a diamond watch.
401
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,220
Come here and look at it.
402
00:17:58,244 --> 00:17:59,821
I won a diamond watch,
403
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:03,359
and for myself, I
won these curtains.
404
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:04,893
Come on, help me take them home.
405
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:06,662
I've got a diamond watch.
406
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,141
Lamont, why don't we dance on
407
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:20,676
over to the light switch?
408
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,711
I want to give you
my own present.
409
00:18:22,735 --> 00:18:24,480
Uh, no, you keep
the present, Brenda.
410
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:25,481
I don't want it.
411
00:18:25,505 --> 00:18:26,949
Why?
412
00:18:26,973 --> 00:18:29,107
Because I want the
package that it comes in.
413
00:18:51,931 --> 00:18:53,609
Esther!
414
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,043
I... I didn't know that was you.
415
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:58,380
I thought I was
dancing with a tree.
416
00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:00,249
Hey, Fred, Fred,
417
00:19:00,273 --> 00:19:02,151
will you please turn
that light off again.
418
00:19:02,175 --> 00:19:04,295
Lamont's a wonderful dancer.
419
00:19:05,678 --> 00:19:08,390
Grady, don't touch me
with that wand no more.
420
00:19:08,414 --> 00:19:10,792
Hey, pops, what's
happening, Jack?
421
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,929
Hey, listen here, Rollo,
ain't it kind of late for you?
422
00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:16,098
You're gonna miss bed
check at the detention farm.
423
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:17,500
Oh.
424
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:20,936
Fred Sanford, you
sure got some nerve.
425
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,338
Wait a minute, Esther.
426
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:25,441
Hey, everybody, look, don't
we make a nice couple...
427
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:28,666
King Kong and the
bride of Frankenstein.
428
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,288
Are you through?
429
00:19:39,312 --> 00:19:41,257
No, son, I'm not through yet,
430
00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:42,458
not until I tell you
431
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:43,459
what happened to us today.
432
00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:44,660
I'm not interested.
433
00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:45,961
Not interested? I'm
not interested, man.
434
00:19:45,985 --> 00:19:47,963
We were having a good time
435
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:49,398
till you came barging in here.
436
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:51,200
We're still having a good
time, and everybody's happy,
437
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,235
and Esther's smiling,
438
00:19:53,259 --> 00:19:54,770
on... only you can't tell it,
439
00:19:54,794 --> 00:19:58,641
because her
face is in front of it.
440
00:19:58,665 --> 00:20:00,643
I don't want to hear
any more of this, okay?
441
00:20:00,667 --> 00:20:02,645
See, see, son,
Grady and Bubba...
442
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:04,446
I said I don't want
to hear about it.
443
00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:06,448
No, but, see, we went
down to this TV sta...
444
00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:08,250
I don't care about
it. Would you stop it?
445
00:20:08,274 --> 00:20:09,251
Now, just stop it, man.
446
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:10,452
You just couldn't let me have
447
00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:11,654
one day out of the year
448
00:20:11,678 --> 00:20:13,088
to get attention for myself.
449
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:14,423
You had to spoil it.
450
00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:15,824
You didn't even do what you said
451
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:17,025
you was going to do, Pop.
452
00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,026
But, son...
453
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,428
I don't want to
hear nothing, man.
454
00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:20,429
You spoiled my birthday.
455
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,797
I didn't mean...
456
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:23,399
And now look what happened.
Everybody's leaving, man.
457
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:25,668
Ain't nobody left at my party.
458
00:20:30,230 --> 00:20:32,208
What have you got
to say about that?
459
00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:36,011
Well... Here's your present.
460
00:20:36,035 --> 00:20:38,236
I don't want it. You keep it.
461
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:47,411
Where... where did I
go wrong, Cinderella?
462
00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:51,927
I ruined my son's
most important day,
463
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,696
and I don't know what to do.
464
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,897
Cinderella, can I
borrow your slipper?
465
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,200
What you gonna
do with that, Fred?
466
00:20:58,224 --> 00:20:59,602
I'm gonna drink out of it.
467
00:20:59,626 --> 00:21:01,586
If that don't kill
me, nothing will.
468
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:07,376
I'm all alone now.
469
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,612
It's all my fault.
470
00:21:09,636 --> 00:21:12,903
Elizabeth, I'm coming
to join you, honey.
471
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,554
I messed up my son's
most important day.
472
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:20,645
I failed him.
473
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:23,892
Lamont, it's you.
474
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,261
Hi, Pop. Sit down, man.
475
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,862
I want to talk to you
about something.
476
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:28,664
Yeah, I know. You're leaving.
477
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:29,665
No.
478
00:21:29,689 --> 00:21:31,500
All I want to do
479
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:34,102
is just ask you just to send
a few bucks to the caretakers
480
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,605
so they can keep the
pigeons off my tombstone.
481
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,407
Look, Pop,
482
00:21:38,431 --> 00:21:40,008
I found the present
that you gave me,
483
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:41,343
and I opened it.
484
00:21:41,367 --> 00:21:42,411
You found it? Yeah.
485
00:21:42,435 --> 00:21:44,012
And after you fell asleep,
486
00:21:44,036 --> 00:21:46,415
Grady called me and told
me why you did what you did.
487
00:21:46,439 --> 00:21:48,016
Cinderella did that?
488
00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:49,951
Yeah.
489
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:51,019
Well, I don't know
490
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:52,655
why Grady don't
mind his own business.
491
00:21:52,679 --> 00:21:54,856
Look, and I apologize, Pop.
492
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:56,525
I really feel awful, man.
493
00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:58,527
That's okay, son. I forgive you.
494
00:21:58,551 --> 00:21:59,695
You know what? What?
495
00:21:59,719 --> 00:22:01,129
You're a pretty
mellow old dude, man.
496
00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:02,765
I'm lucky to have
a father like you.
497
00:22:02,789 --> 00:22:04,366
You mean that? Yeah.
498
00:22:04,390 --> 00:22:05,701
You mean, like... like...
499
00:22:05,725 --> 00:22:07,991
Like Ozzie was to Ricky?
500
00:22:10,129 --> 00:22:12,541
Right.
501
00:22:12,565 --> 00:22:13,909
Shucks.
502
00:22:13,933 --> 00:22:15,177
Well, listen, let me see
503
00:22:15,201 --> 00:22:16,679
how that watch looks on you.
504
00:22:16,703 --> 00:22:19,247
Oh, uh... I sold the watch, Pop.
505
00:22:19,271 --> 00:22:20,382
You sold my present?
506
00:22:20,406 --> 00:22:21,617
Yeah, man,
507
00:22:21,641 --> 00:22:23,419
a diamond watch is
too fancy for me, see,
508
00:22:23,443 --> 00:22:25,621
so I sold it and I
got a cheaper one.
509
00:22:25,645 --> 00:22:27,690
Plus, I had a few
bucks left over.
510
00:22:27,714 --> 00:22:28,724
A few? Mm-hmm.
511
00:22:28,748 --> 00:22:30,091
A few?
512
00:22:30,115 --> 00:22:32,093
You must've had enough
money left over to buy a...
513
00:22:32,117 --> 00:22:33,128
A new present for you?
514
00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:34,697
A present... a present for me?
515
00:22:34,721 --> 00:22:35,731
Mm-hmm.
516
00:22:35,755 --> 00:22:36,998
That's my present? Yeah.
517
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:38,734
Oh, you didn't have
to get me nothing.
518
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:41,637
What is it? Let me see that.
519
00:22:41,661 --> 00:22:42,738
It's a remote-control switch
520
00:22:42,762 --> 00:22:43,872
for a brand-new
color television.
521
00:22:43,896 --> 00:22:45,641
Hey, son, this is really nice,
522
00:22:45,665 --> 00:22:47,743
but what good is it
without the television?
523
00:22:47,767 --> 00:22:49,845
This would be like giving
Head and Shoulders
524
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:51,369
to Isaac Hayes.
525
00:22:53,172 --> 00:22:56,585
Stay tuned for the second
half of Love of Living.
526
00:22:56,609 --> 00:22:58,320
Go inside and take a look, Pop.
527
00:22:58,344 --> 00:23:00,310
Huh? What?
528
00:23:02,982 --> 00:23:04,159
No, you didn't.
529
00:23:04,183 --> 00:23:05,627
You didn't give me
a color television?
530
00:23:05,651 --> 00:23:06,628
Yeah.
531
00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:08,263
Oh, son, I don't know...
532
00:23:08,287 --> 00:23:09,631
I don't know what to say,
533
00:23:09,655 --> 00:23:12,857
only that you're
blocking the picture.
534
00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:19,274
Oh, wow, look at
that color television.
535
00:23:19,298 --> 00:23:21,343
Hey, look, hit that
button over there,
536
00:23:21,367 --> 00:23:22,567
and that changes the stations.
537
00:23:24,404 --> 00:23:26,203
Hello, Lucy.
538
00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:30,500
Hello, Jolly Green Giant.
539
00:23:31,444 --> 00:23:34,890
Goodbye, Ty-D-Bol.
540
00:23:34,914 --> 00:23:36,191
And press that
other button, Pop,
541
00:23:36,215 --> 00:23:37,593
and that turns it on and off.
542
00:23:38,618 --> 00:23:40,128
Oh, son,
543
00:23:40,152 --> 00:23:42,865
I'm gonna try to be a
better father for you, son.
544
00:23:42,889 --> 00:23:45,701
I mean it, and I'm even gonna
invite Aunt Esther over there
545
00:23:45,725 --> 00:23:46,935
to watch TV with me.
546
00:23:46,959 --> 00:23:47,936
Really?
547
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,505
Yeah, and then,
548
00:23:49,529 --> 00:23:51,507
I'm gonna click this in
her... Right in her face,
549
00:23:51,531 --> 00:23:53,571
and see if I can
change the way it looks.
37462
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